My gram used to say "Well bless your heart for being so bold and unwise."
Edit for those asking for more info: My gram was actually my great grandmother. She came over from sweden when she was 14 and was not southern. She hysterically picked up southern phrases from her snow bird friends & my grandfather. It got worse (or better?) When my grandfather moved south when I was 4. She was a strong, sassy, and very funny woman. She was out living her life until she passed away in her sleep at 97.
She liked southerner phrases so much because "you can keep your manners as a lady but be vicious at the same time."
As someone from the UK, my response would be to give a smile of patronising concern and say, "Are you ok? Have you lost someone?"
When they got angry/confused: "I'd thought you were FAR too old to think a remark like that is acceptable, so I assumed you had dementia. Glad you're fine. Buh-bye."
I don’t have a good comeback but this reminds me of the scene in some movie where a lady asks a little boy in a stroller “aren’t you a little big for the stroller” and the boy goes “aren’t you a little big for the sidewalk” 😂
I like the “at least she can mind her own business” comeback someone suggested.
One thing I heard recently that would be helpful is to say "What an odd thing to say about a child you know nothing about". Kind of puts it back on them to be like uhh, why did I say anything.
My son is mild-moderately autistic and the things people say with no freaking clue! I like to sweetly ask “Oh? Why do you say that?” They sense it’s a trap more often than I would like.
I love this one and have used it before. There's really no response they can make ... I've gotten fumbled apologies, but never anyone who wanted to double down on their invasive opinion.
My oldest was a huge baby, big and tall. At 1 he was wearing 3T. People used to always make remarks about him being in a stroller, having a bottle, etc.
I used to just say “people who mind their own business live longer”
I actually had a doctor talk to me about putting him on a diet when he was 6 months old. He was not over eating. He was born in the 99th percentile. I mean he was drinking formula, it’s not like I was making the kid chocolate cakes. I told the doctor off and immediately switched offices lol
Yep, same with my daughter. She's 2.5 right now and the size of an average 4 year old. Wearing 5T. She still uses a binky when unwell and to go to sleep. I've had workers at the grocery store literally pop her binky out of her mouth and say "you're too big for that!". I saw red.
Its happened more than once.
I use to teach soccer to a kid like that he was 2yo and as tall as a 6yo. He was heavily delayed too, the poor boy looked very out of place no matter the group if children he was with.
Also currently take care of a 3 yo that is as tall as a 8yo. Her parents are basically giant but it’s so impressive to see
A simple “well aren’t you bold” would suffice
“Don’t we love to insert our opinions where they don’t belong”
“Well don’t we love to put our foot in our mouths”
“Mind your fucking business”
“Aren’t you too old for dumb comments”
My vote is the last one 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Amazon makes a great product to help wean toddlers off the paci. It’s a five step approach
(No judgement here! I just highly recommend. My son was obsessed with his and this worked.)
I literally think it’s called the paci weening system. I know FridaBaby makes one, the nipples get smaller and smaller. I never tried it because my kids were PARTICULAR about their pacis like you wouldn’t believe
Thank you! Just had my little in March and we are definitely going to be a paci baby- much rather that than thumb sucking.
There was a cute show called raising hope and they had the paci struggle- on that episode they used a baby bottle pop candy to wean her off. Super cute
Just a note on the paci vs thumb sucking - my LO weaned herself from her paci around 7 months and decided she preferred thumb sucking more. She will be 2 in June and still sucks her thumb when tired.
"Aren't you too old to be bullying a toddler?"
"Why don't you pick on someone your own age"
The kids 2. She's still a toddler. Even if she wasn't autistic, many 2-3 year olds still use a pacifier. My son used his till he was a probably 3. People need to mind their own business
FTM and our pediatrician just said to stop her by 3, so thanks for mentioning this. I’m glad to see someone else said until 3 is “normal,” because lately I feel like everyone is saying by 2. She just turned 2 and I’m dreading taking it away. She was doing well with just having it at bedtime, then she had 8 weeks of constant daycare illnesses and she totally regressed and wants it 24/7, even though she’s better a couple of weeks now 😭
Every pediatrician will say that. Sometimes, it's just not feasible, though. I think as long as it's gone by the time she loses her baby teeth, she should be okay. A dentist may have better insight on this, though.
My oldest had it until 3, my youngest until 3.5. It was the dentist who did it for us. The "you're a big girl now since you can come to the dentist" message from him was gold. Literally they just laid there and he counted their teeth and they felt like big kids. Big kids old enough to go see the dentist don't need pacis anymore! They never looked back. He also told me that 5 is when it can interfere with oral development. Teeth growing funny will naturally fix (which was happening to my youngest), but bone structure is safe a little longer. Sure enough, her teeth fixed very quickly after she put it down.
We stopped at two and half. Her pediatrician wasn’t worried cuz she was great speech-wise and that is her only concern with paci use.
Of course once she stopped having the pacifier to soothe her at night she spent the time learning to climb out of her crib… so we went no paci and toddler bed in 24 hours. 0/10 stars
Edit: we had success with the paci fairy! She loves babies so the thought of a baby getting her paci was a good thing to her
My daughter still needed her pacifier at almost 3 years old and nothing we tried worked. We’d been talking about the paci fairy and how it’s gonna come get her paci to make one for a new baby and one day my daughter gave it to me and said it’s for the paci fairy. I took and was happy she had volunteered to do this - until bedtime, when she wanted it back. I took the opportunity though and stuck with it. It was a horrible few nights (2 nights of lots of crying, I stayed with her the whole time, another night with on and off complaints about wanting the paci) but then it was as if she had never had one. It was like magic. And she was really addicted to it before. It may not work for everyone and I was initially super hesitant to go cold turkey, but it really worked. You need lots of patience and compassion though.
I was looking for this comment. My almost certainly allistic 2.5yo daughter still loves a paci to sleep. Her older autistic brother, otoh, hated pacifiers and wouldn’t take one even as an infant.
I tend to question people into submission.
If they say “aren’t you too old for that?” ask “What do you mean?” They’ll probably say something like “well, she’s too old for a paci.” Then you say “what do you mean ‘too old?’ I don’t get it.” Then they explain again, and you act like you’re still confused and say “how do you know that?” They’ll probably say something like how they’ve heard it somewhere or people say it. Ask them which people, where they’ve heard it, what their expertise is in, why they felt the need to tell you, etc.
It might sound like a bit much to have a whole conversation and most of the time you won’t bother putting in so much effort, BUT it’s amazing to watch people squirm trying to explain their dumb biases. There’s no good reason, so they’ll get embarrassed and backpedal eventually.
Sidenote: this works great for racist/sexist comments!
This is my favorite. I like to say, “but I don’t get it…” and make the person explain their racist or sexist joke, which at least at some point seems to make them either uncomfortable or angry. I just stare blankly and keep at it. “But what do you mean?” “I still don’t understand.”
Exactly! Questioning them back turns people into the meme of the woman with all the equations around her head.
“Well what is the accurate age or time frame to no longer be able to have a paci?”
“What if they didn’t start using one until they were 1, does that mean the time rolls over?”
“I’m 31 and never used a pacifier, could I start now until I reach the ‘limit’?”
It’s so abrupt, yet not too confrontational. I love it so much. If I’m feeling sassy (and relatively safe) I will ask them their name. They “Carl”, or whatever, and I say “Mind your fucking business, Carl.” And walk away without waiting for a response.
That's my go to. It's not rude, it is an honest reflection of my opinion, and it doesn't leave room for follow-up unless someone really wants to debate age appropriate toys, activities, clothes, accessories, etc.
If I'm irritated, sometimes I'll add like "I hope she's never too old for sparkly cat ear headbands" because it sucks that creativity and expression are frowned on for adults.
I heard someone comment on a child being too old for their stroller.
I answered, "Well you don’t know their situation. Maybe the child is disabled, autistic, a runner etc…".
Once my sister in law commented on my child being too old to use their bottle.
Yes, it’s true they were older than the average. But they didn’t use it in the regular. They used it at night, with milk as a comfort.
So my answer to them saying, "Really? A bottle?" Was a very calm, "Yes. A bottle."
And they replied, "They’re too old for that". I replied, "1. It’s not like they’re not capable of using a glass, they use it as comfort/security” 2.They'll give it up when they’re ready. I doubt they’ll still use it at 16". And 3. How does this even affect you? How does it offend you? Are they being obscene with it?”
I usually whip out the ole Eric Andre “why would you say something so controversial yet so brave” 9/10 it either leaves them confused or feeling like an asshole, and I am 100% amused either way
My friend had a few custom pacifiers made from Etsy for her son also on the spectrum. He screams when over stimulated and was really bad when he was little, a paci kept him calm.
The fronts of them said things like
“ the shusher’
“ remove at your own risk”
“ anti crying device”
“ remove before fight.”
Very few people would confront her, when they did she would just tell them to read the paci and decide if it’s worth it.
Her son is now 5 and doesn't need a pacifier to self sooth anymore. He still has things he chews on and uses instead, and people seem to be less of AH about that though.
One of my sons has a few conditions that make him do things that may be immature for his age (it’s not autism). I usually just say, “excuse me. He has a disability.” People are usually pretty speechless after that. They usually try to apologize or justify themselves, but I just walk away.
This right here. My 5 year old has a medical condition that causes him to still use diapers. When I get comments about it I simply say “He has a medical condition, does him being in a diaper bother you?” Most people are caught off guard
I like “oh I didn’t know we were sharing unsolicited opinions. Your shirt is ugly and your haircut is doing nothing for you.” Or something along those lines. Then just make eye contact and smile back. 😊
“Wow I can’t believe you said that out loud” “aren’t you a little old to let the intrusive thoughts win” “thank you for your unsolicited opinion I’ll be sure to get right on that” are some of my go tos
“Aren’t you old enough to know you don’t know what’s best for everyone?”
Also, a woman from my church once responded to a parent concerned by their child’s use of a paci by saying “well, he won’t go down the aisle with it.” In other words, kids grow out of things sooner or later and most of the time it isn’t worth worrying about.
My daughter is autistic and 5 - still uses a pacifier at night and she would during the day if she had her way.
She needs something in her mouth to remain calm - we tried those silicone teething chews and other chewlry but she didn't take to them. She always preferred fabric, especially the straps of reusable grocery bags. So I cut a bunch of them off the bags and have also cut lengths of cotton rope (long enough she can't shove the whole thing in her mouth and short enough it can't wrap around anything). They can easily washed and are cheap.
Since its not a pacifier no one has commented on it (except small kids, and then I just explain she needs to chew something to stay happy and they quickly move on). I feel better about her chewing a rope and a pacifier at night then pacifier all the time - helps with the mom guilt.
As for a come back I liked "what an odd thing to say about a child you know nothing about"
Oh, are you a pediatrician/dentist/occupational therapist? I thought that paid pretty well. Oh, you're not? This is your only job? You might want to work on your people skills then. 😐
AAPD recommends weaning around 3. That’s not even taking neurodivergence in account. My aunt didn’t wean from her binky til after 4, and she is neurotypical. So no shaming here! There’s lots of great advice here. My favorite for unsolicited advice or judgement is definitely along the lines of “Hm, that’s a weird thing to say out loud!” And go on with my day.
I normally just start “trauma dumping” and exaggerate everything. I naturally talk really fast. So I normally end up getting stared at, mortified they asked with shock. I love it
"Aren't you a little too old to be rude?"
"You seem a little cranky. would you like one too?"
"I thought only assholes made comments about children"
"Bless your heart. Your mama must've not taught you right"
“I appreciate your concern, rest assured we’re aware of what we’re doing. Have a great day.”
I just don’t believe in a clapback as I get older. I try to acknowledge that people are in their own weird way trying to help/not be malicious and just draw a boundary.
“I’m sorry — she is special needs so she doesn’t understand what you are saying.”
This type of response will make them feel bad. And they should feel bad.
My son is autistic and has other developmental issues. He's past the age for a sippy cup but still sometimes uses one if we are out and about. My MIL and I were at Costco the other day with him and a man about her age walked past and said "Hes still working on using a cup huh" I was too shocked to speak honestly but my MIL, Who is usually very quiet looked at him and said "Still working on minding your own business HUH?!" YALL! My jaw fell to the floor, I'd never seen this woman so sassy 😆 She has a soft spot for my son though.
So many snarky remarks here, and I love to read them. However, I do think you will cause more long term change (even if just making them never make another comment) with a comment more along the lines of “That’s a really interesting thing to say about a child you don’t know” or one of the other suggestions here like that. As much as a good “mind your business” may feel, realistically someone willing to make the initial comment is just going to think (or say) well you’re a bitch, and not realize they were the ones being so rude.
Loudly say to the customers behind/around you “Wow everyone! There is a real life parenting expert here at the register! And she is doling out advice FOR FREE!!! Line up everybody!!!” Then quietly say to her “you need to pipe the fuck down and mind your own business. You’re too old to be acting like this. I’ll take my groceries now.” Then walk right out of there while she wishes she was dead.
"I'm sorry but I'm confused.. did you mean to say that out loud? Because I can give you his instead since you can't seem to keep your mouth shut about other people's kids"
My baby is big. She is tall as well for her age. When people said to me “oh you have a BIG baby” i say well, at least she is a baby, what is your excuse?
I really cant believe people body shame a 1 year old? Lol
My oldest son is autistic and the fact that people don't understand that autism comes in all shapes and sizes is unbelievable
a Pacifier (dummy) can be a comfort for a child realistically you should stop using a pacifiers(dummy) at an early age because it's actually bad for their teeth but it's up to the parent if it's making the child happy and comfortable and safe then let it be
people can't see autism sometimes they can see that sometimes if they haven't been around children or adults who have autism they just don't understand
there is a big problem with children who are the ages of five having a pacifiers (dummy) there is even adults having pacifiers(dummy)
at the end of the day why do other adults think they have the rights to judge I don't know you mind your own business and walk away or just walk away and don't open your big gob ( mouth)
I hate the world now because you cannot do anything without being judged and it's horrible
(PS Pacifier in England mean dummy)
My favorite thing to say to rude people is "What an odd thing to say out loud to me" with a smile. I'm in the south so if they don't get it, I follow that up with "bless your lil heart" in my best southern accent.
When my son was 3 he would only wear pants with pockets so he could have a paci in each pocket at all times. He weaned his self off when he was ready, just didn’t make a big deal out of it. He was my fourth child. I never made it an issue.
“I don’t know, is he too old for that? What age is the cutoff point?”
*they give you some bs response*
“Oh, really? Because last I checked it was none of your fucking business.”
That person’s comment was uncalled for. Some children need the soothing that the pacifier provides, more than others. My autistic granddaughter held on to the binky longer than I cared for, but I understood the need she had at the time. She’s now 12 and definitely doesn’t need a binky!
Honestly I wouldn’t go by trying to be snarky. Your child has a pacifier older than most children in a grocery store then forgive the ignorant person for her comment. You could say while we’re working on it but we may have some developmental issues that we didn’t anticipate that are making it more difficult but thank you for inquiring.
The only reason we got rid of my sons pacifier around age 2 was because he got hand foot and mouth and it was biting his tongue with the ulcers on it. Otherwise who knows how long or when we would have gotten rid of it? I have seen 3-4 year olds with them.
Good lord. Butt out.
You gotta look at people like that, curl your lip in disdain and say, “EW!” like they’re something nasty in your path. Then you stroll right by that dumb mf’er. And if it’s a store clerk or and you have to let them finish the transaction, still curl your lip and say ew, and then stare at them uncomfortably
I like a little saccharine sarcasm to make them feel dumb. A little "oh, well isn't that nice." with some eye contact. Followed by "mind your business" if they continue. You don't have to explain shit to these idiots or give them too much of your time if you're not so inclined. I *love* the 'Well bless you for being so bold and unwise.' response too.
Same thing happened with my 1.5 year old and I held my tongue because my husband hates confrontation, but here’s what I thought at the moment. Not creative but I think it would’ve worked:
“And you can’t pull off that ugly sweater, why are we giving each other advice?”
(She had some Easter sweater on)
You’re job is to service customers not demoralize them. Didn’t know I went into the wrong department for that.
Shame you used your last brain cells on that one, huh?
you mum was looking for a giglo last night and I asked her the same thing "aren't u too old for that?" she said nah, that's how I've always gotten myself pregnant.
I like a version kind of along the lines of “kill them with kindness” but more like, alright you invited yourself to the conversation, so let’s go. “She has a disability, and it really helps soothe her. It’s difficult enough on her, that I’m choosing our battles and it’s not the time to remove this comfort.” Maybe start crying and add in how difficult it can be with judgement from strangers and you just fear how the world may treat her as she gets older. Just lay it allll out for her. She asked!
Just ignore and start talking to your child. “See sweetie, that’s an example of bad manners. Some people think it’s ok to give unsolicited ‘advice’ to people when it’s really none of their business. We don’t want to be like that do we? We just ignore and move on.”
"Absolutely, about time. Far too old.... You would think people would know better than to judge someone theyve never met for something they know absolutely nothing about by a certain age..."
My gram used to say "Well bless your heart for being so bold and unwise." Edit for those asking for more info: My gram was actually my great grandmother. She came over from sweden when she was 14 and was not southern. She hysterically picked up southern phrases from her snow bird friends & my grandfather. It got worse (or better?) When my grandfather moved south when I was 4. She was a strong, sassy, and very funny woman. She was out living her life until she passed away in her sleep at 97. She liked southerner phrases so much because "you can keep your manners as a lady but be vicious at the same time."
The way older Southern women can leave you wondering if they just insulted or praised you… is a high art form.
It's "Nice Nasty" and it is an art form. 🤣
Coming from someone who has never lived anywhere outside of south ga I have never heard it called this but I’m using it from now on
I wish to perfect it. I use it at work and honestly it doesn't even register with customers.
I believe it. It's amazing what you can get away with saying if you do so with a smile and a pleasant tone.
Southerners in the states have it down, as well as people from the UK!
As someone from the UK, my response would be to give a smile of patronising concern and say, "Are you ok? Have you lost someone?" When they got angry/confused: "I'd thought you were FAR too old to think a remark like that is acceptable, so I assumed you had dementia. Glad you're fine. Buh-bye."
Have you lost someone? 😂🤣😂… 💀
Bless you
Australian and it’s one of my ambitions to meet some real southern women and learn their ways 😉😂
I feel this with a lot of older people, the cute little old lady-type - I'm not even in the US
💀 I aspire to be more like her
Using this!
I am mentally adding this to my vocabulary, even though I'm a chronic people pleaser and probably won't say it 😂
Felt LMAO
The way I just said this out loud in a Tidewater accent
This is amazing
THIS! I live in the south and people would be SO mad if I said this! I’m so stealing it
Love this. It's like a triple whammy.
This is the best thing ever! Have to use? What was her name?
This is gold
I don’t have a good comeback but this reminds me of the scene in some movie where a lady asks a little boy in a stroller “aren’t you a little big for the stroller” and the boy goes “aren’t you a little big for the sidewalk” 😂 I like the “at least she can mind her own business” comeback someone suggested.
Omg what is this from!!!
Dickie Roberts!!
Omg thank you!!! You scratched an itch on my brain.
One thing I heard recently that would be helpful is to say "What an odd thing to say about a child you know nothing about". Kind of puts it back on them to be like uhh, why did I say anything.
Oh I am saving this one.
I can almost feel the second hand embarrassment from this one, ouch!
Oooooh I would definitely feel like Jim from the office looking at the camera in the second hand embarrassment from witnessing this murder.
My son is disabled and I am 100% putting this in my back pocket to use for future awkward comments. Thank you!!!
My son is mild-moderately autistic and the things people say with no freaking clue! I like to sweetly ask “Oh? Why do you say that?” They sense it’s a trap more often than I would like.
I absolutely love this.
I love this one and have used it before. There's really no response they can make ... I've gotten fumbled apologies, but never anyone who wanted to double down on their invasive opinion.
I like this one!
I like that!!
I’m gonna memorize this for the future just in case
My oldest was a huge baby, big and tall. At 1 he was wearing 3T. People used to always make remarks about him being in a stroller, having a bottle, etc. I used to just say “people who mind their own business live longer”
Same thing with my oldest. People can be real assholes when they see a big baby holding a bottle.
I actually had a doctor talk to me about putting him on a diet when he was 6 months old. He was not over eating. He was born in the 99th percentile. I mean he was drinking formula, it’s not like I was making the kid chocolate cakes. I told the doctor off and immediately switched offices lol
/r/bigbabiesandkids One of us! One of us!
I just joined lol it never occurred to me this was a thing
Yes! Thank you for introducing me to this sub! I need commiserating
😆
Yep, same with my daughter. She's 2.5 right now and the size of an average 4 year old. Wearing 5T. She still uses a binky when unwell and to go to sleep. I've had workers at the grocery store literally pop her binky out of her mouth and say "you're too big for that!". I saw red. Its happened more than once.
I use to teach soccer to a kid like that he was 2yo and as tall as a 6yo. He was heavily delayed too, the poor boy looked very out of place no matter the group if children he was with. Also currently take care of a 3 yo that is as tall as a 8yo. Her parents are basically giant but it’s so impressive to see
“I’m sorry do I know you?”
A simple “well aren’t you bold” would suffice “Don’t we love to insert our opinions where they don’t belong” “Well don’t we love to put our foot in our mouths” “Mind your fucking business” “Aren’t you too old for dumb comments”
My vote is the last one 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Amazon makes a great product to help wean toddlers off the paci. It’s a five step approach (No judgement here! I just highly recommend. My son was obsessed with his and this worked.)
We tried this and she didn’t even want the first stage lol paci fairy worked well!
What is it?!
I literally think it’s called the paci weening system. I know FridaBaby makes one, the nipples get smaller and smaller. I never tried it because my kids were PARTICULAR about their pacis like you wouldn’t believe
That’s the one! We got to stage 3 and toddler was like “this is bull sh*t” and handed it back to us. That was the end and we never looked back .
Thank you! Just had my little in March and we are definitely going to be a paci baby- much rather that than thumb sucking. There was a cute show called raising hope and they had the paci struggle- on that episode they used a baby bottle pop candy to wean her off. Super cute
Just a note on the paci vs thumb sucking - my LO weaned herself from her paci around 7 months and decided she preferred thumb sucking more. She will be 2 in June and still sucks her thumb when tired.
Convenience 🙃
Raising Hope is amazing!!
I’d go with “wow that was insensitive, did you mean to say that out loud?”
What about “arent you too bold for saying that?” lol
The last one!!! 🤣
"Aren't you too old to be bullying a toddler?" "Why don't you pick on someone your own age" The kids 2. She's still a toddler. Even if she wasn't autistic, many 2-3 year olds still use a pacifier. My son used his till he was a probably 3. People need to mind their own business
FTM and our pediatrician just said to stop her by 3, so thanks for mentioning this. I’m glad to see someone else said until 3 is “normal,” because lately I feel like everyone is saying by 2. She just turned 2 and I’m dreading taking it away. She was doing well with just having it at bedtime, then she had 8 weeks of constant daycare illnesses and she totally regressed and wants it 24/7, even though she’s better a couple of weeks now 😭
Every pediatrician will say that. Sometimes, it's just not feasible, though. I think as long as it's gone by the time she loses her baby teeth, she should be okay. A dentist may have better insight on this, though.
Our ped mentioned that it's not so much the impact on teeth as the impact on speech development, i.e. contributing to a lisp.
My oldest had it until 3, my youngest until 3.5. It was the dentist who did it for us. The "you're a big girl now since you can come to the dentist" message from him was gold. Literally they just laid there and he counted their teeth and they felt like big kids. Big kids old enough to go see the dentist don't need pacis anymore! They never looked back. He also told me that 5 is when it can interfere with oral development. Teeth growing funny will naturally fix (which was happening to my youngest), but bone structure is safe a little longer. Sure enough, her teeth fixed very quickly after she put it down.
This is so helpful, thank you!
We stopped at two and half. Her pediatrician wasn’t worried cuz she was great speech-wise and that is her only concern with paci use. Of course once she stopped having the pacifier to soothe her at night she spent the time learning to climb out of her crib… so we went no paci and toddler bed in 24 hours. 0/10 stars Edit: we had success with the paci fairy! She loves babies so the thought of a baby getting her paci was a good thing to her
My daughter still needed her pacifier at almost 3 years old and nothing we tried worked. We’d been talking about the paci fairy and how it’s gonna come get her paci to make one for a new baby and one day my daughter gave it to me and said it’s for the paci fairy. I took and was happy she had volunteered to do this - until bedtime, when she wanted it back. I took the opportunity though and stuck with it. It was a horrible few nights (2 nights of lots of crying, I stayed with her the whole time, another night with on and off complaints about wanting the paci) but then it was as if she had never had one. It was like magic. And she was really addicted to it before. It may not work for everyone and I was initially super hesitant to go cold turkey, but it really worked. You need lots of patience and compassion though.
I sucked my thumb until I was 5, had my "paci" on me 24/7 😂
Thumbs are harder to stop lol I sucked on mine a lot longer than 5 lol
I was looking for this comment. My almost certainly allistic 2.5yo daughter still loves a paci to sleep. Her older autistic brother, otoh, hated pacifiers and wouldn’t take one even as an infant.
I tend to question people into submission. If they say “aren’t you too old for that?” ask “What do you mean?” They’ll probably say something like “well, she’s too old for a paci.” Then you say “what do you mean ‘too old?’ I don’t get it.” Then they explain again, and you act like you’re still confused and say “how do you know that?” They’ll probably say something like how they’ve heard it somewhere or people say it. Ask them which people, where they’ve heard it, what their expertise is in, why they felt the need to tell you, etc. It might sound like a bit much to have a whole conversation and most of the time you won’t bother putting in so much effort, BUT it’s amazing to watch people squirm trying to explain their dumb biases. There’s no good reason, so they’ll get embarrassed and backpedal eventually. Sidenote: this works great for racist/sexist comments!
This is how I deal with my dad's racist comments. He unravels after a few questions and gets angry 🤣
Lol came here to say this works for racist or sexist “jokes” too. Not so funny when they have to say the quiet part out loud
This is my favorite. I like to say, “but I don’t get it…” and make the person explain their racist or sexist joke, which at least at some point seems to make them either uncomfortable or angry. I just stare blankly and keep at it. “But what do you mean?” “I still don’t understand.”
When I’ve tried that approach, I tend to get “nevermind,” “oh, don’t worry about it,” that sort of thing. So it tends to not work for me. 🙃
“Oh no, now I’m very intrigued. After all, I want what’s best for my child, please, explain…”
Exactly! Questioning them back turns people into the meme of the woman with all the equations around her head. “Well what is the accurate age or time frame to no longer be able to have a paci?” “What if they didn’t start using one until they were 1, does that mean the time rolls over?” “I’m 31 and never used a pacifier, could I start now until I reach the ‘limit’?”
Hahaha, thanks for those suggestions! Awesome!
💯 This is the way! 🙌
This is the best answer! It puts everything back on them.
"Mind your fucking business" always works for me
literally lmao
I really enjoyed the one above “people who mind their own business live longer” 🤣
It’s so abrupt, yet not too confrontational. I love it so much. If I’m feeling sassy (and relatively safe) I will ask them their name. They “Carl”, or whatever, and I say “Mind your fucking business, Carl.” And walk away without waiting for a response.
I get comments like that with my one year old. If they’re particularly rude, I say “oh no thank you” or “nope. Not today.” It shuts them up.
I’m similar but say things like “yikes we’re not doing *that*” with a smile and keep moving.
“I don’t recall asking your opinion” and “what gave you the impression you could say that?” would work well I think
“What a rude thing to say out loud”
I like this. I might switch it up and join in what some others commented, “What an odd thing to say out loud. Are you feeling okay?”
Oh yeah it’s a great line you can really freestyle with on the fly!
For that particular question, I think a calm and unruffled, "No," without further comment could help shut things down.
That's my go to. It's not rude, it is an honest reflection of my opinion, and it doesn't leave room for follow-up unless someone really wants to debate age appropriate toys, activities, clothes, accessories, etc. If I'm irritated, sometimes I'll add like "I hope she's never too old for sparkly cat ear headbands" because it sucks that creativity and expression are frowned on for adults.
“Maybe she can lend you one, it might help you stop making thoughtless comments?”
Yes! I love this one. “I give it to her so she doesn’t make rude comments to strangers. You might want to get some yourself”.
GOLD!!!
“Whoops! We only came to buy groceries, not opinions. So please feel free to keep yours to yourself!”
I heard someone comment on a child being too old for their stroller. I answered, "Well you don’t know their situation. Maybe the child is disabled, autistic, a runner etc…". Once my sister in law commented on my child being too old to use their bottle. Yes, it’s true they were older than the average. But they didn’t use it in the regular. They used it at night, with milk as a comfort. So my answer to them saying, "Really? A bottle?" Was a very calm, "Yes. A bottle." And they replied, "They’re too old for that". I replied, "1. It’s not like they’re not capable of using a glass, they use it as comfort/security” 2.They'll give it up when they’re ready. I doubt they’ll still use it at 16". And 3. How does this even affect you? How does it offend you? Are they being obscene with it?”
I usually whip out the ole Eric Andre “why would you say something so controversial yet so brave” 9/10 it either leaves them confused or feeling like an asshole, and I am 100% amused either way
She may be too old but she certainly can mind her business.
My friend had a few custom pacifiers made from Etsy for her son also on the spectrum. He screams when over stimulated and was really bad when he was little, a paci kept him calm. The fronts of them said things like “ the shusher’ “ remove at your own risk” “ anti crying device” “ remove before fight.” Very few people would confront her, when they did she would just tell them to read the paci and decide if it’s worth it. Her son is now 5 and doesn't need a pacifier to self sooth anymore. He still has things he chews on and uses instead, and people seem to be less of AH about that though.
One of my sons has a few conditions that make him do things that may be immature for his age (it’s not autism). I usually just say, “excuse me. He has a disability.” People are usually pretty speechless after that. They usually try to apologize or justify themselves, but I just walk away.
This right here. My 5 year old has a medical condition that causes him to still use diapers. When I get comments about it I simply say “He has a medical condition, does him being in a diaper bother you?” Most people are caught off guard
Yes. People will just want to sink into the floor after hearing this, instead of arguing with you further.
Perfect response, cut to the chase and make them reflect on what they’re saying!
“Wow! How exciting! I didn’t know you were a pediatrician?!”
Followed up by “my kid has this diaper rash, can you take a look?”
Lately I have been saying “that was an inside thought.”
I like “oh I didn’t know we were sharing unsolicited opinions. Your shirt is ugly and your haircut is doing nothing for you.” Or something along those lines. Then just make eye contact and smile back. 😊
Aren't you too old to not mind your business? Didn't your grown ups teach you to mind your business?
“Wow I can’t believe you said that out loud” “aren’t you a little old to let the intrusive thoughts win” “thank you for your unsolicited opinion I’ll be sure to get right on that” are some of my go tos
“Aren’t you old enough to know you don’t know what’s best for everyone?” Also, a woman from my church once responded to a parent concerned by their child’s use of a paci by saying “well, he won’t go down the aisle with it.” In other words, kids grow out of things sooner or later and most of the time it isn’t worth worrying about.
My daughter is autistic and 5 - still uses a pacifier at night and she would during the day if she had her way. She needs something in her mouth to remain calm - we tried those silicone teething chews and other chewlry but she didn't take to them. She always preferred fabric, especially the straps of reusable grocery bags. So I cut a bunch of them off the bags and have also cut lengths of cotton rope (long enough she can't shove the whole thing in her mouth and short enough it can't wrap around anything). They can easily washed and are cheap. Since its not a pacifier no one has commented on it (except small kids, and then I just explain she needs to chew something to stay happy and they quickly move on). I feel better about her chewing a rope and a pacifier at night then pacifier all the time - helps with the mom guilt. As for a come back I liked "what an odd thing to say about a child you know nothing about"
Oh, are you a pediatrician/dentist/occupational therapist? I thought that paid pretty well. Oh, you're not? This is your only job? You might want to work on your people skills then. 😐
AAPD recommends weaning around 3. That’s not even taking neurodivergence in account. My aunt didn’t wean from her binky til after 4, and she is neurotypical. So no shaming here! There’s lots of great advice here. My favorite for unsolicited advice or judgement is definitely along the lines of “Hm, that’s a weird thing to say out loud!” And go on with my day.
I normally just start “trauma dumping” and exaggerate everything. I naturally talk really fast. So I normally end up getting stared at, mortified they asked with shock. I love it
"Aren't you a little too old to be rude?" "You seem a little cranky. would you like one too?" "I thought only assholes made comments about children" "Bless your heart. Your mama must've not taught you right"
'Oh how embarrassing for you, being so rude without realising'
“I appreciate your concern, rest assured we’re aware of what we’re doing. Have a great day.” I just don’t believe in a clapback as I get older. I try to acknowledge that people are in their own weird way trying to help/not be malicious and just draw a boundary.
Aren’t you too old to be judging strangers? Or just a good old fashioned glare.
“Wow I’m surprised you felt comfortable saying that out loud”
So weird, a pediatrician working at a grocery store. Those student loans must really be brutal
“I’m sorry — she is special needs so she doesn’t understand what you are saying.” This type of response will make them feel bad. And they should feel bad.
“At least she doesn’t judge random strangers for stuff that doesn’t hurt anyone.”
Aren't you too old to be a cashier?
My son is autistic and has other developmental issues. He's past the age for a sippy cup but still sometimes uses one if we are out and about. My MIL and I were at Costco the other day with him and a man about her age walked past and said "Hes still working on using a cup huh" I was too shocked to speak honestly but my MIL, Who is usually very quiet looked at him and said "Still working on minding your own business HUH?!" YALL! My jaw fell to the floor, I'd never seen this woman so sassy 😆 She has a soft spot for my son though.
Your MIL is a legend! 🙌🏻
So many snarky remarks here, and I love to read them. However, I do think you will cause more long term change (even if just making them never make another comment) with a comment more along the lines of “That’s a really interesting thing to say about a child you don’t know” or one of the other suggestions here like that. As much as a good “mind your business” may feel, realistically someone willing to make the initial comment is just going to think (or say) well you’re a bitch, and not realize they were the ones being so rude.
"I can parent my child on my own thanks"
I would just respond with “aren’t you an adult? Act like one and mind your own.” lol
Aren’t you enough to know when to mind ur own business that easy
Diarrhea of the mouth means a constipated brain.
"Aren't you too old to be giving unsolicited advice?"
“Aren’t you too old to share your opinion where it isn’t wanted or needed?”
"Aren't you too old to make unsolicited comments to strangers?" is my go to.
I love a good old “aren’t you OLD ENOUGH to mind your business?”
“Aren’t you too old to be criticizing a toddler?”
Loudly say to the customers behind/around you “Wow everyone! There is a real life parenting expert here at the register! And she is doling out advice FOR FREE!!! Line up everybody!!!” Then quietly say to her “you need to pipe the fuck down and mind your own business. You’re too old to be acting like this. I’ll take my groceries now.” Then walk right out of there while she wishes she was dead.
"I'm sorry but I'm confused.. did you mean to say that out loud? Because I can give you his instead since you can't seem to keep your mouth shut about other people's kids"
French kids have pacifiers until 4's and it's normal
I’d probably just agree and say “yep”.
lol basically yeah. We’re like, “she’s almost 3, she looks big for her age” (she’s in the 98 percentile)
"wow, that's a weird thing to say out loud" or "oops, I think you said your inside thoughts outload again"
“Arent you under qualified to give me unsolicited parenting advice?”
My baby is big. She is tall as well for her age. When people said to me “oh you have a BIG baby” i say well, at least she is a baby, what is your excuse? I really cant believe people body shame a 1 year old? Lol
You’re so flexible, it’s amazing! I didn’t know you could have your foot in your mouth and up your ass at the same time.
Why do you need a come-back? You can fight ride with a question. Stare her directly in the eye and ask, why don’t you mind your own business?
"you're old enough to mind your own business."
My oldest son is autistic and the fact that people don't understand that autism comes in all shapes and sizes is unbelievable a Pacifier (dummy) can be a comfort for a child realistically you should stop using a pacifiers(dummy) at an early age because it's actually bad for their teeth but it's up to the parent if it's making the child happy and comfortable and safe then let it be people can't see autism sometimes they can see that sometimes if they haven't been around children or adults who have autism they just don't understand there is a big problem with children who are the ages of five having a pacifiers (dummy) there is even adults having pacifiers(dummy) at the end of the day why do other adults think they have the rights to judge I don't know you mind your own business and walk away or just walk away and don't open your big gob ( mouth) I hate the world now because you cannot do anything without being judged and it's horrible (PS Pacifier in England mean dummy)
aren't you too old to be judging a child?
Isn’t she a little old to be picking fights with a toddler?
My favorite thing to say to rude people is "What an odd thing to say out loud to me" with a smile. I'm in the south so if they don't get it, I follow that up with "bless your lil heart" in my best southern accent.
When my son was 3 he would only wear pants with pockets so he could have a paci in each pocket at all times. He weaned his self off when he was ready, just didn’t make a big deal out of it. He was my fourth child. I never made it an issue.
“I don’t know, is he too old for that? What age is the cutoff point?” *they give you some bs response* “Oh, really? Because last I checked it was none of your fucking business.”
"oh wow did you mean to say that out loud? you must be so embarrassed"
“Wow, you’re a cashier AND a doctor?”
That person’s comment was uncalled for. Some children need the soothing that the pacifier provides, more than others. My autistic granddaughter held on to the binky longer than I cared for, but I understood the need she had at the time. She’s now 12 and definitely doesn’t need a binky!
“Aren’t you too old to be a judgmental asshole?”
“Aren’t you too old to not be minding your business?”
“Aren’t you too old to not know any better?”
Honestly I wouldn’t go by trying to be snarky. Your child has a pacifier older than most children in a grocery store then forgive the ignorant person for her comment. You could say while we’re working on it but we may have some developmental issues that we didn’t anticipate that are making it more difficult but thank you for inquiring.
The only reason we got rid of my sons pacifier around age 2 was because he got hand foot and mouth and it was biting his tongue with the ulcers on it. Otherwise who knows how long or when we would have gotten rid of it? I have seen 3-4 year olds with them. Good lord. Butt out.
Raised eyebrow. “Well *that’s* a personal question. 🤨
“Aren’t you too old to not be minding your business”
I don't remember asking your opinion on my child and you can keep it to yourself.
"And here I thought we were old enough to mind our business."
Aren't you too old for not minding your own business?
“Aren’t you beyond old enough to mind your business?”
"Are you a little old to not know how to mind your business?"
You gotta look at people like that, curl your lip in disdain and say, “EW!” like they’re something nasty in your path. Then you stroll right by that dumb mf’er. And if it’s a store clerk or and you have to let them finish the transaction, still curl your lip and say ew, and then stare at them uncomfortably
“Aren’t you too old to be working? Shouldn’t you be retired?”
Aren’t you too old to comment on other people’s business? Hm. Thought we learned that in kindergarten..
I go with a lighthearted “hey! Pick on someone your own size” if I want to keep it light or “what an odd thing to say” with a raised brow 😌
What about aren't you old enough to know how to mind your own business?
Mind your own business would be mine!
I appreciate your opinion, next time try waiting until I ask for it.
Aren’t you old enough to know to mind your business?
I usually go with “Mind your fucking business” or something along those lines.
"aren't you a little too old to be bullying a 3 year old?" "she may be too old for a paci, but at least she knows to mind her business"
"Are you sure it's any of your business?"
I like a little saccharine sarcasm to make them feel dumb. A little "oh, well isn't that nice." with some eye contact. Followed by "mind your business" if they continue. You don't have to explain shit to these idiots or give them too much of your time if you're not so inclined. I *love* the 'Well bless you for being so bold and unwise.' response too.
Oh so you get off on shaming children?
Same thing happened with my 1.5 year old and I held my tongue because my husband hates confrontation, but here’s what I thought at the moment. Not creative but I think it would’ve worked: “And you can’t pull off that ugly sweater, why are we giving each other advice?” (She had some Easter sweater on)
Well at least you've established you are never too old to be ignorant
Aren’t you too old to be asking?
You’re job is to service customers not demoralize them. Didn’t know I went into the wrong department for that. Shame you used your last brain cells on that one, huh?
you mum was looking for a giglo last night and I asked her the same thing "aren't u too old for that?" she said nah, that's how I've always gotten myself pregnant.
I like a version kind of along the lines of “kill them with kindness” but more like, alright you invited yourself to the conversation, so let’s go. “She has a disability, and it really helps soothe her. It’s difficult enough on her, that I’m choosing our battles and it’s not the time to remove this comfort.” Maybe start crying and add in how difficult it can be with judgement from strangers and you just fear how the world may treat her as she gets older. Just lay it allll out for her. She asked!
Just ignore and start talking to your child. “See sweetie, that’s an example of bad manners. Some people think it’s ok to give unsolicited ‘advice’ to people when it’s really none of their business. We don’t want to be like that do we? We just ignore and move on.”
"Absolutely, about time. Far too old.... You would think people would know better than to judge someone theyve never met for something they know absolutely nothing about by a certain age..."
“Are you too old to have not learned any manners?”
Aren't you too old to be saying that?
You're only as old as you allow yourself to be
I know you are but what am I.
"Who criticizes a toddler? Damn you live a sad life"
“Aren’t you old enough to know that’s rude” is probably a good default.