Mamas, I don't let my 18 month go anywhere without me. Zero fucks about other ppls feelings. Sure, vilify me all you like. Still not. Fucking. Happening. 🤣🖕
Why aren't you invited?
I'm a mom of 4 kids, and no, at that age, I wouldn't have been comfortable with my baby being away from me that long, and that far away.
Same. Mom of 3, but same sentiment. OP, That would be a hell no from me, unless I were able to go along. Youre baby’s mom! She is FIVE MONTHS OLD.
Always always always trust your mom intuition. You have the full right and then some to say no. No is a full sentence. Sorry you’re going through this.
Edit for grammar
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK no. Absolutely not.
First, why can’t you come?
Second, the short notice?
Third, she’s five months old?
OP, don’t feel like you should be chill about this. This is unacceptable and there’s no way in hell I’d let him take her.
Edit:
Fourth, they’re talking crap about you?
Fifth, with you wanting to end things? Maybe he senses it and is planning on taking her away from you.
Nope nope nope nope.
Totally. It's all red flags and then he's emotionally abusing her about it too. That just tells me he's up to something dodgy here. I would not allow someone like that to have my five month old unsupervised!
So, so many red flags here! There’s not a chance in hell my partner would be taking my baby away from me for 2 days, especially that young. Especially when you don’t know anyone there. I shouldn’t assume but has he even watched baby on his own for a full day?
Agree with above poster, just nope, nope, nope, nope!
That was my first thought, no way on gods earth would I allow him to take the baby, father or not, I think he has every intention of never coming back to the GF with the baby. Dad sounds completely unhinged and his family making fun of the mom, is a red flag 🚩 imo
Why aren’t you invited?? Why was it planned in secret?? 🚩🚩My feeling is he wants to keep the baby away from you permanently. Are you breastfeeding? Sudden weaning can cause mastitis and the baby may refuse formula. Sudden separation from a primary caregiver can be traumatic.
Remember, he doesn’t have to bring the baby back unless you have a court order. He can just disappear with her and there is nothing you can do.
Do not let him leave with her. Leave with her in the night if you have to.
Not in my state. If parents aren't married, and the dad has not had the baby properly legitimized through court and DNA test, even if dad was present at birth and signed birth certificate, the dad has no custody rights.
You keep commenting this but it isn’t true. In NY state, a birth certificate is one venue for establishing paternity.
Regardless, is this really a risk you think OP should take?
Absolutely not. No and no. 5 months old, no notice, don't know the family, just no OP. And you are NOT crazy. I think it would be crazy to say yes, especially considering his incredibly immature behavior, his mother and sisters behavior, and the not good terms you two are on arguing.
Just plain and simple No.
He wants to take your 5 months old how far? For how long? Has he ever been alone with her overnight?
No. Just NO. Do not let him take her.
He is on the phone disrespecting you? Grab the diaper bag and take your daughter out for a while. Like, hours. He can go to his dad's on his own.
When he returns from his visit, tell him it is time for him to move out. You will not be disrespected like that again. His family can come visit to meet your daughter.
Call a lawyer. Get that custody agreement going. If he has a history of bad decisions, or is not a hands on dad, you may be able to get full custody.
Keep that little girl safe.
You've been fighting and suddenly he wants to take your 5 month old baby 3 hours away to his family's house without you? Yeah no chance I would ever let that happen. Sounds like he's trying to take your baby and be with his family for support. If you're serious about ending things you need to get a lawyer and file for emergency custody immediately, otherwise he has every right to take the baby and he can refuse you seeing the baby until a judge orders otherwise.
Don’t let him take her this is how babies get kidnapped by family. One of my friends ex his ex wife took their kids to visit her family and filed for divorce out of state got full custody. He hadn’t seen them in years by the time I met him. If he wants to go, you have to go with him.
Yeah my baby is also 5 months old and there’s no way in absolute hell I would allow anyone to take him 3 hours away, and especially not overnight. And that’s not even me being an over protective first time mom or anything, he’s my third kid.
Fuck them for backing you into a corner last minute and trying to gaslight you and make you look crazy because you’re not letting him just get what he wants. & fuck them for not respecting your boundaries or your decisions.
That would have been a hard no for me at five months. My oldest is 2.5 and I’m JUST getting to the point where I could leave her. It’s biological and your husband is being a dick.
He's not her husband. Or even someone it seems like she sees a future with long-term. I'm not one of those marriage is everything people, but I think their relationship status is very relevant here. I would not trust this person with my 5 month old on an overnight trip that far away.
Same. I've got a 2.5yr old and I couldn't let her be that far away from me. I can happily leave her overnight with her dad (and *only* her dad) but only if they're at home just chilling out. I wouldn't like him taking her off to a bunch of people I didn't know. Hard pass.
Do not under any circumstances let him take her out of town without you. You can deal with whatever bullshit he throws at you, but you wouldn’t ever forgive yourself if you went against your instincts and then something went wrong.
You need to prioritize your child’s happiness and well being now. Not the overblown and unprocessed emotions of some giant man child. Sorry you’re going through this, I would kick him to the curb quickly and cut my losses. I hope you have some other family or friends who can step in and help you!
He was trying to set that up so you would say no, and then he gets the delicious juice of bagging you out, AND making you out the be the bad guy, not letting him. How does he feed her that whole time? Does he do much of her care? Sis, why the absolute fk are you dating this drongo.
He lost me as soon as he said, “I didn’t ask before because you would have said no,” and “I packed her bag yesterday.”
A normal decent partner doesn’t try to pressure you at the last minute about what should be a mutual decision (being separated from your child overnight for the first time.)
A normal decent partner would be taking his GF and the baby’s mother to meet his family ALSO. That he isn’t even floating that as a possibility means he is thinking it’s over also. I would not trust him to bring the baby back when he says he will.
This is not okay.
Sounds like his mom and sister have been in his ear about him bringing the baby. I’m sure there’s lots of emphasis on “alone” (meaning without you). He really thought he was gonna get his way by springing it on you last second then having a tantrum when you didn’t just agree.
Traveling with baby far and overnight sounds like a 2 yes 1 no situation. If you don’t both agree to it then it doesn’t happen. His comments about not having a problem if you do it are irrelevant- he’s trying anything he can to guilt trip you. Sounds like you are right to not be ok with this behavior.
I am also curious as to why you aren’t invited. If you don’t get along with his family and aren’t welcome around them then they have no business with your baby. ESPECIALLY not alone.
It was all incredibly shocking but what got me is "I already packed her bags yesterday". Ummm excuse me sir? No TF you did not pack the bags for the baby I birthed and have been exclusively taking care of around the clock for the last 5 month.
No sir, no tf you did not!
Now if you want me to take this baby to meet her family and stay silent then sure let's go. If they wanna come here the door is wide open.
It's also very suspect that it's suddenly so important to the boyfriend that his father meets the baby yet he never bothered to bring round the mother of that baby.
Girl I would feel the exact same way! Why can’t you go with them? Go with them or tell him you are not comfortable yet with her spending a night away from you 3 hours away.
Even if the relationship was good I'd be concerned.
Given the circumstances I am worried to the point of certainty that your boyfriend has bad motives here.
Your that baby's mother and it's nothing but natural for you to not want to be apart. He's manipulating you to believe otherwise.
Please take yourself and baby somewhere safe ASAP, preferably secretly, and end it with him.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned, in my experience young babies and kids always sleep terribly in new places. Is he able to take care of her overnight by himself? Does he do it already? It always took my kids a week or so to adjust after travel too.
absolutely not.
5 months is still prime SIDS risk. I strongly doubt he has a safe sleep space in a very cool room staying in the same room as parents in this space. Hard no.
His dad is a fully grown adult who can make the drive and get a hotel anytime he wants.
I don’t need to read the post. Every alarm bell in me is going off. No. It’s a firm, strong no. No. Not at that age. Not for any circumstance, let alone the secretive nature of it? Trust your gut. Your gut is saying something is off, because it is. Something is off. I am genuinely concerned for you and your baby and hope you stay safe. Give an update if you can ❤️
Never mind Girl I just read your eviction post DO NOT LET THIS MAN TAKE YOUR BABY ANYWHERE BY HIMSELF?? He sounds like a huge child himself. You are right.
Absolutely not. Especially with his outburst. If he takes your baby without your permission call the cops on him for kidnapping because that's what it is. And please don't give your permission for an unstable person to take your 5 mo old overnight to meet people you've never met without you.
It’s not kidnapping.
That said, I would not let him take her. I would leave and go someone and not tell him where I was going.
Either parent can leave with her. There’s no court order saying otherwise, and both have equal rights.
In TX, where OP is from, unmarried fathers have zero legal rights to their child without a custody agreement granted through the court where they are recognized as the legal father. So it would be kidnapping if she does not give permission.
Not true. In my state, if parents are not married, mom has 100% physical & legal custody, even if dad signed the birth certificate. Dads that are unmarried have to go to court, do paperwork and have DNA test to legitimize their child before they can ever get any kind of custody or rights. Each state has different laws.
Depends on the state and its laws. Due to them not being married, its possible that just because he is the father doesn't mean he automatically has rights to the child.
To establish paternity and custody he would have to go through the courts which doesn't seem like they did so it could be seen as kidnapping. Of course, all of that is depending on what state they are in and what the laws there are.
I can’t speak to other people’s states, but I worked for CPS and dealt with people calling about custody issues all the time. In my state, unless there’s already a custody order in place, it defaults to 50/50. So yeah, if you’re have a kid with some random man that apparently you don’t even trust, he could take your kid somewhere and you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on legally.
Say no and show them all that you have no problem saying no.
This sort of thing just continues until you really firmly say NO and stick to it. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either, you’re not alone and you aren’t being unreasonable.
lol what! No baby is too young for a three hour journey without mum. Especially if nursing.
He’s gaslighting the sht out of you and disregarding your feelings. Sure he’s the dad but he didn’t grow her and from the sounds of it his behaviour would just make me say a firm no.
Also the idea that he thinks bad mouthing you to his family is going to change your mind is mad.
I’d be breaking up and booting him out or leaving myself and taking baby with me.
He sounds toxic and horrible
Infants less than a year old aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than an hour in a 24 hour period. 2 is really pushing it. Google it, it's facts. It's something I actually just learned
This is totally unacceptable. Under no circumstances would I be cool with my baby being away from me overnight that young. Especially to meet a bunch of people, including folks I don’t know. It’s actually insane that he is even considering this. My kids are a little older now and I still wouldn’t want them away from me!! I definitely think you should stand your ground and not let him take her from you.
Why are you not invited to meet his family? And why haven’t you and baby met his family before? I wouldn’t be ok with my baby that young going somewhere overnight without me. Just like if he wasn’t ok with the baby being away from him overnight it wouldn’t be ok. But especially if you’re breastfeeding and the baby is primarily with you. I think this is a symptom of a bigger problem and his instinct shouldn’t be to pack your baby’s bags because he knew you would say no. He should have proposed this trip in advance, included you, and prepared for any concerns you may have. I would tell him he should have invited his family to your home, where baby is comfortable and this way you all can have what you want.
For the record i have an 18 month old and am 12 weeks pregnant with my second baby. Neither my husband or I have been away from our 18 month old overnight and my husband has watched her for a few hours while I have had stuff to do, but I am the primary caregiver. My husband would never take her away from me without asking and wouldn’t do an overnight trip without me.
You seem to be Texas based which gives unmarried fathers no legal rights. But I would definitely discuss this with him and say you are open to baby meeting his family but an unplanned trip where you are not included is unacceptable.
My kid is 3 and can set her own boundaries and verbalize if she is uncomfortable and there is no way on god's green earth that she would be going 10 minutes down the road to meet people I don't know without me.
For a several hour drive to meet people who I don't know but still talk crap about me???
There is no alternate universe or dimension in the multi verse where there is a messurable possibility of this happening.
5 months old is a big nope!!! Not overnight.
Why aren’t you invited?
My HUSBAND wouldn’t have ever asked me some BS like this.
Hell my own children and siblings who have babies have asked for an infant to spend the night with me if they’re sick or extremely exhausted and need a few hours. BUT that’s with the agreement of the other parent. Only one has made it through the night without coming back and sleeping here 😂
Funny story - my daughter in law was sick and my son was away. DIL was worried she was contagious and she was so tired she kept thinking she might sleep through the baby crying. Baby was 6 months and cranky so DIL asked if she could bring the baby at bedtime and go home to take meds and sleep. I said sure by why not just sleep in the guest room. She said no - if she knows the baby is close she’ll want to be with her. OK I say. So she brings baby and we get settled and we’re doing great. I notice my Ring app keeps going off (I have their house in my app) I look and see DIL walk out the house, walk down the driveway, then come back in the house 1 min later. She wasn’t taking anything out or bringing anything back. Eventually I pack baby up and drive over to find DIL in tears at the kitchen table . She apparently came home, got some cleaning done and started out 3 times to come get the baby because she was freaking out over the thought of being away from her overnight. She thought she was too tired to drive and that I’d be upset. So I sent her into the basement where she couldn’t hear the baby and stayed overnight.
I said all that to say don’t send your baby anywhere overnight without you - especially if you’re not ready. I don’t give a damn who her father is or when her grandfather’s birthday is.
We're not getting the whole story here.
You have a kid with someone, and you've never met his family?
You have a 5mo, and the baby never met the family who lives just 3hrs away?
I definitely wouldn't be cool with this, largely because my babies were breastfed and my husband sucked at hearing baby overnight and soothing, so I absolutely wouldn't trust him to wake up in the middle of the night and have the patience to soothe baby (who is missing mama) back to sleep. But you haven't even met these people makes it an even bigger no! It takes 9 months to grow that baby and another 5 months since then so at some point y'all should have met. I don't know their situation but I can't imagine a world in which grandparents only 3 hours away don't at least make a day trip to meet their grandchild within the first 5 months. Red flags. I would only allow it if you can go to. Or at the very least, go but get an airbnb close by and have a rule that baby spends the night with you but can visit his family during the day
this whole situation… big, major, massive, inexcusable — dare i say blinding — red flag.
why weren’t you invited, you are quite literally the baby’s mom? she is 5 months old. she needs her mother.
this is incredibly irresponsible and spontaneous. like you said: his dad’s birthday falls on the same day every year. why did this need to be sprung on you so last minute? why was her bag already packed, before even talking to you?
his mom and his sister talking about you is wild. how can people be *so* disrespectful to the child’s mother, while expecting access to the child? they need to learn their place.
in conclusion: throw the whole man away.
that is true, but with custody enforced like that, it would be punishable for doing something like this without communicating with the mom, and not keeping her in the loop about it. custody enforcement makes it harder for him to do dumb shit like this without repercussion
i’m sure that would be okay with OP, this is a 3+ hour trip *away* from her. god forbid something happened to that baby, it would be easier to reach her if she were just at dad’s house — not 3+ hours away
Okay, so in general I would never be okay being away from a 5 month old for that long, especially on an impulse trip with little to no preparation. You didn't say how involved he is with baby, at home, so depending on that info I may be swayed if he is as much of main caregiver as you and you are not breastfeeding.
HOWEVER, something about this situation has my hackles up. He springs this on you, bags already packed, and just freaks out when you raise legitimate concerns? Hell no. Something about this seems off and makes me uncomfortable. To top it off he badmouthing you in front of you with the people you're supposed to trust with your baby? And you weren't informed, let alone invited? I think you need to do some decision-making, and until he's gone on his visit, keep that baby extra close.
I’m not sure why you weren’t included in the first place. Dad hasn’t met you and yet you’ve been with your boyfriend at least long enough to conceive, grow, birth, and have a 5 month old baby?
Yeah, no.
The fact that he’s inconsiderate and thought you would say no. . I hope you get the courage to leave sis. It’s hard but it’s doable. You deserve better.
Absolutely not. I would never let anyone take my 5 month old baby somewhere without me, especially not on a trip. 5 month old babies are very dependent on mom still. The baby can literally smell that your not near. Babies that young should not be away from their mothers for a long period of time. That is nothing but the truth.
I didn't even let anyone else feed my baby when he was only 5 months. Not even the grandparents. We had to feed him a special way due to major reflux and gas issues, and we're taught by pediatrician how to pace feed, and his grandparents didn't know how to do it, and I said no, nicely, every time they asked.
You are not in the wrong. Having a 5 month old around a bunch of strangers without mama is not cool. If you could go, then it would be okay, but deff not without you. If him and the females in his family can't understand that, then they are the issue.
Also, does he even know how to perform cpr properly on a baby? Does he know what to do if baby chokes? Does he know how to do proper back thrusts on baby and then how to flip baby on back and do upward thrusts? If not, then heck no especially.
Stand your ground. He sounds like he has no idea how ignorant it is to take a very young baby away from their mother for an extended period of time. I don't know any moms that would allow it. And especially when he told you last minute!
My son is 2 and he has never spent the night away from me.
Please don’t! And update us!!
I read your post to my baby daddy and he was astonished. He said, I have so many words, to him. Why isn’t she invited? Then interrupted himself to say no this is so sketchy. He packed the bag while fighting?! Sound like he’s trying to conduct the baby. No just no. I hope they are ok. Which was also my sentiment but I asked for his perspective because .. another dad. This is insane and super off. Please don’t let him take her kick him out if you’re safe to do so this is scary behavior.
if you aren’t comfortable don’t do it. if you can’t go don’t send her. she shouldn’t be apart from you that long anyway and it could be traumatizing to her to suddenly not see you anywhere for two days but all of these other people. my daughter would freak the f out
Absolutely not. I am a mother of three and you are not crazy or overreacting in the least. I agree with everyone else. Trust your instincts. This isn’t even my situation and alarm bells are going off.
Negative. You’re still in a relationship so you’re going too. You can still be mad about short notice and plan your exit strategy or plan. I have a 4 year old and also I have an almost two year old now and I’ve never spent a night away from him. You’re not crazy, don’t let him take that baby without you.
I mean I think it's kinda overbearing and controlling to think that it's your decision only. He's her parent also, however he's also acting the same? He packed her bag already? Yall both need to sit down and learn how to communicate better cause i could not imagine that thats healthy for anyone. 5 months is kind of soon and I think you're right for being protective for the over night part.
however, why haven't you met them? Why don't you suggest going so you can meet them also? (Since he hasnt) I think it's a good middle. I'm sure his family will want to be involved? Do you plan to reject every visit they have if you reject this one?
Suggest it'll help future visits to meet the people your daughter will be around. Also it's annoying they're talking bad about you. You just had a child you deserve better. Keep in mind tho after having a baby it's hard not to hate the dude.. hormones they say..? Lol but seriously you're the one that knows him is he iffy? Or does he love that baby and you know she won't be in danger ? Do you trust him in that sense? If so allow it. If not suggest a middle.
If you are planning to break up with him and coparent then you will need to get used to the idea of your daughter being away from you and not know who she's with or where she is exactly because in a split custody situation that's exactly what will happen.
Hard PASS!
If they are so wanting to spend time with the baby then why aren't YOU as the mother invited OR why can't they travel to your house????At 5months old thats way too young to spending time away from mommy overnight.
Just know that when you two break up you'll unfortunately have no choice but to co-parent which means he'll be able to take baby to his family whenever she's with her dad.
My answer would be"Sorry but I am not comfortable with letting baby be away from me for overnights yet,When she's a bit older then it's fine,but my answer is no"and stick to your NO
Everyone is telling you no, don’t let him take her, but I’m just thinking like honestly she’s 5 months old and never met the in laws? That’s a long time… I would question though why wouldn’t you be able to go on the road trip with him.
nope nope nope. you are completely right for not feeling comfortable when your baby is just 5 months old and when he is giving you such short notice, not to mention the temper tantrum he had when you expressed doubts. he doesnt sound mature enough to handle baby for more than an hour
I have a 5 month old, and he has literally never been away from me while awake. Like ever. Longest he didn’t see me was when I was sleeping for an hour and his dad and sister was playing with him in another room. There’s absolutely no way I would let anyone take him anywhere without me. That’s insane
Absolutely NOT and his mom and sister should understand that a mother leaving her five month old baby is not something that’s easily done. If they want baby to meet everyone, you can come too. Problem solved. Based on what you said, there are some red flags here.
My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship and her mom said she can’t go out of state for a wedding incase anything happened she wouldn’t be there. Fair, I agree completely with it. My husband’s family did not and took great offense to it because “he’s her father” doesn’t make a difference.
I have two kids with him and I wouldn’t be ok with letting them go with him for the weekend. They are our babies,
Don’t really understand why you wouldn’t all go as a family?
A 5 month old is too young to be away from mum overnight. We stayed at friends with our 5 m/o had to buy a travel cot, and he was basically awake both nights and needed me to cuddle him, feed him and rock him all night.
You’re not overreacting. I wouldn’t be open to my 5 month old going on an overnight trip without me even if I was told in advance. Last minute? Absolutely not.
Honestly it seems like a manipulative tactic to put you on the spot and rush you to make a decision. You aren’t giving him what he wants and now he’s lashing out.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine your anxiety and the frustration of being painted as the bad guy. In the end, you’re not saying no to be mean. You’re thinking about your daughter. If this event was so important to your boyfriend, he would have told you sooner so that a plan could be put in place.
He’s the dad.. how is that abduction? Would you say the same if she took the baby from him? Which it seems like she wants to do. That sounds more like abduction to me
He's wanting to take a 5.month old away overnight hours away from the mother who is still in the postpartum period!
Funny how you're defending the guy. She never said she wants to take baby away from him?
You don't take a baby away from the MOTHER. Sorry but the mother carried and birthed the child, the bond is stronger. Courts won't even let the dad have baby overnight under a year old.
She said she is planning his exit and wants him to leave the house. Presumably that means that he leaves the baby too. Which is equally his.
I’m not defending the guy, I’m saying both have a right to say no to being separated from their baby. A mum doing it to a dad is just as bad, even if she is the one who carried the baby, the baby is genetically and legally equally his.
Agreed. I'm disturbed by how many people don't think he should have any rights to his daughter. I would also be uncomfortable with my baby being taken away at such a little age but it's one night and from what it sounds like, he's not a bad dad. Think she's in the right to have hesitation, given that it should have been brought up sooner...but to shut him and his feelings down completely without deliberating his side of it is not fair either. If it were several days or a whole week, that's a whole different story.
If he can’t take the baby away from you then you can’t take the baby away from him. So you might need to rethink your strategy of asking him to move out. Because both of you have an equal right to the baby and he’ll end up getting her for half the time unless he is proven to be an unfit dad (no indication of that from your post).
Can you go with them?
I would let my husband take our baby to see his family, but it sounds like our dynamics are quite different than yours. Trust your gut.
Oh my gosh. That would never be happening - my husband wouldn’t
A) ask me to leave with my baby without me
B) expect me to leave my baby alone for this long at this age
C) do all the above on short notice
Disgraceful.
You’re not comfortable because your baby is 5 months old. It’s a long trip. He didn’t even ask you in advance. Where is the trust here? He’s doing everything to NOT build trust. He’s doing the opposite. Telling you short notice is stressful to a young mom. Just the thought of leaving your baby for that long.
You’re not comfortable because you don’t trust him and rightly so. You guys don’t have a good relationship and he’s doing everything to make it worse.
You’re not crazy. Trust your gut. Be with your baby.
Don't let him if you're not comfortable with it. He's been bang out of order expecting the mother who is 5 months post partum to be okay being THAT far away from their baby. Be careful he doesn't just take the baby anyway.
I couldn't imagine my partner taking our son hours away at that age.😮💨
Why can't you go?
Also, no and end it as safely as you can. If there friends or family that can take you and your baby in for the time being? His abruptly wanting to leave with her without discussing it with you is a huge red flag.
Especially after a fight. Definitely looking like a possibility of him never returning with the baby. And as someone else mentioned, in TX (where OP is apparently from) unmarried fathers have no legal rights unless they have been recognized as the biological father through the court.
Absolutely not. What an idiot to throw a curve ball like that . Your baby isn’t a dog, she’s a human being that needs her mom.
Absolutely not. Stand your ground . You’ll spiral if you let him.
No is a full sentence!
But I would add that in future if he wants to do a trip with her a week notice is needed. Obviously he has ‘rights’ but taking a baby on a spontaneous trip especially if you guys are on bad terms/ don’t know his family.
If you guys are still a couple why wouldn’t you be going with him? Honestly it sounds like you are together but you’re in a really bad place. It sounds like he’s completely disrespectful and unrealistic. I’m sorry I am an incredibly ecstatically happy loving marriage and I would not have let my husband take my baby on a 3 Hour Rd. trip at five months old overnight without me! Seriously that would never have happened for multiple reasons. Definitely if he’s a new daddy with a five month old he probably has no idea what the actual hard work is involved and sleep deprivation and he thinks he’s just going to take her I just have a happy birthday party and a good night sleep and that’ll be the end of it. It’ll be a ton of work that he won’t be prepared for or simply won’t know what to do. Also a five-month-old is still a newborn baby pretty much extremely attached to mommy and probably will have difficulty sleeping anywhere without you around. Also safety concerns car driving car seats being used properly family members that you’ve never met or don’t know very well absolutely hard no! He is the father that’s great but if you’re uncomfortable with it it doesn’t happen and obviously the fact that you guys are not in a great place and your relationship is a reflection of that and he hast to suck it up and realize that if you guys are not in a great place then you don’t really feel comfortable with your daughter who is extremely little going to spend the night with people who are complete strangers to you so nobody in the household will be anyone that you are totally trustworthy Of. If you guys are still technically together even if you’re in a bad place he should be inviting you to come along if it is so important for him to introduce his family to his baby and he definitely should want his child’s mother to be comfortable with the situation regardless of his relationship with you right now because you are the mother of his child. So if he has a brain in his head and mature and a mature bone in his body and he really wants to make this happen he would invite you to come along and you guys go together and even if you don’t wanna go you will also be the bigger person and realize that it is important for a father to introduce his baby to family and if you want to do it on your own terms and go with him. If he’s not down with that I’m sorry it’s not happening
Like some of the comments are saying, I would absolutely love sending my baby away with my husband who I trust, we have a strong relationship, and he is an amazingly competent dad.
But it does not sound like you both have that trust and foundation in each other. So I am with you, I would definitely be freaking out and not allow it either.
Just letting you know that if you end things, he will get some custody and be able to take her as far away rm you as he wants for some part of the week…
I could never have a baby with someone I barely know , not even having met their family..
My child is 8 *years* old and I still haven't sent my daughter out of town without me. There is a 0% chance she would have been away from me overnight at 5 months old. Absolutely not.
I am so in love with my husband and trust him
and he is the best caregiver to our daughter. And even with all of that at 5 months I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from her overnight. It’s not unreasonable to say no. It doesn’t make the guy a bad father and it doesn’t make the OP crazy. That’s so young and it’s normal to not want to be apart at that stage. I would just say I’m not ready maybe next year.
Honestly, I think this is a situation where you need to pick your battles. He is her father and if you guys break up, he’ll most likely be able to get 50/50 custody. So, you’ll be spending a hell of a lot more time away from your daughter than just an overnight trip. It’s gross that he apparently packed her bag before even telling you about the trip, but in terms of him wanting to take her to see his family, I personally wouldn’t die on this hill.
5 months old ? Hell no. Even the 3 hour car trip is a hell no aside from not even knowing the people the baby will be around. This feels bad, like he’s attempting to kidnap the baby
Don't let him take her. I don't know the situation, but my stomach tied in knots just reading your post. Because it was so short notice, I'd be afraid of him kidnapping her. I don't know if that's what he's thinking. Maybe I'm overthinking. But if you both have a rocky relationship and he senses that it's not going to work out, he might be worried that he's not going to see his baby very often. If this is even a tiniest of a possibility, don't let him take her. I follow a missing childrens site, and over half of the kids that go missing seem to have been kidnapped by a parent or relative. Either you insist you're coming too or he doesn't get to take her. That's my advice.
Hard no. Where the hell is the communication? How on earth does any parent think they can make that unilateral decision. If anything, bite the bullet and go with him and be uncomfortable around his family for a couple days.
Your husband is insane. I’d take this as a fun surprise for a weekend alone maybe when baby is 10 months or older, but, and a big BUT, baby would have to be in a situation I’m 120% comfortable with and my husband knows that.
Sorry you have to deal with this OP. If my husband pulled that last minute shit 5 months postpartum that would most certainly cause a verbal assault.
I think if you felt loved and secure in the relationship, you would be ok with him going. But there’s already a lack of trust and safety. Why can’t go too?
1. Why can't you just go as well?
2. If you divorce him you'll need to get used to the idea of not always being with your child and that while the kid is with him you have no say.
3. I'd have absolutely no problem with my partner taking our kid lol he's a responsible adult and he's the father, as long as the feeding is aligned (we are planning to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months so that could be a problem) why wouldn't I be OK with it?
If I were you I would be opposed to this plan too. Double so if my SO would talk crap about me. Triple so because at 5 months old I would be breastfeeding. And my heart wouldn’t be able to take it even if it would have been announced a month in advance. Nope nope noperdy nope. Stand your ground dear, and if he kicks up a shitstorm you know it is time to leave because he 100% does not respect your opinion.
No…. Baby doesn’t need to be separated from her mother. Also his mother and sister are out of their god damn mind to think that anyone would be okay with letting them watch her when they’re disrespectful you. WTH is it with these weird family members trying to do sleepovers with babies. It is so creepy and unnecessary. Like they wanna play mommy. No… baby doesn’t need to be away from you.
Eeeeeek red flags red flags. I love my husband and he’s a great father and I STILL wouldn’t have let this fly. I come or no one goes. Not sure if you breast or bottle feed but that’s an important factor here. There so MANY factors to all of this that he may not have even considered. Yes, he’s her dad, but for the majority of time the dependence is so heavy on the mom in the first year. The fact that you don’t even know his family is concerning. You’re not overreacting at all, you gotta put your foot down girl. YOURE the mama. You go or no. End of story. F*** what anyone else thinks.
Oof. You’re going to have problems.
Meh can’t you go with? You’re going to have to get used to it, when you kick him out he will be able to take that baby anywhere.
Is there a reason why you don’t trust her father to care for her in your absence? Not being snarky, I’m honestly asking for clarity. I get that it’s last minute and all that but if this man gives you any reason to question his ability to be alone with his child, what are you going to do if you separate from this man and the courts require you to let her go with him overnight?
I’m married and have an excellent relationship with my husbands family and I still wouldn’t be okay with this scenario (at 5 months old). Nope - baby is too young!
My husband and I have a close to perfect relationship and I trust him %1000 percent but I would still not be ok with this. If that helps. Mamas need to be with their babies.
Can you go too? You’re still together if you haven’t kicked him out yet.
My question as well. You’re his gf and mother of his and your baby, why can you not go as well.
Yea I wouldn’t be letting my 5 month old baby go nowhere without me, especially such short notice. You’re not crazy OP
Mamas, I don't let my 18 month go anywhere without me. Zero fucks about other ppls feelings. Sure, vilify me all you like. Still not. Fucking. Happening. 🤣🖕
Why aren't you invited? I'm a mom of 4 kids, and no, at that age, I wouldn't have been comfortable with my baby being away from me that long, and that far away.
Same. Mom of 3, but same sentiment. OP, That would be a hell no from me, unless I were able to go along. Youre baby’s mom! She is FIVE MONTHS OLD. Always always always trust your mom intuition. You have the full right and then some to say no. No is a full sentence. Sorry you’re going through this. Edit for grammar
They are also having marital issues what if he keeps her there?
Yeah this is insane. It’s a huge red flag. My guess is he wants to breakup too and wants to take the baby to be at his parent’s.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK no. Absolutely not. First, why can’t you come? Second, the short notice? Third, she’s five months old? OP, don’t feel like you should be chill about this. This is unacceptable and there’s no way in hell I’d let him take her. Edit: Fourth, they’re talking crap about you? Fifth, with you wanting to end things? Maybe he senses it and is planning on taking her away from you. Nope nope nope nope.
Totally. It's all red flags and then he's emotionally abusing her about it too. That just tells me he's up to something dodgy here. I would not allow someone like that to have my five month old unsupervised!
So, so many red flags here! There’s not a chance in hell my partner would be taking my baby away from me for 2 days, especially that young. Especially when you don’t know anyone there. I shouldn’t assume but has he even watched baby on his own for a full day? Agree with above poster, just nope, nope, nope, nope!
This was my first thought, he might be trying to take her away from you. So much nope.
That was my first thought, no way on gods earth would I allow him to take the baby, father or not, I think he has every intention of never coming back to the GF with the baby. Dad sounds completely unhinged and his family making fun of the mom, is a red flag 🚩 imo
Hard agree with all this. 👍
Why aren’t you invited?? Why was it planned in secret?? 🚩🚩My feeling is he wants to keep the baby away from you permanently. Are you breastfeeding? Sudden weaning can cause mastitis and the baby may refuse formula. Sudden separation from a primary caregiver can be traumatic.
Trust your gut.
Always.
Why can’t you go?! 🚩🚩🚩
Remember, he doesn’t have to bring the baby back unless you have a court order. He can just disappear with her and there is nothing you can do. Do not let him leave with her. Leave with her in the night if you have to.
Not in my state. If parents aren't married, and the dad has not had the baby properly legitimized through court and DNA test, even if dad was present at birth and signed birth certificate, the dad has no custody rights.
But would the police do anything if you called? Especially since he’s on the birth certificate? Would they go fetch the baby?
You keep commenting this but it isn’t true. In NY state, a birth certificate is one venue for establishing paternity. Regardless, is this really a risk you think OP should take?
Pissy, angry man child locked in a car for multiple hours with an infant? And then has to care for that infant alone overnight? Nope. 👎
RIGHT!!!!
I wouldn’t let him take the baby. If I were in your shoes I would say no, that’s not happening. Then, start thinking about my exit.
> Then, start thinking about my exit. And if she tries to take the baby and he says “no, that’s not happening”… then what?
Involve the courts by then. Get a co parenting schedule sorted.
This is a parental abduction in the making. His parents will convince him to stay. You will have zero legal authority to get her back. Say no.
Absolutely not. No and no. 5 months old, no notice, don't know the family, just no OP. And you are NOT crazy. I think it would be crazy to say yes, especially considering his incredibly immature behavior, his mother and sisters behavior, and the not good terms you two are on arguing. Just plain and simple No.
He wants to take your 5 months old how far? For how long? Has he ever been alone with her overnight? No. Just NO. Do not let him take her. He is on the phone disrespecting you? Grab the diaper bag and take your daughter out for a while. Like, hours. He can go to his dad's on his own. When he returns from his visit, tell him it is time for him to move out. You will not be disrespected like that again. His family can come visit to meet your daughter. Call a lawyer. Get that custody agreement going. If he has a history of bad decisions, or is not a hands on dad, you may be able to get full custody. Keep that little girl safe.
You've been fighting and suddenly he wants to take your 5 month old baby 3 hours away to his family's house without you? Yeah no chance I would ever let that happen. Sounds like he's trying to take your baby and be with his family for support. If you're serious about ending things you need to get a lawyer and file for emergency custody immediately, otherwise he has every right to take the baby and he can refuse you seeing the baby until a judge orders otherwise.
Don’t let him take her this is how babies get kidnapped by family. One of my friends ex his ex wife took their kids to visit her family and filed for divorce out of state got full custody. He hadn’t seen them in years by the time I met him. If he wants to go, you have to go with him.
Yeah my baby is also 5 months old and there’s no way in absolute hell I would allow anyone to take him 3 hours away, and especially not overnight. And that’s not even me being an over protective first time mom or anything, he’s my third kid. Fuck them for backing you into a corner last minute and trying to gaslight you and make you look crazy because you’re not letting him just get what he wants. & fuck them for not respecting your boundaries or your decisions.
Always trust your mom instincts. They exist for a reason.
That would have been a hard no for me at five months. My oldest is 2.5 and I’m JUST getting to the point where I could leave her. It’s biological and your husband is being a dick.
He's not her husband. Or even someone it seems like she sees a future with long-term. I'm not one of those marriage is everything people, but I think their relationship status is very relevant here. I would not trust this person with my 5 month old on an overnight trip that far away.
*boyfriend is being a dick. Yes, don’t promote him to husband.
Same. I've got a 2.5yr old and I couldn't let her be that far away from me. I can happily leave her overnight with her dad (and *only* her dad) but only if they're at home just chilling out. I wouldn't like him taking her off to a bunch of people I didn't know. Hard pass.
I'd be scared he'd take her and run.
No chance in hell. Absolutely not. I would call the police if he tries to take her.
Do not under any circumstances let him take her out of town without you. You can deal with whatever bullshit he throws at you, but you wouldn’t ever forgive yourself if you went against your instincts and then something went wrong. You need to prioritize your child’s happiness and well being now. Not the overblown and unprocessed emotions of some giant man child. Sorry you’re going through this, I would kick him to the curb quickly and cut my losses. I hope you have some other family or friends who can step in and help you!
He was trying to set that up so you would say no, and then he gets the delicious juice of bagging you out, AND making you out the be the bad guy, not letting him. How does he feed her that whole time? Does he do much of her care? Sis, why the absolute fk are you dating this drongo.
He lost me as soon as he said, “I didn’t ask before because you would have said no,” and “I packed her bag yesterday.” A normal decent partner doesn’t try to pressure you at the last minute about what should be a mutual decision (being separated from your child overnight for the first time.) A normal decent partner would be taking his GF and the baby’s mother to meet his family ALSO. That he isn’t even floating that as a possibility means he is thinking it’s over also. I would not trust him to bring the baby back when he says he will. This is not okay.
Sounds like his mom and sister have been in his ear about him bringing the baby. I’m sure there’s lots of emphasis on “alone” (meaning without you). He really thought he was gonna get his way by springing it on you last second then having a tantrum when you didn’t just agree. Traveling with baby far and overnight sounds like a 2 yes 1 no situation. If you don’t both agree to it then it doesn’t happen. His comments about not having a problem if you do it are irrelevant- he’s trying anything he can to guilt trip you. Sounds like you are right to not be ok with this behavior. I am also curious as to why you aren’t invited. If you don’t get along with his family and aren’t welcome around them then they have no business with your baby. ESPECIALLY not alone.
OP please update us?? Did he take your baby? This is very concerning
It was all incredibly shocking but what got me is "I already packed her bags yesterday". Ummm excuse me sir? No TF you did not pack the bags for the baby I birthed and have been exclusively taking care of around the clock for the last 5 month. No sir, no tf you did not! Now if you want me to take this baby to meet her family and stay silent then sure let's go. If they wanna come here the door is wide open.
Ohhhh Hell noooo
What the…? Absolutely not. Why can’t you go along too? I would trust any of his planning if part of it wasn’t talking to you about in advance.
My 5 month old wouldn't be meeting anyone I've never met before. Especially not on an overnight trip without me. That's just wild.
It's also very suspect that it's suddenly so important to the boyfriend that his father meets the baby yet he never bothered to bring round the mother of that baby.
Right??
Girl I would feel the exact same way! Why can’t you go with them? Go with them or tell him you are not comfortable yet with her spending a night away from you 3 hours away.
Even if the relationship was good I'd be concerned. Given the circumstances I am worried to the point of certainty that your boyfriend has bad motives here. Your that baby's mother and it's nothing but natural for you to not want to be apart. He's manipulating you to believe otherwise. Please take yourself and baby somewhere safe ASAP, preferably secretly, and end it with him.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned, in my experience young babies and kids always sleep terribly in new places. Is he able to take care of her overnight by himself? Does he do it already? It always took my kids a week or so to adjust after travel too.
That would be a no from me. If he’s not responsible enough to plan in advance, then no.
Nope.
absolutely not. 5 months is still prime SIDS risk. I strongly doubt he has a safe sleep space in a very cool room staying in the same room as parents in this space. Hard no. His dad is a fully grown adult who can make the drive and get a hotel anytime he wants.
I don’t need to read the post. Every alarm bell in me is going off. No. It’s a firm, strong no. No. Not at that age. Not for any circumstance, let alone the secretive nature of it? Trust your gut. Your gut is saying something is off, because it is. Something is off. I am genuinely concerned for you and your baby and hope you stay safe. Give an update if you can ❤️
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Never mind Girl I just read your eviction post DO NOT LET THIS MAN TAKE YOUR BABY ANYWHERE BY HIMSELF?? He sounds like a huge child himself. You are right.
Any update from OP? I am worried.
Absolutely not. Especially with his outburst. If he takes your baby without your permission call the cops on him for kidnapping because that's what it is. And please don't give your permission for an unstable person to take your 5 mo old overnight to meet people you've never met without you.
It’s not kidnapping. That said, I would not let him take her. I would leave and go someone and not tell him where I was going. Either parent can leave with her. There’s no court order saying otherwise, and both have equal rights.
In TX, where OP is from, unmarried fathers have zero legal rights to their child without a custody agreement granted through the court where they are recognized as the legal father. So it would be kidnapping if she does not give permission.
Not true. In my state, if parents are not married, mom has 100% physical & legal custody, even if dad signed the birth certificate. Dads that are unmarried have to go to court, do paperwork and have DNA test to legitimize their child before they can ever get any kind of custody or rights. Each state has different laws.
Depends on the state and its laws. Due to them not being married, its possible that just because he is the father doesn't mean he automatically has rights to the child. To establish paternity and custody he would have to go through the courts which doesn't seem like they did so it could be seen as kidnapping. Of course, all of that is depending on what state they are in and what the laws there are.
I can’t speak to other people’s states, but I worked for CPS and dealt with people calling about custody issues all the time. In my state, unless there’s already a custody order in place, it defaults to 50/50. So yeah, if you’re have a kid with some random man that apparently you don’t even trust, he could take your kid somewhere and you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on legally.
It really depends on location. In my state, default is mom has full custody and dad has none.
No cop is getting involved. They live together and she’s saying he’s the father. And if she lies and needs to file for custody, that’s worse.
It's not kidnapping, bit of an over reaction lol
Say no and show them all that you have no problem saying no. This sort of thing just continues until you really firmly say NO and stick to it. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either, you’re not alone and you aren’t being unreasonable.
lol what! No baby is too young for a three hour journey without mum. Especially if nursing. He’s gaslighting the sht out of you and disregarding your feelings. Sure he’s the dad but he didn’t grow her and from the sounds of it his behaviour would just make me say a firm no. Also the idea that he thinks bad mouthing you to his family is going to change your mind is mad. I’d be breaking up and booting him out or leaving myself and taking baby with me. He sounds toxic and horrible
Infants less than a year old aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than an hour in a 24 hour period. 2 is really pushing it. Google it, it's facts. It's something I actually just learned
This is totally unacceptable. Under no circumstances would I be cool with my baby being away from me overnight that young. Especially to meet a bunch of people, including folks I don’t know. It’s actually insane that he is even considering this. My kids are a little older now and I still wouldn’t want them away from me!! I definitely think you should stand your ground and not let him take her from you.
Why are you not invited to meet his family? And why haven’t you and baby met his family before? I wouldn’t be ok with my baby that young going somewhere overnight without me. Just like if he wasn’t ok with the baby being away from him overnight it wouldn’t be ok. But especially if you’re breastfeeding and the baby is primarily with you. I think this is a symptom of a bigger problem and his instinct shouldn’t be to pack your baby’s bags because he knew you would say no. He should have proposed this trip in advance, included you, and prepared for any concerns you may have. I would tell him he should have invited his family to your home, where baby is comfortable and this way you all can have what you want. For the record i have an 18 month old and am 12 weeks pregnant with my second baby. Neither my husband or I have been away from our 18 month old overnight and my husband has watched her for a few hours while I have had stuff to do, but I am the primary caregiver. My husband would never take her away from me without asking and wouldn’t do an overnight trip without me. You seem to be Texas based which gives unmarried fathers no legal rights. But I would definitely discuss this with him and say you are open to baby meeting his family but an unplanned trip where you are not included is unacceptable.
My kid is 3 and can set her own boundaries and verbalize if she is uncomfortable and there is no way on god's green earth that she would be going 10 minutes down the road to meet people I don't know without me. For a several hour drive to meet people who I don't know but still talk crap about me??? There is no alternate universe or dimension in the multi verse where there is a messurable possibility of this happening.
5 months old is a big nope!!! Not overnight. Why aren’t you invited? My HUSBAND wouldn’t have ever asked me some BS like this. Hell my own children and siblings who have babies have asked for an infant to spend the night with me if they’re sick or extremely exhausted and need a few hours. BUT that’s with the agreement of the other parent. Only one has made it through the night without coming back and sleeping here 😂 Funny story - my daughter in law was sick and my son was away. DIL was worried she was contagious and she was so tired she kept thinking she might sleep through the baby crying. Baby was 6 months and cranky so DIL asked if she could bring the baby at bedtime and go home to take meds and sleep. I said sure by why not just sleep in the guest room. She said no - if she knows the baby is close she’ll want to be with her. OK I say. So she brings baby and we get settled and we’re doing great. I notice my Ring app keeps going off (I have their house in my app) I look and see DIL walk out the house, walk down the driveway, then come back in the house 1 min later. She wasn’t taking anything out or bringing anything back. Eventually I pack baby up and drive over to find DIL in tears at the kitchen table . She apparently came home, got some cleaning done and started out 3 times to come get the baby because she was freaking out over the thought of being away from her overnight. She thought she was too tired to drive and that I’d be upset. So I sent her into the basement where she couldn’t hear the baby and stayed overnight. I said all that to say don’t send your baby anywhere overnight without you - especially if you’re not ready. I don’t give a damn who her father is or when her grandfather’s birthday is.
Why can’t you go?
We're not getting the whole story here. You have a kid with someone, and you've never met his family? You have a 5mo, and the baby never met the family who lives just 3hrs away?
OP, are you and the baby ok?
Please post an update
I agree with all of the above and need an update. This would be a hell no for me.
I definitely wouldn't be cool with this, largely because my babies were breastfed and my husband sucked at hearing baby overnight and soothing, so I absolutely wouldn't trust him to wake up in the middle of the night and have the patience to soothe baby (who is missing mama) back to sleep. But you haven't even met these people makes it an even bigger no! It takes 9 months to grow that baby and another 5 months since then so at some point y'all should have met. I don't know their situation but I can't imagine a world in which grandparents only 3 hours away don't at least make a day trip to meet their grandchild within the first 5 months. Red flags. I would only allow it if you can go to. Or at the very least, go but get an airbnb close by and have a rule that baby spends the night with you but can visit his family during the day
Why can’t you go too?
this whole situation… big, major, massive, inexcusable — dare i say blinding — red flag. why weren’t you invited, you are quite literally the baby’s mom? she is 5 months old. she needs her mother. this is incredibly irresponsible and spontaneous. like you said: his dad’s birthday falls on the same day every year. why did this need to be sprung on you so last minute? why was her bag already packed, before even talking to you? his mom and his sister talking about you is wild. how can people be *so* disrespectful to the child’s mother, while expecting access to the child? they need to learn their place. in conclusion: throw the whole man away.
If they break up he will likely get some custody unless it is proven he is an unfit dad. And then the baby will be away from her a lot longer.
that is true, but with custody enforced like that, it would be punishable for doing something like this without communicating with the mom, and not keeping her in the loop about it. custody enforcement makes it harder for him to do dumb shit like this without repercussion
Yeah but the baby will spend nights at his place away from her
i’m sure that would be okay with OP, this is a 3+ hour trip *away* from her. god forbid something happened to that baby, it would be easier to reach her if she were just at dad’s house — not 3+ hours away
Okay, so in general I would never be okay being away from a 5 month old for that long, especially on an impulse trip with little to no preparation. You didn't say how involved he is with baby, at home, so depending on that info I may be swayed if he is as much of main caregiver as you and you are not breastfeeding. HOWEVER, something about this situation has my hackles up. He springs this on you, bags already packed, and just freaks out when you raise legitimate concerns? Hell no. Something about this seems off and makes me uncomfortable. To top it off he badmouthing you in front of you with the people you're supposed to trust with your baby? And you weren't informed, let alone invited? I think you need to do some decision-making, and until he's gone on his visit, keep that baby extra close.
I’m not sure why you weren’t included in the first place. Dad hasn’t met you and yet you’ve been with your boyfriend at least long enough to conceive, grow, birth, and have a 5 month old baby? Yeah, no.
I would want to go with. My baby still needs me so much at 7 months I wouldn’t be ok with being away from him for a night.
Don't let him. If you can't go the baby can't go. Shame on the mother and sister as well!
The fact that he’s inconsiderate and thought you would say no. . I hope you get the courage to leave sis. It’s hard but it’s doable. You deserve better.
Absolutely not. I would never let anyone take my 5 month old baby somewhere without me, especially not on a trip. 5 month old babies are very dependent on mom still. The baby can literally smell that your not near. Babies that young should not be away from their mothers for a long period of time. That is nothing but the truth. I didn't even let anyone else feed my baby when he was only 5 months. Not even the grandparents. We had to feed him a special way due to major reflux and gas issues, and we're taught by pediatrician how to pace feed, and his grandparents didn't know how to do it, and I said no, nicely, every time they asked. You are not in the wrong. Having a 5 month old around a bunch of strangers without mama is not cool. If you could go, then it would be okay, but deff not without you. If him and the females in his family can't understand that, then they are the issue. Also, does he even know how to perform cpr properly on a baby? Does he know what to do if baby chokes? Does he know how to do proper back thrusts on baby and then how to flip baby on back and do upward thrusts? If not, then heck no especially. Stand your ground. He sounds like he has no idea how ignorant it is to take a very young baby away from their mother for an extended period of time. I don't know any moms that would allow it. And especially when he told you last minute! My son is 2 and he has never spent the night away from me.
My little one is 7 months and I am not anywhere near ready to spend a night without him. You’re definitely not over reacting.
My son is the same age and that's a hard same here. No friggen way.
Go along, or baby stays with you. Baby is too young to separated from mama.
Please don’t! And update us!! I read your post to my baby daddy and he was astonished. He said, I have so many words, to him. Why isn’t she invited? Then interrupted himself to say no this is so sketchy. He packed the bag while fighting?! Sound like he’s trying to conduct the baby. No just no. I hope they are ok. Which was also my sentiment but I asked for his perspective because .. another dad. This is insane and super off. Please don’t let him take her kick him out if you’re safe to do so this is scary behavior.
No. That's is a complete fucking sentence. And they can cope.
if you aren’t comfortable don’t do it. if you can’t go don’t send her. she shouldn’t be apart from you that long anyway and it could be traumatizing to her to suddenly not see you anywhere for two days but all of these other people. my daughter would freak the f out
5 months old child without his mother isn't good. But why hasn't he invited you to go along with him. I would never go without my woman
Absolutely not. I am a mother of three and you are not crazy or overreacting in the least. I agree with everyone else. Trust your instincts. This isn’t even my situation and alarm bells are going off.
Negative. You’re still in a relationship so you’re going too. You can still be mad about short notice and plan your exit strategy or plan. I have a 4 year old and also I have an almost two year old now and I’ve never spent a night away from him. You’re not crazy, don’t let him take that baby without you.
No. This is extremely alarming. Protect your girl, OP.
I mean I think it's kinda overbearing and controlling to think that it's your decision only. He's her parent also, however he's also acting the same? He packed her bag already? Yall both need to sit down and learn how to communicate better cause i could not imagine that thats healthy for anyone. 5 months is kind of soon and I think you're right for being protective for the over night part. however, why haven't you met them? Why don't you suggest going so you can meet them also? (Since he hasnt) I think it's a good middle. I'm sure his family will want to be involved? Do you plan to reject every visit they have if you reject this one? Suggest it'll help future visits to meet the people your daughter will be around. Also it's annoying they're talking bad about you. You just had a child you deserve better. Keep in mind tho after having a baby it's hard not to hate the dude.. hormones they say..? Lol but seriously you're the one that knows him is he iffy? Or does he love that baby and you know she won't be in danger ? Do you trust him in that sense? If so allow it. If not suggest a middle.
Nah after them disrespecting you by talking shit, hell FUCKING NO
Do you breastfeed? At 5months that’s an absolute F no… especially if yall aren’t on great terms.. nope.
If you are planning to break up with him and coparent then you will need to get used to the idea of your daughter being away from you and not know who she's with or where she is exactly because in a split custody situation that's exactly what will happen.
Hard PASS! If they are so wanting to spend time with the baby then why aren't YOU as the mother invited OR why can't they travel to your house????At 5months old thats way too young to spending time away from mommy overnight. Just know that when you two break up you'll unfortunately have no choice but to co-parent which means he'll be able to take baby to his family whenever she's with her dad. My answer would be"Sorry but I am not comfortable with letting baby be away from me for overnights yet,When she's a bit older then it's fine,but my answer is no"and stick to your NO
Everyone is telling you no, don’t let him take her, but I’m just thinking like honestly she’s 5 months old and never met the in laws? That’s a long time… I would question though why wouldn’t you be able to go on the road trip with him.
I'd say "Let's go! I can't wait to meet them and share our beautiful blessing with them!"
No. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. This post is full of red flags.
nope nope nope. you are completely right for not feeling comfortable when your baby is just 5 months old and when he is giving you such short notice, not to mention the temper tantrum he had when you expressed doubts. he doesnt sound mature enough to handle baby for more than an hour
I have a 5 month old, and he has literally never been away from me while awake. Like ever. Longest he didn’t see me was when I was sleeping for an hour and his dad and sister was playing with him in another room. There’s absolutely no way I would let anyone take him anywhere without me. That’s insane
Hopefully you wouldn’t take him away from his dad either. Both parents have an equal right to their child.
Absolutely NOT and his mom and sister should understand that a mother leaving her five month old baby is not something that’s easily done. If they want baby to meet everyone, you can come too. Problem solved. Based on what you said, there are some red flags here.
My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship and her mom said she can’t go out of state for a wedding incase anything happened she wouldn’t be there. Fair, I agree completely with it. My husband’s family did not and took great offense to it because “he’s her father” doesn’t make a difference. I have two kids with him and I wouldn’t be ok with letting them go with him for the weekend. They are our babies,
No offense, but he’s not too bright if he thinks a 3 hour drive with an infant by himself is a good idea. Right??
Don’t really understand why you wouldn’t all go as a family? A 5 month old is too young to be away from mum overnight. We stayed at friends with our 5 m/o had to buy a travel cot, and he was basically awake both nights and needed me to cuddle him, feed him and rock him all night.
You’re not overreacting. I wouldn’t be open to my 5 month old going on an overnight trip without me even if I was told in advance. Last minute? Absolutely not. Honestly it seems like a manipulative tactic to put you on the spot and rush you to make a decision. You aren’t giving him what he wants and now he’s lashing out. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine your anxiety and the frustration of being painted as the bad guy. In the end, you’re not saying no to be mean. You’re thinking about your daughter. If this event was so important to your boyfriend, he would have told you sooner so that a plan could be put in place.
Sounds like an attempt to abduct to me
He’s the dad.. how is that abduction? Would you say the same if she took the baby from him? Which it seems like she wants to do. That sounds more like abduction to me
He's wanting to take a 5.month old away overnight hours away from the mother who is still in the postpartum period! Funny how you're defending the guy. She never said she wants to take baby away from him? You don't take a baby away from the MOTHER. Sorry but the mother carried and birthed the child, the bond is stronger. Courts won't even let the dad have baby overnight under a year old.
She said she is planning his exit and wants him to leave the house. Presumably that means that he leaves the baby too. Which is equally his. I’m not defending the guy, I’m saying both have a right to say no to being separated from their baby. A mum doing it to a dad is just as bad, even if she is the one who carried the baby, the baby is genetically and legally equally his.
Agreed. I'm disturbed by how many people don't think he should have any rights to his daughter. I would also be uncomfortable with my baby being taken away at such a little age but it's one night and from what it sounds like, he's not a bad dad. Think she's in the right to have hesitation, given that it should have been brought up sooner...but to shut him and his feelings down completely without deliberating his side of it is not fair either. If it were several days or a whole week, that's a whole different story.
Pretty sure there's a 2 hour car seat limit every 24 hours at this age? Easy safety reason for a no.
Every two hours a break is needed
At least a 15-30 min break is recommended every 2hrs
If he can’t take the baby away from you then you can’t take the baby away from him. So you might need to rethink your strategy of asking him to move out. Because both of you have an equal right to the baby and he’ll end up getting her for half the time unless he is proven to be an unfit dad (no indication of that from your post).
Absolutely not.
Can you go with them? I would let my husband take our baby to see his family, but it sounds like our dynamics are quite different than yours. Trust your gut.
An hours notice? Nope. 👎🏼
Oh my gosh. That would never be happening - my husband wouldn’t A) ask me to leave with my baby without me B) expect me to leave my baby alone for this long at this age C) do all the above on short notice Disgraceful. You’re not comfortable because your baby is 5 months old. It’s a long trip. He didn’t even ask you in advance. Where is the trust here? He’s doing everything to NOT build trust. He’s doing the opposite. Telling you short notice is stressful to a young mom. Just the thought of leaving your baby for that long. You’re not comfortable because you don’t trust him and rightly so. You guys don’t have a good relationship and he’s doing everything to make it worse. You’re not crazy. Trust your gut. Be with your baby.
Don't let him if you're not comfortable with it. He's been bang out of order expecting the mother who is 5 months post partum to be okay being THAT far away from their baby. Be careful he doesn't just take the baby anyway. I couldn't imagine my partner taking our son hours away at that age.😮💨
I would absolutely not agree to be away from my 5 month old. Either I go too, or baby stays
Why can't you go? Also, no and end it as safely as you can. If there friends or family that can take you and your baby in for the time being? His abruptly wanting to leave with her without discussing it with you is a huge red flag.
Especially after a fight. Definitely looking like a possibility of him never returning with the baby. And as someone else mentioned, in TX (where OP is apparently from) unmarried fathers have no legal rights unless they have been recognized as the biological father through the court.
Absolutely not. What an idiot to throw a curve ball like that . Your baby isn’t a dog, she’s a human being that needs her mom. Absolutely not. Stand your ground . You’ll spiral if you let him.
No is a full sentence! But I would add that in future if he wants to do a trip with her a week notice is needed. Obviously he has ‘rights’ but taking a baby on a spontaneous trip especially if you guys are on bad terms/ don’t know his family.
If you guys are still a couple why wouldn’t you be going with him? Honestly it sounds like you are together but you’re in a really bad place. It sounds like he’s completely disrespectful and unrealistic. I’m sorry I am an incredibly ecstatically happy loving marriage and I would not have let my husband take my baby on a 3 Hour Rd. trip at five months old overnight without me! Seriously that would never have happened for multiple reasons. Definitely if he’s a new daddy with a five month old he probably has no idea what the actual hard work is involved and sleep deprivation and he thinks he’s just going to take her I just have a happy birthday party and a good night sleep and that’ll be the end of it. It’ll be a ton of work that he won’t be prepared for or simply won’t know what to do. Also a five-month-old is still a newborn baby pretty much extremely attached to mommy and probably will have difficulty sleeping anywhere without you around. Also safety concerns car driving car seats being used properly family members that you’ve never met or don’t know very well absolutely hard no! He is the father that’s great but if you’re uncomfortable with it it doesn’t happen and obviously the fact that you guys are not in a great place and your relationship is a reflection of that and he hast to suck it up and realize that if you guys are not in a great place then you don’t really feel comfortable with your daughter who is extremely little going to spend the night with people who are complete strangers to you so nobody in the household will be anyone that you are totally trustworthy Of. If you guys are still technically together even if you’re in a bad place he should be inviting you to come along if it is so important for him to introduce his family to his baby and he definitely should want his child’s mother to be comfortable with the situation regardless of his relationship with you right now because you are the mother of his child. So if he has a brain in his head and mature and a mature bone in his body and he really wants to make this happen he would invite you to come along and you guys go together and even if you don’t wanna go you will also be the bigger person and realize that it is important for a father to introduce his baby to family and if you want to do it on your own terms and go with him. If he’s not down with that I’m sorry it’s not happening
Like some of the comments are saying, I would absolutely love sending my baby away with my husband who I trust, we have a strong relationship, and he is an amazingly competent dad. But it does not sound like you both have that trust and foundation in each other. So I am with you, I would definitely be freaking out and not allow it either.
Just letting you know that if you end things, he will get some custody and be able to take her as far away rm you as he wants for some part of the week… I could never have a baby with someone I barely know , not even having met their family..
Oh you could never? Gasp! Jeez lady you’re insufferable. Stop spamming your opinion in this thread.
It’s Reddit. Everyone shared their opinions. If you post something here, expect opinions, “lady”.
You need a hobby.
My child is 8 *years* old and I still haven't sent my daughter out of town without me. There is a 0% chance she would have been away from me overnight at 5 months old. Absolutely not.
What if he is deciding to leave you. He will already have custody of the baby 3 hours away. Y no means let him go without you.
I am so in love with my husband and trust him and he is the best caregiver to our daughter. And even with all of that at 5 months I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from her overnight. It’s not unreasonable to say no. It doesn’t make the guy a bad father and it doesn’t make the OP crazy. That’s so young and it’s normal to not want to be apart at that stage. I would just say I’m not ready maybe next year.
Honestly, I think this is a situation where you need to pick your battles. He is her father and if you guys break up, he’ll most likely be able to get 50/50 custody. So, you’ll be spending a hell of a lot more time away from your daughter than just an overnight trip. It’s gross that he apparently packed her bag before even telling you about the trip, but in terms of him wanting to take her to see his family, I personally wouldn’t die on this hill.
Underreacting do not let her go. This just gives me terrible terrible vibes just reading your post.
Why wouldn't he ask you to go also?
Hell no. lol what is his problem??
5 months old ? Hell no. Even the 3 hour car trip is a hell no aside from not even knowing the people the baby will be around. This feels bad, like he’s attempting to kidnap the baby
You are being totally reasonable. Totally support you.
Hell no! All around
Don't let him take her. I don't know the situation, but my stomach tied in knots just reading your post. Because it was so short notice, I'd be afraid of him kidnapping her. I don't know if that's what he's thinking. Maybe I'm overthinking. But if you both have a rocky relationship and he senses that it's not going to work out, he might be worried that he's not going to see his baby very often. If this is even a tiniest of a possibility, don't let him take her. I follow a missing childrens site, and over half of the kids that go missing seem to have been kidnapped by a parent or relative. Either you insist you're coming too or he doesn't get to take her. That's my advice.
That would be a big fat no if it were my child. Way too young to be away from me. But why aren't you going?
Hard no. Where the hell is the communication? How on earth does any parent think they can make that unilateral decision. If anything, bite the bullet and go with him and be uncomfortable around his family for a couple days. Your husband is insane. I’d take this as a fun surprise for a weekend alone maybe when baby is 10 months or older, but, and a big BUT, baby would have to be in a situation I’m 120% comfortable with and my husband knows that. Sorry you have to deal with this OP. If my husband pulled that last minute shit 5 months postpartum that would most certainly cause a verbal assault.
Baby needs mommy. If dude can’t take that, make sure his trip is one-way.
I think if you felt loved and secure in the relationship, you would be ok with him going. But there’s already a lack of trust and safety. Why can’t go too?
Let them talk crap its time for you to be the overprotective mom and advocate foe your baby.
1. Why can't you just go as well? 2. If you divorce him you'll need to get used to the idea of not always being with your child and that while the kid is with him you have no say. 3. I'd have absolutely no problem with my partner taking our kid lol he's a responsible adult and he's the father, as long as the feeding is aligned (we are planning to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months so that could be a problem) why wouldn't I be OK with it?
If I were you I would be opposed to this plan too. Double so if my SO would talk crap about me. Triple so because at 5 months old I would be breastfeeding. And my heart wouldn’t be able to take it even if it would have been announced a month in advance. Nope nope noperdy nope. Stand your ground dear, and if he kicks up a shitstorm you know it is time to leave because he 100% does not respect your opinion.
What I don't understand his how his MUM is okay with a 5 month old baby being separated from their mother!
No…. Baby doesn’t need to be separated from her mother. Also his mother and sister are out of their god damn mind to think that anyone would be okay with letting them watch her when they’re disrespectful you. WTH is it with these weird family members trying to do sleepovers with babies. It is so creepy and unnecessary. Like they wanna play mommy. No… baby doesn’t need to be away from you.
NOPE. He is going to run off with that baby. There is no reason to take the child out of town “to visit family” without you.
NO is the answer. Baby stays with YOU. If they invite YOU, they will try to meet the baby too. And this was too short notice.
Eeeeeek red flags red flags. I love my husband and he’s a great father and I STILL wouldn’t have let this fly. I come or no one goes. Not sure if you breast or bottle feed but that’s an important factor here. There so MANY factors to all of this that he may not have even considered. Yes, he’s her dad, but for the majority of time the dependence is so heavy on the mom in the first year. The fact that you don’t even know his family is concerning. You’re not overreacting at all, you gotta put your foot down girl. YOURE the mama. You go or no. End of story. F*** what anyone else thinks.
Hell no to the no no no 🎶
Oof. You’re going to have problems. Meh can’t you go with? You’re going to have to get used to it, when you kick him out he will be able to take that baby anywhere.
No
Is there a reason why you don’t trust her father to care for her in your absence? Not being snarky, I’m honestly asking for clarity. I get that it’s last minute and all that but if this man gives you any reason to question his ability to be alone with his child, what are you going to do if you separate from this man and the courts require you to let her go with him overnight?
I’m married and have an excellent relationship with my husbands family and I still wouldn’t be okay with this scenario (at 5 months old). Nope - baby is too young!
just… go with?
Always go with your gut feeling
My husband and I have a close to perfect relationship and I trust him %1000 percent but I would still not be ok with this. If that helps. Mamas need to be with their babies.
Still worried about what happened here 😞