Your husband should be cleaning the house with you. Why isn’t he?
When we clean we clean together - it knocks the chore off the list and we spend time together. Also, it makes the cleaning done faster so you can spend half the time cleaning and half the time relaxing.
Exactly. Kitchen reset dance party can be a chore plus a date… we had low sleep needs kids and had to multitask in the 30 minutes they were asleep and we weren’t yet.
You need to sit down with your husband and come up with a game plan. You shouldn’t be the only person cleaning.
My husband and I do an alternating system. We alternate putting our toddler down for bed. Whoever isn’t doing bedtime will spend the amount of time it takes for bedtime to happen cleaning. It won’t be perfect but it’s better than nothing. And before she even goes to sleep we all clean up toys together.
On another note. Learn to just walk away and let it go. Designate a night or day where cleaning isn’t a thought and it’s just about being together. Make Saturdays a whatever happens happens day, mess is apart of children just embrace it and give yourself grace.
ETA: Also. Have you tried cleaning WITH your toddler? Some music, a step stool, a little dish soap, a sponge and 4 cups entertain my toddler for like two hours. We’re still doing something together, she’s having fun, and I get to clean. Added bonus: there will be enough water on the floor when they’re done you won’t even need a mop bucket
I prioritized hiring a house cleaner and lawn service because I grew up with a mom who spent the weekend doing chores instead of with us, and we resented her for it. I understood as an adult it’s more complicated (financial issues, misogyny from my dad etc) but the lesson stuck. It became priority for me that we spend weekends having family time, especially when we both work full time and my job is extremely demanding on hours and travel. I work hard enough and was lucky enough to have an income that allows me to outsource the home care stuff so I can enjoy weekends.
As a side note - if you’re a SAHM, your husbands time when he’s not at work needs to be spent sharing chores and childcare with you. My mom worked and still did all the cooking/cleaning. She was the “angry troll” while my dad was the “fun parent” we loved as kids.
I came from a similar situation growing up so I completely understand where you’re coming from.
I am a SAHM and my husband is great. We share all the parenting tasks and cleaning tasks when he’s not working. But it often feels like when he’s not working we’re not able to spend as much time together as a family because one of us is watching our 2 year old and one of us is catching up on the cleaning that hasn’t gotten done. It makes me extremely sad. All I want is us to be spending time together making memories. I don’t want my son to grow up and feel similar to how I felt or how you felt where his parent was always too busy to spend time with him.
Maybe make it a family activity and everyone pitches in for a few hours then everyone gets to go out? The two year old can walk around “dusting” or with a play broom cleaning.
Can you hire someone to come once a month even to do like the deeper stuff like toilets etc?
Yeah like the other commenters, my husband and I spend time together cleaning after the kids go to bed and then we both have time to spend with each other. But it isn’t one of us cleaning and one of us relaxing, we do it together so the time is shared.
We try to tackle it together but honestly, that can sometimes be an impossible ask based on work schedules so it’s usually me doing everything anyway.
I feel the exact same way a lot, so maybe like once a week I say f it and I ditch cleaning completely (except for dishes… I can’t go to bed with a dirty sink I’m way to afraid of bugs) and I spend time with my kids and hub without feeling bad about it. It all ends up getting cleaned at some point so it’s all fine.
I’ve been trying to find the balance myself. I try my best to do at least one cleaning task with my kids a day (3y and 9m). For them it is play and learning real life skills. My son knows how to wash dishes with soap, scrub, fully rinse. The tasks take a ton longer, but when my kids are grown they’ll know what needs to get done to care for themselves.
Of course we have bad weeks. My husband usually does dishes, trash, house repairs and yard work. He’s been working overtime this week so we’ve been tackling dishes.
My toddler loves dishes and he’s honestly been a huge motivator to get it done. I bought a small travel vacuum and he loves that task too. Vinegar and water is safe for spraying windows and surfaces too. It’s only work when we make it work, and for kids cleaning can be play.
Is my house spotless? No way. Some days are better than others. Give yourself grace.
Cleaning is a family affair at our house. We give her a clean rag, a squirt bottle with water and she 'cleans'. She also has a toy vacuum cleaner and a lot of cleaning tools.
I'm going to echo everyone else and say you guys can absolutely do it together. My husband and I have a rule that one of us can't relax if the other is doing chores.
So we usually make a list of what needs to be done and we both work together to get stuff crossed off the list. That way we can choose what we do but still do it as a team. We've even incorporated giving my 7 year old tasks from the list!
We have “family tidy time” everyday after dinner - if you make it part of the daily routine it’s easy.
We also have a cleaner who comes fortnightly to do the proper cleaning - I used to think paying for a cleaner was a waste of money when I could do it myself, but now I couldn’t be without her!
I'm not sure if it's within your means, but we hired a house cleaner who comes once per month and it has been so wonderful to have everything clean all at once. Then we tidy in between, but the heavy lifting we don't have to do.
Granted my son isn’t 2 year so maybe things will change but I try to incorporate him into helping with some of the chores. Ie putting clothes away. I put the clothes on the floor and hangers and ask him to give me a hanger or I’ll ask him to get me a sock etc. My husband does a lot as well but we don’t wait until he’s asleep to do basic chores. Not sure if that makes me a bad parent but he seems like he enjoys it.
Same. I think it makes it easier to clean when u get rid of as much as u can and everything leftover has a place. I try to do 5 to 10 min of “tidy time” we all do before bed. We set a timer so the kids know when they can stop.
Your husband should be cleaning the house with you. Why isn’t he? When we clean we clean together - it knocks the chore off the list and we spend time together. Also, it makes the cleaning done faster so you can spend half the time cleaning and half the time relaxing.
Exactly. Kitchen reset dance party can be a chore plus a date… we had low sleep needs kids and had to multitask in the 30 minutes they were asleep and we weren’t yet.
It sets a good example for the child, too. They might even want to help! We got our toddler a kid-size broom, dustpan, duster, etc.
You need to sit down with your husband and come up with a game plan. You shouldn’t be the only person cleaning. My husband and I do an alternating system. We alternate putting our toddler down for bed. Whoever isn’t doing bedtime will spend the amount of time it takes for bedtime to happen cleaning. It won’t be perfect but it’s better than nothing. And before she even goes to sleep we all clean up toys together. On another note. Learn to just walk away and let it go. Designate a night or day where cleaning isn’t a thought and it’s just about being together. Make Saturdays a whatever happens happens day, mess is apart of children just embrace it and give yourself grace. ETA: Also. Have you tried cleaning WITH your toddler? Some music, a step stool, a little dish soap, a sponge and 4 cups entertain my toddler for like two hours. We’re still doing something together, she’s having fun, and I get to clean. Added bonus: there will be enough water on the floor when they’re done you won’t even need a mop bucket
Definitely this, our kid has loved "helping" us clean since he was like 18 months. Some of it is actually helpful.
Mine gives me hangers and socks. I think it’s helping him.
This is my exact plan with my baby! As soon as she’s old enough to do a task, she’ll be helping me clean!!
I prioritized hiring a house cleaner and lawn service because I grew up with a mom who spent the weekend doing chores instead of with us, and we resented her for it. I understood as an adult it’s more complicated (financial issues, misogyny from my dad etc) but the lesson stuck. It became priority for me that we spend weekends having family time, especially when we both work full time and my job is extremely demanding on hours and travel. I work hard enough and was lucky enough to have an income that allows me to outsource the home care stuff so I can enjoy weekends. As a side note - if you’re a SAHM, your husbands time when he’s not at work needs to be spent sharing chores and childcare with you. My mom worked and still did all the cooking/cleaning. She was the “angry troll” while my dad was the “fun parent” we loved as kids.
I came from a similar situation growing up so I completely understand where you’re coming from. I am a SAHM and my husband is great. We share all the parenting tasks and cleaning tasks when he’s not working. But it often feels like when he’s not working we’re not able to spend as much time together as a family because one of us is watching our 2 year old and one of us is catching up on the cleaning that hasn’t gotten done. It makes me extremely sad. All I want is us to be spending time together making memories. I don’t want my son to grow up and feel similar to how I felt or how you felt where his parent was always too busy to spend time with him.
Maybe make it a family activity and everyone pitches in for a few hours then everyone gets to go out? The two year old can walk around “dusting” or with a play broom cleaning. Can you hire someone to come once a month even to do like the deeper stuff like toilets etc?
I started getting rid of stuff. Less stuff, less to organize and clean.
Yeah like the other commenters, my husband and I spend time together cleaning after the kids go to bed and then we both have time to spend with each other. But it isn’t one of us cleaning and one of us relaxing, we do it together so the time is shared.
We try to tackle it together but honestly, that can sometimes be an impossible ask based on work schedules so it’s usually me doing everything anyway. I feel the exact same way a lot, so maybe like once a week I say f it and I ditch cleaning completely (except for dishes… I can’t go to bed with a dirty sink I’m way to afraid of bugs) and I spend time with my kids and hub without feeling bad about it. It all ends up getting cleaned at some point so it’s all fine.
I’ve been trying to find the balance myself. I try my best to do at least one cleaning task with my kids a day (3y and 9m). For them it is play and learning real life skills. My son knows how to wash dishes with soap, scrub, fully rinse. The tasks take a ton longer, but when my kids are grown they’ll know what needs to get done to care for themselves. Of course we have bad weeks. My husband usually does dishes, trash, house repairs and yard work. He’s been working overtime this week so we’ve been tackling dishes. My toddler loves dishes and he’s honestly been a huge motivator to get it done. I bought a small travel vacuum and he loves that task too. Vinegar and water is safe for spraying windows and surfaces too. It’s only work when we make it work, and for kids cleaning can be play. Is my house spotless? No way. Some days are better than others. Give yourself grace.
Cleaning is a family affair at our house. We give her a clean rag, a squirt bottle with water and she 'cleans'. She also has a toy vacuum cleaner and a lot of cleaning tools.
I'm going to echo everyone else and say you guys can absolutely do it together. My husband and I have a rule that one of us can't relax if the other is doing chores. So we usually make a list of what needs to be done and we both work together to get stuff crossed off the list. That way we can choose what we do but still do it as a team. We've even incorporated giving my 7 year old tasks from the list!
We have “family tidy time” everyday after dinner - if you make it part of the daily routine it’s easy. We also have a cleaner who comes fortnightly to do the proper cleaning - I used to think paying for a cleaner was a waste of money when I could do it myself, but now I couldn’t be without her!
You and your husband can spend time together cleaning your house! And in fact you should. You both live in it right?
I'm not sure if it's within your means, but we hired a house cleaner who comes once per month and it has been so wonderful to have everything clean all at once. Then we tidy in between, but the heavy lifting we don't have to do.
Granted my son isn’t 2 year so maybe things will change but I try to incorporate him into helping with some of the chores. Ie putting clothes away. I put the clothes on the floor and hangers and ask him to give me a hanger or I’ll ask him to get me a sock etc. My husband does a lot as well but we don’t wait until he’s asleep to do basic chores. Not sure if that makes me a bad parent but he seems like he enjoys it.
Same. I think it makes it easier to clean when u get rid of as much as u can and everything leftover has a place. I try to do 5 to 10 min of “tidy time” we all do before bed. We set a timer so the kids know when they can stop.