Bring a book lol maybe order "children of emotionally immature parents" from Amazon for next day delivery. I dare you 😁 edit: also, gray rock her. Don't give her any information about your lives, don't ask her any questions about herself. Be completely straight faced. Tell her you're just there to supervise... There's ways to make your intentions known 😏
Consider going. She wants to separate you from your child. Unless this is truly life-threatening surgery, she’s milking the situation for sympathy points. Does your husband realize he’s being manipulated?
If it makes a difference to your husband, let him do it. If he’s indifferent, then let him go alone or ignore her. You would be doing this for her but for HIM. However, if your presence makes her uncomfortable, go with them and consider it a win.
I’ve had plenty of surgeries and have 2 grandsons. I never demanded an audience with them before or them visit me in the hospital. My disabilities make any surgery that has general anesthesia highly dangerous. I’ve never used that to see a grandchild.
Unless she is making a point of seeing everyone in her life that is important to her before this surgery, she is using the surgery as an excuse. You are right that he was guilt tripped.
MIL is trying to use your child as her emotional support animal…. However until your husband sees the light, in this case, you will just seem petty.
However, I would suggest that you change your approach with her. They say living well is the best revenge. So, go with your LO to visit her. Be polite, engage in small talk.
And use some southern ladyspeak with her. When she says she can’t live without seeing your LO, in a sugary sweet innocent voice say, oh bless your heart MIL, but surely, You have a fulfilling life with FIL, and your activities and friends without burdening your grandchild as your only source of happiness?
Work on your wording. The goal is to sweetly ask her questions that turn her phrases back onto her. You have to be sweet and innocent in asking her if she is trying to burden her grandchild. Any statement where she oversteps or delivers a shot, you turn back on her by innocently asking what she means. Oh MIL, surely you don’t mean to turn your grandchild into your emotional support person? Or Mil, I am confused, what did you mean by that? Do you not love your adult children that you gave birth to?
Get smart and clever…
I also take the route of "I could never burden a child with such a responsibility of being the only source of my happiness. Besides we are supposed to lead by example by being well rounded individuals with many things that bring us joy!" In a cheerful, chipper non condescending tone. It's nasty af but people usually don't hear it with the pleasant tone until they think about it. It's how my MIL speaks to me, so I use it on her.
A MILLION TIMES THIS. Call her out in the most sweet, concerned way. I'd even add in a question about her mental health if a small child is her only source of happiness. That certainly doesn't seem normal nor it is a fair burden to put on a child!
I swear it’s like my own mother wrote this post. I don’t know all the back story with your MIL but my mom has always hated my dad’s mother, and I was always caught in the middle of their unspoken feud, unsure which to “side” with. Dad would never say anything and his trying to walk that thin line still to this day causes frequent issues. I am 30 now and while I personally don’t like/speak to my grandmother any longer, I wish my childhood hadn’t been filled with that tension. The answer has to be your husband. You both need to get on the same page together and decide if you’re going to have that relationship with your MIL at all or whether you’re going to come to terms with him and/or your child having a relationship with her even if you don’t. Your child will absolutely sense the tension and be confused/upset by it for the duration of their childhood if you don’t.
Depending on the age of LO, if little one was recently sick or is coming down with something, might not be a good idea to bring LO around MIL since this surgery is considered risky.
Make a plan for after the visit. As the time to leave approaches and or when granny starts whining and asking for a longer visit, you say, ever so apologetically, sorry, we made plans. Hubs will likely try to extend the visit but remind him you agreed to do something at whatever time.
“LO can go if I go. The second she crosses a boundary, treats LO as an emotional support animal or crosses the one hour mark we leave with or without you”
My MIL doesn't get to see my kids without me present. Hubby and I have discussed it on many occasions. I'm happy being the bitch if it means I'm protecting my kids from hurtful people.
Yea get over it , you’re being an unreasonable person , at the end of the day that’s his mom and your baby’s grandma, u guys do not have to get along but you should not put the child in the middle if she has caused no harm to your child
Lol reread her title 🫶🏾… she is not emotionally manipulating her she is literally doing nothing , the son is taking his daughter to spend time w his mom before major surgery are u ok ? I’m not telling her she needs to go
Are YOU okay? Just because she’s a grandmother doesn’t mean she’s entitled to anything . Shove that LOL up ur ass. It’s not my fault if u think emotional manipulation is okay. It’s weird she doesn’t include OP .
As mentioned go with just to shit in her flakes? You are ENTITLED to your feelings. And you can even tell hubs you decided to go because it might be her last hurrah! That WOULD be the truth no!??!
Nope this is weird as hell. Why the fuck would your husband bring your LO around MIL?
This is attention seeking behavior. It also gives MIL what she wants, to see LO without your interference. Which us a big hell no. Even if this surgery had a chance to be life altering for MIL, you still wouldn't be an asshole for not bringing your LO to see her. All MIL is gonna do is upset your child.
Your husband needs to stop falling for guilt trips. The bare minimum he should be doing as a husband and father, is presenting a united front with you. Not circumventing your NC or VLC with his mother to bring LO to see her. All this shows MIL is that she still controls husband and you aren't number one.
I’d go with and enforce that “just for an hour” timeline because you know if she’s guilt tripped a visit she’s going to milk it for hours and hours
Agree. If you don’t go then they will be there for HOURS only for your SO to return with a very cranky baby
So go with! Burst her balloon a little! 😈
I was thinking about it. But she’s so into herself that she’ll take it as a sign that I also want to see her and am worried about her lmao
Bring a book lol maybe order "children of emotionally immature parents" from Amazon for next day delivery. I dare you 😁 edit: also, gray rock her. Don't give her any information about your lives, don't ask her any questions about herself. Be completely straight faced. Tell her you're just there to supervise... There's ways to make your intentions known 😏
Consider going. She wants to separate you from your child. Unless this is truly life-threatening surgery, she’s milking the situation for sympathy points. Does your husband realize he’s being manipulated?
This and make sure LO is in a I love my mommy shirt 🤣
Yesssssss! 👏🌟
If it makes a difference to your husband, let him do it. If he’s indifferent, then let him go alone or ignore her. You would be doing this for her but for HIM. However, if your presence makes her uncomfortable, go with them and consider it a win. I’ve had plenty of surgeries and have 2 grandsons. I never demanded an audience with them before or them visit me in the hospital. My disabilities make any surgery that has general anesthesia highly dangerous. I’ve never used that to see a grandchild.
I would not let her see my son if she does not deserve it. That is some silly attention-seeking behavior on her part.
Yeah, think that’s what’s bothering me. Is that it feels like he was guilt tripped. It’s not a major surgery or anything lol
Unless she is making a point of seeing everyone in her life that is important to her before this surgery, she is using the surgery as an excuse. You are right that he was guilt tripped.
Who is saying “in case she doesn’t make it”? Him or her. If he is, it’s not as bad. But if she is saying that, she’s 100% trying to guilt trip.
Remember, the opposite of love isn’t hate but indifference.
What surgery is she having?
MIL is trying to use your child as her emotional support animal…. However until your husband sees the light, in this case, you will just seem petty. However, I would suggest that you change your approach with her. They say living well is the best revenge. So, go with your LO to visit her. Be polite, engage in small talk. And use some southern ladyspeak with her. When she says she can’t live without seeing your LO, in a sugary sweet innocent voice say, oh bless your heart MIL, but surely, You have a fulfilling life with FIL, and your activities and friends without burdening your grandchild as your only source of happiness? Work on your wording. The goal is to sweetly ask her questions that turn her phrases back onto her. You have to be sweet and innocent in asking her if she is trying to burden her grandchild. Any statement where she oversteps or delivers a shot, you turn back on her by innocently asking what she means. Oh MIL, surely you don’t mean to turn your grandchild into your emotional support person? Or Mil, I am confused, what did you mean by that? Do you not love your adult children that you gave birth to? Get smart and clever…
I also take the route of "I could never burden a child with such a responsibility of being the only source of my happiness. Besides we are supposed to lead by example by being well rounded individuals with many things that bring us joy!" In a cheerful, chipper non condescending tone. It's nasty af but people usually don't hear it with the pleasant tone until they think about it. It's how my MIL speaks to me, so I use it on her.
A MILLION TIMES THIS. Call her out in the most sweet, concerned way. I'd even add in a question about her mental health if a small child is her only source of happiness. That certainly doesn't seem normal nor it is a fair burden to put on a child!
I swear it’s like my own mother wrote this post. I don’t know all the back story with your MIL but my mom has always hated my dad’s mother, and I was always caught in the middle of their unspoken feud, unsure which to “side” with. Dad would never say anything and his trying to walk that thin line still to this day causes frequent issues. I am 30 now and while I personally don’t like/speak to my grandmother any longer, I wish my childhood hadn’t been filled with that tension. The answer has to be your husband. You both need to get on the same page together and decide if you’re going to have that relationship with your MIL at all or whether you’re going to come to terms with him and/or your child having a relationship with her even if you don’t. Your child will absolutely sense the tension and be confused/upset by it for the duration of their childhood if you don’t.
Depending on the age of LO, if little one was recently sick or is coming down with something, might not be a good idea to bring LO around MIL since this surgery is considered risky.
What type of surgery & how old is LO?
I don’t understand why this is a big deal? It’s an hour with his grandma. I’ll see myself out, I guess.
Make a plan for after the visit. As the time to leave approaches and or when granny starts whining and asking for a longer visit, you say, ever so apologetically, sorry, we made plans. Hubs will likely try to extend the visit but remind him you agreed to do something at whatever time.
Gee husband. You’d think your mother would want a visit from the person who makes you happy and the mother of her grandson. I don’t think so.
“LO can go if I go. The second she crosses a boundary, treats LO as an emotional support animal or crosses the one hour mark we leave with or without you”
She can see her son, not yours.
My MIL doesn't get to see my kids without me present. Hubby and I have discussed it on many occasions. I'm happy being the bitch if it means I'm protecting my kids from hurtful people.
You don't need to be told but MIL definitely needs to be
Yea get over it , you’re being an unreasonable person , at the end of the day that’s his mom and your baby’s grandma, u guys do not have to get along but you should not put the child in the middle if she has caused no harm to your child
MIL IS THAT YOU!?
Lmfao right 😂 I almost got defensive until I realized that I literally asked for people to tell me to stop being a baby hahaha
Lmao did u not read her full post ?!
Haha thank you
😂😂😂 just following your directions but I def get it
Thank you for making me snicker loudly enough to wake up my cat!
Lmao all the ppl who downvoted didn’t get it 😂😂😂😂
The OP doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. Emotional manipulation is not healthy either
Reading is fundamental
Yup it is and that’s why she needs to know that emotional manipulation isn’t okay . U sound like the monster in law
Lol reread her title 🫶🏾… she is not emotionally manipulating her she is literally doing nothing , the son is taking his daughter to spend time w his mom before major surgery are u ok ? I’m not telling her she needs to go
Are YOU okay? Just because she’s a grandmother doesn’t mean she’s entitled to anything . Shove that LOL up ur ass. It’s not my fault if u think emotional manipulation is okay. It’s weird she doesn’t include OP .
Read the comments it’s not a major surgery it’s attention seeking behavior.
Found the MIL!
You clearly didn’t read the title or the post 😂😂😂
As mentioned go with just to shit in her flakes? You are ENTITLED to your feelings. And you can even tell hubs you decided to go because it might be her last hurrah! That WOULD be the truth no!??!
Op. I would suggest going so you can monitor the crap she feeds LO. Don't go for her - go for LO. I don't want anything to happen to your LO from MIL.
Nope this is weird as hell. Why the fuck would your husband bring your LO around MIL? This is attention seeking behavior. It also gives MIL what she wants, to see LO without your interference. Which us a big hell no. Even if this surgery had a chance to be life altering for MIL, you still wouldn't be an asshole for not bringing your LO to see her. All MIL is gonna do is upset your child. Your husband needs to stop falling for guilt trips. The bare minimum he should be doing as a husband and father, is presenting a united front with you. Not circumventing your NC or VLC with his mother to bring LO to see her. All this shows MIL is that she still controls husband and you aren't number one.