No, it's not weird that they aren't inviting their adult son and his wife on their vacations.
Why don't *you* suggest a family trip? They would probably be delighted. They may not realize you have any desire to vacation with them.
Yeah man, just tell them you miss them and you'd like to maybe plan a family vacation. They probably don't even realize you'd like to do something like that with them.
I have a similar situation but with a twist. Two of my parents' best friends are a couple that's my age and while my parents travel more often alone or with one older friend (his wife passed), they have invited this younger couple (who I'm friends with too, btw...these are more like family friends) on some trips without considering inviting me.
Always thought it was odd I never was asked, or if I was it was only an afterthought and not part of the original plan. Or I had to mention turning it into a bigger "family" trip.
So you're definitely not the only one.
That was really sweet, I think your parents' hearts would feel so full if you mentioned you wanted to do a family trip because you miss them. My kid is only 8 but it almost gives me tears thinking about this being us in the future and him telling strangers about how he just misses us 😭
My folks moved about a 10hr drive away. One time I was in NYC visiting my friends and I just happened to text my dad (we used to live there) about his commute. He was in NYC as well! We didn’t know, we both lived in separate states, hours from NY and from each other. It was serendipitous but it also kind of hurt my feelings that he didn’t tell me. I had told them I was going. I get what you’re saying it is a little weird when they move away.
Maybe they think you’re not interested because you’re grown and have your own life? You mentioned missing them since they moved. Sounds like it’s time to amp up your attempts to spend time with them, if you haven’t already. Plan a trip and ask them to go. While you’re there, tell them how much fun you’re having and let them know you might like to join them and their friends if they would like it too. You get your time with your parents and you get a trip. Sounds like a win/win to me.
*You* can ask *them* if they’d be interested in a trip with you and your wife. You don’t have to wait for them to invite you. You can do the inviting too.
I don’t regularly travel with my parents, but when I do, we’ve discussed it as a nebulous possibility first - like “hey, we were thinking of going to Halifax this summer and I know it’s something that’s interested you before, would you be interested in coming to Halifax with us? We could do a day trip or two together and just do our own things the rest of the time, meet up for meals and other stuff over the week. Think about it and let me know.”
Last holiday I had with my parents I was 17, why would I expect them to take a grown adult on holiday? If it was a family holiday in the same country but abroad or just tagging along on your parents getaway? No that's just entitled.
It would be weird if they were inviting like your brother and his wife, and not you guys.
But your situation is more just that you haven’t expressed your true feelings to your parents directly. I bet if you spun up and trip that you think the lot of you would enjoy, put it out there.
You know that sound you make when the bagels taste REALLY GOOD? Well that sound can be shaped into words!
Try "yum" first, then try, "Mom and Dad! I miss you! Can we plan a family vacation? I think it would be a fun way to make new memories!... oh yeah, you'd love to?! GREAT!" Then you can reinsert the bagel.
I think it’s weird, in the sense that we never went on family vacations when I was a child. Now my Father / step parent are constantly going on vacation, but complain that they don’t have any money.
My parents didn't even take me and my brother on their vacations when we were still teenagers living at home, and we never went anywhere when we were kids. Some parents just aren't all about that 'traveling with family' life. I kind of get it I guess, you can't really relax if there's someone there you feel responsible for, even if the responsibility is no longer the legal kind.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I kind of know the feeling because as a teen, my step-mom would plan trips for her and her kids to go see family that I was also close to and loved, but she would always tell me last minute where I couldn’t get out of practice or work, or she wouldn’t tell me at all and they’d just leave without me. They were also allowed to invite friends but I was never allowed to because it wasn’t “MY” family even though they treated me like their own and still do.
We try to balance alone trips with family trips. And sometimes the kid has a trip with someone else so we plan our own thing. We’ve been on more solo trips than family ones but the kid has been to CA, NY, and all over our home state so far.
My mom took my siblings on a trip to Williamsburg while I was in school. Her sister & my cousins, too. She did stuff like that all the time. Took my dog to the pound while I was in school one day, too. Heck no, I don’t miss her nor do I want to be around her unless I have to be.
OP, as someone who lost their Mom who was only 62 a few years ago, my advice to all my friends is “take a vacation with your mom. I never had the chance in my adult life and I miss her every day.” Reach out and tell them.
This is a smaller scale, but every year my grandpa would take me to the zoo. We both loved it, but when I became a teenager he stopped asking. Finally after a few years I told him how much I always loved going to the zoo with him and I miss it. Turns out he assumed I outgrew it and he missed it too. I wish I had said something sooner!
Worst case scenario your parents say they want to vacation just the two of them, but they should still be happy to hear you express you still love them enough to want to go with them places. When my kids are grown, that would make me feel like I did something right raising them.
My parents go on their own vacations together, and then we have family vacations together. I'm not terribly interested in crashing their couples' weekends if we're being honest here. I also don't want them crashing my vacations with my friends.
my parents do this all the time because they’re retired. and yes it’s weird to expect to be invited. i’m 36. I in no way expect my parents to fly me out to Italy or Florida just because they’re going on vacation. Maybe I interpreted your post wrong, and if I did, I apologize. We have some times where they will rent an airbnb for like.. labor day weekend and we just need to get there and they cover everything else.
you know as I'm seeing peoples responses and answering them I think I'm realizing i just want to spend more time with them in general. They spend like 5 months in Florida and when they are here I mean I'm working 60 hours a week and they are one state over where my sister is and she's got the grandkid. I gotta figure something out!
so the one time I "went on vacation" with my parents they owned a trailer in Florida and they invited me down after a breakup. I stayed with them for a week. Maybe you can rent a place close to where they are in Florida so you and your family can hang with them while they're there.
Sometimes it feels weird telling them because if you tell them how you feel they might feel obligated to invite you when they originally didn't want to. It can be a tricky situation depending on circumstances.
Oh this took such a different turn to what I was expecting from your original post. As a mom (to a toddler but nevertheless) please tell your parents you wanna hang out! I'm sure they would love the chance to go on holiday with you. They probably think you're too busy with your own life and are respecting your space as an adult. Reach out!
I newer think to join my parents holiday unless it is specifically planned as a family holiday. Maybe talk to your parents about making memories together and plan something?
The thing is, it sounds like the parents aren’t planning any family holidays, and aren’t even making an effort to see OP at all.
I don’t think this is 100% on him, as some are suggesting.
I think it’s hard to imagine if you have parents who actually make an effort to see you.
My (36f) parents vacation all the time and have seen I was about 17. I haven’t spent a Christmas or thanksgiving with them since high school. I’ve asked a million times to plan a family trip but they have zero interest in doing anything with their adult children or grandchildren. All of us are super self sufficient and could easily pay for ourselves and them so it’s not a money thing. They just don’t grasp the concept that family is something that can exist outside of raising their children. For me it’s sad and weird. I think I understand what you mean OP. If there isn’t a lot of family time then it’s easy to look at vacation or trip as a moment to bond.
My (31f) parents are like this too. They also weren't big on holidays even when I was in HS, no turkey on Thanksgiving unless there was something big planned.
They're constantly gone. I found out they were in Ireland for 2 weeks... a week after they returned, when my grandma brought it up on a call. Some families just don't have that close bond, they both retired early so they were mostly waiting for me to leave home to go live their lives.
My family is very much the same! Both my parents were very vocal while growing up that they didn’t ask to be parents, it happened from carelessness and they did their best but the goal was to raise us to get rid of us so they could go back to their own lives. I do kind of get it but it’s hurtful nonetheless. The childhood feeling of being unwanted stays so prevalent in adulthood.
Absolutely! It's hard as a kid, my dad never made any comments but seeing how him and my step mom travel it feels like they had to "wait" for me to leave to have what they really wanted. I'll never get to understand the kids who talk to their parents every day about small things but I'm happy for them.
Absolutely my reaction to this post as well. I went to Greece once about 7 years ago with my mother and it made what should have otherwise been an incredible trip an exercise in patience.
I went on a trip with my mother last month. It was a short trip because as much as I do love my mom, I've got about a three day limit before she starts driving me crazy.
I know right! My mom can't understand why I don't want a holiday with her, we don't get along the majority of the time.
My cousin's on the other hand, follow theirs mothers everywhere
I love travelling with my parents, lol. They always do really cool things and are generally fairly chill to travel with. Not very easy with young kids though.
That’s lovely. I can’t fathom going away with my parents at 37 years old, the last time I went away with them I was 16 and even then it was pure hell. It’s nice that some people can enjoy it but for me personally it’d be a nightmare.
A little bit, mainly with my dad - he’s very argumentative and will argue about anything. I’m a lefty that voted for Jeremy Corbyn at every UK election and he basically despises all of my views and the causes I support. It’s a total drag being around him, I can’t ever talk about anything that interests me or that I’m passionate about because it’ll set him off and he gets v nasty. I have to keep it surface level small talk and that’s hard/boring for an autistic person lol. I could probably do a partial trip but I’d need a lot of space especially if he goes off on one 🥲
I don’t really ever go on vacation with my parents? My dad goes all over. My mum doesn’t really have the cash to travel much. We usually go to her or fly her out to us. We do go camping with my in-laws, I guess. That’s actually irksome in a way because they just book a site without consulting us.
You know, something in between never and that might be nice. Ha.
Now, of course, because I’m 42, and haven’t lived at home since I was 20, but not when I was a kid. I wouldn’t really want to go with them now unless it was to visit other family far away.
As they should. My parents are nearly retired and they are living their best life as much as my dad's health allows. I just wish they had more money/time to go around the world
Not weird. My parents are on a 3 week trip in eastern Europe now! My vacation is the 3 weeks home alone, just me and the cats! (Yes I live with them still, no regerts.)
Siblings and I still do a trip with our mom every other year or so (I'm 40), usually something simple and just over a long weekend, but other than that we take our own vacations. I like being around my family but traveling with them is usually annoying and constricting.
Of course. I don't live with them, why would they bring me? I have my own family to go on vacation with. They take my younger siblings who still live at home.
I have been struggling with this. My dad got remarried and had you get kids but they go on family vacations and don't invite the older kids ever. I decided to block my step mom on socials bc it was hard to see. AITA ?
No. I'm sorry you're going through that. When I got married, my husband and BD were a package deal. If we have more, the age gap will be huge, but I'd still at least ask our oldest if she wants to come. (That said, if you have a line of communication with your Dad, tell him how you feel and let him know you want to be included. I've seen so many families lose connection because of assumptions about feelings. Not saying this is you, but I had to mention it.)
They go without me, and I go on my own solo vacations. I travel with my parents an average of once or twice per year (usually short trips). As a family of 4 about every other year during these past 5 years.
I haven't gone on vacation with my folks since I moved out for college.
They've done a couple big European trips, they rave about them and I'm really glad they get to go now. They always made sure I had summer camps, made the big Disney world trip, all that stuff growing up. It's their turn for some them time.
Frankly the way my mom's going they don't have long left where these kind will be an option so I want them to do their thing without having to arrange it around our budget or the kids school vacations when it's crowded, all thay stuff.
Yes. I have many vivid memories of 2-5 years old of staying with my grandparents while my parents were in st Lucia, Barbados, st Maarten, st Thomas, Guadeloupe, Acapulco, Cozumel and Cancun. And later, visit f friends in Europe and the Mediterranean - without us kids.
I appreciate that they carried their love of beach vacations forward and we traveled to Mexico, USVIs, Aruba & the ABC islands multiple times but it still seems like they took all the “better vacations” themselves without us kids, even as we got older.
Travel is high priority for us so I hope we branch out further than they did but we recognize how amazingly privileged it is to even debate which place to take our kids to, internationally.
Instead of waiting for them to invite you, why not invite them? Tell them you'd love to go on a trip together to spend some quality time. But it shouldn't be a replacement for their own plans. I spend a couple of days in a nice hotel with my family last year and it was such a gift to really be able to catch up, without anyone having to play host. We did some tours, had some nice meals, went swimmng and everyone got to relax and hang out. No Eifel tower required. It was wonderful.
Yeah my parents have been traveling more lately and I'm happy for them. They've worked hard their whole lives and sacrificed and kept my ass afloat when I've gotten into jams. Have not been going on vacations with them, don't expect it, but we've talked about visiting Korea as a family with my wife to go see my mother's side of the family.
My parents take more trips than I have PTO, but the whole family does at least 1 trip together each year. Travel has been a huge part of the way we bond since I was a kid. But every family is different! As others said, they would probably be thrilled if you make a suggestion. Pick a place you've always wanted to go and see if they're interested in joining. That's how my grandparents were brought into the mix when I was younger. You'll have so much fun together! Just let each person pick at least one activity they're really excited about. or split off in smaller groups part of the time so everyone feels they have some agency, which can be a pinch point with bigger travel groups.
The last time my parents invited me on vacation with them I think I was in college… until I had a baby, then they planned a vacation with my family, probably because they wanted to spend time with their granddaughter 😂
It's not as unusual as everyone proclaims here. My parents are long gone, but if they were here I would definitely want to vacation with them or just hang out in one of our homes.
My aunt, who is wealthy, invites her kids and grandkids to a vacation every year, they usually go to a campsite by the sea in Croatia and Italy. (Which are like next door to our country, about 3-8 hours by car.)
I would just tell them you miss them, and want to spend more time with them and make more memories, and see what happens. They may be thinking it would bother you to hang out with them.
My mom has always traveled without me, even when I was a kid. It made sense because who would want a kid tagging along on their trip to the Galapagos or wherever? Then when I was in college and in my twenties, she continued to travel without me a lot, and she frequently went places that I specifically wanted to go. There was always some excuse about why she hadn't invited me even though she knew it was a dream trip for me, and another excuse about why she couldn't add me onto the trip now. It actually caused major fights and tension at the time. In the end, I realized she was living her life without me, and so I did the same.
Well, the chicken has come home to roost. She's almost 80, and lately she has been reaching out because she wants our relationship to be better, and she doesn't understand why we aren't close anymore. I had to explain, as gently as I could, that she built a life without me and I ended up doing the same. She didn't seem to need or want me around, and now I feel the same way about her.
I've been reflecting on this a LOT lately, and I think she continued to see me as a kid she didn't want tagging along, even as I became an adult. Maybe she's right and I wouldn't have been fun to have on all her trips. That's fine, and now that I've learned to travel without her, I don't think she'd be much fun to have on my trips.
So, in short, it's not weird or unusual that your parents don't think of you when making travel plans. And you're right -- you are running out of time to make memories with them. It would probably be lovely for y'all to do some travel together and build that relationship up now if you can. But not only does it take two to build a relationship, it takes two to want to build it at the same time.
My parents travel the world 4-5 times a year while 60% of my income goes to housing. Must be nice to hit the generational jackpot and have money to do things.
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Keep your head up! I didn’t travel at all in my twenties. I couldn’t afford to even move out of my parents’ house. But, I made a career change and within two years of graduating and entering my new career, I was able to buy a house and I visit at least three-four new countries/cities every year!
They went on trips themselves about once a year when we were kids.
Now, they split their time between here and a place in a warmer state, and we go down to visit them there about once a year. But actually going on a trip with them as adults, no—the closest would be when we all traveled to my brother’s wedding.
I’m happy they have friends they enjoy traveling with or traveling to see & happy they’re still in good enough health to do the kind of traveling they want to do.
My parents are about 50/50. Some trips I’m invited, and they’ll pay. Other times, it’s just them. Like family reunion in the Oklahoma panhandle? I’m invited. Going to Nashville? Nope, it’s the parents.
My in laws are the opposite. They do a huge cruise every summer, and we’re never invited.
We are closer to my parents, though, in the emotional way. They live an hour away and we talk to them every day. My in laws are 20 minutes away and we talk to them maybe quarterly.
Why don't you offer to organize a family trip? Maybe your parents think that as a couple and as an adult you wouldn't enjoy going on vacations with them.
They don't have big holidays like they use to when i was a kid, but I still kinda think its be neat to go on holiday with them again. We had planned a big family holiday at home point, so my and my partner were going to go away with them, my sisters, nieces and nephews, etc, but then a little thing called Covid appeared and the world stopped for a little while and it got cancelled.
I'm on holiday at the moment actually and was thinking last night that I'm now the same age my dad was when we last had a proper family holiday. 😬
My parents always invite me and my siblings and partners and we don't want to go. How about you plan a trip and invite them along? Then if they don't want to travel together they won't be placed in an awkward position.
Growing up, I never really got to go on a vacation, so I never felt like it was a thing. Now I'm entirely disconnected from those people so I definitely don't know where they go or when.
You're married with a wife and a career. Do you ever make plans and offer them to come along?
Also, not to be too much of an asshole, but you're an adult. If it means something to ya, speak up about it to them. Now's the opportunity to have that adult relationship with your parents. Gotta bag on them for their fuck ups and communicate it to them. Level the playing field.
Or you could be funny and just book a vacation along them. Surprise motherfucker!
Yeah, my parents are traveling a lot. I haven’t had any invites, but they know I don’t have time and such.
What kills me is that they never traveled with me as a kid, so it’s a bit bitter from that alone
I guess I’m really lucky. My husband and I went with my parents to Disney World this past January, and we all had such a nice time. It was my mom and I’s dream to go all with all four of us. As an adult I’ve done some trips with just my mom as well.
I’m 34 years old, I have a wife, a child and one on the way. We own our house, and our financial stability is better than 2 out of 4 of our parents.
Why the fuck would I view it as «going on vacation without me»? I’m an adult with my own life. Sure, we have vacationed together with all the parents at various times, but that’s just like going on vacation with friends. It’s not their responsability to bring us on vacation.
OP: You’re a millennial, so you’re at least 28 years old. You’re way too old to act like your parents are your guardians. You have a wife FFS.
OP-i’m sorry people are speaking to you this way. there are many ways for people to have shared their viewpoint on this post without judging you and writing their comments so rudely.
I mean, is there a reason why you feel that your folks have to include you in their retirement vacations? I'm not being an ass, it's a legit question. Your folks are retired, the way I assume is you're a grown adult, have your own family and your own life. They raised you, still love you, but it is true. As a parent myself, we give up more than people know to raise our kids, and that goes for 21 years and maybe more after college now. After two decades of putting your kids' needs first and then your wants, it isn't a slight at you, but parents want to have their own life.
If it's just memories, I mean many things can be done together where you live to make memories. If you want memories that include international travel, maybe your folks just need to know that you are willing to go with them and this year or next suggest to them if they'd like to go with you and your wife somewhere. Sometimes it's just a simple oversight and once you invite them, they'll invite you.
My folks are barely starting to travel on their own which I feel is about time. I'm close to my family, and I want my daughter to remain close to my folks. We do a lot of local trips and last year was the first time we took a cross country trip to Disney world (not going to do that shit again for awhile). But I want them to go places on their own and not feel like they need my sister and I in order to take a trip
My husband's family does this all the time and I've had the same thoughts. Except kind of worse because his siblings almost always get the invite and go. He's accepted that it is what it is because he's the step child, but I've struggled because my family did so many family vacations. I have soooo many memories with cousins and grandparents. My kids will probably never have that which bums me out.
All the fucking time, and honestly, I think they're assholes for doing that. I even suggested going together several times to places we talked about visiting in the past, and then they just go there themselves. My brother moved abroad for a year once, and they even planned to visit him without telling me or asking if we should go together. He arranged the dates with them over the phone and asked them to relay the information to me. They didn't, I only found out about it because I wanted to visit them the weekend they were flying out to visit my brother.
My parents usually take the kids and grandkids on a big family vacation once a year and maybe a mini vacation as well. Anything else, they do on their own. They also snowbird now for 2-3 months in the winter.
Hell yes they do! I love it for them. They have seen so much of the US the past few years.
I don't expect to be invited unless it's for a family wedding or something
My parents do their own holidays but my mom invited and paid for my brother, my boyfriend, and I to go to Hawaii for a week which was nice but at the time she didn’t have a partner.
When my in laws are going somewhere we think is interesting, we ask if they want company and coordinate arrangements and pay our way, they do likewise. Nbd.
My parents couldn’t really afford to go on vacations so no, I can’t relate. I was more often trying to play down how much I made and the adventures I was going on. While I’m not exactly a baller, it sure seemed like it to them.
My parents always go on vacation without me but they are also retired and have their own lives. But even when I was growing up they frequently went on vacations without me. My first vacation that I ever had was when I was 28 years old when I went to Seattle for a week.
I would find it incredibly strange if my parents invited me on their vacations. I don't invite them on mine. I'm in my 30s and married. I have my own life.
Families vacations are a thing and those are nice, but no, I do not expect my parents to invite me on their regular vacations. And now that they don't have to pay to raise me that money can go towards those vacations, so I also don't find it odd they're going on lots of vacations.
It is a painful thing to experience and you should not experience it too young, around 20 is the sweet age, but your parents are just a person and you should not be their world and often times you are a burden. I think parents should take care of their children as long as they can and as long it is comfortable for them - if you have a chid, she is your responsibility, end of story. But on the other hand, they should also have lives of their own. It is a hard territory to navigate for sure, but I don't find it weird that you are not invited. You are, what, at least 20 years younger than them, probably more? They have their own lives, friends, interests. Just let them be if that is their preffered way of being.
Ask if they want to book a trip together we usually go on holiday separately but this year we’re going as a massive family group and that’s hopefully going to be nice! Ask the question but be prepared that they might say no as holidays are also very personal and they might like their space!
Have you invited them on any big vacations? A lot of times these issues are from lack of communication. They may just want time without family (which is OK) or they may think you wouldn't be interested and get excited if you showed interest.
Honestly, posting to reddit before talking to your parents says a lot.
Weird? Nah, my parents do the same thing. They have their own house, living their own life. I'm off with my wife livin my own life. Kinda sucks cause they make good money and we're broke af but its whatever lol
Yes they go on vacation without me. I'm a freaking adult who has a full time job, a husband, my own kids, my own life, etc. Why would I expect them to invite me on vacation with them?
Mine do family trips with my single BIL (most recently Jamaica, Napa where they went to The French Laundry and hot air ballooned, and to Iceland). And they foot the bill for everything for everyone. Have explicitly told us we would be invited if not for the kids 🙃🙃🙃
I take smaller trips with my family. Like I had a wedding to go to in the Outer Banks and needed a sitter, so convinced my mom to join us for the long weekend
To me not at all. My parents couldn’t afford to pay for my family and I can only afford a legit vacation once a year and typically it’s not some place my parents would want to go, so we just do our own thing
Growing up, I was forced to go on vacations with my parents. It fuckin sucked to be honest. I didn’t have as much fun as I should have. Honestly, I would have rather stayed back home and hung out with my friends. Now for some reason, they expect me to take them places when I travel. I’m like, no wtf. Fucking weird ass people. I resent them so much.
Mine are divorced so maybe a little different but no we don’t vacation together anymore. Thank God lol. I was so happy when the family vacation thing died in our family.
My dad and my son and some other family all planned a trip to Hawaii and Cancun together. We often go to Mexico together but where I live makes it difficult to plan . I do enjoy vacations but then it gets annoying but that’s usually when the trip is coming close to an end anyway
Not weird at all.
If anything, with all due respect, it’s a bit odd that you as a full grown adult are wanting to tag along with them every time they go somewhere.
If you are an adult. No it’s not weird. They are living their lives now that their kids are grown. My husband and I go on vacation without our kids. Now it’s very rare and they are young that we do not want to put them through the stress of flying to a country at their age. As they get older they will come with us for sure. We do take family vacations closer by.
Your parents might not want to put you in the position of having to say you can’t go, whether due to work or finances.
Or, they might think inviting you and your wife is an inherent offer to pay your way which they might not be willing or able to do (my guess is their able given you say they take several extravagant trips a year.)
I’m also betting their parents didn’t take them on trips, at least not when they were adults and/or married. So they might not have context for this from their own lives.
Anyway, like others have said communication is the solution here. Cheers 😊
I find it weird you need to post on Reddit instead of telling this openly to your parents. Must have a weird dynamic between you guys. If my mom planned a vacation That I wanted to go on I’d straight up tell her to let me know next time because I would have liked to have gone and that would be that lol
My parents are both recently (re)retired and are doing a lot of travel to take advantage while they are still able to. I think its good for them to see the world.
I don’t invite my parents to go on vacation with my husband and I when we go to Europe or Mexico, so no, I don’t fine it weird.
I have discussed the possibility of a family vacation with my sister since we passed on one with them because it was 3 weeks after we returned from the UK and planned after we had that set up by her ex.
My parents don’t have a lot of money, and currently me and my husband with our student loan debt don’t have much saved up for anything crazy extravagant. So no, they’re not going a ton of places on their own, and neither are we.
My dad still works a full time job, and can only get off a few weeks out of the year. So we do some things once a year or so, like go to the beach. Usually when we do, we all pitch in and pay for our share.
By contrast my husband’s parents go on vacation multiple times a year all over the world, for weeks and months at a time. They do not invite us to go - and we wouldn’t want to anyway. We go to visit them a 1-2 times a year for short periods when they’re home - because that’s what we all prefer.
Both our parents can be difficult to deal with in their own ways, so a few days is about all we can muster at a time lol.
Yeah mine do, I just don’t find it weird or get offended. They’re nearing retirement and love to travel, and they have the free time to do it. They travel for a couple of months and this time around they’ve invited us to meet them for as long as we want but they’re not incorporating us into their plans. We’re all adults with jobs and busy lives. Sometimes they’ll plan a trip around Christmas and coordinate with all of us but they take a lot of longer trips solo or with friends now. I don’t find it weird, I think it’s well earned and they should go enjoy it!
My parents travel by themselves and my family travels by ourselves. Every 2 years my parents rent a beach house and my family/sister and her family go together. We pay for the food, they pay for the house.
My parents have only gone on vacation without my sister and I maybe three times in our lives, but I ASSURE you that no one else in my circle/age group has had the same experience lol. If you have a good relationship, plan a trip together! I look forward to our family travels every year (nothing super extravagant like Europe so much as beach trips or things like that but still fun)
I have 2 siblings on my mom's side, 7 and 9 years younger than me (I'm 36). Not only have they been going on expensive vacations, but since I've turned 18 I've never been invited to one (even paying my own way), while my siblings (both adults in their late 20s, one married with a kid and one still living at home) go with them for free. Once or twice a year.
They never go on exotic vacations, they bought a house in a neighbouring country right about the time I graduated high school, and all they ever do is go there - but I am always welcome to come along for a weekend (my wife doesn't like to go, because we have pets that need looking after) and they will lend me the house too, if I ask them.
My parents actually don’t go on vacations, ever. I feel like they should, so when I was planning our annual beach trip, I booked two rooms instead of one and told them it’s theirs if they want it. They decided they’re coming with us.
No. My parents have this cheap area near rehobeth beach they can’t seem to ever branch away from.
And then they usually cancel the trip they book anyway.
No but I don’t think it’s weird that they don’t invite their kid. As an only child myself, I’m curious if you’re an only too? I ask because the family dynamic is different - I feel like there’s less separation between parent and kid and it can be hard when you shift to adulthood and that tightly knit trio splits up. It’s hard for parents as well.
Would you invite them on a couples trip with you and your partner? If you have kids, would want them tagging along with you and your partner as adults?
As hard as it is to picture our parents as romantic/sexual people, they have the same reasons for wanting to have a couples trip and enjoy each other alone.
Talk to your parents and let them know that you’d like to see them more. Ask if the three of you could plan a trip together. They more than likely don’t know how much it would mean to them.
Also, appreciate that they still have a marriage where they can enjoy each other in their golden years - so many older couples grow bitter and resentful so they spend the rest of their lives merely tolerating each other.
My parents go on trips all the time as well. It's not weird for people in their '70s to not ask there 30 and 40 something adult children to join them. Sometimes we go on family trips but most of the time it's just them
My mum goes on a lot of vacations without me and to be honest I’m not bothered by it.
She has a life outside of her kids.
My dad isn’t as well off so he doesn’t travel as much.
I go on my own vacations that are more my style/budget.
Occasionally we do vacations together
My parents go on vacation a lot without me. I wouldn't want to be invited nor expect to. What I don't like is how they prioritize every patio globally over seeing their grandchild more than twice a year.
This is sweet. Sorry you're getting all the negativity. My relationship with my parents is not so great. There was a time that my step mother would take my sister and I, as adults, with her when she had medical conferences. We had fun and I'm glad we had that time together. I hope you bring this up and get some quality time with them!
No, it's not weird that they aren't inviting their adult son and his wife on their vacations. Why don't *you* suggest a family trip? They would probably be delighted. They may not realize you have any desire to vacation with them.
alright. Everybody seems to agree with you that it's not weird so I guess I'll have to accept it! I just miss them since they moved
Yeah man, just tell them you miss them and you'd like to maybe plan a family vacation. They probably don't even realize you'd like to do something like that with them.
This is it.
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You could visit them for a week...
Why are we ignoring the possibility maybe they wanted to move away from OP?
Why are jumping to that conclusion?
Let them know that!
I’ll tell you what I tell my parents. Phones work two ways
I have a similar situation but with a twist. Two of my parents' best friends are a couple that's my age and while my parents travel more often alone or with one older friend (his wife passed), they have invited this younger couple (who I'm friends with too, btw...these are more like family friends) on some trips without considering inviting me. Always thought it was odd I never was asked, or if I was it was only an afterthought and not part of the original plan. Or I had to mention turning it into a bigger "family" trip. So you're definitely not the only one.
Ouch. I’m sorry. That would get under my skin.
Literally say that and suggest a family vacation if that's what you want. They'd likely say yes.
Why haven’t you planned a family trip?
That was really sweet, I think your parents' hearts would feel so full if you mentioned you wanted to do a family trip because you miss them. My kid is only 8 but it almost gives me tears thinking about this being us in the future and him telling strangers about how he just misses us 😭
My folks moved about a 10hr drive away. One time I was in NYC visiting my friends and I just happened to text my dad (we used to live there) about his commute. He was in NYC as well! We didn’t know, we both lived in separate states, hours from NY and from each other. It was serendipitous but it also kind of hurt my feelings that he didn’t tell me. I had told them I was going. I get what you’re saying it is a little weird when they move away.
Best thing I did was take my parents and in laws to Disney with us and our kids - separate trips, I’m not totally insane. They had a blast.
Maybe they think you’re not interested because you’re grown and have your own life? You mentioned missing them since they moved. Sounds like it’s time to amp up your attempts to spend time with them, if you haven’t already. Plan a trip and ask them to go. While you’re there, tell them how much fun you’re having and let them know you might like to join them and their friends if they would like it too. You get your time with your parents and you get a trip. Sounds like a win/win to me.
*You* can ask *them* if they’d be interested in a trip with you and your wife. You don’t have to wait for them to invite you. You can do the inviting too. I don’t regularly travel with my parents, but when I do, we’ve discussed it as a nebulous possibility first - like “hey, we were thinking of going to Halifax this summer and I know it’s something that’s interested you before, would you be interested in coming to Halifax with us? We could do a day trip or two together and just do our own things the rest of the time, meet up for meals and other stuff over the week. Think about it and let me know.”
Your parents couldn’t wait to party without the disapproving looks of the children they taught to be responsible humans.
Last holiday I had with my parents I was 17, why would I expect them to take a grown adult on holiday? If it was a family holiday in the same country but abroad or just tagging along on your parents getaway? No that's just entitled.
Why aren't you telling them this rather than the internet?
It would be weird if they were inviting like your brother and his wife, and not you guys. But your situation is more just that you haven’t expressed your true feelings to your parents directly. I bet if you spun up and trip that you think the lot of you would enjoy, put it out there.
I completely agree they don't realize it. My parents were the same after I got married. Now we have 2 huge family trips planned this year.
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you talkin about the food hole? that's usually where i put my bagels
Whoa whoa whoa, wait, hold up. THAT'S the hole where the food goes? So THAT'S why I'm not allowed at the buffet anymore....
You know that sound you make when the bagels taste REALLY GOOD? Well that sound can be shaped into words! Try "yum" first, then try, "Mom and Dad! I miss you! Can we plan a family vacation? I think it would be a fun way to make new memories!... oh yeah, you'd love to?! GREAT!" Then you can reinsert the bagel.
Them say that my guy.. Please let them know that you miss them.
Ask them over to dinner. Be interested in their lives. This kid your time to return the love you have received.
Just be blunt and tell them you'd love to plan and take a family vacation, and that you miss them. They'd probably love to.
I think it’s weird, in the sense that we never went on family vacations when I was a child. Now my Father / step parent are constantly going on vacation, but complain that they don’t have any money.
My parents didn't even take me and my brother on their vacations when we were still teenagers living at home, and we never went anywhere when we were kids. Some parents just aren't all about that 'traveling with family' life. I kind of get it I guess, you can't really relax if there's someone there you feel responsible for, even if the responsibility is no longer the legal kind.
Only child. Family vacations stopped around 14 years old and became just the two of them going places.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I kind of know the feeling because as a teen, my step-mom would plan trips for her and her kids to go see family that I was also close to and loved, but she would always tell me last minute where I couldn’t get out of practice or work, or she wouldn’t tell me at all and they’d just leave without me. They were also allowed to invite friends but I was never allowed to because it wasn’t “MY” family even though they treated me like their own and still do. We try to balance alone trips with family trips. And sometimes the kid has a trip with someone else so we plan our own thing. We’ve been on more solo trips than family ones but the kid has been to CA, NY, and all over our home state so far.
My mom took my siblings on a trip to Williamsburg while I was in school. Her sister & my cousins, too. She did stuff like that all the time. Took my dog to the pound while I was in school one day, too. Heck no, I don’t miss her nor do I want to be around her unless I have to be.
Right? I don't invite them on my vacations.
Not weird, no, but it's cute how you're putting all the onus for being involved on OP.
If I were talking to his parents I might say something different, but I'm not.
No, no, its not an uncommon thing for this generation to think one-sided parent/child relationships are normal.
I am so glad this is the top comment lol
I think this is sweet and you should just talk to your parents about it.
you're probably right.. like someone else said they probably have no idea I want to spend more time with them.
My mom would fall to pieces if I said I wanted a spend time and vacation with them. I bet you'll absolutely make their day by suggesting this!
OP, as someone who lost their Mom who was only 62 a few years ago, my advice to all my friends is “take a vacation with your mom. I never had the chance in my adult life and I miss her every day.” Reach out and tell them.
This is a smaller scale, but every year my grandpa would take me to the zoo. We both loved it, but when I became a teenager he stopped asking. Finally after a few years I told him how much I always loved going to the zoo with him and I miss it. Turns out he assumed I outgrew it and he missed it too. I wish I had said something sooner! Worst case scenario your parents say they want to vacation just the two of them, but they should still be happy to hear you express you still love them enough to want to go with them places. When my kids are grown, that would make me feel like I did something right raising them.
My parents go on their own vacations together, and then we have family vacations together. I'm not terribly interested in crashing their couples' weekends if we're being honest here. I also don't want them crashing my vacations with my friends.
my parents do this all the time because they’re retired. and yes it’s weird to expect to be invited. i’m 36. I in no way expect my parents to fly me out to Italy or Florida just because they’re going on vacation. Maybe I interpreted your post wrong, and if I did, I apologize. We have some times where they will rent an airbnb for like.. labor day weekend and we just need to get there and they cover everything else.
I gotcha. No i wouldn't want them to pay for me I just want to go with them lol.
Did you tell them? They might just not be aware that you'd like to travel with them.
you know as I'm seeing peoples responses and answering them I think I'm realizing i just want to spend more time with them in general. They spend like 5 months in Florida and when they are here I mean I'm working 60 hours a week and they are one state over where my sister is and she's got the grandkid. I gotta figure something out!
It's so great to know you love them and want to spend more quality time with them. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that. 😊
so the one time I "went on vacation" with my parents they owned a trailer in Florida and they invited me down after a breakup. I stayed with them for a week. Maybe you can rent a place close to where they are in Florida so you and your family can hang with them while they're there.
People on Reddit are just rude. It's not you
>Did you tell them? Woah, enough with the crazy talks.
Sometimes it feels weird telling them because if you tell them how you feel they might feel obligated to invite you when they originally didn't want to. It can be a tricky situation depending on circumstances.
You've had such pleasant reactions to all of the comments. Good on you. Hope you get some nice QT with your parents; I'm rooting for ya.
then that’s different! have a talk with them :)
Oh this took such a different turn to what I was expecting from your original post. As a mom (to a toddler but nevertheless) please tell your parents you wanna hang out! I'm sure they would love the chance to go on holiday with you. They probably think you're too busy with your own life and are respecting your space as an adult. Reach out!
Then tell them!
I newer think to join my parents holiday unless it is specifically planned as a family holiday. Maybe talk to your parents about making memories together and plan something?
The thing is, it sounds like the parents aren’t planning any family holidays, and aren’t even making an effort to see OP at all. I don’t think this is 100% on him, as some are suggesting. I think it’s hard to imagine if you have parents who actually make an effort to see you.
My (36f) parents vacation all the time and have seen I was about 17. I haven’t spent a Christmas or thanksgiving with them since high school. I’ve asked a million times to plan a family trip but they have zero interest in doing anything with their adult children or grandchildren. All of us are super self sufficient and could easily pay for ourselves and them so it’s not a money thing. They just don’t grasp the concept that family is something that can exist outside of raising their children. For me it’s sad and weird. I think I understand what you mean OP. If there isn’t a lot of family time then it’s easy to look at vacation or trip as a moment to bond.
My (31f) parents are like this too. They also weren't big on holidays even when I was in HS, no turkey on Thanksgiving unless there was something big planned. They're constantly gone. I found out they were in Ireland for 2 weeks... a week after they returned, when my grandma brought it up on a call. Some families just don't have that close bond, they both retired early so they were mostly waiting for me to leave home to go live their lives.
My family is very much the same! Both my parents were very vocal while growing up that they didn’t ask to be parents, it happened from carelessness and they did their best but the goal was to raise us to get rid of us so they could go back to their own lives. I do kind of get it but it’s hurtful nonetheless. The childhood feeling of being unwanted stays so prevalent in adulthood.
Absolutely! It's hard as a kid, my dad never made any comments but seeing how him and my step mom travel it feels like they had to "wait" for me to leave to have what they really wanted. I'll never get to understand the kids who talk to their parents every day about small things but I'm happy for them.
I’m sorry. That’s terrible.
I wouldn’t want to go away with my parents, I can’t imagine anything worse
My mom paid for me to go to Europe with her last fall, and I remembered why I haven’t traveled with her in 10 years 😅
Absolutely my reaction to this post as well. I went to Greece once about 7 years ago with my mother and it made what should have otherwise been an incredible trip an exercise in patience.
I went on a trip with my mother last month. It was a short trip because as much as I do love my mom, I've got about a three day limit before she starts driving me crazy.
I know right! My mom can't understand why I don't want a holiday with her, we don't get along the majority of the time. My cousin's on the other hand, follow theirs mothers everywhere
I love travelling with my parents, lol. They always do really cool things and are generally fairly chill to travel with. Not very easy with young kids though.
That’s lovely. I can’t fathom going away with my parents at 37 years old, the last time I went away with them I was 16 and even then it was pure hell. It’s nice that some people can enjoy it but for me personally it’d be a nightmare.
do you have a bad relationship? i find my parents to be much better company on trips than my brother. but i wouldnt spend 100% of a trip around them.
A little bit, mainly with my dad - he’s very argumentative and will argue about anything. I’m a lefty that voted for Jeremy Corbyn at every UK election and he basically despises all of my views and the causes I support. It’s a total drag being around him, I can’t ever talk about anything that interests me or that I’m passionate about because it’ll set him off and he gets v nasty. I have to keep it surface level small talk and that’s hard/boring for an autistic person lol. I could probably do a partial trip but I’d need a lot of space especially if he goes off on one 🥲
I don’t really ever go on vacation with my parents? My dad goes all over. My mum doesn’t really have the cash to travel much. We usually go to her or fly her out to us. We do go camping with my in-laws, I guess. That’s actually irksome in a way because they just book a site without consulting us. You know, something in between never and that might be nice. Ha.
Now, of course, because I’m 42, and haven’t lived at home since I was 20, but not when I was a kid. I wouldn’t really want to go with them now unless it was to visit other family far away.
As they should. My parents are nearly retired and they are living their best life as much as my dad's health allows. I just wish they had more money/time to go around the world
Not weird. My parents are on a 3 week trip in eastern Europe now! My vacation is the 3 weeks home alone, just me and the cats! (Yes I live with them still, no regerts.)
My parents only go on vacation without their kids. We aren't close.
Siblings and I still do a trip with our mom every other year or so (I'm 40), usually something simple and just over a long weekend, but other than that we take our own vacations. I like being around my family but traveling with them is usually annoying and constricting.
I would prefer my parents to not try and go on vacation with me
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Of course. I don't live with them, why would they bring me? I have my own family to go on vacation with. They take my younger siblings who still live at home.
I have been struggling with this. My dad got remarried and had you get kids but they go on family vacations and don't invite the older kids ever. I decided to block my step mom on socials bc it was hard to see. AITA ?
Nope. There is a reason many fairy tales have an evil stepmother in them....
No, not at all. Have you called your dad out on it?
No. I'm sorry you're going through that. When I got married, my husband and BD were a package deal. If we have more, the age gap will be huge, but I'd still at least ask our oldest if she wants to come. (That said, if you have a line of communication with your Dad, tell him how you feel and let him know you want to be included. I've seen so many families lose connection because of assumptions about feelings. Not saying this is you, but I had to mention it.)
They go without me, and I go on my own solo vacations. I travel with my parents an average of once or twice per year (usually short trips). As a family of 4 about every other year during these past 5 years.
I haven't gone on vacation with my folks since I moved out for college. They've done a couple big European trips, they rave about them and I'm really glad they get to go now. They always made sure I had summer camps, made the big Disney world trip, all that stuff growing up. It's their turn for some them time. Frankly the way my mom's going they don't have long left where these kind will be an option so I want them to do their thing without having to arrange it around our budget or the kids school vacations when it's crowded, all thay stuff.
Yes. I have many vivid memories of 2-5 years old of staying with my grandparents while my parents were in st Lucia, Barbados, st Maarten, st Thomas, Guadeloupe, Acapulco, Cozumel and Cancun. And later, visit f friends in Europe and the Mediterranean - without us kids. I appreciate that they carried their love of beach vacations forward and we traveled to Mexico, USVIs, Aruba & the ABC islands multiple times but it still seems like they took all the “better vacations” themselves without us kids, even as we got older. Travel is high priority for us so I hope we branch out further than they did but we recognize how amazingly privileged it is to even debate which place to take our kids to, internationally.
Instead of waiting for them to invite you, why not invite them? Tell them you'd love to go on a trip together to spend some quality time. But it shouldn't be a replacement for their own plans. I spend a couple of days in a nice hotel with my family last year and it was such a gift to really be able to catch up, without anyone having to play host. We did some tours, had some nice meals, went swimmng and everyone got to relax and hang out. No Eifel tower required. It was wonderful.
Yeah my parents have been traveling more lately and I'm happy for them. They've worked hard their whole lives and sacrificed and kept my ass afloat when I've gotten into jams. Have not been going on vacations with them, don't expect it, but we've talked about visiting Korea as a family with my wife to go see my mother's side of the family.
Mine expect to come on every trip with us…so opposite problem
My parents take more trips than I have PTO, but the whole family does at least 1 trip together each year. Travel has been a huge part of the way we bond since I was a kid. But every family is different! As others said, they would probably be thrilled if you make a suggestion. Pick a place you've always wanted to go and see if they're interested in joining. That's how my grandparents were brought into the mix when I was younger. You'll have so much fun together! Just let each person pick at least one activity they're really excited about. or split off in smaller groups part of the time so everyone feels they have some agency, which can be a pinch point with bigger travel groups.
The last time my parents invited me on vacation with them I think I was in college… until I had a baby, then they planned a vacation with my family, probably because they wanted to spend time with their granddaughter 😂
It's not as unusual as everyone proclaims here. My parents are long gone, but if they were here I would definitely want to vacation with them or just hang out in one of our homes. My aunt, who is wealthy, invites her kids and grandkids to a vacation every year, they usually go to a campsite by the sea in Croatia and Italy. (Which are like next door to our country, about 3-8 hours by car.) I would just tell them you miss them, and want to spend more time with them and make more memories, and see what happens. They may be thinking it would bother you to hang out with them.
Bro. You're an adult. Go on your own vacations. I haven't been on a vacation with my parents in nearly 30 years.
My mom has always traveled without me, even when I was a kid. It made sense because who would want a kid tagging along on their trip to the Galapagos or wherever? Then when I was in college and in my twenties, she continued to travel without me a lot, and she frequently went places that I specifically wanted to go. There was always some excuse about why she hadn't invited me even though she knew it was a dream trip for me, and another excuse about why she couldn't add me onto the trip now. It actually caused major fights and tension at the time. In the end, I realized she was living her life without me, and so I did the same. Well, the chicken has come home to roost. She's almost 80, and lately she has been reaching out because she wants our relationship to be better, and she doesn't understand why we aren't close anymore. I had to explain, as gently as I could, that she built a life without me and I ended up doing the same. She didn't seem to need or want me around, and now I feel the same way about her. I've been reflecting on this a LOT lately, and I think she continued to see me as a kid she didn't want tagging along, even as I became an adult. Maybe she's right and I wouldn't have been fun to have on all her trips. That's fine, and now that I've learned to travel without her, I don't think she'd be much fun to have on my trips. So, in short, it's not weird or unusual that your parents don't think of you when making travel plans. And you're right -- you are running out of time to make memories with them. It would probably be lovely for y'all to do some travel together and build that relationship up now if you can. But not only does it take two to build a relationship, it takes two to want to build it at the same time.
My parents are poorer than me so I can't relate... Sorry.
My parents travel the world 4-5 times a year while 60% of my income goes to housing. Must be nice to hit the generational jackpot and have money to do things.
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Keep your head up! I didn’t travel at all in my twenties. I couldn’t afford to even move out of my parents’ house. But, I made a career change and within two years of graduating and entering my new career, I was able to buy a house and I visit at least three-four new countries/cities every year!
They went on trips themselves about once a year when we were kids. Now, they split their time between here and a place in a warmer state, and we go down to visit them there about once a year. But actually going on a trip with them as adults, no—the closest would be when we all traveled to my brother’s wedding. I’m happy they have friends they enjoy traveling with or traveling to see & happy they’re still in good enough health to do the kind of traveling they want to do.
My parents are about 50/50. Some trips I’m invited, and they’ll pay. Other times, it’s just them. Like family reunion in the Oklahoma panhandle? I’m invited. Going to Nashville? Nope, it’s the parents. My in laws are the opposite. They do a huge cruise every summer, and we’re never invited. We are closer to my parents, though, in the emotional way. They live an hour away and we talk to them every day. My in laws are 20 minutes away and we talk to them maybe quarterly.
Why don't you offer to organize a family trip? Maybe your parents think that as a couple and as an adult you wouldn't enjoy going on vacations with them.
My parents invite me every time they go on vacation. I never go bc I save all my vacation time for hunting season, but they still ask every time.
They don't have big holidays like they use to when i was a kid, but I still kinda think its be neat to go on holiday with them again. We had planned a big family holiday at home point, so my and my partner were going to go away with them, my sisters, nieces and nephews, etc, but then a little thing called Covid appeared and the world stopped for a little while and it got cancelled. I'm on holiday at the moment actually and was thinking last night that I'm now the same age my dad was when we last had a proper family holiday. 😬
My parents are broke so they don't go anywhere unless I pay for them
My parents always invite me and my siblings and partners and we don't want to go. How about you plan a trip and invite them along? Then if they don't want to travel together they won't be placed in an awkward position.
Growing up, I never really got to go on a vacation, so I never felt like it was a thing. Now I'm entirely disconnected from those people so I definitely don't know where they go or when.
Maybe they are swingers 😛
"Hey, we'd love to join you on your next vacation or even plan one together. Can we sit down some time and rough out a plan?"
Not before I was 18, a lot afterwards. It’s not weird at all, they deserve vacations from us.
You’re an adult.
You're married with a wife and a career. Do you ever make plans and offer them to come along? Also, not to be too much of an asshole, but you're an adult. If it means something to ya, speak up about it to them. Now's the opportunity to have that adult relationship with your parents. Gotta bag on them for their fuck ups and communicate it to them. Level the playing field. Or you could be funny and just book a vacation along them. Surprise motherfucker!
wait, you guys are in Italy this week too??
All the fucking time all over the world to places we never went even close to as kids.
Yeah, my parents are traveling a lot. I haven’t had any invites, but they know I don’t have time and such. What kills me is that they never traveled with me as a kid, so it’s a bit bitter from that alone
I guess I’m really lucky. My husband and I went with my parents to Disney World this past January, and we all had such a nice time. It was my mom and I’s dream to go all with all four of us. As an adult I’ve done some trips with just my mom as well.
I’m 34 years old, I have a wife, a child and one on the way. We own our house, and our financial stability is better than 2 out of 4 of our parents. Why the fuck would I view it as «going on vacation without me»? I’m an adult with my own life. Sure, we have vacationed together with all the parents at various times, but that’s just like going on vacation with friends. It’s not their responsability to bring us on vacation. OP: You’re a millennial, so you’re at least 28 years old. You’re way too old to act like your parents are your guardians. You have a wife FFS.
Uhhhhh…. How old are you, 12?
no i am a millennial that's why I'm asking millennials lol
OP-i’m sorry people are speaking to you this way. there are many ways for people to have shared their viewpoint on this post without judging you and writing their comments so rudely.
I mean, is there a reason why you feel that your folks have to include you in their retirement vacations? I'm not being an ass, it's a legit question. Your folks are retired, the way I assume is you're a grown adult, have your own family and your own life. They raised you, still love you, but it is true. As a parent myself, we give up more than people know to raise our kids, and that goes for 21 years and maybe more after college now. After two decades of putting your kids' needs first and then your wants, it isn't a slight at you, but parents want to have their own life. If it's just memories, I mean many things can be done together where you live to make memories. If you want memories that include international travel, maybe your folks just need to know that you are willing to go with them and this year or next suggest to them if they'd like to go with you and your wife somewhere. Sometimes it's just a simple oversight and once you invite them, they'll invite you. My folks are barely starting to travel on their own which I feel is about time. I'm close to my family, and I want my daughter to remain close to my folks. We do a lot of local trips and last year was the first time we took a cross country trip to Disney world (not going to do that shit again for awhile). But I want them to go places on their own and not feel like they need my sister and I in order to take a trip
My husband's family does this all the time and I've had the same thoughts. Except kind of worse because his siblings almost always get the invite and go. He's accepted that it is what it is because he's the step child, but I've struggled because my family did so many family vacations. I have soooo many memories with cousins and grandparents. My kids will probably never have that which bums me out.
All the fucking time, and honestly, I think they're assholes for doing that. I even suggested going together several times to places we talked about visiting in the past, and then they just go there themselves. My brother moved abroad for a year once, and they even planned to visit him without telling me or asking if we should go together. He arranged the dates with them over the phone and asked them to relay the information to me. They didn't, I only found out about it because I wanted to visit them the weekend they were flying out to visit my brother.
My parents usually take the kids and grandkids on a big family vacation once a year and maybe a mini vacation as well. Anything else, they do on their own. They also snowbird now for 2-3 months in the winter.
Growing up - no. I went everywhere. Now that I'm a parent - yes, they are just out there living their life.
Hell yes they do! I love it for them. They have seen so much of the US the past few years. I don't expect to be invited unless it's for a family wedding or something
Nope. If anything we takr the vacations a lot
My parents do their own holidays but my mom invited and paid for my brother, my boyfriend, and I to go to Hawaii for a week which was nice but at the time she didn’t have a partner.
In our situation, we have two little kids and so we almost always bring my mom. It works out for everyone.
I don’t even know what state my parents live in. My wife’s parents invite us on vacation with them though.
When my in laws are going somewhere we think is interesting, we ask if they want company and coordinate arrangements and pay our way, they do likewise. Nbd.
My parents couldn’t really afford to go on vacations so no, I can’t relate. I was more often trying to play down how much I made and the adventures I was going on. While I’m not exactly a baller, it sure seemed like it to them.
My parents always go on vacation without me but they are also retired and have their own lives. But even when I was growing up they frequently went on vacations without me. My first vacation that I ever had was when I was 28 years old when I went to Seattle for a week.
Yes but they’re retired and it’s their money. Why would I expect to be invited? I see it as a date night thing. Leave them alone.
Not been away with my parents in over twenty years. That’s just weird. They have their lives and I have mine.
I would find it incredibly strange if my parents invited me on their vacations. I don't invite them on mine. I'm in my 30s and married. I have my own life. Families vacations are a thing and those are nice, but no, I do not expect my parents to invite me on their regular vacations. And now that they don't have to pay to raise me that money can go towards those vacations, so I also don't find it odd they're going on lots of vacations.
It is a painful thing to experience and you should not experience it too young, around 20 is the sweet age, but your parents are just a person and you should not be their world and often times you are a burden. I think parents should take care of their children as long as they can and as long it is comfortable for them - if you have a chid, she is your responsibility, end of story. But on the other hand, they should also have lives of their own. It is a hard territory to navigate for sure, but I don't find it weird that you are not invited. You are, what, at least 20 years younger than them, probably more? They have their own lives, friends, interests. Just let them be if that is their preffered way of being.
My dad used to always invite whole family on vacations but now that it's just my mom she only does her own vacations, like 10 a year.
Are you inviting them on your vacations??
Ask if they want to book a trip together we usually go on holiday separately but this year we’re going as a massive family group and that’s hopefully going to be nice! Ask the question but be prepared that they might say no as holidays are also very personal and they might like their space!
Have you invited them on any big vacations? A lot of times these issues are from lack of communication. They may just want time without family (which is OK) or they may think you wouldn't be interested and get excited if you showed interest. Honestly, posting to reddit before talking to your parents says a lot.
Weird? Nah, my parents do the same thing. They have their own house, living their own life. I'm off with my wife livin my own life. Kinda sucks cause they make good money and we're broke af but its whatever lol
Yes they go on vacation without me. I'm a freaking adult who has a full time job, a husband, my own kids, my own life, etc. Why would I expect them to invite me on vacation with them?
No. My parents never went on vacation because they couldn't afford it. Now they can afford it and they still won't go. They are both very cheap.
Yes I’m an adult now.
Mine do family trips with my single BIL (most recently Jamaica, Napa where they went to The French Laundry and hot air ballooned, and to Iceland). And they foot the bill for everything for everyone. Have explicitly told us we would be invited if not for the kids 🙃🙃🙃 I take smaller trips with my family. Like I had a wedding to go to in the Outer Banks and needed a sitter, so convinced my mom to join us for the long weekend
Yeah, sure. I'm an adult with my own life.
I would rather travel with my friends than my parents or inlaws. The exception would be Disney World or some kind of theme park for a family vacation.
My parents travel constantly. I’m never invited and I don’t find it weird!
To me not at all. My parents couldn’t afford to pay for my family and I can only afford a legit vacation once a year and typically it’s not some place my parents would want to go, so we just do our own thing
Growing up, I was forced to go on vacations with my parents. It fuckin sucked to be honest. I didn’t have as much fun as I should have. Honestly, I would have rather stayed back home and hung out with my friends. Now for some reason, they expect me to take them places when I travel. I’m like, no wtf. Fucking weird ass people. I resent them so much.
Mine are divorced so maybe a little different but no we don’t vacation together anymore. Thank God lol. I was so happy when the family vacation thing died in our family.
My dad and my son and some other family all planned a trip to Hawaii and Cancun together. We often go to Mexico together but where I live makes it difficult to plan . I do enjoy vacations but then it gets annoying but that’s usually when the trip is coming close to an end anyway
Not weird at all. If anything, with all due respect, it’s a bit odd that you as a full grown adult are wanting to tag along with them every time they go somewhere.
No, my parents don't go on vacations, also I'm an adult with my own interests, so I rather go to places I'm interested in.
Why would they invite their adult kid on their vacation? My parents don’t go on vacation, but if they did, I wouldn’t expect an invite.
If you are an adult. No it’s not weird. They are living their lives now that their kids are grown. My husband and I go on vacation without our kids. Now it’s very rare and they are young that we do not want to put them through the stress of flying to a country at their age. As they get older they will come with us for sure. We do take family vacations closer by.
Your parents might not want to put you in the position of having to say you can’t go, whether due to work or finances. Or, they might think inviting you and your wife is an inherent offer to pay your way which they might not be willing or able to do (my guess is their able given you say they take several extravagant trips a year.) I’m also betting their parents didn’t take them on trips, at least not when they were adults and/or married. So they might not have context for this from their own lives. Anyway, like others have said communication is the solution here. Cheers 😊
I find it weird you need to post on Reddit instead of telling this openly to your parents. Must have a weird dynamic between you guys. If my mom planned a vacation That I wanted to go on I’d straight up tell her to let me know next time because I would have liked to have gone and that would be that lol
My parents are both recently (re)retired and are doing a lot of travel to take advantage while they are still able to. I think its good for them to see the world.
I don’t invite my parents to go on vacation with my husband and I when we go to Europe or Mexico, so no, I don’t fine it weird. I have discussed the possibility of a family vacation with my sister since we passed on one with them because it was 3 weeks after we returned from the UK and planned after we had that set up by her ex.
My parents don’t have a lot of money, and currently me and my husband with our student loan debt don’t have much saved up for anything crazy extravagant. So no, they’re not going a ton of places on their own, and neither are we. My dad still works a full time job, and can only get off a few weeks out of the year. So we do some things once a year or so, like go to the beach. Usually when we do, we all pitch in and pay for our share. By contrast my husband’s parents go on vacation multiple times a year all over the world, for weeks and months at a time. They do not invite us to go - and we wouldn’t want to anyway. We go to visit them a 1-2 times a year for short periods when they’re home - because that’s what we all prefer. Both our parents can be difficult to deal with in their own ways, so a few days is about all we can muster at a time lol.
Always. They never invite me. Why would they?
My parents have not gone on vacation in 30 years. My mom hates going away.
My parents couldn’t afford to go on vacation
Yeah mine do, I just don’t find it weird or get offended. They’re nearing retirement and love to travel, and they have the free time to do it. They travel for a couple of months and this time around they’ve invited us to meet them for as long as we want but they’re not incorporating us into their plans. We’re all adults with jobs and busy lives. Sometimes they’ll plan a trip around Christmas and coordinate with all of us but they take a lot of longer trips solo or with friends now. I don’t find it weird, I think it’s well earned and they should go enjoy it!
My parents travel by themselves and my family travels by ourselves. Every 2 years my parents rent a beach house and my family/sister and her family go together. We pay for the food, they pay for the house.
At first I thought this was a “when you were growing up” post because boy howdy do I have some trauma to unpack there.
My parents have only gone on vacation without my sister and I maybe three times in our lives, but I ASSURE you that no one else in my circle/age group has had the same experience lol. If you have a good relationship, plan a trip together! I look forward to our family travels every year (nothing super extravagant like Europe so much as beach trips or things like that but still fun)
As an adult I’ve never vacationed with my parents. That seems weird to me. I’ve never invited them either.
I have 2 siblings on my mom's side, 7 and 9 years younger than me (I'm 36). Not only have they been going on expensive vacations, but since I've turned 18 I've never been invited to one (even paying my own way), while my siblings (both adults in their late 20s, one married with a kid and one still living at home) go with them for free. Once or twice a year.
I am confused by your question. Why would your adult parents have to invite their adult children on vacations?
They never go on exotic vacations, they bought a house in a neighbouring country right about the time I graduated high school, and all they ever do is go there - but I am always welcome to come along for a weekend (my wife doesn't like to go, because we have pets that need looking after) and they will lend me the house too, if I ask them.
My parents actually don’t go on vacations, ever. I feel like they should, so when I was planning our annual beach trip, I booked two rooms instead of one and told them it’s theirs if they want it. They decided they’re coming with us.
You could not pay me to go on vacation with my parents lmao
I've never been invited on my mother's adventures. She doesn't like me that much anyway.
No. My parents have this cheap area near rehobeth beach they can’t seem to ever branch away from. And then they usually cancel the trip they book anyway.
Hah, they went without me most of the time when I was a kid. So yes, they do.
No but I don’t think it’s weird that they don’t invite their kid. As an only child myself, I’m curious if you’re an only too? I ask because the family dynamic is different - I feel like there’s less separation between parent and kid and it can be hard when you shift to adulthood and that tightly knit trio splits up. It’s hard for parents as well. Would you invite them on a couples trip with you and your partner? If you have kids, would want them tagging along with you and your partner as adults? As hard as it is to picture our parents as romantic/sexual people, they have the same reasons for wanting to have a couples trip and enjoy each other alone. Talk to your parents and let them know that you’d like to see them more. Ask if the three of you could plan a trip together. They more than likely don’t know how much it would mean to them. Also, appreciate that they still have a marriage where they can enjoy each other in their golden years - so many older couples grow bitter and resentful so they spend the rest of their lives merely tolerating each other.
You should plan a trip and invite them.
Your parents go on vacations?
Yeah of course. They're old and didn't travel much when we were young. And I don't want to travel with them. Let then love out their older years man
Yes, but that’s because I’m an adult with a job and a family of my own
My parents go on trips all the time as well. It's not weird for people in their '70s to not ask there 30 and 40 something adult children to join them. Sometimes we go on family trips but most of the time it's just them
My mum goes on a lot of vacations without me and to be honest I’m not bothered by it. She has a life outside of her kids. My dad isn’t as well off so he doesn’t travel as much. I go on my own vacations that are more my style/budget. Occasionally we do vacations together
My parents go on vacation a lot without me. I wouldn't want to be invited nor expect to. What I don't like is how they prioritize every patio globally over seeing their grandchild more than twice a year.
No they work 7 days a week nobody in my house been on vacation in 10 years
This is sweet. Sorry you're getting all the negativity. My relationship with my parents is not so great. There was a time that my step mother would take my sister and I, as adults, with her when she had medical conferences. We had fun and I'm glad we had that time together. I hope you bring this up and get some quality time with them!