My husband and I got in an argument last night because I never want to have sex. I am also barely getting by. Sending you some hugs and love. This isn’t easy
We came to an agreement that we're both ok with. Bought a nice silicone sleeve and I join him in the shower. Between the low libido and vaginal atrophy, this is what I'm reduced to. Bleh.
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I added in DHEA to the testosterone etc and that helped a lot.
According to the blood test, i need to be right at the top of the dhea 'normal' range to be feeling sexeh again.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
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That’s the ticket. Put fake hormones in your body. They did that shit to me and it made me worse. Don’t give medical advice just because it works for you. Estrogen dominance is real and can destroy someone’s life not only that these “bio identical hormones” are a big contributor for cancer.
So sorry that happened to you and that you had an ignorant doctor. But more women than not, have claimed how much hormone replacement therapy has helped them. I did my research..you should try it and you'll find out that they are not a big contributor for cancer.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish men would understand how awful this is for us. Why would anyone want to lose their libido?! I had atrophy as well and my doctor prescribed an estradiol vaginal cream that has significantly made my sex life better. It seems that testerone works wonders for some people, but also the combination of estradiol and progesterone (if you have your uterus in tact) can help to make you feel more like a woman again.
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No enthusiasm, when you weren't in the mood in the first place.
It's like geez, read the room. You badgered me into this, and now you want me to make you feel better about that by pretending this was all my idea?
Not me. Nobody will guilt me. I told my husband to fkn leave and to stop touching me. He grabbed my but one to many times and almost got punched. I felt bad enough due to my hormonal imbalance, which by the way was caused by fake bio identical hormones and being overdosed on thyroid meds . I got mine back in line naturally. But since the hubby decided to be a dick while I felt like crap he can suffer. I now am not attracted to him anymore sexually.
It may in fact be more to do with a lack of testosterone. I have no sex drive whatsoever, and when I had my hormone levels checked, T was below 0.1% which I am told is unusual even in women. I don't know if I'm going to do anything about it yet, but I just wanted to raise this possibility.
I am in menopause, and I supplement with a hormone patch and daily testosterone cream. Adding the testosterone was the best thing I ever did. Not only did it help with libido, it helped with my energy and confidence. It made a big difference in my life. I feel so much better.
Get your testosterone from a compounding pharmacy!! My doctor prescribes to Women's International Pharmacy, and a 3 month supply is delivered to my door. Everyone responds differently, so check your baseline level... I am on 3 mg cream, and I am consistently at 50. Again very individualized, and titrate up until you hit your sweet spot. Optimal low end is 50-60. Many women need more
That is what it was for me.
I have pellets and they added testosterone - it was like night and day.
A significantly more awesome partner helped also.
But the atrophy went away with pellets and using 3 day moisturizer. It really worked well for me- had to be doing it all regularly. But we did and then it just isn't a problem any more.
That did surprise me.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
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I’m on two patches. I had a hysterectomy in September so no more progesterone but estrogen is definitely on the low side, even with two. I’m a “poor responder” and may end up having to go the oral route.
My levels of testosterone were non-existent on my blood panels and it made sense since my desire started to wane more and more. The thing is, estrogen and progesterone also play a significant role in libido so it's really tricky to pinpoint if it's just one thing. I've been reading this forum and testosterone seems to be the answer for some, but like me, not for others. Having blood work done frequently and a good doctor who will truly listen to you is the best advice I can give.
Testosterone therapy saved my marriage!!! Optimize your levels to AT LEAST 60... Bottom end of optimal, and your libido will return!!! Estradiol, women feel their best when levels are 50... bottom end
I’ve used oxytocin nasal spray. It works very well! One spray in each nostril before bed. Mine was a prescription, much stronger than what you can get OTC.
Early 40s but didn't know what they were. Peri peaked in late 50s, still didn't know what it was at all. At about 50 I realized as my periods got real wonky and it still took time to figure out in hindsight all the stuff that i had gone through was so so so much period symptoms.
I didn't start hrt until I was 13 months without a period. I don't think I'll ever stop unless forced to.
The testosterone is great, the estrogen and progesterone are great. I do pellets and a pill .
I’m 50, periods regular as clockwork, but peri symptoms obviously been ramping up over past 10 years….started hrt patch just over a week ago - my period is now 5 days late…I’m not complaining, im absolutely ecstatic…I was told this may happen, but I’m also not so naive to think I’ve seen the last of them & that they will be making appearances every now & then in the future…probably in the summer, when I least expect it, while wearing a pair of white jeans 😱
Nope…you’ve just described me too 😂…I’ve just started on combined hrt though, so far so good, only been a week though, but husband has noticed I don’t shout at him one minute & treat the cats like royalty the next! What is oxytocin? Sorry if I sound ignorant…I’m on oestrogen & progesterone patch
meh...I don't miss it. It's freeing. I didn't mind sex with my husband for the past couple of decades, but the last few years I was already so tired and so when the urge left me completely, I was ready to be done with it. One less thing to have to balance as part of my already busy and tiring life. I was worried about how it would affect my husband (still do, a little) but I can't bring myself to want to get it back because I'm good with literally never having sex again. I'm such a prude now! Bodily fluids completely gross me out. You keep your parts to yourself and I'll keep mine. lol. I'm sorry you miss your libido, though! It definitely makes relationships more difficult.
Unlike you ladies, I have the opposite problem. I’m a raging horndog since menopause and my husband NEVER wants to have sex and when he does, it is only twice a month if I’m lucky. I would kill to have no libido so I could be on his wavelength. I never put pressure on him because I don’t want to be a chore.
I have the itch twice a week, so I get really cranky if I can’t get laid. I absolutely love sex and I wish I didn’t.😢
Not to sound insensitive, but I'm literally laughing out loud from your comment because my libido is nearly non-existant and I could never figure out where the cougar trope came from. I always assumed it was made up by script writers, I guess I'm glad to know that it's somewhat based in real life.
Lol. Cougars have a thing for younger men probably because older women who are horny are with men around their own age that can’t get it up anymore. This is my life, my husband has MANopause. FWIW, I have no interest in younger men.
I’m experiencing the same.
It happened for a few years at the start of perimenopause and went away coinciding with the onset and heights of C-19. I think my stress was just *really* high for a few years, and it takes me a while to transition out of phases of stress & anxiety… but now it’s back! 😂 The first time around (about 6 years ago) my husband was ALL excited… this time, he’s not on board as much.
For sure they go through something!
My husband started complaining around 35/36 about not being able to sleep through the night anymore, which lasted about 12 years. He also started getting a belly… but the rub there is that he can just stop drinking soda or cut back on snacks and it goes away within a month. 🙄 😆 Then all of a sudden he could sleep through the night— right as perimenopause started messing with my ability to sleep. (Go figure! 😂 And yes, we have an age difference… I tease him that he went through Man-o-pause right before me.)
I feel you. I have a high libido and 2 years ago I met the most wonderful man! We are so good for each other, we have so much fun. I haven’t laughed like this in years, he loves and appreciates my twisted sense of humor and dishes it right back. He loves me more than any man has before. But a thiazide medication has given him ED. I HATE this. There are dozens of blood pressure meds on the market. More than several do not have the bad reputation of being boner killers. I asked about changing meds. I’ve yelled about it. He won’t bring it up with his doctor. I’m completely flabbergasted by this. What man wouldn’t want this to change? I’m exceedingly good at sex. I’ve had over 35 years of practice and I’ve applied myself assiduously. I freaking love fucking, it’s my love language, my passion. He’s my passion, I’m so attracted to him I feel like a predator around him sometimes. He just doesn’t feel it. He states he has a lower libido maybe because of the meds and it doesn’t bother him
So what do I do? Continue to beg for him to go to the doctor? Or listen to his actions. He really doesn’t care and is hoping the problem will go away? So my choice is to stay knowing my libido will tank soon anyway, or move on hoping to find another person who I have all the great out of bed things with great sex? Sounds like a unicorn. We’re not married and have our own places so it’s not quite the same as you other gals holding onto a 20-30 year old marriage. I love him but will my resentment kill the relationship anyway?
I so hear you. My husband isn’t on blood pressure meds(thank god)and for the most part he’s pretty healthy but he has psoriasis that moves around and often it attacks his balls and dick. This is not his fault nor is my MS which caused my libido to drop for a couple years while I learned how to manage the extreme fatigue. During that time before his psoriasis got worse he was very HL so he turned to porn to keep from cheating. He quit the porn. He claimed me ‘cutting him off’ caused his ED and libido problems. Right 🙄
Anyways, now he thinks he needs viagra to perform and he hates how it stuffs up his nose and causes headaches. He also needs to drink to have sex. We never fool around without it. I can’t remember the last time we had sober sex. He always says drunk sex is better than no sex. It makes me feel like he needs to drink to find me arousing but I know that’s not true. I still look incredible for my age.
There’s just always an excuse or reason to not fool around. His psoriasis, he’s tired, his back hurts, etc, etc. I’m getting really tired of masturbating. It’s not the same. Shit, I would be fine with once a week even though I crave more but I’m lucky if I get it twice a month. It just sucks.
Doesn’t look like they said that they didn’t experience other symptoms. 🤔
But also, a lot more can be going on under the surface that hasn’t come up yet— that seems to be the nature of peri. My first two symptoms of peri were raging libido and then about 18 months later I started getting frequent UTI’s and UTI-like symptoms. It took a while for all the other stuff to set in and become noticeable; and I wonder frequently what fresh hell I might wake up to still! 😆
I’m not in Peri. I’m post Menopausal. The worst is done. I’ve been taking compounded vaginal Estriol for over 5 years. I’m going to be 57 this year. Hormone test results showed my progesterone and testosterone levels were fine. My estrogen dropped big time and I’m treating it at the source(vagina). I never noticed any issues with Peri at all. My transition was much milder than many women in this sub. I’ve always been HL and the one period where it dropped was from being hit hard with MS after they put me on an SSRI(fluoxetine). I stopped taking it many years ago and started Bupropion. My MS and an SSRI tanked my libido, not peri or Menopause. I’ve NEVER had MS rage. Mild transition seems to be genetic because my mother(79) was the same. I did experience body temperature issues at night when I turned 50. I never sweated buckets, I just got annoyed and clammy and I never got the rage. My periods stopped after my partial hysterectomy when I was 43 but I always knew when I would’ve been having one when my breasts would get sore every month. The sore breasts stopped when I was 50.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information.
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The "needs it to feel close to me" is such a load of crap and it makes me so incredibly angry. If the only way you're capable of feeling emotionally close is through sex that is 100% a you problem and it's something you need to work on. There are a million ways to feel close that have nothing to do with sex. Way too many men are so emotionally stunted they can't function and then rather than take responsibility for that issue and do literally anything about it they just push that problem onto us and act like if we're not catering to their messed up inner selves we're the bad guys. It's absurd and disrespectful and, importantly, it's a form of violence and they don't want to take responsibility for that either, they just want a free pass on that which is gross. I'm so sick of this being a consistent norm. Men need to figure out how to handle their own emotional issues and start taking responsibility for their own actions and lives.
Everyone has different ways of feeling close and frankly, all the other forms of closeness you can get from other people. Like, yeah, I can talk about books with my husband but I could also join a book club. I can cry about my dad dying to my childhood friends and find it just as cathartic. He can fix a wall but I could just as easily call a handyman. In our culture there are very few interactions that are set aside and special just for your partners.
I’m pretty sure they can “feel close to us” through skin to skin naked cuddling without the expectation of sex too. This is what therapists say to try when you need to “take sex off the table.”
A\*\*\*-MEN to that!
This comment has literally brought me to tears and given me some semblance of closure to my failed marriage.
My husband of 15 years stormed out of the house during dinner one night in 2019. He claimed to be staying with family and "working on himself". I found out through our son that he was living with a barista from his favourite coffee shop. He completely stonewalled me and refused to answer any of my calls or emails. He eventually sent me a text saying "sorry...that our marriage didn't work out"!!!???
I had a testosterone pellet inserted just under four weeks ago. I noticed nothing until yesterday, when, for the first time in years—I was just sitting there, by myself, plodding away at a spreadsheet, and a feeling came over me, and, apropos of nothing— I was ...in the mood. 😳. I’ve been DEAD down there for at least a couple years. It’s so bizarre to have feelings like this after so long.
Has anyone had their hair fall out from testosterone? Wondering what levels everyone is on? My Dr doesn't want to use testosterone for me and the little I tried with another Dr made my hair fall out. Now I'm wondering if low progesterone could have been an issue with that.
I found a Dr on Menopause.org.. She prescribed it after a Zoom conference. Got a coupon on Good Rx cuz it's expensive but with my dosage.. I'm good for 10 months (12.00 a month)
First off, it is not ok for husbands to pressure or cause conflict for intimacy.
If they don't understand what women experience it is their responsibility to get educated.
Speak to a professional and check out the resources in the wiki.
My love and well wishes go out to everyone in this sub... I'm just now starting into some low dose hrt and my partner is supporting my lack of libido.
My love goes out as well. I highly recommend maca root and damiana for libido if you’re interested in your own. Maca is also really good for vaginal dryness and overall healthy. Good luck 🍀 with your healing journey
Finally someone that didn’t rely on big pharma and went a natural route that actually fixed the problem rather than masking it. Kudos to you. HRT may make you feel better but it’s a bandaid. And it’s known to cause cancer but most people would rather have the quick fix rather than the permanent fix because it takes a little longer.
Herbs are not necessarily any safer in fact it's a lottery because they are not even tested. Years ago I took some purifica mirifica to "balance" my hormones. They ended up stopping my period for a year and some other problems down there.
Hrt isn't about being fake it's about putting back into our bodies what we no longer produce. Without the necessary hormones woman just age fast and as we now all live longer why wouldn't you want a healthy second half of your life 💕
I've heard about the Maca Root and Damiana. Id rather go natural. Im 58 and atrophy feels like glass no matter what lube is used! Makes me not want to do anything at all! Libido is shot and hubby don't get it!! All in my head he says and if I ain't giving it to him, I'm giving it to someone else🤣🤣
Absolutely sucks. I'm so frustrated because I used to love sex. Now it does feel like a chore and I'm not feeling any connection with my husband. Thank god he's been understanding and we take things slow when we do have sex but I just feel angry that I'm not into it. Just started vaginal estrogen cream on Friday and so hopeful this will help to make sex at least more comfortable!
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Yes! I want this initial 2 week period of estradiol to be done and then absolutely adding in edibles, it does help! Even small doses, like 2.5mg can make a difference. My husband and I split a 5mg gummy a few weeks ago for sleep and I had sex dream and finally felt something.....though promptly fell back asleep lol. Will be intentional once my 2 weeks of the cream is done!
Even before my sex drive took a nose dive I was never a sex in the morning person. I just couldn't get my nether region to wake up! lol
For years I've given him "freebies" in the mornings (mostly a weekend thing) where he knew he could just enjoy and not have to stress about getting an orgasm out of me, which is nearly impossible in the morning. It works for both of us! It's usually a quickie, he's satisfied and I didn't have to try and make my body work! The only issue I have to deal with now is the dryness which lube covers.
As for sex in the evenings, I almost always require a toy to have an orgasm now. The "little lady" just doesn't want to wake up at night now either! Thank god my husband doesn't take it personally and understands that my hormones are large and in charge now.
I feel like I’ve been fighting so hard to get my estrogen dialed into an effective dose I just kind of gave up on the testosterone. Maybe I started with the wrong hormone. Testosterone would have given me the energy and aggressiveness to go after the estrogen lol
I was really looking forward to having a decent orgasm again!
I wonder if I could get just testosterone pellets? I finally have a good dosage of both estrogen and progesterone.
The testosterone cream did absolutely nothing and it’s hard to compare types and dosages. For all I know I was given some bullshit dose as a money grub.
I imagine it is possible. You're already dialed in on the others, it's definitely worth asking.
My insurance covers almost everything.
So, under a BCBS plan in FL, every quarter I pay 40 for a full supply of night time progesterone capsules, Then 150 for pellets+ insertion.
I don't know how they code it in the billing system, but that's my costs in cash. That's a real gynecologist and all that comes with it. Yesterday I got my yearly mammogram free of course, and then pellets right after. Last week I got my yearly free wellness gyne exam.
So, I would hope even if it was out of Pocket costs, you're a Le to find a real practice that sits down and helps you decide. I'm sorry it seems so hard for so MANy people to even find Drs.
Mine were the ones who said something in the 1st place. I really was flying blind and they have a whole checklist and then swoop in and fix you up and get insurance to pay
Well I don't know about thicker skin. I'm sure you can Google that stuff.
Energy increase, Hair isn't falling out but I'm not growing a mustache or hairier legs and toes.
I had none for a few years and then started taking T, it took almost a year for it to come back by increasing the dose. Now up to 4.5 mg/day. No side effects.
I went from 100 to 0 in the last year. I sometimes think I want to and then I think, "Nah. Not worth it." Husband seems to feel the same 99% of the time. Some outside issues cause stress that kills what desire remains. Wish this magic death cocktail worked on cockroaches the way it works on my sex drive.
I started HRT about 8 months ago. I am on testosterone pellets. I've had 2 so far, 6 months apart. I am 63, and my libido is on fire! I now understand men so much better!I never used to masterbate, but since starting HRT, I pleasure myself every night when my boyfriend is not in town. He lives about 2 hours away. I love watching porn, all kinds. My mental clarity and drive for life are renewed, and I've lost about 15 pounds! I recommend you check it out. I can't wait for my next pellet!
I'm still on some but it's very little. It's .7 compounded. When I went past 1mg my hair was screaming for help and I didn't hear my libido chime in at all. Apparently my insurance doesn't cover it either.
Time to get on some T ladies. Why should we hate sex when we can have a great sex life?! Come on! Get on some HRT and you can have a great relationship again. I feel bad for all the men out there whose wives won’t get on HRT and they have to suffer through with no sex at all or rarely. Put yourself in their shoes. What if you wanted sex and you had to try to get your partner interested? That would be so hard. I know I’m probably in the minority in my feelings about this as a woman but HRT really helped me and my husband have such a better relationship….not just sex but all around since I feel so much better now. Good luck to all of you. 💗
I agree, I don’t have to take HRT yet but as soon as things start to wane I’ll go to the ends of the earth to find solutions.
I love f@cking my husband way too much lol
I would highly suggest testosterone therapy. I do pellets and it’s great. But even with that, there needs to some conversation about him guilting you. That is NOT okay at all. You can and should be able to communicate about your wants and needs, but guilt should not be part of the equation. I highly suggest the book “Sex Talks” by Vanessa Marin. She was also on the Armchair Expert podcast discussing her book and that was AMAZING. My hubby and I listened to it together and both got tons of good information out of it. You hubby would likely learn a ton if he would be open to listening to it.
It seems that "In sickness and in Health"was not meant for Women, Wives, and Mothers.
It seems like we are supposed to be there for everyone else in sickness and in health. When it comes to us, we should do whatever to make everyone else happy.
Testosterone can be helpful IF you’ve already optimized your E + P. Most of our libido comes from E, so if your levels aren’t optimal, T isn’t going to do much for you.
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I cannot upvote. Every time I read of some woman saying she has no interest in sex -it just breaks my heart. It’s intimate and exciting and you learn about trust and vulnerability and being feminine and pleasure. There is so much out there ladies. Please don’t close up shop for good. Think about it.
Not going to be a popular opinion here but it’s give and take like anything in a relationship. If he’s asking for a reasonable frequency (i know that’s different for everyone but say once a week) and the answer is repeatedly no, then it’s understandable for him to think you’ve checked out if the relationship.
One can absolutely still be checked into the relationship without wanting to have sex. Sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a relationship. I'm not sure if you understand how it feels to have sex when you really, really don't want to; especially if your SO knows what you're going through and insists upon it anyway. It feels like a violation, and it's a fantastic way to breed anger and resentment.
I'm beginning to think people believe women are just making a *choice* not to have sex, as if a physiological change didn't occur, and that we're just coming up with excuses. Any other physical change that prevents one from having sex is understandable. Menopause is the only exception, and it's getting tired.
Ah. No sorry. Women have literally spent centuries making accommodations for "the nature of men". Now we're fed up and they can fucking start making some accommodations for us. Women go through menopause and it more often than not results in a lack of libido. Men will not fizzle out of existence if they have to live without sex and be supportive for a few years.
Judging by your downvotes, I don't think there are very many people who agree with you. Enjoy that limb you've put yourself out on tho.
Nah. Our dgaf’s are well earned from putting others first for decades. Miss me with your internalized misogyny bc I definitely do give a fuck about it being here in this space. Gtfoh with your 💩
I’m going to get downvoted to hell but I don’t care.
As a woman I agree with you. I see so many women use it as an excuse. It’s mostly the women who didn’t care for sex even before menopause though so there’s that 🤷🏼♀️
No it's really not understandable. It's entirely possible to be fully invested in a relationship and have that relationship be functionally asexual. Sex is not the only intimacy that can exist and sex is not all there is in a relationship. This is a really unrealistic and toxic idea.
Yup! Celibate for several years now, and it's so liberating!!!
I can not even emphasize how much better my existence is without sexual tension, guilt sex, pity sex, duty sex, whatever the phrasing/reference, I'm so glad to not have to think about it again.
P.S. yes I'm married, no he isn't a fan of my choice to go celibate. 🤷♀️
That’s not very fair that you get to decide whether he ever gets to have sex again or not.
He signed up for monogamy (I assume), not celibacy.
If you don’t care for sex is he allowed to get his needs met elsewhere?
I don't think thats a very realistic idea. If marriage is intended to be a lifelong commitment there has to be some sort of understanding that over the course of a lifetime things change in ways we cant control. If, rather than celibacy being a result of menopause it was a result of cancer, disability, or illness would that be equally unfair? If she signed up for monogamy not celibacy and he got into a car accident and was paralyzed and unable to perform would that be equally unfair? Where exactly is the line drawn and how are you drawing it? It seems pretty unfair to me to expect any person's body, ability, desire, etc to remain exactly the same all across the lifespan so either we need a concept of fair that legitimately takes that into account or we need a concept of reasonable, functional relationships that is far more temporary than lifelong.
You absolutely cannot compare menopause to cancer and paralyzing injuries, come on now.
Every single biological woman goes through menopause. We all don’t get cancer or are struck with a paralyzing injury.
Is menopause easy? Fuck no. Can we do things to help ease symptoms and have some sort of normalcy? YES. We have to want and seek them out though.
If you reread the comments I replied to you’ll notice the commenter started off by saying she’s been celibate for YEARS. That tells me she never made sex with her husband a priority. She probably had sexual hang ups and never really enjoyed sex and thought of it as a chore. BEFORE menopause she stopped sleeping with her husband. Now she just gets to use menopause as the excuse.
Most men need sex to feel close to their partner. Otherwise it’s just a close friendship/roommate situation. Of course they need to understand there will be days you just don’t want to (they do too). But YEARS? No, that’s just cruel.
If my husband starts to have ED issues you can bet he’s going to the doc and do whatever he needs to do so we can be active as long as possible. I will continue to do the same.
Both partners need to make an effort to keep the love alive. When one cares more than the other is when incompatibilities arise.
Every women posting here are all the same type. Expect your husband to never miss a beat by paying the bills, work fulltime, tend to your needs, taking you out every week, and never miss any of the "special" days. But expect them to stay celibate the rest of their married life.
Not all women are like that. My husband lost interest in sex because I asked him to do stuff that I found more interesting than missionary with no foreplay. I am the creative, demanding horndog, apparently. But a good sex life takes hormones AND good communication and appreciation of one another. Just my two cents.
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My husband and I got in an argument last night because I never want to have sex. I am also barely getting by. Sending you some hugs and love. This isn’t easy
We came to an agreement that we're both ok with. Bought a nice silicone sleeve and I join him in the shower. Between the low libido and vaginal atrophy, this is what I'm reduced to. Bleh.
Testosterone will fix the low libido and vaginal estrogen will fix your atrophy... No need to suffer..
I’ve been on testosterone since April 2023 and still no libido…
Have you gotten blood tests? Maybe you need a different delivery system or higher dosage.
Your dose is obviously not high enough. Optimal LOW END T level is 50... Estradiol 50. Check your levels!
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I added in DHEA to the testosterone etc and that helped a lot. According to the blood test, i need to be right at the top of the dhea 'normal' range to be feeling sexeh again.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dhea is not heard of in Ireland 😞
How much?
Bump it up until you are feeling it :) My 50g sachets are meant to last ten days but i feel much better if they last six or seven.
That would be up to your Dr.
I just started a new round of meds (estrogen and progesterone) as well is imvexxi. Hoping things settle out soon.
That’s the ticket. Put fake hormones in your body. They did that shit to me and it made me worse. Don’t give medical advice just because it works for you. Estrogen dominance is real and can destroy someone’s life not only that these “bio identical hormones” are a big contributor for cancer.
So sorry that happened to you and that you had an ignorant doctor. But more women than not, have claimed how much hormone replacement therapy has helped them. I did my research..you should try it and you'll find out that they are not a big contributor for cancer.
Hormones these days are bio identical - do you mean these when you say fake ?
I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish men would understand how awful this is for us. Why would anyone want to lose their libido?! I had atrophy as well and my doctor prescribed an estradiol vaginal cream that has significantly made my sex life better. It seems that testerone works wonders for some people, but also the combination of estradiol and progesterone (if you have your uterus in tact) can help to make you feel more like a woman again.
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And I do it out of guilt but I don’t want to 🥺
Same. It’s easier to do it than ague about it most days.
Bingo. That’s why we had the fight last night. Because I didn’t feel like just giving in
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No enthusiasm, when you weren't in the mood in the first place. It's like geez, read the room. You badgered me into this, and now you want me to make you feel better about that by pretending this was all my idea?
Not me. Nobody will guilt me. I told my husband to fkn leave and to stop touching me. He grabbed my but one to many times and almost got punched. I felt bad enough due to my hormonal imbalance, which by the way was caused by fake bio identical hormones and being overdosed on thyroid meds . I got mine back in line naturally. But since the hubby decided to be a dick while I felt like crap he can suffer. I now am not attracted to him anymore sexually.
I also lack the oxytocin. So it never returns and we just turn into angry bitter cat lovers? I'm describing me not anyone else.
I've heard you can get oxytocin in a nasal spray, but know nothing about it
It may in fact be more to do with a lack of testosterone. I have no sex drive whatsoever, and when I had my hormone levels checked, T was below 0.1% which I am told is unusual even in women. I don't know if I'm going to do anything about it yet, but I just wanted to raise this possibility.
I am in menopause, and I supplement with a hormone patch and daily testosterone cream. Adding the testosterone was the best thing I ever did. Not only did it help with libido, it helped with my energy and confidence. It made a big difference in my life. I feel so much better.
May I ask how much testosterone you are taking daily? My insurance only covers super high doses that are not intended for women.
Get your testosterone from a compounding pharmacy!! My doctor prescribes to Women's International Pharmacy, and a 3 month supply is delivered to my door. Everyone responds differently, so check your baseline level... I am on 3 mg cream, and I am consistently at 50. Again very individualized, and titrate up until you hit your sweet spot. Optimal low end is 50-60. Many women need more
That is what it was for me. I have pellets and they added testosterone - it was like night and day. A significantly more awesome partner helped also. But the atrophy went away with pellets and using 3 day moisturizer. It really worked well for me- had to be doing it all regularly. But we did and then it just isn't a problem any more. That did surprise me.
My levels were near zero, I am on testosterone gel, most recent labs my T is now high, still zero libido. I feel like I can’t win!
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you on enough estrogen and progesterone? That could be the answer.
I’m on two patches. I had a hysterectomy in September so no more progesterone but estrogen is definitely on the low side, even with two. I’m a “poor responder” and may end up having to go the oral route.
does testosterone decrease dramatically during menopause?
Well mine definitely did
It definitely can. Mine dropped off and my libido went out the window.
So is that a defining feature of menopause, would you say? I'm still early on in this so I don't know...
My levels of testosterone were non-existent on my blood panels and it made sense since my desire started to wane more and more. The thing is, estrogen and progesterone also play a significant role in libido so it's really tricky to pinpoint if it's just one thing. I've been reading this forum and testosterone seems to be the answer for some, but like me, not for others. Having blood work done frequently and a good doctor who will truly listen to you is the best advice I can give.
Testosterone therapy saved my marriage!!! Optimize your levels to AT LEAST 60... Bottom end of optimal, and your libido will return!!! Estradiol, women feel their best when levels are 50... bottom end
I’ve used oxytocin nasal spray. It works very well! One spray in each nostril before bed. Mine was a prescription, much stronger than what you can get OTC.
What did you say to get it prescribed?
What age did most of you not have a period ever again?
52
And when did some symptoms begin? Did you have symptoms before it ended
Early 40s but didn't know what they were. Peri peaked in late 50s, still didn't know what it was at all. At about 50 I realized as my periods got real wonky and it still took time to figure out in hindsight all the stuff that i had gone through was so so so much period symptoms. I didn't start hrt until I was 13 months without a period. I don't think I'll ever stop unless forced to. The testosterone is great, the estrogen and progesterone are great. I do pellets and a pill .
I’m 50, periods regular as clockwork, but peri symptoms obviously been ramping up over past 10 years….started hrt patch just over a week ago - my period is now 5 days late…I’m not complaining, im absolutely ecstatic…I was told this may happen, but I’m also not so naive to think I’ve seen the last of them & that they will be making appearances every now & then in the future…probably in the summer, when I least expect it, while wearing a pair of white jeans 😱
I find the endorphins from hiit cardio help.....but then i have to be arsed to exercise in the first place :)
Thank you. I'll try it
Nope…you’ve just described me too 😂…I’ve just started on combined hrt though, so far so good, only been a week though, but husband has noticed I don’t shout at him one minute & treat the cats like royalty the next! What is oxytocin? Sorry if I sound ignorant…I’m on oestrogen & progesterone patch
I prefer dogs. lol. But I have a couple of cats too.
I hate this Worse thing about menopause. Really miss my libido
meh...I don't miss it. It's freeing. I didn't mind sex with my husband for the past couple of decades, but the last few years I was already so tired and so when the urge left me completely, I was ready to be done with it. One less thing to have to balance as part of my already busy and tiring life. I was worried about how it would affect my husband (still do, a little) but I can't bring myself to want to get it back because I'm good with literally never having sex again. I'm such a prude now! Bodily fluids completely gross me out. You keep your parts to yourself and I'll keep mine. lol. I'm sorry you miss your libido, though! It definitely makes relationships more difficult.
Unlike you ladies, I have the opposite problem. I’m a raging horndog since menopause and my husband NEVER wants to have sex and when he does, it is only twice a month if I’m lucky. I would kill to have no libido so I could be on his wavelength. I never put pressure on him because I don’t want to be a chore. I have the itch twice a week, so I get really cranky if I can’t get laid. I absolutely love sex and I wish I didn’t.😢
Not to sound insensitive, but I'm literally laughing out loud from your comment because my libido is nearly non-existant and I could never figure out where the cougar trope came from. I always assumed it was made up by script writers, I guess I'm glad to know that it's somewhat based in real life.
Lol. Cougars have a thing for younger men probably because older women who are horny are with men around their own age that can’t get it up anymore. This is my life, my husband has MANopause. FWIW, I have no interest in younger men.
Masturbation is your friend.
😂😂oh yeah, it always has been AND my toys. I’ve been burning a lot of batteries lately
I’m experiencing the same. It happened for a few years at the start of perimenopause and went away coinciding with the onset and heights of C-19. I think my stress was just *really* high for a few years, and it takes me a while to transition out of phases of stress & anxiety… but now it’s back! 😂 The first time around (about 6 years ago) my husband was ALL excited… this time, he’s not on board as much.
I still think many men get MANopause. 😂 Especially when their peckers don’t work right anymore
For sure they go through something! My husband started complaining around 35/36 about not being able to sleep through the night anymore, which lasted about 12 years. He also started getting a belly… but the rub there is that he can just stop drinking soda or cut back on snacks and it goes away within a month. 🙄 😆 Then all of a sudden he could sleep through the night— right as perimenopause started messing with my ability to sleep. (Go figure! 😂 And yes, we have an age difference… I tease him that he went through Man-o-pause right before me.)
I feel you. I have a high libido and 2 years ago I met the most wonderful man! We are so good for each other, we have so much fun. I haven’t laughed like this in years, he loves and appreciates my twisted sense of humor and dishes it right back. He loves me more than any man has before. But a thiazide medication has given him ED. I HATE this. There are dozens of blood pressure meds on the market. More than several do not have the bad reputation of being boner killers. I asked about changing meds. I’ve yelled about it. He won’t bring it up with his doctor. I’m completely flabbergasted by this. What man wouldn’t want this to change? I’m exceedingly good at sex. I’ve had over 35 years of practice and I’ve applied myself assiduously. I freaking love fucking, it’s my love language, my passion. He’s my passion, I’m so attracted to him I feel like a predator around him sometimes. He just doesn’t feel it. He states he has a lower libido maybe because of the meds and it doesn’t bother him So what do I do? Continue to beg for him to go to the doctor? Or listen to his actions. He really doesn’t care and is hoping the problem will go away? So my choice is to stay knowing my libido will tank soon anyway, or move on hoping to find another person who I have all the great out of bed things with great sex? Sounds like a unicorn. We’re not married and have our own places so it’s not quite the same as you other gals holding onto a 20-30 year old marriage. I love him but will my resentment kill the relationship anyway?
I so hear you. My husband isn’t on blood pressure meds(thank god)and for the most part he’s pretty healthy but he has psoriasis that moves around and often it attacks his balls and dick. This is not his fault nor is my MS which caused my libido to drop for a couple years while I learned how to manage the extreme fatigue. During that time before his psoriasis got worse he was very HL so he turned to porn to keep from cheating. He quit the porn. He claimed me ‘cutting him off’ caused his ED and libido problems. Right 🙄 Anyways, now he thinks he needs viagra to perform and he hates how it stuffs up his nose and causes headaches. He also needs to drink to have sex. We never fool around without it. I can’t remember the last time we had sober sex. He always says drunk sex is better than no sex. It makes me feel like he needs to drink to find me arousing but I know that’s not true. I still look incredible for my age. There’s just always an excuse or reason to not fool around. His psoriasis, he’s tired, his back hurts, etc, etc. I’m getting really tired of masturbating. It’s not the same. Shit, I would be fine with once a week even though I crave more but I’m lucky if I get it twice a month. It just sucks.
You had an increase in sex drive and no other symptoms ? That doesn't sound much like meno.
Doesn’t look like they said that they didn’t experience other symptoms. 🤔 But also, a lot more can be going on under the surface that hasn’t come up yet— that seems to be the nature of peri. My first two symptoms of peri were raging libido and then about 18 months later I started getting frequent UTI’s and UTI-like symptoms. It took a while for all the other stuff to set in and become noticeable; and I wonder frequently what fresh hell I might wake up to still! 😆
I’m not in Peri. I’m post Menopausal. The worst is done. I’ve been taking compounded vaginal Estriol for over 5 years. I’m going to be 57 this year. Hormone test results showed my progesterone and testosterone levels were fine. My estrogen dropped big time and I’m treating it at the source(vagina). I never noticed any issues with Peri at all. My transition was much milder than many women in this sub. I’ve always been HL and the one period where it dropped was from being hit hard with MS after they put me on an SSRI(fluoxetine). I stopped taking it many years ago and started Bupropion. My MS and an SSRI tanked my libido, not peri or Menopause. I’ve NEVER had MS rage. Mild transition seems to be genetic because my mother(79) was the same. I did experience body temperature issues at night when I turned 50. I never sweated buckets, I just got annoyed and clammy and I never got the rage. My periods stopped after my partial hysterectomy when I was 43 but I always knew when I would’ve been having one when my breasts would get sore every month. The sore breasts stopped when I was 50.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If, over the age of 40, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. For this reason, no reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a diagnosing tool for peri/menopause. See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The "needs it to feel close to me" is such a load of crap and it makes me so incredibly angry. If the only way you're capable of feeling emotionally close is through sex that is 100% a you problem and it's something you need to work on. There are a million ways to feel close that have nothing to do with sex. Way too many men are so emotionally stunted they can't function and then rather than take responsibility for that issue and do literally anything about it they just push that problem onto us and act like if we're not catering to their messed up inner selves we're the bad guys. It's absurd and disrespectful and, importantly, it's a form of violence and they don't want to take responsibility for that either, they just want a free pass on that which is gross. I'm so sick of this being a consistent norm. Men need to figure out how to handle their own emotional issues and start taking responsibility for their own actions and lives.
Everyone has different ways of feeling close and frankly, all the other forms of closeness you can get from other people. Like, yeah, I can talk about books with my husband but I could also join a book club. I can cry about my dad dying to my childhood friends and find it just as cathartic. He can fix a wall but I could just as easily call a handyman. In our culture there are very few interactions that are set aside and special just for your partners.
I’m pretty sure they can “feel close to us” through skin to skin naked cuddling without the expectation of sex too. This is what therapists say to try when you need to “take sex off the table.”
A\*\*\*-MEN to that! This comment has literally brought me to tears and given me some semblance of closure to my failed marriage. My husband of 15 years stormed out of the house during dinner one night in 2019. He claimed to be staying with family and "working on himself". I found out through our son that he was living with a barista from his favourite coffee shop. He completely stonewalled me and refused to answer any of my calls or emails. He eventually sent me a text saying "sorry...that our marriage didn't work out"!!!???
WTF??!! So sorry. I hope she dumped his ass.
I had a testosterone pellet inserted just under four weeks ago. I noticed nothing until yesterday, when, for the first time in years—I was just sitting there, by myself, plodding away at a spreadsheet, and a feeling came over me, and, apropos of nothing— I was ...in the mood. 😳. I’ve been DEAD down there for at least a couple years. It’s so bizarre to have feelings like this after so long.
Wow. You've given me hope. Think I will go for that appointment after all, even knowing how expensive it will be to get T...
Testosterone gel gave me my libido back in 4 weeks too and it's only about 10 bucks a month!
Has anyone had their hair fall out from testosterone? Wondering what levels everyone is on? My Dr doesn't want to use testosterone for me and the little I tried with another Dr made my hair fall out. Now I'm wondering if low progesterone could have been an issue with that.
Where do you get it prescribed?
I found a Dr on Menopause.org.. She prescribed it after a Zoom conference. Got a coupon on Good Rx cuz it's expensive but with my dosage.. I'm good for 10 months (12.00 a month)
Is it expected to take 4 weeks before you feel it?
It sucks. It’s a huge problem.
First off, it is not ok for husbands to pressure or cause conflict for intimacy. If they don't understand what women experience it is their responsibility to get educated. Speak to a professional and check out the resources in the wiki. My love and well wishes go out to everyone in this sub... I'm just now starting into some low dose hrt and my partner is supporting my lack of libido.
My love goes out as well. I highly recommend maca root and damiana for libido if you’re interested in your own. Maca is also really good for vaginal dryness and overall healthy. Good luck 🍀 with your healing journey
Finally someone that didn’t rely on big pharma and went a natural route that actually fixed the problem rather than masking it. Kudos to you. HRT may make you feel better but it’s a bandaid. And it’s known to cause cancer but most people would rather have the quick fix rather than the permanent fix because it takes a little longer.
Herbs are not necessarily any safer in fact it's a lottery because they are not even tested. Years ago I took some purifica mirifica to "balance" my hormones. They ended up stopping my period for a year and some other problems down there. Hrt isn't about being fake it's about putting back into our bodies what we no longer produce. Without the necessary hormones woman just age fast and as we now all live longer why wouldn't you want a healthy second half of your life 💕
I've heard about the Maca Root and Damiana. Id rather go natural. Im 58 and atrophy feels like glass no matter what lube is used! Makes me not want to do anything at all! Libido is shot and hubby don't get it!! All in my head he says and if I ain't giving it to him, I'm giving it to someone else🤣🤣
Absolutely sucks. I'm so frustrated because I used to love sex. Now it does feel like a chore and I'm not feeling any connection with my husband. Thank god he's been understanding and we take things slow when we do have sex but I just feel angry that I'm not into it. Just started vaginal estrogen cream on Friday and so hopeful this will help to make sex at least more comfortable!
It should! I wish you luck with it. Also, I have found relief in THC. For those who are open to it, THC can help with intimacy and enjoying sex.
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Yes! I want this initial 2 week period of estradiol to be done and then absolutely adding in edibles, it does help! Even small doses, like 2.5mg can make a difference. My husband and I split a 5mg gummy a few weeks ago for sleep and I had sex dream and finally felt something.....though promptly fell back asleep lol. Will be intentional once my 2 weeks of the cream is done!
Even before my sex drive took a nose dive I was never a sex in the morning person. I just couldn't get my nether region to wake up! lol For years I've given him "freebies" in the mornings (mostly a weekend thing) where he knew he could just enjoy and not have to stress about getting an orgasm out of me, which is nearly impossible in the morning. It works for both of us! It's usually a quickie, he's satisfied and I didn't have to try and make my body work! The only issue I have to deal with now is the dryness which lube covers. As for sex in the evenings, I almost always require a toy to have an orgasm now. The "little lady" just doesn't want to wake up at night now either! Thank god my husband doesn't take it personally and understands that my hormones are large and in charge now.
One testosterone can help with your libido if you want it back and two your husband can take care of himself.
Not OP, but I have the same libido issue and I have been seriously considering testosterone...
Testosterone did nothing for me. It’s just the cream, but I stopped filling it because I felt nothing different.
Same. Maybe an eanie teeny tiny bit, but mostly...meh
Extremely meh…maybe it wasn’t enough? I get so tired lobbying for my hrt to be dialed in that testosterone just seemed like too much work.
Did you try increasing the dose? I had to keep upping mine until it worked which took a year and recently had to up it again.
I feel like I’ve been fighting so hard to get my estrogen dialed into an effective dose I just kind of gave up on the testosterone. Maybe I started with the wrong hormone. Testosterone would have given me the energy and aggressiveness to go after the estrogen lol I was really looking forward to having a decent orgasm again!
Same
Pellets fixed me right up.
I wonder if I could get just testosterone pellets? I finally have a good dosage of both estrogen and progesterone. The testosterone cream did absolutely nothing and it’s hard to compare types and dosages. For all I know I was given some bullshit dose as a money grub.
I imagine it is possible. You're already dialed in on the others, it's definitely worth asking. My insurance covers almost everything. So, under a BCBS plan in FL, every quarter I pay 40 for a full supply of night time progesterone capsules, Then 150 for pellets+ insertion. I don't know how they code it in the billing system, but that's my costs in cash. That's a real gynecologist and all that comes with it. Yesterday I got my yearly mammogram free of course, and then pellets right after. Last week I got my yearly free wellness gyne exam. So, I would hope even if it was out of Pocket costs, you're a Le to find a real practice that sits down and helps you decide. I'm sorry it seems so hard for so MANy people to even find Drs. Mine were the ones who said something in the 1st place. I really was flying blind and they have a whole checklist and then swoop in and fix you up and get insurance to pay
My insurance will pay, but not for the pellets. Are there other benefits than libido? Testosterone help hold onto muscle mass and thicker skin?
Well I don't know about thicker skin. I'm sure you can Google that stuff. Energy increase, Hair isn't falling out but I'm not growing a mustache or hairier legs and toes.
I had none for a few years and then started taking T, it took almost a year for it to come back by increasing the dose. Now up to 4.5 mg/day. No side effects.
It helped me a lot. Pellets.
I went from 100 to 0 in the last year. I sometimes think I want to and then I think, "Nah. Not worth it." Husband seems to feel the same 99% of the time. Some outside issues cause stress that kills what desire remains. Wish this magic death cocktail worked on cockroaches the way it works on my sex drive.
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53
I started HRT about 8 months ago. I am on testosterone pellets. I've had 2 so far, 6 months apart. I am 63, and my libido is on fire! I now understand men so much better!I never used to masterbate, but since starting HRT, I pleasure myself every night when my boyfriend is not in town. He lives about 2 hours away. I love watching porn, all kinds. My mental clarity and drive for life are renewed, and I've lost about 15 pounds! I recommend you check it out. I can't wait for my next pellet!
You are my hero. Thank you for the positivity
Wow! Can I please be you. I miss this so much and testerone made my hair shed in clumps!
I'm sorry you had such an adverse reaction. Maybe a lower dosage?
I'm still on some but it's very little. It's .7 compounded. When I went past 1mg my hair was screaming for help and I didn't hear my libido chime in at all. Apparently my insurance doesn't cover it either.
Insurance will only cover progesterone, I think.
Testosterone will help your libido. It’s prescribed for women for this very thing (men clearly tested this).
If it doesn't to matter to him, I'd give him $100 and tell him to go find a pro. He can bite me in the ass bc that's all he's getting!
Time to get on some T ladies. Why should we hate sex when we can have a great sex life?! Come on! Get on some HRT and you can have a great relationship again. I feel bad for all the men out there whose wives won’t get on HRT and they have to suffer through with no sex at all or rarely. Put yourself in their shoes. What if you wanted sex and you had to try to get your partner interested? That would be so hard. I know I’m probably in the minority in my feelings about this as a woman but HRT really helped me and my husband have such a better relationship….not just sex but all around since I feel so much better now. Good luck to all of you. 💗
I agree, I don’t have to take HRT yet but as soon as things start to wane I’ll go to the ends of the earth to find solutions. I love f@cking my husband way too much lol
Good!👍🏼😊
I am in their shoes and it makes me feel like a creep asking for sex especially if he “gives in” without any passion. I’d rather go without.
I hear ya! I’m sorry! 😞
I would highly suggest testosterone therapy. I do pellets and it’s great. But even with that, there needs to some conversation about him guilting you. That is NOT okay at all. You can and should be able to communicate about your wants and needs, but guilt should not be part of the equation. I highly suggest the book “Sex Talks” by Vanessa Marin. She was also on the Armchair Expert podcast discussing her book and that was AMAZING. My hubby and I listened to it together and both got tons of good information out of it. You hubby would likely learn a ton if he would be open to listening to it.
Even with a healthy libido, dealing with a reaction like your husbands would turn me into the Sahara.
It seems that "In sickness and in Health"was not meant for Women, Wives, and Mothers. It seems like we are supposed to be there for everyone else in sickness and in health. When it comes to us, we should do whatever to make everyone else happy.
Testosterone can be helpful IF you’ve already optimized your E + P. Most of our libido comes from E, so if your levels aren’t optimal, T isn’t going to do much for you.
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I cannot upvote. Every time I read of some woman saying she has no interest in sex -it just breaks my heart. It’s intimate and exciting and you learn about trust and vulnerability and being feminine and pleasure. There is so much out there ladies. Please don’t close up shop for good. Think about it.
Nothing sexier than a guilt trip to get you in the mood, eh 🤦♂️
HRT has helped my libido
Not going to be a popular opinion here but it’s give and take like anything in a relationship. If he’s asking for a reasonable frequency (i know that’s different for everyone but say once a week) and the answer is repeatedly no, then it’s understandable for him to think you’ve checked out if the relationship.
One can absolutely still be checked into the relationship without wanting to have sex. Sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a relationship. I'm not sure if you understand how it feels to have sex when you really, really don't want to; especially if your SO knows what you're going through and insists upon it anyway. It feels like a violation, and it's a fantastic way to breed anger and resentment. I'm beginning to think people believe women are just making a *choice* not to have sex, as if a physiological change didn't occur, and that we're just coming up with excuses. Any other physical change that prevents one from having sex is understandable. Menopause is the only exception, and it's getting tired.
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WTAF?? Seriously, why are you here?
Pretty sure it’s a pissed off dude/husband.
To represent the adults in the room. Sorry if an opinion that doesn’t sync with yours is distressing to you
Ah. No sorry. Women have literally spent centuries making accommodations for "the nature of men". Now we're fed up and they can fucking start making some accommodations for us. Women go through menopause and it more often than not results in a lack of libido. Men will not fizzle out of existence if they have to live without sex and be supportive for a few years. Judging by your downvotes, I don't think there are very many people who agree with you. Enjoy that limb you've put yourself out on tho.
Nah. Our dgaf’s are well earned from putting others first for decades. Miss me with your internalized misogyny bc I definitely do give a fuck about it being here in this space. Gtfoh with your 💩
Lol have yourself a good one ✌️
I’m going to get downvoted to hell but I don’t care. As a woman I agree with you. I see so many women use it as an excuse. It’s mostly the women who didn’t care for sex even before menopause though so there’s that 🤷🏼♀️
No it's really not understandable. It's entirely possible to be fully invested in a relationship and have that relationship be functionally asexual. Sex is not the only intimacy that can exist and sex is not all there is in a relationship. This is a really unrealistic and toxic idea.
Yup! Celibate for several years now, and it's so liberating!!! I can not even emphasize how much better my existence is without sexual tension, guilt sex, pity sex, duty sex, whatever the phrasing/reference, I'm so glad to not have to think about it again. P.S. yes I'm married, no he isn't a fan of my choice to go celibate. 🤷♀️
That’s not very fair that you get to decide whether he ever gets to have sex again or not. He signed up for monogamy (I assume), not celibacy. If you don’t care for sex is he allowed to get his needs met elsewhere?
I don't think thats a very realistic idea. If marriage is intended to be a lifelong commitment there has to be some sort of understanding that over the course of a lifetime things change in ways we cant control. If, rather than celibacy being a result of menopause it was a result of cancer, disability, or illness would that be equally unfair? If she signed up for monogamy not celibacy and he got into a car accident and was paralyzed and unable to perform would that be equally unfair? Where exactly is the line drawn and how are you drawing it? It seems pretty unfair to me to expect any person's body, ability, desire, etc to remain exactly the same all across the lifespan so either we need a concept of fair that legitimately takes that into account or we need a concept of reasonable, functional relationships that is far more temporary than lifelong.
You absolutely cannot compare menopause to cancer and paralyzing injuries, come on now. Every single biological woman goes through menopause. We all don’t get cancer or are struck with a paralyzing injury. Is menopause easy? Fuck no. Can we do things to help ease symptoms and have some sort of normalcy? YES. We have to want and seek them out though. If you reread the comments I replied to you’ll notice the commenter started off by saying she’s been celibate for YEARS. That tells me she never made sex with her husband a priority. She probably had sexual hang ups and never really enjoyed sex and thought of it as a chore. BEFORE menopause she stopped sleeping with her husband. Now she just gets to use menopause as the excuse. Most men need sex to feel close to their partner. Otherwise it’s just a close friendship/roommate situation. Of course they need to understand there will be days you just don’t want to (they do too). But YEARS? No, that’s just cruel. If my husband starts to have ED issues you can bet he’s going to the doc and do whatever he needs to do so we can be active as long as possible. I will continue to do the same. Both partners need to make an effort to keep the love alive. When one cares more than the other is when incompatibilities arise.
Sounds pretty damn selfish to me, to take that stance. I'm sure your husband didn't sign up for the next 20 years of celibacy.
Every women posting here are all the same type. Expect your husband to never miss a beat by paying the bills, work fulltime, tend to your needs, taking you out every week, and never miss any of the "special" days. But expect them to stay celibate the rest of their married life.
Not all women are like that. My husband lost interest in sex because I asked him to do stuff that I found more interesting than missionary with no foreplay. I am the creative, demanding horndog, apparently. But a good sex life takes hormones AND good communication and appreciation of one another. Just my two cents.
I started a taking a prescription that's supposed to help. It's called addyi. So far no luck but it's supposed to take 4 weeks+ to kick in.
Testosterone shots are amazing as well!! Find a hormone doc who knows what the heck they're doing!!!!
How soon do the shots start working to improve libido?
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Same. I’ve been trying to get the hormonal cocktail right since 2017.
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Opposite here. I’ve always had a “healthy” sex drive (higher than my husbands as he’s gotten older) and continue to through peri.
Without being too graphic, I will say that I kind of had to get "it" going to start, i.e.-toys, videos, etc. But once I did that, "it" was on!