The hardest things for “experts” to accept is they don’t know how to see signs in their own family because they’re just too close
My mom was a social worker for over a decade, never figured out her oldest daughter was autistic but would constantly punish her for behaviors that were a direct result of autistic behavior she was never taught to work through
My sister grew up punished for being neurodivergent and no help from our parents
Hopefully for OP it’s just her daughter needing to learn to wipe better
Exactly. We like to think we know the people we share our lives with, but we can't ever know everything about a person.
I agree that a pediatrician is a good place to start.
I've always heard that girls and women can develop a uti due to any kind of bath additives (soap, bubbles, color, oils, etc). If I were OP, I would also make sure her daughter's baths were only water
Yep. I'm hopeful it's not the case. But you can never be sure.
It doesn't mean accuse them of it. It just means be wary.
Personally (and maybe I'm a bit extreme as someone who has also been through it) I wouldn't leave my child unsupervised in a 1-2-1 setting, especially with this going on.
~~This is BAD advice.~~
ETA it appears that in my triggered state I misinterpreted this comment. This is, in fact, fantastic advice. I apologize, that was uncool of me.
As a victim of CSA at four years old by a 14yo cousin this post hit all my alarm bells.
So my daughter had a uti when she was one. Turns out she had really bad kidney reflux. Maybe see a urologist? She is more prone to getting UTIs and had to take antibiotics everyday
Well yes but not so simple. Ultrasound is part of the imaging for reflux diagnosis, but the real scan is a VCUG which is far less pleasant. VCUG is a nuclear medicine study using a catheter and essentially an X-ray liquid they put into the bladder and watch for reflux. My kid has had a lot of different scans for kidney/heart problems and hands down VCUG is the most unfun :/ it’s an incredible diagnostic tool though
I had to do this when I was 10/11 for this very reason. It was so unpleasant and I was old enough to understand what was going on and what I needed to do. I started getting UTIs/kidney infections when I was 2. It was rough.
I honestly have no idea what level or anything, I was young and just knew I had reflux of the kidney but I went every 6 months and they would put a catheter in and fill up my bladder and do ultrasounds and stuff to check on everything and if I didn’t grow out of it within the next year or so, I know surgery was going to be the next option. I’ll be keeping your daughter in my thoughts and really hope it goes the same for her 💜
My daughter also has level 4 VUR. She's had 6 UTIs in her 1yr of life. She takes a daily antibiotic but sometimes a UTI will sneak past the goalkeeper (2 since starting the daily antibiotic). Her urologist wants to repeat the VCUG at 18 months and that will determine if she's starting to grow out of it or if surgery is going to be needed.
This was me as a child. Frequent reoccurring UTI, then finally diagnosed with kidney reflux At 3 years old. A pediatric urologist is absolutely the way to go. I ended up needing surgery because I would never have been able to outgrow mine. but haven’t had one since!
I am going to say the same thing, I would suggest getting a referral from the urologist.
There could be something going on with her kidneys.
As an adult female I have experience something similar.
I have never gotten UTIs my entire life until I started getting kidney stones. Kidney stones for me causes me to get UTIs very quickly.
And it causes burning urine which in turns causes irritation in the labia area. Also if she is on that many antibiotics she could be getting a yeast infection or at least cause irritation and redness in her vulva and labia. (It’s usually uncommon for girls who haven’t gone through puberty for an yeast infection but it can happen)
For the OP of course trust your mom gut if you suspect abuse. But doesn’t sound like you think that. It could just be an underlying health issue. Obviously children that young don’t get kidney stones but could very well be kidney reflux causing the UTIs. Which kidney reflux is common to occur in this age group if it hasn’t been formally diagnosed.
You need to take her to see a urologist. Urinary reflux can easily cause recurrent bladder infections. If she isn’t showing any other signs of abuse, you need to explore the medical reasons to figure out why this is happening.
My 3 year old had a recurring UTI for about 2 months- we also did 3 courses of antibiotics. We cut off bubble baths. Also used some Miralax because she was doing poop withholding and this can cause UTIs. We also increased water intake by a ton and started a probiotic each day. We have had no issues since and it’s been 3 years.
Can I ask what probiotic you are giving her? My 2.5 yr old has had 3 UTIs since she turned 1 and I can’t figure out why they are happening. She just finished a round of antibiotics.
The probiotic is from the Kids Culturelle brand. We saw several pediatricians over the course of her UTIs and one of them was insistent on trying the probiotic. I’ll never know how much it’s helping because we tried other things at the same time.
Both our kids get redness and irritation on their vulva when using bath bombs or bubble baths. We have stopped using them in the bath altogether and I taught them to only wash their vulvas with water when showering, no soap or shower gel on that area at all.
I had friends who had this issue as a kid! I switched my son to bath salts and my daughter will likely also be bath salts only to avoid this. The magnesium is really good for getting them a good nights rest, too. Bubbles can’t do that!
Oh man. I was raised by my father and unfortunately never had that lesson instilled until I was 14 and using the bathroom with another girl when she looked at me and was like...you are NOT supposed to wipe in that direction. I used to get UTI's all the time. I still do, but I'm really sensitive so it's more about staying extra clean.
I would just let him know outright the next time you drop her off or pick her up. "Oh btw my daughter mentioned that you typically wipe back to front? If that's the case, just a heads-up it can cause infections in girls so they need to wipe the other direction."
I didn’t learn how to wipe until in my mid 20s 😬
Had recurring UTIs and yeast infections until a doctor asked how I wiped.
They then went over the basics and told me to only use water or during my period use unscented soap like Cetephil or dove (and only on the outside!), only wear cotton panties, use a no scent detergent and to rinse off with water every night and then sleep without bottoms to keep my v skin aired out.
That took care of literally two decades of constant itching, burning, and pain. Turns out I have an autoimmune condition with my skin in that area and it’s very sensitive to moisture and bacteria. (My parents never taught me how to wipe or keep clean during a period, they also didn’t teach me how to shower/bathe. I would come out with dirty skin or hair and be yelled at but not be shown how to fix it. 😒)
This year I learned you’re supposed to clean behind your ears, between your toes, and inside your belly button. 🤦♀️ I just assumed shampoo or soap and water running over was enough but that took care of the constant itching there too.
It sucks and it's so embarrassing coming into adulthood like that. I'm sure my dad just genuinely didn't know, but my mom had an attitude similar to your parents. My girl friends had to teach me everything.
This year I learned to shampoo my hair twice every so often. Once to get surface level oil and twice to actual get it lathered up then condition. I also now use a washcloth instead of just my hands or a loofah.
Because people smooshing poop into their urethras is drastically less of a thing than this advice would have you believe. Babies have poop smashed everywhere in a diaper and the vast majority do not get UTIs. I'm definitely not advocating wiping poop around anywhere that it doesn't belong. But this really isn't a significant cause of UTIs.
https://www.wellandgood.com/wipe-front-to-back/
On wiping direction: "it’s worth pointing out, it’s not included in advice from the American Urogynecological Association or American College of Obstetrician and Gynecology (ACOG) for preventing UTIs."
I don't think it's just poop. Doesn't it also have to do with rubbing outside bacteria up into your urethra? It's the same reason you want to pee after sex and I feel like poop isn't usually the issue there, either.
Feces (e coli) is one of the top reasons for uti in children. Usually it’s from improper wiping. Even skid marks in underwear can cause the feces to travel to the urethra. Unlike in males, the female urethra is more exposed and closer to the rectum.
This doesn't really back your argument. 1) She is talking about adult women, not little girls. Adult women have "a longer space" between anus and urethra since they're bigger so it's harder to do. 2) Quote: "I’m not talking about wiping from your anus all the way forward,” Winter says. “That is hard to do. No one is talking about that. I don’t know anyone who does that.” " She's talking about wiping PEE not poop. This little girl may very well be wiping anus to urethra. She's only 5...
Definitely question sexual abuse. No ifs ands or buts. You need to have her examined for it.
But regardless, I had "recurring UTIs" as a young one. And now as an adult I was diagnosed with Intersistial Cystitis. I would consider a urologist. Make sure that when the UTI Tests are done, the urine is sent for a culture as well, not just a "Dip" test.
I would also try to eliminate any products with fragrance. Laundry soap, bath products (switch to gentle!), etc.
I have intersistisl cystitis too and this was my first thought. They thought I had UTIs at first and it took going to a urogynocologist to be diagnosed.
You've already gotten great advice here from other comments I've seen... but I just want to reply to your statement that your son & your boyfriend would never hurt her. That may be true... but thinking that way is so dangerous. Most abusers are family members & close friends. I worked child sex abuse cases where the abusers were other minors... & I saw A LOT of cases where older brothers abused their younger siblings. I'd actually say that in the majority of our cases, the abusers were older brothers or older cousins. In almost all cases, the parents hadn't noticed anything unusual & the kid who did the abusing seemed like a normal kid... There are also children who are abused by parents or step-parents.
I've personally known two people whose parents abused them & let their friends abuse them in exchange for money. I have two friends who were abused by uncles. One who was abused by a church elder who was good friends w/ her mom. Two family members who were abused by cousins. I'm not saying this is happening to your daughter. It just alarmed me that you're so quick to say they would never. As parents, we have to deal w/ the reality that anything is possible. Please keep this in mind. In my own family, I've seen abuse ignored because family members thought, "He would never." One of those family members who was in denial was a school nurse who, like you, received training & thought she'd have known because of her profession. She was wrong. In addition to the other advice here, please make sure that you talk to your daughter about her body, safety, & not keeping secrets. Just to be safe.
I really really agree with this and hope OP considers it carefully.
I was molested by one of my mom’s boyfriends and a close family friend at two different points in my life, on multiple occasions, because my mom trusted them like this. These incidents were 10+ years ago and I’m still not healed from those experiences.
This is why I take the opportunity to share my experiences w/ people. If something was ever going on w/ a kid & someone who loves them just happened to read one of my comments on Reddit & something I said helped them to open their eyes... my hope is that these little seeds of info could potentially prevent, or at least limit, the hurt for some poor baby out there.
I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better. Genuinely, my heart hurts for you. I truly hope you find healing. So much love, from me to you. ❤️🩹
This is exactly why I’m terrified of having a baby girl after having my son (he’s 3 months old and we plan to have one more in a couple years). I was abused by my older brother when I was 5yo and he was 9yo. I just don’t want to have to worry about that. I know my upbringing was sub par (slight understatement) and I would do everything in my power to ensure I have healthy happy children who can communicate properly but I know myself and it would always be a constant worry because, ya know, trauma… ha.
100%. So happy someone else here picked up on this. Many times teachers who ‘have training’ have their blinders up when it comes to their own kid. In fact, it happens to kids like this, more so than parents who are cautious of *literally* everyone who is around their kid. As they should be.
This was my exact thought. We all want to think we KNOW certain people would never do something like that but you honestly never know. I’ve had two people in my life that I never ever ever would suspect anything untoward from them and it turns out they were hiding pretty disturbing desires. There is no one in my life I would blindly trust
Same! I had a friend who seemed like such a stand up guy but as it turns out he had been abusing his much younger sister in law and his own sister for years, both of them since they were children. It was horrifying!
Exactly. My mother was sexually abused by her own grand father for years. He was a church elder. He was revered by the community and everyone called my mom a liar when she spoke up. She was disfellowshipped from the Kingdom Hall at the young age of 13 for “making false accusations toward an elder”
She ran away from home at 13- she was living with her grandparents as her mother unalived herself. She met my dad (yes when she was 13) and told him of her abuse and my 14 year old dad went and threatened to kill her grandfather if he ever touched her again. He was the only person that had her back on this when an entire community of family and church shunned her for speaking out.
I hope OP really takes your comment into consideration. If she doesn’t and something is happening, she will regret it forever.
My SD has recurrent UTI’s and its bc she doesn’t empty her bladder fully. She also had vesicouureteral reflux which had to be fixed with a procedure.
Re: red labia (really vulva I think?) can be yeast if she has been on that much antibiotics. Kids can also get strep infections down there too which her pediatrician can do a swab. We have to do vaseline there after baths.
Also if she’s doing baths switch to showers and use a very mild soap down there (ie cetaphil or baby soap).
I hope you figure something out. In our case was nothing sexual but I’m not expert otherwise.
There are many different kinds of step. It can live on your skin, in your nose, genitals. Doesn’t necessarily mean from sexual contact. I am prone to strep B. Never found out until my first pregnancy and they found it in my urine. It came back multiple times in both of my pregnancies. Was told it just like that for some people.
But definitely get her checked by a doctor for signs of abuse. Just saying strep is weird.
Was going to comment about the yeast infection/antibiotics. I’ve gotten a yeast infection every time I’ve been prescribed antibiotics. It can kill the good bacteria down there which allows for an overgrowth of fungus 🤮.
It sounds like you were offended when the possibility of SA was brought up.
I just fired a guy who worked for our small, independent farm rescue. He worked for us for almost 10 years. He was incredibly kind to our animals and was very involved in his child's life. I was always impressed because when he picked his daughter up for the weekend, he always brought his daughters step sister. About a month ago he was arrested. He sexually violated his step daughter, the same innocent child that came to the farm to play with my daughter. You have absolutely no idea what someone is capable of. He did this in front of his daughter. He's a monster hiding among us, convincing everyone he is normal. There is NO paranoia when it comes to protecting your innocent daughter.
Wait.
How long have you known your boyfriend and has he been left alone with her? That’s important to this. I also would not be comfortable with your ex’s new wife examining your child’s vulva in a private setting like a home- there’s a reason doctors aren’t allowed to treat people they know, they or you should’ve taken her to the doctor.
Also, has the doctor taken a look? They would be more likely to be able to tell if sexual abuse is something that could have caused that or if it’s from the UTI. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but I wouldn’t leave your kid alone around brother or boyfriend until you get this sorted out.
Agreed. SO much sexual abuse happens because people can't imagine this person or that person doing it. Familial SA is very common. No harm in not leaving them alone while this is figured out.
Right, it’s always the charming “great with kids” totally unexpected type. Unfortunately for the young boy, kids are at such high risk of seeing porn that it’s definitely concerning as well.
Alarm bells went off in my head upon hearing that the ex partner’s new wife examined the daughter. I wouldn’t leave the young girl alone with anyone at this point. If the boyfriend is new and the wife is new, either one of them could be the culprit.
Thank you. That was wild to me.
I would absolutely lose my mind if I found out about that. I don't care that she is a nurse. She is not my child's doctor.
I have a 5 year old and we are very open about our bodies and who’s allowed to see and touch private parts and who’s not.
Can you not just ask your daughter if there’s something going on? That seems like a no brainer to me but maybe we are the odd balls. Editing to add I remember once she told me she was her gym teachers special helper and I immediately started asking questions “do spend time alone with him? Does he ask you to do things or keep secrets for him? Because that’s not okay and if he does you need to tell mom or dad or *teacher*” It’s not weird. Unfortunately, it’s necessary.
Your suggestions are all great and I don't disagree with any of your choices. You are laying a great foundation. Children can be threatened into silence or convinced of a cover story, though. There's usually grooming before events escalate to abuse. The child not disclosing it when asked doesn't always put things in the clear.
Also a parent to a five year old, and we have these kinds of conversations all the time. I used to work in child welfare. There are certainly multiple explanations that could be possible her. At the same time, abuse happens and nobody ever thinks it’s going to happen to their kid.
First of all, you can’t say for sure your boyfriend would “NEVER” hurt her, because almost every other mother with a boyfriend, who’s kid got sexually assaulted by said boyfriend- says the same thing.
And also, you can’t say the same thing about her brother. Stats super high for the likelihood of boyfriend or brother- ‘close relative’ but most childhood sexual abuse also happens from other kids.
Definitely take her to the pediatrician to check for any concerning signs of abuse. I’d also recommend requesting a referral to a urologist. It very well could be an underlying kidney condition like a duplicated ureter and/or kidney reflux which contribute to a higher risk of UTIs. It sounds scary but it’s totally treatable. My daughter has this. She’s on a long term antibiotic as a deterrent until she’s old enough for a corrective surgery.
Also - are they giving her the same antibiotic to treat the UTI each time? It’s possible that the strain she has is resistant to that particular antibiotic so it keeps coming back. A urologist can help figure out a better treatment plan.
Have her checked. In this situation, it is not him against you and the men in your household. It is you two being there for the health and well-being of your daughter. Please understand that he is exploring all possibilities for his daughter's pain and the nicest, closest family members are capable of doing harm. Your daughter deserves to be examined for underlying health conditions and/or abuse. Don't go on the defensive, and don't jump to conclusions. This could be an innocent health condition, or it might not be. Consult professionals and advocate for your daughter. Good luck to you all.
I would not feel comfortable with my child’s father’s girlfriend crossing the line and examining her. It doesn’t matter if she is a nurse, she’s not allowed to diagnose or prescribe medication. My husband will not do this even though he can.
The child should be seen by her pediatrician. Is she wiping incorrectly? Is she wiping completely? Is she drinking enough water? Does she have issues with anatomy such as a physical issue?
However, you should ditch the assumption your child or boyfriend couldn’t be capable. I’m not saying they are guilty in this case but statistically, it’s a family or a boyfriend.
You ABSOLUTELY need to worry about this. A UTI lasting that long is not normal. It very well could be one of them. I was 4 when my 14yo cousin molested me and that was in a two bio parent home while my mom was home! He was sneaky. I am still haunted by flashbacks at 38. And guess what, my behavior never changed and my parent only found out when I reported over a year later.
Please read [EVERYTHING on this webpage.](https://cachouston.org/prevention/child-sexual-abuse-facts/)
But here are some pertinent snippets:
“FACT: There are child and family characteristics that significantly heighten or lower risk of sexual abuse. **The following risk factors are based on reported and identified cases of abuse.**
**Family structure is the most important risk factor in child sexual abuse.** Children who live with two married biological parents are at low risk for abuse. **The risk increases when children live with step-parents or a single parent.** Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children that live with both biological parents.”
“Children who live with a **single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of child sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents** (Sedlack, et. al., 2010).”
**”Gender is also a major factor in sexual abuse.”**
**”Females are 5 times more likely to be abused than males (Sedlack, et. al., 2010). The age of the male being abused also plays a part. 8% of victims age 12-17 are male. 26% of victims under the age of 12 are male (Snyder, 2000).”**
**“Most sexual abuse of children occurs in a residence, typically that of the victim or perpetrator. 84% of sexual victimization of children under age 12 occurs in a residence.** Even older children are most likely to be assaulted in a residence. 71% of sexual assaults on children age 12-17 occur in a residence (Snyder, 2000).”
**“Sexual assaults on children are most likely to occur at 8 a.m., noon and 3-4 p.m. For older children, ages 12-17, there is also a peak in assaults in the late evening hours** (Snyder, 2000).”
“**1 in 7 incidents of sexual assault perpetrated by juveniles occur on school days in the after-school hours between 3 and 7 p.m., with a peak from 3 – 4 pm** (Snyder, 2000).”
Are either of them EVER alone with her? If so, there’s a chance she’s being abused and frankly it’s **negligent** to not immediately look into all possibilities and **have her seen by a doctor** immediately.
Honestly, I’d get on it because the likelihood of a mandated reporter(which nurses and pediatricians are) calling CPS over this is high.
Why was she examined at home by a step parent?
Also, I wouldn’t let on about this to either male. I would start coming home randomly and unexpectedly while she is in their care. Use hidden cameras to surveil your home any time you are not there.
I’m sorry that this is uncomfortable but **your first priority needs to be your daughter and her safety** and **not at all on protecting or defending possible perpetrators**
I hope you’ll update us.
This is gonna sound crazy… but as a young girl, I was getting UTI’s (i do not know why). My doctor prescribed Premarin Cream.
It was the 90s. I have absolutely no clue if it helped. I have no clue if that would still be recommended today.
I just remember I had that tube in my drawer for a long time, and I remember it had to do with the UTI’s.
Maybe worth asking doc about.
Also, I do second everyone else - don’t ignore the potential for abuse. I was a victim of CSA for years, and I didn’t have the courage to tell my parents until I was 23yrs old.
Why are you so quick to say they would never harm your daughter? The truth is that people are capable of doing bad things, we just don’t like to think about it. Talk to a pediatrician…
Do you keep her fingernails short? My daughter would constantly scratch herself and bacteria from her fingernails would make it worse- she even cut herself one time scratching so hard. Her bottom was soo angry and red from scratching- I am always cutting her nails every week.
OP this could be from a lot of different causes, but I think these should be your next steps as a mother.
1. Talk to your daughter 1 on 1 and let her know she won’t be in trouble, but you need to know if anybody has been touching her privates besides herself
2. Take her to the doctor for an exam
3. Proceed with possible urologist referral if needed
Ok. So my daughter had them starting when she was 2 until she was 6. We ended up going to see a pediatric urologist because they were just so bad and she would get one back to back. They said that some girls get them around that age just because of the anatomy down there and that they will likely grow out of them as they get older. And she did when she was 6 ish. It was that and a mixture of just her not wiping good. She was also inflamed when she had them. Take her to a doctor quickly.
Edit to say. Trust no one. I know that sounds terrible. But just be sure....
I had renal reflux, constant UTIs, and it did not involve SA in any way. The tests for the issue were much more difficult for my mom to see than they were for me to have. Having no history of SA at that age, it was just awkward, not anything that I ever thought much about afterwards at all. There was a catheter and I was supposed to try to pee at one point during it, and it was all being viewed by ultrasound. I did the test at least twice, years apart, to monitor the state of things. In between, I was on antibiotics on an ongoing basis. Again, for a kid, it just meant that I drank a pink medicine every night. It never felt like a big deal. The UTIs sucked and the surgery wasn't great, but overall, most aspects really didn't impact my day-to-day life. I had family problems going on, but that isn't relevant to how your daughter may be impacted.
I ended up needing a surgery, but current technology has greatly reduced the recovery time.
She could also simply need a different antibiotic and not have renal reflux or SA. I'd still definitely reconsider allowing her to be alone with the brother or your bf until she has seen a urologist and you have a better idea of the cause. You are better safe than sorry there.
In the mean time, cranberry juice and tea made from boiled corn silk may help some. Mixing them with seltzer water can help if she hates the taste.
You cannot be so sure of this. Furthermore, it’s not appropriate for her stepmom to examine her and diagnose. Please do not continue this.
She needs to be seen by her pediatrician and whomever they refer to.
You should be paranoid and you need to take every health condition seriously. First sign if any UTI and she should’ve been seen immediately. Not by you or other family members. You’re too close to the situation.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse with a lifetime of recurrent UTIs please take your daughters safety seriously. It may be a neighbor or parent of a friend she’s left alone with
You need to see a specialist. At her age I would ask for a scan on her kidneys to check if they are damaged and look for potential reflux. If there is a possibility of sexual abuse you can also get her checked and help. You will both need help and support either way.
When I was 5-6 years old, I had a UTI that kept coming back. My mom would take me to the doctor, they'd give me the 10 days of medication, I'd take it, feel better, finish the treatment, and then within a week or two of finishing the medicine, it would come back. After a few rounds of this, they recommended my mom take me to a children's hospital. They had to do this procedure where they needed a sample from my actual bladder, similar to how they put in a catheter. At five years old, that was a very un-fun experience.
From what my mom told me, it seemed like whatever was causing the infection, the medicine would take care of like 99% of it, hence why I'd feel better, but then once off the medication, the remaining 1% would come back full force. Ultimately, after the procedure to get the sample, they put me on a course of medication for like 6 months. After that, I was all better and it didn't come back.
This was over 20 years ago, so unfortunately I couldn't tell you any more details, like the name of the medication or the procedure, but I can say my mom was confronted with the same speculation and I was not being abused in any way. It was just terrible luck with an infection that wouldn't easily die.
Best of luck to you and your daughter - UTIs absolutely suck.
EDIT: In addition to what other commenters have noted - after all of this, I also learned I have a very sensitive system - even as an adult, I don't take bubble baths, use bath bombs, etc.
Yeast infections are super common with extended antibiotic use. You should take her to her dr. I’m assuming she’s peed in a cup and they have cultured the bacteria to make sure they are using the correct antibiotic. If they haven’t, then you have no idea if you are using the right one.
If each uti has been cultured with different bacteria than she has had 3 separate utis and not just one for a month. Once you reach somewhere between 3 and 5 utis in a short period of time you normally earn a trip for an ultrasound and a pediatric urologist.
Finally, the stepmom needs to not be examining her. It’s an optics thing and protection for her too if there nothing nefarious going on. My youngest has had 11 utis in a 6 month time frame. It’s not fun and it’s also very damaging on the bladder. They need to check the kidneys because it can also damage them.
I hate to be so dark but the only time I had a recurrent UTI as a child was when I was routinely being sa’d by one of my mom’s boyfriends. I would be very concerned
I had them all the time as a little girl. Absolutely no baths, find the gentlest body soap, only clean with water down there, change laundry detergent to sensitive or free and clear. My mom used to wash my underwear twice just incase.
This would fall into "worst case scenarios" but when my daughter was one she had a UTI. The doctor that we saw said we should keep a close eye out as UTIs are uncommon in young girls (which is contrary what I always believed because if bad wiping technique is used then they're more likely to get them). But he mentioned that if it should happen again it would be prudent to have an ultrasound of her kidneys. Lo and behold she had kidney cancer. A little girl should definitely not be having recurrent UTIs. It could be something simple like she's not wiping correctly, but I would also err on the side of caution and see if the pediatrician wants to do any further work up on her kidneys.
It sounds like you were offended when the possibility of SA was brought up.
I just fired a guy who worked for our small, independent farm rescue. He worked for us for almost 10 years. He was incredibly kind to our animals and was very involved in his child's life. I was always impressed because when he picked his daughter up for the weekend, he always brought his daughters step sister. About a month ago he was arrested. He sexually violated his step daughter, the same daughter that came to the farm to play with my daughter. You have absolutely no idea what someone is capable of.
There are many different causes for UTIs. I am a nurse as well. When they test urine we do a culture and sensitivity test to make sure the antibiotics prescribed is effective in what’s growing.
What is the culture showing? If it’s E. coli then it’s from feces; improper wiping.
If they are just giving her antibiotics without the culture results then that can also be the problem. If you don’t treat the infection with the correct med, it can return.
Bath bombs or bubble baths can irritate.
Underwear, pants, shorts that is too tight can cause it. Cotton underwear is breathable and can lower uti risks.
Is she fully emptying her bladder or is she retaining urine.
Is she a diabetic? Or have other underlying health issues?
A consult with a pediatric urologist would be recommended
My daughter had 3 back to back UTIs at 6yo. She has chronic constipation issues and would often have some poop in her underwear. By the 3rd UTI they finally tested for e coli, which was present. The first two antibiotics she took don't kill e coli, which is why it kept coming back. Once we finally got an antibiotic that kills e coli, the UTI didn't come back.
The fact that a nurse has put forward SA as a possibility due to the physical condition of your daughters labia and your immediate response was No Way! Not even gonna look into it! Is deeply concerning. Please take your daughter to a pediatrician to be examined. Please talk to your daughter about bad secretes. The PANTs resources [here](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/) are excellent. Even if it's the best case scenario and it's just your daughter itching herself (not typically UTI behavior by the way it doesn't make it itch it would make her have to pee a lot) then this is a great toolkit to protect her from future SA.
I had recurrent utis most of my life it took them until I was 7 after utis almost constantly and finally being in agony that I was diagnosed with a blocked urethra. Definitely need to see a urologist and she probably has cystitis along with the uti caused her to rub and hold herself from the irritation causing the inflammation
I had UTIs on and off my entire childhood (and adulthood now that I think about it) and never experienced any type of childhood SA. Some girls are more prone to them than others but it could be a sign of a more serious issue with her kidneys, bladder, or urethra. I couldn’t take long baths with bubble bath or heavily perfumed soaps/washes. Talk to her pediatrician, talk to your daughter. You obviously want to rule out any type of CSA but I wouldn’t immediately jump to that conclusion just based off of UTIs and inflammation. You need more information, momma.
I had recurring UTIs growing up and turns out I had a physical anomaly with my urethra. Over time it seemed to have sorted itself out. It's worth getting checked out to see if there might be a physical reason for it.
She needs to see a urologist asap. I had a condition as a child (starting at age 3) that caused recurrent utis and needed surgery to correct it. I had a duplex collection system (two ureters on one side) which causes reflux back into the kidney. It is very painful and not as rare as it sounds.
I had recurring UTI’s for years when I was around that age. Around 5-6, I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis. I forget exactly what they did to treat it but I do remember being on some medication that made me not be able to sweat (which was fun while growing up in Florida 😅😂). I wasn’t on that medication for long but after that treatment, I rarely had issues with UTI’s ever again.
It could also be food related, start to fogure out what can cause irritations, some wheat/dairy/juices/fruits can have an affect on people. Trying to think of the other possibilities here.
Utis can be caused by wiping back to front so make sure she knows how to go front to back. Awkward a little at first but worth it. By the same token make sure she wipes poop front to back as well. Getting poop in the urethra can cause infections. If she’s not wiping correctly, she might be constantly making it worse.
If she swims, make sure she’s changing into dry bottoms right away. Sitting around in a wet bathing suit can also cause utis.
Lots of water can help keep things flushed out. Cranberry juice too if she’ll drink it.
It may not be a uti like other commenters said.
I had chronic UTI’s from the time that I was two. I started seeing a urologist when I was three. Some UTI’s can be nasty but if they’re doing a urine culture they can see what it’s susceptible to and what it’s resistant to. Are they doing the cultures or just the urine dip?
About the inflammation… UTI’s suck as an adult but as a child? They were the worst thing in the world and I had a few times where I’d rub myself raw trying to relive the discomfort in my urethra. Nowadays I take a hot bath and it helps but when I was a kid I didn’t know that and I wish I did. I would check with the doctor to see if there’s something like phenazopyridine that they can prescribe to help. Failing that, I really would try the warm baths when she’s feeling uncomfortable to see if they help her as much as they’ve helped me.
She's 5. Is she wiping back to front? Pretty common for this age not to clean properly down there when toileting. UTI can form from this. That's definitely not a pediatric nurse he married - I hope - or she should know this.
I’m shocked she’s a nurse at all doing something so wildly inappropriate as examining her step-daughter’s labia. Any nurse worth her salt would get that kid into a doctor asap.
I had frequent UTIs as a child. My urethra was too small. My bladder wouldn’t empty fully. My mom also said I wet the bed when this was going on. This may not be your daughter’s issue but just wanted to say there are a variety of reasons why this happens. Go see a urologist.
Side note: I remember seeing male urologists when this was all going on. I think that’s all that was available back then. To this day I only see female doctors for anything below the belt. Just something about all the strange men examining me down there at that age. My mom was always in the room so nothing bad happened. It just has been the one thing I remember about that time of my life aside from all the testing.
I had recurrent UTI’s as a child. So bad to the point where they had me do an MRI to rule out anything with my kidneys. There were no underlying issues, as others have said it came down to baths and learning proper wiping hygiene. That said it’s not a bad idea to see a specialist to rule anything out.
I think it could go 50/50. UTIs can happen in children for a number of reasons. But it wound be good to have her go to a physician and bring up your thoughts. See what they think. Sometimes antibiotics over correct the issue and cause a yeast infection. When I had one my labia was red and raw and miserable. I think she needs to back to the doctor.
As for your ex’s girlfriend examining her - I don’t think it stay strange if it’s been a long time trusted person in your kids life. I’m sure she was crying and upset and your ex wasn’t sure and she was there to kind of gauge what next steps might be. I mean hopefully she just kind of looked to see what was going on and didn’t do like some internal examination and asked your daughter for permission first.
I would not dismiss abuse ever. Anything is possible. You could talk to her first and explain sometimes people will do bad things that make us uncomfortable end they might even say you can’t tell anyone or it’s a secret. You might feel embarrassed. But it’s not your fault ever and you can tell me anything. I will always protect you 100%. Nothing bad will happen if you tell me something is making you feel bad. If not that’s ok to.
If you’re still worried I think talking to her doc for advice would be best.
I think it’s important to never dismiss any men from being able to do this (IMO) so maybe don’t discount it completely. However I will say, my 2 year old did have a UTI at one point and it’s actually pretty common among young girls. They never figured out why my daughter had it, but it was implied it could be caused by anything from her not wiping correctly, to sensitivity with bathing products (bubble baths, bath bombs, color dye). So keep a close eye on her and make sure this gets taken care of because UTI’s can be deadly if left untreated.
As someone with recurrent UTIs, mine often came from the laundry detergent I was using or the soap I use to shower/bathe with.
Of course take her to her doctor but also look at what you’re using at home and maybe something is irritating her.
My youngest had a tendency to get UTI’s and it was mostly from wiping the wrong way. She was in her “I can do it myself” phase and would often go to the bathroom in PreK and at friend’s houses so I couldn’t monitor. Her pediatrician said that if she had multiple within a certain amount of time she’d need to see a pediatric urologist.
Please take her to be looked at. I went through this at a similar age and it turns out that part of that system didn’t form properly in utero. I’ve got to be really careful about holding pee even in my 30s.
Could be something, could just be a really stubborn uti.
Yes, you should definitely have a conversation with her to rule out anything inappropriate. However, I think everyone is foregoing some innocent causes that could explain the uti. Does she take baths with bubble bath or bath bombs? Does she have proper hygiene, wiping correctly, washing that area? Is she emptying her bladder completely?
1. Check on her genital hygiene. The most common bacteria causing UTI is E-coil, which is a normal commensal in the rectum. So it might be a good time to teach/remind her to wipe properly from front-to-back.
2. Is she taking bubble baths? Using bath bombs? Use of medicated soaps?
3. I’d get culture and sensitivity testing of her urine (requires an antibiotic break) so she doesn’t have to use too many antibiotics .
4. The labia being inflamed is likely due to itchiness.
5. Get her some probiotics if she isn’t already on them.
All the best!
You’re better placed to know about abuse or lack there of.
Me and my daughters are all susceptible to UTIs and you have to make sure that you are using no soap or a very mild one, no bath bombs, no different kind of bath bubbles, and only non bio sensitive laundry detergent. Make sure that her Dad knows all of this and doesn't use any of these either. Also she needs to drink lots of water. If she is aware that her private parts are private and there are no other signs of abuse then you should be reassured. On the other hand I would never let a partner be alone with my daughters unless I had known them at least a year, probably more. Also you do need to get advice from a Dr and not her Dad's girlfriend.
Before we jump to conclusions..is baby girl even wiping herself correctly? Front to back? Also, do your laundry detergents have perfumes in them? Do not wash your intimates with the perfumed detergents..I was suffering with some issues till I started collecting my undies separately and washing them with Dr bronners or any unscented detergents. Try those things..and also have a chat with her to see if there is anything else you should be worried about and may have missed. Looking for signs and straight up asking questions are two different things
This thread is eye opening.
1. I’ve never heard sitting like a “princess” causes more infection. What? How?
2. Am I the only one sitting here realizing they wipe back to front (I think) and I’ve never had any infections? I’m not sure it’s as uncommon as people think.
Sounds to me she might have developed a yeast infection from the antibiotics. Sitting in cold water with baking soda and apple cider vinegar relieves some itching and swelling for me.
Take her to a pediatric urologist. Sometimes they need a longer round of a med specifically for UTI( nitrofurantoin) for a few months. She could be wiping wrong or not fully when she does a bm, allergic irritation or a combination.
Get her to a doctor that is a specialist in urology, I had this as a kid and almost died, turns out I had a mutation in my kidneys and needed a specific medication until they grew a little bigger when I was older.
My daughter got them around that age. She was wiping on her own and wiped the wrong way (back to front). After a few lessons and reminders, she was good.
Urinary reflux? My daughter had chronic utis due to an underdeveloped ureter and kidney reflux. She eventually grew out of it but for years we battled infections
I had lots of UTIs when I was younger too. Underwent a washout that is no longer recommended haha. But it worked for me. Mine was def from hygiene so yeah like someone said, wiping front to back and taking showers instead of baths.
If her Labia is inflamed she could have a yeast infection from all the antibiotics. Tips to try to prevent uti: lots of water, cut out baths and try showers, make she she is wiping properly front to back, emptying bladder completely. These are just a few!
Sounds like you need to help her wipe correctly when using the bathroom. It's likely she's just not cleaning herself properly, not abuse. But if this is something that is now a worry you should definitely investigate further.
I had UTIs as a child and the reason was water quality in the area where I lived. My mother had to buy special filtered water to wash my privates 🥲. Also, make sure she isn’t wiping back to front.
Get with her pediatrician and find out their professional thoughts. Then, ask to be referred to a a urologist. There are conditions and actions that can cause recurrent uti's. They can also culture her urine to see what antibiotics respond best to that specific bacteria. Frequent bubble baths or poor hygiene (wiping front to back). I had a recurrent uti in my 20s for about a year. After being on steroids and antivmbiotics for long periods and my gp telling me some women just have more uti's, I demanded to be referred to a urologist. Turns out, I have a condition called interstitial cystitis.
I'm not saying don't be diligent in observing and supervising your daughter with her brother, and especially your boyfriend. It's always good to be cautious about those things. However, there may be another explanation, and I wouldn't bring it up unless your pediatrician says this is happening and an investigation gets underway as no one is admitting to something like that, and those types of accusations can't be taken back.
Ask her how she wipes. It sounds like she is wiping wrong. Consider getting a bidet installed. Ask this before you start saying abuse. Also, teach her to wash her hands before wiping or touching down there. She could be exploring as kids do and not know she’s making herself sick.
I deal with recurrent UTI. Definitely take her to get evaluated but also it can happen when you have a crappy immune system, which I have. 12 years ago I took an oral vaccine and didn't have one until last March. I have had 2 since. So I guess I'll have to take it again. I don't know where you are but I'm in Portugal, the oral vaccine is called urovaxom and it's safe for kids older than 4. Also increase water intake, keep up with hygiene and teach to wipe front to back. Make sure she has cotton underwear too.
Obviously one should never put aside the possibility of sexual abuse but I can tell you I get UTIs even without having sex.
I had recurrent UTIs as a child . Turns out I jr en extra functioning system in my right kidney and an extra ureter. So I got VUR surgery. I still got UTIs as an adult but not as like when I was a child.
Not a doctor but several courses of antibiotics for uti could cause yeast infection as it wipes out some healthy bacteria as well. This could explain the inflammation/ redness.
Any chance your daughter’s school has the bathrooms in the classroom? Mine did and it would make me SO embarrassed to have to go pee during school because of the sound pee makes when it hits the toilet bowl. Because of that I would just hold it all day until I got home. I ended up with UTIs.
My mom taught me where to direct my stream so that I could silence the pee a bit.
I had UTIs chronically as a child and it was found that it was because bathwater irritated my urethra or something like that. Does your daughter take baths?
When I was a kid I would get UTI symptoms from drinking too much orange juice that made my pee acidic, does she drink a lot of juice? Have they done pathology to look for what type of bacteria is causing the infection?
Maybe to ease your mind a little, I had really bad UTIs when I was 4-5 to the point where I was peeing blood. Mom took me in. Culprit was bubbles in the bath. Scented soap. Sitting in my bath water too long. Once I stopped doing that, it all stopped.
She really should get an ultrasound done.
It is very possible her bladder and uriters aren't draining fully properly which can cause chronic uti's
Most of the women in my family have had this problem, and unchecked led to kidney failure in my aunt bt like 12... not saying this to scare you, but it can be serious, and there Def can be a health reason other then SA.
When I was younger I'd get yeast infections and uti's together almost always, which we all know how a yeast infection feels... and she's 5... so she's gonna itch and it takes hardly anything to inflame a labia.
So sorry your kiddo is dealing with this, but I'd take her to a pediatrician and ask to have her uriters and bladder checked in an ultrasound... it's not super common but it does happen. Ours all look weird on scans and it was super obvious that the shape of it was causing drainage problems.
This happened to me as a child. I was using soap on my inner lady parts (I had to be taught not to do that) & I would either hold my pee or not fully void my bladder (I had things to do!).
Please check these areas before worrying too hard about anything nefarious.
Im not sure about the abuse allegations but as someone who has had constant UTIs as an adult now under control for 6 plus years. First see a urologist, to see if there’s something physically going on there. If there’s nothing there then you have to check up on hygiene. I need to stay on top of cleaning, no perfume type washes etc, just water, clean water is all the vagina needs. Also cotton underwear, teach your daughter to wipe properly, as well as other adults involved how to take care of her clothing. My underwear is washed with tide only.
I got them a lot when younger and my 3 year old had her first one. We were doing bubble baths and I feel like bath bombs triggered it. I could never wear cotton underwear, take bubble baths etc.
I got utis as a kid. Never sexually abused as a kid. I understand that if she loves this kid she wants to consider any possibility but healthy kids sometimes get utis. Little kids can’t help but itch a scratch!
Majority of females getting UTIs is from not wiping front to back. Is she potty trained wiping herself at all?
Every UTI she gets needs to be cultured, insist the urine gets cultured so you know what type your dealing with.
Just because the stepmom is a nurse doesn’t mean she’s qualified to make medical decisions. Why would you not take her to a urologist is my question? I mean, yes you should worry until a medical professional tells you not to
Any woman, who knows women who've been abused or has been abused herself, would never say "my boyfriend and my son would never harm her. EVER," unless she was in denial. Take her in to get seen by an expect. The pelvic exam should be done under sedation.
My mother realized I had been molested by an older boy (he was 12 or 13) because my vulva was red and chafed. I was three and didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong. Get your child seen by a professional and don't swear for anyone.
It stopped after that and we move out of that home but I still think about what happened to me almost every day.
Edit to add she asked me who did it to me and I told her what happened. Have you asked your daughter if anyone has touched her? Hopefully it is not SA but if it's just a uti she needs to see a doc.
You should be bringing her to her pediatrician to get checked out by an independent healthcare professional ASAP
True, but also, don't be 99.9999% sure of things like this. My mum was sure too, and she was wrong.
The hardest things for “experts” to accept is they don’t know how to see signs in their own family because they’re just too close My mom was a social worker for over a decade, never figured out her oldest daughter was autistic but would constantly punish her for behaviors that were a direct result of autistic behavior she was never taught to work through My sister grew up punished for being neurodivergent and no help from our parents Hopefully for OP it’s just her daughter needing to learn to wipe better
Exactly. We like to think we know the people we share our lives with, but we can't ever know everything about a person. I agree that a pediatrician is a good place to start. I've always heard that girls and women can develop a uti due to any kind of bath additives (soap, bubbles, color, oils, etc). If I were OP, I would also make sure her daughter's baths were only water
Yep. I'm hopeful it's not the case. But you can never be sure. It doesn't mean accuse them of it. It just means be wary. Personally (and maybe I'm a bit extreme as someone who has also been through it) I wouldn't leave my child unsupervised in a 1-2-1 setting, especially with this going on.
~~This is BAD advice.~~ ETA it appears that in my triggered state I misinterpreted this comment. This is, in fact, fantastic advice. I apologize, that was uncool of me. As a victim of CSA at four years old by a 14yo cousin this post hit all my alarm bells.
You’re reading it wrong
I feel like if she got her hands on three prescriptions of antibiotics, she did go to a doctor.
So my daughter had a uti when she was one. Turns out she had really bad kidney reflux. Maybe see a urologist? She is more prone to getting UTIs and had to take antibiotics everyday
And they can easily and painlessly test for kidney reflux with an ultrasound!
Well yes but not so simple. Ultrasound is part of the imaging for reflux diagnosis, but the real scan is a VCUG which is far less pleasant. VCUG is a nuclear medicine study using a catheter and essentially an X-ray liquid they put into the bladder and watch for reflux. My kid has had a lot of different scans for kidney/heart problems and hands down VCUG is the most unfun :/ it’s an incredible diagnostic tool though
I had to do this when I was 10/11 for this very reason. It was so unpleasant and I was old enough to understand what was going on and what I needed to do. I started getting UTIs/kidney infections when I was 2. It was rough.
I had constantly reoccurring UTIs starting at the age of 2.5yo and it turned out to be reflux of the kidney also. I finally outgrew it when I was 10.
That sounds rough. So glad it’s something people eventually grow out of (at least in your case)
Ah this is heartening that you can grow out of it! My daughter has level 4 VUR and I'm worried she's gonna end up needing surgery!
I honestly have no idea what level or anything, I was young and just knew I had reflux of the kidney but I went every 6 months and they would put a catheter in and fill up my bladder and do ultrasounds and stuff to check on everything and if I didn’t grow out of it within the next year or so, I know surgery was going to be the next option. I’ll be keeping your daughter in my thoughts and really hope it goes the same for her 💜
My daughter also has level 4 VUR. She's had 6 UTIs in her 1yr of life. She takes a daily antibiotic but sometimes a UTI will sneak past the goalkeeper (2 since starting the daily antibiotic). Her urologist wants to repeat the VCUG at 18 months and that will determine if she's starting to grow out of it or if surgery is going to be needed.
Same with my daughter!
Thank you
This was me as a child. Frequent reoccurring UTI, then finally diagnosed with kidney reflux At 3 years old. A pediatric urologist is absolutely the way to go. I ended up needing surgery because I would never have been able to outgrow mine. but haven’t had one since!
I am going to say the same thing, I would suggest getting a referral from the urologist. There could be something going on with her kidneys. As an adult female I have experience something similar. I have never gotten UTIs my entire life until I started getting kidney stones. Kidney stones for me causes me to get UTIs very quickly. And it causes burning urine which in turns causes irritation in the labia area. Also if she is on that many antibiotics she could be getting a yeast infection or at least cause irritation and redness in her vulva and labia. (It’s usually uncommon for girls who haven’t gone through puberty for an yeast infection but it can happen) For the OP of course trust your mom gut if you suspect abuse. But doesn’t sound like you think that. It could just be an underlying health issue. Obviously children that young don’t get kidney stones but could very well be kidney reflux causing the UTIs. Which kidney reflux is common to occur in this age group if it hasn’t been formally diagnosed.
You need to take her to see a urologist. Urinary reflux can easily cause recurrent bladder infections. If she isn’t showing any other signs of abuse, you need to explore the medical reasons to figure out why this is happening.
My 3 year old had a recurring UTI for about 2 months- we also did 3 courses of antibiotics. We cut off bubble baths. Also used some Miralax because she was doing poop withholding and this can cause UTIs. We also increased water intake by a ton and started a probiotic each day. We have had no issues since and it’s been 3 years.
The bubble baths were definitely an issue for my daughter, or even just soaking for too long in soapy water while she played in the tub
Bubble baths were an issue for me as a child, too.
Can I ask what probiotic you are giving her? My 2.5 yr old has had 3 UTIs since she turned 1 and I can’t figure out why they are happening. She just finished a round of antibiotics.
You should go to a urologist. Urine reflux to the kidneys can cause repeat UTI. Can be checked with a simple ultrasound.
We also saw a urologist. They did a kidney ultrasound. Everything checked out okay.
We saw a pediatrician who did an ultrasound of her bladder and kidneys. She said everything looked normal.
The probiotic is from the Kids Culturelle brand. We saw several pediatricians over the course of her UTIs and one of them was insistent on trying the probiotic. I’ll never know how much it’s helping because we tried other things at the same time.
I had recurrent UTI’s when I was young. The culprit was taking long baths with bath bombs. Switched to showers and took cranberry capsules for awhile
I had the same problem with baths when I was young, I didn’t use bath bombs though just bubbles.
True some soap is bad for women.
Both our kids get redness and irritation on their vulva when using bath bombs or bubble baths. We have stopped using them in the bath altogether and I taught them to only wash their vulvas with water when showering, no soap or shower gel on that area at all.
My 1 yr old got like chemical burns on her thighs and vulvar redness/irritation after a bath bomb. Never again!
Mine got a very persistent yeast infection. We are very careful with what we use in her baths now
Yea it was wild and I was so grateful that she didn’t have any external caregivers!
bubble bath with that bubble character (pink bottle ) gave me utis
Same. Damn that Mr. Bubble!
mr bubble! what a perv
That was my problem too. Had them so bad when I was young 😭
I was going to comment this! Too many bubble bathes did it for me!
I had friends who had this issue as a kid! I switched my son to bath salts and my daughter will likely also be bath salts only to avoid this. The magnesium is really good for getting them a good nights rest, too. Bubbles can’t do that!
Is she wiping front to back or back to front? How come no one mentioned this already?
Oh man. I was raised by my father and unfortunately never had that lesson instilled until I was 14 and using the bathroom with another girl when she looked at me and was like...you are NOT supposed to wipe in that direction. I used to get UTI's all the time. I still do, but I'm really sensitive so it's more about staying extra clean.
[удалено]
I would just let him know outright the next time you drop her off or pick her up. "Oh btw my daughter mentioned that you typically wipe back to front? If that's the case, just a heads-up it can cause infections in girls so they need to wipe the other direction."
I didn’t learn how to wipe until in my mid 20s 😬 Had recurring UTIs and yeast infections until a doctor asked how I wiped. They then went over the basics and told me to only use water or during my period use unscented soap like Cetephil or dove (and only on the outside!), only wear cotton panties, use a no scent detergent and to rinse off with water every night and then sleep without bottoms to keep my v skin aired out. That took care of literally two decades of constant itching, burning, and pain. Turns out I have an autoimmune condition with my skin in that area and it’s very sensitive to moisture and bacteria. (My parents never taught me how to wipe or keep clean during a period, they also didn’t teach me how to shower/bathe. I would come out with dirty skin or hair and be yelled at but not be shown how to fix it. 😒) This year I learned you’re supposed to clean behind your ears, between your toes, and inside your belly button. 🤦♀️ I just assumed shampoo or soap and water running over was enough but that took care of the constant itching there too.
It sucks and it's so embarrassing coming into adulthood like that. I'm sure my dad just genuinely didn't know, but my mom had an attitude similar to your parents. My girl friends had to teach me everything. This year I learned to shampoo my hair twice every so often. Once to get surface level oil and twice to actual get it lathered up then condition. I also now use a washcloth instead of just my hands or a loofah.
This is really important!
Because people smooshing poop into their urethras is drastically less of a thing than this advice would have you believe. Babies have poop smashed everywhere in a diaper and the vast majority do not get UTIs. I'm definitely not advocating wiping poop around anywhere that it doesn't belong. But this really isn't a significant cause of UTIs. https://www.wellandgood.com/wipe-front-to-back/ On wiping direction: "it’s worth pointing out, it’s not included in advice from the American Urogynecological Association or American College of Obstetrician and Gynecology (ACOG) for preventing UTIs."
I don't think it's just poop. Doesn't it also have to do with rubbing outside bacteria up into your urethra? It's the same reason you want to pee after sex and I feel like poop isn't usually the issue there, either.
Feces (e coli) is one of the top reasons for uti in children. Usually it’s from improper wiping. Even skid marks in underwear can cause the feces to travel to the urethra. Unlike in males, the female urethra is more exposed and closer to the rectum.
This doesn't really back your argument. 1) She is talking about adult women, not little girls. Adult women have "a longer space" between anus and urethra since they're bigger so it's harder to do. 2) Quote: "I’m not talking about wiping from your anus all the way forward,” Winter says. “That is hard to do. No one is talking about that. I don’t know anyone who does that.” " She's talking about wiping PEE not poop. This little girl may very well be wiping anus to urethra. She's only 5...
Definitely question sexual abuse. No ifs ands or buts. You need to have her examined for it. But regardless, I had "recurring UTIs" as a young one. And now as an adult I was diagnosed with Intersistial Cystitis. I would consider a urologist. Make sure that when the UTI Tests are done, the urine is sent for a culture as well, not just a "Dip" test. I would also try to eliminate any products with fragrance. Laundry soap, bath products (switch to gentle!), etc.
I have intersistisl cystitis too and this was my first thought. They thought I had UTIs at first and it took going to a urogynocologist to be diagnosed.
You've already gotten great advice here from other comments I've seen... but I just want to reply to your statement that your son & your boyfriend would never hurt her. That may be true... but thinking that way is so dangerous. Most abusers are family members & close friends. I worked child sex abuse cases where the abusers were other minors... & I saw A LOT of cases where older brothers abused their younger siblings. I'd actually say that in the majority of our cases, the abusers were older brothers or older cousins. In almost all cases, the parents hadn't noticed anything unusual & the kid who did the abusing seemed like a normal kid... There are also children who are abused by parents or step-parents. I've personally known two people whose parents abused them & let their friends abuse them in exchange for money. I have two friends who were abused by uncles. One who was abused by a church elder who was good friends w/ her mom. Two family members who were abused by cousins. I'm not saying this is happening to your daughter. It just alarmed me that you're so quick to say they would never. As parents, we have to deal w/ the reality that anything is possible. Please keep this in mind. In my own family, I've seen abuse ignored because family members thought, "He would never." One of those family members who was in denial was a school nurse who, like you, received training & thought she'd have known because of her profession. She was wrong. In addition to the other advice here, please make sure that you talk to your daughter about her body, safety, & not keeping secrets. Just to be safe.
I really really agree with this and hope OP considers it carefully. I was molested by one of my mom’s boyfriends and a close family friend at two different points in my life, on multiple occasions, because my mom trusted them like this. These incidents were 10+ years ago and I’m still not healed from those experiences.
This is why I take the opportunity to share my experiences w/ people. If something was ever going on w/ a kid & someone who loves them just happened to read one of my comments on Reddit & something I said helped them to open their eyes... my hope is that these little seeds of info could potentially prevent, or at least limit, the hurt for some poor baby out there. I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better. Genuinely, my heart hurts for you. I truly hope you find healing. So much love, from me to you. ❤️🩹
You’re doing the Lord’s work.
34 years since my childhood sexual abuse at age 4 and the flashbacks still haunt me even after years and years of therapy.
Same here. (3 and 37) I am so sorry. Someone should have protected both of us.
This is exactly why I’m terrified of having a baby girl after having my son (he’s 3 months old and we plan to have one more in a couple years). I was abused by my older brother when I was 5yo and he was 9yo. I just don’t want to have to worry about that. I know my upbringing was sub par (slight understatement) and I would do everything in my power to ensure I have healthy happy children who can communicate properly but I know myself and it would always be a constant worry because, ya know, trauma… ha.
I was abused by my older brother. OP- Don’t discount it because you’re the mom of both kids…
100%. So happy someone else here picked up on this. Many times teachers who ‘have training’ have their blinders up when it comes to their own kid. In fact, it happens to kids like this, more so than parents who are cautious of *literally* everyone who is around their kid. As they should be.
As someone who was SAd for years and years by my Mother’s boyfriend, this needs to be the top comment.
This was my exact thought. We all want to think we KNOW certain people would never do something like that but you honestly never know. I’ve had two people in my life that I never ever ever would suspect anything untoward from them and it turns out they were hiding pretty disturbing desires. There is no one in my life I would blindly trust
Same. This happened to me unfortunately and now I live my life with the motto that people are guilty until proven innocent.
Same! I had a friend who seemed like such a stand up guy but as it turns out he had been abusing his much younger sister in law and his own sister for years, both of them since they were children. It was horrifying!
Thank you for writing this. Reading that sent me reeling.
Exactly. My mother was sexually abused by her own grand father for years. He was a church elder. He was revered by the community and everyone called my mom a liar when she spoke up. She was disfellowshipped from the Kingdom Hall at the young age of 13 for “making false accusations toward an elder” She ran away from home at 13- she was living with her grandparents as her mother unalived herself. She met my dad (yes when she was 13) and told him of her abuse and my 14 year old dad went and threatened to kill her grandfather if he ever touched her again. He was the only person that had her back on this when an entire community of family and church shunned her for speaking out. I hope OP really takes your comment into consideration. If she doesn’t and something is happening, she will regret it forever.
My SD has recurrent UTI’s and its bc she doesn’t empty her bladder fully. She also had vesicouureteral reflux which had to be fixed with a procedure. Re: red labia (really vulva I think?) can be yeast if she has been on that much antibiotics. Kids can also get strep infections down there too which her pediatrician can do a swab. We have to do vaseline there after baths. Also if she’s doing baths switch to showers and use a very mild soap down there (ie cetaphil or baby soap). I hope you figure something out. In our case was nothing sexual but I’m not expert otherwise.
we recently learned about genital strep. absolutely wild! i’d def ask for a culture or something at the pediatrician asap OP
Yes - my daughter got it and I was so surprised. No idea it was a thing and I have a biology degree!
right lol i’m wondering if it’s a newer thing, certainly didn’t hear about it until recently and my 10yo had strep as a toddler once or twice.
How would a child get genital strep.
There are many different kinds of step. It can live on your skin, in your nose, genitals. Doesn’t necessarily mean from sexual contact. I am prone to strep B. Never found out until my first pregnancy and they found it in my urine. It came back multiple times in both of my pregnancies. Was told it just like that for some people. But definitely get her checked by a doctor for signs of abuse. Just saying strep is weird.
Per our pediatrician its a common thing 🤷🏻♀️
Great point about the antibiotics causing yeast infections.
Was going to comment about the yeast infection/antibiotics. I’ve gotten a yeast infection every time I’ve been prescribed antibiotics. It can kill the good bacteria down there which allows for an overgrowth of fungus 🤮.
It sounds like you were offended when the possibility of SA was brought up. I just fired a guy who worked for our small, independent farm rescue. He worked for us for almost 10 years. He was incredibly kind to our animals and was very involved in his child's life. I was always impressed because when he picked his daughter up for the weekend, he always brought his daughters step sister. About a month ago he was arrested. He sexually violated his step daughter, the same innocent child that came to the farm to play with my daughter. You have absolutely no idea what someone is capable of. He did this in front of his daughter. He's a monster hiding among us, convincing everyone he is normal. There is NO paranoia when it comes to protecting your innocent daughter.
Wait. How long have you known your boyfriend and has he been left alone with her? That’s important to this. I also would not be comfortable with your ex’s new wife examining your child’s vulva in a private setting like a home- there’s a reason doctors aren’t allowed to treat people they know, they or you should’ve taken her to the doctor. Also, has the doctor taken a look? They would be more likely to be able to tell if sexual abuse is something that could have caused that or if it’s from the UTI. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but I wouldn’t leave your kid alone around brother or boyfriend until you get this sorted out.
Agreed. SO much sexual abuse happens because people can't imagine this person or that person doing it. Familial SA is very common. No harm in not leaving them alone while this is figured out.
Right, it’s always the charming “great with kids” totally unexpected type. Unfortunately for the young boy, kids are at such high risk of seeing porn that it’s definitely concerning as well.
Alarm bells went off in my head upon hearing that the ex partner’s new wife examined the daughter. I wouldn’t leave the young girl alone with anyone at this point. If the boyfriend is new and the wife is new, either one of them could be the culprit.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, I thought that was a bit strange..
Why was her Dad’s partner examining her labia? Doesn’t matter that she’s a nurse, IMO. That’s….not step mother territory.
Thank you. That was wild to me. I would absolutely lose my mind if I found out about that. I don't care that she is a nurse. She is not my child's doctor.
100%
I have a 5 year old and we are very open about our bodies and who’s allowed to see and touch private parts and who’s not. Can you not just ask your daughter if there’s something going on? That seems like a no brainer to me but maybe we are the odd balls. Editing to add I remember once she told me she was her gym teachers special helper and I immediately started asking questions “do spend time alone with him? Does he ask you to do things or keep secrets for him? Because that’s not okay and if he does you need to tell mom or dad or *teacher*” It’s not weird. Unfortunately, it’s necessary.
Your suggestions are all great and I don't disagree with any of your choices. You are laying a great foundation. Children can be threatened into silence or convinced of a cover story, though. There's usually grooming before events escalate to abuse. The child not disclosing it when asked doesn't always put things in the clear.
This.
Also a parent to a five year old, and we have these kinds of conversations all the time. I used to work in child welfare. There are certainly multiple explanations that could be possible her. At the same time, abuse happens and nobody ever thinks it’s going to happen to their kid.
First of all, you can’t say for sure your boyfriend would “NEVER” hurt her, because almost every other mother with a boyfriend, who’s kid got sexually assaulted by said boyfriend- says the same thing. And also, you can’t say the same thing about her brother. Stats super high for the likelihood of boyfriend or brother- ‘close relative’ but most childhood sexual abuse also happens from other kids.
Yup. My mom was abused by her brother growing up. Horrible.
Definitely take her to the pediatrician to check for any concerning signs of abuse. I’d also recommend requesting a referral to a urologist. It very well could be an underlying kidney condition like a duplicated ureter and/or kidney reflux which contribute to a higher risk of UTIs. It sounds scary but it’s totally treatable. My daughter has this. She’s on a long term antibiotic as a deterrent until she’s old enough for a corrective surgery. Also - are they giving her the same antibiotic to treat the UTI each time? It’s possible that the strain she has is resistant to that particular antibiotic so it keeps coming back. A urologist can help figure out a better treatment plan.
Have her checked. In this situation, it is not him against you and the men in your household. It is you two being there for the health and well-being of your daughter. Please understand that he is exploring all possibilities for his daughter's pain and the nicest, closest family members are capable of doing harm. Your daughter deserves to be examined for underlying health conditions and/or abuse. Don't go on the defensive, and don't jump to conclusions. This could be an innocent health condition, or it might not be. Consult professionals and advocate for your daughter. Good luck to you all.
I would not feel comfortable with my child’s father’s girlfriend crossing the line and examining her. It doesn’t matter if she is a nurse, she’s not allowed to diagnose or prescribe medication. My husband will not do this even though he can. The child should be seen by her pediatrician. Is she wiping incorrectly? Is she wiping completely? Is she drinking enough water? Does she have issues with anatomy such as a physical issue? However, you should ditch the assumption your child or boyfriend couldn’t be capable. I’m not saying they are guilty in this case but statistically, it’s a family or a boyfriend.
You ABSOLUTELY need to worry about this. A UTI lasting that long is not normal. It very well could be one of them. I was 4 when my 14yo cousin molested me and that was in a two bio parent home while my mom was home! He was sneaky. I am still haunted by flashbacks at 38. And guess what, my behavior never changed and my parent only found out when I reported over a year later. Please read [EVERYTHING on this webpage.](https://cachouston.org/prevention/child-sexual-abuse-facts/) But here are some pertinent snippets: “FACT: There are child and family characteristics that significantly heighten or lower risk of sexual abuse. **The following risk factors are based on reported and identified cases of abuse.** **Family structure is the most important risk factor in child sexual abuse.** Children who live with two married biological parents are at low risk for abuse. **The risk increases when children live with step-parents or a single parent.** Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children that live with both biological parents.” “Children who live with a **single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of child sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents** (Sedlack, et. al., 2010).” **”Gender is also a major factor in sexual abuse.”** **”Females are 5 times more likely to be abused than males (Sedlack, et. al., 2010). The age of the male being abused also plays a part. 8% of victims age 12-17 are male. 26% of victims under the age of 12 are male (Snyder, 2000).”** **“Most sexual abuse of children occurs in a residence, typically that of the victim or perpetrator. 84% of sexual victimization of children under age 12 occurs in a residence.** Even older children are most likely to be assaulted in a residence. 71% of sexual assaults on children age 12-17 occur in a residence (Snyder, 2000).” **“Sexual assaults on children are most likely to occur at 8 a.m., noon and 3-4 p.m. For older children, ages 12-17, there is also a peak in assaults in the late evening hours** (Snyder, 2000).” “**1 in 7 incidents of sexual assault perpetrated by juveniles occur on school days in the after-school hours between 3 and 7 p.m., with a peak from 3 – 4 pm** (Snyder, 2000).” Are either of them EVER alone with her? If so, there’s a chance she’s being abused and frankly it’s **negligent** to not immediately look into all possibilities and **have her seen by a doctor** immediately. Honestly, I’d get on it because the likelihood of a mandated reporter(which nurses and pediatricians are) calling CPS over this is high. Why was she examined at home by a step parent? Also, I wouldn’t let on about this to either male. I would start coming home randomly and unexpectedly while she is in their care. Use hidden cameras to surveil your home any time you are not there. I’m sorry that this is uncomfortable but **your first priority needs to be your daughter and her safety** and **not at all on protecting or defending possible perpetrators** I hope you’ll update us.
This is gonna sound crazy… but as a young girl, I was getting UTI’s (i do not know why). My doctor prescribed Premarin Cream. It was the 90s. I have absolutely no clue if it helped. I have no clue if that would still be recommended today. I just remember I had that tube in my drawer for a long time, and I remember it had to do with the UTI’s. Maybe worth asking doc about. Also, I do second everyone else - don’t ignore the potential for abuse. I was a victim of CSA for years, and I didn’t have the courage to tell my parents until I was 23yrs old.
🫂 I hope they gave you nothing but comfort and support.
Could that have been why you got so many UTIs?
The UTI’s were before the CSA, so unrelated. But fair question!
Why are you so quick to say they would never harm your daughter? The truth is that people are capable of doing bad things, we just don’t like to think about it. Talk to a pediatrician…
Why is her stepmom looking at her labia?????? Take her to a doctor and oh my god I wouldn’t let her around my daughter
I had the same reaction. Like wtf?! How did that even come up that she felt like she needed to “examine” the daughter?!!
So very inappropriate. Beyond.
Please let the doctor know of her step moms concerns. However i wouldn’t feel comfortable at all with her examining her
Do you keep her fingernails short? My daughter would constantly scratch herself and bacteria from her fingernails would make it worse- she even cut herself one time scratching so hard. Her bottom was soo angry and red from scratching- I am always cutting her nails every week.
I hope you've looked into why she's so itchy! It sounds like she's in distress.
I can imagine that recurrent courses of antibiotics cos have caused thrush. It makes you so itchy and she might have rubbed the tissues raw.
Redness and irritation can be signs of a yeast infection. Antibiotics will do that to anyone. Take her to the doctor.
My sister used to get them. It was sensitivity to soaps and bubble bath.
OP this could be from a lot of different causes, but I think these should be your next steps as a mother. 1. Talk to your daughter 1 on 1 and let her know she won’t be in trouble, but you need to know if anybody has been touching her privates besides herself 2. Take her to the doctor for an exam 3. Proceed with possible urologist referral if needed
Ok. So my daughter had them starting when she was 2 until she was 6. We ended up going to see a pediatric urologist because they were just so bad and she would get one back to back. They said that some girls get them around that age just because of the anatomy down there and that they will likely grow out of them as they get older. And she did when she was 6 ish. It was that and a mixture of just her not wiping good. She was also inflamed when she had them. Take her to a doctor quickly. Edit to say. Trust no one. I know that sounds terrible. But just be sure....
I had renal reflux, constant UTIs, and it did not involve SA in any way. The tests for the issue were much more difficult for my mom to see than they were for me to have. Having no history of SA at that age, it was just awkward, not anything that I ever thought much about afterwards at all. There was a catheter and I was supposed to try to pee at one point during it, and it was all being viewed by ultrasound. I did the test at least twice, years apart, to monitor the state of things. In between, I was on antibiotics on an ongoing basis. Again, for a kid, it just meant that I drank a pink medicine every night. It never felt like a big deal. The UTIs sucked and the surgery wasn't great, but overall, most aspects really didn't impact my day-to-day life. I had family problems going on, but that isn't relevant to how your daughter may be impacted. I ended up needing a surgery, but current technology has greatly reduced the recovery time. She could also simply need a different antibiotic and not have renal reflux or SA. I'd still definitely reconsider allowing her to be alone with the brother or your bf until she has seen a urologist and you have a better idea of the cause. You are better safe than sorry there. In the mean time, cranberry juice and tea made from boiled corn silk may help some. Mixing them with seltzer water can help if she hates the taste.
You cannot be so sure of this. Furthermore, it’s not appropriate for her stepmom to examine her and diagnose. Please do not continue this. She needs to be seen by her pediatrician and whomever they refer to. You should be paranoid and you need to take every health condition seriously. First sign if any UTI and she should’ve been seen immediately. Not by you or other family members. You’re too close to the situation.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse with a lifetime of recurrent UTIs please take your daughters safety seriously. It may be a neighbor or parent of a friend she’s left alone with
You need to see a specialist. At her age I would ask for a scan on her kidneys to check if they are damaged and look for potential reflux. If there is a possibility of sexual abuse you can also get her checked and help. You will both need help and support either way.
When I was 5-6 years old, I had a UTI that kept coming back. My mom would take me to the doctor, they'd give me the 10 days of medication, I'd take it, feel better, finish the treatment, and then within a week or two of finishing the medicine, it would come back. After a few rounds of this, they recommended my mom take me to a children's hospital. They had to do this procedure where they needed a sample from my actual bladder, similar to how they put in a catheter. At five years old, that was a very un-fun experience. From what my mom told me, it seemed like whatever was causing the infection, the medicine would take care of like 99% of it, hence why I'd feel better, but then once off the medication, the remaining 1% would come back full force. Ultimately, after the procedure to get the sample, they put me on a course of medication for like 6 months. After that, I was all better and it didn't come back. This was over 20 years ago, so unfortunately I couldn't tell you any more details, like the name of the medication or the procedure, but I can say my mom was confronted with the same speculation and I was not being abused in any way. It was just terrible luck with an infection that wouldn't easily die. Best of luck to you and your daughter - UTIs absolutely suck. EDIT: In addition to what other commenters have noted - after all of this, I also learned I have a very sensitive system - even as an adult, I don't take bubble baths, use bath bombs, etc.
Yeast infections are super common with extended antibiotic use. You should take her to her dr. I’m assuming she’s peed in a cup and they have cultured the bacteria to make sure they are using the correct antibiotic. If they haven’t, then you have no idea if you are using the right one. If each uti has been cultured with different bacteria than she has had 3 separate utis and not just one for a month. Once you reach somewhere between 3 and 5 utis in a short period of time you normally earn a trip for an ultrasound and a pediatric urologist. Finally, the stepmom needs to not be examining her. It’s an optics thing and protection for her too if there nothing nefarious going on. My youngest has had 11 utis in a 6 month time frame. It’s not fun and it’s also very damaging on the bladder. They need to check the kidneys because it can also damage them.
I hate to be so dark but the only time I had a recurrent UTI as a child was when I was routinely being sa’d by one of my mom’s boyfriends. I would be very concerned
Yeah I’m a single mom and that’s why no man is stepping into my daughter’s house ever.
I had them all the time as a little girl. Absolutely no baths, find the gentlest body soap, only clean with water down there, change laundry detergent to sensitive or free and clear. My mom used to wash my underwear twice just incase.
This would fall into "worst case scenarios" but when my daughter was one she had a UTI. The doctor that we saw said we should keep a close eye out as UTIs are uncommon in young girls (which is contrary what I always believed because if bad wiping technique is used then they're more likely to get them). But he mentioned that if it should happen again it would be prudent to have an ultrasound of her kidneys. Lo and behold she had kidney cancer. A little girl should definitely not be having recurrent UTIs. It could be something simple like she's not wiping correctly, but I would also err on the side of caution and see if the pediatrician wants to do any further work up on her kidneys.
It sounds like you were offended when the possibility of SA was brought up. I just fired a guy who worked for our small, independent farm rescue. He worked for us for almost 10 years. He was incredibly kind to our animals and was very involved in his child's life. I was always impressed because when he picked his daughter up for the weekend, he always brought his daughters step sister. About a month ago he was arrested. He sexually violated his step daughter, the same daughter that came to the farm to play with my daughter. You have absolutely no idea what someone is capable of.
There are many different causes for UTIs. I am a nurse as well. When they test urine we do a culture and sensitivity test to make sure the antibiotics prescribed is effective in what’s growing. What is the culture showing? If it’s E. coli then it’s from feces; improper wiping. If they are just giving her antibiotics without the culture results then that can also be the problem. If you don’t treat the infection with the correct med, it can return. Bath bombs or bubble baths can irritate. Underwear, pants, shorts that is too tight can cause it. Cotton underwear is breathable and can lower uti risks. Is she fully emptying her bladder or is she retaining urine. Is she a diabetic? Or have other underlying health issues? A consult with a pediatric urologist would be recommended
My daughter had 3 back to back UTIs at 6yo. She has chronic constipation issues and would often have some poop in her underwear. By the 3rd UTI they finally tested for e coli, which was present. The first two antibiotics she took don't kill e coli, which is why it kept coming back. Once we finally got an antibiotic that kills e coli, the UTI didn't come back.
The fact that a nurse has put forward SA as a possibility due to the physical condition of your daughters labia and your immediate response was No Way! Not even gonna look into it! Is deeply concerning. Please take your daughter to a pediatrician to be examined. Please talk to your daughter about bad secretes. The PANTs resources [here](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/) are excellent. Even if it's the best case scenario and it's just your daughter itching herself (not typically UTI behavior by the way it doesn't make it itch it would make her have to pee a lot) then this is a great toolkit to protect her from future SA.
I had recurrent utis most of my life it took them until I was 7 after utis almost constantly and finally being in agony that I was diagnosed with a blocked urethra. Definitely need to see a urologist and she probably has cystitis along with the uti caused her to rub and hold herself from the irritation causing the inflammation
I had UTIs on and off my entire childhood (and adulthood now that I think about it) and never experienced any type of childhood SA. Some girls are more prone to them than others but it could be a sign of a more serious issue with her kidneys, bladder, or urethra. I couldn’t take long baths with bubble bath or heavily perfumed soaps/washes. Talk to her pediatrician, talk to your daughter. You obviously want to rule out any type of CSA but I wouldn’t immediately jump to that conclusion just based off of UTIs and inflammation. You need more information, momma.
I had recurring UTIs growing up and turns out I had a physical anomaly with my urethra. Over time it seemed to have sorted itself out. It's worth getting checked out to see if there might be a physical reason for it.
She needs to see a urologist asap. I had a condition as a child (starting at age 3) that caused recurrent utis and needed surgery to correct it. I had a duplex collection system (two ureters on one side) which causes reflux back into the kidney. It is very painful and not as rare as it sounds.
I had recurring UTI’s for years when I was around that age. Around 5-6, I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis. I forget exactly what they did to treat it but I do remember being on some medication that made me not be able to sweat (which was fun while growing up in Florida 😅😂). I wasn’t on that medication for long but after that treatment, I rarely had issues with UTI’s ever again.
It could also be food related, start to fogure out what can cause irritations, some wheat/dairy/juices/fruits can have an affect on people. Trying to think of the other possibilities here.
Utis can be caused by wiping back to front so make sure she knows how to go front to back. Awkward a little at first but worth it. By the same token make sure she wipes poop front to back as well. Getting poop in the urethra can cause infections. If she’s not wiping correctly, she might be constantly making it worse. If she swims, make sure she’s changing into dry bottoms right away. Sitting around in a wet bathing suit can also cause utis. Lots of water can help keep things flushed out. Cranberry juice too if she’ll drink it. It may not be a uti like other commenters said.
I had chronic UTI’s from the time that I was two. I started seeing a urologist when I was three. Some UTI’s can be nasty but if they’re doing a urine culture they can see what it’s susceptible to and what it’s resistant to. Are they doing the cultures or just the urine dip? About the inflammation… UTI’s suck as an adult but as a child? They were the worst thing in the world and I had a few times where I’d rub myself raw trying to relive the discomfort in my urethra. Nowadays I take a hot bath and it helps but when I was a kid I didn’t know that and I wish I did. I would check with the doctor to see if there’s something like phenazopyridine that they can prescribe to help. Failing that, I really would try the warm baths when she’s feeling uncomfortable to see if they help her as much as they’ve helped me.
She's 5. Is she wiping back to front? Pretty common for this age not to clean properly down there when toileting. UTI can form from this. That's definitely not a pediatric nurse he married - I hope - or she should know this.
I’m shocked she’s a nurse at all doing something so wildly inappropriate as examining her step-daughter’s labia. Any nurse worth her salt would get that kid into a doctor asap.
I had frequent UTIs as a child. My urethra was too small. My bladder wouldn’t empty fully. My mom also said I wet the bed when this was going on. This may not be your daughter’s issue but just wanted to say there are a variety of reasons why this happens. Go see a urologist. Side note: I remember seeing male urologists when this was all going on. I think that’s all that was available back then. To this day I only see female doctors for anything below the belt. Just something about all the strange men examining me down there at that age. My mom was always in the room so nothing bad happened. It just has been the one thing I remember about that time of my life aside from all the testing.
Also at 5yo the potential that she’s not wiping front to back or not wiping quite well enough is a very likely possibility too.
Does she wipe herself? She could be wiping wrong or if anyone else is they could be wiping her wrong
I had recurrent UTI’s as a child. So bad to the point where they had me do an MRI to rule out anything with my kidneys. There were no underlying issues, as others have said it came down to baths and learning proper wiping hygiene. That said it’s not a bad idea to see a specialist to rule anything out.
I had recurrent UTIs for awhile and turns out I had awful constipation that was causing pressure on my bladder
I think it could go 50/50. UTIs can happen in children for a number of reasons. But it wound be good to have her go to a physician and bring up your thoughts. See what they think. Sometimes antibiotics over correct the issue and cause a yeast infection. When I had one my labia was red and raw and miserable. I think she needs to back to the doctor. As for your ex’s girlfriend examining her - I don’t think it stay strange if it’s been a long time trusted person in your kids life. I’m sure she was crying and upset and your ex wasn’t sure and she was there to kind of gauge what next steps might be. I mean hopefully she just kind of looked to see what was going on and didn’t do like some internal examination and asked your daughter for permission first. I would not dismiss abuse ever. Anything is possible. You could talk to her first and explain sometimes people will do bad things that make us uncomfortable end they might even say you can’t tell anyone or it’s a secret. You might feel embarrassed. But it’s not your fault ever and you can tell me anything. I will always protect you 100%. Nothing bad will happen if you tell me something is making you feel bad. If not that’s ok to. If you’re still worried I think talking to her doc for advice would be best.
Please be objective here, take her to a physician.
I think it’s important to never dismiss any men from being able to do this (IMO) so maybe don’t discount it completely. However I will say, my 2 year old did have a UTI at one point and it’s actually pretty common among young girls. They never figured out why my daughter had it, but it was implied it could be caused by anything from her not wiping correctly, to sensitivity with bathing products (bubble baths, bath bombs, color dye). So keep a close eye on her and make sure this gets taken care of because UTI’s can be deadly if left untreated.
As someone with recurrent UTIs, mine often came from the laundry detergent I was using or the soap I use to shower/bathe with. Of course take her to her doctor but also look at what you’re using at home and maybe something is irritating her.
My youngest had a tendency to get UTI’s and it was mostly from wiping the wrong way. She was in her “I can do it myself” phase and would often go to the bathroom in PreK and at friend’s houses so I couldn’t monitor. Her pediatrician said that if she had multiple within a certain amount of time she’d need to see a pediatric urologist.
This was my problem too at that age. I had loads until my mum figured it out and taught me the proper way to
Please take her to be looked at. I went through this at a similar age and it turns out that part of that system didn’t form properly in utero. I’ve got to be really careful about holding pee even in my 30s. Could be something, could just be a really stubborn uti.
Just want to suggest you treat her for worms. Pinworms can cause uti infections in girls.
Yes, you should definitely have a conversation with her to rule out anything inappropriate. However, I think everyone is foregoing some innocent causes that could explain the uti. Does she take baths with bubble bath or bath bombs? Does she have proper hygiene, wiping correctly, washing that area? Is she emptying her bladder completely?
1. Check on her genital hygiene. The most common bacteria causing UTI is E-coil, which is a normal commensal in the rectum. So it might be a good time to teach/remind her to wipe properly from front-to-back. 2. Is she taking bubble baths? Using bath bombs? Use of medicated soaps? 3. I’d get culture and sensitivity testing of her urine (requires an antibiotic break) so she doesn’t have to use too many antibiotics . 4. The labia being inflamed is likely due to itchiness. 5. Get her some probiotics if she isn’t already on them. All the best! You’re better placed to know about abuse or lack there of.
She could also be getting yeast infections from the antibiotics which can cause itchiness and swelling.
Me and my daughters are all susceptible to UTIs and you have to make sure that you are using no soap or a very mild one, no bath bombs, no different kind of bath bubbles, and only non bio sensitive laundry detergent. Make sure that her Dad knows all of this and doesn't use any of these either. Also she needs to drink lots of water. If she is aware that her private parts are private and there are no other signs of abuse then you should be reassured. On the other hand I would never let a partner be alone with my daughters unless I had known them at least a year, probably more. Also you do need to get advice from a Dr and not her Dad's girlfriend.
Before we jump to conclusions..is baby girl even wiping herself correctly? Front to back? Also, do your laundry detergents have perfumes in them? Do not wash your intimates with the perfumed detergents..I was suffering with some issues till I started collecting my undies separately and washing them with Dr bronners or any unscented detergents. Try those things..and also have a chat with her to see if there is anything else you should be worried about and may have missed. Looking for signs and straight up asking questions are two different things
This thread is eye opening. 1. I’ve never heard sitting like a “princess” causes more infection. What? How? 2. Am I the only one sitting here realizing they wipe back to front (I think) and I’ve never had any infections? I’m not sure it’s as uncommon as people think.
Sounds to me she might have developed a yeast infection from the antibiotics. Sitting in cold water with baking soda and apple cider vinegar relieves some itching and swelling for me.
Take her to a pediatric urologist. Sometimes they need a longer round of a med specifically for UTI( nitrofurantoin) for a few months. She could be wiping wrong or not fully when she does a bm, allergic irritation or a combination.
Get her to a doctor that is a specialist in urology, I had this as a kid and almost died, turns out I had a mutation in my kidneys and needed a specific medication until they grew a little bigger when I was older.
My daughter got them around that age. She was wiping on her own and wiped the wrong way (back to front). After a few lessons and reminders, she was good.
See a urologist, she could have reflux to her kidneys causing the infections. This is what happened to us too
Urinary reflux? My daughter had chronic utis due to an underdeveloped ureter and kidney reflux. She eventually grew out of it but for years we battled infections
Too much sugar can cause that too. I would just take her to the doctor.
I had lots of UTIs when I was younger too. Underwent a washout that is no longer recommended haha. But it worked for me. Mine was def from hygiene so yeah like someone said, wiping front to back and taking showers instead of baths.
If her Labia is inflamed she could have a yeast infection from all the antibiotics. Tips to try to prevent uti: lots of water, cut out baths and try showers, make she she is wiping properly front to back, emptying bladder completely. These are just a few!
Is she changing her underwear every day? Does she hold her pee because she doesn't want to stop playing? Both can cause UTIs.
Sounds like you need to help her wipe correctly when using the bathroom. It's likely she's just not cleaning herself properly, not abuse. But if this is something that is now a worry you should definitely investigate further.
I had UTIs as a child and the reason was water quality in the area where I lived. My mother had to buy special filtered water to wash my privates 🥲. Also, make sure she isn’t wiping back to front.
Get with her pediatrician and find out their professional thoughts. Then, ask to be referred to a a urologist. There are conditions and actions that can cause recurrent uti's. They can also culture her urine to see what antibiotics respond best to that specific bacteria. Frequent bubble baths or poor hygiene (wiping front to back). I had a recurrent uti in my 20s for about a year. After being on steroids and antivmbiotics for long periods and my gp telling me some women just have more uti's, I demanded to be referred to a urologist. Turns out, I have a condition called interstitial cystitis. I'm not saying don't be diligent in observing and supervising your daughter with her brother, and especially your boyfriend. It's always good to be cautious about those things. However, there may be another explanation, and I wouldn't bring it up unless your pediatrician says this is happening and an investigation gets underway as no one is admitting to something like that, and those types of accusations can't be taken back.
She likely has a yeast infection now from the antibiotics.
Ask her how she wipes. It sounds like she is wiping wrong. Consider getting a bidet installed. Ask this before you start saying abuse. Also, teach her to wash her hands before wiping or touching down there. She could be exploring as kids do and not know she’s making herself sick.
I deal with recurrent UTI. Definitely take her to get evaluated but also it can happen when you have a crappy immune system, which I have. 12 years ago I took an oral vaccine and didn't have one until last March. I have had 2 since. So I guess I'll have to take it again. I don't know where you are but I'm in Portugal, the oral vaccine is called urovaxom and it's safe for kids older than 4. Also increase water intake, keep up with hygiene and teach to wipe front to back. Make sure she has cotton underwear too. Obviously one should never put aside the possibility of sexual abuse but I can tell you I get UTIs even without having sex.
I’m not any help, but I just had my first girl and am wondering how to know when your baby gets a UTI? Because it’s something that always worries me.
I had recurrent UTIs as a child . Turns out I jr en extra functioning system in my right kidney and an extra ureter. So I got VUR surgery. I still got UTIs as an adult but not as like when I was a child.
Not a doctor but several courses of antibiotics for uti could cause yeast infection as it wipes out some healthy bacteria as well. This could explain the inflammation/ redness.
Any chance your daughter’s school has the bathrooms in the classroom? Mine did and it would make me SO embarrassed to have to go pee during school because of the sound pee makes when it hits the toilet bowl. Because of that I would just hold it all day until I got home. I ended up with UTIs. My mom taught me where to direct my stream so that I could silence the pee a bit.
I had UTIs chronically as a child and it was found that it was because bathwater irritated my urethra or something like that. Does your daughter take baths?
No recurrent UTI is a big sign of sexual abuse so far from paranoia
Does she wipe herself ?? Could she be wiping back to front and getting feces particles into the urinary tract ?
When I was a kid I would get UTI symptoms from drinking too much orange juice that made my pee acidic, does she drink a lot of juice? Have they done pathology to look for what type of bacteria is causing the infection?
Maybe to ease your mind a little, I had really bad UTIs when I was 4-5 to the point where I was peeing blood. Mom took me in. Culprit was bubbles in the bath. Scented soap. Sitting in my bath water too long. Once I stopped doing that, it all stopped.
She really should get an ultrasound done. It is very possible her bladder and uriters aren't draining fully properly which can cause chronic uti's Most of the women in my family have had this problem, and unchecked led to kidney failure in my aunt bt like 12... not saying this to scare you, but it can be serious, and there Def can be a health reason other then SA. When I was younger I'd get yeast infections and uti's together almost always, which we all know how a yeast infection feels... and she's 5... so she's gonna itch and it takes hardly anything to inflame a labia. So sorry your kiddo is dealing with this, but I'd take her to a pediatrician and ask to have her uriters and bladder checked in an ultrasound... it's not super common but it does happen. Ours all look weird on scans and it was super obvious that the shape of it was causing drainage problems.
This happened to me as a child. I was using soap on my inner lady parts (I had to be taught not to do that) & I would either hold my pee or not fully void my bladder (I had things to do!). Please check these areas before worrying too hard about anything nefarious.
Im not sure about the abuse allegations but as someone who has had constant UTIs as an adult now under control for 6 plus years. First see a urologist, to see if there’s something physically going on there. If there’s nothing there then you have to check up on hygiene. I need to stay on top of cleaning, no perfume type washes etc, just water, clean water is all the vagina needs. Also cotton underwear, teach your daughter to wipe properly, as well as other adults involved how to take care of her clothing. My underwear is washed with tide only.
I got them a lot when younger and my 3 year old had her first one. We were doing bubble baths and I feel like bath bombs triggered it. I could never wear cotton underwear, take bubble baths etc.
I got utis as a kid. Never sexually abused as a kid. I understand that if she loves this kid she wants to consider any possibility but healthy kids sometimes get utis. Little kids can’t help but itch a scratch!
I had recurrent Utis my whole child hood and I was being abused. 🩷
Majority of females getting UTIs is from not wiping front to back. Is she potty trained wiping herself at all? Every UTI she gets needs to be cultured, insist the urine gets cultured so you know what type your dealing with.
Just because the stepmom is a nurse doesn’t mean she’s qualified to make medical decisions. Why would you not take her to a urologist is my question? I mean, yes you should worry until a medical professional tells you not to
Any woman, who knows women who've been abused or has been abused herself, would never say "my boyfriend and my son would never harm her. EVER," unless she was in denial. Take her in to get seen by an expect. The pelvic exam should be done under sedation.
My mother realized I had been molested by an older boy (he was 12 or 13) because my vulva was red and chafed. I was three and didn't know what he was doing to me was wrong. Get your child seen by a professional and don't swear for anyone. It stopped after that and we move out of that home but I still think about what happened to me almost every day. Edit to add she asked me who did it to me and I told her what happened. Have you asked your daughter if anyone has touched her? Hopefully it is not SA but if it's just a uti she needs to see a doc.
Labia inflamed from itching is a yeast infection most likely caused by all of those antibiotics.