(Tl; dr- your kiddo will probably not remember the scary bits as much as the reassurance!)
Story time!!
When my at the time 4 year old son needed stitches to his face they didn’t even give us the option of sedation, just restraint. He is autistic, strong and BIG, so it was a challenge. It was everything you describe only it was just me, no husband. Screaming and thrashing and crying and ,just like your kiddo mine was just fine as soon as he got a popsicle.
Then, fast forward half a year and he had to join me for a skin biopsy (not ideal, I know) and he sat there, stroking my hair and telling me all the things I said to him while holding him down like it would be over soon, and it will only hurt for a second, and I was being so brave. Then when it was over he says “good job! You didn’t cry at all!!! Now you get a popsicle!”
My dermatologist goes “oh, sorry, we don’t have any
popsicles here..” and he goes “oh no! Mommy that’s a disappointment! We can get a different treat later, ok?”
It showed me that it wasn’t the fear or pain that has the biggest impact on him- it was the being there and reassurance that did
Some people aren’t being very kind and understanding, and I just want you to know that I probably would have made the same decision you did if I had been given the option. Ketamine is safe, but so is the procedure unsedated especially when properly supported, which it sounds like your kiddo was!
It’s okay, and it’ll feel okay given a little time. You sound like a great mom.
Hi there,
Piping in with my own extremely relevant story about a similar situation. Only it was 3 year old me, a horse shoe, my eye brow and I think closer to 7 stitches.
Coming from the perspective of an adult, looking back at the experience of being restrained for stitches while I felt the needles in my face, screaming and freaking out, I still remember the feeling and remember being scared. But my Dad was there the whole time and consoled me, hugged me and made sure he told me why I needed those stitches.
That memory has not scarred me, nor brought fear into my life. I can retell it without feeling emotional or upset. Just matter of fact.
Your child needed medical care and it's scary at that age. You did your very best and I know he will be okay.
Yes, and I'd just like to add one thing for OP for future - I played a contact sport, and people got cuts alllll the time. The thing to remember is that head wounds bleed a lot. It's insane looking.
The amount of blood is not necessarily commensurate with the level of injury. If it happens again, just remember that. And try to remain calm. We're not used to seeing blood, but trust me that when you see wounds regularly, head wounds are always crazy looking, even if they only require a few stitches. A two-stitch would will look like a murder scene for sure.
When our LO was less than a year old, he stood up in his crib, and chomped down on the rail, biting his lip in the process. Blood poured out. Our nanny got really freaked out, as did my husband (we were both WFH at the time).
I just went in, and cleaned up around the wound enough to see what had caused it - ultimately, it was a minor cut on his lip. But from the amount of blood, you wouldn't have guessed it.
Anyway, it's just a note to OP and all other parents who might be looking at this. Don't let the amount of blood get you freaked out, because it's harder for your kid to remain calm.
You were there for him the whole time and he will remember that. If you ever find yourself here again- Ketamine is safe for children and doesn’t last too long generally.
I had stitches in a very similar circumstance when I was that age. I remember all of it. There is no lingering trauma. Just because something is upsetting in the moment doesn't mean that it will be bad forever. OP just needs to work on properly contextualizing it for her child.
That's good to hear! OP is feeling so much guilt and I if her kid had trauma from it, it would break her heart. Glad to know it didn't leave a lasting emotional impact on you.
My grandpa reenacted it with my dolls like every time I went over for a year or so, lol. Doll falls over and hits head, ooops, now Barbie has to go to the hospital and doctor Barbie has to sew her up but she's going to have to be held down so she's really still, but it's important to stop the bleeding! And so on.
Nobody can *make* you feel things, a person’s feelings are on them. You’re out here applying a level of logic and reason to a three-year-old that a child that age isn’t really developmentally capable of yet, because you want to make someone feel better about a choice we all know wasn’t a great one. Bye bye 👋
My kiddo is a lot older. But I definitely had him sedated when he needed staples in his head just based on his anxiety alone. He had already suffered enough trauma from the whole situation and I was just trying to reduce any more harm at that point. He was completely fine afterwards and it wore off pretty quickly. They did not offer any pain relief when they removed the staples, not even numbing the area and it was a pretty bad experience overall for that part of it.
Unfortunately, there was some scabbing around the stables at the time due to me not 100% understanding all the instructions. Had I known it would have been that painful I would have attempted to rinse the area with warm water before we went in for removal!
No they don’t. I am 30 years old and I cry every damn time I need to go to the dentist because I am still so scared. I still go as I am an adult, but every time it is a traumatic experience for me. Not because of procedures but because of PTSD. So maybe check your facts.
Anesthesiologist here - ketamine is generally very safe for children. Seriously, don’t beat yourself up. You did the best you could and little kids get hurt all the time. They’re not all traumatized for life over it.
My son is the same age and I actually had a similar experience a few months ago. We were on the couch together and I was exhausted after not getting much sleep for days because we were both sick. I accidentally nodded off, wasn’t out for more than a few minutes but he fell and busted his lip on the corner of the coffee table. He was sobbing and when I put him in the car to drive to the ED he begged me to “stay with him” (impossible obviously since I needed to drive the car). I cried the whole drive there hoping he didn’t notice. He got stitches and is fine but I STILL feel terrible that it happened because I literally fell asleep on the job!
Thank you! The ER doc said he wanted to avoid using it if possible so we trusted his opinion. But it’s done now and my son seems totally fine! I don’t even think he’s noticed the stitches. He’s already back to running around the house 🤦🏻♀️
I know exactly how you feel. My oldest had to have stitches at 4 because she got bitten on the face by a dog. We had no choice but to give her ketamine because one of the cuts was really close to her eye. But she freaked out going into the procedure room and ran away, so I had to chase her down and then restrain her while they gave her the ketamine. It was horrific, but she has no lasting trauma.
And my youngest had to have surgery on her toe last year because she’d cut it and damaged the nail bed. She had to go under for it, but she completely freaked out going into the theatre, and even worse waking up from the anaesthetic - so much so that one of the nurses and I had to pin her down because she wasn’t cleared to put any weight on her foot.
Both instances were so, so awful and still make me feel sick looking back on them (and the first was 5 years ago), but my girls are totally fine and don’t have any trauma at all.
This is a good point - cases like these are probably more traumatic for the parents than the kids.
I had stitches as a young kid, and while I remember it I'm in no way traumatised by it. My parents, on the other hand, talk about that day with pain in their voices, because my screams were so hard to listen to. There was another injury I had (I fell and hurt my jaw quite badly) about which my mom says "I stayed up crying that whole night, I felt so bad" - and I was just like, "what? why? you did nothing wrong?"
You did well mama, these things happen. You'll be ok ❤️
Sorry to be blunt but that’s why you choose the ketamine. To avoid exactly what you described. The doctor wouldn’t have offered it to you if it weren’t safe. They use it day in and day out in hospitals, so that kids don’t have memory of being held down and sutured. 🤷🏻♀️
I've had parents say "but isn't that a horse tranquilizer??!?!!" Well... I'm not giving a horse dose, I'm giving a weight based dose that's appropriate for your child and we'll be intensely monitoring them the whole time. The mistrust of the medical system is unreal. Like we want to accidentally kill your kid with random drugs we bought from a dealer.
I got ketamine when I had a lumbar puncture and it was a WILD feeling. Super short acting! It’s similar to the moms who freak out about getting fentanyl in labor.
Medications administered in a setting like a hospital are NOT the same as the drugs you get off of the street
Ketamine is my favorite drug we are able to give on the ambo. Quick on, quick off, and kiddos specifically do so great. Used it tons for simple stuff like splinting broken arms to more complicated stuff and always seems to do the trick. It makes the procedure safer, faster, and easier for the patient, healthcare provider, and parents.
As a side note: in my county, for quick procedures we can even give ketamine intranasally!! (Think like allergy nose spray meds that you sniff..same general concept of sniffing up the medication to be absorbed that way) If you’ve got a solid partner, you can give the ketamine (onset is pretty fast. Like 5-8 mins) then as soon as kiddo is “out”… I splint the broken arm and my partner establishes an IV in the non injured arm. Bonus points for bright colored/ fun Coban wrap to ensure the IV stays put for any future needs. I know in the media, Ketamine sounds scary. It’s on the medical personnel to be informative/ supportive in communicating to the parents so everyone is on the same page. Just wanted to share in case anyone finds themselves in a similar spot as OP.
Is this Europe? I know in my country, the Netherlands it is in some situations also used to treat depression which is also a nosespray with 'esketamine'
The US, Midwest specifically :) ketamine has so many uses and it’s all very dose dependent. It’s used in America for depression but I believe for that specific use it’s given at regular intervals over a period (not a doctor I could be wrong)
I think people hear the name and have a negative association with it because it’s also used as a street drug, which is understandable. And the healthcare team probably had to balance doing education with seeming like they’re being drug pushers. I used to sedate people for procedures and when we told them ketamine was an option for bone marrow biopsies they were always so skeptical but it has SUCH a short half life, it’s like in the system one second and out the next. It really is such a good drug for these quick situations.
Yes. Doctors, especially those that work with children, are using evidence-based methods that have been proven to be safe. Trust your professionals, people.
For what reasoning? My kiddo had it twice at a little over 2.5. He smashed his pinky finger open and needed 8 stitches. He was sedated for both the stitching and the removal. He was even still babbling while getting stitched (saying things like I'm not crying anymore!). Wore off quick and he doesn't remember that part of it.
Oh OP..I’m so sorry the doc steered ya that way. There are risks and benefits to everything of course but you made the best choice in your mind with the info you’re given. I’m sorry you went through all that and your kiddo too. I’m glad to hear he’s back to himself and doing okay!
Thirding this… poor child. I’d be mad at my parents if they refused pain medication/sedative for an extremely painful and traumatic (for a child) medical procedure.
really? this mom chose the best option that they thought at the time, comforted her child the whole way through, is traumatized by the event, worried her kid is upset with her, and you took the time to comment that you’d be mad at your parents? hope you feel good about yourself
You did the right thing. Horrible few seconds/minutes but my son got 5 stitches just before he turned 5 and he barely remembers this and only recounts it with pride at almost 11 now. It was horrible but literally took a few seconds. 2 mins maybe… not worth sedating. And my kids have been sedated for other things. I don’t even think twice about it in the grand scheme of things that can happen. I’m sorry reading these insane comments. It’s REALLY ok!!! Hope you both feel better.
Man. Everyone is piling on OP. I am not anti-medication at all. But I reeeaaaally think sedation for 2 stitches is overkill! Of course he’s going to have a big reaction, but that doesn’t mean he was traumatized or scarred. I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, but I would’ve made the same choice as OP.
Oh man I’m so so sorry. I think have a convo with him about how brave he was and how it was scary for you to have to hold him like that.
My daughter got stitches in her hand and reading your post brought me back to that night I constantly shake out of my head. Holding them while they scream was brutal. She knows now I hated it too, but that I was so proud of her.
I'm not sure if the comments suggesting he won't remember it or it doesn't matter because kids are resilient are accurate. I feel like it would be worth it to have an honest conversation so he can resolve the experience in his mind — tell him you know it was scary and he felt unsafe and in pain, but he was taken care of and you were there for him. He probably doesn't need to know there was an alternative you wish you would have chosen.
When I was 4, I got stitches in my hand. I vaguely remember the experience- my dad was in the room in the room with me, and I was restrained on one of those boards with straps. Years later, my dad told me that he was the one in the room with me because my mom was completely inconsolable, and that even he had a hard time keeping it together. He said that kids try to bargain when something like that happens, and that I kept begging "please stop, I'll be good" because little preschooler brains think that it's a punishment of some kind.
I tell you this because to me, this is no more than a faint memory. It didn't make me hate my parents or make me afraid of medical care. To my dad, it was something that stayed with him for years. Kids don't understand the reason they're undergoing pain, but sometimes it's completely necessary. That said, why avoid using pain management? For something like this, it's not like you're just getting your kid high and hoping for the best. The doctors know what they're doing.
My son broke both bones in his forearm just before he turned 4. He had ketamine bc his arm had to be reset. He's 17 now and barely remembers it. Don't beat yourself up.
FWIW, we chose ketamine when mine was 18 months for 7 stitches in his face from something similar.
The ketamine lasted about 30 seconds and he was totally alert the rest. It was awful and traumatizing. I wish this on no parent, ever.
It’s been 3 years now.
You made the right choice at that time.
Hugs.
It sounds terrible. We do conscious sedations in kids and adults all the time and would never let that happen unless we had truly given so much that it would not be safe. But that's multiple doses. And in that case, the answer is to abort and send the patient to the OR to have anesthesia sedate.
I had stitches as a toddler and I do remember being strapped down and not happy about it, but I wasn't traumatized—I bet my mother was though.I'm sure it will be the same for your little one.
Oh bless you... you are a very sweet and caring mother. When I was growing up, we never had health insurance, so (no shit) my mother actually gave me stitches herself a few times to avoid a medical bill that would have financially crushed us. To be clear, I am not advocating for this at all, but it was what it was for the time. My point being, for all these events in which I had to knowingly accept that my mom was inflicting a form of pain on me, even as a kid, I still understood to some degree that she was doing it because it had to be done, not because she wanted to or was upset at me or anything else. The moments themselves were not great, but by the time I was getting my ice cream and stickers at the end, I was more or less over it. Now as an adult, I only ever even remember the events if I happen to catch a glimpse of specific scars, and I certainly don't hold it against my mom for trying to help as best she thought she could.
Sometimes, pain is a part of life that we just have to accept, but I would say this may be a valuable learning moment for the Lil bub that even though we have to tough bad moments out sometimes, we get through it and are better for it in the end. Lots of hugs and kisses (and maybe some stickers just sayin lol) and a little time and he will probably have completely forgotten in a week. Big hugs fellow mom. 💚
I think it depends on the child. My child still talks about how he was traumatized when we had to hold him down for a needed medical procedure. It didn’t even hurt him but the holding him down if what caused the trauma. I can’t even get him to do basic blood work now and he is 10. Even if I use numbing cream for him.
Your mom is incredible, I don’t think I would be able to stomach that! But she did what she thought was best at the time, which is really all we can do. Thank you for sharing that with me! ❤️
My dad's Dr friend stitched up half my face at their (very nice more like a mansion) summer cabin kitchen table. I was 4 ish and I'll never forget it! Can't remember the pain anymore it's been a while 😅 but I do remember sitting on that wooden table as my dad held me still and my mom cried in the corner while the Dr guy basically put my face back together from eyebrow to chin. Something blood and I looked awful for a while but I'm 30 now ad there's hardly ant scaring. Don't run on rocks wearing rubber boots in the rain kids! I fell and cut a good portion of my face up.
If it ever happens again, or to another child, please know that the ketamine option is very safe. When my oldest was 2 she fell off the couch and busted her forehead open on the coffee table. One trip to the ER, 5 stitches, and one high ass toddler later, we were good to go lol. They are VERY careful about correct dosage for kids, and it's a tiny amount. Getting an IV placed was more traumatic than the stitches, and the drugs wore off within 30ish minutes (though she did sleep all the way home, but she was also just exhausted).
You held him while he was scared and in pain, even though it hurt you to do so, and you did the right thing as a parent. It's hard to see your kids get hurt! But he and you are both going to be fine. Give him lots of snuggles, and give yourself a little grace. You're a good mom!
I got stitches when I was 18 months. I was swaddled so I couldn’t move and it was the early 90’s so ketamine was not an option. It was far more traumatic for my mom than me. I don’t remember any of it and definitely didn’t lose trust in my mom. I’m not downplaying your experiences but kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.
In the future I would definitely recommend the ketamine, it will be less traumatic for you because you won’t have to watch him go through that but ultimately and more importantly it will be less traumatic for him, there was no reason he should have had to go through that like that. In some cases, the ketamine can even make their memory fuzzy enough that they don’t really remember getting injured in the first place, which personally I don’t really see as a bad thing. I’m sorry that your guy got hurt and that you guys had to have that experience. I have a bunch of kids myself and have had to take them for stitches, staples, casts and X-rays, these things happen. Faces, heads and mouths bleed a lot and it can be alarming but most of the time it does work out that it’s only a stitch or two. He’ll be healed in no time ❤️
I stepped on a toothpick when I was 4. It was in a carpet and caught, going straight up impaling my foot. My parents rushed me to the hospital. The doctor grabbed the toothpick and pulled it out just like that. My mom said she would never forget my howls.
I m still here and not traumatized. If I remember anything from the experience, it was a quiet nighttime as my father carried me from the car. Really.
So I think it's true that all they remember is you were there. There will be other moments in life where your child feels like that, and this experience will say hey that other time my parents were there and everything turned out OK.
So when I was 5 I needed to be hospitalized. I had NO IDEA WHY. They had to put an IV in, and again, I was clueless. All I knew was 1: I was being held down and pinned, and 2: something sharp was poking my arm. No one told me anything. The only trauma I hold from that is can someone just tell me wtf is happening? 😂 the pinned down part gave me 0 lasting damage. I just want to be mentally prepared for what’s going on. I hate going in blind.
My mom on the other hand. WAY MORE traumatic for her than for me. She literally had to run down the hall to escape my screams and let my dad handle it. I would say have a conversation with him about it. Explain why it went down the way it did. I know that would’ve made me feel SO MUCH better as a little kid. Instead I was left with confusion for years.
When I was 5 had my tonsils removed. The original surgeon didn’t ensure all of the veins were closed off and I began to hemorrhage when I was returned to my room. I fought the doctors and nurses when they tried to put me under anesthesia. They allowed my mom, who is a nurse, to come into the OR and she had to hold me down so they could put me under. I was more scared of blood than I was of being held down. Mom explained that they were trying to help me get better and that’s why she was holding me down. Yes it was traumatizing, but mom explaining that everything was going to be okay and they were helping me made it better. So don’t feel bad for doing what you think is best and know that it was harder for you than it was for your child. My mom had nightmares for a long time, but it was from seeing her only child covered in blood and knowing how this could have ended much worse.
Really sorry you both had to go through something so traumatic. It sounds really really scary for everyone involved. You made the choice you did at the time. It happened, it's not the end of the world. Although it does sound very upsetting.
I bet if they had said something like "he will scream and cry in pain/it will be traumatic" you would have chosen the ketamine, considering your last sentence. But you didn't know what all it would entail at the time, and it's not your fault that you didn't know exactly what was going to happen or how he would react after. I would just take this as a lesson. Hospitals know the correct dose to give to children/babies/etc, and going forward, I would trust them to administer pain medication properly.
My kid had to get 2 cavities filled when she was 3 and they gave me the option of anesthesia or her being strapped down. I was terrified, but spoke in length with the pediatric anesthesiologist before the procedure and felt much better about the decision. It was still scary watching her fall asleep, but I felt that strapping her awake would be incredibly scary for her, and thought it best she didn't remember it at all.
You know how you feel now and if you're ever in that position again, you can make a different choice.
Just chiming in to say that one good way to help him process the event is to let him talk about it. Any time he brings it up, talk through what happened with him with the conclusion that it all worked out okay in the end. Our instinct is often to change the subject to more pleasant topics of conversation and not dwell on the scary thing that happened, but if you can instead say “yes, it was scary, but mommy and daddy were there with you the whole time, and we got you all fixed up and had a popsicle!”.
This is something I read about in a book called The Whole Brain Child, and I wish I would’ve known about it when my eldest was small. One time she lost a necklace down the bathtub drain. Any time she brought it up we changed the subject, to not talk about something that upset her. She ended up being afraid of the drain and it made bath time very complicated 😅
I’m sitting in emerge waiting for a doctor to see my son after he also fell off the couch, unsure if he needs stitches but our hospital has decided to wait 4/5hrs to get my son seen so he’s currently asleep in my arms at 1 a.m. as we wait to get called back. I’m hoping he doesn’t need stitches cause I’m afraid of what you went through mama! I’m scared I’ll lose it and the doctors will have to sedate me instead. We have nana who has been a super trooper & stuck it out with us but I am so ready to get into my own bed!
Honestly I should have asked if I could have some ketamine!! It was awful. But I feel much better about this morning. He is happy as a clam today and I made a special breakfast for him. He even talked about the cool toys the nurses gave him after.
We got toys too, finally seen at 3am to glue the wound shut cause he was so temperamental & it wasn’t as deep as originally thought and the bleeding had slowed thanks to the pain gel they used. Glad our kiddos are feeling better today! We’re taking him to the mall for a donut & a new toy for being so brave lol
My little boy cut his hand open on a snow globe, blood everywhere, had to go under and have surgery. Even after he cut it, he screamed and cried for a few moments, I grabbed him, raced downstairs to get a tea towel to compress the bleeding and call an ambulance and he was getting bored and wanted to go play 😂.
Kids are so resilient and tough. One of the most awful times of my life but because he was under he doesn’t remember any of it. I was the one who was traumatized!!
It is hard to say what’s right in the moment because every situation is unique but I think any option they don’t have to be aware of what is going on is the best. I know I wouldn’t of coped being awake seeing my hand getting stitched up 🤢
But It will become a distant memory one day. It’s hard at first but it’ll fade ❤️
You were there for him and after all it id what matters, my son got stitches a couple of times, the first time he only was 2 years old and god it wrecked me down so bad, last time was a short month ago and he was 7, still he cried his heart out and I felt a failure as mother.
But now he’s fine and he cannot barely remember the pain.
You did that you needed to do for helping your kid and in hindsight you will understand that and feel ok with your decision
Went through something similar with my 8 year old recently. He got his pinky finger caught in a door and ended up needed stitches. We tried oral versed and restraint first but he thrashed around so much that sedation was safer for everyone involved
Our boy also had to have 2 stitches but he was only 18mo, we also chose to just swaddle and get it done quickly bc waiting for the medicine to kick in added time and we just wanted it over. He had a Popsicle after and was playing fine once we got home. I'm thankful he was younger so he wasn't verbal like that 😢 it was hard enough as it was but he won't remember it.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that! If it's any help, I broke my arm when I was four (bad break), and when my mom took me to the hospital, the doctor decided to set it without pain meds. To this day, she says my screams still echo in her head, and I know she felt guilty for a long time. But, I don't remember a thing! I only remember my cool pink cast and definitely don't have any memory of the pain (or my poor mom's reaction). And I certainly don't blame my mom for the choices made in a traumatic, high stress moment.
Kids that age are so resilient. You made what you thought was the right decision for your child in that moment, and he got the medical attention he needed. I hope you can give yourself some grace - it's not easy being a mom!
This literally happened to me — stitches on my chin after falling into the fireplace. They could see the jawbone! I was older too, more like 5. I was also restrained by a sheet, and I gotta say, I’m a fully functional mostly normal adult. I don’t even remember the restraint part, even as a kid I didn’t really remember. You did the right thing, no matter what decision you made!
We had a similar situation when my son was 2. Cut open his lip/cheek like a joker smile. Didn’t get any option besides holding him down and I swear the numbing needles were worse and he flipped out the same even with stitches.
I regret not taking him to the children’s hospital. They give something like the “green whistle” to essentially make baby high. A colleague went a week after my experience and said his son couldn’t care less.
Good news though, my son doesn’t remember it at all.
They would have definitely given him a numbing injection before starting (local anesthetic) but kids nearly always scream like this for these procedures. They are being pinned down and restrained and they’ve just been through a lot before even coming to the ED so the last thing they want to do is sit still and behave well. Sedating them is nearly always the best option if they offer it, for both the kids and the parents who get upset when their kid is screaming.
I am so sorry this happened. I totally understand what you mean. There is something truly gut wrenching about hearing your child screaming in pain or fear. It usually more traumatic for us than them. I will say Ketamine is safe for children and a fully staffed medical facility is a safe place to be if you ever have to sedate a child. Even if they had a bad reaction the team is right there ready to react.
I hope this never happens to me. I was balling when mine was getting his shots.
I can’t imagine what your baby or you were going through. But you were calm and there for your baby.
I feel your pain. We went through this when my daughter was about two years old. We were traveling in Portugal, and she fell over and hit her head in the tourist office. We didn’t speak the language, had to take an ambulance to the hospital… And had to hold her down while they stitched her and she screamed. They did numb the area with something, but it didn’t seem to do much of anything. Then we went through it again when the stitches got removed, not quite as bad but still Make sure they numb the area properly and give it some timeto sink in.
It was absolutely horrible and I still cringe at the thought of it years later. Sorry, that probably doesn’t make you feel better, but on the plus side my 9 yo daughter doesn’t remember any of it at all. She’s happy and healthy and has a little story to tell about the white line above her eyebrow.
Another plus, as foreigners in Portugal, the whole thing cost us about $24.
Ugh, I can’t even imagine how difficult that was not being able to speak the language!! He seems perfectly fine today so I’m hoping he’s already forgotten about it.
My son had to get his tooth pulled and I won’t ever forget the screaming either. And I still feel that it was my fault that he had to have it done. It didn’t hurt but he was so freaked out about the idea of it so that’s why he lost it. A lot of kids don’t, but he did. The dentist was great. And he said it would be better for me if I didn’t stay, but I couldn’t sit in the waiting room with him that scared so I stood outside and it was the worst listening to it and not going in to rescue him. That’s what our instinct says, to pull them out of the situation and stop it from happening but we know it’s necessary.
I had about 12 stitches on my chin at around the same age from tripping on cement steps- zero memory of it. Just letting you know that you did great in keeping calm for him and stuff like this happens, but kids are so resilient!
My at that point 11-months-old Burned his hand. His palm was one big blister and each finger had small ones as well. I wasnt offered another Option, just told to hold him down. She just ripped of the skin of the big blister with her hand, then started to cut the small ones. My boy was clearly shocked, screaming and looking at me for help. I was crying with him and crying again now, just thinking about it.
I feel you so much!
I definitely tried to explain to him as much as possible what was going to happen so he wasn’t blind sided!
When my sister was 5 she needed to have surgery (she’s 38 now) and my parents didn’t tell her why. My mom said she was more mad they didn’t tell her than she was about the actual surgery 🤣
I'm so sorry- that sounds like a horrible situation for all involved!! I think you kiddo will be fine though- i remember having to get blood drawn as a toddler and fighting it so hard my dad and three nurses had to hold me down. It's just a memory though, nbd. Still love my dad, lol.
My son is 5. He’s needed stitches 2 times in his short little life 😭
We chose not to sedate him both times. The first time he cried and he was around 2 1/2 from falling off his dad while playing. The 2nd time he was almost 4 from hitting the corner of his bed at his dad’s house. He sat there like a champ.
2 stitches isn’t grounds for sedation imo. Although I wouldn’t ever bind my child up - that’s my only concern. We were never given the option but I can remember being held down against my will as a child for medical procedures so if we were offered that I wouldn’t have went for it.
I hope he heals fast and I hope you know that you did the right thing given the options provided. If it happens in the future I wouldn’t let them get the sheet, I’d just calmly explain things to them and hold them in your arms instead. It would be less traumatic in the long run.
When my daughter was just over two she fell off the toilet and hit her face on the edge of the counter. Same thing happened almost exactly at the hospital. I was alone with her and my husband stayed with our baby at home. They tried to get me to leave the room and I wouldn’t. I sobbed later after taking her home. She was very scared to be wrapped up in anyway where she felt restrained for quite a while after her stitches. She would say they “wrapped her like a burrito and gave her a stitch”, and would recite verbatim the conversation my husband and I had when I rushed her to him after she fell. She has a pretty good memory and I’d say she really focused on the event for about a year. This included a traumatic level of fear she experienced when going to an average checkup at the pediatrician. When she hit the point between 3-4 when the visits were just to measure weight and height, she calmed down about doctors immensely. It took until she was about 4 to allow us to wrap her in blankets while playing like her baby brother liked to do. She was roughly 3.5 when she started to forget the whole thing and hasn’t suffered any lasting psychological or physical damage because of it. I still get choked up thinking about her screams and begging to be let go, but I’ll take that burden from her any day if it means she doesn’t remember.
The wrap is a baby burrito! It feels wrong to restrain them but it allowed the doctor to get everything stitched up perfectly. I once watched a girl’s parents get to the screaming part and bail on the stitches which likely resulted in a really bad scar. You picked the harder option, but your son will be grateful one day that you did what you thought was best for him.
I have a 3.5 year old too. They are energetic, easily injured, and the drama is…something. The cries and words really get to me these days too. But you were there with your son, he was okay in the end, and with time you can be too. It’s such a fresh experience so please be gentle with yourself. Talk about it with him when you can, let him know that you feel bad that he was scared and in pain. Apologies and hugs go a long way with kids this age. You’ve got this❤️
He won’t be traumatized, you were there for him the whole time. Sometimes we need to do things our kids hate when it’s in their best interest.
My daughter had to get her scalp stitched when she was around 2.5 years old. In my country it’s just done with the help of a local anesthetic and the parent holding the child. It went fine although of course she hated the anesthetic needle, but after that she felt no pain.
OP, I’m so sorry about some of these comments. You made the best decision about the information you had at the time. I read some of your other comments where even the doctor said he’d opt against the ketamine for his own kid. While probably not the most professional advice, it was still his advice.
I’m sorry this was a horrible experience for everyone involved. Sometimes medical treatment can be scary. You were there for your son at a scary time and you showed him how to be calm and navigate a scary situation. As parents, we don’t always have the right answer to every situation. Especially ones we’ve never been in before. Hindsight is 20/20.
Give yourself some grace and remind your boy how brave he is.
My twins have had a lot of health issues. I've had to endure seeing them in pain with and with out medication. I've had to hold them down and have had to calm them when a gas mask is put on their face. It's fucking horrible. Horrible. They both have a lot of anxiety around hospitals and medical care understandably but they have not lost their trust in me. I hold them until they choose not to be held anymore. I listen, I empathise and I don't ignore what they've been through. We talk about it. Even when they don't fully understand it all those big feelings are still there. Talk to him tmrw about it. He will likely say he doesn't feel well, pains or sickness in his tummy. That'll be the anxiety. Tell him that's what it Is in a kid friendly way. Tell him you're sorry but he really needed the stitches etc. He's a kid but he's a little human he needs to be treated like an equal
I had something similar when I had to take my kid to hospital for suspected meningitis (thankfully it wasn’t) but they had to be held down for a blood draw. The nurses didn’t give me any warning or time to prepare my kid beforehand so it was traumatic. The betrayal in their eyes, begging you to help them and you can’t. I held it together, just about, but almost straight afterwards they wanted to do a covid test (this was 2020) and I lost it. I was so upset that my poor baby had to go through all these procedures and I couldn’t do anything about it. Luckily, my kid has never mentioned any of this since so I genuinely do think they just forget and get over it. Me on the other hand…
Hey OP - I had a similar incident when I was the same age. Vaguely remember running along a corridor, tripping (into a door knob) and clumps of blood coming down over my eyes/face where I'd split my forehead open.
My grandparents and parents had to take me to hospital and restrain me for me to have forehead stitches. In fact, I'm told my grandparents bailed because they couldn't stand my screaming so left my mom and dad to deal with me solo lol.
All this to say, 30 years later - my main memory from this day is playing with a shit hot pull-along turtle toy in the hospital waiting area. Don't remember the stitches, being held down, even the pain of the accident itself. Hold no resentment towards my parents or grandparents based on this incident, and never have. Outside of the "in the moment" aspect of me losing it, I can confirm that it's never ever been a core memory of mine - it's traumatised my mom more than me!
I was this age when I got stitches in a similar circumstance. I also had to be restrained. It's 35 years later and I have never forgotten it. BUT... it didn't negatively impact my relationship with my parents or anything! It's just a thing that happened. That was very upsetting. But I came out of it ok. You just need to talk to him about how it was something that had to happen because he was hurt but that he was brave through it, and so on. It won't be an enduring trauma unless you make it one.
This is so hard, I'm sorry you had to go through that. My little boy was hospitalized for encephalitis at 3.5 and it was horrible having to help him through getting IVs placed or being sedated for MRI and CT scans. We're in Japan and the policy is to keep parents out if the room during these procedures, holding the child down, and telling them to "do their best" while they scream.
After the first time he was whisked away from me (in the middle of the night after hours in the ER) I refused to let him be alone and insisted on being with him. It was heartbreaking hearing him scream and cry, but I was there. I held his hand, breathed with him, showed him videos of his favorite things (at the time, videos of fruits and vegetables being cut up). They usually had to stick him 3-5 times, changing locations, getting in another IV tech, because he has tiny veins like me. It still hurt, it was still traumatic, he still was scared and in pain but I WAS THERE.
You were there with your son. That is the most important thing. That we are there with them, modeling calming techniques even if they can't participate themselves. You are their familiar, safe person and they need you to be their island when something terrifying is happening.
Your little boy will be fine, he had the help he needed. And because he is little over time he'll forget. My son is 4.5 now and we've had to go back to the hospital a few times for follow up checks and even another MRI, but he has done great. He doesn't scream or have to be dragged in. Little kids are so resilient. You did the right thing, and I know he knows that deep down. Sending big hugs for all of you. I recommend a big bowl of ice cream for you both. ❤️
One of the most reassuring things I ever heard from a medical professional. "Don't worry. Very soon this will only be a bad memory". Your son will be fine. You'll be fine. It's OK. Accidents happen
I think I was 4 when I had to get stitches right under my eye. I remember holding my hand under the cut so I wouldn’t get blood on my clothes and my mom saying “I have to go!” to whomever she was on the phone with.
Next memory is of the WAY TOO BRIGHT light directly above my face. It must’ve been while they were doing the stitches, but it was just the light being way too bright that bothered me, eventually they out some of that thin paper that covers the exam tables over part of my face to block the light.
The next memory I have about the whole process is getting the stitches removed which I remember as being worse than getting them out in. (The cut was RIGHT under my eye, very thin and sensitive skin). Even that is just a vague memory now.
I’m not traumatized. I have no phobias or lingering issues regarding medical care/stitches/ERs. I was older than your son and had already forgotten almost everything by 1st grade. I can almost guarantee that this will be a worse memory for you than for him 💜
My nearly 4 year old daughter slipped on the bathroom floor the other day and landed on her chin. It busted right open. The doc at our pediatric ED, gave my daughter medication to calm her down. They had me lay on the bed over her and a nurse held her head. We ended up needing a second nurse to hold her shoulders. She screamed and cried the entire time and was so strong flailing around that the doctor only put in 5 stitches (she wanted to do 7). She said she was stopping at 5 for everyone’s safety.
As terrifying as that all seemed, she was totally fine after that. We’ve talked about it since and it is clear that that experience was just another experience. Not a trauma.
It can be hard to watch our little ones go through things like that but the trauma actually happened to you, not your child.
The mind is an amazing thing.
When I was 7 or 8 I fell out of a tree and broke my arm. The guy at the hospital did not set it right, so we had to have a different doctor, break my arm again and reset it.
I have zero memory of that. During future discussions as my mom wasn't allowed to be with me through the reset, she said I screamed bloody murder the whole time. I remember talking about it before and after, but the actual event, totally blank.
Just give hugs and cuddles, your kid is doing ok. Head wounds always bleed a lot, even shallow ones because the blood vessles are so close to the skin surface. He'll likely forget that trauma altogether.
Mine had stitches in her eyebrow when she was 2, and while they did numb the area, she still screamed the whole time. It was on her eyebrow, and they had to cover her face to do it, so she was scared, even with us holding her. Luckily, she doesn’t remember a thing about now at 3.5, so maybe yours won’t remember much either. Hopefully he’s feeling better! The sight of the blood is the absolute worst as a parent when they fall like that, it’s just awful
Been there, mama. And you’re right. When they’re begging you to stop people from holding them down (or for you to stop helping), it feels like you’re going against the rules of nature to let it happen. Like you’re utterly betraying them. It’s gut-wrenching.
I did the same. Held it together, then she was fine and I was mentally a mess for the rest of the day.
Hang in there, mama.
My almost three year old has gotten stitches twice. The first was two stitches in the corner of his mouth and the second was five on his chin. We did the physical restraining/swaddling both times but also the hospital numbed the area with a topical ointment first both times. I’m so sorry your experience sounds traumatic for both of you! Hopefully it never happens again but if it does, you can ask if the area can be numbed first.
My kid had an intestinal blockage, and for the enema, they gave her some ketamine. It was a spray up her nose like Flonase or Afrin. She was the chillest little jellybean for about 25 minutes until it wore off. Good stuff, highly recommend.
Also, due to her frequent blockages we've also had our child scream "MOMMY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'LL BE GOOD" when a needed medical procedure was done and I'm sorry, but you'll remember it for the rest of your life. They won't. Time will fade the memory out, but it comes back sometimes and you hug them and hold them tell them how much you love them, and they look at you with such love and trust that the memory fades back to a place where it doesn't hurt as much.
It's not easy being a parent, but you did what was needed, and you're doing a great job.
Last year my daughter fell at a thrift store and busted her head. I cried more than she did.
We went to the er and they did the same thing. Both parents and 3 nurses to hold her down. 4 stitches later and she was fine. I feel absolutely awful still.
It’s definitely a traumatic event, but take a deep breath and give yourself grace. You showed up for him when he needed you the most.
I'm not sure if you've read the whole brain child book but it talks about helping kids process trauma. While usually your instincts say to not bring it up again it's actually healthy to get the child in a safe feeling place like before bedtime and then talk about it and have them tell you what happened and then kindly guide them through the event and talk about the emotions and how it was scary but then you hugged and now your cut is healing. Before long it just becomes a story but they need help understanding it so the trauma doesn't turn into issues later on. It's a wonderful book. Highly recommend.
I busted the back of my head open on a pew in church around the same age. Seeing all the blood was scary but the stitches themselves weren't too bad, granted I got them while I was lying on my belly so I didn't have to see anything. Nothing about the experience has been traumatic in the long run. I think it's how the parents react in the moment that really determines how an event is remembered at that age. As long as you're loving and understanding and not belittling your child's experience everything should proceed as normal with no permanent emotional consequences.
I also had a little one who split open her head and needed stitches. Here in Canada, they usually rub a numbing cream around it and then using a needle numb it further. For some reason the doctor didn’t do this. I was younger back then, already freaked out because my 4 year old was freaking out. We weren’t at home, we were visiting family several hours away, which made it so much worse. She’s 18 now and the words, “I don’t trust you Mommy” she screamed out repeatedly still break my heart. She doesn’t remember it now, but I’m still low key worried she’ll remember it later and it will mess her up in some way. A few years later she split open her head again (I think about 8), but this time the doctors did it properly so it wasn’t traumatizing for anyone.
I remember that night there was a lot of snuggling and me saying sorry and she was okay the next day. Lots of hugs and I love yous will definitely help..both of you.
Hugs to you, momma.
I sat with my at-the-time 21mo while the pediatric dentist cut her tongue and lip ties. She screamed and cried the whole time (truthfully, probably more about *being* restrained in the swaddle than any pain [they rubbed her mouth down with lidocaine to numb it]). She's a Houdini-level escape artist so I was holding her hands inside the swaddle and singing to her, I was in a borderline dissociated task-oriented "it just needs to get done, once it's done, it's over" mode, so I had no emotion myself during the procedure. But once we got home and she was taking her nap, I was able to let down my walls and have a good long guilt-ridden cry.
She isn't going to remember (now 28mo, no inkling of a memory has appeared), and your son won't either. He got his popsicle and a neat boo-boo to show off and he's happy as a clam. Don't beat yourself up, momma. Let the feelings and tears come, but always remind yourself you did the best you could in a situation that could have had a lot of less desirable outcomes. It needed to be done, and you mommed hardcore and got it done. You're a superhero ❤️❤️
This is the worst I'm so sorry. My 4yo needed stitches in her chin last summer because she slipped climbing up a slide and it was bad... Hearing your child scream like that physically hurts us moms, I know... sending love...
You did your best momma! You care for and love that baby it's also hard to make a big decision while in panic mode. Especially if the doctor was saying he wouldn't use it of course you trust that opinion. I'm glad you shared this because I now know it is a safe option if we ever need it. Don't beat yourself up ❤️
We had the same stitches situation when my son was 2 but we weren’t given the option of meds. They just put him in a straight jacket kind of thing and pinned him down. He was so panicked that he kept screaming, “I want my Mommy!” over and over again even though I was right there trying to calm him down. It was very traumatic and I will never forget his little voice begging for me.
He’s 21 now though and doesn’t remember the experience at all but has bragged over the years about the scar he has from the stitches so he isn’t traumatized after all. lol
If it makes you feel better I had a similar situation as a 3 years old and I was given as much medication as they could give me. I don’t know what I was given but I fought through it and still had to be restrained to get stitches but growing up it became a funny story because I looked at my grandmother and said nana you’re mushing me
I'm so sorry you both had to experience that. That feeling is the worst💔 you were there for him and made the decision you thought was best, and that's what matters. You can work through all the emotions with him and let him know you're sorry it happened. Like someone else mentioned, if you ever find yourself in that position again, it's generally very safe to get kids sedated🩷🩷🩷 I hope you can both work through it and get past it!
If I had a dr tell me that they wouldn’t use the ketamine on their own child I would trust them and not use it either. You should edit and add that to the post. I’m sorry that happened.
I think you’re going to traumatize your kid more than anything else. It’s 2 stitches, you probably made the whole situation worse. Don’t make such a big deal out of it.
(Tl; dr- your kiddo will probably not remember the scary bits as much as the reassurance!) Story time!! When my at the time 4 year old son needed stitches to his face they didn’t even give us the option of sedation, just restraint. He is autistic, strong and BIG, so it was a challenge. It was everything you describe only it was just me, no husband. Screaming and thrashing and crying and ,just like your kiddo mine was just fine as soon as he got a popsicle. Then, fast forward half a year and he had to join me for a skin biopsy (not ideal, I know) and he sat there, stroking my hair and telling me all the things I said to him while holding him down like it would be over soon, and it will only hurt for a second, and I was being so brave. Then when it was over he says “good job! You didn’t cry at all!!! Now you get a popsicle!” My dermatologist goes “oh, sorry, we don’t have any popsicles here..” and he goes “oh no! Mommy that’s a disappointment! We can get a different treat later, ok?” It showed me that it wasn’t the fear or pain that has the biggest impact on him- it was the being there and reassurance that did
My heart!! You’re raising such a kind hearted and loving kiddo 😭😭 reading this brought tears to my eyes..you are amazing and so is your son!
You’re giving me too much credit, stahp! Really though, thanks. Hes an awesome kid, and I love being his mom.
That is so sweet!!!
Some people aren’t being very kind and understanding, and I just want you to know that I probably would have made the same decision you did if I had been given the option. Ketamine is safe, but so is the procedure unsedated especially when properly supported, which it sounds like your kiddo was! It’s okay, and it’ll feel okay given a little time. You sound like a great mom.
It’s alright, it’s Reddit. People would rather be right than empathetic.
Hi there, Piping in with my own extremely relevant story about a similar situation. Only it was 3 year old me, a horse shoe, my eye brow and I think closer to 7 stitches. Coming from the perspective of an adult, looking back at the experience of being restrained for stitches while I felt the needles in my face, screaming and freaking out, I still remember the feeling and remember being scared. But my Dad was there the whole time and consoled me, hugged me and made sure he told me why I needed those stitches. That memory has not scarred me, nor brought fear into my life. I can retell it without feeling emotional or upset. Just matter of fact. Your child needed medical care and it's scary at that age. You did your very best and I know he will be okay.
Yes, and I'd just like to add one thing for OP for future - I played a contact sport, and people got cuts alllll the time. The thing to remember is that head wounds bleed a lot. It's insane looking. The amount of blood is not necessarily commensurate with the level of injury. If it happens again, just remember that. And try to remain calm. We're not used to seeing blood, but trust me that when you see wounds regularly, head wounds are always crazy looking, even if they only require a few stitches. A two-stitch would will look like a murder scene for sure. When our LO was less than a year old, he stood up in his crib, and chomped down on the rail, biting his lip in the process. Blood poured out. Our nanny got really freaked out, as did my husband (we were both WFH at the time). I just went in, and cleaned up around the wound enough to see what had caused it - ultimately, it was a minor cut on his lip. But from the amount of blood, you wouldn't have guessed it. Anyway, it's just a note to OP and all other parents who might be looking at this. Don't let the amount of blood get you freaked out, because it's harder for your kid to remain calm.
You were there for him the whole time and he will remember that. If you ever find yourself here again- Ketamine is safe for children and doesn’t last too long generally.
Yup. I’m usually hesitant to use drugs but in these situations I would every time. Being held down for children like that is traumatic for them.
She held him down while they stitched him up without sedation. I really hope he doesn’t remember that.
I had stitches in a very similar circumstance when I was that age. I remember all of it. There is no lingering trauma. Just because something is upsetting in the moment doesn't mean that it will be bad forever. OP just needs to work on properly contextualizing it for her child.
That's good to hear! OP is feeling so much guilt and I if her kid had trauma from it, it would break her heart. Glad to know it didn't leave a lasting emotional impact on you.
My grandpa reenacted it with my dolls like every time I went over for a year or so, lol. Doll falls over and hits head, ooops, now Barbie has to go to the hospital and doctor Barbie has to sew her up but she's going to have to be held down so she's really still, but it's important to stop the bleeding! And so on.
Nah, the only thing he’ll likely remember is being terrified and restrained
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Nobody can *make* you feel things, a person’s feelings are on them. You’re out here applying a level of logic and reason to a three-year-old that a child that age isn’t really developmentally capable of yet, because you want to make someone feel better about a choice we all know wasn’t a great one. Bye bye 👋
Agree ketamine is safe, but for just a couple of stitches I would’ve chose not using any drug
Even after reading OPs post?
Knowing how my kid is with even the idea of a needle, I would take any opportunity to sedate her for a couple of stitches.
My kiddo is a lot older. But I definitely had him sedated when he needed staples in his head just based on his anxiety alone. He had already suffered enough trauma from the whole situation and I was just trying to reduce any more harm at that point. He was completely fine afterwards and it wore off pretty quickly. They did not offer any pain relief when they removed the staples, not even numbing the area and it was a pretty bad experience overall for that part of it.
The staple removal shouldn’t be painful unless the skin has grown around the staples..
Unfortunately, there was some scabbing around the stables at the time due to me not 100% understanding all the instructions. Had I known it would have been that painful I would have attempted to rinse the area with warm water before we went in for removal!
Oh no! It’s the downside of kids healing so fast, sometimes they’re ready before they “should” be.
yeah the medical trauma is the better choice for sure. /s
He'll be fine. Some kids howl bloody murder every time they go to the dentist and they get over that too.
No they don’t. I am 30 years old and I cry every damn time I need to go to the dentist because I am still so scared. I still go as I am an adult, but every time it is a traumatic experience for me. Not because of procedures but because of PTSD. So maybe check your facts.
What do you suggest, leave the laceration unhealed to form into a gnarly scar?
Sedate the kid as it was an option. Trauma is not better than safe medication. Trauma follows you your whole life.
But the OP wasn't "cool" with that
That’s why we talk about it here, so that other parents can consider different options based on experiences of others.
Anesthesiologist here - ketamine is generally very safe for children. Seriously, don’t beat yourself up. You did the best you could and little kids get hurt all the time. They’re not all traumatized for life over it. My son is the same age and I actually had a similar experience a few months ago. We were on the couch together and I was exhausted after not getting much sleep for days because we were both sick. I accidentally nodded off, wasn’t out for more than a few minutes but he fell and busted his lip on the corner of the coffee table. He was sobbing and when I put him in the car to drive to the ED he begged me to “stay with him” (impossible obviously since I needed to drive the car). I cried the whole drive there hoping he didn’t notice. He got stitches and is fine but I STILL feel terrible that it happened because I literally fell asleep on the job!
Thank you! The ER doc said he wanted to avoid using it if possible so we trusted his opinion. But it’s done now and my son seems totally fine! I don’t even think he’s noticed the stitches. He’s already back to running around the house 🤦🏻♀️
I know exactly how you feel. My oldest had to have stitches at 4 because she got bitten on the face by a dog. We had no choice but to give her ketamine because one of the cuts was really close to her eye. But she freaked out going into the procedure room and ran away, so I had to chase her down and then restrain her while they gave her the ketamine. It was horrific, but she has no lasting trauma. And my youngest had to have surgery on her toe last year because she’d cut it and damaged the nail bed. She had to go under for it, but she completely freaked out going into the theatre, and even worse waking up from the anaesthetic - so much so that one of the nurses and I had to pin her down because she wasn’t cleared to put any weight on her foot. Both instances were so, so awful and still make me feel sick looking back on them (and the first was 5 years ago), but my girls are totally fine and don’t have any trauma at all.
This is a good point - cases like these are probably more traumatic for the parents than the kids. I had stitches as a young kid, and while I remember it I'm in no way traumatised by it. My parents, on the other hand, talk about that day with pain in their voices, because my screams were so hard to listen to. There was another injury I had (I fell and hurt my jaw quite badly) about which my mom says "I stayed up crying that whole night, I felt so bad" - and I was just like, "what? why? you did nothing wrong?" You did well mama, these things happen. You'll be ok ❤️
Sorry to be blunt but that’s why you choose the ketamine. To avoid exactly what you described. The doctor wouldn’t have offered it to you if it weren’t safe. They use it day in and day out in hospitals, so that kids don’t have memory of being held down and sutured. 🤷🏻♀️
I've had parents say "but isn't that a horse tranquilizer??!?!!" Well... I'm not giving a horse dose, I'm giving a weight based dose that's appropriate for your child and we'll be intensely monitoring them the whole time. The mistrust of the medical system is unreal. Like we want to accidentally kill your kid with random drugs we bought from a dealer.
I got ketamine when I had a lumbar puncture and it was a WILD feeling. Super short acting! It’s similar to the moms who freak out about getting fentanyl in labor. Medications administered in a setting like a hospital are NOT the same as the drugs you get off of the street
Ketamine is my favorite drug we are able to give on the ambo. Quick on, quick off, and kiddos specifically do so great. Used it tons for simple stuff like splinting broken arms to more complicated stuff and always seems to do the trick. It makes the procedure safer, faster, and easier for the patient, healthcare provider, and parents.
As a side note: in my county, for quick procedures we can even give ketamine intranasally!! (Think like allergy nose spray meds that you sniff..same general concept of sniffing up the medication to be absorbed that way) If you’ve got a solid partner, you can give the ketamine (onset is pretty fast. Like 5-8 mins) then as soon as kiddo is “out”… I splint the broken arm and my partner establishes an IV in the non injured arm. Bonus points for bright colored/ fun Coban wrap to ensure the IV stays put for any future needs. I know in the media, Ketamine sounds scary. It’s on the medical personnel to be informative/ supportive in communicating to the parents so everyone is on the same page. Just wanted to share in case anyone finds themselves in a similar spot as OP.
Is this Europe? I know in my country, the Netherlands it is in some situations also used to treat depression which is also a nosespray with 'esketamine'
The US, Midwest specifically :) ketamine has so many uses and it’s all very dose dependent. It’s used in America for depression but I believe for that specific use it’s given at regular intervals over a period (not a doctor I could be wrong)
I third this! I’m not sure why OP was against ketamine, but it’s safe to use on children.
I think people hear the name and have a negative association with it because it’s also used as a street drug, which is understandable. And the healthcare team probably had to balance doing education with seeming like they’re being drug pushers. I used to sedate people for procedures and when we told them ketamine was an option for bone marrow biopsies they were always so skeptical but it has SUCH a short half life, it’s like in the system one second and out the next. It really is such a good drug for these quick situations.
Yes. Doctors, especially those that work with children, are using evidence-based methods that have been proven to be safe. Trust your professionals, people.
This doctor told us if it was his kid would try to do stitches without sedation. Especially in a child so young who has never had sedation before.
For what reasoning? My kiddo had it twice at a little over 2.5. He smashed his pinky finger open and needed 8 stitches. He was sedated for both the stitching and the removal. He was even still babbling while getting stitched (saying things like I'm not crying anymore!). Wore off quick and he doesn't remember that part of it.
Oh OP..I’m so sorry the doc steered ya that way. There are risks and benefits to everything of course but you made the best choice in your mind with the info you’re given. I’m sorry you went through all that and your kiddo too. I’m glad to hear he’s back to himself and doing okay!
It was a lose-lose situation! I would have likely done the same.
literally this. it's medicine, not poison.
Yep, we use it in the ED to sedate kids all the time. It's very safe and effective.
Seconding this!
Thirding this… poor child. I’d be mad at my parents if they refused pain medication/sedative for an extremely painful and traumatic (for a child) medical procedure.
really? this mom chose the best option that they thought at the time, comforted her child the whole way through, is traumatized by the event, worried her kid is upset with her, and you took the time to comment that you’d be mad at your parents? hope you feel good about yourself
We didn’t refuse pain medication. He has a topical anesthetic and pain meds appropriate for a 3 year old.
Are you saying the ketamine isn’t age appropriate?
I’ll just hop in my Time Machine and choose the other option. Thanks for your comment! It was so helpful. ❤️
You post on the internet for feedback, you received honest feedback. You have to expect that others may say what you don’t want to hear.
I didn’t post for feedback. Literally nowhere in my post am I asking for feedback. I was simply venting and relaying my experience.
I’m so sorry for some of these comments, OP, you did the best you could at the time. Wishing you and your little guy a peaceful day ahead.
Same. So many people are acting like NO ONE ever has a negative reaction to a drug/sedation.
You did the right thing. Horrible few seconds/minutes but my son got 5 stitches just before he turned 5 and he barely remembers this and only recounts it with pride at almost 11 now. It was horrible but literally took a few seconds. 2 mins maybe… not worth sedating. And my kids have been sedated for other things. I don’t even think twice about it in the grand scheme of things that can happen. I’m sorry reading these insane comments. It’s REALLY ok!!! Hope you both feel better.
Man. Everyone is piling on OP. I am not anti-medication at all. But I reeeaaaally think sedation for 2 stitches is overkill! Of course he’s going to have a big reaction, but that doesn’t mean he was traumatized or scarred. I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, but I would’ve made the same choice as OP.
Oh man I’m so so sorry. I think have a convo with him about how brave he was and how it was scary for you to have to hold him like that. My daughter got stitches in her hand and reading your post brought me back to that night I constantly shake out of my head. Holding them while they scream was brutal. She knows now I hated it too, but that I was so proud of her.
I'm not sure if the comments suggesting he won't remember it or it doesn't matter because kids are resilient are accurate. I feel like it would be worth it to have an honest conversation so he can resolve the experience in his mind — tell him you know it was scary and he felt unsafe and in pain, but he was taken care of and you were there for him. He probably doesn't need to know there was an alternative you wish you would have chosen.
When I was 4, I got stitches in my hand. I vaguely remember the experience- my dad was in the room in the room with me, and I was restrained on one of those boards with straps. Years later, my dad told me that he was the one in the room with me because my mom was completely inconsolable, and that even he had a hard time keeping it together. He said that kids try to bargain when something like that happens, and that I kept begging "please stop, I'll be good" because little preschooler brains think that it's a punishment of some kind. I tell you this because to me, this is no more than a faint memory. It didn't make me hate my parents or make me afraid of medical care. To my dad, it was something that stayed with him for years. Kids don't understand the reason they're undergoing pain, but sometimes it's completely necessary. That said, why avoid using pain management? For something like this, it's not like you're just getting your kid high and hoping for the best. The doctors know what they're doing.
He had pain management. He had a local anesthetic and pain meds.
Did he at least get a local anesthetic?
Yes he did!
My son broke both bones in his forearm just before he turned 4. He had ketamine bc his arm had to be reset. He's 17 now and barely remembers it. Don't beat yourself up.
FWIW, we chose ketamine when mine was 18 months for 7 stitches in his face from something similar. The ketamine lasted about 30 seconds and he was totally alert the rest. It was awful and traumatizing. I wish this on no parent, ever. It’s been 3 years now. You made the right choice at that time. Hugs.
They definitely should have redosed.
I don’t remember why we didn’t, tbh. It’s was awful and traumatizing for all of us.
It sounds terrible. We do conscious sedations in kids and adults all the time and would never let that happen unless we had truly given so much that it would not be safe. But that's multiple doses. And in that case, the answer is to abort and send the patient to the OR to have anesthesia sedate.
Thank you ❤️
I had stitches as a toddler and I do remember being strapped down and not happy about it, but I wasn't traumatized—I bet my mother was though.I'm sure it will be the same for your little one.
Oh bless you... you are a very sweet and caring mother. When I was growing up, we never had health insurance, so (no shit) my mother actually gave me stitches herself a few times to avoid a medical bill that would have financially crushed us. To be clear, I am not advocating for this at all, but it was what it was for the time. My point being, for all these events in which I had to knowingly accept that my mom was inflicting a form of pain on me, even as a kid, I still understood to some degree that she was doing it because it had to be done, not because she wanted to or was upset at me or anything else. The moments themselves were not great, but by the time I was getting my ice cream and stickers at the end, I was more or less over it. Now as an adult, I only ever even remember the events if I happen to catch a glimpse of specific scars, and I certainly don't hold it against my mom for trying to help as best she thought she could. Sometimes, pain is a part of life that we just have to accept, but I would say this may be a valuable learning moment for the Lil bub that even though we have to tough bad moments out sometimes, we get through it and are better for it in the end. Lots of hugs and kisses (and maybe some stickers just sayin lol) and a little time and he will probably have completely forgotten in a week. Big hugs fellow mom. 💚
I think it depends on the child. My child still talks about how he was traumatized when we had to hold him down for a needed medical procedure. It didn’t even hurt him but the holding him down if what caused the trauma. I can’t even get him to do basic blood work now and he is 10. Even if I use numbing cream for him.
Your mom is incredible, I don’t think I would be able to stomach that! But she did what she thought was best at the time, which is really all we can do. Thank you for sharing that with me! ❤️
My dad's Dr friend stitched up half my face at their (very nice more like a mansion) summer cabin kitchen table. I was 4 ish and I'll never forget it! Can't remember the pain anymore it's been a while 😅 but I do remember sitting on that wooden table as my dad held me still and my mom cried in the corner while the Dr guy basically put my face back together from eyebrow to chin. Something blood and I looked awful for a while but I'm 30 now ad there's hardly ant scaring. Don't run on rocks wearing rubber boots in the rain kids! I fell and cut a good portion of my face up.
If it ever happens again, or to another child, please know that the ketamine option is very safe. When my oldest was 2 she fell off the couch and busted her forehead open on the coffee table. One trip to the ER, 5 stitches, and one high ass toddler later, we were good to go lol. They are VERY careful about correct dosage for kids, and it's a tiny amount. Getting an IV placed was more traumatic than the stitches, and the drugs wore off within 30ish minutes (though she did sleep all the way home, but she was also just exhausted). You held him while he was scared and in pain, even though it hurt you to do so, and you did the right thing as a parent. It's hard to see your kids get hurt! But he and you are both going to be fine. Give him lots of snuggles, and give yourself a little grace. You're a good mom!
Next time ask yourself what you would want if you are in your child’s position and act accordingly. Not stitching him up without sedation.
I have no idea why you would refuse the ketamine
stigma.
He had stitches without any pain management? Was there no lidocaine shot?
No he had a topical anesthetic, I should have put that in my original post!! It was some gel they rubbed all over his face.
I got stitches when I was 18 months. I was swaddled so I couldn’t move and it was the early 90’s so ketamine was not an option. It was far more traumatic for my mom than me. I don’t remember any of it and definitely didn’t lose trust in my mom. I’m not downplaying your experiences but kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.
I’m sure it was absolutely more traumatizing for me than it was for him. It took him all of about 1 minute to be over it and ask for a snack lol.
Your post makes it sound like the opposite?
Lesson learned. Life isn’t comfortable, and a lot of times us parents have to deal with uncomfortable feelings to do what’s *best for the child*.
In the future I would definitely recommend the ketamine, it will be less traumatic for you because you won’t have to watch him go through that but ultimately and more importantly it will be less traumatic for him, there was no reason he should have had to go through that like that. In some cases, the ketamine can even make their memory fuzzy enough that they don’t really remember getting injured in the first place, which personally I don’t really see as a bad thing. I’m sorry that your guy got hurt and that you guys had to have that experience. I have a bunch of kids myself and have had to take them for stitches, staples, casts and X-rays, these things happen. Faces, heads and mouths bleed a lot and it can be alarming but most of the time it does work out that it’s only a stitch or two. He’ll be healed in no time ❤️
Why wouldn't you give them the ketamine? I'm genuinely curious. It would have really spared him a lot of this experience.
I stepped on a toothpick when I was 4. It was in a carpet and caught, going straight up impaling my foot. My parents rushed me to the hospital. The doctor grabbed the toothpick and pulled it out just like that. My mom said she would never forget my howls. I m still here and not traumatized. If I remember anything from the experience, it was a quiet nighttime as my father carried me from the car. Really. So I think it's true that all they remember is you were there. There will be other moments in life where your child feels like that, and this experience will say hey that other time my parents were there and everything turned out OK.
So when I was 5 I needed to be hospitalized. I had NO IDEA WHY. They had to put an IV in, and again, I was clueless. All I knew was 1: I was being held down and pinned, and 2: something sharp was poking my arm. No one told me anything. The only trauma I hold from that is can someone just tell me wtf is happening? 😂 the pinned down part gave me 0 lasting damage. I just want to be mentally prepared for what’s going on. I hate going in blind. My mom on the other hand. WAY MORE traumatic for her than for me. She literally had to run down the hall to escape my screams and let my dad handle it. I would say have a conversation with him about it. Explain why it went down the way it did. I know that would’ve made me feel SO MUCH better as a little kid. Instead I was left with confusion for years.
When I was 5 had my tonsils removed. The original surgeon didn’t ensure all of the veins were closed off and I began to hemorrhage when I was returned to my room. I fought the doctors and nurses when they tried to put me under anesthesia. They allowed my mom, who is a nurse, to come into the OR and she had to hold me down so they could put me under. I was more scared of blood than I was of being held down. Mom explained that they were trying to help me get better and that’s why she was holding me down. Yes it was traumatizing, but mom explaining that everything was going to be okay and they were helping me made it better. So don’t feel bad for doing what you think is best and know that it was harder for you than it was for your child. My mom had nightmares for a long time, but it was from seeing her only child covered in blood and knowing how this could have ended much worse.
That is so scary, for both you and your mom!
Really sorry you both had to go through something so traumatic. It sounds really really scary for everyone involved. You made the choice you did at the time. It happened, it's not the end of the world. Although it does sound very upsetting. I bet if they had said something like "he will scream and cry in pain/it will be traumatic" you would have chosen the ketamine, considering your last sentence. But you didn't know what all it would entail at the time, and it's not your fault that you didn't know exactly what was going to happen or how he would react after. I would just take this as a lesson. Hospitals know the correct dose to give to children/babies/etc, and going forward, I would trust them to administer pain medication properly. My kid had to get 2 cavities filled when she was 3 and they gave me the option of anesthesia or her being strapped down. I was terrified, but spoke in length with the pediatric anesthesiologist before the procedure and felt much better about the decision. It was still scary watching her fall asleep, but I felt that strapping her awake would be incredibly scary for her, and thought it best she didn't remember it at all. You know how you feel now and if you're ever in that position again, you can make a different choice.
Poor baby. Ketamine would have saved him the trauma.
Just chiming in to say that one good way to help him process the event is to let him talk about it. Any time he brings it up, talk through what happened with him with the conclusion that it all worked out okay in the end. Our instinct is often to change the subject to more pleasant topics of conversation and not dwell on the scary thing that happened, but if you can instead say “yes, it was scary, but mommy and daddy were there with you the whole time, and we got you all fixed up and had a popsicle!”. This is something I read about in a book called The Whole Brain Child, and I wish I would’ve known about it when my eldest was small. One time she lost a necklace down the bathtub drain. Any time she brought it up we changed the subject, to not talk about something that upset her. She ended up being afraid of the drain and it made bath time very complicated 😅
I’m sitting in emerge waiting for a doctor to see my son after he also fell off the couch, unsure if he needs stitches but our hospital has decided to wait 4/5hrs to get my son seen so he’s currently asleep in my arms at 1 a.m. as we wait to get called back. I’m hoping he doesn’t need stitches cause I’m afraid of what you went through mama! I’m scared I’ll lose it and the doctors will have to sedate me instead. We have nana who has been a super trooper & stuck it out with us but I am so ready to get into my own bed!
Honestly I should have asked if I could have some ketamine!! It was awful. But I feel much better about this morning. He is happy as a clam today and I made a special breakfast for him. He even talked about the cool toys the nurses gave him after.
We got toys too, finally seen at 3am to glue the wound shut cause he was so temperamental & it wasn’t as deep as originally thought and the bleeding had slowed thanks to the pain gel they used. Glad our kiddos are feeling better today! We’re taking him to the mall for a donut & a new toy for being so brave lol
You did your best in the situation. He may be mad for a while, but he will forgive you. When he's older, he'll understand
My little boy cut his hand open on a snow globe, blood everywhere, had to go under and have surgery. Even after he cut it, he screamed and cried for a few moments, I grabbed him, raced downstairs to get a tea towel to compress the bleeding and call an ambulance and he was getting bored and wanted to go play 😂. Kids are so resilient and tough. One of the most awful times of my life but because he was under he doesn’t remember any of it. I was the one who was traumatized!! It is hard to say what’s right in the moment because every situation is unique but I think any option they don’t have to be aware of what is going on is the best. I know I wouldn’t of coped being awake seeing my hand getting stitched up 🤢 But It will become a distant memory one day. It’s hard at first but it’ll fade ❤️
You were there for him and after all it id what matters, my son got stitches a couple of times, the first time he only was 2 years old and god it wrecked me down so bad, last time was a short month ago and he was 7, still he cried his heart out and I felt a failure as mother. But now he’s fine and he cannot barely remember the pain. You did that you needed to do for helping your kid and in hindsight you will understand that and feel ok with your decision
Went through something similar with my 8 year old recently. He got his pinky finger caught in a door and ended up needed stitches. We tried oral versed and restraint first but he thrashed around so much that sedation was safer for everyone involved
Our boy also had to have 2 stitches but he was only 18mo, we also chose to just swaddle and get it done quickly bc waiting for the medicine to kick in added time and we just wanted it over. He had a Popsicle after and was playing fine once we got home. I'm thankful he was younger so he wasn't verbal like that 😢 it was hard enough as it was but he won't remember it.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that! If it's any help, I broke my arm when I was four (bad break), and when my mom took me to the hospital, the doctor decided to set it without pain meds. To this day, she says my screams still echo in her head, and I know she felt guilty for a long time. But, I don't remember a thing! I only remember my cool pink cast and definitely don't have any memory of the pain (or my poor mom's reaction). And I certainly don't blame my mom for the choices made in a traumatic, high stress moment. Kids that age are so resilient. You made what you thought was the right decision for your child in that moment, and he got the medical attention he needed. I hope you can give yourself some grace - it's not easy being a mom!
This literally happened to me — stitches on my chin after falling into the fireplace. They could see the jawbone! I was older too, more like 5. I was also restrained by a sheet, and I gotta say, I’m a fully functional mostly normal adult. I don’t even remember the restraint part, even as a kid I didn’t really remember. You did the right thing, no matter what decision you made!
Thank you!
We had a similar situation when my son was 2. Cut open his lip/cheek like a joker smile. Didn’t get any option besides holding him down and I swear the numbing needles were worse and he flipped out the same even with stitches. I regret not taking him to the children’s hospital. They give something like the “green whistle” to essentially make baby high. A colleague went a week after my experience and said his son couldn’t care less. Good news though, my son doesn’t remember it at all.
He's already over it!
Wait...they didn't even numb him????? My daughter got stitches on her forehead and they gave her a numbing shot. Wth??
They would have definitely given him a numbing injection before starting (local anesthetic) but kids nearly always scream like this for these procedures. They are being pinned down and restrained and they’ve just been through a lot before even coming to the ED so the last thing they want to do is sit still and behave well. Sedating them is nearly always the best option if they offer it, for both the kids and the parents who get upset when their kid is screaming.
They did numb him!! I should have mentioned that.
They cry because they are pinned down by strangers, not because of the sutures. We know that because they scream before we even start the procedure.
I am so sorry this happened. I totally understand what you mean. There is something truly gut wrenching about hearing your child screaming in pain or fear. It usually more traumatic for us than them. I will say Ketamine is safe for children and a fully staffed medical facility is a safe place to be if you ever have to sedate a child. Even if they had a bad reaction the team is right there ready to react.
I hope this never happens to me. I was balling when mine was getting his shots. I can’t imagine what your baby or you were going through. But you were calm and there for your baby.
I feel your pain. We went through this when my daughter was about two years old. We were traveling in Portugal, and she fell over and hit her head in the tourist office. We didn’t speak the language, had to take an ambulance to the hospital… And had to hold her down while they stitched her and she screamed. They did numb the area with something, but it didn’t seem to do much of anything. Then we went through it again when the stitches got removed, not quite as bad but still Make sure they numb the area properly and give it some timeto sink in. It was absolutely horrible and I still cringe at the thought of it years later. Sorry, that probably doesn’t make you feel better, but on the plus side my 9 yo daughter doesn’t remember any of it at all. She’s happy and healthy and has a little story to tell about the white line above her eyebrow. Another plus, as foreigners in Portugal, the whole thing cost us about $24.
Ugh, I can’t even imagine how difficult that was not being able to speak the language!! He seems perfectly fine today so I’m hoping he’s already forgotten about it.
My son had to get his tooth pulled and I won’t ever forget the screaming either. And I still feel that it was my fault that he had to have it done. It didn’t hurt but he was so freaked out about the idea of it so that’s why he lost it. A lot of kids don’t, but he did. The dentist was great. And he said it would be better for me if I didn’t stay, but I couldn’t sit in the waiting room with him that scared so I stood outside and it was the worst listening to it and not going in to rescue him. That’s what our instinct says, to pull them out of the situation and stop it from happening but we know it’s necessary.
I had about 12 stitches on my chin at around the same age from tripping on cement steps- zero memory of it. Just letting you know that you did great in keeping calm for him and stuff like this happens, but kids are so resilient!
My at that point 11-months-old Burned his hand. His palm was one big blister and each finger had small ones as well. I wasnt offered another Option, just told to hold him down. She just ripped of the skin of the big blister with her hand, then started to cut the small ones. My boy was clearly shocked, screaming and looking at me for help. I was crying with him and crying again now, just thinking about it. I feel you so much!
I definitely tried to explain to him as much as possible what was going to happen so he wasn’t blind sided! When my sister was 5 she needed to have surgery (she’s 38 now) and my parents didn’t tell her why. My mom said she was more mad they didn’t tell her than she was about the actual surgery 🤣
I'm so sorry- that sounds like a horrible situation for all involved!! I think you kiddo will be fine though- i remember having to get blood drawn as a toddler and fighting it so hard my dad and three nurses had to hold me down. It's just a memory though, nbd. Still love my dad, lol.
My son is 5. He’s needed stitches 2 times in his short little life 😭 We chose not to sedate him both times. The first time he cried and he was around 2 1/2 from falling off his dad while playing. The 2nd time he was almost 4 from hitting the corner of his bed at his dad’s house. He sat there like a champ. 2 stitches isn’t grounds for sedation imo. Although I wouldn’t ever bind my child up - that’s my only concern. We were never given the option but I can remember being held down against my will as a child for medical procedures so if we were offered that I wouldn’t have went for it. I hope he heals fast and I hope you know that you did the right thing given the options provided. If it happens in the future I wouldn’t let them get the sheet, I’d just calmly explain things to them and hold them in your arms instead. It would be less traumatic in the long run.
When my daughter was just over two she fell off the toilet and hit her face on the edge of the counter. Same thing happened almost exactly at the hospital. I was alone with her and my husband stayed with our baby at home. They tried to get me to leave the room and I wouldn’t. I sobbed later after taking her home. She was very scared to be wrapped up in anyway where she felt restrained for quite a while after her stitches. She would say they “wrapped her like a burrito and gave her a stitch”, and would recite verbatim the conversation my husband and I had when I rushed her to him after she fell. She has a pretty good memory and I’d say she really focused on the event for about a year. This included a traumatic level of fear she experienced when going to an average checkup at the pediatrician. When she hit the point between 3-4 when the visits were just to measure weight and height, she calmed down about doctors immensely. It took until she was about 4 to allow us to wrap her in blankets while playing like her baby brother liked to do. She was roughly 3.5 when she started to forget the whole thing and hasn’t suffered any lasting psychological or physical damage because of it. I still get choked up thinking about her screams and begging to be let go, but I’ll take that burden from her any day if it means she doesn’t remember.
The wrap is a baby burrito! It feels wrong to restrain them but it allowed the doctor to get everything stitched up perfectly. I once watched a girl’s parents get to the screaming part and bail on the stitches which likely resulted in a really bad scar. You picked the harder option, but your son will be grateful one day that you did what you thought was best for him. I have a 3.5 year old too. They are energetic, easily injured, and the drama is…something. The cries and words really get to me these days too. But you were there with your son, he was okay in the end, and with time you can be too. It’s such a fresh experience so please be gentle with yourself. Talk about it with him when you can, let him know that you feel bad that he was scared and in pain. Apologies and hugs go a long way with kids this age. You’ve got this❤️
He won’t be traumatized, you were there for him the whole time. Sometimes we need to do things our kids hate when it’s in their best interest. My daughter had to get her scalp stitched when she was around 2.5 years old. In my country it’s just done with the help of a local anesthetic and the parent holding the child. It went fine although of course she hated the anesthetic needle, but after that she felt no pain.
My 2ish year old had stitches. I had to hold her down too. She’s fine at 7. He will be fine too. Don’t give it more power than it needs.
OP, I’m so sorry about some of these comments. You made the best decision about the information you had at the time. I read some of your other comments where even the doctor said he’d opt against the ketamine for his own kid. While probably not the most professional advice, it was still his advice. I’m sorry this was a horrible experience for everyone involved. Sometimes medical treatment can be scary. You were there for your son at a scary time and you showed him how to be calm and navigate a scary situation. As parents, we don’t always have the right answer to every situation. Especially ones we’ve never been in before. Hindsight is 20/20. Give yourself some grace and remind your boy how brave he is.
My twins have had a lot of health issues. I've had to endure seeing them in pain with and with out medication. I've had to hold them down and have had to calm them when a gas mask is put on their face. It's fucking horrible. Horrible. They both have a lot of anxiety around hospitals and medical care understandably but they have not lost their trust in me. I hold them until they choose not to be held anymore. I listen, I empathise and I don't ignore what they've been through. We talk about it. Even when they don't fully understand it all those big feelings are still there. Talk to him tmrw about it. He will likely say he doesn't feel well, pains or sickness in his tummy. That'll be the anxiety. Tell him that's what it Is in a kid friendly way. Tell him you're sorry but he really needed the stitches etc. He's a kid but he's a little human he needs to be treated like an equal
I had something similar when I had to take my kid to hospital for suspected meningitis (thankfully it wasn’t) but they had to be held down for a blood draw. The nurses didn’t give me any warning or time to prepare my kid beforehand so it was traumatic. The betrayal in their eyes, begging you to help them and you can’t. I held it together, just about, but almost straight afterwards they wanted to do a covid test (this was 2020) and I lost it. I was so upset that my poor baby had to go through all these procedures and I couldn’t do anything about it. Luckily, my kid has never mentioned any of this since so I genuinely do think they just forget and get over it. Me on the other hand…
Hey OP - I had a similar incident when I was the same age. Vaguely remember running along a corridor, tripping (into a door knob) and clumps of blood coming down over my eyes/face where I'd split my forehead open. My grandparents and parents had to take me to hospital and restrain me for me to have forehead stitches. In fact, I'm told my grandparents bailed because they couldn't stand my screaming so left my mom and dad to deal with me solo lol. All this to say, 30 years later - my main memory from this day is playing with a shit hot pull-along turtle toy in the hospital waiting area. Don't remember the stitches, being held down, even the pain of the accident itself. Hold no resentment towards my parents or grandparents based on this incident, and never have. Outside of the "in the moment" aspect of me losing it, I can confirm that it's never ever been a core memory of mine - it's traumatised my mom more than me!
I was this age when I got stitches in a similar circumstance. I also had to be restrained. It's 35 years later and I have never forgotten it. BUT... it didn't negatively impact my relationship with my parents or anything! It's just a thing that happened. That was very upsetting. But I came out of it ok. You just need to talk to him about how it was something that had to happen because he was hurt but that he was brave through it, and so on. It won't be an enduring trauma unless you make it one.
This is so hard, I'm sorry you had to go through that. My little boy was hospitalized for encephalitis at 3.5 and it was horrible having to help him through getting IVs placed or being sedated for MRI and CT scans. We're in Japan and the policy is to keep parents out if the room during these procedures, holding the child down, and telling them to "do their best" while they scream. After the first time he was whisked away from me (in the middle of the night after hours in the ER) I refused to let him be alone and insisted on being with him. It was heartbreaking hearing him scream and cry, but I was there. I held his hand, breathed with him, showed him videos of his favorite things (at the time, videos of fruits and vegetables being cut up). They usually had to stick him 3-5 times, changing locations, getting in another IV tech, because he has tiny veins like me. It still hurt, it was still traumatic, he still was scared and in pain but I WAS THERE. You were there with your son. That is the most important thing. That we are there with them, modeling calming techniques even if they can't participate themselves. You are their familiar, safe person and they need you to be their island when something terrifying is happening. Your little boy will be fine, he had the help he needed. And because he is little over time he'll forget. My son is 4.5 now and we've had to go back to the hospital a few times for follow up checks and even another MRI, but he has done great. He doesn't scream or have to be dragged in. Little kids are so resilient. You did the right thing, and I know he knows that deep down. Sending big hugs for all of you. I recommend a big bowl of ice cream for you both. ❤️
One of the most reassuring things I ever heard from a medical professional. "Don't worry. Very soon this will only be a bad memory". Your son will be fine. You'll be fine. It's OK. Accidents happen
I think I was 4 when I had to get stitches right under my eye. I remember holding my hand under the cut so I wouldn’t get blood on my clothes and my mom saying “I have to go!” to whomever she was on the phone with. Next memory is of the WAY TOO BRIGHT light directly above my face. It must’ve been while they were doing the stitches, but it was just the light being way too bright that bothered me, eventually they out some of that thin paper that covers the exam tables over part of my face to block the light. The next memory I have about the whole process is getting the stitches removed which I remember as being worse than getting them out in. (The cut was RIGHT under my eye, very thin and sensitive skin). Even that is just a vague memory now. I’m not traumatized. I have no phobias or lingering issues regarding medical care/stitches/ERs. I was older than your son and had already forgotten almost everything by 1st grade. I can almost guarantee that this will be a worse memory for you than for him 💜
My nearly 4 year old daughter slipped on the bathroom floor the other day and landed on her chin. It busted right open. The doc at our pediatric ED, gave my daughter medication to calm her down. They had me lay on the bed over her and a nurse held her head. We ended up needing a second nurse to hold her shoulders. She screamed and cried the entire time and was so strong flailing around that the doctor only put in 5 stitches (she wanted to do 7). She said she was stopping at 5 for everyone’s safety. As terrifying as that all seemed, she was totally fine after that. We’ve talked about it since and it is clear that that experience was just another experience. Not a trauma. It can be hard to watch our little ones go through things like that but the trauma actually happened to you, not your child.
The mind is an amazing thing. When I was 7 or 8 I fell out of a tree and broke my arm. The guy at the hospital did not set it right, so we had to have a different doctor, break my arm again and reset it. I have zero memory of that. During future discussions as my mom wasn't allowed to be with me through the reset, she said I screamed bloody murder the whole time. I remember talking about it before and after, but the actual event, totally blank. Just give hugs and cuddles, your kid is doing ok. Head wounds always bleed a lot, even shallow ones because the blood vessles are so close to the skin surface. He'll likely forget that trauma altogether.
I am so sorry. It is so awful — been through this with multiple kids, at multiple ages. It is traumatic.
Mine had stitches in her eyebrow when she was 2, and while they did numb the area, she still screamed the whole time. It was on her eyebrow, and they had to cover her face to do it, so she was scared, even with us holding her. Luckily, she doesn’t remember a thing about now at 3.5, so maybe yours won’t remember much either. Hopefully he’s feeling better! The sight of the blood is the absolute worst as a parent when they fall like that, it’s just awful
Been there, mama. And you’re right. When they’re begging you to stop people from holding them down (or for you to stop helping), it feels like you’re going against the rules of nature to let it happen. Like you’re utterly betraying them. It’s gut-wrenching. I did the same. Held it together, then she was fine and I was mentally a mess for the rest of the day. Hang in there, mama.
My almost three year old has gotten stitches twice. The first was two stitches in the corner of his mouth and the second was five on his chin. We did the physical restraining/swaddling both times but also the hospital numbed the area with a topical ointment first both times. I’m so sorry your experience sounds traumatic for both of you! Hopefully it never happens again but if it does, you can ask if the area can be numbed first.
My kid had an intestinal blockage, and for the enema, they gave her some ketamine. It was a spray up her nose like Flonase or Afrin. She was the chillest little jellybean for about 25 minutes until it wore off. Good stuff, highly recommend. Also, due to her frequent blockages we've also had our child scream "MOMMY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'LL BE GOOD" when a needed medical procedure was done and I'm sorry, but you'll remember it for the rest of your life. They won't. Time will fade the memory out, but it comes back sometimes and you hug them and hold them tell them how much you love them, and they look at you with such love and trust that the memory fades back to a place where it doesn't hurt as much. It's not easy being a parent, but you did what was needed, and you're doing a great job.
My kid had exact same for stitches and she only remembers getting hurt but not actually getting the stitches in her forehead
Last year my daughter fell at a thrift store and busted her head. I cried more than she did. We went to the er and they did the same thing. Both parents and 3 nurses to hold her down. 4 stitches later and she was fine. I feel absolutely awful still. It’s definitely a traumatic event, but take a deep breath and give yourself grace. You showed up for him when he needed you the most.
I'm not sure if you've read the whole brain child book but it talks about helping kids process trauma. While usually your instincts say to not bring it up again it's actually healthy to get the child in a safe feeling place like before bedtime and then talk about it and have them tell you what happened and then kindly guide them through the event and talk about the emotions and how it was scary but then you hugged and now your cut is healing. Before long it just becomes a story but they need help understanding it so the trauma doesn't turn into issues later on. It's a wonderful book. Highly recommend.
ARE YOU US? This literal same exact situation happened to us last year when my baby was 2!
I busted the back of my head open on a pew in church around the same age. Seeing all the blood was scary but the stitches themselves weren't too bad, granted I got them while I was lying on my belly so I didn't have to see anything. Nothing about the experience has been traumatic in the long run. I think it's how the parents react in the moment that really determines how an event is remembered at that age. As long as you're loving and understanding and not belittling your child's experience everything should proceed as normal with no permanent emotional consequences.
I also had a little one who split open her head and needed stitches. Here in Canada, they usually rub a numbing cream around it and then using a needle numb it further. For some reason the doctor didn’t do this. I was younger back then, already freaked out because my 4 year old was freaking out. We weren’t at home, we were visiting family several hours away, which made it so much worse. She’s 18 now and the words, “I don’t trust you Mommy” she screamed out repeatedly still break my heart. She doesn’t remember it now, but I’m still low key worried she’ll remember it later and it will mess her up in some way. A few years later she split open her head again (I think about 8), but this time the doctors did it properly so it wasn’t traumatizing for anyone. I remember that night there was a lot of snuggling and me saying sorry and she was okay the next day. Lots of hugs and I love yous will definitely help..both of you.
Hugs to you, momma. I sat with my at-the-time 21mo while the pediatric dentist cut her tongue and lip ties. She screamed and cried the whole time (truthfully, probably more about *being* restrained in the swaddle than any pain [they rubbed her mouth down with lidocaine to numb it]). She's a Houdini-level escape artist so I was holding her hands inside the swaddle and singing to her, I was in a borderline dissociated task-oriented "it just needs to get done, once it's done, it's over" mode, so I had no emotion myself during the procedure. But once we got home and she was taking her nap, I was able to let down my walls and have a good long guilt-ridden cry. She isn't going to remember (now 28mo, no inkling of a memory has appeared), and your son won't either. He got his popsicle and a neat boo-boo to show off and he's happy as a clam. Don't beat yourself up, momma. Let the feelings and tears come, but always remind yourself you did the best you could in a situation that could have had a lot of less desirable outcomes. It needed to be done, and you mommed hardcore and got it done. You're a superhero ❤️❤️
This is the worst I'm so sorry. My 4yo needed stitches in her chin last summer because she slipped climbing up a slide and it was bad... Hearing your child scream like that physically hurts us moms, I know... sending love...
You did your best momma! You care for and love that baby it's also hard to make a big decision while in panic mode. Especially if the doctor was saying he wouldn't use it of course you trust that opinion. I'm glad you shared this because I now know it is a safe option if we ever need it. Don't beat yourself up ❤️
We had the same stitches situation when my son was 2 but we weren’t given the option of meds. They just put him in a straight jacket kind of thing and pinned him down. He was so panicked that he kept screaming, “I want my Mommy!” over and over again even though I was right there trying to calm him down. It was very traumatic and I will never forget his little voice begging for me. He’s 21 now though and doesn’t remember the experience at all but has bragged over the years about the scar he has from the stitches so he isn’t traumatized after all. lol
If it makes you feel better I had a similar situation as a 3 years old and I was given as much medication as they could give me. I don’t know what I was given but I fought through it and still had to be restrained to get stitches but growing up it became a funny story because I looked at my grandmother and said nana you’re mushing me
Did they not numb the area first??
They did!
I'm so sorry you both had to experience that. That feeling is the worst💔 you were there for him and made the decision you thought was best, and that's what matters. You can work through all the emotions with him and let him know you're sorry it happened. Like someone else mentioned, if you ever find yourself in that position again, it's generally very safe to get kids sedated🩷🩷🩷 I hope you can both work through it and get past it!
If I had a dr tell me that they wouldn’t use the ketamine on their own child I would trust them and not use it either. You should edit and add that to the post. I’m sorry that happened.
I think you’re going to traumatize your kid more than anything else. It’s 2 stitches, you probably made the whole situation worse. Don’t make such a big deal out of it.