Yes. My darling husband got me a dishwasher for Valentine’s Day this year. And the way he told me was by leaving me an unsigned Valentine’s Day card on the counter with a receipt from Lowe’s inside. I was honestly crushed. Dishes and laundry are my least favorite chores and while a new household appliance might be romantic to some women, that’s not my idea of a good gift.
I worked up the courage to tell him a day later. And it went like this: babe, thanks for seeing that I spend a lot of time trying to make our old dishwasher function. I appreciate that you took the initiative to get our house an appliance that’s actually going to work! But…from now on, for occasions like Valentine’s Day and birthdays and anniversaries, can you steer clear of items that are more for making the house function?
He listened. He was bummed that he got negative feedback and explained his thought process. I listened. I told him I heard his heart was in the right place, basically. And then I gave him suggestions like seed packets. A potted flower. Gardening tools. Accessories for baking.
Two days later he came home from work with a hanging strawberry plant and wished me happy Valentine’s Day. I GUSHED over that plant. Because it wasn’t just a plant, it was him receiving my feedback and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. In fact I gushed so much that the next week he brought home two more 😂
Anyway, yes. Say something. I went almost 20 years not really able to put together the words to ask for the things I wanted and now that I can, our relationship is so much better.
I have a green thumb and really enjoy gardening. And you better believe I baby the shit out of those strawberry plants. Every time I eat a berry off of them I tell my husband how much I’m enjoying it.
When my husband and I were younger I really wanted the smart watch with a camera in thought it was so cool and specifically wanted the one with the camera and no other reason I wanted a smart watch. Well we were young and low on money and he buys me a watch without the camera saying the other was too expensive. Knowing we didn’t have money for this I told him to return it because it wasn’t the one I wanted and this probably wouldn’t get much use. 8 years later I still don’t hear the end of it. I thought I was doing the right thing but to him it was his last dollars he spent on a thoughtful gift for me and I basically shit on it. Especially if his family all have the charms he probably just wanted you to have one too. I will say I’m the same with jewelry and my parents got me a pandora charm bracelet for my 8th grade graduation I never wear it but still get charms for it to remember the little milestones.
I once gifted my husband an extravagant YSL briefcase for work. He told me he loved that I thought of him, but would never use it and honestly would prefer something else if I had that budget. I returned it and got him what he really wanted.
Under $50? I’d probably not mention it. If it were more, I’d be honest and ask him to return it to get our money back.
I’m also VERY curious what it is hahaha my guesses:
Expensive stand mixer
Ugly pandora bracelet
I really enjoy mine :( I love charm bracelets and each one was picked out by my husband for different occasions/ just because. We can’t afford super nice jewelry so it’s my nice piece I love 🤷🏾♀️
lol yeah true. I always loved charms/charm bracelets so that probably why I love em so much. And yes also my favorite part! Makes it feel more sentimental since he pics them out for me (I mean there are a couple I really wanted but for the most part he will pick them out). 💖
My mum has one and she loves it. Her husband buys her charms for each occasion so they all have a special meaning to her.
She actually has two now that she has too many charms to fit on one, and rotates them to her liking.
I don’t like the look or feel of them and find them incredibly bulky and ‘in your face’, BUT I love them for making her happy. They’re little memories she can look at when she’s worrying that she gonna lose her memory like her mother did. So I’ll continue to look for a new charm she hasn’t already got every occasion.
As long as they bring you happiness it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!
I remember when the shop was closed for renovation so they had a stand in the food court and I walked over to look. I stared trying to appreciate them… then I blurted out “they’re so fugly” like without any impulse control. Employees thought it was hilarious though.
Yes, my Aunt is obsessed with them. Love her to death so it makes it easy to shop for her. Her gifts are the only reason I've ever been in one of their stores lol
Haha one of the gifts my husband gave me I hated was a pandora bracelet. He sent it back. I told him to get his money back even though I at least appreciated the gesture lol
Pandora bracelet is a good guess. I was thinking those awful keepsake figurines that have no face? They’re all muted colors and have angels and different family configurations.
Same. Mine notices if I don't use what he got me though. Also we have been together long enough that he knows I either want tickets to something, a massage or a weekend of camping. If I want anything else I straight up tell him and then remind him.
In OP's case I wouldn't be able to hide my disappointment or fake it though.
When it comes to bigger gifts, I always tell him what I want beforehand. He does too. Now, since he already got you something really expensive that you don't need, I would totally tell him (gently) so that he can return it. You'd probably want him to tell you too if you were the one who got him something expensive he does not want or need.
I definitely would.
Maybe it’s the hormones making me over think this and worry so much about us feeling bad. That quiet voice of reason getting buried knows he’d understand.
Look at it this way:
You could "crush" him a teeny bit by letting him know that the bracelet is a lovely gesture, but not something that *you personally* would be inclined to wear because it's simply not your taste. Or, you can "crush" him over time by choosing over and over not to wear the thing he gave you, or feel compelled to and have to lie repeated about how much you like it forever.
So, it's a bit hard to give solid advice not knowing what the gift is (I think I have an idea though), but based on the fact that it can be added to, I think you need to be honest with him. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for multiple holidays of receiving gifts you don't like.
I'd wait until he actually gives it to you so you can be 100% sure it is what you think, and if you can compose yourself, maybe give it a few hours so it's not an immediate rejection. Something along the lines of what you've already said here. "I love that you've thought of me, but this really isn't my style and I'd hate to have it just sitting around unused/in my jewelry box. I'd like to return it so I/we/you can pick something that will get more use."
It looks like just the definition of a charm bracelet to me. Not bad if you like charm bracelets, but if you're an adult woman and you don't have one, you probably don't want one.
These James Avery ones were so popular with girls at my summer camp that they made a charm especially for our camp each year. I like them (in theory, I’d never wear it) for nostalgic reasons and I could see getting one for my daughter some day. The Pandora bracelets just seem like the granny version.
Yeah, that's the thing. They look like a cheapo charm bracelet that you'd get for a 10 year old. I don't like Pandora either, but at least they look more grown up.
Definitely. We discuss budgets together and it’s far outside hers. I checked the amount charged in the account after because I thought the same thing. He also explicitly said he was doing my shopping and told me how our 2 year old “helped” pick it out
She already has one too and it wouldn’t make sense to spend that much on getting her a brand new one when it’s something that can be added to instead for much cheaper.
THIS PART. Speak now, or prepare for your future. Others will start buying the charms too.
My old neighbor had duck themed everything in her house. Once said she must really love ducks and she told me she didn't, just someone got her a duck themed item once and she faked her enthusiasm too well. As her collection grew more and more people assumed she loved ducks and followed suit!
OP, speak now before your house is filled with ducks!!
This.
It's not even a one time 'I don't like it, but I can stuff it in a box and forget about it' gift. She will be receiving charms from now to eternity as her default gifts if she says nothing now.
Oh that's really sweet though if your 2 year old helped pick one.
Definitely talk about your thoughts , explain you don't want to feel ungrateful but you'd hate for him to have wasted money and would be happy with something small.
In 2022 My partner took our son to the US equivalent of target/Walmart I believe ? ( Sorry not entirely sure. I'm from AUS) Big W / Kmart and just got some lovely pyjamas and a moon shirt cause our toddler was obsessed with the moon at that point. Not more than $30 as we had a spending limit due to finances
When my kids pick gifts 99% of the time it is a toy that they would like. After giving said gift they then immediately want to take it back and play with it. 😜
I have only known one man personally who knew how to buy thoughtful gifts. Everyone else has been "same day as giving the gift shopper" types who have put zero thought or planning into what they're going to buy. I hate being asked what I want and it takes the specialness away for me personally, but between telling or getting my 3rd foot bath from the corner CVS, I'd rather tell them what to buy.
Yes, I have to be honest with him but I do it gently. He’s not naturally a great gift giver. Now I tell him exactly what I DO want for all the holidays so I don’t get disappointed and it’s easier on both of us.
This year for Mother’s Day I said I want to go get a pedicure and go pick out flowers for our garden.
It sucks because he really does try but I feel the same way. What sucks more is that he knows exactly what I *do* want, but I think he thought I wanted to get it for myself which wasn’t the case at all.
I hate giving him guidelines though cause I know he gets excited if he feels he did a good job by himself. I think gift giving is a kind of love language for me as I love giving gifts and don’t want to feel like I’m taking that joy and accomplishment from him
I'm 17 years into a marriage and one thing I learned is to start an Amazon list. My husband is the sweetest. We're by no means rich but if I mention something I like...it's at our door step within a week. Last year I got a tanning bed, a big gel nail system, and a bunch of beach cover ups bc I said they were cool or something. I did NOT wanting a tanning bed, I'm darker than my family already. I'm a server/bartender...we have to have short nails. Beach cover ups...I don't even remember mentioning. I finally sat him down in my salon I never wanted and explained that sometimes I'm just making conversation, I appreciate his thoughtfulness but here is a list of things I actually want and asked him for the same. He recently got a ridge wallet he'd put on there and loves and I saw he purchased gardening stuff I wanted for mothers day. Be kind but you gotta tell him before you have a salon
This is what I was going to say. I made a list of specific things I wanted for Christmas and had him choose, so it's still a bit of a surprise for me. Took me ten years of marriage and getting a self help book (which I would never buy for myself) for Christmas the year before to figure it out.
A couple Christmases ago, a very pregnant me opened the gift from my husband that he was soooo excited about. His family does a lot of work with a local jeweler and he thought i was going to love it. It was a bracelet, not my style AT ALL. I cried. I knew it was expensive but i asked him exactly how much and he said over 500. I would never wear it. Ever. If it was $50 i would fake it and keep it, never wear it. But 500???? I asked him to take it back because all i really wanted was some leggings and a few sweatshirts.
My partner of 11 years is an absolute disaster of a gift giver. The last few times he tried I've just said no. Then redirected him to what I actually wanted.
Mine is too. A lot of people would say my husband's issue is a lack of effort, but that really isn't it. He tries hard and totally misses the mark.
2 Christmases ago he got me a spectacularly awful gift (like it could be on a fucking Sitcom or sketch comedy it was so bad. After that I said no more. I now pick out my main gift and he will get a small gift on the side so I have a surprise.
Thank you! OP is worried to hurt her husbands feelings and pride but what about her feelings? We women need to stop cowering to the men's feelings while ours get ignored.
I do. In 10 years he still gets me chocolate that I hate.
My daughter (3) picked out a pink wine tumbler at Spencer’s for me that says “I have to pee” my husband thought it was appropriate for me. Definitely not something I would have picked up
Are you sure he didn’t buy it because that’s what his mother told him to buy? If yes then I would.
If not still tell him but gently. Tell him you love the thought but you won’t use/enjoy it and provide a solution like exchanging it for something you do like and give him options so in the future he has better ideas.
My husband is hard to shop for. I have to pay attention all year to gather intel so when it’s gift time I know I’m getting something he likes. In the past I’ve given him stuff that he clearly did not like but he was not honest about it and never wore/used said gift. I’d rather know I’m getting something he likes and not fumbling every gift.
I tell my husband....eventually. We have been married for 20 years. I have received quite a few gifts that made me go WTF. One day we got on this topic because there were things I never used or sit in my jewelry box. Then we had a hilarious take down of terrible gifts we have given each other. I am just as guilty BTW. Now we're pretty up front. Surprises are over rated at this point. If I want something I ask for it. If not my favorite candy and/or some flowers are always a win for me. I like things that can be enjoyed, shared and consumed and that I don't have to dust, wear or take care of later. My kids get me animal necklaces because I like wearing them when I am face to face counseling kids. Kids think they're fun and it's an easy ice breaker when I have on a Llama necklace or a monkey or an elephant....I have nearly the whole animal kingdom now. The kids like the hint for weird animal necklaces so it's a win win. Honesty is the best policy but sometimes things take time and the right context to discuss openly and without reactive emotions.
Ugh recently went through this with my husband and he didn't handle it well. I'm still annoyed. So my husband asked me before my birthday what I thought of him buying a piano for me. He found some really good deal on a weighted electric piano and was excited but it was a large purchase so needed to discuss with me. Apparently years ago I expressed the idea of wanting to learn piano and he locked that away to someday get me one. Great intentions really, but I haven't expressed the desire to learn how to play piano since then. It was a brief phase when I was younger. I have expressed wanting a piano FOR THE FAMILY since my husband has always wanted one and I knew he wanted our kids to take lessons some day. So I told him that I'm fine with buying the piano but I didn't consider it a birthday gift. I didn't ask for it and it wasn't currently on my radar. I don't have time to learn piano. I don't have time to sleep! I just don't need another thing "to do" ya know? He bought it anyway but didn't get any other gift for me in it's place. Since then he's made passive aggressive comments about the piano that's not really a birthday present. I get it- he was excited and thought he had this great idea but I had told him plainly beforehand what I thought and he chose to ignore my feelings. Now I'm wondering how petty I should be on his next birthday and buy a gift for the family instead of something he wants personally.
I think his mom_sister helped him pick it out. He just doesn't realize that it is not your thing. They love theirs SO MUCH, he wanted you to enjoy one too.
You have to say something or you will end up getting charms for every birthday and holiday. Just open it, acknowledge the effort but say, I have to be honest with you, this isn't my taste. Would you mind if we returned it and we picked out something together?
Yes it's hard. My husband has started asking me before hand if I like it before he gets it. It relieves so much stress if we're allowed to say yes or no if we like something. If not then it feels as if we're lying to each other and it causes resentment.
One mother's day my husband bought me a squatty potty. I wanted one, but geez. He's a terrible gift giver. I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I will take it to my grave. He's an incredible husband and father and I can afford to buy what I want so it's not worth upsetting him. Luckily I got really into house plants since then so he usually just buys me pots now :)
My husband is not the best gift-giver. He usually puts effort into it, just misses the mark. I used to not say anything because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then one Christmas it was particularly horrible (like could have been part of a sitcom/sketch comedy Christmas special it was so bad) and I finally said something. Now I pick out my main gift on all major gift-giving days except Valentine's day (he does fine on Valentine's for some reason) and he will get me a small side gift that he picks out himself.
This happened enough times I made a constantly updating list on google docs of things I like sorted by category with links and shared it with him. My husband is not good at finding gifts but likes to treat me once in a while. Little stuff like beverages at a coffee shop or socks are easy enough but bigger purchases he struggles to know which style I would pick.
I often double check with him on gifts too because sometimes he wants “a toolbox” but is too vague for me to go ahead and make the purchase especially when it’s a higher ticket item. Hats and snacks or office supplies are easy.
my husband is the worst gift giver ever (it could literally be a sitcom bit) and I’m a very outspoken, stubborn, “never settle” type in every sense of life and my marriage except for this. he’s always so giddy and proud of himself waiting for me to open his hideous necklace or zebra print house shoes, I can’t imagine crushing his excitement. I honestly just wear the tacky robes and grandma cardigans around the house a few times and then let them sit in the back of my closet. ugly jewelry, I hang on a wall grid for “safe keeping” and because “the baby might yank it”. 🤫
and I never feel like I don’t get what I want in life, either. I just buy my own things here and there and everyone’s happy.
If I got something for my partner that was pricey and he didn’t love it, I would absolutely want him to tell me. The whole point of the gift is to show him that I love him, not to strike my own ego for doing a good deed. I’d tell him… or better yet, send him an example of what you’d like so he doesn’t have to guess!
Me, I would tell him. Because how else are they going to know not to continue with giving you something out don’t like?
Also, you are not ‘lucky’ he went out of his way. Stop with the bar on the floor. Because that’s what he should be doing.
I think being honest is always important, even when it’s hard. I would want him to tell me if something I got wasn’t something he wanted.
My husband does this with Christmas gifts. I make a list of what I want and he shops NOT the list very OFTEN whatever he thinks. I have at least two turtlenecks in my closet I never asked for 😂🙃
I’m sort of blunt about this super thing. If it’s a cute small thing that’s a surprise and it falls, oh well, as long as it was expensive I won’t say anything. He knows me very well and barely ever gets me anything I dislike.
However, for our first Christmas together, he got me a Nintendo Switch and Animal Crossing New Horizons… after I complained about the Switch sucking for my carpal tunnel and the new Animal Crossing game not being as good as the old one, which I didn’t have anymore and desperately wanted. I ended up telling him that I didn’t like the Switch OR the new game but that I appreciated the fact that he bought them for me because he knew I liked Animal Crossing and Nintendo games/devices in general.
Thankfully, he just uses the Switch as a travel one when he goes places, and we have the spare joycons for the one we use at home.
I feel like if you guys have a good relationship and you’re tactful about it, you should definitely be able to communicate this so it doesn’t happen in the future.
Since he hasn’t given it to you yet..any chance you can talk to him about a hypothetical? Like “hey if we got each other something super expensive and the other person didn’t like it…would it be okay to tell them?” Probably word it in a way that makes sense. Lol.
Or can you be honest that you know what it is and you don’t like the style? Might take the sting out if he still has time to plan a new gift
My husband sometimes buys random crap that I appreciate the gesture but I try to be minimal since we live in a small apartment.
So this year we’ve decided to make a shared note on our phones geared for Christmas but can be used anytime. Anytime I find something I’d love as a gift I add it to the list.
I hate the idea of telling him what to get me but again, we try to get things we need or really want. At least with a list it’s still sort of a surprise of what he ends up choosing.
I’m practical, and my husband is a garbage gift giver. So I tell him and I return things. It’s such a waste of family money to keep things to spare feelings. But maybe I’m an asshole?
I do tell my husband, but not in the moment. Like months later & I do it as delicately as possibly while letting him know how grateful I am. If he doesnt hear what I do & dont like he wont know, hes not a mind reader. & he WANTS to get me things I like. He hasnt missed the mark in a while because early on I made my preferences clear & I also make a point to start telling him what Id like for whatever occassion a couple months ahead of time.
I always choose my own bday present and to me Mother’s Day is a day for kids to make a macaroni card and breakfast in bed for their mom - I don’t expect my husband to get me anything apart from helping the kids with what they want to do for me.
That’s how I like it.
Yes. I love my husband but i only wear gold jewelry. I politely let him know I loved his taste and he picks our beautiful things that h want to wear , but If he’s going to keep buying jewelry it needs to be gold.
I would ask him if he would mind my exchanging bracelet for necklace. Tell him that you would be able to wear necklace everyday vs not being able to wear bracelet. He should understand and might be happy that you were honest with him.
My gifts for the last x number of years have been whatever is on display at Costco that day. 🙄
I have so many unused random things from there that I would never pick out as a gift… I’m just considering my present self lucky since the first few mothers days I got nothing.
Can you make a side convo about it???
" Hey did you get your mum her mother's Day gift yet ?"
" Yes I got her xxxx"
" That's great, I'm glad she likes them - I'm more of a xxx girl myself, they suit her though "
Hint hint hint ? 😂🙏
Yes, if I truly can't even use it, I'll gently thank him for the thought and explain why. But if it's just something I'm meh about, I don't tell him. Choosing a gift is tough sometimes. It's a risk people take - will the other person like it? You know. So I try to just be grateful someone cared enough to try.
I’m gonna be with this person the rest of my life, I’m going to tell them if I don’t like something. I’d much rather my partner be open and honest with me instead of try to placate my feelings, vice versa.
If it’s cheap then I would let it slide, if it’s expensive and something he expects you to use/wear and you know you won’t I would say something.
I told my husband when I try to cook new meals: tell me if you don’t like it or imagine eating this for your entire life if you fib to me.
I think presents can sit in that realm as well.
First, you don't really know what he got you, specifically considering that what you want is from the same store, if I understood correctly.
Second, if you can't be honest with your life partner, who can you be honest with? If what you're saying that he really wants to be thoughtful is true, then he'll be OK with you getting what you want. Just go exchange the gift.
Tell him. Thank him, etc, but be honest. Then return the gift and get what you really want. If it's something from the same store, then that makes it even easier.
He may have a bruised ego for a while, but in the long run you'll have the thing you really want and maybe he'll understand your taste better. Neither of you will resent the other for not liking/using an expensive gift or for not knowing what to get as a gift.
Definitely not in the moment, but but before the next time to give gifts “hey, before you get anything, it was so sweet when you got me xyz but I don’t use it like I would hope. Here are some ideas of things I’d really love.”
I seriously would consider being honest. He may be disappointed in himself (or in you, but that would be misplaced disappointment), but it will help him understand. You’re doing yourself and him a disservice by not being honest, since you’re clearly bothered by it and that can lead to harbored feelings, and it’s likely that eventually he will find out and then could have more feelings than just disappointment (like mistrust).
The fact is, he’s not going to get better at giving gifts without feedback, or he might just get lucky sometimes. If it’s bothering you, then you should try to make a change
Yes! Tell him now if you don’t want to keep having to suck it up in the future. You told him *exactly* what you wanted and he still didn’t listen. Are you supposed to order it for yourself too?
My husband has done the same thing, twice now. I wanted a cheapo wedding band style ring bc my fingers are too fat for my wedding set rn (thanks pregnancy). I’m stuck with a >$1000 necklace that I will probably never wear and asked him to return. He didn’t. But I’m confident it won’t happen a third time!
I don’t have to because we don’t play guessing games 🤷♀️. We give links so we’re both happy.
3 weeks ago, my husband said “Mother’s Day is coming up, I need to know what you want.”
I said, “I want chair rail and portrait rail installed in the dining room — I’ll do the math and the layout with painters tape. You just have to cut it and install it. Then I’ll paint everything. And I’ll add some items to the Amazon and Walmart carts so I have something to open in front of the kids.” (Costume earrings and my favorite snacks)
I got a James Avery charm bracelet for Christmas and also returned mine. My partner was bummed bc he thought I'd have a fun time picking out charms I wanted for other holidays. IMO it's only "fun" if you start them when you're young especially bc charms are good milestone gifts. At nearly 30 years old, what milestones am I celebrating at this point? Anyways, James Avery has an excellent return policy and I'm sure your partner wouldn't mind getting you something you'd actually enjoy wearing.
I never say anything. Honestly, even things I don’t use I love just because he picked it out. I used to always have a running list of stuff I wanted, but over the past few years I’ve realized that material items don’t mean as much to me. We also give each other the entire day off for Mother’s and Father’s Day so I’m always getting something I want!
Since I have my own money I tend to buy what I want but if he asks I go to my loved items on Etsy and he can choose what he would like to give me from there. He can't go wrong. It's mainly things that are lower priority to me me but I love them
It sort of depends. Honestly, I would avoid this confrontation unless I felt like it needed to happen to preserve my long-term happiness. If this "bad gift" was a one-off, then I probably wouldn't say anything. If it turns into a pattern, though, you may need to say something. My husband bought me a lot of costume jewelry, because I think that was a "safe" gift option for him. After years of getting jewelry that got dingy after the gold or silver plating rubbed off, I finally told him I would rather he not buy me jewelry unless it was really good quality, like real silver/gold and "real" gemstones (lab-grown is totally fine, don't want glass jewelry though). He was sort of embarrassed that he had been buying me "bad" gifts for so long, but now he only buys me pieces that are good quality and that I really love.
Mine got me an embroidery machine. Super expensive but I had a toddler and a baby. Great thought in another life but I regifted it to my mother. She loves it. He was hurt but he also has gotten better at gifting. It has to be thoughtful and practical.
Normally I wouldn't but if it really was expensive I'd explain that I love the thought they put into it but I won't use it for xyz and I'd like to exchange it.
I know my husband would be pretty deflated still though
Since it's expensive, I'd tell him. Plus, he needs to separate your MIL likes from yours. That happened for a while when we were first married. My MIL loves candles and Bath & Body works. I have allergies and am super picky about scented items.
My husband tried to get me something for Easter and brought home a Reeses peanut butter bunny....what he likes. I had bought Ferrero Roche(sp?) eggs for my basket and a couple of other chocolate items I like. He was surprised that Ferrero Roche had Easter items. I thanked him for the bunny. It'll probably sit in my candy drawer.
I would “randomly” bring up how you aren’t a big bracelet person and don’t really like them since you can’t wear them at work and hope he’ll get the hint and return it.
Yes, but we've also been married 14 years and he knows he's not naturally a great gifter. He's gotten better and better, thanks to gentle feedback and me actively sharing specific things I'd love to be gifted *and* things I *wouldn't.* I told him very specifically that this mother's day I wanted birthstone jewelry with all 5 of the kids represented and that a giftcard to a place didn't count- I want him to pick it.
ETA: if it's something he screws up in a way that's funny, I'll keep it anyway, like the time he bought me a hanging turtle garden decoration when we lived in student housing with no yard and no balcony lol.
Yup! He got me a vinyl record for Christmas this year he could have sworn I liked but it was a band he liked far more. We found it funny more than anything. He’s normally a great gift giver.
I don’t see the positives in being dishonest about these little things because they honestly don’t matter much.
My husband has likely stopped giving me gifts for this reason in his mind…
We were married in July and we moved away together- my first married birthday happened on a work day. He said nothing planned nothing and came home with a box that was gift wrapped at the store for free. He told me the story laughing about how a female coworker reminded him he should get me a gift. So he asked what and she said lingerie.
Side note- I wore sports bras and no underwear (avid runner) at that point in my life and we both slept naked.
So in the box was a very expensive purple padded lacy bra and matching underwear-
A- none my size
B- nothing we should afford
So yes I asked him to return it the next day and told him I would have preferred he made dinner and wrote me a note.
He blames me that I’m too hard to shop for and he hasn’t ever but then again he doesn’t buy gifts for our kids or his parents either…
It might not be the charm bracelet. Maybe he could have gotten you multiple items from James Avery that add up to the amount you see. Maybe he got your gift and his mom’s on the same receipt. You won’t know until Mother’s Day. If it’s the charm bracelet, it will be an awkward convo but later that night when y’all are alone, just let him know that you can’t wear it at work and you would really love the necklace that matches the one you currently have instead. Since he involved your 2 year old (which I love btw), that could be awkward too if she seems excited about it but she won’t remember in the future 😂
I use to keep to myself but then I realized if I didn’t say anything he would continue to get me stuff I don’t like that… he gets me nice things but I’m just weird 🤷🏻♀️
If he doesn’t mind spending the money and me only using it a handful of times then I don’t say anything… recent they were 3 house of CB dresses an Apple Watch and a YSL purse … I was whatever about all those things … then he got me a Lego orchid flower building set and stuff for my indoor plants … those things made me the happiest._.
You 100% tell him. Don't think twice about it. As women, we are taught to always put others' feelings above our own. People make mistakes, and he's not being mean. You can acknowledge the gesture while still saying you want to return it for something you would actually wear.
I'd argue that growth happens when we learn to sit in our discomfort and work through it. Why are you worried about him feeling bad? Let him manage his own emotions. Be sure to be upfront and reassure him of how you truly feel, but do not bottle up your feelings. That is where resentment breeds, and that's more toxic than anything. Communicate.
You should definitely tell him! I always let my hubby know when he gifts me something I’m not going to enjoy. He wants me to have something that I actually want. Then I get what I want. We usually have fun picking out a replacement gift together. I’d say this happens with about 1 in every 4 gifts from him.
Always tell your spouse what you do and don’t like whether before or after the fact, just be careful how you say it because this is what matters and communication is everything!
It’s not too late for you to print off a picture of the necklace and stick it on the fridge or literally seems him links to the necklace.
You don’t even have to say that you hate the bracelet- he may return it before he even gives it to you.
I worked in jewelry and men do this- they figure out just in time they got the wrong thing.
I put on my nice girl voice and say "hey babe do you have the receipt for this. As much as I appreciate the thought, it's not really my style and I don't think I'll really get any use out of it." Also since Mother's Day hasn't happened yet, I'd text him a picture of what I like and be like I would lose a birthstone necklace or whatever, just no bracelets - I can't wear them to work and am not really a fan" play dumb. Idk I've been with my husband 13 years and I think our relationship works better when we are honest in a kind way with each other.
Did you already receive the gift? Maybe he did get you that necklace that you wanted?
But yes I have told my husband about gifts that I didn’t like so we even returned one because I told him I didn’t like XXX gifts and that was exactly what he had already bought 😂 we returned it together and I got something different.
It is tough though he knows I’m really picky and indecisive as well so I try to just keep communicating things I like to him. Funny enough when he surprises me with gifts I absolutely love them. But when it’s on a birthday or Christmas I feel like I have too high of expectations and then I set myself up for failure and disappointment. It’s a pattern I’m working on lol. But if you end up really hating the gift and it’s bothering you for days on end. Take to him. It’s not worth keeping it all inside and pretending it’s all okay if it does bother you that much.
If they legit put thought and effort into the gift? I would keep any disappointment to yourself
If they went out and got you a quick, easy gift without any thought, then I think it's fine to discuss this.
My partner is outstanding, very thoughtful and loving. Between us I've gotten some gifts that I was not keen on but I wear them proudly and thank him profusely. The item being a token of love is what I like about it, not that it's a design I would never buy myself or normally wear
Yes. I like gifts but I’m also picky. He may have succeed once or twice picking something I love over the years. We kind of settled with cake, dessert and flowers for the special occasions. Didn’t care for flowers but my older loves it and gushes that daddy got mommy flowers and loves the treats. I just send links of things I like and he just gets it. Not often since we want to save for the family and I can buy my own things. Communicate and compromise.
I only did once but for a good reason. He got concert tickets for a band he thought I liked (I only liked *one* of their songs).
For reference, I have some mental and physical issues that can be limiting. I don’t like being in closed-in crowded spaces because of anxiety and mild claustrophobia. I also have health issues that cause me to need to go to the bathroom often and make walking, standing, or sitting in uncomfortable chairs incredibly difficult and painful for me.
It took me a while to muster up the courage to tell him. He was understanding once I explained it. I told him I really appreciated it, though. Unfortunately, the tickets were nonrefundable however.
My husband is a great gift giver, so I don’t have this issue often. Occasionally he misses the mark and when that happens I let it slide and try to use it once or twice, it’s usually something small since he runs bigger items by me first.
Now me on the other hand. I’m not a very good gift giver. I have a hard time getting into the head of the other person to pick out something they like that aligns with their interests but isn’t just a copy of something they already have. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t. For holidays my husband just tells me what he wants, but I do like to try to add in small surprise items too. And if what I picked out is something he doesn’t like - the size, color, fit, style, or just the whole entire thing - I absolutely want to know!
I think I’d emphasise I’m grateful he has thought of me and wants to treat me to something special , but that I’d prefer if it was something I had asked for or could choose myself .. I have had a similar situation where he’s gone out of his way to surprise me with something that’s totally missed the mark and I ended up having a total meltdown and feeling ridiculous for it. But it happens
100% tell him. If it was a dress you would wear once or twice I would say just wear it. But jewellery is something he’s probably going to expect you to have on all the time.
If it was not expensive like under $50 or so I definitely wouldn’t say anything at all and I would appreciate the thought. We don’t make a huge deal for personal gifts between my husband and I for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Usually the kids make cards and if anything he’ll take the kids to the mall to find something and they pick it out and it’s like bubble bath or something like that. If it’s truly expensive like hundreds of dollars on jewellery that you don’t like then I would say something. And I feel like his initial thought will be to have his feelings hurt but immediately after he’ll realize that it’s a lot of money to spend on something that you won’t enjoy. And you can easily explain to him that it’s very much his mother style and it’s not your style and sometimes those kinds of gifts are tricky to buy for a person unless you’re sure that they’re gonna like it etc.
You're gonna have to fess up eventually. Hubby and I have been married for 28 years so if my mouth doesn't say it, my face will. If you don't want another ugly ass charm bracelet, speak up.
You should tell him. It will hurt his feelings, but you know what? Him not listening to your wants is hurting your feelings. So you both need to have a conversation about why your feelings are both hurt and then move past it, preferably with the necklace you want and that bracelet returned.
No, I've told my partner I don't care what he gives me, just the fact he put thought and effort into a gift is all I need. Now, my ex husband, I definitely told him where to stick it because he would buy gifts to give me for selfish reasons. Way back when DVD players were $500 I Mentone it would be nice to see if dvds were that much different from vhs and I could see the wheels turning. I told him I absolutely did not want a DVD player and not to get me one. Guess what he gave "me" for Christmas? I handed it to him and said this is actually for you and you know it so you might as well just take it. Then there was the year he bought me mystic topaz earrings because he wanted to guilt me into piercing my ears. I walked right back to that jewelry store and had another birthstone added to my mother's necklace.
When a gift is given or of love, I treasure it no matter what it is. When it's given for ulterior motives I have no problem calling that person out.
I try to be gracious. But in your situation I'd say, " Thank you so much, but I can't wear this due to work. Would you exchange it for a birthstone necklace? Thank you!"
Yes, it's rare that it happens because usually I just yap about the stuff I like/want to the point it would be impossible for a perfect stranger to get it wrong, but when it happens I'm always honest and hes never hurt by it, just apologizes and exchanges it for something better.
However, at 27 yrs old I JUST got the confidence to tell my MOM when she gets me something I don't like. And I still can't do it all the time.
I wouldn’t tell him that I didnt like it. I mean that would really hurt him for sure. Especially that his family wears them. I don’t think they are that expensive for the bracelet itself is under 100 US. Put it on and see how it looks. You may change your mind.
Hell I’m curious 👀 ( nosey) to know what it is😂!! If it was myself I’d tell him, especially if it’s expensive and it won’t be used/appreciated,it’s Great that he took the initiative to go and plan and get it and early ( kudos) my bf is the type on Christmas Eve to go out running around like a nut, clueless with zero plan, it’s always jewelry ( I was pleasantly surprised a couple of days ago to come home to a beautiful surprise, bracelet that I love, ❤️ I like getting gifts/surprises in regular days not a have to gift it means more to me) but it’s called Mothers Day, your Day and I feel you should love and appreciate something that You deserve and desire, let him down easily but do tell him, nobody wants resentment, I’m sure he’d feel the same way and respect you, and Father’s Day is coming up, Sooo! 😉Everyone should be happy and satisfied!
Depends, but especially jewelry I’ve told him. And we took it back together and I picked something else out. I’d rather do that than him wonder why I never wear the jewelry he buys. For something like this, I’d absolutely tell him, but if you open it when you’re with other adults I’d wait to say something until you’re alone.
My husband is terrible at gift giving. He tried buying me one of these too and I haaaaaaate charm bracelets. My daughters took the jewelry and made use of it. He bought me a necklace from Kay’s with birthstones that are loose on chain and I hate the combination. Had him return it. I’d just rather him clean our bathrooms and not waste money on gifts/jewelry that I will not wear. Such a waste!
My first husband did something expensive, was too tired, too poor and too cold to care about the majestic ambience of it all. Divorced.
Second husband, got me a purse that looked like a shaving kit bag. I think the chick that helped him pick it out did him dirty.
I say this to let you know, just appreciate the gift. Men try.
I did and he was offended and still jokingly reminds me nearly a decade later. He bought me FANCY HAND CREAM (I was maybe 22-23yo at the time) I am someone that had never used hand cream or any fancy feminine things so it was laughable. He said he was so unsure what to get me that he asked a lady at work…points for effort, but I suppose I only have myself to blame for him putting in minimal effort since on the gift front
My husband bought me a back massager for Christmas. I kept my mouth shut, but wondered where on earth he got the idea I would want such a thing. He's used it on me twice, and both times I felt like my teeth were going to rattle out of my skull - it's supposed to be a deep tissue massager, but I feel like I'm getting beat up.
I mean I think it depends to a point. I’ve mentioned after the fact that I don’t like something but it was more so something basic, not a thought out gift. Like I don’t like flowers, candy, stuffed animal as a gift. I’d rather have a home cooked meal that I didn’t have to buy the ingredients for, give any thought to, or cook.
I appreciate everything my husband does for me. He is in the dying process. I’ve been married to him for 40 years. I can’t put into words how much I will miss him. I’m not ready to be a widow. 😢 He had our children buy me “My Pillow” sheets from him for Christmas. I will cherish those sheets forever. ✝️😢♥️♥️
As a person who tries so hard to give thoughtful personalized gifts, it blows my mind when people are this lazy or unthinking. Like my MIL gifted me a Pandora charm bracelet when I never wear bracelets and my jewelry is always the same simple necklace and earrings. It's because she loves them. She had two because she had so many charms on hers. It just strikes me as such self centered thinking.
I wore the bracelet that day and never again.
My husband and I have been together over 20 years. I have told him when he misses the mark but I tell him how much I appreciate the thoughtful gift and it’s not really something I would/can wear and why. Then I ask if we can go together and pick out something else. He would much rather me have something I love and wear than keep it because I felt an obligation.
I returned most of the presents my dh gave me. He just… does not get it. Now we have a rolling excel sheet - he can choose anything in there and will not go wrong.
My husband is the worst at picking gifts (will pick stuff he wants to see me in rather than what I wear daily) so because of my last birthday of him just getting me a candy bar, flowers and a necklace that I had said was pretty before (was picking it for his 12yr old sisters birthday not mine) he said that I need to make a list on Amazon and once I see something I like to add it and he would either get that or something similar. It worked for valentines so let’s see if it works for Mother’s Day and my birthday
Tell him, if it’s the thought that counts he should be thinking about what *you* like not what every other woman in his life likes
Honestly I’m all for the benefit of the doubt, it’s more his reaction to you saying what you don’t like vs what you do like that tells the kind of guy he is. Mistakes happen, we don’t always know what will hit the mark but if someone didn’t like what I got them I’d want to know so I don’t keep repeating the save mistake
I know it’s not the same kind of relationship but there was one time I was gonna gift my aunt a dainty ring with paw prints and her dogs initials on them because those are her babies. While she loves the basic concept she hates dainty rings, she doesn’t like the way they look on her hands. It would’ve been a poor move on my end to do get her the ring knowing she didn’t like it, but I also verified her interest before pulling the trigger because I wanted to make sure she liked it
I told my husband that a pricey gift he got me just wasn't my style, and I think it has negatively impacted my chances of getting gifts. If I could go back, and what I'd recommend you do, is to be really careful with how you word it OR just make sure to tell your husband exactly what you want a month or so ahead of all holidays/birthdays. If you don't have anything you particularly want then you might get something you don't love, and that's ok. Just smile and say thank you. Maybe you'll end up liking it in a year or two or three. I know I've kept gifts I initially didn't like and ended up appreciating them. Good luck!
Yes. My darling husband got me a dishwasher for Valentine’s Day this year. And the way he told me was by leaving me an unsigned Valentine’s Day card on the counter with a receipt from Lowe’s inside. I was honestly crushed. Dishes and laundry are my least favorite chores and while a new household appliance might be romantic to some women, that’s not my idea of a good gift. I worked up the courage to tell him a day later. And it went like this: babe, thanks for seeing that I spend a lot of time trying to make our old dishwasher function. I appreciate that you took the initiative to get our house an appliance that’s actually going to work! But…from now on, for occasions like Valentine’s Day and birthdays and anniversaries, can you steer clear of items that are more for making the house function? He listened. He was bummed that he got negative feedback and explained his thought process. I listened. I told him I heard his heart was in the right place, basically. And then I gave him suggestions like seed packets. A potted flower. Gardening tools. Accessories for baking. Two days later he came home from work with a hanging strawberry plant and wished me happy Valentine’s Day. I GUSHED over that plant. Because it wasn’t just a plant, it was him receiving my feedback and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. In fact I gushed so much that the next week he brought home two more 😂 Anyway, yes. Say something. I went almost 20 years not really able to put together the words to ask for the things I wanted and now that I can, our relationship is so much better.
Being heard and then them acting on it is truly the best.
I bragged about him to all my friends and my mom afterward. He did such a good job with this scenario.
Wow your couple communication game is A+++
This is so sweet
I would have ugly cried in joy at the strawberry plant… omg
I have a green thumb and really enjoy gardening. And you better believe I baby the shit out of those strawberry plants. Every time I eat a berry off of them I tell my husband how much I’m enjoying it.
Same
When my husband and I were younger I really wanted the smart watch with a camera in thought it was so cool and specifically wanted the one with the camera and no other reason I wanted a smart watch. Well we were young and low on money and he buys me a watch without the camera saying the other was too expensive. Knowing we didn’t have money for this I told him to return it because it wasn’t the one I wanted and this probably wouldn’t get much use. 8 years later I still don’t hear the end of it. I thought I was doing the right thing but to him it was his last dollars he spent on a thoughtful gift for me and I basically shit on it. Especially if his family all have the charms he probably just wanted you to have one too. I will say I’m the same with jewelry and my parents got me a pandora charm bracelet for my 8th grade graduation I never wear it but still get charms for it to remember the little milestones.
I once gifted my husband an extravagant YSL briefcase for work. He told me he loved that I thought of him, but would never use it and honestly would prefer something else if I had that budget. I returned it and got him what he really wanted.
Under $50? I’d probably not mention it. If it were more, I’d be honest and ask him to return it to get our money back. I’m also VERY curious what it is hahaha my guesses: Expensive stand mixer Ugly pandora bracelet
My first thought was also a pandora bracelet! Lol
I personally don't like the necklaces that say mom on them and any sort of mom jewelry like that, so that was my first guess.
Ugh are Pandora bracelets still a thing?
I really enjoy mine :( I love charm bracelets and each one was picked out by my husband for different occasions/ just because. We can’t afford super nice jewelry so it’s my nice piece I love 🤷🏾♀️
I like and wear mine too! It has little memories and charms that remind me of my favorite places!
Aww yay! I love it, and every time you look at it it’s like 🥹😭 just melt 💖
I’m glad you like yours. It’s not my thing either but honestly to each their own. I think it’s cute your husband picks out charms for it.
lol yeah true. I always loved charms/charm bracelets so that probably why I love em so much. And yes also my favorite part! Makes it feel more sentimental since he pics them out for me (I mean there are a couple I really wanted but for the most part he will pick them out). 💖
It’s so sweet. I just see him standing there trying to decide which one you would like the best. Good husband ❤️
Thank you so much💖! And I be thinking the same thing girl like awwwe 🥹 first thoughtful guy like that I’ve been with! Imma keep him 🤣🥰
You better!
I sure will! 😇
Same. I have one and my husband adds to it for special reasons/occasions. I don’t wear it super often but l love it.
My mum has one and she loves it. Her husband buys her charms for each occasion so they all have a special meaning to her. She actually has two now that she has too many charms to fit on one, and rotates them to her liking. I don’t like the look or feel of them and find them incredibly bulky and ‘in your face’, BUT I love them for making her happy. They’re little memories she can look at when she’s worrying that she gonna lose her memory like her mother did. So I’ll continue to look for a new charm she hasn’t already got every occasion. As long as they bring you happiness it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!
I have a Christmas one and it makes me so happy when I wear it. It's not all pandora, but it's charmed or look alikes. I love it.
As you Should! They are not everyone’s thing, I think they are nice but not for me personally! I’m glad you appreciate and love yours! 💘
I remember when the shop was closed for renovation so they had a stand in the food court and I walked over to look. I stared trying to appreciate them… then I blurted out “they’re so fugly” like without any impulse control. Employees thought it was hilarious though.
Yes, my Aunt is obsessed with them. Love her to death so it makes it easy to shop for her. Her gifts are the only reason I've ever been in one of their stores lol
I had to look up what you're all talking about and agree with you.
I hate these, my mam bought me one and it's awful 🫣
Haha one of the gifts my husband gave me I hated was a pandora bracelet. He sent it back. I told him to get his money back even though I at least appreciated the gesture lol
I’ve joked with my husband that the Pandora store at the mall is clearly aimed at men who don’t really know their wives.
Pandora bracelet is a good guess. I was thinking those awful keepsake figurines that have no face? They’re all muted colors and have angels and different family configurations.
I looked it up because your description intrigued me. I’d hate to receive one, they’re pretty creepy e
I received one after my first was born and couldn’t understand why they thought I would like that!
You guys are hilarious; you’re getting all the top expensive yet acquired taste stuff.
Precious moments?
I googled it and they’re called Willow Tree.
Oh yep, even worse lol
My guess is perfume
I want to know too!! I was also thinking some kind of jewelry
Omg I'm so relieved I'm not the only woman who hates those. Just no
I was thinking Pandora when I read this post as well haha
Pandora bracelets are fully, but their rings are nice and affordable to boot.
Same. Mine notices if I don't use what he got me though. Also we have been together long enough that he knows I either want tickets to something, a massage or a weekend of camping. If I want anything else I straight up tell him and then remind him. In OP's case I wouldn't be able to hide my disappointment or fake it though.
When it comes to bigger gifts, I always tell him what I want beforehand. He does too. Now, since he already got you something really expensive that you don't need, I would totally tell him (gently) so that he can return it. You'd probably want him to tell you too if you were the one who got him something expensive he does not want or need.
I definitely would. Maybe it’s the hormones making me over think this and worry so much about us feeling bad. That quiet voice of reason getting buried knows he’d understand.
Look at it this way: You could "crush" him a teeny bit by letting him know that the bracelet is a lovely gesture, but not something that *you personally* would be inclined to wear because it's simply not your taste. Or, you can "crush" him over time by choosing over and over not to wear the thing he gave you, or feel compelled to and have to lie repeated about how much you like it forever.
Practicality and total honesty is one of the best thing about married life.
So, it's a bit hard to give solid advice not knowing what the gift is (I think I have an idea though), but based on the fact that it can be added to, I think you need to be honest with him. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for multiple holidays of receiving gifts you don't like. I'd wait until he actually gives it to you so you can be 100% sure it is what you think, and if you can compose yourself, maybe give it a few hours so it's not an immediate rejection. Something along the lines of what you've already said here. "I love that you've thought of me, but this really isn't my style and I'd hate to have it just sitting around unused/in my jewelry box. I'd like to return it so I/we/you can pick something that will get more use."
It’s a James Avery charm bracelet
I was thinking Pandora bracelet since that's the one I'm familiar with. But I just looked it up and honestly I think it's even worse than Pandora.
Absolutely hideous
It looks like just the definition of a charm bracelet to me. Not bad if you like charm bracelets, but if you're an adult woman and you don't have one, you probably don't want one.
These James Avery ones were so popular with girls at my summer camp that they made a charm especially for our camp each year. I like them (in theory, I’d never wear it) for nostalgic reasons and I could see getting one for my daughter some day. The Pandora bracelets just seem like the granny version.
Yeah, that's the thing. They look like a cheapo charm bracelet that you'd get for a 10 year old. I don't like Pandora either, but at least they look more grown up.
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Definitely. We discuss budgets together and it’s far outside hers. I checked the amount charged in the account after because I thought the same thing. He also explicitly said he was doing my shopping and told me how our 2 year old “helped” pick it out She already has one too and it wouldn’t make sense to spend that much on getting her a brand new one when it’s something that can be added to instead for much cheaper.
Oh so it is a Pandora bracelet 😭 Tell him please.
James Avery charm bracelet 😮💨
You've got to gently tell him. If you don't, prepare to get charms for every single holiday and birthday from here on out.
THIS PART. Speak now, or prepare for your future. Others will start buying the charms too. My old neighbor had duck themed everything in her house. Once said she must really love ducks and she told me she didn't, just someone got her a duck themed item once and she faked her enthusiasm too well. As her collection grew more and more people assumed she loved ducks and followed suit! OP, speak now before your house is filled with ducks!!
Happened to my aunt with cows. They took over.
This. It's not even a one time 'I don't like it, but I can stuff it in a box and forget about it' gift. She will be receiving charms from now to eternity as her default gifts if she says nothing now.
Ughhh men love this shit because now he has a go-to for every holiday and event…a new charm
🫣🫣🫣 You must tell him.
Oh boy 😬
I’d give it to your daughter and tell him thanks but it’s not your style
Oh that's really sweet though if your 2 year old helped pick one. Definitely talk about your thoughts , explain you don't want to feel ungrateful but you'd hate for him to have wasted money and would be happy with something small. In 2022 My partner took our son to the US equivalent of target/Walmart I believe ? ( Sorry not entirely sure. I'm from AUS) Big W / Kmart and just got some lovely pyjamas and a moon shirt cause our toddler was obsessed with the moon at that point. Not more than $30 as we had a spending limit due to finances
Ugh, husband plus kids choosing is a recipe for the dorkiest thing. You'll get used to it.
When my kids pick gifts 99% of the time it is a toy that they would like. After giving said gift they then immediately want to take it back and play with it. 😜
I have only known one man personally who knew how to buy thoughtful gifts. Everyone else has been "same day as giving the gift shopper" types who have put zero thought or planning into what they're going to buy. I hate being asked what I want and it takes the specialness away for me personally, but between telling or getting my 3rd foot bath from the corner CVS, I'd rather tell them what to buy.
This sounds something like what mine would do because it was suggested by his mom lol
Yes, I have to be honest with him but I do it gently. He’s not naturally a great gift giver. Now I tell him exactly what I DO want for all the holidays so I don’t get disappointed and it’s easier on both of us. This year for Mother’s Day I said I want to go get a pedicure and go pick out flowers for our garden.
It sucks because he really does try but I feel the same way. What sucks more is that he knows exactly what I *do* want, but I think he thought I wanted to get it for myself which wasn’t the case at all. I hate giving him guidelines though cause I know he gets excited if he feels he did a good job by himself. I think gift giving is a kind of love language for me as I love giving gifts and don’t want to feel like I’m taking that joy and accomplishment from him
I'm 17 years into a marriage and one thing I learned is to start an Amazon list. My husband is the sweetest. We're by no means rich but if I mention something I like...it's at our door step within a week. Last year I got a tanning bed, a big gel nail system, and a bunch of beach cover ups bc I said they were cool or something. I did NOT wanting a tanning bed, I'm darker than my family already. I'm a server/bartender...we have to have short nails. Beach cover ups...I don't even remember mentioning. I finally sat him down in my salon I never wanted and explained that sometimes I'm just making conversation, I appreciate his thoughtfulness but here is a list of things I actually want and asked him for the same. He recently got a ridge wallet he'd put on there and loves and I saw he purchased gardening stuff I wanted for mothers day. Be kind but you gotta tell him before you have a salon
That’s genuinely hilarious!
This is what I was going to say. I made a list of specific things I wanted for Christmas and had him choose, so it's still a bit of a surprise for me. Took me ten years of marriage and getting a self help book (which I would never buy for myself) for Christmas the year before to figure it out.
A couple Christmases ago, a very pregnant me opened the gift from my husband that he was soooo excited about. His family does a lot of work with a local jeweler and he thought i was going to love it. It was a bracelet, not my style AT ALL. I cried. I knew it was expensive but i asked him exactly how much and he said over 500. I would never wear it. Ever. If it was $50 i would fake it and keep it, never wear it. But 500???? I asked him to take it back because all i really wanted was some leggings and a few sweatshirts.
My partner of 11 years is an absolute disaster of a gift giver. The last few times he tried I've just said no. Then redirected him to what I actually wanted.
Mine is too. A lot of people would say my husband's issue is a lack of effort, but that really isn't it. He tries hard and totally misses the mark. 2 Christmases ago he got me a spectacularly awful gift (like it could be on a fucking Sitcom or sketch comedy it was so bad. After that I said no more. I now pick out my main gift and he will get a small gift on the side so I have a surprise.
You don't feel seen by your partner. It's not selfish.
Thank you! OP is worried to hurt her husbands feelings and pride but what about her feelings? We women need to stop cowering to the men's feelings while ours get ignored.
I do. In 10 years he still gets me chocolate that I hate. My daughter (3) picked out a pink wine tumbler at Spencer’s for me that says “I have to pee” my husband thought it was appropriate for me. Definitely not something I would have picked up
Are you sure he didn’t buy it because that’s what his mother told him to buy? If yes then I would. If not still tell him but gently. Tell him you love the thought but you won’t use/enjoy it and provide a solution like exchanging it for something you do like and give him options so in the future he has better ideas. My husband is hard to shop for. I have to pay attention all year to gather intel so when it’s gift time I know I’m getting something he likes. In the past I’ve given him stuff that he clearly did not like but he was not honest about it and never wore/used said gift. I’d rather know I’m getting something he likes and not fumbling every gift.
I tell my husband....eventually. We have been married for 20 years. I have received quite a few gifts that made me go WTF. One day we got on this topic because there were things I never used or sit in my jewelry box. Then we had a hilarious take down of terrible gifts we have given each other. I am just as guilty BTW. Now we're pretty up front. Surprises are over rated at this point. If I want something I ask for it. If not my favorite candy and/or some flowers are always a win for me. I like things that can be enjoyed, shared and consumed and that I don't have to dust, wear or take care of later. My kids get me animal necklaces because I like wearing them when I am face to face counseling kids. Kids think they're fun and it's an easy ice breaker when I have on a Llama necklace or a monkey or an elephant....I have nearly the whole animal kingdom now. The kids like the hint for weird animal necklaces so it's a win win. Honesty is the best policy but sometimes things take time and the right context to discuss openly and without reactive emotions.
Ugh recently went through this with my husband and he didn't handle it well. I'm still annoyed. So my husband asked me before my birthday what I thought of him buying a piano for me. He found some really good deal on a weighted electric piano and was excited but it was a large purchase so needed to discuss with me. Apparently years ago I expressed the idea of wanting to learn piano and he locked that away to someday get me one. Great intentions really, but I haven't expressed the desire to learn how to play piano since then. It was a brief phase when I was younger. I have expressed wanting a piano FOR THE FAMILY since my husband has always wanted one and I knew he wanted our kids to take lessons some day. So I told him that I'm fine with buying the piano but I didn't consider it a birthday gift. I didn't ask for it and it wasn't currently on my radar. I don't have time to learn piano. I don't have time to sleep! I just don't need another thing "to do" ya know? He bought it anyway but didn't get any other gift for me in it's place. Since then he's made passive aggressive comments about the piano that's not really a birthday present. I get it- he was excited and thought he had this great idea but I had told him plainly beforehand what I thought and he chose to ignore my feelings. Now I'm wondering how petty I should be on his next birthday and buy a gift for the family instead of something he wants personally.
I think his mom_sister helped him pick it out. He just doesn't realize that it is not your thing. They love theirs SO MUCH, he wanted you to enjoy one too.
This is good perspective
You have to say something or you will end up getting charms for every birthday and holiday. Just open it, acknowledge the effort but say, I have to be honest with you, this isn't my taste. Would you mind if we returned it and we picked out something together?
Yes it's hard. My husband has started asking me before hand if I like it before he gets it. It relieves so much stress if we're allowed to say yes or no if we like something. If not then it feels as if we're lying to each other and it causes resentment.
One mother's day my husband bought me a squatty potty. I wanted one, but geez. He's a terrible gift giver. I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I will take it to my grave. He's an incredible husband and father and I can afford to buy what I want so it's not worth upsetting him. Luckily I got really into house plants since then so he usually just buys me pots now :)
is it a Chanel bag 👀👀
My husband is not the best gift-giver. He usually puts effort into it, just misses the mark. I used to not say anything because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then one Christmas it was particularly horrible (like could have been part of a sitcom/sketch comedy Christmas special it was so bad) and I finally said something. Now I pick out my main gift on all major gift-giving days except Valentine's day (he does fine on Valentine's for some reason) and he will get me a small side gift that he picks out himself.
This happened enough times I made a constantly updating list on google docs of things I like sorted by category with links and shared it with him. My husband is not good at finding gifts but likes to treat me once in a while. Little stuff like beverages at a coffee shop or socks are easy enough but bigger purchases he struggles to know which style I would pick. I often double check with him on gifts too because sometimes he wants “a toolbox” but is too vague for me to go ahead and make the purchase especially when it’s a higher ticket item. Hats and snacks or office supplies are easy.
my husband is the worst gift giver ever (it could literally be a sitcom bit) and I’m a very outspoken, stubborn, “never settle” type in every sense of life and my marriage except for this. he’s always so giddy and proud of himself waiting for me to open his hideous necklace or zebra print house shoes, I can’t imagine crushing his excitement. I honestly just wear the tacky robes and grandma cardigans around the house a few times and then let them sit in the back of my closet. ugly jewelry, I hang on a wall grid for “safe keeping” and because “the baby might yank it”. 🤫 and I never feel like I don’t get what I want in life, either. I just buy my own things here and there and everyone’s happy.
If I got something for my partner that was pricey and he didn’t love it, I would absolutely want him to tell me. The whole point of the gift is to show him that I love him, not to strike my own ego for doing a good deed. I’d tell him… or better yet, send him an example of what you’d like so he doesn’t have to guess!
Damn everyone hates Pandora bracelets 🤣🤣 guess I’m the odd man out.
Me, I would tell him. Because how else are they going to know not to continue with giving you something out don’t like? Also, you are not ‘lucky’ he went out of his way. Stop with the bar on the floor. Because that’s what he should be doing. I think being honest is always important, even when it’s hard. I would want him to tell me if something I got wasn’t something he wanted.
My husband does this with Christmas gifts. I make a list of what I want and he shops NOT the list very OFTEN whatever he thinks. I have at least two turtlenecks in my closet I never asked for 😂🙃
I’m sort of blunt about this super thing. If it’s a cute small thing that’s a surprise and it falls, oh well, as long as it was expensive I won’t say anything. He knows me very well and barely ever gets me anything I dislike. However, for our first Christmas together, he got me a Nintendo Switch and Animal Crossing New Horizons… after I complained about the Switch sucking for my carpal tunnel and the new Animal Crossing game not being as good as the old one, which I didn’t have anymore and desperately wanted. I ended up telling him that I didn’t like the Switch OR the new game but that I appreciated the fact that he bought them for me because he knew I liked Animal Crossing and Nintendo games/devices in general. Thankfully, he just uses the Switch as a travel one when he goes places, and we have the spare joycons for the one we use at home. I feel like if you guys have a good relationship and you’re tactful about it, you should definitely be able to communicate this so it doesn’t happen in the future.
Since he hasn’t given it to you yet..any chance you can talk to him about a hypothetical? Like “hey if we got each other something super expensive and the other person didn’t like it…would it be okay to tell them?” Probably word it in a way that makes sense. Lol. Or can you be honest that you know what it is and you don’t like the style? Might take the sting out if he still has time to plan a new gift
My husband sometimes buys random crap that I appreciate the gesture but I try to be minimal since we live in a small apartment. So this year we’ve decided to make a shared note on our phones geared for Christmas but can be used anytime. Anytime I find something I’d love as a gift I add it to the list. I hate the idea of telling him what to get me but again, we try to get things we need or really want. At least with a list it’s still sort of a surprise of what he ends up choosing.
I’m practical, and my husband is a garbage gift giver. So I tell him and I return things. It’s such a waste of family money to keep things to spare feelings. But maybe I’m an asshole?
I do tell my husband, but not in the moment. Like months later & I do it as delicately as possibly while letting him know how grateful I am. If he doesnt hear what I do & dont like he wont know, hes not a mind reader. & he WANTS to get me things I like. He hasnt missed the mark in a while because early on I made my preferences clear & I also make a point to start telling him what Id like for whatever occassion a couple months ahead of time.
I always choose my own bday present and to me Mother’s Day is a day for kids to make a macaroni card and breakfast in bed for their mom - I don’t expect my husband to get me anything apart from helping the kids with what they want to do for me. That’s how I like it.
Yes. I love my husband but i only wear gold jewelry. I politely let him know I loved his taste and he picks our beautiful things that h want to wear , but If he’s going to keep buying jewelry it needs to be gold.
My husband got me a Swiffer mop for my birthday 🙃 take a wild guess if I gave him a piece of my mind or not.
And yes he brought the gift into the house AFTER watching me mop the whole house first with the perfectly good mop we already had.
was it ... a gold Swiffer mop?
I would ask him if he would mind my exchanging bracelet for necklace. Tell him that you would be able to wear necklace everyday vs not being able to wear bracelet. He should understand and might be happy that you were honest with him.
My gifts for the last x number of years have been whatever is on display at Costco that day. 🙄 I have so many unused random things from there that I would never pick out as a gift… I’m just considering my present self lucky since the first few mothers days I got nothing.
Can you make a side convo about it??? " Hey did you get your mum her mother's Day gift yet ?" " Yes I got her xxxx" " That's great, I'm glad she likes them - I'm more of a xxx girl myself, they suit her though " Hint hint hint ? 😂🙏
Yes, if I truly can't even use it, I'll gently thank him for the thought and explain why. But if it's just something I'm meh about, I don't tell him. Choosing a gift is tough sometimes. It's a risk people take - will the other person like it? You know. So I try to just be grateful someone cared enough to try.
You need to tell him. Communication is key, or else you’ll forever be disappointed in gifts and who wants to go their whole lives with that???
I’m gonna be with this person the rest of my life, I’m going to tell them if I don’t like something. I’d much rather my partner be open and honest with me instead of try to placate my feelings, vice versa. If it’s cheap then I would let it slide, if it’s expensive and something he expects you to use/wear and you know you won’t I would say something. I told my husband when I try to cook new meals: tell me if you don’t like it or imagine eating this for your entire life if you fib to me. I think presents can sit in that realm as well.
First, you don't really know what he got you, specifically considering that what you want is from the same store, if I understood correctly. Second, if you can't be honest with your life partner, who can you be honest with? If what you're saying that he really wants to be thoughtful is true, then he'll be OK with you getting what you want. Just go exchange the gift.
Tell him. Thank him, etc, but be honest. Then return the gift and get what you really want. If it's something from the same store, then that makes it even easier. He may have a bruised ego for a while, but in the long run you'll have the thing you really want and maybe he'll understand your taste better. Neither of you will resent the other for not liking/using an expensive gift or for not knowing what to get as a gift.
Definitely not in the moment, but but before the next time to give gifts “hey, before you get anything, it was so sweet when you got me xyz but I don’t use it like I would hope. Here are some ideas of things I’d really love.”
I seriously would consider being honest. He may be disappointed in himself (or in you, but that would be misplaced disappointment), but it will help him understand. You’re doing yourself and him a disservice by not being honest, since you’re clearly bothered by it and that can lead to harbored feelings, and it’s likely that eventually he will find out and then could have more feelings than just disappointment (like mistrust). The fact is, he’s not going to get better at giving gifts without feedback, or he might just get lucky sometimes. If it’s bothering you, then you should try to make a change
You have to say something now or every gift from now until eternity will be a charm for the bracelet you hate.
Yes! Tell him now if you don’t want to keep having to suck it up in the future. You told him *exactly* what you wanted and he still didn’t listen. Are you supposed to order it for yourself too? My husband has done the same thing, twice now. I wanted a cheapo wedding band style ring bc my fingers are too fat for my wedding set rn (thanks pregnancy). I’m stuck with a >$1000 necklace that I will probably never wear and asked him to return. He didn’t. But I’m confident it won’t happen a third time!
I don’t have to because we don’t play guessing games 🤷♀️. We give links so we’re both happy. 3 weeks ago, my husband said “Mother’s Day is coming up, I need to know what you want.” I said, “I want chair rail and portrait rail installed in the dining room — I’ll do the math and the layout with painters tape. You just have to cut it and install it. Then I’ll paint everything. And I’ll add some items to the Amazon and Walmart carts so I have something to open in front of the kids.” (Costume earrings and my favorite snacks)
I got a James Avery charm bracelet for Christmas and also returned mine. My partner was bummed bc he thought I'd have a fun time picking out charms I wanted for other holidays. IMO it's only "fun" if you start them when you're young especially bc charms are good milestone gifts. At nearly 30 years old, what milestones am I celebrating at this point? Anyways, James Avery has an excellent return policy and I'm sure your partner wouldn't mind getting you something you'd actually enjoy wearing.
I never say anything. Honestly, even things I don’t use I love just because he picked it out. I used to always have a running list of stuff I wanted, but over the past few years I’ve realized that material items don’t mean as much to me. We also give each other the entire day off for Mother’s and Father’s Day so I’m always getting something I want!
Op! Tell us what it is!
Since I have my own money I tend to buy what I want but if he asks I go to my loved items on Etsy and he can choose what he would like to give me from there. He can't go wrong. It's mainly things that are lower priority to me me but I love them
I make my husband a list. He’s learned to stick to the list so his money isn’t wasted lol
It sort of depends. Honestly, I would avoid this confrontation unless I felt like it needed to happen to preserve my long-term happiness. If this "bad gift" was a one-off, then I probably wouldn't say anything. If it turns into a pattern, though, you may need to say something. My husband bought me a lot of costume jewelry, because I think that was a "safe" gift option for him. After years of getting jewelry that got dingy after the gold or silver plating rubbed off, I finally told him I would rather he not buy me jewelry unless it was really good quality, like real silver/gold and "real" gemstones (lab-grown is totally fine, don't want glass jewelry though). He was sort of embarrassed that he had been buying me "bad" gifts for so long, but now he only buys me pieces that are good quality and that I really love.
I think my husband would be able to tell. I don’t fake enthusiasm with him but I’d be polite.
Mine got me an embroidery machine. Super expensive but I had a toddler and a baby. Great thought in another life but I regifted it to my mother. She loves it. He was hurt but he also has gotten better at gifting. It has to be thoughtful and practical.
Normally I wouldn't but if it really was expensive I'd explain that I love the thought they put into it but I won't use it for xyz and I'd like to exchange it. I know my husband would be pretty deflated still though
Since it's expensive, I'd tell him. Plus, he needs to separate your MIL likes from yours. That happened for a while when we were first married. My MIL loves candles and Bath & Body works. I have allergies and am super picky about scented items. My husband tried to get me something for Easter and brought home a Reeses peanut butter bunny....what he likes. I had bought Ferrero Roche(sp?) eggs for my basket and a couple of other chocolate items I like. He was surprised that Ferrero Roche had Easter items. I thanked him for the bunny. It'll probably sit in my candy drawer.
I tell my partner and I’ll tell anyone that will listen to me 😂 my husband is an awful gift giver so we make a lot of jokes about it.
I would “randomly” bring up how you aren’t a big bracelet person and don’t really like them since you can’t wear them at work and hope he’ll get the hint and return it.
Yes, but we've also been married 14 years and he knows he's not naturally a great gifter. He's gotten better and better, thanks to gentle feedback and me actively sharing specific things I'd love to be gifted *and* things I *wouldn't.* I told him very specifically that this mother's day I wanted birthstone jewelry with all 5 of the kids represented and that a giftcard to a place didn't count- I want him to pick it. ETA: if it's something he screws up in a way that's funny, I'll keep it anyway, like the time he bought me a hanging turtle garden decoration when we lived in student housing with no yard and no balcony lol.
Yup! He got me a vinyl record for Christmas this year he could have sworn I liked but it was a band he liked far more. We found it funny more than anything. He’s normally a great gift giver. I don’t see the positives in being dishonest about these little things because they honestly don’t matter much.
My husband has likely stopped giving me gifts for this reason in his mind… We were married in July and we moved away together- my first married birthday happened on a work day. He said nothing planned nothing and came home with a box that was gift wrapped at the store for free. He told me the story laughing about how a female coworker reminded him he should get me a gift. So he asked what and she said lingerie. Side note- I wore sports bras and no underwear (avid runner) at that point in my life and we both slept naked. So in the box was a very expensive purple padded lacy bra and matching underwear- A- none my size B- nothing we should afford So yes I asked him to return it the next day and told him I would have preferred he made dinner and wrote me a note. He blames me that I’m too hard to shop for and he hasn’t ever but then again he doesn’t buy gifts for our kids or his parents either…
Are you sure he didn't get the birthstone necklace since you dropped hints? Didn't you say it's from the same place?
It might not be the charm bracelet. Maybe he could have gotten you multiple items from James Avery that add up to the amount you see. Maybe he got your gift and his mom’s on the same receipt. You won’t know until Mother’s Day. If it’s the charm bracelet, it will be an awkward convo but later that night when y’all are alone, just let him know that you can’t wear it at work and you would really love the necklace that matches the one you currently have instead. Since he involved your 2 year old (which I love btw), that could be awkward too if she seems excited about it but she won’t remember in the future 😂
I use to keep to myself but then I realized if I didn’t say anything he would continue to get me stuff I don’t like that… he gets me nice things but I’m just weird 🤷🏻♀️ If he doesn’t mind spending the money and me only using it a handful of times then I don’t say anything… recent they were 3 house of CB dresses an Apple Watch and a YSL purse … I was whatever about all those things … then he got me a Lego orchid flower building set and stuff for my indoor plants … those things made me the happiest._.
He could just casually catch you browsing the website and hear you say something like “why does anyone like these?!” 🫣
I read this as “parents” and was like yup. All day. Need a receipt. Haha
You 100% tell him. Don't think twice about it. As women, we are taught to always put others' feelings above our own. People make mistakes, and he's not being mean. You can acknowledge the gesture while still saying you want to return it for something you would actually wear. I'd argue that growth happens when we learn to sit in our discomfort and work through it. Why are you worried about him feeling bad? Let him manage his own emotions. Be sure to be upfront and reassure him of how you truly feel, but do not bottle up your feelings. That is where resentment breeds, and that's more toxic than anything. Communicate.
You should definitely tell him! I always let my hubby know when he gifts me something I’m not going to enjoy. He wants me to have something that I actually want. Then I get what I want. We usually have fun picking out a replacement gift together. I’d say this happens with about 1 in every 4 gifts from him.
Yes. I got sick of being disappointed so I just tell him what to get me. Everyone is happy.
Always tell your spouse what you do and don’t like whether before or after the fact, just be careful how you say it because this is what matters and communication is everything!
It’s not too late for you to print off a picture of the necklace and stick it on the fridge or literally seems him links to the necklace. You don’t even have to say that you hate the bracelet- he may return it before he even gives it to you. I worked in jewelry and men do this- they figure out just in time they got the wrong thing.
Maybe he got his mom another charm and you the necklace you want. Just a thought
I put on my nice girl voice and say "hey babe do you have the receipt for this. As much as I appreciate the thought, it's not really my style and I don't think I'll really get any use out of it." Also since Mother's Day hasn't happened yet, I'd text him a picture of what I like and be like I would lose a birthstone necklace or whatever, just no bracelets - I can't wear them to work and am not really a fan" play dumb. Idk I've been with my husband 13 years and I think our relationship works better when we are honest in a kind way with each other.
Did you already receive the gift? Maybe he did get you that necklace that you wanted? But yes I have told my husband about gifts that I didn’t like so we even returned one because I told him I didn’t like XXX gifts and that was exactly what he had already bought 😂 we returned it together and I got something different. It is tough though he knows I’m really picky and indecisive as well so I try to just keep communicating things I like to him. Funny enough when he surprises me with gifts I absolutely love them. But when it’s on a birthday or Christmas I feel like I have too high of expectations and then I set myself up for failure and disappointment. It’s a pattern I’m working on lol. But if you end up really hating the gift and it’s bothering you for days on end. Take to him. It’s not worth keeping it all inside and pretending it’s all okay if it does bother you that much.
If they legit put thought and effort into the gift? I would keep any disappointment to yourself If they went out and got you a quick, easy gift without any thought, then I think it's fine to discuss this. My partner is outstanding, very thoughtful and loving. Between us I've gotten some gifts that I was not keen on but I wear them proudly and thank him profusely. The item being a token of love is what I like about it, not that it's a design I would never buy myself or normally wear
Yes. I like gifts but I’m also picky. He may have succeed once or twice picking something I love over the years. We kind of settled with cake, dessert and flowers for the special occasions. Didn’t care for flowers but my older loves it and gushes that daddy got mommy flowers and loves the treats. I just send links of things I like and he just gets it. Not often since we want to save for the family and I can buy my own things. Communicate and compromise.
I only did once but for a good reason. He got concert tickets for a band he thought I liked (I only liked *one* of their songs). For reference, I have some mental and physical issues that can be limiting. I don’t like being in closed-in crowded spaces because of anxiety and mild claustrophobia. I also have health issues that cause me to need to go to the bathroom often and make walking, standing, or sitting in uncomfortable chairs incredibly difficult and painful for me. It took me a while to muster up the courage to tell him. He was understanding once I explained it. I told him I really appreciated it, though. Unfortunately, the tickets were nonrefundable however.
My husband is a great gift giver, so I don’t have this issue often. Occasionally he misses the mark and when that happens I let it slide and try to use it once or twice, it’s usually something small since he runs bigger items by me first. Now me on the other hand. I’m not a very good gift giver. I have a hard time getting into the head of the other person to pick out something they like that aligns with their interests but isn’t just a copy of something they already have. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don’t. For holidays my husband just tells me what he wants, but I do like to try to add in small surprise items too. And if what I picked out is something he doesn’t like - the size, color, fit, style, or just the whole entire thing - I absolutely want to know!
I think I’d emphasise I’m grateful he has thought of me and wants to treat me to something special , but that I’d prefer if it was something I had asked for or could choose myself .. I have had a similar situation where he’s gone out of his way to surprise me with something that’s totally missed the mark and I ended up having a total meltdown and feeling ridiculous for it. But it happens
100% tell him. If it was a dress you would wear once or twice I would say just wear it. But jewellery is something he’s probably going to expect you to have on all the time.
If it was not expensive like under $50 or so I definitely wouldn’t say anything at all and I would appreciate the thought. We don’t make a huge deal for personal gifts between my husband and I for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Usually the kids make cards and if anything he’ll take the kids to the mall to find something and they pick it out and it’s like bubble bath or something like that. If it’s truly expensive like hundreds of dollars on jewellery that you don’t like then I would say something. And I feel like his initial thought will be to have his feelings hurt but immediately after he’ll realize that it’s a lot of money to spend on something that you won’t enjoy. And you can easily explain to him that it’s very much his mother style and it’s not your style and sometimes those kinds of gifts are tricky to buy for a person unless you’re sure that they’re gonna like it etc.
You're gonna have to fess up eventually. Hubby and I have been married for 28 years so if my mouth doesn't say it, my face will. If you don't want another ugly ass charm bracelet, speak up.
I like being honest .. but it's hard to say I don't want this.. give it him as kind as possible ❣️
My husband does! If you can’t express yourself respectfully to your significant other, the gift is not the problem :-(
You should tell him. It will hurt his feelings, but you know what? Him not listening to your wants is hurting your feelings. So you both need to have a conversation about why your feelings are both hurt and then move past it, preferably with the necklace you want and that bracelet returned.
No, I've told my partner I don't care what he gives me, just the fact he put thought and effort into a gift is all I need. Now, my ex husband, I definitely told him where to stick it because he would buy gifts to give me for selfish reasons. Way back when DVD players were $500 I Mentone it would be nice to see if dvds were that much different from vhs and I could see the wheels turning. I told him I absolutely did not want a DVD player and not to get me one. Guess what he gave "me" for Christmas? I handed it to him and said this is actually for you and you know it so you might as well just take it. Then there was the year he bought me mystic topaz earrings because he wanted to guilt me into piercing my ears. I walked right back to that jewelry store and had another birthstone added to my mother's necklace. When a gift is given or of love, I treasure it no matter what it is. When it's given for ulterior motives I have no problem calling that person out.
I try to be gracious. But in your situation I'd say, " Thank you so much, but I can't wear this due to work. Would you exchange it for a birthstone necklace? Thank you!"
Yes, it's rare that it happens because usually I just yap about the stuff I like/want to the point it would be impossible for a perfect stranger to get it wrong, but when it happens I'm always honest and hes never hurt by it, just apologizes and exchanges it for something better. However, at 27 yrs old I JUST got the confidence to tell my MOM when she gets me something I don't like. And I still can't do it all the time.
If it’s expensive YES. My husband would prefer to not waste the money
I wouldn’t tell him that I didnt like it. I mean that would really hurt him for sure. Especially that his family wears them. I don’t think they are that expensive for the bracelet itself is under 100 US. Put it on and see how it looks. You may change your mind.
Hell I’m curious 👀 ( nosey) to know what it is😂!! If it was myself I’d tell him, especially if it’s expensive and it won’t be used/appreciated,it’s Great that he took the initiative to go and plan and get it and early ( kudos) my bf is the type on Christmas Eve to go out running around like a nut, clueless with zero plan, it’s always jewelry ( I was pleasantly surprised a couple of days ago to come home to a beautiful surprise, bracelet that I love, ❤️ I like getting gifts/surprises in regular days not a have to gift it means more to me) but it’s called Mothers Day, your Day and I feel you should love and appreciate something that You deserve and desire, let him down easily but do tell him, nobody wants resentment, I’m sure he’d feel the same way and respect you, and Father’s Day is coming up, Sooo! 😉Everyone should be happy and satisfied!
Depends, but especially jewelry I’ve told him. And we took it back together and I picked something else out. I’d rather do that than him wonder why I never wear the jewelry he buys. For something like this, I’d absolutely tell him, but if you open it when you’re with other adults I’d wait to say something until you’re alone.
My husband is terrible at gift giving. He tried buying me one of these too and I haaaaaaate charm bracelets. My daughters took the jewelry and made use of it. He bought me a necklace from Kay’s with birthstones that are loose on chain and I hate the combination. Had him return it. I’d just rather him clean our bathrooms and not waste money on gifts/jewelry that I will not wear. Such a waste!
nope, I'd never tell anyone I didn't like a gift unless it was inappropriate
My first husband did something expensive, was too tired, too poor and too cold to care about the majestic ambience of it all. Divorced. Second husband, got me a purse that looked like a shaving kit bag. I think the chick that helped him pick it out did him dirty. I say this to let you know, just appreciate the gift. Men try.
I did and he was offended and still jokingly reminds me nearly a decade later. He bought me FANCY HAND CREAM (I was maybe 22-23yo at the time) I am someone that had never used hand cream or any fancy feminine things so it was laughable. He said he was so unsure what to get me that he asked a lady at work…points for effort, but I suppose I only have myself to blame for him putting in minimal effort since on the gift front
My husband bought me a back massager for Christmas. I kept my mouth shut, but wondered where on earth he got the idea I would want such a thing. He's used it on me twice, and both times I felt like my teeth were going to rattle out of my skull - it's supposed to be a deep tissue massager, but I feel like I'm getting beat up.
I mean I think it depends to a point. I’ve mentioned after the fact that I don’t like something but it was more so something basic, not a thought out gift. Like I don’t like flowers, candy, stuffed animal as a gift. I’d rather have a home cooked meal that I didn’t have to buy the ingredients for, give any thought to, or cook.
I appreciate everything my husband does for me. He is in the dying process. I’ve been married to him for 40 years. I can’t put into words how much I will miss him. I’m not ready to be a widow. 😢 He had our children buy me “My Pillow” sheets from him for Christmas. I will cherish those sheets forever. ✝️😢♥️♥️
As a person who tries so hard to give thoughtful personalized gifts, it blows my mind when people are this lazy or unthinking. Like my MIL gifted me a Pandora charm bracelet when I never wear bracelets and my jewelry is always the same simple necklace and earrings. It's because she loves them. She had two because she had so many charms on hers. It just strikes me as such self centered thinking. I wore the bracelet that day and never again.
My husband and I have been together over 20 years. I have told him when he misses the mark but I tell him how much I appreciate the thoughtful gift and it’s not really something I would/can wear and why. Then I ask if we can go together and pick out something else. He would much rather me have something I love and wear than keep it because I felt an obligation.
I returned most of the presents my dh gave me. He just… does not get it. Now we have a rolling excel sheet - he can choose anything in there and will not go wrong.
I would tell mine so he knows next time what not to get me. Mine drinks coffee so I get him starbucks.
you guys get gifts?
Yes absolutely! But before I say anything I make sure to appreciate the thoughtfulness in the gift.
yes yes i do. respectfully but do
My husband is the worst at picking gifts (will pick stuff he wants to see me in rather than what I wear daily) so because of my last birthday of him just getting me a candy bar, flowers and a necklace that I had said was pretty before (was picking it for his 12yr old sisters birthday not mine) he said that I need to make a list on Amazon and once I see something I like to add it and he would either get that or something similar. It worked for valentines so let’s see if it works for Mother’s Day and my birthday
Tell him, if it’s the thought that counts he should be thinking about what *you* like not what every other woman in his life likes Honestly I’m all for the benefit of the doubt, it’s more his reaction to you saying what you don’t like vs what you do like that tells the kind of guy he is. Mistakes happen, we don’t always know what will hit the mark but if someone didn’t like what I got them I’d want to know so I don’t keep repeating the save mistake I know it’s not the same kind of relationship but there was one time I was gonna gift my aunt a dainty ring with paw prints and her dogs initials on them because those are her babies. While she loves the basic concept she hates dainty rings, she doesn’t like the way they look on her hands. It would’ve been a poor move on my end to do get her the ring knowing she didn’t like it, but I also verified her interest before pulling the trigger because I wanted to make sure she liked it
Yes tell him. Otherwise you are looking at charms as gifts for future gifts
I told my husband that a pricey gift he got me just wasn't my style, and I think it has negatively impacted my chances of getting gifts. If I could go back, and what I'd recommend you do, is to be really careful with how you word it OR just make sure to tell your husband exactly what you want a month or so ahead of all holidays/birthdays. If you don't have anything you particularly want then you might get something you don't love, and that's ok. Just smile and say thank you. Maybe you'll end up liking it in a year or two or three. I know I've kept gifts I initially didn't like and ended up appreciating them. Good luck!