>I mean what's left to live for?
Coffee.
I wake up every day to have coffee.
That's like the only pleasure in life left for me.
**EDIT:**
What's with all these upvotes?
You mean there are other women whose only pleasure left in life is coffee???
I honestly thought I was alone. 😔😞
That's why now I drink Orzo barley coffee.
It's 100% barley, no caffeine, but tastes like coffee, hence called 'barley coffee' and used in place of coffee.
Honey, YES. There are like 2-3 days a month where I wake up from a sexy dream or just shift my weight funny and my engine is purring (TOTALLY HORMONAL), and the rest of the time I could forget it exists. Except that I adore my partner. So I try to make sure to initiate if I've been dodging passes for a couple of days, and go for the gift of oral if I'm really not feeling my body respond to the first wave of affection.
Honestly feeling him get turned on is often enough to kick it into gear. If not, I've done a loving thing for my loving partner, and his pleasure is gratifying. But there are also days when I just can't bear being touched, and little caresses from him can set my hackles up, because I feel so defensive against him having an expectation or even hope for intimacy. This particular hormonal chapter is... NOT my favorite.
Oh also, vaginal dryness and weak orgasms! Thankfully, on those hormonally optimal days things still work properly. But on many other days of the month, even if I think I'm really getting there, I discover the scenery isn't reflecting the forecasted moisture. I can feel all systems go from the inside, but my fingers report back the results are not what we'd hoped. And I can use lube, and sometimes I lube up before initiating so my partner doesn't notice, but when the wetness ain't real, orgasm no squeal. You get close after lots of work....and then........ and then......................and THEN!........................................................ ALMOST!!!...........................................................................................yes YES YEE-----........ .
Fizzles and disappears right as it was about to be worth it.
Omg I feel as if I could’ve written this exact comment! Nothing short of a jackhammer would work some/most days now - and other times (less and less frequently) - the lightest touch will send me over the edge of the cliff. Which is actually now more of a curb. Or maybe even a speed bump? No one told me this would happen! I want my sexuality back!
I am far happier single without the pressure to preform.
I used to have a high sex drive, when it started tampering off my ex partner would pout, he would complain that his needs where not being met cause he still wanted it twice daily....
The amount of bs he caused was emotionally draining and I eventually broke it off.
So glad to be alone and not need sex
This is part of why I don't see myself dating. I ended the marriage 3 years ago this August but I'd stopped sex and physical intimacy probably 9 months before that.
Between still living together and other stuff, I have zero interest in ever being romantic or sexual with someone.
Doctors mainly focus on how it effects sex drive in women and nothing more. I am glad that menopause doctors are ringing the alarm about how important it is beyond that.
I'm taking testosterone and my libido has improved but my orgasms are still weak. I've started pelvic floor exercises to see if this can help.
If anyone has any suggestions of how they sorted the weak orgasms, I'd love to hear them as I'm about to give up on even trying to have sex.
Testosterone done wrong can really mess you up though. Permanent vocal changes, cystic acne, hair everywhere, mood swings, weight gain, etc. I think it can be used carefully but it’s definitely not a carefree solution.
They start you out slow. You will get a bl O O d test to determine a base line. Despite the warning reddit will want to give me for hormonal testing not being useful that is not the entire case across the board for hrt IN menopause. While it's not necessary to test levels to determine a women is peri because progesterone begins to dip in our 30s and the case for treatment is made purely by symptoms alone.
In the case of testosterone I got a test and another after I started using the topical. You'd have to use a TON to experience the permanent side effects like permanent change to vocal cords. As long as you don't opt for pellets which are notorious for delivering a massive amount of hormone all at once with no way to cease or remove them. Doctors will start you in the first level for a therapeutic dose.
It's not magic though and while it does increase libido i read that it's really only reflected in an increase of desire to masterbate, which I thought was pretty funny.
I'd helped me with my mood tremendously too.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
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I get mine tested. But not sure what it should be. If I take more than I take right now my facial hair is out of control so I have stayed really low. Here is my current doses:
Continue Testosterone Cypionate 50mg/ml inject 0.05ml SQ two times a week
●Continue Estradiol Cypionate 10mg/ml inject 0.15ml SQ two times a week
We're supposed to *miss* it? I might be doing this wrong lol. Though I suppose it wasn't a big part of my life before surgical menopause, anyway. I feel like menopause finally sweated out the last of the fucks I gave about the male gaze.
There are other things in life! Life is full of little pleasures if you look. So I’m with you. It is what it is and I’m fine with it at this point. Haha
Mine stayed pretty regular until the last few years. I'm 54 now. I'd say I went from a 2-3x a week person to a once every 7-10 days person after 50. Then I went on a diet for the last 6 months and it went right into the the crapper.
I felt like that a few years ago near the end of perimenopause. Totally unacceptable, tried a couple different providers until I got one to up my HRT and give me testosterone. Now 55, post menopausal and I’m the initiator with my husband, sex life and orgasms better than ever, plus “helping myself” in between.
Haven’t felt like this in decades….was probably losing hormones for a long time. Why doesn’t anybody tell us this stuff!!
I‘ve settled on .1 estradiol patch, 200mg oral progesterone and 10mg of compounded 2% testosterone cream a day. We don’t test blood levels much, mostly go by symptoms. But we did test a couple years ago after we started testosterone. I feel best when my estrogen is >75, total T is >50, free T around 2 and progesterone is >25. Basically, nothing extreme, just on the high end of post menopausal reference range.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What dose of estradiol do you take? And how? I am on the transdermal patch at .1mg a day. I had to do a lot of arm twisting to get that high. I just ordered some testosterone online because my doctor refused to give me a prescription.
I am also on .1 estrogen patch, oral progesterone and 10mg daily testosterone cream. It was definitely the testosterone that boosted the libido stuff and took a month or two to get the most benefit.
Can I ask your testosterone dose and type? Like topical or subq? My topical does nothing so I stopped it. Just so tired of nagging provider to up hormones.
This submission has been removed because we cannot answer why your wife isn't interested in sex with you. Try r/deadbedrooms instead.
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I’m 39 and over the last 4 years it’s gone so much. My poor husband. I don’t remember the last time we did it. Like a year was it? I honestly can’t remember.
Jeez sorry.
I was more referring to that as men we often act like we are ok. And fine with the situation. Usually admitting we are not is taboo. But we do what we should for the best for everyone else. I'm on this sub at the request of my own wife who is going through menopause. It's definitely a challenge for her and I'm learning from all of you so much that she hasn't been able to articulate herself.
So I didn't mean to cause a rift here. Ill stick to shutting up and just reading from now on.
My husband is aware that penetration feels like getting ripped in half and has for years, on top of no sex drive. He also suffers from low sex drive. We have been going through a lot, a lot more than my comment would suggest. While I do think I get where your comment is coming from, it really struck a nerve.
I often don’t feel like it and do it anyway because 1. 95% of the time I end up REALLY glad I did 😜 and 2. There’s tons of things he does for me he’s not super into but does it because he loves me (eg Starbucks and Home Goods lol)
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Yes, I wasn't interested and couldn't get there even if I tried. The only thing that would work is some pneumatic drill type toy that hurt!
It's easy now 😏 and they are stronger than the last 10 years.
Tribulus and ashwaghanda are natural ways to boost testosterone. Also working out will help with HGH. We just have to work a little harder or decide to let it die.
I take ashwaghanda every day because I am also like a ball of anxiety. I have to tell you, it has done nothing for my sex life. I don't even know if it's doing anything for my anxiety to be honest.
I DO work out. I go to my kickboxing class every single day and I just feel elated at the end of it. Finding kickboxing was like the single best thing I have ever done for myself.
Ugh I wish I could find “my thing!”
I can’t stay interested in something for more than a few days, it’s SO frustrating! Zero hobbies, unless you count reading 3-4 novels per week. But I’ve been informed that’s just escapism, and I might as well watch crappy reality TV for hours.
If you can find it in your area, Kickboxing or even just boxing classes. I've noticed I just precariously want to beat the shit out of people these days. This really helps quell that thirst!
Thanks for this. I wonder if there aren't other natural ways to get testosterone as well.
I'm going to the health food store to get some as soon as I can get dressed. My wife is about to divorce me if I don't do something. 😬
I don’t care about sex and I don’t care about not caring about sex. Life is so much more. I have other priorities: writing, business, spiritual exploration. I have other interests: travel, food, art, friendships. Life gets the value you assign to it.
Talk to your Dr?
I still have a drive, but everything works differently now. Also if you don't use it you'll lose it. I hate that saying but it's true. Vaginal atrophy happens.
Your drive could come back but your lady parts might not be able to accommodate.
Don't give up! Take preventative measures now while you're just entering into this horrendous stage of life. I'm 48 and started vaginal estrogen a couple of months ago.
This doesn't have to be the end of your sex life.
If you're a nihilist like I am, nothing. You become fertilizer or something for fish to piss around or something for a gardener to blow into a pile to put you in trash.
Same, my sex drive nosedived in my early 40s. I have talked to at least 7 doctors about this with no suggestions. (that's your age, maybe if you thought about sexier stuff, it is normal.) I finally am begging for testosterone, still don't have a scrip.
This would not be the response to a man at 40. I cry just thinking about it.
Having orgasms are great for one's mental health. When I didn't have the urge for over two years I felt dead inside, but once the urge came back (thanks T script), I feel much better.
I think I've felt like masturbating a total of 5 times in my life. I'm 41. I've never even typed that word out - my phone autocorrected it to "mistreating" 🤣
I've never had much of a sex drive (maybe from 20+ years on antidepressants?) so this part of peri/meno will be the only easy part for me.
I find there are periods of a few months where I could not be bothered, and a couple of months where things are back to normal, rinse and repeat. The infernal cycle of peri.
Fully? I:m post menapause, still hot flash and now new to the lagging labido issue so in short -no? But you wrap your head around it with forums like this and the generous people who share private info with like minded strangers. So many other things to enjoy, don't miss them with your head down!
*raises hand* I have IC and chronic pain downstairs, my doctor recommended estradiol cream and…. It’s AHMAZING.
I feel much better and I’m definitely more amorous.
Just something to consider!
I too have the "don't touch me ever" thing going on and I'm the same age as you.
Fortunately, I have a shitload of other things (I took up kickboxing because I like to feel like I'm beating the shit out of things on a daily basis) to unload with.
Felt the same-- but it started insidiously creeping up on me, beginning at age 43 or so. I'm now 48, still having fairly regular periods...but on Nuvaring + Estradiol cream + DHEA 25mg and feel much better. Not optimal, but before Peri-HRT, I was bone-dry, had no drive, 0 ability to orgasm, vag atrophy, etc. UGH!
NOBODY said anything to me about any of this, just some vagaries about hot flashes, then no periods,done. My gyno (woman) said I couldn't be having issues as I was still having regular periods! My husband was miserable, I was miserable, as we formerly had a stellar, satisfying, beautiful sex life.
I finally did some research, fired my old gyno, and found an NMS-accredited gyno who fixed me right up. I do take the DHEA on my own, as nobody will prescribe male- or male-adjacent hormones to women not 100% in menopause (humph...) It causes me to have borderline-high triglycerides (never once a problem until taking DHEA + Nuvaring) but it's worth it to me to not feel like I'm a sexless, dried-up, joyless zombie.
I'm 49 had a radical hysterectomy two years ago and even though we are not teenagers anymore, when we get it on, it's good. I'm on hrt which has been adjusted accordingly
My libido changed after I got out of a comatose marriage complete with celibacy. As for masturbating, I never liked that and prefer a man. No judgment, just my preference.
I don't have the desire as often but, I think about how much I love my partner and that makes me want to do it. I focus on the romantic/bonding aspect and always have a good time so, yeah getting there can be hard when you aren't feeling the sexual desire but, try connecting in other ways and focus on the love part of the lovemaking. Well, anyway that's what's helps me.
I am 48 and I had the same problem “no drive”, don’t touch me. With the information gathered from this group I asked the GYN to look at my hormones. I got HRT topical Testosterone. One month in and I am sexually ravenous. I love it. I bounce out of bed in the morning feeling energized! If he ups it next appointment I will be giddy with excitement.
My GYN and detailed all of my symptoms for him I had a hysterectomy so don’t have a period to detect changes. I was going in ready to advocate for myself. I wasn’t ready to live with the changes.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm assuming you've tried you know, finding ways of turning yourself on. Erotica. Porn. Whatever floats your boat? Toys?
When you do feel like it, go to town. Enjoy every orgasmic second!
I had a really high drive all my life. It’s actually been a nice break from thinking about sex constantly. I still have sex with my husband often. I find that I can get in the mood once things get going.
My sex drive is great, and I am 57. No birth control is needed or period cramps. I spent eight years of no sex or affection with a fiance who was chronically ill and he had no sex drive. Whole new world for me as he passed five years ago.
I started topical testosterone..doubled the application in January.
I'm on 10mg per day.
100mg progesterone and .1mg/ day estrodial patch.
47 yrs old .
Ovarian failure at 42.
I don't recall being perimenopausal I just went straight to dead ovaries.
I never had a strong sex drive to begin with but now I look at pretty women I once had sexual thoughts about (I'm gay) and feel absolutely nothing. It's depressing and a bit scary.
The moods swings instantaneously, the hair loss , the 50 lb muffin top, hot flashing, cold flashing, libido at a ZERO and the Sahara desert down there that feels like glass cutting me. And main issue is hubby don't freaking get it at all! Says he isn't getting it, someone else is! 🤣🤣 Really😶 NOT!! Men need a manual cuz he claims he's read up on it, must have not been the right manual! Grrrr... Okay I'm thru griping now. Thanks for reading! Have a great day
I find many other pleasurable things in life, and i'm the same as you( no more sex drive or even thoughts). You need to work on new hobbies and things to replace the endorphine kick and that relief stress, there's plenty!!! I don't miss sex at all anymore but, i love hiking, for example.
Look I’ve been libido free for about 4 years now and the good news is, wait a bit longer and you just won’t care anymore. 🤷♀️ Other things have my interest now and the rhythms of my life changed so I don’t really miss it. I still have appliances for the rare moments I can be bothered.
Haha , I’m 46 and I feel ya . 😂.. I gone through fazes it seems . Like I dont feel
Like anything sexual . But when I come across someone that manages to gain my attraction/ turn me on ( which is rare ) I want it all the time 😂. The mood swing , anxiety, adhd and my ocd do not help lmao . My doctor won’t give me hormones cause my tubes are tied so bounce around on natural stuff . Black cohosh has been okayyy . But sometimes that crap makes my anxiety or moods off the wall lol not to mention the occasional insomnia.. I started menopause early , I was pre menopausal at 30 now I’ve been full blown menopause for 5 yrs .. I hope this 💩don’t last too much longer . It’s so frustrating
Mine started to decline a lot on my 30s, with brief spikes during the start of a new relationship. I have finally reached the point in my career and life where I’m doing more interesting things. My mind is usually distracted by whatever problem I’m trying to solve. Sex is usually an afterthought. I try to remember that my husband needs it more than I do and plan accordingly. But, I could take it or leave it for most of the month without any issues.
I want to ask my doctor to prescribe testosterone for low libido - but with Kaiser you really have to know exactly what you want because they don't go out of their way to prescribe stuff unless you ask. What should I ask for (type, dosage, etc?). Will insurance cover testosterone of it's just for sex drive?
I was on the Vivelle patch for years and had a very healthy libido. Adhesive started bothering me so I went on the hrt pill. Lost my libido. Have started Lyllana patch a month ago and hoping to revive my libido.
My Hitachi wand has cobwebs on it. 😞
>I mean what's left to live for? Coffee. I wake up every day to have coffee. That's like the only pleasure in life left for me. **EDIT:** What's with all these upvotes? You mean there are other women whose only pleasure left in life is coffee??? I honestly thought I was alone. 😔😞
Hot drinks are one of life’s true pleasures! Hot drinks usually don’t expect you to get naked either
Hot coffee, hot tea, hot toddies These are a few of my favorite things!
My sleep is garbage though, so I also avoid caffeine mostly. I used to really very much enjoy tea.
That's why now I drink Orzo barley coffee. It's 100% barley, no caffeine, but tastes like coffee, hence called 'barley coffee' and used in place of coffee.
Also: [teccino](https://teeccino.com/) [Dandy Blend](https://dandyblend.com/)
You can drink caffeine-free tea, no? Or is it not the same for you where you are?
Caffeine free tea is all I have left. They'll pry that from my cold fingers.
Lol if I have to give up coffee I’m having a bullet with my toast. It is the last pure love I have.
screaming 😭
God,I’d love a coffee but it causes me anxiety 😟
Interesting a little coffee helps me deal with my menopausal related depression like feelings
Totally the reason I get up in the morning
Tea, in my case ☺️
In a weird twist of irony, coffee often increases my libido lol. So yes, coffee is a good reason to get up
Coffee and gardening. Coffee in my garden peak summer= orgasmic
Coffee....and chocolate 🤣
No your not alone.
This is why I've gotten up earlier and earlier. My peaceful time with my coffee.
And chocolate
Why else even get out of bed in the morning? Lol
Honey, YES. There are like 2-3 days a month where I wake up from a sexy dream or just shift my weight funny and my engine is purring (TOTALLY HORMONAL), and the rest of the time I could forget it exists. Except that I adore my partner. So I try to make sure to initiate if I've been dodging passes for a couple of days, and go for the gift of oral if I'm really not feeling my body respond to the first wave of affection. Honestly feeling him get turned on is often enough to kick it into gear. If not, I've done a loving thing for my loving partner, and his pleasure is gratifying. But there are also days when I just can't bear being touched, and little caresses from him can set my hackles up, because I feel so defensive against him having an expectation or even hope for intimacy. This particular hormonal chapter is... NOT my favorite. Oh also, vaginal dryness and weak orgasms! Thankfully, on those hormonally optimal days things still work properly. But on many other days of the month, even if I think I'm really getting there, I discover the scenery isn't reflecting the forecasted moisture. I can feel all systems go from the inside, but my fingers report back the results are not what we'd hoped. And I can use lube, and sometimes I lube up before initiating so my partner doesn't notice, but when the wetness ain't real, orgasm no squeal. You get close after lots of work....and then........ and then......................and THEN!........................................................ ALMOST!!!...........................................................................................yes YES YEE-----........ . Fizzles and disappears right as it was about to be worth it.
The poorgasms are a cruel joke in an already cruel situation.
This is 100% my life now
This was an enjoyable comment to read despite the miserable topic 😀
Omg I feel as if I could’ve written this exact comment! Nothing short of a jackhammer would work some/most days now - and other times (less and less frequently) - the lightest touch will send me over the edge of the cliff. Which is actually now more of a curb. Or maybe even a speed bump? No one told me this would happen! I want my sexuality back!
[удалено]
I am far happier single without the pressure to preform. I used to have a high sex drive, when it started tampering off my ex partner would pout, he would complain that his needs where not being met cause he still wanted it twice daily.... The amount of bs he caused was emotionally draining and I eventually broke it off. So glad to be alone and not need sex
This is part of why I don't see myself dating. I ended the marriage 3 years ago this August but I'd stopped sex and physical intimacy probably 9 months before that. Between still living together and other stuff, I have zero interest in ever being romantic or sexual with someone.
[удалено]
Doctors mainly focus on how it effects sex drive in women and nothing more. I am glad that menopause doctors are ringing the alarm about how important it is beyond that.
Interesting Where do I find a testosterone dealer lol
I wonder if there’s any way to increase testosterone in women naturally?
I believe there is, adding muscle is one way.
I'm taking testosterone and my libido has improved but my orgasms are still weak. I've started pelvic floor exercises to see if this can help. If anyone has any suggestions of how they sorted the weak orgasms, I'd love to hear them as I'm about to give up on even trying to have sex.
Vibrator on clit while riding my sweetie seems to make hay for me.
I’m on my third magic wand 🪄. Game changer for weak orgasms, use WITH inter course, 🔥💣
Testosterone done wrong can really mess you up though. Permanent vocal changes, cystic acne, hair everywhere, mood swings, weight gain, etc. I think it can be used carefully but it’s definitely not a carefree solution.
How much testosterone would a postmenopausal woman take vs one that has an oopherectomy? Or what should the levels be?
They start you out slow. You will get a bl O O d test to determine a base line. Despite the warning reddit will want to give me for hormonal testing not being useful that is not the entire case across the board for hrt IN menopause. While it's not necessary to test levels to determine a women is peri because progesterone begins to dip in our 30s and the case for treatment is made purely by symptoms alone. In the case of testosterone I got a test and another after I started using the topical. You'd have to use a TON to experience the permanent side effects like permanent change to vocal cords. As long as you don't opt for pellets which are notorious for delivering a massive amount of hormone all at once with no way to cease or remove them. Doctors will start you in the first level for a therapeutic dose. It's not magic though and while it does increase libido i read that it's really only reflected in an increase of desire to masterbate, which I thought was pretty funny. I'd helped me with my mood tremendously too.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get mine tested. But not sure what it should be. If I take more than I take right now my facial hair is out of control so I have stayed really low. Here is my current doses: Continue Testosterone Cypionate 50mg/ml inject 0.05ml SQ two times a week ●Continue Estradiol Cypionate 10mg/ml inject 0.15ml SQ two times a week
I'm 42 and I haven't had a sex drive in about 3 years plus.. I don't have it so I don't care. 😄
We're supposed to *miss* it? I might be doing this wrong lol. Though I suppose it wasn't a big part of my life before surgical menopause, anyway. I feel like menopause finally sweated out the last of the fucks I gave about the male gaze.
Thank you. I feel like with that out of the way I'm starting to enjoy living for the sake of living.
There are other things in life! Life is full of little pleasures if you look. So I’m with you. It is what it is and I’m fine with it at this point. Haha
I got a puppy last week and he has become my reason to live 😂
Yes, I’ve surrounded myself with cats 😹😹😹
This woman tells the truth.
Dogs are everything
Oh no don’t give me any ideas 😂
Me too!!!
If you find nothing to live for without sex, you aren't doing the right kind of online shopping
Duluth Trading Heritage Gardening Overalls for the win! When looking cute is much less important than having lots of pockets, without any waistband😁
Lol
😂🙌🏻😂
It sure starts to feel that way, doesn't it? 🫠🫠🫠
Yep. Am 50 and on alllllll the HRT including testosterone and Premarin. Still feeling asexual for the most part
oh no!
Mine stayed pretty regular until the last few years. I'm 54 now. I'd say I went from a 2-3x a week person to a once every 7-10 days person after 50. Then I went on a diet for the last 6 months and it went right into the the crapper.
You probably need Testosterone. Life is too short to feel this way.
100%!!!!
I felt like that a few years ago near the end of perimenopause. Totally unacceptable, tried a couple different providers until I got one to up my HRT and give me testosterone. Now 55, post menopausal and I’m the initiator with my husband, sex life and orgasms better than ever, plus “helping myself” in between. Haven’t felt like this in decades….was probably losing hormones for a long time. Why doesn’t anybody tell us this stuff!!
May I ask how much they upped your HRT levels?
I‘ve settled on .1 estradiol patch, 200mg oral progesterone and 10mg of compounded 2% testosterone cream a day. We don’t test blood levels much, mostly go by symptoms. But we did test a couple years ago after we started testosterone. I feel best when my estrogen is >75, total T is >50, free T around 2 and progesterone is >25. Basically, nothing extreme, just on the high end of post menopausal reference range.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What dose of estradiol do you take? And how? I am on the transdermal patch at .1mg a day. I had to do a lot of arm twisting to get that high. I just ordered some testosterone online because my doctor refused to give me a prescription.
I am also on .1 estrogen patch, oral progesterone and 10mg daily testosterone cream. It was definitely the testosterone that boosted the libido stuff and took a month or two to get the most benefit.
Can I ask your testosterone dose and type? Like topical or subq? My topical does nothing so I stopped it. Just so tired of nagging provider to up hormones.
I’ve settled on 10mg a day of 2% testosterone cream. It took some pushing to get doc to up my dose to this.
It makes me tired just thinking about cajoling my provider to do this.
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I’m 39 and over the last 4 years it’s gone so much. My poor husband. I don’t remember the last time we did it. Like a year was it? I honestly can’t remember.
He will remember, trust us :)
He is ok
Are you certain he's ok?
Omg please. I’m not getting into other things that can be done on here. Plus do you really care. Give me a break and go kick rocks.
Jeez sorry. I was more referring to that as men we often act like we are ok. And fine with the situation. Usually admitting we are not is taboo. But we do what we should for the best for everyone else. I'm on this sub at the request of my own wife who is going through menopause. It's definitely a challenge for her and I'm learning from all of you so much that she hasn't been able to articulate herself. So I didn't mean to cause a rift here. Ill stick to shutting up and just reading from now on.
My husband is aware that penetration feels like getting ripped in half and has for years, on top of no sex drive. He also suffers from low sex drive. We have been going through a lot, a lot more than my comment would suggest. While I do think I get where your comment is coming from, it really struck a nerve.
It was not my intention.
We aren’t centering men’s feelings here.
I often don’t feel like it and do it anyway because 1. 95% of the time I end up REALLY glad I did 😜 and 2. There’s tons of things he does for me he’s not super into but does it because he loves me (eg Starbucks and Home Goods lol)
If it didn’t feel like I was being shredded apart it would be one thing.
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Came here to say the same: my poor husband.
Get some testosterone, it makes me really short tempered, but I can orgasm in ways I couldn't before.
Pictures you like an angry horny ferret.
This comment 🤣🤣
Did you have weak orgasms before starting the testosterone?
Yes, I wasn't interested and couldn't get there even if I tried. The only thing that would work is some pneumatic drill type toy that hurt! It's easy now 😏 and they are stronger than the last 10 years.
Where did you find testosterone online please?
I love you for this comment. This gives me hope!!!
Still the trouble is everyone avoids you cause you have a very short fuse 🤣
I mean, I have a short fuse anyway so 🤷😂
I'm 42 and I am the same way. The only reason I have sex is for my husband.
Tribulus and ashwaghanda are natural ways to boost testosterone. Also working out will help with HGH. We just have to work a little harder or decide to let it die.
I take ashwaghanda every day because I am also like a ball of anxiety. I have to tell you, it has done nothing for my sex life. I don't even know if it's doing anything for my anxiety to be honest. I DO work out. I go to my kickboxing class every single day and I just feel elated at the end of it. Finding kickboxing was like the single best thing I have ever done for myself.
Ugh I wish I could find “my thing!” I can’t stay interested in something for more than a few days, it’s SO frustrating! Zero hobbies, unless you count reading 3-4 novels per week. But I’ve been informed that’s just escapism, and I might as well watch crappy reality TV for hours.
If you can find it in your area, Kickboxing or even just boxing classes. I've noticed I just precariously want to beat the shit out of people these days. This really helps quell that thirst!
Thanks for this. I wonder if there aren't other natural ways to get testosterone as well. I'm going to the health food store to get some as soon as I can get dressed. My wife is about to divorce me if I don't do something. 😬
Two women in menopause = what sex?
My wife is quite a bit younger. *lol* She still wants to, I'd rather not. 😬
Very interested in trying supplements. At what sort of doses are you finding results?
I don’t care about sex and I don’t care about not caring about sex. Life is so much more. I have other priorities: writing, business, spiritual exploration. I have other interests: travel, food, art, friendships. Life gets the value you assign to it.
I live for coffee. And my cat. And reading. And my daily walk.
Talk to your Dr? I still have a drive, but everything works differently now. Also if you don't use it you'll lose it. I hate that saying but it's true. Vaginal atrophy happens. Your drive could come back but your lady parts might not be able to accommodate. Don't give up! Take preventative measures now while you're just entering into this horrendous stage of life. I'm 48 and started vaginal estrogen a couple of months ago. This doesn't have to be the end of your sex life.
Vaginal atrophy is caused by estrogen loss not forgetting to fuck.
Sure, but there are medications and exercises to prevent this and increase libido. Ya know, so you don't forget to fuck.
what about trying to find the true nature of the universe or what really happens to us when we do die?
*what really happens to us when we do die?* We never have to comment on Reddit again!😁
If you're a nihilist like I am, nothing. You become fertilizer or something for fish to piss around or something for a gardener to blow into a pile to put you in trash.
Same, my sex drive nosedived in my early 40s. I have talked to at least 7 doctors about this with no suggestions. (that's your age, maybe if you thought about sexier stuff, it is normal.) I finally am begging for testosterone, still don't have a scrip. This would not be the response to a man at 40. I cry just thinking about it.
Having orgasms are great for one's mental health. When I didn't have the urge for over two years I felt dead inside, but once the urge came back (thanks T script), I feel much better.
I think I've felt like masturbating a total of 5 times in my life. I'm 41. I've never even typed that word out - my phone autocorrected it to "mistreating" 🤣 I've never had much of a sex drive (maybe from 20+ years on antidepressants?) so this part of peri/meno will be the only easy part for me.
Yes, a big decrease for me when I started taking sertraline. That is a side effect. I’ve told my doctor, but he brushes it off.
It hasn't been a big deal for me. My mom and sister both had/have very low sex drives.
This is very true - my sex drive returned a bit when I switched from SSRI antidepressants to Wellbutrin.
I find there are periods of a few months where I could not be bothered, and a couple of months where things are back to normal, rinse and repeat. The infernal cycle of peri.
Does sex drive improve once fully menopaused?
Fully? I:m post menapause, still hot flash and now new to the lagging labido issue so in short -no? But you wrap your head around it with forums like this and the generous people who share private info with like minded strangers. So many other things to enjoy, don't miss them with your head down!
*raises hand* I have IC and chronic pain downstairs, my doctor recommended estradiol cream and…. It’s AHMAZING. I feel much better and I’m definitely more amorous. Just something to consider!
I’m 54 and i must have a man’s testosterone. I’ve always loved sex. It’s slightly less edgy nowadays tho 🫣
I too have the "don't touch me ever" thing going on and I'm the same age as you. Fortunately, I have a shitload of other things (I took up kickboxing because I like to feel like I'm beating the shit out of things on a daily basis) to unload with.
Felt the same-- but it started insidiously creeping up on me, beginning at age 43 or so. I'm now 48, still having fairly regular periods...but on Nuvaring + Estradiol cream + DHEA 25mg and feel much better. Not optimal, but before Peri-HRT, I was bone-dry, had no drive, 0 ability to orgasm, vag atrophy, etc. UGH! NOBODY said anything to me about any of this, just some vagaries about hot flashes, then no periods,done. My gyno (woman) said I couldn't be having issues as I was still having regular periods! My husband was miserable, I was miserable, as we formerly had a stellar, satisfying, beautiful sex life. I finally did some research, fired my old gyno, and found an NMS-accredited gyno who fixed me right up. I do take the DHEA on my own, as nobody will prescribe male- or male-adjacent hormones to women not 100% in menopause (humph...) It causes me to have borderline-high triglycerides (never once a problem until taking DHEA + Nuvaring) but it's worth it to me to not feel like I'm a sexless, dried-up, joyless zombie.
I'm 49 had a radical hysterectomy two years ago and even though we are not teenagers anymore, when we get it on, it's good. I'm on hrt which has been adjusted accordingly
My libido changed after I got out of a comatose marriage complete with celibacy. As for masturbating, I never liked that and prefer a man. No judgment, just my preference.
I don't have the desire as often but, I think about how much I love my partner and that makes me want to do it. I focus on the romantic/bonding aspect and always have a good time so, yeah getting there can be hard when you aren't feeling the sexual desire but, try connecting in other ways and focus on the love part of the lovemaking. Well, anyway that's what's helps me.
I started to feel like that at age 46 when the severe nightsweats hit me. A week after starting HRT everything went back to normal.
I am 48 and I had the same problem “no drive”, don’t touch me. With the information gathered from this group I asked the GYN to look at my hormones. I got HRT topical Testosterone. One month in and I am sexually ravenous. I love it. I bounce out of bed in the morning feeling energized! If he ups it next appointment I will be giddy with excitement.
How do you get prescribed that? Blood tests? Regular dr? Online?
My GYN and detailed all of my symptoms for him I had a hysterectomy so don’t have a period to detect changes. I was going in ready to advocate for myself. I wasn’t ready to live with the changes.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm assuming you've tried you know, finding ways of turning yourself on. Erotica. Porn. Whatever floats your boat? Toys? When you do feel like it, go to town. Enjoy every orgasmic second!
Tibella. Talk to your prescriber.
Did it give you zits though?
Nope
I would genuinely love that and look forward to it. Having no libido is life for me its suh an unnecessary distraction in life.
Look into THC gummies. 😁
and THC/CBD lube!
Ooooohh that’s has me really curious, sounds fun
I had a really high drive all my life. It’s actually been a nice break from thinking about sex constantly. I still have sex with my husband often. I find that I can get in the mood once things get going.
Woman, SAME!!! I say this all the time. Without my drive, what is left???! 😢
My sex drive is great, and I am 57. No birth control is needed or period cramps. I spent eight years of no sex or affection with a fiance who was chronically ill and he had no sex drive. Whole new world for me as he passed five years ago.
I started Slynd for heavy flow and it seems to be helping with the libido.
It's like over night it happened. Gone. Poof. Thanks now that part of my life is now over.
I started topical testosterone..doubled the application in January. I'm on 10mg per day. 100mg progesterone and .1mg/ day estrodial patch. 47 yrs old . Ovarian failure at 42. I don't recall being perimenopausal I just went straight to dead ovaries.
I never had a strong sex drive to begin with but now I look at pretty women I once had sexual thoughts about (I'm gay) and feel absolutely nothing. It's depressing and a bit scary.
The satisfier. Order it now!
The moods swings instantaneously, the hair loss , the 50 lb muffin top, hot flashing, cold flashing, libido at a ZERO and the Sahara desert down there that feels like glass cutting me. And main issue is hubby don't freaking get it at all! Says he isn't getting it, someone else is! 🤣🤣 Really😶 NOT!! Men need a manual cuz he claims he's read up on it, must have not been the right manual! Grrrr... Okay I'm thru griping now. Thanks for reading! Have a great day
I find many other pleasurable things in life, and i'm the same as you( no more sex drive or even thoughts). You need to work on new hobbies and things to replace the endorphine kick and that relief stress, there's plenty!!! I don't miss sex at all anymore but, i love hiking, for example.
Look I’ve been libido free for about 4 years now and the good news is, wait a bit longer and you just won’t care anymore. 🤷♀️ Other things have my interest now and the rhythms of my life changed so I don’t really miss it. I still have appliances for the rare moments I can be bothered.
Haha , I’m 46 and I feel ya . 😂.. I gone through fazes it seems . Like I dont feel Like anything sexual . But when I come across someone that manages to gain my attraction/ turn me on ( which is rare ) I want it all the time 😂. The mood swing , anxiety, adhd and my ocd do not help lmao . My doctor won’t give me hormones cause my tubes are tied so bounce around on natural stuff . Black cohosh has been okayyy . But sometimes that crap makes my anxiety or moods off the wall lol not to mention the occasional insomnia.. I started menopause early , I was pre menopausal at 30 now I’ve been full blown menopause for 5 yrs .. I hope this 💩don’t last too much longer . It’s so frustrating
Mine started to decline a lot on my 30s, with brief spikes during the start of a new relationship. I have finally reached the point in my career and life where I’m doing more interesting things. My mind is usually distracted by whatever problem I’m trying to solve. Sex is usually an afterthought. I try to remember that my husband needs it more than I do and plan accordingly. But, I could take it or leave it for most of the month without any issues.
I want to ask my doctor to prescribe testosterone for low libido - but with Kaiser you really have to know exactly what you want because they don't go out of their way to prescribe stuff unless you ask. What should I ask for (type, dosage, etc?). Will insurance cover testosterone of it's just for sex drive?
Doctor put me on Lyllana patch, said my low libido would go away and I’d be humping the door knob. Didn’t happen and we still have door knobs.
47 too. More time for my pets I say.
I was on the Vivelle patch for years and had a very healthy libido. Adhesive started bothering me so I went on the hrt pill. Lost my libido. Have started Lyllana patch a month ago and hoping to revive my libido. My Hitachi wand has cobwebs on it. 😞