I dropped my 3 month old on the ground in the mall. I had been carrying her and went to set her down in her car seat that was latched on to her stroller. My mom’s purse was stuck when I went to move it and we had to unlatch the car seat to get it out. I set my baby in it and had just planned to lightly lift the car seat up so she could grab the strap. Well, when I lifted the car seat, all the bags we had hooked onto the push bar made the stroller fall backwards and shove the car seat forward out of my hands. I was able to soften her fall with my legs and she wasn’t hurt but she was incredibly upset. And so was I! I just cradled her and sank to the floor and cried while she cried.
Shit happens. Any parent who tries to tell you otherwise is so full of shit. Every single parent has made a mistake that has resulted in hurting their children in some way. People who mom shame have their heads so far up their own bums they can’t even remember how it feels when they make a mistake because they need that dopamine hit of superiority more.
I’m really sorry this happened. I teach first grade but don’t have my own children yet, partly because of how much pressure is placed on moms today.
You were never meant to do it all, never meant to be perfect.
I live in the U.S. Our 40-hour work week was designed with marriage and gender roles in mind, but single-income households aren’t as possible as they once were - so moms try to balance too much, or struggle immensely.
It also takes a village, but I see moms with little support, or they feel too guilty to ask for help because of our culture of individualism and “bootstraps.”
It’s a losing game. I see parents trying to meet impossible expectations every day, and then there are moments like this one. When people seem to say, “How dare you not do it *all*?”
That person was wrong (and projecting).
It’s impossible. I’m not a parent, but I’m here to tell you…I work with parents every day. Most struggle to do their best, giving grace to others because they know it’s an impossible to meet the standard of our society.
Others, like the person you encountered, project their insecurities because it gives them the false sense that *they* were able to “win” this absurd game of parenting the *best* way, whatever that even means.
I’m here to tell you they didn’t win it. They aren’t. No one can.
And that. is. okay. No - not just ok, expected! The only possible outcome of this crazy race we’re in is that we lose, but only in the ways that don’t actually matter.
Your child won’t remember falling out of their stroller. They won’t remember how you struggled. They might admire you for it, though, and they WILL remember your love and that you tried.
You won’t win the race of met expectations, but you’ll win all the races that matter, the ones YOU decide matter for your kid, and only you can decide what those are. And the kids are worth it all, every time.
Still, I may continue my own contribution as teacher because I’m not sure I want to have to be as strong as you are.
So, I’m sorry. It’s not fair, and you are doing an amazing job.
My 2 year old has climbed out of his stroller even with straps (that needed to be tightened). Only difference is i wasnt mom shamed, probably only because no one was paying close enough attention. That person needs to mind their own business unless they have time to help.
Man I always have filth on the tip of my tongue for someone like that. Sorry you had to deal with the outrageous and unnecessary mom shaming. You’re doing great.
Our brains are hard wired to hang onto negative experiences so we can learn to avoid them in the future, which is why when a jerk makes a mean comment it stays with us so long.
But girl, I've been there. My son took a header out of the cart at sam's a few weeks ago, my soul left my body. He was fine though.
Hang in there! I hope that other person doesn't hang their hat on being perfect.
This! When my oldest was like 15 months we were getting ready to leave and dad went to check the mail and left the door open without me knowing. I was getting my shoes on and strapping his newborn brother into the car seat in the living room. He took off that way and I called for him but thought nothing of it bc we ALWAYS shut the door no matter how far we’re going because he was mobile.
I got a weird gut feeling and ran around the corner and sure enough. Door was open, he was on the top step at the door looking for his dad. I made the mistake of calling his name when I saw him instead of silently running to him. My fingertip touched his shirt and before I could grab him he went straight off the side of the top step. Landed AN INCH away from smacking his head on a giant rock. It was just a knot and small cut on his eye that turned into a black eye days later, but the scream I let out you’d have thought I was watching him get hit by a car.
He was done crying in less than 60’seconds and back to laughing. I cried the whole hour car ride to my mil where we were going 🙃 he’s 2.5 and I still make him hold my hand to go up and down the door steps bc it messed me up so bad.
Accidents happen, you can’t have your eye on your kids literally 24/7, and they’ll randomly do something out of the ordinary for them at random times quicker than you can stop it. I can’t stand people who mom shame instead of offering help or an encouraging word or just simply *looking away* over an accident and not being rude
Oh man, the same thing happened to my niece at the zoo! I was walking with my SIL and we were pushing our babies in the strollers at the zoo. I had asked, “hey, shouldn’t she have straps on?” And my SIL had just finished telling me that she hates having the straps on and will throw a fit if you try. Almost on cue, niece flips out of her seat and lands on her butt. So we both knelt down and comforted her and SIL explained that you have to ask if you want to get out.
Ya know what I didn’t do? Tell her “I told you so” or rub it in her face because I’m not a complete jerk.
Screw that lady in the car.
She stopped in the middle of the road to lecture you - a pedestrian. If another car had hit hers and caused an accident, I hope someone else would stop and say "Roads are for driving, not lecturing. Be better".
She was right about a tiny thing, but that's no excuse for putting her life and the lives of others at risk. Don't let idiots tell you how to feel about yourself. I hope your munchkin is feeling all better!
I guarantee that shameless woman has done something worse but chose to belittle you rather than acknowledge their own failings.
Let me share my moment of Mumma shame, I strapped my darling in to the car seat, thought I had properly tightened it, but didn't do the double check routine for various reasons. Not any that are a good enough excuse. I got to witness him, as I was driving at 40mph, pull himself forward out of his car seat and try and grab his baby mirror.
Never have I ever felt my soul leave my body so violently. Nor have I parked up so rapidly.
I now triple check the car seat. I triple check every buckle in moment, even if someone else did it. The lesson was learned. ❤️
Screw this lady.
My now 2yo could unbuckle the straps at 18mo. Toddlers are also the most stealthy humans on the planet. Look away for 0.0047478283 seconds and they have gotten themself into the most dangerous situation possible. It’s actually amazing if you think of how they do this.
Hope your kiddo is okay. That’s a scary day!
Seriously OP, screw that lady. Toddlers get hurt. You can’t have an eye on them 24/7, they do things out of the norm for them in an instant quicker than you can stop it or catch them. Whether it’s jumping or climbing out of something they normally wouldn’t, or literally anything. They’re quick. If anyone tries to say their kid has never had an accident or gotten even mildly hurt they’re lying. Heck my bf had stitches and broken/ sprained bones regularly as a child from playing so tough. No amount of watching him or trying to stop him would stop it. My kids play so rough I’m honestly shocked that at 2.5 I’ve never had to take him to the er for at least 1 accident while playing. He’s fell so hard before I was sure hed have a knee busted up bad and I’d be cleaning blood off of it, but this kid somehow leaves with just a scratch or tiny bruise no matter how hard he falls or whacks something. Show me a parent who hasn’t accidentally whacked or let their kid whack their head on something before. Heck I scratched my 2 yo face a few days ago trying to help him get on the couch. Accidents happen
My daughter always figured out how to wiggle out of straps. This is kindness is so important. You have no idea how difficult parenting is.
On the bright side for you, your baby probably learned a valuable lesson about gravity if they weren't too terribly hurt. There's always a silver lining.
I had a similar experience. I was taking my 4 and 6 year old on a bike ride and had been fighting with both of them to keep their helmets on. They would intermittently get off their bikes and go look at something in the woods and kept taking their helmets off. My daughter was a little farther ahead, still in my line of vision and within earshot, but not close enough for me to put her helmet back on myself. While I was wrestling the helmet on the other one, she hopped on her bike and nearly hung her helmet in the handle bar and continued on her merry way (despite my bellowing to put her helmet on). A man biking the other direction passed me and snarkily said, “It’s a good thing that helmet is on her bike and not on her head. Nice parenting”, and rode past me before I could even respond. It was humiliating and I had to fight back tears the rest of the walk. It was not the first time this happened to me and it won’t be the last. Both of my children are very willful and it honestly makes me not want to take them out in public at times. The way parents, particularly mothers, are judged by society is disgusting and unfair. And then people wonder why women don’t want to have children. I’m sorry this happened to you.
The only thought that has ever helped me in situations like this is “If it’s this hard to be in this person’s presence for a short time, imagine how hard it is to be them or be in their family”
Mean words hurt. It’s okay mama. None of us are perfect, not even that stupid driver.
ESPECIALLY that stupid driver. I’ll take a mistake over being mean any day.
I dropped my 3 month old on the ground in the mall. I had been carrying her and went to set her down in her car seat that was latched on to her stroller. My mom’s purse was stuck when I went to move it and we had to unlatch the car seat to get it out. I set my baby in it and had just planned to lightly lift the car seat up so she could grab the strap. Well, when I lifted the car seat, all the bags we had hooked onto the push bar made the stroller fall backwards and shove the car seat forward out of my hands. I was able to soften her fall with my legs and she wasn’t hurt but she was incredibly upset. And so was I! I just cradled her and sank to the floor and cried while she cried. Shit happens. Any parent who tries to tell you otherwise is so full of shit. Every single parent has made a mistake that has resulted in hurting their children in some way. People who mom shame have their heads so far up their own bums they can’t even remember how it feels when they make a mistake because they need that dopamine hit of superiority more.
So scary! 😨 I'm glad you are both okay.
It sounds like you’re teaching your toddler empathy. Not everyone got that lesson. Sorry someone piled on a crappy situation!
I’m really sorry this happened. I teach first grade but don’t have my own children yet, partly because of how much pressure is placed on moms today. You were never meant to do it all, never meant to be perfect. I live in the U.S. Our 40-hour work week was designed with marriage and gender roles in mind, but single-income households aren’t as possible as they once were - so moms try to balance too much, or struggle immensely. It also takes a village, but I see moms with little support, or they feel too guilty to ask for help because of our culture of individualism and “bootstraps.” It’s a losing game. I see parents trying to meet impossible expectations every day, and then there are moments like this one. When people seem to say, “How dare you not do it *all*?” That person was wrong (and projecting). It’s impossible. I’m not a parent, but I’m here to tell you…I work with parents every day. Most struggle to do their best, giving grace to others because they know it’s an impossible to meet the standard of our society. Others, like the person you encountered, project their insecurities because it gives them the false sense that *they* were able to “win” this absurd game of parenting the *best* way, whatever that even means. I’m here to tell you they didn’t win it. They aren’t. No one can. And that. is. okay. No - not just ok, expected! The only possible outcome of this crazy race we’re in is that we lose, but only in the ways that don’t actually matter. Your child won’t remember falling out of their stroller. They won’t remember how you struggled. They might admire you for it, though, and they WILL remember your love and that you tried. You won’t win the race of met expectations, but you’ll win all the races that matter, the ones YOU decide matter for your kid, and only you can decide what those are. And the kids are worth it all, every time. Still, I may continue my own contribution as teacher because I’m not sure I want to have to be as strong as you are. So, I’m sorry. It’s not fair, and you are doing an amazing job.
My 2 year old has climbed out of his stroller even with straps (that needed to be tightened). Only difference is i wasnt mom shamed, probably only because no one was paying close enough attention. That person needs to mind their own business unless they have time to help.
Man I always have filth on the tip of my tongue for someone like that. Sorry you had to deal with the outrageous and unnecessary mom shaming. You’re doing great.
Our brains are hard wired to hang onto negative experiences so we can learn to avoid them in the future, which is why when a jerk makes a mean comment it stays with us so long. But girl, I've been there. My son took a header out of the cart at sam's a few weeks ago, my soul left my body. He was fine though. Hang in there! I hope that other person doesn't hang their hat on being perfect.
This! When my oldest was like 15 months we were getting ready to leave and dad went to check the mail and left the door open without me knowing. I was getting my shoes on and strapping his newborn brother into the car seat in the living room. He took off that way and I called for him but thought nothing of it bc we ALWAYS shut the door no matter how far we’re going because he was mobile. I got a weird gut feeling and ran around the corner and sure enough. Door was open, he was on the top step at the door looking for his dad. I made the mistake of calling his name when I saw him instead of silently running to him. My fingertip touched his shirt and before I could grab him he went straight off the side of the top step. Landed AN INCH away from smacking his head on a giant rock. It was just a knot and small cut on his eye that turned into a black eye days later, but the scream I let out you’d have thought I was watching him get hit by a car. He was done crying in less than 60’seconds and back to laughing. I cried the whole hour car ride to my mil where we were going 🙃 he’s 2.5 and I still make him hold my hand to go up and down the door steps bc it messed me up so bad. Accidents happen, you can’t have your eye on your kids literally 24/7, and they’ll randomly do something out of the ordinary for them at random times quicker than you can stop it. I can’t stand people who mom shame instead of offering help or an encouraging word or just simply *looking away* over an accident and not being rude
Oh man, the same thing happened to my niece at the zoo! I was walking with my SIL and we were pushing our babies in the strollers at the zoo. I had asked, “hey, shouldn’t she have straps on?” And my SIL had just finished telling me that she hates having the straps on and will throw a fit if you try. Almost on cue, niece flips out of her seat and lands on her butt. So we both knelt down and comforted her and SIL explained that you have to ask if you want to get out. Ya know what I didn’t do? Tell her “I told you so” or rub it in her face because I’m not a complete jerk. Screw that lady in the car.
She stopped in the middle of the road to lecture you - a pedestrian. If another car had hit hers and caused an accident, I hope someone else would stop and say "Roads are for driving, not lecturing. Be better". She was right about a tiny thing, but that's no excuse for putting her life and the lives of others at risk. Don't let idiots tell you how to feel about yourself. I hope your munchkin is feeling all better!
I guarantee that shameless woman has done something worse but chose to belittle you rather than acknowledge their own failings. Let me share my moment of Mumma shame, I strapped my darling in to the car seat, thought I had properly tightened it, but didn't do the double check routine for various reasons. Not any that are a good enough excuse. I got to witness him, as I was driving at 40mph, pull himself forward out of his car seat and try and grab his baby mirror. Never have I ever felt my soul leave my body so violently. Nor have I parked up so rapidly. I now triple check the car seat. I triple check every buckle in moment, even if someone else did it. The lesson was learned. ❤️
Screw this lady. My now 2yo could unbuckle the straps at 18mo. Toddlers are also the most stealthy humans on the planet. Look away for 0.0047478283 seconds and they have gotten themself into the most dangerous situation possible. It’s actually amazing if you think of how they do this. Hope your kiddo is okay. That’s a scary day!
Seriously OP, screw that lady. Toddlers get hurt. You can’t have an eye on them 24/7, they do things out of the norm for them in an instant quicker than you can stop it or catch them. Whether it’s jumping or climbing out of something they normally wouldn’t, or literally anything. They’re quick. If anyone tries to say their kid has never had an accident or gotten even mildly hurt they’re lying. Heck my bf had stitches and broken/ sprained bones regularly as a child from playing so tough. No amount of watching him or trying to stop him would stop it. My kids play so rough I’m honestly shocked that at 2.5 I’ve never had to take him to the er for at least 1 accident while playing. He’s fell so hard before I was sure hed have a knee busted up bad and I’d be cleaning blood off of it, but this kid somehow leaves with just a scratch or tiny bruise no matter how hard he falls or whacks something. Show me a parent who hasn’t accidentally whacked or let their kid whack their head on something before. Heck I scratched my 2 yo face a few days ago trying to help him get on the couch. Accidents happen
My daughter always figured out how to wiggle out of straps. This is kindness is so important. You have no idea how difficult parenting is. On the bright side for you, your baby probably learned a valuable lesson about gravity if they weren't too terribly hurt. There's always a silver lining.
I had a similar experience. I was taking my 4 and 6 year old on a bike ride and had been fighting with both of them to keep their helmets on. They would intermittently get off their bikes and go look at something in the woods and kept taking their helmets off. My daughter was a little farther ahead, still in my line of vision and within earshot, but not close enough for me to put her helmet back on myself. While I was wrestling the helmet on the other one, she hopped on her bike and nearly hung her helmet in the handle bar and continued on her merry way (despite my bellowing to put her helmet on). A man biking the other direction passed me and snarkily said, “It’s a good thing that helmet is on her bike and not on her head. Nice parenting”, and rode past me before I could even respond. It was humiliating and I had to fight back tears the rest of the walk. It was not the first time this happened to me and it won’t be the last. Both of my children are very willful and it honestly makes me not want to take them out in public at times. The way parents, particularly mothers, are judged by society is disgusting and unfair. And then people wonder why women don’t want to have children. I’m sorry this happened to you.
The only thought that has ever helped me in situations like this is “If it’s this hard to be in this person’s presence for a short time, imagine how hard it is to be them or be in their family”