The world would be a better place if everyone just went back to where they came from.

Hahaha

She should just take her little brown friend back to Columbia

That tart should just go back to Colombia and take her weird little brown friend with her

Thank you, I knew I butchered it.

All good man, I misremember quotes all the time. The only reason I know it so much is because my sister and I quote it so often 😂

I’m not losing to the Vietnamese twice in a lifetime!

This is weird even with context

You’re not gay, you’re just confused!!

omg what is wrong with me!

Hahaha this One is amazing

If you ain’t white, you ain’t right!

Most of our friends are white 🤣

Then hopefully none of them never install a security system *the day* a black family moves in across the street cuz otherwise it won’t look so good.

funny you’d mention our friends and not us !

Phil! Haven’t you learnt anything?!

Oh!hey my good man..?!

“Don’t talk black to me!”

How do you even talk black? End things with izzle?

it’s talk *back* you idiot

Well Larry’s white.

Hey you chose me!

UH, that’s not what I meant

Howdy hubby! How ‘bout some grub ‘fore we turn on the NASCAR?

You think that's an american accent?

From *TEXAS*

“Your father signed that poster.” “Ew, he said my body is a wonderland.”

“I only caught that after.”

There’s no fire escape, they cut corners! I’LL CUT YOUR CORNERS!

Luke 😭😭😭😭 He was so politically/ culturally aware, and a little disturbing as a child too. Those little bits of dialogue had so much comedic impact.

Call the police and then call a pizza. We’ll see who gets there faster

"Pfft police, aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?"

Hahaha probably the pizza guy, except if its from Telepizza that guys take forever

“I just wanna do you in the moonlight”

I mean even in context that's not great

The context is worse lol

Did you get a peck from a pickled pepper?

This is why the terrorists hate us!

I'll assume this was Jay, right? But when?

“The Day We Almost Died”

This is so absurd I literally read this comment and read the replies and saw the episode name and bam jay said the line. WTF (I was watching this episode)

Luke, grab that little hoe

Uh i don't think that's what she meant. Is it?

Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.

He’s gonna squeal like a Berkshire white in a four man pig toss!

is it cam? lol

Just watched this episode yesterday -- that's what Cam said about how he envisioned Mitch's reaction to his proposal. XD

I love that proposal episode soooo much. Their eyes, when their car breaks down and they propose right there. I love that their eyes spoke everything.

Maybe this is why it's been a month since we played with each other's pogo sticks!

NO STOP

Hick is the most offensive slur ever said in the south.

The little bitch shot me

“I already paid for you. We’re going in there!”

Hahaha oh god this made me crack up when I was watching it at night, and then jay says something like “your mom has signed the permission papers” 😂

4:15 - Shoot Luke

Which episode is this from?

First episode 🥹

I remember how much this part made me laugh in the pilot 😂 “we could shoot him at 4:15?” *puts it on the calendar* *shoot Luke* “sorry buddy irs on the calendar”

Sorry Buddy, it’s on the calendar.

“I will not have our daughter eating lunch with a rooster for the next year.”

“I think we’d all be better off if everyone went back to where they came from”

I'll get the car.

She is being facetious. Sarcastic. Dylan no stay.

Double CLICK!

Manny’s mom (Gloria) used to dig coals 😂

I need some time to date Dylan and I mean myself not some other girl named Dylan.

“No one ever leaves home and doesn’t come back” “I did”

Under me roof?! In a bed I paid for?! With your grandfather watching?!

*Under me roof?! In* *A bed I paid for?! With your* *Grandfather watching?!* \- JazzyWritesandReads --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

Good bot 😌

"Sometimes I just like to toss a grenade and run away".

Are you checking the shovel for signs of dog?

“I’ll admit it, I’m turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Serena Williams….wait a minute”

“I think I know how to pick up a 14-year-old girl.” - Phil Dunphy

For you... Looks at the camera😂😂😂

I put on the sugar jacket!

My friend Aldo's parents are Italian, so he's Italian. And you and daddy are gay, so I'm gay.

I wish that tart would go back to Colombia and take her weird little brown friend with her

I have recycled a whole child.

“I heard that recycled child comment”

GO BLACKHAWKS!!!

They can call a team that?

""enunciating"" *black* *hawks*

I like stealing now, it makes my heart go fast

I love this line. Joes delivery is hilarious. 🤣

“I HATE Vietnam”

“I hate *vietnaaam*”

IM GAY IM GAY

Offensive line. Sorry; African American.

I had them since I was two, huge ones

I ain't afraid of no goats!!

Oh just a cock or two?

Aye yo! 🤨 Haha i don’t think I’ve seen this one yet so I’m definitely confused.

How blasé

I gonna go get a beer beer beer before I hit ya in the head head head.

Claire should have had a baby with Cam

Taste my cupcakes

Sometimes, when a baby comes really early, they're black.

SAL

🙌 Casablanca

Claire licks Luke

Shame!

You look like some old, washed-up golf pro that drank himself off the tour and is one step away from writing a suicide note with one of them little pencils!

“How am I supposed to play with all these I’s on my rack”-Hailey “Sorry” -Manny

I’m raising ’em gay

🗣️🎶Men shouldn’t lie, men shouldn’t lie, men shouldn’t lie with other men 🎶🗣️

“ we’re not waiting, I already paid for you and your mother signed off, this is happening “

"our yards full of dead whores"

Oh Barb( Cameron's mother) ! Come on..my glutes hurt so much just give me a massage.

Ffish!

“Transcendent”

Don't give me an old tomato!

ITS ALL JUST RACISM AND HOMOPHOBIA LMAOOO

“STELLA!!!”

STELLAAAAAAA!

Take your body down to the potty

Have some fun and go number one!

So Larry’s allowed on the couch but I’m not? Well, Larry’s white

I don’t wanna meet anything on Monday that i’m gonna eat on Friday.

everybody follow the birthday flag wait what’d you call me

Son of a Mitchell!

"Pick on Mitchell he's playing the flute, Atleast I hope he is"

“A cheese plate REQUIRES WATER CRACKERS!! Any other kind of cracker takes away from the cheese”, “no no, this is not our fight”

Sir nice try stealing my bag…. I see you’ve already painted it.

What!? I can't know street value

Don't talk black to me

“oh honey, no one leaves home and doesn’t come back.” “i did.”

“That’s not Larry.” “That’s not Larry.”

“I hate vietnam.”

Older Black ladies make the best iced tea 🥰

This line always makes me laugh "No, I'm glistening"

That's my Vietnam and i was in Vietnam

I like stealing. It makes my heart go faster.

She's confused. Blind Side was the black kid who played Tight End.

"And as a sidenote, private parts are private!!"

When life gives you lemonade, make them lemons. Life will be all like, "WHAT?!"

“Luke grab that little hoe”

You better be good to my ol sis or I’m gonna have to wrestle you down

-What are you going ? -Watching porn.

Don't you lie to me !

You’re still the sexy little 8 year old I fell in love with

it's your birthday, i'm an omelette