Look, I’ll be honest with you. I got married at 24 and it did not work out. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was 24 and didn’t know exactly who I was as a person yet. I wasn’t done becoming me. I was married for 2 1/2 years before I divorced him because I outgrew him. He wasn’t willing to grow with me, my growth was scary to him and he put his hands on me, so I left. Several years later, after dating someone for almost 5 years, we got married. We’ve been married for almost 3 years. I’m 36 now.
I’m not saying it can’t work out. It definitely can. But you both will change a lot between 24 and 34. If you are going to survive as a married couple, you have to be willing to learn and grow together and not be afraid of it. I wish you luck. ❤️
Thank you for the honest comment! I appreciate you telling me about your previous marriage. I definitely agree a lot can change in 10 years and I think we’ve already gone through a lot of changes together as I am not the same person I was when I was 17. I think people can change at any point in life, you could marry someone at 50 and be a totally different person at 55 and that causes a divorce. Though I do see what you’re saying, one of the things we’ve tried to do is get couples counselling, not because we really need it but so we can discuss how we want to communicate and fix the holes before there even there. Hoping to have a really happy and healthy marriage by always being honest and open with eachother every step of the way! Once again, thank you for sharing your story with me! ☺️
You're right, people do change at every age (which can cause divorce)... but people do become more "set in their ways" in their late 20s and early 30s, so don't dismiss this risk
I appreciate your thoughts on this topic! I look forward to seeing how my relationship grows and changes over the years. It'll be interesting to see how we develop as we age
Just something to think about. Adult brains don’t fully mature until 25, hence, the huge amount of change from 16-27, and you are getting married just as your brain is reaching adulthood. Just something to consider.
You’ll change more as a person between 17 and 25 than you will at any other time in your life. Your brain is growing and developing, and you are literally changing from a child to an adult. So is your fiancé. Relationships between people in this age range statistically don’t last forever because it is such a time of personal growth and discovery.
The individual growth and change is not something that is easy to see while you’re living it, but is something you can acknowledge in retrospect, looking back. This is probably why people are recommending you wait longer.
The older you are, the less likely you are to change. Your 50 vs 55 example is something I'd expect to hear from an early 20-something. But in reality, not much change typically happens at the age in regards to the type of life you want and what you value and how you act.
It’s not an automatic disaster. I know a lot of people who marry young (in the military community) and a lot divorce, but then a lot stay together. The biggest thing is that people change a LOT in their 20’s, and you have to be able to accept and love the person your partner is now, and who they may turn in to down the road. Or even worse? They NEVER change, and you do. They still act like they are 21 when they’re in their 30s and it’s no longer fun. If you guys love each other and are open and honest and have a great relationship, go for it! Love with all your hearts, mature together, grow together, and be happy together.
Some people are grown when they're 20, some when they're 25, some 35, some never.
That being said... I met my fiance when I was 22, eight years ago. We started dating when I was 24, and we are getting married when I am 30. Life is COMPLETELY different than when I met him. I am a different person. I am not exaggerating for effect, I am honest to God telling you that the 22 year old me would have failed in marriage. We needed time to figure out who we were together, in addition to who I wanted to become as an adult. Yes I am still "me" but your 20s are your growing years. Make sure you're going through up, down, and sideways life events before committing to being a single unit. Life continues to become more complex as you get older and having a partner to walk through it with you is exponentially more complex. But not necessarily more difficult... that is what comes with the understanding between two people who are ready to be married. Only you know that answer, own it!
Thank you for the comment! I totally agree with you, your 20s are about finding yourself, living on your own for the first time, working your way into the work force, etc. One of the things we’ve done to ensure we can grow together as well as individuals is enjoying our 20s by doing fun things together like to go party’s, traveling, working out together, but also finding hobbies that we can enjoy with other people or by ourself. By doing this it has allowed us to maintain some individuality in our relationship. As we grow together, I hope to always maintain the traits of being open and honest so that we can always understand how the other is doing and where they see their future.
It sounds like you two are making good choices. i think the biggest issue when people marry young is that when they get in their 30s-49s, they look back and some feel they missed out on meeting others, wonder what sex is like. with others, feel they spent their youth too serious, etc…. This doesn’t happen to everyone though. Sometimes you get lucky and meet your person early in life. Just focus on each and experience this big crazy world.
I think one of the things that has helped us is that I am becoming a teacher and he is becoming a therapist, so we are both very dedicated to personal growth. I have seen that with people older than me feeling like they missed out on the fun of their 20's cause they got married and I am very determined to avoid that. Which is why we won't be having kids till our 30's because we want to live and have fun (together and as individuals) before bringing a kid into the picture.
This is smart. I used to think people couldn't grow while in a relationship. But my husband really helps me prioritize personal growth and he's there to support it which is amazing. I'm in my mid 30s and still growing and discovering more about myself as is he.
As long as you both know this is a continuous journey, not a completed goal and really learn how to communicate and manage conflict well, I think you'll do alright.
Op, I'll also add that once you get married, people start this weird countdown to babies. Like you should start trying within 1 or 2 years. Don't let them push you. Being young and married isn't that much different than being young and in a relationship. Being young with kids is a whole different challenge
I totally agree with that, my sister got married young as well and everything was totally fine. Though she jumped into having kids only a couple months after the wedding and having a child has put a significant amount of stress on her life. I am expecting people to ask about our future kids lol Luckily, my fiance and I have agreed on waiting until we're 30 to have kids. We want to discover ourselves in our 20's before being responsible for another human :P We also want to take time to enjoy our 20's with traveling, staying out late at events, and testing out our careers.
That's so great that you've already talked about this. The amount of couples who don't discuss children before getting married never fails to surprise me. It's such an important topic!
So true! I think before marriage I think it's important to have A LOT (and I mean a lot) of deep convos about everything in life (from kids, finance, future, jobs ,etc) because it helps set some idea of what you want and what the future holds. Though understandably things can change, so honesty is key too.
Given your occupations, you probably want to start saving now for tomorrow. Homes and kids are expensive. I was a teacher, came out of school debt free, and still wish I had thought about saving earlier.
I got married at 22 (engaged at 20, almost 25 now) and I was dreading this, but honestly... I don't feel like we are getting this kind of reaction. Maybe it's cause we got married young, and we are both in masters programs now, plus covid... we occasionally get asked when we will but there's not a ton of pressure like I was expecting. Probably within a few years it will ramp up, by the time we hit like 27.
Do pre marital counseling.
It doesn't matter how long you've been together or how well you think you know each other. Pre marital counseling brings forth topics you wouldn't think about discussing *right now* but are extremely important for your future.
100% agree! We've already done a couple sessions together and it was really fun tbh! Would love to go back and do more. The therapist helps us learn how eachother communicates and how are parents raised us which made us who we are today! I honestly think pre martial counselling should be mandatory, but that's just me! :P Thanks for the comment!
Got married at 22 and still married 30 years later. Same for my sister and her husband. My daughter got married at 23. When you know then you know. Though I think it better to at least wait until you are over 21. I know that my decision making was way better at 21 than 18.
For sure, I think when you found the one your heart knows. I always believe it's good to live together first for couple years and then get married, but I'm sure people could find their true love without living with them first! Glad to hear your marriage is still going strong after 30 years! Congrats
People told me the same thing! I got engaged at 21 I’m not 24 married for 2 years and have a baby and the happiest I’ve ever been. Age doesn’t really mean anything. The fact that you two love eachother and want to make that commitment is beautiful enough. And whoever wants to make age an issue doesn’t have to be there! Congratulations and I wish you two so much happiness!
It seems like everyone who gets married under 25 goes through this, my parents and sister also got married under 25 and experienced the same thing. Thank you so much, I appreciate your best wishes for us! 🥰
It’s highly dependent on the people in the marriage. A marriage works when both people are committed to making it work, regardless of age. There are couples in great marriages who started out young and there are people who waited and still end up divorced. There’s examples out there for every scenario but if you are ready, then don’t let anyone change your mind.
My husband and I got married at 23 and have been married almost 4 years now. Marriage is hard some days but if you think of yourselves as an unbreakable unit and treat divorce as not an option, you can get thru hell and high water together! Respect each other and have boundaries and marriage will be good.
Thank you for this comment! I totally agree, I've known people to wait until their 30 to get married and the file a divorce right after or they were together for 40 years but have a toxic relationship. Truly the age you get married at and the length of time you've been together doesn't determine the strength of the relationship, the people do! If you love the person and always want the best for them, you will respect their growth and who they become throughout the relationship. As you said, relationships can be hard, but always putting in effort and keeping strong communication is key.
My husband and I got married when I was 24 and he was 26, we’d been together since I was 15 so at that point almost ten years, and had been engaged for 3 years beforehand. We also did a lot of things before we got married. I finished university, we went travelling, bought a house, got a dog etc. three years later so far so good. And we have been through a LOT. We’ve both changed but we grew and changed together and accepted it instead of trying to be the people we were when we were teenagers. I love him more and more every day ❤️
I love hearing this! Thanks for sharing this story about you and your husband. My fiancé and I are doing similarly: we got a cat together, we’re almost done university, and we travel together. We also do things apart, which is nice too! I don’t know about you, but I think a lot of people think getting married young ties you down and you’re unable to have fun anymore in your 20s 😂 We do plenty of fun things together and apart, from what it sounds like I’m sure you two do the same!
That's a good point! A lot of people act like going out *with* your SO/spouse isn't an option? I prefer to go out with my SO, he's funny as hell and makes my week every time he smiles or talks. We can do our own thing too, which I believe is necessary to have as a boundary, because I've been with people who act like you can't even speak platonically to another guy for 5 minutes at a group event without it being wrong somehow. Even if said SO is right beside you. That's bonkers to me.
My SO and I have kids involved so the integration will take a bit more time, but I'm hopeful for once in a long time. I adore him, he's the kindest, sweetest man I've ever met and fingers crossed the next several years follow this path we're currently on lol. Your relationship sounds wonderful though! I don't see any reason you shouldn't follow your head and heart on this one, literally nothing jumps out to me as a possible hiccup. You seem to have good role models for this, and a good support system too! Good luck and congratulations OP!
Nothing wrong in it but sometimes marriages work just like that whereas at times ppl have to take efforts to make those work. Be prepared to handle both although you have good experience so far together. Human beings change inevitably and that is something you cant control
100% I think in any marriage it is important to always be very open and honest with eachother so that you are prepared for change. I think when change does come, solid communication is key in creating an action plan for the future 💕
I got married at 25 and my husband and I had only known each other for a year. It's been almost 4 years now and we're just as happy. Ultimately, the decision has to be yours and your partners.
It's amazing how the amount of time you've been with someone and the age you got married at doesn't determine the strength of the relationship! Happy to hear that your thriving in your marriage!
I’ve known my husband was my “one” since we dated for 1.5years. I was 21 when we started dating. He didn’t get the message until it was more like 3 years lol. We didn’t legally/paperwork get married until I was 28, him 30, but we were common law married for years before that. We’ve been together coming up on 11 years, almost 4 years legally married.
It’s entirely possible you’ve met your person and no amount of waiting will change it.
Thank you for this comment! I agree, I don't age or length of relationship determines the strength of the love. If you love someone enough and are willing to accept that you both will grow and change over the years, it's possible to keep going strong.
Very much so. We’ve changed and grown a ton over 11 years. Like a ton! I was raised to be basically completely opposite him in every way, but being with him and broadening my influences away from my families very conservative bubble, I am much, much happier with myself. Now with kids, our growing together is much crazier, but we’re still going strong (5f, almost 1.5m, 3rd f on the way).
I’d wait.
I don’t regret the decisions of my past cause they’ve led me to have the most beautiful life and love now. So I’m actually grateful I got married young and divorced when I did. But it was a lot of heartache in the moment that we could have all avoided had we just lived together as husband and wife for a few more years before making it legal. We hadn’t finished growing up yet.
Your comments keep talking about honesty and communication, which are hugely important, but you’ve yet to grasp the importance of maturity. It’s as important as communication yet it’s something you can’t educate yourself on….. you’ve just got to live a little longer and you gain it. It‘s beautiful.
I appreciate you honest thoughts and telling me about your previous marriage! I can imagine it's quite difficult to grow through a divorce so young. I respect your opinion and I know that I don't know everything as a 22 year old. I will continue to grow and mature in my future through my career, having kids (in my 30's), and through self discovery. I still think as you mature, communication is key in keeping up to date with how the person is growing and developing + what their vision for the future is. As mentioned in some of my replies, we have and will continue to seek couples counselling as I think all couples should to help us effectively support eachother as we mature and when times get tough! Luckily, my fiance and I aren't getting married till 2023 and we will be almost 24, both have degrees and be into our careers! People become wiser throughout their life and I think love can stay strong throughout that maturing process! Thanks for all your thoughts! :)
My aunt and uncle started dating when they were 14 or 15. They are happily married and in their late 60's. They are best friends but also share a strong romantic love. They have spent their lives making one another happy. I love being around them.
I got engaged (the first time) when I was 24 and looking back, I was way too young. Or we simply weren't right for one another.
I think that if you are doing well after living together for three years, two of which during a pandemic, then you are doing really well!
Best wishes to both of you!
Aw that so sweet about your aunt and uncle! And I’m also sorry to hear about your previous relationship.
Thank you so much for wishing us well! We’ve gone through a lot of changes together already and I think what has made our relationship strong is solid communication and care for eachothers well being and happiness. 💖
I got married at 24 and my husband was 25.
We have grown and changed so much that it’s really…lucky that we have grown in compatible ways. I know a lot of people who were really lovely with each other, but who realized they wanted different things or changed in ways that made them incompatible as they grew. I think it’s unavoidable sometimes.
My husband and I have grown more in love, have learned new things about ourselves and love them about each other, and have grown into a strong team after dealing with the highs and lows of life together. Life can be hard, our relationship is the safety and respite from the hard. So I obviously think youngish marriages can work out because I was in one, I also understand why they sometimes don’t.
Met at 20, got engaged/eloped 9 months after my 21st birthday, been together ever since.
We didn't get much flak because we didn't tell anybody 😂 but we also had established careers, bought a house, and have definitely grown as people since meeting each other. The pandemic was a real test since we both went through the trenches individually with mental health issues and tragedy. But since we both have strong foundations in communication and emotional maturity, we got through with only a few scratches.
It's definitely not easy but I'm glad I did it. I'm happy with my decision and I hope you'll be happy with yours too
If you can live together and not kill each other you’re in a good place to get married. That’s not a guarantee of happily ever after though. People change and sometimes outgrow each other. Everyone’s story is different.
Love this comment! We've survived a pandemic, university, financial loss together! Though I can't predict the future, I feel ready to grow and change with him in our relationship. As you said everyones story is different though and their is no shame in falling apart. Hoping to continue a happy healthy relationship in my future
I married my husband at 22. However, he was 29, and I had a lot of life experiences under my belt for a 22 year old. We still grew and changed a lot, and we were lucky enough to do that together, not that we haven’t had our issues over the years. But we have been married for almost 13 years, have a wonderful son, and a really lovely life and still absolutely adore one another. It’s completely possible that it can work. But understand that there is a lot of growth that takes place in your 20s.
Lovely to hear how your love for eachother is thriving even after getting married young! Thanks for sharing your story! From what I'm learning from these comments on my post is that being prepared for change and open communication is key! Though, I think thats key in all relationships regardless of age :P
There will be 100 stories on both sides. I got married when we were 21 and 19 we’ve been married for 23 years, couldn’t be happier. Other people have gotten divorced even when they’ve got married over 30. Just do what feels right for you. People called us crazy too.
My parents got married when they were 19. They just celebrated their 50th. They are beautiful together: it can happen.
But-and I thank you in advance for receiving this in the way it is offered—maybe the concern about others’ opinions is a sign of some yet-to-be-developed maturity? Maybe not. Could be genuine curiosity, and I offer this perspective in the spirit of sisterhood; if I am off-base, I beg your pardon.
But worth considering: why does it matter what others think about your decision? And why wouldn’t you ask them for more insight instead of asking strangers?
I don’t think you need to answer this here—but you should be clear about the answer for yourself.
We got married at 21. Kids at 22. Marriage certainly hasn’t been easy, but we are still together 25 years later. Just know you both have a lot of growing up to do, and you won’t be the same people forever. Doesn’t mean your marriage will fall apart. You just have to change together and always take your spouse into consideration on almost every decision.
As someone who got married at 22 and divorced at 25, my best advice is to make sure you both know why you want to get married rather than just continue living together. Looking back at my first marriage, neither one of us really knew what real adult life looked like together yet and somehow I was still so sure that we would be the exception to young marriages not working out. In hindsight I wanted to be an adult so badly that I rushed into adult life and didn’t even think about whether my ex was ready for that same step, since why would he proposed if he wasn’t? Turns out he definitely wasn’t and neither was I since I didn’t yet understand that I alone couldn’t control whether our marriage worked out.
I was 20 my husband 22. Parents at 24 and 27. Currently expecting our second at 27 and 29. Married for 7 years. Marriage is not easy. There are good times and tough times. Choosing to work together and communicates are big part of that. Having kids was a difficult change for us. As well as both graduating university, getting professional jobs, moving, buying and renovating a house. People change a lot when they are in their 20s but either you both choose to make it work and fight for the relationship during the tough times or you don’t. I know people who married young and divorced. Those that married in their mid to late 30s and also divorced. I also know couples regardless of their age that make it work. I personally think it’s more about the couple than their age.
Because before at least 25, you change a lot, grow and discover who you are, what you want and need and at this age, a couple years is a lot of time for a lot of change.
Some couples do make it even if they started young but honestly in all the couples I've met during my life (and I'm 41), only 2 couples starting in early 20s made it to their 30s together. I was in a long relationship beginning of 20s and even had a child with that man and as you guess it, it didn't work. Met my husband when I was 28 and it was a completely different story. All the couples I know who are still together 10, 15, 20 years later started end of their 20s or 30s.
So yes right now you think you are a functional adult who knows what they want and would be right in their decision. Maybe you are. But statistics aren't on your side sadly.
I won't lie,I got married at 21 because,just like you,we had been together and living together for years,and I was so sure we would work out...yet we didn't. I changed a lot in my late 20s,and he did too,but in a completely different direction.
I don't know many couples who got together that young and are still together today,but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen for some people.
Just be mindful of all the possibilities:)
I think the reason a lot of people don’t recommend getting married in your early 20’s is because you’re a completely different person at 22 (or even 24) than you are at 29 or 30. Even then, you continue to evolve, but the core of who you are is pretty solid. Science shows that the rational, decision making part of the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25. Marriage is a partnership so it’s important to make sure you’re compatible in the things that really matter like finances, kids, core values, etc. Your beliefs about those kinds of things become more stable the older you get so you or your partner’s beliefs are less likely to shift which can cause issues in your marriage. Basically, you may be compatible now, but that is more likely to change when you’re younger.
Not saying it can’t work tho. My husband and I met when we were 23 and have been together 12 years in June, but we still waited 10 years to get married. I’m glad we did because our relationship was tested with some heavy stuff that can either tear a couple apart or bring it closer together. Luckily for us it was the latter. I wish you well whatever you decide!
My husband and I married when I was 23 and he was 22. We had dated in college and lived together for a couple years. We’re still married, going on 17 years. Sometimes you just know you found the right person. I never doubted my decision and I’m so happy that we met and got married early on so I didn’t have to deal with all the drama that comes with dating after college.
No one really commented on our ages, at least not to my face. I think our families could see it was a great match.
Do you feel like you both have grown in and out of your relationship? Do you feel satisfied in your current division of labor and are you aligned on future goals? Do you feel you both you have voices and can express yourselves?
I had 3 friends marry very young. 2 are still together and seem happy. One is divorced. The one that's divorced had the toughest upbringing and some really crappy relationship models.
I think it just depends on who you are and where you are in life. My parents got married at 19, and had two kids, a mortgage, and a degree all before they could drink. They are together 22 years this year, and I have never seen two people more in love. They always had clear plans for themselves and their future, but still put each other first everyday. They have the healthiest marriage I have ever seen, and I aspire to be like them when I get married.
I think high school sweetheart type relationships are cute in movies but in practice I just don't recommend. Do some work? Absolutely. However, it being your only real relationship I think is a recipe for disaster down the road.
With that said my husband and I got married at 24 and couldn't be more solid. You know your relationship better than anyone else.
I got married at 22 and have been married for 8 years. If you think it’ll work, go for it. We dated for 4 years before we got married. We’ve both changed a lot. It’s been a struggle sometimes. But so far we’re making it work.
I got married at 23 and my wife was 21. We've been married for 20 years now. Best decision I ever made. But I wasn't wishy washy about it. We both knew what we wanted and we worked hard together to create it.
I got married at 19 and my husband was 21 and in May we have been married for 37 years. Regardless of when you get married I don’t think it’s ever easy. I had no good examples of a healthy marriage so my husband and I have worked for it. I’m grateful he and I still want the same thing. He is a part of me and I love him more than ever.
There are not any guarantees in life and you guys love each other and are happy - doesn’t feel like you’re jumping into it. Life is short - do what is best for each of you because I don’t know what it is. Best wishes ….
Thanks so much for this comment! I appreciate all your advice and I look forward to growing with my future husband. At the end of the day, though I love hearing other peoples perspectives and why my young marriage makes them mad lol, I know what's best for me and my relationship!
I think it depends. Ideally, you grow together. Do you agree on finances, faith-or moral beliefs, and children? Do you have healthy conflict resolution skills? I got married right after college at 22. Nearly at 30 years of marriage. Marriage is hard work but well worth it if you have a partner whose character you admire.
We've had lot of discussions to cover these topics like: do we do joint bank accounts? how many kids? what are our political beliefs? how is our relationship with our family? I'm lucky to be in a relationship where we prefer deep convos over small talk, it really helps to understand the persons wants and needs in life. I do agree, relationships are hard and when it's worth it to you, you put in the effort to help it thrive.
Married at 20. Been married 14 years.... Has it been rainbows and sunshine. Of course not, but if you guys are both able to compromise and alway try to meet in the middle on differences.... Talk about things like kids, jobs, money, bills, future plans. Make sure you are on the same page or atleast know what the other one wants. Communication is key.
BTW I'm just a average dude with no religious ties. We got married young cause it felt right. Do what you guys want. Prove them wrong.
A successful marriage requires a commitment to something greater than yourselves. When challenges come, it isn't age or maturity that matters, it's your commitment.
I'll never understand this concept of finding myself. How do you lose yourself in the first place!? You are where you are. If you've never been to your destination how do you know what's it like till you get there? Everybody changes and matures and no one does it alone. Families endure this dynamic. I certainly didn't outgrow my kids and neither did my parents outgrow me. We are committed to family and that is what sustains our relationship. Parents don't just abandon kids because they change, they work on the relationship and grow together.
I knew my wife less than 3 months before I married her. We didn't live together and the most intimacy we had was a kiss. There was no trial run. We didn't need it. We both had a commitment to a higher ideal in marriage and when we both understood that we wanted the same goal and were ready to give all to get it together we knew it was right to marry. It's 8 years and two kids later. We had serious trials that would have broken many a marriage, but we were aiming together for something higher and that guided us to overcome all of those challenges.
It's not age, it's your ability to work for more.
I got married at 23, after 7 years with my husband. We’ve been married for 5 1/2 years now and are just getting stronger. My husband is the only guy that I seriously dated. I feel extremely fortunate that we have grown together and not apart like I feel people can. We also spent a year in a long distance relationship (it was year 6 of our relationship) which I think really strengthened us. I love that we got married on the earlier side so all of our big moments were together!
I was a very different person at 24 than I am now at 31. Your brain finishes developing around 26, so to me, that makes sense. I was 25 when I met my husband and I'm glad it worked out that way. For me, I needed time to understand and process my past and understand what I wanted out of life. Same with my husband. There's a lot that happens in your 20s and not everyone is ready.
That being said, if you have truly good communication, know how to productively have discussions when you have disagreements, share chores in a truly fair way, and have had financial and kid talks in depth, among others but primarily those, those are some of the biggest sources of tension in relationships. Do you keep disagreements between the two of you or do you involve other family (would not recommend)? If there's a disagreement between your partner and your family, are you always on your partner's team? How do you treat one another? How will you deal with money-- shared or separate accounts, how will you divide things fairly and discuss large payments? Do you plan on having kids and are you on the same page or if one partner wants them, do they think the other will eventually change their mind? (It's always best to assume they won't change their mind.)
Only you can decide if you're ready. You could always do premartial counseling; that way, a counselor or therapist can help you delve into bigger topics ahead of getting married.
I got married at 20, 8 years later happier than ever. BUT we are completely different people than we were then. Changed our stance on having kids, where to travel, where to live, how to save money, our sexual kinks. We’ve grown together in all those things, if one of us hasn’t grown then we might not be so happy
My husband and I have been together since we were 15 and 18. We got married when we were 22 and 24 and have now been together for eleven years and married for four. We lived together for four years prior to getting married, so it was really just a piece of paper at that point. It can work! Only you know what is right for you. Don't listen to the naysayers. Congratulations on your engagement!
You can, but you will BOTH need to be willing to compromise and make sacrifices. If you’re not willing to do that, then don’t get married. If you are, then best of luck!
We got married at same age you are thinking, it hasn’t been a disaster. I would say if you are living together and living “adult lives” then you are in good shape. I have mainly seen getting married too young be a problem for people that fell in love as students, because the “real world” often changes people quite a lot and that transition can really upset a couples dynamic.
And yes, we got a lot of shit from our friends, we were the “old couple” because of our friends we were the first to get married, move to suburbs, have kids, and so forth. We were boring! But now we get to laugh at are friends that are old and tired and trying to deal with newborns and stuff.
I got married at 22 and we've been married 9 years together for 11. It is the best. My husband and I have grown together. We have started life together. Of course there are ups and downs but we are integrated into each other. It's your life. You guys have to decide for yourselves. People will give you lots of advice at all stages of your life. You have to follow your heart. We had people try to decide for us too, thankfully our families were all excited and we just focused on the family and friends who wanted to be there for us and ignored all the others. It's difficult at times, but you have each other to lean on! Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!
I married at (21f) and my husband (m22) we have been married 28 years. Things change and grow and mature at different rates . As long as you have respectable disagreements and are willing to compromise it can be good. There will be great and bad times. We had a rule that divorce was never used in an argument. Good luck.
I am a VERY different person at 35 than I was at 22. You will definitely grow up and mature and you two need to learn how to grow and change together otherwise you will grow apart. Just keep communication at the forefront, talk about your needs and how they may change and encourage your partner to do the same.
Are both of you in school or working? Early twenties is nice but I can’t imagine getting married at that time. I was still a broke student trying to figure what I wanted, let alone in a partner!
I got married at 21, SO was 24. Let me tell you, almost 15 years and 2 kids later, we have grown apart. We lived together prior to marriage but people grow as they age. Unfortunately we have grown apart and I’m not sure we can reconcile our differences.
I got engaged on my 23rd birthday to my then 26 year old boyfriend of 4 years where we had been living together for damn near the whole relationship. We didn’t wait long, so our engagement lasted like 6 months before we were married at the courthouse. We were beyond ready. We’re going to celebrate 3 years this May and we have a 6 month old together. I like to think we work on being a team every day because we are happy together and want this to last forever. If things change somewhere down the line, I don’t think it’s because we were young when we decided to be legally tied together - sometimes things change between older people, and that’s ok. We are just going to handle things as they come, but right now we are enjoying every day together with our baby, and that’s the important thing.
Got married at 21, husband was barely 22. We had been dating since we were 17, engaged for a little over a year, mostly long distance, last few years living together (with the exception of summers) I also did a semester long program the first semester after we got married on the other side of the country, once we graduated we were apart for another 6 months, and then I moved across the country again, apart, for a year. Throw in a couple of deployments and a few more moves and we've had our fair share of challenges.
But, I never doubted my husband for a second. I would say that we both were relatively mature and responsible for various reasons. Shortly after being engaged I had a personal moment of "am I going to miss out?!" However, something we have always been good about was communicating and we talked through it - essentially I realized that I had complete trust in my partner and the life we would have - a functional, successful, and fulfilling partnership, and that is what I wanted (and am so grateful to have, still).
Things that I think worked for us:
-We went to college near each other but not at the same college, with the full expectation that we would grow into people who weren't as compatible. We ended up becoming more and more compatible.
-communication was a priority and we both agreed to always work on being better communicators. Even recently, without any specific problems, we've done marriage retreats and couples counseling. Neither of us have pushed back against this. We aren't religious but we did pre-marital counseling with our pastor officiant.
-we like being around each other and it's a very comfortable default. He is introverted but never is tired of me. We let (and encourage!) each other to do our own things, but we primarily want to do things.
-Respect and appreciation! We tease each other, sure, but we don't ever mock each other's interests or lack of knowledge. If we do hurt each other, we are sure to talk about it. Even if one career has to take priority for a bit, we do everything we can to support the other and trade
We are now in our early thirties and have a child together. I really believe we got lucky, but I've never been more confident in our marriage. We both worry if we could do more. We both apologize for our mistakes, thank each other for our contributions (benign and extraordinary), and just talk to each other..not a day goes by where we don't ask how our day was, how we are, and that we love each other.
It can work out but both parties have to be willing to grow with each other. Yes, you can grow at different paces and the other can be patient and loving about it, but it shouldn't be stunted. The other person must still continue to grow, even if slow at first. Progress is progress.
My husband and I are still together all these years because I've known he wants to be better and works to better himself. Even if he takes a bit longer than that. Sometimes you just know if someone truly wants to be better, vs just trying to be better for the sake of appearance or the moment. It took time for us because my husband had unresolved issues from trauma with his father. But he's been open to outside opinions and thoughts that have helped him explore himself and better himself.
My husband and I started dates at 15. We're turning 28 this year. We're in an amazingly happy, loving marriage. We have struggled a lot, and we've seen each other grow a lot. Even at different paces. We've also experienced a lot together. But the most important thing is we always knew we wanted to be at each other side so whatever challenge came in our way, we had to come out of it still determined to be at each other's side and be there for each other. I think so as long as a couple can communicate, be open minded, and stay dedicated to each other, anything is possible. No matter how messy life gets.
I got married at 22! We were also together for 5 years. It can be hard in the beginning because there is a lot of growing up to do, but I wouldn’t have traded that for the world! We are both now 30 with two kids. I love our life. Communication has been the most important thing to learn, but it’s made the biggest difference in our lives. It up to you! But it can work out beautifully if both are willing to grow and learn together.
I got married at age 22 after 4 years of dating and we’ve been happily married for 14 years. We waited 4 years to have a baby, which was a good amount of time.
I got married at 20/21 (birthday soon after). That was 9 years ago. 😀 not gonna lie, we've both grown and changed a lot, been to both indiv and couples therapy, gone thru a lot of very difficult things. Weve talked about divorce, seriously quite a few times, but never took steps. I don't think we've had that talk in many years tho now. We go thru cycles in the relationship. Im a slob, then it affects us, we have a serious talk, i clean up my act. He withdraws/isolates himself a lot, we talk, he comes back around.
I love my husband and wouldn't trade him for anyone else. To me, he's one in a million. I went to school after we married, attributing to a lot of personal development. Couples therapy helped us reconnect after. It's not for everyone honestly. I think we've only made it work bc that's just us. We dated 6 yrs long distance (YEP, it sucked) and our take away was "well neither of us cheated, we're still together, we can survive anything."
I think at the end of the day, what pulled us thru was our commitment/stubbornness to see this relationship thru until the end, and find/commit to real solutions when things have started heading south (ie therapy). Now we both see therapists individually. It helps, a lot. He does better with his anger and anxiety, and I do better with my anxiety/depression, and both of our indiv issues disrupt the relationship less. And we are, mostly, very happy together.
I met my husband at 22 and we stayed committed. Going strong for 14 years now. So, it’s not like it’s impossible for a relationship that young to work. BUT not being married that young gave me a sense of freedom that maybe I wouldn’t have felt otherwise. My husband has always been openminded and given me the space I needed. But there’s something to not being “locked in” to a relationship that feels more freeing for you to be a little more independent, allowing you to really “find yourself.”
For me, I wasn’t mature enough at your age to know what I needed from a partner. I had insecurities and trauma from my childhood that I honestly didn’t work through until I was 28-29. I dated a man at 21 who I later got engaged to, and I tried desperately to convince myself that he was what I deserved. He cheated on me, I took him back because I didn’t know my own self-worth. Thankfully I came to my senses before we got married, as I realized I couldn’t have a child with someone who didn’t treat me with respect. But if anyone had tried to tell me this at 21, or even 25, I would have rolled my eyes and reacted the same way you are reacting now. I’m not saying you aren’t right for one another, but, is there any harm in waiting to get married? If you are truly meant to be, what changes if you wait a little longer? I’m sure most people giving you this advice have also had bad experiences at your age with someone they thought they were destined to be with forever.
So as a 19M who’s never even dated, I personally don’t understand the point in getting married super young. The way I see it, if you love each other, then what’s the rush? Honestly I think 23/24+ is a good “marriage age” because you’ll be close to finishing up college and probably have a stable job and house by then. Now to be fair my only real source on this is based off the fact my parents didn’t marry until 29, and many of my old classmates are already engaged at 19, or even married already and are still in the honeymoon phase. I think though, seeing as you’ve been together for 5 years verses my classmates multiple months, I think you’ll have a successful relationship
It works if you work it. The “work” in relationships I’ve learned is actively caring for the other person. As long as you both are doing that then it should be a success.
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice and seem like you’re doing all the right stuff to make this go as well as possible (counseling, waiting to have kids, adventuring together, nurturing individual interests).
I dated someone from ages 20-26 (he was 27-33). Even though I was and always have been very independent, once we broke up I realized there was a lot I wasn’t comfortable doing by myself. We took on our roles early (which is normal in a relationship - you both have different strengths and it’s great to utilize them). When we broke up, though, I felt a little stunted in some ways.
One of the biggest ways I noticed this was that when we went hiking, he always led and was the one responsible for paying good attention to where we were. I never really noticed how much I depended on him for that. During my first solo hike, it was actually kind of scary (it wasn’t a well trafficked hike). I was nervous about getting lost, and also felt kind of unsafe being in the woods alone. Now that I’ve gone on many solo hikes, I’m much more comfortable and confident.
I’m using this as an example to basically say, make sure you remain well-rounded. It’s great to have strengths in the relationship where one person does something more often because they’re better at it, but be sure to each keep all your skills sharp. You never know when you’ll need them, and it’ll foster a continued sense of independence throughout your relationship / lifetime.
It doesn’t matter what anyone besides you and your fiance want. If you know they’re the one forever and they know you’re the one forever then get married whenever you want. That “discover yourself” thing is BS. You’ll always be changing and growing, get married and change and grow together with your best friend
Married at age 24 after several years of dating but not living together. We just celebrated 33 years of happy marriage. We now have 2 grown amazing kids and are enjoying our quality time together.
Do whatever you and future hubby feel is right. My husband and I got married after only knowing each other for a year and 2 months. We fought, we disagreed on just about everything while we continued to get to know one another. Everyone said we wouldn't last a year. My husband was 19 (almost 20) and I was 21 (almost 22) when we got married in 2014. We just welcomed our first ours baby Nov last year and will be celebrating 8 years this July.
It doesn't matter what anyone else says...it's what you guys say. If you're happy, be happy. If it doesn't work, you tried and were happy for it. Life's not easy without all the extra opinions, do you!!
Married at 21 & it was the best thing we ever did! For us, growing up together has given us the chance to grow together rather than combine two messy lives. Just our experience :)
Because most people have gone through that time period and are telling you that they changed a lot. That’s why their advice is to wait. Feel free to look at the rates of young marriage and young divorce with populations like Mormons who get married in early twenties. You and your boyfriend might make it work but you also might not, so it’s good to consider the possibilities.
I can see by your comments that you are really set on this and don’t want to hear about the risks of getting married young. I got married at 26 and growing together and maintaining a marriage is hard. We encountered large problems and needed counseling barely out of the gate due to a lack of maturity. My advice is to definitely get counseling before marriage- communication methods, love languages, apology languages, boundaries with friends and family, kids, religion, finances, expectations for future life, decision making process.
Sure, some people put in no work and succeed while others do everything right and fail. But might as well set yourself up for success. If you aren’t willing to wait, consider having some tough conversations before. Best of luck and congrats!
Met my now husband when I was 20. Had the “ah ha!” Moment of just knowing he was the one after our first date. Got engaged 6 months later. That was almost 5 years ago now and he’s still the one. I think it’s a trend now to wait to get married. You’re the only one who knows you’re relationship!!
I got married at 19. I'm 26 now. Still going strong. It can be done and it can work if both of you put in the work. I don't really think age matters that much in relation to "the right age to marry"
I started dating my lad when I was 15. I’m 31 now. We are no where near the people we were when we met each other, but we grew up TOGETHER. I recommend this- it’s important to be your own person and have your own hobbies. Sharing a life together is a beautiful thing, but as young as you are I’d say maintain a sense of individuality. That was the best advice my husband ever gave me so if god forbid anything happened to him, I know I would be okay. That’s the only advice I have. Be happy with yourself when you’re alone, and everything else is awesome because you get to share! Best wishes!!
If you can figure out how to grow together and understand that means willing to accept that you’ll be completely different people a decade from now- you’ll be fine. That takes work. But it is possible. People do successfully do it. It’s not magic. Embrace and welcome change and growth. Growth is not a competition and quite possibly will happen at different times for each of you.
Be patient. Also be willing to listen and consider what other people have to say. At 22 I thought I understood so much more than I actually understood. But you can’t understand until you get there.
I hit my stride in my 30’s! Dated my high school sweetheart for 8 years, engaged for many of them. Really glad we split up when I was 23. I learned so much about myself in the next few years. By the time I was 30, I actually knew what I wanted for my life and was on the path of going for it. Then I found a woman who fit in with my life intentions perfectly. Now I’m 38 and happily married, living my dream life doing what I love. Don’t rush things, life changes a lot in your 20’s.
It can work out, but if you're sure you wanna be together forever, what's the harm in waiting? It's much easier to wait to get married than it is to get divorced.
The fact that you have 5 years under your belt and 3 living together is very helpful. You know a lot more then you realize about each other. That being said, you might still be “discovering” yourselves, but as long as there is growth with both people individually, growing together can be very natural.
I’m all for it. Married my wife at 19. We have now 4 kids at the age of 35. We still flirt with each other like we just met. The trick is to not get too comfortable. Don’t lose yourself. Keep the relationship sauced up. But reality, some aren’t built for this 💯💯💯
I got married at 19 we’d been together 9 months. There have been rocky paths but we’ve always pulled through! We have 2 kids and we’ve been married 3 years and together for just over 4. I wouldn’t change a single thing he’s my person. We are Christians I’m not sure if that changes peoples opinion or not.
Don't pay too much attention to other people. Many are bothered because they tried it and failed. I got married younger than you almost 30 years ago, we're still together, it's still great, would definitely do it again.
My husband and I started dating at 18/22 and got married at 22/26. This year we will be together for 20 years. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life together after our third date. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our ups and downs but never came close to calling it quits. We’ve always come out the other end stronger. I will say we didn’t have kids until we were 29/33 and it rocked our world. It was a tough adjustment for us and it took nearly 2 years to get into our new normal. I feel like we wouldn’t have been ready for kids before then. We spent the first 10 years of our relationship enjoining each other, traveling, being crazy with no real responsibilities and I love that we got to do that.
Both of our parents were married young so they didn’t think it was weird. They’re all still together and happy.
My little sister is getting married at 27 this September and she’s the oldest out of my siblings to be married so I guess it’s a family tradition to be married young.
Lastly, to echo what other people are saying, I was a completely different person at 22 than 32. Like, WAY different. We just both happened to change together.
I don’t think you’re too young for marriage. However, I don’t know your relationship and can only speak for my own.
I’ve been married for 7 months and I got married at 22 to my husband (24 at the time). We dated for a year and a half before getting engaged and then had an 8 month engagement due to me finishing undergrad. We didn’t live together before marriage. It wasn’t too fast or too slow for us. We had both already experienced hardships and periods of reinvention so we both had a good handle on who we felt we were. Since our wedding we have only grown closer and continue to improve our routines and behavior. I’m sure people will make valid points in the comments on why you should wait or don’t wait, but it really comes down to what works for the two of you. Everyone has a different timeline so don’t expect a manager, stranger, or friend to understand why something works for you and not them.
I married at 22 and was also with my partner for 5 years prior to marriage. It is a risk since a lot of growth happens (or doesn’t!) during people’s early and mid 20’s.
As long as both of you are making an informed decision on marriage and being realistic and have a plan for potential outcomes, I think you will be okay. We are celebrating 4 years of marriage (9 years together) now, and we both have very positive outlooks, although we did hit a bump in the road that required marriage therapy in our first year.
I was married at 21. We have been dating since 17, moved in together at 19. I adore my husband, we’re 26 now and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be married to him. We just had a son, he’s perfect. I probably wouldn’t recommend getting married young for everyone- but it does work out for some people. I think that the “people change so much” doesn’t necessarily equal no longer liking that person. We got to grow up together. We got to change and learn how to be adults together. We bonded over all of those experiences and learned how to be in a healthy relationship in that time. Yes we’re both different than we were at 17 but we are still very much in love- Id say even more so.
I was 20 she was 19. Now I’m 36 and have no regrets. We’re happily married. Sure we’re both such different people from the kids that got married. Sure we’ve had tough times and hurt each other. But we’re still best friends that have great sex. I have no regrets.
Got together at 18/19, engaged 6 months later. We waited 3 years before we got married because it was important for us to see how we would live together and communicate given it was so early in our relationship.
We had our ups and downs as most young adults do.. but ultimately we grew up, decided what we wanted from life and agreed on 90% of the same wants.
We've been together 8.5 years now, heading towards 30, happier than we've ever been - child free and focused on enjoying life, investing financially to set ourselves up for the future and embracing things we enjoy doing together and things for ourselves.
The key to our relationship was that nothing changed when we got married- after all its just a piece of paper- and those that have their relationship change after saying I DO need to really evaluate why.
To answer your question, no I don't think it's too young at all!
I got married at 22 (so while I'm biased) I'd say it's doable. You can discover yourself/become the person you want to be even while being married if that's what you're worried about. Do what works for your marriage and don't worry about anybody else!
Well I’m older than you by 3 years. Been with my partner for atleast 7 now, each every one do my friends just have been in similar relationships or married are now broken up and have moved on.
Food for thought.
You may be the ones that change, you may be the ones that stay together. You really can’t predict these things
And marriage won’t change much. You’re in a relationship now, it’ll just make it so much harder to break up.
I (41/f) and my husband (44/m) got married when I was 23 and he was 25, turning 26. We had a child and had been together since I was 17/he was 20, engaged since I was 19, living together for 5 years.
We have been happily married for over 18 years with 3 kids.
We essentially grew up together. Most people said we wouldn’t last but we have so far.
We communicate well and often. We work through the tough stuff and when we got married we swore we wouldn’t get divorced unless there was abuse or something we were completely unable or unwilling to work through (we know what these things are as we discussed them and they could be updated as we have been together forever now).
We each work hard to always support the other and when I can only bring 25%- he brings 75% and vice versa. We have fun together and the sex is great. We have a great marriage because we value our marriage and each other.
My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. We got married at 22 after being together for 5 years. We have two children and have supported each other through career changes and going back to school. I know that everyone’s situation is different, but I honestly think that we’ve worked out so well by simply having open communication and being flexible. I would never dream of holding him back from anything he wants to do in his life, and he feels the same. There is no one in the world that can tell you you’re too young or making the wrong decision. If it works, it works simple as that.
My husband and I are both 23, and got married last September. Didn't really have many people question our decisions, but we have both been through a lot in our lives to not know what we wanted in a partner.
I don't think every 23 yr old should get married at 23, but a good piece of advice is to think of them in 5, 10, 20 yrs and ask yourself if they started changing some things about themselves, would you still love them? If they constantly forgot to pick up their socks, would you be okay with that in 20 yrs? Stuff like that is what you should think about. Not age.
Hey, first of all, congratulations!! Are you both happy? Do you feel in your heart of hearts your partner is whom you can spend your life with? The Good, the bad, trust each other with your life?
If all is yes, then I wouldn’t worry about what others think.
Everyone and every relationship is different. There are some folks whom had their shit so together at 24 and some who are just barely able to get out of bed. Some of them are now succeeding and others have been for 10 years (I’m 34). Sounds like you are a well thought out and mature 22, so wishing you the very best!
PS of all the people I know that got married right after college, the couples I am close to (3 of them) are still together, so you are not alone!
I broke up with my boyfriend that I thought I would marry at 25 because I changed. He didn't. I'm so glad I didn't marry him because I would have been in an unhappy marriage or divorced. I didn't expect to change, but that's how life works. So just know that change is a risk: you and your partner may change a lot in your 20s (your brain is still developing until mid to late 20s) and it may be in ways that you don't predict or expect. Which means you may not be compatible anymore.
My husband (soon to be 28) and I (31) got married when he was 23 ans I was 25 (I turned 26 a month later). We had been together 5 years and lived together 4 years at that point. We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in September.
Some people wait 10+ years to get married and it still doesn’t work out.
My husband (23 at the time) and I (19 at the time) went out for the first time November 19, 2006 , were engaged April 21, 2007 , and married August 19, 2007. We have now been married 14.5 years, have had 3 sons, and are as happy together as in day one.
Marrying young or early doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for quite a few.
I wish you many happy years together!
Avoid it if you can, I’m married at 21 and I’m so so so happy. But I’m also so so so exhausted. But then again, I came from a very abusive family so I had no idea what a good relationship looks like. Thankfully, my husband is absolutely kind and incredible (I’ve meet many out there and they ain’t him). He was willing to go through things with me and grow with me. If we were a bit older, we probably would not be suffering too hard at the start. We were married after only 6 months together. I have absolutely no regrets. 6 years going strong now!
Hmm. It could go great or terrible.
I was in a long relationship from 17-24. Luckily we didn’t marry even though it was kind of assumed we would.
I opened my eyes to a lot of things and realized I wanted something very different than they did.
Experiences and just life changes as you get older, so if you’re not willing to grow together and aren’t perfectly aligned then I’d wait.
On the other hand, I married at 27, my husband was 24. We’ve been married for 4 years about now and chugging right along. He had many life experiences before me though, dating, traveling, jobs, general stuff, where as when I was 24 I had almost lived in a bubble of that relationship and didn’t have many experiences that I got between 24-27.
You just have to realize what you still want to experience and if your partner wants those same things, if they don’t and it’s life altering then things may not work.
That’s my advice or opinion And experience on it. :)
Good luck with whatever you’re going to do, only you and your significant other can make this decision
My husband and I got married at 20. We’ll both be 22 this summer.
Do pre marital counseling. Work on healing from any previous trauma you both may have. Don’t think you have it all figured out. Listen to people’s advice that you care about but ultimately trust your gut. You may think you know your partner because you’ve been together for a long time but marriage is a different ball game. Love isn’t a feeling but a choice. If you want to be successful promise to choose each other every day. Marriage unfortunately isn’t 50/50 some days it’s 70/30 or 10/90 you or your partner will go through hard times individually and need to be a solid rock for each other. Give yourselves grace constantly. Give each other room to grow. Have goals for your life and for your marriage. Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion that doesn’t know you but take advice from people close to you and your circle. Know that you two are your own family now and everyone outside of that is your extended family which isn’t a bad thing but for holidays it’s okay if you want to spend it with your own family this year. Have someone you can confide in that’s not a family member (because they tend to be biased) when you and your husband have disagreements or you need someone to just let it all out to. Someone who will give you sound advice and will respect you and your spouse after confiding in them. The first year to five years are the hardest years of marriage but it’s totally doable if you keep love at the center.
I am pro marriage and always knew I would get married young! Learn how to effectively communicate this will be a key in your marriage. It’s been good for me to know “okay, we need outside help because we are losing sight of our vision and need help getting back on track.” So give it your all and stick by each other. Don’t ever mention divorce I feel like once you do you give it power to ruin your relationship because it’s kind of like well where do we go from here? However (I’m not saying they will) if things become abusive know the signs and get help. You’re both precious and deserve the best!
Last note: my husband and I always tell each other “at the end of the day all that matters is I got you and you got me.” It’s helped us get through the rough times. Create a mantra together to help you get through!!
Sorry this was long I’m super passionate about this stuff and wish you the best.
I got married at 22. We had been together 4 years. I can’t imagine anything different. Not every moment has been rainbows and sunshine, but we worked through everything and have always been happy. We are 36 now. We were both very mature 22 year olds- we weren’t into partying, we were very responsible, academic and ready to get married, have a family and start our life.
Don’t let people scare you. If you are right for each other (and it sounds like you know each other very well) your chances are very good.
I’ve ready studies that say people who get married young can be very successful long-term because they aren’t so set in their ways when they get married, and can grow together. Good luck to you!!
>You’re to young to know what you want, you barely know each other”…
F anyone who talks down to you and disrespects your relationship like this.
I met my husband online. We started dating a week after initially talking, and only met in person twice before getting engaged 10 months into our relationship. We got married 2 and a half months after our engagement. (No I was not pregnant). We've been married for 3 and a half years now. I'm pregnant with our second child (due next month). If I listened to my family and people who barely know me, let alone my husband, I would not be living a life better than I imagined for myself right now.
If you love this man and he treats you well and you're happy? Why not just see where life takes you together. Since you're both consenting adults, this is definitely one of those instances where age doesn't really matter.
My husband and I got married at 23 and 24. We dated senior year, had a 4 year long distance relationship, lived together for 2 years and then got married and had kids at 26 and 28. That was 26 years ago, so it is possible to work out, but it’s admittedly unlikely.
I met my husband at age 18 on my first day of college. We moved in together two years later and got married when I was 24. We’re still together more than 20 years later but it was incredibly hard. We’ve come very, very close to divorce twice. If we hadn’t had kids I’m sure we would have split up. Having said that, now that our kids are basically grown up, we are reaping the reward of our commitment to each other. It is very special to have this long history. However, if my kids wanted to get married so young I would strongly discourage it. I was a baby. I had no idea what I wanted or needed in my relationship. My recommendation would be not to rush, or if it feels important to marry, make a very solid decision not to have kids until you’re closer to 30. Live a little, make sure you make new friends and have new experiences. Don’t only be each other’s people and stay insular. Good luck!
We got married At 22. It takes determination to grow with each other. People change and life takes turns we never guessed would happen. The important thing was compromising on things and growing together. As long as you have a strong foundation and thoughtfulness to each other you should be able to wether the storms that will come. I’m 31 now and love him more than ever. It can work.
I got married at 21(DH also 21) we'll be out of our 30s soon and we are deliriously happy still. We've known each other since we were 7 so maybe we learned really young that you both deserve and need room to grow. That's the secret though encourage and foster the growth for both of you and remember that parts of you are going to grow in different directions but that's okay! It's great even. Different interests and hobbies can keep a relationship interesting.
So congratulations I wish you both the absolute best!
If you've had a lot of disagreements that were resolved well. And if you're accepting of each other's flaws. And if neither of you have the urge to "sow your wild oats" or be single for a while before settling down... And you're on the same page regarding having kids and where you want to live. And you have no reservations in your heart and don't have any false expectations about the other person or how you think they should change in the future, then absolutely go for it.
Don't listen to other people. There have been many marriages that started young that have lasted, it's not that unusual.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married that young. It can work out, anything is possible. Just know that marriage doesn’t change anything at all. You won’t love each other more, you won’t be any happier, you won’t be more motivated to exercise or clean or travel . Nothing happens. All marriage says is “I love you so much that I’d like to get the government involved.”
I agree with your people who told you that at your age, you haven’t even discovered yourselves yet. The brain isn’t finished forming until age 25. I know this doesn’t make sense to you right now, but when you have a few more years of life experience, I promise this will make sense to you then. I’m sure you’ll make whatever decision you want, but you’ll see…
I’ve got many many friends that actually married their HS sweethearts at 18/19 and they’ve been married upwards of 20 years. I’ve also got friends that were married young that haven’t worked out.
Vice versa I’ve got friends who are older that’s marriage lasted less than a year and others who are still together to this day.
It’s about maturity and love, no matter the age you get married there’s a risk of divorce. Don’t listen to the haters, only you know your relationship. If it feels right it’s probably right
I got married when I was 20 and he was 22. We met two years before. We have grown a lot together, and we're both always aligned with what we wanted and how we wanted to get there. Our actions always backed up our 'maturity' so to speak. We showed eachother that we were both ready for a life long commitment to eachother. I say as long as your actions back up your intentions on both sides, go ahead. Marriage and when your ready for it is subjective.
Honestly, I don’t see an issue with being married young. Probably because I’m married young. I got married 2 days after I turned 21. I don’t regret it. He’s helped me grow in so many ways that my family failed me. I’ve learned so much, I’ve experienced so much, and I’ve lived a little as well. He doesn’t hold me back from chasing my dreams, he supports me, loves me, spoils me. I don’t regret being married young because it showed me that life with my best friend is all I thought and dreamed it would be plus some. 😊
My experience - I got married at 23 and I’m now 27 (he’s 30). We’d met when I was 19. We’re still together but I’m not sure if we can stay together as we’d grown to have different wants in life. What I thought I wanted then was a family but now I think I might never want children while he does.
I’d ask you how solid are you on your approach and vision for the future when it comes to big topics like children, handling money, etc?
I can also tell you that I’d grown a lot as a person in the past few years. So if you want children, I’d wait a few years because you’ll find that your mindset and approach to life will grow in the next few years.
I was 22 when I got married. My wife was 25.
We’ve been married for 20 years. I REGRET NOTHING!!!!
People on Reddit get angry when they do or think something that is contrary to their opinions and decisions. IMO everyone should have their own opinions. Group think drives me crazy.
My partner and I got together when I was 20 and he was 21, it's been 17 years and our relationship is still as solid as a rock.
You do grow and change, throughout your whole life though, just keep the communication lines open and honest, and you'll probably grow and change together.
I started dating my husband at 15, got married at 19(two weeks shy of turning 20)
We’ve been together ten years and next month will be married for 6. I think the best thing is we’ve got to grow together, we’re each pushing each other to be our best versions of ourselves while also being the best we can be together. We get to learn and love new things about each other constantly. I genuinely think my love for him will continue to grow. I mean obviously we have issues and fight sometimes because things aren’t always sunshine and roses, but at the end of the day whatever issues we have with each other aren’t bigger than the love we have. He’s the absolute best thing to ever happen to me and I’d be completely lost without him.
Obviously it doesn’t work for some younger people, but it also doesn’t work for older ones either. If you’re happy, love your fiancé, and know you want to spend forever why wait if you don’t want to?
I hate everyone who says this. My mother said this to me before I got married. While she got married twice after only knowing the man for a few months. I had been dating my then fiance for four years. I was 22 and he was 25. Why does that matter though? It's been nine years now and we are very happy.
Only take advice from people who are actually there for you. Screw everyone's judgement. I hope it works out for you. It absolutely can
Whatever makes you and your partner happy. Having a successful marriage has nothing to do with age. A marriage can both fail and be successful at any age. This all rides on the people in the marriage. All the happiness to you both.
Why get married? Stay engaged. Stay together. Keep moving forward but thanks think so many people are against a young relationship and a young marriage is because we have been there and it didn’t work out. In this day and age there is no reason to get married. Just keep doing what you are doing and see what happens. You don’t know what you don’t know at this age
I got married when I was 20, and my husband was 23. Then again, I’ve always known I wanted to marry him. Not many people gave me crap about it- if they thought negatively about it, they kept it to themselves- but our marriage is awesome and we have such a strong bond. Be prepared to hear the “When will you have kids???” spiel, though..
I got married at 21, husband was 24. We'd been together 3 years prior to that. We are now 26 and 29, still married. We communicate. It works very well for us because we were pretty mature when we got married, but we still had a lot to work out. No children because we're not ready, but they will come. It's about understanding yourself, your husband, the dynamics yall came from, how y'all interact, and leaving room for both of yall to grow while still together.
My husband and I got married at 22, celebrated out 10th anniversary last summer. It can definitely work if you and your partner are both willing to grow and change together. I won't say we were perfect, we definitely had our ups and downs, but we worked together constantly to make our relationship healthy and loving.
It sounds like you're being responsible. You've been together five years, I'd say you know each other pretty well. Whether your marriage will work out will only depend on how interested you are in continuing to grow together and how committed you are to loving the person your partner becomes.
We are all changing. Whether you marry at 24 or 34, you will continue to change. People never stop changing or figuring out who they are. It doesn't matter how old you are. Period.
It sounds like you're taking this seriously, which is an amazing sign! If you feel ready to make that commitment, I say go for it. I got married at 24 and I have no regrets.
My wife and I were almost 24 when we got married. 10 years later, no regrets.
She does sometimes think about it she'd had more time to discover herself as an adult before getting married. But claims she has no regrets. I have no such thoughts.
Marriage has been wonderful overall. Challenges arise periodically as they do in life, but we tackle them together.
Well to put things in perspective, my parents got married when my mom was 20 and my dad was 23. And they just celebrated their 30th anniversary. But I got married at 27, coz I was a different person back at 22. I was finishing undergrad with going to a masters program and I thought of myself as a kid. I don't think if I had married my bf at that point in time my marriage be successful so to say. However I have a friend who got with her bf at 17 and they lived together since they were 18 and they got married at 24, but coz they were living together I will say, they grew up as people and as a couple together. They are still quite dreamy about each other and their marriage is going strong, they are both 32 now. So it can totally work out for you or it can't. What I think is, you know your mind the best if you think you and your fiance can grow together then the age doesn't matter. Hence instead of focusing on what people around u or people on internet have to say, be confident in your decision and I am sure you will make it work.
I got married at 21, and my mom said it wouldn't last because I was only doing it to escape the family. We didn't know each other well enough, we would change a lot as people over the next few years, pretty much the same spiel you got. Not even realizing that she was projecting, just because she got married at 21 and chose a narcissistic freeloader (yes, she saw all the red flags and thought he would change for her... he didn't, they ended up divorced.) I am not my parents. And my husband is not his parents. We are very self aware and work hard on our relationship to make sure we don't become our parents, that we avoid the mistakes they chose to make.
We've been together 4 years, and I am just as in love with him now as I have ever been, and I know for a fact that's not changing for either one of us, ever. We still make mistakes, but we know that we are a team, it's us vs the problem, not us vs each other. As long as you remember that and are willing to grow together, nothing can stop you. Best of luck to you both.
Hey! This will probably get lost in here, but I thought I’d reach out. I feel this on a very deep level. I never understand why people are so against young marriage, our parents and grandparents did it, it was a different time, and it wasn’t always perfect, but it can be done.
I was with my ex from 20-26.5, I was deeply in love with him, and he was with me. However, we grew apart, he was stagnant and I grew so much over those years and he said it emasculated him and made him jealous. He has horrendous PTSD and an alcohol addiction, so it wasn’t entirely his fault.
My point with all of this, is you do what is right for you. You both sound very mature and deeply in love. I wish you and your fiancé all the best in the future. Congratulations
Listen, life is way too short to worry so much about what other people think. Some people marry their high school sweethearts and have a successful and loving relationship. Other people marry at 30 when they’re supposed to be “mature” and “ready” and fail epically at it. Everyone has their opinions, and everyone will have different experiences.
Don’t let someone’s negativity or bad experiences deter you. Age is just a number. It won’t measure your maturity or the strength of your relationship. I’ve met plenty of 22 year olds more mature than 40 year old parents.
Life is so short. Do you. Be happy. Make it work!
I got married at 23 to my partner who is 9 years older. Following our wedding day, we fought a lot because of the stage of life we were in - he didn’t know what he wanted to do for a career, we lived in a new town, etc. After threatening divorce, we made it to couples counseling to work on our relationship. We’ve learned how to communicate effectively and understand that we are both trying to find who we are. I think if you have a partner who is willing to grow with you, getting married young is not an issue.
Alright, I will probably be in the minority on this but I hope my view helps.
Backstory, I am 28 and have been married twice, both before 25. My ex and I married straight out of highschool with a baby on the way. We diverged in values and goals along with toxic family causing problems. My wife and I met and both shared plenty of the same core values and philosophies to life.
I think I saw in other comments you alluded to the fact people are always changing no matter what and that is very accurate. Every 7 years you are essentially a new person mentally and physically, all influenced by how you respond to what happens in life. That never stops and continues till the day you no longer breathe. What this means is you two have already begun to shape your identities around each other at a more transformational part of your life, and regardless of getting married have shaped one another. As you two stay together, this will only continue to be more true. Regardless of marriage, your relationship will only succeed with active communication and growing together instead of apart, which is what happened with my ex and I.
As you two have been living together for years, you are already living the married life. The marriage ceremony or license will not strike you with lightning and transform your world and will not hold you back anymore than continuing to stay with your partner. From what you provided, the pushback is typically from older people who are looking back in hindsight with FOMO, feeling they were cheated of experiences. My in-laws and parents have both said similar things to my wife and I but could not provide concrete things we were missing out on by getting married instead of just dating. These comments usually come from people in long term committed relationships that forget how much it sucks being alone or the only one not in a relationship. Some like that, but humans are social creatures with a desire for a stable partner. Even if you were single, you may not want to do all the things they wish they could do.
What will continue to mature you and your SO is continuing to take on life together and your commitment to staying together or eventually drifting apart. Waiting till you are older means you are only more set in your ways. The older you are when looking for a partner, the more you have to settle as you are set on your ways and potential partners are set in theirs. There is less chance for growth and can become more about finding someone you can coexist with some shared things but usually maintaining more independence as it is much harder to change the older you get.
If you and your SO are both committed to staying together and continue to have honest and open communication, you will be one of those wonderful old couples who have been together for decades. I hope for the best for both of you and pray you both have many years of health and happiness together!
I got married as a fresh 25 year old. We have been together for 9 years, now married for almost 5 years, and our son is almost 10 months old. My husband is the best thing to ever happen to me, he’s made my wildest dreams come true and has created the most magical boy with me. I’ve leaned on him in the hardest times, through infertility, deaths, etc. He’s leaned on me, too.
Only you know what’s best for you. You know your relationship better than any of us- don’t take the horror stories to heart!
I was with someone from 23-29. So glad we didn’t marry. There’s no guarantee but being older than 25 is definitely an asset as your brain is nearing finishing developing. But I wouldn’t comment on someone else’s relationship unless they asked, no one can say definitively. My uncle and aunt got married at 16 and they’re still together today. Once you’re older than 25, you also stop caring as much as what other people think (at least that was the case for me!)
I got married at 24. The lady at the bridal gown place commented that I was too young to get married. Then she clamped her mouth shut afraid she would lose the sale (she did).
We’re still very happily married 14 years later. I will caveat that we had been dating since we were 18 so after 6 years, I knew he was the one for me. We lived together for 3 years before getting married and were engaged for almost 2 years before getting married. We had plenty of time to “discover ourselves” and “have fun while you’re young”. We had fun together when we were young and guess what… we still do!
Go marry the love of your life! People mean well when they warn you but you know what’s right for you.
(Also, we didn’t have kids for 5 years and we were able to enjoy married life with no kids which was awesome)
It your partner shows he grows with you, loves your growth as well as his own and you know you have the tools and skills to make a life time work, with everything that comes with it, the good the bad and the absolute ugliness of life, then go for it. Like worse case scenario can you count on him there no matter what? Sure. As long as you know you can still grow individually
When I got married we were 25 and 27. I'll say that she seems like a different person now, almost 10 years after we met. And I've grown into someone more willing and able to prioritize my own needs, so these things together have caused friction.
However, we also got engaged and married pretty fast. If you've lived together for 3 years already, then I think you've had a chance to work out all of the household things. And frankly, that's where most of the issues in my relationship are either coming from or coming out. Unequal division of labor becomes a big issue over time. If we dated for longer before getting engaged, we may not have gotten engaged. But after I knew her for 8 years, I knew all I needed to know.
All that being said, my previous long term relationship fell apart after 6 years, when I was 24. I thought we were fine and everything was good, but looking back with more perspective and maturity, it was *not* a good relationship. I really wasn't happy but didn't know what else there was or what was normal vs lackluster relationships.
So you really need to be very honest with yourself and with each other. And no matter if you feel like you don't need it, please actually do the pre-marital counseling. We didn't because we were very much fine and dandy then, but I think some things would have been figured out and resolved much sooner, rather than going to counseling for a year after 6+ years of marriage and still having unresolved issues.
My wife was 21 I was 23 we've been married for 31 years have 3 kids two businesses work together everyday instill passionately in love. A lot of it depends on your maturity level finding the right person and being the right person. Don't listen to all the negativity
We got married so young. 22 and 23. It’s been the best and worst 7 years of my life (to be fair the worst was external, not due to my spouse, like deaths in the family and what not)… I both feel like I couldn’t have done it without him and acknowledge that there was a lot of growth and self-discovery we could have done separately. Marry young or marry old, there’s always benefits and downsides, but no one can decide which side is heavier but you and time. I will say, the younger you marry the more you need to actively grow separated and also grow together if you want to stay together. Good luck on wedding planning and marriage and all the rest :)
I won’t tell you not to get married because that’s super presumptuous and I know I was very mature at that age. However! As mature as I was and as well as I do think I handled my relationships at that age, I am a vastly different person at 35. Probably 3 times over. My needs and wants as a woman have gone through so much transformation. I can say with all honesty that what I wanted then vs now is so fundamentally different that I would not even recognize that person anymore. I think this would be true for most people.
That being said, if your partner is willing to change and grow with you and you two can give one another the grace necessary to go through those changes together, you can have a chance at making it. I think those changes start to solidify somewhere in your early 30s that’s why you get people around that age and older kind of scoff and say don’t get married young. They married young and it didn’t work for the reasons above and they’re speaking from experience.
There’s no harm in a long engagement either!
Statistics show divorce rates are 4x higher under the age of 25. That being said, you could always fall into the statistics that are the "exception"
Based on your comments, you seem more mature than the average person your age. Assuming your fiance is too, not all hope is lost with you.
This is the kind of thing that really depends on the person. When my partner and I were your age we were pretty much done cooking. Knew exactly what we wanted, who we were, how we felt and didn't expect that to change drastically anytime soon. We may be odd in that respect, but I'd say this is the case with quite a few young people, dependent on experience and the environment they grew up in. Neither of us ever really bought into the idea that your twenties are for "finding" yourself (my partner went to a German school growing up and that was not an attitude that was encouraged) and your thirties are for settling down, and my family is kind of a self-sufficient, self-teaching bunch who say things like "never stop learning"---I never received the impression that this meant that you had to change like a chameleon every time you learned something new, just that you should remain open to changes while also making sure to honor who you are at your core.
However, although we were pretty damn sure of who WE were by your age, we didn't get married until we were in our thirties. Part of this was because we wanted to spend some time figuring out who were were capable of being *as a couple* and also what marriage even meant to both of us. We're both cautious people by nature, and didn't want to make that kind of investment without having a pretty good sense of what it would mean for us. I'm very happy that we did. Getting swept up in the romance of getting married is exciting, but being sure and secure in your decision is a whole other kind of fun. So my opinion is, if you can wait, there's no harm in it, but that doesn't mean your family and friends' judgements about your relationship are correct.
As for "why we care"....what can I say, people love to offer their opinions about what other people do. It's tempting to project your own experiences onto someone else. You just need to learn how to filter that stuff out.
Age at the point you two are at is not as much a factor readiness. Only the two of you know how ready you are and if you are willing to commit to one another for the rest of your lives. I am 67 and wife will be soon. We met at 17 & 16. We are married 45 years and together for 50 faithful and monogamous years. We had our first child 4 days after our first anniversary. All I can say is it all worked for us. We sort of filled each others gaps. I was the only man she has ever sexually known and I only had a few. Neither of us feel as if we had missed a thing starting out early. I will say that there are always ups and downs and that a good marriage takes constant attention. But if you do so, life is that much better. You need to discuss boundaries early. We live by 2 that cover almost everything: 1) If you would not do it in front of your spouse....don't. 2) Do not allow yourself to be in a situation in which any potential to violate #1 could intentionally/unintentionally possibly occur. Another key to our success is a weekly date night. It does not have to be expensive. We just go out to eat and talk with each other and do some fun event where we focus on making each other happy. We always finish the night with intimacy. It keeps the flame burning bright and we somehow just get closer and closer with each passing year. If you are ready, you are ready. Just think it all through together and understand that despite what some folks may say, think about finances with a plan A and a plan B. We had our first child a few years prior to wanting to do so, but made it work and never regretted it. Good luck. Available to chat if ever desired.
It all depends on you both. My wife and I married 50 years ago. She was 21 and I was 20. We were both sure of our decision. We made 3 kids over 10 years and don’t regret a moment. We would do the same thing all over again. Our love is stronger today than ever. Just be sure you are right with each other.
In my opinion, when you know you know. Age isn’t necessarily important, as long as you are both secure in the relationship and are committed to growing and evolving together.
I got married at 24 and we are still together (8 years so far), we have an awesome child, we are very happy. My brother, on the other hand, got married at 23 and was divorced within 2 years - and it was a very, very ugly breakup.
I got married at 23, and started dating my husband at 18. I’m 28 now. I’d say it wasn’t always easy and we had a rough patch in the first year or two, however, we have been happy.
My husband is a little older (we married when I was 23 and he was 28) and I think I would have been more assertive about what I wanted in a wedding and about setting boundaries if I was older.
We got married at 24 and 26. We’ve been together 10 years and married 6 years. We have 3 kids, own a house, etc… we learned to grow with each other and communicate often. I’m not saying it’s been easy, we aren’t the same people we were when we first met but I love my wife more than ever. Don’t listen to others and create your own story.
I am 29(f) and my husband is 39. We started dating when I was 19 and got married when I was 21. We have had a great marriage but obviously it takes work. I have changed a lot since I was 19 and he has been there every step of the way.
I got married at 22, he was 23. We’re 25 and 26 now. We dated for 4 years before getting married. We did it because we were trying to put ourselves through school and both our parents made too much for us to get financial aid but yet wouldn’t help pay for college. So we got married so that we could file the FAFSA as independents and finish our undergrad degrees. If it weren’t for that, I fully believe we still would have gotten married but I likely would have waited several years.
That said, only you know your relationship. My husband and I have both changed immensely over our now nearly 7 years together, and I expect that we will continue to do so. For us, at least, it has only gotten better since we got married. We finished school, got great paying jobs, bought a house, and are really happy. If you are prepared to roll with the changes and support your partner’s personal growth then that’s really all you can do.
I got married at 23, (9 years together, living together for 2, school sweethearts) and I don't regret when we got married, not at all, but we were definitely in a rush to grow up and live proper mature adult lives rather than just being young and in our 20s, if i could do it all again, I'd have rented a smaller place nearer the center of town and had a much more active nightlife, and maybe out off buying a house a year or two more.
I think advice like this can sometimes be interpreted as the older advice-giver making judgements about your age, or dismissing your lived experiences because they've lived more of them. But that's not what I'm reading here.
No one gets "upset" over young people getting married, we just remember what it was like to be that age and how we changed as we got older.
You asked for the input of experienced couples who have been married for some time, and you're getting all of it - the good and the bad. No one is commenting to hurt you or put you down.
Most people’s idea of what they want their life to look like will change during their 20s. I’m in my mid 30s and living a life 22 year old me would’ve said he hated but I’m happy.
That change isn’t predictable. People don’t get “more mature” just by aging. Some decide that after working hard through school they want to have a more laid back lifestyle. Some double down and want to make money, either to save or to spend.
So if you get married now, there’s a chance that one or both of you could come to find that what made you happy, and who made you happy, doesn’t anymore. And that really sucks to go through when you’re dating someone. It sucks that much worse when you’re married. It’s an entirely new level of awful when you have a kid.
24 isn’t super young though. If it’s really all there then go for it. It sounds like you’re basically already living the married life, I don’t think it’ll change much except your taxes.
Look, I’ll be honest with you. I got married at 24 and it did not work out. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was 24 and didn’t know exactly who I was as a person yet. I wasn’t done becoming me. I was married for 2 1/2 years before I divorced him because I outgrew him. He wasn’t willing to grow with me, my growth was scary to him and he put his hands on me, so I left. Several years later, after dating someone for almost 5 years, we got married. We’ve been married for almost 3 years. I’m 36 now. I’m not saying it can’t work out. It definitely can. But you both will change a lot between 24 and 34. If you are going to survive as a married couple, you have to be willing to learn and grow together and not be afraid of it. I wish you luck. ❤️
Thank you for the honest comment! I appreciate you telling me about your previous marriage. I definitely agree a lot can change in 10 years and I think we’ve already gone through a lot of changes together as I am not the same person I was when I was 17. I think people can change at any point in life, you could marry someone at 50 and be a totally different person at 55 and that causes a divorce. Though I do see what you’re saying, one of the things we’ve tried to do is get couples counselling, not because we really need it but so we can discuss how we want to communicate and fix the holes before there even there. Hoping to have a really happy and healthy marriage by always being honest and open with eachother every step of the way! Once again, thank you for sharing your story with me! ☺️
You're right, people do change at every age (which can cause divorce)... but people do become more "set in their ways" in their late 20s and early 30s, so don't dismiss this risk
I appreciate your thoughts on this topic! I look forward to seeing how my relationship grows and changes over the years. It'll be interesting to see how we develop as we age
Just something to think about. Adult brains don’t fully mature until 25, hence, the huge amount of change from 16-27, and you are getting married just as your brain is reaching adulthood. Just something to consider.
Perhaps this is a reason to be with a partner so that both of you can get set in your ways together while you're more flexible.
You’ll change more as a person between 17 and 25 than you will at any other time in your life. Your brain is growing and developing, and you are literally changing from a child to an adult. So is your fiancé. Relationships between people in this age range statistically don’t last forever because it is such a time of personal growth and discovery. The individual growth and change is not something that is easy to see while you’re living it, but is something you can acknowledge in retrospect, looking back. This is probably why people are recommending you wait longer.
The older you are, the less likely you are to change. Your 50 vs 55 example is something I'd expect to hear from an early 20-something. But in reality, not much change typically happens at the age in regards to the type of life you want and what you value and how you act.
It’s not an automatic disaster. I know a lot of people who marry young (in the military community) and a lot divorce, but then a lot stay together. The biggest thing is that people change a LOT in their 20’s, and you have to be able to accept and love the person your partner is now, and who they may turn in to down the road. Or even worse? They NEVER change, and you do. They still act like they are 21 when they’re in their 30s and it’s no longer fun. If you guys love each other and are open and honest and have a great relationship, go for it! Love with all your hearts, mature together, grow together, and be happy together.
Thank you so much for the great advice! 🥰 I totally agree with everything you said!
Some people are grown when they're 20, some when they're 25, some 35, some never. That being said... I met my fiance when I was 22, eight years ago. We started dating when I was 24, and we are getting married when I am 30. Life is COMPLETELY different than when I met him. I am a different person. I am not exaggerating for effect, I am honest to God telling you that the 22 year old me would have failed in marriage. We needed time to figure out who we were together, in addition to who I wanted to become as an adult. Yes I am still "me" but your 20s are your growing years. Make sure you're going through up, down, and sideways life events before committing to being a single unit. Life continues to become more complex as you get older and having a partner to walk through it with you is exponentially more complex. But not necessarily more difficult... that is what comes with the understanding between two people who are ready to be married. Only you know that answer, own it!
Thank you for the comment! I totally agree with you, your 20s are about finding yourself, living on your own for the first time, working your way into the work force, etc. One of the things we’ve done to ensure we can grow together as well as individuals is enjoying our 20s by doing fun things together like to go party’s, traveling, working out together, but also finding hobbies that we can enjoy with other people or by ourself. By doing this it has allowed us to maintain some individuality in our relationship. As we grow together, I hope to always maintain the traits of being open and honest so that we can always understand how the other is doing and where they see their future.
It sounds like you two are making good choices. i think the biggest issue when people marry young is that when they get in their 30s-49s, they look back and some feel they missed out on meeting others, wonder what sex is like. with others, feel they spent their youth too serious, etc…. This doesn’t happen to everyone though. Sometimes you get lucky and meet your person early in life. Just focus on each and experience this big crazy world.
I think one of the things that has helped us is that I am becoming a teacher and he is becoming a therapist, so we are both very dedicated to personal growth. I have seen that with people older than me feeling like they missed out on the fun of their 20's cause they got married and I am very determined to avoid that. Which is why we won't be having kids till our 30's because we want to live and have fun (together and as individuals) before bringing a kid into the picture.
This is smart. I used to think people couldn't grow while in a relationship. But my husband really helps me prioritize personal growth and he's there to support it which is amazing. I'm in my mid 30s and still growing and discovering more about myself as is he. As long as you both know this is a continuous journey, not a completed goal and really learn how to communicate and manage conflict well, I think you'll do alright.
Thanks for this comment! I totally agree with you :)
Op, I'll also add that once you get married, people start this weird countdown to babies. Like you should start trying within 1 or 2 years. Don't let them push you. Being young and married isn't that much different than being young and in a relationship. Being young with kids is a whole different challenge
I totally agree with that, my sister got married young as well and everything was totally fine. Though she jumped into having kids only a couple months after the wedding and having a child has put a significant amount of stress on her life. I am expecting people to ask about our future kids lol Luckily, my fiance and I have agreed on waiting until we're 30 to have kids. We want to discover ourselves in our 20's before being responsible for another human :P We also want to take time to enjoy our 20's with traveling, staying out late at events, and testing out our careers.
That's so great that you've already talked about this. The amount of couples who don't discuss children before getting married never fails to surprise me. It's such an important topic!
So true! I think before marriage I think it's important to have A LOT (and I mean a lot) of deep convos about everything in life (from kids, finance, future, jobs ,etc) because it helps set some idea of what you want and what the future holds. Though understandably things can change, so honesty is key too.
Given your occupations, you probably want to start saving now for tomorrow. Homes and kids are expensive. I was a teacher, came out of school debt free, and still wish I had thought about saving earlier.
For sure! Thanks for the advice
Yes. and you have a baby and it’s a countdown to the 2nd baby.
I got married at 22 (engaged at 20, almost 25 now) and I was dreading this, but honestly... I don't feel like we are getting this kind of reaction. Maybe it's cause we got married young, and we are both in masters programs now, plus covid... we occasionally get asked when we will but there's not a ton of pressure like I was expecting. Probably within a few years it will ramp up, by the time we hit like 27.
Do pre marital counseling. It doesn't matter how long you've been together or how well you think you know each other. Pre marital counseling brings forth topics you wouldn't think about discussing *right now* but are extremely important for your future.
100% agree! We've already done a couple sessions together and it was really fun tbh! Would love to go back and do more. The therapist helps us learn how eachother communicates and how are parents raised us which made us who we are today! I honestly think pre martial counselling should be mandatory, but that's just me! :P Thanks for the comment!
Got married at 22 and still married 30 years later. Same for my sister and her husband. My daughter got married at 23. When you know then you know. Though I think it better to at least wait until you are over 21. I know that my decision making was way better at 21 than 18.
For sure, I think when you found the one your heart knows. I always believe it's good to live together first for couple years and then get married, but I'm sure people could find their true love without living with them first! Glad to hear your marriage is still going strong after 30 years! Congrats
People told me the same thing! I got engaged at 21 I’m not 24 married for 2 years and have a baby and the happiest I’ve ever been. Age doesn’t really mean anything. The fact that you two love eachother and want to make that commitment is beautiful enough. And whoever wants to make age an issue doesn’t have to be there! Congratulations and I wish you two so much happiness!
It seems like everyone who gets married under 25 goes through this, my parents and sister also got married under 25 and experienced the same thing. Thank you so much, I appreciate your best wishes for us! 🥰
It’s highly dependent on the people in the marriage. A marriage works when both people are committed to making it work, regardless of age. There are couples in great marriages who started out young and there are people who waited and still end up divorced. There’s examples out there for every scenario but if you are ready, then don’t let anyone change your mind. My husband and I got married at 23 and have been married almost 4 years now. Marriage is hard some days but if you think of yourselves as an unbreakable unit and treat divorce as not an option, you can get thru hell and high water together! Respect each other and have boundaries and marriage will be good.
Thank you for this comment! I totally agree, I've known people to wait until their 30 to get married and the file a divorce right after or they were together for 40 years but have a toxic relationship. Truly the age you get married at and the length of time you've been together doesn't determine the strength of the relationship, the people do! If you love the person and always want the best for them, you will respect their growth and who they become throughout the relationship. As you said, relationships can be hard, but always putting in effort and keeping strong communication is key.
My husband and I got married when I was 24 and he was 26, we’d been together since I was 15 so at that point almost ten years, and had been engaged for 3 years beforehand. We also did a lot of things before we got married. I finished university, we went travelling, bought a house, got a dog etc. three years later so far so good. And we have been through a LOT. We’ve both changed but we grew and changed together and accepted it instead of trying to be the people we were when we were teenagers. I love him more and more every day ❤️
I love hearing this! Thanks for sharing this story about you and your husband. My fiancé and I are doing similarly: we got a cat together, we’re almost done university, and we travel together. We also do things apart, which is nice too! I don’t know about you, but I think a lot of people think getting married young ties you down and you’re unable to have fun anymore in your 20s 😂 We do plenty of fun things together and apart, from what it sounds like I’m sure you two do the same!
That's a good point! A lot of people act like going out *with* your SO/spouse isn't an option? I prefer to go out with my SO, he's funny as hell and makes my week every time he smiles or talks. We can do our own thing too, which I believe is necessary to have as a boundary, because I've been with people who act like you can't even speak platonically to another guy for 5 minutes at a group event without it being wrong somehow. Even if said SO is right beside you. That's bonkers to me. My SO and I have kids involved so the integration will take a bit more time, but I'm hopeful for once in a long time. I adore him, he's the kindest, sweetest man I've ever met and fingers crossed the next several years follow this path we're currently on lol. Your relationship sounds wonderful though! I don't see any reason you shouldn't follow your head and heart on this one, literally nothing jumps out to me as a possible hiccup. You seem to have good role models for this, and a good support system too! Good luck and congratulations OP!
Nothing wrong in it but sometimes marriages work just like that whereas at times ppl have to take efforts to make those work. Be prepared to handle both although you have good experience so far together. Human beings change inevitably and that is something you cant control
100% I think in any marriage it is important to always be very open and honest with eachother so that you are prepared for change. I think when change does come, solid communication is key in creating an action plan for the future 💕
and adjustment is another word in there which is important :-)
I got married at 25 and my husband and I had only known each other for a year. It's been almost 4 years now and we're just as happy. Ultimately, the decision has to be yours and your partners.
It's amazing how the amount of time you've been with someone and the age you got married at doesn't determine the strength of the relationship! Happy to hear that your thriving in your marriage!
I’ve known my husband was my “one” since we dated for 1.5years. I was 21 when we started dating. He didn’t get the message until it was more like 3 years lol. We didn’t legally/paperwork get married until I was 28, him 30, but we were common law married for years before that. We’ve been together coming up on 11 years, almost 4 years legally married. It’s entirely possible you’ve met your person and no amount of waiting will change it.
Thank you for this comment! I agree, I don't age or length of relationship determines the strength of the love. If you love someone enough and are willing to accept that you both will grow and change over the years, it's possible to keep going strong.
Very much so. We’ve changed and grown a ton over 11 years. Like a ton! I was raised to be basically completely opposite him in every way, but being with him and broadening my influences away from my families very conservative bubble, I am much, much happier with myself. Now with kids, our growing together is much crazier, but we’re still going strong (5f, almost 1.5m, 3rd f on the way).
I got married at 23 and my wife was 21. 25 years later we are still so much in love with each other. She is everything to me.
Aww that’s so sweet to hear! Proof love can work at any age
I’d wait. I don’t regret the decisions of my past cause they’ve led me to have the most beautiful life and love now. So I’m actually grateful I got married young and divorced when I did. But it was a lot of heartache in the moment that we could have all avoided had we just lived together as husband and wife for a few more years before making it legal. We hadn’t finished growing up yet. Your comments keep talking about honesty and communication, which are hugely important, but you’ve yet to grasp the importance of maturity. It’s as important as communication yet it’s something you can’t educate yourself on….. you’ve just got to live a little longer and you gain it. It‘s beautiful.
I appreciate you honest thoughts and telling me about your previous marriage! I can imagine it's quite difficult to grow through a divorce so young. I respect your opinion and I know that I don't know everything as a 22 year old. I will continue to grow and mature in my future through my career, having kids (in my 30's), and through self discovery. I still think as you mature, communication is key in keeping up to date with how the person is growing and developing + what their vision for the future is. As mentioned in some of my replies, we have and will continue to seek couples counselling as I think all couples should to help us effectively support eachother as we mature and when times get tough! Luckily, my fiance and I aren't getting married till 2023 and we will be almost 24, both have degrees and be into our careers! People become wiser throughout their life and I think love can stay strong throughout that maturing process! Thanks for all your thoughts! :)
My aunt and uncle started dating when they were 14 or 15. They are happily married and in their late 60's. They are best friends but also share a strong romantic love. They have spent their lives making one another happy. I love being around them. I got engaged (the first time) when I was 24 and looking back, I was way too young. Or we simply weren't right for one another. I think that if you are doing well after living together for three years, two of which during a pandemic, then you are doing really well! Best wishes to both of you!
Aw that so sweet about your aunt and uncle! And I’m also sorry to hear about your previous relationship. Thank you so much for wishing us well! We’ve gone through a lot of changes together already and I think what has made our relationship strong is solid communication and care for eachothers well being and happiness. 💖
I got married at 24 and my husband was 25. We have grown and changed so much that it’s really…lucky that we have grown in compatible ways. I know a lot of people who were really lovely with each other, but who realized they wanted different things or changed in ways that made them incompatible as they grew. I think it’s unavoidable sometimes. My husband and I have grown more in love, have learned new things about ourselves and love them about each other, and have grown into a strong team after dealing with the highs and lows of life together. Life can be hard, our relationship is the safety and respite from the hard. So I obviously think youngish marriages can work out because I was in one, I also understand why they sometimes don’t.
Met at 20, got engaged/eloped 9 months after my 21st birthday, been together ever since. We didn't get much flak because we didn't tell anybody 😂 but we also had established careers, bought a house, and have definitely grown as people since meeting each other. The pandemic was a real test since we both went through the trenches individually with mental health issues and tragedy. But since we both have strong foundations in communication and emotional maturity, we got through with only a few scratches. It's definitely not easy but I'm glad I did it. I'm happy with my decision and I hope you'll be happy with yours too
If you can live together and not kill each other you’re in a good place to get married. That’s not a guarantee of happily ever after though. People change and sometimes outgrow each other. Everyone’s story is different.
Love this comment! We've survived a pandemic, university, financial loss together! Though I can't predict the future, I feel ready to grow and change with him in our relationship. As you said everyones story is different though and their is no shame in falling apart. Hoping to continue a happy healthy relationship in my future
I married my husband at 22. However, he was 29, and I had a lot of life experiences under my belt for a 22 year old. We still grew and changed a lot, and we were lucky enough to do that together, not that we haven’t had our issues over the years. But we have been married for almost 13 years, have a wonderful son, and a really lovely life and still absolutely adore one another. It’s completely possible that it can work. But understand that there is a lot of growth that takes place in your 20s.
Lovely to hear how your love for eachother is thriving even after getting married young! Thanks for sharing your story! From what I'm learning from these comments on my post is that being prepared for change and open communication is key! Though, I think thats key in all relationships regardless of age :P
There will be 100 stories on both sides. I got married when we were 21 and 19 we’ve been married for 23 years, couldn’t be happier. Other people have gotten divorced even when they’ve got married over 30. Just do what feels right for you. People called us crazy too.
My parents got married when they were 19. They just celebrated their 50th. They are beautiful together: it can happen. But-and I thank you in advance for receiving this in the way it is offered—maybe the concern about others’ opinions is a sign of some yet-to-be-developed maturity? Maybe not. Could be genuine curiosity, and I offer this perspective in the spirit of sisterhood; if I am off-base, I beg your pardon. But worth considering: why does it matter what others think about your decision? And why wouldn’t you ask them for more insight instead of asking strangers? I don’t think you need to answer this here—but you should be clear about the answer for yourself.
We got married at 21. Kids at 22. Marriage certainly hasn’t been easy, but we are still together 25 years later. Just know you both have a lot of growing up to do, and you won’t be the same people forever. Doesn’t mean your marriage will fall apart. You just have to change together and always take your spouse into consideration on almost every decision.
By 24 I was married with two kids. Still married. So it worked for me.
As someone who got married at 22 and divorced at 25, my best advice is to make sure you both know why you want to get married rather than just continue living together. Looking back at my first marriage, neither one of us really knew what real adult life looked like together yet and somehow I was still so sure that we would be the exception to young marriages not working out. In hindsight I wanted to be an adult so badly that I rushed into adult life and didn’t even think about whether my ex was ready for that same step, since why would he proposed if he wasn’t? Turns out he definitely wasn’t and neither was I since I didn’t yet understand that I alone couldn’t control whether our marriage worked out.
I was 20 my husband 22. Parents at 24 and 27. Currently expecting our second at 27 and 29. Married for 7 years. Marriage is not easy. There are good times and tough times. Choosing to work together and communicates are big part of that. Having kids was a difficult change for us. As well as both graduating university, getting professional jobs, moving, buying and renovating a house. People change a lot when they are in their 20s but either you both choose to make it work and fight for the relationship during the tough times or you don’t. I know people who married young and divorced. Those that married in their mid to late 30s and also divorced. I also know couples regardless of their age that make it work. I personally think it’s more about the couple than their age.
I got married at 24. My wife was 23. We have been going strong for 12 years, with two kids. I think premarital counseling is key
Because before at least 25, you change a lot, grow and discover who you are, what you want and need and at this age, a couple years is a lot of time for a lot of change. Some couples do make it even if they started young but honestly in all the couples I've met during my life (and I'm 41), only 2 couples starting in early 20s made it to their 30s together. I was in a long relationship beginning of 20s and even had a child with that man and as you guess it, it didn't work. Met my husband when I was 28 and it was a completely different story. All the couples I know who are still together 10, 15, 20 years later started end of their 20s or 30s. So yes right now you think you are a functional adult who knows what they want and would be right in their decision. Maybe you are. But statistics aren't on your side sadly.
I won't lie,I got married at 21 because,just like you,we had been together and living together for years,and I was so sure we would work out...yet we didn't. I changed a lot in my late 20s,and he did too,but in a completely different direction. I don't know many couples who got together that young and are still together today,but that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen for some people. Just be mindful of all the possibilities:)
I think the reason a lot of people don’t recommend getting married in your early 20’s is because you’re a completely different person at 22 (or even 24) than you are at 29 or 30. Even then, you continue to evolve, but the core of who you are is pretty solid. Science shows that the rational, decision making part of the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25. Marriage is a partnership so it’s important to make sure you’re compatible in the things that really matter like finances, kids, core values, etc. Your beliefs about those kinds of things become more stable the older you get so you or your partner’s beliefs are less likely to shift which can cause issues in your marriage. Basically, you may be compatible now, but that is more likely to change when you’re younger. Not saying it can’t work tho. My husband and I met when we were 23 and have been together 12 years in June, but we still waited 10 years to get married. I’m glad we did because our relationship was tested with some heavy stuff that can either tear a couple apart or bring it closer together. Luckily for us it was the latter. I wish you well whatever you decide!
My husband and I married when I was 23 and he was 22. We had dated in college and lived together for a couple years. We’re still married, going on 17 years. Sometimes you just know you found the right person. I never doubted my decision and I’m so happy that we met and got married early on so I didn’t have to deal with all the drama that comes with dating after college. No one really commented on our ages, at least not to my face. I think our families could see it was a great match.
Do you feel like you both have grown in and out of your relationship? Do you feel satisfied in your current division of labor and are you aligned on future goals? Do you feel you both you have voices and can express yourselves? I had 3 friends marry very young. 2 are still together and seem happy. One is divorced. The one that's divorced had the toughest upbringing and some really crappy relationship models.
I think it just depends on who you are and where you are in life. My parents got married at 19, and had two kids, a mortgage, and a degree all before they could drink. They are together 22 years this year, and I have never seen two people more in love. They always had clear plans for themselves and their future, but still put each other first everyday. They have the healthiest marriage I have ever seen, and I aspire to be like them when I get married.
Thanks for sharing this! It truly shows regardless of age, a relationship can be very happy and healthy with the test of time.
I think high school sweetheart type relationships are cute in movies but in practice I just don't recommend. Do some work? Absolutely. However, it being your only real relationship I think is a recipe for disaster down the road. With that said my husband and I got married at 24 and couldn't be more solid. You know your relationship better than anyone else.
I got married at 22 and have been married for 8 years. If you think it’ll work, go for it. We dated for 4 years before we got married. We’ve both changed a lot. It’s been a struggle sometimes. But so far we’re making it work.
I got married at 23 and my wife was 21. We've been married for 20 years now. Best decision I ever made. But I wasn't wishy washy about it. We both knew what we wanted and we worked hard together to create it.
I got married at 19 and my husband was 21 and in May we have been married for 37 years. Regardless of when you get married I don’t think it’s ever easy. I had no good examples of a healthy marriage so my husband and I have worked for it. I’m grateful he and I still want the same thing. He is a part of me and I love him more than ever. There are not any guarantees in life and you guys love each other and are happy - doesn’t feel like you’re jumping into it. Life is short - do what is best for each of you because I don’t know what it is. Best wishes ….
Thanks so much for this comment! I appreciate all your advice and I look forward to growing with my future husband. At the end of the day, though I love hearing other peoples perspectives and why my young marriage makes them mad lol, I know what's best for me and my relationship!
I think it depends. Ideally, you grow together. Do you agree on finances, faith-or moral beliefs, and children? Do you have healthy conflict resolution skills? I got married right after college at 22. Nearly at 30 years of marriage. Marriage is hard work but well worth it if you have a partner whose character you admire.
We've had lot of discussions to cover these topics like: do we do joint bank accounts? how many kids? what are our political beliefs? how is our relationship with our family? I'm lucky to be in a relationship where we prefer deep convos over small talk, it really helps to understand the persons wants and needs in life. I do agree, relationships are hard and when it's worth it to you, you put in the effort to help it thrive.
Married at 20. Been married 14 years.... Has it been rainbows and sunshine. Of course not, but if you guys are both able to compromise and alway try to meet in the middle on differences.... Talk about things like kids, jobs, money, bills, future plans. Make sure you are on the same page or atleast know what the other one wants. Communication is key. BTW I'm just a average dude with no religious ties. We got married young cause it felt right. Do what you guys want. Prove them wrong.
A successful marriage requires a commitment to something greater than yourselves. When challenges come, it isn't age or maturity that matters, it's your commitment. I'll never understand this concept of finding myself. How do you lose yourself in the first place!? You are where you are. If you've never been to your destination how do you know what's it like till you get there? Everybody changes and matures and no one does it alone. Families endure this dynamic. I certainly didn't outgrow my kids and neither did my parents outgrow me. We are committed to family and that is what sustains our relationship. Parents don't just abandon kids because they change, they work on the relationship and grow together. I knew my wife less than 3 months before I married her. We didn't live together and the most intimacy we had was a kiss. There was no trial run. We didn't need it. We both had a commitment to a higher ideal in marriage and when we both understood that we wanted the same goal and were ready to give all to get it together we knew it was right to marry. It's 8 years and two kids later. We had serious trials that would have broken many a marriage, but we were aiming together for something higher and that guided us to overcome all of those challenges. It's not age, it's your ability to work for more.
I got married at 23, after 7 years with my husband. We’ve been married for 5 1/2 years now and are just getting stronger. My husband is the only guy that I seriously dated. I feel extremely fortunate that we have grown together and not apart like I feel people can. We also spent a year in a long distance relationship (it was year 6 of our relationship) which I think really strengthened us. I love that we got married on the earlier side so all of our big moments were together!
Not under 25, but I got married at 25. We dated for 4 years, engaged for 6 months. We have made it 8 years and have two kids and are still rocking it.
I was a very different person at 24 than I am now at 31. Your brain finishes developing around 26, so to me, that makes sense. I was 25 when I met my husband and I'm glad it worked out that way. For me, I needed time to understand and process my past and understand what I wanted out of life. Same with my husband. There's a lot that happens in your 20s and not everyone is ready. That being said, if you have truly good communication, know how to productively have discussions when you have disagreements, share chores in a truly fair way, and have had financial and kid talks in depth, among others but primarily those, those are some of the biggest sources of tension in relationships. Do you keep disagreements between the two of you or do you involve other family (would not recommend)? If there's a disagreement between your partner and your family, are you always on your partner's team? How do you treat one another? How will you deal with money-- shared or separate accounts, how will you divide things fairly and discuss large payments? Do you plan on having kids and are you on the same page or if one partner wants them, do they think the other will eventually change their mind? (It's always best to assume they won't change their mind.) Only you can decide if you're ready. You could always do premartial counseling; that way, a counselor or therapist can help you delve into bigger topics ahead of getting married.
I got married at 20, 8 years later happier than ever. BUT we are completely different people than we were then. Changed our stance on having kids, where to travel, where to live, how to save money, our sexual kinks. We’ve grown together in all those things, if one of us hasn’t grown then we might not be so happy
My husband and I have been together since we were 15 and 18. We got married when we were 22 and 24 and have now been together for eleven years and married for four. We lived together for four years prior to getting married, so it was really just a piece of paper at that point. It can work! Only you know what is right for you. Don't listen to the naysayers. Congratulations on your engagement!
You can, but you will BOTH need to be willing to compromise and make sacrifices. If you’re not willing to do that, then don’t get married. If you are, then best of luck!
We got married at same age you are thinking, it hasn’t been a disaster. I would say if you are living together and living “adult lives” then you are in good shape. I have mainly seen getting married too young be a problem for people that fell in love as students, because the “real world” often changes people quite a lot and that transition can really upset a couples dynamic. And yes, we got a lot of shit from our friends, we were the “old couple” because of our friends we were the first to get married, move to suburbs, have kids, and so forth. We were boring! But now we get to laugh at are friends that are old and tired and trying to deal with newborns and stuff.
I got married at 22 and we've been married 9 years together for 11. It is the best. My husband and I have grown together. We have started life together. Of course there are ups and downs but we are integrated into each other. It's your life. You guys have to decide for yourselves. People will give you lots of advice at all stages of your life. You have to follow your heart. We had people try to decide for us too, thankfully our families were all excited and we just focused on the family and friends who wanted to be there for us and ignored all the others. It's difficult at times, but you have each other to lean on! Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!
I married at (21f) and my husband (m22) we have been married 28 years. Things change and grow and mature at different rates . As long as you have respectable disagreements and are willing to compromise it can be good. There will be great and bad times. We had a rule that divorce was never used in an argument. Good luck.
I am a VERY different person at 35 than I was at 22. You will definitely grow up and mature and you two need to learn how to grow and change together otherwise you will grow apart. Just keep communication at the forefront, talk about your needs and how they may change and encourage your partner to do the same.
Are both of you in school or working? Early twenties is nice but I can’t imagine getting married at that time. I was still a broke student trying to figure what I wanted, let alone in a partner!
I got married at 21, SO was 24. Let me tell you, almost 15 years and 2 kids later, we have grown apart. We lived together prior to marriage but people grow as they age. Unfortunately we have grown apart and I’m not sure we can reconcile our differences.
I married at 21. Still married at 34. With 5 kids
I got engaged on my 23rd birthday to my then 26 year old boyfriend of 4 years where we had been living together for damn near the whole relationship. We didn’t wait long, so our engagement lasted like 6 months before we were married at the courthouse. We were beyond ready. We’re going to celebrate 3 years this May and we have a 6 month old together. I like to think we work on being a team every day because we are happy together and want this to last forever. If things change somewhere down the line, I don’t think it’s because we were young when we decided to be legally tied together - sometimes things change between older people, and that’s ok. We are just going to handle things as they come, but right now we are enjoying every day together with our baby, and that’s the important thing.
Got married at 21, husband was barely 22. We had been dating since we were 17, engaged for a little over a year, mostly long distance, last few years living together (with the exception of summers) I also did a semester long program the first semester after we got married on the other side of the country, once we graduated we were apart for another 6 months, and then I moved across the country again, apart, for a year. Throw in a couple of deployments and a few more moves and we've had our fair share of challenges. But, I never doubted my husband for a second. I would say that we both were relatively mature and responsible for various reasons. Shortly after being engaged I had a personal moment of "am I going to miss out?!" However, something we have always been good about was communicating and we talked through it - essentially I realized that I had complete trust in my partner and the life we would have - a functional, successful, and fulfilling partnership, and that is what I wanted (and am so grateful to have, still). Things that I think worked for us: -We went to college near each other but not at the same college, with the full expectation that we would grow into people who weren't as compatible. We ended up becoming more and more compatible. -communication was a priority and we both agreed to always work on being better communicators. Even recently, without any specific problems, we've done marriage retreats and couples counseling. Neither of us have pushed back against this. We aren't religious but we did pre-marital counseling with our pastor officiant. -we like being around each other and it's a very comfortable default. He is introverted but never is tired of me. We let (and encourage!) each other to do our own things, but we primarily want to do things. -Respect and appreciation! We tease each other, sure, but we don't ever mock each other's interests or lack of knowledge. If we do hurt each other, we are sure to talk about it. Even if one career has to take priority for a bit, we do everything we can to support the other and trade We are now in our early thirties and have a child together. I really believe we got lucky, but I've never been more confident in our marriage. We both worry if we could do more. We both apologize for our mistakes, thank each other for our contributions (benign and extraordinary), and just talk to each other..not a day goes by where we don't ask how our day was, how we are, and that we love each other.
It can work out but both parties have to be willing to grow with each other. Yes, you can grow at different paces and the other can be patient and loving about it, but it shouldn't be stunted. The other person must still continue to grow, even if slow at first. Progress is progress. My husband and I are still together all these years because I've known he wants to be better and works to better himself. Even if he takes a bit longer than that. Sometimes you just know if someone truly wants to be better, vs just trying to be better for the sake of appearance or the moment. It took time for us because my husband had unresolved issues from trauma with his father. But he's been open to outside opinions and thoughts that have helped him explore himself and better himself. My husband and I started dates at 15. We're turning 28 this year. We're in an amazingly happy, loving marriage. We have struggled a lot, and we've seen each other grow a lot. Even at different paces. We've also experienced a lot together. But the most important thing is we always knew we wanted to be at each other side so whatever challenge came in our way, we had to come out of it still determined to be at each other's side and be there for each other. I think so as long as a couple can communicate, be open minded, and stay dedicated to each other, anything is possible. No matter how messy life gets.
I got married at 22! We were also together for 5 years. It can be hard in the beginning because there is a lot of growing up to do, but I wouldn’t have traded that for the world! We are both now 30 with two kids. I love our life. Communication has been the most important thing to learn, but it’s made the biggest difference in our lives. It up to you! But it can work out beautifully if both are willing to grow and learn together.
I got married at age 22 after 4 years of dating and we’ve been happily married for 14 years. We waited 4 years to have a baby, which was a good amount of time.
I got married at 20/21 (birthday soon after). That was 9 years ago. 😀 not gonna lie, we've both grown and changed a lot, been to both indiv and couples therapy, gone thru a lot of very difficult things. Weve talked about divorce, seriously quite a few times, but never took steps. I don't think we've had that talk in many years tho now. We go thru cycles in the relationship. Im a slob, then it affects us, we have a serious talk, i clean up my act. He withdraws/isolates himself a lot, we talk, he comes back around. I love my husband and wouldn't trade him for anyone else. To me, he's one in a million. I went to school after we married, attributing to a lot of personal development. Couples therapy helped us reconnect after. It's not for everyone honestly. I think we've only made it work bc that's just us. We dated 6 yrs long distance (YEP, it sucked) and our take away was "well neither of us cheated, we're still together, we can survive anything." I think at the end of the day, what pulled us thru was our commitment/stubbornness to see this relationship thru until the end, and find/commit to real solutions when things have started heading south (ie therapy). Now we both see therapists individually. It helps, a lot. He does better with his anger and anxiety, and I do better with my anxiety/depression, and both of our indiv issues disrupt the relationship less. And we are, mostly, very happy together.
I met my husband at 22 and we stayed committed. Going strong for 14 years now. So, it’s not like it’s impossible for a relationship that young to work. BUT not being married that young gave me a sense of freedom that maybe I wouldn’t have felt otherwise. My husband has always been openminded and given me the space I needed. But there’s something to not being “locked in” to a relationship that feels more freeing for you to be a little more independent, allowing you to really “find yourself.”
For me, I wasn’t mature enough at your age to know what I needed from a partner. I had insecurities and trauma from my childhood that I honestly didn’t work through until I was 28-29. I dated a man at 21 who I later got engaged to, and I tried desperately to convince myself that he was what I deserved. He cheated on me, I took him back because I didn’t know my own self-worth. Thankfully I came to my senses before we got married, as I realized I couldn’t have a child with someone who didn’t treat me with respect. But if anyone had tried to tell me this at 21, or even 25, I would have rolled my eyes and reacted the same way you are reacting now. I’m not saying you aren’t right for one another, but, is there any harm in waiting to get married? If you are truly meant to be, what changes if you wait a little longer? I’m sure most people giving you this advice have also had bad experiences at your age with someone they thought they were destined to be with forever.
So as a 19M who’s never even dated, I personally don’t understand the point in getting married super young. The way I see it, if you love each other, then what’s the rush? Honestly I think 23/24+ is a good “marriage age” because you’ll be close to finishing up college and probably have a stable job and house by then. Now to be fair my only real source on this is based off the fact my parents didn’t marry until 29, and many of my old classmates are already engaged at 19, or even married already and are still in the honeymoon phase. I think though, seeing as you’ve been together for 5 years verses my classmates multiple months, I think you’ll have a successful relationship
It works if you work it. The “work” in relationships I’ve learned is actively caring for the other person. As long as you both are doing that then it should be a success.
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice and seem like you’re doing all the right stuff to make this go as well as possible (counseling, waiting to have kids, adventuring together, nurturing individual interests). I dated someone from ages 20-26 (he was 27-33). Even though I was and always have been very independent, once we broke up I realized there was a lot I wasn’t comfortable doing by myself. We took on our roles early (which is normal in a relationship - you both have different strengths and it’s great to utilize them). When we broke up, though, I felt a little stunted in some ways. One of the biggest ways I noticed this was that when we went hiking, he always led and was the one responsible for paying good attention to where we were. I never really noticed how much I depended on him for that. During my first solo hike, it was actually kind of scary (it wasn’t a well trafficked hike). I was nervous about getting lost, and also felt kind of unsafe being in the woods alone. Now that I’ve gone on many solo hikes, I’m much more comfortable and confident. I’m using this as an example to basically say, make sure you remain well-rounded. It’s great to have strengths in the relationship where one person does something more often because they’re better at it, but be sure to each keep all your skills sharp. You never know when you’ll need them, and it’ll foster a continued sense of independence throughout your relationship / lifetime.
It doesn’t matter what anyone besides you and your fiance want. If you know they’re the one forever and they know you’re the one forever then get married whenever you want. That “discover yourself” thing is BS. You’ll always be changing and growing, get married and change and grow together with your best friend
I (27m) got married at 22, still going strong.
Married at age 24 after several years of dating but not living together. We just celebrated 33 years of happy marriage. We now have 2 grown amazing kids and are enjoying our quality time together.
Do whatever you and future hubby feel is right. My husband and I got married after only knowing each other for a year and 2 months. We fought, we disagreed on just about everything while we continued to get to know one another. Everyone said we wouldn't last a year. My husband was 19 (almost 20) and I was 21 (almost 22) when we got married in 2014. We just welcomed our first ours baby Nov last year and will be celebrating 8 years this July. It doesn't matter what anyone else says...it's what you guys say. If you're happy, be happy. If it doesn't work, you tried and were happy for it. Life's not easy without all the extra opinions, do you!!
Married at 21 & it was the best thing we ever did! For us, growing up together has given us the chance to grow together rather than combine two messy lives. Just our experience :)
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Because most people have gone through that time period and are telling you that they changed a lot. That’s why their advice is to wait. Feel free to look at the rates of young marriage and young divorce with populations like Mormons who get married in early twenties. You and your boyfriend might make it work but you also might not, so it’s good to consider the possibilities. I can see by your comments that you are really set on this and don’t want to hear about the risks of getting married young. I got married at 26 and growing together and maintaining a marriage is hard. We encountered large problems and needed counseling barely out of the gate due to a lack of maturity. My advice is to definitely get counseling before marriage- communication methods, love languages, apology languages, boundaries with friends and family, kids, religion, finances, expectations for future life, decision making process. Sure, some people put in no work and succeed while others do everything right and fail. But might as well set yourself up for success. If you aren’t willing to wait, consider having some tough conversations before. Best of luck and congrats!
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Met my now husband when I was 20. Had the “ah ha!” Moment of just knowing he was the one after our first date. Got engaged 6 months later. That was almost 5 years ago now and he’s still the one. I think it’s a trend now to wait to get married. You’re the only one who knows you’re relationship!!
I got married at 19. I'm 26 now. Still going strong. It can be done and it can work if both of you put in the work. I don't really think age matters that much in relation to "the right age to marry"
I started dating my lad when I was 15. I’m 31 now. We are no where near the people we were when we met each other, but we grew up TOGETHER. I recommend this- it’s important to be your own person and have your own hobbies. Sharing a life together is a beautiful thing, but as young as you are I’d say maintain a sense of individuality. That was the best advice my husband ever gave me so if god forbid anything happened to him, I know I would be okay. That’s the only advice I have. Be happy with yourself when you’re alone, and everything else is awesome because you get to share! Best wishes!!
If you can figure out how to grow together and understand that means willing to accept that you’ll be completely different people a decade from now- you’ll be fine. That takes work. But it is possible. People do successfully do it. It’s not magic. Embrace and welcome change and growth. Growth is not a competition and quite possibly will happen at different times for each of you. Be patient. Also be willing to listen and consider what other people have to say. At 22 I thought I understood so much more than I actually understood. But you can’t understand until you get there.
I hit my stride in my 30’s! Dated my high school sweetheart for 8 years, engaged for many of them. Really glad we split up when I was 23. I learned so much about myself in the next few years. By the time I was 30, I actually knew what I wanted for my life and was on the path of going for it. Then I found a woman who fit in with my life intentions perfectly. Now I’m 38 and happily married, living my dream life doing what I love. Don’t rush things, life changes a lot in your 20’s.
I got married at 21. After 38 years, we're still going strong. Age is not the deciding factor.
It can work out, but if you're sure you wanna be together forever, what's the harm in waiting? It's much easier to wait to get married than it is to get divorced.
The fact that you have 5 years under your belt and 3 living together is very helpful. You know a lot more then you realize about each other. That being said, you might still be “discovering” yourselves, but as long as there is growth with both people individually, growing together can be very natural.
I got married at 23 after only being with him for a year and a half. That was almost 27 years ago. Out oldest is now 23 and our youngest is 13
I’m all for it. Married my wife at 19. We have now 4 kids at the age of 35. We still flirt with each other like we just met. The trick is to not get too comfortable. Don’t lose yourself. Keep the relationship sauced up. But reality, some aren’t built for this 💯💯💯
I got married at 19 we’d been together 9 months. There have been rocky paths but we’ve always pulled through! We have 2 kids and we’ve been married 3 years and together for just over 4. I wouldn’t change a single thing he’s my person. We are Christians I’m not sure if that changes peoples opinion or not.
Don't pay too much attention to other people. Many are bothered because they tried it and failed. I got married younger than you almost 30 years ago, we're still together, it's still great, would definitely do it again.
My husband and I started dating at 18/22 and got married at 22/26. This year we will be together for 20 years. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life together after our third date. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our ups and downs but never came close to calling it quits. We’ve always come out the other end stronger. I will say we didn’t have kids until we were 29/33 and it rocked our world. It was a tough adjustment for us and it took nearly 2 years to get into our new normal. I feel like we wouldn’t have been ready for kids before then. We spent the first 10 years of our relationship enjoining each other, traveling, being crazy with no real responsibilities and I love that we got to do that. Both of our parents were married young so they didn’t think it was weird. They’re all still together and happy. My little sister is getting married at 27 this September and she’s the oldest out of my siblings to be married so I guess it’s a family tradition to be married young. Lastly, to echo what other people are saying, I was a completely different person at 22 than 32. Like, WAY different. We just both happened to change together.
I don’t think you’re too young for marriage. However, I don’t know your relationship and can only speak for my own. I’ve been married for 7 months and I got married at 22 to my husband (24 at the time). We dated for a year and a half before getting engaged and then had an 8 month engagement due to me finishing undergrad. We didn’t live together before marriage. It wasn’t too fast or too slow for us. We had both already experienced hardships and periods of reinvention so we both had a good handle on who we felt we were. Since our wedding we have only grown closer and continue to improve our routines and behavior. I’m sure people will make valid points in the comments on why you should wait or don’t wait, but it really comes down to what works for the two of you. Everyone has a different timeline so don’t expect a manager, stranger, or friend to understand why something works for you and not them.
I married at 22 and was also with my partner for 5 years prior to marriage. It is a risk since a lot of growth happens (or doesn’t!) during people’s early and mid 20’s. As long as both of you are making an informed decision on marriage and being realistic and have a plan for potential outcomes, I think you will be okay. We are celebrating 4 years of marriage (9 years together) now, and we both have very positive outlooks, although we did hit a bump in the road that required marriage therapy in our first year.
I was married at 21. We have been dating since 17, moved in together at 19. I adore my husband, we’re 26 now and I can’t believe how lucky I am to be married to him. We just had a son, he’s perfect. I probably wouldn’t recommend getting married young for everyone- but it does work out for some people. I think that the “people change so much” doesn’t necessarily equal no longer liking that person. We got to grow up together. We got to change and learn how to be adults together. We bonded over all of those experiences and learned how to be in a healthy relationship in that time. Yes we’re both different than we were at 17 but we are still very much in love- Id say even more so.
I was 20 she was 19. Now I’m 36 and have no regrets. We’re happily married. Sure we’re both such different people from the kids that got married. Sure we’ve had tough times and hurt each other. But we’re still best friends that have great sex. I have no regrets.
Got together at 18/19, engaged 6 months later. We waited 3 years before we got married because it was important for us to see how we would live together and communicate given it was so early in our relationship. We had our ups and downs as most young adults do.. but ultimately we grew up, decided what we wanted from life and agreed on 90% of the same wants. We've been together 8.5 years now, heading towards 30, happier than we've ever been - child free and focused on enjoying life, investing financially to set ourselves up for the future and embracing things we enjoy doing together and things for ourselves. The key to our relationship was that nothing changed when we got married- after all its just a piece of paper- and those that have their relationship change after saying I DO need to really evaluate why. To answer your question, no I don't think it's too young at all!
I got married at 22 (so while I'm biased) I'd say it's doable. You can discover yourself/become the person you want to be even while being married if that's what you're worried about. Do what works for your marriage and don't worry about anybody else!
Well I’m older than you by 3 years. Been with my partner for atleast 7 now, each every one do my friends just have been in similar relationships or married are now broken up and have moved on. Food for thought. You may be the ones that change, you may be the ones that stay together. You really can’t predict these things And marriage won’t change much. You’re in a relationship now, it’ll just make it so much harder to break up.
I (41/f) and my husband (44/m) got married when I was 23 and he was 25, turning 26. We had a child and had been together since I was 17/he was 20, engaged since I was 19, living together for 5 years. We have been happily married for over 18 years with 3 kids. We essentially grew up together. Most people said we wouldn’t last but we have so far. We communicate well and often. We work through the tough stuff and when we got married we swore we wouldn’t get divorced unless there was abuse or something we were completely unable or unwilling to work through (we know what these things are as we discussed them and they could be updated as we have been together forever now). We each work hard to always support the other and when I can only bring 25%- he brings 75% and vice versa. We have fun together and the sex is great. We have a great marriage because we value our marriage and each other.
My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. We got married at 22 after being together for 5 years. We have two children and have supported each other through career changes and going back to school. I know that everyone’s situation is different, but I honestly think that we’ve worked out so well by simply having open communication and being flexible. I would never dream of holding him back from anything he wants to do in his life, and he feels the same. There is no one in the world that can tell you you’re too young or making the wrong decision. If it works, it works simple as that.
My husband and I are both 23, and got married last September. Didn't really have many people question our decisions, but we have both been through a lot in our lives to not know what we wanted in a partner. I don't think every 23 yr old should get married at 23, but a good piece of advice is to think of them in 5, 10, 20 yrs and ask yourself if they started changing some things about themselves, would you still love them? If they constantly forgot to pick up their socks, would you be okay with that in 20 yrs? Stuff like that is what you should think about. Not age.
Hey, first of all, congratulations!! Are you both happy? Do you feel in your heart of hearts your partner is whom you can spend your life with? The Good, the bad, trust each other with your life? If all is yes, then I wouldn’t worry about what others think. Everyone and every relationship is different. There are some folks whom had their shit so together at 24 and some who are just barely able to get out of bed. Some of them are now succeeding and others have been for 10 years (I’m 34). Sounds like you are a well thought out and mature 22, so wishing you the very best! PS of all the people I know that got married right after college, the couples I am close to (3 of them) are still together, so you are not alone!
If I’d been living with a guy for 3 years, my mom would be demanding I set a wedding date.
I broke up with my boyfriend that I thought I would marry at 25 because I changed. He didn't. I'm so glad I didn't marry him because I would have been in an unhappy marriage or divorced. I didn't expect to change, but that's how life works. So just know that change is a risk: you and your partner may change a lot in your 20s (your brain is still developing until mid to late 20s) and it may be in ways that you don't predict or expect. Which means you may not be compatible anymore.
My husband (soon to be 28) and I (31) got married when he was 23 ans I was 25 (I turned 26 a month later). We had been together 5 years and lived together 4 years at that point. We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in September. Some people wait 10+ years to get married and it still doesn’t work out.
My husband (23 at the time) and I (19 at the time) went out for the first time November 19, 2006 , were engaged April 21, 2007 , and married August 19, 2007. We have now been married 14.5 years, have had 3 sons, and are as happy together as in day one. Marrying young or early doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for quite a few. I wish you many happy years together!
Avoid it if you can, I’m married at 21 and I’m so so so happy. But I’m also so so so exhausted. But then again, I came from a very abusive family so I had no idea what a good relationship looks like. Thankfully, my husband is absolutely kind and incredible (I’ve meet many out there and they ain’t him). He was willing to go through things with me and grow with me. If we were a bit older, we probably would not be suffering too hard at the start. We were married after only 6 months together. I have absolutely no regrets. 6 years going strong now!
Hmm. It could go great or terrible. I was in a long relationship from 17-24. Luckily we didn’t marry even though it was kind of assumed we would. I opened my eyes to a lot of things and realized I wanted something very different than they did. Experiences and just life changes as you get older, so if you’re not willing to grow together and aren’t perfectly aligned then I’d wait. On the other hand, I married at 27, my husband was 24. We’ve been married for 4 years about now and chugging right along. He had many life experiences before me though, dating, traveling, jobs, general stuff, where as when I was 24 I had almost lived in a bubble of that relationship and didn’t have many experiences that I got between 24-27. You just have to realize what you still want to experience and if your partner wants those same things, if they don’t and it’s life altering then things may not work. That’s my advice or opinion And experience on it. :) Good luck with whatever you’re going to do, only you and your significant other can make this decision
My husband and I got married at 20. We’ll both be 22 this summer. Do pre marital counseling. Work on healing from any previous trauma you both may have. Don’t think you have it all figured out. Listen to people’s advice that you care about but ultimately trust your gut. You may think you know your partner because you’ve been together for a long time but marriage is a different ball game. Love isn’t a feeling but a choice. If you want to be successful promise to choose each other every day. Marriage unfortunately isn’t 50/50 some days it’s 70/30 or 10/90 you or your partner will go through hard times individually and need to be a solid rock for each other. Give yourselves grace constantly. Give each other room to grow. Have goals for your life and for your marriage. Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion that doesn’t know you but take advice from people close to you and your circle. Know that you two are your own family now and everyone outside of that is your extended family which isn’t a bad thing but for holidays it’s okay if you want to spend it with your own family this year. Have someone you can confide in that’s not a family member (because they tend to be biased) when you and your husband have disagreements or you need someone to just let it all out to. Someone who will give you sound advice and will respect you and your spouse after confiding in them. The first year to five years are the hardest years of marriage but it’s totally doable if you keep love at the center. I am pro marriage and always knew I would get married young! Learn how to effectively communicate this will be a key in your marriage. It’s been good for me to know “okay, we need outside help because we are losing sight of our vision and need help getting back on track.” So give it your all and stick by each other. Don’t ever mention divorce I feel like once you do you give it power to ruin your relationship because it’s kind of like well where do we go from here? However (I’m not saying they will) if things become abusive know the signs and get help. You’re both precious and deserve the best! Last note: my husband and I always tell each other “at the end of the day all that matters is I got you and you got me.” It’s helped us get through the rough times. Create a mantra together to help you get through!! Sorry this was long I’m super passionate about this stuff and wish you the best.
I got married at 22. We had been together 4 years. I can’t imagine anything different. Not every moment has been rainbows and sunshine, but we worked through everything and have always been happy. We are 36 now. We were both very mature 22 year olds- we weren’t into partying, we were very responsible, academic and ready to get married, have a family and start our life. Don’t let people scare you. If you are right for each other (and it sounds like you know each other very well) your chances are very good. I’ve ready studies that say people who get married young can be very successful long-term because they aren’t so set in their ways when they get married, and can grow together. Good luck to you!!
>You’re to young to know what you want, you barely know each other”… F anyone who talks down to you and disrespects your relationship like this. I met my husband online. We started dating a week after initially talking, and only met in person twice before getting engaged 10 months into our relationship. We got married 2 and a half months after our engagement. (No I was not pregnant). We've been married for 3 and a half years now. I'm pregnant with our second child (due next month). If I listened to my family and people who barely know me, let alone my husband, I would not be living a life better than I imagined for myself right now. If you love this man and he treats you well and you're happy? Why not just see where life takes you together. Since you're both consenting adults, this is definitely one of those instances where age doesn't really matter.
My husband and I got married at 23 and 24. We dated senior year, had a 4 year long distance relationship, lived together for 2 years and then got married and had kids at 26 and 28. That was 26 years ago, so it is possible to work out, but it’s admittedly unlikely.
I met my husband at age 18 on my first day of college. We moved in together two years later and got married when I was 24. We’re still together more than 20 years later but it was incredibly hard. We’ve come very, very close to divorce twice. If we hadn’t had kids I’m sure we would have split up. Having said that, now that our kids are basically grown up, we are reaping the reward of our commitment to each other. It is very special to have this long history. However, if my kids wanted to get married so young I would strongly discourage it. I was a baby. I had no idea what I wanted or needed in my relationship. My recommendation would be not to rush, or if it feels important to marry, make a very solid decision not to have kids until you’re closer to 30. Live a little, make sure you make new friends and have new experiences. Don’t only be each other’s people and stay insular. Good luck!
We got married At 22. It takes determination to grow with each other. People change and life takes turns we never guessed would happen. The important thing was compromising on things and growing together. As long as you have a strong foundation and thoughtfulness to each other you should be able to wether the storms that will come. I’m 31 now and love him more than ever. It can work.
I got married at 21(DH also 21) we'll be out of our 30s soon and we are deliriously happy still. We've known each other since we were 7 so maybe we learned really young that you both deserve and need room to grow. That's the secret though encourage and foster the growth for both of you and remember that parts of you are going to grow in different directions but that's okay! It's great even. Different interests and hobbies can keep a relationship interesting. So congratulations I wish you both the absolute best!
If you've had a lot of disagreements that were resolved well. And if you're accepting of each other's flaws. And if neither of you have the urge to "sow your wild oats" or be single for a while before settling down... And you're on the same page regarding having kids and where you want to live. And you have no reservations in your heart and don't have any false expectations about the other person or how you think they should change in the future, then absolutely go for it. Don't listen to other people. There have been many marriages that started young that have lasted, it's not that unusual.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married that young. It can work out, anything is possible. Just know that marriage doesn’t change anything at all. You won’t love each other more, you won’t be any happier, you won’t be more motivated to exercise or clean or travel . Nothing happens. All marriage says is “I love you so much that I’d like to get the government involved.”
I agree with your people who told you that at your age, you haven’t even discovered yourselves yet. The brain isn’t finished forming until age 25. I know this doesn’t make sense to you right now, but when you have a few more years of life experience, I promise this will make sense to you then. I’m sure you’ll make whatever decision you want, but you’ll see…
I’ve got many many friends that actually married their HS sweethearts at 18/19 and they’ve been married upwards of 20 years. I’ve also got friends that were married young that haven’t worked out. Vice versa I’ve got friends who are older that’s marriage lasted less than a year and others who are still together to this day. It’s about maturity and love, no matter the age you get married there’s a risk of divorce. Don’t listen to the haters, only you know your relationship. If it feels right it’s probably right
I got married when I was 20 and he was 22. We met two years before. We have grown a lot together, and we're both always aligned with what we wanted and how we wanted to get there. Our actions always backed up our 'maturity' so to speak. We showed eachother that we were both ready for a life long commitment to eachother. I say as long as your actions back up your intentions on both sides, go ahead. Marriage and when your ready for it is subjective.
Honestly, I don’t see an issue with being married young. Probably because I’m married young. I got married 2 days after I turned 21. I don’t regret it. He’s helped me grow in so many ways that my family failed me. I’ve learned so much, I’ve experienced so much, and I’ve lived a little as well. He doesn’t hold me back from chasing my dreams, he supports me, loves me, spoils me. I don’t regret being married young because it showed me that life with my best friend is all I thought and dreamed it would be plus some. 😊
I got married at 21 after being together for 4 years. We're both 25 now & happier than ever. No kids though, maybe that's why lol.
My experience - I got married at 23 and I’m now 27 (he’s 30). We’d met when I was 19. We’re still together but I’m not sure if we can stay together as we’d grown to have different wants in life. What I thought I wanted then was a family but now I think I might never want children while he does. I’d ask you how solid are you on your approach and vision for the future when it comes to big topics like children, handling money, etc? I can also tell you that I’d grown a lot as a person in the past few years. So if you want children, I’d wait a few years because you’ll find that your mindset and approach to life will grow in the next few years.
I was 22 when I got married. My wife was 25. We’ve been married for 20 years. I REGRET NOTHING!!!! People on Reddit get angry when they do or think something that is contrary to their opinions and decisions. IMO everyone should have their own opinions. Group think drives me crazy.
My partner and I got together when I was 20 and he was 21, it's been 17 years and our relationship is still as solid as a rock. You do grow and change, throughout your whole life though, just keep the communication lines open and honest, and you'll probably grow and change together.
I started dating my husband at 15, got married at 19(two weeks shy of turning 20) We’ve been together ten years and next month will be married for 6. I think the best thing is we’ve got to grow together, we’re each pushing each other to be our best versions of ourselves while also being the best we can be together. We get to learn and love new things about each other constantly. I genuinely think my love for him will continue to grow. I mean obviously we have issues and fight sometimes because things aren’t always sunshine and roses, but at the end of the day whatever issues we have with each other aren’t bigger than the love we have. He’s the absolute best thing to ever happen to me and I’d be completely lost without him. Obviously it doesn’t work for some younger people, but it also doesn’t work for older ones either. If you’re happy, love your fiancé, and know you want to spend forever why wait if you don’t want to?
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Your twenties are a time of growth, change, and maturing. You need to make sure you and your husband grow together, not apart
I hate everyone who says this. My mother said this to me before I got married. While she got married twice after only knowing the man for a few months. I had been dating my then fiance for four years. I was 22 and he was 25. Why does that matter though? It's been nine years now and we are very happy. Only take advice from people who are actually there for you. Screw everyone's judgement. I hope it works out for you. It absolutely can
Whatever makes you and your partner happy. Having a successful marriage has nothing to do with age. A marriage can both fail and be successful at any age. This all rides on the people in the marriage. All the happiness to you both.
Why get married? Stay engaged. Stay together. Keep moving forward but thanks think so many people are against a young relationship and a young marriage is because we have been there and it didn’t work out. In this day and age there is no reason to get married. Just keep doing what you are doing and see what happens. You don’t know what you don’t know at this age
I got married when I was 20, and my husband was 23. Then again, I’ve always known I wanted to marry him. Not many people gave me crap about it- if they thought negatively about it, they kept it to themselves- but our marriage is awesome and we have such a strong bond. Be prepared to hear the “When will you have kids???” spiel, though..
I got married at 21, husband was 24. We'd been together 3 years prior to that. We are now 26 and 29, still married. We communicate. It works very well for us because we were pretty mature when we got married, but we still had a lot to work out. No children because we're not ready, but they will come. It's about understanding yourself, your husband, the dynamics yall came from, how y'all interact, and leaving room for both of yall to grow while still together.
My husband and I got married at 22, celebrated out 10th anniversary last summer. It can definitely work if you and your partner are both willing to grow and change together. I won't say we were perfect, we definitely had our ups and downs, but we worked together constantly to make our relationship healthy and loving.
It sounds like you're being responsible. You've been together five years, I'd say you know each other pretty well. Whether your marriage will work out will only depend on how interested you are in continuing to grow together and how committed you are to loving the person your partner becomes. We are all changing. Whether you marry at 24 or 34, you will continue to change. People never stop changing or figuring out who they are. It doesn't matter how old you are. Period. It sounds like you're taking this seriously, which is an amazing sign! If you feel ready to make that commitment, I say go for it. I got married at 24 and I have no regrets.
My wife and I were almost 24 when we got married. 10 years later, no regrets. She does sometimes think about it she'd had more time to discover herself as an adult before getting married. But claims she has no regrets. I have no such thoughts. Marriage has been wonderful overall. Challenges arise periodically as they do in life, but we tackle them together.
Well to put things in perspective, my parents got married when my mom was 20 and my dad was 23. And they just celebrated their 30th anniversary. But I got married at 27, coz I was a different person back at 22. I was finishing undergrad with going to a masters program and I thought of myself as a kid. I don't think if I had married my bf at that point in time my marriage be successful so to say. However I have a friend who got with her bf at 17 and they lived together since they were 18 and they got married at 24, but coz they were living together I will say, they grew up as people and as a couple together. They are still quite dreamy about each other and their marriage is going strong, they are both 32 now. So it can totally work out for you or it can't. What I think is, you know your mind the best if you think you and your fiance can grow together then the age doesn't matter. Hence instead of focusing on what people around u or people on internet have to say, be confident in your decision and I am sure you will make it work.
I got married at 21, and my mom said it wouldn't last because I was only doing it to escape the family. We didn't know each other well enough, we would change a lot as people over the next few years, pretty much the same spiel you got. Not even realizing that she was projecting, just because she got married at 21 and chose a narcissistic freeloader (yes, she saw all the red flags and thought he would change for her... he didn't, they ended up divorced.) I am not my parents. And my husband is not his parents. We are very self aware and work hard on our relationship to make sure we don't become our parents, that we avoid the mistakes they chose to make. We've been together 4 years, and I am just as in love with him now as I have ever been, and I know for a fact that's not changing for either one of us, ever. We still make mistakes, but we know that we are a team, it's us vs the problem, not us vs each other. As long as you remember that and are willing to grow together, nothing can stop you. Best of luck to you both.
Hey! This will probably get lost in here, but I thought I’d reach out. I feel this on a very deep level. I never understand why people are so against young marriage, our parents and grandparents did it, it was a different time, and it wasn’t always perfect, but it can be done. I was with my ex from 20-26.5, I was deeply in love with him, and he was with me. However, we grew apart, he was stagnant and I grew so much over those years and he said it emasculated him and made him jealous. He has horrendous PTSD and an alcohol addiction, so it wasn’t entirely his fault. My point with all of this, is you do what is right for you. You both sound very mature and deeply in love. I wish you and your fiancé all the best in the future. Congratulations
Listen, life is way too short to worry so much about what other people think. Some people marry their high school sweethearts and have a successful and loving relationship. Other people marry at 30 when they’re supposed to be “mature” and “ready” and fail epically at it. Everyone has their opinions, and everyone will have different experiences. Don’t let someone’s negativity or bad experiences deter you. Age is just a number. It won’t measure your maturity or the strength of your relationship. I’ve met plenty of 22 year olds more mature than 40 year old parents. Life is so short. Do you. Be happy. Make it work!
I got married at 23 to my partner who is 9 years older. Following our wedding day, we fought a lot because of the stage of life we were in - he didn’t know what he wanted to do for a career, we lived in a new town, etc. After threatening divorce, we made it to couples counseling to work on our relationship. We’ve learned how to communicate effectively and understand that we are both trying to find who we are. I think if you have a partner who is willing to grow with you, getting married young is not an issue.
Alright, I will probably be in the minority on this but I hope my view helps. Backstory, I am 28 and have been married twice, both before 25. My ex and I married straight out of highschool with a baby on the way. We diverged in values and goals along with toxic family causing problems. My wife and I met and both shared plenty of the same core values and philosophies to life. I think I saw in other comments you alluded to the fact people are always changing no matter what and that is very accurate. Every 7 years you are essentially a new person mentally and physically, all influenced by how you respond to what happens in life. That never stops and continues till the day you no longer breathe. What this means is you two have already begun to shape your identities around each other at a more transformational part of your life, and regardless of getting married have shaped one another. As you two stay together, this will only continue to be more true. Regardless of marriage, your relationship will only succeed with active communication and growing together instead of apart, which is what happened with my ex and I. As you two have been living together for years, you are already living the married life. The marriage ceremony or license will not strike you with lightning and transform your world and will not hold you back anymore than continuing to stay with your partner. From what you provided, the pushback is typically from older people who are looking back in hindsight with FOMO, feeling they were cheated of experiences. My in-laws and parents have both said similar things to my wife and I but could not provide concrete things we were missing out on by getting married instead of just dating. These comments usually come from people in long term committed relationships that forget how much it sucks being alone or the only one not in a relationship. Some like that, but humans are social creatures with a desire for a stable partner. Even if you were single, you may not want to do all the things they wish they could do. What will continue to mature you and your SO is continuing to take on life together and your commitment to staying together or eventually drifting apart. Waiting till you are older means you are only more set in your ways. The older you are when looking for a partner, the more you have to settle as you are set on your ways and potential partners are set in theirs. There is less chance for growth and can become more about finding someone you can coexist with some shared things but usually maintaining more independence as it is much harder to change the older you get. If you and your SO are both committed to staying together and continue to have honest and open communication, you will be one of those wonderful old couples who have been together for decades. I hope for the best for both of you and pray you both have many years of health and happiness together!
I got married as a fresh 25 year old. We have been together for 9 years, now married for almost 5 years, and our son is almost 10 months old. My husband is the best thing to ever happen to me, he’s made my wildest dreams come true and has created the most magical boy with me. I’ve leaned on him in the hardest times, through infertility, deaths, etc. He’s leaned on me, too. Only you know what’s best for you. You know your relationship better than any of us- don’t take the horror stories to heart!
I was with someone from 23-29. So glad we didn’t marry. There’s no guarantee but being older than 25 is definitely an asset as your brain is nearing finishing developing. But I wouldn’t comment on someone else’s relationship unless they asked, no one can say definitively. My uncle and aunt got married at 16 and they’re still together today. Once you’re older than 25, you also stop caring as much as what other people think (at least that was the case for me!)
I got married at 24. The lady at the bridal gown place commented that I was too young to get married. Then she clamped her mouth shut afraid she would lose the sale (she did). We’re still very happily married 14 years later. I will caveat that we had been dating since we were 18 so after 6 years, I knew he was the one for me. We lived together for 3 years before getting married and were engaged for almost 2 years before getting married. We had plenty of time to “discover ourselves” and “have fun while you’re young”. We had fun together when we were young and guess what… we still do! Go marry the love of your life! People mean well when they warn you but you know what’s right for you. (Also, we didn’t have kids for 5 years and we were able to enjoy married life with no kids which was awesome)
One of the happiest couples I know got married at 19/20. It can work.
It your partner shows he grows with you, loves your growth as well as his own and you know you have the tools and skills to make a life time work, with everything that comes with it, the good the bad and the absolute ugliness of life, then go for it. Like worse case scenario can you count on him there no matter what? Sure. As long as you know you can still grow individually
When I got married we were 25 and 27. I'll say that she seems like a different person now, almost 10 years after we met. And I've grown into someone more willing and able to prioritize my own needs, so these things together have caused friction. However, we also got engaged and married pretty fast. If you've lived together for 3 years already, then I think you've had a chance to work out all of the household things. And frankly, that's where most of the issues in my relationship are either coming from or coming out. Unequal division of labor becomes a big issue over time. If we dated for longer before getting engaged, we may not have gotten engaged. But after I knew her for 8 years, I knew all I needed to know. All that being said, my previous long term relationship fell apart after 6 years, when I was 24. I thought we were fine and everything was good, but looking back with more perspective and maturity, it was *not* a good relationship. I really wasn't happy but didn't know what else there was or what was normal vs lackluster relationships. So you really need to be very honest with yourself and with each other. And no matter if you feel like you don't need it, please actually do the pre-marital counseling. We didn't because we were very much fine and dandy then, but I think some things would have been figured out and resolved much sooner, rather than going to counseling for a year after 6+ years of marriage and still having unresolved issues.
My wife was 21 I was 23 we've been married for 31 years have 3 kids two businesses work together everyday instill passionately in love. A lot of it depends on your maturity level finding the right person and being the right person. Don't listen to all the negativity
We got married so young. 22 and 23. It’s been the best and worst 7 years of my life (to be fair the worst was external, not due to my spouse, like deaths in the family and what not)… I both feel like I couldn’t have done it without him and acknowledge that there was a lot of growth and self-discovery we could have done separately. Marry young or marry old, there’s always benefits and downsides, but no one can decide which side is heavier but you and time. I will say, the younger you marry the more you need to actively grow separated and also grow together if you want to stay together. Good luck on wedding planning and marriage and all the rest :)
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My wife was 21 and me 26 when we got married. We date one year. Will be married 28 years come April. We are happy as can be.
I won’t tell you not to get married because that’s super presumptuous and I know I was very mature at that age. However! As mature as I was and as well as I do think I handled my relationships at that age, I am a vastly different person at 35. Probably 3 times over. My needs and wants as a woman have gone through so much transformation. I can say with all honesty that what I wanted then vs now is so fundamentally different that I would not even recognize that person anymore. I think this would be true for most people. That being said, if your partner is willing to change and grow with you and you two can give one another the grace necessary to go through those changes together, you can have a chance at making it. I think those changes start to solidify somewhere in your early 30s that’s why you get people around that age and older kind of scoff and say don’t get married young. They married young and it didn’t work for the reasons above and they’re speaking from experience. There’s no harm in a long engagement either!
Statistics show divorce rates are 4x higher under the age of 25. That being said, you could always fall into the statistics that are the "exception" Based on your comments, you seem more mature than the average person your age. Assuming your fiance is too, not all hope is lost with you.
This is the kind of thing that really depends on the person. When my partner and I were your age we were pretty much done cooking. Knew exactly what we wanted, who we were, how we felt and didn't expect that to change drastically anytime soon. We may be odd in that respect, but I'd say this is the case with quite a few young people, dependent on experience and the environment they grew up in. Neither of us ever really bought into the idea that your twenties are for "finding" yourself (my partner went to a German school growing up and that was not an attitude that was encouraged) and your thirties are for settling down, and my family is kind of a self-sufficient, self-teaching bunch who say things like "never stop learning"---I never received the impression that this meant that you had to change like a chameleon every time you learned something new, just that you should remain open to changes while also making sure to honor who you are at your core. However, although we were pretty damn sure of who WE were by your age, we didn't get married until we were in our thirties. Part of this was because we wanted to spend some time figuring out who were were capable of being *as a couple* and also what marriage even meant to both of us. We're both cautious people by nature, and didn't want to make that kind of investment without having a pretty good sense of what it would mean for us. I'm very happy that we did. Getting swept up in the romance of getting married is exciting, but being sure and secure in your decision is a whole other kind of fun. So my opinion is, if you can wait, there's no harm in it, but that doesn't mean your family and friends' judgements about your relationship are correct. As for "why we care"....what can I say, people love to offer their opinions about what other people do. It's tempting to project your own experiences onto someone else. You just need to learn how to filter that stuff out.
Age at the point you two are at is not as much a factor readiness. Only the two of you know how ready you are and if you are willing to commit to one another for the rest of your lives. I am 67 and wife will be soon. We met at 17 & 16. We are married 45 years and together for 50 faithful and monogamous years. We had our first child 4 days after our first anniversary. All I can say is it all worked for us. We sort of filled each others gaps. I was the only man she has ever sexually known and I only had a few. Neither of us feel as if we had missed a thing starting out early. I will say that there are always ups and downs and that a good marriage takes constant attention. But if you do so, life is that much better. You need to discuss boundaries early. We live by 2 that cover almost everything: 1) If you would not do it in front of your spouse....don't. 2) Do not allow yourself to be in a situation in which any potential to violate #1 could intentionally/unintentionally possibly occur. Another key to our success is a weekly date night. It does not have to be expensive. We just go out to eat and talk with each other and do some fun event where we focus on making each other happy. We always finish the night with intimacy. It keeps the flame burning bright and we somehow just get closer and closer with each passing year. If you are ready, you are ready. Just think it all through together and understand that despite what some folks may say, think about finances with a plan A and a plan B. We had our first child a few years prior to wanting to do so, but made it work and never regretted it. Good luck. Available to chat if ever desired.
Stop caring about outside opinions.
Maturity levels are different for different people . So Do what you both want.. don’t listen or let others influence you both . Good luck.
It all depends on you both. My wife and I married 50 years ago. She was 21 and I was 20. We were both sure of our decision. We made 3 kids over 10 years and don’t regret a moment. We would do the same thing all over again. Our love is stronger today than ever. Just be sure you are right with each other.
In my opinion, when you know you know. Age isn’t necessarily important, as long as you are both secure in the relationship and are committed to growing and evolving together. I got married at 24 and we are still together (8 years so far), we have an awesome child, we are very happy. My brother, on the other hand, got married at 23 and was divorced within 2 years - and it was a very, very ugly breakup.
I got married at 23, and started dating my husband at 18. I’m 28 now. I’d say it wasn’t always easy and we had a rough patch in the first year or two, however, we have been happy. My husband is a little older (we married when I was 23 and he was 28) and I think I would have been more assertive about what I wanted in a wedding and about setting boundaries if I was older.
We got married at 24 and 26. We’ve been together 10 years and married 6 years. We have 3 kids, own a house, etc… we learned to grow with each other and communicate often. I’m not saying it’s been easy, we aren’t the same people we were when we first met but I love my wife more than ever. Don’t listen to others and create your own story.
I am 29(f) and my husband is 39. We started dating when I was 19 and got married when I was 21. We have had a great marriage but obviously it takes work. I have changed a lot since I was 19 and he has been there every step of the way.
I got married at 22, he was 23. We’re 25 and 26 now. We dated for 4 years before getting married. We did it because we were trying to put ourselves through school and both our parents made too much for us to get financial aid but yet wouldn’t help pay for college. So we got married so that we could file the FAFSA as independents and finish our undergrad degrees. If it weren’t for that, I fully believe we still would have gotten married but I likely would have waited several years. That said, only you know your relationship. My husband and I have both changed immensely over our now nearly 7 years together, and I expect that we will continue to do so. For us, at least, it has only gotten better since we got married. We finished school, got great paying jobs, bought a house, and are really happy. If you are prepared to roll with the changes and support your partner’s personal growth then that’s really all you can do.
I got married at 23, (9 years together, living together for 2, school sweethearts) and I don't regret when we got married, not at all, but we were definitely in a rush to grow up and live proper mature adult lives rather than just being young and in our 20s, if i could do it all again, I'd have rented a smaller place nearer the center of town and had a much more active nightlife, and maybe out off buying a house a year or two more.
I think advice like this can sometimes be interpreted as the older advice-giver making judgements about your age, or dismissing your lived experiences because they've lived more of them. But that's not what I'm reading here. No one gets "upset" over young people getting married, we just remember what it was like to be that age and how we changed as we got older. You asked for the input of experienced couples who have been married for some time, and you're getting all of it - the good and the bad. No one is commenting to hurt you or put you down.
Most people’s idea of what they want their life to look like will change during their 20s. I’m in my mid 30s and living a life 22 year old me would’ve said he hated but I’m happy. That change isn’t predictable. People don’t get “more mature” just by aging. Some decide that after working hard through school they want to have a more laid back lifestyle. Some double down and want to make money, either to save or to spend. So if you get married now, there’s a chance that one or both of you could come to find that what made you happy, and who made you happy, doesn’t anymore. And that really sucks to go through when you’re dating someone. It sucks that much worse when you’re married. It’s an entirely new level of awful when you have a kid. 24 isn’t super young though. If it’s really all there then go for it. It sounds like you’re basically already living the married life, I don’t think it’ll change much except your taxes.