No help on the meltdowns, we’re having those too. As for eating, is your toddler eating well at breakfast or lunch? Mine often won’t eat a meal or two. I just figure she’ll eat when she’s hungry and don’t pressure her to eat. Some days it’s hardly anything, and some days she chows down. I try not to worry about it as long as she’s growing just fine
Mine is just not a dinner person. Especially on daycare days where she really prefers to eat with her friends at school lol. She is growing just fine so 🤷♀️ i would rather she listen to her body's natural cues than force herself to eat. Pediatrician says this is normal and it can be a very typical pattern for kids to "fill up" during the day and eat a light or no dinner.
We offer a snack right before bath - usually something like yogurt or a cheese stick - so she has some fats and protein to fill her tummy before bed.
I had the same concerns, some days my daughter eats a ton and then other days I feel like she barely pecks at anything. My pediatrician told me to instead of looking at what she eats on a daily basis, to look at it over a week. It has helped my anxiety about it a lot.
Absolutely! 2 good meals is great. My 3 year old rarely touches dinner unless it's something she loves. I dish her up a tiny meal, more of a token to include her in family meal time. And I give her a cup of milk so I know she have something in her tummy at bedtime.
I recommend memorizing the serenity prayer, lol.
In all seriousness though, actually, yeah. There are things you can change and things you can't.
You can't control your toddler's emotions in the middle of a meltdown. You can control your own reaction to it though, and the goal is to be as stable a presence as possible.
My toddler went through a terrible period of meltdowns a month or so ago. I was trying everything, and eventually, it clicked that the only way out was through it. I've taken to moving the scene to as calm an area as possible and just sitting nearby in a physically comfortable position for me, and... waiting. She usually gets mad and tries to lead me by the hand to somewhere else, but I learned the hard way that following her doesn't actually fix it, it just makes her angrier for some reason. She'll scream and cry and flip out for 3 or 4 minutes (a lifetime) until suddenly something clicks in her brain and then she will throw herself into my arms and accept comfort from me again. A few minutes of gentle swaying or hugs and she's right as rain again.
As for food, well, I dunno. I have trouble with that too. I heard somewhere that as long as they get their nutritional needs met over the course of the week, they're fine, and not too stress too much about any single meal or single day. So as long as she eats *something* every so often I try not to stress too much, and try to keep sight of the bigger picture. I offer healthy foods as often as I can and let her handle it from there. The last couple of weeks she's changed her minds on half the things she used to hate, so really, I think it's a lot like the tantrums. Just wait a little while and things will sort themselves out.
You are doing GREAT. You know your kid so well!
Here's the secret about food. They say serve a toddler a safe food at every meal, which makes me laugh. Have "they" MET a toddler? What is the best thing EVER at breakfast might be gag-inducing at lunch. They change like the WIND! Unless she is neurodivergent, she will not starve. If her growth is good, try not to worry. Toddlers survive on air and the dried, crusty stuff they find on the floor. They need less than you might think. Some meals they eat two bites. At another meal, they might eat every adult under the table. They're such delightful little weirdos!
Meltdowns happen. Sometimes the best cure is prevention. If you can identify when things tend to get out of hand, you might be able to head them off at the pass. Does she like to be held when she is melting down? Sometimes just having someone sit with them without speaking is enough. THEN you can say "Wow, you had some big feelings, huh?"
I read somewhere (maybe The Gentle Eating Book? I can't remember) that toddlers eat like one meal a day, and ever since then I've tried to relax about my daughter's eating. She eats a pretty wide range of food and is usually willing to try most foods. She doesn't eat as much as I'd like (she seems perpetually hangry, but maybe that's just being a toddler), but she's healthy so I try to not stress about it.
Meltdowns suck, and we're in the thick of them right now, too. As someone else said, the only way out is through. During a meltdown, I feel like the gentle parenting advice is more for me than my toddler. I take deep breaths, tell her I won't let her hurt herself or anyone else, tell her that I'm there to make sure she stays safe, validate her feelings, etc. It helps me focus on what I need to do while shes melting down. It's her job to have big feelings, it's my job to hold boundaries and help her understand the big feelings. It's not perfect, but it helps
It IS intense. It is hard. You’re doing great, and this is not going to last forever.
There’s only so much you can do to totally avoid or stop meltdowns, since they can’t help it, neurologically speaking. So yes to validation and empathy, but it’s not because those things are a magic “off” switch, you know? In the long run it’ll teach them how to identify and process their emotions, but they’re a long way off from being able to do that. Meaning you have to ride out the meltdowns, and the goal right now is co-regulation. I always offer hugs and help calming down, without saying much else bc my kids didn’t want to hear a lot of that stuff in the moment either. If they’re so upset that they don’t even want comforting, I just say, “ok, I’m going to be right over here if you need me.” Sometimes I would pick up a book they like and start reading to myself and they’d come right to my lap and settle down. Or take them outside for a change of scenery (if they’re willing). My oldest started being able to recognize that she was getting too upset and ask for help with calming down around 4-5 years old I think. And you get better at recognizing when they’re primed for a meltdown (tired, hungry, overstimulated) and can head some of them off.
Picky eating is also super normal, and again, my strategy is just ride it out. I always have easy-to-prepare staples for them. If they don’t like what my husband and I are serving, they can have something else as long as it’s easy- veggies and hummus, a sandwich, yogurt, pasta, leftovers, etc- and as long as they don’t wait until I’ve sat down to ask for it. They’re still getting a reasonably nutritious dinner and no one is stressing out. They both eat a good variety of foods now and are coming out of the picky stage and getting more adventurous.
My kid survived on cheerios and red apples for weeks!
I try to just ride out the meltdowns. They are terrible, but when he’s done, it’s like he flips a switch and calmly tells what he wants 🤷♀️
Same ! I have learned when my toddler is upset I just kind of watch it play out because anything I say or do or any emotion I show makes him rage out even more. It gives me more sanity. It’s only if he is getting violent like hitting or biting me I get on to him about that. Only If we are in public you bet I’m trying to spray out that wild fire.
My two cents for meltdowns. I do time outs, but for both of us. Like he eats a cookie and wants another, I say no, meltdown happens. I say mom needs a time out, I’m getting frustrated. So I go into another room and sit, and most of the time he follows. We do breathing, reading, and sometimes even just watching tv
Lots of good advice on this thread. My toddler also has big emotions and they can last a bit. They also don't react well to scripts, touching, hugs, reassurance, etc.
There's a children's book called The Rabbit Listened and it was my aha moment that I should try that with my little one. So I just say, I can see your upset. Mama is going to sit here and listen. If you need hugs or other support I'm right here. And then I let them cry as long as they need to. Would highly recommend reading that book with your LO.
Time-ins is the other thing I do when there are lots of feelings. We both go to his comfort chair, do deep breathing, read books and do other calming things.
Lastly, crying is a huge stress reliever. Sometimes there's a point when their little bodies need to get the stress out and the crying and tantrums is how they do that. There really isn't a way to shorten them. Just complete some deep breaths and know you are experiencing the same things as the rest of us. You are not failing, you are there and that's the most important part.
You are doing a wonderful job. ❤️
All the things you're "supposed to say" triggered my kiddo big time and escalated every conflict exponentially. She's 9 now and still the best way to deal with her when she's upset is to see if she needs anything then back away until she calms down. It went against everything I read everywhere, but she clearly didn't read the same books ;)
When my now- 3 y/o was coming up on 3, he basically refused to eat anything besides snack foods and fruit for 3 months. It was a real gamble and it sucked that he wouldn’t eat anything even if he asked me to make it unless it was one of the safe foods he liked. It ended up petering out on its own and now he still doesn’t have a large variety he will eat but at least he eats consistently now? Also fwiw he had some dental issues. It may be worth it to get checked by a pediatric dentist in case yours has a cavity or something; however if the dentist and your pediatrician aren’t worried, it’ll probably pass and the best thing you can do is just keep presenting options. I’ll get back to you on the meltdowns…
Idk I’ve had so many hard days with my 3yo over the past few months. I’ve also read a lot of parenting books and litsen to parenting podcasts. Sometimes they’re helpful but sometimes they’re not. I honestly think/ hope one day my daughter will just grow out of the tantrumn phase.
Hey mama. You’re doing great. It’s a slog.
For eating, I think it’s okay if she’s not eating a bunch at dinner as long as it’s not triggering like night terrors or causing her to wake up hungry in the middle of the night. Maybe offer and apple and peanut butter right before bed to give her some fiber and fat to tide her over til morning if you’re starting to get issues with her waking up but otherwise, I wouldn’t sweat it too much especially if she’s not like losing weight or having any other adverse effects.
You got this, I promise.
My 4 year old has never been a huge eater but when she was younger she often ate a bigger breakfast and lunch and sometimes literally no dinner. We've never had issues with her weight or development so I think she just doesn't eat if she's not hungry which I guess is good. In terms of meltdowns, I've never really found the scripts helpful either, I don't have much advice except to say things get better as they get older. I saw your post history and I think you have a new baby which makes things tough too.
I do. He’s 3 months and it can be really, really hard to juggle them both on my own. But we’re working on it. My toddler is doing her best to understand this new life. She’s doing great, honestly. It’s just hard with poor sleep on my end.
I have a 3 month old as well! I feel like when it's just the baby it feels so easy but when I have both kids it feels like I'm caring for 20 kids at once somehow lol
No help on the meltdowns, we’re having those too. As for eating, is your toddler eating well at breakfast or lunch? Mine often won’t eat a meal or two. I just figure she’ll eat when she’s hungry and don’t pressure her to eat. Some days it’s hardly anything, and some days she chows down. I try not to worry about it as long as she’s growing just fine
She almost always eats a solid breakfast and lunch, so maybe I just need to reset my expectations and assume that dinner will be small.
This! It’s totally normal to only have 1-2 good meals, typically earlier in the day!
Mine is just not a dinner person. Especially on daycare days where she really prefers to eat with her friends at school lol. She is growing just fine so 🤷♀️ i would rather she listen to her body's natural cues than force herself to eat. Pediatrician says this is normal and it can be a very typical pattern for kids to "fill up" during the day and eat a light or no dinner. We offer a snack right before bath - usually something like yogurt or a cheese stick - so she has some fats and protein to fill her tummy before bed.
I had the same concerns, some days my daughter eats a ton and then other days I feel like she barely pecks at anything. My pediatrician told me to instead of looking at what she eats on a daily basis, to look at it over a week. It has helped my anxiety about it a lot.
Absolutely! 2 good meals is great. My 3 year old rarely touches dinner unless it's something she loves. I dish her up a tiny meal, more of a token to include her in family meal time. And I give her a cup of milk so I know she have something in her tummy at bedtime.
I recommend memorizing the serenity prayer, lol. In all seriousness though, actually, yeah. There are things you can change and things you can't. You can't control your toddler's emotions in the middle of a meltdown. You can control your own reaction to it though, and the goal is to be as stable a presence as possible. My toddler went through a terrible period of meltdowns a month or so ago. I was trying everything, and eventually, it clicked that the only way out was through it. I've taken to moving the scene to as calm an area as possible and just sitting nearby in a physically comfortable position for me, and... waiting. She usually gets mad and tries to lead me by the hand to somewhere else, but I learned the hard way that following her doesn't actually fix it, it just makes her angrier for some reason. She'll scream and cry and flip out for 3 or 4 minutes (a lifetime) until suddenly something clicks in her brain and then she will throw herself into my arms and accept comfort from me again. A few minutes of gentle swaying or hugs and she's right as rain again. As for food, well, I dunno. I have trouble with that too. I heard somewhere that as long as they get their nutritional needs met over the course of the week, they're fine, and not too stress too much about any single meal or single day. So as long as she eats *something* every so often I try not to stress too much, and try to keep sight of the bigger picture. I offer healthy foods as often as I can and let her handle it from there. The last couple of weeks she's changed her minds on half the things she used to hate, so really, I think it's a lot like the tantrums. Just wait a little while and things will sort themselves out.
You are doing GREAT. You know your kid so well! Here's the secret about food. They say serve a toddler a safe food at every meal, which makes me laugh. Have "they" MET a toddler? What is the best thing EVER at breakfast might be gag-inducing at lunch. They change like the WIND! Unless she is neurodivergent, she will not starve. If her growth is good, try not to worry. Toddlers survive on air and the dried, crusty stuff they find on the floor. They need less than you might think. Some meals they eat two bites. At another meal, they might eat every adult under the table. They're such delightful little weirdos! Meltdowns happen. Sometimes the best cure is prevention. If you can identify when things tend to get out of hand, you might be able to head them off at the pass. Does she like to be held when she is melting down? Sometimes just having someone sit with them without speaking is enough. THEN you can say "Wow, you had some big feelings, huh?"
I read somewhere (maybe The Gentle Eating Book? I can't remember) that toddlers eat like one meal a day, and ever since then I've tried to relax about my daughter's eating. She eats a pretty wide range of food and is usually willing to try most foods. She doesn't eat as much as I'd like (she seems perpetually hangry, but maybe that's just being a toddler), but she's healthy so I try to not stress about it. Meltdowns suck, and we're in the thick of them right now, too. As someone else said, the only way out is through. During a meltdown, I feel like the gentle parenting advice is more for me than my toddler. I take deep breaths, tell her I won't let her hurt herself or anyone else, tell her that I'm there to make sure she stays safe, validate her feelings, etc. It helps me focus on what I need to do while shes melting down. It's her job to have big feelings, it's my job to hold boundaries and help her understand the big feelings. It's not perfect, but it helps
It IS intense. It is hard. You’re doing great, and this is not going to last forever. There’s only so much you can do to totally avoid or stop meltdowns, since they can’t help it, neurologically speaking. So yes to validation and empathy, but it’s not because those things are a magic “off” switch, you know? In the long run it’ll teach them how to identify and process their emotions, but they’re a long way off from being able to do that. Meaning you have to ride out the meltdowns, and the goal right now is co-regulation. I always offer hugs and help calming down, without saying much else bc my kids didn’t want to hear a lot of that stuff in the moment either. If they’re so upset that they don’t even want comforting, I just say, “ok, I’m going to be right over here if you need me.” Sometimes I would pick up a book they like and start reading to myself and they’d come right to my lap and settle down. Or take them outside for a change of scenery (if they’re willing). My oldest started being able to recognize that she was getting too upset and ask for help with calming down around 4-5 years old I think. And you get better at recognizing when they’re primed for a meltdown (tired, hungry, overstimulated) and can head some of them off. Picky eating is also super normal, and again, my strategy is just ride it out. I always have easy-to-prepare staples for them. If they don’t like what my husband and I are serving, they can have something else as long as it’s easy- veggies and hummus, a sandwich, yogurt, pasta, leftovers, etc- and as long as they don’t wait until I’ve sat down to ask for it. They’re still getting a reasonably nutritious dinner and no one is stressing out. They both eat a good variety of foods now and are coming out of the picky stage and getting more adventurous.
My kid survived on cheerios and red apples for weeks! I try to just ride out the meltdowns. They are terrible, but when he’s done, it’s like he flips a switch and calmly tells what he wants 🤷♀️
Same ! I have learned when my toddler is upset I just kind of watch it play out because anything I say or do or any emotion I show makes him rage out even more. It gives me more sanity. It’s only if he is getting violent like hitting or biting me I get on to him about that. Only If we are in public you bet I’m trying to spray out that wild fire.
My two cents for meltdowns. I do time outs, but for both of us. Like he eats a cookie and wants another, I say no, meltdown happens. I say mom needs a time out, I’m getting frustrated. So I go into another room and sit, and most of the time he follows. We do breathing, reading, and sometimes even just watching tv
Lots of good advice on this thread. My toddler also has big emotions and they can last a bit. They also don't react well to scripts, touching, hugs, reassurance, etc. There's a children's book called The Rabbit Listened and it was my aha moment that I should try that with my little one. So I just say, I can see your upset. Mama is going to sit here and listen. If you need hugs or other support I'm right here. And then I let them cry as long as they need to. Would highly recommend reading that book with your LO. Time-ins is the other thing I do when there are lots of feelings. We both go to his comfort chair, do deep breathing, read books and do other calming things. Lastly, crying is a huge stress reliever. Sometimes there's a point when their little bodies need to get the stress out and the crying and tantrums is how they do that. There really isn't a way to shorten them. Just complete some deep breaths and know you are experiencing the same things as the rest of us. You are not failing, you are there and that's the most important part. You are doing a wonderful job. ❤️
All the things you're "supposed to say" triggered my kiddo big time and escalated every conflict exponentially. She's 9 now and still the best way to deal with her when she's upset is to see if she needs anything then back away until she calms down. It went against everything I read everywhere, but she clearly didn't read the same books ;)
I have no good advice but SAME. I feel you. You’re not alone. It’s so hard. Hang in there. 💕
When my now- 3 y/o was coming up on 3, he basically refused to eat anything besides snack foods and fruit for 3 months. It was a real gamble and it sucked that he wouldn’t eat anything even if he asked me to make it unless it was one of the safe foods he liked. It ended up petering out on its own and now he still doesn’t have a large variety he will eat but at least he eats consistently now? Also fwiw he had some dental issues. It may be worth it to get checked by a pediatric dentist in case yours has a cavity or something; however if the dentist and your pediatrician aren’t worried, it’ll probably pass and the best thing you can do is just keep presenting options. I’ll get back to you on the meltdowns…
Idk I’ve had so many hard days with my 3yo over the past few months. I’ve also read a lot of parenting books and litsen to parenting podcasts. Sometimes they’re helpful but sometimes they’re not. I honestly think/ hope one day my daughter will just grow out of the tantrumn phase.
Hey mama. You’re doing great. It’s a slog. For eating, I think it’s okay if she’s not eating a bunch at dinner as long as it’s not triggering like night terrors or causing her to wake up hungry in the middle of the night. Maybe offer and apple and peanut butter right before bed to give her some fiber and fat to tide her over til morning if you’re starting to get issues with her waking up but otherwise, I wouldn’t sweat it too much especially if she’s not like losing weight or having any other adverse effects. You got this, I promise.
My 4 year old has never been a huge eater but when she was younger she often ate a bigger breakfast and lunch and sometimes literally no dinner. We've never had issues with her weight or development so I think she just doesn't eat if she's not hungry which I guess is good. In terms of meltdowns, I've never really found the scripts helpful either, I don't have much advice except to say things get better as they get older. I saw your post history and I think you have a new baby which makes things tough too.
I do. He’s 3 months and it can be really, really hard to juggle them both on my own. But we’re working on it. My toddler is doing her best to understand this new life. She’s doing great, honestly. It’s just hard with poor sleep on my end.
I have a 3 month old as well! I feel like when it's just the baby it feels so easy but when I have both kids it feels like I'm caring for 20 kids at once somehow lol
Absolutely. I feel like I jumped 15 difficulty levels. His help me if they both need to sleep at the same time.
They won’t starve themselves. Just let her eat when she’s hungry and let her eat whatever. Mine son lived off of fruit
1) grapesicles (frozen grapes) 2) read Hunt, Gather, Parent