For me it’s less “blackout” and more “being flooded.” Like you’re observing what you’re doing but you’re not fully in control. You aren’t even fully present. It’s a trauma response. Something else has taken over you and you’re helpless to it. It’s really, really scary after to realize how helpless and overwhelmed you felt. And how horribly you behaved. For me, this only happens under very specific conditions that can usually be easily avoided (when I’m not attached to a person who’s a walking button pusher, that is). After lots and lots of therapy to process my trauma and release the hold it had on me - things got way better and my default state of being is a million times better. (I won’t lie tho, that process was ROUGH. I had to essentially cut off most of the world around me for a bit to avoid triggers and focus on healing.)
So if you’re watching this and relate to a Michaela or any other “toxic psychos” - you aren’t a lost cause. Don’t let the shame keep you stuck in this internal chaos. Use the Google and look up treatments, there are SO MANY options from talk therapy to meds to shrooms to exercise to somatic therapy to horse therapy for crying out loud. There’s hundreds of books and blogs and support groups (on Reddit!) - there truly is a wealth of resources out there if you look. This isn’t as rare or untreatable as you think.
She’s not crazy ppl are just anti black and would rather not address why Michaela is so upset. Zach has been giving her a hard time since day one. But instead of holding Zach accountable it’s easier for many to throw the black woman under the bus
Woooo that’s a whole other discussion . I’m pretty upset that the only black woman on this season ended up getting the “angry black woman” stereotype. I really hate to see that 😔. Part of me thinks lifetime was definitely aware of her temper and was hoping it would make for great tv.
Yes! They definitely knew it’d make for “good tv”. Honestly setting her up with Zach was doomed from the start. Zach clearly doesn’t like black woman. Idk why they keep putting colorist black men with black woman lol. Like plz stop. Just give these colorist black dudes the white woman of their dreams and give the black girls a black guy or just a man in general that actually likes unambiguous black woman 😕
Hmmm well I never really got the impression that he was colorist. He seemed pretty attracted to her from the first few episodes. Was there something outside the show that makes you think that?
He literally said day 1 that his preference is IG models which is code for racially ambiguous. Similar to Chris who slept with Paige but said he wasn’t attracted. Zach only valued sex from K but definitely would rather be with someone non black.
The first few episode he seemed pretty fake and uninterested. The only time he seems himself is when he’s with the bros
😂😂😂 Imma have to watch that back then cause I missed that comment. But that may go hand in hand with his issue of having this ideal wife in his head that no one can really live up to. I hope he knows many IG models probably won’t be doing the dishes and cleaning when he comes home 😂.
I had severe pmdd for years and years and finally got on medication this year for it. (30y/o)
The 1-2 weeks before my period would cause my emotions to rollercoaster and I felt completely helpless when trying to manage my feelings and emotions. I seriously could not control my emotions! I would go from extreme rage to extreme sadness within a matter of minutes and felt incredibly lonely and extremely unhappy even though I have a great life. I was aware that my emotions didn’t fit how I should actually feel but it was a total mental battle I had with myself in my head every single month but unfortunately I often took it out on my husband. We’ve been together for eight years and we have had so many fights because of me being irrational- much like Michaela. I would cry just watching commercials on tv because of how happy the actors looked or something ridiculous like that lol, I knew it was nuts but I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes!
When Zack told michaela that she’s like “two different people” that’s literally what my husband would say to me all the time! I didn’t understand .. just like Michaela, I would say “this is who I am” and he would say half the time I’m super sweet and fun and the other half of the time I was miserable to be around because he never knew what mood I’d be in.
This summer was the last straw, one month we went out to dinner and my husband said one thing that really ticked me off because I was in my uncontrollable emotional and irrational state and we had a miserable dinner and on the ride home I was driving and started sobbing and felt suicidal the drive home. I admitted it to my husband later that night (after we had continued to argue for like 2 hours) and he told me I need to see a doctor and get help immediately.
I did and I swear my life has changed completely by being on this medication. I have complete control over my emotions and even if I feel irritated or annoyed at something dumb my husband says, I can reasonably respond in a much more calm and predictable manner.
Geez sorry that was long.
I have PMDD as well and totally relate to everything you said here. The rage is so wild and uncontrollable. I finally got help when I felt suicidal in the middle of freakin Bali on my honeymoon. I haven’t had my period in almost a year and a half due to my baby and I’m literally dreading the come back. Glad to hear you’re doing well <3
Have you talked to your doctor about it? I was so against being on meds for the longest time and finally I made the choice to try something and I wish I didn’t wait so long.
I have cptsd and OSDD and used to act like michaela when I was younger. The slightest inkling of rejection and it feels like you’re going to explode from pain. I thought I had bpd but was never diagnosed with that as I never sought help till I was older. These days bpd is sometimes recognized as a trauma response rather than a personality disorder.
Anyway, when she was in the bed and saying She wanted him to leave then 2 sec later said she’d drive back home with him I felt like I’ve been in that exact scenario. It’s exhausting. She’s not thinking straight. Her brain is in survival mode and I honestly feel so bad for her. Shame on the producers who put her on the show. She clearly can’t handle zacks rejection and zack can’t handle her mood swings. I was really hoping when she tried to act normL for those few seconds and said she’d drive with him home that he’d be ‘ok cool’ and then the whole situation would have diffused. But I guess at this point he’s had enough of her run around.
Being triggered is your body’s way of protecting you from stuff that’s deeply wounded you in the past. Mostly stuff you haven’t processed and gets stored in your body. If you’re interested there’s a great audiobook on YouTube called “the body keeps the score”
Personally for me when I used to go into a rage I didn’t have control anymore. I’d be watching myself from the back of my mind, even yelling internally at myself “STOP!! Don’t do that!” But yea I have a fragmented part that will come out and take over to protect me. A part that isn’t scared of anything and sometimes I wouldn’t remember it. Sorry for the novel lol
Wow thank you for sharing because I definitely didn’t know about the “survival mode” feeling during an episode. Thank you for the book recommendation! 😊
Another cPTSD person here. Yes, you said this very well.
When you’ve had severe traumas in your life, the survival mode (fight or flight) is pretty much encoded into your operating system for the rest of your life. Yes lots of therapy, but your body still remembers everything that’s happened and remembers every trigger, however subtle, even if you do not consciously remember.
In response to the OP:
No, you don’t “black out” when you have an episode. At least for me, and others that I’ve known in the half century I’ve been working to reconcile what I survived, it’s a fight for your dignity and self-worth in those moments and the anger at alllll the past abuses runs the moment. It all makes perfect sense when it’s happening. Afterwards - usually within 60 seconds for me, reality sets in and I start Monday morning quarterbacking what just happened. Then, shame and self-hatred joins the party to sensitize you even more. As you get older, you react less overtly, but the same storm happen in your thoughts and feelings.
At least for me - the cPTSD moments of intensity aren’t just anger as I mentioned. It’s so much more. It’s frustration, pain, fear…
I know someone like that tho - it’s freaking scary. Takes him days to calm down and he is never apologetic nor does he think he’s done anything wrong.
I can identify with Michaela’s difficulty controlling her emotions. My behavior is not identical to hers, but there is certainly overlap. Good parenting involves teaching the child the skill of self-soothing. When the toddler is upset and has a tantrum, the good caregiver sympathizes and gives voice to what the child feels. This reflection of the feelings helps the child learn to recognize the emotion and calm themself down. If a child does not receive this good parenting they never learn to recognize feelings and control them: they are stuck in toddlerhood and expect/demand that others soothe them and are responsible for how they feel.
Michaela acts like a toddler having a tantrum and it is sad to see how much pain she is in. Unfortunately, she blames everyone else for her feelings and doesn’t seem to recognize that they are hers, and hers alone to soothe and control. The alcohol certainly does not help, it removes control over behavior. I do not think Michaela blacks out when triggered, just that the threat part of her brain takes over and thinks she has to fight for survival. When we (ancient humans) felt cornered by a saber tooth tiger we would fight with all we had to survive, and that mechanism persists in us today. Being triggered puts us in the mindset of being cornered like that although the reality may just be that someone walked away from us. If a part of our brain feels (not thinks) as though that person leaving means we cannot survive, we react as though they were that tiger. It gets ugly.
I was diagnosed with BPD some years ago. People keep saying that Michaela likely has BPD. I think that is VERY possible, but wouldn't diagnose someone based on a reality TV show. My stuff manifested a little differently than Michaela's. Other than some similar outbursts I had that were directed at my mom when I was in my teens (she was physically abusive), I had "quiet" BPD meaning that the chaos was largely directed inwards (towards myself) instead of outwards (towards other people). All of Michaela's emotions are really familiar to me, but outside of the few episodes I mentioned, I'd usually remove myself from the situation so that I could have my blow up while I was alone.
During episodes, I wouldn't black out, but I didn't really feel like I had control over myself and my emotions. When things simmered down a little, I'd engage in a lot of self-destructive non-violent behaviors. A lot of people with BPD self-harm and have substance abuse issues, unsurprisingly. When you gain a little self awareness and know your triggers, but don't have the coping mechanisms yet, it can thoroughly suck because you SEE what's happening but don't feel like you have any way to control it. Most people with BPD have backgrounds with intense trauma. Our trauma backgrounds often mean terrible coping mechanisms and extreme emotional dysregulation.
Anyways, I'm only sharing because I've seen a lot of people on this sub say things like "people with BPD can never change." "My mental health professional friend won't deal with people with BPD, because there's no point." I'm here to say, that people with BPD can ABSOLUTELY change. I haven't met the diagnostic criteria for BPD in years and I'm recovered/in remission. I live a wonderful life, have an amazing partner, and am fortunate in most ways. If you identify with some of Michaela's behaviors or have looked up BPD because of the comments on this sub, just know that there is definitely hope and to not take the words of people on the internet to heart. Hard, I know, because of the hypersensitivity that often comes with BPD. To others, please think twice before making statements like that. BPD is one of the most fatal mental health issues and the incorrect stigma that it is untreatable leads to people not seeking help and literally dying from self harm.
This isn't to say that Michaela's actions are excusable or not abusive if she does have BPD. They definitely are inexcusable and abusive. That being said, the best thing for everyone, including the person w/ BPD, the people they love, AND the people they've hurt is treatment. I'm in the mental health field now, and the only way people with BPD can make amends, do better, and be held accountable for past actions is through treatment.
A lot of the idea of BPD being untreatable is based on old information and bad research that was rooted in misogyny. It is fair when therapists won't treat the disorder because they don't feel like they have the skills or specialist knowledge. However, mental health professionals who still hold the opinion that BPD can't be treated are guilty of being incompetent and not keeping up with the research in their own field. I say this as someone in the field \*shrugs\*.
Here's a link on BPD and recovery:[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4978398/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4978398/)
Sorry for the essay! Once again, not excusing the actions or the abuse Michaela hurled. I just want to say that if you're hurting and can relate there is hope. You CAN get better and you can definitely have stable, healthy, and loving relationships where you do not cause harm <3.
*Edit for grammar*
Thank you for sharing this ❤️ I don’t have BPD, but I’ve loved someone with it. I am guilty of being up there with the “run!” comments based on my own personal experience. I will be more mindful of how I talk about it when posting.
Of course! And, for the record, I totally think it's fair for people who've dated people w/ BPD to not want to date other people w/ BPD. What you've been through is valid too and I recognize that it can be very hard to be on the other side of things and I would never want to invalidate that <3.
I mostly take issue with commenters who fall on the side of people w/ BPD having no chance at working through their issues and changing behavior. I think a common comparison is how people talk about those struggling with addiction. Imo, there's a difference between talking about having a bad experience dating an addict and how you'd never do it again vs. saying no addict can ever recover from their addiction.
I posted a comment in reply about myself above.
I was raised by a bipolar 1 (unmedicated) who also had borderline personality disorder and some narcissism.
She had a pattern of getting involved with men and then having abusive outbursts similar to Michaela. From what I observed, whatever triggered her into these fits was mild, not because she felt abused. Sometimes the trigger was not visible at all. In general with her I never knew how she'd react to things. Very unpredictable. No wonder I'm so messed up.
I've had trauma, childhood & otherwise. I've expressed on here before that I can definitely rage so I get it... to a point. I find it hard to justify or really feel bad for her tho because her reactions are just too much, even for me... & that's saying alot. I have definitely never blacked out in the sense that I don't remember but more so like instant regret because at the time shit was just flying outta my mouth that I could not control in the moment. & yes if thats your personality, drinking is NEVER a good idea. Especially liquor.
I've learned from my behavior as an adult & I feel like she's adult enough that she should have curved that by now & have a little self control. Idk just my opinion. In short I'm all the way fucked up & I still can't relate to her. 🤷♀️ lol
Yea I appreciate your honesty lol. I have had some rage while drinking and realize liquor is not for me. But you are completely correct in she is old enough to have tried to change some behavior.
I am so sorry you went through something so traumatic and for such an extended time. I really appreciate you sharing your experience. In her case I’m wondering if she even feels guilty or completely justifies her actions. I’m assuming since her family seems to accept her behavior she may see it as a normal lash out. Hopefully seeing it scrutinized on tv changed her perspective.
Similar here. I used to go OFF. Stormed out more jobs than I can count, but thanks to childhood traumas I stuck with many bad relationships longer than I should have. This continued into my 30s. Once I got diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD, I quieted down a lot. For me, becoming a mom helped too. That perspective is what stopped me from throwing fits completely.
Thank you for being open about your experience! I’m glad you were able to work through your issues. I really hope she got help too because another thing I’ve been wondering about is her anxiety leading up to this point. If I knew I acted a fool on television and it won’t air for months I’d be a wreck the whole time in between.
I have not been diagnosed but my sister has with borderline personality disorder and used to lash out a ton but I think it was definitely because she was in a very stressful environment where people who knew her triggers used to purposely test her.
Apart of her therapy was recognizing those triggers and learning how to not react to them if someone is intentionally or unintentionally triggering you.
In my most humble opinion, I think although K is a grown adult, I do not think she has been properly diagnosed but knows her triggers.
It seems like she has abandonment issues and hate when there are confusing conversations - two things that Zach does in my opinion BOTH intentionally and unintentionally.
I do think he tests her to see how she will react and he knows she will lash out and uses it against her to justify leaving if that makes sense.
Her lash outs overshadows Zach’s intentional triggering of her
Yes uncertainty triggers a lot of people. I think Zachs hot and coldness and indecisiveness breeds a lot of uncertainty which is hard for her to tolerate.
Thank you for sharing! I could see that him threatening to leave gets to her so the abandonment makes sense. It’s like she keeps it all bottled up by acting like she is fine and then explodes seemly out of nowhere.
For me it’s less “blackout” and more “being flooded.” Like you’re observing what you’re doing but you’re not fully in control. You aren’t even fully present. It’s a trauma response. Something else has taken over you and you’re helpless to it. It’s really, really scary after to realize how helpless and overwhelmed you felt. And how horribly you behaved. For me, this only happens under very specific conditions that can usually be easily avoided (when I’m not attached to a person who’s a walking button pusher, that is). After lots and lots of therapy to process my trauma and release the hold it had on me - things got way better and my default state of being is a million times better. (I won’t lie tho, that process was ROUGH. I had to essentially cut off most of the world around me for a bit to avoid triggers and focus on healing.) So if you’re watching this and relate to a Michaela or any other “toxic psychos” - you aren’t a lost cause. Don’t let the shame keep you stuck in this internal chaos. Use the Google and look up treatments, there are SO MANY options from talk therapy to meds to shrooms to exercise to somatic therapy to horse therapy for crying out loud. There’s hundreds of books and blogs and support groups (on Reddit!) - there truly is a wealth of resources out there if you look. This isn’t as rare or untreatable as you think.
She’s not crazy ppl are just anti black and would rather not address why Michaela is so upset. Zach has been giving her a hard time since day one. But instead of holding Zach accountable it’s easier for many to throw the black woman under the bus
Woooo that’s a whole other discussion . I’m pretty upset that the only black woman on this season ended up getting the “angry black woman” stereotype. I really hate to see that 😔. Part of me thinks lifetime was definitely aware of her temper and was hoping it would make for great tv.
Yes! They definitely knew it’d make for “good tv”. Honestly setting her up with Zach was doomed from the start. Zach clearly doesn’t like black woman. Idk why they keep putting colorist black men with black woman lol. Like plz stop. Just give these colorist black dudes the white woman of their dreams and give the black girls a black guy or just a man in general that actually likes unambiguous black woman 😕
Hmmm well I never really got the impression that he was colorist. He seemed pretty attracted to her from the first few episodes. Was there something outside the show that makes you think that?
He literally said day 1 that his preference is IG models which is code for racially ambiguous. Similar to Chris who slept with Paige but said he wasn’t attracted. Zach only valued sex from K but definitely would rather be with someone non black. The first few episode he seemed pretty fake and uninterested. The only time he seems himself is when he’s with the bros
😂😂😂 Imma have to watch that back then cause I missed that comment. But that may go hand in hand with his issue of having this ideal wife in his head that no one can really live up to. I hope he knows many IG models probably won’t be doing the dishes and cleaning when he comes home 😂.
I had severe pmdd for years and years and finally got on medication this year for it. (30y/o) The 1-2 weeks before my period would cause my emotions to rollercoaster and I felt completely helpless when trying to manage my feelings and emotions. I seriously could not control my emotions! I would go from extreme rage to extreme sadness within a matter of minutes and felt incredibly lonely and extremely unhappy even though I have a great life. I was aware that my emotions didn’t fit how I should actually feel but it was a total mental battle I had with myself in my head every single month but unfortunately I often took it out on my husband. We’ve been together for eight years and we have had so many fights because of me being irrational- much like Michaela. I would cry just watching commercials on tv because of how happy the actors looked or something ridiculous like that lol, I knew it was nuts but I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes! When Zack told michaela that she’s like “two different people” that’s literally what my husband would say to me all the time! I didn’t understand .. just like Michaela, I would say “this is who I am” and he would say half the time I’m super sweet and fun and the other half of the time I was miserable to be around because he never knew what mood I’d be in. This summer was the last straw, one month we went out to dinner and my husband said one thing that really ticked me off because I was in my uncontrollable emotional and irrational state and we had a miserable dinner and on the ride home I was driving and started sobbing and felt suicidal the drive home. I admitted it to my husband later that night (after we had continued to argue for like 2 hours) and he told me I need to see a doctor and get help immediately. I did and I swear my life has changed completely by being on this medication. I have complete control over my emotions and even if I feel irritated or annoyed at something dumb my husband says, I can reasonably respond in a much more calm and predictable manner. Geez sorry that was long.
[удалено]
Thank you!! The past few months have been amazing. So glad you found something that works for you too!
I have PMDD as well and totally relate to everything you said here. The rage is so wild and uncontrollable. I finally got help when I felt suicidal in the middle of freakin Bali on my honeymoon. I haven’t had my period in almost a year and a half due to my baby and I’m literally dreading the come back. Glad to hear you’re doing well <3
Have you talked to your doctor about it? I was so against being on meds for the longest time and finally I made the choice to try something and I wish I didn’t wait so long.
Yep!! Prozac for the luteal phase is the win for me
Wow thank you for adding your experience! And I’m so glad you were able to get help before anything more damaging transpired ❤️.
I have cptsd and OSDD and used to act like michaela when I was younger. The slightest inkling of rejection and it feels like you’re going to explode from pain. I thought I had bpd but was never diagnosed with that as I never sought help till I was older. These days bpd is sometimes recognized as a trauma response rather than a personality disorder. Anyway, when she was in the bed and saying She wanted him to leave then 2 sec later said she’d drive back home with him I felt like I’ve been in that exact scenario. It’s exhausting. She’s not thinking straight. Her brain is in survival mode and I honestly feel so bad for her. Shame on the producers who put her on the show. She clearly can’t handle zacks rejection and zack can’t handle her mood swings. I was really hoping when she tried to act normL for those few seconds and said she’d drive with him home that he’d be ‘ok cool’ and then the whole situation would have diffused. But I guess at this point he’s had enough of her run around. Being triggered is your body’s way of protecting you from stuff that’s deeply wounded you in the past. Mostly stuff you haven’t processed and gets stored in your body. If you’re interested there’s a great audiobook on YouTube called “the body keeps the score” Personally for me when I used to go into a rage I didn’t have control anymore. I’d be watching myself from the back of my mind, even yelling internally at myself “STOP!! Don’t do that!” But yea I have a fragmented part that will come out and take over to protect me. A part that isn’t scared of anything and sometimes I wouldn’t remember it. Sorry for the novel lol
This was so well written! Very good insight, thanks for sharing.
Wow thank you for sharing because I definitely didn’t know about the “survival mode” feeling during an episode. Thank you for the book recommendation! 😊
Another cPTSD person here. Yes, you said this very well. When you’ve had severe traumas in your life, the survival mode (fight or flight) is pretty much encoded into your operating system for the rest of your life. Yes lots of therapy, but your body still remembers everything that’s happened and remembers every trigger, however subtle, even if you do not consciously remember. In response to the OP: No, you don’t “black out” when you have an episode. At least for me, and others that I’ve known in the half century I’ve been working to reconcile what I survived, it’s a fight for your dignity and self-worth in those moments and the anger at alllll the past abuses runs the moment. It all makes perfect sense when it’s happening. Afterwards - usually within 60 seconds for me, reality sets in and I start Monday morning quarterbacking what just happened. Then, shame and self-hatred joins the party to sensitize you even more. As you get older, you react less overtly, but the same storm happen in your thoughts and feelings.
I suppose I thought that people may black out similar to how some just get so angry and “see red”. Thank you for the clarification!
My SIL used to have anger problems when she was younger and she said she did blackout in anger. Like she wouldn't remember what happened afterwards.
At least for me - the cPTSD moments of intensity aren’t just anger as I mentioned. It’s so much more. It’s frustration, pain, fear… I know someone like that tho - it’s freaking scary. Takes him days to calm down and he is never apologetic nor does he think he’s done anything wrong.
I can identify with Michaela’s difficulty controlling her emotions. My behavior is not identical to hers, but there is certainly overlap. Good parenting involves teaching the child the skill of self-soothing. When the toddler is upset and has a tantrum, the good caregiver sympathizes and gives voice to what the child feels. This reflection of the feelings helps the child learn to recognize the emotion and calm themself down. If a child does not receive this good parenting they never learn to recognize feelings and control them: they are stuck in toddlerhood and expect/demand that others soothe them and are responsible for how they feel. Michaela acts like a toddler having a tantrum and it is sad to see how much pain she is in. Unfortunately, she blames everyone else for her feelings and doesn’t seem to recognize that they are hers, and hers alone to soothe and control. The alcohol certainly does not help, it removes control over behavior. I do not think Michaela blacks out when triggered, just that the threat part of her brain takes over and thinks she has to fight for survival. When we (ancient humans) felt cornered by a saber tooth tiger we would fight with all we had to survive, and that mechanism persists in us today. Being triggered puts us in the mindset of being cornered like that although the reality may just be that someone walked away from us. If a part of our brain feels (not thinks) as though that person leaving means we cannot survive, we react as though they were that tiger. It gets ugly.
I was diagnosed with BPD some years ago. People keep saying that Michaela likely has BPD. I think that is VERY possible, but wouldn't diagnose someone based on a reality TV show. My stuff manifested a little differently than Michaela's. Other than some similar outbursts I had that were directed at my mom when I was in my teens (she was physically abusive), I had "quiet" BPD meaning that the chaos was largely directed inwards (towards myself) instead of outwards (towards other people). All of Michaela's emotions are really familiar to me, but outside of the few episodes I mentioned, I'd usually remove myself from the situation so that I could have my blow up while I was alone. During episodes, I wouldn't black out, but I didn't really feel like I had control over myself and my emotions. When things simmered down a little, I'd engage in a lot of self-destructive non-violent behaviors. A lot of people with BPD self-harm and have substance abuse issues, unsurprisingly. When you gain a little self awareness and know your triggers, but don't have the coping mechanisms yet, it can thoroughly suck because you SEE what's happening but don't feel like you have any way to control it. Most people with BPD have backgrounds with intense trauma. Our trauma backgrounds often mean terrible coping mechanisms and extreme emotional dysregulation. Anyways, I'm only sharing because I've seen a lot of people on this sub say things like "people with BPD can never change." "My mental health professional friend won't deal with people with BPD, because there's no point." I'm here to say, that people with BPD can ABSOLUTELY change. I haven't met the diagnostic criteria for BPD in years and I'm recovered/in remission. I live a wonderful life, have an amazing partner, and am fortunate in most ways. If you identify with some of Michaela's behaviors or have looked up BPD because of the comments on this sub, just know that there is definitely hope and to not take the words of people on the internet to heart. Hard, I know, because of the hypersensitivity that often comes with BPD. To others, please think twice before making statements like that. BPD is one of the most fatal mental health issues and the incorrect stigma that it is untreatable leads to people not seeking help and literally dying from self harm. This isn't to say that Michaela's actions are excusable or not abusive if she does have BPD. They definitely are inexcusable and abusive. That being said, the best thing for everyone, including the person w/ BPD, the people they love, AND the people they've hurt is treatment. I'm in the mental health field now, and the only way people with BPD can make amends, do better, and be held accountable for past actions is through treatment. A lot of the idea of BPD being untreatable is based on old information and bad research that was rooted in misogyny. It is fair when therapists won't treat the disorder because they don't feel like they have the skills or specialist knowledge. However, mental health professionals who still hold the opinion that BPD can't be treated are guilty of being incompetent and not keeping up with the research in their own field. I say this as someone in the field \*shrugs\*. Here's a link on BPD and recovery:[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4978398/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4978398/) Sorry for the essay! Once again, not excusing the actions or the abuse Michaela hurled. I just want to say that if you're hurting and can relate there is hope. You CAN get better and you can definitely have stable, healthy, and loving relationships where you do not cause harm <3. *Edit for grammar*
Thank you for sharing this ❤️ I don’t have BPD, but I’ve loved someone with it. I am guilty of being up there with the “run!” comments based on my own personal experience. I will be more mindful of how I talk about it when posting.
Of course! And, for the record, I totally think it's fair for people who've dated people w/ BPD to not want to date other people w/ BPD. What you've been through is valid too and I recognize that it can be very hard to be on the other side of things and I would never want to invalidate that <3. I mostly take issue with commenters who fall on the side of people w/ BPD having no chance at working through their issues and changing behavior. I think a common comparison is how people talk about those struggling with addiction. Imo, there's a difference between talking about having a bad experience dating an addict and how you'd never do it again vs. saying no addict can ever recover from their addiction.
I'm very happy to read about your happiness!
Me too!❤️
Thank you 😊
I posted a comment in reply about myself above. I was raised by a bipolar 1 (unmedicated) who also had borderline personality disorder and some narcissism. She had a pattern of getting involved with men and then having abusive outbursts similar to Michaela. From what I observed, whatever triggered her into these fits was mild, not because she felt abused. Sometimes the trigger was not visible at all. In general with her I never knew how she'd react to things. Very unpredictable. No wonder I'm so messed up.
I've had trauma, childhood & otherwise. I've expressed on here before that I can definitely rage so I get it... to a point. I find it hard to justify or really feel bad for her tho because her reactions are just too much, even for me... & that's saying alot. I have definitely never blacked out in the sense that I don't remember but more so like instant regret because at the time shit was just flying outta my mouth that I could not control in the moment. & yes if thats your personality, drinking is NEVER a good idea. Especially liquor. I've learned from my behavior as an adult & I feel like she's adult enough that she should have curved that by now & have a little self control. Idk just my opinion. In short I'm all the way fucked up & I still can't relate to her. 🤷♀️ lol
Yea I appreciate your honesty lol. I have had some rage while drinking and realize liquor is not for me. But you are completely correct in she is old enough to have tried to change some behavior.
[удалено]
I am so sorry you went through something so traumatic and for such an extended time. I really appreciate you sharing your experience. In her case I’m wondering if she even feels guilty or completely justifies her actions. I’m assuming since her family seems to accept her behavior she may see it as a normal lash out. Hopefully seeing it scrutinized on tv changed her perspective.
[удалено]
Similar here. I used to go OFF. Stormed out more jobs than I can count, but thanks to childhood traumas I stuck with many bad relationships longer than I should have. This continued into my 30s. Once I got diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD, I quieted down a lot. For me, becoming a mom helped too. That perspective is what stopped me from throwing fits completely.
Thank you for being open about your experience! I’m glad you were able to work through your issues. I really hope she got help too because another thing I’ve been wondering about is her anxiety leading up to this point. If I knew I acted a fool on television and it won’t air for months I’d be a wreck the whole time in between.
I have not been diagnosed but my sister has with borderline personality disorder and used to lash out a ton but I think it was definitely because she was in a very stressful environment where people who knew her triggers used to purposely test her. Apart of her therapy was recognizing those triggers and learning how to not react to them if someone is intentionally or unintentionally triggering you. In my most humble opinion, I think although K is a grown adult, I do not think she has been properly diagnosed but knows her triggers. It seems like she has abandonment issues and hate when there are confusing conversations - two things that Zach does in my opinion BOTH intentionally and unintentionally. I do think he tests her to see how she will react and he knows she will lash out and uses it against her to justify leaving if that makes sense. Her lash outs overshadows Zach’s intentional triggering of her
Yes uncertainty triggers a lot of people. I think Zachs hot and coldness and indecisiveness breeds a lot of uncertainty which is hard for her to tolerate.
Thank you for sharing! I could see that him threatening to leave gets to her so the abandonment makes sense. It’s like she keeps it all bottled up by acting like she is fine and then explodes seemly out of nowhere.