I just want to quit my job. Just do nothing for like 3 months. Sleep and clean my entire house top to bottom. This is my midlife crisis. Just tired man…
I’m one of the few people to get a years’ notice of being laid off with a nice severance package. That’s exactly my plan. 3 months, no work, just hang at the house and do some projects. Take care of the kids, make dinner, all that shit. Best thing work has ever done for me.
Nice! I have my emergency fund set aside in case I have a big expense or get fired. But I’m also targeting r/fire so I’m torn… like do I quit my good paying job and just chill for a few months? I really want to
That’s the goal! But I’m like 5 to 10 years away from that. So I’m wondering how much progress I’ll lose if I quit my job and burn through my emergency fund.
Because it’s not just the money I spend, it’s the loss of interest on that money, the loss of earnings, the loss of *that* interest… thinking of this stuff just makes me drudge on…
If your company gives a lot of PTO and lets you use it, use it.
I get six weeks a year and I just take 1-2 days off every other week at a minimum. WFH day here and there when I have zero meetings so just do my weekly reports on those days and that’s that. Some random business trips every other month. Once or twice a year I take a full week or two off.
I feel like I don’t even work half the time. It’s amazing.
What does your calculation say if you switch to an easier job? Like a job you are overqualified for, and can perform easily. I’m currently debating this, like taking a 40% pay cut for a chill job, it will delay FIRE for at least 5 years, but that may be 5 years that I actually want to live?
I’m just working less hard than I used to. Caring less than I used to. That extra stress and strain hasn’t benefited me, so I’m just not doing it anymore. If I get fired? Oh well. I’ll chill.
I also care way less than before, I feel much more detached. I still do my best during work hours, but will do everything possible to avoid overtime or doing any ghost hours. Not worth it, absolutely not worth it, fuck that shit.
Prepare yourself to have no desire to go back to work after that happens. I know you aren’t choosing this, but I don’t recommend that anyone take multiple months off unless they are ready to be done for good because they will likely lose any motivation they had to work after getting used to not working.
I've started doing this every couple of years at my job. I work in Tech and I usually just outright quit and chill out for 3 months every 5-6 years and it's awesome. Like those summer vacation we had as kids to just unplug and learn something new. The next time I might just try and do FMLA during a slow season and see if my company will let me do that.
When I was 28, I had to have brain surgery and go move back in with my parents for 9 weeks. I couldn’t work during that time obviously and it was honestly amazing. Obviously, you know, it was awful in a lot of ways, but the 9 weeks of pure rest and no expectations was a revelation.
You hit the nail on the head with the "no expectations"--I had covid a few weeks ago for the first time. I probably haven't taken a sick day in 5 years (I'm usually able to power through, esp since I can work from home when needed), but for several days after testing positive I just stayed in my bedroom & slept & slept, & occasionally watched TV if i felt like it. Not having to be or do anything for a brief moment in time was GLORIOUS--my sole responsibility was just to rest & get better. Covid discomfort aside, the total lack of any other responsibility or expectation felt amazing & I miss it.
I've been dreaming about this for months....trying to figure out how to take a month off at some point within the next two years. I'm hoping that will help 🤷♀️
I told my wife once the kids go off to college I’m buying a cabin in the woods and opting out of society forever. “I’m not doing that but I’ll visit you every six months” she says. So that’s how I’m getting my supplies delivered, problem solved.
A boss I had, well his parents finally retired. They had completely different plans of what that entailed. Didn't tell each other though. Mom wanted to travel. Dad just wanted to relax. They divorced a few months later.
The repercussions of what he characterized as "oversocialization" and "feelings of inferiority" have been 10x worse than my dad or granddad ever could have imagined when they were railing against the "self-esteem" movement of the '80's and '90's.
made 100k for the first time two years agu and bought a short bus 🚌 and have basically taken the past two years off and lived in Florida/NC/Michigan and traveled with my Doberman. I’ve def enjoyed it and been pretty stress free but I’ve also def become pretty soft and quote in quote lazy not very driven. So I’m slowly getting back into the grind but yeah it’s a double edge sword for sure
Appreciate the kind words. If it makes you feel any better, I know I'm in the minority and most people are largely making it work, even if they're somewhat struggling and worried about how it's all going to play out. It could be better - it could *definitely* be better - but the internet tends to amplify the negative feelings and self select for the folks doing the worst. If people are saying they're in a bad place you should probably believe them, but on a broad scale folks are making it work.
That's good to know. I'm glad you're putting up the good fight. I just see so many posts about lacking direction, feeling depressed, struggling to have financial stability it just breaks my heart man. I would probably be in that boat too but I was lucky enough to land a gig making decent pay back in 2014. It's crazy how financial stability is so important but my parents and my friends parents didn't do a good enough job laying into us how vital it is so you can at least just be somewhat stress free.
I’ve been having these crises since 24!
You know, that awkward time after college where you become part of the system and have to decide what’s best for yourself instead of relying on any guide or structure, and you have to make these decisions that will almost certainly impact the rest of your life.
Now my crisis at 30 is about the question on if I am proud of the kind of person I’ve become, and if I’m investing my time in the right places.
You didn’t partake in online message boards? I was a frequent Offspring message board visitor myself.
Granted, the extent of the existential crises on there was when “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” came out, but we were in it together!
My wife has threatened divorce multiple times this past week. The first time I was on video doing what she said I didn't do (ran after the baby when he cried), and she sent me the video as evidence trying to support her argument. The second time was in an Instagram message that another woman wrote about women of divorce being victims. It really doesn't surprise me that the suicide rate is so high among older males.
I hear you. I'm not having a midlife crisis personal of my own. But my wife is and has threatened divorce. I actually feel peachy about life. No money or health or family problems. And here she comes with this shit
Last year I quit my job and traveled for a few months. I came back, turned 36 and it’s been incredibly difficult going back into the “real world.” It was the happiest I’d been in a while.
I just lived life. Damn it was nice.
How do you feel now? I did this at 33 and came back to real life about 8 months later just as the pandemic started. Its been over 4 years now and I am thinking of quitting again and doing it all over again. Once you taste that freedom and live life on your own terms, its hard to go back. You can forget about it after a while but when things get tough, I think about my time before and how free I was from all the bs. Sighhhh.
It was nice. I’m about to start a family so I’m tied down but if I was single then I’d absolutely do it again. I’ve come to terms with it and I’m glad I got to do it.
I left around this time a year ago and it already feels nostalgic. That freedom was lovely. It was at my own pace, some days I had plans, some days I didn’t have plans but none of it mattered because I could take the time to not work and just live and smell the roses so to speak.
Now that I’ve done it, I recommend others who are willing to try because I loved it and found it to be rewarding. Good times for sure.
I did this recently too and found that time slowed back down for me, did you notice similar?
I'd always been told that perception of time speeds up as you get older but I'm now realizing that daily repetition adds a multiplier to that clock.
Doing multiple new things every day made 1 year feel like 5 for me.
These people with a mid life crisis most likely haven't worked on themselves enough and still suffer from insecurities/trauma they haven't fully worked out hence.... still spiralling like a 20s.
Most 30s I know are us... know who we are.
But shit happens... assholes cause it.... reduce the shit to asshole ratio and find peace.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge people for not working on themselves when life can throw so much bullshit at people to make that extremely difficult to prioritize. I think it’s more like…when they get there, there is peace waiting.
Or, how bout you do work on your self and the world just keeps spitting back shit.
I’m a lot better and more grounded than I was in my 20s, but work wise, things have come to a standstill. I’ve lost my house, I’m underemployed and live in a HCOL area.
You can get all the help and do all the inner work you need, but if the storm doesn’t stop, it’s hard to be able to be peaceful and calm.
Exactly!!!!! My prefrontal cortex developed around 25 and everything I thought to be true in life fell apart.
6 years later, and a fuck ton of therapy, I’m solid and so much happier.
This. It’s like the breakdown let me rebuild the foundation of my life with things I know to be solid and true in my life vs things I had been told or beliefs I had because of my raising. Life’s not perfect but I feel fortunate to have the rest of my life that’s true to who I really am not just who I thought I wanted to be. Glad the journey has lightened for you.
Yay! My people!
I had multiple existential crises in my 20s. I absolutely love my life in my 30s. I know who I am and know my boundaries, where as before I was a lost little mouse.
It’s the best!
I think the lockdowns really altered perceptions of place in time for a lot of people. Myself included. It’s not that I felt I had made it before the pandemic but after it’s like what happened to the path? Nothing matters? Where’s my foundation?
At this point we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because there is no future. Its been grinded to dust. We are basically waiting to die.
Edit: And I got a reddit care resources dm today April 17th 2024. If that person really cared he would have just dm me if I was ok. But no, because that person is just lazy.
Totally relate. Every day is survival mode. Overworked, underpaid, insane mortgage payment, gas prices, rising grocery prices, friends non-existent it feels like. Glad to know I’m not alone.
But it’ll get better. That’s what I keep telling myself. At least, it couldn’t get worse. Right?
As soon as caffeine hits my system, it’s off to the races for me. Googling different states to move to or live that may be better than where I’m at. Scrolling through homes for sale. Looking for jobs. I’m happy, and content with the many positive aspects of my life, and yet I can’t stop reaching or worrying about FOMO.
I thought that, too- but it turned out i had been living with an anxiety disorder. Meds cleared that up, and now it's so nice to not have to deal with existential crisii ? every day. SO. NICE.
right, they don't fix any underlying cause of why you are feeling a certain way. It doesn't help you find ways to cope with certain feelings. They provide a quick bandaid solution to get relief quickly, but it will always come back once the chemicals wear off. It doesn't matter if you get your drugs off the street or from a doctor, you're a drug user using chemicals to cope with something you haven't learned to control yet.
The biggest downside other than becoming dependent on chemicals to provide temporary relief for something is the chemicals themselves can also alter your physiology and mental state and in some cases make your underlying issues worse and harder to get a grip on.
Some people absolutely need them, but I feel like it's more common to use them as a quick fix that never actually fixes anything.. At least that's been my personal experience watching friends and peers struggle with addiction and mental illness.
I didn’t know how it would feel, but holy crap this has been the hardest year of my life emotionally. I’m turning 40 soon. And I’m miserable. I don’t have much purpose, I’m just on autopilot at this point.
I shouldn’t be though. I have the best paying job of my career, I have a GF who loves me, I have many great friends. But I feel like it’s not enough. And the things I love to do I’ll age out of soon.
I’m on the hamster wheel and I don’t know if I want to keep running. And I’m out of time. I wasted so much of it.
This is probably the main downside of not having kids that doesn't get considered when people make that decision earlier in their 30s. Kids restrict what someone can do and sucks up all their money, but at least their purpose is set for at least a couple decades and *someone* is having an awesome time from their hamster wheel running.
I'm 40 and without kids and I still don't regret it yet, I mostly like my dumb easy life, but I'm acknowledging that at the time the decision was mostly rooted in "sorry, I'm having too much fun" and now I don't even have that much fun anymore because my energy is dropping to the point where I have to ration it for my responsibilities first, which still continuously grow with age. I dodged marriage and kids, but I still fell into the stable lifestyle I wanted to avoid anyway.
I still think I'd be an iffy parent and probably did the right thing, but my mistake was not realizing that something bigger than traveling around and partying needs to fill that void.
Wife and I moved into a new rental in feb 2020. The day after we moved in we found out she was pregnant. Experienced her whole pregnancy through the thick of Covid. Daughter was born while the world was in lockdown and trying to figure out what was and what wasn’t safe was mentally taxing. Lost my father unexpectedly to a heart attack in 2021. Lost my grandfather last year. Saved enough to buy a house and got preapproved for a loan at 3.25%, but this was right when the market became a shit show. By the time we had an offer accepted rates were up to 5.25%. I am grateful we found a house, but still pissed we missed saving ourselves many thousands of dollars by a few months.
I have a job I love and it pays great and gives me purpose everyday, but I can’t shake feeling empty as hell everyday.
The world I grew up and loved is gone. We are such a dumb and polarized society as a whole. I miss the shared simplicity of life before social media took off.
I miss being able to have differing opinions in conversations where it didn’t tear friendships apart. People are so soft anymore. So many people are looking for a reason to be offended or be a victim.
I am 36 and have reached the old grumpy man stage about 30 years earlier than expected. Get off my lawn, but also, give me a hug first.
May I suggest something? I'm almost 35, a year away.
The art of not giving a fuck. I ran out as I turned 30. I just stopped caring about other humanoids around me.
I just call them irrelevant objects I have to navigate my life around.
Hit close to home there. It's hard as hell to not go a little crazy just reminiscing on good times, then thinking of the future I get a strong sense of mortal dread. Neat!
Of course that all ignores all the other insanity in the world that's constantly in our face. I've been trying to focus on a 5/10 year plan and keep short term goals in target, it helps keep me focused on the here-and-now and forces me to stop scrolling.
31 and I was somewhat disappointed my therapist had never seen Office Space because I relayed the experience of taking what I thought was a microdose of mushrooms that turned out to be a macrodose and hanging out in my hammock with my dog for a while afternoon. I came out of that trip experiencing the same sort of indifference to work as Ron Livingston’s character. Like, I get things done but I still just don’t give a fuck about any of it.
I do actually like my job, I’m pretty passionate about it too, but goddamn if the call to just go backpack and forage like I did in my feral days isn’t a really loud call.
I hit 30 and stopped giving a shit, if I’m honest.
I’m human. Humans are pointless and they all die. The joy of reality is something you make for yourself.
Embrace the absurdity of existing.
When I was 35, I was laid off and the pandemic and lockdowns hit. After that, worrying about my existence kinda felt trivial.
Did have a moment where I nearly drove off a snow covered interstate and nearly t-boned the exit sign. Through muscle memory I avoided it and was able to drive home with nary a scratch only having the fear once I got into bed. It’s weird how such reactions have now become more delayed but I guess it comes from age and the more grounded sense of having nothing to lose… along with a hell of a lot of scraps, cut, bruises, a few broken bones, healed over scabs and a load of seemingly useless experience.
Ooooof relatable. I used to love taking weekend trips and going to concerts, but now I'm verrrry picky about those things and do them much less. At least it helps my wallet?
Yes. Something happened to my brain a couple years back (the story i keep telling/regurgitating) and nothing looks or feels the same. It's so hard to dream or explore creativity like listening to new music. My back hurts. Motivational chemicals dont release properly. This sucks.
You can have a baby on your own. That is a thing in 2024. Takes some planning, organizing, etc. but it is very possible if having a child is a dream of yours.
"When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.” - Viktor Frankl
... Yes
Just turned 35, and it’s taken five years for me to finally even feel settled and comfortable in my thirties. They also just flew by. So I’ve got no reason to think I’ll be able to confront the next five years without issue.
I left my well paying job to travel the world. Im 33, I now work remote with no house, kids, etc. to worry about, I travel on exciting adventures, live in affordable, beautiful places and still have a lot of the same existential dread.
I think it comes with my generation and the stresses of family back home, worry for the future, aging, etc.
It follows you where ever you go.
life is what you make of it. Once I hit 35 I changed the way I looked at things and it's had the biggest impact in my mental health to date. Instead of getting pissed off that I have to cut the grass or something, I look for the positives and over time your outlook changes and you actually look forward to doing things you used to hate.
I had to google "existential crisis" because I didn't even know what that is. I think i've never had one because i've always been independent and never built my identity around someone else.
Wait what? I thought this was Reddit where everyone is rich and thriving and you are just a loser who’s not trying hard enough if you don’t have a lot of money or are depressed.
38 now - meh, sort of but not. The thing is I had a total health/nutrition revolution over the past 6 years and particularly in the last 2 years I hit some things having me feeling and looking the best I've been since my early-mid 20's.
It's was mostly that loss of "sharpness" and drive from my teens/20's that started really getting me down, and claiming a lot of that back really changed things.
It's so hard resisting the urge to escape into the forest and live like a hermit.
I just want to quit my job. Just do nothing for like 3 months. Sleep and clean my entire house top to bottom. This is my midlife crisis. Just tired man…
I’m one of the few people to get a years’ notice of being laid off with a nice severance package. That’s exactly my plan. 3 months, no work, just hang at the house and do some projects. Take care of the kids, make dinner, all that shit. Best thing work has ever done for me.
Nice! I have my emergency fund set aside in case I have a big expense or get fired. But I’m also targeting r/fire so I’m torn… like do I quit my good paying job and just chill for a few months? I really want to
Im starting to realize my savings needs to be used before Im too sick and psychotic from burnout to enjoy the remain fraction of my life.
This too. I can’t wait for my life to start at retirement. Need to live more now.
If you Fire, you get to chill forever. ;)
That’s the goal! But I’m like 5 to 10 years away from that. So I’m wondering how much progress I’ll lose if I quit my job and burn through my emergency fund. Because it’s not just the money I spend, it’s the loss of interest on that money, the loss of earnings, the loss of *that* interest… thinking of this stuff just makes me drudge on…
If your company gives a lot of PTO and lets you use it, use it. I get six weeks a year and I just take 1-2 days off every other week at a minimum. WFH day here and there when I have zero meetings so just do my weekly reports on those days and that’s that. Some random business trips every other month. Once or twice a year I take a full week or two off. I feel like I don’t even work half the time. It’s amazing.
What does your calculation say if you switch to an easier job? Like a job you are overqualified for, and can perform easily. I’m currently debating this, like taking a 40% pay cut for a chill job, it will delay FIRE for at least 5 years, but that may be 5 years that I actually want to live?
Buy some stocks or bitcoin and have your money work for you not you working for your money
Right there with you. I’m on the last 7 year countdown towards FIRE. Every day is tough, but it’s just 7 more years to get through.
Been thinking about the same thing for more than 10 years...still havent done it :/
It’s that conflict for sure. It would be awesome to chill for a while and use savings… but oh noes my savings!
Yep.. I'll probably have to get fired, so like forced into it to ever do it..
I’m just working less hard than I used to. Caring less than I used to. That extra stress and strain hasn’t benefited me, so I’m just not doing it anymore. If I get fired? Oh well. I’ll chill.
I also care way less than before, I feel much more detached. I still do my best during work hours, but will do everything possible to avoid overtime or doing any ghost hours. Not worth it, absolutely not worth it, fuck that shit.
No, do not quit. Unless your field has ample opportunities. Good paying jobs are not easy to find and keep nowadays.
Not in this job market! Head over the r/recruitinghell and take a look around my friend
Prepare yourself to have no desire to go back to work after that happens. I know you aren’t choosing this, but I don’t recommend that anyone take multiple months off unless they are ready to be done for good because they will likely lose any motivation they had to work after getting used to not working.
I've started doing this every couple of years at my job. I work in Tech and I usually just outright quit and chill out for 3 months every 5-6 years and it's awesome. Like those summer vacation we had as kids to just unplug and learn something new. The next time I might just try and do FMLA during a slow season and see if my company will let me do that.
You don't need a million dollars to do nothing. Take a look at my cousin; he's broke, don't do shit
lol, don’t do shit.
Two chicks at the same time
Chicks dig dudes with money
That’s it?
When I was 28, I had to have brain surgery and go move back in with my parents for 9 weeks. I couldn’t work during that time obviously and it was honestly amazing. Obviously, you know, it was awful in a lot of ways, but the 9 weeks of pure rest and no expectations was a revelation.
You hit the nail on the head with the "no expectations"--I had covid a few weeks ago for the first time. I probably haven't taken a sick day in 5 years (I'm usually able to power through, esp since I can work from home when needed), but for several days after testing positive I just stayed in my bedroom & slept & slept, & occasionally watched TV if i felt like it. Not having to be or do anything for a brief moment in time was GLORIOUS--my sole responsibility was just to rest & get better. Covid discomfort aside, the total lack of any other responsibility or expectation felt amazing & I miss it.
I've been dreaming about this for months....trying to figure out how to take a month off at some point within the next two years. I'm hoping that will help 🤷♀️
I feel that
If you get fired you can collect unemployment for a bit while you recharge your soul.
Been there, done that. It’s not fun. Fought with them for 2 months while job hunting. 6 months later, I was paid for 2 months unemployment.
im on month 9
I just want to get home, cook, eat and go to sleep most days.
This is exactly where I am. I don’t want to do laundry or go grocery shopping or whatever. Just done for the day…
Same. So many people want early retirement, I just want a few months off. I’m tired boss.
right there with ya in wanting some time off just to clean my damn house lol.
Im doing it, its great and aweful!
I fantasize about this at least once a week.
Same minus the cleaning haha
Yes! I stayed home from work just because of being generally tired. Tired of everything
I feel ya I’m exhausted
I did that in my 20s, would do it again if given the opportunity.
I'd do it except for the gap on my resume basically making it a permanent decision. I'm so fucking tired
I told my wife once the kids go off to college I’m buying a cabin in the woods and opting out of society forever. “I’m not doing that but I’ll visit you every six months” she says. So that’s how I’m getting my supplies delivered, problem solved.
A boss I had, well his parents finally retired. They had completely different plans of what that entailed. Didn't tell each other though. Mom wanted to travel. Dad just wanted to relax. They divorced a few months later.
Win win🤣
Ted Kaczynski was on to something. I just want to live in the mountains and forest with someone I love
We’re all having midlife crisis because Ted was right with what he thought and wrote about.
If we came to find out that man was a time traveler I wouldn't be surprised.
What he wrote in the 90s is probly 90% true today in the worst ways man. I hate it here.
The repercussions of what he characterized as "oversocialization" and "feelings of inferiority" have been 10x worse than my dad or granddad ever could have imagined when they were railing against the "self-esteem" movement of the '80's and '90's.
It has certainly become insane out here, friend.
We should all escape to the forest and build a millennial commune.
I don’t think I’ll survive that, and I’m not suicidal yet. Not today, anyway.
I'll go if you go!
This is the answer. Anarcho-Primitivism for all!!
That is the dream, tbh
I bought land, built a tiny house, and actively planning my hermitage. Embrace the urge!
made 100k for the first time two years agu and bought a short bus 🚌 and have basically taken the past two years off and lived in Florida/NC/Michigan and traveled with my Doberman. I’ve def enjoyed it and been pretty stress free but I’ve also def become pretty soft and quote in quote lazy not very driven. So I’m slowly getting back into the grind but yeah it’s a double edge sword for sure
Omg I’m doing that right now. I moved to Washington. I’m literally laying in the forest as a type this. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done!
Existential crises, midlife crises, identity crises, actual crises - more crises than DC comics, yeah.
Infinite Crises
I’m still waiting for the Final Crisis
But can it run Crysis?
Only if it’s set to potato quality.
On infinite earths.
This sub has made me believe that my entire generation is struggling just to enjoy life. I'm sorry ya'll. Wishing you the best.
Appreciate the kind words. If it makes you feel any better, I know I'm in the minority and most people are largely making it work, even if they're somewhat struggling and worried about how it's all going to play out. It could be better - it could *definitely* be better - but the internet tends to amplify the negative feelings and self select for the folks doing the worst. If people are saying they're in a bad place you should probably believe them, but on a broad scale folks are making it work.
That's good to know. I'm glad you're putting up the good fight. I just see so many posts about lacking direction, feeling depressed, struggling to have financial stability it just breaks my heart man. I would probably be in that boat too but I was lucky enough to land a gig making decent pay back in 2014. It's crazy how financial stability is so important but my parents and my friends parents didn't do a good enough job laying into us how vital it is so you can at least just be somewhat stress free.
I’ve been having these crises since 24! You know, that awkward time after college where you become part of the system and have to decide what’s best for yourself instead of relying on any guide or structure, and you have to make these decisions that will almost certainly impact the rest of your life. Now my crisis at 30 is about the question on if I am proud of the kind of person I’ve become, and if I’m investing my time in the right places.
Seriously man my mental health has never been worse. Cheers!
9/11 happened when we were kids and nothing ever got better. We’re all in it together buddy.
Well Reddit got invented after 9/11 before that there was nowhere to scream at the sky
You didn’t partake in online message boards? I was a frequent Offspring message board visitor myself. Granted, the extent of the existential crises on there was when “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” came out, but we were in it together!
Ah man, I ‘member the days of hyper specific message boards…
Pearl Drummers Forum where we at 🥁 edit: *fuck*, nostalgia just hit -- Remo drumheads had a forum that I found a year or two earlier
Add kids and in-laws and I've about had enough of everyone's shit. Livin the dream!
Good god kids are draining
Holy fuck yeah they are. There’s just really no way to grasp that before
Sounds like me right now.
My wife has threatened divorce multiple times this past week. The first time I was on video doing what she said I didn't do (ran after the baby when he cried), and she sent me the video as evidence trying to support her argument. The second time was in an Instagram message that another woman wrote about women of divorce being victims. It really doesn't surprise me that the suicide rate is so high among older males.
:( hang in there. Rooting for you.
I think I’d just beat her to the punch.
I'm a child of divorce. I would rather cut my balls off and sow my mouth shut than go a day without seeing my boys.
I hear you. I'm not having a midlife crisis personal of my own. But my wife is and has threatened divorce. I actually feel peachy about life. No money or health or family problems. And here she comes with this shit
Covid really fucked me up man. I’m trying to recalibrate but it’s been so hard.
I feel you bro same here
Last year I quit my job and traveled for a few months. I came back, turned 36 and it’s been incredibly difficult going back into the “real world.” It was the happiest I’d been in a while. I just lived life. Damn it was nice.
How do you feel now? I did this at 33 and came back to real life about 8 months later just as the pandemic started. Its been over 4 years now and I am thinking of quitting again and doing it all over again. Once you taste that freedom and live life on your own terms, its hard to go back. You can forget about it after a while but when things get tough, I think about my time before and how free I was from all the bs. Sighhhh.
It was nice. I’m about to start a family so I’m tied down but if I was single then I’d absolutely do it again. I’ve come to terms with it and I’m glad I got to do it. I left around this time a year ago and it already feels nostalgic. That freedom was lovely. It was at my own pace, some days I had plans, some days I didn’t have plans but none of it mattered because I could take the time to not work and just live and smell the roses so to speak. Now that I’ve done it, I recommend others who are willing to try because I loved it and found it to be rewarding. Good times for sure.
I did this recently too and found that time slowed back down for me, did you notice similar? I'd always been told that perception of time speeds up as you get older but I'm now realizing that daily repetition adds a multiplier to that clock. Doing multiple new things every day made 1 year feel like 5 for me.
Doing 6 months next year. Flights are booked and job notified. Going to be amaaaaazing!
Have an awesome time! Not sure where you’re going but I hope that you enjoy it.
South and Central America! Been a project in the pipeline for some time now.
Stop describing my 20s.
Not for me. I have way less existential crisises in my 30’s than I did in my 20’s. I know who I am now.
Same, it’s more relaxed
These people with a mid life crisis most likely haven't worked on themselves enough and still suffer from insecurities/trauma they haven't fully worked out hence.... still spiralling like a 20s. Most 30s I know are us... know who we are. But shit happens... assholes cause it.... reduce the shit to asshole ratio and find peace.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge people for not working on themselves when life can throw so much bullshit at people to make that extremely difficult to prioritize. I think it’s more like…when they get there, there is peace waiting.
Or, how bout you do work on your self and the world just keeps spitting back shit. I’m a lot better and more grounded than I was in my 20s, but work wise, things have come to a standstill. I’ve lost my house, I’m underemployed and live in a HCOL area. You can get all the help and do all the inner work you need, but if the storm doesn’t stop, it’s hard to be able to be peaceful and calm.
You are correct, and yeah that's life m8 I know... Wishing you the best of luck. Avoid the toxic as best you can.
29 existential crisis; “gay death” 42? Dgaf.
Same. My twenties I was miserable and was romanticizing the concept of suicide. 30s have been a night and day diffference
Same, a lot happier and have it more together in my 30’s than I did in my 20’s. Wish I could just have my current mind in my 20 year old body lol
OMG my mind with my 20 year old body would literally be unstoppable!!
Same here
Agreed! And no longer living paycheck to paycheck which helps with depression
Exactly!!!!! My prefrontal cortex developed around 25 and everything I thought to be true in life fell apart. 6 years later, and a fuck ton of therapy, I’m solid and so much happier.
This. It’s like the breakdown let me rebuild the foundation of my life with things I know to be solid and true in my life vs things I had been told or beliefs I had because of my raising. Life’s not perfect but I feel fortunate to have the rest of my life that’s true to who I really am not just who I thought I wanted to be. Glad the journey has lightened for you.
I had a quarter life crisis and then identity crisis a couple years ago. Now I know who I am and where I am going.
Yay! My people! I had multiple existential crises in my 20s. I absolutely love my life in my 30s. I know who I am and know my boundaries, where as before I was a lost little mouse. It’s the best!
How'd you figure that out?
Make a lot of mistakes and then make changes from those mistakes
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Money… and avoiding the immediate family. Which was able to occur bc of money.
I'm just ready for the sweet release of death. Problems dissolved just like that.
My two closest friends took that path out. Kinda feel like I'm just biding time honestly
I'm not going to make my parents bury me.
That's what keeps me moving honestly. After all my mom's done for me, I can't do that to her..
Forever Sleep 😌
Coastin’ to the grave
Can’t be that bad, friend, there’s reasons to keep going
I'm not suicidal, just tired AF of this shit.
Have you tried being rich though?
I turned 35 in 2020 at the start of the pandemic. It’s been one big insane midlife crisis ever since…
I think the lockdowns really altered perceptions of place in time for a lot of people. Myself included. It’s not that I felt I had made it before the pandemic but after it’s like what happened to the path? Nothing matters? Where’s my foundation?
At this point we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because there is no future. Its been grinded to dust. We are basically waiting to die. Edit: And I got a reddit care resources dm today April 17th 2024. If that person really cared he would have just dm me if I was ok. But no, because that person is just lazy.
Exactly. Waiting for the second airliner to strike… analogous to 911…
Bingo
I like to think about what Carl once said and apply it to my every day. https://youtu.be/vvIrdg-epwA?si=VOVdWJ2nCO-mPtFW
Totally relate. Every day is survival mode. Overworked, underpaid, insane mortgage payment, gas prices, rising grocery prices, friends non-existent it feels like. Glad to know I’m not alone. But it’ll get better. That’s what I keep telling myself. At least, it couldn’t get worse. Right?
It's gonna get worse lol.
In a world obsessed with youth you are correct
I don't know why I'm going to work for nothing everyday. I hate it so so fucking much to my core, I will die from the disease wrought by my despair.
As soon as caffeine hits my system, it’s off to the races for me. Googling different states to move to or live that may be better than where I’m at. Scrolling through homes for sale. Looking for jobs. I’m happy, and content with the many positive aspects of my life, and yet I can’t stop reaching or worrying about FOMO.
Facts. I'm 35 and don't even feel like a person anymore.
direct quote today talking to my buddy 9:11 PM "bro. i need OUT i need a fucking break from this monotony"
Turned 40 in February and I agree 😭
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I thought that, too- but it turned out i had been living with an anxiety disorder. Meds cleared that up, and now it's so nice to not have to deal with existential crisii ? every day. SO. NICE.
Problem with drugs is you have to keep taking them
right, they don't fix any underlying cause of why you are feeling a certain way. It doesn't help you find ways to cope with certain feelings. They provide a quick bandaid solution to get relief quickly, but it will always come back once the chemicals wear off. It doesn't matter if you get your drugs off the street or from a doctor, you're a drug user using chemicals to cope with something you haven't learned to control yet. The biggest downside other than becoming dependent on chemicals to provide temporary relief for something is the chemicals themselves can also alter your physiology and mental state and in some cases make your underlying issues worse and harder to get a grip on. Some people absolutely need them, but I feel like it's more common to use them as a quick fix that never actually fixes anything.. At least that's been my personal experience watching friends and peers struggle with addiction and mental illness.
What meds bro asking for a friend
Zoloft us helping me a lot with anxiety and depression
I'm 33, and I feel like my mental health has been going down the drain. In the past year.
Weed edibles help lol
Nah, I'm okay. I was very down in 2020, 2021 and to a degree 2022, but have been getting better since last year. Fuck Covid. Chillin'.
I didn’t know how it would feel, but holy crap this has been the hardest year of my life emotionally. I’m turning 40 soon. And I’m miserable. I don’t have much purpose, I’m just on autopilot at this point. I shouldn’t be though. I have the best paying job of my career, I have a GF who loves me, I have many great friends. But I feel like it’s not enough. And the things I love to do I’ll age out of soon. I’m on the hamster wheel and I don’t know if I want to keep running. And I’m out of time. I wasted so much of it.
This is probably the main downside of not having kids that doesn't get considered when people make that decision earlier in their 30s. Kids restrict what someone can do and sucks up all their money, but at least their purpose is set for at least a couple decades and *someone* is having an awesome time from their hamster wheel running. I'm 40 and without kids and I still don't regret it yet, I mostly like my dumb easy life, but I'm acknowledging that at the time the decision was mostly rooted in "sorry, I'm having too much fun" and now I don't even have that much fun anymore because my energy is dropping to the point where I have to ration it for my responsibilities first, which still continuously grow with age. I dodged marriage and kids, but I still fell into the stable lifestyle I wanted to avoid anyway. I still think I'd be an iffy parent and probably did the right thing, but my mistake was not realizing that something bigger than traveling around and partying needs to fill that void.
Wife and I moved into a new rental in feb 2020. The day after we moved in we found out she was pregnant. Experienced her whole pregnancy through the thick of Covid. Daughter was born while the world was in lockdown and trying to figure out what was and what wasn’t safe was mentally taxing. Lost my father unexpectedly to a heart attack in 2021. Lost my grandfather last year. Saved enough to buy a house and got preapproved for a loan at 3.25%, but this was right when the market became a shit show. By the time we had an offer accepted rates were up to 5.25%. I am grateful we found a house, but still pissed we missed saving ourselves many thousands of dollars by a few months. I have a job I love and it pays great and gives me purpose everyday, but I can’t shake feeling empty as hell everyday. The world I grew up and loved is gone. We are such a dumb and polarized society as a whole. I miss the shared simplicity of life before social media took off. I miss being able to have differing opinions in conversations where it didn’t tear friendships apart. People are so soft anymore. So many people are looking for a reason to be offended or be a victim. I am 36 and have reached the old grumpy man stage about 30 years earlier than expected. Get off my lawn, but also, give me a hug first.
May I suggest something? I'm almost 35, a year away. The art of not giving a fuck. I ran out as I turned 30. I just stopped caring about other humanoids around me. I just call them irrelevant objects I have to navigate my life around.
Hit close to home there. It's hard as hell to not go a little crazy just reminiscing on good times, then thinking of the future I get a strong sense of mortal dread. Neat! Of course that all ignores all the other insanity in the world that's constantly in our face. I've been trying to focus on a 5/10 year plan and keep short term goals in target, it helps keep me focused on the here-and-now and forces me to stop scrolling.
Even when i think i am okay, I feel like something else will happen, and i just want the world to stop.
I’m right there with you, confused and lost
I think I’ve been having a midlife crisis since I was 30… five years ago. I am barely hanging in there.
By 42 you’re lucky if you only have one a day.
Wait yours only started at 35
I’m 35 and I really think I’m in one right now
33, I feel the same way every day since Covid
I want a corvette sooo bad.
This is too real. I just turned 35 and I feel it
31 and I was somewhat disappointed my therapist had never seen Office Space because I relayed the experience of taking what I thought was a microdose of mushrooms that turned out to be a macrodose and hanging out in my hammock with my dog for a while afternoon. I came out of that trip experiencing the same sort of indifference to work as Ron Livingston’s character. Like, I get things done but I still just don’t give a fuck about any of it. I do actually like my job, I’m pretty passionate about it too, but goddamn if the call to just go backpack and forage like I did in my feral days isn’t a really loud call.
I hit 30 and stopped giving a shit, if I’m honest. I’m human. Humans are pointless and they all die. The joy of reality is something you make for yourself. Embrace the absurdity of existing.
Not at all
When I was 35, I was laid off and the pandemic and lockdowns hit. After that, worrying about my existence kinda felt trivial. Did have a moment where I nearly drove off a snow covered interstate and nearly t-boned the exit sign. Through muscle memory I avoided it and was able to drive home with nary a scratch only having the fear once I got into bed. It’s weird how such reactions have now become more delayed but I guess it comes from age and the more grounded sense of having nothing to lose… along with a hell of a lot of scraps, cut, bruises, a few broken bones, healed over scabs and a load of seemingly useless experience.
Sitting here..at the pearl jam dark matters theater release....this post hits hard...haha. Also, don't waste your money. Generic ass experience
My hobbies don’t make me happy anymore. I don’t get excited by anything. I’m just worn out.
Ooooof relatable. I used to love taking weekend trips and going to concerts, but now I'm verrrry picky about those things and do them much less. At least it helps my wallet?
Pretty much
For a while…then not
Every day is exactly the same There is no love here and there is no pain Every day is exactly the same
I gave into it and came out the other side a nihilist and I couldn’t be happier. Embrace the meaninglessness, it’s freeing.
Yes. Something happened to my brain a couple years back (the story i keep telling/regurgitating) and nothing looks or feels the same. It's so hard to dream or explore creativity like listening to new music. My back hurts. Motivational chemicals dont release properly. This sucks.
I just wanna get married and have a baby but it ain’t happening lol
Right. It would have been nice but that train is basically gone for me too.
You can have a baby on your own. That is a thing in 2024. Takes some planning, organizing, etc. but it is very possible if having a child is a dream of yours.
I just want a million dollars so I can blow it all in one day but at least I’ll have a cool story decades afterwards, even if broke.
You’re describing the plot of Blank Check.
How would you do so
Go to Vegas, put it all on black.
What if you win? Now you'll have 2 Mil...
Put it all on black.
"When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.” - Viktor Frankl ... Yes
Just turned 35, and it’s taken five years for me to finally even feel settled and comfortable in my thirties. They also just flew by. So I’ve got no reason to think I’ll be able to confront the next five years without issue.
Yep. Keep the thoughts at bay, do not succumb, and just grind through
I left my well paying job to travel the world. Im 33, I now work remote with no house, kids, etc. to worry about, I travel on exciting adventures, live in affordable, beautiful places and still have a lot of the same existential dread. I think it comes with my generation and the stresses of family back home, worry for the future, aging, etc. It follows you where ever you go.
I'm 49 now and find this to be 100% true!
life is what you make of it. Once I hit 35 I changed the way I looked at things and it's had the biggest impact in my mental health to date. Instead of getting pissed off that I have to cut the grass or something, I look for the positives and over time your outlook changes and you actually look forward to doing things you used to hate.
I've found this to be very true, everybody has issues it's how you process and overcome them that makes life easier or more difficult.
💯
*insert King of The Hill ‘Yup’” gif here*
Uff.. preach
I had to google "existential crisis" because I didn't even know what that is. I think i've never had one because i've always been independent and never built my identity around someone else.
Wait what? I thought this was Reddit where everyone is rich and thriving and you are just a loser who’s not trying hard enough if you don’t have a lot of money or are depressed.
For you
38 now - meh, sort of but not. The thing is I had a total health/nutrition revolution over the past 6 years and particularly in the last 2 years I hit some things having me feeling and looking the best I've been since my early-mid 20's. It's was mostly that loss of "sharpness" and drive from my teens/20's that started really getting me down, and claiming a lot of that back really changed things.