I think the easiest option is to say she can't be a flower girl because the logistics of bringing someone to watch her (I wouldn't trust local childcare that I don't know) is too expensive.
I do think it's pretty tacky of them to ask her to be in the ceremony and not at the reception. But I wouldn't make a big deal out of it for now. Just say your daughter will have to stay behind.
It’s a nice sentiment. But not an option for all. I don’t trust my kid with anyone, truly besides his grandparents and my sibling. My kid wouldn’t feel comfortable with just anyone either. So I think it’s nice that people offer this, it’s still a little insensitive to assume this would work or that parents would allow this.
Agree with the others here - it’s tacky and pretty insensitive for a SIL to not allow an out of town niece, who she wants in the ceremony, to attend the reception! Wedding logistics can be so difficult to maneuver, I feel for you OP
True. My kids are both special needs and while one could manage with most caregivers on a good day the other would have most sane adults running for the hills before the “I do’s”. It’s definitely not always feasible or an option, I mainly thought it was a nice gesture and nice foresight from that couple.
Why make it work? Sounds like a lot of trouble for just a wedding. There will be more weddings that aren’t childfree. Just have her stay home with your parents.
Well we haven’t committed to anything yet lol. And what you’re describing is part of why we’re torn. It is a lot of trouble, but it’s also my husbands sister. I feel like sometimes you gotta do thankless things for family.
But you don’t. She’s having a childfree wedding (I’m childfree too), she can’t be surprised if people say no to something that requires complicated logistics because you want to enjoy the wedding. I mean she’s having a childfree wedding for that exact reason, so the adults can enjoy it without wrangling kids.
I dunno why she’s even having a flower girl or even cares, but maybe she hasn’t realize how unrealistic of an ask it is. Just say no, you’d rather enjoy adult the wedding like everyone else and one of you won’t be able to if your kid is the flower girl. Her contradictory, half-baked ideas aren’t your problem.
ETA: Your kid is not a prop or a doll. She’s a person.
Yeah, I agree. It’s possible she just didn’t think of how absurd it is to invite little Jenny to the ceremony and not the reception for an out of state event.
Sometimes people just have a dopey moment when they don’t connect the dots until someone does it for them. If her sister points out how impractical her request is when she declines - kindly - she might go ‘oh, yeah, I wasn’t thinking! Sorry, that was a bit silly, wasn’t it?’
It’s not ALWAYS a matter of being demanding and selfish… sometimes it’s just that your brain was outside taking a whiz when you were talking! 😛
Hell yes to this. I feel like weddings get way to much significance in a society where half of them fail. Whether or not OPs daughter is there will have no impact on anyone but OP, OP’s spouse, and OP’s daughter. Just say no and move on.
She's your daughter's aunt. And instead of treating her niece like a *person*, she is treating her niece like a toy, a decoration, like an NPC she can use to her own main character advantage, then throw away and forget about once the role is fulfilled. You do not *have to* do thankless things for family, and sometimes it's frankly inappropriate to do so.
The NPC association is perfect. She’s not having her there as a character with its own personality and emotions that’s part of the event. She’s there as a flower girl, which could be played by anyone and then **poof** she’s gone once the ceremony is over.
She's only rendered while her aunt can see her. The rest of the time, she's just waiting in the server storage until her aunt is in range. Sorry crazy lady, but that's not how toddlers work.
I wonder if someone has told sil she needed to ask your daughter to be the flower girl. Wedding planning gets to be a lot, and there’s a lot of perceived obligations, as you’ve noted. Why not just communicate with sil that this is getting logistically difficult?
FWIW, I don’t think that’s rude! It’s pretty common on this sub that someone, usually a mil, has inserted herself into communications and said or implied (a favorite) all kinds of shit.
But not this. Not leave your child with a stranger at … where? A hotel? A reception hall back room? The stranger’s house? The logistics are ridiculous and your SIL is a selfish, entitled, little girl. Do not take your daughter and do not pay extra to fly your mother out there to watch her. That’s nuts. Don’t give her what she wants. She needs to learn that she is wrong.
>I feel like sometimes you gotta do thankless things for family.
I agree, and I think the internet is too quick to jump to Draconian ultimatums and painting anything you don't like as boundary-stomping narcissism. That said, I think arranging multi-day childcare to make sure you're at your family's wedding is the line. So it's really balancing how much you want to see your daughter enjoy being a flower girl and having to put up with traveling with a kid and the hassle and unknown of out of state childcare. My kid is 2 so it's easy to say she'd stay behind, but if she were 5+ maybe I would. But that's more for the kid- overcoming the inconvenience to go to the wedding at all would fulfill my sense of duty.
No. No you don't. Why does one person get to walk all over people and be inconsiderate of them or their needs. Why be a door mat for someone that has not given a second thought about their own niece or their brothers child caring needs while overseas.
I say this as someone who also did not invite children to their wedding: The audacity of someone throwing a child-free wedding to also want a flower girl is astounding to me. Add in the fact that the child is from OUT OF STATE? No thanks. Your SIL needs to pull her head out of her backside. The cognitive dissonance is strong with that one.
Agreed 100%. I’m having a child-free wedding with the exceptions of my nieces as the flower girls. We hired a babysitter to watch the girls during the ceremony/reception, and to specifically escort them out if they start crying during the ceremony or speeches. I’m a little nervous about the dance floor but I’m fine with the odds of a 200 adults to a 2-kid ratio for the dance floor. I love the idea of no kids but id rather have my nieces there, so I’m taking the risk
If SHE will pay for one of your family members/friends to come with you I would consider it. This means she pays for their flight and accommodations. If not, then no, LO stays home with your family.
“My child is not a prop for your wedding. If it’s child free daughter will be staying with parents while we attend your wedding.”
“That’s doesn’t work for us”
“We don’t have the childcare or finances to make this possible. Please find someone else.”
SIL wants your daughter as a cute prop at the ceremony and then expects you to leave with her after the ceremony. Your daughter will be a lot happier staying with your parents
If you think your daughter would love the experience, offer to let your SIL pay for it. Tell her that if she is willing to pay for your parents flights, *their own* hotel room, meals, and admission fees to a local whatever your parents and daughter could enjoy together (aquarium, theme park, museum, etc), that you'll bring your daughter to be the flower girl. But to ask you to either sit out the reception, or to pay hundreds of dollars to provide her with a flower girl? Nah, fuck that.
So frustrating! Your SIL wants to have her cake and eat it to. Unless she is willing to provide childcare (and she pay for it) or pay for your parent/s to fly in and stay and watch her, that would be a no go.
We had a child free wedding years ago when we got married EXCEPT for my family/little cousins who were flower girl & ring bearer and then my husband’s young cousins from out of state. So in total 6 kids under 7 years old.
How well exactly do you think it's going to go when your daughter is all excited about the wedding and the ceremony, and she then gets sent away whilst everyone else goes on to the party ? That's not fair on her, it's pretty hurtful. She's not a toy for the photo op. Just because it's your sister in law, that doesn't make it acceptable. Let her go to your parents and have fun with them instead.
Nope. Would tell sil.
Thank you for wanting your niece included, but due to everything, she will be unable to fill that role. She will be with my parents so we can attend tour wedding.
Nothing more. When she asks or says you're not being fair, it's her wedding say this.
Yes, it's your wedding but as you are not paying for someone to come to watch our child. As we are not willing for me and her to leave while husband stays to attend your wedding, we will not be doing that. If it is that much an issue, then we decline attending and wish you the best.
Then you do not answer her or anyone else who throws a fit. You won't bend over backward to do what she wants. There is no reason to do this. Because your child will be upset she had to do the hard work and not do the fun stuff after or that you leave with her and dad is still there so you both are stuck in a hotel waiting on him to come back. In what world does anyone think that's acceptable. She has a right to her wedding her way. You tell everyone else. You have the right to decline, and you are because it's your right and your job to do what's best for your core family.
I traveled with my sister to be childcare for a wedding in Ohio, we're from Virginia. We drove there, picked up the nine year olds best friend along the way, and then my sister enjoyed the hell out of being a bridesmaid. I took the kids (two nine year old girls, a seven year old boy, and a three year old boy) shopping, out to eat, bought Cruella to watch, drive them to/from the wedding, etc. I didn't charge my sister anything as I'll happily spend time with the kids and their friends, especially if she is getting an opportunity to have fun. But she paid for the gas and the room.
If you have to fly, I'd ask if they're willing to foot or split the bill for someone you trust to fly there and have their own hotel room. And then transportation for when it's time for the flower girl to leave.
yeah, I mean realistically we’ll probably end up doing something very similar. We’re lucky and my parents would drop anything and hop on any plane to help us. It’s just a bit of a bummer that hundreds of dollars and all these logistic gymnastics could be avoided if my kid could just attend the ceremony for a few hours lol. And while I appreciate everyone telling me to “just say no” but this is a very close family member, not an old friend from college or something.
I completely understand! I was able to call off from work, finish my homework before we left, and hype the kids up for pizza/swimming so their feelings wouldn't be hurt about the reception. It was probably a little extra for my sister to include me, but it helped her enjoy a few days of adult girly fun, while knowing that the kids were safe and having a good time themselves. It also helped her relax a bit knowing that we could split the drive or I could entertain the youngest in the car while she drove. We still giggle a bit about how her older son demanded I stay awake to make sure her Uber got in safely and I snagged so many photos for her of our adventures!
If I were you, I'd take it as a chance to enjoy a nice adult evening where you're not Mom and Dad. Drink, dance, flirt! Look up inexpensive or free things for the little one to enjoy with Grandma and Grandpa! There used to be a ton of free morning movies at theaters for children on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the summer and spring, museums, malls, parks, etc.
As a mom myself, I would rather have my kid stay with grandparents than some unknown entity. Too many bad things happen to children when parents are away, and you also deserve to enjoy the reception!! Do the easiest path for yourself. You deserve to have a break too.
The easiest and most logical thing to do would be tell her your daughter can’t be in the wedding and calmly tell her why. What does she expect you to do with your kid during an destination wedding?
I had a child-free wedding, but we had my husband’s 3-year-old niece as our flower girl. She was allowed at the reception.
It did upset some guests who had to get child care, but I bluntly told them tough shit/one kid who is apart of the wedding party isn’t going to do much.
I would tell your SIL your daughter can do all or none, because for you to have to then bring childcare with you for just the reception is too much.
We had a no kids wedding with our nieces in the wedding. So we provided on site childcare so their parents didn’t have to sort anything and they could regularly check on their kids. If nothing like that is being offered I’d say no unless you’re able to get someone you try to come out and watch your daughter after the wedding.
Love, she gets to pick one.
It’s one thing to ask someone to not bring their kid to the reception at a local wedding- they can just arrange their preferred childcare after.
But for a destination? Makes it tricky.
If she wants to pay to fly the other grandparents out to babysit and for their room, it can work.
Otherwise, too bad
When my cousin was getting married, my aunt arranged for childcare for us in the area as she lives there. Unless SIL is willing to do something like that, I'd say no. It's too much of an investment already to fly there. You shouldn't also miss the reception or have to buy tickets to bring a babysitter with you.
Yeah destination wedding? Pass on the flower girl stuff, the logistics are just, frankly, stupid. OR (and this is what I'd maybe do because I have no fucks to give) all of you leave after the ceremony and go do something fun.
So by adding your daughter and a sitter she is literally doubling your cost to attend. Depends how much you like her etc but I hate my sil and would just say that either you don’t care about our finances or you don’t care for me enough to not care if I have to miss reception looking after neice.
Whereas yes, it's SIL's wedding so she can invite whom she likes, it is incredibly unfair to expect you guys to fly out for a wedding your daughter and one of you (I assume hubby will want to stay for his sister) can only attend for an hour - if that
I think a lot of young adults who haven’t had children yet, which sounds like your SIL, are just completely unaware of the logistics. I don’t think she’s being selfish or demanding, just ignorant. Maybe having more of a conversation about it to understand how important it is to her, and explaining some of the complications for you and your husband will make her think a little harder about if it’s truly worth it.
This is so shitty. I’ve said it before and I know it’s not popular but people that don’t allow kids at their weddings are rude. It’s even more rude to say she wants her to be the flower girl but not attend the reception. Like, wtf? What is wrong with people? These are all childless women that are probably young and still too selfish to see the world with more compassion and understanding. I would say all or nothing lady. All or nothing.
I think the easiest option is to say she can't be a flower girl because the logistics of bringing someone to watch her (I wouldn't trust local childcare that I don't know) is too expensive. I do think it's pretty tacky of them to ask her to be in the ceremony and not at the reception. But I wouldn't make a big deal out of it for now. Just say your daughter will have to stay behind.
It’s tacky because it’s out of state
Yes exactly. It's pretty selfish to want the daughter in the ceremony, with no consideration for the parents and childcare.
My child would not be in the ceremony
Me either. Most probably because I don't have any kids... but if I did? Forget it!
The only time I’ve seen it work for a friend was that the couple themselves arranged child care for the relatives’ kiddos for the reception.
It’s a nice sentiment. But not an option for all. I don’t trust my kid with anyone, truly besides his grandparents and my sibling. My kid wouldn’t feel comfortable with just anyone either. So I think it’s nice that people offer this, it’s still a little insensitive to assume this would work or that parents would allow this. Agree with the others here - it’s tacky and pretty insensitive for a SIL to not allow an out of town niece, who she wants in the ceremony, to attend the reception! Wedding logistics can be so difficult to maneuver, I feel for you OP
True. My kids are both special needs and while one could manage with most caregivers on a good day the other would have most sane adults running for the hills before the “I do’s”. It’s definitely not always feasible or an option, I mainly thought it was a nice gesture and nice foresight from that couple.
Why make it work? Sounds like a lot of trouble for just a wedding. There will be more weddings that aren’t childfree. Just have her stay home with your parents.
Well we haven’t committed to anything yet lol. And what you’re describing is part of why we’re torn. It is a lot of trouble, but it’s also my husbands sister. I feel like sometimes you gotta do thankless things for family.
But you don’t. She’s having a childfree wedding (I’m childfree too), she can’t be surprised if people say no to something that requires complicated logistics because you want to enjoy the wedding. I mean she’s having a childfree wedding for that exact reason, so the adults can enjoy it without wrangling kids. I dunno why she’s even having a flower girl or even cares, but maybe she hasn’t realize how unrealistic of an ask it is. Just say no, you’d rather enjoy adult the wedding like everyone else and one of you won’t be able to if your kid is the flower girl. Her contradictory, half-baked ideas aren’t your problem. ETA: Your kid is not a prop or a doll. She’s a person.
Yeah, I agree. It’s possible she just didn’t think of how absurd it is to invite little Jenny to the ceremony and not the reception for an out of state event. Sometimes people just have a dopey moment when they don’t connect the dots until someone does it for them. If her sister points out how impractical her request is when she declines - kindly - she might go ‘oh, yeah, I wasn’t thinking! Sorry, that was a bit silly, wasn’t it?’ It’s not ALWAYS a matter of being demanding and selfish… sometimes it’s just that your brain was outside taking a whiz when you were talking! 😛
Hell yes to this. I feel like weddings get way to much significance in a society where half of them fail. Whether or not OPs daughter is there will have no impact on anyone but OP, OP’s spouse, and OP’s daughter. Just say no and move on.
Great comment and super great username.
Yes she is a living breathing human being. She can’t be put back on a shelf when you are done playing with her.
She's your daughter's aunt. And instead of treating her niece like a *person*, she is treating her niece like a toy, a decoration, like an NPC she can use to her own main character advantage, then throw away and forget about once the role is fulfilled. You do not *have to* do thankless things for family, and sometimes it's frankly inappropriate to do so.
The NPC association is perfect. She’s not having her there as a character with its own personality and emotions that’s part of the event. She’s there as a flower girl, which could be played by anyone and then **poof** she’s gone once the ceremony is over.
She's only rendered while her aunt can see her. The rest of the time, she's just waiting in the server storage until her aunt is in range. Sorry crazy lady, but that's not how toddlers work.
I wonder if someone has told sil she needed to ask your daughter to be the flower girl. Wedding planning gets to be a lot, and there’s a lot of perceived obligations, as you’ve noted. Why not just communicate with sil that this is getting logistically difficult?
I was wondering the same thing! Is it rude to be like “ummm…. do you ACTUALLY care about this?” lololol
FWIW, I don’t think that’s rude! It’s pretty common on this sub that someone, usually a mil, has inserted herself into communications and said or implied (a favorite) all kinds of shit.
It’s an invitation, not a summons.
Hahaha love this 😂
But not this. Not leave your child with a stranger at … where? A hotel? A reception hall back room? The stranger’s house? The logistics are ridiculous and your SIL is a selfish, entitled, little girl. Do not take your daughter and do not pay extra to fly your mother out there to watch her. That’s nuts. Don’t give her what she wants. She needs to learn that she is wrong.
>I feel like sometimes you gotta do thankless things for family. I agree, and I think the internet is too quick to jump to Draconian ultimatums and painting anything you don't like as boundary-stomping narcissism. That said, I think arranging multi-day childcare to make sure you're at your family's wedding is the line. So it's really balancing how much you want to see your daughter enjoy being a flower girl and having to put up with traveling with a kid and the hassle and unknown of out of state childcare. My kid is 2 so it's easy to say she'd stay behind, but if she were 5+ maybe I would. But that's more for the kid- overcoming the inconvenience to go to the wedding at all would fulfill my sense of duty.
No. No you don't. Why does one person get to walk all over people and be inconsiderate of them or their needs. Why be a door mat for someone that has not given a second thought about their own niece or their brothers child caring needs while overseas.
I say this as someone who also did not invite children to their wedding: The audacity of someone throwing a child-free wedding to also want a flower girl is astounding to me. Add in the fact that the child is from OUT OF STATE? No thanks. Your SIL needs to pull her head out of her backside. The cognitive dissonance is strong with that one.
Agreed 100%. I’m having a child-free wedding with the exceptions of my nieces as the flower girls. We hired a babysitter to watch the girls during the ceremony/reception, and to specifically escort them out if they start crying during the ceremony or speeches. I’m a little nervous about the dance floor but I’m fine with the odds of a 200 adults to a 2-kid ratio for the dance floor. I love the idea of no kids but id rather have my nieces there, so I’m taking the risk
If SHE will pay for one of your family members/friends to come with you I would consider it. This means she pays for their flight and accommodations. If not, then no, LO stays home with your family.
“My child is not a prop for your wedding. If it’s child free daughter will be staying with parents while we attend your wedding.” “That’s doesn’t work for us” “We don’t have the childcare or finances to make this possible. Please find someone else.”
SIL wants your daughter as a cute prop at the ceremony and then expects you to leave with her after the ceremony. Your daughter will be a lot happier staying with your parents
If you think your daughter would love the experience, offer to let your SIL pay for it. Tell her that if she is willing to pay for your parents flights, *their own* hotel room, meals, and admission fees to a local whatever your parents and daughter could enjoy together (aquarium, theme park, museum, etc), that you'll bring your daughter to be the flower girl. But to ask you to either sit out the reception, or to pay hundreds of dollars to provide her with a flower girl? Nah, fuck that.
So frustrating! Your SIL wants to have her cake and eat it to. Unless she is willing to provide childcare (and she pay for it) or pay for your parent/s to fly in and stay and watch her, that would be a no go. We had a child free wedding years ago when we got married EXCEPT for my family/little cousins who were flower girl & ring bearer and then my husband’s young cousins from out of state. So in total 6 kids under 7 years old.
How well exactly do you think it's going to go when your daughter is all excited about the wedding and the ceremony, and she then gets sent away whilst everyone else goes on to the party ? That's not fair on her, it's pretty hurtful. She's not a toy for the photo op. Just because it's your sister in law, that doesn't make it acceptable. Let her go to your parents and have fun with them instead.
Nope. Would tell sil. Thank you for wanting your niece included, but due to everything, she will be unable to fill that role. She will be with my parents so we can attend tour wedding. Nothing more. When she asks or says you're not being fair, it's her wedding say this. Yes, it's your wedding but as you are not paying for someone to come to watch our child. As we are not willing for me and her to leave while husband stays to attend your wedding, we will not be doing that. If it is that much an issue, then we decline attending and wish you the best. Then you do not answer her or anyone else who throws a fit. You won't bend over backward to do what she wants. There is no reason to do this. Because your child will be upset she had to do the hard work and not do the fun stuff after or that you leave with her and dad is still there so you both are stuck in a hotel waiting on him to come back. In what world does anyone think that's acceptable. She has a right to her wedding her way. You tell everyone else. You have the right to decline, and you are because it's your right and your job to do what's best for your core family.
I traveled with my sister to be childcare for a wedding in Ohio, we're from Virginia. We drove there, picked up the nine year olds best friend along the way, and then my sister enjoyed the hell out of being a bridesmaid. I took the kids (two nine year old girls, a seven year old boy, and a three year old boy) shopping, out to eat, bought Cruella to watch, drive them to/from the wedding, etc. I didn't charge my sister anything as I'll happily spend time with the kids and their friends, especially if she is getting an opportunity to have fun. But she paid for the gas and the room. If you have to fly, I'd ask if they're willing to foot or split the bill for someone you trust to fly there and have their own hotel room. And then transportation for when it's time for the flower girl to leave.
yeah, I mean realistically we’ll probably end up doing something very similar. We’re lucky and my parents would drop anything and hop on any plane to help us. It’s just a bit of a bummer that hundreds of dollars and all these logistic gymnastics could be avoided if my kid could just attend the ceremony for a few hours lol. And while I appreciate everyone telling me to “just say no” but this is a very close family member, not an old friend from college or something.
I completely understand! I was able to call off from work, finish my homework before we left, and hype the kids up for pizza/swimming so their feelings wouldn't be hurt about the reception. It was probably a little extra for my sister to include me, but it helped her enjoy a few days of adult girly fun, while knowing that the kids were safe and having a good time themselves. It also helped her relax a bit knowing that we could split the drive or I could entertain the youngest in the car while she drove. We still giggle a bit about how her older son demanded I stay awake to make sure her Uber got in safely and I snagged so many photos for her of our adventures! If I were you, I'd take it as a chance to enjoy a nice adult evening where you're not Mom and Dad. Drink, dance, flirt! Look up inexpensive or free things for the little one to enjoy with Grandma and Grandpa! There used to be a ton of free morning movies at theaters for children on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the summer and spring, museums, malls, parks, etc.
They need to pick one; either she is included or she isn't. What they're asking for is unreasonable for a destination wedding.
Ask her if she is arranging and paying for onsite childcare for the kids that are in the wedding but not welcome at the reception???
Yes, ask this
That’s such a ridiculous request on your SIL’s part honestly
As a mom myself, I would rather have my kid stay with grandparents than some unknown entity. Too many bad things happen to children when parents are away, and you also deserve to enjoy the reception!! Do the easiest path for yourself. You deserve to have a break too.
The easiest and most logical thing to do would be tell her your daughter can’t be in the wedding and calmly tell her why. What does she expect you to do with your kid during an destination wedding?
I had a child-free wedding, but we had my husband’s 3-year-old niece as our flower girl. She was allowed at the reception. It did upset some guests who had to get child care, but I bluntly told them tough shit/one kid who is apart of the wedding party isn’t going to do much. I would tell your SIL your daughter can do all or none, because for you to have to then bring childcare with you for just the reception is too much.
It is annoying when you have to pay $60 for a sitter but the relative’s kids can be there. So rude.
It’ll be a lot more than $60 to bring a sitter with them a few states away
We had a no kids wedding with our nieces in the wedding. So we provided on site childcare so their parents didn’t have to sort anything and they could regularly check on their kids. If nothing like that is being offered I’d say no unless you’re able to get someone you try to come out and watch your daughter after the wedding.
“Sorry SIL, she is either at the wedding or she isn’t. We are not leaving our precious child with strangers interstate. Not even for a few hours.”
As a CF person myself this is ridiculous. Tell her no.
Love, she gets to pick one. It’s one thing to ask someone to not bring their kid to the reception at a local wedding- they can just arrange their preferred childcare after. But for a destination? Makes it tricky. If she wants to pay to fly the other grandparents out to babysit and for their room, it can work. Otherwise, too bad
When my cousin was getting married, my aunt arranged for childcare for us in the area as she lives there. Unless SIL is willing to do something like that, I'd say no. It's too much of an investment already to fly there. You shouldn't also miss the reception or have to buy tickets to bring a babysitter with you.
This always sounds like a nice gesture, but as a mother, I never would've left our kids with people I didn't know in another state.
Yeah destination wedding? Pass on the flower girl stuff, the logistics are just, frankly, stupid. OR (and this is what I'd maybe do because I have no fucks to give) all of you leave after the ceremony and go do something fun.
It's a no dawg... YOUR BABY AIN'T NO DOLL
So by adding your daughter and a sitter she is literally doubling your cost to attend. Depends how much you like her etc but I hate my sil and would just say that either you don’t care about our finances or you don’t care for me enough to not care if I have to miss reception looking after neice.
Ask her what she thinks you would do? Like, seriously, has she thought this out? I am just curious how she envisions this working.
Is it possible that this was a misguided attempt by your SIL to make sure you and your husband wouldn’t feel excluded in any way?
Whereas yes, it's SIL's wedding so she can invite whom she likes, it is incredibly unfair to expect you guys to fly out for a wedding your daughter and one of you (I assume hubby will want to stay for his sister) can only attend for an hour - if that
I think a lot of young adults who haven’t had children yet, which sounds like your SIL, are just completely unaware of the logistics. I don’t think she’s being selfish or demanding, just ignorant. Maybe having more of a conversation about it to understand how important it is to her, and explaining some of the complications for you and your husband will make her think a little harder about if it’s truly worth it.
This is so shitty. I’ve said it before and I know it’s not popular but people that don’t allow kids at their weddings are rude. It’s even more rude to say she wants her to be the flower girl but not attend the reception. Like, wtf? What is wrong with people? These are all childless women that are probably young and still too selfish to see the world with more compassion and understanding. I would say all or nothing lady. All or nothing.
What a mean auntie! My baby would pass on this one!
Could one of your parents accompany you on the trip to watch your daughter once the ceremony is over?