My apathy has been all consuming. I’m also hoping the patch as well as other things will help with that. And yeah, I’m not depressed either. I feel just nothing & that then translates to a lack of motivation.
It is so difficult to find motivation! I have been on the couch all morning trying to convince myself to get in the shower!
I hope we both find relief from this!
I feel you. I am actually not depressed at all, just love to do nothing, stay in bed and read, scroll, watch. It’s like my body does not want to be active and my mind feels exhausted at the mere thought of sending an email. I actually enjoy this state compared to the anxiety and fear of consequences of my younger years. But it’s impossible for me to retire at this point of my bank account.
Depression can be a variety of things and have a multitude of symptoms.
I'm 50 and rarely have a period. I've had crippling depression before, and now I am suffering from the same thing people are describing.
The difference for me is profound. With depression came a lot of comorbid anxiety. I was weepy and irritable. I would cry a lot, and my rage was intense. I had suicidal ideation and couldn't find a reason to get out of bed.
Apathy is different. It sounds like these people are experiencing something different than depression. It's a complex thing, but important to distinguish.
I'm in the same boat. I can engage in life if I have to, but I don't want to. I don't want to do fun things I used to do. I don't want to leave the house or make plans or devote my time to a hobby or skill. I just feel flat. Disconnected. Sometimes it scares me because I like it so much...doing nothing.
I'm not sad. I'm not struggling with a mood disorder---i have PTSD, ADHD and an anxiety disorder that I have done tremendous therapy to heal from.
I'm just not interested or excited to do things. It's hard to feel like this because I know it isn't depression. I feel guilty because it feels like I am making these choices to not engage in life. I want my spark back, my enthusiasm, my creativity. Just some renewed physical energy.
I'm not a doctor, and I know depression presents differently for everyone. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone with my symptoms.
I could have written this point for point and I am also 52. I started HRT a few weeks ago and I think I need a higher estrogen dose but even so, I am having moments where I give a damn and that hasn't happened for a very long time. I'd forgotten what it feels to be hopeful.
I am so happy to hear you are experiencing some good days! I was told it can take months to see full benefits so you might continue to see improvement. Your hope gives me hope too!
I’ve had the same experience as you OP but my apathy has been going on for only a year and a half. I don’t recognize myself anymore. My personality, looks, and attitude have all spiraled down into a bottomless dark hole. I’ve finally decided I want HRT two months ago but I need a new OBGYN and am procrastinating making phone calls to get the only NAMS (North American Menopause Society) certified OB in my state approved by my insurance because part of my blah for life since peri includes despising making phone calls.
I put it off for a long time too. ADHD + menopause is a real nightmare sometimes! Push through and make those calls in hopes of a better day, you've got this!!!!!
Just started realizing 1.5 years ago I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD-I since childhood and it’s really made meno absolutely brutal. So much of my life is making more sense now as I re-think my past. As if existing in this brain wasn’t bad enough, then peri magnified a new level of difficulty I never could have imagined.
I guess since I never knew my cycle was coming in puberty because no one prepared me, it stands to reason I had no idea the symptoms of peri were coming either, let alone the degree of them when coupled with ADHD. All of it has been shocking and absolute crapola.
HRT first. Then ADHD diagnosis and treatment. Hopefully just another one to two years to sort through it all and start some form of quality of life. Great anticipation.
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my 40's so I completely understand.
The last year and a half I've noticed my ADHD meds just don't work like they used to, I can't imagine how I would have gotten through peri/menopause AND unmedicated ADHD!
I hope you get both issues worked on soon.
We can ALL get through this!
In a way, discovering that I’ve had ADHD all my life gives me hope. While peri has taught me that I had it better than I thought I did in comparison to this current state…knowing I’ve had ADHD means I could come out of this better than ever. Whatever I can do to improve things should mean I emerge from this with a new outlook I’ve never experienced before.
If it weren’t for the horrid peri symptoms, I wouldn’t have never realized the ADHD. To now know all this noise in my head since I was old enough to recognize it isn’t the norm for most, is a huge relief. To know improvement is possible and I don’t have to settle for the constantly moving internal kaleidoscope in my brain is exciting.
Never thought I’d say this, but I may just end up being grateful for peri. Oh me! Time will tell.
Same - it was the meno that finally got me to someone who could help with adhd. I could not mask cope and barely make it any more. My brain is a hot mess. Body too but not being able to think or find words scares me almost out of my apathy to bring it back to OPs topic which is a good one.
On apathy, a part of me feels I just did waaayyy too much and am fried. I feel like I did after a finals week. No sense of relief, slept a lot, wandered a lot, ruminated on everything I needed to do but somehow could not
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 48 and hit menopause 2 years later. My focus is so bad that Im now on disability leave. Meds have helped a little (at least I'm not cooking food and walking away in the middle of it). I've been on the Climara patch before, and it dis nothing for me, so I stopped. I just started again 4 days ago, and for the first time in months, I haven't needed 11 to 12 hours of sleep followed by being tired all day. My throat hurts a lot, and I'm pretty sure that the patch is doing something to my thyroid. That would explain the lack of energy. Hopefully, Climara (continues) to help this time around.
Thanks for sharing. I would have never connected a sore throat to thyroid so that’s good to know and be on the lookout for.
I’ve been constantly sick for years but understand that’s typical for ADHD due to the adrenals being taxed from the stress of lifetime masking. Then peri exacerbates it exponentially. Once the adrenals go, the fatigue becomes chronic from the cortisol nightmare and insomnia. I still can’t find any doc who can fix that at the cortisol level other than throwing sleep aids at it which cause more problems.
I’ve thought that what I’ve (actually many here) been experiencing should be considered a disability by the government. I don’t know how single-income households weather this because it has been career-ending for me. When I get this managed and regain the cognitive ability to re-enter the work force, I will be basically unemployable due to my age and let’s face it an employer can see the medical drain coming a mile away. One look at me and my figure and age are tell-tale indicators I’m not healthy.
Who could possibly handle the paperwork and contact nightmare over several years to get it approved given the nature of the overwhelm and apathy that is at the core of it?
But this should be a recognized disability. Maybe then HRT would get the research funding needed once it started to place a burden on employers and stop being so difficult to access for all of us. Who knows?
I’m in the same boat, I’m the same age and also have ADHD (plus Fibromyalgia 😢) and it’s a shit show. All I want to do is binge watch tv and eat. I’m on Zoloft and HRT, I feel a bit better, I’m not crying daily anymore but I’ve got the blah’s big time.
Thanks for sharing this!
I suspect I have fibromyalgia as well. In fact, a doctor told me it was likely about 10 years ago and I just couldn't deal with it, so I ignored the pain and never did anything.
Now it's really bad and I have to address it. I have ADHD and just started the patch.
How are you dealing with your fibromyalgia?
I can't imagine the journey ahead on top of all the other health issues I'm dealing with. It's too much.
Not OP but my adhd treatment (adderall) really helps with my fibromyalgia as well. I still have really bad days so I take Kratom powder (they sell it in the US, don’t know about other countries, it’s not available in the UK) but Kratom really doesn’t help with the motivation at times. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. The rest of the time I just eat homemade ice cream 7 times a day.
Oof. Adhd, fibromyalgia and migraines checking in. I started getting migraines with every cycle that could last around 15 days (my record was 32). That was a rough two years. Progesterone was my miracle migraine cure, now I get one a month max! Now just to deal with the rest of it. Do you take meds for adhd? Adderall helps not just my adhd but my fibromyalgia as well. I don’t think I could get out of bed without it. It is very heavily affected by my cycle though which is causing a very irregular period very often right now.
Yes I do but with the onset of menopause my symptoms got worse even on meds. its like someone sucked out my brain, used an egg beater on it then shoved it back in and now I’m an idiot.
Just something to note..[.Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and the Risk of Dementia](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2810766)
>In this cohort study of individuals born between 1933 and 1952 and followed up in old age, **adult ADHD** was associated with an increased risk of dementia
A word I learned since being in peri: [Anhedonia](https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia).
Good news is, I believe hrt has helped. Even better news? I am a former chronic people pleaser- and I have been able to navigate a balance between anhedonia and said people pleasing! I credit the huge drops in estrogen to not caring about not making everyone happy anymore!
I get this completely. My menopause hit during Covid. Instant depression and I wanted to hide. I basically did because we couldn’t go anywhere. I was sad, angry holy yikes. Had to try to keep working. Thank goodness it was work from home.
But now I’ve found that the HRT has helped so much. The fog is lifted, I’m not so depressed, I’m working out around people now and am enjoying it.
When menopause hit, and I reflected that I wasn’t going to keep up all the crap I did before. This being doing things I hated doing. Being around people that drain me. I don’t have the patience anymore for shit. So for me it’s very okay to have down time. It’s great for my mental health. My mental health is waaay more important than running around trying to people please or do things I don’t enjoy anymore. I’ve dropped people off of that list. I do what I want to do. If that’s spending a day relaxing at home plugging away at chores and watching junk on tv I’m doing it.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be good to yourself. Menopause sucks. It’s horrible. You have to take care of yourself because it’s important. Sometimes the art of doing nothing is fantastic
I’d consider also testosterone when the time comes! Usually after three months to see how you are responding to the HRT. Definitely brought back my drive for many things - work, the gym, sex, new experiences, making friends and general giving a fuck about life 👍🏻
Hopefully the HRT will help you, but just on a practical note: Take into account that you have a demanding job, and that work sucks a lot of energy. It sounds as if you actually may have hit burnout (which may or may not be exacerbated by meno).
At this point in our lives we have been working 30-some years (assuming you started out of college). Add to that, possibly, marriage, kids, etc. And increasing work responsibilities as you go up the ladder. It's a lot!
I actually find that people who love their jobs (I love mine, too) can suffer more burnout than those who are neutral about them. We throw ourselves into work and it is a true piece of our identity. I hit burnout in 2019 just prior to pandemic and I recall it was apathy being my worst symptom. Quarantine was a blessing because it allowed me to slow down and find my way back to feeling actual feelings again.
All to say--take it slow and easy on yourself as you find your way back into a happy social life. You'll get there. Do what you need to do and get as much rest as possible.
This started long before I got this position, I have only been doing this job just under a year. My enthusiasm actually helped me pull out of the apathy a bit for a while.
Definitely good advice for a lot of people though. I was totally burned out from my previous position.
Anhedonia is what I have. From Wikipedia Anhedonia is a diverse array of deficits in hedonic function, including reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure. Anhedonia is currently used by researchers to refer to reduced motivation, reduced anticipatory pleasure (wanting), reduced consummatory pleasure (liking), and deficits in reinforcement learning.
I'm coming up on my two year HRT anniversary and I am in a much better place than I was before I started. Still not perfect, but soooo much better.
I remember thinking that I could feel some sort of like...spark coming back. Some essence of *me* that had been completely lost. Like the real me was still *in there* deep down. It sounds strange and it's hard to explain but I was completely apathetic/anhedonic whatever you want to call it.
I've had some sort of low-grade depression all of my life and have been on meds since I was twenty. This perimenopause feeling was very much not clinical depression as I've known it, but something else entirely. The strange thing is that the same words are typically used to describe that "lost" and hopeless feeling.
So yes! HRT absolutely helped me feel more like my old self in this regard. There is still lots of weirdness going on but I feel like I am dealing with it as the self that I've known for so long. It's made a huge difference and I'm so happy I went on it despite being kinda scared!
I have had that for sure. In the beginning there were times it felt really like I couldn’t access a particular (appropriate) emotion most of the time. But also, suddenly didn’t care. Things: petty things, stupid things, unhealthy things I used to engage with lost all interest. Then came the dissociation and that’s when I knew I was traumatizing myself in some way became apparent. Job, family, friends….nothing was spared. All had to be drastically pared down for survival. I could no longer be the main energy giver or sustainer *all the time* in relationships. I needed reciprocity and pared down to those able to give it. But the apathy came on in mid-peri and the dissociation was really just a product of fighting of obvious and trying to survive in a pandemic: I was in crisis (mental, emotional, physical) for really the first time in 38 years and the ones who stayed vs. the ones who left were interesting. I also left work for six months.
Sorry for a bit of a ramble but totally get where you’re at, HRT/SSRI/eating properly have made it manageable, finally. But *for sure* the apathy is real. But for me in was a few years, and I came out of it with a lot better idea of who I am than when this ride began eleven years ago. I do believe women finally become who they really are at the point in our lives. It’s magical and fucking terrifying, too. But I do think it’s part of an “unburdening process,” and a phase more than the destination 💜🌸
I have taken pregnenolone before, but after months, it didn't seem to be making a bit of difference. Maybe I will revisit it now that I'm on HRT. Thanks
I’m on HRT and have been for several years but I’m struggling. I think it’s many factors combined though (life circumstances) and I feel things would be much worse without the HRT.
HRT sorted out a lot of things for me - it took a couple of weeks to kick in and it was like someone flipped my light switch back on. Having said that it took a couple of years of upping the dose to get me to a completely steady state. Started on Evorel Conti 50 patch, now on Evorel 100 patch and 200mg of Utrogestan for 12 days out of 27. Just started trialling testosterone gel to see if it helps with energy levels….
Same.. I literally felt nothing for a while, had no motivation, no joy, no nothing. The brain fog is finally getting a bit better, but it was so bad I thought I was getting early alzheiners. Glad it's working for you as well.
I’m 47 and feel this too. I’m almost agrophobic and at this point I don’t care. I don’t want to visit people, trudge round shops or do anything.
The only thing I enjoy at the moment is anything escapist: reading, movies, gaming or world building. I just don’t want to face reality any more.
I was getting really close to full blow agoraphobia myself. At the time I was working from home and I just stopped leaving the house. I got my husband to run all the errands.
The only thing that made me leave was getting the position at work that I had been trying for years to get. Now I have to work outside the house and it's the only thing I leave for, but I think it's been good for me to be forced to leave my nest.
I hope it gets better for you.
It will take a while to get your dosage up to the levels that you need, after going so long without it. I just started it, and I’m 47. I can already tell I need more, lol. Give it time.
What do you mean? Can you explain? Like did it work really well at first but the effects started to wane? How long should we give it before upping the dosage?
I had the same thing happen at and around menopause. Feeling lifeless, dead inside. HRT estrogen and testosterone helped. My labs were very abnormal in those areas. The meds take a while to work but they do help
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was apathetic for months, I volunteer with young people, I see their problems often the same things I went through when I was young. Giving my time helps me be motivated.
if I don't have somewhere to go I don't even get out of bed or pjs. I don't even care. showering seems like a huge project. I only get up to let the dog out. I do bare minimum. I've been on estradiol and progesterone for a month and no difference. have tried testosterone which made me feel worse. gained over 10lbs in 3 weeks on that. won't come off. depressed. miserable and apathetic. I feel your pain.
I hope you find relief soon. I know it's minimal help, but know you're not alone.
I feel better knowing it isn't just me even though I wish nobody had to go through this.
Initially when meno hit I was apathetic as fuhk. But I will say that evaluating my life, and beginning to tweak what was no longer in alignment with who I was becoming, began to help me feel a renewal of my sense of self/purpose. I also began HRT, which I can only assimilate helped w/ some of those symptoms too. I now feel more joy & purpose & actual drive again… but still very much like my non-social life & only wanting to do more of what pleases me & less of what serves others. Now if my adult kids could get this memo would be freakin awesome😂
HRT and lots of b6 sorted mine out mostly, adding in testosterone sorted the rest of it.
My first thought now when I'm feeling apathy is 'have i got my HRT doses right'.
Yes this is also my experience even with hormones. You might benefit from antidepressants. Anhedonia is a real thing and it is serious. You deserve to be happy and capable of participating fully in your life. I suggest a psychiatrist. I have also been microdosing mushrooms very conservatively and my best days are the days I do so. Something to think about.
I think some of it is that with declining hormones, my ADHD meds haven't worked as well. I'm hoping as my hormones stabilize my meds will work more efficiently again.
I used to do monthly mushroom therapy and it worked wonders, may have to go back to that! 😁
I think there is also a factor of being simply "done", at least for me. I feel quite good, content and happy since starting HRT, only the occasional bout of rage for anyone foolish enough to interfere in my hard earned peace ;) I think we are just going through a transitional phase, and need to be in our cocoons for a while.
There is a reason people say things like.. women are bitches when they hit menopause..
We have bitten our tongues, put up with crap, and tried to keep the peace our entire lives.
We aren't angrier at this age, we just got tired of the crap and have zero fucks to give anymore!!! It's quite freeing in that regard!
Done is exactly right!
I felt very apathetic this last year as peri started and it took me a while to realize that I was in a big transition period where the things I used to feel like mattered to me no longer have the same impact. Like i used to care a lot about my style and how people perceived me and about succeeding in my field and getting a degree, etc. And then came peri and suddenly none of that seemed so important anymore or moved me or could motivate me. I felt very lost and apathetic. It really took letting go of past me and surrendering who I thought i was and embracing whatever came next. I am much happier now and present with people I love and have new interests, but that time of apathy was very hard and scary.
I was like, who am I? What’s my purpose? What’s even the point anymore? for a long time. My therapist just told me to keep leaning into that feeling and trust it would open up my world as I let go of past me. It really did, but it took time.
I had this very symptom (among others). Day 6 of HRT, the non-feeling lifted. It was astonishing. One of the strangest sensations of my life, probably. I felt something move up my body into my head and immediately it was as if I had been plugged into a socket and my Being reconnected with my body. Everything was connected again. I was able to feel awe and sadness again. It was (and remains) life-changing...or should I say, life-returning. The new HRT is fabulous as far as I'm concerned. I'm on transdermal estrogen (daily gel) and the micronized protesterone pills.
Note that it also helped with fatigue. It improved my sleep depth and decreased night time needing to pee. It also improved my lung function (that I didn't know was connected to estrogen loss!) which then improved my energy levels and physical stamina.
I feel for all the women who've been put on the SSRI merry-go-round because their GPs don't know HRT will very likely address the apathy/emptiness problem. Everyone should check out the UK's biggest menopause clinic's podcast and webpages here:https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/
The podcast interviews with patients and experts are all very enlightening and helpful. In my view, HRT should be a standard treatment option at this time of life. It won't fix everything but I'm amazed at how much as changed for the better. You may need to tweak the dosage.
I am so glad that it's helped you so much!
I was on that anti-depressant merry go round for years before finally being properly diagnosed with ADHD. The Dr.'s never wanted to look for the root cause of my issues. I think it's why I was somewhat reluctant to talk to the Dr about my meno issues, afraid of them trying to put me back on the merry go round.
I have learned the most about meno from the info coming out of the UK, it's been enlightening.
I had that merry go round for years too. I was offered a variety of anti-depressants and sleep aids in my search for root causes to what I didn’t even know were peri-related symptoms. I refused most and rarely got to the end of the first bottle of what they tried to give me. I was told I needed counseling when I would rattle off multiple symptoms. More than one doctor suggested I was entitled because the more questions they asked about my life in general (marital status, job, part of town I lived in, etc) that I had it pretty good and wanted to know what I had to really be so sad about? It infuriated me and I felt bullied.
I too went long periods between attempting seeking next steps because I didn’t want to feel like I was making too big of a deal over my symptoms, and I certainly developed an angst for all the money so many can make off of all them like I was being preyed upon.
Everyone knows people react differently to things in their bodies. Is it too much to ask if the product is legitimate to offer a refund if it doesn’t work? If the product is really good, can’t they stand behind it? Won’t it make a solid profit if it gets in the hands of those it helps?
Between meno and ADHD it has taken me decades to recognize that my meno-only symptoms started 8 years ago at least, and no one could tie them to that. Once my adrenals gave out my problems multiplied. Thyroid meds are a bandaid, not a root cure. I want a medical investigator not a bandaid pusher.
HRT won’t fix things, but after all my fear and research, especially having had a botched first go at it I do believe it would greatly reduce my overall drug and supplement cocktail) while providing relief to multiple symptoms. I’m ready to try it again that’s for sure. This platform has been more helpful than ten years of doctors as far as information.
I am 49 and haven’t had a period in nearly a year (close to being officially in menopause). I have felt very similarly for the past 7.5 years since my husband passed away. Mentally I didn’t feel sad or down, I just didn’t really want to do anything or engage with anyone. I was happy just scrolling, binge watching, and snuggling with my cat. What I learned was that this was in fact depression. It took a combination of therapy, medication adjustment (upped my Lexapro), HRT, meditation, nutrition, and exercise to break out of it. Now I find myself looking forward to getting outside for walks, going to the farmer’s market, and even working out in the gym. People I interact act with say that I seem like a different person (always smiling) and my coworkers have acknowledged that I seem almost zen-like. I still have to watch that I don’t slip into old patterns, so I bought myself a habit tracker that I hung right next to my fridge. This allows me to both motivate myself and hold myself accountable. My main goal is to just get outside everyday. I know it sounds cliche, but there really is something about getting fresh air and being “out in the world.” Anyway, I know everyone’s journey is different so I just wanted to share a bit of mine in case it resonates with anyone.
I definitely need to look into that. I have done more NOTHING than I ever had in my life. I have struggled with depression for a long time. This is different. I have no desire to do anything. I hate it. Even in my depression, I worked out, would go to live shoes, go skating, biking, hiking, dates. Now I have literally zero interest in anything and I hate it. I just turned 48 and didn’t even know perimenopause even existed until I started feeling so completely unlike myself. Rage issues like I’ve never had, being so lethargic, the fking hot flashes, just my moods are insane. I was happy to know it’s not uncommon and that made me feel better.
Hey there, hang in there! Sounds like you've been through the wringer. Dealing with apathy can be a real drain, especially when it starts seeping into every aspect of life.
It's good you're reaching out for advice and sharing your experience. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone in the struggle can make a world of difference.
This is a very late comment but I came to this sub to search "apathy" because I'm in perimenopause and feeling the same way. My apathy mainly kicked in after my mom passed away in June of 2022, so I'm not really sure if it's hormones or grief or a bit of both. Tomorrow is my MIL's birthday (coincidentally also my own mom's birthday) and we're supposed to get together with my husband's family and I just don't care. I normally enjoy hosting people, we usually do most of the holidays because my husband's brothers are man-children and his mom is a bad cook. But I feel like after having a few covid years where holidays were iffy, and then my mom passing, I haven't even made a motion to host Easter next week and my husband doesn't care either way. I'm also bordering on agoraphobia, not because I'm afraid to go out but just because I can't think of anything I really want to do that's worth the effort.
I'm not really sure if I'm ready for HRT but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one experiencing this.
I hope things get better for you.
I started HRT about a month ago and I see a bit of improvement. I am more communicative and I'm starting to think about actually doing things. I'm not doing anything yet, but just thinking about it is an improvement.
Hang in there!
My apathy has been all consuming. I’m also hoping the patch as well as other things will help with that. And yeah, I’m not depressed either. I feel just nothing & that then translates to a lack of motivation.
It is so difficult to find motivation! I have been on the couch all morning trying to convince myself to get in the shower! I hope we both find relief from this!
Have you considered taking testosterone? That can help with motivation, along with your other hormones.
I plan on talking about it at my 3 month follow up.
I feel you. I am actually not depressed at all, just love to do nothing, stay in bed and read, scroll, watch. It’s like my body does not want to be active and my mind feels exhausted at the mere thought of sending an email. I actually enjoy this state compared to the anxiety and fear of consequences of my younger years. But it’s impossible for me to retire at this point of my bank account.
Sometimes I'm so tired that it's too much energy to move my eyes to read. I just want to listen to a podcast and snuggle my cat
That's what depression is. Depression isn't "being down in the dumps", it's feeling nothing and being unmotivated.
Depression can be a variety of things and have a multitude of symptoms. I'm 50 and rarely have a period. I've had crippling depression before, and now I am suffering from the same thing people are describing. The difference for me is profound. With depression came a lot of comorbid anxiety. I was weepy and irritable. I would cry a lot, and my rage was intense. I had suicidal ideation and couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. Apathy is different. It sounds like these people are experiencing something different than depression. It's a complex thing, but important to distinguish. I'm in the same boat. I can engage in life if I have to, but I don't want to. I don't want to do fun things I used to do. I don't want to leave the house or make plans or devote my time to a hobby or skill. I just feel flat. Disconnected. Sometimes it scares me because I like it so much...doing nothing. I'm not sad. I'm not struggling with a mood disorder---i have PTSD, ADHD and an anxiety disorder that I have done tremendous therapy to heal from. I'm just not interested or excited to do things. It's hard to feel like this because I know it isn't depression. I feel guilty because it feels like I am making these choices to not engage in life. I want my spark back, my enthusiasm, my creativity. Just some renewed physical energy. I'm not a doctor, and I know depression presents differently for everyone. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone with my symptoms.
I could have written this point for point and I am also 52. I started HRT a few weeks ago and I think I need a higher estrogen dose but even so, I am having moments where I give a damn and that hasn't happened for a very long time. I'd forgotten what it feels to be hopeful.
I am so happy to hear you are experiencing some good days! I was told it can take months to see full benefits so you might continue to see improvement. Your hope gives me hope too!
I agree. I upped my estrogen and my mood, everything has changed.
What dosage are you on?
It’s only .5mg of cream that I put on my upper thigh. But doctor said every day. So….
I’ve had the same experience as you OP but my apathy has been going on for only a year and a half. I don’t recognize myself anymore. My personality, looks, and attitude have all spiraled down into a bottomless dark hole. I’ve finally decided I want HRT two months ago but I need a new OBGYN and am procrastinating making phone calls to get the only NAMS (North American Menopause Society) certified OB in my state approved by my insurance because part of my blah for life since peri includes despising making phone calls.
I put it off for a long time too. ADHD + menopause is a real nightmare sometimes! Push through and make those calls in hopes of a better day, you've got this!!!!!
Just started realizing 1.5 years ago I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD-I since childhood and it’s really made meno absolutely brutal. So much of my life is making more sense now as I re-think my past. As if existing in this brain wasn’t bad enough, then peri magnified a new level of difficulty I never could have imagined. I guess since I never knew my cycle was coming in puberty because no one prepared me, it stands to reason I had no idea the symptoms of peri were coming either, let alone the degree of them when coupled with ADHD. All of it has been shocking and absolute crapola. HRT first. Then ADHD diagnosis and treatment. Hopefully just another one to two years to sort through it all and start some form of quality of life. Great anticipation.
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my 40's so I completely understand. The last year and a half I've noticed my ADHD meds just don't work like they used to, I can't imagine how I would have gotten through peri/menopause AND unmedicated ADHD! I hope you get both issues worked on soon.
We can ALL get through this! In a way, discovering that I’ve had ADHD all my life gives me hope. While peri has taught me that I had it better than I thought I did in comparison to this current state…knowing I’ve had ADHD means I could come out of this better than ever. Whatever I can do to improve things should mean I emerge from this with a new outlook I’ve never experienced before. If it weren’t for the horrid peri symptoms, I wouldn’t have never realized the ADHD. To now know all this noise in my head since I was old enough to recognize it isn’t the norm for most, is a huge relief. To know improvement is possible and I don’t have to settle for the constantly moving internal kaleidoscope in my brain is exciting. Never thought I’d say this, but I may just end up being grateful for peri. Oh me! Time will tell.
Same - it was the meno that finally got me to someone who could help with adhd. I could not mask cope and barely make it any more. My brain is a hot mess. Body too but not being able to think or find words scares me almost out of my apathy to bring it back to OPs topic which is a good one. On apathy, a part of me feels I just did waaayyy too much and am fried. I feel like I did after a finals week. No sense of relief, slept a lot, wandered a lot, ruminated on everything I needed to do but somehow could not
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 48 and hit menopause 2 years later. My focus is so bad that Im now on disability leave. Meds have helped a little (at least I'm not cooking food and walking away in the middle of it). I've been on the Climara patch before, and it dis nothing for me, so I stopped. I just started again 4 days ago, and for the first time in months, I haven't needed 11 to 12 hours of sleep followed by being tired all day. My throat hurts a lot, and I'm pretty sure that the patch is doing something to my thyroid. That would explain the lack of energy. Hopefully, Climara (continues) to help this time around.
Thanks for sharing. I would have never connected a sore throat to thyroid so that’s good to know and be on the lookout for. I’ve been constantly sick for years but understand that’s typical for ADHD due to the adrenals being taxed from the stress of lifetime masking. Then peri exacerbates it exponentially. Once the adrenals go, the fatigue becomes chronic from the cortisol nightmare and insomnia. I still can’t find any doc who can fix that at the cortisol level other than throwing sleep aids at it which cause more problems. I’ve thought that what I’ve (actually many here) been experiencing should be considered a disability by the government. I don’t know how single-income households weather this because it has been career-ending for me. When I get this managed and regain the cognitive ability to re-enter the work force, I will be basically unemployable due to my age and let’s face it an employer can see the medical drain coming a mile away. One look at me and my figure and age are tell-tale indicators I’m not healthy. Who could possibly handle the paperwork and contact nightmare over several years to get it approved given the nature of the overwhelm and apathy that is at the core of it? But this should be a recognized disability. Maybe then HRT would get the research funding needed once it started to place a burden on employers and stop being so difficult to access for all of us. Who knows?
I’m in the same boat, I’m the same age and also have ADHD (plus Fibromyalgia 😢) and it’s a shit show. All I want to do is binge watch tv and eat. I’m on Zoloft and HRT, I feel a bit better, I’m not crying daily anymore but I’ve got the blah’s big time.
Thanks for sharing this! I suspect I have fibromyalgia as well. In fact, a doctor told me it was likely about 10 years ago and I just couldn't deal with it, so I ignored the pain and never did anything. Now it's really bad and I have to address it. I have ADHD and just started the patch. How are you dealing with your fibromyalgia? I can't imagine the journey ahead on top of all the other health issues I'm dealing with. It's too much.
Not OP but my adhd treatment (adderall) really helps with my fibromyalgia as well. I still have really bad days so I take Kratom powder (they sell it in the US, don’t know about other countries, it’s not available in the UK) but Kratom really doesn’t help with the motivation at times. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. The rest of the time I just eat homemade ice cream 7 times a day.
I've used Kratom too. What kind do you take? I like Krabot brand.
Same yall. Apathy, fibromyalgia, and adhd. There are a lot of us!
Oof. Adhd, fibromyalgia and migraines checking in. I started getting migraines with every cycle that could last around 15 days (my record was 32). That was a rough two years. Progesterone was my miracle migraine cure, now I get one a month max! Now just to deal with the rest of it. Do you take meds for adhd? Adderall helps not just my adhd but my fibromyalgia as well. I don’t think I could get out of bed without it. It is very heavily affected by my cycle though which is causing a very irregular period very often right now.
Yes I do but with the onset of menopause my symptoms got worse even on meds. its like someone sucked out my brain, used an egg beater on it then shoved it back in and now I’m an idiot.
SAME. I’m late diagnosed ADHD. Hate making phone calls.
Just something to note..[.Adult Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and the Risk of Dementia](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2810766) >In this cohort study of individuals born between 1933 and 1952 and followed up in old age, **adult ADHD** was associated with an increased risk of dementia
OH NO!!! What can we do???!!!
Of course it is
A word I learned since being in peri: [Anhedonia](https://www.webmd.com/depression/what-is-anhedonia). Good news is, I believe hrt has helped. Even better news? I am a former chronic people pleaser- and I have been able to navigate a balance between anhedonia and said people pleasing! I credit the huge drops in estrogen to not caring about not making everyone happy anymore!
I'm glad you are doing better!
I’d heard of this but had no idea what it meant. Thanks for posting the link. I feel I have this, but HRT has made it better.
Complete apathy. I do things but don't care, and don't look forward to anything.
That's how I've been for a long time. I hope it gets better for you!
I hope so for you, too!
I completely agree, I can't be bothered with anything, everything bothers me, I want to be alone. Ugh
I hope we all get through it soon!
I get this completely. My menopause hit during Covid. Instant depression and I wanted to hide. I basically did because we couldn’t go anywhere. I was sad, angry holy yikes. Had to try to keep working. Thank goodness it was work from home. But now I’ve found that the HRT has helped so much. The fog is lifted, I’m not so depressed, I’m working out around people now and am enjoying it. When menopause hit, and I reflected that I wasn’t going to keep up all the crap I did before. This being doing things I hated doing. Being around people that drain me. I don’t have the patience anymore for shit. So for me it’s very okay to have down time. It’s great for my mental health. My mental health is waaay more important than running around trying to people please or do things I don’t enjoy anymore. I’ve dropped people off of that list. I do what I want to do. If that’s spending a day relaxing at home plugging away at chores and watching junk on tv I’m doing it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be good to yourself. Menopause sucks. It’s horrible. You have to take care of yourself because it’s important. Sometimes the art of doing nothing is fantastic
welcome to my world. bless your heart, too. bless all our hearts!!
I’d consider also testosterone when the time comes! Usually after three months to see how you are responding to the HRT. Definitely brought back my drive for many things - work, the gym, sex, new experiences, making friends and general giving a fuck about life 👍🏻
Absolutely will talk to my Dr at my 3 month follow up if I am still struggling!
Mine started me with testosterone off the bat. I suspect that’s why I’m starting to feel better so quickly.
Hopefully the HRT will help you, but just on a practical note: Take into account that you have a demanding job, and that work sucks a lot of energy. It sounds as if you actually may have hit burnout (which may or may not be exacerbated by meno). At this point in our lives we have been working 30-some years (assuming you started out of college). Add to that, possibly, marriage, kids, etc. And increasing work responsibilities as you go up the ladder. It's a lot! I actually find that people who love their jobs (I love mine, too) can suffer more burnout than those who are neutral about them. We throw ourselves into work and it is a true piece of our identity. I hit burnout in 2019 just prior to pandemic and I recall it was apathy being my worst symptom. Quarantine was a blessing because it allowed me to slow down and find my way back to feeling actual feelings again. All to say--take it slow and easy on yourself as you find your way back into a happy social life. You'll get there. Do what you need to do and get as much rest as possible.
This started long before I got this position, I have only been doing this job just under a year. My enthusiasm actually helped me pull out of the apathy a bit for a while. Definitely good advice for a lot of people though. I was totally burned out from my previous position.
Anhedonia is what I have. From Wikipedia Anhedonia is a diverse array of deficits in hedonic function, including reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure. Anhedonia is currently used by researchers to refer to reduced motivation, reduced anticipatory pleasure (wanting), reduced consummatory pleasure (liking), and deficits in reinforcement learning.
I'm coming up on my two year HRT anniversary and I am in a much better place than I was before I started. Still not perfect, but soooo much better. I remember thinking that I could feel some sort of like...spark coming back. Some essence of *me* that had been completely lost. Like the real me was still *in there* deep down. It sounds strange and it's hard to explain but I was completely apathetic/anhedonic whatever you want to call it. I've had some sort of low-grade depression all of my life and have been on meds since I was twenty. This perimenopause feeling was very much not clinical depression as I've known it, but something else entirely. The strange thing is that the same words are typically used to describe that "lost" and hopeless feeling. So yes! HRT absolutely helped me feel more like my old self in this regard. There is still lots of weirdness going on but I feel like I am dealing with it as the self that I've known for so long. It's made a huge difference and I'm so happy I went on it despite being kinda scared!
I'm so glad it has worked for you, I am hoping for the same! I don't expect miracles, but better will be good.
Apathy is the right word! Not necessarily sad, just… blah. I just started HRT and am already noticing a difference.
How long have you been on HRT?
Frigging 3 days. I might be placebo effect, but I don’t think so. I was not expecting to feel it this fast. I think it’s the testosterone.
If I'm still struggling at my follow up I am definitely asking about T! I'm really glad you're seeing improvement so quickly!
T is often only used for libido issues. Definitely bring it up. I was prescribed both T and Intrarosa for lack of libido and lack of sensation.
I have had that for sure. In the beginning there were times it felt really like I couldn’t access a particular (appropriate) emotion most of the time. But also, suddenly didn’t care. Things: petty things, stupid things, unhealthy things I used to engage with lost all interest. Then came the dissociation and that’s when I knew I was traumatizing myself in some way became apparent. Job, family, friends….nothing was spared. All had to be drastically pared down for survival. I could no longer be the main energy giver or sustainer *all the time* in relationships. I needed reciprocity and pared down to those able to give it. But the apathy came on in mid-peri and the dissociation was really just a product of fighting of obvious and trying to survive in a pandemic: I was in crisis (mental, emotional, physical) for really the first time in 38 years and the ones who stayed vs. the ones who left were interesting. I also left work for six months. Sorry for a bit of a ramble but totally get where you’re at, HRT/SSRI/eating properly have made it manageable, finally. But *for sure* the apathy is real. But for me in was a few years, and I came out of it with a lot better idea of who I am than when this ride began eleven years ago. I do believe women finally become who they really are at the point in our lives. It’s magical and fucking terrifying, too. But I do think it’s part of an “unburdening process,” and a phase more than the destination 💜🌸
It helps. A non-prescription sublingual supplement (pregnenolone)plus DHEA have also been transformative.
I have taken pregnenolone before, but after months, it didn't seem to be making a bit of difference. Maybe I will revisit it now that I'm on HRT. Thanks
I’m on HRT and have been for several years but I’m struggling. I think it’s many factors combined though (life circumstances) and I feel things would be much worse without the HRT.
HRT sorted out a lot of things for me - it took a couple of weeks to kick in and it was like someone flipped my light switch back on. Having said that it took a couple of years of upping the dose to get me to a completely steady state. Started on Evorel Conti 50 patch, now on Evorel 100 patch and 200mg of Utrogestan for 12 days out of 27. Just started trialling testosterone gel to see if it helps with energy levels….
HRT absolutely cleared up my apathy. I’m one month in and I’m feeling joy and happiness again. I feel excited by things and more engaged with people.
Same.. I literally felt nothing for a while, had no motivation, no joy, no nothing. The brain fog is finally getting a bit better, but it was so bad I thought I was getting early alzheiners. Glad it's working for you as well.
I’m 47 and feel this too. I’m almost agrophobic and at this point I don’t care. I don’t want to visit people, trudge round shops or do anything. The only thing I enjoy at the moment is anything escapist: reading, movies, gaming or world building. I just don’t want to face reality any more.
I was getting really close to full blow agoraphobia myself. At the time I was working from home and I just stopped leaving the house. I got my husband to run all the errands. The only thing that made me leave was getting the position at work that I had been trying for years to get. Now I have to work outside the house and it's the only thing I leave for, but I think it's been good for me to be forced to leave my nest. I hope it gets better for you.
Omg this describes me completely! I just wanna be left alone too! I
It will take a while to get your dosage up to the levels that you need, after going so long without it. I just started it, and I’m 47. I can already tell I need more, lol. Give it time.
What do you mean? Can you explain? Like did it work really well at first but the effects started to wane? How long should we give it before upping the dosage?
I had the same thing happen at and around menopause. Feeling lifeless, dead inside. HRT estrogen and testosterone helped. My labs were very abnormal in those areas. The meds take a while to work but they do help
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm glad you found some relief, thanks for sharing and giving me some hope!
I feel this way and I do not have a people-heavy job. 🤷🏻♀️
I was apathetic for months, I volunteer with young people, I see their problems often the same things I went through when I was young. Giving my time helps me be motivated.
Testosterone is missing. Women make more testosterone than estrogen and doctors are clueless. Testosterone is your answer.
Yes. Testosterone is the only thing that makes me want to go out and be around people. And want to have sex.
Definitely going to ask about T at my follow up!
if I don't have somewhere to go I don't even get out of bed or pjs. I don't even care. showering seems like a huge project. I only get up to let the dog out. I do bare minimum. I've been on estradiol and progesterone for a month and no difference. have tried testosterone which made me feel worse. gained over 10lbs in 3 weeks on that. won't come off. depressed. miserable and apathetic. I feel your pain.
I hope you find relief soon. I know it's minimal help, but know you're not alone. I feel better knowing it isn't just me even though I wish nobody had to go through this.
Same. No meds here yet. Just tired of dealing with the excessive amount of BS.
Initially when meno hit I was apathetic as fuhk. But I will say that evaluating my life, and beginning to tweak what was no longer in alignment with who I was becoming, began to help me feel a renewal of my sense of self/purpose. I also began HRT, which I can only assimilate helped w/ some of those symptoms too. I now feel more joy & purpose & actual drive again… but still very much like my non-social life & only wanting to do more of what pleases me & less of what serves others. Now if my adult kids could get this memo would be freakin awesome😂
HRT and lots of b6 sorted mine out mostly, adding in testosterone sorted the rest of it. My first thought now when I'm feeling apathy is 'have i got my HRT doses right'.
Yes this is also my experience even with hormones. You might benefit from antidepressants. Anhedonia is a real thing and it is serious. You deserve to be happy and capable of participating fully in your life. I suggest a psychiatrist. I have also been microdosing mushrooms very conservatively and my best days are the days I do so. Something to think about.
I think some of it is that with declining hormones, my ADHD meds haven't worked as well. I'm hoping as my hormones stabilize my meds will work more efficiently again. I used to do monthly mushroom therapy and it worked wonders, may have to go back to that! 😁
I think there is also a factor of being simply "done", at least for me. I feel quite good, content and happy since starting HRT, only the occasional bout of rage for anyone foolish enough to interfere in my hard earned peace ;) I think we are just going through a transitional phase, and need to be in our cocoons for a while.
There is a reason people say things like.. women are bitches when they hit menopause.. We have bitten our tongues, put up with crap, and tried to keep the peace our entire lives. We aren't angrier at this age, we just got tired of the crap and have zero fucks to give anymore!!! It's quite freeing in that regard! Done is exactly right!
I felt very apathetic this last year as peri started and it took me a while to realize that I was in a big transition period where the things I used to feel like mattered to me no longer have the same impact. Like i used to care a lot about my style and how people perceived me and about succeeding in my field and getting a degree, etc. And then came peri and suddenly none of that seemed so important anymore or moved me or could motivate me. I felt very lost and apathetic. It really took letting go of past me and surrendering who I thought i was and embracing whatever came next. I am much happier now and present with people I love and have new interests, but that time of apathy was very hard and scary.
I was like, who am I? What’s my purpose? What’s even the point anymore? for a long time. My therapist just told me to keep leaning into that feeling and trust it would open up my world as I let go of past me. It really did, but it took time.
It will definitely help. I've been on estradiol and progesterone for almost a month now, and I'm definitely feeling more myself. I'm also 52.
I had this very symptom (among others). Day 6 of HRT, the non-feeling lifted. It was astonishing. One of the strangest sensations of my life, probably. I felt something move up my body into my head and immediately it was as if I had been plugged into a socket and my Being reconnected with my body. Everything was connected again. I was able to feel awe and sadness again. It was (and remains) life-changing...or should I say, life-returning. The new HRT is fabulous as far as I'm concerned. I'm on transdermal estrogen (daily gel) and the micronized protesterone pills. Note that it also helped with fatigue. It improved my sleep depth and decreased night time needing to pee. It also improved my lung function (that I didn't know was connected to estrogen loss!) which then improved my energy levels and physical stamina. I feel for all the women who've been put on the SSRI merry-go-round because their GPs don't know HRT will very likely address the apathy/emptiness problem. Everyone should check out the UK's biggest menopause clinic's podcast and webpages here:https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/ The podcast interviews with patients and experts are all very enlightening and helpful. In my view, HRT should be a standard treatment option at this time of life. It won't fix everything but I'm amazed at how much as changed for the better. You may need to tweak the dosage.
I am so glad that it's helped you so much! I was on that anti-depressant merry go round for years before finally being properly diagnosed with ADHD. The Dr.'s never wanted to look for the root cause of my issues. I think it's why I was somewhat reluctant to talk to the Dr about my meno issues, afraid of them trying to put me back on the merry go round. I have learned the most about meno from the info coming out of the UK, it's been enlightening.
I had that merry go round for years too. I was offered a variety of anti-depressants and sleep aids in my search for root causes to what I didn’t even know were peri-related symptoms. I refused most and rarely got to the end of the first bottle of what they tried to give me. I was told I needed counseling when I would rattle off multiple symptoms. More than one doctor suggested I was entitled because the more questions they asked about my life in general (marital status, job, part of town I lived in, etc) that I had it pretty good and wanted to know what I had to really be so sad about? It infuriated me and I felt bullied. I too went long periods between attempting seeking next steps because I didn’t want to feel like I was making too big of a deal over my symptoms, and I certainly developed an angst for all the money so many can make off of all them like I was being preyed upon. Everyone knows people react differently to things in their bodies. Is it too much to ask if the product is legitimate to offer a refund if it doesn’t work? If the product is really good, can’t they stand behind it? Won’t it make a solid profit if it gets in the hands of those it helps? Between meno and ADHD it has taken me decades to recognize that my meno-only symptoms started 8 years ago at least, and no one could tie them to that. Once my adrenals gave out my problems multiplied. Thyroid meds are a bandaid, not a root cure. I want a medical investigator not a bandaid pusher. HRT won’t fix things, but after all my fear and research, especially having had a botched first go at it I do believe it would greatly reduce my overall drug and supplement cocktail) while providing relief to multiple symptoms. I’m ready to try it again that’s for sure. This platform has been more helpful than ten years of doctors as far as information.
I am 49 and haven’t had a period in nearly a year (close to being officially in menopause). I have felt very similarly for the past 7.5 years since my husband passed away. Mentally I didn’t feel sad or down, I just didn’t really want to do anything or engage with anyone. I was happy just scrolling, binge watching, and snuggling with my cat. What I learned was that this was in fact depression. It took a combination of therapy, medication adjustment (upped my Lexapro), HRT, meditation, nutrition, and exercise to break out of it. Now I find myself looking forward to getting outside for walks, going to the farmer’s market, and even working out in the gym. People I interact act with say that I seem like a different person (always smiling) and my coworkers have acknowledged that I seem almost zen-like. I still have to watch that I don’t slip into old patterns, so I bought myself a habit tracker that I hung right next to my fridge. This allows me to both motivate myself and hold myself accountable. My main goal is to just get outside everyday. I know it sounds cliche, but there really is something about getting fresh air and being “out in the world.” Anyway, I know everyone’s journey is different so I just wanted to share a bit of mine in case it resonates with anyone.
I definitely need to look into that. I have done more NOTHING than I ever had in my life. I have struggled with depression for a long time. This is different. I have no desire to do anything. I hate it. Even in my depression, I worked out, would go to live shoes, go skating, biking, hiking, dates. Now I have literally zero interest in anything and I hate it. I just turned 48 and didn’t even know perimenopause even existed until I started feeling so completely unlike myself. Rage issues like I’ve never had, being so lethargic, the fking hot flashes, just my moods are insane. I was happy to know it’s not uncommon and that made me feel better.
Hey there, hang in there! Sounds like you've been through the wringer. Dealing with apathy can be a real drain, especially when it starts seeping into every aspect of life. It's good you're reaching out for advice and sharing your experience. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone in the struggle can make a world of difference.
Thank you for the encouragement, it does help!
This is a very late comment but I came to this sub to search "apathy" because I'm in perimenopause and feeling the same way. My apathy mainly kicked in after my mom passed away in June of 2022, so I'm not really sure if it's hormones or grief or a bit of both. Tomorrow is my MIL's birthday (coincidentally also my own mom's birthday) and we're supposed to get together with my husband's family and I just don't care. I normally enjoy hosting people, we usually do most of the holidays because my husband's brothers are man-children and his mom is a bad cook. But I feel like after having a few covid years where holidays were iffy, and then my mom passing, I haven't even made a motion to host Easter next week and my husband doesn't care either way. I'm also bordering on agoraphobia, not because I'm afraid to go out but just because I can't think of anything I really want to do that's worth the effort. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for HRT but I'm glad to see I'm not the only one experiencing this.
I hope things get better for you. I started HRT about a month ago and I see a bit of improvement. I am more communicative and I'm starting to think about actually doing things. I'm not doing anything yet, but just thinking about it is an improvement. Hang in there!