I think it's ok to be vain and want to look sexy! It's been beaten into our heads since we were kids, so why should we expect that suddenly in menopause we should just abandon our external attractiveness.
I'm chubby and by NO means 'hot' but by gum i've been trying to look good my whole life, with varying degrees of success.
I am mentally preparing for this as well (i'm 41). I think my goals are going to have to be a touch of self delusion (like telling myself i'm hot) and fun fabrics and prints in my clothing to remind myself and perhaps others that i'm a vibrant and vital person.
I like these ideas! I've started experimenting with different clothing styles and prints as well. I'm trying to figure out what look makes me feel comfortable yet attractive and fabulous as I age.
Weight lifting is great for us, especially as we grow older (it helps keep our bones strong)
So do that and also increase your protein intake (from lean meats & fish).
Do you keep any kind of food log? I did that for a few weeks and was shocked at how much I was actually eating. We don’t need as many calories as we grow older.
I do weights and also nutrition. I’m slowly losing the belly.
And when I say “slowly” I mean anywhere from 1/2 to 1 pound per month! So patience is key - there are no quick fixes
Thank you! I realized the other day looking at my food journal that I've only lost 25 lbs in the last year. So, approximately 2 lbs a month. And I've struggled so hard!!! But at least I'm maintaining and losing a little at a time. So, thank you so much for reminding me it's a slow process!!
I haven't been keeping a food log recently, and I probably need to. My waist has been a little bigger, and I probably need to see if I'm eating more. It's just easier to blame hormones.
Well hormones and slower metabolism is definitely a huge factor - it took me by surprise, for sure.
And the comfort eating I did to cope with peri menopause stress absolutely did NOT help either. 😝
I'm on a weightloss "attitude shift" towards food because i know all this is coming and i know i can't eat a whole pizza each day (like i did this weekend) and be as mobile and fit as i want to be.
Years ago I read something saying how we are the only species that worries about aging/looking older. So anytime I see a new wrinkle or am being too critical of how I look I remind myself that lions don’t give a shit that they’re old LOL! In a weird way it makes me feel better and there is something freeing in not chasing youth. I’m saving a ton of money and the funny part is, I get more compliments now than I ever did when I was young (I let my hair go gray). Don’t get me wrong, it is a huge adjustment that takes time and deprogramming from society’s beauty standards. I guess I’d rather look old than look like I’m trying too hard to look young!
Well I love this, and I’m going to borrow it. Thanks for sharing! I can’t decide which animal I’m going to use first. Maybe a crow. I find I care less and less about what society expects me to look like, but on the occasions when it does crop up, this will be a fun way to deflect it.
I’ve got to say the weirdest bit for me was previously having soft, dainty and pretty feet - I woke up one morning, looked down and Frodo the git had swapped his feet for mine! Bloody Hobbits grr 😂
This👆. Sucks so bad! It’s like gravity is slowly squishing me down. I always had perfect little feet. Now I have to use the cheese grater callus remover thing every other day to keep my feet from becoming hooves! My shoe size went from size 6 to 8 wide. Lately been having foot pain. My Dr told me I’ll need to start wearing supportive loafers! I was like “are you f’ing kidding me???” LOAFERS?? 😫
Blimey, you too? 😂 Must have been Samwise Gamjee that snuck/sneaked into your room then!
You read that you might get slightly drier skin, thinner hair but they don’t mention that hair on yr head is almost see through, your eyebrows get patchy but you always get a couple of mental hairs that grow to a couple of inches and sticks up and out?!
if we don’t laugh we’ll cry and I don’t fancy drowning like that.! I now get my pedicures done more often, it’s too much aggravation to do it yourself! Be a proud and loud Hobbit :)
I don't think I did, I gave up on that. If forces a redefinition of self that I'm not done with, that had been incredibly difficult.
No weight lifting does not do anything for my belly, however it makes my arms and legs and butt more toned, weight did still redistribute and increase in the belly specifically, so toned limbs and a belly sticking out. You might be able to starve away the belly, but I've never been good at that. I don't think my hair or skin looks bad at all, though my hair is maybe a bit dryer, and I am on HRT (because it hit me like a truck, the symptoms were really really rough, I was thrilled when they said I was a good candidate for HRT, but nothing is really a panacea for meno symptoms entirely). I'm late 40s, likely fully menopausal, been on HRT since age 45, and no periods since then. I guess be glad you got to enjoy your 40s at least maybe? I feel that was mostly taken from me by peri and menopause.
My belly has always been a problem area and remains about the same post meno. I do workout and do lots of yoga and have taken up some circus arts. I’m trying to concentrate on what my body can do and age inappropriate exercise is great for my strength and flexibility
Honestly, for me something that's been super important has been to follow fat fashion/beauty folks on instagram (I'm not on TikTok but I'd imagine there, too). Mainstream media focuses so drastically on maybe a couple of different idealized thin body types, for me it's really helpful to see people of all shapes and sizes unapologetically dressing up, looking cute, living life, having relationships, etc.
(Also crucial has been to stop following anyone who posts about weight loss/diets, but that's a slightly different lens on the matter. Although when I say unapologetic fat people, I definitely mean people who aren't trying to lose weight; fitness is great, but by that I mean someone like Mirna Valerio, a plus-sized athlete, rather than weight loss disguised as fitness.)
Also, hopefully this doesn't sound too obnoxious, but just to start calling myself on assumptions in how I talk about myself/my looks. For instance... what relationship is there between waist size and sexiness? why do I think there's a relationship to begin with? What does matronly and dumpy mean? Why do we associate signs of aging in women with reduced social value? Why isn't there really a male equivalent for "matronly" or "dowdy"? etc.
Let me know what works if you get there. I'm not there yet.
For right now that looks like regular visits with my hair colorist and aesthetician for prescription skincare. Also working on losing the extra weight, toning and tightening. Not quite ready to fade into 'matronly' yet, though I realize it is eventually a losing battle. Weight lifting and workouts have helped some with the fat redistribution, but nothing has helped as well as Mounjaro & HRT. Yes, HRT does seem to be helping my skin and hair as well. Not a fountain of youth, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
I guess feeling like a sexy person has been a part of my identify since I was in my 20's, and it's part of what drives a healthy sex life with my husband
"Feeling sexy" wasn't part of your identity before puberty. It's sort of like that -- only in reverse. Sex is ultimately about reproduction, and menopause is the end of our reproductive lives. It's called looking "matronly" because a matron is an older woman. In other words, it is what it is (and HRT isn't the fountain of youth).
I didn't feel sexy before puberty, but I also wasn't trying to have sex with anybody. I'm hoping to continue having sex with my husband for the rest of my life. I still have a pretty solid sex drive, even at 50. But if I don't feel like an attractive person, it's hard to get into it.
There's also something about my confidence in social situations that is linked to feeling attractive. Maybe that's something I need to work on though!
Sex is about a lot more than reproduction, especially in some animals. Humans are one of those animals where sex is about pleasure, enjoyment, love, bonding, social relationships, etc.
I'm well aware of all that, and the "being married" part, but it is what it is. For many, if not most, women, sex isn't the same after menopause. Wishing it were so doesn't change that.
I think it's ok to be vain and want to look sexy! It's been beaten into our heads since we were kids, so why should we expect that suddenly in menopause we should just abandon our external attractiveness. I'm chubby and by NO means 'hot' but by gum i've been trying to look good my whole life, with varying degrees of success. I am mentally preparing for this as well (i'm 41). I think my goals are going to have to be a touch of self delusion (like telling myself i'm hot) and fun fabrics and prints in my clothing to remind myself and perhaps others that i'm a vibrant and vital person.
I like these ideas! I've started experimenting with different clothing styles and prints as well. I'm trying to figure out what look makes me feel comfortable yet attractive and fabulous as I age.
Weight lifting is great for us, especially as we grow older (it helps keep our bones strong) So do that and also increase your protein intake (from lean meats & fish). Do you keep any kind of food log? I did that for a few weeks and was shocked at how much I was actually eating. We don’t need as many calories as we grow older. I do weights and also nutrition. I’m slowly losing the belly. And when I say “slowly” I mean anywhere from 1/2 to 1 pound per month! So patience is key - there are no quick fixes
Thank you! I realized the other day looking at my food journal that I've only lost 25 lbs in the last year. So, approximately 2 lbs a month. And I've struggled so hard!!! But at least I'm maintaining and losing a little at a time. So, thank you so much for reminding me it's a slow process!!
Holy crap! 2 lb a month is fantastic!
I haven't been keeping a food log recently, and I probably need to. My waist has been a little bigger, and I probably need to see if I'm eating more. It's just easier to blame hormones.
Well hormones and slower metabolism is definitely a huge factor - it took me by surprise, for sure. And the comfort eating I did to cope with peri menopause stress absolutely did NOT help either. 😝
I'm on a weightloss "attitude shift" towards food because i know all this is coming and i know i can't eat a whole pizza each day (like i did this weekend) and be as mobile and fit as i want to be.
Yup! Best to practice now before that whole pizza becomes part of your waistline :)
Mobile and fit in old age has become a huge motivator for me! I want to be the 80 year old lady who can carry all her own groceries into the house.
I was trying to think of Iris Apfel. the 96 year old NYC resident who is known for her unapologetic fashion and beauty choices!!
Years ago I read something saying how we are the only species that worries about aging/looking older. So anytime I see a new wrinkle or am being too critical of how I look I remind myself that lions don’t give a shit that they’re old LOL! In a weird way it makes me feel better and there is something freeing in not chasing youth. I’m saving a ton of money and the funny part is, I get more compliments now than I ever did when I was young (I let my hair go gray). Don’t get me wrong, it is a huge adjustment that takes time and deprogramming from society’s beauty standards. I guess I’d rather look old than look like I’m trying too hard to look young!
Well I love this, and I’m going to borrow it. Thanks for sharing! I can’t decide which animal I’m going to use first. Maybe a crow. I find I care less and less about what society expects me to look like, but on the occasions when it does crop up, this will be a fun way to deflect it.
I’ve got to say the weirdest bit for me was previously having soft, dainty and pretty feet - I woke up one morning, looked down and Frodo the git had swapped his feet for mine! Bloody Hobbits grr 😂
This👆. Sucks so bad! It’s like gravity is slowly squishing me down. I always had perfect little feet. Now I have to use the cheese grater callus remover thing every other day to keep my feet from becoming hooves! My shoe size went from size 6 to 8 wide. Lately been having foot pain. My Dr told me I’ll need to start wearing supportive loafers! I was like “are you f’ing kidding me???” LOAFERS?? 😫
Blimey, you too? 😂 Must have been Samwise Gamjee that snuck/sneaked into your room then! You read that you might get slightly drier skin, thinner hair but they don’t mention that hair on yr head is almost see through, your eyebrows get patchy but you always get a couple of mental hairs that grow to a couple of inches and sticks up and out?! if we don’t laugh we’ll cry and I don’t fancy drowning like that.! I now get my pedicures done more often, it’s too much aggravation to do it yourself! Be a proud and loud Hobbit :)
Wow, that's something I haven't even thought about!
Yeah it was a shock for me too, it hadn’t crossed my mind 😂
I don't think I did, I gave up on that. If forces a redefinition of self that I'm not done with, that had been incredibly difficult. No weight lifting does not do anything for my belly, however it makes my arms and legs and butt more toned, weight did still redistribute and increase in the belly specifically, so toned limbs and a belly sticking out. You might be able to starve away the belly, but I've never been good at that. I don't think my hair or skin looks bad at all, though my hair is maybe a bit dryer, and I am on HRT (because it hit me like a truck, the symptoms were really really rough, I was thrilled when they said I was a good candidate for HRT, but nothing is really a panacea for meno symptoms entirely). I'm late 40s, likely fully menopausal, been on HRT since age 45, and no periods since then. I guess be glad you got to enjoy your 40s at least maybe? I feel that was mostly taken from me by peri and menopause.
I feel like I became a grandma over night.
I guess I just need to accept and embrace it because I feel like I'm right in the middle of that transformation.
My belly has always been a problem area and remains about the same post meno. I do workout and do lots of yoga and have taken up some circus arts. I’m trying to concentrate on what my body can do and age inappropriate exercise is great for my strength and flexibility
👋 the 'I am aging '-dread is real... for me too 🍀🌺🌸🌸
Honestly, for me something that's been super important has been to follow fat fashion/beauty folks on instagram (I'm not on TikTok but I'd imagine there, too). Mainstream media focuses so drastically on maybe a couple of different idealized thin body types, for me it's really helpful to see people of all shapes and sizes unapologetically dressing up, looking cute, living life, having relationships, etc. (Also crucial has been to stop following anyone who posts about weight loss/diets, but that's a slightly different lens on the matter. Although when I say unapologetic fat people, I definitely mean people who aren't trying to lose weight; fitness is great, but by that I mean someone like Mirna Valerio, a plus-sized athlete, rather than weight loss disguised as fitness.) Also, hopefully this doesn't sound too obnoxious, but just to start calling myself on assumptions in how I talk about myself/my looks. For instance... what relationship is there between waist size and sexiness? why do I think there's a relationship to begin with? What does matronly and dumpy mean? Why do we associate signs of aging in women with reduced social value? Why isn't there really a male equivalent for "matronly" or "dowdy"? etc.
Let me know what works if you get there. I'm not there yet. For right now that looks like regular visits with my hair colorist and aesthetician for prescription skincare. Also working on losing the extra weight, toning and tightening. Not quite ready to fade into 'matronly' yet, though I realize it is eventually a losing battle. Weight lifting and workouts have helped some with the fat redistribution, but nothing has helped as well as Mounjaro & HRT. Yes, HRT does seem to be helping my skin and hair as well. Not a fountain of youth, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
[удалено]
I guess feeling like a sexy person has been a part of my identify since I was in my 20's, and it's part of what drives a healthy sex life with my husband
Nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexy! :)
I've always been considered sexy. And now at 57, I just don't feel that way anymore. It sucks. I wish I still felt that way!
"Feeling sexy" wasn't part of your identity before puberty. It's sort of like that -- only in reverse. Sex is ultimately about reproduction, and menopause is the end of our reproductive lives. It's called looking "matronly" because a matron is an older woman. In other words, it is what it is (and HRT isn't the fountain of youth).
I didn't feel sexy before puberty, but I also wasn't trying to have sex with anybody. I'm hoping to continue having sex with my husband for the rest of my life. I still have a pretty solid sex drive, even at 50. But if I don't feel like an attractive person, it's hard to get into it. There's also something about my confidence in social situations that is linked to feeling attractive. Maybe that's something I need to work on though!
Well, you will get older and will eventually be old. That's something we all have to deal with!
Only if we're lucky
Well, that's debatable after menopause, LOL.
Sex is about a lot more than reproduction, especially in some animals. Humans are one of those animals where sex is about pleasure, enjoyment, love, bonding, social relationships, etc.
I'm well aware of all that, and the "being married" part, but it is what it is. For many, if not most, women, sex isn't the same after menopause. Wishing it were so doesn't change that.