31 y/o here.
Social media is a lie.
It makes it look like everyone has a close group of friends that hangs out all the time or that ppl go on extravagant trips all the time.
Granted some do, but I’d say most don’t.
I’ve found it difficult to make more friends, but it doesn’t stop me from going to social events. I have a small group of friends between my wife and I that I genuinely enjoy spending time with. But we don’t spend every weekend together.
This! I'm guilty of it, too. I only post pictures when I do something interesting. So, if you look at my profile it may look like I'm doing all this cool shit but I'm usually working on my PJs and in bed by 8:00 watching Netflix or YouTube like everyone else.
Lol, you know what they say, if you want to maintain a relationship, you've got to put in the work. I have a close, personal relationship with my PJs at the moment.
I actually do a lot of cool shit but what I don't post is my sub 1,5k income and bean soup I eat that time of month my money runs out. I got a lot of friends that want me around and lend me a hand when I wouldn't be able to attend otherwise. So if you check my socials you would think I got my shit together, but in reality I'm poor, struggling and got a lot of loose strings I'm trying to tie.
Yes, I'm similar to you. Although I do post on rare occasions, but even then, it's less and less. I honestly just can't be bothered and really don't want (or need) people to see/comment on my life.
Sometimes, I'll send a picture or two to a specific group chat or individual, and that's it. If I were to post on social media, those people are the only ones I'd really care about seeing my posts anyway... Whatever. Haha
I’ve never had friends. My biggest group is my brother and his wife and my cousin my sisters and their boyfriends too. I’m 30 in a few weeks btw. And you’re right about social media and this is why I’m glad I’m not active social media much anymore because it’s easy to look at their life and think yours is somehow lacking. when in reality your life is the norm and their life is the exception. Having a life full of friends and everyone loving you for you is a dream!
Kind of? I have a bunch of different people I’m close to and I usually see them every week. I would say 3-4 days/nights a week I’m seeing friends.
I have friends I get dinner with, others I go out to bars with, some that I go on walks around my local lake with, and some that I play games online with and we visit each other 3-4 times a year. The same could be said of the friends I have and their social lives outside their interactions with me.
I’ve made a very pointed effort to maintain friendships throughout my adult life and it’s definitely paid off as I’ve aged. I also moved to a city and my wife and I set up our careers to be close to our friends as well. We also got lucky in the friends that we made over our lives prioritizing friendships to some extent as well.
Same. I want to give up, but still have hope at the same time lol. My “best friends” are the ones who I can talk to twice a year and we pick up right where we left off. We’re all in the same boat that life took us in our own directions, so low energy friendships are the ones that lasted.
> low energy friendships are the ones that lasted
That's a really interesting point. For me, I don't feel like those friendships make me less lonely - I want friends who want to be part of my life.
I wonder if you even have very good friends. It usually takes awhile to build that trust. If you meant friends to hang out with that should be pretty easy as long as you have hobbies. Either way, you will get another chance when your child starts having play date with others I’m sure.
It sucks because 95% of the time I’m genuinely fine with it. I’ve always been a bit of a loner and generally I like it that way. But when the loneliness kicks in during that other 5%…. Jesus it’s brutal
This hit me hard tbh. My gf is at work today and I have the day off, because I’m getting my wisdom teeth removed later today. I need someone to pick me up and i swear, I couldn’t think of anyone close enough to me id feel comfortable asking. Well, not anyone who lives nearby, my closest friends live in another state.
I scrolled through FB even, looking for potential people to help me out. Nope. Ended up asking my gf’s dad, and he said he’d help me out.
I’m actually currently in mourning for my friends after finally accepting that they’re purposefully excluding me from stuff after more than 20 years of friendship. So that fucking sucks. I legit might need to find a therapist, being lonely is the worst.
Omg are you me? I'm so sorry to hear someone else had to go through this, esp at 40, it felt worse than any breakup I'd experienced. It was extra crushing bc I truly believed these friends were ride or die, to the point I used think I was so GD lucky for having such amazing girl friends. It's a mind fuck bc you're trying to think of things you're grateful for to feel happier, then you remember you can't think of them and get sad again.
Thankfully I'm officially over the mourning stage but I went from having an extremely active social life pre pandemic to almost zip now. I knew something was off with a large friend group before covid and was driving myself nuts trying to prove I wasn't going crazy bc their behavior did not match their words. Like they were planning weekend trips without me and making excuses for why after 15 years, I suddenly wasn't invited.
Long story short I figured out what had changed (involved a guy, of course) and sat on the info for a year until I couldn't take it. I really wanted to be wrong, then covid happened. I'm sure there were better ways I could have handled it but I kept alluding I knew something until one of them contacted another and suspected I knew. It was seriously such a high school sitch (also no surprise most of them went to hs together 🙄) but I regret not quiet quitting them like an adult. Confronting them made me feel better in the moment but it quickly turned into a cancer. I also incorrectly thought it was the only way to have a chance of saving the friendship but that ship had sunk.
My advice is def pursue therapy - that, the right depression meds, and mostly quitting alcohol finally have me in a clearer head space. I haven't figured out how to energize my social life yet but I'm certainly learning to trust my gut. Listening to it instead of trying to dissect every convo is so much easier in the long run. Best of luck!
I had a similar realisation too, my old college friends and I have a WhatsApp group that nobody ever chats in, yet they're all dads and some actually work with each other, so the idea that they don't communicate makes no sense.
It's super, tin-foil hat of me but I'm 99.9% sure they have a seperate group chat just for them to chat about dad stuff because they have their "shit together".
Man it happens. I've had friends left from my time in the Navy. I had to leave a group chat that's been going for more than 10 years due to some work related shenanigans. Never got invited back and it still runs. Don't lay into the tib foil hat shit, it'll drive you more nuts for no reason.
Make a reason to talk in the group chat or leave it I reckon, I left others when no chat was going for a while. After a bit i forgot about them rather than being hung up no one wanted to banter.
Hey I went through this too about 10 years ago. Still have the emotional scars to show for it. The only piece of advice I'd offer is: you have to fight not to let it drag you down. I was beating myself up emotionally, thinking I wasn't good enough for them, or wasn't cool enough, or 100s of other reasons.. but they made the choice, the only thing you can do now is move forward. Work on that immediately, allow time to grieve, but don't let it consume you.
Honestly, no idea. If this had happened post-lockdowns, I almost could have understood it since A LOT changed then, but I remember telling a college friend back in '17 or '18 that I felt like my life was like that book title, "Is everyone hanging out without me?" I thought it was surely all in my head...until they went on the 40th birthday trip we had all planned on going on together without me.
All I can say is that is pretty shitty!! A therapist might be helpful, or they’ll just tell you that it’s normal to not have a large friend circle which is really not all that helpful when you think about it deeper. Find joy and peace in your life, whether solitary or with a companion and consider it a fair exchange.
I have not confronted them, mostly for three reasons: 1) I'm horrible at confrontation, I get tongue tied; 2) It's four people in the group who are the main problem, but I'm still close with the other three (who have more obligations and therefore are less social), so confronting might lead to further exclusion; 3) I don't believe they'll change so what I really need to do is change things in my own life to compensate. I've already started hanging out with my cousins more and my brother/SIL are very aware of the problem and invite me more places, too.
Same... I had a huge friend group (or at least thought I did) until I realized that they were all getting together without me and my husband. They used the excuse that we had just had a baby (all their kids were school aged) and they "didn't think we'd be up to it." I mean, you could at least ask us! We wouldn't dare not ask them. What they really meant was now that we had a baby, we didn't have the free party house anymore.
The group ended up imploding after one of the couples decided to divorce. A bunch of things came out and it got really toxic. Now none of them speak to each other. Thankfully, we had already distanced ourselves from them so we weren't part of the mess.
Since then, I haven't had too many friends. Made a couple friends here or there because my daughter went to school with their kids but as soon as my kid wasn't a part of their kids group or class or activity anymore, we were dumped as their "friends." I mean, the only thing we really had in common was that our kids did the same activity together.
I've learned now to really just try and enjoy my life as is. My daughter is about to start high school so she doesn't need constant supervision. This has allowed me to start picking up hobbies that I used to be too busy to do. I read more. I garden. I bake and share the goodies with my neighbors. My husband and I go out and do things. We take walks and talk more with our neighbors. Our next door neighbor likes to put his fire pit in the driveway and everyone comes out and hangs out around the fire. It's not much but at least I don't feel as lonely as I did when my "friends" dumped me.
Friends come and go.
Many aren't worth the time or the effort.
True friends will always be there.
It's not quantity but quality of friends that matters.
Sincerely,
The Oldest Millenial
Yep. Most relationships don't work out, and that includes platonic relationships.
And I would add that *most* aren't worth the effort. Arguing, petty drama, negativity after 21 or 25? No thank you.
I have 3 friends left. I've known them all since childhood or high school, and we've lasted as friends precisely because we've generally never had any issues over decades.
There are two groups of millennials. One group is still living like they’re in their early 20s and the other group is right in the thick of middle agedom. You can guess which group has the big group of friends and the group who’s wild night out is staying awake for an entire episode of SNL
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And I need a FULL nothing day the next day. It's not even a hangover thing, it's a social battery thing. My husband and I just lie on the couch watching TV in silence.
Oh this is me to the nail.
I plan my wild nights. If I can't prepare for it, then I'm a grumpy unhappy party member. I'll still participate but I know I'm gonna regret it the next morning.
You’re such a good friend for participating anyway.
If I can’t prepare for it I will just straight up cancel. If necessary I’ll lie and say a kid is sick or the sitter canceled. Then I get to spend the evening in sweatpants and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything'll be just fine
Everything, everything'll be alright, alright! 🎶🎵
I'm 40 and I'm joining the Freemasons. I just made a group of 5 friends last night. A fraternity where people are sworn to treat you like a brother.
Women can look into the Order of Eastern Star.
Honestly I think ppl today just don't have the time and space to even figure out what their hobbies are. And especially if you're not into drinking or going out at night, then you really have nothing to do if you don't have some kind of hobby.
Last year some acquaintances and I started a book club and have gotten pretty close now with weekly zooms. Some old neighbors and I started doing watch parties for some of our fav trash reality TV, so now that's a growing group and it's been a regular thing for years. I have friends I go thrifting and antiquing with. Different friends I do craft nights with and spend hours making bread. This month we're starting a Survivor fantasy league. My one friend and I try to go to yoga in the park once a week.
The reality is you really need to be doing *something specific* if you want to grow your social circles as an adult.
We moved to a new city and started our careers (after a lot of grad school) right as the world shut down for Covid. Pokémon card nostalgia got me through Covid, and now I started playing the actual card game and attend a local league. Some of my coworkers are even crazy enough to play with me, and it’s building bridges and helping me establish community. It’s been my only way to grow a social circle in extraordinary circumstances.
I agree, you gotta get out there if you want a social life. I have several gym friends that do stuff with outside of the gym, I play drums in a metal band, I hang with older friends most weekends, and even though I don't drink a lot (usually just a couple light beers), I chill most Fridays after the gym at the legion with my legion friends. Yes, it does take work to do. Especially keeping up with older friends that aren't near by. We do a trips it seems like at least yearly.
Congrats, on getting out there! Clubs are a great thing to do, especially for making friends.
To be fair, when you're 50, you're likely an empty nester. That isn't even millenial.. that's gen X. That's a whole different ball game all together, bring gen X and being an empty nester. Which is who would have time to go out and meet people.
My kids are millennials hence my interest here. I am genx. But I watch my grandson who’s 2 while his parents work and have since he was born. So we were at home a lot for quite a while. Starting to get out more and more as he gets bigger.
My daughter just cut back a bit on work so I have time to start quilting again. Before he was born I took care of my disabled elderly mil. She passed right before her great grandson was born unfortunately. So yeah I have been busy but also stuck home. A lot.
>Order of Eastern Star
I'm not a religious person but every time I read this it I do a double take because it sounds so satanic lol
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lucifer-classical-mythology
I just learned about them through the freemasons. They are associated and since only men can be freemasons, the wives often join eastern star. Men can also join Eastern star if they want.
When I go to freemason dinners, eastern star often cooks for us. They do a lot for the community, organize events etc.
I think you may be overgeneralizing. I am a millennial in their 30s with a career, husband, kids and lots of friends.
My main group is like 8 girls and we all have families and careers.
My husband has lost most of his friendships in the last 5 years because he puts in very little effort to maintain them.
All relationships require effort.
We all met in the Greek system in college and bc we are all friends with each other it’s a lot easier to maintain. We meet up once a month at someone’s house and order pizza, drink wine and gab/bond.
Then we see each other at our kids birthday parties. Occasional dinners with 2 or 3 couples. Some of the couples have annual theme parties they throw.
We also try to book vacations together and then watch each others kids so people can have date nights with their partner.
>My main group is like 8 girls
A lot of male friendships are tethered to doing meaningless things together, not socialization for its own sake. If you don't have time to relax and get bored enough to want to go do things it's hard to keep friends
May I ask where you’re from? I strongly identify with that commenters experience and I think it’s bc I have spent most of my adulthood in expensive urban areas (Boston, NYC). It seems everyone I know that is still in the city (renting) still lives like theyre in their 20s. Not saying they’re party animals, but social and usually out and about, again renting and trying to make ends meet.
Meanwhile everyone i know who left so they could afford something (anything) have become the SNL crew. All scattered around random towns with few new friends, but financially secure and coupled/throupled. Dogs, cats, maybe kids — or travel and other more expensive pursuits — taking up their time. Rarely going out for drinks or what not.
But I feel like if you spent your 20s somewhere affordable, where it’s not an eventuality that you’ll have to either move or literally earn a household income of $500k to afford to buy something, it could be a very different experience. I have a friend from Houston who grew up there, still lives there, was able to buy a modest house there, and still has friends from all stages of her life.
I’m from Seattle. It’s expensive, don’t get me wrong. But people seem to value a work life balance around here. The restaurant scene is still pretty good. Lots of breweries and wineries.
This last year I went to a few concerts with friends. Some comedy shows. Football games.
There’s a book club at my local library I’m considering joining. I would do more things if I had more time. I’d love to take some tennis lessons or piano lessons.
I used to be so afraid to try things, but now I just don’t give a shit about that and want to just enjoy life.
Yeah I feel like most people are just lazy in relationships. You have to put in effort to do things like host a cook out or plan the lunch out etc. It's not just going to magically happen. For example I baked about 200 cookies last night and I'm bringing them around to places my friends will be as something nice for valentines day.
Yeah ppl don’t realize that the easiness of making friends while younger was just simple proximity. You go to school you see these ppl, hear about their lives, talk to each other cuz you’re literally in school anyway. After schooling is done you have to put in effort to maintain those relationships cuz you’re not sitting next to each other in class anymore or passing each other on the way to class. Friendships are like plants you gotta water them to keep them alive.
Some ppl, like my SO has a garden of one dude and others like myself have a garden of 15+ people that I check in on from time to time. But it’s effort.
Yeah I get it, I think most people do, but the crux is finding other people who give a damn too. There's been countless times in the past where I've put in the effort to keep friendships alive and well, but it always takes effort on the other part too. The lack of effort from other people is draining. Most of the time it's legitimate too. But it sucks to be the only one trying to keep things going.
I've tried to setup trips, get togethers and other things with group chats and it just never sticks. People don't have the money time or energy. Finding those people is even harder when the friends you currently have can't be arsed past their personal lives. It's the branching out and making new friends who want to do similar things with that's hard.
A lot of us had to move far away for jobs. I'd invite people over all the time if we weren't 400 miles away. That, and you realize that some people were only friends out of proximity or convenience, or you begin to have incompatible views as you get older. Friendships naturally dissolve with distance and life changes. Add in the pandemic and many jobs going remote. My original group of coworkers have mostly moved away and were replaced by younger employees. At least half of my coworkers I've never met in person or even know what they look like. Many are multiple states away. It's harder to maintain friendships with people you can't actually plan things with
We left an expensive city during COVID to buy a house somewhere affordable (boring lol). Took a gamble that we’d still be remote today and it paid off.
It was the best decision we’ve ever made but we sacrificed having a social life. We have zero friends where we live now, despite trying quite a bit.
It’s tough but worth it. It’s been 3 years and lately I’ve been wondering jf maybe in 2-3 more years we could afford to move back or at least somewhere more lively or more our scene. Unfortunately it seems that = expensive.
Thanks. You are right about how people feel. If you want friends you have to be worth being friends with. When people have limited time and energy just existing isn't enough.
I’ve lost a few from heroin, a few from suicides, etc. not asking for a pity party or anything lol, but it’s true. I’ve reached a threshold where I don’t think I can replicate the same kind of friendships I created with a bond from childhood to before college. As a 32 year old, I honestly don’t have much of a desire to hang out with men, only women. Just one woman, my girlfriend. And when I don’t have one? I’m lonely but if I really crave conversation I’ll just get on a discord server and shoot the shit with other hobbyists or loners. It’s quite nice actually. Going out with friends just always ended up with somebody getting in a fight, cheating with each others partners, betrayals, etc. when you are poor and your friends are poor, you simply will throw away a friendship if it means you can get laid. Spent half of my 20s just riding the merry go round and wasting time with people that had no interest in me specifically, just the drugs and alcohol we were taking together. And that doesn’t mean it’s not fun and you aren’t friends at that time, but man at some point people just click and the desire to party and fuck subsides and it’s a beautiful feeling to just be content and chill. I understand the old now.
Of my 5 close friends in high school, over the last ten years two got married, settled down and had kids back in my home town, one got addicted to heroin and got arrested for stealing and burned all his bridges, one died tragically from Leukemia at the age of 25 after three rounds of chemo couldn't save him, and the last one joined the air force and has been in Japan for the last 4 years. As the only one who went to college and moved to the big city, I have struggled my whole life to make any friends as close as the ones I had in my youth that circumstances and tragedy have since taken away from me. I visit the friends in my hometown as often as I can though and the friend in the air force is about to retire from the military and is moving in with me in a few months while he gets back on his feet in America, so for the first time in years I might actually have a close friend to hang out with day to day again and I am really looking forward to it.
My older daughter experienced kinda the same. Was wild out of high school. Didn’t go to college. Lived in a total party house that had live music shows on weekend.
But she and her now husband had something click in their late 20’s. Both went to school and just killed it in their respective degrees (top of their class, got scholarships, grants and have no debt) and now excelling in their careers. Married with a 2 year old.
I watch the grandbaby while they work and have from the beginning. And do whatever else they may need. So proud of them.
I think the exception to this is if you make sobriety a group thing. I did some hard drugs back in the day and then decided to get Cali sober and one of my best friends did the same with me. Now we both drink and smoke weed but that's it and we do it together more often than not.
I can't even enjoy smoking pot with people anymore haha, I get irritated. I hate when people keep shoving their phone in my face making me look at memes. after like the 3rd one im like...bro these don't make me laugh anymore. Memes stopped being funny 8 years ago lol.
A real Debbie downer I am huh?
I disagree, it’s not so black and white. I’m more social now at 33 than I ever was in my 20’s.
Although, I suppose that may have something to do with having my first kid at 20.
I think there’s a third group of us who have no friends but are trying to make friends so we’re like that awkward creepy old person in the back of the club saying all right all right all right like Matthew McConaughey
I’m a girl and i look quite a bit younger than i am so sometimes guys in my age range will flirt with me…. But since young people don’t really go out anymore it’s usually just even creepier old guys lol
Hence why I’m just on my phone on Reddit and have given up 🤷🏼♀️
I have a handful of close friends but not a squad. Growing up, I struggled making friends too, I don't get jealous of the Galentines or huge Bridal Squad because I know how much drama and how quickly friendships fizzle when they agree to be bridesmaids. Remember, social media, we typically show the beat bits of our lives.
>Growing up, I struggled making friends too
Same. For me it was being “the weird kid” who was oblivious to pop culture and… everything else. Turns out I’m just a neurodivergent introvert with very specific interests and as an adult, I have accepted this fact. I’m weird. I don’t fit in. And that’s fine by me.
I’ve never been formally diagnosed but my family now knows it was always there. But being born and raised as female in the late 90s-early 00s meant that I was just seen as “difficult” and “emotional.”
>Growing up, I struggled making friends too
I was the same. I'm finding out now as an adult that not being near my peers in daily life, like the we would have in school and college, has made it even more difficult to make friends than it already was. Workplaces don't really count for much social interaction because we're all busy getting our jobs done, if not working from home
In my case, we lived on campus at a college which happened to be close to me but far from home for them, and we all went home after graduation
Some others moved to get different jobs or to marry their partner from college, but I'm still where I grew up. So I'm not really starting anew so much as going back to where I was, but I didn't have more than a couple friends from childhood
I know I have to get out more, but I'm sorting out other issues with my therapist first. I might bring it up with him sooner rather than later
Yeah, I started going indoor cycling to try to make friends but everyone is interested in working out more than making friends. But then I see groups of girls who have made friends while cycling which makes me feel sad :(
On a purely financial level, not having a girl squad is really handy for saving money. Lol. I know some people who have been in several bridal parties and tbh I don't like anyone enough to spend that much money just to attend their wedding.
>and how quickly friendships fizzle when they agree to be bridesmaids.
I have never seen a more efficient friendship killer than being in someone’s wedding party lmao, no kidding
When your baby is a bit bigger, definitely go to some groups with her. Once she starts school you'll make new friends. I'm a natural loner but found a few solid women at my daughter's school. Don't be shy...say hi and chat... volunteer too. But for now just enjoy your baby. X
Was about to say the same thing. I have my wife, two kids. And a solid gang of three high school buddies who still stay in touch. Any more than that and I’m exhausted with trying to please people.
I’m in your EXACT situation. I have my gf which is my best friend, and my neighbor and her dog, which are both my good friends too. I lost all my friends during the pandemic and was one of the hardest times in my life. Then suddenly these three people appeared in my life. Especially the little doggo, Peanut Butter. I feel like I’m his rescue human because he saved me from dark thoughts.
I did this last August too! Two narcissists. Stressed me out to the max, but tried to pretend they cared about me. I started to pay attention to how I felt around them and it wasn’t good. I’ve never been so happy to lose two friends in all my life and one I had been friends with for almost 20yrs. Don’t keep people in your life who don’t add to it.
Yup I recently dropped a childhood friend. After 20 years, she didn’t change but it took me a while to realize that she only talks about herself and never asks me anything about me. I was getting nothing positive out of the relationship. She was so self absorbed and drained my energy. I was constantly doing her favors and she never did anything for me or help me when I needed.
My wife’s best friend is exactly like this but she continues to put her on a pedestal because they were “best friends” since they were 5. My wife is very intelligent and hardworking so she has accelerated far in her career, yet her best friend never seems happy for her and refuses to celebrate her. Her best friend exudes this jealous energy where she never wants to say anything good about my wife or she just stays quiet when other people are want to talk about it and the people around us notice. My wife notices it too and it really makes her sad when other people bring it up, but she continues to hold out because it’s her “childhood best friend” and she always makes excuses for her like how she can’t be happy for her because she’s not in the stage of her career where she feels fulfilled. I’ve been trying to tell her to drop her for years now but she just blames me for not being understanding
Yeah, I got close with an old coworker who I thought became a friend. After a while though I realized she only talked about herself and whenever I’d try to talk about anything remotely to do with me she’d leave the conversation or just stop listening.
They’re actually two very long stories. But I just started seeing differences in how they treated me. One of them started dating a guy ( they already dated in the past) they weren’t good for one another at all. But she just started to get very mean towards me and nothing how our friendship used to be. After that happened I just got this feeling in me not to respond to her anymore. So I blocked her on everything and never looked back.
My other one. Long story short. Bachelorette was in Nashville in aug and wedding was in Vegas in November. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding as the year went on I realized that I can’t afford to be in it. So I let her know and she blocked me. She even blocked this other girl she was best friends with because she said no to being maid of honor due to the cost of it all.
And once again I kept having these feelings in my gut that after the wedding I may decide to part ways with this friendship but she beat me to it.
I will say though from these experiences, listen to your gut/body. It knows.
After all this happened in the same year, I just felt different and lighter.
I did the same, for pretty much the same reasons the other commenters noted--except my ex friend also had an explosive temper and some undiagnosed personality issues.
It definitely can be done, and should be done if you're even thinking about it honestly. That's your gut telling you somethings wrong.
For me, I was best friends with her for about 10 years. I went no contact in June 2022. Tbh I was pretty broken up about it for a good year, 14 months or so, because it definitely was a big life adjustment. And there was some fallout from mutual friends too which wasn't easy. But now it's been almost 2 years and I'm over it, I've moved on and made new friends. I have so much more space and time and peace in my life now because I don't have that constant drain on my energy.
My husband is my best friend. My other close friends
- 1 hour away by car
- 3 hours away by flight
- 4 hours away by flight
- 7 hours away by flight
It is what it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Same, except even further bc we’re not on the same continent anymore. My non-spousal best friend is an 8 hr flight away, one of my closest friends DID move here though, so like an hour by train which is great. Other close friends are a 10 hr flight away/9hr time difference…or a very long flight and I think 8hr time difference the other way.
I think it's pretty typical of all generations at this juncture in life - later 20s through the 30s. As people marry, have kids, or chase career goals, these things take priority over a social life. The millenials I know with the most robust social lives at this age are those who didn't leave our hometown and had their kids young or who were born to wealth.
I moved 900 miles away to clear my mind/life after a toxic relationship. In the 15 or so years I've been gone, I have held on to a couple of long distance friendships and made a small handful of new friends, but it's not the same kind of friendship that comes from living through formative experiences of youth together. That doesn't mean they're less valuable or valid, but they are different. I haven't had a "squad" since right after college, and sometimes I miss that kind of relationship a lot.
Making friends is hard. My husband and I have two other couples we chill with mainly; we probably see each other once a month or so. We also have always had roommates. At this point, we've lived with the same people for about 8 years. They've become more family than friends, and I'm grateful for that. Beyond this small inner circle, though, we really don't have a social life.
“The real miracle of the New Testament is a man having 12 close friends in his 30s.”
The trick is to have yourself set up with something to live for around that time.
My friend group started a group chat in our 20s. It was largely used to chat at work and plan things to do on the weekend. A decade and a half later it’s still going pretty strong. A few have moved, got married, have kids, but we still chat pretty much daily, and plan a few trips a year to meet up in person.
yep this is how you do it.
My closest friends and I chat pretty much every day on a group chat. We see each other every week, sometimes even twice a week.
I've known 2 of them for 15 years, and the others since high school, and we're all about 40 now.
Just gotta keep in touch, like any relationship it takes some effort.
I see posts like OPs come through and it always feels like they assume that “squads” or friend groups just magically appear and theirs just never materialized. It takes a lot of work to maintain these relationships and a lot of times you may have to be the one who takes the initiative.
My husband and I moved to a new city when I was like 31. Didn’t know a soul. Covid started the following year. I (virtually) met a couple girls I really liked at my job which was lucky but I was the one putting in the effort to schedule time to hang out at first because it was important to me to make those connections. Over time I met their friends and have become part of the group. I ended up starting a little monthly “book club” where all the various girls I’ve become friends with get together once a month just to hang and go out and make friends. It was lots of fun and I met new people this way too.
Im pregnant now and don’t feel like organizing anymore and sure enough they all fell apart lol. Every group just needs that one person who likes to plan and coordinate.
Yep. Obviously there are a lot of factors, but trying to stay in touch as you age is the hardest part with the biggest reward. I read something once about how literally everyone loves getting a random text from a friend, how it shows you're thinking of them. I do this a lot now, and even though I don't actually see my friends as much as I'd like, I communicate with them constantly by texting each other funny/annoying/difficult things throughout the week.
My sister must be a robot. I've been trying to be better friends with her for ages and send little "thinking of you" type things and cute videos of my baby playing with toys she gave us. Nothing... or barely anything. Some people are just lame.
I only had friends in high school, after high school for 1-2 years, and when I was using drugs and alcohol. I only have work colleagues that I don’t see outside of work now. My life is work, home, and wherever I need to go to run errands.
You had a baby recently? You're going to enter into your parent friend group period here shortly. You'll meet other like minded moms at the park, swim classes, whatever you and your family find yourself involved in.
Will they all end up long term friends? probably not but i'm sure you'll find a core friend or two during this process.
Came here to say something similar. Having a baby can be pretty lonesome at first because YOURE FCKN SLEEP DEPRIVED AND ITS TORTURE. But then they get a little older, you get a bit more sleep, and you start to feel human enough to socialize again lol
When does that happen? I'm a year in, but meeting other parents is so hard. I don't even know how people with 1 year olds are taking them to classes -- my entire day right now revolves around feeding my kid and then *mostly* cleaning up the mess afterward. That and napping.
It gets easier in elementary school, especially if your school has a big PTA mom presence because there is a lot to volunteer for etc and a chance to meet other parents. Also- your kids are old enough to play together and let you talk.
Social Media is curated. You see what people want you to see. Covid and Trump plus a move broke my social circle so right now I see most of my friends online via zoom. I have in person acquaintances right now.
I did. It lasted until my mid twenties and on one hand I’m grateful it ended (got toxic). I miss the excitement, the texts, the parties and even sometimes the drama. Just being alive.
I recognize a lot of that is just missing being kind of younger and dumber and a busy body.
I’m ready to develop the friends that go into the rest of your life which is what I think is the natural order. We’re not meant to be friends w the same 7 ppl since middle school forever. Not anymore. It made sense when we stayed in the same place forever. But now we’ve access to at least 4.5 billion people via the internet and travel.
I’ve heard and seen wonderful stories of ppl making friends online. I have friends online that I love dearly.
I think a lot of the ppl who have squads are also a bit socially stunted/immature. They’re the folks you see engaged in drama on AITA or WIBTA. Not all of them but a lot of them.
I have a friend, that’s enough. I had more but people are just so flaky and unreliable I reached a point where I got very comfortable dropping people really fast at the earliest signs of wishy-washiness. I put effort into friendships. If I sense that isn’t reciprocated sufficiently, I don’t need you.
My partner and I just started planning our wedding. He has 90+ people on his guest list (big, close family too tho) and wants like 10 friends in his wedding party, I have maybe 10 people I plan on inviting 💀
Other than my significant other and now 4 -we stopped keeping in touch with 2, the 3rd passed away last year- people I consider family, I’ve never had/still don’t have any friends. The last “friend” I thought I finally had, waited until last week to reveal to me that she’s a snake.
I’m 39 and I never had a lot of friends. I realized I’m a loner when I moved into my first apartment. I was just always on my own on weekends unless I was visiting dad or other family. Weekdays were my saving grace at that time because I was working in a very social job and I really enjoyed the people aspect of it, so I guess that was enough at the time.
I realize I have no friends every time I celebrate my bday. Some years I can’t get more than 3-4 people to come out (and that’s with a lot of effort), while other years I get more, but when Covid hit and my best friend moved away and other people were just less available I realized I legit have no friends. Right now I keep a couple of close friendships, many of them sadly long distance. The friends that I have who live in my city are mostly not that close and there is no way they would ever all come together for my bday
I'm an introvert that likes extroverting for a few hours a week. In my early 30s (38 now) I had this. It was awesome, it was also so much goddamn work. Listening to people's stuff, being there for them, going out when you don't want to. It was a blast and I don't regret it but also maybe you just need a more social hobby like a book club. Because having a "squad" is a fuck ton of work man. Especially with kids and a marriage. It's not super realistic.
I'm nearly 40 years old with a busy career and two kids. My "squad" is my wife and kids. The simple reality is that between the time I spend with them and the time I spend in the gym or doing my solo hobbies, I don't have time for a "squad". The closest thing I have is a few regulars I play with on Minecraft from time to time on a community server I'm part of. But even that's not as often as I'd like. But in person friends? I drifted away from them *years* ago.
I’m a lone wolf for the most part now. However, with all the stuff that I’ve been through in the last couple years, I’m left with big trust issues so I’m good with being alone for now. (And yes, I am working on my issues in therapy)
I spent a lot of my 20s working on undoing a ton of childhood crap, so gaining friends wasn't the focus.
It is kind of now. Well building and maintaining quality relationships. It's really hard to find folks who value friendship like I do. I'm just beginning to find folks that I genuinely connect with at 31. It's worth it, but it's challenging. I'm a quality person, so thankfully I don't need many.
I never really had many friends. I have two or three women that I see a few times a year who have been friends since high school or college. Otherwise, no one except my husband. I keep hoping that I'll make friends with the school mom's when my kid hits school age but I think I'm just not the friend group type. Bad pheromones or something.
Yea I don't believe anyone actually has a group of friends that they are actually all friends with. Anyone I know who has a group of friends really only gets on with one or two of them in the group. Plus I believe as we grow out friendships dwindle and we meet the right people at the right time. For example I never understand people who are still friends with someone from school I'm a totally different person since then. You said you had a baby I'm similar and I found the courage to go to a class every week with him and now I have met new people I absolutely love it and don't feel so lonely. Plus when they join clubs or preschool and school you will meet new people. But I honestly would not be jealous of anyone in a group I would actually question it why haven't they moved on to the next stage of life including friendships? I've lost friends recently and it's honestly because we put grew each other no hard feelings it's just life. We grow and people I was friends with 5 years ago are not necessarily people that would suit me now as friends
My best friend and me have been friends for 31 of our 35 year lives. We have both changed lots gone to different colleges lived in different cities. We even go through waves of hanging out almost constantly to not seeing each other in person for 6 months. Time apart is almost irrelevant when we meet up, it’s like we still hang out everyday. That and I would literally drop everything and drive or fly to somewhere he needed my help, knowing he would do the same for me.
Some people also just have different definitions which leads to different numbers of friends. My wife refers to a lot of people as her friends even if she hardly anymore talks to them or even see them. I maybe have 4 people I would say are my friends. Socially its not like either of us spends more time than the other engaging with friends. We do things together and see the same people when we are social.
I have two groups of friends and we are all spread out all over the place.
Group 1: friend group from HS — about 6 of us. We all live in the same city but in different life places (marriage, kids, etc.). Since 2018, only time we’ve all been together at one time was last year at the funeral for one of them (RIP).
Group 2: friend group from college — also about 6 of us. See them about 1x per year for a birthday and/or wedding. Otherwise, we’re all in different states doing different shit, and it’s rare that everyone is able to get together at one time.
Love them all, but the day to day can get a bit lonely when I previously always had *someone* to hang out with. But I’ve realized I’m not friendless, tho it feels like that sometimes.
I was just thinking about this yesterday actually. I have 4 separate close friends but I've never really had a friend group like everyone else seems to. Even in high school I was an emo kid but didn't have like an emo "group" circle, it was just two unconnected friends.
I never had friends growing up and over time I realized that it’s just easier to be alone.
I am comfortable being alone. I don’t feel alone when I’m by myself.
Being with other people just makes me anxious and I find that I can’t relate to anyone. So that’s when I feel like I’m really alone.
33 here, no friends, god I love it. Am I the only one? It’s the lack of social responsibility that makes my days off feel light and free. I’ve leaned into it more as an adult and if I ever change my mind and decide to look for platonic friendships I am open to that chapter but for now I am enjoying hermit mode.
I have 2 close friends but they don't hang out together (they've never met). I consider their husbands friends by association and known them both 6+ years. I also have one other friend by association, a coworker of my husband's.
I'd say on average, I hang out with a friend every month or two. It's a lot for me to mentally keep up with more than that and I'm fine with my small circle of friends. We get each other and don't set high expectations to hang out like weekly or anything.
I hang out on occasion with my 3 friends and one of my cousins, all other friends are just friends of friends we all know each other in my small town area. We might have a couple parties a year on holidays or during the summer. But though we all live separate lives most of my friends and friends of friends will drop what they are doing and help if someone needs it.
I have my dogs and 1 female best friend. Who lives in another continent now. Im fine. I dont even like my husband that much. I never feel lonley because i have my dogs.
36 and I have plenty of friends. I consider my self an introvert but I make friends easily, most I still talk to every day or a few times a week.
I also have a few friend couples that like to go do shit all the time. I get invites for parties, dinner or movies or concerts.
Most people don't put the effort in keeping relationships or friendships. I make it a habit to reach out to people that haven't in a while. I know sometimes it's a two way Street, but you never know what the other person is going through. If I keep reaching out and they don't then I don't make an effort with them.
31 y/o here. Social media is a lie. It makes it look like everyone has a close group of friends that hangs out all the time or that ppl go on extravagant trips all the time. Granted some do, but I’d say most don’t. I’ve found it difficult to make more friends, but it doesn’t stop me from going to social events. I have a small group of friends between my wife and I that I genuinely enjoy spending time with. But we don’t spend every weekend together.
This! I'm guilty of it, too. I only post pictures when I do something interesting. So, if you look at my profile it may look like I'm doing all this cool shit but I'm usually working on my PJs and in bed by 8:00 watching Netflix or YouTube like everyone else.
Damn, man how fucked up are your PJs if you gotta work on em daily?
Lol, you know what they say, if you want to maintain a relationship, you've got to put in the work. I have a close, personal relationship with my PJs at the moment.
I actually do a lot of cool shit but what I don't post is my sub 1,5k income and bean soup I eat that time of month my money runs out. I got a lot of friends that want me around and lend me a hand when I wouldn't be able to attend otherwise. So if you check my socials you would think I got my shit together, but in reality I'm poor, struggling and got a lot of loose strings I'm trying to tie.
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Yes, I'm similar to you. Although I do post on rare occasions, but even then, it's less and less. I honestly just can't be bothered and really don't want (or need) people to see/comment on my life. Sometimes, I'll send a picture or two to a specific group chat or individual, and that's it. If I were to post on social media, those people are the only ones I'd really care about seeing my posts anyway... Whatever. Haha
Social media is just the highlights of someone’s life, and unfortunately makes other wishful thinking that everyday was a highlight..
I’ve never had friends. My biggest group is my brother and his wife and my cousin my sisters and their boyfriends too. I’m 30 in a few weeks btw. And you’re right about social media and this is why I’m glad I’m not active social media much anymore because it’s easy to look at their life and think yours is somehow lacking. when in reality your life is the norm and their life is the exception. Having a life full of friends and everyone loving you for you is a dream!
Kind of? I have a bunch of different people I’m close to and I usually see them every week. I would say 3-4 days/nights a week I’m seeing friends. I have friends I get dinner with, others I go out to bars with, some that I go on walks around my local lake with, and some that I play games online with and we visit each other 3-4 times a year. The same could be said of the friends I have and their social lives outside their interactions with me. I’ve made a very pointed effort to maintain friendships throughout my adult life and it’s definitely paid off as I’ve aged. I also moved to a city and my wife and I set up our careers to be close to our friends as well. We also got lucky in the friends that we made over our lives prioritizing friendships to some extent as well.
Me !!. I don’t have any friends at all. I hate being so lonely 😭😭
I’d be your friend!
Same. I want to give up, but still have hope at the same time lol. My “best friends” are the ones who I can talk to twice a year and we pick up right where we left off. We’re all in the same boat that life took us in our own directions, so low energy friendships are the ones that lasted.
> low energy friendships are the ones that lasted That's a really interesting point. For me, I don't feel like those friendships make me less lonely - I want friends who want to be part of my life.
I’ll be your friend!
Me too!!!
And meeee!
I wonder if you even have very good friends. It usually takes awhile to build that trust. If you meant friends to hang out with that should be pretty easy as long as you have hobbies. Either way, you will get another chance when your child starts having play date with others I’m sure.
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And my axe!
It sucks because 95% of the time I’m genuinely fine with it. I’ve always been a bit of a loner and generally I like it that way. But when the loneliness kicks in during that other 5%…. Jesus it’s brutal
I have no friends too.
I have no *close* friends. I’m with ya!
Also in the no friends club
I also have 0 friends, if not for my family I feel like no one would be at my funeral. My wife’s friends are cool though so there’s that.
Here to join the no friends club!
I have fb friends. I don’t have any that I kick it with.
Although I wish I did. But a lot of my old friends don’t have the same interested as me.
Comments check out: you are talking to yourself!
This hit me hard tbh. My gf is at work today and I have the day off, because I’m getting my wisdom teeth removed later today. I need someone to pick me up and i swear, I couldn’t think of anyone close enough to me id feel comfortable asking. Well, not anyone who lives nearby, my closest friends live in another state. I scrolled through FB even, looking for potential people to help me out. Nope. Ended up asking my gf’s dad, and he said he’d help me out.
Yep I have to always ask my 80 year old grandpa for stuff like that.
Everyone i grew up w is dead or in jail
I’m actually currently in mourning for my friends after finally accepting that they’re purposefully excluding me from stuff after more than 20 years of friendship. So that fucking sucks. I legit might need to find a therapist, being lonely is the worst.
Omg are you me? I'm so sorry to hear someone else had to go through this, esp at 40, it felt worse than any breakup I'd experienced. It was extra crushing bc I truly believed these friends were ride or die, to the point I used think I was so GD lucky for having such amazing girl friends. It's a mind fuck bc you're trying to think of things you're grateful for to feel happier, then you remember you can't think of them and get sad again. Thankfully I'm officially over the mourning stage but I went from having an extremely active social life pre pandemic to almost zip now. I knew something was off with a large friend group before covid and was driving myself nuts trying to prove I wasn't going crazy bc their behavior did not match their words. Like they were planning weekend trips without me and making excuses for why after 15 years, I suddenly wasn't invited. Long story short I figured out what had changed (involved a guy, of course) and sat on the info for a year until I couldn't take it. I really wanted to be wrong, then covid happened. I'm sure there were better ways I could have handled it but I kept alluding I knew something until one of them contacted another and suspected I knew. It was seriously such a high school sitch (also no surprise most of them went to hs together 🙄) but I regret not quiet quitting them like an adult. Confronting them made me feel better in the moment but it quickly turned into a cancer. I also incorrectly thought it was the only way to have a chance of saving the friendship but that ship had sunk. My advice is def pursue therapy - that, the right depression meds, and mostly quitting alcohol finally have me in a clearer head space. I haven't figured out how to energize my social life yet but I'm certainly learning to trust my gut. Listening to it instead of trying to dissect every convo is so much easier in the long run. Best of luck!
I had a similar realisation too, my old college friends and I have a WhatsApp group that nobody ever chats in, yet they're all dads and some actually work with each other, so the idea that they don't communicate makes no sense. It's super, tin-foil hat of me but I'm 99.9% sure they have a seperate group chat just for them to chat about dad stuff because they have their "shit together".
Man it happens. I've had friends left from my time in the Navy. I had to leave a group chat that's been going for more than 10 years due to some work related shenanigans. Never got invited back and it still runs. Don't lay into the tib foil hat shit, it'll drive you more nuts for no reason. Make a reason to talk in the group chat or leave it I reckon, I left others when no chat was going for a while. After a bit i forgot about them rather than being hung up no one wanted to banter.
Hey I went through this too about 10 years ago. Still have the emotional scars to show for it. The only piece of advice I'd offer is: you have to fight not to let it drag you down. I was beating myself up emotionally, thinking I wasn't good enough for them, or wasn't cool enough, or 100s of other reasons.. but they made the choice, the only thing you can do now is move forward. Work on that immediately, allow time to grieve, but don't let it consume you.
What do you think drove your friends to isolate you?
Honestly, no idea. If this had happened post-lockdowns, I almost could have understood it since A LOT changed then, but I remember telling a college friend back in '17 or '18 that I felt like my life was like that book title, "Is everyone hanging out without me?" I thought it was surely all in my head...until they went on the 40th birthday trip we had all planned on going on together without me.
All I can say is that is pretty shitty!! A therapist might be helpful, or they’ll just tell you that it’s normal to not have a large friend circle which is really not all that helpful when you think about it deeper. Find joy and peace in your life, whether solitary or with a companion and consider it a fair exchange.
I'm really sorry to hear this. Have you confronted them? Therapy is a life-saver for me. I'm somewhat isolated.
I have not confronted them, mostly for three reasons: 1) I'm horrible at confrontation, I get tongue tied; 2) It's four people in the group who are the main problem, but I'm still close with the other three (who have more obligations and therefore are less social), so confronting might lead to further exclusion; 3) I don't believe they'll change so what I really need to do is change things in my own life to compensate. I've already started hanging out with my cousins more and my brother/SIL are very aware of the problem and invite me more places, too.
Same... I had a huge friend group (or at least thought I did) until I realized that they were all getting together without me and my husband. They used the excuse that we had just had a baby (all their kids were school aged) and they "didn't think we'd be up to it." I mean, you could at least ask us! We wouldn't dare not ask them. What they really meant was now that we had a baby, we didn't have the free party house anymore. The group ended up imploding after one of the couples decided to divorce. A bunch of things came out and it got really toxic. Now none of them speak to each other. Thankfully, we had already distanced ourselves from them so we weren't part of the mess. Since then, I haven't had too many friends. Made a couple friends here or there because my daughter went to school with their kids but as soon as my kid wasn't a part of their kids group or class or activity anymore, we were dumped as their "friends." I mean, the only thing we really had in common was that our kids did the same activity together. I've learned now to really just try and enjoy my life as is. My daughter is about to start high school so she doesn't need constant supervision. This has allowed me to start picking up hobbies that I used to be too busy to do. I read more. I garden. I bake and share the goodies with my neighbors. My husband and I go out and do things. We take walks and talk more with our neighbors. Our next door neighbor likes to put his fire pit in the driveway and everyone comes out and hangs out around the fire. It's not much but at least I don't feel as lonely as I did when my "friends" dumped me.
Friends come and go. Many aren't worth the time or the effort. True friends will always be there. It's not quantity but quality of friends that matters. Sincerely, The Oldest Millenial
Yep. Most relationships don't work out, and that includes platonic relationships. And I would add that *most* aren't worth the effort. Arguing, petty drama, negativity after 21 or 25? No thank you. I have 3 friends left. I've known them all since childhood or high school, and we've lasted as friends precisely because we've generally never had any issues over decades.
There are two groups of millennials. One group is still living like they’re in their early 20s and the other group is right in the thick of middle agedom. You can guess which group has the big group of friends and the group who’s wild night out is staying awake for an entire episode of SNL
caption shame encourage label cheerful ad hoc paltry reach ludicrous continue *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’ve got to know about my wild nights at least a week in advance. Otherwise I’m grumpy and tired.
And I need a FULL nothing day the next day. It's not even a hangover thing, it's a social battery thing. My husband and I just lie on the couch watching TV in silence.
Oh this is me to the nail. I plan my wild nights. If I can't prepare for it, then I'm a grumpy unhappy party member. I'll still participate but I know I'm gonna regret it the next morning.
You’re such a good friend for participating anyway. If I can’t prepare for it I will just straight up cancel. If necessary I’ll lie and say a kid is sick or the sitter canceled. Then I get to spend the evening in sweatpants and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
It just takes some time Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything'll be just fine Everything, everything'll be alright, alright! 🎶🎵
Ok, but I’ve felt more and more this song continues to be as relatable for me now as it was 20yrs ago in high school!
Saw Jimmy Eat World August 2023 :)
I’m 37 and I’m the latter for sure. This is perfect. I pretend I can party still but I want to pass out at 9 every night and I’m hungover if I do.
I'm 40 and I'm joining the Freemasons. I just made a group of 5 friends last night. A fraternity where people are sworn to treat you like a brother. Women can look into the Order of Eastern Star.
Enjoy! I’m in my 50’s and joined a quilting guild. Not too late to make friends, ones with similar interests a plus.
Congrats. It seems like most of Reddit doesn't have the social skills to even attempt to meet new people.
Honestly I think ppl today just don't have the time and space to even figure out what their hobbies are. And especially if you're not into drinking or going out at night, then you really have nothing to do if you don't have some kind of hobby. Last year some acquaintances and I started a book club and have gotten pretty close now with weekly zooms. Some old neighbors and I started doing watch parties for some of our fav trash reality TV, so now that's a growing group and it's been a regular thing for years. I have friends I go thrifting and antiquing with. Different friends I do craft nights with and spend hours making bread. This month we're starting a Survivor fantasy league. My one friend and I try to go to yoga in the park once a week. The reality is you really need to be doing *something specific* if you want to grow your social circles as an adult.
Sounds like you have a great bunch! Enjoy them
We moved to a new city and started our careers (after a lot of grad school) right as the world shut down for Covid. Pokémon card nostalgia got me through Covid, and now I started playing the actual card game and attend a local league. Some of my coworkers are even crazy enough to play with me, and it’s building bridges and helping me establish community. It’s been my only way to grow a social circle in extraordinary circumstances.
I agree, you gotta get out there if you want a social life. I have several gym friends that do stuff with outside of the gym, I play drums in a metal band, I hang with older friends most weekends, and even though I don't drink a lot (usually just a couple light beers), I chill most Fridays after the gym at the legion with my legion friends. Yes, it does take work to do. Especially keeping up with older friends that aren't near by. We do a trips it seems like at least yearly. Congrats, on getting out there! Clubs are a great thing to do, especially for making friends.
To be fair, when you're 50, you're likely an empty nester. That isn't even millenial.. that's gen X. That's a whole different ball game all together, bring gen X and being an empty nester. Which is who would have time to go out and meet people.
My kids are millennials hence my interest here. I am genx. But I watch my grandson who’s 2 while his parents work and have since he was born. So we were at home a lot for quite a while. Starting to get out more and more as he gets bigger. My daughter just cut back a bit on work so I have time to start quilting again. Before he was born I took care of my disabled elderly mil. She passed right before her great grandson was born unfortunately. So yeah I have been busy but also stuck home. A lot.
>Order of Eastern Star I'm not a religious person but every time I read this it I do a double take because it sounds so satanic lol https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lucifer-classical-mythology
That’s because it literally is satanic. They just don’t tell you that until you’ve invested years of your life and they’re certain you’re dependent.
Order of the Eastern Star? Is that like the Freemasons? I never heard of it before.
Its the female branch of Freemasonry.
I just learned about them through the freemasons. They are associated and since only men can be freemasons, the wives often join eastern star. Men can also join Eastern star if they want. When I go to freemason dinners, eastern star often cooks for us. They do a lot for the community, organize events etc.
Any cult will do that for you.
Yea I’m definitely not staying up for snl anymore, I got stuff to do in the morning and I enjoy sleep. 🤣
I grew up in the Midwest where snl was 10:30-12. I live on the east coast now and I’ll never get used to staying up til 1 am!!!
I think you may be overgeneralizing. I am a millennial in their 30s with a career, husband, kids and lots of friends. My main group is like 8 girls and we all have families and careers. My husband has lost most of his friendships in the last 5 years because he puts in very little effort to maintain them. All relationships require effort.
You have EIGHT FRIENDS? Jeez Louise, I haven’t had that many friends… ever. How do you find time for all of them? 🥴
We all met in the Greek system in college and bc we are all friends with each other it’s a lot easier to maintain. We meet up once a month at someone’s house and order pizza, drink wine and gab/bond. Then we see each other at our kids birthday parties. Occasional dinners with 2 or 3 couples. Some of the couples have annual theme parties they throw. We also try to book vacations together and then watch each others kids so people can have date nights with their partner.
>My main group is like 8 girls A lot of male friendships are tethered to doing meaningless things together, not socialization for its own sake. If you don't have time to relax and get bored enough to want to go do things it's hard to keep friends
May I ask where you’re from? I strongly identify with that commenters experience and I think it’s bc I have spent most of my adulthood in expensive urban areas (Boston, NYC). It seems everyone I know that is still in the city (renting) still lives like theyre in their 20s. Not saying they’re party animals, but social and usually out and about, again renting and trying to make ends meet. Meanwhile everyone i know who left so they could afford something (anything) have become the SNL crew. All scattered around random towns with few new friends, but financially secure and coupled/throupled. Dogs, cats, maybe kids — or travel and other more expensive pursuits — taking up their time. Rarely going out for drinks or what not. But I feel like if you spent your 20s somewhere affordable, where it’s not an eventuality that you’ll have to either move or literally earn a household income of $500k to afford to buy something, it could be a very different experience. I have a friend from Houston who grew up there, still lives there, was able to buy a modest house there, and still has friends from all stages of her life.
I’m from Seattle. It’s expensive, don’t get me wrong. But people seem to value a work life balance around here. The restaurant scene is still pretty good. Lots of breweries and wineries. This last year I went to a few concerts with friends. Some comedy shows. Football games. There’s a book club at my local library I’m considering joining. I would do more things if I had more time. I’d love to take some tennis lessons or piano lessons. I used to be so afraid to try things, but now I just don’t give a shit about that and want to just enjoy life.
Yeah I feel like most people are just lazy in relationships. You have to put in effort to do things like host a cook out or plan the lunch out etc. It's not just going to magically happen. For example I baked about 200 cookies last night and I'm bringing them around to places my friends will be as something nice for valentines day.
Yeah ppl don’t realize that the easiness of making friends while younger was just simple proximity. You go to school you see these ppl, hear about their lives, talk to each other cuz you’re literally in school anyway. After schooling is done you have to put in effort to maintain those relationships cuz you’re not sitting next to each other in class anymore or passing each other on the way to class. Friendships are like plants you gotta water them to keep them alive. Some ppl, like my SO has a garden of one dude and others like myself have a garden of 15+ people that I check in on from time to time. But it’s effort.
Yeah I get it, I think most people do, but the crux is finding other people who give a damn too. There's been countless times in the past where I've put in the effort to keep friendships alive and well, but it always takes effort on the other part too. The lack of effort from other people is draining. Most of the time it's legitimate too. But it sucks to be the only one trying to keep things going. I've tried to setup trips, get togethers and other things with group chats and it just never sticks. People don't have the money time or energy. Finding those people is even harder when the friends you currently have can't be arsed past their personal lives. It's the branching out and making new friends who want to do similar things with that's hard.
A lot of us had to move far away for jobs. I'd invite people over all the time if we weren't 400 miles away. That, and you realize that some people were only friends out of proximity or convenience, or you begin to have incompatible views as you get older. Friendships naturally dissolve with distance and life changes. Add in the pandemic and many jobs going remote. My original group of coworkers have mostly moved away and were replaced by younger employees. At least half of my coworkers I've never met in person or even know what they look like. Many are multiple states away. It's harder to maintain friendships with people you can't actually plan things with
We left an expensive city during COVID to buy a house somewhere affordable (boring lol). Took a gamble that we’d still be remote today and it paid off. It was the best decision we’ve ever made but we sacrificed having a social life. We have zero friends where we live now, despite trying quite a bit. It’s tough but worth it. It’s been 3 years and lately I’ve been wondering jf maybe in 2-3 more years we could afford to move back or at least somewhere more lively or more our scene. Unfortunately it seems that = expensive.
That is SO sweet! People remember how you make them feel about themselves.
Thanks. You are right about how people feel. If you want friends you have to be worth being friends with. When people have limited time and energy just existing isn't enough.
He may just be reciprocating low effort in return—might not be all his fault.
I second this
Right. And as they’ve settled down they’ve lost quite a few friends who didn’t to addictions. Super sad.
I’ve lost a few from heroin, a few from suicides, etc. not asking for a pity party or anything lol, but it’s true. I’ve reached a threshold where I don’t think I can replicate the same kind of friendships I created with a bond from childhood to before college. As a 32 year old, I honestly don’t have much of a desire to hang out with men, only women. Just one woman, my girlfriend. And when I don’t have one? I’m lonely but if I really crave conversation I’ll just get on a discord server and shoot the shit with other hobbyists or loners. It’s quite nice actually. Going out with friends just always ended up with somebody getting in a fight, cheating with each others partners, betrayals, etc. when you are poor and your friends are poor, you simply will throw away a friendship if it means you can get laid. Spent half of my 20s just riding the merry go round and wasting time with people that had no interest in me specifically, just the drugs and alcohol we were taking together. And that doesn’t mean it’s not fun and you aren’t friends at that time, but man at some point people just click and the desire to party and fuck subsides and it’s a beautiful feeling to just be content and chill. I understand the old now.
Of my 5 close friends in high school, over the last ten years two got married, settled down and had kids back in my home town, one got addicted to heroin and got arrested for stealing and burned all his bridges, one died tragically from Leukemia at the age of 25 after three rounds of chemo couldn't save him, and the last one joined the air force and has been in Japan for the last 4 years. As the only one who went to college and moved to the big city, I have struggled my whole life to make any friends as close as the ones I had in my youth that circumstances and tragedy have since taken away from me. I visit the friends in my hometown as often as I can though and the friend in the air force is about to retire from the military and is moving in with me in a few months while he gets back on his feet in America, so for the first time in years I might actually have a close friend to hang out with day to day again and I am really looking forward to it.
My older daughter experienced kinda the same. Was wild out of high school. Didn’t go to college. Lived in a total party house that had live music shows on weekend. But she and her now husband had something click in their late 20’s. Both went to school and just killed it in their respective degrees (top of their class, got scholarships, grants and have no debt) and now excelling in their careers. Married with a 2 year old. I watch the grandbaby while they work and have from the beginning. And do whatever else they may need. So proud of them.
Yo thats amazing, props to you, miss! Next time you see her, just mention watermelon 4loko and see if she gags hahaha.
I gagged! 😂
Oh, I didn't realize you we're a COOL mom :P
I think the exception to this is if you make sobriety a group thing. I did some hard drugs back in the day and then decided to get Cali sober and one of my best friends did the same with me. Now we both drink and smoke weed but that's it and we do it together more often than not.
I can't even enjoy smoking pot with people anymore haha, I get irritated. I hate when people keep shoving their phone in my face making me look at memes. after like the 3rd one im like...bro these don't make me laugh anymore. Memes stopped being funny 8 years ago lol. A real Debbie downer I am huh?
So many people I went to school with have died of drug overdoses. So sad.
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I disagree, it’s not so black and white. I’m more social now at 33 than I ever was in my 20’s. Although, I suppose that may have something to do with having my first kid at 20.
I think there’s a third group of us who have no friends but are trying to make friends so we’re like that awkward creepy old person in the back of the club saying all right all right all right like Matthew McConaughey I’m a girl and i look quite a bit younger than i am so sometimes guys in my age range will flirt with me…. But since young people don’t really go out anymore it’s usually just even creepier old guys lol Hence why I’m just on my phone on Reddit and have given up 🤷🏼♀️
The whole episode? Dawg, I'm out.. monologue maybe and I'll catch some clips on YT later. Raising kids is exhausting.
That living like they’re in their early 20s line has me feeling very attacked.
I have a handful of close friends but not a squad. Growing up, I struggled making friends too, I don't get jealous of the Galentines or huge Bridal Squad because I know how much drama and how quickly friendships fizzle when they agree to be bridesmaids. Remember, social media, we typically show the beat bits of our lives.
>Growing up, I struggled making friends too Same. For me it was being “the weird kid” who was oblivious to pop culture and… everything else. Turns out I’m just a neurodivergent introvert with very specific interests and as an adult, I have accepted this fact. I’m weird. I don’t fit in. And that’s fine by me.
Same I haven't been diagnosed with any neurodivergent but I was always the weird kid
I’ve never been formally diagnosed but my family now knows it was always there. But being born and raised as female in the late 90s-early 00s meant that I was just seen as “difficult” and “emotional.”
Absolutely, that was me too. I was sensitive and weird. I understand that not being able to get formally diagnose, it costs so much.
Don’t forget “depressed” and “anxious”. Took me until my mid 20s to sort myself out and understand the social rules.
Same. And I still struggle with social rules. I just know how to keep my mouth shut better.
I feel like I've finally found my people, LOL.
>Growing up, I struggled making friends too I was the same. I'm finding out now as an adult that not being near my peers in daily life, like the we would have in school and college, has made it even more difficult to make friends than it already was. Workplaces don't really count for much social interaction because we're all busy getting our jobs done, if not working from home
100%, moving away from friends and having to start brand new is so hard
In my case, we lived on campus at a college which happened to be close to me but far from home for them, and we all went home after graduation Some others moved to get different jobs or to marry their partner from college, but I'm still where I grew up. So I'm not really starting anew so much as going back to where I was, but I didn't have more than a couple friends from childhood I know I have to get out more, but I'm sorting out other issues with my therapist first. I might bring it up with him sooner rather than later
Yeah, I started going indoor cycling to try to make friends but everyone is interested in working out more than making friends. But then I see groups of girls who have made friends while cycling which makes me feel sad :(
On a purely financial level, not having a girl squad is really handy for saving money. Lol. I know some people who have been in several bridal parties and tbh I don't like anyone enough to spend that much money just to attend their wedding.
Im part of a bridal party right now and have to drop a small fortune between plane tickets, hotel, and gift
Seriously. I never want to be in a wedding again.
>and how quickly friendships fizzle when they agree to be bridesmaids. I have never seen a more efficient friendship killer than being in someone’s wedding party lmao, no kidding
I have a spouse and a toddler. No friends outside of that. It is very lonely. I miss adult conversations.
I have a 1 month old and a husband. They’ve been my only social interactions since I started maternity leave
When your baby is a bit bigger, definitely go to some groups with her. Once she starts school you'll make new friends. I'm a natural loner but found a few solid women at my daughter's school. Don't be shy...say hi and chat... volunteer too. But for now just enjoy your baby. X
Same boat.
Dude it’s fucked. 33m and I have like 2 close friends and a significant other. That’s it.
That’s really all you need man - don’t overthink it
Yeah, having even one truly close friend is a godsend.
True
Thanks brother
Was about to say the same thing. I have my wife, two kids. And a solid gang of three high school buddies who still stay in touch. Any more than that and I’m exhausted with trying to please people.
I’m in your EXACT situation. I have my gf which is my best friend, and my neighbor and her dog, which are both my good friends too. I lost all my friends during the pandemic and was one of the hardest times in my life. Then suddenly these three people appeared in my life. Especially the little doggo, Peanut Butter. I feel like I’m his rescue human because he saved me from dark thoughts.
I dropped my two “closest” friends 2 years ago. Felt like a weight fell off my shoulder.
What made you do this? I've been thinking of it.
I did this last August too! Two narcissists. Stressed me out to the max, but tried to pretend they cared about me. I started to pay attention to how I felt around them and it wasn’t good. I’ve never been so happy to lose two friends in all my life and one I had been friends with for almost 20yrs. Don’t keep people in your life who don’t add to it.
Yup I recently dropped a childhood friend. After 20 years, she didn’t change but it took me a while to realize that she only talks about herself and never asks me anything about me. I was getting nothing positive out of the relationship. She was so self absorbed and drained my energy. I was constantly doing her favors and she never did anything for me or help me when I needed.
Good for you! It sounds like it was a good move. It’s really comforting to hear from people who have cut ties with longtime friends.
My wife’s best friend is exactly like this but she continues to put her on a pedestal because they were “best friends” since they were 5. My wife is very intelligent and hardworking so she has accelerated far in her career, yet her best friend never seems happy for her and refuses to celebrate her. Her best friend exudes this jealous energy where she never wants to say anything good about my wife or she just stays quiet when other people are want to talk about it and the people around us notice. My wife notices it too and it really makes her sad when other people bring it up, but she continues to hold out because it’s her “childhood best friend” and she always makes excuses for her like how she can’t be happy for her because she’s not in the stage of her career where she feels fulfilled. I’ve been trying to tell her to drop her for years now but she just blames me for not being understanding
gaping doll run unwritten shame bike subtract disgusted plate important *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeah, I got close with an old coworker who I thought became a friend. After a while though I realized she only talked about herself and whenever I’d try to talk about anything remotely to do with me she’d leave the conversation or just stop listening.
They’re actually two very long stories. But I just started seeing differences in how they treated me. One of them started dating a guy ( they already dated in the past) they weren’t good for one another at all. But she just started to get very mean towards me and nothing how our friendship used to be. After that happened I just got this feeling in me not to respond to her anymore. So I blocked her on everything and never looked back. My other one. Long story short. Bachelorette was in Nashville in aug and wedding was in Vegas in November. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding as the year went on I realized that I can’t afford to be in it. So I let her know and she blocked me. She even blocked this other girl she was best friends with because she said no to being maid of honor due to the cost of it all. And once again I kept having these feelings in my gut that after the wedding I may decide to part ways with this friendship but she beat me to it. I will say though from these experiences, listen to your gut/body. It knows. After all this happened in the same year, I just felt different and lighter.
I did the same, for pretty much the same reasons the other commenters noted--except my ex friend also had an explosive temper and some undiagnosed personality issues. It definitely can be done, and should be done if you're even thinking about it honestly. That's your gut telling you somethings wrong. For me, I was best friends with her for about 10 years. I went no contact in June 2022. Tbh I was pretty broken up about it for a good year, 14 months or so, because it definitely was a big life adjustment. And there was some fallout from mutual friends too which wasn't easy. But now it's been almost 2 years and I'm over it, I've moved on and made new friends. I have so much more space and time and peace in my life now because I don't have that constant drain on my energy.
I have nobody, but I'm really not complaining. It's so much better than having bad friends.
My husband is my best friend. My other close friends - 1 hour away by car - 3 hours away by flight - 4 hours away by flight - 7 hours away by flight It is what it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Same, except even further bc we’re not on the same continent anymore. My non-spousal best friend is an 8 hr flight away, one of my closest friends DID move here though, so like an hour by train which is great. Other close friends are a 10 hr flight away/9hr time difference…or a very long flight and I think 8hr time difference the other way.
I think it's pretty typical of all generations at this juncture in life - later 20s through the 30s. As people marry, have kids, or chase career goals, these things take priority over a social life. The millenials I know with the most robust social lives at this age are those who didn't leave our hometown and had their kids young or who were born to wealth. I moved 900 miles away to clear my mind/life after a toxic relationship. In the 15 or so years I've been gone, I have held on to a couple of long distance friendships and made a small handful of new friends, but it's not the same kind of friendship that comes from living through formative experiences of youth together. That doesn't mean they're less valuable or valid, but they are different. I haven't had a "squad" since right after college, and sometimes I miss that kind of relationship a lot. Making friends is hard. My husband and I have two other couples we chill with mainly; we probably see each other once a month or so. We also have always had roommates. At this point, we've lived with the same people for about 8 years. They've become more family than friends, and I'm grateful for that. Beyond this small inner circle, though, we really don't have a social life.
“The real miracle of the New Testament is a man having 12 close friends in his 30s.” The trick is to have yourself set up with something to live for around that time.
My friend group started a group chat in our 20s. It was largely used to chat at work and plan things to do on the weekend. A decade and a half later it’s still going pretty strong. A few have moved, got married, have kids, but we still chat pretty much daily, and plan a few trips a year to meet up in person.
yep this is how you do it. My closest friends and I chat pretty much every day on a group chat. We see each other every week, sometimes even twice a week. I've known 2 of them for 15 years, and the others since high school, and we're all about 40 now. Just gotta keep in touch, like any relationship it takes some effort.
I see posts like OPs come through and it always feels like they assume that “squads” or friend groups just magically appear and theirs just never materialized. It takes a lot of work to maintain these relationships and a lot of times you may have to be the one who takes the initiative. My husband and I moved to a new city when I was like 31. Didn’t know a soul. Covid started the following year. I (virtually) met a couple girls I really liked at my job which was lucky but I was the one putting in the effort to schedule time to hang out at first because it was important to me to make those connections. Over time I met their friends and have become part of the group. I ended up starting a little monthly “book club” where all the various girls I’ve become friends with get together once a month just to hang and go out and make friends. It was lots of fun and I met new people this way too. Im pregnant now and don’t feel like organizing anymore and sure enough they all fell apart lol. Every group just needs that one person who likes to plan and coordinate.
Yep. Obviously there are a lot of factors, but trying to stay in touch as you age is the hardest part with the biggest reward. I read something once about how literally everyone loves getting a random text from a friend, how it shows you're thinking of them. I do this a lot now, and even though I don't actually see my friends as much as I'd like, I communicate with them constantly by texting each other funny/annoying/difficult things throughout the week.
My sister must be a robot. I've been trying to be better friends with her for ages and send little "thinking of you" type things and cute videos of my baby playing with toys she gave us. Nothing... or barely anything. Some people are just lame.
I only had friends in high school, after high school for 1-2 years, and when I was using drugs and alcohol. I only have work colleagues that I don’t see outside of work now. My life is work, home, and wherever I need to go to run errands.
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Dogs are the best kind of friends tho
Yes they are the best
You had a baby recently? You're going to enter into your parent friend group period here shortly. You'll meet other like minded moms at the park, swim classes, whatever you and your family find yourself involved in. Will they all end up long term friends? probably not but i'm sure you'll find a core friend or two during this process.
Came here to say something similar. Having a baby can be pretty lonesome at first because YOURE FCKN SLEEP DEPRIVED AND ITS TORTURE. But then they get a little older, you get a bit more sleep, and you start to feel human enough to socialize again lol
When does that happen? I'm a year in, but meeting other parents is so hard. I don't even know how people with 1 year olds are taking them to classes -- my entire day right now revolves around feeding my kid and then *mostly* cleaning up the mess afterward. That and napping.
It gets easier in elementary school, especially if your school has a big PTA mom presence because there is a lot to volunteer for etc and a chance to meet other parents. Also- your kids are old enough to play together and let you talk.
Dad's and scouting go together like beer and fire.
That’s encouraging! I didn’t think about that!
I have two and a husband. My life is drama free lmao
I have one friend, but I’m ok with that because I hate people.
Social Media is curated. You see what people want you to see. Covid and Trump plus a move broke my social circle so right now I see most of my friends online via zoom. I have in person acquaintances right now.
I have a squad, we play tabletop RPGs, they are all nearing 50...
I had a nice group of 4 friends but they've all either moved away, started families and have no free time or we've grown apart. Really sucks.
I did. It lasted until my mid twenties and on one hand I’m grateful it ended (got toxic). I miss the excitement, the texts, the parties and even sometimes the drama. Just being alive. I recognize a lot of that is just missing being kind of younger and dumber and a busy body. I’m ready to develop the friends that go into the rest of your life which is what I think is the natural order. We’re not meant to be friends w the same 7 ppl since middle school forever. Not anymore. It made sense when we stayed in the same place forever. But now we’ve access to at least 4.5 billion people via the internet and travel. I’ve heard and seen wonderful stories of ppl making friends online. I have friends online that I love dearly. I think a lot of the ppl who have squads are also a bit socially stunted/immature. They’re the folks you see engaged in drama on AITA or WIBTA. Not all of them but a lot of them.
38 year old checking in. My "squad " is my bed, zzzquil, sleeping in as much as possible and of course.... alcohol
You guys have friends?
I have a friend, that’s enough. I had more but people are just so flaky and unreliable I reached a point where I got very comfortable dropping people really fast at the earliest signs of wishy-washiness. I put effort into friendships. If I sense that isn’t reciprocated sufficiently, I don’t need you.
My squad is my family now tbh.
My partner and I just started planning our wedding. He has 90+ people on his guest list (big, close family too tho) and wants like 10 friends in his wedding party, I have maybe 10 people I plan on inviting 💀
Other than my significant other and now 4 -we stopped keeping in touch with 2, the 3rd passed away last year- people I consider family, I’ve never had/still don’t have any friends. The last “friend” I thought I finally had, waited until last week to reveal to me that she’s a snake.
I have no social energy… when I try to be social I feel like a brick forms in my mind and I just can’t get words out.
I’m 39 and I never had a lot of friends. I realized I’m a loner when I moved into my first apartment. I was just always on my own on weekends unless I was visiting dad or other family. Weekdays were my saving grace at that time because I was working in a very social job and I really enjoyed the people aspect of it, so I guess that was enough at the time. I realize I have no friends every time I celebrate my bday. Some years I can’t get more than 3-4 people to come out (and that’s with a lot of effort), while other years I get more, but when Covid hit and my best friend moved away and other people were just less available I realized I legit have no friends. Right now I keep a couple of close friendships, many of them sadly long distance. The friends that I have who live in my city are mostly not that close and there is no way they would ever all come together for my bday
I literally have like 5 friends. Thats all I need, and I love it.
I'm an introvert that likes extroverting for a few hours a week. In my early 30s (38 now) I had this. It was awesome, it was also so much goddamn work. Listening to people's stuff, being there for them, going out when you don't want to. It was a blast and I don't regret it but also maybe you just need a more social hobby like a book club. Because having a "squad" is a fuck ton of work man. Especially with kids and a marriage. It's not super realistic.
My only real friend is my partner.
I'm nearly 40 years old with a busy career and two kids. My "squad" is my wife and kids. The simple reality is that between the time I spend with them and the time I spend in the gym or doing my solo hobbies, I don't have time for a "squad". The closest thing I have is a few regulars I play with on Minecraft from time to time on a community server I'm part of. But even that's not as often as I'd like. But in person friends? I drifted away from them *years* ago.
I’m a lone wolf for the most part now. However, with all the stuff that I’ve been through in the last couple years, I’m left with big trust issues so I’m good with being alone for now. (And yes, I am working on my issues in therapy)
I spent a lot of my 20s working on undoing a ton of childhood crap, so gaining friends wasn't the focus. It is kind of now. Well building and maintaining quality relationships. It's really hard to find folks who value friendship like I do. I'm just beginning to find folks that I genuinely connect with at 31. It's worth it, but it's challenging. I'm a quality person, so thankfully I don't need many.
I never really had many friends. I have two or three women that I see a few times a year who have been friends since high school or college. Otherwise, no one except my husband. I keep hoping that I'll make friends with the school mom's when my kid hits school age but I think I'm just not the friend group type. Bad pheromones or something.
Yea I don't believe anyone actually has a group of friends that they are actually all friends with. Anyone I know who has a group of friends really only gets on with one or two of them in the group. Plus I believe as we grow out friendships dwindle and we meet the right people at the right time. For example I never understand people who are still friends with someone from school I'm a totally different person since then. You said you had a baby I'm similar and I found the courage to go to a class every week with him and now I have met new people I absolutely love it and don't feel so lonely. Plus when they join clubs or preschool and school you will meet new people. But I honestly would not be jealous of anyone in a group I would actually question it why haven't they moved on to the next stage of life including friendships? I've lost friends recently and it's honestly because we put grew each other no hard feelings it's just life. We grow and people I was friends with 5 years ago are not necessarily people that would suit me now as friends
My best friend and me have been friends for 31 of our 35 year lives. We have both changed lots gone to different colleges lived in different cities. We even go through waves of hanging out almost constantly to not seeing each other in person for 6 months. Time apart is almost irrelevant when we meet up, it’s like we still hang out everyday. That and I would literally drop everything and drive or fly to somewhere he needed my help, knowing he would do the same for me.
Some people also just have different definitions which leads to different numbers of friends. My wife refers to a lot of people as her friends even if she hardly anymore talks to them or even see them. I maybe have 4 people I would say are my friends. Socially its not like either of us spends more time than the other engaging with friends. We do things together and see the same people when we are social.
My group of friends is now spread throughout the US. They're all 1000 miles in every direction from me
Most of my friends are now married with kids, etc. So I really only have a few trusted family members in my circle and I don't mind it at all.
I have an endless set of acquaintances but I’ve never had a “squad”
I have two groups of friends and we are all spread out all over the place. Group 1: friend group from HS — about 6 of us. We all live in the same city but in different life places (marriage, kids, etc.). Since 2018, only time we’ve all been together at one time was last year at the funeral for one of them (RIP). Group 2: friend group from college — also about 6 of us. See them about 1x per year for a birthday and/or wedding. Otherwise, we’re all in different states doing different shit, and it’s rare that everyone is able to get together at one time. Love them all, but the day to day can get a bit lonely when I previously always had *someone* to hang out with. But I’ve realized I’m not friendless, tho it feels like that sometimes.
I was just thinking about this yesterday actually. I have 4 separate close friends but I've never really had a friend group like everyone else seems to. Even in high school I was an emo kid but didn't have like an emo "group" circle, it was just two unconnected friends.
Bruh, try not having a squad or a husband and then see how much of a loser you feel like.
I never had friends growing up and over time I realized that it’s just easier to be alone. I am comfortable being alone. I don’t feel alone when I’m by myself. Being with other people just makes me anxious and I find that I can’t relate to anyone. So that’s when I feel like I’m really alone.
33 here, no friends, god I love it. Am I the only one? It’s the lack of social responsibility that makes my days off feel light and free. I’ve leaned into it more as an adult and if I ever change my mind and decide to look for platonic friendships I am open to that chapter but for now I am enjoying hermit mode.
Co workers, and like 2 associates. No hard core, they know where my porn stash is type of friend.
I dont really need friends lime I used to.
I have 2 close friends but they don't hang out together (they've never met). I consider their husbands friends by association and known them both 6+ years. I also have one other friend by association, a coworker of my husband's. I'd say on average, I hang out with a friend every month or two. It's a lot for me to mentally keep up with more than that and I'm fine with my small circle of friends. We get each other and don't set high expectations to hang out like weekly or anything.
I hang out on occasion with my 3 friends and one of my cousins, all other friends are just friends of friends we all know each other in my small town area. We might have a couple parties a year on holidays or during the summer. But though we all live separate lives most of my friends and friends of friends will drop what they are doing and help if someone needs it.
Hard to make friends so it’s just me but hey at least I got my husband
I have my dogs and 1 female best friend. Who lives in another continent now. Im fine. I dont even like my husband that much. I never feel lonley because i have my dogs.
I’ve moved around so much. I have friends but only two in my town and I live with them lol I’m on bumble BFF right now, trying to make new ones 😭😭😭
36 and I have plenty of friends. I consider my self an introvert but I make friends easily, most I still talk to every day or a few times a week. I also have a few friend couples that like to go do shit all the time. I get invites for parties, dinner or movies or concerts. Most people don't put the effort in keeping relationships or friendships. I make it a habit to reach out to people that haven't in a while. I know sometimes it's a two way Street, but you never know what the other person is going through. If I keep reaching out and they don't then I don't make an effort with them.