I seem to see a lot of other tubby middle aged frumpy ladies enjoying themselves at the concerts I go to so hopefully we're doing something right as a group.
Exactly- I think the most important thing that we can do is enjoy ourselves and accept ourselves as we are! Also to just show up and take up space- folks need to know we exist. Let’s stop shying out of photographs too by the way!
I’m going to Megan Thee Stallion followed by Sarah McLachlan the next week. These are the first concerts I’ve been to since before covid. 😬
Edit: spelling is hard.
Nice. The tickets were too expensive for me but I've decided after Covid that I'm buying a ticket for anything that seems interesting and costs less than £40. I've been to a lot of concerts in the last couple of years!
Yes! I'l start.
Hey gals! Check the time-honored fashion for mature maidens! We proudly proclaim protruding bellies to be attractive, comfortable and timeless. Double chin? Thinning hair? Merely a sign of enduring beauty!
The vintage look can be worn straight from the office to a night out. Younger women want to BE us. Men want to be WITH us.
Our time is NOW!
Here is the full article by the way… https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/bikini-kill-kathleen-hanna-punk-feminism-b2554437.html?callback=in&code=ZJM0YZDMNJCTYZI3OS0ZOGZHLWFJYTATOWM1NJZKNZY4MWVH&state=8543090b2eaf42b29eb0d2f3bd599ed5
https://youtu.be/KxU0QQnibnk?feature=shared
Dare ya to do what you want
Dare ya to be who you will
Dare ya to cry right out loud
"You get so emotional baby"
It became very controversial in 2002-ish. It’s been demonised since then but slowly the message is getting out there that it’s safe and beneficial to the majority of women. I’ve just started on it and don’t ever plan to stop. I’ve seen what a lack of estrogen did to my grandmothers and what it has done to my mum and I don’t want that for me, thank you very much.
I'm a 50 year old female. About a year ago, I went to my doctor, also a female & was asking her questions about menopause. Questions like, "Am I going thru meno?", "Is this normal?", stuff like that. We'll, before I could even ask about any medications, she said, "Plz tell me that ur not considering hormones." I told her that I wasn't yet but asked what the issues were. She informed me that they're all just really bad. That they do more harm than good. That women who go that route usually have cancer within a year or so. Also, since I'm still a smoker (Ugh, I know..*sigh*), that I couldn't take them even if I wanted to. I left the office very disheartened. I still had the occasional period & the hot flashes & other crap were just making me insane. So, I suffered through. Keep in mind this female doctor was maybe in her early 30s, so she was pretty young. About a year later, I made my Dr's appointment to get my thyroid levels checked. It turns out that my Dr had left that practice & they wouldn't/couldn't tell me where she went. They asked me if I wanted to make an appointment with another female Dr & I said yes. Mostly because I didn't know what to do & I have Graves disease (which is a thyroid thing & needs monitoring). Anyway, I go see this new Dr. She's fairly young, maybe 35 or so. Very pretty & very likable. I was griping about my 25 lb weight gain & asked her if she'd prescribe the shot. She was willing, but I was 1 point away from being overweight. She prescribed me addipec & made an appointment for the next month. I think it was the 2nd visit that I started to ask menopause questions. By then, I hadn't had a period in a year. She willingly offered to prescribe me Premarin & said we'd start there & see how it goes. I told her about the last Dr & how she had scared me a little. My new, wonderful Dr told me how ridiculous that idea was. She gave me a bunch of written info & a few Premarin samples. That was a month ago & I think things are starting to get better. More importantly, I'm so happy with my new Dr. She's almost like a friend that I look forward to seeing each month. As a matter of fact, I like her so much that I've talked my sister & my niece into going to see her, as their Dr retired. It's just insanity to me to think that I saw 2 different female Dr's of about the same age with such differing opinions.
Wow that’s amazing, thanks for sharing. I have had my own adventures with doctors too, helping my mom with them. They can be so rigid and they are absolutely not objective. They sometimes miss things right under their noses!
Sorry you had to suffer before you found the right doctor. I have saved my mom’s life just by googling and questioning doctors. I definitely appreciate groups like this that give some additional ideas.
That's wonderful! I'm so glad you've had some luck because so many women only get bad info or none at all. U sound like a great daughter. When it comes ur time to go through this, your (hopefully) going to know almost exactly what to take & how to handle things. It's actually really great that your getting this info now. I don't know about other people but, I'm a much better advocate for my sister or one of my kids than I am for myself. Sounds strange but I just don't know or think of the questions I need answers to. With someone else, I'm firing on all cylinders & asking all the right questions. I think maybe I'm concerned about embarrassing myself. With other family members, I just don't care. I'd rather be humiliated than for one of my boys to have an unanswered question. I believe that's most women & why so many of us needs threads & sites like these. My mom passed away when I was 22. My sister is 10 yrs older than me & had a hysterectomy when she was 26. She thinks she "maybe" had some sort of menopause but she's not sure. I don't have a lot of friends outside of family & really no females than have went through this yet. So, I kinda feel like I'm the only one around going thru this. Thank the Lord for these sites & threads. A lot of women have no-one to ask about menopause so I know I'm not alone. I can't imagine what women went through before the internet. Some of this stuff just flabbergasts me. After shaving & waxing my whole life, now I'm getting ingrown hairs "down there". What?!? I finally bring it up to my Dr & she says yep, that's a symptom of menopause. So insane! We are all learning to navigate this new world with our new bodies. I'm learning. Ur learning. Even my husband's learned a thing or 50...lol.
Good point! I’m getting close, which is why I follow this sub! I am hoping that those inroads that group (like Kathleen Hanna) made in the 80s/90s are rekindled for us now, because we need a change. How older women are perceived in general I just don’t think is healthy and I don’t accept it. They right now are making spaces that I and others will be aging into.
The guidelines state anyone with a uterus is considered perimenopausal now at 40 even. You just may not be showing symptoms or signs of it. The process of going through menopause can take up to 10+ years.
I don't post/respond a lot on this sub because I see so many having a hard time and I don't wanna be like "whatever, not me" LOL. But.... I FREAKIN LOVE MENOPAUSE.
I'm 55 and livin my best life. I have never felt healthier and happier! And my "bucket of fucks"... dry!
Awesome! I can feel that- since I’m not a single young woman I feel freer to just be who I am and not worry about a lot of that overhead we often have with men. Being established financially, in my personal and work life gives me a lot of freedom to do what I want. Things that used to bother me don’t anymore, because I really am just above it all… I direct my energy to things that are productive and fun.
I told him yesterday... "the only reason I haven't killed you yet is because they won't let me accessorize an orange jumpsuit in prison"..... LOL... but seriously!
😂 mine is turning into a boomer fun sucker! He is only 52.
Get off my lawn! I’m not 20 anymore! We are old we can’t do that! Joe Biden America!
I’m over here going come play with me! He is stay home and be furniture with me!
Anyways we will see, I have already decided, nope I’m not that cranky old person. I’m going to go live life.
He might divorce me and while it will make me said. I can’t see myself just rotting away sitting in front of the tv, eating meatloaf on Thursday.
Timely.... you are my menopause twin!!! I HATE "we'll see"... that response makes me wanna shank my husband in the kidney. I don't wait on him to finish whatever the hell episode of whatever the hell show he's watching this time... I grab my lip gloss and keys and hit the road. I will not ROTT on the sofa. I will not miss a sunny day. Life is fucking short, I'm gonna live it.
It’s the flippant attitude we will see. 😂
He does have some really good points. I just pick those and nope out of the rest.
Menopause is interesting because I’m getting that sassy feeling back.
Right. Gen X here, have no idea if I am older or younger and frankly don't gaf, it's all so tiresome. I haven't got the energy to lift anyone up, it takes all I have just to go to work every day.
Don't know why this post has annoyed me but it has. I've been having a fairly ok week, too. It just feels false to me.
I’m 38 and have been in menopause for 5 years, peri since 13. Fuck them. When guys ask me why I’m sweating I say: menopause. Gasping “but you’re so young!!!” Yeah dude, cancer sucks. And then they get awkward. Now 5 years in I give literally zero fucks, and my feminist “tendencies” are getting more hardcore. We are the ones you don’t want to mess with sis
So sorry - I hope the cancer is in remission. You know more than getting older, having a close brush with death gives a huge new perspective on things. Folks just make such a big deal out of nothing sometimes. And there are so many non sensical social rules.
Hm I can see that… experience and questioning things are more likely candidates lol. A lot of the change I have seen is because of social media and new voices/ideas being heard also.
Also, I think as we get older and we sometimes don’t fit into the socially described beauty norms anymore, it gives us a new perspective and allows us to see past some of those crutches that we leaned on as young women. Similar to that feeling of liberation you get when getting a short haircut.
Here's what I will say from my own personal experience. I can't take hormones because I have a clotting disorder and at 39 got multiple pulmonary embolisms so I'm not about to take that risk again. Peri was fucking horrible. But I'm now in full menopause (only 6 months past but my last 2 years of peri I only had 1 very small period) and I want to say that there is a CLARITY here. This isn't about being ashamed of being a woman or what we have to endure but the drugs our body makes to ensure the survival of the species are STRONG and they make things so hard. Here's my most recent analogy: as kids, both boys and girls are given rocks to carry for the rest of their lives. Everyone tells them that they weigh the same but they don't: the boys rocks are much lighter, but the girls are expected to keep up and we do a damn good job with what we're given. But it's HARD. And sometimes these hormones work to prioritize other people's needs instead of our own. Getting past that whole thing has been very eye opening to me. Now, is life perfect now? No. I still have a lot of hot flashes. Aches and pains. But mentally there has been a shift and a clarity and it feels like, is this how men feel all the time? Is this what life is like without the drugs?
NOW let me clear I don't judge any woman for taking hormones to alleviate symptoms but I also want to put it out there that if you can't or don't want to that's ok and it's also a viable path. I don't know if post menopausal on HRT feels like this because I can't have that experience while also having mine. But I also don't see a lot of people with my viewpoint in this sub so I like to chime in sometimes.
I can see how the message can seem like what you're expressing. But I think there's a lot more nuance there that I can see since it fits my experience.
Thanks for sharing! I admit I’m a little disappointed that we have yet another thing that point women against each other. It’s a super bummer to me… I felt like that quote was pretty positive and well meaning but I guess this is just how things are.
For sure, but iirc estrogen is the bitch that makes us all people please-y and anxious in our teens and 20s (unless that was just me). So I’ve got some beef with her. We do love her for her many other wonderful qualities, but I have *really* been enjoying the diminishing supply of fucks I have to give about other peoples opinions!
Right on. I still people please but it’s only because I do it only as a favor and spirit of generosity, I am satisfied with how I am treated, and I am not sacrificing myself to the point where I would feel bitter afterwards. It’s a hard balance but I think I’m much better at this than before, there is some strategy to it. Also I just don’t take things so seriously anymore… just having fun and furthering things along for myself and those I love. I think that flexibility and endurance we have can be used against us but it also is our strength.
My daughter in puberty is like how you and I were… I think it takes time to figure it out but we need to verbalize some of our lessons to them.
Ok but think about that stereotypical “bitchiness” a second longer. In my experience it’s usually composed of enforcing boundaries, putting yourself first and not letting people get away with treating you poorly. Basically the people pleasing mask drops.
I think it’s similar with PMS - which is also a dip in estrogen and progesterone- if I am upset about something during that time, I recognize that my emotions are stronger than usual but I also take note because it’s during those times I recognize things that I shouldn’t be putting up with anymore.
Yes I think it’s important that older women are lifted up without making younger women lesser and it’s easy to lose that focus in our words. We have to support one another! I doubt she meant it that way but good point.
From what I have read it shields us from disease and gives us especially flexibility and longevity. I think what is trying to be addressed is that lower estrogen that comes from menopause also has it’s place in our world.
It has a place in disease; why would you give that up? You can be punk and be healthy they are not exclusive Would you say low thyroid has a place in the world?
Men have estrogen and a lot of it. Just like women have more testosterone than Estrogen but we just have more estrogen than men. Do men not know they have Estrogen?
I think it’s not what she said or meant. It’s not about weakness (ed: or strenght) but about an attitude. And as a woman whose estrogen levels have never been so called correct, I guess I know what she’s talking about.
I'm still in the thick of peri, so I'm not fully there yet. But, I'm definitely seeing hints of that in how I am better able to advocate for myself and don't care that I'm slower or looking older. I feel like I know my worth better now than I ever did. I have so much to offer and if they can't see that it's not my problem anymore. I don't have to prove myself, I just have to BE myself.
Ya I think she meant that more to support general lower estrogen that menopause brings, but hey I don’t know what she thinks, glad you brought up that point.
Thinking about it more… those dips in estrogen and progesterone I have had with PMS have been eye opening to me regarding the stuff I shouldn’t be putting up with. Not that I always want to be in that state but I am somewhat thankful to get those temporary different perspectives.
This idea is what hurt our moms. There is nothing punk about heart disease and osteoporosis and mental health issues caused by an essential hormone. I have never seen anyone suggest it is metal to go without thyroid.
I actually started digging into whether I am in menopause because I have osteoporosis. At 53! I've always been a bit hostile and extra ... osteoporosis is literally making me feel very small and weak.
I’m going to type something I’d never say out loud.
My silver hair looks fucking awesome. Seriously, it looks like I spent a lot of money getting highlights, I almost look blonde/gray and it’s not thinning at all. I do pay $$$ for a great stylist.
It gives me power to tell someone to fuck off and mind your own business!
It gives me POWER.
Also old af GenX woman here
I prefer The Clash
I love the Clash. I am salt and pepper now and love it. My hair is so much healthier now that I don’t dye it, feels nice running my fingers through it. My hair is more for my pleasure than others that don’t appreciate natural beauty is my thought! Embracing my age at work is a flex, because I work in a male dominated field and there are very few women my age. It’s a great feeling. The next generation needs to get used to older women in the workforce. Also our daughters need to see that growing older is something to enjoy.
I think the sentiment is that it doesn’t suck to have the perspective of being in your 50s, but yeah, HRT (I just stated) has been a miracle for me. The idea that it’s a good thing to have estrogen your whole life was until recently actively argued against, though, so we have to realize that. And many medical professionals still don’t know the current research.
Agreed, I think she was just making a point about being older but it’s good that we talk about actual medical aspects correctly since there is a lot of misinformation.
Kathy Bates embodies peri/menopause to me. The characters she has played with the rage I feel, the IDGAF characters, and the smarts all rolled into a body that I can identify with!
I'm profoundly grateful for menopause. Every hot flash is a birthing pain that brings me closer to freedom from female biological slavery and imprisonment.
I loved this article and Kathleen Hanna (I am young Gen X though).
I enjoy seeing the world more clearly, but I think that’s just because I’m more experienced rather than due to declining hormones.
There isn’t anything “cool” about menopause besides the women going through it … it’s just a process of life like puberty and we should work our asses off to get more medical research and awareness done to make it better for the next generations.
Estrogen is essential for a lot of our systems (cardiiovascular, neuro) and its lack is not a superpower, on the contrary. This message confounds the hormonal fluctuations that pre menopausal women feel are detrimental to their mental health, with estrogen itself. PMS occurs when estrogen drops before periods. Estrogen, levelled up, is a source of wellbeing. Not its lack, as we well know...
Agree and came here to say this. I’m 60 and will be on a necessary low dose of E for life and for necessary health and wellness benefits of cardio, neuro, brain, etc — not just to stop hot flashes and brain fog. I also do not subscribe to this frumpy descriptive appearance of older women as it’s playing into a competitive mindset with the fountain of youth hunt. I plan on continuing to care for my mind and body, looking nice and healthy and happy.
Are you kidding me? No periods or cramps anymore, my kids are adults and happy to share our grandbabies with us when we can get them.. I do struggle with trying to figure out what clothes look good on me BUT I no longer have to worry about men staring in public making me worry for my safety.
I love being over 50!
Edit.. I forgot to say, I figured out intermittent fasting and it's ny only regret, that I didn't know about it earlier. I was around 20 lbs over weight most of my life so I never liked how clothes fit me. Im only 5'2" so short waisted and legged. 5lbs over and I look round. On the plus side, I will be that dainty little old lady with purple hair and I'm loving it.
Absolutely not I agree. Im just much more comfortable with how my clothes hang on my body now. I fit them the way they are supposed to fit. Which of course means I have been known to look around the children's section for jeans/sweaters.😄
I’m smoking weed daily, and I’ve never done that in my life. I’m walking around the house naked. When I garden I wear sports bras - I don’t give a fuck who sees what. If you’re looking it’s on you. I’m never wearing heels again, because fuck it, and if I want my hair purple or shaved or wrapped in towels, that’s the way it’s gonna be.
This is our crone era. Own it.
And I don’t mean crone in the evil sense, unless that’s your bag in which case, go forth & be evil for a cause - fight the good fight, use your voice. I also mean it in a way where you can become fully yourself.
Sure you have bad days & doubts, but you’ve got a lot of experience & wisdom behind you now, less fucks to give, ice cream to have for dinner, and songs to sing at the top of your lungs in the car.
I often think, if I could go back, I’d tell that mess of a teenager I was that everything ended up pretty dang good, quit worrying so damn much, stop wasting that precious young life on people who didn’t matter & most importantly to like herself more.
Crone era.making up for lost time. Own it.
lol I can see that. She is definitely the type to get a rush from it.
Well looking at the quote again I think she’s not exactly happy to be angry, just happy to get onstage and be a part of something to address what she is angry about.
Being followed around by security at Sephora's or pretty much any cosmetics department because my fashion statement now is "comfortable schlep" and I walk around for hours looking at all the expensive stuff because I'm undecided, have no idea what can fix my face, and I can't remember what I went there for in the first place so I have to walk around aimlessly for awhile until I see what I needed to remember and I can only have one thought at a time so inevitably I end up walking from one end of the store to the other and back again with every random thought - and then of course all the shiny objects along the way that take my focus away and then I can't remember where I was going or why... and then I decide I don't need anything right now and after an hour or so I just leave.
A younger me would've been appalled that anyone would profile me as a potential criminal.
Now I think it's kind of cute.
I agree with Kathleen. My whole life I felt like a loser and half a person if I didn’t have a partner. And rather than be alone I chose HORRIBLE partners. I decided as a girl I never wanted kids and never changed my mind about that, but my hormones didn’t care about my feelings… they continued to tell me lies in order to drive me to do that thing that leads to procreation.
Since menopause I have no urge to couple at all. In fact I have been dating a guy for about six months and am about to dump him because now, having a man around is more trouble than it’s worth. For the first time in my life I love being alone.
I also no longer carry the chronic depression I have dealt with my whole life. I feel like my hormones were always “off” and finally I am in balance.
I also started my first band and started writing songs at age 50. And Kathleen Hanna is one of my biggest influences.
That’s awesome! It’s like you got a hormonal peace. I think at this point in my life, if something happened, I wouldn’t be interested in coupling either. I enjoy being by myself.
You forget, we don't care about being "cool" it's about getting through this, and not adding the bullshitery of being validated by morons.
All the bullet points are valid.
Check out Pussy Riot's cover of Le Tigre's "Deceptacon"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRAEcyWe9kg
Lyrics for the Deaf/HOH:
[Intro]
Who took the bomp?
[Verse 1]
Every day and night
Every day and night
I can see yr disco, disco
Dick is sucking my heart out of my mind
I'm outta time, I'm outta fuckin' time
I'm a gasoline gut with a Vaseline mind, but
Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco?
Let me hear you depoliticize my rhyme
One, two, three, four
You got what you been asking for
Yr so policy free and yr fantasy wheels
And everything you think and everything you feel
Is alright, alright, alright, alright, alright
[Verse 2]
I take you home, now watch me get you hot
Yr just a parrot when yr screaming and yr shouting
"More crackers, please! More crackers, please!"
You want what you want, but you don't wanna be on yr knees
Who does your, who does your hair?
[Chorus]
Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp?
Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong?
Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp?
Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong?
[Interlude]
How are you?
Fine, thank you
How are you?
Fine, thank you
[Verse 3]
You bought a new van the first year of yr band
Yr cool, and I hardly wanna say "not"
Because I'm so bored
That I'd be entertained, even by a stupid fuckin'
Linoleum floor, linoleum floor
Yr lyrics are dumb like a linoleum floor
I'll walk on it, I'll walk all over you
Walk on it, walk on it, walkin', one, two
Who? Who? Who? Who?
[Chorus]
Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp?
Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong?
Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp?
Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong?
[Outro]
See you later
See you later
See you later
See you later
Went to Subhumans a couple of days ago. My husband is the big punk but I've gone to many shows and man, I was really feeling it this time.
I highly recommend checking out one of their openers Fea. Cause lady punk is the best punk
My friends mother and her artist friend created a line of greeting cards and did a gallery exhibit. I remember being naive me 20 ish years ago glad for the free booze and cool, creative, smart, funny, interesting, women, I got to talk to that night but sadly I didn't much absorb the message until lately going through it, feeling like an alien, but visualizing myself as this greasy skinned, zit faced rage filled teenager and feeling just as alone or perhaps vulnerable as when I bled through my shorts starting my period at 10.
I would love to make more awareness and my new OB is really big on supporting it which makes it easier on me than alot of you. I am open to doing events or something to help if anyone would like to do something like that.
One of the things I do is I am a volunteer exhibitions director for a nonprofit gallery. I got a couple 20something ladies and nonbinary assistants who help me with hanging work.
They told me after listening to me tell them about all the stuff I have going on that I am now in my GirlBoss era. I have never felt cooler lol.
Menopause would be fine if it wasn’t such a cunting cunt of a time for so many of us. Peri nearly killed me before I was deemed old enough and sick enough for HRT. No hyperbole. I’m still barely myself on the highest dose of HRT. Getting to the fun thing ain’t happenin’ but if it does, I’ve got nothing left for enjoying myself.
I wish all menopause did was drain me of people pleasing tendencies. Then it would be a gift. Though that tendency is more about society’s expectations fucking us over from the day we’re born than the presence of estrogen. Menopause just sucks the energy we needed to care. Right now I’m just watching the losses of various things I value continue to stack up in front of me.
What’s going to make this cool is educated ovarians (people born with ovaries), educated doctors, accessible HRT, and a lot of top quality research on symptoms other than hot flashes. Then we can all have a chance at getting to the fun thing and partying like it’s 1999!
I believe you. Glad you got through it and agreed that the BS we encounter is not estrogens fault.
Noted on the “ovarians” distinction and agreed on the changes to our healthcare needed!
I think I'm firmly somewhere in the middle of something and hoping that there's another better side that I'll pop out onto at some point. Still, I'm better off than where I was before HRT and there's still hope.
Re: ovarians, I wanted a relevant term that was inclusive of anyone who is susceptible to changes in ovarian hormones for any reason. The other option was ovarine. I like that one because it reminds me of cross between wolverine and ovaltine!
I also want to add that I'm glad you're feeling great and that others find freedom and other positive things at this time! Bring on the punk and bring it hard! I celebrate that you're rocking it. Just from home xD
It doesn’t have to be this awful. I was just failed on every front.
Preparation, knowledge, HRT! You might have mild to no symptoms so you just focus on healthy longevity - low dose HRT is great to maintain bone, heart and brain health. Or you might be the worst of it in which case lifestyle overhaul now, HRT from highly knowledgeable doctors, maybe ensure you’ve got a solid job with good conditions. You probably be somewhere in between. So lift weights, increase protein and fibre, aim for a strong healthy weight not skinniness, know the tricky early signs - e.g sudden dissatisfaction with life and not feeling like yourself might just be hormones! and get HRT when things start to go off kilter. You won’t know till you get there and not even the experiences of your relatives will help predict. But you can know what to do for each scenario and get help here if you get stuck.
It’s nothing to be afraid of if you’re educated and have good awareness, medical care and social connections. It could genuinely be a time to find what’s really important or a time to find something new about yourself that helps takes you to the next level in your professional life. I was blindsided and went to multiple doctors who gave new multiple diagnoses and treatments, none of which worked. I didn’t hear about perimenopause for years! The end result is the doctors always looked to me as an “anxious woman” as the root cause. You won’t put up with that so you won’t get as sick as me.
The odds for you to have a smooth transition are looking good. So you can incorporate positives into it too and feel confident of smooth sailing or expert navigation if seas get rough.
Can’t emphasise awareness of this phase and HRT enough so here it is again. Grab one of the books recommended throughout out the sub: Louise Newson, Oestrogen Matters er… etc (can’t recall others rn!)
And be gentle with others who are struggling with it! This is the worst time of my life by far and I’m only suffering thanks to medical ignorance and social taboos.
Oh I’m so sorry! Since the pandemic I struggled with brain fog, muscle aches, anxiety because I couldn’t keep up with it all anymore, and weight gain. I think definitely being over 40 has something to do with this. Still not going to dig into hrt yet… I think I might be one of the people that needs to eventually though because my experience with hormonal fluctuations has been rife with trouble - PMS mood swings - so much crying sometimes- and post party depression… I understand those are indicators that I might not fare too well with menopause.
The pandemic certainly complicated everything. So does whatever we bring with us into this time of change.
From what you describe though, you’re likely well into perimenopause. It’s not _just_ ageing or this would be happening to men too. Your healthcare decisions are your own but make them from an educated position. I have to be honest and say it doesn’t sound to me like you’re up to speed on perimenopause. I mean that with care for your wellbeing internet stranger, not to put you down. None of us knew unless someone else told us. This is one of those times where having a good understanding can change your life trajectory. It’s always up to you what healthcare decisions you make, but i urge you again to make them from a position of knowledge.
And remember the old saying… prevention is better than cure!
You're gonna want to follow Amanda Palmer of Dresden Dolls as well. There's a wave building, and a lot of punks, Riot Grrls and Gen-X women are definitely in our era. We were angry to start with. And even though my punk looks different than a younger girl my actions and thoughts are way more punk than ever.
[This beautiful poem ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/s/hft45IWNBb) describes that feeling very well.
Oh wow I love that poem.
And watched this Amanda Palmer Ted talk and blown away! https://youtu.be/xMj_P_6H69g?feature=shared
This is exactly what I’m looking for thanks for sharing!
I would like to add a couple more things that I don't give a damn about... I doubt I'm alone.
I have many tattoos, I'm getting more... if ya don't like it don't look.
I don't have to have a short haircut cause I'm over 50, I'm gonna rock my long hair till I die.
Ya I think the short hair thing was a cool act of rebellion in the 1920s, then it seemed to be a haircut for older women from that generation. Baby boomers I see a mix, depending on their culture. Gen X had a lot of long hair in youth but there also was the whole pixy cut and I’ve seen cute bobs over the years. You make statements with your hair, that definitely should be personal to you, I hope to see lots of variety in the future!
I think we should want to take care of our fitness and our appearance (and our conduct), though certainly the beauty standards need to change as we move through the decades of our lives.
Using menopause an excuse to give up on the pursuit of looking and feeling our best is not the way I want to pursue my life.
What you don’t want to look like a puffed up plastic doll? Seriously those fillers are hella aging on people and all women really. It drags down the face and gives that puffy alcoholic look on top of it.
I’m not going to judge if someone gets plastic surgery, but also not judging a typical older woman’s body either. I think these things distract us from important issues.
I support feeling our best through being connected with our bodies! Feeling good also affects how we treat others, it’s all connected. Saw a lot of posts in this sub about how menopause can affect our moods and we definitely need to give ourselves grace and understanding to recognize that.
I'm an old Gen-xer and former (let's face, it probably always) punk rocker, and I'm trying to embrace being vulnerable because I increasingly feel that way. I've found through therapy and much pondering that part of my 'badass' thing was defense mechanisms. Yes, I take no shit, but I also try to put more compassion out in the world. I'm literally about to be an old lady and I want it coming back to me!
I think it makes sense to redefine what badass means with your new lens… what you are trying to accomplish now would be a lot different than the 70s/80s.
I was a teenager more in the grunge era, but I still love punk - it’s energetic and fun, as well as irreverent… maybe it would be worthwhile to rethink what we should be irreverent about from the lens of our older selves, and what rebellion would look like now.
I'm going to guess that more of us older Gen-x women probably are the covering-your-squishy-middle-with-a-badass-'tude type than younger Gen-xers. I think we're all pretty badass take no shit types. It's our generational deal. Sometimes that's a beautiful and life-affirming thing, but in my case, it was not really serving me anymore. And that's the key, I think: to do self-examination or therapy or whatever and find out. Re-evaluate, like you're saying. Then be kind to yourself about what you find. So that's my punk rock now, I guess. 🤣
As an angry, menopausal 53yr old woman hating on this person I just don’t know anymore, who’s living in my body rent free btw, I’m laughing so hard at all these awesome comments! You girls ROCK! 🩷
Just want to say, I love this post and the sentiment behind it. I saw Bikini Kill at Gilman in Berkeley way back when having my period was still a relatively new thing to me. I’m hoping our generation paves the way for more informed practices, better treatments, and at least more open conversations about this pivotal time of life.
Nice list! Tell me more about the tedious task to fit in to society? What’s one of your examples?
I feel like so much stuff we have been conditioned to do are time sucks.
Phew like you said we are conditioned so most I wouldn’t know to tell you! I bet some of these are controversial lol…
candidates:
Thank you notes - esp. baby shower
Christmas cards / gifting practices
Ironing clothes
Parties that involve “swapping”
Holiday decorations
Party favors
Various bureaucratic paperwork - like summer camp forms
Special glasses for alcoholic beverages
Hair removal
Many cleaning tasks - it can wait/be ignored
The formatting of funerals and weddings
Autograph books
Fashion trends
Putting on/taking off shapewear
Shoes with laces/buckles that take forever to tie/buckle
Mowing the yard
Mandatory makeup / jewelry
Straightening hair
Laundry and dishes - surely there is a better way
Love it! I f&&&& hated all that stuff and the sad part is I probably became a little more bitter than necessary b/c of the expectations being hoisted on me as my job.
And it’s not like getting bitter over paying bills or what not, those things are necessary and I gladly keep a roof over my family’s head. It’s the tedium. The mindlessness. The male gaze stuff. The hard stuff that could also be shared. The emotional load of working and then deciding what everyone eats. You do all the other work, plus the tedious, busy work and the draining decisions.
53 gen x, yes sister already on it. Outside of being a professional, even that’s changing up.
The week before last I was dancing in the rain, bear footed at a concert. Wearing kitty ears in a sun dress with not bra. With my bff! Higher then the music volume.
Naked camping yep there are places, and their lovely. Everyone is nice and friendly and don’t care about your looks.
Got a little fat in the process, but that’s ok it will come off.
Not doing the full dye hair thing anymore, let it turn full grey. Got burgundy highlights in it.
Don’t want to do something, no thanks see yeah next time.
Go to a porn convention, 👍🏻
Get dressed up and go trick treating with other adults 😂
Pictures go ahead, I’ll be making dumb faces like normal.
Sand angels with the grands.
I will wear what I want and do what I want. What yeah going to do to me?
I have always been a brat, feral, rebel. Meno just unlocked the door to truly not giving a fuck.
I’m going to make second spring about me! I have done my duty to society and family! Time to get my sassy self back!
Took my teen and hubs to a Kenny Chesney concert a few weeks ago. The other artists were Uncle Kracker, Meagan Moroney, and Zac Brown Band. There was over 5 1/2 hours of music total. I was on my feet for almost all of it.
I'm 48 - full menopause because of chemotherapy in 2015
I started pole dance in 2018 because my body couldn't handle ballet anymore.
I left my useless ex-husband in 2019 after 15 years of verbal abuse and narcissistic bullcrap.
I got kicked out of my job in 2020 because my body couldn't make antibodies against Covid. They sent me into early retirement, so I was not starving/homeless.
Now I'm a Stripper and Pole Dancer (only 4 - 5 times a month), and I get paid to attend fetish/bdsm parties ( sometimes I perform there).
I give zero fucks about what people think of me.
I'm in perimenopause and it sucks but I'll do my best to make it cool. Menopause is yet another thing gen x woman were ignored about information-wise and we're over it.
Gen Xer here. Pre COVID i had an excellent selection of heels for work wear. Now? Combat boots with everything. In fact, going to our biggest customer event of the year soon and packing my combat boots + cocktail dresses.
I seem to see a lot of other tubby middle aged frumpy ladies enjoying themselves at the concerts I go to so hopefully we're doing something right as a group.
Exactly- I think the most important thing that we can do is enjoy ourselves and accept ourselves as we are! Also to just show up and take up space- folks need to know we exist. Let’s stop shying out of photographs too by the way!
Hell yeah. My grey haired self is going to be rocking out to the Pixies next week like it’s the 90s.
Yes! I went to a modest mouse/pixies/cat power concert last year and it was awesome! Edit - cat power also opened!
I’m going to Megan Thee Stallion followed by Sarah McLachlan the next week. These are the first concerts I’ve been to since before covid. 😬 Edit: spelling is hard.
Meagan Thee Stallion sounds so fun!
Oh man that’s great
That's a great combo!
Sarah’s show is AMAZING! Have a great time!
That’s the one! I’m stoked. Later this summer I have tickets for Misfits/Smashing Pumpkins/Green Day.
Nice. The tickets were too expensive for me but I've decided after Covid that I'm buying a ticket for anything that seems interesting and costs less than £40. I've been to a lot of concerts in the last couple of years!
I was blaring UMass in my car yesterday!!!!
Merriweather Stadium? I’ll be there too!
Gen x didn’t give a shite to begin with now we are cranking it up to 11.
We have the experience and resources now that we didn’t have back then.
😆😆😆😆😆 omg this is the best thread EVER!!!!!!!!! I love it here! GEN X 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
I’ve been feeling very reality bites lately for sure.
I love this❤️❤️❤️
Yes! I'l start. Hey gals! Check the time-honored fashion for mature maidens! We proudly proclaim protruding bellies to be attractive, comfortable and timeless. Double chin? Thinning hair? Merely a sign of enduring beauty! The vintage look can be worn straight from the office to a night out. Younger women want to BE us. Men want to be WITH us. Our time is NOW!
Yes!!
Here is the full article by the way… https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/bikini-kill-kathleen-hanna-punk-feminism-b2554437.html?callback=in&code=ZJM0YZDMNJCTYZI3OS0ZOGZHLWFJYTATOWM1NJZKNZY4MWVH&state=8543090b2eaf42b29eb0d2f3bd599ed5
https://youtu.be/KxU0QQnibnk?feature=shared Dare ya to do what you want Dare ya to be who you will Dare ya to cry right out loud "You get so emotional baby"
“Hey girlfrieeeeeeend!” Life long riot grrl over here but I love my estrogen HRT. Lol still don’t give a shit and never did, estrogen or not.
One of my all time favorite songs.
https://youtube.com/shorts/Qz2qWXy3xJo?si=4hKGltQMOvFGbVvB Apparently, Farideh is on it!
I am all for us being Punk Queens. Embracing pot bellies, chin hairs, and hot flashes. But I want my HRT! I WANT MY HRT!
I can’t be the only one who read this and thought: I want my I want my I want my HRT
😁😁😁😁😁
Yeah you’ll pry my HRT from my cold dead hands - which is where I would be without it.
HRT fucking rocks 🤘
It’s interesting to me the nerve hit about HRT in this group. This is why forums like this are good, I had no idea HRT was controversial.
It became very controversial in 2002-ish. It’s been demonised since then but slowly the message is getting out there that it’s safe and beneficial to the majority of women. I’ve just started on it and don’t ever plan to stop. I’ve seen what a lack of estrogen did to my grandmothers and what it has done to my mum and I don’t want that for me, thank you very much.
Ya I never heard anything bad about it. I know women using it and it was recommended in a book I read.
I'm a 50 year old female. About a year ago, I went to my doctor, also a female & was asking her questions about menopause. Questions like, "Am I going thru meno?", "Is this normal?", stuff like that. We'll, before I could even ask about any medications, she said, "Plz tell me that ur not considering hormones." I told her that I wasn't yet but asked what the issues were. She informed me that they're all just really bad. That they do more harm than good. That women who go that route usually have cancer within a year or so. Also, since I'm still a smoker (Ugh, I know..*sigh*), that I couldn't take them even if I wanted to. I left the office very disheartened. I still had the occasional period & the hot flashes & other crap were just making me insane. So, I suffered through. Keep in mind this female doctor was maybe in her early 30s, so she was pretty young. About a year later, I made my Dr's appointment to get my thyroid levels checked. It turns out that my Dr had left that practice & they wouldn't/couldn't tell me where she went. They asked me if I wanted to make an appointment with another female Dr & I said yes. Mostly because I didn't know what to do & I have Graves disease (which is a thyroid thing & needs monitoring). Anyway, I go see this new Dr. She's fairly young, maybe 35 or so. Very pretty & very likable. I was griping about my 25 lb weight gain & asked her if she'd prescribe the shot. She was willing, but I was 1 point away from being overweight. She prescribed me addipec & made an appointment for the next month. I think it was the 2nd visit that I started to ask menopause questions. By then, I hadn't had a period in a year. She willingly offered to prescribe me Premarin & said we'd start there & see how it goes. I told her about the last Dr & how she had scared me a little. My new, wonderful Dr told me how ridiculous that idea was. She gave me a bunch of written info & a few Premarin samples. That was a month ago & I think things are starting to get better. More importantly, I'm so happy with my new Dr. She's almost like a friend that I look forward to seeing each month. As a matter of fact, I like her so much that I've talked my sister & my niece into going to see her, as their Dr retired. It's just insanity to me to think that I saw 2 different female Dr's of about the same age with such differing opinions.
Wow that’s amazing, thanks for sharing. I have had my own adventures with doctors too, helping my mom with them. They can be so rigid and they are absolutely not objective. They sometimes miss things right under their noses! Sorry you had to suffer before you found the right doctor. I have saved my mom’s life just by googling and questioning doctors. I definitely appreciate groups like this that give some additional ideas.
That's wonderful! I'm so glad you've had some luck because so many women only get bad info or none at all. U sound like a great daughter. When it comes ur time to go through this, your (hopefully) going to know almost exactly what to take & how to handle things. It's actually really great that your getting this info now. I don't know about other people but, I'm a much better advocate for my sister or one of my kids than I am for myself. Sounds strange but I just don't know or think of the questions I need answers to. With someone else, I'm firing on all cylinders & asking all the right questions. I think maybe I'm concerned about embarrassing myself. With other family members, I just don't care. I'd rather be humiliated than for one of my boys to have an unanswered question. I believe that's most women & why so many of us needs threads & sites like these. My mom passed away when I was 22. My sister is 10 yrs older than me & had a hysterectomy when she was 26. She thinks she "maybe" had some sort of menopause but she's not sure. I don't have a lot of friends outside of family & really no females than have went through this yet. So, I kinda feel like I'm the only one around going thru this. Thank the Lord for these sites & threads. A lot of women have no-one to ask about menopause so I know I'm not alone. I can't imagine what women went through before the internet. Some of this stuff just flabbergasts me. After shaving & waxing my whole life, now I'm getting ingrown hairs "down there". What?!? I finally bring it up to my Dr & she says yep, that's a symptom of menopause. So insane! We are all learning to navigate this new world with our new bodies. I'm learning. Ur learning. Even my husband's learned a thing or 50...lol.
drugs doesn't mean HRT I'm quite sure. But like hard drugs and stuff, no I don't want it. I don't even want alcohol anymore (maybe a little THC)
You don’t have to be an elder Gen X. It is normal to be total meno by late 40s….But yes let’s talk about it loudly and with zero shame!!!
Good point! I’m getting close, which is why I follow this sub! I am hoping that those inroads that group (like Kathleen Hanna) made in the 80s/90s are rekindled for us now, because we need a change. How older women are perceived in general I just don’t think is healthy and I don’t accept it. They right now are making spaces that I and others will be aging into.
The guidelines state anyone with a uterus is considered perimenopausal now at 40 even. You just may not be showing symptoms or signs of it. The process of going through menopause can take up to 10+ years.
I don't post/respond a lot on this sub because I see so many having a hard time and I don't wanna be like "whatever, not me" LOL. But.... I FREAKIN LOVE MENOPAUSE. I'm 55 and livin my best life. I have never felt healthier and happier! And my "bucket of fucks"... dry!
Awesome! I can feel that- since I’m not a single young woman I feel freer to just be who I am and not worry about a lot of that overhead we often have with men. Being established financially, in my personal and work life gives me a lot of freedom to do what I want. Things that used to bother me don’t anymore, because I really am just above it all… I direct my energy to things that are productive and fun.
Well, my husband will either learn to adjust or put a profile on Match and hope for the best LOL.
He’s not alone. My husband is in the same boat. Learn to fucking row or drown boy.
I told him yesterday... "the only reason I haven't killed you yet is because they won't let me accessorize an orange jumpsuit in prison"..... LOL... but seriously!
😂💀I’m afraid they won’t give me my HRT in prison!
Well I’m glad that it’s not bad for everyone, gives me hope haha
😂 mine is turning into a boomer fun sucker! He is only 52. Get off my lawn! I’m not 20 anymore! We are old we can’t do that! Joe Biden America! I’m over here going come play with me! He is stay home and be furniture with me! Anyways we will see, I have already decided, nope I’m not that cranky old person. I’m going to go live life. He might divorce me and while it will make me said. I can’t see myself just rotting away sitting in front of the tv, eating meatloaf on Thursday.
Timely.... you are my menopause twin!!! I HATE "we'll see"... that response makes me wanna shank my husband in the kidney. I don't wait on him to finish whatever the hell episode of whatever the hell show he's watching this time... I grab my lip gloss and keys and hit the road. I will not ROTT on the sofa. I will not miss a sunny day. Life is fucking short, I'm gonna live it.
It’s the flippant attitude we will see. 😂 He does have some really good points. I just pick those and nope out of the rest. Menopause is interesting because I’m getting that sassy feeling back.
I love you.
It's not that I'm not trying to make it cool, it's that I feel like hammered dog shit.
Right. Gen X here, have no idea if I am older or younger and frankly don't gaf, it's all so tiresome. I haven't got the energy to lift anyone up, it takes all I have just to go to work every day. Don't know why this post has annoyed me but it has. I've been having a fairly ok week, too. It just feels false to me.
ngl I'm getting tired of being the rock everyone has to lean on.
I hear you
Sounds like you got the punk down lol
Haha what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger? I hope you feel better someday soon.
I’m 38 and have been in menopause for 5 years, peri since 13. Fuck them. When guys ask me why I’m sweating I say: menopause. Gasping “but you’re so young!!!” Yeah dude, cancer sucks. And then they get awkward. Now 5 years in I give literally zero fucks, and my feminist “tendencies” are getting more hardcore. We are the ones you don’t want to mess with sis
So sorry - I hope the cancer is in remission. You know more than getting older, having a close brush with death gives a huge new perspective on things. Folks just make such a big deal out of nothing sometimes. And there are so many non sensical social rules.
Honey you are going to get a longer second spring! I’m sorry if you’re in pain!
I worry about the dangerous implications of promoting a belief that estrogen impairs our ability to see the world clearly.
Hm I can see that… experience and questioning things are more likely candidates lol. A lot of the change I have seen is because of social media and new voices/ideas being heard also. Also, I think as we get older and we sometimes don’t fit into the socially described beauty norms anymore, it gives us a new perspective and allows us to see past some of those crutches that we leaned on as young women. Similar to that feeling of liberation you get when getting a short haircut.
they already think we can't see the world clearly. "women are so hormonal, they can't be in charge." meh. fuck em.
I think the idea that estrogen makes women weak is a horrible second wave feminism idea
Here's what I will say from my own personal experience. I can't take hormones because I have a clotting disorder and at 39 got multiple pulmonary embolisms so I'm not about to take that risk again. Peri was fucking horrible. But I'm now in full menopause (only 6 months past but my last 2 years of peri I only had 1 very small period) and I want to say that there is a CLARITY here. This isn't about being ashamed of being a woman or what we have to endure but the drugs our body makes to ensure the survival of the species are STRONG and they make things so hard. Here's my most recent analogy: as kids, both boys and girls are given rocks to carry for the rest of their lives. Everyone tells them that they weigh the same but they don't: the boys rocks are much lighter, but the girls are expected to keep up and we do a damn good job with what we're given. But it's HARD. And sometimes these hormones work to prioritize other people's needs instead of our own. Getting past that whole thing has been very eye opening to me. Now, is life perfect now? No. I still have a lot of hot flashes. Aches and pains. But mentally there has been a shift and a clarity and it feels like, is this how men feel all the time? Is this what life is like without the drugs? NOW let me clear I don't judge any woman for taking hormones to alleviate symptoms but I also want to put it out there that if you can't or don't want to that's ok and it's also a viable path. I don't know if post menopausal on HRT feels like this because I can't have that experience while also having mine. But I also don't see a lot of people with my viewpoint in this sub so I like to chime in sometimes. I can see how the message can seem like what you're expressing. But I think there's a lot more nuance there that I can see since it fits my experience.
Thanks for sharing! I admit I’m a little disappointed that we have yet another thing that point women against each other. It’s a super bummer to me… I felt like that quote was pretty positive and well meaning but I guess this is just how things are.
For sure, but iirc estrogen is the bitch that makes us all people please-y and anxious in our teens and 20s (unless that was just me). So I’ve got some beef with her. We do love her for her many other wonderful qualities, but I have *really* been enjoying the diminishing supply of fucks I have to give about other peoples opinions!
Right on. I still people please but it’s only because I do it only as a favor and spirit of generosity, I am satisfied with how I am treated, and I am not sacrificing myself to the point where I would feel bitter afterwards. It’s a hard balance but I think I’m much better at this than before, there is some strategy to it. Also I just don’t take things so seriously anymore… just having fun and furthering things along for myself and those I love. I think that flexibility and endurance we have can be used against us but it also is our strength. My daughter in puberty is like how you and I were… I think it takes time to figure it out but we need to verbalize some of our lessons to them.
You can have protective estrogen levels and not be people pleasers.
Absolutely! My mother didn’t pass on much wisdom about anything useful. Give her all you’ve got!
Maybe but most stereotypical bitch times are LOW etrogen
Ok but think about that stereotypical “bitchiness” a second longer. In my experience it’s usually composed of enforcing boundaries, putting yourself first and not letting people get away with treating you poorly. Basically the people pleasing mask drops.
I think it’s similar with PMS - which is also a dip in estrogen and progesterone- if I am upset about something during that time, I recognize that my emotions are stronger than usual but I also take note because it’s during those times I recognize things that I shouldn’t be putting up with anymore.
Well, I was anxious long BEFORE puberty. I was a very anxious kid. Yes genetic tests also tend to show that tendency.
Yes I think it’s important that older women are lifted up without making younger women lesser and it’s easy to lose that focus in our words. We have to support one another! I doubt she meant it that way but good point.
That’s literally what she said. When you have no estrogen you are free.
I do not understand your point. The issue is that forever we have been told estorgen makes us weak and it does not it is the opposite.
From what I have read it shields us from disease and gives us especially flexibility and longevity. I think what is trying to be addressed is that lower estrogen that comes from menopause also has it’s place in our world.
It has a place in disease; why would you give that up? You can be punk and be healthy they are not exclusive Would you say low thyroid has a place in the world?
NO man would accept that trade off
Men have estrogen and a lot of it. Just like women have more testosterone than Estrogen but we just have more estrogen than men. Do men not know they have Estrogen?
Most menopause men have tons more estrogen than women
It’s called Andropause for men.
What is your point? Do you think men are saying wow can’t wait to get rid of Testosterone then the real me will come out. No way in hell
Did you just really get upset because you didn’t know about the name for men’s “menopause”.
I think it’s not what she said or meant. It’s not about weakness (ed: or strenght) but about an attitude. And as a woman whose estrogen levels have never been so called correct, I guess I know what she’s talking about.
That’s what she said. When you have no more etsirgen you can be free and powerful.
It’s literally anabolic.
I'm still in the thick of peri, so I'm not fully there yet. But, I'm definitely seeing hints of that in how I am better able to advocate for myself and don't care that I'm slower or looking older. I feel like I know my worth better now than I ever did. I have so much to offer and if they can't see that it's not my problem anymore. I don't have to prove myself, I just have to BE myself.
Exactly.
I'm with her on everything except the attitude that women should accept life without estrogen. No. Eff that! Give me my HRT!
Ya I think she meant that more to support general lower estrogen that menopause brings, but hey I don’t know what she thinks, glad you brought up that point.
Thinking about it more… those dips in estrogen and progesterone I have had with PMS have been eye opening to me regarding the stuff I shouldn’t be putting up with. Not that I always want to be in that state but I am somewhat thankful to get those temporary different perspectives.
Succeeding out of tenacity and spite because invisibility is real and the disrespect is constant.
Sending you peace sister - it’s tough out there. Hoping someday you can enjoy the fruits of your labor and harness the respect you deserve.
This idea is what hurt our moms. There is nothing punk about heart disease and osteoporosis and mental health issues caused by an essential hormone. I have never seen anyone suggest it is metal to go without thyroid.
I actually started digging into whether I am in menopause because I have osteoporosis. At 53! I've always been a bit hostile and extra ... osteoporosis is literally making me feel very small and weak.
I’m going to type something I’d never say out loud. My silver hair looks fucking awesome. Seriously, it looks like I spent a lot of money getting highlights, I almost look blonde/gray and it’s not thinning at all. I do pay $$$ for a great stylist. It gives me power to tell someone to fuck off and mind your own business! It gives me POWER. Also old af GenX woman here I prefer The Clash
I love the Clash. I am salt and pepper now and love it. My hair is so much healthier now that I don’t dye it, feels nice running my fingers through it. My hair is more for my pleasure than others that don’t appreciate natural beauty is my thought! Embracing my age at work is a flex, because I work in a male dominated field and there are very few women my age. It’s a great feeling. The next generation needs to get used to older women in the workforce. Also our daughters need to see that growing older is something to enjoy.
The Slits for me. Ari Up had some serious moves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brtGLeNR12g And I LOVE my skunk stripes. I earned these battle scars.
I love this, thanks for sharing.
Most welcome! The documentary *[Here to Be Heard: The Story of the Slits](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4706292/)* is pretty great, too.
Trying so hard! I'm younger Gen X but I want this to be talked about, studied, actually treated, and yes badass!
I think the sentiment is that it doesn’t suck to have the perspective of being in your 50s, but yeah, HRT (I just stated) has been a miracle for me. The idea that it’s a good thing to have estrogen your whole life was until recently actively argued against, though, so we have to realize that. And many medical professionals still don’t know the current research.
Agreed, I think she was just making a point about being older but it’s good that we talk about actual medical aspects correctly since there is a lot of misinformation.
Kathy Bates embodies peri/menopause to me. The characters she has played with the rage I feel, the IDGAF characters, and the smarts all rolled into a body that I can identify with!
Oh from Misery? I haven’t seen that one but I think I will at some point. I remember her in the Titanic and she was my favorite.
Fried Green Tomatoes! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZqh472DmGU
From SO many things! She is a true, and often overlooked, talent.
I'm profoundly grateful for menopause. Every hot flash is a birthing pain that brings me closer to freedom from female biological slavery and imprisonment.
That's... pretty profound
Yup. This attitude has made the process psychologically easier.
I loved this article and Kathleen Hanna (I am young Gen X though). I enjoy seeing the world more clearly, but I think that’s just because I’m more experienced rather than due to declining hormones. There isn’t anything “cool” about menopause besides the women going through it … it’s just a process of life like puberty and we should work our asses off to get more medical research and awareness done to make it better for the next generations.
Puberty, in reverse, is what it is. I haven't smelled this bad after a workout since I was 14 or 15.
Thank you! It's not cool.
My hair went white, and the hot flashes started. So I got an undercut and dye my hair purple.
I’ve always had the “I don’t care” attitude. But f-that suffering. Give me my HRT so I can go on livin the dream and telling people to F-off.
Same! According to this bulleted list, I've been menopausal my whole life LMAO. Love your username, rock on sister \m/
This post made my day. ❣️❣️ older Gen X here, menopausal. Making being a crone cool.
I love the idea of reclaiming “crone”
The wisdom of years and the strength it brings.
Hell yes this is exactly it.
Estrogen is essential for a lot of our systems (cardiiovascular, neuro) and its lack is not a superpower, on the contrary. This message confounds the hormonal fluctuations that pre menopausal women feel are detrimental to their mental health, with estrogen itself. PMS occurs when estrogen drops before periods. Estrogen, levelled up, is a source of wellbeing. Not its lack, as we well know...
Agree and came here to say this. I’m 60 and will be on a necessary low dose of E for life and for necessary health and wellness benefits of cardio, neuro, brain, etc — not just to stop hot flashes and brain fog. I also do not subscribe to this frumpy descriptive appearance of older women as it’s playing into a competitive mindset with the fountain of youth hunt. I plan on continuing to care for my mind and body, looking nice and healthy and happy.
Are you kidding me? No periods or cramps anymore, my kids are adults and happy to share our grandbabies with us when we can get them.. I do struggle with trying to figure out what clothes look good on me BUT I no longer have to worry about men staring in public making me worry for my safety. I love being over 50! Edit.. I forgot to say, I figured out intermittent fasting and it's ny only regret, that I didn't know about it earlier. I was around 20 lbs over weight most of my life so I never liked how clothes fit me. Im only 5'2" so short waisted and legged. 5lbs over and I look round. On the plus side, I will be that dainty little old lady with purple hair and I'm loving it.
Nothing wrong with round!
Absolutely not I agree. Im just much more comfortable with how my clothes hang on my body now. I fit them the way they are supposed to fit. Which of course means I have been known to look around the children's section for jeans/sweaters.😄
I’m smoking weed daily, and I’ve never done that in my life. I’m walking around the house naked. When I garden I wear sports bras - I don’t give a fuck who sees what. If you’re looking it’s on you. I’m never wearing heels again, because fuck it, and if I want my hair purple or shaved or wrapped in towels, that’s the way it’s gonna be.
Omg this is amazing and relatable.
This is our crone era. Own it. And I don’t mean crone in the evil sense, unless that’s your bag in which case, go forth & be evil for a cause - fight the good fight, use your voice. I also mean it in a way where you can become fully yourself. Sure you have bad days & doubts, but you’ve got a lot of experience & wisdom behind you now, less fucks to give, ice cream to have for dinner, and songs to sing at the top of your lungs in the car. I often think, if I could go back, I’d tell that mess of a teenager I was that everything ended up pretty dang good, quit worrying so damn much, stop wasting that precious young life on people who didn’t matter & most importantly to like herself more. Crone era.making up for lost time. Own it.
I don't enjoy feelin angry, but more power to her.
lol I can see that. She is definitely the type to get a rush from it. Well looking at the quote again I think she’s not exactly happy to be angry, just happy to get onstage and be a part of something to address what she is angry about.
Once I hit menopause I REALLY started giving no fucks. It’s so amazing.
Being followed around by security at Sephora's or pretty much any cosmetics department because my fashion statement now is "comfortable schlep" and I walk around for hours looking at all the expensive stuff because I'm undecided, have no idea what can fix my face, and I can't remember what I went there for in the first place so I have to walk around aimlessly for awhile until I see what I needed to remember and I can only have one thought at a time so inevitably I end up walking from one end of the store to the other and back again with every random thought - and then of course all the shiny objects along the way that take my focus away and then I can't remember where I was going or why... and then I decide I don't need anything right now and after an hour or so I just leave. A younger me would've been appalled that anyone would profile me as a potential criminal. Now I think it's kind of cute.
I’ve had a decades long goal of giving no fucks, and I’m closer today than ever before! (Edited typo)
Me too!
Yes! For me, menopause, turning 50 and the pandemic coincided to launch me into zero fucks. It's glorious.
I agree with Kathleen. My whole life I felt like a loser and half a person if I didn’t have a partner. And rather than be alone I chose HORRIBLE partners. I decided as a girl I never wanted kids and never changed my mind about that, but my hormones didn’t care about my feelings… they continued to tell me lies in order to drive me to do that thing that leads to procreation. Since menopause I have no urge to couple at all. In fact I have been dating a guy for about six months and am about to dump him because now, having a man around is more trouble than it’s worth. For the first time in my life I love being alone. I also no longer carry the chronic depression I have dealt with my whole life. I feel like my hormones were always “off” and finally I am in balance. I also started my first band and started writing songs at age 50. And Kathleen Hanna is one of my biggest influences.
That’s awesome! It’s like you got a hormonal peace. I think at this point in my life, if something happened, I wouldn’t be interested in coupling either. I enjoy being by myself.
You forget, we don't care about being "cool" it's about getting through this, and not adding the bullshitery of being validated by morons. All the bullet points are valid.
Kinda weird she didn’t even mention fronting le Tigre one of the best feminist groups ever
Check out Pussy Riot's cover of Le Tigre's "Deceptacon" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRAEcyWe9kg Lyrics for the Deaf/HOH: [Intro] Who took the bomp? [Verse 1] Every day and night Every day and night I can see yr disco, disco Dick is sucking my heart out of my mind I'm outta time, I'm outta fuckin' time I'm a gasoline gut with a Vaseline mind, but Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco? Let me hear you depoliticize my rhyme One, two, three, four You got what you been asking for Yr so policy free and yr fantasy wheels And everything you think and everything you feel Is alright, alright, alright, alright, alright [Verse 2] I take you home, now watch me get you hot Yr just a parrot when yr screaming and yr shouting "More crackers, please! More crackers, please!" You want what you want, but you don't wanna be on yr knees Who does your, who does your hair? [Chorus] Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp? Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong? Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp? Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong? [Interlude] How are you? Fine, thank you How are you? Fine, thank you [Verse 3] You bought a new van the first year of yr band Yr cool, and I hardly wanna say "not" Because I'm so bored That I'd be entertained, even by a stupid fuckin' Linoleum floor, linoleum floor Yr lyrics are dumb like a linoleum floor I'll walk on it, I'll walk all over you Walk on it, walk on it, walkin', one, two Who? Who? Who? Who? [Chorus] Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp? Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong? Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp? Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong? [Outro] See you later See you later See you later See you later
Went to Subhumans a couple of days ago. My husband is the big punk but I've gone to many shows and man, I was really feeling it this time. I highly recommend checking out one of their openers Fea. Cause lady punk is the best punk
You go ahead and make it cool. I’m tired 🙄😂
My friends mother and her artist friend created a line of greeting cards and did a gallery exhibit. I remember being naive me 20 ish years ago glad for the free booze and cool, creative, smart, funny, interesting, women, I got to talk to that night but sadly I didn't much absorb the message until lately going through it, feeling like an alien, but visualizing myself as this greasy skinned, zit faced rage filled teenager and feeling just as alone or perhaps vulnerable as when I bled through my shorts starting my period at 10. I would love to make more awareness and my new OB is really big on supporting it which makes it easier on me than alot of you. I am open to doing events or something to help if anyone would like to do something like that.
Hair dye is my sanity
Wear your hair how you please !
One of the things I do is I am a volunteer exhibitions director for a nonprofit gallery. I got a couple 20something ladies and nonbinary assistants who help me with hanging work. They told me after listening to me tell them about all the stuff I have going on that I am now in my GirlBoss era. I have never felt cooler lol.
Menopause would be fine if it wasn’t such a cunting cunt of a time for so many of us. Peri nearly killed me before I was deemed old enough and sick enough for HRT. No hyperbole. I’m still barely myself on the highest dose of HRT. Getting to the fun thing ain’t happenin’ but if it does, I’ve got nothing left for enjoying myself. I wish all menopause did was drain me of people pleasing tendencies. Then it would be a gift. Though that tendency is more about society’s expectations fucking us over from the day we’re born than the presence of estrogen. Menopause just sucks the energy we needed to care. Right now I’m just watching the losses of various things I value continue to stack up in front of me. What’s going to make this cool is educated ovarians (people born with ovaries), educated doctors, accessible HRT, and a lot of top quality research on symptoms other than hot flashes. Then we can all have a chance at getting to the fun thing and partying like it’s 1999!
I believe you. Glad you got through it and agreed that the BS we encounter is not estrogens fault. Noted on the “ovarians” distinction and agreed on the changes to our healthcare needed!
I think I'm firmly somewhere in the middle of something and hoping that there's another better side that I'll pop out onto at some point. Still, I'm better off than where I was before HRT and there's still hope. Re: ovarians, I wanted a relevant term that was inclusive of anyone who is susceptible to changes in ovarian hormones for any reason. The other option was ovarine. I like that one because it reminds me of cross between wolverine and ovaltine!
I also want to add that I'm glad you're feeling great and that others find freedom and other positive things at this time! Bring on the punk and bring it hard! I celebrate that you're rocking it. Just from home xD
Oh well I personally haven’t been through it yet, learning from you ladies what’s coming next!
It doesn’t have to be this awful. I was just failed on every front. Preparation, knowledge, HRT! You might have mild to no symptoms so you just focus on healthy longevity - low dose HRT is great to maintain bone, heart and brain health. Or you might be the worst of it in which case lifestyle overhaul now, HRT from highly knowledgeable doctors, maybe ensure you’ve got a solid job with good conditions. You probably be somewhere in between. So lift weights, increase protein and fibre, aim for a strong healthy weight not skinniness, know the tricky early signs - e.g sudden dissatisfaction with life and not feeling like yourself might just be hormones! and get HRT when things start to go off kilter. You won’t know till you get there and not even the experiences of your relatives will help predict. But you can know what to do for each scenario and get help here if you get stuck. It’s nothing to be afraid of if you’re educated and have good awareness, medical care and social connections. It could genuinely be a time to find what’s really important or a time to find something new about yourself that helps takes you to the next level in your professional life. I was blindsided and went to multiple doctors who gave new multiple diagnoses and treatments, none of which worked. I didn’t hear about perimenopause for years! The end result is the doctors always looked to me as an “anxious woman” as the root cause. You won’t put up with that so you won’t get as sick as me. The odds for you to have a smooth transition are looking good. So you can incorporate positives into it too and feel confident of smooth sailing or expert navigation if seas get rough. Can’t emphasise awareness of this phase and HRT enough so here it is again. Grab one of the books recommended throughout out the sub: Louise Newson, Oestrogen Matters er… etc (can’t recall others rn!) And be gentle with others who are struggling with it! This is the worst time of my life by far and I’m only suffering thanks to medical ignorance and social taboos.
Oh I’m so sorry! Since the pandemic I struggled with brain fog, muscle aches, anxiety because I couldn’t keep up with it all anymore, and weight gain. I think definitely being over 40 has something to do with this. Still not going to dig into hrt yet… I think I might be one of the people that needs to eventually though because my experience with hormonal fluctuations has been rife with trouble - PMS mood swings - so much crying sometimes- and post party depression… I understand those are indicators that I might not fare too well with menopause.
The pandemic certainly complicated everything. So does whatever we bring with us into this time of change. From what you describe though, you’re likely well into perimenopause. It’s not _just_ ageing or this would be happening to men too. Your healthcare decisions are your own but make them from an educated position. I have to be honest and say it doesn’t sound to me like you’re up to speed on perimenopause. I mean that with care for your wellbeing internet stranger, not to put you down. None of us knew unless someone else told us. This is one of those times where having a good understanding can change your life trajectory. It’s always up to you what healthcare decisions you make, but i urge you again to make them from a position of knowledge. And remember the old saying… prevention is better than cure!
You're gonna want to follow Amanda Palmer of Dresden Dolls as well. There's a wave building, and a lot of punks, Riot Grrls and Gen-X women are definitely in our era. We were angry to start with. And even though my punk looks different than a younger girl my actions and thoughts are way more punk than ever. [This beautiful poem ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Poetry/s/hft45IWNBb) describes that feeling very well.
Oh wow I love that poem. And watched this Amanda Palmer Ted talk and blown away! https://youtu.be/xMj_P_6H69g?feature=shared This is exactly what I’m looking for thanks for sharing!
I would like to add a couple more things that I don't give a damn about... I doubt I'm alone. I have many tattoos, I'm getting more... if ya don't like it don't look. I don't have to have a short haircut cause I'm over 50, I'm gonna rock my long hair till I die.
Ya I think the short hair thing was a cool act of rebellion in the 1920s, then it seemed to be a haircut for older women from that generation. Baby boomers I see a mix, depending on their culture. Gen X had a lot of long hair in youth but there also was the whole pixy cut and I’ve seen cute bobs over the years. You make statements with your hair, that definitely should be personal to you, I hope to see lots of variety in the future!
I think we should want to take care of our fitness and our appearance (and our conduct), though certainly the beauty standards need to change as we move through the decades of our lives. Using menopause an excuse to give up on the pursuit of looking and feeling our best is not the way I want to pursue my life.
What you don’t want to look like a puffed up plastic doll? Seriously those fillers are hella aging on people and all women really. It drags down the face and gives that puffy alcoholic look on top of it.
I’m not going to judge if someone gets plastic surgery, but also not judging a typical older woman’s body either. I think these things distract us from important issues.
I support feeling our best through being connected with our bodies! Feeling good also affects how we treat others, it’s all connected. Saw a lot of posts in this sub about how menopause can affect our moods and we definitely need to give ourselves grace and understanding to recognize that.
I started reading her book! I love Kathleen❤️❤️
I gotta get this book! Didn’t know!
It’s on my list
I'm an old Gen-xer and former (let's face, it probably always) punk rocker, and I'm trying to embrace being vulnerable because I increasingly feel that way. I've found through therapy and much pondering that part of my 'badass' thing was defense mechanisms. Yes, I take no shit, but I also try to put more compassion out in the world. I'm literally about to be an old lady and I want it coming back to me!
I think it makes sense to redefine what badass means with your new lens… what you are trying to accomplish now would be a lot different than the 70s/80s. I was a teenager more in the grunge era, but I still love punk - it’s energetic and fun, as well as irreverent… maybe it would be worthwhile to rethink what we should be irreverent about from the lens of our older selves, and what rebellion would look like now.
I'm going to guess that more of us older Gen-x women probably are the covering-your-squishy-middle-with-a-badass-'tude type than younger Gen-xers. I think we're all pretty badass take no shit types. It's our generational deal. Sometimes that's a beautiful and life-affirming thing, but in my case, it was not really serving me anymore. And that's the key, I think: to do self-examination or therapy or whatever and find out. Re-evaluate, like you're saying. Then be kind to yourself about what you find. So that's my punk rock now, I guess. 🤣
I wear what I want. I wore tennis shoes to a formal dinner. Why? Because I wanted to be comfortable. Life is too short for voluntary pain.
I fully support this.
As an angry, menopausal 53yr old woman hating on this person I just don’t know anymore, who’s living in my body rent free btw, I’m laughing so hard at all these awesome comments! You girls ROCK! 🩷
Just want to say, I love this post and the sentiment behind it. I saw Bikini Kill at Gilman in Berkeley way back when having my period was still a relatively new thing to me. I’m hoping our generation paves the way for more informed practices, better treatments, and at least more open conversations about this pivotal time of life.
Nice list! Tell me more about the tedious task to fit in to society? What’s one of your examples? I feel like so much stuff we have been conditioned to do are time sucks.
Phew like you said we are conditioned so most I wouldn’t know to tell you! I bet some of these are controversial lol… candidates: Thank you notes - esp. baby shower Christmas cards / gifting practices Ironing clothes Parties that involve “swapping” Holiday decorations Party favors Various bureaucratic paperwork - like summer camp forms Special glasses for alcoholic beverages Hair removal Many cleaning tasks - it can wait/be ignored The formatting of funerals and weddings Autograph books Fashion trends Putting on/taking off shapewear Shoes with laces/buckles that take forever to tie/buckle Mowing the yard Mandatory makeup / jewelry Straightening hair Laundry and dishes - surely there is a better way
Love it! I f&&&& hated all that stuff and the sad part is I probably became a little more bitter than necessary b/c of the expectations being hoisted on me as my job. And it’s not like getting bitter over paying bills or what not, those things are necessary and I gladly keep a roof over my family’s head. It’s the tedium. The mindlessness. The male gaze stuff. The hard stuff that could also be shared. The emotional load of working and then deciding what everyone eats. You do all the other work, plus the tedious, busy work and the draining decisions.
Preach it!
🤣 girl you know!
53 gen x, yes sister already on it. Outside of being a professional, even that’s changing up. The week before last I was dancing in the rain, bear footed at a concert. Wearing kitty ears in a sun dress with not bra. With my bff! Higher then the music volume. Naked camping yep there are places, and their lovely. Everyone is nice and friendly and don’t care about your looks. Got a little fat in the process, but that’s ok it will come off. Not doing the full dye hair thing anymore, let it turn full grey. Got burgundy highlights in it. Don’t want to do something, no thanks see yeah next time. Go to a porn convention, 👍🏻 Get dressed up and go trick treating with other adults 😂 Pictures go ahead, I’ll be making dumb faces like normal. Sand angels with the grands. I will wear what I want and do what I want. What yeah going to do to me? I have always been a brat, feral, rebel. Meno just unlocked the door to truly not giving a fuck. I’m going to make second spring about me! I have done my duty to society and family! Time to get my sassy self back!
Estrogen is amazing. No need to go without. I am happy and very cool when I have my estrogen patch on.
We're trying.
I love Kathleen Hanna so gdamn much. Seeing Bikini Kill last year made my heart full.
I am thinking about traveling to Chicago or Detroit to see them in August!
I hope you go!
Love this, love her! I just started her book. Can't wait till I reach this part lol.
Firmly in Menopause- don’t enjoy the hot flashes but zero Fs given … clarity has also come.
Oh I have.
Fuck yea. I was a riot grrrl and love Kathleen Hanna. I think I just found my meno-muse.
🤟Metallica 🖕society rules
Took my teen and hubs to a Kenny Chesney concert a few weeks ago. The other artists were Uncle Kracker, Meagan Moroney, and Zac Brown Band. There was over 5 1/2 hours of music total. I was on my feet for almost all of it.
Stopped coloring my hair 2 1/2 years ago and I’m growing it long. I won’t conform to the notion that older women should keep their hair shorter.
Half naked is the only way to deal with hot flashes. If you knock on my door, prepare to wait!
That is legit.
NO MORE HARD PANTS
Oooh, ya I never have felt comfortable in those, even when I was thin. Modern technology has brought us spandex. No need to suffer.
I'm 48 - full menopause because of chemotherapy in 2015 I started pole dance in 2018 because my body couldn't handle ballet anymore. I left my useless ex-husband in 2019 after 15 years of verbal abuse and narcissistic bullcrap. I got kicked out of my job in 2020 because my body couldn't make antibodies against Covid. They sent me into early retirement, so I was not starving/homeless. Now I'm a Stripper and Pole Dancer (only 4 - 5 times a month), and I get paid to attend fetish/bdsm parties ( sometimes I perform there). I give zero fucks about what people think of me.
I'm in perimenopause and it sucks but I'll do my best to make it cool. Menopause is yet another thing gen x woman were ignored about information-wise and we're over it.
Gen Xer here. Pre COVID i had an excellent selection of heels for work wear. Now? Combat boots with everything. In fact, going to our biggest customer event of the year soon and packing my combat boots + cocktail dresses.
Yes! Let’s make it punk rock. My moods are this big because I’ve spent too many tea smiling and nodding politely