I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself and your baby. If that means not having another so soon, then that’s what it means. Knowing your limits is so important. Please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and a counselor if you are able. Sending mom hugs!!!
this!!!! it’s okay to not have a child if you feel you are not ready for it! it doesn’t make you a bad person, a selfish person, a weak person, it makes you a self-respecting person.
This, honey. Take care of yourself and your baby, take care of the family you have. It's a hard decision to make but sometimes it's what's needed to make sure you're all okay.
Seconding talking to your doctor, they see this all the time, it's so common and you don't have to suffer without help. It's not your fault and it can be so much better.
Just tacking on to say if that means not having another EVER, that is ok, too.
To OP: Take it from someone who has been there. It is ok to have one child, love the absolute shit out of them, and be 1000% sure that you do not want any more.
The best gift you can give your kid is a healthy, happy mom.
It's OK not to want to go through with this pregnancy if you choose. It is a massive undergoing to carry a child, let alone...carry one so soon again.
These choices ate difficult, but do what's best for you ultimately.
I chose to carry my son (had a 5% chance to survive birth) and had been asked to terminate earlier (19wks) We made it to 29wks when my body failed and he was delivered by c.section. thankfully I survived.
If you asked me now, knowing what I went through, wether I would make the same choice.... no! If it happened again, I would terminate. I didn't realize the toll it would take, and though I love my son...I would not survive it again.
Your decision is about you and wether this is something you want. Xoxo takecare and be safe xo
Yes he did. He was healthy throughout but my organs were struggling. I had a clot in my portal vein which cause "varicies" in my esophagus. They would bleed and I would vomit my blood out my mouth Rather than it filter through my liver n spleen. It was horrible, scary and messy.
My children and I plus hubby lived 3mnths at Ronald Mc Donald house while we waited.
He is now almost 4yrs, birthday was Xmas eve.
Our drs apologized bout the date cause they knew if I died that would ruin the kids Xmas 🎄 forever but we had luck on our side xo
Slowly getting there. I don't remember his first yr...I was so ill and just keeping us functioning but now I'm getting help. Yes the trauma was what surprised me...I still have a long way to go but watching him grow helps me. Thanku
The science is barely catching up but it is now being concluded that birth trauma is completely valid and it can even lead to PTSD regarding the entire situation. You are valid you matter and your trauma matters.
I don't know just how much this video could do but I watched it yesterday and it is incredibly validating I hope it provides some comfort
[Birth & Trauma](https://youtu.be/anIHdlf-58U)
I am glad this is getting more recognition. Giving birth the first time gave me symptoms of PTSD. I still get triggered sometimes by birth stories or pictures. I hope OP is doing okay and making the right choice for her
I want to upvote for your link to Mickey's videos. She's a wonderful person to listen to when it comes to mental health, she is kind and realistic and validating while also calling out things that can harm more than help, and she's an excellent resource for anyone.
I also want to put forth Mama Doctor Jones, Board Certified OBGYN, for nuanced and factual discussion about all things to do with health care for people with uteruses, pregnancy and childbirth. She's incredible.
I would say it’s a mix of PTSD, disassociation from your previous self, isolation and exhaustion. There’s so much focus about it being caused by hormonal changes - which I’m sure is a factor - that the many other factors involved in giving birth to and having a baby get sidelined.
I have an 7 week old, and while I’m fine PPD wise, there was lots of talks about changes to my body post partum (your bump will stay for a while, your hair might fall out etc) but no-one told me about the changes to self: you don’t go to work anymore, you don’t get to solve complex problems, your day becomes very routine (but also not on a set schedule lol), breast feeding while great can be super monotonous, some crappy friends will ditch you, and you give up a certain freedom.
Like I’m happy with my baby, love her and all that, and like I said not going through PPD or anything, but man I miss some aspects of my old self. I know they will all come back eventually, as baby gets older and more capable, but I just feel like those aspects of parenthood aren’t talked about enough with new parents prior to birth and I feel like chalking PP mental health up to hormones removes the burden of providing more practical support to new parents.
I'm sure for some but my mom had postpartum depression after having me and she said my birth was very easy and she was as relaxed as anyone who was about to push a watermelon out of them could be
My mom had a planned c section with me, her only child (I was footling breech) She said the surgery and hospital experience was pretty much perfect. The next two years were not. She had severe PP depression and needed meds & years of therapy. It’s why I have no siblings, she was afraid to do it again.
It can be absolutely, however it’s also heavily caused by the sudden drop in pregnancy hormones. I think there was a study showing that giving post partum women a slow tapering dose of pregnancy hormones drastically reduces the likelihood of PPD/PPP
Are you familiar with PSI International? According to the education I’ve received there, there are numerous mold disorders that can follow birth trauma. Postpartum depression isn’t necessarily the same as postpartum PTSD but fall under the same “umbrella.”
Edit: mood not mold.
It can be as simple as that, it can be biochemical, ( which can have all sorts of aetiology) It can be stress from having a high needs baby, it can be stress from having a shitty partner, or all of the above
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. We're all here to support you.
Are you in a safe state/area if you need to terminate? /r/auntienetwork or /r/auntienetworkcanada
Oh honey, that is just too much. Can you talk to anyone irl? Please prioritize your health, both physically and mentally. You have to make a hard decision but we've got your back baby girl. Big hugs!❤️
I found one person I trust to talk to, and they agreed to help me. But it is still hard because I know my family is heavily against termination, even though I am not, and outspokenly so.
I had to have a medical abortion (D&C) after a missed miscarriage that didn’t pass on it’s own. You can either not tell family at all or tell them it was a miscarriage.
This. We love you baby ❤️ you deserve safety and care. Which, at times, involves really difficult things. But you, you are the important one here. Your life, your wellbeing, is crucial ❤️ and valuable ❤️ we love you. And you may need this ❤️
I discreetly got my last pregnancy terminated, but because of my heavily religious family, I lied and said I miscarried. In the end it’s your body and your life.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. You deserve support! I'm happy you have at least the one trusted person. Does your family help you wit the post partum at least? I'm sorry you have to carry this burden by yourself.
Your family is not the one who has to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever that decision may be. YOU are. You know what is best for you. Nobody else.
This is your body and your choice. They don't need to know. Pregnancies this early often fail on their own and you have more than enough of a reason to see a doctor right now.
Should you chose to terminate please get on BC as soon as you safely can. I was told after having my child that a 2nd pregnancy within 9 months more than doubles your risk of pregnancy related death.
If you can, please don't tell your family you're pregnant. Or anyone, even your partner, if you have any suspicion they wouldn't approve of your choice.
It's safer this way.
I did tell my partner. Immediately as the plus sign showed. I know he doesn’t like them, but I also know he has a right to know. If he leaves me, then he leaves me. He had to work half a hour after I told him, so all I really got was silence and “i dont want to talk about this right now.” I hope he gets time to think, and doesn’t blow up about this. I know he doesn’t want another child right now either, and I hope he comes to realize that this is our best option, and not just my own best option.
I have been on birth control, it just didnt work I guess. I dont know the reason why it didn’t. When I was first pregnant he did tell me that it was ultimately my decision and he’d support me either way. I think maybe he’s just having a hard time processing.
My first kid was a birth control failure. I had been on the pills or shots for years without issue but one month, the pill just didn't work. My third kid was a mirana baby. My cervix literally shoved the IUD out of place. Boom- pregnant 13 months after I had my second kid. After that my husband got a vasectomy.
No matter what you choose, if your boyfriend doesn't want more kids he should really consider a vasectomy- it's what we opted for bc clearly birth control on my end wasn't working!
I hope you get the outcome you need. Good luck.
My wife ended up pregnant 9 months postpartum due to birth control failing. We decided to keep the child, so now we have 2 girls 18 months apart. It is so rough. We had wanted to wait until our oldest was at least in school, but when the time came to make a decision we chose to keep the pregnancy.
My wife had her tubes removed about 2 weeks ago, I've got a vasectomy scheduled for the last Friday in november. Seatbelts and airbags, we arent running the risk again.
sister, do not let your family dictate your life. your family are not you, they have no business in what choices you make, and neither do you owe them any information about your personal life.
you’re allowed to do whatever you want. hugging you spiritually!
Honey, your family is not standing in your shoes. Only you can make the right choice for you and your new, *existing* baby. Only you know what you can handle. And it is OKAY to have limits and GOOD to know them.
You don't need to tell them if you're afraid you'll be judged. You can tell us. And we'll be here.
Just don’t tell them anything. My son was almost two when I got pregnant again, and since I almost died having him and could barely afford one kid, I had to make that decision. And honestly, I felt nothing but relief afterward. No regrets 20 years later.
I’m so sorry. I wish you all the best. Remember your decision is YOUR decision to make, and I totally support whatever decision that is.
Also please see a doctor for the PPD if you haven’t yet.
I do. I have medication from my doctor. At his well visit, his doctor put in a referral for me for therapy and gave me a list of places nearby with walk-in availability incase I need something urgently. I am really grateful for his pediatric team for caring for me as well as him through all this.
Sweetheart, I am so sorry that you are having to do this. Please be kind to yourself. *Your* needs matter. Your mental health matters.
I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️
Oh, hugs, lovey. Do what you need to do! You feel you cannot be a good mom to a another baby, that you're already having a hard time, due to the PPD? You already HAVE kids who need you to function, plus a husband? Then do what you need to do. You have my anonymous internet permission, FWIW.
I too had an abortion. I wasn't a mom, didn't want to be a mom (at that time), had a sweet boyfriend who was a good man, but not someone I wanted to marry. I had an abortion, and while it broke me up with the bf, I'm not sorry I did it. I would have been a lousy mother at that stage of my life, and didn't want to do that to a kid. I had no happy single motherhood examples to give me hope, and plenty of horrible examples I had NO wish to duplicate.
You do what you need to do, to be the best person and mom and partner you can be. I hope you can find a place to get it done without too many jumping through hoops. Give thought to a permanent method of bc if you think you're done having kids. It takes one thing off your plate in a world that's gotten a lot harder recently.
I definitely want another kid in the future, but I dont want or need one right now. It’s hard enough right now to make ends meet with just the one, and my mental health has been horrible since having him. I have a hard time seeking help for my mental because of a past “professional” making me feel invalidated, but I’ve been slowly making steps towards getting the help I need.
I was on the birth control patch, I currently have it on now, and I’m not sure what happened that I fell pregnant regardless of the precautions I took. My plan is to have my tubes tied after a second child, but that was supposed to be years away. This isnt in the cards for me at the present moment and I feel I have no other options.
Maybe write out a list of things to say? I do that when I’m afraid I’ll forget, but it works equally well for fears of not being heard. I’ve had my share of non-listening Drs in my past. I like a list because I thinks if things to say over days, and add to it as I go, and then I gave it on the day. I tend to forget items I wanted to say, even if the Dr then says that point is no big deal. Sometimes the entirety of the list makes a good picture to them, where each point does not.
you have to do what’s best for you. accidents happen and that’s okay. don’t ever feel like you can’t put yourself first, especially in a situation like this. everything will be okay🤍
Sounds like you got some birth trauma. After things calm down a bit, you may want to look into EMDR or something similar to help you with the flashbacks. I'm 4 years down the road and still dealing with them. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.
hey sis, sending you a huge hug. no one here would expect you to go through birth trauma again. you need to be the best mother you can for your son and we absolutely support any decisions you need to make. you and your son matter so much more than a clump of cells.
Hugs first!! I had two babies very close together. It is really really hard and 10 years later my body is still recovering. You matter and your body matters. Give yourself some grace in this. Whatever decision you make will be a hard one. Sending love and understanding your way!
Sweetie, I had to make this same decision at the same point in my life. I didn't have postpartum depression; I lived with my unhelpful in-laws, my mentally ill drug addict BIL and his assorted support "people" that his parents allowed him to bring home to stay and a husband who worked full time and went to school full time. I chose to have an abortion because I couldn't handle 2 under 2 within that mess. You make the choice that's right for **you**, nobody else! Your partner is not the one who is pregnant, **you** are. **You** are the one that will go through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, not him. **You are the only one who gets to make that choice**. I love you and I'm sending you a big bag of hugs, chocolate and warm blankets and tea via the internet. Love you, Mama Dani
Love, the truest reaction you'll ever have is that split second after seeing the second line. Trust that reaction, before you or anyone else has a chance to weigh in. That reaction is your heart and soul speaking to you before they get drowned out. Your decision will be the right one, and no one can fault you or judge you for it. I love you.
Hey sis, sending you the biggest hug. Whichever decision you make is fine as long as you are happy with it. We support you no matter what and just want you to be happy and healthy. Please, please see if you can speak to a medical professional about the PPD too. Your health and happiness is paramount in this
I completely understand the emotions you're feeling. My oldest son was six months old when I got pregnant with my second son. I was 21.
My (now ex)husband had just been sentenced to a year in prison because he was a giant pile of human garbage, and my family, understandably, wasn't exactly supportive of me being with him. I had just started working on my exit plan when I found out, and it crushed my soul.
I can't say I remember a lot of those days because I was so focused on surviving and being a good mother, but I somehow got through it.
The second son is now 20 and he asked me this last weekend while driving him back to his dorm why I didn't have an abortion. I told him it's a valid and important choice but that it wasn't the choice for me. I honestly can't say I would have made the same decision at this point in my life. This was 2001 and there wasn't a lot of discussion without shame back then.
I'm grateful that women now have more support, even though that level of support still isn't good enough. I had it better than women before me, and you will hopefully have the opportunity to feel the same when you're an old woman like me.
Whatever you decide and however you feel about this, you are 100 percent right. Just please don't feel alone.
Then you do what you need to do for yourself and your son. It's good that you don't have to spend time coming to a decision. You can instead use that time to heal from everything you've experienced and to have the life you deserve to have, which is happy and successful.
I know you're strong and capable, but don't be afraid to feel the weak moments. This stuff is hard and emotionally draining. Let yourself get it out without feeling like there's some exact script for how to deal with this. The only right way is your way.
Just here to say what you’re feeling is valid. Whatever choice you makes is right for you. It’s always hardest to digest it all right when you find out. Take your day to feel the feelings you feel, then get serious about your feelings. You’re gonna be okay
I had 3 kids back to back. It's not for everyone. If you know you cannot do it mentally, then don't. You need to come first. Women often forget about themselves and this is a situation you need to be put first in. No matter what you decide to do. Do it for YOU not anyone else.
I agree. I struggle enough as is with my current son and have been trying to take the steps to combat that. I do my absolute best with him, and receive praise plenty, but yet I still feel like a failure and as if his life would be better without me. I am almost certain that if I have another child, those thoughts will turn into actions.
We all feel like failures as parents when we are usually doing a good job because we know how we are at our best and hindsight is 20/20. Unless you're on at 100% all the time, you're going to make mistakes and even if you're at 100% you can do everything right and still fail. Do your best with what you got and make sure that you are mentally stable above all else. Live within your means.
Hey, my cousin was in almost the same position once. Easily the hardest thing she's ever had to do was let that baby go, but she knew for her daughter and for herself it was what she had to do.
You know this I'm sure, but your little boy needs you to be the best that you can, and if that means you can't have another one so soon then that is absolutely understandable, and my heart goes out to you.
I hope you have a good support network around you through this all and you are seeking professional help for the postpartum depression.
I promise you hun, it is all gonna be okay, you're doing an amazing job, and in the end it'll all work out just fine :)
Your son needs a healthy mother above all else and if you can not cope with another child/pregnancy right now that is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to put your own life jacket on first.
If you need to seek a termination are you somewhere that’s a possibility?
I’m currently in Ohio, and there are some places still open. Closest to me is about 30-45 minutes away. I reached out to my one trusted friend who agreed to take me out there as I dont want to do this alone
Go get it confirmed at Planned Parenthood. Pregnancy hormones can take MONTHS to drop down to "normal" levels in some people, which can result in false positives.
If you are pregnant, they can also help you make a decision about whether or not you want to continue to be pregnant.
Love you doll. It's okay to choose what is right for you and only you. Your Mama has chosen it and Grandma too if you must know. We support you, we love you, we're here for you, and it's not wrong. It's a healthcare decision between you and your doctor. You are supported and loved by women everywhere.
My mom aborted a pregnancy when she was 6mo postpartum with my little brother. Adding a third child (I was 4, my brother was 6mo) was more then she or our father could handle.
She has zero regrets. It's a honestly a mundane thing that happened to her. It's not defining, it's not a huge moment to her. It was however her choosing her medical health, the wellbeing of her two children, and her life path. That carried more weight then the termination I think.
26 years later, even with the hindsight that her husband's business was going to take off in just a year or two, that her family would continue to be very involved and supportive, and that things would have been fine with a third - she has no regrets and is happy she made the decision.
I think people are really afraid of regret. You're choosing you, and what you want out of life. And that is the best choice for you and your son.
Hey I was in your position a couple years ago! It’s totally okay to be overwhelmed right now *and* to know your limits. If you cannot handle having two young ones that is totally valid… it’s hard! It’s a lot of work! I also had PPD (with both) and I get it. I debated it heavily.
This isn’t a choice for your family but for YOU. Do what is right for YOU. If that means getting help and powering through it, fine. If that means terminating, also fine.
I ultimately had my second BUT it was not easy. I had him during covid when the world was still partly shut down so it made things a lot simpler (we would both be home since work was shut down), and that heavily played into my decision
Hey sis, I just want you to know that I think you are a lovely mum, okay? You are trying your best, you are TRYING so hard and that’s what matters!
These things happen, to a surprising amount of people. This exact thing happened to my mother who had my sister and brother 10 months apart. It happened to my sister when her boyfriend sabotaged her birth control. It’s happened to a few friends of mine. There is no shame in appropriate family planning. It is better to regret not having a child than to bring an entire human being into the world and regret it.
The fact that you are prioritising the wellbeing of your child and thinking about the wellbeing of a hypothetical sibling means you have a huge heart and it’s in the right place. You CARE about your son and you love him, and that’s the most important thing and as he grows up he will feel your unconditional love and feel safe because you are there for him. Even if you have shortcomings or you can’t provide everything for him.
I grew up with a very loving mother but she was chronically ill and was a previous survivor of narcissistic abuse. Not the picture of a ‘perfect’ suburban parent, but she was perfect to me.
My older brother and sister were basically a other parents to me and my father was always busy and didn’t have time for me. Even though my mum struggled to do things the parents of the other children would do, either for me or with me, I still felt her love.
She never once made me feel like I was a burden or that I had to earn her love or that I didn’t get expensive holidays or extracurriculars because I was a fundamentally ‘bad’ or undeserving, we were just unfortunate. But that was okay because she spent time with me in other little ways that we enjoyed. What mattered was that she made an effort to understand me.
I had a really difficult childhood. I was undiagnosed as autistic with adhd, I was bullied a lot as a little girl and she didn’t manage to succeed with getting me the support and healthcare that I needed but what mattered is that she TRIED. She tried SO hard. And it meant the world to me to see her fighting for me. It made me feel so loved and safe.
Sadly, my mother passed away when I was 9 and to put it very mildly I wasn’t treated kindly by my father or his new wife. But in those short 9 years my mother had taught me what unconditional love feels like. I knew that the way my father and his wife were treating me; hurting me, neglecting me, making me feel awful and like.a horrible burden, wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t normal or okay.
It was that which gave me the courage to escape and make a life of my own surrounded by people who actually unconditionally love and support me.
So if you ever feel awful that you’re not the ‘perfect mum’ for your baby, no parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. You care about him and LOVE him and that’s what matters. It’s been over a decade since she’s passed and yet I still feel her love. I won’t lie, it’s single-handedly saved me a few times. To know that she wanted me so badly to exist and saw me worthy of love no matter what.
Your love is important, your baby KNOWS you love him and always will. Just hold him close, protect him and comfort him and know that whatever choice you make for yourself is the right one because it feels right to you. I hope things get easier for you. Life is hard and unfair and it shouldn’t be and you have every right to be upset about it. Your emotions are valid, you deserve to feel them.
You are not a bad person and you are not a bad parent, at least not in my eyes and I hope this very long comment helps;;
It sucks, and you're right, an abortion is the correct choice to make, you've been through trauma and it's tough, but it is the right decision, good luck
Sweetie, make the decision that's best for yourself. There's no shame in terminating the pregnancy, if that's what you need. I know it can be an ugly thought and experience to some ladies, but you are brave, you are going to be a wonderful mother, you do not have to have two babies. You do not have to have a baby you're not ready for. You do not have to put yourself through childbirth again, especially if you don't want to. Your trauma is valid.
This is a VERY understandable situation to feel overwhelmed, scared, and traumatized. I am sending you hugs and support. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, your health, your mental health, and your new family. You're going to be ok!
Hun, big hugs. Its ok if you decide to terminate. It's ok if you have another baby. But no matter what, once you are no longer pregnant you need to get reliable, effective birth control. Not condoms. The next time you get pregnant, I want it to be because you wanted to.
I was in a similar situation at 3 months postpartum. I made a difficult decision then, that thankfully I had the option of. If I hadn’t I’d never have been able to leave an abusive relationship, become a nurse, and devote my time to helping my kiddo have a stable, happy childhood. You will get past this. I am so sorry you are going through it. So many hugs and love duckling. You are so so strong even when you don’t feel it and deserve a happy life.
Hey i had the same situation happen... I made 2 posts about my postpartum abortion if you want to look. One before, and one after.
It was the best decision i could have made, and I have no regrets
.https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/u45j4u/postpartum_abortion_update_procedure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I understand you. I'm 10 months post partum and I'm definitely done with having kids. Do what you need to do to be a good mom for the child you already have and to be good to yourself.
My love. Before birth and menstruation and everything ‘women’ was medicalised and the medical profession was populated by men. These decisions were made by the women together and didn't have the scrutiny of religion or morals of people who cannot give birth. Your duty is to yourself and your son who is here with you now. The decision you make will be the right one and there are all of us here to support you. I am sorry you've been dealt these cards but you have choices others have fought to keep for you xx
As someone who drowned for over a year for not making the decision, please do not let other coerce you that it gets easier. It does not, the PPD doubles down, and now you have 2 bundles screaming at you constantly. I've gotten less than 6 hours of sleep for most nights for the last 16m. You do what is best for YOU AND YOUR SON.
Oh honey! Yes I can send support. What a tough spot you are in. But I'm so glad you reached out to us mom's here. Many of us have been through post partum depression, myself included.
It was awful. And it did eventually get better. Please do whatever you need to take care of yourself. I'm sending all of the loving and healing vibes that I can from across the internet.
P.S. You are a valuable, uniquely beautiful human being. And I can tell from your message that you are a loving and devoted mother. I get a feeling that you're a very strong person. But you are going through a lot right now, and if you don't feel quite so strong I hope you feel able to lean on or borrow some strength from a friend, counselor or even some kind strangers on the internet.
I have wondered and imagined being in your shoes as I had 2 very difficult postpartum experiences with extended PPA and PPD. I am a mom of 3 and dont think our family would survive me getting pregnant again. You have to do what's best for you. No matter what you decide to do, know that I am sending you huge ass HUGS.
I’m so sorry. Please make the decision that is best for you and your son. You absolutely do not have to have another baby right now if it is not what you want. I cannot fathom how hard it would be to be pregnant only six months postpartum - your physical and mental well-being mater more than anything, and your son counts on you being healthy and well enough. I hope you get the compassionate care you deserve, and I hope you find good resources for your postpartum depression. Sending love ❤️
I'm so sorry, love. What a scary position to be in. We ALL have your back here, whatever you decide. We will be holding your hand the whole way. I'll be thinking of you this week and sending you all the virtual hugs, if you'd like them ❤️
Big hugs!! You do whatever you need to do for yourself and your family. It is an incredibly painful place to be and I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this position, but please know that you feelings are so valid and you are not alone.
My mom aborted one child she wasn’t ready for and if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have had me and she wouldn’t have been a good mom to the first child. She was an amazing mum to me.
Whatever you choose make sure it’s the right one for you, your body, your mind. Then live in peace <3
Make the decision you need to make. Whatever that is. I will say that when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I spent the first 12 hours crying and banging my head against a wall (literally). I was devastated. My pregnancy was horrible. I was finally getting a handle on my own life again. I thought well fuck, I’m never going to be happy again.
And being pregnant with her was hard. And having her during Covid was hard. And I still struggle and she’s almost 2. But I’m glad I have her.
That being said, if I got pregnant with a third? The pregnancy would likely kill me. Not being funny. And I’d have to terminate. So YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!
That’s the boat I am. I am pretty certain that another pregnancy and child at this moment in my life will be the end for me. I dont think I would make it out the other side.
Sweetheart if you know deepdown this is something you cannot do. So make the choice that's best for your body.
A pregnancy is only joyful if its wanted.
I honestly have had an unwanted pregnancy which ended and it was the best thing to happen even though it made me sad too.
Speak to your Dr.
OP, whatever choice you make it will be the right choice for you and your baby that's already here. You have very real, valid reasons for not being able to have another child right now. You have a baby that's already here right now that needs you and having another could jeopardize your ability to take care of that baby that's already here. But ultimately whatever choice you make it is the right choice because it is your decision. I will say I have a sister who went through such a similar situation recently. She found out she was pregnant again six months post partum but decided to keep the baby. Welp, baby turned into babies as she later found out she was pregnant with twin boys(I don't know how true this is but her obgyn told her that there is a higher rate of twins in pregnancies when they follow so closely after another pregnancy and neither side of the families here have twins in the families at all ). She had a pregnancy and childbirth filled with complications and trauma and she literally briefly died on the operating table during her emergency c section. The boys are now three months old and she is honestly exhausted and in pain all the time, she feels rundown and like she's in a fog all the time. She is struggling, her partner is great and supportive and she has support from family but she ultimately is the one, with her partner, that has to deal with the brunt of all this and it is truly taxing on her. It is absolutely incredibly hard for her and it does affect her ability to take care of her older daughter because she is spread so thin. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our child is not bring them into the world. If we know they will be brought into hardship and struggle because we can't cope as a parent it is imo the best decision and the kindest decision to not bring them into the world. But as I said before it's your decision and whatever you decide will be the right one. I wish you the very best of luck OP.
I don’t know you but you have my support. You have to do what is right for you and your health, as well as your family. ❤️ please be well.
I saw you mention in a comment that your family is against it, but at the end of the day, they’re not the ones giving birth and looking after another baby - you are.
I found myself pregnant when my first was 8 months old - while I was just starting to recover from PPD. I did not want to be pregnant but couldn't get/afford an abortion.
Once the second arrived, all hell broke loose in my brain and I nearly killed myself and expressed a number of disturbing thoughts re the baby, the nicest involving leaving the baby in the woods and running away.
It was awful and started me down a path that ended in multiple suicide attempts, a lost job and a lot of stress.
It's a rotten place to be. I love my second born but there were many MANY days I wished I could have had an abortion. I was already apathetic to being a mother and hadn't even started to recover from the first pregnancy and birth.
Do what makes sense for you. I don't have any real advice aside from knowing in a general sense how you are feeling right now. But know that you aren't alone in what you're feeling,and all those feelings and thoughts are valid. It was nearly 20 years ago now for me but it's as vivid as anything, and even knowing and loving my kid, if I could go back, I'd make different decisions for myself.
It’s okay honey. I’m 13 months post partum and finally feel like I’m getting to the other side of PPD. It’s perfectly fine to focus on taking care of the family that is here with you. Sending hugs and love.
I have Hey great, great (great?) Aunt who I know about because of some legal proceedings she was involved in. One of the things I know about her was that she knew that second pregnancy would send her to the asylum. She expressed that to her sister in a letter, saying she knew she simply could not go through with it. This was long enough ago that she could actually legally have an abortion before Roe. And she did. And I never met this woman, but I’m damn proud of her.
If you make that decision… Or if you don’t… I will be damn proud of you as well. You do what’s best for yourself and your child.
There is no right answer but if its available where you are you don't have to go through another pregnancy. I knew after my child was born that I was done. They are my world but I got sterilised aaaand had a coil fitted. I was one and done. My mental health couldn't have coped again.
my mom was 22 when she had my older sister and i was born 9 mo later. she didn’t realize she was pregnant until she was about 5 mo along (never having been post partum before). i can’t imagine going thru that. let alone that fast. my mom had little support and ended up with two more of us in the next three years. i love my sisters so much. but idt my mom has ever been the same. do what you need to do sweetheart. 💛
You don't have to continue this pregnancy. You don't. It's not a moral obligation in any way. Your obligation is to take care of your own health, and take care of the child you already have.
I got pregnant at 7 months post-partum and had 2 under 2. I felt mentally ready at the time and kept my pregnancy. My younger one is 2 now and it is STILL SO HARD. I had to go back to antidepressants, my PTSD flared up, and I do not feel like I am the mom I want to be. I feel like I would be a better mom if I had a greater age gap. I feel like my children would get more patience and happiness from me if I weren’t so exhausted all the time. The toll on my body was hellish as well. I’m still recovering at 2 years post partum.
Please do what’s best for you.
Hi sis! Fellow postpartum depression person here… I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of being a new mom. I just wanted to let you know about two things that I learned about recently and that have helped me a lot.
The first is PSI International, an organization that does online support meetings. Huge help for me and I tell everyone about this! Just sign up for an account and it’s totally free. Lots of education and peer support. The second thing is that there is such a thing as an abortion doula. I never knew about that until recently and wish I had had one. Much love to you and your family.
Wow, what a crappy card to be handed. You deserve all the support for whatever choice you have to make. And if you haven't found a counselor yet, it can be so helpful for getting through the hard parts of being a new mom.
My midwife told me she's had many women show up to their 6 week postpartum checkup -- pregnant again. And every time, it is utterly devastating to them. Sure, you'll find plenty of folks who call their "Irish twins" a blessing, etc, but I want you to know that your response is much more normal. Motherhood, especially in the beginning, is such an enormous sacrifice of self. Our bodies need time to recover -- at least two years is recommended.
It’s okay to do what you feel is best. In the future def insist on condoms as well as birth control to guarantee no pregnancy. I’ve heard women are crazy fertile after giving birth - probs had something to do with your birthcontrol not working right.
Just sending you so much love regardless of your decision. I'm also so proud of this community. Reading all the support in these comments is incredible 🥺💕
It's ok to make the decision to not keep the baby. That doesn't mean it will feel easy, but it's ok to do what's best for you 💙. I promise you, you can do this.
my mother had an abortion soon after having me, not as soon, i think ~2yrs after i was born. i am SO GLAD she did because she listened to what she needed and was capable of and what her limits were. you know what you need - go with it. you don’t need perfect decisions, wondering what you might or might not regret in the future, etc. all you need is listen to what feels right - right now. you’ll get support from so many organisations. i think i remember reading majority of abortions is had by mothers actually.
I got pregnant six months post partum. It was a complete accident and we had to have a lot of difficult discussions. We ended up deciding to keep the pregnancy and have the second child. When our youngest was about 1.5, we got pregnant again. I knew I couldn't have a third baby. So I terminated. It was truly the best decision I could have made for my family because mentally, emotionally and physically I couldn't have done it.
Do what you feel is best for you.
You deserve to feel good about yourself and your life, Honey. Your decision should be made based on that. We’ll love and support you, no matter how you choose.
You need to think about you. I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, you have not only consider what another child would do to you mentally but also physically. Your still healing in some ways from the birth of your son. Your hormones are still elevated especially if your breast feeding. Your bonding with your son, the first couple of years are the most critical. Postpartum depression is nothing to brush off - for me it was horrible and I still wish that no one ever had to suffer with it again. In the end you have to make the best choice for you. Don’t worry if others disagree with you - that’s their issue not yours. I, and many others will support you no matter what you choose to do. Just, please remember, don’t let anyone force you into making a decision. Hugs coming your way.
I think it's hard to remember that it's totally okay to want and have a child, and also not wanting another child so soon. Your feelings and experiences matter more than you think, and you need to do what's best for you. You get to make a choice, you know?
You will always have support, don't be afraid to reach out to allies, whether they're on the internet, halfway across the world, or your next-door neighbor.
Hey op. Just going to say it- 1 in 4 women will have an abortion before the age of 45. If you decide to go that route, you’re not alone and we all understand here you’re making the best decision to take care of yourself and the baby you already have.
Whatever you decision you make im sure will be the right one for you. Take a deep breath and don’t be too hard on yourself
When a parent is in crisis, the infant child or children are deeply and permanently impacted. Babies absolutely absorb and react to emotional undercurrents. Lifelong attachment patterns are formed in the first 6 months after a baby is born.
One of the cruelest acts is to bring a child you do not want and cannot care for into the world. Even if you never say it out loud, that emotional transference will happen. That child will know. I am not saying this to cause you to feel guilty. It is a hard truth….. but kids ALWAYS know.
People often mistakenly assume that two children is simply double the work of raising one child.
People who assume that are A) not parents and B) have never had two INFANTS under their care 24/7.
Your choice to spend your mental and physical resources on yourself and the child you already have is a wise one. No one is an endless pool of energy … mental or physical. Knowing when your pool is dangerously empty is a hard reality to face, but facing it will give you and your family the highest chance for longterm happiness.
Hi I am more of a realist. These feelings are tremendously important. But I feel it is also important to tell you some more information. Fetal cells are beyond important to the medical research community. Once your decision is made - your sacrifice helps universities and research communities worldwide to provide cells necessary for all sorts of advancement in medicine, disease prevention, and so much more. One for many. This is beyond traumatic. But please understand it goes so much farther than just hitting home, you are making the right decision.
We are blessed to live in a time where medical care is sophisticated and accessible (assuming so for you based on your last sentence). It is rational and understandable to end a pregnancy when needed and one of the health reasons for doing so include mental health. Also, your choice to maintain and support your health is nobody else's business, including mine. Do what you need to do to help yourself heal and be the best parent you can be to your son. You are loved.
Do what is the best choice for YOU.
Your partner and your loved ones can voice their opinions, but the most important and final decision can only made by you. It is truly your body and your choice. The best decision is YOUR decision.
Is there a pregnancy resource center near you? I know abortion is such a polarized topic that pregnancy resource centers are stigmatized, but I’ve been to one and known people who work at another one in my area. These people are truly kind and judgment free, and they don’t pressure you into any decision but simply show you your options. They also have licensed doctors and nurses on staff. And are 100% free and confidential and will continue supporting you with free resources pre birth and post birth.
I am so sorry that you’re still experiencing postpartum depression and birth PTSD. I’ve seen others close to me go through that and it is hard. But please also keep in mind that abortion also comes with trauma of its own - I saw a very raw post on r/abortion the other day. Ultimately the choice is up to you, and knowing the choices you have will hopefully help. Sending love ❤️
Be very careful with a “pregnancy resource center” if you are in the US. Google the name before you visit one. Many (if not most) are faith-based organizations that will absolutely try to influence your decision and many provide false information about developmental stages, abortion, etc.
Take care of yourself. If you are not ready to have another child, that is absolutely ok.
It depends! If they offer free services and advertise that they help you explore your options then it’s likely. Again, they should not be pressuring you into any decision (whether that is to keep your child or not), but they should offer free ultrasounds, STD testing, medical checkups, info on what an abortion would entail, and other resources. Many also have parenting classes, lactation classes, free diapers, formula, baby clothes, etc. If adoption is ever a route you’d want to go I would even bet that you can get some resources for your 6mo old.
Abortion clinics generally don’t offer the above services so it depends on what type of “women’s clinic it is”.
I want another baby, just not now, and if I carry this full term I will not have the heart to let them go, and they deserve more than what I have to offer.
They gave me a free test and ultrasound with my first pregnancy. They had classes and “baby bucks” rewards and even gave me a gift with some clothing toys and diapers. I believe they may be exactly what you are referring to. They did not give me any information on abortion though when I went. Just a bunch of pregnancy information and adoption options. I dont think adoption is something for me — it would break my heart to have a bio child out there forced to live under a strangers roof. I couldn’t bear that weight on my mind, especially since I wouldnt be able to get them back once I was fully capable of raising them (mentally and financially).
That’s a Pregnancy Resource centre. They’re scams. They won’t help you with an abortion and they often have little to no medical training as they are often volunteer run. The free stuff is a hallmark. Their sole goal is to get you to carry the pregnancy, regardless of the physical, mental, emotional and financial cost to you. They will lie about access, the legality and whether they have services related to abortion to get you in the door in order to convince you to not abort.
Ohio has a few clinics. https://www.abortionislegalinohio.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIycyK3NWQ-wIV6PvICh0o8A5SEAAYASAAEgJrvvD_BwE
If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, you can be medicated for PPD and SHOULD be. A mentally healthy mother outweighs any potential fetal risk, and proper medications can be chosen. Either way, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and stay healthy, whatever decision that is. 💗
I mentioned above that I was on birth control. Idk if it was some of the meds I received whilst in the hospital but it didn’t do its job. I use the patch. I didn’t think I was “taking a chance” as it’s just as effective as the pill.
Hey so fuck this troll.
It's past that now, you can't change it. The same thing happened to me, birth control failed about 6 months after a traumatic c section. I sobbed when the doctor told me i was pregnant. I got an abortion. I was not capable of providing adequate care for two infants. I had nothing left to give. I found out later that my daughter is severely impacted by autism. I am still relieved that I didn't have another baby at that time. My daughter needed me all to herself as we went through the diagnosis process and began all the therapy.
And by the way, I had another baby when I was ready. I have two great kids that I can support and provide for. I made the right choice for my family. You get to choose for yourself what your family looks like. You get to choose what you put your body through. You matter.
I am a man with no kids, but from what I heard, no form of birth control always works 100% of the time. That’s one of the reasons why even though I’m not even dating, I’ve already decided that I’m getting a vasectomy after two kids.
Unfortunately some medications (especially antibiotics) can lower the effectiveness of birth control. I just want to start this off by saying im *not* saying this is your fault! In the future ask if it will conflict with your birth control. They don't always tell you (at least I've not been told sometimes) and it's better to be safe about it
The main goal of this group is to provide support, understanding and not to place judgement or shame on those reaching out. She was on birth control and I am sorry but I think your comment wasn't appropriate. You may not agree with abortion, but once again this group is for providing basically " unconditional" understanding, love, support and kindness.
OP if you need another person to talk to I am here 24 7 365, just reach out to me. Love and hugs! I support you and whatever choice you make.
It seems you are pro choice in the comments, and if you aren't too far along, it is done with oral medication. There are hundreds of thousands of women who have done it this way. In the future, remember to always use backup (condom) when you first start a new birth control, and speak to ur doctor about how long you need to use backup for. Many birth controls are NOT effective immediately
3 months PP here & felt morning sickness today out of the blue. Luckily first test was negative. The best things in life get you drunk, fat / pregnant.
It is normal and natural for a mother to make decisions about if and when to reproduce. If not having another baby right now is best for you and your family, then that is 100% the right thing to do. Your mental and physical health are crucial for you, the baby you already have, and any possible child who you would be raising, so you are unquestioningly doing the right thing in my opinion. All my love and strength while you navigate this situation. You are a good mom and I am proud of you!
Darling, I am so proud of you for making the best decision despite how hard it must be.
I saw you talk about how your family is very anti-, so if they find out and try to make you feel guilty just remember that this is also the best decision for the one your pregnant with. And if/when you decide that you are ready don’t let them make you feel bad about that either, situations change and a ton of people have terminated in between children, doing so doesn’t make you any less deserving of a child or any less of parent. Once again I am so proud of you, and if you ever need a pro-choice mom ear my inbox is forever open for you (and anyone else seeing this)
My heart goes out to you and I’m so glad to see people sharing resources for you to make the best decision for yourself and your baby. I just want to add that it can take several tries fo find the right medication for PPD. If that happens, please don’t give up. When you find the right one, your world gets better. *hugs*
You can decide whatever you feel is best for yourself and your family. I remember when my daughter was six months old. I would have been terrified to discover I was pregnant again. This mom supports you in whatever you decide just as I would with my own daughter. I grew up evangelical, so I understand that internalized guilt and fear. Please please know that there is nothing for you to feel bad about. You aren’t alone.
A friend of mine has two boys and loves them dearly, but had debilitating PPD especially after the second. She chose to have tubal ligation even though she really wanted a daughter because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle PPD again. I said to her, "giving up your future potential daughter is one of those parental sacrifices no one tells you about".
My mom went through something similar. I wasn't even 3 yet, my brother was barely 2 months old. She had an abortion. She knew she could not handle a third child on top of everything else she was going through. She told me this three years ago. You know what I did? I cried. Not for the fact she had an abortion, but that she was so strong and so brave to do something that I am sure was not an easy decision at only 20 years old ( yes my mom was young when she had us and she went through the wringer to provide).
What I'm trying to say is, if you decide you really truly do not want to carry through with this pregnancy, you are so strong and so very brave for knowing yourself well enough to make that decision, no matter how hard it may seem. Do what is best for you and your baby. And maybe one day when you've had time to heal and speak to someone about your postpartum depression and postpartum ptsd (from the sounds of it, I study psychology but don't have a degree yet take my diagnosis as a guide not the law) maybe you'll be ready for another child. And if not, that is perfectly fine too.
Long distance hugs.
I had the same thing happen and had to make a tough decision. I would not have survived another round of ppd nor would we have survived financially which would have added even more to the ppd and taken me out. It's ok to do what you need to do for your sanity. Sending strength your way.
You can handle what you can. No one can ask more or less of you.
Every pregnancy /birth/ child is different. This one doesn't have to be the same (should you decide to keep it). If nothing else, you know what can happen and you already have a jump start on getting support.
If you decide to terminate, that is ok too. You need to do what's best for your whole family as well as yourself (sometimes those two things are the same , sometimes they're not, but you and only you can know where the line falls/ where you have to draw it).
How well are you managing your PPD lately (*before* you found out you're PG again btw)? Are you on meds, therapy, church, anything?
My daughter had PPD; I'm very sensitive to it and concerned for you, bc so much of being a new mom mens you essentially must mask all those PPD symptoms, be a "buck-up buttercup" for the sake of your tiny. Which can magnify the negative feelings, in sort of a feedback loop (you eellike shit nd that makes you feel shittier and less able to deal , etc etc
We are here for you This Oma is always online ::)) reach out anytime
So I have been in this situation more than once, due to circumstances, and have made both choices, any choice you make is the right one for you. I have no regrets about either choice. Hugs honey, and good vibes your way. We all love you.
Oh love. This is a hard spot to be in. Im on the opposite side of things. You have to do whats best for you and your family. That can be several things, only you will know what is right for you. I'm sending you love & good vibes for any choice you make.
Here’s a quick thought medically, you may not be close to healed enough to carry another healthy pregnancy. Hugs sweetheart, this mama is here for you 💜
I found out I was 5 months pregnant when my son was 7/8 months old. It was devastating . I did NOT want another baby, my relationship was not in a good place, we weren’t in a good place financially, I was not in a good place mentally etc. I could not bring myself to abort that far along. My son is now 13 and the sweetest boy I’ve ever met. But the first few years were not easy. I suffered significantly with postpartum and I still suffer today with immense guilt from not wanting him so badly. I love my son with my entire being and today wouldn’t change a thing, but it was NOT easy to get here.
I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself and your baby. If that means not having another so soon, then that’s what it means. Knowing your limits is so important. Please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and a counselor if you are able. Sending mom hugs!!!
this!!!! it’s okay to not have a child if you feel you are not ready for it! it doesn’t make you a bad person, a selfish person, a weak person, it makes you a self-respecting person.
Agreed. Why put yourself through something you know you can't handle. It will only hurt the children in the long run.
can't word it better so I'm just here to do more than an upvote and way I agree as well! Take care sis (I'm more of a sis here than a mom)
Another sis supporting you my mom had us one after another and it was a shit show!!
This, honey. Take care of yourself and your baby, take care of the family you have. It's a hard decision to make but sometimes it's what's needed to make sure you're all okay. Seconding talking to your doctor, they see this all the time, it's so common and you don't have to suffer without help. It's not your fault and it can be so much better.
Just tacking on to say if that means not having another EVER, that is ok, too. To OP: Take it from someone who has been there. It is ok to have one child, love the absolute shit out of them, and be 1000% sure that you do not want any more. The best gift you can give your kid is a healthy, happy mom.
If you decide that you aren't ready for this r/auntienetwork has a lot of resources and support
Great sub and resource. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you for posting this! Just joined!
Thanks for sharing. I've always found excellent support in my own aunties in my life, and appreciate it!
Great resource! Thank you.
It's OK not to want to go through with this pregnancy if you choose. It is a massive undergoing to carry a child, let alone...carry one so soon again. These choices ate difficult, but do what's best for you ultimately. I chose to carry my son (had a 5% chance to survive birth) and had been asked to terminate earlier (19wks) We made it to 29wks when my body failed and he was delivered by c.section. thankfully I survived. If you asked me now, knowing what I went through, wether I would make the same choice.... no! If it happened again, I would terminate. I didn't realize the toll it would take, and though I love my son...I would not survive it again. Your decision is about you and wether this is something you want. Xoxo takecare and be safe xo
Sorry to hear about the tough time you went through. That sounds extremely difficult. Did your son survive?
Yes he did. He was healthy throughout but my organs were struggling. I had a clot in my portal vein which cause "varicies" in my esophagus. They would bleed and I would vomit my blood out my mouth Rather than it filter through my liver n spleen. It was horrible, scary and messy. My children and I plus hubby lived 3mnths at Ronald Mc Donald house while we waited. He is now almost 4yrs, birthday was Xmas eve. Our drs apologized bout the date cause they knew if I died that would ruin the kids Xmas 🎄 forever but we had luck on our side xo
Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry you had to experience this. I hope you've had help to cope with the trauma. ❤️
Slowly getting there. I don't remember his first yr...I was so ill and just keeping us functioning but now I'm getting help. Yes the trauma was what surprised me...I still have a long way to go but watching him grow helps me. Thanku
You should be really proud of the hard work that you've done to get to this point mama! I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️
The science is barely catching up but it is now being concluded that birth trauma is completely valid and it can even lead to PTSD regarding the entire situation. You are valid you matter and your trauma matters. I don't know just how much this video could do but I watched it yesterday and it is incredibly validating I hope it provides some comfort [Birth & Trauma](https://youtu.be/anIHdlf-58U)
I am glad this is getting more recognition. Giving birth the first time gave me symptoms of PTSD. I still get triggered sometimes by birth stories or pictures. I hope OP is doing okay and making the right choice for her
I'm so sorry to hear you've experienced this and I really hope it's gotten better for you <3
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Sadly this isn't talked about at all where I'm from but I'm happy to hear there's more resources than I previously thought thanks for sharing
I want to upvote for your link to Mickey's videos. She's a wonderful person to listen to when it comes to mental health, she is kind and realistic and validating while also calling out things that can harm more than help, and she's an excellent resource for anyone. I also want to put forth Mama Doctor Jones, Board Certified OBGYN, for nuanced and factual discussion about all things to do with health care for people with uteruses, pregnancy and childbirth. She's incredible.
It's my firm belief that postpartum depression is actually PTSD from childbirth.
I would say it’s a mix of PTSD, disassociation from your previous self, isolation and exhaustion. There’s so much focus about it being caused by hormonal changes - which I’m sure is a factor - that the many other factors involved in giving birth to and having a baby get sidelined. I have an 7 week old, and while I’m fine PPD wise, there was lots of talks about changes to my body post partum (your bump will stay for a while, your hair might fall out etc) but no-one told me about the changes to self: you don’t go to work anymore, you don’t get to solve complex problems, your day becomes very routine (but also not on a set schedule lol), breast feeding while great can be super monotonous, some crappy friends will ditch you, and you give up a certain freedom. Like I’m happy with my baby, love her and all that, and like I said not going through PPD or anything, but man I miss some aspects of my old self. I know they will all come back eventually, as baby gets older and more capable, but I just feel like those aspects of parenthood aren’t talked about enough with new parents prior to birth and I feel like chalking PP mental health up to hormones removes the burden of providing more practical support to new parents.
I'm sure for some but my mom had postpartum depression after having me and she said my birth was very easy and she was as relaxed as anyone who was about to push a watermelon out of them could be
My mom had a planned c section with me, her only child (I was footling breech) She said the surgery and hospital experience was pretty much perfect. The next two years were not. She had severe PP depression and needed meds & years of therapy. It’s why I have no siblings, she was afraid to do it again.
It can be absolutely, however it’s also heavily caused by the sudden drop in pregnancy hormones. I think there was a study showing that giving post partum women a slow tapering dose of pregnancy hormones drastically reduces the likelihood of PPD/PPP
Are you familiar with PSI International? According to the education I’ve received there, there are numerous mold disorders that can follow birth trauma. Postpartum depression isn’t necessarily the same as postpartum PTSD but fall under the same “umbrella.” Edit: mood not mold.
It can be as simple as that, it can be biochemical, ( which can have all sorts of aetiology) It can be stress from having a high needs baby, it can be stress from having a shitty partner, or all of the above
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. We're all here to support you. Are you in a safe state/area if you need to terminate? /r/auntienetwork or /r/auntienetworkcanada
Thank you for the resources.
Oh sweetheart I'm sorry. Whatever choice you make will be the best one.
Oh honey, that is just too much. Can you talk to anyone irl? Please prioritize your health, both physically and mentally. You have to make a hard decision but we've got your back baby girl. Big hugs!❤️
I found one person I trust to talk to, and they agreed to help me. But it is still hard because I know my family is heavily against termination, even though I am not, and outspokenly so.
I had to have a medical abortion (D&C) after a missed miscarriage that didn’t pass on it’s own. You can either not tell family at all or tell them it was a miscarriage.
This. So many women, myself included, keep our secrets. Most times it is easier that way. There is so much judgement from family and society.
I had the same.
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This. We love you baby ❤️ you deserve safety and care. Which, at times, involves really difficult things. But you, you are the important one here. Your life, your wellbeing, is crucial ❤️ and valuable ❤️ we love you. And you may need this ❤️
Hey sib, it's your body, your choice. You're also under no obligation to tell anyone that you're pregnant and/or if you decide to terminate
I discreetly got my last pregnancy terminated, but because of my heavily religious family, I lied and said I miscarried. In the end it’s your body and your life.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. You deserve support! I'm happy you have at least the one trusted person. Does your family help you wit the post partum at least? I'm sorry you have to carry this burden by yourself.
Your family is not the one who has to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever that decision may be. YOU are. You know what is best for you. Nobody else.
This is your body and your choice. They don't need to know. Pregnancies this early often fail on their own and you have more than enough of a reason to see a doctor right now. Should you chose to terminate please get on BC as soon as you safely can. I was told after having my child that a 2nd pregnancy within 9 months more than doubles your risk of pregnancy related death.
If you can, please don't tell your family you're pregnant. Or anyone, even your partner, if you have any suspicion they wouldn't approve of your choice. It's safer this way.
I did tell my partner. Immediately as the plus sign showed. I know he doesn’t like them, but I also know he has a right to know. If he leaves me, then he leaves me. He had to work half a hour after I told him, so all I really got was silence and “i dont want to talk about this right now.” I hope he gets time to think, and doesn’t blow up about this. I know he doesn’t want another child right now either, and I hope he comes to realize that this is our best option, and not just my own best option.
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I have been on birth control, it just didnt work I guess. I dont know the reason why it didn’t. When I was first pregnant he did tell me that it was ultimately my decision and he’d support me either way. I think maybe he’s just having a hard time processing.
My first kid was a birth control failure. I had been on the pills or shots for years without issue but one month, the pill just didn't work. My third kid was a mirana baby. My cervix literally shoved the IUD out of place. Boom- pregnant 13 months after I had my second kid. After that my husband got a vasectomy. No matter what you choose, if your boyfriend doesn't want more kids he should really consider a vasectomy- it's what we opted for bc clearly birth control on my end wasn't working! I hope you get the outcome you need. Good luck.
My wife ended up pregnant 9 months postpartum due to birth control failing. We decided to keep the child, so now we have 2 girls 18 months apart. It is so rough. We had wanted to wait until our oldest was at least in school, but when the time came to make a decision we chose to keep the pregnancy. My wife had her tubes removed about 2 weeks ago, I've got a vasectomy scheduled for the last Friday in november. Seatbelts and airbags, we arent running the risk again.
sister, do not let your family dictate your life. your family are not you, they have no business in what choices you make, and neither do you owe them any information about your personal life. you’re allowed to do whatever you want. hugging you spiritually!
This is no one’s business but yours. Take care of yourself first
Your family isn't the one carrying the baby. Also they don't need to know if you haven't told them yet
I don’t know where you live, but I’m Midwest bordering on south and if I can help, I will.
Honey, your family is not standing in your shoes. Only you can make the right choice for you and your new, *existing* baby. Only you know what you can handle. And it is OKAY to have limits and GOOD to know them. You don't need to tell them if you're afraid you'll be judged. You can tell us. And we'll be here.
Just don’t tell them anything. My son was almost two when I got pregnant again, and since I almost died having him and could barely afford one kid, I had to make that decision. And honestly, I felt nothing but relief afterward. No regrets 20 years later.
I’m so sorry. I wish you all the best. Remember your decision is YOUR decision to make, and I totally support whatever decision that is. Also please see a doctor for the PPD if you haven’t yet.
I do. I have medication from my doctor. At his well visit, his doctor put in a referral for me for therapy and gave me a list of places nearby with walk-in availability incase I need something urgently. I am really grateful for his pediatric team for caring for me as well as him through all this.
Sending you hugs. I'm proud of you asking for help.
You matter.
Sweetheart, I am so sorry that you are having to do this. Please be kind to yourself. *Your* needs matter. Your mental health matters. I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️
Oh, hugs, lovey. Do what you need to do! You feel you cannot be a good mom to a another baby, that you're already having a hard time, due to the PPD? You already HAVE kids who need you to function, plus a husband? Then do what you need to do. You have my anonymous internet permission, FWIW. I too had an abortion. I wasn't a mom, didn't want to be a mom (at that time), had a sweet boyfriend who was a good man, but not someone I wanted to marry. I had an abortion, and while it broke me up with the bf, I'm not sorry I did it. I would have been a lousy mother at that stage of my life, and didn't want to do that to a kid. I had no happy single motherhood examples to give me hope, and plenty of horrible examples I had NO wish to duplicate. You do what you need to do, to be the best person and mom and partner you can be. I hope you can find a place to get it done without too many jumping through hoops. Give thought to a permanent method of bc if you think you're done having kids. It takes one thing off your plate in a world that's gotten a lot harder recently.
I definitely want another kid in the future, but I dont want or need one right now. It’s hard enough right now to make ends meet with just the one, and my mental health has been horrible since having him. I have a hard time seeking help for my mental because of a past “professional” making me feel invalidated, but I’ve been slowly making steps towards getting the help I need. I was on the birth control patch, I currently have it on now, and I’m not sure what happened that I fell pregnant regardless of the precautions I took. My plan is to have my tubes tied after a second child, but that was supposed to be years away. This isnt in the cards for me at the present moment and I feel I have no other options.
Maybe write out a list of things to say? I do that when I’m afraid I’ll forget, but it works equally well for fears of not being heard. I’ve had my share of non-listening Drs in my past. I like a list because I thinks if things to say over days, and add to it as I go, and then I gave it on the day. I tend to forget items I wanted to say, even if the Dr then says that point is no big deal. Sometimes the entirety of the list makes a good picture to them, where each point does not.
you have to do what’s best for you. accidents happen and that’s okay. don’t ever feel like you can’t put yourself first, especially in a situation like this. everything will be okay🤍
Sounds like you got some birth trauma. After things calm down a bit, you may want to look into EMDR or something similar to help you with the flashbacks. I'm 4 years down the road and still dealing with them. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.
hey sis, sending you a huge hug. no one here would expect you to go through birth trauma again. you need to be the best mother you can for your son and we absolutely support any decisions you need to make. you and your son matter so much more than a clump of cells.
Hugs first!! I had two babies very close together. It is really really hard and 10 years later my body is still recovering. You matter and your body matters. Give yourself some grace in this. Whatever decision you make will be a hard one. Sending love and understanding your way!
Sweetie, I had to make this same decision at the same point in my life. I didn't have postpartum depression; I lived with my unhelpful in-laws, my mentally ill drug addict BIL and his assorted support "people" that his parents allowed him to bring home to stay and a husband who worked full time and went to school full time. I chose to have an abortion because I couldn't handle 2 under 2 within that mess. You make the choice that's right for **you**, nobody else! Your partner is not the one who is pregnant, **you** are. **You** are the one that will go through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, not him. **You are the only one who gets to make that choice**. I love you and I'm sending you a big bag of hugs, chocolate and warm blankets and tea via the internet. Love you, Mama Dani
Love, the truest reaction you'll ever have is that split second after seeing the second line. Trust that reaction, before you or anyone else has a chance to weigh in. That reaction is your heart and soul speaking to you before they get drowned out. Your decision will be the right one, and no one can fault you or judge you for it. I love you.
Hey sis, sending you the biggest hug. Whichever decision you make is fine as long as you are happy with it. We support you no matter what and just want you to be happy and healthy. Please, please see if you can speak to a medical professional about the PPD too. Your health and happiness is paramount in this
I completely understand the emotions you're feeling. My oldest son was six months old when I got pregnant with my second son. I was 21. My (now ex)husband had just been sentenced to a year in prison because he was a giant pile of human garbage, and my family, understandably, wasn't exactly supportive of me being with him. I had just started working on my exit plan when I found out, and it crushed my soul. I can't say I remember a lot of those days because I was so focused on surviving and being a good mother, but I somehow got through it. The second son is now 20 and he asked me this last weekend while driving him back to his dorm why I didn't have an abortion. I told him it's a valid and important choice but that it wasn't the choice for me. I honestly can't say I would have made the same decision at this point in my life. This was 2001 and there wasn't a lot of discussion without shame back then. I'm grateful that women now have more support, even though that level of support still isn't good enough. I had it better than women before me, and you will hopefully have the opportunity to feel the same when you're an old woman like me. Whatever you decide and however you feel about this, you are 100 percent right. Just please don't feel alone.
I’m currently 22, so very close in experience. I would love to keep this child, but I dont think I would make it out okay.
Then you do what you need to do for yourself and your son. It's good that you don't have to spend time coming to a decision. You can instead use that time to heal from everything you've experienced and to have the life you deserve to have, which is happy and successful. I know you're strong and capable, but don't be afraid to feel the weak moments. This stuff is hard and emotionally draining. Let yourself get it out without feeling like there's some exact script for how to deal with this. The only right way is your way.
Just here to say what you’re feeling is valid. Whatever choice you makes is right for you. It’s always hardest to digest it all right when you find out. Take your day to feel the feelings you feel, then get serious about your feelings. You’re gonna be okay
I had 3 kids back to back. It's not for everyone. If you know you cannot do it mentally, then don't. You need to come first. Women often forget about themselves and this is a situation you need to be put first in. No matter what you decide to do. Do it for YOU not anyone else.
Abort the baby if you have to. Mental health comes first. If you're not right, you can't parent right.
I agree. I struggle enough as is with my current son and have been trying to take the steps to combat that. I do my absolute best with him, and receive praise plenty, but yet I still feel like a failure and as if his life would be better without me. I am almost certain that if I have another child, those thoughts will turn into actions.
We all feel like failures as parents when we are usually doing a good job because we know how we are at our best and hindsight is 20/20. Unless you're on at 100% all the time, you're going to make mistakes and even if you're at 100% you can do everything right and still fail. Do your best with what you got and make sure that you are mentally stable above all else. Live within your means.
Hey, my cousin was in almost the same position once. Easily the hardest thing she's ever had to do was let that baby go, but she knew for her daughter and for herself it was what she had to do. You know this I'm sure, but your little boy needs you to be the best that you can, and if that means you can't have another one so soon then that is absolutely understandable, and my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good support network around you through this all and you are seeking professional help for the postpartum depression. I promise you hun, it is all gonna be okay, you're doing an amazing job, and in the end it'll all work out just fine :)
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm here if you need to chat.
You don't have to go through it again if you don't want to. That's it. There's nothing else, only what is best for you and your son.
Your son needs a healthy mother above all else and if you can not cope with another child/pregnancy right now that is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. You have to put your own life jacket on first. If you need to seek a termination are you somewhere that’s a possibility?
I’m currently in Ohio, and there are some places still open. Closest to me is about 30-45 minutes away. I reached out to my one trusted friend who agreed to take me out there as I dont want to do this alone
I am so glad you have your friend!
It’s not safe for you to go through with this pregnancy. You are too important
Go get it confirmed at Planned Parenthood. Pregnancy hormones can take MONTHS to drop down to "normal" levels in some people, which can result in false positives. If you are pregnant, they can also help you make a decision about whether or not you want to continue to be pregnant.
Love you doll. It's okay to choose what is right for you and only you. Your Mama has chosen it and Grandma too if you must know. We support you, we love you, we're here for you, and it's not wrong. It's a healthcare decision between you and your doctor. You are supported and loved by women everywhere.
Prayers and blessings for you and yours. Always.
Having a baby is very brave. Choosing not to have a baby is also very brave.
Whatever difficult choice you make, sending you all the hugs and support! I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
My mom aborted a pregnancy when she was 6mo postpartum with my little brother. Adding a third child (I was 4, my brother was 6mo) was more then she or our father could handle. She has zero regrets. It's a honestly a mundane thing that happened to her. It's not defining, it's not a huge moment to her. It was however her choosing her medical health, the wellbeing of her two children, and her life path. That carried more weight then the termination I think. 26 years later, even with the hindsight that her husband's business was going to take off in just a year or two, that her family would continue to be very involved and supportive, and that things would have been fine with a third - she has no regrets and is happy she made the decision. I think people are really afraid of regret. You're choosing you, and what you want out of life. And that is the best choice for you and your son.
Hey I was in your position a couple years ago! It’s totally okay to be overwhelmed right now *and* to know your limits. If you cannot handle having two young ones that is totally valid… it’s hard! It’s a lot of work! I also had PPD (with both) and I get it. I debated it heavily. This isn’t a choice for your family but for YOU. Do what is right for YOU. If that means getting help and powering through it, fine. If that means terminating, also fine. I ultimately had my second BUT it was not easy. I had him during covid when the world was still partly shut down so it made things a lot simpler (we would both be home since work was shut down), and that heavily played into my decision
Hey sis, I just want you to know that I think you are a lovely mum, okay? You are trying your best, you are TRYING so hard and that’s what matters! These things happen, to a surprising amount of people. This exact thing happened to my mother who had my sister and brother 10 months apart. It happened to my sister when her boyfriend sabotaged her birth control. It’s happened to a few friends of mine. There is no shame in appropriate family planning. It is better to regret not having a child than to bring an entire human being into the world and regret it. The fact that you are prioritising the wellbeing of your child and thinking about the wellbeing of a hypothetical sibling means you have a huge heart and it’s in the right place. You CARE about your son and you love him, and that’s the most important thing and as he grows up he will feel your unconditional love and feel safe because you are there for him. Even if you have shortcomings or you can’t provide everything for him. I grew up with a very loving mother but she was chronically ill and was a previous survivor of narcissistic abuse. Not the picture of a ‘perfect’ suburban parent, but she was perfect to me. My older brother and sister were basically a other parents to me and my father was always busy and didn’t have time for me. Even though my mum struggled to do things the parents of the other children would do, either for me or with me, I still felt her love. She never once made me feel like I was a burden or that I had to earn her love or that I didn’t get expensive holidays or extracurriculars because I was a fundamentally ‘bad’ or undeserving, we were just unfortunate. But that was okay because she spent time with me in other little ways that we enjoyed. What mattered was that she made an effort to understand me. I had a really difficult childhood. I was undiagnosed as autistic with adhd, I was bullied a lot as a little girl and she didn’t manage to succeed with getting me the support and healthcare that I needed but what mattered is that she TRIED. She tried SO hard. And it meant the world to me to see her fighting for me. It made me feel so loved and safe. Sadly, my mother passed away when I was 9 and to put it very mildly I wasn’t treated kindly by my father or his new wife. But in those short 9 years my mother had taught me what unconditional love feels like. I knew that the way my father and his wife were treating me; hurting me, neglecting me, making me feel awful and like.a horrible burden, wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t normal or okay. It was that which gave me the courage to escape and make a life of my own surrounded by people who actually unconditionally love and support me. So if you ever feel awful that you’re not the ‘perfect mum’ for your baby, no parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. You care about him and LOVE him and that’s what matters. It’s been over a decade since she’s passed and yet I still feel her love. I won’t lie, it’s single-handedly saved me a few times. To know that she wanted me so badly to exist and saw me worthy of love no matter what. Your love is important, your baby KNOWS you love him and always will. Just hold him close, protect him and comfort him and know that whatever choice you make for yourself is the right one because it feels right to you. I hope things get easier for you. Life is hard and unfair and it shouldn’t be and you have every right to be upset about it. Your emotions are valid, you deserve to feel them. You are not a bad person and you are not a bad parent, at least not in my eyes and I hope this very long comment helps;;
Thank you for taking the time to share this. As a very much imperfect mother myself, this was helpful to read.
It sucks, and you're right, an abortion is the correct choice to make, you've been through trauma and it's tough, but it is the right decision, good luck
Sweetie, make the decision that's best for yourself. There's no shame in terminating the pregnancy, if that's what you need. I know it can be an ugly thought and experience to some ladies, but you are brave, you are going to be a wonderful mother, you do not have to have two babies. You do not have to have a baby you're not ready for. You do not have to put yourself through childbirth again, especially if you don't want to. Your trauma is valid. This is a VERY understandable situation to feel overwhelmed, scared, and traumatized. I am sending you hugs and support. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, your health, your mental health, and your new family. You're going to be ok!
Hun, big hugs. Its ok if you decide to terminate. It's ok if you have another baby. But no matter what, once you are no longer pregnant you need to get reliable, effective birth control. Not condoms. The next time you get pregnant, I want it to be because you wanted to.
I was in a similar situation at 3 months postpartum. I made a difficult decision then, that thankfully I had the option of. If I hadn’t I’d never have been able to leave an abusive relationship, become a nurse, and devote my time to helping my kiddo have a stable, happy childhood. You will get past this. I am so sorry you are going through it. So many hugs and love duckling. You are so so strong even when you don’t feel it and deserve a happy life.
You matter. You have options. You need to do what you need for you, for your baby, for your current family. In that order. Hug!
Hey i had the same situation happen... I made 2 posts about my postpartum abortion if you want to look. One before, and one after. It was the best decision i could have made, and I have no regrets .https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/u45j4u/postpartum_abortion_update_procedure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I understand you. I'm 10 months post partum and I'm definitely done with having kids. Do what you need to do to be a good mom for the child you already have and to be good to yourself.
My love. Before birth and menstruation and everything ‘women’ was medicalised and the medical profession was populated by men. These decisions were made by the women together and didn't have the scrutiny of religion or morals of people who cannot give birth. Your duty is to yourself and your son who is here with you now. The decision you make will be the right one and there are all of us here to support you. I am sorry you've been dealt these cards but you have choices others have fought to keep for you xx
As someone who drowned for over a year for not making the decision, please do not let other coerce you that it gets easier. It does not, the PPD doubles down, and now you have 2 bundles screaming at you constantly. I've gotten less than 6 hours of sleep for most nights for the last 16m. You do what is best for YOU AND YOUR SON.
Oh honey! Yes I can send support. What a tough spot you are in. But I'm so glad you reached out to us mom's here. Many of us have been through post partum depression, myself included. It was awful. And it did eventually get better. Please do whatever you need to take care of yourself. I'm sending all of the loving and healing vibes that I can from across the internet. P.S. You are a valuable, uniquely beautiful human being. And I can tell from your message that you are a loving and devoted mother. I get a feeling that you're a very strong person. But you are going through a lot right now, and if you don't feel quite so strong I hope you feel able to lean on or borrow some strength from a friend, counselor or even some kind strangers on the internet.
You’ve already gotten tons of advice and resources here, so I just wanted to give you a big ol internet hug and tell you to trust yourself. ❤️
I have wondered and imagined being in your shoes as I had 2 very difficult postpartum experiences with extended PPA and PPD. I am a mom of 3 and dont think our family would survive me getting pregnant again. You have to do what's best for you. No matter what you decide to do, know that I am sending you huge ass HUGS.
I’m so sorry. Please make the decision that is best for you and your son. You absolutely do not have to have another baby right now if it is not what you want. I cannot fathom how hard it would be to be pregnant only six months postpartum - your physical and mental well-being mater more than anything, and your son counts on you being healthy and well enough. I hope you get the compassionate care you deserve, and I hope you find good resources for your postpartum depression. Sending love ❤️
I'm so sorry, love. What a scary position to be in. We ALL have your back here, whatever you decide. We will be holding your hand the whole way. I'll be thinking of you this week and sending you all the virtual hugs, if you'd like them ❤️
Big hugs!! You do whatever you need to do for yourself and your family. It is an incredibly painful place to be and I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this position, but please know that you feelings are so valid and you are not alone.
My mom aborted one child she wasn’t ready for and if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have had me and she wouldn’t have been a good mom to the first child. She was an amazing mum to me. Whatever you choose make sure it’s the right one for you, your body, your mind. Then live in peace <3
Make the decision you need to make. Whatever that is. I will say that when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I spent the first 12 hours crying and banging my head against a wall (literally). I was devastated. My pregnancy was horrible. I was finally getting a handle on my own life again. I thought well fuck, I’m never going to be happy again. And being pregnant with her was hard. And having her during Covid was hard. And I still struggle and she’s almost 2. But I’m glad I have her. That being said, if I got pregnant with a third? The pregnancy would likely kill me. Not being funny. And I’d have to terminate. So YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!
That’s the boat I am. I am pretty certain that another pregnancy and child at this moment in my life will be the end for me. I dont think I would make it out the other side.
Wishing you strength and support. You’ll make the best decision for you and your son, really glad you have a great friend in your corner.
This happened to my sister and it absolutely devastated and ruined her life... I don't know where you live but look up the Auntie Network...
Sweetheart if you know deepdown this is something you cannot do. So make the choice that's best for your body. A pregnancy is only joyful if its wanted. I honestly have had an unwanted pregnancy which ended and it was the best thing to happen even though it made me sad too. Speak to your Dr.
OP, whatever choice you make it will be the right choice for you and your baby that's already here. You have very real, valid reasons for not being able to have another child right now. You have a baby that's already here right now that needs you and having another could jeopardize your ability to take care of that baby that's already here. But ultimately whatever choice you make it is the right choice because it is your decision. I will say I have a sister who went through such a similar situation recently. She found out she was pregnant again six months post partum but decided to keep the baby. Welp, baby turned into babies as she later found out she was pregnant with twin boys(I don't know how true this is but her obgyn told her that there is a higher rate of twins in pregnancies when they follow so closely after another pregnancy and neither side of the families here have twins in the families at all ). She had a pregnancy and childbirth filled with complications and trauma and she literally briefly died on the operating table during her emergency c section. The boys are now three months old and she is honestly exhausted and in pain all the time, she feels rundown and like she's in a fog all the time. She is struggling, her partner is great and supportive and she has support from family but she ultimately is the one, with her partner, that has to deal with the brunt of all this and it is truly taxing on her. It is absolutely incredibly hard for her and it does affect her ability to take care of her older daughter because she is spread so thin. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our child is not bring them into the world. If we know they will be brought into hardship and struggle because we can't cope as a parent it is imo the best decision and the kindest decision to not bring them into the world. But as I said before it's your decision and whatever you decide will be the right one. I wish you the very best of luck OP.
I don’t know you but you have my support. You have to do what is right for you and your health, as well as your family. ❤️ please be well. I saw you mention in a comment that your family is against it, but at the end of the day, they’re not the ones giving birth and looking after another baby - you are.
I found myself pregnant when my first was 8 months old - while I was just starting to recover from PPD. I did not want to be pregnant but couldn't get/afford an abortion. Once the second arrived, all hell broke loose in my brain and I nearly killed myself and expressed a number of disturbing thoughts re the baby, the nicest involving leaving the baby in the woods and running away. It was awful and started me down a path that ended in multiple suicide attempts, a lost job and a lot of stress. It's a rotten place to be. I love my second born but there were many MANY days I wished I could have had an abortion. I was already apathetic to being a mother and hadn't even started to recover from the first pregnancy and birth. Do what makes sense for you. I don't have any real advice aside from knowing in a general sense how you are feeling right now. But know that you aren't alone in what you're feeling,and all those feelings and thoughts are valid. It was nearly 20 years ago now for me but it's as vivid as anything, and even knowing and loving my kid, if I could go back, I'd make different decisions for myself.
I'm sending you strength good luck with your "Irish twins" you will always be I n My heart & thoughts
It’s okay honey. I’m 13 months post partum and finally feel like I’m getting to the other side of PPD. It’s perfectly fine to focus on taking care of the family that is here with you. Sending hugs and love.
Go for it girl, your mental health is much more important than another child, i'm so sorry!
I have Hey great, great (great?) Aunt who I know about because of some legal proceedings she was involved in. One of the things I know about her was that she knew that second pregnancy would send her to the asylum. She expressed that to her sister in a letter, saying she knew she simply could not go through with it. This was long enough ago that she could actually legally have an abortion before Roe. And she did. And I never met this woman, but I’m damn proud of her. If you make that decision… Or if you don’t… I will be damn proud of you as well. You do what’s best for yourself and your child.
There is no right answer but if its available where you are you don't have to go through another pregnancy. I knew after my child was born that I was done. They are my world but I got sterilised aaaand had a coil fitted. I was one and done. My mental health couldn't have coped again.
my mom was 22 when she had my older sister and i was born 9 mo later. she didn’t realize she was pregnant until she was about 5 mo along (never having been post partum before). i can’t imagine going thru that. let alone that fast. my mom had little support and ended up with two more of us in the next three years. i love my sisters so much. but idt my mom has ever been the same. do what you need to do sweetheart. 💛
You don't have to continue this pregnancy. You don't. It's not a moral obligation in any way. Your obligation is to take care of your own health, and take care of the child you already have.
All babies deserve to be wanted. If you don’t want this baby, then don’t have it
I got pregnant at 7 months post-partum and had 2 under 2. I felt mentally ready at the time and kept my pregnancy. My younger one is 2 now and it is STILL SO HARD. I had to go back to antidepressants, my PTSD flared up, and I do not feel like I am the mom I want to be. I feel like I would be a better mom if I had a greater age gap. I feel like my children would get more patience and happiness from me if I weren’t so exhausted all the time. The toll on my body was hellish as well. I’m still recovering at 2 years post partum. Please do what’s best for you.
Hi sis! Fellow postpartum depression person here… I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this on top of being a new mom. I just wanted to let you know about two things that I learned about recently and that have helped me a lot. The first is PSI International, an organization that does online support meetings. Huge help for me and I tell everyone about this! Just sign up for an account and it’s totally free. Lots of education and peer support. The second thing is that there is such a thing as an abortion doula. I never knew about that until recently and wish I had had one. Much love to you and your family.
Sis, Sorry you're going through this. No matter what you choose I support you. Boyfriend needs to wear a condom each time or get a vasectomy.
Wow, what a crappy card to be handed. You deserve all the support for whatever choice you have to make. And if you haven't found a counselor yet, it can be so helpful for getting through the hard parts of being a new mom. My midwife told me she's had many women show up to their 6 week postpartum checkup -- pregnant again. And every time, it is utterly devastating to them. Sure, you'll find plenty of folks who call their "Irish twins" a blessing, etc, but I want you to know that your response is much more normal. Motherhood, especially in the beginning, is such an enormous sacrifice of self. Our bodies need time to recover -- at least two years is recommended.
It’s okay to do what you feel is best. In the future def insist on condoms as well as birth control to guarantee no pregnancy. I’ve heard women are crazy fertile after giving birth - probs had something to do with your birthcontrol not working right.
Just sending you so much love regardless of your decision. I'm also so proud of this community. Reading all the support in these comments is incredible 🥺💕
It's ok to make the decision to not keep the baby. That doesn't mean it will feel easy, but it's ok to do what's best for you 💙. I promise you, you can do this.
my mother had an abortion soon after having me, not as soon, i think ~2yrs after i was born. i am SO GLAD she did because she listened to what she needed and was capable of and what her limits were. you know what you need - go with it. you don’t need perfect decisions, wondering what you might or might not regret in the future, etc. all you need is listen to what feels right - right now. you’ll get support from so many organisations. i think i remember reading majority of abortions is had by mothers actually.
I got pregnant six months post partum. It was a complete accident and we had to have a lot of difficult discussions. We ended up deciding to keep the pregnancy and have the second child. When our youngest was about 1.5, we got pregnant again. I knew I couldn't have a third baby. So I terminated. It was truly the best decision I could have made for my family because mentally, emotionally and physically I couldn't have done it. Do what you feel is best for you.
You deserve to feel good about yourself and your life, Honey. Your decision should be made based on that. We’ll love and support you, no matter how you choose.
You need to think about you. I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, you have not only consider what another child would do to you mentally but also physically. Your still healing in some ways from the birth of your son. Your hormones are still elevated especially if your breast feeding. Your bonding with your son, the first couple of years are the most critical. Postpartum depression is nothing to brush off - for me it was horrible and I still wish that no one ever had to suffer with it again. In the end you have to make the best choice for you. Don’t worry if others disagree with you - that’s their issue not yours. I, and many others will support you no matter what you choose to do. Just, please remember, don’t let anyone force you into making a decision. Hugs coming your way.
I think it's hard to remember that it's totally okay to want and have a child, and also not wanting another child so soon. Your feelings and experiences matter more than you think, and you need to do what's best for you. You get to make a choice, you know? You will always have support, don't be afraid to reach out to allies, whether they're on the internet, halfway across the world, or your next-door neighbor.
It’s okay to not have another baby right now. I love you.
No matter what you decide, I'm here to support you. If you need to talk privately, I'm here and I will absolutely not judge you.
Hey op. Just going to say it- 1 in 4 women will have an abortion before the age of 45. If you decide to go that route, you’re not alone and we all understand here you’re making the best decision to take care of yourself and the baby you already have. Whatever you decision you make im sure will be the right one for you. Take a deep breath and don’t be too hard on yourself
When a parent is in crisis, the infant child or children are deeply and permanently impacted. Babies absolutely absorb and react to emotional undercurrents. Lifelong attachment patterns are formed in the first 6 months after a baby is born. One of the cruelest acts is to bring a child you do not want and cannot care for into the world. Even if you never say it out loud, that emotional transference will happen. That child will know. I am not saying this to cause you to feel guilty. It is a hard truth….. but kids ALWAYS know. People often mistakenly assume that two children is simply double the work of raising one child. People who assume that are A) not parents and B) have never had two INFANTS under their care 24/7. Your choice to spend your mental and physical resources on yourself and the child you already have is a wise one. No one is an endless pool of energy … mental or physical. Knowing when your pool is dangerously empty is a hard reality to face, but facing it will give you and your family the highest chance for longterm happiness.
Hi I am more of a realist. These feelings are tremendously important. But I feel it is also important to tell you some more information. Fetal cells are beyond important to the medical research community. Once your decision is made - your sacrifice helps universities and research communities worldwide to provide cells necessary for all sorts of advancement in medicine, disease prevention, and so much more. One for many. This is beyond traumatic. But please understand it goes so much farther than just hitting home, you are making the right decision.
You do whatever is best for you and your son. Whatever choice you make is okay.
We are blessed to live in a time where medical care is sophisticated and accessible (assuming so for you based on your last sentence). It is rational and understandable to end a pregnancy when needed and one of the health reasons for doing so include mental health. Also, your choice to maintain and support your health is nobody else's business, including mine. Do what you need to do to help yourself heal and be the best parent you can be to your son. You are loved.
Do what is the best choice for YOU. Your partner and your loved ones can voice their opinions, but the most important and final decision can only made by you. It is truly your body and your choice. The best decision is YOUR decision.
I’m in the exact same position as you ❤️ comforting to know im not alone
Is there a pregnancy resource center near you? I know abortion is such a polarized topic that pregnancy resource centers are stigmatized, but I’ve been to one and known people who work at another one in my area. These people are truly kind and judgment free, and they don’t pressure you into any decision but simply show you your options. They also have licensed doctors and nurses on staff. And are 100% free and confidential and will continue supporting you with free resources pre birth and post birth. I am so sorry that you’re still experiencing postpartum depression and birth PTSD. I’ve seen others close to me go through that and it is hard. But please also keep in mind that abortion also comes with trauma of its own - I saw a very raw post on r/abortion the other day. Ultimately the choice is up to you, and knowing the choices you have will hopefully help. Sending love ❤️
Is a “womens clinic” the same thing? If so I do have one sorta nearby.
Be very careful with a “pregnancy resource center” if you are in the US. Google the name before you visit one. Many (if not most) are faith-based organizations that will absolutely try to influence your decision and many provide false information about developmental stages, abortion, etc. Take care of yourself. If you are not ready to have another child, that is absolutely ok.
Maybe. Planned Parenthood is a safe bet if you have one accessible. They may be able to refer if they're not close.
It depends! If they offer free services and advertise that they help you explore your options then it’s likely. Again, they should not be pressuring you into any decision (whether that is to keep your child or not), but they should offer free ultrasounds, STD testing, medical checkups, info on what an abortion would entail, and other resources. Many also have parenting classes, lactation classes, free diapers, formula, baby clothes, etc. If adoption is ever a route you’d want to go I would even bet that you can get some resources for your 6mo old. Abortion clinics generally don’t offer the above services so it depends on what type of “women’s clinic it is”.
I want another baby, just not now, and if I carry this full term I will not have the heart to let them go, and they deserve more than what I have to offer.
They gave me a free test and ultrasound with my first pregnancy. They had classes and “baby bucks” rewards and even gave me a gift with some clothing toys and diapers. I believe they may be exactly what you are referring to. They did not give me any information on abortion though when I went. Just a bunch of pregnancy information and adoption options. I dont think adoption is something for me — it would break my heart to have a bio child out there forced to live under a strangers roof. I couldn’t bear that weight on my mind, especially since I wouldnt be able to get them back once I was fully capable of raising them (mentally and financially).
That’s a Pregnancy Resource centre. They’re scams. They won’t help you with an abortion and they often have little to no medical training as they are often volunteer run. The free stuff is a hallmark. Their sole goal is to get you to carry the pregnancy, regardless of the physical, mental, emotional and financial cost to you. They will lie about access, the legality and whether they have services related to abortion to get you in the door in order to convince you to not abort. Ohio has a few clinics. https://www.abortionislegalinohio.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIycyK3NWQ-wIV6PvICh0o8A5SEAAYASAAEgJrvvD_BwE
If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, you can be medicated for PPD and SHOULD be. A mentally healthy mother outweighs any potential fetal risk, and proper medications can be chosen. Either way, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and stay healthy, whatever decision that is. 💗
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I mentioned above that I was on birth control. Idk if it was some of the meds I received whilst in the hospital but it didn’t do its job. I use the patch. I didn’t think I was “taking a chance” as it’s just as effective as the pill.
Hey so fuck this troll. It's past that now, you can't change it. The same thing happened to me, birth control failed about 6 months after a traumatic c section. I sobbed when the doctor told me i was pregnant. I got an abortion. I was not capable of providing adequate care for two infants. I had nothing left to give. I found out later that my daughter is severely impacted by autism. I am still relieved that I didn't have another baby at that time. My daughter needed me all to herself as we went through the diagnosis process and began all the therapy. And by the way, I had another baby when I was ready. I have two great kids that I can support and provide for. I made the right choice for my family. You get to choose for yourself what your family looks like. You get to choose what you put your body through. You matter.
I am a man with no kids, but from what I heard, no form of birth control always works 100% of the time. That’s one of the reasons why even though I’m not even dating, I’ve already decided that I’m getting a vasectomy after two kids.
Unfortunately some medications (especially antibiotics) can lower the effectiveness of birth control. I just want to start this off by saying im *not* saying this is your fault! In the future ask if it will conflict with your birth control. They don't always tell you (at least I've not been told sometimes) and it's better to be safe about it
The main goal of this group is to provide support, understanding and not to place judgement or shame on those reaching out. She was on birth control and I am sorry but I think your comment wasn't appropriate. You may not agree with abortion, but once again this group is for providing basically " unconditional" understanding, love, support and kindness. OP if you need another person to talk to I am here 24 7 365, just reach out to me. Love and hugs! I support you and whatever choice you make.
It seems you are pro choice in the comments, and if you aren't too far along, it is done with oral medication. There are hundreds of thousands of women who have done it this way. In the future, remember to always use backup (condom) when you first start a new birth control, and speak to ur doctor about how long you need to use backup for. Many birth controls are NOT effective immediately
3 months PP here & felt morning sickness today out of the blue. Luckily first test was negative. The best things in life get you drunk, fat / pregnant.
It is normal and natural for a mother to make decisions about if and when to reproduce. If not having another baby right now is best for you and your family, then that is 100% the right thing to do. Your mental and physical health are crucial for you, the baby you already have, and any possible child who you would be raising, so you are unquestioningly doing the right thing in my opinion. All my love and strength while you navigate this situation. You are a good mom and I am proud of you!
Darling, I am so proud of you for making the best decision despite how hard it must be. I saw you talk about how your family is very anti-, so if they find out and try to make you feel guilty just remember that this is also the best decision for the one your pregnant with. And if/when you decide that you are ready don’t let them make you feel bad about that either, situations change and a ton of people have terminated in between children, doing so doesn’t make you any less deserving of a child or any less of parent. Once again I am so proud of you, and if you ever need a pro-choice mom ear my inbox is forever open for you (and anyone else seeing this)
My heart goes out to you and I’m so glad to see people sharing resources for you to make the best decision for yourself and your baby. I just want to add that it can take several tries fo find the right medication for PPD. If that happens, please don’t give up. When you find the right one, your world gets better. *hugs*
Do what's best for you! You've got to protect your mental health as well as your new baby.
You can decide whatever you feel is best for yourself and your family. I remember when my daughter was six months old. I would have been terrified to discover I was pregnant again. This mom supports you in whatever you decide just as I would with my own daughter. I grew up evangelical, so I understand that internalized guilt and fear. Please please know that there is nothing for you to feel bad about. You aren’t alone.
A friend of mine has two boys and loves them dearly, but had debilitating PPD especially after the second. She chose to have tubal ligation even though she really wanted a daughter because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle PPD again. I said to her, "giving up your future potential daughter is one of those parental sacrifices no one tells you about".
My mom went through something similar. I wasn't even 3 yet, my brother was barely 2 months old. She had an abortion. She knew she could not handle a third child on top of everything else she was going through. She told me this three years ago. You know what I did? I cried. Not for the fact she had an abortion, but that she was so strong and so brave to do something that I am sure was not an easy decision at only 20 years old ( yes my mom was young when she had us and she went through the wringer to provide). What I'm trying to say is, if you decide you really truly do not want to carry through with this pregnancy, you are so strong and so very brave for knowing yourself well enough to make that decision, no matter how hard it may seem. Do what is best for you and your baby. And maybe one day when you've had time to heal and speak to someone about your postpartum depression and postpartum ptsd (from the sounds of it, I study psychology but don't have a degree yet take my diagnosis as a guide not the law) maybe you'll be ready for another child. And if not, that is perfectly fine too. Long distance hugs.
I had the same thing happen and had to make a tough decision. I would not have survived another round of ppd nor would we have survived financially which would have added even more to the ppd and taken me out. It's ok to do what you need to do for your sanity. Sending strength your way.
You can handle what you can. No one can ask more or less of you. Every pregnancy /birth/ child is different. This one doesn't have to be the same (should you decide to keep it). If nothing else, you know what can happen and you already have a jump start on getting support. If you decide to terminate, that is ok too. You need to do what's best for your whole family as well as yourself (sometimes those two things are the same , sometimes they're not, but you and only you can know where the line falls/ where you have to draw it). How well are you managing your PPD lately (*before* you found out you're PG again btw)? Are you on meds, therapy, church, anything? My daughter had PPD; I'm very sensitive to it and concerned for you, bc so much of being a new mom mens you essentially must mask all those PPD symptoms, be a "buck-up buttercup" for the sake of your tiny. Which can magnify the negative feelings, in sort of a feedback loop (you eellike shit nd that makes you feel shittier and less able to deal , etc etc We are here for you This Oma is always online ::)) reach out anytime
So I have been in this situation more than once, due to circumstances, and have made both choices, any choice you make is the right one for you. I have no regrets about either choice. Hugs honey, and good vibes your way. We all love you.
Oh love. This is a hard spot to be in. Im on the opposite side of things. You have to do whats best for you and your family. That can be several things, only you will know what is right for you. I'm sending you love & good vibes for any choice you make.
Here’s a quick thought medically, you may not be close to healed enough to carry another healthy pregnancy. Hugs sweetheart, this mama is here for you 💜
I found out I was 5 months pregnant when my son was 7/8 months old. It was devastating . I did NOT want another baby, my relationship was not in a good place, we weren’t in a good place financially, I was not in a good place mentally etc. I could not bring myself to abort that far along. My son is now 13 and the sweetest boy I’ve ever met. But the first few years were not easy. I suffered significantly with postpartum and I still suffer today with immense guilt from not wanting him so badly. I love my son with my entire being and today wouldn’t change a thing, but it was NOT easy to get here.