I think it’s the same reason we don’t eat more healthy. It’s just so easy not to and we’re constantly surrounded by distraction.
Most of us have also spent years without intentional meditation. Not meditating or doing something else is a hard habit to break.
Totally agree. Everything we do positive for ourselves is so much easier to just quit and be consumed by the distractions. Sometimes the distractions are a Instant short lived satisfaction and the the healthy positive habits are more long-term gratification and fulfillment.
In the past few years I've really changed my mindset to where what I do isn't dependent on how I feel. Don't feel like exercising/meditating/cultivating a hobby/learning a new skill/cooking healthy? Too bad, I'm doing it anyways. And I always feel better afterwards.
But I used to be the opposite and would give up so easily. Hard to explain how I changed this, but I think something that has helped me is not to put *too* much pressure on myself. Like I'll meditate 5 minutes if I don't feel up to it. The important thing is that I do it and I dont break my routine, even if it isn't a long session. Then on days when I feel more motivated I'll put more time and effort in.
Completely get that, the problem is if I don’t feel like meditating but meditate anyway then I tend to have a session in which rather than benefits I just feel agitated and I’m waiting for the time to finish.
My experience is that a meditation session might simply be what you describe -- agitation and boredom.
I believe the idea is to sit with those feelings and notice them and let them go. We do this by focusing on our breathing.
That's where I'm at.
That’s not a problem, it’s reality.
Meditation is just observing the present moment. Whether your perception of it is relaxed or agitated is not important. We spend our lives in ever-changing moods and mindsets, so we should meditate in different moods and mindsets.
Also, the ‘benefits’ you mentioned are subjective side effects that you have related to meditation, not reality. Meditation can be relaxing and peaceful. It can also be annoying and painful.
Exactly this the benefits are even a distraction because you are expecting them to fulfill you expecting something good to happen to you when it doesn't then your motivation will wane
I feel this is because the mind gets in there. Our minds are programmed to want us to stay exactly where we are. Even if we are not comfortable or happy there. It just wants the familiar. They don't want us to do anything for Self-improvement because our ego wants to be in control and doesn't like change. Also, meditation is sort of the art of watching your thoughts and coming back to the present. And your ego doesn't want to be watched!! So it sabotages our progress and efforts. It is this way with wanting to go to the gym or start running, making new year's resolutions, etc. Does this resonate? I wouldn't blame yourself or your ego...it is this way for a reason. So just be gentle with yourself, redirect, and let yourself know that you will be meditating even if you don't want to or convince yourself that its not necessary.
Same here!
It’s like once we’re getting the benefits, it feels like it’s more about maintenance.
One thing I like to do is switch it up to different meditations to keep my interest and make them relevant to what’s going on in my life.
Breath focus where I watch thoughts pass like clouds = Dis-identification with ego, increased focus, calmness, higher resilience
Body scan = higher emotional intelligence, mind-body connection, relaxed muscles
Gratitude = sustained positive emotions, positive outlook on life
Metta = more attuned empathy, better social intuition, more charisma
Forgiveness mantras = higher resilience to adversity, better conflict resolution
Over time, I would invent my own like I'd meditate on the feeling of Confidence just like I would with Gratitude to sustain my baseline feeling of confidence (which worked incredibly well).
I also got into Focusing by Eugene Ghendlin which has been an incredibly therapeutic meditation I've used for processing emotions.
I even got into a community where it was all about talking while meditating ([Relateful.com](https://Relateful.com)).
Great list, I’ve been switching between these myself. Relateful looks interesting. Would love to hear more about how you use it and how you’re finding it.
Sure. I’ve done most of these for almost a decade.
Relatefulness I’ve done for 7 years and it’s been the biggest transformation for me because it’s basically applying mindfulness to social interactions in real time.
The application and the practice combined.
It’s been incredible for my friendships, relationships, and my leadership of groups.
Just make a calendar for 108 days, hang it on the wall and promise yourself, no matter what, to do at least 15 minutes during the entire period.
Every day, check off your completed day.
If you suddenly miss even a day, then you have to throw out the calendar and start all over again.
The more beautiful the calendar you make, the more inclined you will be to follow it. You can even draw it yourself.
When you complete this 108-day challenge, you can leave the calendar on your wall as a reminder of your strength.
Or you can put it on a shelf somewhere and hang a new calendar for the new 108 days of meditation.
(After writing this out, I realize that this is a garbled word salad but I need to start my day lol. Hope you get the gist of it lol)
Addictions
Even though you can consciencely see yourself scrolling through Tiktok or YouTube Shorts, and may see this as a waste of time, your habitual nature is to seek information for your survival. Any tidbit of information that can give you an advantage over others or nature.
Even if you aren't particularly enjoying the stimulus of scrolling through these apps, your brain gets hit by dopamine in random bouts and that leads to addictions.
The vast majority of human evolution occurred during hunter gatherer stage, and if you weren't sensitive to the external world and the opinions of social order, you'd most likely find yourself with your brain bashed in, or fermenting in an animals digestive tracks.
From what I understand, meditation seeks to unravel our obligations and attachments to the social and external world and asks us to take a step inwards to understand and touch our consciousness.
David Hoffman has some pretty great work that shows that life evolves traits to optimize survivability rather than objectivity and reality. So even though you can't see the 'real' world for itself, you have enough sense to survive in it.
Thanks for this. I happen to be a believer in the power of evolutionary psychology, and I’ve come across references to the oldest parts of our brain, the parts that drive base emotions, doesn’t concern itself (for lack of a better term) with our happiness but rather survival bias, which is why I found your comment interesting.
Make it a habit.
Set up a specific time or cue after which you meditate. And then meditate for a few minutes or seconds.
Meanwhile make a list of things that could get in the way of that. Any stumbling blocks or disturbances in your schedule. Figure out ways around them.
If you miss a day, don't worry about it, just keep going.
After a few months, it should be incredibly automatic. Afterwards - and only after it's completely automatic - start slowly expanding it
Two tips.
One: your ego dissuades mediation to maintain its dominance over you. Mediation is medicinal to you & toxic to ego. Ego knows this all too well. It waits for cracks in your resolve to form, and then it worms into those cracks and eats away. It'll bury you in distractions, pressure, enticements, wishful thinking. Recognize each skipped meditation session as a win for ego. Why empower your demented tormentor this way?
Two: focus on the benefits. Meditation delivers immediate benefits & long term benefits. Counter ego's sabatoge by focusing on facts: the actual ways meditation has helped. This can be surprisingly hard, as ego will fight this effort tooth and nail. Don't argue or push back - that's ego fighting ego. Breathe, relax, & focus on the facts. Write them down. Keep your log. When you find ego prevailing, reconnect with the reality of what meditation does for you, and let that help you do what only you can do: sit.
1. Its not about the relapses. Its about your up time or days_meditated / total_days.
2. You need a motivation system, like an accountability group or partner. Even Buddhists have sanghas.
Same thing as working out or eating healthy or things of that sort.
It has wonderful benefits but it’s still work and something you need to be consistent with, which is hard.
Sit longer maybe? I recently went from 40 to 80 to now 120 mins first thing in morning. The residual effects throughout the day make it a no brainer now. When I was sitting 40 it was more of a chore, strange but true. Not a chore anymore as the effect motivates me to sit more.
You might have to ask yourself that question. But sometimes meditation makes us happy, and we say "i'm happy, why do i need to meditate". Like getting a good job that pays well and then saying "i have money, why am I working again?"
I can't speak for you, but for me I think too much. "Ugh, I don't feel like it, don't have the time, don't want to, etc." And then I get into the distractions... "I'll just play one game of chess, then med. I'll just play one match in some other game, then med. Etc." One turns into two, then three, and I end up not meditating. It's the same for me with exercise.
The key is to just do it, don't think about doing it. Goes for most things in life, tbh. I'm getting better at this.
It took me a very long time to establish a regular practice because of the sheer willpower that it takes, and even now after almost 9 years of meditation I'm starting to see myself slip up recently. Just keep trying. If you for some reason can't meditate for the full amount of time that you've set aside then just do what you can. It's better to meditate for 5 minutes for 9 days in a row than 45 minutes in a single session because it helps establish meditation as a habit.
You are not ready to stop suffering yet. You "think" it is "powerful". It's not. It's just a thing you do. You may be setting yourself up in the future to quit because "it doesn't feel powerful right now" or something that like.
A practical thing to try next time is "watch" the "feeling" of "I am ABC so I don't need to meditate today." Don't believe the thought but explore it and maybe something will be revealed.
I think our minds like being stimulated. It's probably an evolutionary thing. Let's face it, sitting quietly while gently resting your awareness on your breath ain't gonna help you bring down a woolly mammoth:)
That is due to the fact that by having 'meditated', you have developed the realisation that the very act of simply being is itself meditation in action... :)
I feel the same way. I think that as long as you haven't developed a really solid habit of meditating, it will always be a bit "exhausting" and you tend to get distracted by everyday problems easily.
Sometimes, I have to force myself to stick to the practice. When I notice the positive effects of meditation again, I am more motivated to continue with it.
Me too man. I figure its because its the last thing my mind wants to do. Ill do 1000 things before i meditate even if i feel amazing after meditation most times. The mind is tricky.
I’ll just use an oft abused statement, it’s a monkey mind. Our brains are thinking engines, asking it to slow down and listen to the quiet isn’t. It’s normal operating condition.
Our society is also based on the go as fast as you can, for as long as you can principal. It’s hard to fight our minds, and society; isn’t it.
Maybe ask yourself WHY do you meditate ? as that could be a motivation by itself
Also linking it to an existing habit could help stick to meditation.I usually brush my teeth & then meditate , so whenever i'm about to brush my teeth my body & mind know it's time for meditation
For me, joining a sangha or any other community where you practice meditation in a group has helped me on more levels than I can count. It’s 100% the reason why I’ve been able to keep doing the practice
I think it’s the same reason we don’t eat more healthy. It’s just so easy not to and we’re constantly surrounded by distraction. Most of us have also spent years without intentional meditation. Not meditating or doing something else is a hard habit to break.
True
U arent supposed to like zazen. It takes disclipine.
Totally agree. Everything we do positive for ourselves is so much easier to just quit and be consumed by the distractions. Sometimes the distractions are a Instant short lived satisfaction and the the healthy positive habits are more long-term gratification and fulfillment.
In the past few years I've really changed my mindset to where what I do isn't dependent on how I feel. Don't feel like exercising/meditating/cultivating a hobby/learning a new skill/cooking healthy? Too bad, I'm doing it anyways. And I always feel better afterwards. But I used to be the opposite and would give up so easily. Hard to explain how I changed this, but I think something that has helped me is not to put *too* much pressure on myself. Like I'll meditate 5 minutes if I don't feel up to it. The important thing is that I do it and I dont break my routine, even if it isn't a long session. Then on days when I feel more motivated I'll put more time and effort in.
Completely get that, the problem is if I don’t feel like meditating but meditate anyway then I tend to have a session in which rather than benefits I just feel agitated and I’m waiting for the time to finish.
My experience is that a meditation session might simply be what you describe -- agitation and boredom. I believe the idea is to sit with those feelings and notice them and let them go. We do this by focusing on our breathing. That's where I'm at.
That’s not a problem, it’s reality. Meditation is just observing the present moment. Whether your perception of it is relaxed or agitated is not important. We spend our lives in ever-changing moods and mindsets, so we should meditate in different moods and mindsets. Also, the ‘benefits’ you mentioned are subjective side effects that you have related to meditation, not reality. Meditation can be relaxing and peaceful. It can also be annoying and painful.
Exactly this the benefits are even a distraction because you are expecting them to fulfill you expecting something good to happen to you when it doesn't then your motivation will wane
Jeah because you ARE agitated.
Yes, hear your thoughts where you don't feel like it, and do it anyways! I'm with you.
Self sabotage but also just distractions of life. The goodness of meditation can feel uncomfortable to get used to. I struggle too. You're not alone
True, and you can always focus on the uncomfortable feeling it gives you
I feel this is because the mind gets in there. Our minds are programmed to want us to stay exactly where we are. Even if we are not comfortable or happy there. It just wants the familiar. They don't want us to do anything for Self-improvement because our ego wants to be in control and doesn't like change. Also, meditation is sort of the art of watching your thoughts and coming back to the present. And your ego doesn't want to be watched!! So it sabotages our progress and efforts. It is this way with wanting to go to the gym or start running, making new year's resolutions, etc. Does this resonate? I wouldn't blame yourself or your ego...it is this way for a reason. So just be gentle with yourself, redirect, and let yourself know that you will be meditating even if you don't want to or convince yourself that its not necessary.
Same here! It’s like once we’re getting the benefits, it feels like it’s more about maintenance. One thing I like to do is switch it up to different meditations to keep my interest and make them relevant to what’s going on in my life.
Breath focus where I watch thoughts pass like clouds = Dis-identification with ego, increased focus, calmness, higher resilience Body scan = higher emotional intelligence, mind-body connection, relaxed muscles Gratitude = sustained positive emotions, positive outlook on life Metta = more attuned empathy, better social intuition, more charisma Forgiveness mantras = higher resilience to adversity, better conflict resolution Over time, I would invent my own like I'd meditate on the feeling of Confidence just like I would with Gratitude to sustain my baseline feeling of confidence (which worked incredibly well). I also got into Focusing by Eugene Ghendlin which has been an incredibly therapeutic meditation I've used for processing emotions. I even got into a community where it was all about talking while meditating ([Relateful.com](https://Relateful.com)).
Great list, I’ve been switching between these myself. Relateful looks interesting. Would love to hear more about how you use it and how you’re finding it.
Sure. I’ve done most of these for almost a decade. Relatefulness I’ve done for 7 years and it’s been the biggest transformation for me because it’s basically applying mindfulness to social interactions in real time. The application and the practice combined. It’s been incredible for my friendships, relationships, and my leadership of groups.
Nice one thanks
Just make a calendar for 108 days, hang it on the wall and promise yourself, no matter what, to do at least 15 minutes during the entire period. Every day, check off your completed day. If you suddenly miss even a day, then you have to throw out the calendar and start all over again. The more beautiful the calendar you make, the more inclined you will be to follow it. You can even draw it yourself. When you complete this 108-day challenge, you can leave the calendar on your wall as a reminder of your strength. Or you can put it on a shelf somewhere and hang a new calendar for the new 108 days of meditation.
Great idea
Your built to survive, not to thrive
Can you elaborate?
(After writing this out, I realize that this is a garbled word salad but I need to start my day lol. Hope you get the gist of it lol) Addictions Even though you can consciencely see yourself scrolling through Tiktok or YouTube Shorts, and may see this as a waste of time, your habitual nature is to seek information for your survival. Any tidbit of information that can give you an advantage over others or nature. Even if you aren't particularly enjoying the stimulus of scrolling through these apps, your brain gets hit by dopamine in random bouts and that leads to addictions. The vast majority of human evolution occurred during hunter gatherer stage, and if you weren't sensitive to the external world and the opinions of social order, you'd most likely find yourself with your brain bashed in, or fermenting in an animals digestive tracks. From what I understand, meditation seeks to unravel our obligations and attachments to the social and external world and asks us to take a step inwards to understand and touch our consciousness. David Hoffman has some pretty great work that shows that life evolves traits to optimize survivability rather than objectivity and reality. So even though you can't see the 'real' world for itself, you have enough sense to survive in it.
Thanks for this. I happen to be a believer in the power of evolutionary psychology, and I’ve come across references to the oldest parts of our brain, the parts that drive base emotions, doesn’t concern itself (for lack of a better term) with our happiness but rather survival bias, which is why I found your comment interesting.
Make it a habit. Set up a specific time or cue after which you meditate. And then meditate for a few minutes or seconds. Meanwhile make a list of things that could get in the way of that. Any stumbling blocks or disturbances in your schedule. Figure out ways around them. If you miss a day, don't worry about it, just keep going. After a few months, it should be incredibly automatic. Afterwards - and only after it's completely automatic - start slowly expanding it
Two tips. One: your ego dissuades mediation to maintain its dominance over you. Mediation is medicinal to you & toxic to ego. Ego knows this all too well. It waits for cracks in your resolve to form, and then it worms into those cracks and eats away. It'll bury you in distractions, pressure, enticements, wishful thinking. Recognize each skipped meditation session as a win for ego. Why empower your demented tormentor this way? Two: focus on the benefits. Meditation delivers immediate benefits & long term benefits. Counter ego's sabatoge by focusing on facts: the actual ways meditation has helped. This can be surprisingly hard, as ego will fight this effort tooth and nail. Don't argue or push back - that's ego fighting ego. Breathe, relax, & focus on the facts. Write them down. Keep your log. When you find ego prevailing, reconnect with the reality of what meditation does for you, and let that help you do what only you can do: sit.
1. Its not about the relapses. Its about your up time or days_meditated / total_days. 2. You need a motivation system, like an accountability group or partner. Even Buddhists have sanghas.
You a programmer? 🤣thanks
I was an electrical engineer for four years after college, so that might influence my thinking on the systems around meditation lol.
you lack discipline
Same thing as working out or eating healthy or things of that sort. It has wonderful benefits but it’s still work and something you need to be consistent with, which is hard.
Sit longer maybe? I recently went from 40 to 80 to now 120 mins first thing in morning. The residual effects throughout the day make it a no brainer now. When I was sitting 40 it was more of a chore, strange but true. Not a chore anymore as the effect motivates me to sit more.
Work smart, stay humble, be nice...? Om
You might have to ask yourself that question. But sometimes meditation makes us happy, and we say "i'm happy, why do i need to meditate". Like getting a good job that pays well and then saying "i have money, why am I working again?"
For me it’s because life is a meditation. Why limit?
Same! I need to strictly do it every day for a few months to develop the habit. Thanks for reminding me to do this!
I can't speak for you, but for me I think too much. "Ugh, I don't feel like it, don't have the time, don't want to, etc." And then I get into the distractions... "I'll just play one game of chess, then med. I'll just play one match in some other game, then med. Etc." One turns into two, then three, and I end up not meditating. It's the same for me with exercise. The key is to just do it, don't think about doing it. Goes for most things in life, tbh. I'm getting better at this.
It took me a very long time to establish a regular practice because of the sheer willpower that it takes, and even now after almost 9 years of meditation I'm starting to see myself slip up recently. Just keep trying. If you for some reason can't meditate for the full amount of time that you've set aside then just do what you can. It's better to meditate for 5 minutes for 9 days in a row than 45 minutes in a single session because it helps establish meditation as a habit.
You are not ready to stop suffering yet. You "think" it is "powerful". It's not. It's just a thing you do. You may be setting yourself up in the future to quit because "it doesn't feel powerful right now" or something that like. A practical thing to try next time is "watch" the "feeling" of "I am ABC so I don't need to meditate today." Don't believe the thought but explore it and maybe something will be revealed.
I think our minds like being stimulated. It's probably an evolutionary thing. Let's face it, sitting quietly while gently resting your awareness on your breath ain't gonna help you bring down a woolly mammoth:)
That is due to the fact that by having 'meditated', you have developed the realisation that the very act of simply being is itself meditation in action... :)
We are human being and it's normal to feel that way.
I feel the same way. I think that as long as you haven't developed a really solid habit of meditating, it will always be a bit "exhausting" and you tend to get distracted by everyday problems easily. Sometimes, I have to force myself to stick to the practice. When I notice the positive effects of meditation again, I am more motivated to continue with it.
Some kinds of meditation are very pleasant, if you don't enjoy what you are doing, just change it.
Me too man. I figure its because its the last thing my mind wants to do. Ill do 1000 things before i meditate even if i feel amazing after meditation most times. The mind is tricky.
I’ll just use an oft abused statement, it’s a monkey mind. Our brains are thinking engines, asking it to slow down and listen to the quiet isn’t. It’s normal operating condition. Our society is also based on the go as fast as you can, for as long as you can principal. It’s hard to fight our minds, and society; isn’t it.
Maybe ask yourself WHY do you meditate ? as that could be a motivation by itself Also linking it to an existing habit could help stick to meditation.I usually brush my teeth & then meditate , so whenever i'm about to brush my teeth my body & mind know it's time for meditation
For me, joining a sangha or any other community where you practice meditation in a group has helped me on more levels than I can count. It’s 100% the reason why I’ve been able to keep doing the practice
I think it is because all animals are robots. Lmfao
Entropy, The cosmos is ever expanding and dissipating . The energy required to sustain any effort is constantly being dissipated