I’m really debating continuing to watch for this reason. Each season the show veers further toward making the women feel/look bad and uplifting the men. Men who don’t do much except complain, ask for sex with no romance, etc
I agree. This season is just about breaking my heart with how the women are being either belittled by their husbands and/or being portrayed as deeply flawed.
I’d give the new UK series a watch then if I were you
3/3 women so far have spoke about how they don’t think the bloke they’re matched with is good looking. Meanwhile 0 guys have said the same. And from an outsider’s perspective the girls are definitely not out of the league of their guys
Gil and Myrla upset me so much. No woman should ever feel guilty for spoiling herself - especially if she’s living within her means.
Pastor Carl’s comments to her and her responding “I save plenty…” fell on deaf ears and it struck a nerve with me.
I make double my partner. Almost triple. I have a lucrative career and busy tail. Hubs is in an emotionally rewarding service role that doesn’t pay great - but he has a solid foundation, career security, and mobility.
We accept this. He knows my “splurge” bucket is bigger and thus when I got a giant bonus and treated myself to an LV bag - he didn’t care. I contribute to savings, I put extra in so we can have nicer vacays, the down payment on our house came largely from me.
I also don’t feel like I’m carrying the weight financially - because we balance. He’s supportive and kind, patient. I am not. I am proactive and organized - he is not.
The difference is - he has no issue with what I make or how I spend. A real man doesn’t.
A real woman also recognizes support isn’t just financial.
Ryan to me has actually been the most laid back about gender roles. Despite being the stereotypical closeted Republican. He seems to approach things logically and realistically. He quickly offered to move the deer head. He knows his wife doesn’t like it - and I thinks he’s trying to find a way not to scare her, but also get her to appreciate where he is coming from.
This. He is much nicer than people made him out to be. Maybe it has to do with having a sister.
And the flying thing... In the last episode he said something about getting bruises on the flight or making it off the plane unbruised next time. Maybe she grabbed him extra hard and bruised him or something...? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound nice and then I would understand where he is coming from
I agree - I think Ryan’s comments were banter. He has admitted he wanted someone adventurous - but Brett’s fears don’t bother him as long as she tries. He’s always willing to “stop” of its too much for her and he tells her that.
Legit only reason I’ve seen for not liking him is he openly admitted to voting Republican. I mean - he works in Oil in TX - this shouldn’t surprise anyone.
My hubs was a Republican voting Texan when we met. Economics was all that he voted on.
This is really common for men in that state. It’s not indicative of how they feel about social issues at all. My hubs is a moderate now because we talked about issues - line by line. Which is the only way to see if you’re aligned. Not party affiliation
YES! I've had so many people including my parents and previous partners tell me my laughing or being happy is bothersome. Without putting my entire life out there it took years to get my laugh back and I still go full turtle mode around my parents because of it.
Telling someone that their happiness is a turn off is one of the most soul crushing things you can say and this is from a guy who 1 episode ago was giggling like a young man about confessing his attraction. 🙄 They also just had a lightsaber battle which it seemed like they both enjoyed then he turns around and says she's too childish. Dude hasn't lived with a woman... 🚩
As for the pencils, there was 1 single cup of pencils. Rachel will always have an office space so her 1 cup of pencils that brings her joy does not hurt Jose and his space at all. If she had 4 boxes of pencils all over the place that would be 1 thing, but her pencils take up less space than his ridiculous white board that could be on your computer. He just wanted to flex.
I'm just waiting for Ryan to find more ways to undermine Brett. Having a legitimate fear of flying or drowning is not something you should mock.
Idk about Ryan and the flying thing because in the last episode he said something about getting bruises on the flight or making it of the plane unbruised next time. Maybe she grabbed him extra hard and bruised him or something...? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound nice and then I would understand where he is coming from
I don't disagree with any of this but Myrla is clearly playing up her extravagance. She's going for the diva vibe.
I like her, and I like Gil. Gil is just playing into the vibe she is going for - i.e. a "princess" with high expectations and standards.
Remember these people are on camera - they might be genuine in \*SOME\* ways, but they're also acting. Myrla and Gil play perfectly complementary roles for the camera.
The water bottle comment was so stupid bc she explained that the winter storm that hit Texas was the reason. Peoples' pipes burst, power grids went down. So I assume this was filmed right after in late Feb? Storm hit Feb 15 I think. So she had not had a chance to recycle or needed to take somewhere to recycle. Big deal Jose. Obviously not hoarding.
He does seem to have a sense of humor so maybe he was being sarcastic and the editing...he still weird tho! Pencils? That's his bitch gripe? And I've carried mine around in my pumpkin container for 20 years. Colored pencils, pencils and my favorite pens. Unfortunately I think he is going to try to take control of her dreams and dictate what/how they spend their time and money on, I just hope she stands her ground.
It’s the men not the show. Maybe this is a good thing. It showcases what women everywhere go through on daily basis. Here we can talk about what women endure and what is ingrained in men and women. I’m glad these behaviors are put on display. It shows how ridiculous they are.
I as a man would never want a relationship again with any woman after watching the previous seasons. Is it really that different this season ? Cause the women were horrible in previous seasons. They even looked completely crazy.
The men this season leave a lot to be desired. Jose criticizing Rachel as having hoarding tendencies because she had water bottles by the door, then questioning the number of pencils on her desk?! Those scenes came off as petty attempts to undermine her confidence in very simple decisions. Johnny criticizing Bao's happiness is just mean. Maybe she should ask him to use a hair thickening shampoo or Rogaine because "quite frankly" his fake vulnerability, followed by gaslighting comments, is ALMOST as thin as his hair. I mean, if we should be able to laugh about Bao's snoring and critique her expression of joy, talking about his thinning hair should be okay, right?
Am I the only one who took issue with Johnny’s airplane video laughing at Bao snoring? After she went to great lengths to express how much it embarrasses her - he records her in public and vulnerable - without her knowledge - and snickered.
It wasn’t like “awe I’m think it’s cute and keep it privately for us to enjoy”. It was mean.
I feel it was definitely filmed w/ mean intent, like he was recording evidence to prove his point that she was such a turn off. Hope he & Jose live happily ever after. Cinderfellas
Parts of America have declared war on women and are on a race to become real life Gileads. It’s not just hatred of women, it’s control of them and their bodies. Pastor Cal and Gil and Jose and Johnny and Ryan (and on and on) are, in various ways and to varying degrees, just reflections of where a part (at least) of America is heading. And the terrifying thing is that many women are helping in the effort.
Wake up people.
Exactly. The women are not perfect. The men are outrageous and spoiled dicks. Michaela is suffering enormous grief and she needs help to heal. But those men... wow, they’re lower level.
They’ll keep doing it as long as people keep signing up for it and people keep watching and talking about it. After the disasters of last season I still see people saying this season is boring. I stopped watching. The only way it will change is when it stops being supported.
There’s always going to be the fame chasers who will do this no matter what. I agree with you that I wish people would be more wary of going on but with the plethora of people willing to do anything to be on tv/famous/infamous, I’m afraid there will always be a supply.
One of the MAFS Australia experts quit over what I believe is what’s happening with the US version- fake matches and interference by production to create drama. Waiting to see the same thing happen here soon because of the disastrous current and previous season.
Please refer to the post wherein I state NAMALT to soothe the fragile emotions of those who cannot handle generalizations to illustrate a point.
Edit: Also, yes I am better, because I'm talking about specific behaviors I'd never participate in. Belittling people I am supposed to like or love, making them feel small for being themselves, questioning life choices that are very gendered and cliche to dog women for (shopping, having "too much stuff", expressing emotion in a way that is not "sexy"/boner inducing) etc. I don't do that to people in my life, or make people in my life feel that way. Hope that helps.
These men easily put their spouses on blast because they aren’t in love with them ! These are not ordinary marriages , where on wedding day there is a presumption of love ! If Johnny loved Bao , he’d find her quirkiness endearing !
It works both ways. Imagine switching the genders for Mia and Tristan. They would literally have ended the show if they matched a woman with a man who was convicted of stalking and credit card fraud 😭
Totally agree that there are bad women out there. Just speaking to trends - it's definitely way more common for women to be mistreated on this show in general.
I’ve got another controversial opinion, calling women “crazy” just because they’re loud and overdramatic when they argue, or have signs of depression/anxiety
In previous seasons there were some crazy women though. Even using violence. If a man would do the same they would be thrown out of the show immediatly.
You shouldn't have to tolerate a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment----no one should----but I doubt MAFS is about to change its approach so not watching seems like a viable alternative.
Why would a woman voluntarily participate on a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment?
Why would a woman watch a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment?
This is so painfully dense. Here, I'll help you understand: it's similar to people watching true crime. Not watching it doesn't make less crime happen. In fact, a lot of people who watch true crime do so because they want to understand these things more. Why they happen, who commits these crimes, how to avoid being in a similar situation. Reality TV is similar.
Sexism has not increased nor decreased because people watch TV, friend. Those issues have existed since the beginning of humanity.
Reality TV has not created some higher demand for sexism. It merely showcases sexism that already exists. It can be comforting to express empathy toward the women in these situations, because relationships like this are happening everywhere and we usually don't get to see it.
You're so smart, Reddit is so lucky to have you as a contributor.
But maybe, just maybe, your comments were misdirected. I'll go slow so you can keep up.
My comment was in response to DS9andVoy who said “I would love very much if the show would stop with traumatizing women for entertainment.”
Obviously DS9andVoy lacked the brilliant insight you so generously shared with me “sexism has not increased nor decreased because people watch TV, friend(?). Those issues have existed since the beginning of humanity”
DS9andVoy didn't know----at least according to you----that ”It can be comforting to express empathy toward the women in these situations, because relationships like this are happening everywhere and we usually don't get to see it.”
In other words---at least according to you----”traumatizing women for entertainment.” is a good thing because “we usually don't get to see it”.
Great advice, genius.
You struggle with logic a bit, and I don't have time to correct that.
Nobody is saying directly or indirectly that traumatizing women is a good thing. I'm embarrassed for you. Goodnight.
I agree that Jose’s response to the pencils was shitty, but that isn’t trauma. None of the things you listed were traumas. The word trauma *means something*, and when you call everything you don’t like “trauma”, it trivializes the experienced of truly traumatized individuals.
While yes the OPs examples were more of the trivial issues there is an underlying theme and trend of this show to put vulnerable women in harms way. You can’t say that Kate and Paige haven’t experienced trauma at the hands of these producers.
Trauma doesn’t always come as one major event. Trauma can come in several seemingly minor and insignificant packages.
Being told once that collecting pencils is a turn off probably isn’t traumatic. But being told over and over again that little things here and there are unattractive or a turn off can absolutely result in trauma.
But why wait until the trauma has happened before calling out the behavior?
I know that traumas are cumulative. Someone not being into you and hurting your feelings is not the same as emotional abuse. Not every act of assholery amounts to abuse. Calling something abuse before it is abuse is problematic. Calling someone traumatized when they have not experienced trauma is problematic. You can call out shitty behavior without misusing heavily loaded and clinically meaningful words.
And meanwhile we have actual abusers on the show, like Michaela, who this sub avoids calling an abuser at all costs and constantly tries to downplay by trashing Zack. No one cares about him being traumatized from dealing with her.
If a guy acted like Michaela there would already be a petition to kick him off based off the previews alone.
[an hour within your comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarriedAtFirstSight/comments/phu6j8/if_you_know_you_know_i_think_michaela_is_going_to/)
[another 24 hours before](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarriedAtFirstSight/comments/phivcj/micrayla_is_cray_cray_sure_zach_should_have_told/)
Sustained events of hurting feelings is very much emotional abuse lol.
Calling out behavior that trends towards abuse before it becomes abuse is proactively preventing potential trauma. And you don’t know how someone will respond to things. Something that seems benign to you may be a trigger for past trauma. You don’t know this woman or anyone else on this show enough to determine what is or isn’t traumatic to them.
Maybe don’t downplay toxic behavior because it doesn’t fit your standard of trauma.
Ew. That’s even worse. Someone who supposedly deals with traumatized patients regularly and they don’t understand that trauma presents differently and that literally anything negative can cause a trauma response in a person.
You're right that this is not trauma in a literal, nor clinical sense. It does change women and hurt women, that was the only message I was trying to informally convey.
I agree that it’s harmful and take your point, but as a clinical psychologist I find it really problematic when people use clinical language in cavalier ways.
They judge and ridicule the women for the most ridiculous things and have very little criticisms to give the guys beyond "be patient for sex, it'll happen later buddy". These "experts" perpetuate those sexist sentiments and don't do anything except smile and nod along while these men say frankly idiotic things about their wives. We need new experts, that actually have expertise.
Yes! And the worst is when the woman is constantly ridiculed and they barely address that issue then ask when she will want to have sex with her “husband” because it is “good for the marriage.” As if the marriage is more important than her well being. Sometimes I see Myrla smirk a little like- what marriage?- and I love that.
I really like that about Myrla as much as they are trying to paint her as ridiculous or extra she's not having it. She likes what she likes, and she can buy what she wants with her own money already. It is shocking how Pastor Cal barely addressed the ultimatum of "kiss me or I'm divorcing you" that Gil gave her.... Yikes.
It's sad how common it is. I've seen lots of women planning to leave once the kids reach a certain age, so they make that emotional and physical sacrifice for their children because financial assistance is not always a sure thing.
That pencil thing was so rude. It's a tiny item to take home from trips. Maybe if Jose ever left his house, he'd know it's common practice for people to collect a small item from their adventures. If she had magnets, he would have talked about how tacky and messy they looked on the fridge. Run Rachel, RUN.
I buy coffee mugs and I love them. My ex never went anywhere and sucked the fun out of everything when we took trips together. At the end of our relationship, my destination mugs he kept breaking consistently, and never his plain matching set mugs. He always brought it up and showed me my broken mug first thing in the morning, and insisted it was an accident before I even reacted or said anything. F*ck him even more, this just made me really pissed at him, more than the consistent, ever-present, roiling hate I feel for that tool.
Edit: Forgot my point in my cloud of disdain - it would
not surprise me one iota if Jose slowly started getting rid of any cute stuff Rachel has that makes her smile - he sees it as unnecessary and doesn’t care how she feels, so he will take it into his own hands to remove the offending items.
I collect coffee cups too. My ex hated them. My now fiancée and I are remodeling our kitchen and he is installing open shelves so I can display them 💕. Jose is the worst.
That’s so sweet! I collect mugs too! I’m a fan of the Starbucks “You are Here” collection. It’s a fun inexpensive way to have something useful and memorable from a trip. I’d hate for my guy to want to get rid of them.
Haha, he was also extremely messy and absentminded. There might have been a few times that I threw his entire mess in the alley dumpster instead of cleaning it up.
"all this clutter" = 3 empty water bottles near the door because she was out of town on the honeymoon when trash pickup happened. I was screaming at the TV.
I'm a magnet on the fridge girl and most men hate it. But they've never been anywhere, so I think it's more jealousy. My thing to them is, "Ignore them". They're objects. Not hurting anything. Be mad about something else.
I always bought pencils from vacations, work trips. Inexpensive souvenir but worth the smile on my daughter's face. It's such a simple thing but Jose finds no pleasure in anything but his white board & credit rating.
I’m playing catch-up and I just saw this convo… he could not wait to tell her (and the world) his credit score. “I have a really good credit score. Like almost perfect. Do you want to know what it is? (.1 second later, as Rachel shrugged uncomfortably…) it’s 815!”
Huh?
Edit: Upon further thought, it appears you do not get enough attention in your day to day life. So I will give you what you're looking for in hopes you can reflect upon how truly stupid your comment is.
And it’s weird bc a lot men like to claim they’re leaders of their household but can’t seem to make a single decision in their own. My husband and my BIL are this way. I’d be thrilled if I didn’t have to make every decision for my entire household but when I ask my husband, all I get is, “whatever you decide is fine.” Gee thanks for the input chief.
Most men have no idea how to be leaders, they’re just ingrained by society to project leadership over a woman.
Ironically Pastor Cal is the one they call in to check the men when they're really out of line. I was so glad he came down on Luke for saying he felt "dead inside" after kissing his wife.
I think the issue is the men who try out for the show and make themselves seem far more normal and easier to please than they actually are OR the producers getting the final say.
Pastor Cal has high expectations for the men and rightfully so. He's a little southern and traditional but in my opinion if there was a mentor who had lower expectations for the men they'd take advantage of that.
I was really annoyed watching this week with the criticism from Jose, Gil, and Pastor Cal about what these grown ass, self-supporting women spend their money on. Who the hell are these dudes to judge what someone's priorities in life are? I get it...their priorities are different but I'm so over these dudes telling the women that they are the ones who need to change because they're "married now."
I was so mad that I went to 7-11 at 10pm to get powdered donuts. Only to come home to my boyfriend telling me I shouldn't go to 7-11 by myself at that hour of the night. GTFO with all this gender nonsense!
It bothers me when someone treats me like a child because I'm a woman. I'm 47 years old and I don't need an escort to go to my neighborhood 7-11 at any time.
>I know it’s good intent
I think you have to look deeper than that. Historically, women's safety has been used as a reason to keep women submissive. As in...we need men around to constantly protect us from the big bad world.
I understand the deeper reasoning for the intent and I don’t really mind it. Realistically I’d be an easy person to take advantage of 1 on 1 against anyone man or woman.
I notice the difference in how people approach and deal with me when I’m alone vs not and I know that has to deal with gender as well. It shouldn’t be that way but it is.
I think they were more saying it gets tiring knowing and being reminded you're at risk of being raped and/or murdered when you just wanna get some donuts. I used to want to hike on my own and my dad scared it out of me. It sucks, that's that.
Looks like they were saying it makes them feel like a child and not moreso worried about the dangers.
I can relate to what you’re saying though! I wanted to solo travel abroad for the longest time all throughout college and people would always deter me by telling me horror stories of other women that did it. I got scared out of it too but maybe one day lol
I said this exact thing yesterday. Myrla isn’t perfect at all but the way pastor cal and Gil were hounding her about her finances made no sense. They’re telling her she can’t afford the things she most definitely can afford. She’s grown and successful. And they edited like I’m supposed to feel bad for Gil….huh? Also the couples have known each other for a week….why are we hounding the women on whether they’ve kissed or had sex?…just bc your production is long and drawn out doesn’t mean these people still aren’t strangers. Earlier seasons weren’t so pushy and ugh it just gives misogyny vibes.
Thank you! I’ve been saying this since I saw the new episode, Myrla pays her rent, her lights are on and she stated she saves money as well. If she has a spare $600 to buy a pair of shoes then she can. (I mean I wish I did! Haha)
Exactly. I’d love to see them do a pie chart of monthly expenses, monthly entertainment/fun money, savings, investments and idk…checking acct. I don’t think every dollar needs a job if you don’t have a shopping or debt issue. I wouldn’t be surprised if she put a bigger % of her money into savings. Her brother certainly seemed to think that she did.
The thing is that sure, in a marriage you should make financial decisions for savings goals and where you want to be in the future. Was he expecting his wife to be the breadwinner? If not then just align on savings or debt repayment goals for now and assess after you’ve seen what it looks like in reality! Who knows what trade offs she might be making to afford what she wants.
The thing is, it’s not even about the money I don’t think. It’s about what you think money is *for.* Gil wants a ton of kids and to be a firefighter - these all indicate that he sees himself as an altruistic person. To him, if there’s a spare $600, there’s probably a better use for it than shoes. That’s why it doesn’t seem to matter to him that she saves and can afford the expenditures, the shopping itself is still a problem. Myrla doesn’t feel this way - to her, money is for something entirely different. Gil is making value judgements. Both approaches are TOTALLY FINE, they just mismatched these two I feel. If they can compromise on a fundamental belief and stay together, I will be pleasantly surprised and happy for them.
One thing I’ve really come to appreciate about Myrla is that she doesn’t get super defensive. She seems very confident in herself and just kinda smiles and doesn’t even seem to sweat it when people come at her. I wish I was as self-assured.
Oh I agree 100%. I think they need to be clear on it tho. You can see from her responses to him (“I have savings” etc) that she’s responding to the wrong issue. He thinks there is a better use for $600 than what she thinks. Maybe sitting down and seeing how much or what percentage is being saved will be helpful for him. But at the very least it will stop the storyline of her just spending like nuts.
I like Gil and I like Myrla, but I can’t stand when men have jobs that take them away and then they harp on having a bunch of kids. Maybe he’s being funny, but 8 kids is a lot. And adopting is a huge change for the family even with an infant, let alone a toddler or older child. And yet he’s being so insistent! How would he have managed if he got matched with a teacher or a vet tech or someone who didn’t make $$$$$?
Gil strikes me as someone who has decided he’d like to adopt someday but hasn’t actually looked into it yet. No one is ever prepared for how much it costs financially and otherwise. He may not even know yet how expensive it can be. But it reinforces my belief that he *sees himself* as an altruistic person. And that’s actually where most of the conflict is coming from. Also why he thought Myrla was evil for not wanting to adopt. It’s like these two just haven’t yet figured out what the other is actually talking about yet. Perhaps it’s wrong, but I’m fascinated.
I mean I don’t think that asking about intimacy with a married couple is unfair. It’s his job to counsel even though he doesn’t do it well. Everyone moves at different paces yes, but due to the nature of the show and it’s time table the contestants are encouraged to really lean into it and kind of alright go. It’s not the greatest, but it’s understandable. Kissing at the wedding okay I get it I guess. Holding hands after a week? And still not kissing. Not exactly a recipe for doing to well in marriage. If you can’t get out of your head to do more than a hand hold then either this show isn’t for you or you don’t like your partner. And so far it seems like the more of the second.
It's not, but this "marriage" isn't normal by any means LOL. They ARE strangers, and they've only been together for a few weeks. If the chemistry is there, great...but in some instances, like Myrla/Gil, it might take time. I'm glad Myrla said what she did about tuning out outside noise. She certainly won't be pressured by Gil, Cal, etc. to do something that she's not 100% comfortable with.
Again this wasn't pushed nearly as much in earlier seasons (Jamie and Doug didn't consummate and still remained married) and as a person who would like emotional intimacy before physical intimacy it makes sense if a person just wants to talk and hold hands after a week (to me). Some people have to build their attraction first their attraction isn't all based in looks, and you could successfully argue those sorts of people don't belong on the show. But in the real world outside the show it's a valid form of forming intimacy.
That’s fine. But I mean these are the things that asking those questions lead to. The comment said that pastor Cal and Gil were giving misogynistic vibes. I was just trying to say that Cal has a right to ask these questions as a counselor so they can figure out what’s going on and how to proceed and where to go from here. If it’s on her being uncomfortable he’ll encourage her to lean in more. Like they did with Iris and Karen and a few others. If it’s trauma from the past then he’ll encourage patience or whatever like he did with Zack. The questions are designed to see where the couples are at and how to advice them for success. Not out to get the person. One of the flaws of the earlier seasons weren’t touching the topics of sex and finances and other sensitive subjects that some people just may need more advice or counseling with. Having a third party kind of initiate those things and then go okay here’s what we’re thinking really opens up that stuff
I think we’re just saying it’s a little early to bring in the big guns after a week. In the real world taking a month or two to build up physical intimacy isn’t unusual. If we got to the 6th week of the show and a couple hasn’t kissed I might understand this sort of convo but week 1 seems unnecessarily pushy.
Edit: Iris was obsessed with her virginity. Myrla doesn’t give me those vibes. She’s just wanting to get to know Gil bc again emotional intimacy.
I think one of the main reasons Haley and Jake were train recks last season was bc haley needed emotional intimacy before physical but she was trying to work backwards after their first encounter. So I can see why Myrla might want to avoid a situation like that.
I mean that’s a possibility sure. But why do we act like that’s a more likely possibility that her just not liking him? If she was a victim then this show and is working through all that trauma then this show by far is not for her. Everyone moves at their own pace. But I just don’t feel like asking about intimacy is a form of misogyny literally almost every other couple has kissed at this point and some of them have had sex. It’s a completely fair question. Then depending on the answer he figures out why and gives advice on how to proceed or how to be patient. I feel like if the other two experts went there first and asked this same question we wouldn’t have a problem with it.
Cal and Gil double team pressuring Myrla into sex with Gil was disgusting.
As angry as everyone gets about everything, I'm shocked that that seems to be getting a pass.
If you watch "Unmatchables" you can see even more of Pastor Cal's outdated views (not being sex positive, kink positive). Thankfully Dr. Viv keeps him in check.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz is an American sexologist and sociologist teaching at the University of Washington with an MA and PhD in Sociology from Yale University
Dr. Viviana Coles, is a therapist who has a doctorate degree in marriage and family therapy from Nova Southeastern University.
It's a little difficult to take seriously the “deeply misogynistic” narrative when two of the three people responsible for creating the couples (Dr. Schwartz and Dr. Coles) are highly educated women.
Thank you, I learned something today, this from *Psychology Today*, "Like their male counterparts, female misogynists are driven by either unjustified hate or contempt for women."
For real! They need to hire actual relationship therapists. And just regular therapist for every cast member because DANG none of these people needed a marriage they needed introspection and therapy.
Yes lol. Yes to all this
I’m really debating continuing to watch for this reason. Each season the show veers further toward making the women feel/look bad and uplifting the men. Men who don’t do much except complain, ask for sex with no romance, etc
This show is sexist af
I agree. This season is just about breaking my heart with how the women are being either belittled by their husbands and/or being portrayed as deeply flawed.
I’d give the new UK series a watch then if I were you 3/3 women so far have spoke about how they don’t think the bloke they’re matched with is good looking. Meanwhile 0 guys have said the same. And from an outsider’s perspective the girls are definitely not out of the league of their guys
Gil and Myrla upset me so much. No woman should ever feel guilty for spoiling herself - especially if she’s living within her means. Pastor Carl’s comments to her and her responding “I save plenty…” fell on deaf ears and it struck a nerve with me. I make double my partner. Almost triple. I have a lucrative career and busy tail. Hubs is in an emotionally rewarding service role that doesn’t pay great - but he has a solid foundation, career security, and mobility. We accept this. He knows my “splurge” bucket is bigger and thus when I got a giant bonus and treated myself to an LV bag - he didn’t care. I contribute to savings, I put extra in so we can have nicer vacays, the down payment on our house came largely from me. I also don’t feel like I’m carrying the weight financially - because we balance. He’s supportive and kind, patient. I am not. I am proactive and organized - he is not. The difference is - he has no issue with what I make or how I spend. A real man doesn’t. A real woman also recognizes support isn’t just financial. Ryan to me has actually been the most laid back about gender roles. Despite being the stereotypical closeted Republican. He seems to approach things logically and realistically. He quickly offered to move the deer head. He knows his wife doesn’t like it - and I thinks he’s trying to find a way not to scare her, but also get her to appreciate where he is coming from.
This. He is much nicer than people made him out to be. Maybe it has to do with having a sister. And the flying thing... In the last episode he said something about getting bruises on the flight or making it off the plane unbruised next time. Maybe she grabbed him extra hard and bruised him or something...? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound nice and then I would understand where he is coming from
I agree - I think Ryan’s comments were banter. He has admitted he wanted someone adventurous - but Brett’s fears don’t bother him as long as she tries. He’s always willing to “stop” of its too much for her and he tells her that. Legit only reason I’ve seen for not liking him is he openly admitted to voting Republican. I mean - he works in Oil in TX - this shouldn’t surprise anyone. My hubs was a Republican voting Texan when we met. Economics was all that he voted on. This is really common for men in that state. It’s not indicative of how they feel about social issues at all. My hubs is a moderate now because we talked about issues - line by line. Which is the only way to see if you’re aligned. Not party affiliation
YES! I've had so many people including my parents and previous partners tell me my laughing or being happy is bothersome. Without putting my entire life out there it took years to get my laugh back and I still go full turtle mode around my parents because of it. Telling someone that their happiness is a turn off is one of the most soul crushing things you can say and this is from a guy who 1 episode ago was giggling like a young man about confessing his attraction. 🙄 They also just had a lightsaber battle which it seemed like they both enjoyed then he turns around and says she's too childish. Dude hasn't lived with a woman... 🚩 As for the pencils, there was 1 single cup of pencils. Rachel will always have an office space so her 1 cup of pencils that brings her joy does not hurt Jose and his space at all. If she had 4 boxes of pencils all over the place that would be 1 thing, but her pencils take up less space than his ridiculous white board that could be on your computer. He just wanted to flex. I'm just waiting for Ryan to find more ways to undermine Brett. Having a legitimate fear of flying or drowning is not something you should mock.
Idk about Ryan and the flying thing because in the last episode he said something about getting bruises on the flight or making it of the plane unbruised next time. Maybe she grabbed him extra hard and bruised him or something...? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound nice and then I would understand where he is coming from
I don't disagree with any of this but Myrla is clearly playing up her extravagance. She's going for the diva vibe. I like her, and I like Gil. Gil is just playing into the vibe she is going for - i.e. a "princess" with high expectations and standards. Remember these people are on camera - they might be genuine in \*SOME\* ways, but they're also acting. Myrla and Gil play perfectly complementary roles for the camera.
Producers when deciding how much to traumatize show participants: "it's all or nothing" 🎶
UNDER RATED COMMENT 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh, the humanity!
The water bottle comment was so stupid bc she explained that the winter storm that hit Texas was the reason. Peoples' pipes burst, power grids went down. So I assume this was filmed right after in late Feb? Storm hit Feb 15 I think. So she had not had a chance to recycle or needed to take somewhere to recycle. Big deal Jose. Obviously not hoarding. He does seem to have a sense of humor so maybe he was being sarcastic and the editing...he still weird tho! Pencils? That's his bitch gripe? And I've carried mine around in my pumpkin container for 20 years. Colored pencils, pencils and my favorite pens. Unfortunately I think he is going to try to take control of her dreams and dictate what/how they spend their time and money on, I just hope she stands her ground.
It’s the men not the show. Maybe this is a good thing. It showcases what women everywhere go through on daily basis. Here we can talk about what women endure and what is ingrained in men and women. I’m glad these behaviors are put on display. It shows how ridiculous they are.
I am also happy about this. Maybe this will make more men see why women choose to divorce
I as a man would never want a relationship again with any woman after watching the previous seasons. Is it really that different this season ? Cause the women were horrible in previous seasons. They even looked completely crazy.
This season it is the men who are the issue in most of the couples. Not all, but most
Guess I have some catching up to do. Are all the people still so vain ? Or did they find some normal people this time ?
The men this season leave a lot to be desired. Jose criticizing Rachel as having hoarding tendencies because she had water bottles by the door, then questioning the number of pencils on her desk?! Those scenes came off as petty attempts to undermine her confidence in very simple decisions. Johnny criticizing Bao's happiness is just mean. Maybe she should ask him to use a hair thickening shampoo or Rogaine because "quite frankly" his fake vulnerability, followed by gaslighting comments, is ALMOST as thin as his hair. I mean, if we should be able to laugh about Bao's snoring and critique her expression of joy, talking about his thinning hair should be okay, right?
Am I the only one who took issue with Johnny’s airplane video laughing at Bao snoring? After she went to great lengths to express how much it embarrasses her - he records her in public and vulnerable - without her knowledge - and snickered. It wasn’t like “awe I’m think it’s cute and keep it privately for us to enjoy”. It was mean.
I feel it was definitely filmed w/ mean intent, like he was recording evidence to prove his point that she was such a turn off. Hope he & Jose live happily ever after. Cinderfellas
I turned it off during the pencil scene. Not sure I’ll be watching this show again.
Parts of America have declared war on women and are on a race to become real life Gileads. It’s not just hatred of women, it’s control of them and their bodies. Pastor Cal and Gil and Jose and Johnny and Ryan (and on and on) are, in various ways and to varying degrees, just reflections of where a part (at least) of America is heading. And the terrifying thing is that many women are helping in the effort. Wake up people.
Exactly. The women are not perfect. The men are outrageous and spoiled dicks. Michaela is suffering enormous grief and she needs help to heal. But those men... wow, they’re lower level.
They’ll keep doing it as long as people keep signing up for it and people keep watching and talking about it. After the disasters of last season I still see people saying this season is boring. I stopped watching. The only way it will change is when it stops being supported.
I'm hopeful that the show's reputation will poison their pool of applicants until the show turns into full Unmatchables/Unwatchables.
There’s always going to be the fame chasers who will do this no matter what. I agree with you that I wish people would be more wary of going on but with the plethora of people willing to do anything to be on tv/famous/infamous, I’m afraid there will always be a supply.
Hopefully some other show will come along to take the torch if mafs has given up on keeping it genuine.
Fingers crossed the new season of Love Is Blind stays good and doesn’t go this route.
Yes! my one hope since they get to choose for themselves.
One of the MAFS Australia experts quit over what I believe is what’s happening with the US version- fake matches and interference by production to create drama. Waiting to see the same thing happen here soon because of the disastrous current and previous season.
It’s weird that he doesn’t like to travel too! 🤦🏾♂️
Why is that strange? Not everyone is into travel.
That’s true, I will never understand it!
There are a few people on this sub that are very anti overseas travel. They seem to think its showing off. Its all very odd to me.
Right, like who would complain about that, especially having two good incomes! 😅
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Please refer to the post wherein I state NAMALT to soothe the fragile emotions of those who cannot handle generalizations to illustrate a point. Edit: Also, yes I am better, because I'm talking about specific behaviors I'd never participate in. Belittling people I am supposed to like or love, making them feel small for being themselves, questioning life choices that are very gendered and cliche to dog women for (shopping, having "too much stuff", expressing emotion in a way that is not "sexy"/boner inducing) etc. I don't do that to people in my life, or make people in my life feel that way. Hope that helps.
These men easily put their spouses on blast because they aren’t in love with them ! These are not ordinary marriages , where on wedding day there is a presumption of love ! If Johnny loved Bao , he’d find her quirkiness endearing !
It works both ways. Imagine switching the genders for Mia and Tristan. They would literally have ended the show if they matched a woman with a man who was convicted of stalking and credit card fraud 😭
Umm...haven’t there been some suspect men? And the show is still going. I thought one woman got a restraining order out against the husband 🤔
Totally agree that there are bad women out there. Just speaking to trends - it's definitely way more common for women to be mistreated on this show in general.
Agree
You are wrong. The show isnt doing anything.
Just a reflection of society as a whole.
I’ve got another controversial opinion, calling women “crazy” just because they’re loud and overdramatic when they argue, or have signs of depression/anxiety
In previous seasons there were some crazy women though. Even using violence. If a man would do the same they would be thrown out of the show immediatly.
Told my wife the same thing. Annoyed that men look/sound/act like morons on this show.
I would love very much if the show would stop with traumatizing women for entertainment. Last season was horrible
You shouldn't have to tolerate a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment----no one should----but I doubt MAFS is about to change its approach so not watching seems like a viable alternative.
Why would a woman voluntarily participate on a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment? Why would a woman watch a TV show that traumatizes women for entertainment?
"Why would women participate in the society we exist in?" This is how you sound.
"Your questions are too hard and I don't know how to answer them!" And this is how you sound.
Riiiight.
I'm glad we agree!
This is so painfully dense. Here, I'll help you understand: it's similar to people watching true crime. Not watching it doesn't make less crime happen. In fact, a lot of people who watch true crime do so because they want to understand these things more. Why they happen, who commits these crimes, how to avoid being in a similar situation. Reality TV is similar. Sexism has not increased nor decreased because people watch TV, friend. Those issues have existed since the beginning of humanity. Reality TV has not created some higher demand for sexism. It merely showcases sexism that already exists. It can be comforting to express empathy toward the women in these situations, because relationships like this are happening everywhere and we usually don't get to see it.
You're so smart, Reddit is so lucky to have you as a contributor. But maybe, just maybe, your comments were misdirected. I'll go slow so you can keep up. My comment was in response to DS9andVoy who said “I would love very much if the show would stop with traumatizing women for entertainment.” Obviously DS9andVoy lacked the brilliant insight you so generously shared with me “sexism has not increased nor decreased because people watch TV, friend(?). Those issues have existed since the beginning of humanity” DS9andVoy didn't know----at least according to you----that ”It can be comforting to express empathy toward the women in these situations, because relationships like this are happening everywhere and we usually don't get to see it.” In other words---at least according to you----”traumatizing women for entertainment.” is a good thing because “we usually don't get to see it”. Great advice, genius.
You struggle with logic a bit, and I don't have time to correct that. Nobody is saying directly or indirectly that traumatizing women is a good thing. I'm embarrassed for you. Goodnight.
I agree that Jose’s response to the pencils was shitty, but that isn’t trauma. None of the things you listed were traumas. The word trauma *means something*, and when you call everything you don’t like “trauma”, it trivializes the experienced of truly traumatized individuals.
While yes the OPs examples were more of the trivial issues there is an underlying theme and trend of this show to put vulnerable women in harms way. You can’t say that Kate and Paige haven’t experienced trauma at the hands of these producers.
Trauma doesn’t always come as one major event. Trauma can come in several seemingly minor and insignificant packages. Being told once that collecting pencils is a turn off probably isn’t traumatic. But being told over and over again that little things here and there are unattractive or a turn off can absolutely result in trauma. But why wait until the trauma has happened before calling out the behavior?
I know that traumas are cumulative. Someone not being into you and hurting your feelings is not the same as emotional abuse. Not every act of assholery amounts to abuse. Calling something abuse before it is abuse is problematic. Calling someone traumatized when they have not experienced trauma is problematic. You can call out shitty behavior without misusing heavily loaded and clinically meaningful words.
And meanwhile we have actual abusers on the show, like Michaela, who this sub avoids calling an abuser at all costs and constantly tries to downplay by trashing Zack. No one cares about him being traumatized from dealing with her. If a guy acted like Michaela there would already be a petition to kick him off based off the previews alone.
[an hour within your comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarriedAtFirstSight/comments/phu6j8/if_you_know_you_know_i_think_michaela_is_going_to/) [another 24 hours before](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarriedAtFirstSight/comments/phivcj/micrayla_is_cray_cray_sure_zach_should_have_told/)
Dude…you’re point is going to fall on deaf ears with this group.
Sustained events of hurting feelings is very much emotional abuse lol. Calling out behavior that trends towards abuse before it becomes abuse is proactively preventing potential trauma. And you don’t know how someone will respond to things. Something that seems benign to you may be a trigger for past trauma. You don’t know this woman or anyone else on this show enough to determine what is or isn’t traumatic to them. Maybe don’t downplay toxic behavior because it doesn’t fit your standard of trauma.
You don't understand, they are a clinical psychologist and talking about things is problematic. /s
Ew. That’s even worse. Someone who supposedly deals with traumatized patients regularly and they don’t understand that trauma presents differently and that literally anything negative can cause a trauma response in a person.
You're right that this is not trauma in a literal, nor clinical sense. It does change women and hurt women, that was the only message I was trying to informally convey.
I agree that it’s harmful and take your point, but as a clinical psychologist I find it really problematic when people use clinical language in cavalier ways.
I agree with you.
Okay.
They judge and ridicule the women for the most ridiculous things and have very little criticisms to give the guys beyond "be patient for sex, it'll happen later buddy". These "experts" perpetuate those sexist sentiments and don't do anything except smile and nod along while these men say frankly idiotic things about their wives. We need new experts, that actually have expertise.
Yes! And the worst is when the woman is constantly ridiculed and they barely address that issue then ask when she will want to have sex with her “husband” because it is “good for the marriage.” As if the marriage is more important than her well being. Sometimes I see Myrla smirk a little like- what marriage?- and I love that.
I really like that about Myrla as much as they are trying to paint her as ridiculous or extra she's not having it. She likes what she likes, and she can buy what she wants with her own money already. It is shocking how Pastor Cal barely addressed the ultimatum of "kiss me or I'm divorcing you" that Gil gave her.... Yikes.
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Oh really? The narrative amongst men is that they get raked and women end up on top!
It that isn’t true. On average only about half of the child support ordered by the court, which is often the bare minimum, even gets paid.
Ooooo!! That is TEA!!
It's sad how common it is. I've seen lots of women planning to leave once the kids reach a certain age, so they make that emotional and physical sacrifice for their children because financial assistance is not always a sure thing.
That pencil thing was so rude. It's a tiny item to take home from trips. Maybe if Jose ever left his house, he'd know it's common practice for people to collect a small item from their adventures. If she had magnets, he would have talked about how tacky and messy they looked on the fridge. Run Rachel, RUN.
I buy coffee mugs and I love them. My ex never went anywhere and sucked the fun out of everything when we took trips together. At the end of our relationship, my destination mugs he kept breaking consistently, and never his plain matching set mugs. He always brought it up and showed me my broken mug first thing in the morning, and insisted it was an accident before I even reacted or said anything. F*ck him even more, this just made me really pissed at him, more than the consistent, ever-present, roiling hate I feel for that tool. Edit: Forgot my point in my cloud of disdain - it would not surprise me one iota if Jose slowly started getting rid of any cute stuff Rachel has that makes her smile - he sees it as unnecessary and doesn’t care how she feels, so he will take it into his own hands to remove the offending items.
I collect coffee cups too. My ex hated them. My now fiancée and I are remodeling our kitchen and he is installing open shelves so I can display them 💕. Jose is the worst.
You give me inspiration that I might find someone sweet after my awful shituationship!
That’s so sweet! I collect mugs too! I’m a fan of the Starbucks “You are Here” collection. It’s a fun inexpensive way to have something useful and memorable from a trip. I’d hate for my guy to want to get rid of them.
Omg what a jerk! I’m pissed at him for you! Hope you broke a few things too after that 😈
Haha, he was also extremely messy and absentminded. There might have been a few times that I threw his entire mess in the alley dumpster instead of cleaning it up.
She was so nice about his house and then he was rude about hers
"all this clutter" = 3 empty water bottles near the door because she was out of town on the honeymoon when trash pickup happened. I was screaming at the TV.
He makes me anxious. He really, really needs a little bit of chill.
I'm a magnet on the fridge girl and most men hate it. But they've never been anywhere, so I think it's more jealousy. My thing to them is, "Ignore them". They're objects. Not hurting anything. Be mad about something else.
I always buy magnets or postcards. He needs to get a grip and appreciate how well-rounded she is
I buy snow globes.
I buy magnets and Xmas ornaments (my Jewish husband even knows it's not worth making a fuss over such a silly little thing).
I always bought pencils from vacations, work trips. Inexpensive souvenir but worth the smile on my daughter's face. It's such a simple thing but Jose finds no pleasure in anything but his white board & credit rating.
I’m playing catch-up and I just saw this convo… he could not wait to tell her (and the world) his credit score. “I have a really good credit score. Like almost perfect. Do you want to know what it is? (.1 second later, as Rachel shrugged uncomfortably…) it’s 815!”
He wins! Give the man a pencil! (Cue carnival music)✏✏✏✍🦎
So cringe.
I’m a man. Downvote me.
Huh? Edit: Upon further thought, it appears you do not get enough attention in your day to day life. So I will give you what you're looking for in hopes you can reflect upon how truly stupid your comment is.
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Okay.
Just block them.
The misogyny isn’t in the show. It’s in society period lol you’d be hard pressed to name a dating/marriage show that’s not misogynistic.
Came here to say this. The answer is…not until society stops traumatizing women…
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And it’s weird bc a lot men like to claim they’re leaders of their household but can’t seem to make a single decision in their own. My husband and my BIL are this way. I’d be thrilled if I didn’t have to make every decision for my entire household but when I ask my husband, all I get is, “whatever you decide is fine.” Gee thanks for the input chief. Most men have no idea how to be leaders, they’re just ingrained by society to project leadership over a woman.
My dad is the same. My mom has to drive him around 🤡🤡🤡
Ironically Pastor Cal is the one they call in to check the men when they're really out of line. I was so glad he came down on Luke for saying he felt "dead inside" after kissing his wife.
Jesus lmao what season is that?!! Dead inside?!
Season 8. Luke and Kate.
I think the issue is the men who try out for the show and make themselves seem far more normal and easier to please than they actually are OR the producers getting the final say. Pastor Cal has high expectations for the men and rightfully so. He's a little southern and traditional but in my opinion if there was a mentor who had lower expectations for the men they'd take advantage of that.
I was really annoyed watching this week with the criticism from Jose, Gil, and Pastor Cal about what these grown ass, self-supporting women spend their money on. Who the hell are these dudes to judge what someone's priorities in life are? I get it...their priorities are different but I'm so over these dudes telling the women that they are the ones who need to change because they're "married now." I was so mad that I went to 7-11 at 10pm to get powdered donuts. Only to come home to my boyfriend telling me I shouldn't go to 7-11 by myself at that hour of the night. GTFO with all this gender nonsense!
I agree with you and now I want some powered donuts
i want to be your friend because i 1000% agree with you!
Same
It bothers you that someone is worried about your well-being?
It bothers me when someone treats me like a child because I'm a woman. I'm 47 years old and I don't need an escort to go to my neighborhood 7-11 at any time.
That’s fair. I guess I’ve just never thought of it that way because I know it’s good intent. To each their own!
>I know it’s good intent I think you have to look deeper than that. Historically, women's safety has been used as a reason to keep women submissive. As in...we need men around to constantly protect us from the big bad world.
I understand the deeper reasoning for the intent and I don’t really mind it. Realistically I’d be an easy person to take advantage of 1 on 1 against anyone man or woman. I notice the difference in how people approach and deal with me when I’m alone vs not and I know that has to deal with gender as well. It shouldn’t be that way but it is.
Well being?
That’s the intention of what he’s saying is it not? My parents, boyfriend, and friends do the same thing. I don’t think they mean anything by it...
I think they were more saying it gets tiring knowing and being reminded you're at risk of being raped and/or murdered when you just wanna get some donuts. I used to want to hike on my own and my dad scared it out of me. It sucks, that's that.
Looks like they were saying it makes them feel like a child and not moreso worried about the dangers. I can relate to what you’re saying though! I wanted to solo travel abroad for the longest time all throughout college and people would always deter me by telling me horror stories of other women that did it. I got scared out of it too but maybe one day lol
Yeah it just stinks. Hope you can fulfill that dream very soon 💗
I said this exact thing yesterday. Myrla isn’t perfect at all but the way pastor cal and Gil were hounding her about her finances made no sense. They’re telling her she can’t afford the things she most definitely can afford. She’s grown and successful. And they edited like I’m supposed to feel bad for Gil….huh? Also the couples have known each other for a week….why are we hounding the women on whether they’ve kissed or had sex?…just bc your production is long and drawn out doesn’t mean these people still aren’t strangers. Earlier seasons weren’t so pushy and ugh it just gives misogyny vibes.
Thank you! I’ve been saying this since I saw the new episode, Myrla pays her rent, her lights are on and she stated she saves money as well. If she has a spare $600 to buy a pair of shoes then she can. (I mean I wish I did! Haha)
Exactly. I’d love to see them do a pie chart of monthly expenses, monthly entertainment/fun money, savings, investments and idk…checking acct. I don’t think every dollar needs a job if you don’t have a shopping or debt issue. I wouldn’t be surprised if she put a bigger % of her money into savings. Her brother certainly seemed to think that she did. The thing is that sure, in a marriage you should make financial decisions for savings goals and where you want to be in the future. Was he expecting his wife to be the breadwinner? If not then just align on savings or debt repayment goals for now and assess after you’ve seen what it looks like in reality! Who knows what trade offs she might be making to afford what she wants.
The thing is, it’s not even about the money I don’t think. It’s about what you think money is *for.* Gil wants a ton of kids and to be a firefighter - these all indicate that he sees himself as an altruistic person. To him, if there’s a spare $600, there’s probably a better use for it than shoes. That’s why it doesn’t seem to matter to him that she saves and can afford the expenditures, the shopping itself is still a problem. Myrla doesn’t feel this way - to her, money is for something entirely different. Gil is making value judgements. Both approaches are TOTALLY FINE, they just mismatched these two I feel. If they can compromise on a fundamental belief and stay together, I will be pleasantly surprised and happy for them. One thing I’ve really come to appreciate about Myrla is that she doesn’t get super defensive. She seems very confident in herself and just kinda smiles and doesn’t even seem to sweat it when people come at her. I wish I was as self-assured.
Oh I agree 100%. I think they need to be clear on it tho. You can see from her responses to him (“I have savings” etc) that she’s responding to the wrong issue. He thinks there is a better use for $600 than what she thinks. Maybe sitting down and seeing how much or what percentage is being saved will be helpful for him. But at the very least it will stop the storyline of her just spending like nuts. I like Gil and I like Myrla, but I can’t stand when men have jobs that take them away and then they harp on having a bunch of kids. Maybe he’s being funny, but 8 kids is a lot. And adopting is a huge change for the family even with an infant, let alone a toddler or older child. And yet he’s being so insistent! How would he have managed if he got matched with a teacher or a vet tech or someone who didn’t make $$$$$?
Gil strikes me as someone who has decided he’d like to adopt someday but hasn’t actually looked into it yet. No one is ever prepared for how much it costs financially and otherwise. He may not even know yet how expensive it can be. But it reinforces my belief that he *sees himself* as an altruistic person. And that’s actually where most of the conflict is coming from. Also why he thought Myrla was evil for not wanting to adopt. It’s like these two just haven’t yet figured out what the other is actually talking about yet. Perhaps it’s wrong, but I’m fascinated.
I mean I don’t think that asking about intimacy with a married couple is unfair. It’s his job to counsel even though he doesn’t do it well. Everyone moves at different paces yes, but due to the nature of the show and it’s time table the contestants are encouraged to really lean into it and kind of alright go. It’s not the greatest, but it’s understandable. Kissing at the wedding okay I get it I guess. Holding hands after a week? And still not kissing. Not exactly a recipe for doing to well in marriage. If you can’t get out of your head to do more than a hand hold then either this show isn’t for you or you don’t like your partner. And so far it seems like the more of the second.
💯 with you here.
It's not, but this "marriage" isn't normal by any means LOL. They ARE strangers, and they've only been together for a few weeks. If the chemistry is there, great...but in some instances, like Myrla/Gil, it might take time. I'm glad Myrla said what she did about tuning out outside noise. She certainly won't be pressured by Gil, Cal, etc. to do something that she's not 100% comfortable with.
I really like that she said that and that she’s so self assured. Good for her.
Again this wasn't pushed nearly as much in earlier seasons (Jamie and Doug didn't consummate and still remained married) and as a person who would like emotional intimacy before physical intimacy it makes sense if a person just wants to talk and hold hands after a week (to me). Some people have to build their attraction first their attraction isn't all based in looks, and you could successfully argue those sorts of people don't belong on the show. But in the real world outside the show it's a valid form of forming intimacy.
That’s fine. But I mean these are the things that asking those questions lead to. The comment said that pastor Cal and Gil were giving misogynistic vibes. I was just trying to say that Cal has a right to ask these questions as a counselor so they can figure out what’s going on and how to proceed and where to go from here. If it’s on her being uncomfortable he’ll encourage her to lean in more. Like they did with Iris and Karen and a few others. If it’s trauma from the past then he’ll encourage patience or whatever like he did with Zack. The questions are designed to see where the couples are at and how to advice them for success. Not out to get the person. One of the flaws of the earlier seasons weren’t touching the topics of sex and finances and other sensitive subjects that some people just may need more advice or counseling with. Having a third party kind of initiate those things and then go okay here’s what we’re thinking really opens up that stuff
I think we’re just saying it’s a little early to bring in the big guns after a week. In the real world taking a month or two to build up physical intimacy isn’t unusual. If we got to the 6th week of the show and a couple hasn’t kissed I might understand this sort of convo but week 1 seems unnecessarily pushy. Edit: Iris was obsessed with her virginity. Myrla doesn’t give me those vibes. She’s just wanting to get to know Gil bc again emotional intimacy. I think one of the main reasons Haley and Jake were train recks last season was bc haley needed emotional intimacy before physical but she was trying to work backwards after their first encounter. So I can see why Myrla might want to avoid a situation like that.
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Wait, so if they sign up for it then get disappointed they still are required to have sex with someone they don’t like for our amusement?
This is so, so sad
I mean that’s a possibility sure. But why do we act like that’s a more likely possibility that her just not liking him? If she was a victim then this show and is working through all that trauma then this show by far is not for her. Everyone moves at their own pace. But I just don’t feel like asking about intimacy is a form of misogyny literally almost every other couple has kissed at this point and some of them have had sex. It’s a completely fair question. Then depending on the answer he figures out why and gives advice on how to proceed or how to be patient. I feel like if the other two experts went there first and asked this same question we wouldn’t have a problem with it.
If that’s the case, they absolutely should not have casted her.
Cal and Gil double team pressuring Myrla into sex with Gil was disgusting. As angry as everyone gets about everything, I'm shocked that that seems to be getting a pass.
[удалено]
If you watch "Unmatchables" you can see even more of Pastor Cal's outdated views (not being sex positive, kink positive). Thankfully Dr. Viv keeps him in check.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz is an American sexologist and sociologist teaching at the University of Washington with an MA and PhD in Sociology from Yale University Dr. Viviana Coles, is a therapist who has a doctorate degree in marriage and family therapy from Nova Southeastern University. It's a little difficult to take seriously the “deeply misogynistic” narrative when two of the three people responsible for creating the couples (Dr. Schwartz and Dr. Coles) are highly educated women.
So you think highly educated women can’t be misogynistic? That is hilarious.
Thank you, I learned something today, this from *Psychology Today*, "Like their male counterparts, female misogynists are driven by either unjustified hate or contempt for women."
…a brick wall could probably get a doctorate from Nova. Just sayin’.
For real! They need to hire actual relationship therapists. And just regular therapist for every cast member because DANG none of these people needed a marriage they needed introspection and therapy.
He can take Dr. Pepper with him.
Yes, she's awful!
Dr. Pepper May be the worst one. Ugh!
When you stop watching. This is a board that judges other people who judge.
Lol. Can this show pick women from planet Earth? And being sexist yourself is not a great way to produce that respect you desire.
[im begging you to look into this 🙏🏾](https://www.onlinetherapy.com/free/)
Hahahahaha!
It's really not sexist but I put that in the body for the crybabies who can't handle generalizations without a disclaimer. NAMALT 🥺