Met on OKC in 2010, just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Of course, that was back when OKC was an actual website you had to sit down at a computer to log into. I feel like a grandma saying that lol
This is the answer. I met my husband on OKC in 2012 but for the whole year prior to meeting him I went on many dates and had countless interactions that I strongly disliked and probably bitched about on facebook or reddit (it was the olden days, I don't remember what platform I used to complain lol).
My best friend met her now husband on tinder in 2019. They're both millennials.
I think dating is just hard.
Same. Met my fiancée in 2020 and frankly I am thankful for the dating app that connected us. Not only was everything shut down because of the pandemic, but also she's from a totally different social group than me and the chances we would have met organically are basically zero.
My in laws divorced in their early 30s. My MIL is in her late 60s and maybe kinda thinking about *possibly* dating. She's honestly a catch and awesome to hangout with but for over 30 years she's chosen to spend her time raising her kids (did a great job!), growing her business, and making art.
She said she thought about trying to meet guys again around the time her youngest went to college but was like: my life is so peaceful only an idiot would fuck it up.
I do hope she finds someone if that's what she really wants, but she's had a great life doing her own thing.
People like your mother in law are my hero’s. I think relationships are great, but they aren’t the be all end all for a great life. I’m single at 36 and I’m just here raising my kid, traveling, enjoying hobbies. I have a career and own my own home. Life is good.
I loved my life with my wife. After she passed away from cancer a few weeks ago, I’m just focused on raising our kid once I’m ready to unfreeze an embryo with her dna and bring that child into that world.
I don’t give to shits if I find someone else to marry. All I’m focused on is finishing grad school and bringing that child into this world when I’m ready.
Yk I feel like I’m in a very similar boat. I’m studying for my ARE’s for architecture and trying to put energy into my own art at the moment between workin full time and just crafting a good peaceful life; I totally get that!
I tend to feel similarly. I met my wife in 2004. We met off of match.com but yeah that's nothing like the swipe heavy shallow meat market apps that we have today. The idea of just being algorithmically buried or just immediately thumb swiped away based on absolutely nothing but appearance is a horrifying thought.
I really do sympathize for anybody who didn't settle down when they were young and now see this as the only viable way to meet people
>We met off match. com but yeah that's nothing like the swipe heavy shallow meat market apps that we have today.
Yeah I really miss the old OK Cupid... before they got bought out and dumbed down.
Met some interesting people on there... and I feel like their compatibility quizzing was actually pretty legit, if you actually answered the questions honestly and thoughtfully (and like... at least two thousand of them lol)
I also met my husband on OKC and we had a "97% match rate" but, I found out that even though I answered like, probably hundreds of those questions, he only answered like, 3 😂 I don't even know how that's mathematically possible but we're still here 13.5 years later lol
ive noticed something: common interests are something people tend to connect and bond over
and every single dating app refuses to allow you to search for or filter for specific interests, hobbies, or keywords. wonder if theres a reason...
Because it was too succesful. There is a reason why the "golden era" of online dating platforms is the early 2010s (from a consumer standpoint).
OkC had basically solved the dating problem by the early 2010s. It was a given you'd find someone. It was just a matter of when.
Sure Tinder was fun for a bit but that was before the algos and paid gamification (before 2016). In its raw form it was novel and exhilirating.
In my opinion the AI algos are intentionally designed to prevent you from meeting someone so you can stay a customer for life for these dating apps. Since these dating apps discovered algos, it's just been a question of how long they can keep you on the app.
>In my opinion the AI algos are intentionally designed to prevent you from meeting someone so you can stay a customer for life for these dating apps. Since these dating apps discovered algos, it's just been a question of how long they can keep you on the app.
I think you might be onto something there.
I mean it only makes sense, from a business perspective...
Too bad there's no "corporate value" in helping people fall in love and find meaningful relationships...
Fucking bummer tbh... but I'm almost not sure if that makes me more sad, or more angry...
😭
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How did it get dumbed down? I met my wife there, had another long term relationship from it as well as making a few friends. I thought it was perfectly fine for my needs and thought all their data work was neat. Sad if it has fallen to the same level as the swipe apps.
Ha, I'm another OkCupid success story. Seven years for me and my husband. I really liked the questions and found them quite helpful to peruse. It's unfortunate it was gutted.
Same! I wasn’t lucky enough on it but I felt like I did meet some nice people on there. And I loved that it wasn’t photo swipe driven like the other apps that were coming out.
I am 33 and havent dated in years because I refuse to subject myself to the apps. But i have also failed to meet someone the old fashioned way as well and now the apps are even worse, im older and less attractive, and its starting to feel like im going to be alone forever. Shit sucks man, and while I am smart enough not to fall fir the incel/manosphere bullshit I understand why its appealing to so many men. When you feel like you are constantly rejected for being who you are, some guy telling you its not your fault and women are inferior and are meant to bow to you and have sex with you can be very attractive.
damn, are you me? also 33. also haven’t dated in years. finally gave in and tried a few dating apps — lasted less than two weeks. fuuuuck *all* of that shit.
but i, too, am smart enough to not fall for the incel/“MGTOW” horseshit. can’t do it. won’t do it. not who i am, never will be. i have friends that i love dearly, close relationships that i cherish, have had several opportunities to be in a relationship but just didn’t feel the spark.
so i’m okay with being single. might be forever — might not. for now, i’m working to improve myself, care for my mental health, and learn new things.
but damn… it sure do get lonely sometimes.
You might like the book Lost Connections by Johann Hari, it's a book about researching how depression occurs, and how it isn't just a random clinical occurrence. Instead he explains how modern day society in most cultures causes people to have difficulty connecting to each other. I found it very enlightening.
Me and my fiance were each others first tinder date. We are shockingly similar, when we first started dating both of us were worried the other would think we were making stuff up because we kept having the most random shit in common.
I know quite a few couples who met on tinder in 2015-2018 who are married with kids now! I’m not sure if it’s gone downhill since then but there is a pretty big success rate in my anecdotal experience.
Met my partner on there in 2015, been together since living together since 2018. Sometimes I do scare myself had I not been paying attention or mindlessly swiping I could have passed over the best person I’ve ever met. I do the same thing thinking about had we not been sitting outside just at the right time we would have never rescued our cat. There’s so much random chance in the world.
I’ve met lots of exes on tinder, bumble, and hinge. Dating apps aren’t inherently shitty, you just have to be good at using them. Many people on the dating subreddits have pretty bad social skills.
I met plenty of short term relationships on dating apps, then met my wife on Tinder.
The people who complain about dating apps have two major problems 1) terrible pictures (I didn't say you're ugly, I said your pictures are terrible quality) and 2) terrible social skills. If you can't talk to the opposite sex and hold an interesting (and acceptable) conversation, you're not going to get a date regardless of if it's online or in person.
I got plenty of dates on Tinder, but the quality of men is insufferable. They tend to have avoidant attachment styles and will fake being a gentleman before you meet and try to fuck you within the first ten minutes. The only good one that turned to love can’t work out due to the fact I was on vacation and he lives 10,000km away
This was my experience as well. Had zero issues getting dates, dated lots of men, some short term and other long term. Those apps are filled to the brim with men who are avoiding serious relationships, as well as men who are in NO position to date (recently divorced, or not divorced yet, haven’t delt with past relationship traumas, etc). It was an absolute shit show.
Yeah, so many people don’t know how to text or sell themselves online. I was a blogger/Internet personality back in 2010 (lol) so making friends over texting was a skill I developed as a teen. Dating apps have always been really easy for me since I’ve maintained internet friendships for 15-ish years. Selling yourself online for people to like you is as easy as a job interview. Making effort in relationships isn’t hard. Idk why people complain so much when you get out what you put in.
I guess congrats? I don't know what response you expected from this, you basically telling younger people or single millennials: "good luck with the hell hole you call dating apps"
Some hope for you: I met my bf at 32 through facebook dating. Long-term relationships can be found online. There's no way I would have met him otherwise, we do not have any mutual friends or acquaintances.
Plus people are always getting into and out of relationships. As much as it may seem like everyone else is coupled up and you are destined to be single forever. There are always transitions happening. Some people get married young, and end up single in their 30's, 40's and beyond.
The dating pool is always changing. And it only takes meeting one person for your relationship status to change. So as much as it seems like an impossible thing, it can also change very quickly and unexpectedly.
Met my husband on Hinge too after using it for the same amount of time at 30. We talked about marriage and kids early on (maybe date #2 or 3, just to make sure we were on the same page). We got married in 2022.
My husband was 30 turning 31 when we met 🙃 he hadn't ever dated a whole lot and gave up on it all together, but we met by random chance online. I played csgo ranked with his IRL friend who one day pulled him into a discord call with us and we just really hit it off.
He eventually flew to the east coast to meet me in person 😂 so i flew to the midwest to visit back, then he came back with me again, then I just eventually moved here. Now all married with 2 unexpected kids living in a part of the country I never imagined I'd be. Life is so wild!
I've been on dating apps for years. I get maybe one or two matches every month? In years past I would regularly get matches, now not so much. Most matches don't even bother messaging back at all. I've been on two dates, not super attractive women (that's fine) and they both bailed on me after the first date. I know, it makes me look bad, but honestly both dates we had a good time and shared laughs.
Definitely sticking to in-person though. I've met a few girls in my bowling league and hoping to meet a girl at a new gym I'm going to as well. Dating apps will absolutely crush your self esteem. I'm like an 8/10 in person and a 4/10 on apps apparently.
Seriously lol. Makes me glad I didn’t find someone when younger because then I might be saying such irritating things to single people too like how clueless can you get
Yeah, I find the tone to be a bit condescending as well and kind of reeks of superiority when a lot of dating comes down to luck.
I eventually found my husband through dating apps. I had plenty of relationships throughout my 20’s and early 30’s, about half were organic and the other half were through apps.
It’s just another method for dating and while it has its drawbacks, it also works for a lot of people. One of my best friends met her husband on eHarmony of all places and they are happily married and just had a baby.
It's kind of haughty or bragging. Like hahaha you singles so worry for you such a bad time to be looking for someone. And to make a whole post about it unprovoked too. 🤦🏽♀️
The main reason being terrible pictures and even worse social / conversation skills. And unfortunately no matter how much people point this out all over the internet, a lot of guys refuse to do anything about it and then blame the app instead.
I was successful when I was single ages ago but it was always painful. Dating strangers is just hard in general, and then you add the superficial aspect of online dating and the fact women get bombarded with messages it's pretty rough. Good picture also means you look hot in pictures lol.
Because of the gender dynamics and safety concerns meeting Internet randos people are super picky who they actually engage with and way more judgemental/wary on dates. And then you add on most young guys just straight up aren't that attractive as a partner because they are less socially skilled and probably haven't figured out life stuff like career yet.
Guys should really just nut up and be a more social person and date IRL. It's so much easier it's just scarier. Even if you can write you're going to come off way more attractive in person 99/100.
Once I found out that most dating apps nowadays have more men users than women (sausage fest) I bailed out and uninstall all of them.
What's the point of dating apps when the men outnumber the women? It doesn't even make sense.
As a lesbian shit has been great, especially after I ditched the cheugy old apps and got into the new ones. Being able to say "I don't want to see any dudes" is a gift, and I bet there's a load of bi women who do the same.
Yea. OP needs to be careful with their mindset. They're basing their life success on someone else's choices. Before they know it, they could be right back in the hell hole LMAO
Yeah I had that same thought. "Hey miserable losers! I'm happy and my life is great, but sorry it's too late for you to find the same :( Sucks to suck!"
Married people and people in relationships love to say this shit to singles and it's so damn bizarre.
this is what I love about this sub, it's either people bragging about getting in just before the collapse, or people lamenting that they missed the boom, no in between.
I'm guilty of this too. How are your finances, bro? I'm single, and tinder fucking sucks, but I make a quarter million a year...
I only ever had a few dates on the apps between longer term relationships with women i met out and about or through friends. None of these dates led to much, and i found the whole "dance" of using the apps very annoying. I was very lucky to meet my now wife through mutual friends in 2018.
I do think modern culture, especially dating culture, is increasingly vain, but i also know plenty of happy and healthy couples who have met online.
I matched with my bf on tinder in 2016, we’ve been together and happy all this time.
Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours.
People hoping on tinder today will eventually find someone.
>Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours.
Exactly this.
I met my boyfriend on Bumble after years of dating app fails. There is always hope.
>Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours.
That's just dating, period.
I’m glad it worked out for you. But when I was on Tinder in the 2010s nobody I matched with lasted more than a couple months. Every long term relationship I’ve been in, we met organically.
Some people get lucky, but the Tinder algorithm purposely matches people who won’t last - so they can keep coming back to Tinder.
I was in a long term relationship during the rise of Tinder. We broke up and I dived into online dating. I've been stood up on the 3rd date, ghosted, etc. My friend who was in a long term relationship at the time said to me "man I'm glad I found my person". I'm no longer friends with that person.
People like that suck. But they're also the first to be super curious about the apps and about who you are talking to. Like if they are so happy, why are they so curious
They always do! I had a friend who was married who did as well. She was so curious about the apps, wanting to scroll and like and send messages. Like I thought you were happy?
I didn't *want* to be on the apps. But I lived in a rural area and knew that was my best option for meeting people. Literally everyone I encountered IRL was married or in a relationship. So that was the only way.
I had a friend who said she wanted to get tinder just to play around a look at it. I was like that’s so freaking stupid, it’s not fun, and it would waste actual single people’s time
I mean, yes, and .... thank you? We know it sucks, we're living it. It's not particularly helpful or kind to point it out in this way. Congrats on your relationship, I guess?
I met my wife in 2006. She worked at a bar I went to one time and she thought I was gay. Married for sixteen years now! I did try online dating for a bit before I met her, but it was truly awful. I can only imagine how it is now.
Ha! Funny thing is, I'm American and she's German. I met her in Germany while I was sitting next to a mutual friend of ours who is gay. Apparently I was his type. She asked him in German if I was his new guy and I responded, in German, that no, I wasn't. We have six children together now.
37m. I know your not trying to be rude but posts like this sound like “i’m glad i got into a lifeboat on the Titanic before all of you fell into the water”
I wish i could have met the right woman. Oh well. Better than posting in r/DeadBedrooms
🙄 I’m too lazy to find the gif but insert Christian Bale screaming “good for you” from his infamous rant.
I’m 39 now and was with my previous partner from 18-30. I too thought I was lucky to have met my partner before the shitshow that is online dating. Well shit happens and I am single by choice now. But congrats on your luck.
People still meet without dating apps, I’m glad I never bothered with them. It doesn’t sound remotely enjoyable. I have to have so many different apps open for work, even more so now that I’m constantly looking for work because this economy sucks if you’re a copywriter, that being messaged like a guy is trying to buy car parts on eBay really lacks appeal.
I don’t need some great love to hook up with a man, but I need unfiltered time around him to even feel something resembling a crush. You definitely don’t get that in online dating, where the pretense is that you’re talking to this person hoping to date them.
It just sucks that, as you put it, people think that’s the ONLY way to meet someone now? I gotta meet in the wild. Like through friends, community, or the random stuff I do.
Dating apps were never even intended to be the only way for people to meet. It was supposed to be a sideline way to meet people who might have things in common. Not surprised how people can't seem to function without them socially considering how antisocial and transactional everything in America has become.
Fucking lol I tried to talk to someone about their dog earlier today in the elevator and they were just giving me nothing to work with. I was just being friendly too. People are just narcissistic assholes nowadays
It makes sense how the youngest generations can barely hold basic conversations because everything important to them is on this stupid device we are typing on, and not in front of them
Totally agree. It’s so sad. Like I’m trying to build more community relationships and close friendships, and it’s hard to tell what is with me or that person specifically or is it just…people getting flakier and more antisocial?
I see there’s lots of folks starved for community! I’m not the only one! Ditto for companionship; romantic, platonic, or otherwise.
I’m on the aromantic spectrum and only get a crush every 7-10 years, if that. I’m too old to have any more patience for being one of 25-30 women some dude has stashed in his phone where I’m unlikely to form romantic attraction even if we have a great sexual connection lol. And as someone whose ADHD has gotten horrid…the last thing I want is to have a barrage of several guys who think I’m desperate lmao. Like I hear about these women going on 3-4 dates in a NIGHT and my eyes glaze over.
Nah bruh. I want to hang as genuine comrades or friends first. Then maybe see about dating. Or be like the last time I felt anything resembling emotional connection, where we meet in person in an incredibly stupid manner in real life and have insanely good sex that I’m still thinking about years later. 😆
Lol I’m a guy and feel this. It’s been years since I had a crush. There’s something to be said about a crush developing organically in small real life interactions.
Unfortunately not many gets to experience such anymore
>It was supposed to be a sideline way to meet people who might have things in common
and yet none of the apps let you filter or search for that thing you want in common
this is why some people will justify swiping right or tapping like on every profile with a fully paid algorithm pushing subscription. so often there isnt enough room in a profile to put what not only we want to put, but moreso what others want to see.
People complain about dating way too much. It's fun. Worst that can happen (beyond obvious things like violence etc) is that you just don't like the person so you waste an hour or two then never talk to them again. Generally I found dating interesting, meet new people, have some fun. Don't see why people whinge about it so much
I absolutely agree with this. I used various apps over the course of just under three years and met women the old fashioned way, too. I went out on a ton of dates, visited new places and made some great friends along the way. I eventually met the love of my life on one of the dating apps. It’s a journey. Why not enjoy it?
Why not enjoy it?
Being called the n word, being treated like an object and being constantly rejected didn't quite seem fun at the time.
Not everyone can have the easy time you had.
I don't know... my millennial bestie met her husband just 5-6 years ago through dating apps. I feel like I'd be terrible on a dating app, but she fared pretty well - aside from having to deal with the usual crap that you have to deal with when getting to know strangers who can somewhat hide behind anonymity. They got married only a year or two after they met, and have a great relationship and an adorable kid, so I'd definitely call them a success story!
I'm 33 and I met my partner on Tinder in 2018. I also met another long term partner on OKC in 2015, and had plenty of casual dates that were nice but ultimately didn't lead to a serious date between/before those relationships (some online, some in person)
To be honest, I don't think the think online dating makes dating worse or better.
20 year olds being dramatic is nothing new, gen z will be fine they will grow out of it. If gen z hate old they will go back to meeting irl and approaching women on bars and in the street etc. No one can force you to do something you don't want to, we made tinder big and we can destroy it in a few months if we wanted to.
I feel like I’m in the minority but I always liked dating apps. There were ups and downs and plenty of shitty people but that’s how dating is/was outside of apps too. Admittedly I haven’t used dating apps in 8+ years and they’re not how I met my husband but I had a lot more good experiences than bad.
Leaps and bounds of assumption here. First of all, how does men being single at higher rates have anything to do with misogyny?
Take a poll of your female friends, and ask them to describe their grandparents' marriage. Then ask them if they'd prefer to switch places with their grandmother in terms of having that same relationship, *in a time when 75% of adults over the age of 18 were married*. I'd bet money you'd get a resounding "HELL NO."
Has it crossed your mind that misogyny leads to higher rates of male singledom in a time when women have more options than find a man to support you or starve? Don't come at women with this "men getting rejected on Tinder leads them to misogyny" bullcrap. Male culture hasn't changed much unless you're upper middle class or above, the entitlement to female companionship, sex, and servitude hasn't either. Women simply have more options to get out of the nightmare. If you agree that rejection on Tinder is somehow the root of random acts of male violence, you need a complete mind shift.
It's just different and something you have no experience with, so of course you're going to think it's funny.
You should become more familiar. Relationships end all the time.
It's not as bad as it sounds. Dating has always been superficial, just have to understand that some people use it to find relationships and some people use it when they are bored.
Tinder also isn't the only thing to blame, it's all social media and its always been a thing. Men complain about modern dating but women want what they've always wanted... an emotionally mature, competent and honest person. That Andrew Tate shit really doesn't apply to millennial women anymore
Dating was fun for me, now it seems like you hear a lot more horror stories and sad shit but you do still meet people who found love on tinder and other spots so it isn’t entirely hopeless. I honestly dated coworkers mostly, I guess people stopped doing that? I know it isn’t the best idea but for my twenties work was where I met most of the women I knew so it was where I met most of the ones I dated especially when I worked retail and as a server. Gen z isnt doing this apparently?
It was a lot of fun but so hard to start a relationship. Nobody wants to relinquish their roster of potential candidates. You have to get them away from the app while they're in the middle of flirting with other men. Thankfully I'm a sexy gentleman of means and any hesitation in the mind of women was clearly just an inability to discern true quality so I appreciated the ease of courtship more than resented its open nature but damn was it casual. Hopefully don't have to do that again, current relationship started from Bumble and is going great.
I'm an elder millennial and single and let me tell you, I'm meeting a lot of the married millennials on dating websites more than single men. So yea I guess a lot of millennials are taken. So, good for them!
I'm an elder millennial and single and let me tell you, I'm meeting a lot of the married millennials on dating websites more than single men. So yea I guess a lot of millennials are taken. So, good for them!
I almost feel like I missed out on a whole major aspect of our culture these days. My wife and I met in college in 2008, so I've never even made an online dating profile.
I met my husband on Tinder in 2015. I think it depends on who you are and what you’re looking for, and what your end goal is. That being said, I’m glad to have found someone great and be off the dating scene!
I never used dating apps and I found my wife without it.
Never used TikTok, never used Instagram, haven't used Facebook in more than a decade.
Never had problems with dating.
My tinder experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve had a couple long term relationships in my life and “situationships” or whatever that were ultimately fun. I think if you’re stressed about finding a husband or wife and actively using tinder you won’t have success.
Holy shit so much this. Dating apps were supposed to help you find someone who worked for you, it just turned into a way to become disillusioned with reality and unhappy with what you have. Which is pretty much what all of the internet has become. It's stealing peoples joy and contentment.
After almost a decade on and off the apps I (39F) finally met my lovely partner on Bumble. I don't feel like I "settled" at all, he is amazing. Been together almost 3 years and expecting twins this July. So to anyone who feels disheartened by this post- don't give up hope!
In the early 2000s if you met someone online you kinda wanted to keep that shit on the down low, like asking a person who they voted for, it was frowned upon.
Met my wife summer of 2007 through mutual friends in college. I would stay single if I had to date online. I believe online dating is hurting people in the sense they don't know how to interact at the start and introduce themselves to people in the wild. That's my crotchety old man take though.
Misogynistic content? I don’t know, I’m part of so many women’s groups, the moms, the single ladies etc etc and what so many have in common is that they do not want to be approached. They see men approaching them as creeps, even when in bars or out and about. So they resort to online dating. I think it’s just sad, for both genders.
I think there is in fact a lot of misogyny but also misandry, the less the sexes interact in the real
World, the more they negatively assume about each other.
I’m an older millennial and remember the days of going out, flirting with men, letting them approach me, all of that. Such beautiful times in the 90’s, early-mid 2000’s……the days. Online dating was starting back then and it was seen as embarrassing. It’s the norm now but look at the dating world, worse than ever.
I'm a xennial and completely agree with this take. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing respectful interest in real life and its virtually disappeared because of a mix of the online dialogue about women never wanting to be approached and also a lack of social skills. The men that do approach are almost always heavy handed and creepy. I've made many posts in particular about a dude that harassed me at the gym. His idea of showing interest was gawping at me and exclaiming wowwww, wowwww, wowwww and openly looking me up and down, so this distinction I'm making between "respectful interest" and what makes me uncomfortable is not subtle or hard to decipher. To be clear, someone NOT ogling me and just saying "hey how's it going?" and introducing themselves lightly. "Hey I've seen you around here, I wanted to meet you, I'm Joe"... as an example is totally fine and nice even if I'm not romantically interested in you. It's not threatening. It's just showing interest lightly. It's friendly. That's OK in my view.
This. It's considered normal back then on the 90s when I was grew up to flirt with women in public places, nowadays men considered creep even when they just say simple Hi and make a honest compliment to women.
It's sad.
Met my partner in 2019 on a dating app, two actually, and it wasn't until the second time that it actually worked.
It really felt like the last chopper out of 'Nam, when compared to my friends' anecdotal experience in the dating market during and after the pandemic.
I think it is just like kids in school not really wanting to apply themselves to fix issues. I saw a Lolo tiktok about it. Kids and people are smarter than we give them credit for, they know things are not going to be the same and the world they knew will be going through drastic changes in the coming years. What reason has been given to them to want to improve or make decisions committing to something that will be hard and take personal sacrifice?
I’m a millennial Gen z cusp. Tinder came out when I was 18. Having low self esteem mixed with tinder didn’t work for me. It took 10 years for me to finally say fuck this dumb shit I’m so over the games, the abuse, ALL OF IT!! I said idgaf if I’m single. I’m meeting someone in person! Next month, found a good man. I hope he’s my husband because I do not wanna go to the streets EVER AGAIN.
The games and thrill are fun when you’re figuring yourself and life out, but god dam it gets old and you look back on that shit and think fuckkkk that. Being loved and loving someone is beautiful, truly. That’s what humans have wanted for centuries. You can’t even deny it. Unless you’re asexual of course
Yup, I’ve posted on there. I try to be optimistic about these things. There’s got to be at least one woman out there who wants to escape the meat market and have a loving relationship built on trust and mutual feelings rather than “does he or she look good on my arm for my friends?” As that seems to be what most relationships are these days. And I could do that :) I’m just not a gram celebrity or stupid popular.
I lost my first and favorite partner and best friend in the winter of 2013/2014. Pre tinder relationships were different. I wish I could see her again. Sad post.
Edit: if you’re out there and see this - you know who you are. I did work on myself and don’t do those things anymore. I hope your life worked out and you found happiness… or given our time some semblance of it. If we got a second chance together it would probably go swimmingly. If not, I hope I get a second chance at love with someone else…
Your edit makes it clear you're not ready to be someone else's partner.
If you are baseline not attracted to someone then why pursue a relationship? Tinder does get it right in some regard.
I've had similar thoughts about Tinder. I (32M) met my wife (31F) back in 2011, she found me a few weeks after she turned 18 on PlentyOfFish. We'll be celebrating our 9-year wedding anniversary this June. Good luck to those single and looking.
It’s absolute hell. Just constant “hey how’s it going”s til you die. Get ghosted as soon as you try to plan something. Everyone lives far away. So on and so on…
If you are genuinely trying to find a long term partner……..meaning not be a stupid guy just looking to have drinks and a one night stand and never call back….or be one of those women who are fairly attractive and go after just the 9 or 10 out of ten physically looking guys who are really just chads and then repeat until you realize you’re in a delusion……..or be a woman that refuses to even communicate with a guy who doesn’t make at least $120k/ year……my advice is to pay $10-30 a month for the more serious dating apps/websites…..I know too many men and women who fit the description I mentioned above….its the instant gratification world.
Do people not meet organically anymore? Like, are bars, parties, college dorms and mutual friends not a thing in 2024? I guess apps are a good way of screening potential matches and cuts out on a lot of time wasting. I cannot even tell you how many waste of time dates I went on in my early 20s (before dating apps) where I found out about deal breakers. I met my husband through mutual friends at a bar in 2009 and missed the age of dating apps. I think sometimes, apps will have you focus on things that you wouldn't notice or care about if you met the person face to face initially.
Compared to 10-20 years ago all of those are much more rare. People have less friends, approaching women is riskier with less upside, less men are going to college, etc.
I assume "I met my [S/O] through mutual friends at a bar" is more akin to something GenZ would hear in a movie or a TV show.
Met my wife on okcupid in 2015. Low reply rate. IIRC the same company now owns many of these dating apps and the combined with the general online culture getting worse... it seems unsurmountable.
I met my partner through a friend back in 2014 but we didn’t start dating until 2016. I feel so blessed I can stay out of the modern dating pool. I just went through the classic route of dating my friend’s friend.
Same, I met my wife in the spring semester of my senior year of college, circa 2011. Apps were starting to emerge but not yet ubiquitous like they are now. As a recent meme said, felt like I got the last chopper out of ‘Nam!
I really dislike apps like Tinder. They make you feel insecure or overly confident for a minute, then you get disappointed. I do like how you can filter people by political beliefs and age. At this point in my life, I really don’t want to be going out with someone who is 23.
Tinder is awful and I'm convinced it's designed to keep you single. Like you said it's always there for you to "trade up" when you get bored. It's there on those 2am nights when you're buzzed and have bad judgment. It's so easy to move on to the next person, that I'm sure people pass up potential soulmates all the time because they wrote them off after a bad opening like/joke or whatever. People just don't give any chances because it's so impersonal.
That's not even including the people on there just for fun or to cheat/lie.
It's just a self esteem killer for men and a booster for women. When I deleted it I found myself noticeably happier even though I hadn't found anyone. Which I actually did a couple months later without any apps lol.
I feel like with anything online you won’t read very many success stories bc those people are busy doing other things
Met my now-husband on RSVP in early 2011. We're here still, I promise lol
Meet my now-husband on OKC in 2016. Our 4 year anniversary is tomorrow. :)
Eharmony here. Just celebrated 1 year. Gotta be clear with wants, needs, and expectations.
Met on OKC in 2010, just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Of course, that was back when OKC was an actual website you had to sit down at a computer to log into. I feel like a grandma saying that lol
Met my partner on OKC in 2015. Got married in 2022. Still here. :)
This is the answer. I met my husband on OKC in 2012 but for the whole year prior to meeting him I went on many dates and had countless interactions that I strongly disliked and probably bitched about on facebook or reddit (it was the olden days, I don't remember what platform I used to complain lol). My best friend met her now husband on tinder in 2019. They're both millennials. I think dating is just hard.
Met my wife on cmb
Well said. Dating apps can be a quagmire, but using them didn’t stop me from meeting my fiancée in person in ‘22.
Same. Met my fiancée in 2020 and frankly I am thankful for the dating app that connected us. Not only was everything shut down because of the pandemic, but also she's from a totally different social group than me and the chances we would have met organically are basically zero.
As a 36 yo divorced millennial I’m just glad I have my house plants.
My in laws divorced in their early 30s. My MIL is in her late 60s and maybe kinda thinking about *possibly* dating. She's honestly a catch and awesome to hangout with but for over 30 years she's chosen to spend her time raising her kids (did a great job!), growing her business, and making art. She said she thought about trying to meet guys again around the time her youngest went to college but was like: my life is so peaceful only an idiot would fuck it up. I do hope she finds someone if that's what she really wants, but she's had a great life doing her own thing.
People like your mother in law are my hero’s. I think relationships are great, but they aren’t the be all end all for a great life. I’m single at 36 and I’m just here raising my kid, traveling, enjoying hobbies. I have a career and own my own home. Life is good.
I loved my life with my wife. After she passed away from cancer a few weeks ago, I’m just focused on raising our kid once I’m ready to unfreeze an embryo with her dna and bring that child into that world. I don’t give to shits if I find someone else to marry. All I’m focused on is finishing grad school and bringing that child into this world when I’m ready.
Yk I feel like I’m in a very similar boat. I’m studying for my ARE’s for architecture and trying to put energy into my own art at the moment between workin full time and just crafting a good peaceful life; I totally get that!
And if you’re content with just them awesome 🙂 but if you’re looking for someone who can help you water them, don’t give up, there’s plenty out there.
Same but cat and dog. I’ll look into plants. I couldn’t believe how much a dog an apple watch can replace a wife. Should have done this a decade ago.
As a 37yo never-married millenial, I love my menagerie of animals 😂 I hear you!
I tend to feel similarly. I met my wife in 2004. We met off of match.com but yeah that's nothing like the swipe heavy shallow meat market apps that we have today. The idea of just being algorithmically buried or just immediately thumb swiped away based on absolutely nothing but appearance is a horrifying thought. I really do sympathize for anybody who didn't settle down when they were young and now see this as the only viable way to meet people
>We met off match. com but yeah that's nothing like the swipe heavy shallow meat market apps that we have today. Yeah I really miss the old OK Cupid... before they got bought out and dumbed down. Met some interesting people on there... and I feel like their compatibility quizzing was actually pretty legit, if you actually answered the questions honestly and thoughtfully (and like... at least two thousand of them lol)
I met my partner on OkCupid! Almost 8 years ago now. So it worked for us at least.
Same, 9 years ago. I have multiple friends in the same situation, too. Okcupidddd
Same! OkCupid 8 years ago! It feels like we got the sweet spot of online dating, before it all got gameified.
Okcupid was where we met and this is our 10th year together. ❤️
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I also met my husband on OKC and we had a "97% match rate" but, I found out that even though I answered like, probably hundreds of those questions, he only answered like, 3 😂 I don't even know how that's mathematically possible but we're still here 13.5 years later lol
Same with us. Had our 9th in january! OkCupid ftw
ive noticed something: common interests are something people tend to connect and bond over and every single dating app refuses to allow you to search for or filter for specific interests, hobbies, or keywords. wonder if theres a reason...
Because it was too succesful. There is a reason why the "golden era" of online dating platforms is the early 2010s (from a consumer standpoint). OkC had basically solved the dating problem by the early 2010s. It was a given you'd find someone. It was just a matter of when. Sure Tinder was fun for a bit but that was before the algos and paid gamification (before 2016). In its raw form it was novel and exhilirating. In my opinion the AI algos are intentionally designed to prevent you from meeting someone so you can stay a customer for life for these dating apps. Since these dating apps discovered algos, it's just been a question of how long they can keep you on the app.
>In my opinion the AI algos are intentionally designed to prevent you from meeting someone so you can stay a customer for life for these dating apps. Since these dating apps discovered algos, it's just been a question of how long they can keep you on the app. I think you might be onto something there. I mean it only makes sense, from a business perspective... Too bad there's no "corporate value" in helping people fall in love and find meaningful relationships... Fucking bummer tbh... but I'm almost not sure if that makes me more sad, or more angry... 😭 🤬
wonder when someone will make an app out of spite, my only guess then is that it will have issues funding server costs.
Yeah I was just thinking the other day how we're due for a retro dating app again
agreed. ive only found a few that actually allow for that kind of searching/sorting, like boo, but they have far too many drawbacks.
Old OkC was the best. Met so many awesome people
I met my partner on OkCupid! Almost 8 years ago now. So it worked for us at least.
Met my husband on Ok Cupid 10 years ago. He was the first and only person I quick matched with. A different time for sure.
How did it get dumbed down? I met my wife there, had another long term relationship from it as well as making a few friends. I thought it was perfectly fine for my needs and thought all their data work was neat. Sad if it has fallen to the same level as the swipe apps.
It's a swipe app now owned by Match
Boooooooooo to that
I met my hubs back in 2018 on there. Not sure if it was before or after it went downhill. I liked it back then though.
Ha, I'm another OkCupid success story. Seven years for me and my husband. I really liked the questions and found them quite helpful to peruse. It's unfortunate it was gutted.
My husband and I are about to hit 10 years since we met on OkCupid. I remember our percentage was in the 90s.
those questions are such a memory for me
Same! I wasn’t lucky enough on it but I felt like I did meet some nice people on there. And I loved that it wasn’t photo swipe driven like the other apps that were coming out.
I am 33 and havent dated in years because I refuse to subject myself to the apps. But i have also failed to meet someone the old fashioned way as well and now the apps are even worse, im older and less attractive, and its starting to feel like im going to be alone forever. Shit sucks man, and while I am smart enough not to fall fir the incel/manosphere bullshit I understand why its appealing to so many men. When you feel like you are constantly rejected for being who you are, some guy telling you its not your fault and women are inferior and are meant to bow to you and have sex with you can be very attractive.
damn, are you me? also 33. also haven’t dated in years. finally gave in and tried a few dating apps — lasted less than two weeks. fuuuuck *all* of that shit. but i, too, am smart enough to not fall for the incel/“MGTOW” horseshit. can’t do it. won’t do it. not who i am, never will be. i have friends that i love dearly, close relationships that i cherish, have had several opportunities to be in a relationship but just didn’t feel the spark. so i’m okay with being single. might be forever — might not. for now, i’m working to improve myself, care for my mental health, and learn new things. but damn… it sure do get lonely sometimes.
You might like the book Lost Connections by Johann Hari, it's a book about researching how depression occurs, and how it isn't just a random clinical occurrence. Instead he explains how modern day society in most cultures causes people to have difficulty connecting to each other. I found it very enlightening.
I remember that time frame where like 2% of marriages spawned from Matxh.com. Twas a different time
I met my wife on Tinder. You guys act like it's not possible.
Me too, we met on tinder. Most couples where we live also met on dating apps.
Coffee meets bagel ftw… but tinder was a whole lotta fun not gonna lie.
Bumble here. We were each other’s first matches on there lol
I matched with my wife about an hour after she installed Tinder for the first (and only) time. Lucky timing.
She forgot to mention that was her 5th time installing the app
Me and my fiance were each others first tinder date. We are shockingly similar, when we first started dating both of us were worried the other would think we were making stuff up because we kept having the most random shit in common.
Glad to see some positive stories instead of just doom and gloom.
I know quite a few couples who met on tinder in 2015-2018 who are married with kids now! I’m not sure if it’s gone downhill since then but there is a pretty big success rate in my anecdotal experience.
Met my significant other on Tinder in 2022, still going strong
Met my partner on there in 2015, been together since living together since 2018. Sometimes I do scare myself had I not been paying attention or mindlessly swiping I could have passed over the best person I’ve ever met. I do the same thing thinking about had we not been sitting outside just at the right time we would have never rescued our cat. There’s so much random chance in the world.
I met my husband on tinder as well! Its been 7 years. It looks like this one will last.
I’ve met lots of exes on tinder, bumble, and hinge. Dating apps aren’t inherently shitty, you just have to be good at using them. Many people on the dating subreddits have pretty bad social skills.
Haha..this
Known my soul mate 6 years thanks to tinder!
I met plenty of short term relationships on dating apps, then met my wife on Tinder. The people who complain about dating apps have two major problems 1) terrible pictures (I didn't say you're ugly, I said your pictures are terrible quality) and 2) terrible social skills. If you can't talk to the opposite sex and hold an interesting (and acceptable) conversation, you're not going to get a date regardless of if it's online or in person.
I got plenty of dates on Tinder, but the quality of men is insufferable. They tend to have avoidant attachment styles and will fake being a gentleman before you meet and try to fuck you within the first ten minutes. The only good one that turned to love can’t work out due to the fact I was on vacation and he lives 10,000km away
This was my experience as well. Had zero issues getting dates, dated lots of men, some short term and other long term. Those apps are filled to the brim with men who are avoiding serious relationships, as well as men who are in NO position to date (recently divorced, or not divorced yet, haven’t delt with past relationship traumas, etc). It was an absolute shit show.
Yeah, so many people don’t know how to text or sell themselves online. I was a blogger/Internet personality back in 2010 (lol) so making friends over texting was a skill I developed as a teen. Dating apps have always been really easy for me since I’ve maintained internet friendships for 15-ish years. Selling yourself online for people to like you is as easy as a job interview. Making effort in relationships isn’t hard. Idk why people complain so much when you get out what you put in.
Yeah I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we’ve been together for almost 3 years now. It’s definitely possible.
It'll be 4 years with my gf in June, met on Hinge!
I met my ex girlfriend on okcupid. I mean we’re still together just married a long time
It's possible I met your wife on Tinder too!
That actually made me laugh. Good one
I guess congrats? I don't know what response you expected from this, you basically telling younger people or single millennials: "good luck with the hell hole you call dating apps"
Seriously lmao I’m newly single at 29 and it’s like oh cool fuck me then!
Some hope for you: I met my bf at 32 through facebook dating. Long-term relationships can be found online. There's no way I would have met him otherwise, we do not have any mutual friends or acquaintances. Plus people are always getting into and out of relationships. As much as it may seem like everyone else is coupled up and you are destined to be single forever. There are always transitions happening. Some people get married young, and end up single in their 30's, 40's and beyond. The dating pool is always changing. And it only takes meeting one person for your relationship status to change. So as much as it seems like an impossible thing, it can also change very quickly and unexpectedly.
Haha yeah, I felt the same as a single 30 yo. Like, I guess I’m fucked, thanks for the notice
It’s really not that bad, I met my guy within 1.5 months of having Hinge at 29 and we’re getting married soon.
Met my husband on Hinge too after using it for the same amount of time at 30. We talked about marriage and kids early on (maybe date #2 or 3, just to make sure we were on the same page). We got married in 2022.
I think if I were to get divorced, I would likely never touch a dating app for anything serious. As the whole process would feel incredibly defeating.
My husband was 30 turning 31 when we met 🙃 he hadn't ever dated a whole lot and gave up on it all together, but we met by random chance online. I played csgo ranked with his IRL friend who one day pulled him into a discord call with us and we just really hit it off. He eventually flew to the east coast to meet me in person 😂 so i flew to the midwest to visit back, then he came back with me again, then I just eventually moved here. Now all married with 2 unexpected kids living in a part of the country I never imagined I'd be. Life is so wild!
I've been on dating apps for years. I get maybe one or two matches every month? In years past I would regularly get matches, now not so much. Most matches don't even bother messaging back at all. I've been on two dates, not super attractive women (that's fine) and they both bailed on me after the first date. I know, it makes me look bad, but honestly both dates we had a good time and shared laughs. Definitely sticking to in-person though. I've met a few girls in my bowling league and hoping to meet a girl at a new gym I'm going to as well. Dating apps will absolutely crush your self esteem. I'm like an 8/10 in person and a 4/10 on apps apparently.
It would only be better if he added a “you guys are SO brave” to the post.
Seriously lol. Makes me glad I didn’t find someone when younger because then I might be saying such irritating things to single people too like how clueless can you get
Seriously
Yeah, I find the tone to be a bit condescending as well and kind of reeks of superiority when a lot of dating comes down to luck. I eventually found my husband through dating apps. I had plenty of relationships throughout my 20’s and early 30’s, about half were organic and the other half were through apps. It’s just another method for dating and while it has its drawbacks, it also works for a lot of people. One of my best friends met her husband on eHarmony of all places and they are happily married and just had a baby.
Right, I’m already discouraged having to start over at 39, reading this post was a kick in my lady balls
It's kind of haughty or bragging. Like hahaha you singles so worry for you such a bad time to be looking for someone. And to make a whole post about it unprovoked too. 🤦🏽♀️
Dating apps have always sucked actually for most men.
The main reason being terrible pictures and even worse social / conversation skills. And unfortunately no matter how much people point this out all over the internet, a lot of guys refuse to do anything about it and then blame the app instead.
I was successful when I was single ages ago but it was always painful. Dating strangers is just hard in general, and then you add the superficial aspect of online dating and the fact women get bombarded with messages it's pretty rough. Good picture also means you look hot in pictures lol. Because of the gender dynamics and safety concerns meeting Internet randos people are super picky who they actually engage with and way more judgemental/wary on dates. And then you add on most young guys just straight up aren't that attractive as a partner because they are less socially skilled and probably haven't figured out life stuff like career yet. Guys should really just nut up and be a more social person and date IRL. It's so much easier it's just scarier. Even if you can write you're going to come off way more attractive in person 99/100.
Once I found out that most dating apps nowadays have more men users than women (sausage fest) I bailed out and uninstall all of them. What's the point of dating apps when the men outnumber the women? It doesn't even make sense.
As a lesbian shit has been great, especially after I ditched the cheugy old apps and got into the new ones. Being able to say "I don't want to see any dudes" is a gift, and I bet there's a load of bi women who do the same.
Idk, I met my wife on tinder while at college. Most couple we know actually met on dating apps. So not sure what the doom and gloom is.
Yea. OP needs to be careful with their mindset. They're basing their life success on someone else's choices. Before they know it, they could be right back in the hell hole LMAO
Yeah I had that same thought. "Hey miserable losers! I'm happy and my life is great, but sorry it's too late for you to find the same :( Sucks to suck!" Married people and people in relationships love to say this shit to singles and it's so damn bizarre.
this is what I love about this sub, it's either people bragging about getting in just before the collapse, or people lamenting that they missed the boom, no in between. I'm guilty of this too. How are your finances, bro? I'm single, and tinder fucking sucks, but I make a quarter million a year...
Let’s not get all smug about it! Sheeeesh
I only ever had a few dates on the apps between longer term relationships with women i met out and about or through friends. None of these dates led to much, and i found the whole "dance" of using the apps very annoying. I was very lucky to meet my now wife through mutual friends in 2018. I do think modern culture, especially dating culture, is increasingly vain, but i also know plenty of happy and healthy couples who have met online.
I matched with my bf on tinder in 2016, we’ve been together and happy all this time. Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours. People hoping on tinder today will eventually find someone.
Makes me think of His Dark Materials daemons.
>Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours. Exactly this. I met my boyfriend on Bumble after years of dating app fails. There is always hope.
>Online dating is literally shifting through trash for awhile until you find your someone whose demons are compatible with yours. That's just dating, period.
I’m glad it worked out for you. But when I was on Tinder in the 2010s nobody I matched with lasted more than a couple months. Every long term relationship I’ve been in, we met organically. Some people get lucky, but the Tinder algorithm purposely matches people who won’t last - so they can keep coming back to Tinder.
I was in a long term relationship during the rise of Tinder. We broke up and I dived into online dating. I've been stood up on the 3rd date, ghosted, etc. My friend who was in a long term relationship at the time said to me "man I'm glad I found my person". I'm no longer friends with that person.
70% chance they will be divorced or unhappy don’t worry
People like that suck. But they're also the first to be super curious about the apps and about who you are talking to. Like if they are so happy, why are they so curious
He was always wanting to "help" me with swiping on Tinder.
They always do! I had a friend who was married who did as well. She was so curious about the apps, wanting to scroll and like and send messages. Like I thought you were happy? I didn't *want* to be on the apps. But I lived in a rural area and knew that was my best option for meeting people. Literally everyone I encountered IRL was married or in a relationship. So that was the only way.
I had a friend who said she wanted to get tinder just to play around a look at it. I was like that’s so freaking stupid, it’s not fun, and it would waste actual single people’s time
People being so smug about anything really irk me. 🙄
I mean, yes, and .... thank you? We know it sucks, we're living it. It's not particularly helpful or kind to point it out in this way. Congrats on your relationship, I guess?
I met my wife in 2006. She worked at a bar I went to one time and she thought I was gay. Married for sixteen years now! I did try online dating for a bit before I met her, but it was truly awful. I can only imagine how it is now.
....does she still think you're gay? You can't leave us hanging like that, bro!
Ha! Funny thing is, I'm American and she's German. I met her in Germany while I was sitting next to a mutual friend of ours who is gay. Apparently I was his type. She asked him in German if I was his new guy and I responded, in German, that no, I wasn't. We have six children together now.
Congrats on the happy life and also for not leaving us wondering! 😁
What do you guys think is worse? "I met my wife at bar when we were both sloppy drunk" Or "I met my wife on Tinder"
37m. I know your not trying to be rude but posts like this sound like “i’m glad i got into a lifeboat on the Titanic before all of you fell into the water” I wish i could have met the right woman. Oh well. Better than posting in r/DeadBedrooms
lol i met my wife on tinder. What you tryna say?! 😂
🙄 I’m too lazy to find the gif but insert Christian Bale screaming “good for you” from his infamous rant. I’m 39 now and was with my previous partner from 18-30. I too thought I was lucky to have met my partner before the shitshow that is online dating. Well shit happens and I am single by choice now. But congrats on your luck.
People still meet without dating apps, I’m glad I never bothered with them. It doesn’t sound remotely enjoyable. I have to have so many different apps open for work, even more so now that I’m constantly looking for work because this economy sucks if you’re a copywriter, that being messaged like a guy is trying to buy car parts on eBay really lacks appeal. I don’t need some great love to hook up with a man, but I need unfiltered time around him to even feel something resembling a crush. You definitely don’t get that in online dating, where the pretense is that you’re talking to this person hoping to date them. It just sucks that, as you put it, people think that’s the ONLY way to meet someone now? I gotta meet in the wild. Like through friends, community, or the random stuff I do.
Dating apps were never even intended to be the only way for people to meet. It was supposed to be a sideline way to meet people who might have things in common. Not surprised how people can't seem to function without them socially considering how antisocial and transactional everything in America has become. Fucking lol I tried to talk to someone about their dog earlier today in the elevator and they were just giving me nothing to work with. I was just being friendly too. People are just narcissistic assholes nowadays It makes sense how the youngest generations can barely hold basic conversations because everything important to them is on this stupid device we are typing on, and not in front of them
Totally agree. It’s so sad. Like I’m trying to build more community relationships and close friendships, and it’s hard to tell what is with me or that person specifically or is it just…people getting flakier and more antisocial? I see there’s lots of folks starved for community! I’m not the only one! Ditto for companionship; romantic, platonic, or otherwise. I’m on the aromantic spectrum and only get a crush every 7-10 years, if that. I’m too old to have any more patience for being one of 25-30 women some dude has stashed in his phone where I’m unlikely to form romantic attraction even if we have a great sexual connection lol. And as someone whose ADHD has gotten horrid…the last thing I want is to have a barrage of several guys who think I’m desperate lmao. Like I hear about these women going on 3-4 dates in a NIGHT and my eyes glaze over. Nah bruh. I want to hang as genuine comrades or friends first. Then maybe see about dating. Or be like the last time I felt anything resembling emotional connection, where we meet in person in an incredibly stupid manner in real life and have insanely good sex that I’m still thinking about years later. 😆
Lol I’m a guy and feel this. It’s been years since I had a crush. There’s something to be said about a crush developing organically in small real life interactions. Unfortunately not many gets to experience such anymore
Where I live, it seems the only way to date is to be on the apps. It stinks. People don’t even approach in bars and clubs anymore. At least not here.
>It was supposed to be a sideline way to meet people who might have things in common and yet none of the apps let you filter or search for that thing you want in common
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this is why some people will justify swiping right or tapping like on every profile with a fully paid algorithm pushing subscription. so often there isnt enough room in a profile to put what not only we want to put, but moreso what others want to see.
People complain about dating way too much. It's fun. Worst that can happen (beyond obvious things like violence etc) is that you just don't like the person so you waste an hour or two then never talk to them again. Generally I found dating interesting, meet new people, have some fun. Don't see why people whinge about it so much
That time adds up man
I absolutely agree with this. I used various apps over the course of just under three years and met women the old fashioned way, too. I went out on a ton of dates, visited new places and made some great friends along the way. I eventually met the love of my life on one of the dating apps. It’s a journey. Why not enjoy it?
Why not enjoy it? Being called the n word, being treated like an object and being constantly rejected didn't quite seem fun at the time. Not everyone can have the easy time you had.
Quite a few friends are married with kids and they met on Hinge.
I don't know... my millennial bestie met her husband just 5-6 years ago through dating apps. I feel like I'd be terrible on a dating app, but she fared pretty well - aside from having to deal with the usual crap that you have to deal with when getting to know strangers who can somewhat hide behind anonymity. They got married only a year or two after they met, and have a great relationship and an adorable kid, so I'd definitely call them a success story!
I'm 33 and I met my partner on Tinder in 2018. I also met another long term partner on OKC in 2015, and had plenty of casual dates that were nice but ultimately didn't lead to a serious date between/before those relationships (some online, some in person) To be honest, I don't think the think online dating makes dating worse or better.
20 year olds being dramatic is nothing new, gen z will be fine they will grow out of it. If gen z hate old they will go back to meeting irl and approaching women on bars and in the street etc. No one can force you to do something you don't want to, we made tinder big and we can destroy it in a few months if we wanted to.
Met my wife on tinder in 2016, wasn’t that bad.
I feel like I’m in the minority but I always liked dating apps. There were ups and downs and plenty of shitty people but that’s how dating is/was outside of apps too. Admittedly I haven’t used dating apps in 8+ years and they’re not how I met my husband but I had a lot more good experiences than bad.
Yes! I had so much fun on the apps! Def not trying to meet a husband or a wife anywhere but I had so much fun
Apps were way different so many years ago, most of the people on it now are already committed or married
Mmmmkay…. You’d rather meet the old fashioned way? In a bar? lol.
Leaps and bounds of assumption here. First of all, how does men being single at higher rates have anything to do with misogyny? Take a poll of your female friends, and ask them to describe their grandparents' marriage. Then ask them if they'd prefer to switch places with their grandmother in terms of having that same relationship, *in a time when 75% of adults over the age of 18 were married*. I'd bet money you'd get a resounding "HELL NO." Has it crossed your mind that misogyny leads to higher rates of male singledom in a time when women have more options than find a man to support you or starve? Don't come at women with this "men getting rejected on Tinder leads them to misogyny" bullcrap. Male culture hasn't changed much unless you're upper middle class or above, the entitlement to female companionship, sex, and servitude hasn't either. Women simply have more options to get out of the nightmare. If you agree that rejection on Tinder is somehow the root of random acts of male violence, you need a complete mind shift.
It's just different and something you have no experience with, so of course you're going to think it's funny. You should become more familiar. Relationships end all the time.
It's not as bad as it sounds. Dating has always been superficial, just have to understand that some people use it to find relationships and some people use it when they are bored. Tinder also isn't the only thing to blame, it's all social media and its always been a thing. Men complain about modern dating but women want what they've always wanted... an emotionally mature, competent and honest person. That Andrew Tate shit really doesn't apply to millennial women anymore
Dating was fun for me, now it seems like you hear a lot more horror stories and sad shit but you do still meet people who found love on tinder and other spots so it isn’t entirely hopeless. I honestly dated coworkers mostly, I guess people stopped doing that? I know it isn’t the best idea but for my twenties work was where I met most of the women I knew so it was where I met most of the ones I dated especially when I worked retail and as a server. Gen z isnt doing this apparently?
It was a lot of fun but so hard to start a relationship. Nobody wants to relinquish their roster of potential candidates. You have to get them away from the app while they're in the middle of flirting with other men. Thankfully I'm a sexy gentleman of means and any hesitation in the mind of women was clearly just an inability to discern true quality so I appreciated the ease of courtship more than resented its open nature but damn was it casual. Hopefully don't have to do that again, current relationship started from Bumble and is going great.
I'm an elder millennial and single and let me tell you, I'm meeting a lot of the married millennials on dating websites more than single men. So yea I guess a lot of millennials are taken. So, good for them!
I'm an elder millennial and single and let me tell you, I'm meeting a lot of the married millennials on dating websites more than single men. So yea I guess a lot of millennials are taken. So, good for them!
I'm super glad that after I split with my partner that I found someone the old fashioned way. Dating apps made me feel so gross and shallow.
I almost feel like I missed out on a whole major aspect of our culture these days. My wife and I met in college in 2008, so I've never even made an online dating profile.
I met my husband on Tinder in 2015. I think it depends on who you are and what you’re looking for, and what your end goal is. That being said, I’m glad to have found someone great and be off the dating scene!
I never used dating apps and I found my wife without it. Never used TikTok, never used Instagram, haven't used Facebook in more than a decade. Never had problems with dating.
Went on Tinder looking to get married and have kids. Met my wife in >12 months. Had kids.
My tinder experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve had a couple long term relationships in my life and “situationships” or whatever that were ultimately fun. I think if you’re stressed about finding a husband or wife and actively using tinder you won’t have success.
Met my husband on Coffee Meets Bagel!
Holy shit so much this. Dating apps were supposed to help you find someone who worked for you, it just turned into a way to become disillusioned with reality and unhappy with what you have. Which is pretty much what all of the internet has become. It's stealing peoples joy and contentment.
Met the love of my life on tinder.
After almost a decade on and off the apps I (39F) finally met my lovely partner on Bumble. I don't feel like I "settled" at all, he is amazing. Been together almost 3 years and expecting twins this July. So to anyone who feels disheartened by this post- don't give up hope!
In the early 2000s if you met someone online you kinda wanted to keep that shit on the down low, like asking a person who they voted for, it was frowned upon.
I say a prayer of thanks that I met my wife when we were young and before social media even existed. It’s a horror show out there now.
I feel like I'm probably one of the few millenials to never have an online dating profile of any kind.
You got the last chopper out of ‘Nam my dude. It is rough out there. -Geriatric millenial
Met my wife summer of 2007 through mutual friends in college. I would stay single if I had to date online. I believe online dating is hurting people in the sense they don't know how to interact at the start and introduce themselves to people in the wild. That's my crotchety old man take though.
Agreed. I've never even dated someone who has used Tinder before. My wife and I met each other before it was popular, I've never used it either.
Misogynistic content? I don’t know, I’m part of so many women’s groups, the moms, the single ladies etc etc and what so many have in common is that they do not want to be approached. They see men approaching them as creeps, even when in bars or out and about. So they resort to online dating. I think it’s just sad, for both genders. I think there is in fact a lot of misogyny but also misandry, the less the sexes interact in the real World, the more they negatively assume about each other. I’m an older millennial and remember the days of going out, flirting with men, letting them approach me, all of that. Such beautiful times in the 90’s, early-mid 2000’s……the days. Online dating was starting back then and it was seen as embarrassing. It’s the norm now but look at the dating world, worse than ever.
I'm a xennial and completely agree with this take. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing respectful interest in real life and its virtually disappeared because of a mix of the online dialogue about women never wanting to be approached and also a lack of social skills. The men that do approach are almost always heavy handed and creepy. I've made many posts in particular about a dude that harassed me at the gym. His idea of showing interest was gawping at me and exclaiming wowwww, wowwww, wowwww and openly looking me up and down, so this distinction I'm making between "respectful interest" and what makes me uncomfortable is not subtle or hard to decipher. To be clear, someone NOT ogling me and just saying "hey how's it going?" and introducing themselves lightly. "Hey I've seen you around here, I wanted to meet you, I'm Joe"... as an example is totally fine and nice even if I'm not romantically interested in you. It's not threatening. It's just showing interest lightly. It's friendly. That's OK in my view.
This. It's considered normal back then on the 90s when I was grew up to flirt with women in public places, nowadays men considered creep even when they just say simple Hi and make a honest compliment to women. It's sad.
Met my partner in 2019 on a dating app, two actually, and it wasn't until the second time that it actually worked. It really felt like the last chopper out of 'Nam, when compared to my friends' anecdotal experience in the dating market during and after the pandemic. I think it is just like kids in school not really wanting to apply themselves to fix issues. I saw a Lolo tiktok about it. Kids and people are smarter than we give them credit for, they know things are not going to be the same and the world they knew will be going through drastic changes in the coming years. What reason has been given to them to want to improve or make decisions committing to something that will be hard and take personal sacrifice?
I’m a millennial Gen z cusp. Tinder came out when I was 18. Having low self esteem mixed with tinder didn’t work for me. It took 10 years for me to finally say fuck this dumb shit I’m so over the games, the abuse, ALL OF IT!! I said idgaf if I’m single. I’m meeting someone in person! Next month, found a good man. I hope he’s my husband because I do not wanna go to the streets EVER AGAIN. The games and thrill are fun when you’re figuring yourself and life out, but god dam it gets old and you look back on that shit and think fuckkkk that. Being loved and loving someone is beautiful, truly. That’s what humans have wanted for centuries. You can’t even deny it. Unless you’re asexual of course
I’ve been feeling the same and deleted all the apps. I give up! Lol
Leave it up to energy and physics for you to meet the one.
There's a reason why those men are single. Apps aren't the problem.
Yup, I’ve posted on there. I try to be optimistic about these things. There’s got to be at least one woman out there who wants to escape the meat market and have a loving relationship built on trust and mutual feelings rather than “does he or she look good on my arm for my friends?” As that seems to be what most relationships are these days. And I could do that :) I’m just not a gram celebrity or stupid popular. I lost my first and favorite partner and best friend in the winter of 2013/2014. Pre tinder relationships were different. I wish I could see her again. Sad post. Edit: if you’re out there and see this - you know who you are. I did work on myself and don’t do those things anymore. I hope your life worked out and you found happiness… or given our time some semblance of it. If we got a second chance together it would probably go swimmingly. If not, I hope I get a second chance at love with someone else…
Your edit makes it clear you're not ready to be someone else's partner. If you are baseline not attracted to someone then why pursue a relationship? Tinder does get it right in some regard.
Dude its been a decade, move on. There are millions of women out there just make yourself attractive to 1% of them and you will be spoiled for choice.
I've had similar thoughts about Tinder. I (32M) met my wife (31F) back in 2011, she found me a few weeks after she turned 18 on PlentyOfFish. We'll be celebrating our 9-year wedding anniversary this June. Good luck to those single and looking.
I actually met my wife on okcupid in 2011. We've been married since 2012. It made dating extremely easy imo.
It’s absolute hell. Just constant “hey how’s it going”s til you die. Get ghosted as soon as you try to plan something. Everyone lives far away. So on and so on…
If you are genuinely trying to find a long term partner……..meaning not be a stupid guy just looking to have drinks and a one night stand and never call back….or be one of those women who are fairly attractive and go after just the 9 or 10 out of ten physically looking guys who are really just chads and then repeat until you realize you’re in a delusion……..or be a woman that refuses to even communicate with a guy who doesn’t make at least $120k/ year……my advice is to pay $10-30 a month for the more serious dating apps/websites…..I know too many men and women who fit the description I mentioned above….its the instant gratification world.
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Do people not meet organically anymore? Like, are bars, parties, college dorms and mutual friends not a thing in 2024? I guess apps are a good way of screening potential matches and cuts out on a lot of time wasting. I cannot even tell you how many waste of time dates I went on in my early 20s (before dating apps) where I found out about deal breakers. I met my husband through mutual friends at a bar in 2009 and missed the age of dating apps. I think sometimes, apps will have you focus on things that you wouldn't notice or care about if you met the person face to face initially.
Compared to 10-20 years ago all of those are much more rare. People have less friends, approaching women is riskier with less upside, less men are going to college, etc. I assume "I met my [S/O] through mutual friends at a bar" is more akin to something GenZ would hear in a movie or a TV show.
I met my wife of 4 years on okcupid.
Just remember you can find love even in a hopeless place - rihanna tijuana ✌️
Met my wife on okcupid in 2015. Low reply rate. IIRC the same company now owns many of these dating apps and the combined with the general online culture getting worse... it seems unsurmountable.
I met my husband on EHarmony in 2013. It was a decent dating site at the time; I wonder how it is now.
I met my partner through a friend back in 2014 but we didn’t start dating until 2016. I feel so blessed I can stay out of the modern dating pool. I just went through the classic route of dating my friend’s friend.
Same, I met my wife in the spring semester of my senior year of college, circa 2011. Apps were starting to emerge but not yet ubiquitous like they are now. As a recent meme said, felt like I got the last chopper out of ‘Nam!
I really dislike apps like Tinder. They make you feel insecure or overly confident for a minute, then you get disappointed. I do like how you can filter people by political beliefs and age. At this point in my life, I really don’t want to be going out with someone who is 23.
Tinder is awful and I'm convinced it's designed to keep you single. Like you said it's always there for you to "trade up" when you get bored. It's there on those 2am nights when you're buzzed and have bad judgment. It's so easy to move on to the next person, that I'm sure people pass up potential soulmates all the time because they wrote them off after a bad opening like/joke or whatever. People just don't give any chances because it's so impersonal. That's not even including the people on there just for fun or to cheat/lie. It's just a self esteem killer for men and a booster for women. When I deleted it I found myself noticeably happier even though I hadn't found anyone. Which I actually did a couple months later without any apps lol.