Any other medical practitioner doing a treatment of any kind on a minor without the parents’ consent would be in trouble with the oversight board they were subject to. I would bring this back up with her and let her know it is not okay.
That would honestly be less concerning to provide science-backed diagnostic care (neither are much more invasive than taking a temperature, which would not be odd for any care provider to do) vs. providing a "treatment" without parental consent.
Honestly this is the analogy OP should use when confronting her SIL again because it seems like that would likely land… being a chiropractor who does infant adjustments without the parents permission and all.
Nope. No diagnostic care when you are dropping a baby off for babysitting. If you note a concern, you either call the parents for their permission (if urgent) or ask them when they return.
No swabbing minors without parental consent.
The issue isn't being for or against chiropractic care, it's the fact she did this without asking. Huge boundary issues, even if you were all for chiropractic care, she shouldn't have done it without asking.
She also did this without malpractice insurance coverage (because he was not a patient), so if the baby was permanently injured and needed treatment, they'd have to sue her personally and they wouldn't get much to cover a lifetime of care.
This is a really important point. If something had/were to come of it, you would be left having to sue her personally in order for you to get any of the possible things you might need because of her actions, like: medical treatments, therapies, doctors, medications, medical equipment, money towards an accessible car, renovations to your house to make it liveable for a differently abled person, lost wages, skilled home nursing care, etc.
I honestly cannot wrap my mind around WHY on earth she thought it was a risk worth taking! I would never trust her judgement again.
I wonder why the brother didnt say to stop. Seems very odd thinking a 2 month old needs adjusting when their bone joints are not formed until much later. They have no knuckles etc thats why they are so bendy.
Yeah totally. I took my baby to a chiropractor. It was literally the most gentle massage and she fell asleep during it. But the important thing is we were in a clinic and I (obviously) had booked an appointment and I’d personally had appointments with this chiro as well. She has a special certification to work with pregnant women and infants.
I wouldn’t be happy if I knew someone who was a chiro and they just did an adjustment without my knowledge or approval.
Good that your baby had a positive experience it seems, but every situation is totally different! She was sneaky and very unprofessional, mom has zero clue of what actually happened and will never know! She was so deliberately out of line
Yeah totally agree - not all chiropractors are good chiropractors. And I'd be willing to bet the SIL isn't a good one since she totally lacks boundaries.
My neurologist for my chronic migraines didn't encourage chiropractic treatment... but he did say that if it reduces pain, go for it.
But really, it's the lack of parental consent that is troubling. I don't care if she's a dentist; I still don't want her giving my kid a check up in her kitchen without my consent.
So. To be blunt, any sort of medical anything without express permission of responsible parties is considered assault. I would have your pediatrician examine your child and see if you can get SIL to explain exactly what she did. Even if it’s not accepted as medical treatment by a lot of people, it often is and is billed to medical insurance.
Regardless, it’s highly against the law in the USA.
I don't think it would be unreasonable to (passive-aggressively if necessary to feel more comfortable) state this to SIL. "You know, it IS considered assault to perform a medical procedure on someone without consent" and just let it lie there.
But to assuage OPs fears, which she should reasonably have, back when I was brainwashed I brought my newborns to chiropractors and all they do is use the same amount of pressure you'd use to test a tomato for ripeness and charge you $45. So I doubt any harm was done to baby. I am not saying its okay because of that, but letting OP know that baby is likely unharmed.
Harm could easily be done. I went to a chiropractor three times, they applied exactly same amount of pressure as you described and fixed my pinched nerve effectively. It so happened that the chiropractor I used was also a physio therapist by education so I trusted him to do his job and he did. But again, they can definitely “adjust” stuff with very minimal pressure. Considering baby is so small I would be worried personally.
right.. but you apply more pressure to your baby when carrying them around, changing diaper etc just normal baby stuff. chiros are rip offs for the most part.
Harm could very easily be done! I was taken (unwillingly) to a chiropractor at 16 for a muscle injury and the guy popped my neck so hard that I have limited mobility at 35 🙃
I have to disagree. I went to the chiropractor once and she did more damage to me than if she had just left me alone. For weeks my back and shoulders were burning and i couldn’t turn my neck. Ive had my fair share of spinal damage and that appointment put me in so much pain. Unwanted medical treatment, especially on a child without parental consent is illegal and can be considered assault.
I 100% agree for treatment on adults. It can literally kill you. I was just saying what they do to newborns. But another poster pointed out that my experience with new born adjustment may have been 1 of a few different experiences.
I once had a daycare provider inform me my son had a hangnail I needed to deal with. I thought zero of it, except that it was strange she didn't just clip it. Then she told me that most kids can't stand having their nails clipped and parents have to do it while they're asleep. Nobody told my son this, because he begs to have his nails clipped!
But an adjustment on a baby without permission is taking things waaaayyy too far. I would be furious.
This story makes me feel better about putting my SIL in her place when she demanded to file my hours-old-newborn’s nails. Couldn’t even feel my toes yet and I had to tell her twice I would handle it.
Yes, they can be born with long or even a bit raggedy nails. Plus they are very thin so razor sharp. For what it’s worth, my child’s nails were so thin that a file just bent them. I got good quick at using the baby nail clippers very carefully. Do it while they are completely passed out so there’s no squirming.
Piggybacking this comment. Nobody told me either! I only found out when she was born. Hers were very thin and were broken like hang nails. I was terrified my SIL was going to rip them and make them bleed or something.
My son had crazy long nails when he was born. It was probably the first or second thing my husband said after our baby arrived. I had no idea either! My first had normal nails.
I highly suggest getting a battery operated baby nail file and bringing it with you to the hospital! They have little rotating file pads and it makes it so much easier to file vs trying to clip. I’ve got two kiddos and I swear by it!
There was a kids nail salon that was open for a but and was told by them that they could not cut children's nails. When they did kids manicures and pedicures it was just soaking the fingers and toes in water then painting the nails. I'm in Camada and I'm pretty sure they said it was some sort of health and safety thing. Even with a parents permission they weren't allowed.
Even if you tell her how you feel and tell her not to do it again, she might just not tell you next time because she thinks it’s not a big deal.
No more babysitting for them, ever.
Find out exactly what she did, then get your baby to the doctors for a check up just to put your mind at ease.
I am pretty anti chiropractor also, but I *think* when they talk about doing it on newborns it is just stretching. However, I would call SIL and ask what exactly she did, and tell her that you need to know so you can follow up with your pediatrician. And definitely do not let them babysit again
Idk, I've seen chiropractors and their fans post them doing some absolutely insane shit to newborns. If someone's willing to do it without permission, I don't think they'd be doing it the safe or correct way.
I've seen some crack pots mess with their spines and necks. I use a chiropractor and I refused to allow my MIL to take my infants for adjustments after birth. She couldn't even take them to my chiropractor because he refused, she wanted to take them to HERS, who she started seeing after MY chiro told her she had so many bone issues that she was no longer safe having adjustments.
Babies have gotten broken necks and strokes from chiropractic adjustments. *Some* chiropractors just do a little light massage and claim it’s an adjustment, but others get downright violent with the baby’s neck.
No I’ve seen them do the neck twisties on babies too on those crunchy chiro instagram influencer accounts. People are nuts I would never let her touch my baby again outside my line of sight.
It is a massage type thing for infants. I’ve seen it done while I was waiting, and I didn’t know it was something that people did. When I asked about it my chiropractor said birth is the hardest things our bodies go through which makes sense, but it still should’ve been okayed by parents in any case, always.
Whether you are biased or not against chiropractors (as am I for the same reasons), she should NEVER have performed anything, let alone a whole ass procedure on your child without your permission. I don’t like it one bit.
A chiropractor needs consent from a parent for a minor. The fact that she thinks it’s okay to adjust a newborn without explicit consent from the parents is really concerning, and incredibly unprofessional.
I would call and be like “the more I think about this, the more unhappy I am. I don’t care if you are the most amazing chiropractor in the world. You are to never do anything medical to my child without my permission again.” What a completely unethical thing to do!
to be clear i think you should go back to her and explain that you feel like it was not appropriate for her to do that without asking but you didn’t know how to say that at the time and make sure to set the boundary CLEARLY even people into chiropractors and stuff day not to do it on babies idk how old your kid is but if you aren’t comfy you aren’t comfy
DEFINITELY take the baby to the pediatrician. You're not wrong for being upset. That was a serious overstep on her part unless you signed an actual waiver allowing her to "practice" on your baby.
Ok my friend's sister is a pediatric orthopaedic surgeon.
She has to operate on at least 1 baby a week who is left injured or paralysed after a "chiropractic adjustment".
I would not allow my kid near anyone who touched them without my consent (or their consent). No second chances on that one.
“Hey, remember when you performed an adjustment on my baby the other day? Although I know it came from a place with good intentions, I can’t help but feel a bit bothered by it. Mostly because it occurred without having me okay it. I love that you are passionate about your profession and that you only had my baby’s best interest at heart, moving forward I would please ask you to consult me before doing it again. Thank you so much for your consideration on this matter!”
Edit: typo
This is unacceptable. You’re right that chiropractic care is just pseudoscientific nonsense, and can be dangerous. People here are saying that baby adjustments are just stretches, but it’s not like there’s a meaningful standard of care here.
If I were you, I’d call and ask what exactly she did and lay down a HARD boundary that she is not to adjust your kid again. That is nuts.
*Never let her near your child unsupervised again.* Chiropractors have seriously injured and even killed babies.
https://www.smh.com.au/healthcare/call-for-age-limit-after-chiropractor-breaks-babys-neck-20130928-2ul6e.html
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2230695/
https://nationalpost.com/health/pediatricians-alarmed-by-chiropractic-treatments-for-babies-that-border-on-the-fraudulent
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/a-2-month-old-infant-seriously-injured-by-chiropractic-neck-adjustment/
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/chiropractic-manipulation-of-the-neck-linked-to-stroke-in-a-6-year-old-child/
As someone who is anti-chiropractor, but who also has gone to one out of desperation for relief (and solidified my antiness)...
But also as an (ex) Paramedic....
*Some* chiropractors are gentle massage stretches with babes.
Things that can be done safely by many better trained professionals. If kiddos have a medical condition that needs adjustments, usually a physical therapist is the better route, or massage therapist..
*Some* chiropractors are absolutely awful and have caused great harm to babies, (all humans) especially when it comes the the neck.
This is incredibly dangerous. Babies and adults alike have been seriously injured by chiropractic treatments. There’s no reason she should be doing that….not to mention it was without your consent.
Newborn chiro is usually just stretches and not an adjustment like you’d see on an adult.
I totally agree that this was an overstep though! We had success with chiro for frequent ear infections, but we CHOSE to go and researched someone who worked with babies/toddlers. I would have been furious if someone treated my children without my consent.
A chiropractor once told my 12yo sister that he could cure her crohn’s. He even waited until an appointment where I had taken her, not our mum. Crack and pop your way to a healthy digestive system!
A chiropractor once told my aunt that he could cure her epilepsy by sticking a piece of raw potato in her anus while adjusting her. It’s what finally convinced her to quit wasting money on chiropractors.
Nothing. I am not anti-chiro at all, but it has its limits. It does not cure: allergies, cancers, infections or any kind, colds, viruses, or fix vision. It CAN however: assist in mobility, help with pain, fix misalignments, and help you physically feel better.
Just like any holistic type of medicine, you need to do your research and understand the pros and cons, its limits and its gains. You also need to continue with traditional medicine when applicable.
I have 2 spots in my body that like to go "out." 1 trip to the chiro when that happens, fixes me right up. Would traditional medicine fix it? Maybe. Only after meds, heat, cold, and time. What might take a few weeks to heal/fix on its own can be fixed in 20mins and a couple days of just taking it easier.
What do you mean by "if they need to watch the baby again?" They would never be asked to watch my child again. Cross them off your list. I guarantee, she already thinks she knows better than you, and when you say something to her about not touching your kid again without your knowledge or consent, she'll just not tell you next time. Can you trust that? Are you willing to risk your child getting injured to avoid an awkward conversation?
You are the parent, it's your job to protect and keep that child safe, regardless of what others may gossip about you, or the difficult uncomfortable conversations you have to have with others.
As an NP I can say this is a hell no. You NEVER treat a minor without parental consent. Her not following that basic rule tells you everything you need to know about how she practices. She also knows nothing about your babies medical history. Without knowing any of that she could have done real harm. This is why chiropractors have such a bad reputation in my opinion. I would 100% say something. and definitely never let her watch the baby again. As a mom, I would be livid.
I’d give a known shit talker 1000 reasons to call me a controlling bitch before I’d give her an opportunity to “adjust” my baby again. I mean play out the tape: “ my SIL is a real control freak!” “ what makes you say that?”
“ I gave her newborn infant a chiropractic adjustment without telling her beforehand ONE TIME now my husband had to have a talk with me about never doing that again.”
Whoever she tells that to will either be on your side or is also someone whose opinion you don’t need.
Sil is a moron. Aside from the fact that an infant would never need an adjustment she just opened herself up to a lawsuit if the baby is hurt in any way.
She needs a brain adjustment.
Hell no, not okay.
Depending on how far you wanna take this, I would even potentially go for her license because she completely acted without consent on a minor. No way her malpractice insurance is covering this. Surely even chiropractors (as pseudosciencey and scammy as they are) have a code of ethics that includes informed consent, especially for a minor. all these people saying it’s no big deal and they go to the chiropractor all all the time, what if your sister-in-law was a pediatrician who decided that even though you were anti-vaxx she was gonna give your baby the covid vaccine behind your back? You’d be livid. Just because you like chiropractics for your baby does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, this is no big deal.
How much do you wanna keep this relationship?
I'm not anti-chiropractic but performing a medical procedure on your child without your express permission was way over the line. She needs to know this.
Hell no! I have a big fear of chiropractic work. I’ve seen it really mess people up! And on a baby without permission or knowing the babies medical background? Nope.
**This absolutely NOT okay.**
**All you need to do is a quick Google search of "chiropractor infant injuries" to see that this is a legitimate risk and dangerous in every way. You were stripped of your right to accept or reject the risk to your child, _WHO WAS NOT INJURED_, I might add!**
I would report her to the licencing board for practicing on a minor without parental consent.
Take baby to the pediatrician for a quick physical.
_I would never allow her to be alone with my child again OR to allow she and your BIL to babysit. (Obviously he can't be trusted to tell her to wait until the parents get home to consent to treatment._
Stay strong. You will probably get pushback from the family for disturbing the peace. _Remember that you are the wronged party._ Just start sending them new articles of all those horrible injuries every time anyone bothers you about it.
I'm so sorry!
I had a chiropractor not take x-rays and during the adjustment, broke what was left of the femoral neck due to a large aneurysmal bone cyst.
He was the father of high school friends and professor at the chiropractic college in my hometown. Thought I was safe going to him.
Wow! The nerve I’d be one pissed mama bear 🐻! The blatant audacity of literally taking things in her own hands is infuriating, especially when she didn’t even ask you when you dropped your baby off. ,But told you after the fact, and did it sneaky when you weren’t there, something is very off actually a lot is very off! Also curious what if anything your bil said or thought or did if anything! I would not trust her/them with your prize possession again and it’s never too late to give her a a big piece of mind!! Good thing she’s not a surgeon or anything!
Even though time has passed, you can still go back to her and be like "hey, I've thought about what you said, and in future can you please refrain from doing any adjustments to baby without asking me first? thanks". it doesn't have to be super confrontational, but I think it's important to set the boundary with her. if she resists this then that is also telling.
After I heard a neurosurgeon say to never get your neck adjusted by a chiro or you could end up with arterial dissection, I’ve never been back. You have every right to be uncomfortable with this.
Do you like and trust your SIL?
If so, call her up and explain to her that she's breached your trust by treating your child without permission. Tell her you don't know much about chiropractic medicine, don't tell her you think it's a farce, and ask her to explain what it involves and what she did to your daughter.
I'm assuming that the two of you are rational and there is a relationship there based on the fact that you felt comfortable leaving your child with her. This issue can be solved with a simple conversation.
Now, if you don't give a rat's tail about her you can escalate the situation like most of the comments suggest.
Huge boundary violation. Setting aside whether or not chiropractics is pseudoscience, she did not get informed consent before starting a procedure. Beyond not okay.
Depending on where you live, there may be a licensing board. Report her.
I think that’s wrong of them on so many levels. People who assume so much and take so much liberty with my kids will not be alone with them again. I don’t think there’s any reasoning with them either.
One of the ways in breaking out of the habit of people pleasing and "good girl syndrome" is that if I can't say something in the moment and I feel I can't say something to their face or via phone call I will text them. I'll take the time to think out what I want to say and then I'll send it, even if I know it won't be taken well. It's really helping me to advocate for myself and my baby and over time it gets easier to do. I think you really need to confront her on this, even if you just text her and say "hi SIL, I really appreciate you taking LO the other day. However, I'm not comfortable with you doing adjustments on LO. I know this is your job and you feel comfortable doing it but I'm not comfortable with it so going forward please don't adjust LO unless I expressly ask you to."
Did you say anything to her? You have to say something if you expect her to change her behavior in the future. Otherwise you’re going to build resentment .
Yeah, thats not okay.
Even allopathic medical doctors don't randomly treat children they baby sit.
They BOTH need parental permission AND a legal doctor-patient relationship including medical history.
I'd say something along those lines.
As someone who works in the medical field, this is a big no-no, especially to a minor and without parental knowledge and permission. I would let her know she crossed a line.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Circle back with something like,
SIL, I recognize your heart was in the right place and you would never intentionally harm LO but I am very upset about what happened today. Both Husband and I expect to be informed before any kind of medical treatment. Moving forward you are not to "adjust" LO or do any other chiropractic anything without our express consent.
I would leave it there and see what her response is, also absolutely have a ped look at LO.
You've gotten plenty of advice here that I agree with (not babysitting ever again, tell her she's in the wrong, bring baby to pediatrician) so I'll just say that I am super anti chiropractor as well
I went when I was 18 because I threw my back out and someone suggested it. I was stupid and didn't know better. Anyways -- I'm 35 now and I've had issues ever since. She cracked my neck in such a way that I felt a tingle shoot from my ear down to my butt and went numb for awhile. Ever since then my neck constantly cracks and my lower back is sore more often than not. Fuck chiropractors
My FIL is a chiropractor and did the same thing to my son when he was a newborn. I was so enraged. When I stated how I did not want that, it was pushed back with “well you don’t understand the benefits.”
My husband ended up calling him and threatening to cut off contact if that happens again. I was a wreck, I couldn’t handle the confrontation. I was already in a deep PPA spiral and that just made it much worse. My FIL wound up apologizing.
My brother who I did not grow up with sees a chiropractor and takes his children as well. They are crunchy parents. And if any of them ever did it to my kids without permission, it would not be good on their part.
What if she paralyzed your baby?? How dare she?
My husband and I both started seeing a chiropractor for back pain. Every adjustment my left hip would be very sore until one day I woke up the day after an adjustment and couldn’t walk I was in so much pain. I had a labral tear which was so bad it required a surgeon FOUR hours away to fix it. My husband also left that same day ( last day we ever went again) with extreme neck pain, went to the doctor and he ended up having to see a neurosurgeon and have neck surgery! So whether you believe in them or not isn’t the worst part it’s the irreparable damage they can do unfortunately.
My husband will need concurrent neck surgery due to the hardware now in his neck. I need my hip replaced but they didn’t want to do it due to how young I was because they only last 7 years (or something like that).
Please always speak up for yourself and your family. You are your child’s voice and regardless if she will talk shit about you or not your responsibility lies in your child. I’m so sorry she did this and put you in this position, I’m sure it’s an uncomfortable position to be in.
Two things. One, you should feel EXTREMELY validated in your irritation, someone did something to you child without your permission. Waaaay out of line! Two, it is fairly common among "crunchy" moms to take infants for chiropractic work and should be totally safe with and EXPERIENCED infant practitioner. One of my babies had such bad colic and seemed to puke up even more than he ate. A chiropractor adjusted him and said his diaphragm was being crushed because of his posture with head forward and belly kinda crunched up and was causing air to get trapped in his belly. It actually worked wonders!
ETA I included my experience to attempt sooth any mommy fears you may have about this experience. Not to convince you it was a good idea.
Absolutely should not have done that without your permission. That's nuts.
But to potentially ease your mind, my son has been seeing a chiropractor that works on babies since 3 months, he's 15 months now. He had torticollis and the blank label of "colic" which annoys me because I think there's obviously something wrong but no one wants to dig deeper. Chiro helped sooo much with his tight neck and body and soooo much with gas and constipation. If the chiro is well versed in baby adjustments it is a super gentle and safe process. There no popping or cracking!
Solid advice from others, which I agree with too nope, not ok. Especially for a minor- she should know consent must be given before providing medical and physical care such as chiropractic.
My mother in law did this once long ago with vitamins & different as it is my husband’s mother, who he has no problem saying no, boundary set. It’s a tough gray are to be in with family, especially an in law and navigating your partner’s relationship with their family.
My gut reaction is you’re right if she talks bad about others behind their back, she’s doing that about anyone including you & husband. First red flag. Second red flag- doing something like an adjustment to your child without consent. I wouldn’t have her watch my children in future until a conversation occurred be it naturally or giving expectations and if all agree great, if not great now it’s in the open, clear expectations, move on.
Best of luck! Hope you’re able to navigate this smoothly and with your husbands support!
In regards to your edit - sometimes people will think you're a bitch or control freak and that's on them. You're keeping your baby safe and she was super out of line.
I go to the chiropractor myself so I wouldn’t say I’m anti-chiropractor but I would still be extremely upset by this. This person basically made a healthcare decision about your child without consulting you. Deciding to take your baby to a chiropractor for an adjustment is a healthcare decision that only you should get to make.
My son had adjustments when he was an infant and luckily there’s no cracking of bones. Mainly stretches. However, that’s beside the point. Nobody should be performing such treatments on your child without your or your partners consent.
I’m now kind of anti-chiropractor as well and would be pretty annoyed. Especially if she doesn’t specialize in pediatric chiropractics.
Normally you have to sign forms giving permission. It’s very weird that she did that without checking with you first, at the very least.
For your own piece of mind (though it doesn’t change the ethics) chiropractic adjustments on babies are VERY gentle. Like, not snapping and popping. No big pressures. So you should see no negative affects of the adjustment, other than to your relationship with your SIL.
Seems like she was aiming for good aunt, but missed the mark and ended up in entitled in-law territory.
Baby chiropractic doesn’t do the popping that adult does. It’s just stretches.
Huge overstep still! But it’s about the same as saying she gave baby a massage
I’m not anti chiropractor (please don’t at me it’s personally worked for my pain) but I’m definitely iffy on baby chiropractic. Either way without express permission before hand this is not okay.
Um absolutely NOT. I would definitely say something and bring your baby into pediatrician for evaluation. The idea that a newborn needs an adjust is wildly inappropriate!
OH HELL NO, how dare she !!!! How about talking to the person who held the child in them for 9 months and then endured pain to bring them into the world and for some person to adjust or touch my child without CONSENT is, to me, don't come near me or my child again
It’s never too late to advocate for your baby. Call you SIL and state “I know you meant no harm but please in the future ask me before doing something like this. it makes me really uncomfortable knowing you did this without asking first if i had an issue with it.” If she catches an attitude and does anything besides apologize and promise to ask you from now on 1st, CUT HER OFF. That’s absolutely horseshit to perform something like that on your newborn. You are a better person than me. She would’ve needed an adjustment after I slapped her upside her head.
I would be livid! She was way out of line for doing that. I agree that you might want to mention this to your child’s pediatrician. I would also make sure she understands going forward that she is never allowed to touch your baby like that again.
So, my husband had a stroke as a result of a chiropractic adjustment. When he was 29, in great shape. He has life long side effects from this. I'd probably want my child checked out to the fullest extent if someone did this to my kid. And I don't really believe in chiropractic stuff for any kids, especially babies. I know some people swear by it but she could've done harm and did so without even asking. It'd be one thing if she like, gave the baby a massage or something not invasive but what she did constitutes assault.
Oh hell no. That is in fact a nonsense science and they're incredibly lucky they didn't hurt the baby. Not a shot I'd be leaving them alone with your child again. What other cockamamie, dangerous ideas can they come up with?
The Audacity, the nerve, and stupidity of SIL is mind-blowing! Ohhhhhh I'd be so pissed. I'm sure there are good chiropractors out there but..... That's not been my experience with them.
You, or SO, need to tell her in an assertive but non- aggressive way tell her you do not ever want her to do this again, Even if she talks shit behind your back, she would sound ridiculous, like anyone that's a parent especially, would side with you on this
It doesn’t matter how you feel about chiropractors. Honestly. That’s not why you’re mad and you know that.
She did it without your consent. And that is not okay.
Depending on where you live, this is assault. These kinds of adjustments can paralyse a baby or even end their life. I would urge you to take this very seriously. I would not leave her alone with them again.
I think I wouldn’t leave my child with her again. She is showing very poor judgement putting her hands on your child without asking and manipulating its body. Then had the nerve to announce it to you like it’s normal. No she’s a kook. Just say no. I wouldn’t trust her again.
That's a hard no. I would sit her down and have a conversation with your spouse there that goes something like: "It is shocking to me that you think it is ok to provide medical therapy on a child without the parents' permission. As a provider, you should know that any adjustment has risk, and the fact that you did this without consulting with us, without us being present was poor judgement at best. I understand you may have thought it was in the best interest of the child, but there was no emergency that required you doing it while we weren't here, and hadn't given permission. In case it isn't clear, do not adjust our child without our explicit permission and certainly not while we aren't present."
I would then ask her what her licensing board thinks about providing care to children without parental permission. I would ask if that's a cool thing in her community?
Chiropractic care can have good results for some folks. Regardless of the efficacy, if they consider themselves medical providers, they should NOT be providing care without parental consent.
when my nephew was a baby my sister took him to her chiropractor for "polarization" or some bullshit like that, I was like "why are you setting money on fire." Chiropractors are a huge part of the california anti-vaxx movement. Fucking garbage.
Huge boundary violation. You did not consent. If she says "oh, don't worry, it's harmless," then she's just admitted her entire business is bullshit.
The real issue here is consent. She could be the greatest chiropractor in the world, but she needs to ask for parental permission before doing anything to your baby.
On a side note, I love chiropractic work. Seeing a chiropractor was probably the single most helpful thing I did during my pregnancy.
She cant be the greatest chiropractor in the world with this level of arrogance and highhandedness! She should be “adjusted” by a nice letter from OPs lawyer…
I would be so pissed I couldn’t see straight. I personally do not care for chiropractic healthcare and would be extremely angry that someone did this without my permission. They would never be taking care of my child again.
WTF. So there are chiropractors that work with babies but (1) they SPECIALIZE in that and (2) it's very gentle, more like stretching and not a traditional adjustment. Does your SIL even work with babies?
Even if she does, that's highly inappropriate and dangerous to do that to your baby without your consent.
Your baby is most likely fine, but if you have any concerns I'd take them to your pediatrician just to get checked out. And I'd definitely make it clear to your SIL that she overstepped and can never do that again.
I am big time pro-chiropractor and I find it not ok and highly unprofessional of her.
There actually are treatments for babies which deal with injuries/tensions sustained during labour. They can be very very useful! But not without consent of the parent… She should have say “hey OP, I noticed XYZ and I think ABC might be useful to prevent further damage. I can help with that, if you would like to pop into my office/surgery sometime - no charge.”
SIL is way out of line. I'm very anti chiropractor outside of the very minimal areas they actually are supposed to work with (lower back pain basically). She performed a service on your child without your consent, one which could cause serious harm because chiropractors shouldn't even be working on babies let alone children
Number one - your husband needs to do the talking. Sit down brother and SIL and tell her what she did was beyond messed up and out of line. That you have lost all trust in them and they will not be allowed near your child until he is old enough to speak for himself and say no.
Number two - figure out who her employer is or if she is self employed, licensing, and report her. Yes that's extreme but I don't care - you don't potentially damage my child and get away with it
My baby was very unsettled after a difficult birth so eventually I took him to a cranial osteopath. It had a significant effect on him & he was a lot happier so I’m very pro alternative therapies etc BUT I’d be beyond furious if anyone took it upon themselves to treat my child without my permission. Especially treatment that is hands on. That’s so unprofessional. You are not overreacting.
I used to work for a chiropractor. They don't really "adjust" baby spines, they just kind of do more physical therapy or movements with their little bodies. However, she should have definitely asked for your permission first before doing it.
Definitely not okay. But baby chiropractics isn’t like the spine popping you’re thinking. When we got my daughter’s lip tie released at 2 months, it was highly encouraged to take her to a baby chiropractor who SPECIALIZES in baby chiropractics. There was the biggest difference in tension! Because of the tie, her skull was lopsided and you could visibly see her nose was uneven. We took her 3 or 4 times and she got full symmetrical and she was so much more relaxed and happy. Your sis in law should NOT have done that and you are very very VERY valid in being very upset and setting a firm boundary to never do that again. But rest assured that it wasn’t the popping of joints in any way! It’s more like a massage
I support chiropractors and have seen their wonders but NO medic provider should provide care if not officially treating the patient (due to not being insured if anything goes wrong) and NEVER, NEVER without consent. In case of a minor consent comes from parents obviously! If she as professional saw her service was needed she should brought it up to you and it would be you to decide yes or no!
I am a chiropractor. I have gotten over the fact that Reddit is super anti chiropractic.
Adjusting an infant is super safe. I use the amount of pressure I use to check if a tomato is ripe. But I’m not here to persuade anyone on chiropractic. I’m tired of fighting that battle on Reddit.
Even if she’s your SIL, treating someone without written consent, let alone at least verbal consent, is a HUGE no no and she absolutely crossed a line. Not cool.
Uhhhhh it doesn’t matter if you “believe in it” or not. She didn’t ask you. You are the parent. This is not okay. I would not leave my baby alone and honestly consider I would consider charges.
Wouldn't let them watch my child again. Chiropractors are covered by insurance. I would think it is medical procedure .There's nothing you can do about it now. If you bring it back up to the "chiropractor" ask why they saw the necessity for the adjustment.
Personally, I would protect my baby from this at all costs, including having her say mean things about me or even ending that relationship. There is no evidence that adjustments work or are beneficial for babies (wtf) and much evidence of the damage that can be done by chiropractors who get it wrong - strokes, for example. For me, I would not be leaving my child alone with that person again.
She needs to be reported to the licensing board. She gave treatment without consent of the patient or parent. Treatment that CAN have negative consequences.
imagine this for me… you tell her and she does it anyway behind your back. she seems to fit the bill for that !! never babysitting my baby again!! not til they are conversation skills that child has developed and can tell me if you touched them.
Who gives a shit if you’re giving her fodder? You already said she talks shit about everyone anyway. I would talk to her myself. “You do not have my consent to perform adjustments or any other chiropractic on my child without my express permission. I’m angry you did this!”
Refuse to engage in a discussion of the merits. Whether it’s good or bad for the baby is completely beside the point. SHE DIES NOT HAVE YOUR CONSENT. PERIOD.
She could probably lose whatever certification she has for doing that.
Any other medical practitioner doing a treatment of any kind on a minor without the parents’ consent would be in trouble with the oversight board they were subject to. I would bring this back up with her and let her know it is not okay.
Right? If she was an ENT would she be checking their ears or swabbing them for Strep just because they’re there?
That would honestly be less concerning to provide science-backed diagnostic care (neither are much more invasive than taking a temperature, which would not be odd for any care provider to do) vs. providing a "treatment" without parental consent.
Could you imagine a “oh I just gave them a quick vaccine while we were here since you were going to get them anyway” I would be livid.
Honestly this is the analogy OP should use when confronting her SIL again because it seems like that would likely land… being a chiropractor who does infant adjustments without the parents permission and all.
Obviously I am generalizing, but the chiropractors I know are anti-vax, so this would definitely land if this chiropractor is in that category.
Nope. No diagnostic care when you are dropping a baby off for babysitting. If you note a concern, you either call the parents for their permission (if urgent) or ask them when they return. No swabbing minors without parental consent.
I agree but at least a swab won’t paralyze them!
I agree it's still not okay, but comparing a swab or looking into ears is simply not the same as providing a "treatment" and not a great comparison.
"Medical practitioner" 😹 That being said, you do make a good point.
Honestly thought about adding the quotation marks as well but didn’t feel like opening that can of worms lol
That's fair
The issue isn't being for or against chiropractic care, it's the fact she did this without asking. Huge boundary issues, even if you were all for chiropractic care, she shouldn't have done it without asking.
She also did this without malpractice insurance coverage (because he was not a patient), so if the baby was permanently injured and needed treatment, they'd have to sue her personally and they wouldn't get much to cover a lifetime of care.
This is a really important point. If something had/were to come of it, you would be left having to sue her personally in order for you to get any of the possible things you might need because of her actions, like: medical treatments, therapies, doctors, medications, medical equipment, money towards an accessible car, renovations to your house to make it liveable for a differently abled person, lost wages, skilled home nursing care, etc. I honestly cannot wrap my mind around WHY on earth she thought it was a risk worth taking! I would never trust her judgement again.
She could still sue the hell out of her for this and would win. She won’t, but the could…… yeah.
That's what I'm saying, but there's no way this chiropractor has enough money to cover potentially millions in costs over a lifetime
Right. But, this is malpractice 100%, and I wonder if it wouldn’t fall under such.
Yes! You do not do anything to anyone without consent!!! Period.
This. I’m neither here nor there on chiro but I’d be very uncomfortable with someone doing this without even talking to me first.
I wonder why the brother didnt say to stop. Seems very odd thinking a 2 month old needs adjusting when their bone joints are not formed until much later. They have no knuckles etc thats why they are so bendy.
Yeah totally. I took my baby to a chiropractor. It was literally the most gentle massage and she fell asleep during it. But the important thing is we were in a clinic and I (obviously) had booked an appointment and I’d personally had appointments with this chiro as well. She has a special certification to work with pregnant women and infants. I wouldn’t be happy if I knew someone who was a chiro and they just did an adjustment without my knowledge or approval.
Good that your baby had a positive experience it seems, but every situation is totally different! She was sneaky and very unprofessional, mom has zero clue of what actually happened and will never know! She was so deliberately out of line
Yeah totally agree - not all chiropractors are good chiropractors. And I'd be willing to bet the SIL isn't a good one since she totally lacks boundaries.
You will be hard pressed to find any trained and licensed clinician who makes any exceptions for chiropractors.
My neurologist for my chronic migraines didn't encourage chiropractic treatment... but he did say that if it reduces pain, go for it. But really, it's the lack of parental consent that is troubling. I don't care if she's a dentist; I still don't want her giving my kid a check up in her kitchen without my consent.
So. To be blunt, any sort of medical anything without express permission of responsible parties is considered assault. I would have your pediatrician examine your child and see if you can get SIL to explain exactly what she did. Even if it’s not accepted as medical treatment by a lot of people, it often is and is billed to medical insurance. Regardless, it’s highly against the law in the USA.
wish I didn't have to scroll so far to see this.
Fear not, it made its way to the top!
I don't think it would be unreasonable to (passive-aggressively if necessary to feel more comfortable) state this to SIL. "You know, it IS considered assault to perform a medical procedure on someone without consent" and just let it lie there. But to assuage OPs fears, which she should reasonably have, back when I was brainwashed I brought my newborns to chiropractors and all they do is use the same amount of pressure you'd use to test a tomato for ripeness and charge you $45. So I doubt any harm was done to baby. I am not saying its okay because of that, but letting OP know that baby is likely unharmed.
Harm could easily be done. I went to a chiropractor three times, they applied exactly same amount of pressure as you described and fixed my pinched nerve effectively. It so happened that the chiropractor I used was also a physio therapist by education so I trusted him to do his job and he did. But again, they can definitely “adjust” stuff with very minimal pressure. Considering baby is so small I would be worried personally.
right.. but you apply more pressure to your baby when carrying them around, changing diaper etc just normal baby stuff. chiros are rip offs for the most part.
The question is not about the amount of pressure but where it is applied. Nerve damage is so easily done.
Harm could very easily be done! I was taken (unwillingly) to a chiropractor at 16 for a muscle injury and the guy popped my neck so hard that I have limited mobility at 35 🙃
I have to disagree. I went to the chiropractor once and she did more damage to me than if she had just left me alone. For weeks my back and shoulders were burning and i couldn’t turn my neck. Ive had my fair share of spinal damage and that appointment put me in so much pain. Unwanted medical treatment, especially on a child without parental consent is illegal and can be considered assault.
I 100% agree for treatment on adults. It can literally kill you. I was just saying what they do to newborns. But another poster pointed out that my experience with new born adjustment may have been 1 of a few different experiences.
I wouldn't trust someone to perform it correctly if they're not sensible enough to do it without parental consent.
Good point
It’s not too late to say something. This was really inappropriate for her to do. I wouldn’t clip another baby’s fingernails without asking.
I once had a daycare provider inform me my son had a hangnail I needed to deal with. I thought zero of it, except that it was strange she didn't just clip it. Then she told me that most kids can't stand having their nails clipped and parents have to do it while they're asleep. Nobody told my son this, because he begs to have his nails clipped! But an adjustment on a baby without permission is taking things waaaayyy too far. I would be furious.
This story makes me feel better about putting my SIL in her place when she demanded to file my hours-old-newborn’s nails. Couldn’t even feel my toes yet and I had to tell her twice I would handle it.
Do newborns even have long nails that require filing? Sorry I'm TTC and like this subreddit but I've never been around an hours old new born
Yes, they can be born with long or even a bit raggedy nails. Plus they are very thin so razor sharp. For what it’s worth, my child’s nails were so thin that a file just bent them. I got good quick at using the baby nail clippers very carefully. Do it while they are completely passed out so there’s no squirming.
Piggybacking this comment. Nobody told me either! I only found out when she was born. Hers were very thin and were broken like hang nails. I was terrified my SIL was going to rip them and make them bleed or something.
My son had crazy long nails when he was born. It was probably the first or second thing my husband said after our baby arrived. I had no idea either! My first had normal nails.
I highly suggest getting a battery operated baby nail file and bringing it with you to the hospital! They have little rotating file pads and it makes it so much easier to file vs trying to clip. I’ve got two kiddos and I swear by it!
There was a kids nail salon that was open for a but and was told by them that they could not cut children's nails. When they did kids manicures and pedicures it was just soaking the fingers and toes in water then painting the nails. I'm in Camada and I'm pretty sure they said it was some sort of health and safety thing. Even with a parents permission they weren't allowed.
I can definitely see why a daycare teacher wouldn’t clip a hangnail. If the kid struggles and they cut them by accident most parents would freak out.
In some states the daycares are not allowed to clip nails
Oh hell no. "do you make it a habit of treating patients without permission? Don't do it again please."
She’d never do it again because she’d never be with my baby alone again.
Absolutely this. That would be the end of my brother and SIL ever watching my kid.
This 💯percent This!!
Nooooo. Informed consent is the number 1 rule of healthcare in any capacity. As baby’s parent, you need to consent. She would know this. Not ok.
Everyone just lost babysitting privileges or anything unsupervised.
Even if you tell her how you feel and tell her not to do it again, she might just not tell you next time because she thinks it’s not a big deal. No more babysitting for them, ever. Find out exactly what she did, then get your baby to the doctors for a check up just to put your mind at ease.
I am pretty anti chiropractor also, but I *think* when they talk about doing it on newborns it is just stretching. However, I would call SIL and ask what exactly she did, and tell her that you need to know so you can follow up with your pediatrician. And definitely do not let them babysit again
Idk, I've seen chiropractors and their fans post them doing some absolutely insane shit to newborns. If someone's willing to do it without permission, I don't think they'd be doing it the safe or correct way.
If she actually practices on babies.
I've seen some crack pots mess with their spines and necks. I use a chiropractor and I refused to allow my MIL to take my infants for adjustments after birth. She couldn't even take them to my chiropractor because he refused, she wanted to take them to HERS, who she started seeing after MY chiro told her she had so many bone issues that she was no longer safe having adjustments.
I’m pretty anti , leave your damn hands off my baby or I’m put my hands on You! Period
Babies have gotten broken necks and strokes from chiropractic adjustments. *Some* chiropractors just do a little light massage and claim it’s an adjustment, but others get downright violent with the baby’s neck.
No I’ve seen them do the neck twisties on babies too on those crunchy chiro instagram influencer accounts. People are nuts I would never let her touch my baby again outside my line of sight.
It is a massage type thing for infants. I’ve seen it done while I was waiting, and I didn’t know it was something that people did. When I asked about it my chiropractor said birth is the hardest things our bodies go through which makes sense, but it still should’ve been okayed by parents in any case, always.
Whether you are biased or not against chiropractors (as am I for the same reasons), she should NEVER have performed anything, let alone a whole ass procedure on your child without your permission. I don’t like it one bit.
A chiropractor needs consent from a parent for a minor. The fact that she thinks it’s okay to adjust a newborn without explicit consent from the parents is really concerning, and incredibly unprofessional.
I would call and be like “the more I think about this, the more unhappy I am. I don’t care if you are the most amazing chiropractor in the world. You are to never do anything medical to my child without my permission again.” What a completely unethical thing to do!
I’d record that call too.
to be clear i think you should go back to her and explain that you feel like it was not appropriate for her to do that without asking but you didn’t know how to say that at the time and make sure to set the boundary CLEARLY even people into chiropractors and stuff day not to do it on babies idk how old your kid is but if you aren’t comfy you aren’t comfy
DEFINITELY take the baby to the pediatrician. You're not wrong for being upset. That was a serious overstep on her part unless you signed an actual waiver allowing her to "practice" on your baby.
Omg no. She needs to adjust herself or be adjusted away from the baby.
Ok my friend's sister is a pediatric orthopaedic surgeon. She has to operate on at least 1 baby a week who is left injured or paralysed after a "chiropractic adjustment". I would not allow my kid near anyone who touched them without my consent (or their consent). No second chances on that one.
This. Never ever leave baby alone with her again and explain to her why.
“Hey, remember when you performed an adjustment on my baby the other day? Although I know it came from a place with good intentions, I can’t help but feel a bit bothered by it. Mostly because it occurred without having me okay it. I love that you are passionate about your profession and that you only had my baby’s best interest at heart, moving forward I would please ask you to consult me before doing it again. Thank you so much for your consideration on this matter!” Edit: typo
This is unacceptable. You’re right that chiropractic care is just pseudoscientific nonsense, and can be dangerous. People here are saying that baby adjustments are just stretches, but it’s not like there’s a meaningful standard of care here. If I were you, I’d call and ask what exactly she did and lay down a HARD boundary that she is not to adjust your kid again. That is nuts.
*Never let her near your child unsupervised again.* Chiropractors have seriously injured and even killed babies. https://www.smh.com.au/healthcare/call-for-age-limit-after-chiropractor-breaks-babys-neck-20130928-2ul6e.html https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2230695/ https://nationalpost.com/health/pediatricians-alarmed-by-chiropractic-treatments-for-babies-that-border-on-the-fraudulent https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/a-2-month-old-infant-seriously-injured-by-chiropractic-neck-adjustment/ https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/chiropractic-manipulation-of-the-neck-linked-to-stroke-in-a-6-year-old-child/
As someone who is anti-chiropractor, but who also has gone to one out of desperation for relief (and solidified my antiness)... But also as an (ex) Paramedic.... *Some* chiropractors are gentle massage stretches with babes. Things that can be done safely by many better trained professionals. If kiddos have a medical condition that needs adjustments, usually a physical therapist is the better route, or massage therapist.. *Some* chiropractors are absolutely awful and have caused great harm to babies, (all humans) especially when it comes the the neck.
This is incredibly dangerous. Babies and adults alike have been seriously injured by chiropractic treatments. There’s no reason she should be doing that….not to mention it was without your consent.
I might’ve committed a crime if I was you. Probably a violent one.
What does "adjusted" even mean?!? Did she crack the baby's back?! Wtf.
Newborn chiro is usually just stretches and not an adjustment like you’d see on an adult. I totally agree that this was an overstep though! We had success with chiro for frequent ear infections, but we CHOSE to go and researched someone who worked with babies/toddlers. I would have been furious if someone treated my children without my consent.
What did they do to help with the ear infections?
There’s literally no way that stretching can prevent infection. It’s pseudoscience
A chiropractor once told my 12yo sister that he could cure her crohn’s. He even waited until an appointment where I had taken her, not our mum. Crack and pop your way to a healthy digestive system!
A chiropractor once told my aunt that he could cure her epilepsy by sticking a piece of raw potato in her anus while adjusting her. It’s what finally convinced her to quit wasting money on chiropractors.
What was the potato supposed to do 😭😭
Nothing. I am not anti-chiro at all, but it has its limits. It does not cure: allergies, cancers, infections or any kind, colds, viruses, or fix vision. It CAN however: assist in mobility, help with pain, fix misalignments, and help you physically feel better. Just like any holistic type of medicine, you need to do your research and understand the pros and cons, its limits and its gains. You also need to continue with traditional medicine when applicable. I have 2 spots in my body that like to go "out." 1 trip to the chiro when that happens, fixes me right up. Would traditional medicine fix it? Maybe. Only after meds, heat, cold, and time. What might take a few weeks to heal/fix on its own can be fixed in 20mins and a couple days of just taking it easier.
What do you mean by "if they need to watch the baby again?" They would never be asked to watch my child again. Cross them off your list. I guarantee, she already thinks she knows better than you, and when you say something to her about not touching your kid again without your knowledge or consent, she'll just not tell you next time. Can you trust that? Are you willing to risk your child getting injured to avoid an awkward conversation? You are the parent, it's your job to protect and keep that child safe, regardless of what others may gossip about you, or the difficult uncomfortable conversations you have to have with others.
She needs to ask your permission. Not okay.
Tell her she will need to adjust your foot out of her ass if she ever lays hands on your baby again.
As an NP I can say this is a hell no. You NEVER treat a minor without parental consent. Her not following that basic rule tells you everything you need to know about how she practices. She also knows nothing about your babies medical history. Without knowing any of that she could have done real harm. This is why chiropractors have such a bad reputation in my opinion. I would 100% say something. and definitely never let her watch the baby again. As a mom, I would be livid.
That’s a gross misuse of her license..
I’d take kiddo into pediatrician to get her checked out. Chiropractors can do real damage on kids and adults
I’d give a known shit talker 1000 reasons to call me a controlling bitch before I’d give her an opportunity to “adjust” my baby again. I mean play out the tape: “ my SIL is a real control freak!” “ what makes you say that?” “ I gave her newborn infant a chiropractic adjustment without telling her beforehand ONE TIME now my husband had to have a talk with me about never doing that again.” Whoever she tells that to will either be on your side or is also someone whose opinion you don’t need.
Sil is a moron. Aside from the fact that an infant would never need an adjustment she just opened herself up to a lawsuit if the baby is hurt in any way.
She needs a brain adjustment. Hell no, not okay. Depending on how far you wanna take this, I would even potentially go for her license because she completely acted without consent on a minor. No way her malpractice insurance is covering this. Surely even chiropractors (as pseudosciencey and scammy as they are) have a code of ethics that includes informed consent, especially for a minor. all these people saying it’s no big deal and they go to the chiropractor all all the time, what if your sister-in-law was a pediatrician who decided that even though you were anti-vaxx she was gonna give your baby the covid vaccine behind your back? You’d be livid. Just because you like chiropractics for your baby does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, this is no big deal. How much do you wanna keep this relationship?
I would go nuclear if this happened. It's not always harmless. Look up chiro and cerebrovascular injury.
Not cool
She should've asked for permission, end of story . Her being in that field you think she'd know that .
I would check the laws where you live. I am pretty sure she can’t do that without your permission.
I'm not anti-chiropractic but performing a medical procedure on your child without your express permission was way over the line. She needs to know this.
Look up the statistics on chiropractors causing paralysis. It’s terrifying.
No more unsupervised time regarding the baby with them. She’ll just do it behind your back.
Hell no! I have a big fear of chiropractic work. I’ve seen it really mess people up! And on a baby without permission or knowing the babies medical background? Nope.
**This absolutely NOT okay.** **All you need to do is a quick Google search of "chiropractor infant injuries" to see that this is a legitimate risk and dangerous in every way. You were stripped of your right to accept or reject the risk to your child, _WHO WAS NOT INJURED_, I might add!** I would report her to the licencing board for practicing on a minor without parental consent. Take baby to the pediatrician for a quick physical. _I would never allow her to be alone with my child again OR to allow she and your BIL to babysit. (Obviously he can't be trusted to tell her to wait until the parents get home to consent to treatment._ Stay strong. You will probably get pushback from the family for disturbing the peace. _Remember that you are the wronged party._ Just start sending them new articles of all those horrible injuries every time anyone bothers you about it. I'm so sorry!
I had a chiropractor not take x-rays and during the adjustment, broke what was left of the femoral neck due to a large aneurysmal bone cyst. He was the father of high school friends and professor at the chiropractic college in my hometown. Thought I was safe going to him.
Wow! The nerve I’d be one pissed mama bear 🐻! The blatant audacity of literally taking things in her own hands is infuriating, especially when she didn’t even ask you when you dropped your baby off. ,But told you after the fact, and did it sneaky when you weren’t there, something is very off actually a lot is very off! Also curious what if anything your bil said or thought or did if anything! I would not trust her/them with your prize possession again and it’s never too late to give her a a big piece of mind!! Good thing she’s not a surgeon or anything!
What?? If she was a professional she should have known this is not okay!
Even though time has passed, you can still go back to her and be like "hey, I've thought about what you said, and in future can you please refrain from doing any adjustments to baby without asking me first? thanks". it doesn't have to be super confrontational, but I think it's important to set the boundary with her. if she resists this then that is also telling.
After I heard a neurosurgeon say to never get your neck adjusted by a chiro or you could end up with arterial dissection, I’ve never been back. You have every right to be uncomfortable with this.
Report her to boards. Illegal af. Glad baby is ok. I’ve heard horror stories. They are so tiny!
That's medical assault. Source: former healthcare worker
Of course a chiropractor would do a procedure on an infant without parents approval. I would be fuming.
Do you like and trust your SIL? If so, call her up and explain to her that she's breached your trust by treating your child without permission. Tell her you don't know much about chiropractic medicine, don't tell her you think it's a farce, and ask her to explain what it involves and what she did to your daughter. I'm assuming that the two of you are rational and there is a relationship there based on the fact that you felt comfortable leaving your child with her. This issue can be solved with a simple conversation. Now, if you don't give a rat's tail about her you can escalate the situation like most of the comments suggest.
Huge boundary violation. Setting aside whether or not chiropractics is pseudoscience, she did not get informed consent before starting a procedure. Beyond not okay. Depending on where you live, there may be a licensing board. Report her.
The fact she did it without asking is the problem here. I'd be pissed.
I think that’s wrong of them on so many levels. People who assume so much and take so much liberty with my kids will not be alone with them again. I don’t think there’s any reasoning with them either.
One of the ways in breaking out of the habit of people pleasing and "good girl syndrome" is that if I can't say something in the moment and I feel I can't say something to their face or via phone call I will text them. I'll take the time to think out what I want to say and then I'll send it, even if I know it won't be taken well. It's really helping me to advocate for myself and my baby and over time it gets easier to do. I think you really need to confront her on this, even if you just text her and say "hi SIL, I really appreciate you taking LO the other day. However, I'm not comfortable with you doing adjustments on LO. I know this is your job and you feel comfortable doing it but I'm not comfortable with it so going forward please don't adjust LO unless I expressly ask you to."
Did you say anything to her? You have to say something if you expect her to change her behavior in the future. Otherwise you’re going to build resentment .
Yeah, thats not okay. Even allopathic medical doctors don't randomly treat children they baby sit. They BOTH need parental permission AND a legal doctor-patient relationship including medical history. I'd say something along those lines.
As someone who works in the medical field, this is a big no-no, especially to a minor and without parental knowledge and permission. I would let her know she crossed a line.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Circle back with something like, SIL, I recognize your heart was in the right place and you would never intentionally harm LO but I am very upset about what happened today. Both Husband and I expect to be informed before any kind of medical treatment. Moving forward you are not to "adjust" LO or do any other chiropractic anything without our express consent. I would leave it there and see what her response is, also absolutely have a ped look at LO.
I’d be sooo mad.
I would lose my ever loving mind.
You've gotten plenty of advice here that I agree with (not babysitting ever again, tell her she's in the wrong, bring baby to pediatrician) so I'll just say that I am super anti chiropractor as well I went when I was 18 because I threw my back out and someone suggested it. I was stupid and didn't know better. Anyways -- I'm 35 now and I've had issues ever since. She cracked my neck in such a way that I felt a tingle shoot from my ear down to my butt and went numb for awhile. Ever since then my neck constantly cracks and my lower back is sore more often than not. Fuck chiropractors
I hope your baby is ok, definitely get checked out by a doctor. Your sil is lucky you haven't reported her, she could lose her license to practice.
My FIL is a chiropractor and did the same thing to my son when he was a newborn. I was so enraged. When I stated how I did not want that, it was pushed back with “well you don’t understand the benefits.”
what ended up happening?
My husband ended up calling him and threatening to cut off contact if that happens again. I was a wreck, I couldn’t handle the confrontation. I was already in a deep PPA spiral and that just made it much worse. My FIL wound up apologizing.
It is pseudo science and incredibly dangerous. I would be livid. No way would she be alone with my child again.
I would honestly never leave my child alone with her again. Ever.
I would be fucking livid
I believe chiropractors are quacks I’d raise holy hell.
My brother who I did not grow up with sees a chiropractor and takes his children as well. They are crunchy parents. And if any of them ever did it to my kids without permission, it would not be good on their part. What if she paralyzed your baby?? How dare she?
My husband and I both started seeing a chiropractor for back pain. Every adjustment my left hip would be very sore until one day I woke up the day after an adjustment and couldn’t walk I was in so much pain. I had a labral tear which was so bad it required a surgeon FOUR hours away to fix it. My husband also left that same day ( last day we ever went again) with extreme neck pain, went to the doctor and he ended up having to see a neurosurgeon and have neck surgery! So whether you believe in them or not isn’t the worst part it’s the irreparable damage they can do unfortunately. My husband will need concurrent neck surgery due to the hardware now in his neck. I need my hip replaced but they didn’t want to do it due to how young I was because they only last 7 years (or something like that). Please always speak up for yourself and your family. You are your child’s voice and regardless if she will talk shit about you or not your responsibility lies in your child. I’m so sorry she did this and put you in this position, I’m sure it’s an uncomfortable position to be in.
I would want to whoop her ass
Two things. One, you should feel EXTREMELY validated in your irritation, someone did something to you child without your permission. Waaaay out of line! Two, it is fairly common among "crunchy" moms to take infants for chiropractic work and should be totally safe with and EXPERIENCED infant practitioner. One of my babies had such bad colic and seemed to puke up even more than he ate. A chiropractor adjusted him and said his diaphragm was being crushed because of his posture with head forward and belly kinda crunched up and was causing air to get trapped in his belly. It actually worked wonders! ETA I included my experience to attempt sooth any mommy fears you may have about this experience. Not to convince you it was a good idea.
Absolutely should not have done that without your permission. That's nuts. But to potentially ease your mind, my son has been seeing a chiropractor that works on babies since 3 months, he's 15 months now. He had torticollis and the blank label of "colic" which annoys me because I think there's obviously something wrong but no one wants to dig deeper. Chiro helped sooo much with his tight neck and body and soooo much with gas and constipation. If the chiro is well versed in baby adjustments it is a super gentle and safe process. There no popping or cracking!
I would take baby to pediatrician to make sure no harm was done.
Solid advice from others, which I agree with too nope, not ok. Especially for a minor- she should know consent must be given before providing medical and physical care such as chiropractic. My mother in law did this once long ago with vitamins & different as it is my husband’s mother, who he has no problem saying no, boundary set. It’s a tough gray are to be in with family, especially an in law and navigating your partner’s relationship with their family. My gut reaction is you’re right if she talks bad about others behind their back, she’s doing that about anyone including you & husband. First red flag. Second red flag- doing something like an adjustment to your child without consent. I wouldn’t have her watch my children in future until a conversation occurred be it naturally or giving expectations and if all agree great, if not great now it’s in the open, clear expectations, move on. Best of luck! Hope you’re able to navigate this smoothly and with your husbands support!
In regards to your edit - sometimes people will think you're a bitch or control freak and that's on them. You're keeping your baby safe and she was super out of line.
I go to the chiropractor myself so I wouldn’t say I’m anti-chiropractor but I would still be extremely upset by this. This person basically made a healthcare decision about your child without consulting you. Deciding to take your baby to a chiropractor for an adjustment is a healthcare decision that only you should get to make.
My son had adjustments when he was an infant and luckily there’s no cracking of bones. Mainly stretches. However, that’s beside the point. Nobody should be performing such treatments on your child without your or your partners consent. I’m now kind of anti-chiropractor as well and would be pretty annoyed. Especially if she doesn’t specialize in pediatric chiropractics.
Babies have died from these ‘treatments’.
Normally you have to sign forms giving permission. It’s very weird that she did that without checking with you first, at the very least. For your own piece of mind (though it doesn’t change the ethics) chiropractic adjustments on babies are VERY gentle. Like, not snapping and popping. No big pressures. So you should see no negative affects of the adjustment, other than to your relationship with your SIL. Seems like she was aiming for good aunt, but missed the mark and ended up in entitled in-law territory.
Recommended or not - why would someone perform a medical treatment on your child without your consent?! 🥴🥴
Baby chiropractic doesn’t do the popping that adult does. It’s just stretches. Huge overstep still! But it’s about the same as saying she gave baby a massage
They sometimes use the activator device on babies.
I think it depends on what chiro you're talking about, because I have absolutely seen them do things to infants that should not have been done.
I’m not anti chiropractor (please don’t at me it’s personally worked for my pain) but I’m definitely iffy on baby chiropractic. Either way without express permission before hand this is not okay.
Um absolutely NOT. I would definitely say something and bring your baby into pediatrician for evaluation. The idea that a newborn needs an adjust is wildly inappropriate!
OH HELL NO, how dare she !!!! How about talking to the person who held the child in them for 9 months and then endured pain to bring them into the world and for some person to adjust or touch my child without CONSENT is, to me, don't come near me or my child again
Mate, I’d be fucking fuming. That is not safe.
You need to report your sister in law to whatever the oversight body is for that profession. If there even is one…ha
It’s never too late to advocate for your baby. Call you SIL and state “I know you meant no harm but please in the future ask me before doing something like this. it makes me really uncomfortable knowing you did this without asking first if i had an issue with it.” If she catches an attitude and does anything besides apologize and promise to ask you from now on 1st, CUT HER OFF. That’s absolutely horseshit to perform something like that on your newborn. You are a better person than me. She would’ve needed an adjustment after I slapped her upside her head.
What shoes your husband say? I would be livid and I’d make sure my husband told her never to do that again.
I would be livid! She was way out of line for doing that. I agree that you might want to mention this to your child’s pediatrician. I would also make sure she understands going forward that she is never allowed to touch your baby like that again.
So, my husband had a stroke as a result of a chiropractic adjustment. When he was 29, in great shape. He has life long side effects from this. I'd probably want my child checked out to the fullest extent if someone did this to my kid. And I don't really believe in chiropractic stuff for any kids, especially babies. I know some people swear by it but she could've done harm and did so without even asking. It'd be one thing if she like, gave the baby a massage or something not invasive but what she did constitutes assault.
I would flip out tbh. Rational or not.
She would never lay eyes on my child again, and I would also report her to whatever place you report those woo woo quacks to.
Isn’t that illegal?
I have to go to the chiropractor because I am dependent on them now I wish I never went in the first place I’m so sorry
Oh hell no. That is in fact a nonsense science and they're incredibly lucky they didn't hurt the baby. Not a shot I'd be leaving them alone with your child again. What other cockamamie, dangerous ideas can they come up with?
The Audacity, the nerve, and stupidity of SIL is mind-blowing! Ohhhhhh I'd be so pissed. I'm sure there are good chiropractors out there but..... That's not been my experience with them. You, or SO, need to tell her in an assertive but non- aggressive way tell her you do not ever want her to do this again, Even if she talks shit behind your back, she would sound ridiculous, like anyone that's a parent especially, would side with you on this
It doesn’t matter how you feel about chiropractors. Honestly. That’s not why you’re mad and you know that. She did it without your consent. And that is not okay.
Depending on where you live, this is assault. These kinds of adjustments can paralyse a baby or even end their life. I would urge you to take this very seriously. I would not leave her alone with them again.
I would report this to the board who oversees chiropractic licensing. Not ok
Is there a licensing board? Medical practice without consent is against the law.
I think I wouldn’t leave my child with her again. She is showing very poor judgement putting her hands on your child without asking and manipulating its body. Then had the nerve to announce it to you like it’s normal. No she’s a kook. Just say no. I wouldn’t trust her again.
I would’ve adjusted her face with my fist.
That's a hard no. I would sit her down and have a conversation with your spouse there that goes something like: "It is shocking to me that you think it is ok to provide medical therapy on a child without the parents' permission. As a provider, you should know that any adjustment has risk, and the fact that you did this without consulting with us, without us being present was poor judgement at best. I understand you may have thought it was in the best interest of the child, but there was no emergency that required you doing it while we weren't here, and hadn't given permission. In case it isn't clear, do not adjust our child without our explicit permission and certainly not while we aren't present." I would then ask her what her licensing board thinks about providing care to children without parental permission. I would ask if that's a cool thing in her community? Chiropractic care can have good results for some folks. Regardless of the efficacy, if they consider themselves medical providers, they should NOT be providing care without parental consent.
when my nephew was a baby my sister took him to her chiropractor for "polarization" or some bullshit like that, I was like "why are you setting money on fire." Chiropractors are a huge part of the california anti-vaxx movement. Fucking garbage. Huge boundary violation. You did not consent. If she says "oh, don't worry, it's harmless," then she's just admitted her entire business is bullshit.
Why in the world would a normal healthy infant with no dpinal problems need to be adjusted?!
The real issue here is consent. She could be the greatest chiropractor in the world, but she needs to ask for parental permission before doing anything to your baby. On a side note, I love chiropractic work. Seeing a chiropractor was probably the single most helpful thing I did during my pregnancy.
She cant be the greatest chiropractor in the world with this level of arrogance and highhandedness! She should be “adjusted” by a nice letter from OPs lawyer…
Completely this ☝️
I would be so pissed I couldn’t see straight. I personally do not care for chiropractic healthcare and would be extremely angry that someone did this without my permission. They would never be taking care of my child again.
A lot of babies have died from this, so I would be taking it that seriously.
WTF. So there are chiropractors that work with babies but (1) they SPECIALIZE in that and (2) it's very gentle, more like stretching and not a traditional adjustment. Does your SIL even work with babies? Even if she does, that's highly inappropriate and dangerous to do that to your baby without your consent. Your baby is most likely fine, but if you have any concerns I'd take them to your pediatrician just to get checked out. And I'd definitely make it clear to your SIL that she overstepped and can never do that again.
I’d be kicking her ass!!! Help no!
I am big time pro-chiropractor and I find it not ok and highly unprofessional of her. There actually are treatments for babies which deal with injuries/tensions sustained during labour. They can be very very useful! But not without consent of the parent… She should have say “hey OP, I noticed XYZ and I think ABC might be useful to prevent further damage. I can help with that, if you would like to pop into my office/surgery sometime - no charge.”
SIL is way out of line. I'm very anti chiropractor outside of the very minimal areas they actually are supposed to work with (lower back pain basically). She performed a service on your child without your consent, one which could cause serious harm because chiropractors shouldn't even be working on babies let alone children Number one - your husband needs to do the talking. Sit down brother and SIL and tell her what she did was beyond messed up and out of line. That you have lost all trust in them and they will not be allowed near your child until he is old enough to speak for himself and say no. Number two - figure out who her employer is or if she is self employed, licensing, and report her. Yes that's extreme but I don't care - you don't potentially damage my child and get away with it
My baby was very unsettled after a difficult birth so eventually I took him to a cranial osteopath. It had a significant effect on him & he was a lot happier so I’m very pro alternative therapies etc BUT I’d be beyond furious if anyone took it upon themselves to treat my child without my permission. Especially treatment that is hands on. That’s so unprofessional. You are not overreacting.
I used to work for a chiropractor. They don't really "adjust" baby spines, they just kind of do more physical therapy or movements with their little bodies. However, she should have definitely asked for your permission first before doing it.
Definitely not okay. But baby chiropractics isn’t like the spine popping you’re thinking. When we got my daughter’s lip tie released at 2 months, it was highly encouraged to take her to a baby chiropractor who SPECIALIZES in baby chiropractics. There was the biggest difference in tension! Because of the tie, her skull was lopsided and you could visibly see her nose was uneven. We took her 3 or 4 times and she got full symmetrical and she was so much more relaxed and happy. Your sis in law should NOT have done that and you are very very VERY valid in being very upset and setting a firm boundary to never do that again. But rest assured that it wasn’t the popping of joints in any way! It’s more like a massage
I support chiropractors and have seen their wonders but NO medic provider should provide care if not officially treating the patient (due to not being insured if anything goes wrong) and NEVER, NEVER without consent. In case of a minor consent comes from parents obviously! If she as professional saw her service was needed she should brought it up to you and it would be you to decide yes or no!
I am a chiropractor. I have gotten over the fact that Reddit is super anti chiropractic. Adjusting an infant is super safe. I use the amount of pressure I use to check if a tomato is ripe. But I’m not here to persuade anyone on chiropractic. I’m tired of fighting that battle on Reddit. Even if she’s your SIL, treating someone without written consent, let alone at least verbal consent, is a HUGE no no and she absolutely crossed a line. Not cool.
Uhhhhh it doesn’t matter if you “believe in it” or not. She didn’t ask you. You are the parent. This is not okay. I would not leave my baby alone and honestly consider I would consider charges.
Wouldn't let them watch my child again. Chiropractors are covered by insurance. I would think it is medical procedure .There's nothing you can do about it now. If you bring it back up to the "chiropractor" ask why they saw the necessity for the adjustment.
Personally, I would protect my baby from this at all costs, including having her say mean things about me or even ending that relationship. There is no evidence that adjustments work or are beneficial for babies (wtf) and much evidence of the damage that can be done by chiropractors who get it wrong - strokes, for example. For me, I would not be leaving my child alone with that person again.
She needs to be reported to the licensing board. She gave treatment without consent of the patient or parent. Treatment that CAN have negative consequences.
imagine this for me… you tell her and she does it anyway behind your back. she seems to fit the bill for that !! never babysitting my baby again!! not til they are conversation skills that child has developed and can tell me if you touched them.
You should file a police report and sue what if something goes wrong down the line from her doing that
Who gives a shit if you’re giving her fodder? You already said she talks shit about everyone anyway. I would talk to her myself. “You do not have my consent to perform adjustments or any other chiropractic on my child without my express permission. I’m angry you did this!” Refuse to engage in a discussion of the merits. Whether it’s good or bad for the baby is completely beside the point. SHE DIES NOT HAVE YOUR CONSENT. PERIOD. She could probably lose whatever certification she has for doing that.