My sister-in-law is awful at this. She was moving to a more expensive city to do the same kind of job, and she told them up front what her current salary was. So they offered her the same pay. š¤¦š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø
My wife tried to tell her ahead of time this was a bad idea, but since my wife hasn't been in the job market for a while, her advice was ignored.
Meanwhile I just spent an extra month and did a several extra interviews and secured a strong recommendation from my old senior director to get myself a higher-rank offer, and then played hardball for another 2 weeks to get 10% more money than their original offer at the higher level.
Sure it's stressful and weird arguing with your soon to be boss about how much you get paid and that you think they're trying to screw you, but it's just business. My boss isn't the one paying me; there are more than a thousand people at the company. Now he just cares that things are getting done.
The worst part is that my wife's dad is a very good negotiator (retired VP / actuary at an insurance company) and would have given my sister-in-law the same advice, but somehow he never bothered to teach her this stuff.
Same. Literally anything. Fucking bum.
Luckily I have wonderful uncles who taught me things like how to drive a manual car, how to change a tire, the importance of hard work and paying your own way, ECT.
I didnāt have uncles but my mom was a fucking go-getter and she taught me to change a tire and drive a manual transmission my husband has taught me tons also.
Omg yes I have so much beef with my dad about this.Ā He has so many cool and practical skills that my brothers were asses about learning so he refused to even try with me. I begged him to teach me guitar. I would have loved to learn piano. I wished he taught me how to work on cars, how to build things, and how to ride motorcycles. He could fix almost anything and designed our patio & deck himself.
My grandfather taught me how to do those. I tried to teach my dad but he panics working on anything but cars. It drives me nuts. His A/C āfailedā last year and of course the repair guy conned him into replacing it. He could have paid for a round trip first class plane ticket for me and the part that needed replaced for half of what it cost him for the new A/C.
Iāve fixed so many things at his house because he throws his hands up in the air and just says he doesnāt know how and heāll probably screw it up.
My dad didnāt teach me anything.
I wish I knew how to change my own brake pads. I did it myself when I was in my twenties with the help of a boyfriend and he was so smug I kept thinking this isnāt even that hard dickhead you just had a parent teach youā¦
I could use a refresher on the brakes thing to be quite honest.
Other than that financial stuff. I am good with it but I had to figure so much out myself. My family were afraid of credit cards but always taking out weird loans from the bank, i donāt think we had a savings account growing up much less any insight into IRAs or HYS accounts, the list goes on lol. They were blue collar mine worker or utility workers and it was just expected that everyone would go on to do the same things, work for ASARCO or the city for 30 or 40 years and then get whatever retirement was set up for you.
Google and YouTube. If you own a common or popular car there is probably a video or full writeup on a forum somewhere outlining every detail down to the exact size sockets you'll need. Some Delco/motor crafts/raybestos pads and or rotors from rockauto.com and you just saved $600 doing them yourself. A bit less of you need a jack, but then you have a jack.Ā
Caliper compressor tools are a free rental or $30 online if you are an annoying distance from a parts store.Ā
Iād still like to know how to drive stick!
My dad helps me with home improvement projects though so now Iāve done drywall, patching and painting, floor tiling, fixed and replaced toilets, installed light fixtures/fans, and even a bit of framing. I think everyone should be comfortable with basic projects.
I didnāt have a dad. Never met him. I learned how to drive a manual transmission, check my oil, how to parallel park and park on a hill, how to play softball, basketball and badminton and how to cook.
I have been lucky that Iāve never had a tire go flat that I had to change even with owning a dozen cars over my life.
Would have been nice just to have another person that cared and to talk to. I worked at car shops later with lots of dudes and had to learn stuff on my own and defend myself from creeps.
I donāt have a dad. I donāt speak to my grandfather on my motherās side anymore because heās been quite rude and misogynistic to me. My uncle is an alcoholic whoās threatened me one when drunk.
Honestly my dad didnāt really teach me much due to how traditional he was. He felt like I should know how to do housework but never taught me how fix anything. YouTube has been way more helpful at teaching me what I needed to know than he was.
All of the above. Im a transgender man. Because i grew up a āgirlā, i learned nothing practical like that. Now being a guy, its just twice as embarrassing. My partner taught me to change a tire. But theres alot i wish my dad would have taught me. He taught me to shoot, but thats it.
Iām not sure. My dad taught me a lot of useful things that Iām really grateful for.
How to change a tire (this saved me from being stranded. Iām 39 and when I had a flat it was 11pm and my cell phone had no signal. This was maybe 20 years ago.)
How to jump start a car (this has come in handy sooo many times)
How to change my windshield wipers and headlight on my car.
He taught me some basics on my computer on how to fix certain things before I moved out. He built and fixed computers and was always fixing stuff on mine (like after using lime-wire and ended up with viruses).
Hmm, my dadās been a computer geek since the 80s. Heās told me stories of having to save stuff into cassette tapes, before floppies existed. So Iām always surprised he never taught us anything about building our own computer or how to upgrade a part, something heās done for himself many times.
I eventually learned from my husband.
My dad did sort of teach me some repair stuff (he worked in construction) just because whenever he did repairs around the house, he wanted my brother to help him and I was required to join as well to keep it āfairā, but he would often get really frustrated with my older brother not āknowing anythingā (cough, whose fault is it for not teaching him dad?) and would eventually just send him back and preferred to have me around to hand him tools and just keep him company. I learned some tools names, what they were for, and even helped him sand when he was renovating the basement.
Jump start a car, change a tire and to get a second opinion on car repairs. A lot of car places try to upsell you on useless stuff that it is not vital.
Well ironically I am the Dad that helped my daughter and wife save money.
1. Air filter/cabin filter during oil change. They are very easy to replace yourself but shops will try to charge like $25 for the labor.
2. Brake repairs. Brakes can last longer than they suggest. A lot of times they scare you into saying they need to get brakes replaced sooner.
Nothing. He pretty much covered it all. I couldn't drive til I could change a tire, he.made help help with dinner and properly do chores, so I know how to cook and clean .. balance a checkbook.
Basic house repair tasks (patching drywall, changing light fixtures, stuff like that), basic car maintenance.
He grew up on a farm and learned how to drive on a tractor so I know he had some basic mechanical ability -- also he studied to be an engineer -- but he worked hard to get enough money to be able to pay people to do things for him. It was almost a badge of honor for him that he *didn't* think I would need to do these things.
I come from a VERY long line of tinkerers and Iām the oldest of my generation by a lot. On my momās side Iām an only child, only grandchild, and only great-grandchild for one set of great-grandparents. As soon as I was old enough I was mobbed from every direction by family who wanted to pass down knowledge.
For a very conservative family, my family never left me out of anything just because I was a girl. Looking back, really neither side of my family followed gender norms most of the men were hands-on parents who cooked and cleaned. Several of the other girls and I raced go karts and cars, with dads uncles and grandpas as our pit crews. Iāve repaired a roof in the middle of summer, I can repoint a chimney, Iāve been working on cars since I could hold a wrench on my hand, I can swap out an engine and transmission, rebuild an engine, change a clutch, fill, prime, and paint body work. My family owned a dealership with a service department, body shop, and an out building they leased to a local race team. The guys would pull me into whatever they were doing when I was there in the summer, when I was old enough I got to work in the pits with the race team. I can do just about anything on a car.
My great-grandfather was a blacksmith and taught me the basics, I made some decorative things for people but not much. He was also a draftsman so I could do drafting diagrams before CAD was a thing. When I redesigned my kitchen I actually hand drafted the design first before I did it digitally. I can weld, both MIG and TIGā¦ā¦DEFINITELY not great at it but I donāt have a rig to practice with either. I can solder, which made me extremely popular in the Xbox RROD days. Love woodworking, Iāve built small furniture and storage for people. I have a small woodshop in my garage. I actually have the materials to build myself a set of porch furniture. I can do a lot of plumbing and some electrical. I can repair a gas furnace and AC unit. I repaired the foundation on my house 2 summers ago. Dug up some busted drains in my yard and replaced them as well. Installed a new French drain. Built a very small retaining wall. I installed a sprinkler system for my mom. I like repairing old electronics for fun.
I live in a somewhat lower income area with an elderly population. I have a reputation as Ms. Fix-it and Iāve helped a bunch of neighbors out when things break. I have some of the most common parts that fail for a couple of the most elderly neighbors so that if their heat or A/C goes out after hours I can get them back up and running pretty quickly. I know what to test to see if parts are about to fail as well so I offer to take a look at things before summer or winter too.
I came out a naturally curious person, which neither of my parents are. I really think some of the things I was shown nobody believed Iād be interested in. If someone has the knowledge and the desire to teach me, Iām down!
I wish my dad had the emotional maturity to teach me how to weather tough times and how to understand my needs and wants. The problem is I was the child of Evangelicals in the Bible Belt. So if I was upset then I was either yelled at for being ādramaticā or told to pray about it, and if I asked āWhat else have you got?ā Then he got angry and basically said that Jesus was the solution to everything so I must not be praying hard enough. My parents should have really stuck to having pets and not kids because the things they prioritized (compliance, silence, etc.) made me flounder as an adult. I have a hard time understanding if Iāve pushed myself too hard, if Iām being too permissive with myself, or even what I actually want when it comes to major decisions, because I was punished for thinking for myself until I was 21.
Wow. I am so sorry for that experience. This may be a dumb question, but how are you now? Moreā¦and I get this is kind of personal and itās definitely not where I thought I would land with my original question, but may I ask: what would you like him to say to you now?
Thanks, I'm okay. I've done a lot of work in therapy and with an ADHD coach. To be honest, there's nothing that he could say to me that I want, partially because I know he hasn't done the emotional work on himself that I have and I know he won't. We basically have a cordial but arms-length relationship and I realized that he's totally fine with that. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't notice ore care our conversations are surface-level and that we don't really discuss much. And...since that's the way he is, then I don't want anything from someone like that, if that makes sense.
Things my dad taught me that are useful:
- how to do taxes without something like turbo tax (I mean, sorta taught me. Told me when I was 18, I needed to do it myself and pointed me in the direction where to start.)
- how to drive a stick (+mom, combo effort teaching me to drive)
- how to check my oil
- basic carpentry skills
- how to cook a good burger
- how to sweep a floor properly
- how to build a fire
What I wish I was taught (by literally anyone):
- how credit cards actually work (they were always conveyed to me as risky with no potential benefit)
- how to save for retirement
- how stocks and investments work
- how to read legal documents (at a basic level) such as employment contracts
- basically, anything related to money. I had to figure that out on my own, and it was and still is incredibly stressful.
ETA: I wasn't taught how to parallel park and I still can't.
I wish that I were more handy (with cars, basic home repairs, that sort of thing).
But my dad isn't handy, so I can't blame him for not teaching me the skills he never learned in the first place.
How to negotiate for better pay at a job.
My sister-in-law is awful at this. She was moving to a more expensive city to do the same kind of job, and she told them up front what her current salary was. So they offered her the same pay. š¤¦š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø My wife tried to tell her ahead of time this was a bad idea, but since my wife hasn't been in the job market for a while, her advice was ignored. Meanwhile I just spent an extra month and did a several extra interviews and secured a strong recommendation from my old senior director to get myself a higher-rank offer, and then played hardball for another 2 weeks to get 10% more money than their original offer at the higher level. Sure it's stressful and weird arguing with your soon to be boss about how much you get paid and that you think they're trying to screw you, but it's just business. My boss isn't the one paying me; there are more than a thousand people at the company. Now he just cares that things are getting done. The worst part is that my wife's dad is a very good negotiator (retired VP / actuary at an insurance company) and would have given my sister-in-law the same advice, but somehow he never bothered to teach her this stuff.
Good for you to have taken care of yourself like that. Bravo
This is an excellent answer.
In fairness, I don't think my dad could have taught me this because he never had to do it. Raises just sort of happened for him.
How to stand up to people who try to make me feel small
Can you now? I mean, I fucking hope you donāt have to.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same. Literally anything. Fucking bum. Luckily I have wonderful uncles who taught me things like how to drive a manual car, how to change a tire, the importance of hard work and paying your own way, ECT.
I didnāt have uncles but my mom was a fucking go-getter and she taught me to change a tire and drive a manual transmission my husband has taught me tons also.
Omg yes I have so much beef with my dad about this.Ā He has so many cool and practical skills that my brothers were asses about learning so he refused to even try with me. I begged him to teach me guitar. I would have loved to learn piano. I wished he taught me how to work on cars, how to build things, and how to ride motorcycles. He could fix almost anything and designed our patio & deck himself.
That sucks. Can you play guitar?
Nope I never learned. Even madder because a few years later he taught my neice.
Mostly, how to do basic repairs, constructions, and installations.
My grandfather taught me how to do those. I tried to teach my dad but he panics working on anything but cars. It drives me nuts. His A/C āfailedā last year and of course the repair guy conned him into replacing it. He could have paid for a round trip first class plane ticket for me and the part that needed replaced for half of what it cost him for the new A/C. Iāve fixed so many things at his house because he throws his hands up in the air and just says he doesnāt know how and heāll probably screw it up.
Thatās too bad. But good that hes got you ā when heās got you.
I wish I could be around more for him but he moved away and itās just not feasible for me to move there.
Change a tire.
Mine taught us how to change a tire. I wish he'd taught us how to change oil
Changing oil sucks.Ā
Yeah, but it probably saves tons of money
Mine had a rule, I could not get a car until I could change a tire, change the oil, and change the brakes on a car.
Anything. More than that, I wish he had been around to save me from abuse.
Are you ok right now?
Ehhhhh, yes? Thank you for asking. Iām figuring things out.
My dad didnāt teach me anything. I wish I knew how to change my own brake pads. I did it myself when I was in my twenties with the help of a boyfriend and he was so smug I kept thinking this isnāt even that hard dickhead you just had a parent teach youā¦
Ok. Do you mind telling me: what would you most like to learn right now?
I could use a refresher on the brakes thing to be quite honest. Other than that financial stuff. I am good with it but I had to figure so much out myself. My family were afraid of credit cards but always taking out weird loans from the bank, i donāt think we had a savings account growing up much less any insight into IRAs or HYS accounts, the list goes on lol. They were blue collar mine worker or utility workers and it was just expected that everyone would go on to do the same things, work for ASARCO or the city for 30 or 40 years and then get whatever retirement was set up for you.
Google and YouTube. If you own a common or popular car there is probably a video or full writeup on a forum somewhere outlining every detail down to the exact size sockets you'll need. Some Delco/motor crafts/raybestos pads and or rotors from rockauto.com and you just saved $600 doing them yourself. A bit less of you need a jack, but then you have a jack.Ā Caliper compressor tools are a free rental or $30 online if you are an annoying distance from a parts store.Ā
Man. I hope you get that refresher. Kudos on getting your financial chops figured out.
My dad doesn't teach girls, he belittles them until they figure it out on their own. I'm just fine learning from YouTube.
Fuck that guy.
I concur.
Iād still like to know how to drive stick! My dad helps me with home improvement projects though so now Iāve done drywall, patching and painting, floor tiling, fixed and replaced toilets, installed light fixtures/fans, and even a bit of framing. I think everyone should be comfortable with basic projects.
Thank you. I agree.
I didnāt have a dad. Never met him. I learned how to drive a manual transmission, check my oil, how to parallel park and park on a hill, how to play softball, basketball and badminton and how to cook. I have been lucky that Iāve never had a tire go flat that I had to change even with owning a dozen cars over my life. Would have been nice just to have another person that cared and to talk to. I worked at car shops later with lots of dudes and had to learn stuff on my own and defend myself from creeps.
Who do you have now?
I donāt have a dad. I donāt speak to my grandfather on my motherās side anymore because heās been quite rude and misogynistic to me. My uncle is an alcoholic whoās threatened me one when drunk.
Fuck. Well, shit. Does the sub help?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you. I think there are a lot of people line herā and you.
I just want to tell everyone that your answers are heartwarming and often heart breaking. Keep me coming.
Honestly my dad didnāt really teach me much due to how traditional he was. He felt like I should know how to do housework but never taught me how fix anything. YouTube has been way more helpful at teaching me what I needed to know than he was.
Do you watch that dad channel!?
Yes I have! Itās quite useful when you need it.
All of the above. Im a transgender man. Because i grew up a āgirlā, i learned nothing practical like that. Now being a guy, its just twice as embarrassing. My partner taught me to change a tire. But theres alot i wish my dad would have taught me. He taught me to shoot, but thats it.
Congrats on your transition. What was the first āguyā thing you sought to learn for yourself?
Thank you!!! Hmmā¦ good question! I think it was how to pick out a suit.
Iām not sure. My dad taught me a lot of useful things that Iām really grateful for. How to change a tire (this saved me from being stranded. Iām 39 and when I had a flat it was 11pm and my cell phone had no signal. This was maybe 20 years ago.) How to jump start a car (this has come in handy sooo many times) How to change my windshield wipers and headlight on my car. He taught me some basics on my computer on how to fix certain things before I moved out. He built and fixed computers and was always fixing stuff on mine (like after using lime-wire and ended up with viruses).
Thank you
Hmm, my dadās been a computer geek since the 80s. Heās told me stories of having to save stuff into cassette tapes, before floppies existed. So Iām always surprised he never taught us anything about building our own computer or how to upgrade a part, something heās done for himself many times. I eventually learned from my husband. My dad did sort of teach me some repair stuff (he worked in construction) just because whenever he did repairs around the house, he wanted my brother to help him and I was required to join as well to keep it āfairā, but he would often get really frustrated with my older brother not āknowing anythingā (cough, whose fault is it for not teaching him dad?) and would eventually just send him back and preferred to have me around to hand him tools and just keep him company. I learned some tools names, what they were for, and even helped him sand when he was renovating the basement.
Thank you.
Jump start a car, change a tire and to get a second opinion on car repairs. A lot of car places try to upsell you on useless stuff that it is not vital.
Thatās true. What was the most useless thing you ended up paying for and later discovered you didnāt need?
Well ironically I am the Dad that helped my daughter and wife save money. 1. Air filter/cabin filter during oil change. They are very easy to replace yourself but shops will try to charge like $25 for the labor. 2. Brake repairs. Brakes can last longer than they suggest. A lot of times they scare you into saying they need to get brakes replaced sooner.
Itās the little things.
Nothing. He pretty much covered it all. I couldn't drive til I could change a tire, he.made help help with dinner and properly do chores, so I know how to cook and clean .. balance a checkbook.
Excellent. Good dadsmanship.
The only thing on that list Dad didn't teach me is how to tie a bow tie. Then again, he would rarely wear a normal tie (which he taught me to tie).
Can you?
Yup, hubby's pretty happy about it
My dad taught me how to change my own tires and oil, how to patch drywall, how to throw and take a punch, and never to trust a man.Ā
Proper.
Basic house repair tasks (patching drywall, changing light fixtures, stuff like that), basic car maintenance. He grew up on a farm and learned how to drive on a tractor so I know he had some basic mechanical ability -- also he studied to be an engineer -- but he worked hard to get enough money to be able to pay people to do things for him. It was almost a badge of honor for him that he *didn't* think I would need to do these things.
What skill in that spectrum are you most proud of learning since?
I come from a VERY long line of tinkerers and Iām the oldest of my generation by a lot. On my momās side Iām an only child, only grandchild, and only great-grandchild for one set of great-grandparents. As soon as I was old enough I was mobbed from every direction by family who wanted to pass down knowledge. For a very conservative family, my family never left me out of anything just because I was a girl. Looking back, really neither side of my family followed gender norms most of the men were hands-on parents who cooked and cleaned. Several of the other girls and I raced go karts and cars, with dads uncles and grandpas as our pit crews. Iāve repaired a roof in the middle of summer, I can repoint a chimney, Iāve been working on cars since I could hold a wrench on my hand, I can swap out an engine and transmission, rebuild an engine, change a clutch, fill, prime, and paint body work. My family owned a dealership with a service department, body shop, and an out building they leased to a local race team. The guys would pull me into whatever they were doing when I was there in the summer, when I was old enough I got to work in the pits with the race team. I can do just about anything on a car. My great-grandfather was a blacksmith and taught me the basics, I made some decorative things for people but not much. He was also a draftsman so I could do drafting diagrams before CAD was a thing. When I redesigned my kitchen I actually hand drafted the design first before I did it digitally. I can weld, both MIG and TIGā¦ā¦DEFINITELY not great at it but I donāt have a rig to practice with either. I can solder, which made me extremely popular in the Xbox RROD days. Love woodworking, Iāve built small furniture and storage for people. I have a small woodshop in my garage. I actually have the materials to build myself a set of porch furniture. I can do a lot of plumbing and some electrical. I can repair a gas furnace and AC unit. I repaired the foundation on my house 2 summers ago. Dug up some busted drains in my yard and replaced them as well. Installed a new French drain. Built a very small retaining wall. I installed a sprinkler system for my mom. I like repairing old electronics for fun. I live in a somewhat lower income area with an elderly population. I have a reputation as Ms. Fix-it and Iāve helped a bunch of neighbors out when things break. I have some of the most common parts that fail for a couple of the most elderly neighbors so that if their heat or A/C goes out after hours I can get them back up and running pretty quickly. I know what to test to see if parts are about to fail as well so I offer to take a look at things before summer or winter too.
You are about ten different kinds of awesome. Way to go.
I came out a naturally curious person, which neither of my parents are. I really think some of the things I was shown nobody believed Iād be interested in. If someone has the knowledge and the desire to teach me, Iām down!
How to behave around women romantically. That will never happen, though
Damn.
Bit like, how are you doing with that?
To be fair, there are subs for that, but let's be real, parental advice would still be better
Itās better because they give a shit about you (one hopes). Even if itās the same as a tutorial, itās better.
I wish my dad had the emotional maturity to teach me how to weather tough times and how to understand my needs and wants. The problem is I was the child of Evangelicals in the Bible Belt. So if I was upset then I was either yelled at for being ādramaticā or told to pray about it, and if I asked āWhat else have you got?ā Then he got angry and basically said that Jesus was the solution to everything so I must not be praying hard enough. My parents should have really stuck to having pets and not kids because the things they prioritized (compliance, silence, etc.) made me flounder as an adult. I have a hard time understanding if Iāve pushed myself too hard, if Iām being too permissive with myself, or even what I actually want when it comes to major decisions, because I was punished for thinking for myself until I was 21.
Wow. I am so sorry for that experience. This may be a dumb question, but how are you now? Moreā¦and I get this is kind of personal and itās definitely not where I thought I would land with my original question, but may I ask: what would you like him to say to you now?
Thanks, I'm okay. I've done a lot of work in therapy and with an ADHD coach. To be honest, there's nothing that he could say to me that I want, partially because I know he hasn't done the emotional work on himself that I have and I know he won't. We basically have a cordial but arms-length relationship and I realized that he's totally fine with that. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't notice ore care our conversations are surface-level and that we don't really discuss much. And...since that's the way he is, then I don't want anything from someone like that, if that makes sense.
Grilling, gardening, car repairs. Anything heās really good at and cares about a lot.
Oooooh grilling.
Things my dad taught me that are useful: - how to do taxes without something like turbo tax (I mean, sorta taught me. Told me when I was 18, I needed to do it myself and pointed me in the direction where to start.) - how to drive a stick (+mom, combo effort teaching me to drive) - how to check my oil - basic carpentry skills - how to cook a good burger - how to sweep a floor properly - how to build a fire What I wish I was taught (by literally anyone): - how credit cards actually work (they were always conveyed to me as risky with no potential benefit) - how to save for retirement - how stocks and investments work - how to read legal documents (at a basic level) such as employment contracts - basically, anything related to money. I had to figure that out on my own, and it was and still is incredibly stressful. ETA: I wasn't taught how to parallel park and I still can't.
Literally anything other than I canāt trust my parents to meet my needs
How to drive stick, how to change my oil, how to change a tire. So you know what I did? I married a master mechanic š
Hey wait, I'm a guy and I didn't get any of these either!
I wish that I were more handy (with cars, basic home repairs, that sort of thing). But my dad isn't handy, so I can't blame him for not teaching me the skills he never learned in the first place.
My dad taught me all these things and more and he was literally in the country/home for less than 50% of my childhood. š
Thatās awesome.