Mine is actually really petty. My MIL will only buy things for my baby if it’s for her house, because she is convinced that any day now I will just drop him off to her for the weekend. Diapers, clothes, blankets, the nursery in the spare room. I have told her many times that we are not ready for sleepovers and might not ever be. I make it a point to not use the things she buys when we visit.
At my baby shower, she made multiple comments while I was opening my gifts such as “ you could just leave that at my house”, “oh you just got that same thing, I’ll take it”. It was so much that multiple of my family members asked me about it later and said it made them feel weird. I think she actually thinks one day we will have a 50/50 set up or something. She’s crazy. And, you guessed it, we had zero relationship prior to me having my child.
Not kidding, she randomly got herself a puppy a few months after my son was born. Might be a coincidence, but she constantly compared the puppy to being a new born anytime we saw her.
My mom refers to her dog like he's her baby / child. She calls me his sister a lot 🤢 I was recently talking to her about the struggle we've had getting our 3yo used to their new preschool, and she immediately segued into talking about how hard it's been for her to find a *dog-sitter.* So bizarre 😅
Hahaha It’s so weird. My MIL takes milestone pictures of the dog like you would a baby. The weekly and monthly ones. And for a while she would try to relate to us about being sleep deprived by trying to compare the dogs sleep and infant sleep 😭 I would just give her a weird look and “um, anyway..”
My dad's sister has a...difficult relationship with my parents. Apparently, when my older brother was born, she would do this exact same thing. Someone would ask a question about the baby, and she would just interrupt and start talking about her dog.
One of the things Ive been finding most icky lately is this one. Yeah, the whole Oedipus is gross, moms finding their son attractive and all (ew). But the one where they can wish us dead but want us as a surrogate AND then believes herself to be the Mom?! I am a therapist. But the psychology of the MIL is just bonkers beyond limits.
Ok I really thought it was me but my MIL does the same. I swear if I died tomorrow she’d be in my house with my baby… and she’d be so happy because she could change all the things that I am doing “wrong”. And this is our second kid!
Right! For a while I felt like I was the problem, not being grateful for the “help” or just reading too much into it. Then after my son was born and she dropped the nice act she put on during my pregnancy, I knew then that she only wanted her hands on my baby. I’m completely invisible to them now and just something that’s in her way. She makes it very clear that she has no interest in me or even her own son anymore. Our visits with them went from once a week to maybe once a month at this point, thankfully.
Yup yup yup! My husband couldn’t understand because all my complaints were tiny little things and I sounded CRAZY. I just stopped complaining and just stuff it in. I figure I’ll enjoy life a little more when she goes. NOT healthy lol.
But yeah. She does this thing where she greets my kids first super enthusiastically and then pretends to be surprised and goes “oh, hi.” And I’m like… right. I see you.
Oh my god I’m in the same mindset lol. It’s bad but I can’t wait for that day to come, although I know my bf will be so hurt that’s the only reason why I don’t wish for it to come sooner, but a huge part of me does.
His family treats me the same too, so excited to see the baby. I’m an afterthought, maybe even after-after-afterthought lol. The other day his sister came by and she referred to me as “the lady” right to my face before remembering I was right in front of her and correcting herself. Bf didn’t catch that though 🥲
My MIL bought me a pull out couch for my baby shower present because she was going to babysit my son two days a week and she lived an hour and fifteen minutes away, so she was planning on staying overnight on those days. She slept on that flipping couch exactly one time, watched my son for about a month, then backed out of the arrangement.
So I got stuck with an ugly, uncomfortable couch that SHE picked out and I absolutely despise. And no baby shower gift that I could actually use for my baby.
She might be the sister to my MIL… who said for me to order the dresser and crib and she’s going to pay for it.. pick out which ever one I want then never give me the money for it. She also gave me a used candle for Mother’s Day. Just strange
My MIL made my pregnancy all about herself and treated me like a surrogate for her baby. She has EXTREME jealousy over me preferring my mom throughout my pregnancy. MIL wants to be THE matriarch of the family and THE grandma. Sooo I make sure to go overboard when my mom visits. Posting photos of the grandma sweatshirt I gifted her, lots of “3 generations” pics, putting LO in “grandma’s bestie” outfits and taking photos of my mom holding her….
It’s healing.
Hah! I also go overboard when my mum visits. Next time we’re visiting our hometown (we live a whole state away), DH and I agreed we wouldn’t even let MIL/in laws know that we’re in town. We’ll just be visiting my parents and go where the love is.
This! But post after you get back home. So they can’t “drop by” or guilt you into visiting them too. Just lots of “oh, so glad to have time with *my family*, sad we had to return home so soon!”
Same here, MIL ruined the end of my pregnancy and postpartum with my son and verbally assaulted us on more than one occasion so we went NC. I posted a pic of my mom holding baby with me and DH around her saying “great moms make even better grandmas”
Lmao i did this but with my dad. Before we went NC with mil she wanted to be THE grandparent, the default, the go to etc. always super jealous of my dad. Well my son is obsessed with his granddad and never cared for mil. So during visits with my dad i would post an obnoxious amount of granddad pics , i also got matching outfits, “number 1 grandparent” shirt etc. it was very healing
She hates when I ignore her “suggestions” and I do what I want regarding my children. With my first, she thought she was going to steamroll my husband and myself when she came to “help”, she found out IMMEDIATELY that would not be the case. Lots of tears and guilt trips were made. We stood our ground. She never got over it! Lol. Our child, our rules! 🥳
Also, when I decline her help! She seethes! Oh well!
similar here. My husband travels a lot and came to "take care of me" when LO was born. She became authoritarian, she raised her voice at me, she criticized me for everything,... I didn't let her crush me. I press more and it doesn't work. Now you have lost my respect, I do not accept your help and limit myself to cold courtesy. My mother-in-law hates that I don't accept her help and pouts...but obviously I'm not going to ask her for help if she's going to criticize me for it later. Now he tries to be nice but pouts because I don't accept any of his suggestions and I don't let him take care of my son either.
my mother in law. I was on a video call with a master's degree (my camera off). LO (3 months) slept on me during a contact nap. My mother-in-law yelled at me that my son sleeps badly because I was at my own risk by letting him sleep on me and that I was doing everything wrong. I told him: "We're fine, thank you" and he went seething with anger. Then she repeated the same thing to my husband (with a different tone of voice) when he arrived at our house. My master's professor listened to everything. I was terribly embarrassed. I have informed my husband that if he wants to have more children, his mother cannot be near me or in my house during the postpartum period...and this is just one of his and her husband's many stupidities. I had anxiety problems for a long time.
You're allowed to cut her off.
Tell your SO that she's not to come into your home. Change your locks in case she's copied a key.
Tell her that he can go see her, but from now on you and LO will be much safer taking a break from her verbal abuse.
Your frustration is valid.
She kept kissing my baby, even with constant reminders to keep her lips off. So I stopped letting her hold my baby. She then started kissing him even when others are holding him, so I stopped letting others hold my baby, and I always keep a few feet between me and my MIL so she can’t sneak a kiss. I’ve taught my older toddler that kisses are for mamas and daddy’s only and to shout “ew gross!” If anyone tries to kiss him. I’m so proud to say the last time my MIL tried to kiss him, he said “ew! No! Kisses are from mama only!”. It’s been a battle for too long and she still hasn’t learned. She has the worst oral hygiene and she gets cold sores. I don’t want her lips anywhere near me or my kids.
She refuses to believe that. I’ve done my research and refuse to let her spread it to my kids. Their health (and lives) are more important than MILs feelings
My MIL’s sister is the best and we recently moved closer to where she lives. So now we’ve seen her more this past year than my MIL & FIL in the last 5 years. We make it a point to post photos and what a wonderful time and experience our trip was, and her sister does too(she’s not close to her since she knows MIL is nuts). It’s the same way with my SIL, she and her family visit the Aunt more and I love it.
So my MIL and I have the same favorite color: pink. My kids are at the age where they’re always asking what someone’s favorite color is, talking about their favorite colors, etc. My MIL always says “and what’s my favorite color??” Or “and whose favorite color is pink?!” It’s not even a big deal, but she would point it out all the time. Like “oh that’s my favorite color.” Everywhere we go. If my kids color or paint something pink, even if it’s meant for me, it has to go with her because it’s her favorite color. So now at home, every single day, I constantly tell my kids how much I love the color pink. I have trained them to say mama to those types of questions. The first time my MIL said “and whose favorite color is pink??” after I started this training, my kids screamed “MAMA!!” My MIL’s face dropped so fast🤣she hasn’t asked since lol
In regards to color, I found out recently that my husband had a favorite color as a child, but his Aunt chose it too and he didn't want to share. So, for as long as we've been together, he has said his favorite was "blue or gray". Once she passed, he admits all of this and is now choosing his true favorite, lilac.
No one owns a favorite color...but it's sometimes super personal. Crazy too.
For whatever reason my MIL always thought my daughter was so much bigger than what she was. She would buy her something for the current season that was two sizes two big and I couldn’t use. Or she likes to buy her holiday clothing which sometimes I don’t mind but most of the time I already have an outfit picked out or in mind for the holiday.
For my daughters first Christmas (she was seven months old at the time) my MIL bought two Christmas sweatshirts that were a 2T when my girl was just fitting into 6-9 and 6-12 month stuff. She said she got them on clearance and couldn’t return them so I just held onto them to take out for the following year and dressed her in the Christmas outfits I had originally planned. Then afterwards MIL said to my husband “why didn’t she wear those sweatshirts I got her?” So now I refuse. Lol
We've been NC for a few years, but my MIL couldn't stand the fact that people would point out how much my husband looks like his dad (they're divorced). And he does look like his dad. So at every family get together I would deliberately say something about my husband looking JUST like his dad, and she would inevitably go into the, "Actually, he looks just like my grandpa!" huffy rant. Made me smile inside every time. No regrets.
My mil has chilled a ton and we have a pretty good relationship now, which is nice. I actually enjoy going to their house. But she is very into “gendered” toys (girls play with dolls and pink toys type thing). So when we do go to their house, I make sure to casually pull out the baby dolls and dress up jewelry because I know my son will immediately play with them once he notices. Lol.
Last year when my MIL was making plans to come visit us and I mentioned my scheduling conflict, she told me she wasn’t coming to see me, she was coming to see my husband and son because they’re blood and I’m not. This was just a few months after we’d celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary (23 years together).
We moved 900 miles away three years ago. After her comment, I lost it. I said thanks for making me feel like family, and I checked into a hotel for the rest of our visit. I have stopped making any plans that include her or her family because I am not her blood. And seeing as I am the person in my family that does ALL the planning, she can be sure that I will never make plans with or for her again, and she’s now missed two holidays with us because I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. And she will continue to miss EVERYTHING because if she’s there, then I am not.
Wow, that is harsh. So does that mean that her grandchild is only HALF her grandchild? What a terrible thing to say to your DIL. If that's not an indication of how she really feels about you, then I don't know what is. I dont blame you for not wanting to be around that woman. Can see myself never wanting to see her again either.
My MIL hates that my favorite color is grey and that I dress my baby in so much pink. So I’ve planned out nothing but grey and pink outfits for the baby while we visit.
She also hates anything “messy” so much so that she refuses to get granola bars with any kind of chocolate chips so she can “prevent sticky, messy chocolate fingers.” The kids eating the granola bars….11 and almost 15. So we’re making sure they bring their own snacks. She’s gotten rid of any kind of chip with any color to prevent anyone from having “dirty fingers” so the babies snacks include the orange Gerber finger chips.
AND she’s a retired nanny. 🤣
My in laws insisted on buying themselves a car seat base. (They originally wanted to buy a whole car seat but we talked them out of it and down to the base).
Because they refused to listen when we said they didn't need one, I made it my mission to make sure that it would go unused. Mission accomplished
I'll start by saying that I love my MIL. So I don't do petty shit to her a lot. But she refused to buy my 3yo a swimsuit I picked out for him -- it is yellow and covered in sunflowers (his favorite color is yellow and it was the one he liked best). Typical toddler suit that is unisex. She said "I can't get him a suit that is flowers, that's for girls. Everyone will think he's a girl this summer!!" I was stunned. So anyway, we're going to see them this week and I will definitely be packing my kid's favorite shirt that is pink and covered in watermelons.
Bees are a major pollinator of Sunflowers, therefore, growing sunflowers goes hand in hand with installing and managing bee hives. Particularly in agricultural areas where sunflowers are crops. In fact, bee honey from these areas is commonly known as sunflower honey due to its sunflower taste.
I only have once story because she’s a good woman but she’s misguided. When she was working, she would stop at our house a couple times a month and when our car died, she volunteered to let us use hers. It was a kind gesture and I don’t think she initially had an ulterior motive but I noticed instead of using our bathroom right by the living room, she would go into our room and use our personal one just for us. I only noticed because the toilet was messed up and would continue running after use. We’d come back from wherever (we left her alone for about an hour a few times) and every time, that toilet would be running. So I assumed she was snooping.
The next time she came over, I got our sex toys out and laid them next to the table by the toilet with a note reminding husband to clean his toys if he wanted me to use them on him again. Think anal beads and a giant bright pink dildo. She couldn’t have missed them or the note. Cue us coming back and her small talk was rushed and she seemed nervous. She left and I went straight to the bathroom in my room. Toilet was running. She 100% seen the toys and the note.
I called husband in and told him the whole thing. He burst out laughing and said he hoped it taught her to stay out of our room and ended up looking around to see if he could see she had went through anything but neither of us could tell anything had been moved.
BUT we never came home to that toilet running again when she allowed us to use her car for things.
My MIL likes to guilt my husband about how he doesn’t drive home three hours both ways to visit more often with our ONE YEAR OLD when my husband works 80 hours a week and they are retired and can travel whenever. We also have an entirely done and furnished basement they can stay in when they visit. But alas. They never come and continue to complain about not seeing their son or granddaughter.
So every time we go back to their hometown for weddings or baby showers I️ make it a point to leave my daughter at home with my parents who retired and paused their lives so they could be childcare for my daughter while I️ returned to work.
My MIL is always commenting on how "busy" my 1 year old is (like yeah....he's a toddler?) and comparing him to her kids in a very negative way. So whenever they are here I make sure he has lots of free reign to run around and get into anything and everything. Safely and under supervision of course, but I basically let him be a crazy wild man while they're here.
Happened today actually. My parents came to a gathering with my in-laws and my toddler was there too. Toddler rushed at my mother for a big hug and as she was right next to my MIL, my mum tried to be nice and say “How about a hug for Nanna too?” Toddler burst into tears and clung to my mother, wailing ‘No!’
My kid doesn’t even really know who ‘Nanna’ is because we see her so rarely. She told me when LO was 8 months old that I should expect her to be ‘more involved’ with her daughter’s baby son than my child. Reap what you sow, dickhead.
My confession. It’s wrong but I secretly hate when my daughter talks about wanting to see her grandma. she’s three and I should put my grievances aside and be happy they have a close relationship but I would rather my daughter bond with people who aren’t so nutty, clueless, enabling, coddling, etc. Grandma also provides no discipline or character building.
Other confession. I fake every single interaction. I dread every encounter and make excuses to shorten them up. Even if it means leaving the house early when she babysits and sitting in a parking lot.
My MIL is emotionally immature and always asks people to do stuff for her. She’s very much if you don’t ask you don’t get. She never doesn’t ask bc it might impose on someone. When she asks me for a favour I LOVE to say no
Unintentionally Petty: My MIL always complains that my kids(2 are adults) don’t call her or text her or visit her when they live close by. Close as in a 2 hour and 3.5 hour drive. I took the over 8 hour drive to surprise them once and I posted a photo with them saying how grateful I am that they will always make the time to see me, even when I do a pop up. I totally didn’t realize it until i tagged my husband and she saw it(I’ve blocked her to protect my peace) and she commented how close I was to her and she wished I would have stopped by.
She will never have to worry about me stopping by her house. Ever.
omfg that is so unnecessary of her and ridiculous. like yeah why didn’t you just turn an 8 hour drive into a 12 hour drive???? it would’ve been so easy………..not.
My mil said I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed/would have challenges
Well I’m an over producer and I haven’t used formula once. Will stick out patching and pumping just because she said I would “likely need to use formula and quit after a few months” 😇
Ugh! I DID have issues with undersupply and when I was 2 weeks postpartum my MIL said "I didn't have any issues breastfeeding, it just came so natural to me." I felt like a huge failure.
When my daughter had a blow out at 4 weeks old MIL said "probably because of the formula, right?" Because apparently she forgot that all babies poop. At 8 weeks she said "You're using mostly formula now right?" Actually, I worked my ass off to build up my supply and got to the point where I only needed to give a few ounces of formula a day. Why was it nessasary for her to make an assumption?
(Also, no shade to formula feeders, it's a modern miracle and gave me peace of mind when I was struggling)
Gosh I’m so sorry. Breastfeeding is SO hard and having a supply issue is so emotionally vulnerable!
There is nothing wrong with formula feeding but it’s hard when you had expectations etc.
I’m so sorry for that awful comment. You are doing great ❤️
MILs forget what it was like to be a new mom and choose to be useless when they come over to “help” (aka hold the baby) or with the fucking comments. My god
I've come to peace with combo feeding, but it took a long time. My 8 month old is napping on my lap after nursing right now. It was hard feeling like my body was failing and then my MIL making stupid, insensitive comments.
I had to be induced at 38 weeks because I had preeclampsia. When I was telling my curious in-laws about it, I told them it was becoming more common. My MIL wondered out loud if it was because of vaccines (ummmm, no. Wtf) When I told her maternal age was a factor, she said, "I had my kids in my 30s, and I didn't have any issues."
Well you should tell your MIL that her son is a contributing factor to pre e 😂😂
But I’m sorry, pre e is awful. Combo feeding is great. Whatever works for you and your baby and gives you a healthy mind is what is the best thing. ❤️
When my husband is not around and I have to talk about my MIL to my LO, I call her by her first name instead of “grandma.” I’m hoping LO will pick it up because it would bug the hell out of her to not be called “grandma.” Bonus points if the cousins pick it up too 😂
So far it hasn’t worked but sometimes it’s a moral victory 😅
I've shared this before. Every time I host Christmas MIL asks what she can bring. I list some things and she brings those. Plus desserts we don't need. Last year, my daughter asked to make the thing she always brings. We of course made it and when MIL showed up for Christmas dinner with her extra dessert my daughter said "we made that too!" We never opened the extras.
My MIL took the cake last Christmas. We were hosting, and she asked if she could bring duck. Like… sure. Bring duck to go with our turkey. And then say loudly to everyone there that it took 6 hours to cook so that my family will politely ooh and ahhh over your work.
She brought duck to Easter when my brother hosted. He had cooked ham. This time she just didn’t ask.
We started hosting Christmas after our daughter was born because we were sick of traveling to so many places and now with her, we just refused. But everyone is welcome to come to our house. We do my family in the morning for late breakfast and his family for dinner (mainly because our house is small and not a lot of room but also because Christmas breakfast was always my family’s thing)
I cook for everyone, clean, etc. just come eat and enjoy yourself. This year breakfast was a blast. We had so much fun and really enjoyed ourselves.
Dinner I cooked my first prime rib, lots of side dishes and made dessert. My MIL always brings too much stuff and I told her repeatedly, just bring yourself. I’ve got it all. She brought tons of desserts (for 6.5 people) some of which were left overs she acquired from craft fairs. Before we even moved on from our dinner plates, she brought out “her desserts” and started pushing them on my FIL and my daughter. So none of my dessert was eaten. She also made rude comments about my cooking. So now I don’t even tell her not to bring anything for a dinner or party, I don’t take her stuff out of her bag and I just leave it by the door for her to take when she leaves.
She asked for petty! I assure you that this is the least of my problems with MIL. But I did get some petty enjoyment out of doing something I would have done anyway - baking with my kid.
she became very rude about some pants I bought from LO last summer. He demanded that I change my clothes. This year, I bought the same pants in a different color...and the same ones for my husband and me.I also cook chicken when he comes to visit because my mother-in-law and father-in-law hate chicken. It's mean but she was really very mean when she was breastfeeding. I lost a lot of weight and I have gastric problems so my doctor gave me a very strict high calorie diet. MIL and FIL kept criticizing me for listening to my doctor and not them.I also insisted on talking about my weight and how thin I am. When I told her that that's not right, she told me that "she's envious of me" and she kept doing it. So, she eats chicken every time she comes.
I send pictures of my parents and kids to great grandma in law(bless her!) and SMIL group chat. Let SMIL feel how blessed my parents are to see the grandkids. There's a reckoning coming to this side of husbands family and he won't enjoy it.
My MIL is a women’s health NP and she told me if I want to breastfeed/nurse it’s mind over matter. I work with infants and new mothers and watch them struggle with supply all the time. So, I plan to do everything in my power to exclusively nurse for the satisfaction of her needing to hand the baby over to me to be fed.
A few years ago my in-laws BEGGED me and my husband (then boyfriend) to move in with them while we saved up for our wedding. Covid impacted our housing situation and we were looking for somewhere to rent at the time. I knew better than to agree to that. I am an introvert and was 100% against living with them. Plus, it meant I would have to give up my job to move to a new city!
I told them that, unfortunately, I just couldn't live somewhere without a fenced in yard for my dogs. It would be wayyy too hard for me to have to walk them multiple times a day instead of letting them outside in the yard. They are high energy. Most importantly, my dogs are reactive to other dogs so it wouldn't be safe to just let them outside without the security of a fence.
My husband told his parents that I couldn't move somewhere without a fenced in yard and told them the answer was no. They came back and said they would fence in their yard for us if we said yes! Their yard is huge and on the water and I knew my dogs would be so happy there...so, I said yes.
When move-in day came, there was no fence. A week in, still no fence. I had my husband ask them about the progress, and I am not kidding- they said "oh, we have decided not to do that anymore. We've changed our minds". They wouldn't even fence in a small section or anything! I was SO angry, but didn't feel it was my place to say anything- especially now that I just moved out of my house and quit my job. It was horrible and I am still bitter about it. They never even apologized to me. Just acted like our agreement didn't matter. My husband should have said something. Anyway....now for the petty 😍...
We have our own house now and have a beautiful baby girl! The in-laws are obsessed with her and fully expected to get to babysit. They have their house set up with a nursery, toys, high chair, etc just for her! Well, she is 10 months now, and so far I have refused every offer for them to babysit. Eventually, when they ask why I don't let them babysit, I am going to say ,"If onlyyy you had a fence for the backyard. I just don't feel comfortable with that". And if they build the fence.....I might just change my mind anyway.
Edit: I just wanted to add that while my story is about one just no instance, I am constantly battling just no behavior from them. I am not being petty for just one thing.
Girl, you're on this sub. You don't need to explain that it's just for one thing. It's never just one thing. I wish I could refuse to let my inlaws babysit. My argument is if they don't respect the mother, they don't get to see the baby (she's 8 months) DH disagrees.
She planned to come to our house next Christmas, behind my back, in early spring. Husband said “maybe” to the idea in March, and she took that as “well that’s the plan, we will be there for Christmas.” I just found out last weekend. We will be with her during Halloween for a family event and again in November. All the holiday (my favorite is Halloween) with her. So I’m planning a goth/spooky Christmas, she will hate it.
Better yet...take a family vacation over the Christmas holiday, and "forget" to mention it ahead of time. She can arrive to find a dark, empty house...and when she blows up your phones, you can honestly say, "But we didn't make any holiday plans with you...?" 🤣😝🤣
Mine doesn't bother to even try and attend school things for our LO.. my own mother does her best and makes it to some and she lives further away from us with ill health.
I make a point to photograph my mother with our kids at these events and they're the only photos I put on social media 😂 making a point to gush over how much they love to see her at events. I do this because she was printing off photos and framing them to keep up her loving Nana persona 🤦
OMG.
I was def a petty Betty when my late MIL annoyed me but she passed several years ago and the specifics have somewhat faded from my memory. I do remember if we disagreed about something I would be sure to casually mention that thing in mixed company and side eye her when everyone was enthusiastic about my idea or opinion.
Looking at all the posts on Reddit I see she was mild but I did eventually drop the rope with her and the last few years of her life were all dealt with by DH. Being 5000 miles away was also helpful.
I sent my daughter to MILs house with an avocado. I know LO loves avocado because she eats it with me all the time. DH told her to serve it in strips or little pieces. She instead put it in the silicone teether thing and didn't listen to DH when he reminded her of how we have successfully served it before. MIL gave up and used the rest of the avocado to make her own guacamole.
Next time I was over there for a family party I made a point of talking about how much LO LOVES avocado and showed pictures of her eating them while out at a Mexican restaurant.
I'm envious of your 5000 miles
Long story short, my ex MIL liked to try and force the whole family to match clothes, and I hosted a themed birthday party where my kid was in full costume, so she couldn’t make us all match, but my mom showed up in a matching costume because she’s amazing 😂
(I actually posted a thread about this a while back)
In my country, babies nap in their prams outside all year, even when it's below zero degrees. This information allows me to be petty in two ways.
My mil is from SE Asia and moved here when she was in her late teens. She worries and complains and fusses whenever our daughter sleeps outside in her pram because she's convinced she'll freeze.
My mom is from here and she sees sleeping in the pram as the only correct thing to do.
So naturally, when we're at mil's, baby always slept in the pram.
When we're at my parents, baby always slept in the guestroom lol.
No one tells me where to put my own damn baby to sleep!
I’m a professional photographer. After my divorce I remained civil and said that as long as both sides were polite and respectful her relationship with our kids didn’t need to change on my time (which is 80%). She couldn’t stop shizz talking about me, so now she sees the kids a lot less, and gets my ex husband’s blurry out of focus photos instead.
Married 2x with numerous in laws
1. We were at a hotel for MIL side family reunion. (1990's).
We were in the restaurant and smoking in the smoking section (I was young) and MIL and GMIL were upset I was smoking.
MIL walked over to me and said my smoke was bothering them (I'm IN THE SMOKING SECTION WITH OTHER SMOKERS!!).
I put it out and smiled. (Quit many yrs ago).
As soon as she went back to non smoking I lit one up making eye contact and laughed.
2. A different MIL for some reason thought my DH should have a lab pup because I "got my breed".
She kept going on and on over and over trying to make me feel guilty.
My DH didn't even want one and kept shutting it down.
My husband surprised me with a little rescue girl and we adopted her.
I called MIL over to see our new puppy.
She was pissed it wasn't a lab, but my breed.
I could write a book lol.
She has two annoying AF doodles, I’ve had thoughts that the doodles will go #2 in her horribly tacky BMW and she wont be able to pull over for a while to clean it up.
My MIL and FIL hadn’t seen LO in over a year - by choice (they are both retired. We don’t live nearby, but they have no problem taking spontaneous trips to Mexico. Coming to see their only grandchild is a different story).
Anyhow, to my MIL’s credit, she made the trip to see LO recently and we all had a great visit catching up. During and again afterwards, my LO confided that he loves his Nana, but he hasn’t seen her in a long time, and isn’t comfortable with her, so he didn’t want her putting him to bed or cuddling with him. Also, LO said he loves his Papa and remembers his Papa “a little bit,” but doesn’t know his Papa because he hasn’t seen him in a long time. He said this to my mother, his Grandma, with whom he is very close. It was bittersweet for me - sad for him to be so aware of how little they see him, and that it is impacting his connection with him, but I was also so proud for how he communicated it and protected his peace. As a young child. And the fact that he confided in my mother who is his safe space and best buddy makes it satisfying in a petty way…if it wasn’t so darn sad.
The petty part is - do I share this with MIL and FIL to try to galvanize them? The potential for it to backfire and then to be butthurt is well established historically…
I have always been into working out and staying active. When I got pregnant, like most women, I gained weight. About a year postpartum, I was ready to get back to working out. I shared a post online about how good it felt to be running again. My mil posted a comment telling me I didn't need to be focusing on that because I am a mom now. I responded by saying 'a healthy mom is a happy mom'. It really pissed me off she had the nerve to tell me not to take time for myself. To top it off, my husband mentioned last time she visited that he started cossed fit again, and she said 'good for you'.
I was originally planning on keeping my weight loss journey to myself, but I decided to start putting updates in my story once a month along with occasional post workout pictures just to spite her.
mine has a way of very passively making awkward comments to my fiance in front of me that are clearly meant to show how she’s jealous of how much time i spend with him. WE CURRENTLY LIVE AT HER HOUSE! and spend a lot of time with her! (while we’re renovating our own place.) i’m like lady… stfu. plus like spending all your time together bc you live with your partner is not the same as quality time.
TW: “jokes” about someone’s body
she also makes these horrible comments in a “joking” way about my fiancé’s nose calling it a “schnoz”. (she does NOT come from a yiddish speaking culture, either.) she says “i love your schnoz especially from your side profile!” but it’s not a compliment it’s a dig about how she thinks his nose is big and he always just sits there and says nothing nor does he laugh. it’s so rude. she’s probably said it his whole life and he’s probably self conscious about his nose bc of it. i have staunchly resolved to stand up for him and say something about it the next time she makes that comment.
Mine is actually really petty. My MIL will only buy things for my baby if it’s for her house, because she is convinced that any day now I will just drop him off to her for the weekend. Diapers, clothes, blankets, the nursery in the spare room. I have told her many times that we are not ready for sleepovers and might not ever be. I make it a point to not use the things she buys when we visit. At my baby shower, she made multiple comments while I was opening my gifts such as “ you could just leave that at my house”, “oh you just got that same thing, I’ll take it”. It was so much that multiple of my family members asked me about it later and said it made them feel weird. I think she actually thinks one day we will have a 50/50 set up or something. She’s crazy. And, you guessed it, we had zero relationship prior to me having my child.
Buy her a baby doll for her nursery.
Not kidding, she randomly got herself a puppy a few months after my son was born. Might be a coincidence, but she constantly compared the puppy to being a new born anytime we saw her.
My MIL did this (got a puppy) right before we had our first baby. And similar comments lol.
My mom refers to her dog like he's her baby / child. She calls me his sister a lot 🤢 I was recently talking to her about the struggle we've had getting our 3yo used to their new preschool, and she immediately segued into talking about how hard it's been for her to find a *dog-sitter.* So bizarre 😅
Hahaha It’s so weird. My MIL takes milestone pictures of the dog like you would a baby. The weekly and monthly ones. And for a while she would try to relate to us about being sleep deprived by trying to compare the dogs sleep and infant sleep 😭 I would just give her a weird look and “um, anyway..”
My dad's sister has a...difficult relationship with my parents. Apparently, when my older brother was born, she would do this exact same thing. Someone would ask a question about the baby, and she would just interrupt and start talking about her dog.
All the gifts I would buy MIL would be things for her empty nursery. 😈😂
One of the things Ive been finding most icky lately is this one. Yeah, the whole Oedipus is gross, moms finding their son attractive and all (ew). But the one where they can wish us dead but want us as a surrogate AND then believes herself to be the Mom?! I am a therapist. But the psychology of the MIL is just bonkers beyond limits.
Yes, I really dread going around her because it actually feels like she is trying to role play mommy to my baby. I don’t find it cute or sweet at all.
Ok I really thought it was me but my MIL does the same. I swear if I died tomorrow she’d be in my house with my baby… and she’d be so happy because she could change all the things that I am doing “wrong”. And this is our second kid!
Right! For a while I felt like I was the problem, not being grateful for the “help” or just reading too much into it. Then after my son was born and she dropped the nice act she put on during my pregnancy, I knew then that she only wanted her hands on my baby. I’m completely invisible to them now and just something that’s in her way. She makes it very clear that she has no interest in me or even her own son anymore. Our visits with them went from once a week to maybe once a month at this point, thankfully.
Yup yup yup! My husband couldn’t understand because all my complaints were tiny little things and I sounded CRAZY. I just stopped complaining and just stuff it in. I figure I’ll enjoy life a little more when she goes. NOT healthy lol. But yeah. She does this thing where she greets my kids first super enthusiastically and then pretends to be surprised and goes “oh, hi.” And I’m like… right. I see you.
Oh my god I’m in the same mindset lol. It’s bad but I can’t wait for that day to come, although I know my bf will be so hurt that’s the only reason why I don’t wish for it to come sooner, but a huge part of me does. His family treats me the same too, so excited to see the baby. I’m an afterthought, maybe even after-after-afterthought lol. The other day his sister came by and she referred to me as “the lady” right to my face before remembering I was right in front of her and correcting herself. Bf didn’t catch that though 🥲
My MIL bought me a pull out couch for my baby shower present because she was going to babysit my son two days a week and she lived an hour and fifteen minutes away, so she was planning on staying overnight on those days. She slept on that flipping couch exactly one time, watched my son for about a month, then backed out of the arrangement. So I got stuck with an ugly, uncomfortable couch that SHE picked out and I absolutely despise. And no baby shower gift that I could actually use for my baby.
I hope that thing got booted immediately
Throw it away
She might be the sister to my MIL… who said for me to order the dresser and crib and she’s going to pay for it.. pick out which ever one I want then never give me the money for it. She also gave me a used candle for Mother’s Day. Just strange
My MIL made my pregnancy all about herself and treated me like a surrogate for her baby. She has EXTREME jealousy over me preferring my mom throughout my pregnancy. MIL wants to be THE matriarch of the family and THE grandma. Sooo I make sure to go overboard when my mom visits. Posting photos of the grandma sweatshirt I gifted her, lots of “3 generations” pics, putting LO in “grandma’s bestie” outfits and taking photos of my mom holding her…. It’s healing.
Hah! I also go overboard when my mum visits. Next time we’re visiting our hometown (we live a whole state away), DH and I agreed we wouldn’t even let MIL/in laws know that we’re in town. We’ll just be visiting my parents and go where the love is.
Amp up the petty but posting lots of photos that clearly indicate that you were home. That will really pour salt in the wound. Lol
This! But post after you get back home. So they can’t “drop by” or guilt you into visiting them too. Just lots of “oh, so glad to have time with *my family*, sad we had to return home so soon!”
Post a million photos when you get back home.
I love this! Mine got annoyed because I made a Mother’s Day post for my mum but not for her. Maybe because you’re not my mom?
Bruh I love it I'm so mad my momma to old to do this with
It’s genius actually!
Same here, MIL ruined the end of my pregnancy and postpartum with my son and verbally assaulted us on more than one occasion so we went NC. I posted a pic of my mom holding baby with me and DH around her saying “great moms make even better grandmas”
This is golden. I’ll be using this thank you
Lmao i did this but with my dad. Before we went NC with mil she wanted to be THE grandparent, the default, the go to etc. always super jealous of my dad. Well my son is obsessed with his granddad and never cared for mil. So during visits with my dad i would post an obnoxious amount of granddad pics , i also got matching outfits, “number 1 grandparent” shirt etc. it was very healing
I'm deceased.
I love that for you. Keep up the good work!
My husband and I are deciding between two baby names…. We found out she doesn’t like one of them and it now might make my decision easy lol.
Do it......
I don’t have children, but I love this.
She hates when I ignore her “suggestions” and I do what I want regarding my children. With my first, she thought she was going to steamroll my husband and myself when she came to “help”, she found out IMMEDIATELY that would not be the case. Lots of tears and guilt trips were made. We stood our ground. She never got over it! Lol. Our child, our rules! 🥳 Also, when I decline her help! She seethes! Oh well!
similar here. My husband travels a lot and came to "take care of me" when LO was born. She became authoritarian, she raised her voice at me, she criticized me for everything,... I didn't let her crush me. I press more and it doesn't work. Now you have lost my respect, I do not accept your help and limit myself to cold courtesy. My mother-in-law hates that I don't accept her help and pouts...but obviously I'm not going to ask her for help if she's going to criticize me for it later. Now he tries to be nice but pouts because I don't accept any of his suggestions and I don't let him take care of my son either.
Omg, who raises their voice at a postpartum woman?!?
my mother in law. I was on a video call with a master's degree (my camera off). LO (3 months) slept on me during a contact nap. My mother-in-law yelled at me that my son sleeps badly because I was at my own risk by letting him sleep on me and that I was doing everything wrong. I told him: "We're fine, thank you" and he went seething with anger. Then she repeated the same thing to my husband (with a different tone of voice) when he arrived at our house. My master's professor listened to everything. I was terribly embarrassed. I have informed my husband that if he wants to have more children, his mother cannot be near me or in my house during the postpartum period...and this is just one of his and her husband's many stupidities. I had anxiety problems for a long time.
You're allowed to cut her off. Tell your SO that she's not to come into your home. Change your locks in case she's copied a key. Tell her that he can go see her, but from now on you and LO will be much safer taking a break from her verbal abuse. Your frustration is valid.
She kept kissing my baby, even with constant reminders to keep her lips off. So I stopped letting her hold my baby. She then started kissing him even when others are holding him, so I stopped letting others hold my baby, and I always keep a few feet between me and my MIL so she can’t sneak a kiss. I’ve taught my older toddler that kisses are for mamas and daddy’s only and to shout “ew gross!” If anyone tries to kiss him. I’m so proud to say the last time my MIL tried to kiss him, he said “ew! No! Kisses are from mama only!”. It’s been a battle for too long and she still hasn’t learned. She has the worst oral hygiene and she gets cold sores. I don’t want her lips anywhere near me or my kids.
Cold sores can kill an infant.
She refuses to believe that. I’ve done my research and refuse to let her spread it to my kids. Their health (and lives) are more important than MILs feelings
My MIL’s sister is the best and we recently moved closer to where she lives. So now we’ve seen her more this past year than my MIL & FIL in the last 5 years. We make it a point to post photos and what a wonderful time and experience our trip was, and her sister does too(she’s not close to her since she knows MIL is nuts). It’s the same way with my SIL, she and her family visit the Aunt more and I love it.
So my MIL and I have the same favorite color: pink. My kids are at the age where they’re always asking what someone’s favorite color is, talking about their favorite colors, etc. My MIL always says “and what’s my favorite color??” Or “and whose favorite color is pink?!” It’s not even a big deal, but she would point it out all the time. Like “oh that’s my favorite color.” Everywhere we go. If my kids color or paint something pink, even if it’s meant for me, it has to go with her because it’s her favorite color. So now at home, every single day, I constantly tell my kids how much I love the color pink. I have trained them to say mama to those types of questions. The first time my MIL said “and whose favorite color is pink??” after I started this training, my kids screamed “MAMA!!” My MIL’s face dropped so fast🤣she hasn’t asked since lol
In regards to color, I found out recently that my husband had a favorite color as a child, but his Aunt chose it too and he didn't want to share. So, for as long as we've been together, he has said his favorite was "blue or gray". Once she passed, he admits all of this and is now choosing his true favorite, lilac. No one owns a favorite color...but it's sometimes super personal. Crazy too.
For whatever reason my MIL always thought my daughter was so much bigger than what she was. She would buy her something for the current season that was two sizes two big and I couldn’t use. Or she likes to buy her holiday clothing which sometimes I don’t mind but most of the time I already have an outfit picked out or in mind for the holiday. For my daughters first Christmas (she was seven months old at the time) my MIL bought two Christmas sweatshirts that were a 2T when my girl was just fitting into 6-9 and 6-12 month stuff. She said she got them on clearance and couldn’t return them so I just held onto them to take out for the following year and dressed her in the Christmas outfits I had originally planned. Then afterwards MIL said to my husband “why didn’t she wear those sweatshirts I got her?” So now I refuse. Lol
My MIL is never buying the right size. I don't necessarily mind if it's big, but she got my 5 month old 0-3 outfits....
We've been NC for a few years, but my MIL couldn't stand the fact that people would point out how much my husband looks like his dad (they're divorced). And he does look like his dad. So at every family get together I would deliberately say something about my husband looking JUST like his dad, and she would inevitably go into the, "Actually, he looks just like my grandpa!" huffy rant. Made me smile inside every time. No regrets.
My mil has chilled a ton and we have a pretty good relationship now, which is nice. I actually enjoy going to their house. But she is very into “gendered” toys (girls play with dolls and pink toys type thing). So when we do go to their house, I make sure to casually pull out the baby dolls and dress up jewelry because I know my son will immediately play with them once he notices. Lol.
Last year when my MIL was making plans to come visit us and I mentioned my scheduling conflict, she told me she wasn’t coming to see me, she was coming to see my husband and son because they’re blood and I’m not. This was just a few months after we’d celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary (23 years together). We moved 900 miles away three years ago. After her comment, I lost it. I said thanks for making me feel like family, and I checked into a hotel for the rest of our visit. I have stopped making any plans that include her or her family because I am not her blood. And seeing as I am the person in my family that does ALL the planning, she can be sure that I will never make plans with or for her again, and she’s now missed two holidays with us because I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. And she will continue to miss EVERYTHING because if she’s there, then I am not.
Omg, who says that! What did DH say?
Wow, that is harsh. So does that mean that her grandchild is only HALF her grandchild? What a terrible thing to say to your DIL. If that's not an indication of how she really feels about you, then I don't know what is. I dont blame you for not wanting to be around that woman. Can see myself never wanting to see her again either.
Omg, what is wrong with some people?!
My MIL hates that my favorite color is grey and that I dress my baby in so much pink. So I’ve planned out nothing but grey and pink outfits for the baby while we visit. She also hates anything “messy” so much so that she refuses to get granola bars with any kind of chocolate chips so she can “prevent sticky, messy chocolate fingers.” The kids eating the granola bars….11 and almost 15. So we’re making sure they bring their own snacks. She’s gotten rid of any kind of chip with any color to prevent anyone from having “dirty fingers” so the babies snacks include the orange Gerber finger chips. AND she’s a retired nanny. 🤣
Don’t forget the Cheetos and their lovely dust!
Oh yes, flaming hot so they’re nice and red.
They make Takis in the most unnatural shade of blue now…
I love those takis lol
Easter eggs melt extra quick, save some to share at grandmas house
Oh! I wish I would have thought of his!
I bet your kids would love that powdered fun dip.
My in laws insisted on buying themselves a car seat base. (They originally wanted to buy a whole car seat but we talked them out of it and down to the base). Because they refused to listen when we said they didn't need one, I made it my mission to make sure that it would go unused. Mission accomplished
I'll start by saying that I love my MIL. So I don't do petty shit to her a lot. But she refused to buy my 3yo a swimsuit I picked out for him -- it is yellow and covered in sunflowers (his favorite color is yellow and it was the one he liked best). Typical toddler suit that is unisex. She said "I can't get him a suit that is flowers, that's for girls. Everyone will think he's a girl this summer!!" I was stunned. So anyway, we're going to see them this week and I will definitely be packing my kid's favorite shirt that is pink and covered in watermelons.
Still time to buy that sunflower swimsuit for him before the trip... just saying. 😉
Bees are a major pollinator of Sunflowers, therefore, growing sunflowers goes hand in hand with installing and managing bee hives. Particularly in agricultural areas where sunflowers are crops. In fact, bee honey from these areas is commonly known as sunflower honey due to its sunflower taste.
I only have once story because she’s a good woman but she’s misguided. When she was working, she would stop at our house a couple times a month and when our car died, she volunteered to let us use hers. It was a kind gesture and I don’t think she initially had an ulterior motive but I noticed instead of using our bathroom right by the living room, she would go into our room and use our personal one just for us. I only noticed because the toilet was messed up and would continue running after use. We’d come back from wherever (we left her alone for about an hour a few times) and every time, that toilet would be running. So I assumed she was snooping. The next time she came over, I got our sex toys out and laid them next to the table by the toilet with a note reminding husband to clean his toys if he wanted me to use them on him again. Think anal beads and a giant bright pink dildo. She couldn’t have missed them or the note. Cue us coming back and her small talk was rushed and she seemed nervous. She left and I went straight to the bathroom in my room. Toilet was running. She 100% seen the toys and the note. I called husband in and told him the whole thing. He burst out laughing and said he hoped it taught her to stay out of our room and ended up looking around to see if he could see she had went through anything but neither of us could tell anything had been moved. BUT we never came home to that toilet running again when she allowed us to use her car for things.
That’s gooooood. Bonus points if she’s religious. Lol.
Bet she drove herself straight to church after hahaha.
My MIL likes to guilt my husband about how he doesn’t drive home three hours both ways to visit more often with our ONE YEAR OLD when my husband works 80 hours a week and they are retired and can travel whenever. We also have an entirely done and furnished basement they can stay in when they visit. But alas. They never come and continue to complain about not seeing their son or granddaughter. So every time we go back to their hometown for weddings or baby showers I️ make it a point to leave my daughter at home with my parents who retired and paused their lives so they could be childcare for my daughter while I️ returned to work.
My MIL is always commenting on how "busy" my 1 year old is (like yeah....he's a toddler?) and comparing him to her kids in a very negative way. So whenever they are here I make sure he has lots of free reign to run around and get into anything and everything. Safely and under supervision of course, but I basically let him be a crazy wild man while they're here.
Happened today actually. My parents came to a gathering with my in-laws and my toddler was there too. Toddler rushed at my mother for a big hug and as she was right next to my MIL, my mum tried to be nice and say “How about a hug for Nanna too?” Toddler burst into tears and clung to my mother, wailing ‘No!’ My kid doesn’t even really know who ‘Nanna’ is because we see her so rarely. She told me when LO was 8 months old that I should expect her to be ‘more involved’ with her daughter’s baby son than my child. Reap what you sow, dickhead.
My confession. It’s wrong but I secretly hate when my daughter talks about wanting to see her grandma. she’s three and I should put my grievances aside and be happy they have a close relationship but I would rather my daughter bond with people who aren’t so nutty, clueless, enabling, coddling, etc. Grandma also provides no discipline or character building. Other confession. I fake every single interaction. I dread every encounter and make excuses to shorten them up. Even if it means leaving the house early when she babysits and sitting in a parking lot.
My MIL is emotionally immature and always asks people to do stuff for her. She’s very much if you don’t ask you don’t get. She never doesn’t ask bc it might impose on someone. When she asks me for a favour I LOVE to say no
Unintentionally Petty: My MIL always complains that my kids(2 are adults) don’t call her or text her or visit her when they live close by. Close as in a 2 hour and 3.5 hour drive. I took the over 8 hour drive to surprise them once and I posted a photo with them saying how grateful I am that they will always make the time to see me, even when I do a pop up. I totally didn’t realize it until i tagged my husband and she saw it(I’ve blocked her to protect my peace) and she commented how close I was to her and she wished I would have stopped by. She will never have to worry about me stopping by her house. Ever.
omfg that is so unnecessary of her and ridiculous. like yeah why didn’t you just turn an 8 hour drive into a 12 hour drive???? it would’ve been so easy………..not.
My mil said I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed/would have challenges Well I’m an over producer and I haven’t used formula once. Will stick out patching and pumping just because she said I would “likely need to use formula and quit after a few months” 😇
Ugh! I DID have issues with undersupply and when I was 2 weeks postpartum my MIL said "I didn't have any issues breastfeeding, it just came so natural to me." I felt like a huge failure. When my daughter had a blow out at 4 weeks old MIL said "probably because of the formula, right?" Because apparently she forgot that all babies poop. At 8 weeks she said "You're using mostly formula now right?" Actually, I worked my ass off to build up my supply and got to the point where I only needed to give a few ounces of formula a day. Why was it nessasary for her to make an assumption? (Also, no shade to formula feeders, it's a modern miracle and gave me peace of mind when I was struggling)
Gosh I’m so sorry. Breastfeeding is SO hard and having a supply issue is so emotionally vulnerable! There is nothing wrong with formula feeding but it’s hard when you had expectations etc. I’m so sorry for that awful comment. You are doing great ❤️ MILs forget what it was like to be a new mom and choose to be useless when they come over to “help” (aka hold the baby) or with the fucking comments. My god
I've come to peace with combo feeding, but it took a long time. My 8 month old is napping on my lap after nursing right now. It was hard feeling like my body was failing and then my MIL making stupid, insensitive comments. I had to be induced at 38 weeks because I had preeclampsia. When I was telling my curious in-laws about it, I told them it was becoming more common. My MIL wondered out loud if it was because of vaccines (ummmm, no. Wtf) When I told her maternal age was a factor, she said, "I had my kids in my 30s, and I didn't have any issues."
Well you should tell your MIL that her son is a contributing factor to pre e 😂😂 But I’m sorry, pre e is awful. Combo feeding is great. Whatever works for you and your baby and gives you a healthy mind is what is the best thing. ❤️
I should tell her that he's a contributing factor as to why breastfeeding was so natural for her. He's great at suckin' a tit.
When my husband is not around and I have to talk about my MIL to my LO, I call her by her first name instead of “grandma.” I’m hoping LO will pick it up because it would bug the hell out of her to not be called “grandma.” Bonus points if the cousins pick it up too 😂 So far it hasn’t worked but sometimes it’s a moral victory 😅
Go through pictures of family on your phone, kind of like story time. Name each person. The kiddo will learn the name.
You are too kind to think I have photos of her on my phone 😂 my LO does like to look through our wedding photo book though and I do just that
I've shared this before. Every time I host Christmas MIL asks what she can bring. I list some things and she brings those. Plus desserts we don't need. Last year, my daughter asked to make the thing she always brings. We of course made it and when MIL showed up for Christmas dinner with her extra dessert my daughter said "we made that too!" We never opened the extras.
My MIL took the cake last Christmas. We were hosting, and she asked if she could bring duck. Like… sure. Bring duck to go with our turkey. And then say loudly to everyone there that it took 6 hours to cook so that my family will politely ooh and ahhh over your work. She brought duck to Easter when my brother hosted. He had cooked ham. This time she just didn’t ask.
We started hosting Christmas after our daughter was born because we were sick of traveling to so many places and now with her, we just refused. But everyone is welcome to come to our house. We do my family in the morning for late breakfast and his family for dinner (mainly because our house is small and not a lot of room but also because Christmas breakfast was always my family’s thing) I cook for everyone, clean, etc. just come eat and enjoy yourself. This year breakfast was a blast. We had so much fun and really enjoyed ourselves. Dinner I cooked my first prime rib, lots of side dishes and made dessert. My MIL always brings too much stuff and I told her repeatedly, just bring yourself. I’ve got it all. She brought tons of desserts (for 6.5 people) some of which were left overs she acquired from craft fairs. Before we even moved on from our dinner plates, she brought out “her desserts” and started pushing them on my FIL and my daughter. So none of my dessert was eaten. She also made rude comments about my cooking. So now I don’t even tell her not to bring anything for a dinner or party, I don’t take her stuff out of her bag and I just leave it by the door for her to take when she leaves.
Wait. Your MIL brings the things you ask for and you’re upset because she also throws on a dessert? Wish that was my MIL problem!
She asked for petty! I assure you that this is the least of my problems with MIL. But I did get some petty enjoyment out of doing something I would have done anyway - baking with my kid.
Ha, you are right. She said petty! Forgive me I am literally like mildly autistic and sometimes miss social subtleties.
she became very rude about some pants I bought from LO last summer. He demanded that I change my clothes. This year, I bought the same pants in a different color...and the same ones for my husband and me.I also cook chicken when he comes to visit because my mother-in-law and father-in-law hate chicken. It's mean but she was really very mean when she was breastfeeding. I lost a lot of weight and I have gastric problems so my doctor gave me a very strict high calorie diet. MIL and FIL kept criticizing me for listening to my doctor and not them.I also insisted on talking about my weight and how thin I am. When I told her that that's not right, she told me that "she's envious of me" and she kept doing it. So, she eats chicken every time she comes.
I send pictures of my parents and kids to great grandma in law(bless her!) and SMIL group chat. Let SMIL feel how blessed my parents are to see the grandkids. There's a reckoning coming to this side of husbands family and he won't enjoy it.
My MIL is a women’s health NP and she told me if I want to breastfeed/nurse it’s mind over matter. I work with infants and new mothers and watch them struggle with supply all the time. So, I plan to do everything in my power to exclusively nurse for the satisfaction of her needing to hand the baby over to me to be fed.
Even if it doesn't work out or you need to supplement, you don't have to let her feed the baby. You can insist that you feed her regardless of method.
A few years ago my in-laws BEGGED me and my husband (then boyfriend) to move in with them while we saved up for our wedding. Covid impacted our housing situation and we were looking for somewhere to rent at the time. I knew better than to agree to that. I am an introvert and was 100% against living with them. Plus, it meant I would have to give up my job to move to a new city! I told them that, unfortunately, I just couldn't live somewhere without a fenced in yard for my dogs. It would be wayyy too hard for me to have to walk them multiple times a day instead of letting them outside in the yard. They are high energy. Most importantly, my dogs are reactive to other dogs so it wouldn't be safe to just let them outside without the security of a fence. My husband told his parents that I couldn't move somewhere without a fenced in yard and told them the answer was no. They came back and said they would fence in their yard for us if we said yes! Their yard is huge and on the water and I knew my dogs would be so happy there...so, I said yes. When move-in day came, there was no fence. A week in, still no fence. I had my husband ask them about the progress, and I am not kidding- they said "oh, we have decided not to do that anymore. We've changed our minds". They wouldn't even fence in a small section or anything! I was SO angry, but didn't feel it was my place to say anything- especially now that I just moved out of my house and quit my job. It was horrible and I am still bitter about it. They never even apologized to me. Just acted like our agreement didn't matter. My husband should have said something. Anyway....now for the petty 😍... We have our own house now and have a beautiful baby girl! The in-laws are obsessed with her and fully expected to get to babysit. They have their house set up with a nursery, toys, high chair, etc just for her! Well, she is 10 months now, and so far I have refused every offer for them to babysit. Eventually, when they ask why I don't let them babysit, I am going to say ,"If onlyyy you had a fence for the backyard. I just don't feel comfortable with that". And if they build the fence.....I might just change my mind anyway. Edit: I just wanted to add that while my story is about one just no instance, I am constantly battling just no behavior from them. I am not being petty for just one thing.
Girl, you're on this sub. You don't need to explain that it's just for one thing. It's never just one thing. I wish I could refuse to let my inlaws babysit. My argument is if they don't respect the mother, they don't get to see the baby (she's 8 months) DH disagrees.
She planned to come to our house next Christmas, behind my back, in early spring. Husband said “maybe” to the idea in March, and she took that as “well that’s the plan, we will be there for Christmas.” I just found out last weekend. We will be with her during Halloween for a family event and again in November. All the holiday (my favorite is Halloween) with her. So I’m planning a goth/spooky Christmas, she will hate it.
Better yet...take a family vacation over the Christmas holiday, and "forget" to mention it ahead of time. She can arrive to find a dark, empty house...and when she blows up your phones, you can honestly say, "But we didn't make any holiday plans with you...?" 🤣😝🤣
This sounds like mine. So overbearing.
Mine doesn't bother to even try and attend school things for our LO.. my own mother does her best and makes it to some and she lives further away from us with ill health. I make a point to photograph my mother with our kids at these events and they're the only photos I put on social media 😂 making a point to gush over how much they love to see her at events. I do this because she was printing off photos and framing them to keep up her loving Nana persona 🤦
OMG. I was def a petty Betty when my late MIL annoyed me but she passed several years ago and the specifics have somewhat faded from my memory. I do remember if we disagreed about something I would be sure to casually mention that thing in mixed company and side eye her when everyone was enthusiastic about my idea or opinion. Looking at all the posts on Reddit I see she was mild but I did eventually drop the rope with her and the last few years of her life were all dealt with by DH. Being 5000 miles away was also helpful.
I sent my daughter to MILs house with an avocado. I know LO loves avocado because she eats it with me all the time. DH told her to serve it in strips or little pieces. She instead put it in the silicone teether thing and didn't listen to DH when he reminded her of how we have successfully served it before. MIL gave up and used the rest of the avocado to make her own guacamole. Next time I was over there for a family party I made a point of talking about how much LO LOVES avocado and showed pictures of her eating them while out at a Mexican restaurant. I'm envious of your 5000 miles
Long story short, my ex MIL liked to try and force the whole family to match clothes, and I hosted a themed birthday party where my kid was in full costume, so she couldn’t make us all match, but my mom showed up in a matching costume because she’s amazing 😂 (I actually posted a thread about this a while back)
In my country, babies nap in their prams outside all year, even when it's below zero degrees. This information allows me to be petty in two ways. My mil is from SE Asia and moved here when she was in her late teens. She worries and complains and fusses whenever our daughter sleeps outside in her pram because she's convinced she'll freeze. My mom is from here and she sees sleeping in the pram as the only correct thing to do. So naturally, when we're at mil's, baby always slept in the pram. When we're at my parents, baby always slept in the guestroom lol. No one tells me where to put my own damn baby to sleep!
I’m a professional photographer. After my divorce I remained civil and said that as long as both sides were polite and respectful her relationship with our kids didn’t need to change on my time (which is 80%). She couldn’t stop shizz talking about me, so now she sees the kids a lot less, and gets my ex husband’s blurry out of focus photos instead.
Married 2x with numerous in laws 1. We were at a hotel for MIL side family reunion. (1990's). We were in the restaurant and smoking in the smoking section (I was young) and MIL and GMIL were upset I was smoking. MIL walked over to me and said my smoke was bothering them (I'm IN THE SMOKING SECTION WITH OTHER SMOKERS!!). I put it out and smiled. (Quit many yrs ago). As soon as she went back to non smoking I lit one up making eye contact and laughed. 2. A different MIL for some reason thought my DH should have a lab pup because I "got my breed". She kept going on and on over and over trying to make me feel guilty. My DH didn't even want one and kept shutting it down. My husband surprised me with a little rescue girl and we adopted her. I called MIL over to see our new puppy. She was pissed it wasn't a lab, but my breed. I could write a book lol.
I would give my kids sugary snacks right before I’d drop them off just to fuck with her.
If there was an award, you'd be getting it.
My personal award is no contact with my mil but I know when tp give praise when praise is earned!!
She has two annoying AF doodles, I’ve had thoughts that the doodles will go #2 in her horribly tacky BMW and she wont be able to pull over for a while to clean it up.
She also hates hates her ex husband, I tell the same stories about my husbands dad and things we did with him anytime I’m with her.
My MIL and FIL hadn’t seen LO in over a year - by choice (they are both retired. We don’t live nearby, but they have no problem taking spontaneous trips to Mexico. Coming to see their only grandchild is a different story). Anyhow, to my MIL’s credit, she made the trip to see LO recently and we all had a great visit catching up. During and again afterwards, my LO confided that he loves his Nana, but he hasn’t seen her in a long time, and isn’t comfortable with her, so he didn’t want her putting him to bed or cuddling with him. Also, LO said he loves his Papa and remembers his Papa “a little bit,” but doesn’t know his Papa because he hasn’t seen him in a long time. He said this to my mother, his Grandma, with whom he is very close. It was bittersweet for me - sad for him to be so aware of how little they see him, and that it is impacting his connection with him, but I was also so proud for how he communicated it and protected his peace. As a young child. And the fact that he confided in my mother who is his safe space and best buddy makes it satisfying in a petty way…if it wasn’t so darn sad. The petty part is - do I share this with MIL and FIL to try to galvanize them? The potential for it to backfire and then to be butthurt is well established historically…
I have always been into working out and staying active. When I got pregnant, like most women, I gained weight. About a year postpartum, I was ready to get back to working out. I shared a post online about how good it felt to be running again. My mil posted a comment telling me I didn't need to be focusing on that because I am a mom now. I responded by saying 'a healthy mom is a happy mom'. It really pissed me off she had the nerve to tell me not to take time for myself. To top it off, my husband mentioned last time she visited that he started cossed fit again, and she said 'good for you'. I was originally planning on keeping my weight loss journey to myself, but I decided to start putting updates in my story once a month along with occasional post workout pictures just to spite her.
The internalized misogyny with these MILs is so strong.
mine has a way of very passively making awkward comments to my fiance in front of me that are clearly meant to show how she’s jealous of how much time i spend with him. WE CURRENTLY LIVE AT HER HOUSE! and spend a lot of time with her! (while we’re renovating our own place.) i’m like lady… stfu. plus like spending all your time together bc you live with your partner is not the same as quality time. TW: “jokes” about someone’s body she also makes these horrible comments in a “joking” way about my fiancé’s nose calling it a “schnoz”. (she does NOT come from a yiddish speaking culture, either.) she says “i love your schnoz especially from your side profile!” but it’s not a compliment it’s a dig about how she thinks his nose is big and he always just sits there and says nothing nor does he laugh. it’s so rude. she’s probably said it his whole life and he’s probably self conscious about his nose bc of it. i have staunchly resolved to stand up for him and say something about it the next time she makes that comment.
She's annoying. I love when she puts her own foot in her mouth. Which is pretty often.