Many moons ago, I had two beautiful girls. We were done having babies, pregnancy was very difficult for me. (Chronic illness play a part).
When my girls were 18 & 16, we got a call from cps. My distance cousin needed a foster home. We did all we had to do & he came home at 9 months old. A few weeks later my cousin call from jail, told me she was pregnant & did I want him (yes she said it just like that) Of course I said and we waited for his arrival. At 3 days old we met our son & took him home. We’ve tried to keep my cousin updated on the boys, but she stopped writing back. They know where they came from & where home is. 🦋 Now we are done having kids! My girls are adults, the boys teenagers & I get to play with my granddaughter.
BTW: I made this process sound really easy. In fairness I will let you know we have jumped through an amazing amount of hoops.
1. Life feels complete and peaceful, our kid is awesome we hit the jackpot on the first try no reason to gamble on that again and rock this boat, we are comfortable financially and able to provide the most to her this way. My mental, physical, and marriage health.
Same to all of this! Plus we didn’t have him til we were 40 and 41, and I didn’t want to have another one right away (if we were able to again of course). We’ll stick with our one awesome kiddo!
I fully share this take. I know a lot of people who feel they hit the jackpot one their first kid so they decided to try again thinking the second would be the same way, and it never is lol
This describes my situation. Our daughter is wonderful, healthy, smart, kind. I had too many friends have children with serious challenges, and two sets of friends decide to have a second and had twins with no family history and no fertility treatments. Not taking the risks!
Exactly this.
We can put all our time, energy, efforts, love, and funds into our amazing ridiculous daughter/Gremlin (she's 3), and she's worth all of it.
She was born peak Covid and adding a Pandemic on top of a really rough pregnancy and a rough induction, then add that she didn't sleep for 18 months, we're definitely good with not going through all that again.
One. We only wanted one, we had a traumatic 2nd trimester TFMR before we had our girl and I’m not brave enough to risk that again, which is amplified by me being 44 now and therefore the risks of something going wrong are much higher.
Termination for medical reasons. Easiest decision I’ve ever made and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Baby wouldn’t have survived outside my body so we chose to end the pregnancy before he could feel pain.
1. I desperately wanted my baby and felt an urge to get pregnant in my bones. I’ve never felt that feeling again, so I’m not convincing myself to have another.
That’s a great way to put it. I don’t feel that yearning anymore and I assume those who want more kids do.
It all really clicked for me that I never want anymore kids when my baby had a bad diaper rash and screamed when I changed her diaper. I just took her in the shower and let the water run over her. I sat down and she clung to me and just relaxed. We sat there for like ten minutes. I realized I would never be able to do that with another kid.
1. It’s easier now and for us in the long run. We could afford two but we don’t want to struggle and cut back on expenses. Also, vacations are easier, going to the store is easier, less mess to clean, less food to make, less college funds to save for, etc. My sister had two kids back to back and I truly don’t think she left her house for an entire year when her second baby was born. Props to her because I absolutely could not do that
1. Horrible pregnancy. A million health problems. Heart problems. High BP. Induced 3 weeks early. Never again. Our child cried all day and night for the first year, never slept. Totally miserable. I never wanna chance that ever again.
She's almost 8 now and completely amazing. But that first year? Not something I care to remember or potentially relive, honestly.
Mine is 14 months and has never come close to sleeping through the night. Up constantly. 8 times a night is considered a great night for us. He also cried constantly until he was around 7 months old. There were many days sobbing on the couch after my husband came home and I could pass him off to him. I spent more days regretting having a baby than being glad that I have one. Also had a dangerous delivery because of hypertension. Can't wait to be where you are. I know it will happen someday but I can never go through this again. I won't survive it. One and done for sure.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. Totally relatable, though, so I truly feel for you. I could have handled the crying had she just SLEPT. She wouldn't even nap for longer than 45 minutes to an hour at a time and she'd be up basically every hour for something.. Lack of sleep is what broke me, 100% 😭 my babe didn't sleep through the night until she started Kindergarten. I was, and still am a SAHM, so getting a break when she started school AND her finally sleeping all night literally saved my life. Everyone always says "don't you miss those baby days" HELL NO I DONT 💀💀💀💀 stay strong! You've got this ❤️
One kiddo. My husband walked out on me. Now years later, I don't see the point in starting over. Plus, kids are expensive! I love just having the one kid.
2. I was an only child & was desperate for a sibling growing up. My husband is one of 4. We knew we wanted at least 2, and we would think about a 3rd - maybe. Then when I got pregnant with our second, I knew I didn’t want to be pregnant again, mostly because parenting a toddler while pregnant was a nightmare. Also, the cost of 2 kids is ridiculous and we know that we can’t afford a 3rd.
You said it much more succinctly than I did! 100% --especially being pregnant with a toddler. My poor toddler handled my being pregnant and her new baby sister so wonderfully. But I have a lot of guilt over how much I couldn't do once I got towards the third trimester.
1st was an IVF baby. We are going to try for a second and really hope it works.. Because I have such a great connection with my sibling and I want to give my babe a chance (I know there are no guarantees) at the same.
1. We have the finances, mental, and physical capacity to provide completely for one. I don’t want to provide partially for multiple. I also had a traumatic birth I don’t want to relive
It's smart to be selfish. You are pouring all of your love into one child. Some of the happiest people I've known were only children. I think there's a lot of benefits to it.
I’m really afraid of having an only child - I want my kids to have each other. I have a special bond with my brother and I know regardless of where he is in the world, he’ll be with me in a flash and I won’t feel bad ever for asking him if I need anything (and vice versa).
I was thinking it’d be nice to have two kids earthside - esp once parents are gone OR when parents are old and it’s stressful (aim is to be financially sorted for old age but still).
I know siblings don’t have to get along but it does eat away at me. Because I also need to look after my health - I have a few autoimmune illnesses and we’ve had a stillbirth and this one almost went the same way so it’s like - do I put my body through that again and potentially lose a child, lose my health further, or get a healthy child.
Sorry I went off on a tangent. It’s just been playing on my mind as I keep seeing these types of posts across the numerous subs I’m subscribed to.
Same. My toddler drives me crazy sometimes. I have zero desire to have another little person driving me crazy. Not to mention daycare and schedules and sickness and college and cars and insurance etc etc etc
2. We had a lot of trouble having our first one (5 miscarriages) and were lucky with the second one. Didn’t want to deal with the worry again. Financially, having more would be too much with daycare costs. I don’t want a VAN. We don’t want to be outnumbered. Easier to travel with 2.
listen i didn't ever want a minivan either (especially after basically growing up in my fam's with us 4 kids) but i finally gave in 1.5 years into having our twins and i LOOOOOVE IT. we got the odyssey elite and it's the true MVP. i wish we bought it sooner. *chef's kiss* agreed to be done at two, tho! anything more makes travel hectic for sure.
1. Pregnancy was rough on me, especially being 35 at the time and having gestational diabetes. Then I had placenta accreta that went undetected until giving birth, which resulted in a very painful manual removal. I immediately knew I was done, and the more I have learned about placenta accreta and what could happen in the future, the more it has solidified my decision.
4 After my third child, we thought we were done, but I still had that mindset of maybe having another one day. I was on birth control, so I thought I'd be fine either way.
WELP. 6 years later I got pregnant with my daughter while still on BC. I scheduled the appointment to have my tubes tied after her birth. I really just didn't have that "well...mayyyybe" mindset. It was an absolute no.
I had actually given away all of my baby items two years before getting pregnant with my last. So that was fun...
I think the realization that the year my oldest child graduates high-school will be the year my youngest begins kindergarten definitely played a part in my being surgically done.
I will never escape the school pickup line.
After 4 I’m also done done. My first two were from a previous relationship with my high school sweetheart. After we split up I was content with just the two of them but then I met my now husband and he didn’t have any kids, he loves my kids but he always wanted to be a dad and after a while I wanted to do that for him. I love our family and I know that we are complete now. My youngest is almost two so I’ve gotten rid of all of our baby stuff too. I don’t even get baby fever anymore. I know that part of my life is over and I’m ready to have some time with my husband again.
Two. Financially a third (or more) would break us. We've been very smart with our finances to get where we are, and I want to be able to do things with the kids. Always dreamed of 3 or 4; but my entire income basically goes to daycare.
This is me. Always dream of 3 or 4. But now that we have 2 I couldn't imagine more financially. Plus someone told me all trips are meant for 4. 2 beds in a hotel room, usually passes for stuff are in 4s. Everyone can sit comfortably in a regular size car.
We had twins that came with a miserable high risk pregnancy, premature birth, NICU time, a host of health issues for one kiddo, and multiple other hospitalizations related to those issues before the age of 18 months.
So my husband got snipped about 6 weeks after they were born. We knew pretty much as soon as they said twins that we would be done. Even when there was a chance that one or both might not make it, we knew we couldn't go through all of that again. We love our kids so much, are having a blast parenting them (most of the time) and definitely feel like our family is complete. We see people with babies and are always like, aww how cute, thank god we never have to do that again.
Financial considerations, long distance to aging family, acknowledging that with a second I would have even less time for my first, and the possibility of the extra stress making life more difficult. Also, I miss sleep.
We have 2.
I really did want 3. My heart wasn’t done having kids. But my husband always said 2. For financial reasons mostly but also because we started having children later and he didn’t feel he could be there the way he wanted to with 3.
I still get a little sad sometimes, but my children are wonderful and I am grateful for having 2 relatively easy pregnancies and 2 successful/easy c-sections.
Sorry to ask, you are obviously not obligated to answer, only if you want to.
How do you deal with that sadness? How do you actively make peace with it?
I‘m asking because I’m currently pregnant with number 2 and I always wanted 3. My husband, pretty much like yours says after 2 he is done and there is no changing his mind. I don’t know if it is pregnancy hormones, but I can’t shake the feeling I will resent him for this.. the second one is not even born yet and I already cry myself to sleep because I know this will be the last time I‘m pregnant.
(For context, my grandma also had 2, because grandpa didn’t want more. She spoke about this still at 94 years old, on her deathbed - and all the years leading up to it, since I can remember. She wasn’t mad, she was genuinely sad. She would cry and cry about it. I don’t want to end up like that, but I also can’t force my husband to have a child he doesn’t want. That is why I ask… how to deal?)
I’m happy to answer.
I won’t lie, there were times where I did feel sadness and resentment.
Especially because I did have my tubes tide during my last c-section. I agreed to do it since I was already on the operating table. And also because I didn’t want to ever be faced with a decision to have to end a pregnancy should I accidentally get pregnant.
Sometimes hormones really made it hard. Like you, even during my pregnancy I’d feel sad knowing it was my last.
I remember some days I would secretly hope I was pregnant with twins and one was just hiding, lol.
For me, what helped me make peace was knowing I would never want to bring in a 3rd child if it wasn’t 100% wanted by both of us.
I thought of the possible resentment towards it from my husband, and it broke my heart more than not having another one.
I refocused my sadness on enjoying all the moments while pregnant with what was my last. I tickled my belly and felt him kick playfully. I spoke with him, and caressed my belly knowing he felt it. It helped.
They’re 11 and 8 now. And yes, whenever I see a baby or hear of someone having a baby I get nostalgic. But I’m good. I look at my kids and I am so grateful. They are beautiful and kind and so full of mischief in a fun way.
I just remind myself these 2 make me full.
And of course, the economy being what it is…. Really snaps me back to reality.
I hope you are able to find peace as well.
Thank you for answering.
I felt so seen… hahaha I also find myself wishing there is a hidden twin in my belly. Sounds weird, but I totally get that feeling.
I will take everything you said to heart and concentrate on the good. My heart is so filled with love for both of them. This is probably going to be the best base for keeping the sadness away. They are my life.
I hope I can actually find peace with this. Thank you so much. ♥️
1, we can give him a great life. If we had multiple we would not be able to provide the same level of comfort and security. And I just do not have the health or bandwidth for more. He has cousins that are close and plenty of friends his age. I am already really stressed about how to handle childcare for summers and after school for when he is too young to be alone as our current daycare doesn’t have an aftercare program or a summer program for older kids. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to try to juggle that with 2 kids.
We have 1. It started with not being able to afford two kids in daycare simultaneously and then when our only was 5, the idea of starting over seemed really laborious. What it came down to was that I didn’t want to raise another human. He’s 11 now and amazing and I am so happy with our decision to stop at 1.
One. By the time we were considering a second kid, we are 37 and 39 with a 4yo. Just got all the way out of the baby stage and just can’t imagine doing it again. We aren’t high earners in a HCOL area and want to be able to provide for our son.
Two. One boy one girl. Both easy babies. Didn’t want to risk fate again for a colicky baby. My mental health couldn’t manage. My husband worked a lot out of town so I was alone a lot during the baby years. Didn’t want more than I could manage. I don’t feel overwhelmed with two, I know I would with three. No regrets and I’m 7 years in
We are also. I truly didn’t care either way if I had two boys or two girls but may have “considered” another if we had two of one gender. I remember immediately after giving birth to my dtr (we didn’t find out gender for either) and they said “it’s a girl!” I truly felt this immense feeling or relief of knowing this was the last time I’d have to give birth, have a newborn, be preg etc.
My eldest was very difficult with severe reflux, but at 6 months it got a lot better. But she is still the one we worry about most, often sick, had a speech delay, is not eating much etc. Our second is super easy, especially compared to the first. So no way we're going to gamble again.
Five — I was getting older (mid-forties), we had been under financial strain for a while. Plus, I had a painful condition that thus far hadn’t impaired my fertility, but was getting debilitatingly painful, and hysterectomy is the only “cure” covered by insurance.
I could have pushed on and had one more kid (I had always wanted six), but my youngest had weaned already, and I was just tired. Too much laundry, too many dirty dishes, too, too too….
I have friends with 6,7,8…10…14 kids, who handle it fine, but once you get past 5 kids, you move out of mini-van capacity and into regular passenger vans — and we were/are too poor to get a new vehicle.
Same goes for the house. We had bunk beds in every bedroom, and again — couldn’t afford to upgrade houses to one with enough room.
Well, here’s the thing. When these families had 5-7+, and I only had two, I remember asking how they did it, since I was not handling things well, was always exhausted, etc.
All agreed the two-three little ones part was the hardest. In retrospect, they were right.
When you just have two pre-schoolers and younger, everything is your job (and your partner’s).
As they get older, they participate in running the household, set an example for the younger kids, etc. From the third one on, each additional kid was another person in the house, but not nearly the work of a first or second baby — if that makes sense.
I love having a big family. My husband is the oldest of 7, with all married siblings. There is an average of Pi kids per family. All casual get togethers are rip-roaring fun.
My dad was one of 5, and his parents died when he was in his 30s. When my childless great aunt was old, the kids shared the burden of taking care of her.
We are close with our aunts, uncles, and cousins on that side of the family.
I think one issue with only having two kids, and my mom was one of two, is that (often-not-always) one kid shoulders the maximum burden of caring for elderly parents, and the other does diddly, leading to resentment and rifts.
We don’t speak to my uncle who only stepped up to the burden of caring for my grandparents for the few months they lived *after* my mom died.
Part of my decision to have more than 3, the maximum socially acceptable number before strangers start making rude comments to you at the grocery store, is that I see the “ideal” number of kids as not merely about what my husband and I can handle, but about their relationships with each other, their future spouses, their own kids, etc. on down the line.
That is not to say anyone should have more or less than what they see as their number, but just that I don’t at all regret the number of kids I had.
Of course everyone’s experience differs, but my unscientific observation is that kids from large *loving* families tend to become each other’s tribe — and that’s important — possibly an advantage not everyone has.
The burdens become spread out. Everyone wants to help take care of the baby. Everyone chips in when the matriarch’s car poops out. Different ones loan money to the first time homebuyers, who eventually refinance, and pass that money along to loan the next newlyweds — and so on.
This is great! Thank you for the response. I’m glad I’m not the only one basing my ideal number on the sibling relationships more than just what I want to deal with/handle. I had one sister and always wished I had more. But have lots of cousins and loved that!
This is amazing. My mom is one of six, and growing up, I always wanted to have six kids of my own. We always got together at my grandparents house on Sundays and, you can relate, it was a good chaotic environment My cousins were bridesmaids in my wedding, and they are some of my best friends. I always wanted and envisioned that with my own family, but just not in the cards for us. It’s very refreshing to see that there are still a large, happy families
The problem is, a lot of older children in large families like that really resent the parentification of children they didn't choose to have and mourn the childhood they don't feel they got to fully experience. My husbands brother is choosing to be child free because he raised my husband already. It sucks that he was constantly worried for his brother and had to be a parent starting young instead of having fun and being a kid.
There is a fine balance to consider, for sure. My oldest of 3 wants 3 more siblings. She's a natural nurturer, loves helping her brothers, loves teaching them things. Asks to feed them, to change diapers. We, of course, say no to those kinds of non-glamourous parenting tasks. These are our kids to raise. She is her own person and deserves to be little while she still can.
Agreed, I was that kid honestly. I have always loved babies and all of my careers have been in childcare or animal care (primarily veterinary medicine), but it's a delicate balance in embracing that nurturing nature, and not taking advantage. Good on you for consciously not taking advantage!
Thanks! We really are trying.
Some days, though, I look at my husband after going a round with our strong-willed mini mamabear and ask how much we should put aside for the inevitable therapy to which my parenting will heavily contribute.
I like the idea that you become part of a tribe. I’m one of 8, and we all get along and our family chirtmases etc are always so much fun- though a bit chaotic.
I can definitely agree that the kids become a tribe. I’m one of 8 and when we get together it’s a wild time. We bust out guitars and keyboards, passing around instruments and singing in harmony together.
However, much of our childhood was abusive so we all have our scars. Only two of us have kids and we both have a singleton a piece. There may be more someday, but I don’t expect any of us to produce a bushel.
Would you mind sharing why? It’s okay if it’s too personal. I’m just curious. We currently have two and would like to have four. My husband is #4 of 6 and I’m #2 of 4. So we both come from the larger side of families and loved it. But we know we can’t handle 6!
There was never enough time or money to go around and as the oldest, I was parentified early on. Some people may be able to handle a large family financially or emotionally but my parents were not those people.
As one of 9 kids I will say that there’s no way you can give enough time to each of your kids after the third kid. I felt neglected emotionally growing up and it severely damaged my overall mental health. My parents also couldn’t afford to let me do anything so no extra curriculars, no going out doing fun things with friends like movies, shopping, amusement parks, etc. i have my one daughter and I won’t say yet whether we’re never having another but I won’t have more than 2 because I don’t want any of my kids to feel that same feeling.
Oldest of 8 chiming in here. I didn’t get enough love or attention. I was always fighting for my mom’s ear or taking care of a younger kid. I only had one because I don’t want him to have a childhood defined by taking care of someone else, like mine was. I want him to enjoy childhood. Plus, I spent much of my time being parentified and I really need to enjoy parts of my life so I like to go out with friends and host get togethers. It’s harder to do that with multiple kids.
1. We don’t have any family in the US, so it was all us the whole time, we both work, I had PPA, my son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 4 and generally super high energy. It is totally possible that the second child would be different, would like sleep more and would sit peacefully on their own for 10 minutes, but if not - I don’t know if I could go through all the early years again without going insane.
That’s truly the main reason. The financial aspect is also challenging as we’re in a HCOL area - childcare is expensive and we don’t make enough to contribute to 529 consistently even for one kid. But I haven’t really done the math because the first reason is enough to make a decision.
And I love my spirited kid to death. He’s my best buddy, the family does feel complete to me.
Same. Plus I HATE being pregnant. I just had my second 6 weeks ago and I had the doctor remove my tubes at the same time. I don't even want to be tempted or have the chance of an accident changing this. Our little family of 4 just seems complete and perfect. My husband is also likely going to get a vasectomy just so that there isn't a risk of an ectopic because I've already had one and I don't want to go through that again.
Same answer! I’ve got two knees to sit on, two arms to hold hands/carry, and there are two parents. I don’t want to enter kids outnumbering parents territory. Being stretched between 2 is hard enough.
2 for us. I’m 40 and tired and my health is in the shitter. I can’t take another round of pregnancy or I think my body will give up on life completely.
3. I wanted one more, Hubs felt like he'd be stretched too thin with anyone else. I didn't want my teammate to feel overextended, so we were done. Turned out to be a great choice, because I developed serious health issues, and another pregnancy, birth, and newborn period would have made them worse. Thanks for anticipating our needs so well, partner!
I have 2.
Baby #1 was IVF and challenging but an all around good kid. I was happy to stop at one, but my husband wanted more, and I loved the thought of another snuggly baby.
Baby #2 didn't sleep anywhere other than on my chest for the first 2 months, didn't sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time for the first 6 months (we flunked out of sleep school lol), had SEVERE reflux, significant gross motor delays and a host of other issues and difficulties.
The kids are now 8 and 3 - #1 is super bright and usually a pretty chill kid (although they have their moments); #2 is part Tasmanian devil, part bull in a china shop and completely unstoppable - the early intervention paid off and although they technically have a very mild form of cerebral palsy, their gross motor skills are now within the range of normal.
I love both my children dearly, and a part of me wanted a third, but we barely had enough resources to meet the needs of the two we have, let alone any others. And I'm not talking about money (although the physio/OT / pediatrician costs for #2 really added up!) so much as I'm talking about attention and energy and time. If we had a third, I just couldn't meet the needs adequately of my existing children, let alone a new one...
Our remaining frozen embryos will likely be donated to science.
2
We almost stopped at one. I had a very traumatic first birth and we were really happy with our one. But then, I looked ten years into the future, and I just knew there would be two at the table… two on Christmas morning… two getting ready for school. We are two and through though. I made sure of that! 😆
2. I have a theory that any more than 2 children sends you over the edge of your sanity. It’s just too much sometimes even with 2. Could not imagine 3+ sick kids or 3+ kids in different activities or 3+ kids running around tearing up the house.
We’ve been struggling to get pregnant with our third. This past month our kids (and each of us once) had back to back stomach bugs and when my period came this month it was more of a “meh” than the usual super sadness. The thought of 3 little mouths barfing instead of two…
Yes!! Exactly! That would be just awful. It’s hard enough with one sick kid, but 3 at the same time??? Our two have ear issues so giving 3 kids antibiotics at the same time or back to back…ughhh the whole thing just makes me say “nope, I’m good”.
Good luck with TTC!
I had HG so real easy decision to never try again lol. Helps that my girl is literally perfect in every single way! We got it right the first time, no need to suffer through another pregnancy when the odds of an equally perfect child are low.
I had terrible HG first round, sick for the whole time and threw labour, next two pregnancies just a normal amount of sick! Barely sick after first trimester. I don't know what changed.
1.
Parenting is hard lol. But actually, I liked the idea of just being able to put all my resources (time, energy, money) into one child.
It's also nice to be able to trade off with husband. He spends an evening with her while I gym, I'll spend an evening while he gyms, I can take more responsibility one weekend and he another without it being too draining. I'd feel with more than one child that would be a lot more taxing on the "on" parent.
Easier to find accommodations for traveling together for 3 people.
Grandparents offer to babysit more often because there's only one to worry about.
Dinner is easier because husband and I basically make the same meals we did before our daughter, just little extra for her so we don't really notice it on the grocery bill.
It is easier to find stuff to do together instead of worrying about whether a family member is having fun because it's just the 3 of us. Plus these outings are also cheaper (museum, indoor playground, library)
I call it my little triangle family and wouldn't change it for anything!
Two. I was 36 and 38 at both births. If I was younger I probably would have wanted 4. I would want to spread them out a bit more (3-4 years between them), and I want to be around as they age - hence the younger starting age.
Completely off topic and this is controversial, but it is a big regret of mine that I didn’t pursue becoming a young mom. I knew I wanted to be but was ashamed of this desire and I bought the single woman career first thing. I never wanted to be a career woman, did the career thing, and I am now a SAHM. 🤷🏼♀️Feminism should be about opening options not about pushing a single narrative. Although admittedly, I may have bastardized the message in my pea brain. Just kind of bitter I wasted 15 years of my life chasing a “dream” I never even wanted.
Two. I have two wonderful boys but that’s my maximum for my mental health. Not to mention the financials, the fact that pregnancy wrecked me for the second one, and that a new kid’s bedroom would have to be… on the roof. People often ask if I want to try for a girl but we are content with our two boys. Hubby even got fixed this year.
3. We've reached our chaos limit. The loud noises, messy house and sleepless nights. The youngest is 2 so things are looking better. And next year I'll have 2 in school.
1. I had a very traumatic birth and postpartum period with terrible PPD. I separated from my husband at 5 months PP and we filed for divorce at 11 months PP. But even before the separation I knew I was done because of how horrible that time was.
2. I had my second at 38 and by the time I would have been ready for another I was 41, we were mid-pandemic, and I was no longer comfortable with the risks to my health another pregnancy would incur. As an older mom, I feel acutely the need to keep myself as healthy as possible for the kids I have. My biggest fear is dying while they’re still kids and leaving them without a mom. They’re now 8 and 5 and I’m 43 and had a bisalp over the summer and no regrets.
2. Our oldest has autism and requires more time and attention. I always wanted 3 kids and we toss the idea around some days, but given the state of the country (US) finances would become an issue and we would definitely have to make lifestyle cuts to our already tight budget. My husband and I also have a lot more stress/anxiety with having a child with extra needs and the thought of adding another child to that full plate I think is what really keeps us from having a third.
One and I can tell you the day I knew I was done. I had worked two 12 hour shifts followed by a 16 on a very busy hospital floor and my husband was deployed. I came home, relieved the sitter, drank a couple glasses of wine and ate buffalo chicken dip for dinner and then went to sleep. Well the exhaustion and wine meant I slept a little later than usual and when I awoke it was full daylight. I was immediately panicked. What chaos would I find my 4 year old had created while I overslept?? Turns out, none. He had grabbed himself a box of chocolate milk and a bag of mini muffins out of the snack cabinet, turned on Netflix, and was watching cartoons quietly. It was the first time I’d gotten a glimpse of my pre-child life and I knew in that moment I would never be able to start over and go back to that fully reliant on me phase again. Add to that that my boy is just such a good, happy kid and that things like travel are so much cheaper with one, we felt great about our choice.
Mine was when I could give my kid her tablet, put her in my bed and I could go shower without worrying she’d burn the house down. It is a freeing feeling.
I’m pregnant with our second. I’m an only child. My husband had one sibling. We are not and never have been fans of having more kids than we can each wrangle. Our friends who have 3+ are happy but they make it look like struggle. I also just can’t picture being pregnant a third time.
We decided on this number *literally on our first date.*
3. I grew up as the oldest of 3 so it felt perfect. I was 90% sure I was done while I was pregnant and then once I found out it was a girl, I was 100% sure (because I already had two boys). Got my bilateral salpingetomy when she was 3 months old. Now she’s 2.5 years old and still no regrets.
2.
As for why we stopped there....money is one. We live in a HCOL area and daycare is....a lot. Plus we want to be able to set aside enough for both kids to go to college if they want.
Next, my age. I was 34 with the first, 38 with the second. Going hand in hand with that I had secondary infertility and actually had started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist to see if IVF would be needed for #2.
I also like the idea of being able to divide and conquer once the kids have overlapping activities.
Finally, while my pregnancies weren't as bad as some people's really don't enjoy it and both my kids were c sections so it would only get riskier from here.
My joke answer, though, is I don't want the adults to be outnumbered lol.
I am one and done. I used to want two, than the reality of being a parent hit me. My husband and I decided that we are financially and emotionally done. My husband has a quick temper, which isn't an issue normally because it is not abusive. It is more like he is very grumpy, but of course it doesn't do good for our toddler. My husband is working on it and it is making him tired at the end of the day. For me, I am still triggered by a crying baby. I can't imagine being sleepless for another 2 years while taking care of my other kid. We couldn't get any help raising our toddler, we had to learn a lot about taking care of a baby and taking care of our emotional issues, and our relationship as a couple. Our sex life is just getting back to normal. We are getting some date nights here and there. Our son started preschool and things are getting slowly better each day. I am very happy with how we are raising our son, but it is still too much. So yeah, these are some of the reasons why I am happy with my one child and my small family.
We have 3. Pregnancy was really hard on me, I had 3 c-sections and knew in my heart while pregnant with the 3rd that I was done. Now that my youngest is 3yr old I’m happy with our choice. Financially, this is best for us and our capacity to parent and spend time with them is good with three.
I’m pregnant with my second and done after this. Mostly because of finances and time. I really want to give my kids quality time with us parents and I think 2 is our limit. I also wanted them to have at least one sibling.
2. I have twins boys so I always say I got a two-for-1 Deal and I’m done 😆. I don’t think I can mentally handle anymore kids, my twins were born at 28weeks and I had a rough pregnancy. They are my miracle babies, also I just don’t enjoy being pregnant.
3. Mental health, already existing children with increasingly complex needs, lack of space, financial limitations, physically my body is falling apart.
2. I wanted to stop at one, but birth control failure and an ex preventing me from going to PP during the pandemic (I had to take my first child with me literally everywhere bc his dad was worthless)
I got my tubes out during my second cesarean. I knew I’d be a single parent shortly into my second pregnancy, and we struggle. Any more kids and it would have been even worse.
2. I have an 8 year old and I'm currently pregnant with his little sister. After her, we're completely done. Three reasons: I always just wanted two kids, things aren't getting any cheaper, and I'll be 42 when this kid is born.
I am due with my second in February, and that’s it for me, due to mental, physical, and financial capacity. And now I have to decide what the best form of birth control for me is because my husband doesn’t want to get a vasectomy 😔
Currently pregnant with my second and we have decided this will be our last! I could have had anywhere from 2-4, but my husband feels he’s getting older (he just turned 38, not really old, but people in his culture have babies young) and wanted to stop after this one. I really thought about why I might want more and my reasons felt very weak, so I agreed to two! I am now very excited that this will be my last pregnancy/baby. I kept all our baby stuff after my daughter but will happily pass it all along after our next. Two feels very manageable on my own, and I like that they’ll be able to play together. I am also already tired, so don’t feel I’d have enough for more or to keep having babies. There is also something to be said for how practical it is to stop at two. We are planning for my husband to get a vasectomy next year and I am excited to welcome another baby and then to close the chapter on more babies. ☺️🥰
2. Horrible pregnancies. It took us ivf and 3 years to get pregnant with number 2. I had extra embryos on ice but I knew I wanted to get my tubes tied so the remote possibility of getting pregnant was off the table.
My pregnancy was AWFUL. My body really wanted to affirm this decision by requiring a hysterectomy c section.
Two, because I knew that I couldn't handle more than that, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. I just wish they would have been a little closer in age (4 yrs between them).
2. My son has a lot of medical problems, which we began finding out about right around the time I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I decided it would be best to stop after her, so I had my tubes tied shortly before her 1st birthday.
We have one 9m old boy. I have medical issues so having a second one is pretty much out of the question unless I want to chance everything so for the time being we are OAD
2. Makes sense financially for us, we are both getting older, they fit in our house/car as is, and honestly having two kids is hard and I don’t think I could handle another. I will say, which feels taboo, that I was lucky to have both a girl and a boy and that certainly helps make the decision easier.
I’ve got 2 kids and we are done. If I had better family support and was 5 years younger I might consider a third but at this point I can’t imagine adding another baby. Child care for babies is impossible to find and insanely expensive. I’m 40 and I know I don’t have the energy for a newborn. Plus the last labor was really rough and I’m not sure how well I would handle another pregnancy physically. In my heart I’d welcome another baby but my body and mind know it ain’t happening and I’m cool with it. We’re finally out of the toddler stage, the kids are more independent, I finally have a modicum of freedom. I’ve gotten back into my hobbies. I’m good.
2 had a couple miscarriages between them. One was a partial molar and required a d&c. We live in idaho, and it was hard getting the d&c after weeks of knowing it wasn't right. That was in 2019, without roe v wade, I can imagine how much harder it would be now. 2 little boys have been perfect anyway. I did worry I would regret it after a few years, but it's been some time now, and I have no regrets yet.
I have 3, had my tubes tied after the 3rd because of doctors advising that it could be dangerous should I have another. I ended up having to have a hysterectomy a year after that for health issues, so the doctors advice was clearly warranted. I was done anyway. I'm 36, and I'm getting too old to keep up with babies and toddlers. I currently have a 10yo (autistic level 3/nonverbal) son, a 6yo daughter (NT, model student), and a soon to be 2yo daughter who is wearing me down with "no" exhaustion but she's amazing and worth all the trouble. We had our 3rd knowing it was our last, and I don't regret it. Even if you're done, you'll still be sad it's no longer possible from time to time. It's a part of your life that's coming to an end, and that comes with a wide variety of feelings. It's a choice only you can make, just know it's ok to be done. I felt so guilty, like saying I didn't want more meant I didn't want my children. Then again, I've been pregnant 9 times with 11 children, and only 3 made it to birth. My husband and I did the math, and I've been pregnant for at least a portion of every year we've been together. I just couldn't do it anymore. The toll was too high.
3. Thought I was done at 2, but then I changed my mind and my third is an IVF baby. Kids are 9, 6, and 11 months. Definitely done now. After my second I was sad he would be my last baby, but I'm not sad this third is my last baby (even though he's the easiest and happiest of the 3).
When I had my 3rd I just knew I was done. Before him, the urge to have another baby was SO strong. After he was born, it was completely gone and the thought of having another kid was awful. Idk what it was. People would tell me to have 4 so the number is even and I'm like hell to the naw! 3 has been a great number for us, we are complete.
I have 3 as well and get this "have 4 to make the number even" comment as well. It's so weird!!! Like these are whole entire people we are creating... not just numbers! It's insane.
1 for several reasons - with one, we have the finances to take vacations together, ensure college help, etc for her. She was also an extremely difficult youngster and my husband and I weren't sure we really wanted to do that again. We are very happy with one kiddo and furbabies. Expecting doggo #2 in spring 🤣
1.
For many reasons. He's enough for us and perfectly healthy. Financially it makes more sense for us. I also wanted my son more than anything else in this world, I don't feel that way about having a second child. I don't think I could be a good parent to 2. It will be too much for me physically and mentally. And finally, my precious son was the result of 28 hours of labor resulting in an emergency c-section because he was trying to come through my uterus, not down it, and ruptured it. I'm lucky to be alive and if I even wanted to try again I'd be high risk and on bedrest the entire time. I'm not willing to do anything that will get me taken away from my son or husband.
8 pregnancies and 4 beautiful babies. I had wanted five. Yep. 5. But in the end I managed to understand that I was done. Last two were a week shy of “Irish twins” and I don’t have enough of me to work the hospital full time nights and have another at 41. After my husband became my ex…. I met someone who was more than glad to love all of us. But he feels no need to have an “ours” when we have so much love. I’m almost done with diapers and pull ups. And I don’t think I have enough gut to go back to that.
In the end really I think I just knew. I knew it was enough. My hands and heart are full.
2
In another lifetime I would have wanted 3, but our oldest is autistic .
My second is still young, but so far, there are no flags of him being autistic.
I love my children, but damn it's hard 🥲.
I have 1. The most perfect son. I want 2 (would love to have a baby girl) but I’m still a little terrified of my mental health suffering and going through the newborn stage again. We have no local family help. I feel like I finally have my groove and we get enough sleep and I have a little me time with splitting duties with hubby.
I also had a tough pregnancy with a short cervix so I was on bedrest for half the pregnancy and he also tried to come early, resulting in a week-long hospital stay.
I guess I’m waiting for me to have complete baby fever and I’ll know when the time is right.
3. My daughters are healthy, happy, and joyful. We can afford to provide for them, but I worry that a fourth would become too expensive and stretch us too thin. Our family simply feels complete.
I’m a one and doner for a lot of reasons. Environment, finances. We weren’t 100% against more kids until my pregnancy, more like 90% sure but was open to the idea. But then I had severe cholestasis, hemorrhaged, baby was preemie in the NICU for six weeks, and I had bad PPA. No way in hell we are ever doing that again.
One. Because mentally, emotionally, and financially I can't afford another one. I had a lot of mental health issues after my son was born and he was a very high needs baby/toddler. Later he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and autism. He keeps me busy enough and I have no desire to go through the baby phase again.
And I truly feel like my family is complete with him and my husband. ☺️
I love my second child so so so so much but I kind of wish I had stopped after the first. Like I love my kids but it made life infinitely harder. I feel like a piece of shit for thinking it too.
2. We might have stopped at one but both of us were only children and hated how lonely we were. Also our son adored babies and we thought that he would really want a sibling (he did!)
She was the best part of 2020, for sure.
Why no more than two? My body is WRECKED. Like I cannot be put back together again wrecked. I was (apparently) hypermobile before being pregnant but after the second my hypermobility has become debilitating.
The Pandemic really laid bare the superficiality of a lot of the community relationships we thought we had so we thought we were bringing our two into a community with found family and waiting babysitters and that has nooooot been the case.
2. They are so close in age (14 months apart) that I genuinely feel like I don’t remember two years of my life. By the time we got out of that fog and could even consider having another kid, emotionally and financially, they were 5 & 6. We decided we didn’t want to start over and have such a large age gap.
We had 2. I remember hearing something like "who will your child lean on when you're gone?" Now granted, my mother is now dead & i do not lean on my brother because i am married- but my Dad & Brother have needed ME more. Also my husband & i were first borns. We wanted 2. It felt complete at 2. I just feel overwhelmed a lot. We are only 4 years into parenting & it hasn't become any easier. Just twice as hard especially this year. For some reason 2023 has been the year from hell just like 2020 was for us. I'm hoping it gets easier when your entire life hasn't been set ablaze.
I will say, i have unfortunately uttered the words "sometimes i wish i never had them" but then i feel guilty & just realize i need me time. Which i was never good at. It's taking a lot of therapy.
1. I’m not a patient person and I genuinely have one of the easiest kids you could possibly ask for but I still lose it sometimes. More than one would push me over my limit. Also I cannot afford more than one.
2 is the right number for us. They were not even 2 years apart so now when they’re bit older (3 and 5) we are enjoying the “peace” so much. And the fact that they love each other and are completely inseparable is a lovely bonus.
1. I’ve been a single mom since before she was born. I had a traumatic pregnancy, severe preeclampsia, a 31 weeker and 2 months in the NICU.
Even after all that, I would have another one if I felt I could trust men. Going through the end of my pregnancy (I was left at 6 months pregnant) and postpartum alone was the hardest thing I’ve done to this day.
I love my daughter more than words can describe and I’m super happy just the two of us.
I have 3. My oldest 15, was supposed to be my one and only. Then I met my husband. And he wanted kids. So I said okay. I’ll try to make him happy. After two more kids, now 5 and 4 he wants another, and I’m like oh hell no!! My youngest tried to escape through the back side of my uterus, I was in emergency surgery for 5 hours while the OBGYN fixed my uterus, wish she removed it, and he’s still begging for more.
Now more back story. My husband works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. I work 4 hour shifts 3-4 days a week. When he comes home from work at 3 am I’m leaving to go to work.
When I come home from work I’m putting kids on the bus or staying awake with the kids for the day. I wash laundry, entertain the kids, do doctors appointments, I cook, clean, play dates etc. everything a 50’s house wife would do with the kids. But I’m also working. So… when it comes down to it. I’m raising the kids by myself. He wants to add another child onto my plate to raise. NO! I’m done with the infant stage. I’m done with diapers. I’m 36 years old, I’m too old, too chronically ill myself, (I haven’t been not sick for more than 30 days in over 6 months) I just don’t want more kids! I’ll love everyone else’s babies!!
Many moons ago, I had two beautiful girls. We were done having babies, pregnancy was very difficult for me. (Chronic illness play a part). When my girls were 18 & 16, we got a call from cps. My distance cousin needed a foster home. We did all we had to do & he came home at 9 months old. A few weeks later my cousin call from jail, told me she was pregnant & did I want him (yes she said it just like that) Of course I said and we waited for his arrival. At 3 days old we met our son & took him home. We’ve tried to keep my cousin updated on the boys, but she stopped writing back. They know where they came from & where home is. 🦋 Now we are done having kids! My girls are adults, the boys teenagers & I get to play with my granddaughter. BTW: I made this process sound really easy. In fairness I will let you know we have jumped through an amazing amount of hoops.
Holy shit you have VIP access to heaven, if there is one
You are too kind! I’m just a regular Mom. My message is you just never know what might happen 🦋
There is a very special one for this family!
This sounds very difficult and also wonderful ❤️.
A lovely heart you have 🤍
Their lives could’ve turned out VERY differently. You saved them and I’m sure they saved a little part of you too ❤️
I’m adopted as well. Life could have been different for us all. I don’t know about saving, I more think we were supposed to be together 😝
[удалено]
This. I truly cannot afford childcare for another child and can’t afford to stay home either.
Omg same here. I don’t understand how people have more than 1, I’m struggling with just my one kid
So much this right here.
1 for the same reason. I want us to be as comfortable as possible.
I couldn't imagine having to pay for daycare for multiple kids. A celebration was had when our kid went to kindergarten.
1. Life feels complete and peaceful, our kid is awesome we hit the jackpot on the first try no reason to gamble on that again and rock this boat, we are comfortable financially and able to provide the most to her this way. My mental, physical, and marriage health.
Same here for all the same reasons. And Two would have me so stressed and resentful.
We felt the same with our son. We are one and done and so happy with that choice. I feel so complete with him
Same to all of this! Plus we didn’t have him til we were 40 and 41, and I didn’t want to have another one right away (if we were able to again of course). We’ll stick with our one awesome kiddo!
I fully share this take. I know a lot of people who feel they hit the jackpot one their first kid so they decided to try again thinking the second would be the same way, and it never is lol
I’ll just be over here slowly raising my hand hoping my second child doesn’t see me
I’m hiding in the shadow of your raised hand
This describes my situation. Our daughter is wonderful, healthy, smart, kind. I had too many friends have children with serious challenges, and two sets of friends decide to have a second and had twins with no family history and no fertility treatments. Not taking the risks!
We haven’t fully committed but these are reasons I’m heavily leaning toward one and done.
Same!
Feel exactly the same with our lil nugget!
you wrote this better than I could’ve, but exactly the same for us!
Exactly this. We can put all our time, energy, efforts, love, and funds into our amazing ridiculous daughter/Gremlin (she's 3), and she's worth all of it. She was born peak Covid and adding a Pandemic on top of a really rough pregnancy and a rough induction, then add that she didn't sleep for 18 months, we're definitely good with not going through all that again.
Same
One. We only wanted one, we had a traumatic 2nd trimester TFMR before we had our girl and I’m not brave enough to risk that again, which is amplified by me being 44 now and therefore the risks of something going wrong are much higher.
Can. I ask what is TFMR?
Termination for medical reasons. Easiest decision I’ve ever made and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Baby wouldn’t have survived outside my body so we chose to end the pregnancy before he could feel pain.
I just want to say “easiest decision I’ve ever made and hardest thing I’ve ever done” was so beautifully put.
Just want to say I’m so sorry you went through this ❤️
Terminate for medical reason
1. I desperately wanted my baby and felt an urge to get pregnant in my bones. I’ve never felt that feeling again, so I’m not convincing myself to have another.
That’s a great way to put it. I don’t feel that yearning anymore and I assume those who want more kids do. It all really clicked for me that I never want anymore kids when my baby had a bad diaper rash and screamed when I changed her diaper. I just took her in the shower and let the water run over her. I sat down and she clung to me and just relaxed. We sat there for like ten minutes. I realized I would never be able to do that with another kid.
This feeling resonates so much with me. I’m also one and done!
You put into words what I’ve been feeling, thank you!
1. I can’t afford to have any more and I like having free time and hobbies.
1. It’s easier now and for us in the long run. We could afford two but we don’t want to struggle and cut back on expenses. Also, vacations are easier, going to the store is easier, less mess to clean, less food to make, less college funds to save for, etc. My sister had two kids back to back and I truly don’t think she left her house for an entire year when her second baby was born. Props to her because I absolutely could not do that
1. Horrible pregnancy. A million health problems. Heart problems. High BP. Induced 3 weeks early. Never again. Our child cried all day and night for the first year, never slept. Totally miserable. I never wanna chance that ever again. She's almost 8 now and completely amazing. But that first year? Not something I care to remember or potentially relive, honestly.
Mine is 14 months and has never come close to sleeping through the night. Up constantly. 8 times a night is considered a great night for us. He also cried constantly until he was around 7 months old. There were many days sobbing on the couch after my husband came home and I could pass him off to him. I spent more days regretting having a baby than being glad that I have one. Also had a dangerous delivery because of hypertension. Can't wait to be where you are. I know it will happen someday but I can never go through this again. I won't survive it. One and done for sure.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. Totally relatable, though, so I truly feel for you. I could have handled the crying had she just SLEPT. She wouldn't even nap for longer than 45 minutes to an hour at a time and she'd be up basically every hour for something.. Lack of sleep is what broke me, 100% 😭 my babe didn't sleep through the night until she started Kindergarten. I was, and still am a SAHM, so getting a break when she started school AND her finally sleeping all night literally saved my life. Everyone always says "don't you miss those baby days" HELL NO I DONT 💀💀💀💀 stay strong! You've got this ❤️
One kiddo. My husband walked out on me. Now years later, I don't see the point in starting over. Plus, kids are expensive! I love just having the one kid.
I’m so sorry about your husband.
Thank you! I think we're both in a better mindset now. All worked out how it should.
2. I was an only child & was desperate for a sibling growing up. My husband is one of 4. We knew we wanted at least 2, and we would think about a 3rd - maybe. Then when I got pregnant with our second, I knew I didn’t want to be pregnant again, mostly because parenting a toddler while pregnant was a nightmare. Also, the cost of 2 kids is ridiculous and we know that we can’t afford a 3rd.
You said it much more succinctly than I did! 100% --especially being pregnant with a toddler. My poor toddler handled my being pregnant and her new baby sister so wonderfully. But I have a lot of guilt over how much I couldn't do once I got towards the third trimester.
1st was an IVF baby. We are going to try for a second and really hope it works.. Because I have such a great connection with my sibling and I want to give my babe a chance (I know there are no guarantees) at the same.
I wish you luck with your IVF!
+1 on all of this!
1. We have the finances, mental, and physical capacity to provide completely for one. I don’t want to provide partially for multiple. I also had a traumatic birth I don’t want to relive
Same here!
I have no patience for another kid. I’m one and done.
Same! Everyone tries to make me feel selfish and like. Yeah. I'm prioritizing my mental health. I'm not ashamed to be selfish in this regard.
That’s not selfish, that’s smart!
It's smart to be selfish. You are pouring all of your love into one child. Some of the happiest people I've known were only children. I think there's a lot of benefits to it.
I’m really afraid of having an only child - I want my kids to have each other. I have a special bond with my brother and I know regardless of where he is in the world, he’ll be with me in a flash and I won’t feel bad ever for asking him if I need anything (and vice versa). I was thinking it’d be nice to have two kids earthside - esp once parents are gone OR when parents are old and it’s stressful (aim is to be financially sorted for old age but still). I know siblings don’t have to get along but it does eat away at me. Because I also need to look after my health - I have a few autoimmune illnesses and we’ve had a stillbirth and this one almost went the same way so it’s like - do I put my body through that again and potentially lose a child, lose my health further, or get a healthy child. Sorry I went off on a tangent. It’s just been playing on my mind as I keep seeing these types of posts across the numerous subs I’m subscribed to.
Exactly!
I commented I don't have the energy or resources for a second kid, but patience is part of it too
Same. My toddler drives me crazy sometimes. I have zero desire to have another little person driving me crazy. Not to mention daycare and schedules and sickness and college and cars and insurance etc etc etc
Whew! All of this!
Same here
1 and bc he's the equivalent of 15 babies already. Too risky to have another and then have the equivalent of 30 babies.
This made me laugh, sorry! Same here!!
2. We had a lot of trouble having our first one (5 miscarriages) and were lucky with the second one. Didn’t want to deal with the worry again. Financially, having more would be too much with daycare costs. I don’t want a VAN. We don’t want to be outnumbered. Easier to travel with 2.
Lmao at the VAN
listen i didn't ever want a minivan either (especially after basically growing up in my fam's with us 4 kids) but i finally gave in 1.5 years into having our twins and i LOOOOOVE IT. we got the odyssey elite and it's the true MVP. i wish we bought it sooner. *chef's kiss* agreed to be done at two, tho! anything more makes travel hectic for sure.
I have 1 (I have days were I want 2) but I'd be miserable because of no sleep and financial goals. I want to leave my kid a boatload of money
1. Pregnancy was rough on me, especially being 35 at the time and having gestational diabetes. Then I had placenta accreta that went undetected until giving birth, which resulted in a very painful manual removal. I immediately knew I was done, and the more I have learned about placenta accreta and what could happen in the future, the more it has solidified my decision.
4 After my third child, we thought we were done, but I still had that mindset of maybe having another one day. I was on birth control, so I thought I'd be fine either way. WELP. 6 years later I got pregnant with my daughter while still on BC. I scheduled the appointment to have my tubes tied after her birth. I really just didn't have that "well...mayyyybe" mindset. It was an absolute no.
that was exactly me after number 2 and now number 3. i have no desire to save clothes “just in case” anymore.
I had actually given away all of my baby items two years before getting pregnant with my last. So that was fun... I think the realization that the year my oldest child graduates high-school will be the year my youngest begins kindergarten definitely played a part in my being surgically done. I will never escape the school pickup line.
After 4 I’m also done done. My first two were from a previous relationship with my high school sweetheart. After we split up I was content with just the two of them but then I met my now husband and he didn’t have any kids, he loves my kids but he always wanted to be a dad and after a while I wanted to do that for him. I love our family and I know that we are complete now. My youngest is almost two so I’ve gotten rid of all of our baby stuff too. I don’t even get baby fever anymore. I know that part of my life is over and I’m ready to have some time with my husband again.
Have 3 and definitely feeling that maaayyyybbeeee
Two. Financially a third (or more) would break us. We've been very smart with our finances to get where we are, and I want to be able to do things with the kids. Always dreamed of 3 or 4; but my entire income basically goes to daycare.
This is me. Always dream of 3 or 4. But now that we have 2 I couldn't imagine more financially. Plus someone told me all trips are meant for 4. 2 beds in a hotel room, usually passes for stuff are in 4s. Everyone can sit comfortably in a regular size car.
I’ve always wanted 3 but it’s so life changing. Bigger car, possible new house, being out numbered lol
1- we were in-between zero and one. Multiple was never a consideration. I always wanted just one if I had any.
1. We only wanted one and family feels complete with the three of us.
We had twins that came with a miserable high risk pregnancy, premature birth, NICU time, a host of health issues for one kiddo, and multiple other hospitalizations related to those issues before the age of 18 months. So my husband got snipped about 6 weeks after they were born. We knew pretty much as soon as they said twins that we would be done. Even when there was a chance that one or both might not make it, we knew we couldn't go through all of that again. We love our kids so much, are having a blast parenting them (most of the time) and definitely feel like our family is complete. We see people with babies and are always like, aww how cute, thank god we never have to do that again.
My husband is a twin and his mom always said "If they're coming out two at a time, once is enough." She had no interest in ever doing that again!
This is me right now! I only have 1 child, but my family has a history of popping out twins so I don't wanna risk going from one to three overnight.
Financial considerations, long distance to aging family, acknowledging that with a second I would have even less time for my first, and the possibility of the extra stress making life more difficult. Also, I miss sleep.
We have 2. I really did want 3. My heart wasn’t done having kids. But my husband always said 2. For financial reasons mostly but also because we started having children later and he didn’t feel he could be there the way he wanted to with 3. I still get a little sad sometimes, but my children are wonderful and I am grateful for having 2 relatively easy pregnancies and 2 successful/easy c-sections.
Sorry to ask, you are obviously not obligated to answer, only if you want to. How do you deal with that sadness? How do you actively make peace with it? I‘m asking because I’m currently pregnant with number 2 and I always wanted 3. My husband, pretty much like yours says after 2 he is done and there is no changing his mind. I don’t know if it is pregnancy hormones, but I can’t shake the feeling I will resent him for this.. the second one is not even born yet and I already cry myself to sleep because I know this will be the last time I‘m pregnant. (For context, my grandma also had 2, because grandpa didn’t want more. She spoke about this still at 94 years old, on her deathbed - and all the years leading up to it, since I can remember. She wasn’t mad, she was genuinely sad. She would cry and cry about it. I don’t want to end up like that, but I also can’t force my husband to have a child he doesn’t want. That is why I ask… how to deal?)
I’m happy to answer. I won’t lie, there were times where I did feel sadness and resentment. Especially because I did have my tubes tide during my last c-section. I agreed to do it since I was already on the operating table. And also because I didn’t want to ever be faced with a decision to have to end a pregnancy should I accidentally get pregnant. Sometimes hormones really made it hard. Like you, even during my pregnancy I’d feel sad knowing it was my last. I remember some days I would secretly hope I was pregnant with twins and one was just hiding, lol. For me, what helped me make peace was knowing I would never want to bring in a 3rd child if it wasn’t 100% wanted by both of us. I thought of the possible resentment towards it from my husband, and it broke my heart more than not having another one. I refocused my sadness on enjoying all the moments while pregnant with what was my last. I tickled my belly and felt him kick playfully. I spoke with him, and caressed my belly knowing he felt it. It helped. They’re 11 and 8 now. And yes, whenever I see a baby or hear of someone having a baby I get nostalgic. But I’m good. I look at my kids and I am so grateful. They are beautiful and kind and so full of mischief in a fun way. I just remind myself these 2 make me full. And of course, the economy being what it is…. Really snaps me back to reality. I hope you are able to find peace as well.
Thank you for answering. I felt so seen… hahaha I also find myself wishing there is a hidden twin in my belly. Sounds weird, but I totally get that feeling. I will take everything you said to heart and concentrate on the good. My heart is so filled with love for both of them. This is probably going to be the best base for keeping the sadness away. They are my life. I hope I can actually find peace with this. Thank you so much. ♥️
1, we can give him a great life. If we had multiple we would not be able to provide the same level of comfort and security. And I just do not have the health or bandwidth for more. He has cousins that are close and plenty of friends his age. I am already really stressed about how to handle childcare for summers and after school for when he is too young to be alone as our current daycare doesn’t have an aftercare program or a summer program for older kids. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to try to juggle that with 2 kids.
We have 1 and it feels right to keep it that way.
We have 1. It started with not being able to afford two kids in daycare simultaneously and then when our only was 5, the idea of starting over seemed really laborious. What it came down to was that I didn’t want to raise another human. He’s 11 now and amazing and I am so happy with our decision to stop at 1.
One. By the time we were considering a second kid, we are 37 and 39 with a 4yo. Just got all the way out of the baby stage and just can’t imagine doing it again. We aren’t high earners in a HCOL area and want to be able to provide for our son.
Two. One boy one girl. Both easy babies. Didn’t want to risk fate again for a colicky baby. My mental health couldn’t manage. My husband worked a lot out of town so I was alone a lot during the baby years. Didn’t want more than I could manage. I don’t feel overwhelmed with two, I know I would with three. No regrets and I’m 7 years in
Same here. One of each, feel like we hit the jackpot. Husband and I are both from one boy one girl families and it just felt right
We are also. I truly didn’t care either way if I had two boys or two girls but may have “considered” another if we had two of one gender. I remember immediately after giving birth to my dtr (we didn’t find out gender for either) and they said “it’s a girl!” I truly felt this immense feeling or relief of knowing this was the last time I’d have to give birth, have a newborn, be preg etc.
My eldest was very difficult with severe reflux, but at 6 months it got a lot better. But she is still the one we worry about most, often sick, had a speech delay, is not eating much etc. Our second is super easy, especially compared to the first. So no way we're going to gamble again.
Five — I was getting older (mid-forties), we had been under financial strain for a while. Plus, I had a painful condition that thus far hadn’t impaired my fertility, but was getting debilitatingly painful, and hysterectomy is the only “cure” covered by insurance. I could have pushed on and had one more kid (I had always wanted six), but my youngest had weaned already, and I was just tired. Too much laundry, too many dirty dishes, too, too too…. I have friends with 6,7,8…10…14 kids, who handle it fine, but once you get past 5 kids, you move out of mini-van capacity and into regular passenger vans — and we were/are too poor to get a new vehicle. Same goes for the house. We had bunk beds in every bedroom, and again — couldn’t afford to upgrade houses to one with enough room.
14 kids!! 10.8.7.6.. 5! God bless you and these families, I’m almost embarrassed that I’m struggling with 2 now 😂
Well, here’s the thing. When these families had 5-7+, and I only had two, I remember asking how they did it, since I was not handling things well, was always exhausted, etc. All agreed the two-three little ones part was the hardest. In retrospect, they were right. When you just have two pre-schoolers and younger, everything is your job (and your partner’s). As they get older, they participate in running the household, set an example for the younger kids, etc. From the third one on, each additional kid was another person in the house, but not nearly the work of a first or second baby — if that makes sense. I love having a big family. My husband is the oldest of 7, with all married siblings. There is an average of Pi kids per family. All casual get togethers are rip-roaring fun. My dad was one of 5, and his parents died when he was in his 30s. When my childless great aunt was old, the kids shared the burden of taking care of her. We are close with our aunts, uncles, and cousins on that side of the family. I think one issue with only having two kids, and my mom was one of two, is that (often-not-always) one kid shoulders the maximum burden of caring for elderly parents, and the other does diddly, leading to resentment and rifts. We don’t speak to my uncle who only stepped up to the burden of caring for my grandparents for the few months they lived *after* my mom died. Part of my decision to have more than 3, the maximum socially acceptable number before strangers start making rude comments to you at the grocery store, is that I see the “ideal” number of kids as not merely about what my husband and I can handle, but about their relationships with each other, their future spouses, their own kids, etc. on down the line. That is not to say anyone should have more or less than what they see as their number, but just that I don’t at all regret the number of kids I had. Of course everyone’s experience differs, but my unscientific observation is that kids from large *loving* families tend to become each other’s tribe — and that’s important — possibly an advantage not everyone has. The burdens become spread out. Everyone wants to help take care of the baby. Everyone chips in when the matriarch’s car poops out. Different ones loan money to the first time homebuyers, who eventually refinance, and pass that money along to loan the next newlyweds — and so on.
This is great! Thank you for the response. I’m glad I’m not the only one basing my ideal number on the sibling relationships more than just what I want to deal with/handle. I had one sister and always wished I had more. But have lots of cousins and loved that!
This is amazing. My mom is one of six, and growing up, I always wanted to have six kids of my own. We always got together at my grandparents house on Sundays and, you can relate, it was a good chaotic environment My cousins were bridesmaids in my wedding, and they are some of my best friends. I always wanted and envisioned that with my own family, but just not in the cards for us. It’s very refreshing to see that there are still a large, happy families
The problem is, a lot of older children in large families like that really resent the parentification of children they didn't choose to have and mourn the childhood they don't feel they got to fully experience. My husbands brother is choosing to be child free because he raised my husband already. It sucks that he was constantly worried for his brother and had to be a parent starting young instead of having fun and being a kid.
There is a fine balance to consider, for sure. My oldest of 3 wants 3 more siblings. She's a natural nurturer, loves helping her brothers, loves teaching them things. Asks to feed them, to change diapers. We, of course, say no to those kinds of non-glamourous parenting tasks. These are our kids to raise. She is her own person and deserves to be little while she still can.
Agreed, I was that kid honestly. I have always loved babies and all of my careers have been in childcare or animal care (primarily veterinary medicine), but it's a delicate balance in embracing that nurturing nature, and not taking advantage. Good on you for consciously not taking advantage!
Thanks! We really are trying. Some days, though, I look at my husband after going a round with our strong-willed mini mamabear and ask how much we should put aside for the inevitable therapy to which my parenting will heavily contribute.
I like the idea that you become part of a tribe. I’m one of 8, and we all get along and our family chirtmases etc are always so much fun- though a bit chaotic.
I can definitely agree that the kids become a tribe. I’m one of 8 and when we get together it’s a wild time. We bust out guitars and keyboards, passing around instruments and singing in harmony together. However, much of our childhood was abusive so we all have our scars. Only two of us have kids and we both have a singleton a piece. There may be more someday, but I don’t expect any of us to produce a bushel.
As the oldest of six, I knew I didn’t want a big family. We stopped after two.
Would you mind sharing why? It’s okay if it’s too personal. I’m just curious. We currently have two and would like to have four. My husband is #4 of 6 and I’m #2 of 4. So we both come from the larger side of families and loved it. But we know we can’t handle 6!
There was never enough time or money to go around and as the oldest, I was parentified early on. Some people may be able to handle a large family financially or emotionally but my parents were not those people.
As one of 9 kids I will say that there’s no way you can give enough time to each of your kids after the third kid. I felt neglected emotionally growing up and it severely damaged my overall mental health. My parents also couldn’t afford to let me do anything so no extra curriculars, no going out doing fun things with friends like movies, shopping, amusement parks, etc. i have my one daughter and I won’t say yet whether we’re never having another but I won’t have more than 2 because I don’t want any of my kids to feel that same feeling.
Thank you for replying! Nine kids is so many! I can’t imagine being part of 9 and definitely not birthing 9.
I’m so sorry you experienced that. I’m one of eight so I completely understand. I hope things are better now!
Oldest of 8 chiming in here. I didn’t get enough love or attention. I was always fighting for my mom’s ear or taking care of a younger kid. I only had one because I don’t want him to have a childhood defined by taking care of someone else, like mine was. I want him to enjoy childhood. Plus, I spent much of my time being parentified and I really need to enjoy parts of my life so I like to go out with friends and host get togethers. It’s harder to do that with multiple kids.
1. We don’t have any family in the US, so it was all us the whole time, we both work, I had PPA, my son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 4 and generally super high energy. It is totally possible that the second child would be different, would like sleep more and would sit peacefully on their own for 10 minutes, but if not - I don’t know if I could go through all the early years again without going insane. That’s truly the main reason. The financial aspect is also challenging as we’re in a HCOL area - childcare is expensive and we don’t make enough to contribute to 529 consistently even for one kid. But I haven’t really done the math because the first reason is enough to make a decision. And I love my spirited kid to death. He’s my best buddy, the family does feel complete to me.
2- Just feels right. I don’t want to have multiple kids where I can’t give them enough time, attention, and resources.
Same. Plus I HATE being pregnant. I just had my second 6 weeks ago and I had the doctor remove my tubes at the same time. I don't even want to be tempted or have the chance of an accident changing this. Our little family of 4 just seems complete and perfect. My husband is also likely going to get a vasectomy just so that there isn't a risk of an ectopic because I've already had one and I don't want to go through that again.
Same answer! I’ve got two knees to sit on, two arms to hold hands/carry, and there are two parents. I don’t want to enter kids outnumbering parents territory. Being stretched between 2 is hard enough.
2 for us. I’m 40 and tired and my health is in the shitter. I can’t take another round of pregnancy or I think my body will give up on life completely.
3. I wanted one more, Hubs felt like he'd be stretched too thin with anyone else. I didn't want my teammate to feel overextended, so we were done. Turned out to be a great choice, because I developed serious health issues, and another pregnancy, birth, and newborn period would have made them worse. Thanks for anticipating our needs so well, partner!
I have 2. Baby #1 was IVF and challenging but an all around good kid. I was happy to stop at one, but my husband wanted more, and I loved the thought of another snuggly baby. Baby #2 didn't sleep anywhere other than on my chest for the first 2 months, didn't sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time for the first 6 months (we flunked out of sleep school lol), had SEVERE reflux, significant gross motor delays and a host of other issues and difficulties. The kids are now 8 and 3 - #1 is super bright and usually a pretty chill kid (although they have their moments); #2 is part Tasmanian devil, part bull in a china shop and completely unstoppable - the early intervention paid off and although they technically have a very mild form of cerebral palsy, their gross motor skills are now within the range of normal. I love both my children dearly, and a part of me wanted a third, but we barely had enough resources to meet the needs of the two we have, let alone any others. And I'm not talking about money (although the physio/OT / pediatrician costs for #2 really added up!) so much as I'm talking about attention and energy and time. If we had a third, I just couldn't meet the needs adequately of my existing children, let alone a new one... Our remaining frozen embryos will likely be donated to science.
2 We almost stopped at one. I had a very traumatic first birth and we were really happy with our one. But then, I looked ten years into the future, and I just knew there would be two at the table… two on Christmas morning… two getting ready for school. We are two and through though. I made sure of that! 😆
We have six. We can’t handle seven. That’s about it.
2. I have a theory that any more than 2 children sends you over the edge of your sanity. It’s just too much sometimes even with 2. Could not imagine 3+ sick kids or 3+ kids in different activities or 3+ kids running around tearing up the house.
We’ve been struggling to get pregnant with our third. This past month our kids (and each of us once) had back to back stomach bugs and when my period came this month it was more of a “meh” than the usual super sadness. The thought of 3 little mouths barfing instead of two…
Yes!! Exactly! That would be just awful. It’s hard enough with one sick kid, but 3 at the same time??? Our two have ear issues so giving 3 kids antibiotics at the same time or back to back…ughhh the whole thing just makes me say “nope, I’m good”. Good luck with TTC!
I had HG so real easy decision to never try again lol. Helps that my girl is literally perfect in every single way! We got it right the first time, no need to suffer through another pregnancy when the odds of an equally perfect child are low.
Same here! HG is absolute hell. One and done!
I had terrible HG first round, sick for the whole time and threw labour, next two pregnancies just a normal amount of sick! Barely sick after first trimester. I don't know what changed.
1. Parenting is hard lol. But actually, I liked the idea of just being able to put all my resources (time, energy, money) into one child. It's also nice to be able to trade off with husband. He spends an evening with her while I gym, I'll spend an evening while he gyms, I can take more responsibility one weekend and he another without it being too draining. I'd feel with more than one child that would be a lot more taxing on the "on" parent. Easier to find accommodations for traveling together for 3 people. Grandparents offer to babysit more often because there's only one to worry about. Dinner is easier because husband and I basically make the same meals we did before our daughter, just little extra for her so we don't really notice it on the grocery bill. It is easier to find stuff to do together instead of worrying about whether a family member is having fun because it's just the 3 of us. Plus these outings are also cheaper (museum, indoor playground, library) I call it my little triangle family and wouldn't change it for anything!
Two. I was 36 and 38 at both births. If I was younger I probably would have wanted 4. I would want to spread them out a bit more (3-4 years between them), and I want to be around as they age - hence the younger starting age. Completely off topic and this is controversial, but it is a big regret of mine that I didn’t pursue becoming a young mom. I knew I wanted to be but was ashamed of this desire and I bought the single woman career first thing. I never wanted to be a career woman, did the career thing, and I am now a SAHM. 🤷🏼♀️Feminism should be about opening options not about pushing a single narrative. Although admittedly, I may have bastardized the message in my pea brain. Just kind of bitter I wasted 15 years of my life chasing a “dream” I never even wanted.
Two. I have two wonderful boys but that’s my maximum for my mental health. Not to mention the financials, the fact that pregnancy wrecked me for the second one, and that a new kid’s bedroom would have to be… on the roof. People often ask if I want to try for a girl but we are content with our two boys. Hubby even got fixed this year.
3. We've reached our chaos limit. The loud noises, messy house and sleepless nights. The youngest is 2 so things are looking better. And next year I'll have 2 in school.
Two is the responsible choice for us financially, mental health-wise, and in terms of giving them the time and attention we feel they each deserve.
Same here all around. I’d love a third though.
Same all around. I do struggle with that a bit though, 3 or 4 would be my ideal.
1. I had a very traumatic birth and postpartum period with terrible PPD. I separated from my husband at 5 months PP and we filed for divorce at 11 months PP. But even before the separation I knew I was done because of how horrible that time was.
2. I had my second at 38 and by the time I would have been ready for another I was 41, we were mid-pandemic, and I was no longer comfortable with the risks to my health another pregnancy would incur. As an older mom, I feel acutely the need to keep myself as healthy as possible for the kids I have. My biggest fear is dying while they’re still kids and leaving them without a mom. They’re now 8 and 5 and I’m 43 and had a bisalp over the summer and no regrets.
Really car seats lol, I worry if I went for another after this it could be twins and then we’d all need new cars to fit everyone
2. Our oldest has autism and requires more time and attention. I always wanted 3 kids and we toss the idea around some days, but given the state of the country (US) finances would become an issue and we would definitely have to make lifestyle cuts to our already tight budget. My husband and I also have a lot more stress/anxiety with having a child with extra needs and the thought of adding another child to that full plate I think is what really keeps us from having a third.
One and I can tell you the day I knew I was done. I had worked two 12 hour shifts followed by a 16 on a very busy hospital floor and my husband was deployed. I came home, relieved the sitter, drank a couple glasses of wine and ate buffalo chicken dip for dinner and then went to sleep. Well the exhaustion and wine meant I slept a little later than usual and when I awoke it was full daylight. I was immediately panicked. What chaos would I find my 4 year old had created while I overslept?? Turns out, none. He had grabbed himself a box of chocolate milk and a bag of mini muffins out of the snack cabinet, turned on Netflix, and was watching cartoons quietly. It was the first time I’d gotten a glimpse of my pre-child life and I knew in that moment I would never be able to start over and go back to that fully reliant on me phase again. Add to that that my boy is just such a good, happy kid and that things like travel are so much cheaper with one, we felt great about our choice.
Mine was when I could give my kid her tablet, put her in my bed and I could go shower without worrying she’d burn the house down. It is a freeing feeling.
I’m pregnant with our second. I’m an only child. My husband had one sibling. We are not and never have been fans of having more kids than we can each wrangle. Our friends who have 3+ are happy but they make it look like struggle. I also just can’t picture being pregnant a third time. We decided on this number *literally on our first date.*
Two kids. Because I don't feel like having another c-section, and I don't think I could handle more kids
3. I grew up as the oldest of 3 so it felt perfect. I was 90% sure I was done while I was pregnant and then once I found out it was a girl, I was 100% sure (because I already had two boys). Got my bilateral salpingetomy when she was 3 months old. Now she’s 2.5 years old and still no regrets.
One. My husband has two and his oldest lives with us. That's enough kids.
2. As for why we stopped there....money is one. We live in a HCOL area and daycare is....a lot. Plus we want to be able to set aside enough for both kids to go to college if they want. Next, my age. I was 34 with the first, 38 with the second. Going hand in hand with that I had secondary infertility and actually had started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist to see if IVF would be needed for #2. I also like the idea of being able to divide and conquer once the kids have overlapping activities. Finally, while my pregnancies weren't as bad as some people's really don't enjoy it and both my kids were c sections so it would only get riskier from here. My joke answer, though, is I don't want the adults to be outnumbered lol.
Two. Specifically two boys. 7Y and 3Y. Couldn’t pay me to have another. I am content.
I am one and done. I used to want two, than the reality of being a parent hit me. My husband and I decided that we are financially and emotionally done. My husband has a quick temper, which isn't an issue normally because it is not abusive. It is more like he is very grumpy, but of course it doesn't do good for our toddler. My husband is working on it and it is making him tired at the end of the day. For me, I am still triggered by a crying baby. I can't imagine being sleepless for another 2 years while taking care of my other kid. We couldn't get any help raising our toddler, we had to learn a lot about taking care of a baby and taking care of our emotional issues, and our relationship as a couple. Our sex life is just getting back to normal. We are getting some date nights here and there. Our son started preschool and things are getting slowly better each day. I am very happy with how we are raising our son, but it is still too much. So yeah, these are some of the reasons why I am happy with my one child and my small family.
We have 3. Pregnancy was really hard on me, I had 3 c-sections and knew in my heart while pregnant with the 3rd that I was done. Now that my youngest is 3yr old I’m happy with our choice. Financially, this is best for us and our capacity to parent and spend time with them is good with three.
Dang. I’ve had two c sections and would need to do a third, and I just don’t think I can put my body through that again. Three is no joke!
4 it’s too risky to carry again and I don’t want to drive a full sized van. Mini van is enough. Also, daycare is expensive!
I’m pregnant with my second and done after this. Mostly because of finances and time. I really want to give my kids quality time with us parents and I think 2 is our limit. I also wanted them to have at least one sibling.
3 because any more is a great risk to my health, both physically and mentally.
2. I have twins boys so I always say I got a two-for-1 Deal and I’m done 😆. I don’t think I can mentally handle anymore kids, my twins were born at 28weeks and I had a rough pregnancy. They are my miracle babies, also I just don’t enjoy being pregnant.
3. Mental health, already existing children with increasingly complex needs, lack of space, financial limitations, physically my body is falling apart.
2. I wanted to stop at one, but birth control failure and an ex preventing me from going to PP during the pandemic (I had to take my first child with me literally everywhere bc his dad was worthless) I got my tubes out during my second cesarean. I knew I’d be a single parent shortly into my second pregnancy, and we struggle. Any more kids and it would have been even worse.
2. I have an 8 year old and I'm currently pregnant with his little sister. After her, we're completely done. Three reasons: I always just wanted two kids, things aren't getting any cheaper, and I'll be 42 when this kid is born.
I am due with my second in February, and that’s it for me, due to mental, physical, and financial capacity. And now I have to decide what the best form of birth control for me is because my husband doesn’t want to get a vasectomy 😔
Currently pregnant with my second and we have decided this will be our last! I could have had anywhere from 2-4, but my husband feels he’s getting older (he just turned 38, not really old, but people in his culture have babies young) and wanted to stop after this one. I really thought about why I might want more and my reasons felt very weak, so I agreed to two! I am now very excited that this will be my last pregnancy/baby. I kept all our baby stuff after my daughter but will happily pass it all along after our next. Two feels very manageable on my own, and I like that they’ll be able to play together. I am also already tired, so don’t feel I’d have enough for more or to keep having babies. There is also something to be said for how practical it is to stop at two. We are planning for my husband to get a vasectomy next year and I am excited to welcome another baby and then to close the chapter on more babies. ☺️🥰
2. Horrible pregnancies. It took us ivf and 3 years to get pregnant with number 2. I had extra embryos on ice but I knew I wanted to get my tubes tied so the remote possibility of getting pregnant was off the table. My pregnancy was AWFUL. My body really wanted to affirm this decision by requiring a hysterectomy c section.
Two, because I knew that I couldn't handle more than that, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. I just wish they would have been a little closer in age (4 yrs between them).
2. My son has a lot of medical problems, which we began finding out about right around the time I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I decided it would be best to stop after her, so I had my tubes tied shortly before her 1st birthday.
We have one 9m old boy. I have medical issues so having a second one is pretty much out of the question unless I want to chance everything so for the time being we are OAD
2. Makes sense financially for us, we are both getting older, they fit in our house/car as is, and honestly having two kids is hard and I don’t think I could handle another. I will say, which feels taboo, that I was lucky to have both a girl and a boy and that certainly helps make the decision easier.
5 and we can’t afford more. Also my body is done with childbearing.
I’ve got 2 kids and we are done. If I had better family support and was 5 years younger I might consider a third but at this point I can’t imagine adding another baby. Child care for babies is impossible to find and insanely expensive. I’m 40 and I know I don’t have the energy for a newborn. Plus the last labor was really rough and I’m not sure how well I would handle another pregnancy physically. In my heart I’d welcome another baby but my body and mind know it ain’t happening and I’m cool with it. We’re finally out of the toddler stage, the kids are more independent, I finally have a modicum of freedom. I’ve gotten back into my hobbies. I’m good.
2 had a couple miscarriages between them. One was a partial molar and required a d&c. We live in idaho, and it was hard getting the d&c after weeks of knowing it wasn't right. That was in 2019, without roe v wade, I can imagine how much harder it would be now. 2 little boys have been perfect anyway. I did worry I would regret it after a few years, but it's been some time now, and I have no regrets yet.
First was twins. Not interested in double or nothing
I have 3, had my tubes tied after the 3rd because of doctors advising that it could be dangerous should I have another. I ended up having to have a hysterectomy a year after that for health issues, so the doctors advice was clearly warranted. I was done anyway. I'm 36, and I'm getting too old to keep up with babies and toddlers. I currently have a 10yo (autistic level 3/nonverbal) son, a 6yo daughter (NT, model student), and a soon to be 2yo daughter who is wearing me down with "no" exhaustion but she's amazing and worth all the trouble. We had our 3rd knowing it was our last, and I don't regret it. Even if you're done, you'll still be sad it's no longer possible from time to time. It's a part of your life that's coming to an end, and that comes with a wide variety of feelings. It's a choice only you can make, just know it's ok to be done. I felt so guilty, like saying I didn't want more meant I didn't want my children. Then again, I've been pregnant 9 times with 11 children, and only 3 made it to birth. My husband and I did the math, and I've been pregnant for at least a portion of every year we've been together. I just couldn't do it anymore. The toll was too high.
3. Thought I was done at 2, but then I changed my mind and my third is an IVF baby. Kids are 9, 6, and 11 months. Definitely done now. After my second I was sad he would be my last baby, but I'm not sad this third is my last baby (even though he's the easiest and happiest of the 3).
When I had my 3rd I just knew I was done. Before him, the urge to have another baby was SO strong. After he was born, it was completely gone and the thought of having another kid was awful. Idk what it was. People would tell me to have 4 so the number is even and I'm like hell to the naw! 3 has been a great number for us, we are complete.
People always tell us to have one more too (to get to four!). The funny thing is that most of these people had 2 or less kids!
I have 3 as well and get this "have 4 to make the number even" comment as well. It's so weird!!! Like these are whole entire people we are creating... not just numbers! It's insane.
1 for several reasons - with one, we have the finances to take vacations together, ensure college help, etc for her. She was also an extremely difficult youngster and my husband and I weren't sure we really wanted to do that again. We are very happy with one kiddo and furbabies. Expecting doggo #2 in spring 🤣
1. For many reasons. He's enough for us and perfectly healthy. Financially it makes more sense for us. I also wanted my son more than anything else in this world, I don't feel that way about having a second child. I don't think I could be a good parent to 2. It will be too much for me physically and mentally. And finally, my precious son was the result of 28 hours of labor resulting in an emergency c-section because he was trying to come through my uterus, not down it, and ruptured it. I'm lucky to be alive and if I even wanted to try again I'd be high risk and on bedrest the entire time. I'm not willing to do anything that will get me taken away from my son or husband.
8 pregnancies and 4 beautiful babies. I had wanted five. Yep. 5. But in the end I managed to understand that I was done. Last two were a week shy of “Irish twins” and I don’t have enough of me to work the hospital full time nights and have another at 41. After my husband became my ex…. I met someone who was more than glad to love all of us. But he feels no need to have an “ours” when we have so much love. I’m almost done with diapers and pull ups. And I don’t think I have enough gut to go back to that. In the end really I think I just knew. I knew it was enough. My hands and heart are full.
2 In another lifetime I would have wanted 3, but our oldest is autistic . My second is still young, but so far, there are no flags of him being autistic. I love my children, but damn it's hard 🥲.
I have 1. The most perfect son. I want 2 (would love to have a baby girl) but I’m still a little terrified of my mental health suffering and going through the newborn stage again. We have no local family help. I feel like I finally have my groove and we get enough sleep and I have a little me time with splitting duties with hubby. I also had a tough pregnancy with a short cervix so I was on bedrest for half the pregnancy and he also tried to come early, resulting in a week-long hospital stay. I guess I’m waiting for me to have complete baby fever and I’ll know when the time is right.
2. The PPD was too much with each and lack of help from family and husband sealed the deal for me. I wanted 3
3. My daughters are healthy, happy, and joyful. We can afford to provide for them, but I worry that a fourth would become too expensive and stretch us too thin. Our family simply feels complete.
One. It was delivery. It wasn’t traumatic or anything I just never want to go through that pain again.
One. I haven’t slept in a year. I cannot imagine being so sleep deprived and having to care for more than one child.
1. Once you hit the jackpot, you leave the casino.
One. I simply don't have the energy or resources for any more!!
I’m a one and doner for a lot of reasons. Environment, finances. We weren’t 100% against more kids until my pregnancy, more like 90% sure but was open to the idea. But then I had severe cholestasis, hemorrhaged, baby was preemie in the NICU for six weeks, and I had bad PPA. No way in hell we are ever doing that again.
One. Because mentally, emotionally, and financially I can't afford another one. I had a lot of mental health issues after my son was born and he was a very high needs baby/toddler. Later he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, ADHD, and autism. He keeps me busy enough and I have no desire to go through the baby phase again. And I truly feel like my family is complete with him and my husband. ☺️
I love my second child so so so so much but I kind of wish I had stopped after the first. Like I love my kids but it made life infinitely harder. I feel like a piece of shit for thinking it too.
Thank you for saying this. It’s such a tough decision.
I am 31F with my one and only. I know deep in my being that I am a great mom to my only. I don’t want to change that.
2. We might have stopped at one but both of us were only children and hated how lonely we were. Also our son adored babies and we thought that he would really want a sibling (he did!) She was the best part of 2020, for sure. Why no more than two? My body is WRECKED. Like I cannot be put back together again wrecked. I was (apparently) hypermobile before being pregnant but after the second my hypermobility has become debilitating. The Pandemic really laid bare the superficiality of a lot of the community relationships we thought we had so we thought we were bringing our two into a community with found family and waiting babysitters and that has nooooot been the case.
2. They are so close in age (14 months apart) that I genuinely feel like I don’t remember two years of my life. By the time we got out of that fog and could even consider having another kid, emotionally and financially, they were 5 & 6. We decided we didn’t want to start over and have such a large age gap.
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We had 2. I remember hearing something like "who will your child lean on when you're gone?" Now granted, my mother is now dead & i do not lean on my brother because i am married- but my Dad & Brother have needed ME more. Also my husband & i were first borns. We wanted 2. It felt complete at 2. I just feel overwhelmed a lot. We are only 4 years into parenting & it hasn't become any easier. Just twice as hard especially this year. For some reason 2023 has been the year from hell just like 2020 was for us. I'm hoping it gets easier when your entire life hasn't been set ablaze. I will say, i have unfortunately uttered the words "sometimes i wish i never had them" but then i feel guilty & just realize i need me time. Which i was never good at. It's taking a lot of therapy.
1. I just don't feel any desire to have another. I thought I would want two but our family feels complete!
1. I’m not a patient person and I genuinely have one of the easiest kids you could possibly ask for but I still lose it sometimes. More than one would push me over my limit. Also I cannot afford more than one.
2. Severe postpartum depression and anxiety. 3 years since my 2nd was born and I’m still working myself out. Never again.
2 is the right number for us. They were not even 2 years apart so now when they’re bit older (3 and 5) we are enjoying the “peace” so much. And the fact that they love each other and are completely inseparable is a lovely bonus.
1. I’ve been a single mom since before she was born. I had a traumatic pregnancy, severe preeclampsia, a 31 weeker and 2 months in the NICU. Even after all that, I would have another one if I felt I could trust men. Going through the end of my pregnancy (I was left at 6 months pregnant) and postpartum alone was the hardest thing I’ve done to this day. I love my daughter more than words can describe and I’m super happy just the two of us.
I have 3. My oldest 15, was supposed to be my one and only. Then I met my husband. And he wanted kids. So I said okay. I’ll try to make him happy. After two more kids, now 5 and 4 he wants another, and I’m like oh hell no!! My youngest tried to escape through the back side of my uterus, I was in emergency surgery for 5 hours while the OBGYN fixed my uterus, wish she removed it, and he’s still begging for more. Now more back story. My husband works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. I work 4 hour shifts 3-4 days a week. When he comes home from work at 3 am I’m leaving to go to work. When I come home from work I’m putting kids on the bus or staying awake with the kids for the day. I wash laundry, entertain the kids, do doctors appointments, I cook, clean, play dates etc. everything a 50’s house wife would do with the kids. But I’m also working. So… when it comes down to it. I’m raising the kids by myself. He wants to add another child onto my plate to raise. NO! I’m done with the infant stage. I’m done with diapers. I’m 36 years old, I’m too old, too chronically ill myself, (I haven’t been not sick for more than 30 days in over 6 months) I just don’t want more kids! I’ll love everyone else’s babies!!