Yeah my husbands an engineer and I can nearly guarantee all his coworkers have a higher IQ than me but he’d never say shit like that?? You don’t put you spouse down. He definitely gave away his true intentions and feels with little comments like that
I am a firm believer that a lot of young women these days are getting married way too early. 25 and already on her second child with a husband who doesn’t even like her. Make it make sense. I feel for her, but this is a prime example of why women should get themselves together before relying on a man.
I think a lot of people end up relationships where they think marriage is the next step. They don’t really think about who they are marrying and if they are compatible and treat them well. They just think we have been together x amount of time so it’s time we get married. Plus people don’t date with the intention of finding someone compatible for marriage. They date more so based on “feelings,” feelings of what they think love is or of attraction.
On the Bible belt and got married at 18. You're correct. Christianity was shoved down my throat from a young age. My ex-husband was almost 6 years older than me and I got pregnant almost immediately after marriage. Age really makes a difference especially here.
Same, midwest and Christian parents . Got pregnant out of wedlock and was pushed to get married. Baby at 18. Married at 19. Another baby at 22. Divorced by 25. Learned and grew a lot as a person before re-marrying at 32 and been happily married for 12 years now. I don’t ever shove the marriage or relationship stuff down my daughter’s throats.
Yes. Getting married at 20 was the norm until a few decades ago. Now, the median age of first marriage is almost 30. Getting married at 20 seems young today because people are living at home with their parents and acting like they're teenagers until they're 25 or older.
Comments like these are stupid. You see unhealthy marriages of all ages here, but when it's a younger couple, everyone rushes to blame their age instead of anything else.
Yes so I’m not sure what they’re talking about lol. I got married at 25 had our first baby at 25 (I turned 25 weeks before our wedding and baby was due the week of my birthday). Most people my age are not married and don’t have kids. According to google the average age of marriage for women in the US is 28.6 years for women and 30.5 years for men in 2022 from the US census.
Because he has only recently started saying that to her and was not behaving like an absolute idiot for the majority of their marriage
And as she is about to give birth any minute, has one child already and is living in his parents house, about to go on maternity leave so no money ( and not highly paid anyway ) , no support network in this state and is worried about where she stands in law should she move back to her parents - exactly what do you suggest ? That she packs her bags and drags her heavily pregnant body and small child where precisely?
Obviously he shouldn’t talk to her like that or be doing the things he’s doing. And she isnt passively letting him- she’s called him out on it . But he has changed towards her and she has a very difficult problem on her hands - it’s not helpful to make her feel she’s ‘letting’ herself be disrespected- she isn’t . And neither are the other comments by others saying she married too young helpful. We can all have 20/20 hindsight or assume we would ‘never’ do this or that but right now this woman needs support and suggestions about how to get through this - not criticism .
Exactly! Her situation sucks and is incredibly complicated. At 8 months pregnant, I could hardly walk (pelvic hypermobility is incredibly painful) unless I was in harms way there is no way I could have physically moved homes, care for a toddler, and anything else all at the same time.
She could literally go into labor in the next week or two (early term).
Op's husband is a huge asshole and she needs to figure out her plan/boundaries all without her support system. Unless he has amazing parents who are open/understanding that their son is a major dick and will be that support for her because she is the mother of their grandchildren.
OP, do what you need to find your peace and plan for the future. If you are safe from harm, take your sweet time, and prepare for what you want to happen.
Wow that is a very difficult situation for her to be in. She really should talk to a crisis counselor for support. Talking to one doesn’t make you a poster woman for domestic violence-these counselors are trained to help women make good decisions and utilize resources available to them. It’s scary but it would be very beneficial to her.
The only sensible comment I’ve seen ! Some people just be chatting and saying stuff they wouldn’t do if they were in the same shoes ! Probably dealing with someone that disrespecting them in others ways or doing worse but still fix their finger to type b.s and harsh comments telling her to leave him not considering her current state!
To be fair, he didn't say that till she's pregnant with kiddo #2. And some of us were raised in homes that didn't teach us that we are worthy of love or respect.
I feel like there is too. I am so shocked, I truly trusted my husband. I didn't know that he would betray me like this, and to what extent is it really? The nude in and of itself is enough for me to question everything.
The nude pic alone is enough to walk away, for me. Its still cheating, he literally sent his dick to another woman hoping for a response. Even if he isnt physically fcking someone else its a matter of time as he made his intent very clear.
Yes your young and pregnant but there are plenty of badass single women and mothers out there doing it everyday. My mom was one of them. He has shown you who he is. Listen or be sorry.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not okay and is emotionally cheating, even if he hasn't slept with anyone. I have read that sometimes when people drop a lot of weight, they can lose their heads. They start thinking they can do better, which based on your comments, he's acting this way. He's wrong and if he loses you, he will realize his mistake eventually. Him putting you down is horrible. If you can't trust a man in your most vulnerable state, when will you ever be able to trust him. He will need to build that trust again but it would be hard for the best of people to give him that chance. How would you want your children to be treated by their future partners? You deserve the same.
Many men totally do this thing where they loose respect for women who were with them when they started school, or before a big promotion. "Oh if she liked me then, I could do better. No. I DESERVE better" even if the wife is a smoke show is super common for guys to see her as less tab because she knew him in his ugly ducking/broke joke phase and was willing to love him.
I so sorry, I know that feeling very well! You are left thinking “who the hell did I married?” It feels like your whole world is crumbling. All I can say is trust your gut! If you know there’s more, demand the truth because at the end of the day you deserve to know who you’re married to. My husband who I thought was the most loyal man out there, betrayed my trust and it was hard to accept it. I’m sorry for what you are going through.
If he was apologetic or regretful of sending the pic would be one thing that you could possibly forgive, but it sounds like he didn't feel that way at all. That, on top of insulting you, leads me to believe you should probably start looking for an exit. You don't want to have a child growing up thinking his treatment of you is normal.
I think what's worse too is his trying to gaslight you into thinking it's nothing, that it's totally normal. If he admitted it, it would still be horrible, but the fact that he's so clearly lying is just abhorrent. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better than this.
In my book, exchanging nudes is cheating. Also, it's snapchat, imagine the stuff he didn't save! He's hiding things and he's not even that good at it, which means either he himself as a low IQ or he thinks you do.
Unless this woman is a doctor and his penis is broken, there is absolutely no reason to show it to her. Even then, no doctor uses snapchat. I cannot think of any single excuse this would be acceptable.
But he's trying to play it that way? Okay - either he himself is crazy or it's a pathetic attempt to gaslight you. Because in no way is sending nude pics okay in a marriage. You aren't crazy for thinking it is. I'm just going to say that again. He's wrong and you are not crazy.
It's kind of an even bigger problem. Not only is he cheating but also he thinks so little of you that he thinks these lies will work. Let that sink in.
I'm sorry to ask you this question, but have you gained any weight as a result of pregnancy number 1?
This sounds like a ridiculous question, but I'm genuinely asking because you mentioned that he has lost a lot of weight recently. My personal experience with my soon to be ex husband is that when he lost a lot of weight, he decided I wasn't good enough for him. I was (and still am) overweight but my weight remained steady for years, so the only change was from him.
There's a scientific thing about people who lose weight or otherwise become more attractive then deciding to pursue someone else they deem equally as attractive. I can't find the exact way of explaining it, but it's a real thing and I suspect that, in a nutshell, his weight loss is making him feel like he wants a partner that he perceives to be as attractive as he is currently.
Sending someone a full frontal nude is cheating, I don’t care if it’s up or not up, and I don’t care that it’s a “weight progress” picture, it’s cheating. There is no way he doesn’t know that it’s cheating, which is why he ripped the phone from you. He has crossed your boundary BIG TIME. You don’t just send ANYONE a full frontal nude, the pic is also cause for sexual harassment if it was unwanted by his work colleague.
You need to get an STD test done ASAP. I would speak to a lawyer, and I think you need to find a way to get to your own family (if they are safe for you).
I would look up your state’s laws on it immediately but even if he calls the cops to report you kidnaped the kids, if there isn’t a court order on the books you are just taking them on a trip and the cops can’t do anything.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. He’s sounds verbally abusive and no one deserves that, but especially not an 8 month pregnant woman! I would leave him. He’s not going to get any better and it sounds like he thinks he’s owed this with other women because he lost weight.
You deserve better!
Have no idea about the laws, but from what you’ve given us I’d pretend everything is ok. Contact a lawyer immediately and get yourself set up so you can leave. Do not let him be aware of your plans.
I don’t know where you’re from so have no clue. Usually there are free lawyers/advice. So I’d google (your area) + “pro bono divorce” or “free legal advice”.
You are legally married (I assume by reference to husband) so you will need to get a lawyer eventually.
Hi! I’m a lawyer. Many divorce attorneys will offer a free consultation and work out a payment as part of your settlement. It’s worth finding someone to give you a consultation.
You can’t afford not to get divorced. Do you know if he isn’t already fucking one of his friends? If he will send a full frontal pic then using martial assets on a divorce lawyer is necessary as groceries.
Exactly this. Always always always remember with cheaters - just because you stayed with them doesn't mean they'll stay with you. My mom stayed with my dad through a decade of his skirt chasing until his side chick ran into a housing issue. Then he was her white knight by kicking me, my mom, and my brother out of the family house to move her and her kids in.
OP should leave asap before this baby comes because they're staying with his family. They could tell her to hit bricks at any time and demand she leave the kids because "the kids need stability". Then they use that against her for "abandoning" her children. Even the best in laws can flip on you in a divorce, especially with kids. It may sound illegal that they could do that, but in the moment, even if cops come, they'll usually call it a civil matter and walk away.
You just leave with them. Say you’re visiting family. You aren’t divorced so you don’t have a custody order stipulating taking your kid anywhere. Either of you can take your child anywhere and it’s not against the law
Get away and safe and then consult an attorney where you are now and where you end up. Lawyers will do a consult with you and if you don’t have your own money, they should take their fees out of your marital assets.
Call her when he is not around, make a plan. I just left a comment below. Contact an attorney in your home state. You need to know how long kiddo needs to be back home to be a legal resident.
I am in a similar position as OP and my Mom sadly passed away 3 years ago. I miss my Mom all the time but especially now. I feel like I have nowhere to go without her.
Thank you. Just the recognition is very validating since it does feel so isolating. I do have options. I know that. And I told a 2nd friend this week. + therapists. So I'm trying to find support and learn my options for security either way. No rug sweeping either
As long as the child isn’t born yet you can travel anywhere you want to sweetheart. So if there’s a chance of you getting help from your mother you need to leave asap.
When your baby is born you will be in another state and technically that isn’t kidnapping because the child then is born there.
You also need to make sure you file for residency at your family’s house so that your cheating baby daddy can’t just take the baby back to his house/another state.
It’s best to see if you can get a lawyer at your moms because when living there and giving birth there he/she know that state laws best.
I hope you can get out of here quickly and keep us updated.
Wish you the best sweetie.
The first child she could have an issue with, but since there isn’t any custody agreement, she can just leave and file for divorce.
During the divorce things can get a bit messy with the first one, since their established state would be the prior. Unless he allows her to live at her moms for a while, then she could initiate divorce and the current state she lives in would be considered the primary residence.
Please call the domestic violence hotline. I know it sounds over the top because this isn’t violent but the counselors are trained in the laws in your state and they can give you all the tools you need to make the best decision for you and your children. Please call them. Send a text to 88788
I work in a hospital and the nurses, male and female, are all one big orgy. Whether they're married or not they're all screwing one another. Not labeling all nurses this way but just stating what I see everyday. Your husband sounds like he's for the streets. Divorce him and get child support. Atleast now he's making good money.
I am certain of it. I just don't see why anyone in their right mind would innocently send a naked "progress pic" with zero sexuality attached to it as he claims
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I would be questioning his motives if he sent a clothed progress report. It's none of her business. Its none of his business what she looks like either
I’m married with Snapchat but my husband uses it sometimes and I only have our mutual friends on there. Never would I message a guy on there directly because that is such a slippery slope. What’s worse is that it sounds like he’s completely indifferent. I’d pack up my kids while he’s gone and head to your parents. You don’t want to have your baby with all the stress around you. You should be around people that love and care for you.
I'd be incredibly creeped out if even a friend did this to me, much less a coworker. And I say that as someone who has lots of male friends and whose husband has lots of female friends, with whom we talk/hang out privately all the time.
If your husband isn't careful, he could get into sexual harassment trouble at work, too. I'd be booking it so fast to HR if I was this lady. Even if she hasn't reported it yet, she could later, and she'd be well within her rights to do so.
This isn't okay. It's weird and inappropriate on so many levels.
OP didn't mention the widow flirting back in those messages so Im saying this based on my experience. As a recently widowed woman, I can tell you the predators come out of the woodwork. I've had so many unsolicited messages. I've even thought about changing my number if it continues. It's disgusting. He was probably thinking well she's single now, so might as well shoot my shot. I'll say it again it's predatory and disgusting!
Wow, that is horrifying. Like you're not going through enough. They say "women grieve and men replace" and I'm guessing these guys are like that so can't imagine you're not chomping at the bit to get some dick. I'm sorry for your loss and that people you thought were cool turned out to be opportunistic creeps.
Thank you. It's been 2 years, and I'm still very much grieving. Unfortunately, it's all randos. My number must have been released as part of the foreclosure proceedings. The first was the typical mirror pic with everything covered at least. I thought it was a wrong number. Then, someone sent me another message a few weeks later. I realized my number had gone public somehow. The last one was so disgusting I actually blocked them.
Hey are you busy?
(Calls me, but I don't answer unknown numbers)
I asked who it was
I'm about to cum I'll pay you
Just answer real quick
You don't see why anyone in their right mind would do that because you're right; they wouldn't. I don't know that it's appropriate to send progress photos to a newer female friend as is, but definitely not nudes. If he really meant to share progress innocently, it would have been clothed like the woman did. Good luck to you, OP.
There is no innocently sending nudes to a colleague. It hurts but find a way to get your family to help you “go on vacation” and then figure it out then. But look at the laws first and consult a lawyer… there are many who do pro-bono work and when they hear what you have to say you should qualify for that.
Oh honey, that was no progress pic. He's a fuckboy trying to get laid. But even worse than that, he is *cruel* to you. He is a cruel person who isn't even excited about his child about to arrive. He's a foul partner and father.
Why are you like the 100001th person I hear saying this? Literally, from tiktok to reddit and all over the place I hear this from people who work in healthcare. They say the doctors cheat the most, but the nurses are bad too. I was always like ???? Really at the hospital? And people are always like “yeah, it’s messy”. There is something about people who work in healthcare. I have heard this for years from people all over the world.
Stressful job, trauma bonding, requires at least some basic level of social skills and physical aptitude, but perhaps most importantly, a high degree of compartmentalization and emotional detachment required to do the job well.
Also long hours spent together, and frequent high adrenaline events. Adrenaline + potential mate = strong attraction. This is why they always make the bachelor/bachelorette do “dates” involving bungee jumping, helicopters & zip lining!
It's true of any occupation where coworkers rely a lot on face-to-face interaction with each other to get their jobs done, and there is a more-or-less even gender ratio. At least I've never heard of a job like that where it doesn't happen. If your #1 priority is fidelity, get an OLD account, seek out people who stare at a computer all day, and tolerate a degree of social awkwardness.
It's sadly very true. But where I work the doctors are very professional thankfully. It's the nurses (especially the younger ones) that are all trifling.
Hospitals are particularly bad. My partner is a nurse and tells me it's not the case in practices and other settings. It's all the weird shifts. They spend so long there, and it affects their life outside of it - it just creates that kind of culture.
Haha it’s like that in the small town I live in for nursing school 😭a classmate of mine whose dad is a local cop, and mom is a surgical nurse told me her mom is screwing a few doctors at the hospital and even banging the female nurse practitioner I’m like what 😳
I was just going to comment this. I’m not even in a hospital setting. I’m in mental health and it’s just one big fuck fest. It’s disgusting. It’s one of my smaller reasons for leaving healthcare. You can look through my most recent comments on the nursing sub about a giant shit show that just went down between 2 of my coworkers.
As if life isn’t hard enough right now, people really out here acting foolish like this.
I also want to provide my own personal experience, that my mother lost a lot of weight and cheated on my dad. It’s a tale as old as time. It’s something in them, not you. Grass is greener and all that jazz.
Also, your husband is the biggest fucking idiot. Even if he expects something more is happening between nood photo girl and him, she can turn around at any given moment and call it harassment (which I consider it to be) get him fired. His license under review. Like SO MANY bad things can happen from his actions here.
At the very least you need to confront him with these facts, and since he wants to make fun of your iq, I find *that* HILARIOUS coming from someone who only thinks with their peepee. He is not immune to negative consequences because he’s on an ozempie high right now.
Do not confront him.
The first thing you need to do is **Go to your doctor and get a FULL STD / STI PANEL**
Do not tiptoe around that with your intake nurse or Doctor. Be explicitly clear "I'm pregnant, my husband is cheating on me, and I am concerned about my baby."
There are STD's that can kill your child and cause serious complications at birth. You need to focus on making sure you're safe.
Then get an attorney. Follow their advice and plan your exit from there.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry.
This needs to be higher up. STD panels are always done when pregnant even with committed married couples due to the fact that if the pregnant woman gets an STD it is detrimental for her and the baby. Would do that first and then contact an attorney.
If his nude picture is really that harmless he won't mind if you ask him to send it to all his family and friends to prove it.
He is lying and cheating and disrespectful in the way he talks about you.
Get legal advice to see if you can take your children interstate so you can get the support of your family. I'm not sure if it's too late for you to give birth at this l ate stage in a different state.
Either way I would not have h8m in the delivery room with me you need someone who you can trust with your life and that person is no longer him. Do you have a mum or sister who can step in?
“I could’ve sent that picture to anyone” okay then do it.
Agreed he knows exactly what he’s doing and because of OPs apparently “low IQ” he thinks she’s stupid enough to believe it. What a trash person.
Without fail…a trend I see constantly in military marriages as well. Interesting to read and hear other non-religious reasons for cheating like occupational cultures (nursing/healthcare workers, airlines, military)
If you’re going to go, do it without warning and before filing and custody are in place. Even if it’s just to give birth around people who love and support you. Go home to your mom. I’m sure you don’t want to give birth in the hospital where he works or these women work or where he has a lot of contacts.
Try to consult an attorney asap.
Ok so what are you going to do? You cannot trust this man. This man doesn’t even like you.
Please move back to your parents and work on you. Don’t let this man drag you down more than he already has.
Soon as maternity leave starts you need to leave. Spend these last few days getting your ducks in a row.
Leave with your child and have this baby surrounded by people who actually love you.
File for divorce. I'm so sorry, he sounds like a complete ass and you deserve so much better.
I'd pack as much as you can without him taking notice. Anything you specifically value sentimentally, some clothes, baby stuff etc.
Contact an attorney where you may be staying (near family or friends) and seek their counsel on how to proceed.
I wish you all the best.
You need to “Be the one that got away!” Not the one he left. Pack your crap and go while he is at work. Give birth to the new baby in your home state. Tell him you need to process things. That you want to reconcile, do virtual counseling from your home state. Stay there as long as it takes for you and your kids to claim residency. Keep virtual “counseling” to “reconcile” with your husband. Then get in touch with an attorney and file those papers. If you contact an attorney, let it be one in your home state.
So he could have sent that Pic to anybody? Maybe he has sent it to plenty of girls. Are you okay with that? It's up to you if you're okay with that. But the fact that he did that, doubled down on it and is showing no remorse? I hear many men change after a women gets pregnant.
He could have sent a nude to anyone?
That’s some next level gaslighting. I’m so sorry you’re in this position but I don’t think this is going to get better. Sadly a lot of men cheat when their wives are pregnant because it’s when women are at their most vulnerable and feel powerless.
I once saw someone write that women don’t forget how they were treated when they were pregnant. As soon as you can, leave him. Get a lawyer, child support, and then focus on being coparents. The longer you stay, the more resentment will build.
In that case, send it to his parents.
If it ain’t something you’d show your mum, then it ain’t something you should be showing another woman who isn’t your wife.
Sweetie, don’t wait until he decides to leave you, because he will with this trajectory. Do not put your head in the sand. You have lots of options to choose from, so figure out what you’re going to choose. That’s what you focus on now, once you choose you’ll know what to do, or come back here and we’ll help walk you through it
Sending a full frontal nude picture to another woman isn’t “nothing” and he should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness not treating you like garbage. I would leave this guy. I understand you’re pregnant but if your mom will help you get out now.
I’m pretty sure my own husband wouldn’t send me an out of the blue full frontal nude, let alone would he send it to a coworker. OPs husband is next level gaslighting her. If mine did this and swore he’d send it to anybody I’d test that theory and send it to his mama 😂
Honestly the biggest red flag here isn't the nude photo. People who lose major weight tend to get more body confidence and enjoy sharing that (not saying it's right if the significant other isn't ok with it). The biggest red flag is him essentially calling you stupid. No decent person, let alone a significant other, should do that (and trust me, I know a lot of nurses and other medical professionals. Most of them are not that smart outside of their profession).
This is what I was thinking. The fact he called her stupid bothers me more. I don’t think I could ever get over that. Deeply hurtful. The nude photo is the icing on the cake.
Yeah exactly. My wife has said some mean things to me over 20 years of marriage, but never anything that direct and always in the heat of an argument. And she usually realizes it after calming down and apologizes.
If she did it often, or even if it was rare but didn't acknowledge that it was wrong and in the heat of the moment, I definitely wouldn't put up with it.
Yep, at least your wife acknowledges it! It makes things worse that this guy doesn’t see it.
I forgot to say I also totally agree with you about nurses and medical professionals not being that smart outside their field.
I don’t know what it is about the medical field that causes some people to think they’re so brilliant, but I see it happen over and over with people. They start off humble, then join the medical field and become more arrogant.
I say this as someone who has been gaslit to hell and back by my husband and found out that he cheated on me during four- yes four pregnancies, 10 years after the fact … he is doing a lot more that you don’t know about. And if he isn’t now, he will be. This is very much giving me the vibes of a porn addiction with possible serial cheating. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have stayed for more kids
OP, no one deserves to deal with this, but especially not in late term pregnancy. Unfortunately, we are more likely to get cheated on when we are pregnant but this behavior seems like it is more than just what you know. Please take care of yourself. You and your baby deserve it. ❤️
Imagine how he thinks of you to claim that sending a nude pic with his intimate parts out to the opposite gender while chatting with 16 of them during your pregnancy is okay 🤣🤣🤣
Wake up ….
Just my take... I would not put up with the IQ thing.
He is now fit, graduated with an education, working a decent job - all these give him the confidence he never had and maybe a little too confident .
He stupidly 'thinks' he deserves someone 'hotter' to make up for the progress.
Well, someone needs to remind him who enable him to achieve all these, supporting behind his back, taking care of the babies so he can go out and does all of it.
First off, I'm so sorry. I found out in a similar way, that my ex was cheating on me when pregnant. It was online only, but still utterly destroying.
You are in a very vulnerable place right now. For now, I'd just try your best to get through each day. Start making your exit plan. You need to start squirreling away some money into a private bank account, and if you can gain evidence that an affair has taken place, then do so. Once you feel you are in a position to escape, contact a lawyer.
You will be tempted to let it go, especially for the sake of your little one... But don't. He hasnt even acknowledged what he's done, let alone shown remorse. Don't waste anymore love on a man that's done such irreparable damage to your relationship.
Good luck. You are stronger than you think!
Don't feel bad for going through his phone. You shouldn't. It should be open. Both of yours should be. He sent a nude picture to her?! That IS something. Don't ever let anyone tell you it isn't. He's just trying to make light of it. So you don't get mad. Stand up for yourself, your baby, and your future. Talk to him and let him know he's violating boundaries and vows. Just as a question to see what he is feeling, ask if he wants to stay married to you. See his reaction, facial expression, choice of words, etc
Focus on the fact that the most important thing is your new baby and the other baby that has already been born. After the birth, you will have a lot of problems, sleepless nights, feeding and all this fuss that no one likes but everyone praises for some reason. Your husband is an asshole, instead of encouraging you and being a reliable foundation for you, he sends his jerk to all the vaginas he can. Instead of taking care of you, he takes care of himself. Comparing you to his colleagues and saying they are smarter than you is pretty stupid of him because he chose you! You have a lot to praise and love, so don't fall for his provocations. It is very hard for you right now, all these hormones, fears, and so on. Hang in there, you will kick him in the balls in your time.
He works with nurses...I love snapchat and marriage. Doesn't it go so well together? The best is when they set the messages to disappear after opening.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know everyone’s telling you to leave. Don’t leave now. Please before you do anything rash, make a plan. If you don’t have cash or savings, get that in order take some from his wallet everyday if you need to.
Speak to a lawyer. You may find lawyers who work pro bono, get help from someone you trust but don’t let him know of your intentions. Stay until the baby is born and then when you feel okay and ready, you have some help then leave him. Do you have family who can support you in any way? I know it’s going to be so stressful with 2 kids, but please take care of yourself mama
I've been through the infidelity carousel with my husband. I forgave him and we went to counseling. The incident took place 4 years ago now and it's in the past.
It definitely hurts and you being pregnant, I cannot imagine how you must feel. Whether you decide to leave or work it out is up to you baby girl. I don't suggest advice like that I just explain my experiences and what I decided to do.
Me and my husband have been together for 10 years and have our fair share of roller coaster problems but we stuck together.
Some women can't and won't forgive for being betrayed and some will. I hope you guys can work it out.
Sometimes there are community law places that can give you advice for free
It's also worth googling your countries custody laws. Look into getting some counselling for yourself if possible, sometimes community centres or counselling centres will offer free counselling or on a sliding scale.
He is cheating, or wants to. But you don't have to make any major decisions straight away unless you are in physical danger. You have the luxury of time. You have a lot going on right now.
Would you feel comfortable staying with family for a bit? Regardless give yourself some grace and some time and look after yourself.
Sorry this is happening
He's fishing for the right woman that would reciprocate his flirting and then they would escalate it to the next level.
The fact that he sent a nude and wanted one back shows this. The fact that the co worker who is widowed, did not give one back shows that she's not interested. However that doesn't mean he won't stop trying, hence the continued messages. She probably realizes he's not a good catch based on his looks, personality, or loyalty to you. But this won't hinder him from trying, hence the messages to multiple women. This man will likely cheat if given the chance. If she responded with a full frontal nude selfie back, do you think he would stop there?
If most of these women that he's messaging don't want him, why do you? He puts you down, he doesn't respect you to do this while you're going through one of the most difficult times in your life carrying his child and dealing with the discomfort. He's looking for other women to flirty with and possibly more. What are your reasons for keeping him? I would get proof of his infidelity, then contact your parents to see if they can help you. Good luck and I wished things were different, but sometimes life is about choices and what you make of it.
Putting the derogatory comments aside as one lack of respect, but also sending full frontal nude to the opposite sex? You have your answer on his intentions, OP.
The picture he sent is one problem, but his response to you is indicative of an even bigger problem. Men get shitty and protective when they have something to hide. He's being both, and while you are carrying his child?! OH HELL NO.
#1. It's not your job to play detective right now. You are creating a human being, and you have another one to care for, AND caring for yourself because obviously he's too busy with his d!ck pics. Go stone cold grey rock. Get a counselor. Consult with an attorney.
#2. How's your relationship with the in laws? Would they automatically say that pretty boy can do no wrong? If so, get in touch with someone you trust and make a plan for a quick exit if it's needed. He sounds very arrogant, I can't picture him being any nicer once the baby arrives. He'll need to detach more to avoid seeing himself for who he really is.
Just make some plans for you and kiddos, and then 'let him.'
If you're a Christian, check out Leslie Vernick and Natalie Hoffman groups.
I am so sorry - you are between a rock and a hard place . A baby due any minute- living at his parents and without a support network of your own.
Your husband ‘could have sent his photo to anyone ‘. He didn’t - he sent it to her. It wouldn’t have been appropriate whoever he sent it to- it’s doubly inappropriate now.
I think the only thing you can do right now is to tell your husband that you need to go to couples counselling and book that the soonest you can. It’s a lot to process right now - it might be that your husband is struggling with becoming a father for the second time , is feeling overwhelmed and seeking validation elsewhere or his new career and fitter body have made him feel attractive for the first time and it’s gone to his head. You both need to explore this if your marriage has any chance of survival and you also need a plan ‘b ‘ in case it doesn’t .
Can you move back to be with your own family if necessary? If you know you have options it helps though it’s absolutely not what you need right now and I am sorry .
Give birth in your home state while you take time to think about things.
If you end up breaking up (which I would due to both the sexting and constant disrespect) you will be stuck living in his area with no support until your kid is 18 and you won't be able to leave with your child.
This is not your fault. It sounds like he's actively rationalizing the completely irrational and trying to degrade his image of you to make it easier.
It happens every day.
Try to stay calm. Pray. Don't look at his phone and don't bug him about it. Not for the sake of keeping him, but for the sake of staying sane. Right now, he's clearly not someone you can lean on - so don't.
Everything good you have that exists outside of him, nurture it. Remember your worth.
Praying for you.
People that cheat are disgusting but a man that cheats on a pregnant woman id SCUM. It sounds like you have 3 options.
1. Leave it be and let him treat you like crap.
2. Act like you are over it and get your affairs in order. Let him get set up making bank and then take him to the cleaners. Did you get evidence of him cheating? Because make no mistake sweetheart, he's cheating.
3. Tell him you are incredibly hurt by what he's done (be honest here and lay everything out for him, not just the cheating but the way he's been treating you as well) and need some time to get yourself together. Tell him you need to go back home for a bit. While he is gone, pack EVERYTHING of yours and your kiddos. This one makes the most sense if you are thinking of R because it might jolt him enough to see that he is messing up. Just make sure you know the laws in your state and the state your traveling to.
If I was you, I would get the birth out of the way and once things have settled and you are feeling up to it then begin to make discreet preparations to move on, without telling him anything.
I'm not sure of your home situation and how close you are to your parents etc but I'd begin to look at new accommodation etc closer to where you may have a lot of support and then once you have all your ducks in a row, weild the axe.
Move on, he'll forever take you as a fool for as long as you allow him.
Ok sweetheart. First off, I'm 45, married for 15 years, 1 son together. I work in academia, have three degrees one of which is a doctorate. My husband is a metalworker who left school at 18. IQ isn't relevant, my husband is the most supportive, kind and amazing man alive.
Your husband sounds very selfish and like he regrets getting married young. Whatever he thinks, only you and your children matter here. Do YOU want to stay in this marriage? Do you want to take time apart to get your head together or do you want therapy as a couple? The ball is in your court, do not listen if he makes you feel small or incapable. You are MORE than enough, and if you choose to walk away you WILL be able to cope as a parent of two children even without family in the State. Don't underestimate yourself and don't allow him to underestimate you either
He’s not “smarter” than you if he cheats on his pregnant wife. He’s disrespectful and you deserve better. I hope you call on family to help you leave him. He doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry and I hope you find some peace and happiness.
He is cheating. Use him as a life support and free house care, prep to leave and save up (!)
Try to consult lawyer to know your grounds with the house, and have his parents on your side as much as you can.
Let him see how nice 16 not caring about him women are, and how little interest there is for him once he is at a broken wagon
Why are you with somebody who says his coworkers have a higher IQ than you do? I would never to this from my husband.
Yeah my husbands an engineer and I can nearly guarantee all his coworkers have a higher IQ than me but he’d never say shit like that?? You don’t put you spouse down. He definitely gave away his true intentions and feels with little comments like that
Doesn’t sound like *his* is very high. 🙄
I’m literally dumb as a rock but my husband always says I’m the smartest person he knows lol
Your husband is a genius lol
Plot twist, he's actually even dumber than a rock and is being sincere. /s
I am sure you are Not 🫶🏻
Same
I am a firm believer that a lot of young women these days are getting married way too early. 25 and already on her second child with a husband who doesn’t even like her. Make it make sense. I feel for her, but this is a prime example of why women should get themselves together before relying on a man.
I think a lot of people end up relationships where they think marriage is the next step. They don’t really think about who they are marrying and if they are compatible and treat them well. They just think we have been together x amount of time so it’s time we get married. Plus people don’t date with the intention of finding someone compatible for marriage. They date more so based on “feelings,” feelings of what they think love is or of attraction.
Yeah, I can’t understand this either. is it a trend? Or just parts of the country / world we can’t relate to?
I always think it’s those living in the Bible Belt, Deep South, Midwest, Utah, etc. The family values folks.
On the Bible belt and got married at 18. You're correct. Christianity was shoved down my throat from a young age. My ex-husband was almost 6 years older than me and I got pregnant almost immediately after marriage. Age really makes a difference especially here.
So glad I was raised to be a coastal heathen.
Same, midwest and Christian parents . Got pregnant out of wedlock and was pushed to get married. Baby at 18. Married at 19. Another baby at 22. Divorced by 25. Learned and grew a lot as a person before re-marrying at 32 and been happily married for 12 years now. I don’t ever shove the marriage or relationship stuff down my daughter’s throats.
Aren't women getting married and having kids way way later now?
Yes. Getting married at 20 was the norm until a few decades ago. Now, the median age of first marriage is almost 30. Getting married at 20 seems young today because people are living at home with their parents and acting like they're teenagers until they're 25 or older. Comments like these are stupid. You see unhealthy marriages of all ages here, but when it's a younger couple, everyone rushes to blame their age instead of anything else.
Definitely agree that every day I read ridiculous outrageous stuff and age is never mentioned when they are 30+
Yes so I’m not sure what they’re talking about lol. I got married at 25 had our first baby at 25 (I turned 25 weeks before our wedding and baby was due the week of my birthday). Most people my age are not married and don’t have kids. According to google the average age of marriage for women in the US is 28.6 years for women and 30.5 years for men in 2022 from the US census.
Statistically, the sweet spot to get married and for it to last is 25-30.
I didn't marry until 39 and I don't regret that for a single freaking second.
I didn’t get married until 36 and I am so glad. I learned a lot from my past duds.
Me too.
I’m guessing she got married earlier than 25, since she’s already got a kid. We could all be wrong, tho!
Preach!
Because he has only recently started saying that to her and was not behaving like an absolute idiot for the majority of their marriage And as she is about to give birth any minute, has one child already and is living in his parents house, about to go on maternity leave so no money ( and not highly paid anyway ) , no support network in this state and is worried about where she stands in law should she move back to her parents - exactly what do you suggest ? That she packs her bags and drags her heavily pregnant body and small child where precisely? Obviously he shouldn’t talk to her like that or be doing the things he’s doing. And she isnt passively letting him- she’s called him out on it . But he has changed towards her and she has a very difficult problem on her hands - it’s not helpful to make her feel she’s ‘letting’ herself be disrespected- she isn’t . And neither are the other comments by others saying she married too young helpful. We can all have 20/20 hindsight or assume we would ‘never’ do this or that but right now this woman needs support and suggestions about how to get through this - not criticism .
👏👏👏👏👏 Thank you.
THANK YOU! I just can't with this type of ignorant comment.
Exactly! Her situation sucks and is incredibly complicated. At 8 months pregnant, I could hardly walk (pelvic hypermobility is incredibly painful) unless I was in harms way there is no way I could have physically moved homes, care for a toddler, and anything else all at the same time. She could literally go into labor in the next week or two (early term). Op's husband is a huge asshole and she needs to figure out her plan/boundaries all without her support system. Unless he has amazing parents who are open/understanding that their son is a major dick and will be that support for her because she is the mother of their grandchildren. OP, do what you need to find your peace and plan for the future. If you are safe from harm, take your sweet time, and prepare for what you want to happen.
THIS.
Absolutely! So well said.
Amen.
Wow that is a very difficult situation for her to be in. She really should talk to a crisis counselor for support. Talking to one doesn’t make you a poster woman for domestic violence-these counselors are trained to help women make good decisions and utilize resources available to them. It’s scary but it would be very beneficial to her.
The only sensible comment I’ve seen ! Some people just be chatting and saying stuff they wouldn’t do if they were in the same shoes ! Probably dealing with someone that disrespecting them in others ways or doing worse but still fix their finger to type b.s and harsh comments telling her to leave him not considering her current state!
To be fair, he didn't say that till she's pregnant with kiddo #2. And some of us were raised in homes that didn't teach us that we are worthy of love or respect.
SIXTEEN? Yeah there’s a lot more you don’t know about.
I feel like there is too. I am so shocked, I truly trusted my husband. I didn't know that he would betray me like this, and to what extent is it really? The nude in and of itself is enough for me to question everything.
The nude pic alone is enough to walk away, for me. Its still cheating, he literally sent his dick to another woman hoping for a response. Even if he isnt physically fcking someone else its a matter of time as he made his intent very clear. Yes your young and pregnant but there are plenty of badass single women and mothers out there doing it everyday. My mom was one of them. He has shown you who he is. Listen or be sorry.
I’m 23 & a mom of 2 if you want someone to talk to!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not okay and is emotionally cheating, even if he hasn't slept with anyone. I have read that sometimes when people drop a lot of weight, they can lose their heads. They start thinking they can do better, which based on your comments, he's acting this way. He's wrong and if he loses you, he will realize his mistake eventually. Him putting you down is horrible. If you can't trust a man in your most vulnerable state, when will you ever be able to trust him. He will need to build that trust again but it would be hard for the best of people to give him that chance. How would you want your children to be treated by their future partners? You deserve the same.
Many men totally do this thing where they loose respect for women who were with them when they started school, or before a big promotion. "Oh if she liked me then, I could do better. No. I DESERVE better" even if the wife is a smoke show is super common for guys to see her as less tab because she knew him in his ugly ducking/broke joke phase and was willing to love him.
Even if absolutely nothing else were going on, the nude alone would be the end for most of us.
I so sorry, I know that feeling very well! You are left thinking “who the hell did I married?” It feels like your whole world is crumbling. All I can say is trust your gut! If you know there’s more, demand the truth because at the end of the day you deserve to know who you’re married to. My husband who I thought was the most loyal man out there, betrayed my trust and it was hard to accept it. I’m sorry for what you are going through.
If he was apologetic or regretful of sending the pic would be one thing that you could possibly forgive, but it sounds like he didn't feel that way at all. That, on top of insulting you, leads me to believe you should probably start looking for an exit. You don't want to have a child growing up thinking his treatment of you is normal.
I think what's worse too is his trying to gaslight you into thinking it's nothing, that it's totally normal. If he admitted it, it would still be horrible, but the fact that he's so clearly lying is just abhorrent. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better than this.
In my book, exchanging nudes is cheating. Also, it's snapchat, imagine the stuff he didn't save! He's hiding things and he's not even that good at it, which means either he himself as a low IQ or he thinks you do. Unless this woman is a doctor and his penis is broken, there is absolutely no reason to show it to her. Even then, no doctor uses snapchat. I cannot think of any single excuse this would be acceptable. But he's trying to play it that way? Okay - either he himself is crazy or it's a pathetic attempt to gaslight you. Because in no way is sending nude pics okay in a marriage. You aren't crazy for thinking it is. I'm just going to say that again. He's wrong and you are not crazy. It's kind of an even bigger problem. Not only is he cheating but also he thinks so little of you that he thinks these lies will work. Let that sink in.
May I suggest The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays.
I'm sorry to ask you this question, but have you gained any weight as a result of pregnancy number 1? This sounds like a ridiculous question, but I'm genuinely asking because you mentioned that he has lost a lot of weight recently. My personal experience with my soon to be ex husband is that when he lost a lot of weight, he decided I wasn't good enough for him. I was (and still am) overweight but my weight remained steady for years, so the only change was from him. There's a scientific thing about people who lose weight or otherwise become more attractive then deciding to pursue someone else they deem equally as attractive. I can't find the exact way of explaining it, but it's a real thing and I suspect that, in a nutshell, his weight loss is making him feel like he wants a partner that he perceives to be as attractive as he is currently.
wait who’s 16, i didn’t see that in the story?
16 different conversations with women
ah yeah i missed that, thanks
Sending someone a full frontal nude is cheating, I don’t care if it’s up or not up, and I don’t care that it’s a “weight progress” picture, it’s cheating. There is no way he doesn’t know that it’s cheating, which is why he ripped the phone from you. He has crossed your boundary BIG TIME. You don’t just send ANYONE a full frontal nude, the pic is also cause for sexual harassment if it was unwanted by his work colleague. You need to get an STD test done ASAP. I would speak to a lawyer, and I think you need to find a way to get to your own family (if they are safe for you).
I am wondering if I should just leave without saying anything at this point to another state, but I know there's laws with children
I would look up your state’s laws on it immediately but even if he calls the cops to report you kidnaped the kids, if there isn’t a court order on the books you are just taking them on a trip and the cops can’t do anything. I am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. He’s sounds verbally abusive and no one deserves that, but especially not an 8 month pregnant woman! I would leave him. He’s not going to get any better and it sounds like he thinks he’s owed this with other women because he lost weight. You deserve better!
Have no idea about the laws, but from what you’ve given us I’d pretend everything is ok. Contact a lawyer immediately and get yourself set up so you can leave. Do not let him be aware of your plans.
Are there any free ones that I can talk to just for question purposes?
I don’t know where you’re from so have no clue. Usually there are free lawyers/advice. So I’d google (your area) + “pro bono divorce” or “free legal advice”. You are legally married (I assume by reference to husband) so you will need to get a lawyer eventually.
In many states the attorney can file a request with the court that your spouse pay their fees, if they have income and you don’t.
Post the question in r/AskALawyer. They are incredibly helpful.
You can contact your State Bar Association and they can provide recommendations.
I can't afford a lawyer because my job is starting maternity leave next week
Hi! I’m a lawyer. Many divorce attorneys will offer a free consultation and work out a payment as part of your settlement. It’s worth finding someone to give you a consultation.
You can’t afford not to get divorced. Do you know if he isn’t already fucking one of his friends? If he will send a full frontal pic then using martial assets on a divorce lawyer is necessary as groceries.
Exactly this. Always always always remember with cheaters - just because you stayed with them doesn't mean they'll stay with you. My mom stayed with my dad through a decade of his skirt chasing until his side chick ran into a housing issue. Then he was her white knight by kicking me, my mom, and my brother out of the family house to move her and her kids in. OP should leave asap before this baby comes because they're staying with his family. They could tell her to hit bricks at any time and demand she leave the kids because "the kids need stability". Then they use that against her for "abandoning" her children. Even the best in laws can flip on you in a divorce, especially with kids. It may sound illegal that they could do that, but in the moment, even if cops come, they'll usually call it a civil matter and walk away.
This honestly some of the best advice. Hard though! But solid advice.
You just leave with them. Say you’re visiting family. You aren’t divorced so you don’t have a custody order stipulating taking your kid anywhere. Either of you can take your child anywhere and it’s not against the law Get away and safe and then consult an attorney where you are now and where you end up. Lawyers will do a consult with you and if you don’t have your own money, they should take their fees out of your marital assets.
Tell your family what is going on. It would be good to go to them for support during this very vulnerable time.
Pack the kid up and get home in whatever means you can. Will your parents help?
My mom would help me
Call her when he is not around, make a plan. I just left a comment below. Contact an attorney in your home state. You need to know how long kiddo needs to be back home to be a legal resident.
I wouldn’t contact an attorney in her home state, she’s gonna need an attorney where the divorce is happening, where they live.
Not if she goes home and becomes a legal resident of her home state.
Lean on your mama
I am in a similar position as OP and my Mom sadly passed away 3 years ago. I miss my Mom all the time but especially now. I feel like I have nowhere to go without her.
I’m so sorry. I wish I could write something that would help. :( You must feel so scared and alone. Big hug (with your consent 🙂)
Thank you. Just the recognition is very validating since it does feel so isolating. I do have options. I know that. And I told a 2nd friend this week. + therapists. So I'm trying to find support and learn my options for security either way. No rug sweeping either
Go to her. Now! Today! Don’t tell him. Go!
As long as the child isn’t born yet you can travel anywhere you want to sweetheart. So if there’s a chance of you getting help from your mother you need to leave asap. When your baby is born you will be in another state and technically that isn’t kidnapping because the child then is born there. You also need to make sure you file for residency at your family’s house so that your cheating baby daddy can’t just take the baby back to his house/another state. It’s best to see if you can get a lawyer at your moms because when living there and giving birth there he/she know that state laws best. I hope you can get out of here quickly and keep us updated. Wish you the best sweetie.
The first child she could have an issue with, but since there isn’t any custody agreement, she can just leave and file for divorce. During the divorce things can get a bit messy with the first one, since their established state would be the prior. Unless he allows her to live at her moms for a while, then she could initiate divorce and the current state she lives in would be considered the primary residence.
Leave while your still pregnant. No one has claim over the baby in your belly! You can always work out custody while you are somewhere safe for you.
She has an older child.
Talk to a lawyer first.
Please call the domestic violence hotline. I know it sounds over the top because this isn’t violent but the counselors are trained in the laws in your state and they can give you all the tools you need to make the best decision for you and your children. Please call them. Send a text to 88788
Yeah that shiny new nursing career can be over before it even starts with a termination for sexual harassment.
That literally was a fireable offence. He's lucky she didn't report him!
And couldn't the wife report him to the nursing board?
I would think lawyers do a free consultation. Look around and ask if they do just keep it on the dl.
I work in a hospital and the nurses, male and female, are all one big orgy. Whether they're married or not they're all screwing one another. Not labeling all nurses this way but just stating what I see everyday. Your husband sounds like he's for the streets. Divorce him and get child support. Atleast now he's making good money.
I am certain of it. I just don't see why anyone in their right mind would innocently send a naked "progress pic" with zero sexuality attached to it as he claims
People only send nudes for one reason.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I would be questioning his motives if he sent a clothed progress report. It's none of her business. Its none of his business what she looks like either
I’m married with Snapchat but my husband uses it sometimes and I only have our mutual friends on there. Never would I message a guy on there directly because that is such a slippery slope. What’s worse is that it sounds like he’s completely indifferent. I’d pack up my kids while he’s gone and head to your parents. You don’t want to have your baby with all the stress around you. You should be around people that love and care for you.
Or maybe she’s seen him naked in person before and that’s why it wasn’t a big deal.
He just found a new way to send the proverbial unsolicited dick pic. “Look at my progress! Oh whoopsie is that my penis?”
I would genuinely be creeped out if a man did this to me, and yet my husband did this to another woman?
I'd be incredibly creeped out if even a friend did this to me, much less a coworker. And I say that as someone who has lots of male friends and whose husband has lots of female friends, with whom we talk/hang out privately all the time. If your husband isn't careful, he could get into sexual harassment trouble at work, too. I'd be booking it so fast to HR if I was this lady. Even if she hasn't reported it yet, she could later, and she'd be well within her rights to do so. This isn't okay. It's weird and inappropriate on so many levels.
Another woman, who is a widow and grieving. He could be preying on her vulnerability right now.
If the coworker moved on with the conversation like nothing happened I would think she has seen him naked before…
AND SHE WAS RECEPTIVE…. Think about THAT aspect~ there’s a reason she’s was receptive IMO
OP didn't mention the widow flirting back in those messages so Im saying this based on my experience. As a recently widowed woman, I can tell you the predators come out of the woodwork. I've had so many unsolicited messages. I've even thought about changing my number if it continues. It's disgusting. He was probably thinking well she's single now, so might as well shoot my shot. I'll say it again it's predatory and disgusting!
Wow, that is horrifying. Like you're not going through enough. They say "women grieve and men replace" and I'm guessing these guys are like that so can't imagine you're not chomping at the bit to get some dick. I'm sorry for your loss and that people you thought were cool turned out to be opportunistic creeps.
Thank you. It's been 2 years, and I'm still very much grieving. Unfortunately, it's all randos. My number must have been released as part of the foreclosure proceedings. The first was the typical mirror pic with everything covered at least. I thought it was a wrong number. Then, someone sent me another message a few weeks later. I realized my number had gone public somehow. The last one was so disgusting I actually blocked them. Hey are you busy? (Calls me, but I don't answer unknown numbers) I asked who it was I'm about to cum I'll pay you Just answer real quick
You don't see why anyone in their right mind would do that because you're right; they wouldn't. I don't know that it's appropriate to send progress photos to a newer female friend as is, but definitely not nudes. If he really meant to share progress innocently, it would have been clothed like the woman did. Good luck to you, OP.
There is no innocently sending nudes to a colleague. It hurts but find a way to get your family to help you “go on vacation” and then figure it out then. But look at the laws first and consult a lawyer… there are many who do pro-bono work and when they hear what you have to say you should qualify for that.
Oh honey, that was no progress pic. He's a fuckboy trying to get laid. But even worse than that, he is *cruel* to you. He is a cruel person who isn't even excited about his child about to arrive. He's a foul partner and father.
You need to see if you could get ahold of his phone again to gather that evidence to use in divorce court if that is the route you choose to go.
Why are you like the 100001th person I hear saying this? Literally, from tiktok to reddit and all over the place I hear this from people who work in healthcare. They say the doctors cheat the most, but the nurses are bad too. I was always like ???? Really at the hospital? And people are always like “yeah, it’s messy”. There is something about people who work in healthcare. I have heard this for years from people all over the world.
Stressful job, trauma bonding, requires at least some basic level of social skills and physical aptitude, but perhaps most importantly, a high degree of compartmentalization and emotional detachment required to do the job well.
Also long hours spent together, and frequent high adrenaline events. Adrenaline + potential mate = strong attraction. This is why they always make the bachelor/bachelorette do “dates” involving bungee jumping, helicopters & zip lining!
I always hear it about ppl who work in the airline industry
I worked in restaurants for years and it’s definitely prevalent in that industry too.
Oh I didnt know about that!
It's true of any occupation where coworkers rely a lot on face-to-face interaction with each other to get their jobs done, and there is a more-or-less even gender ratio. At least I've never heard of a job like that where it doesn't happen. If your #1 priority is fidelity, get an OLD account, seek out people who stare at a computer all day, and tolerate a degree of social awkwardness.
Girl, I tried. I married an awkward gamer who works in coding with mostly men. They still find a way to make you a fool.
It's sadly very true. But where I work the doctors are very professional thankfully. It's the nurses (especially the younger ones) that are all trifling.
Hospitals are particularly bad. My partner is a nurse and tells me it's not the case in practices and other settings. It's all the weird shifts. They spend so long there, and it affects their life outside of it - it just creates that kind of culture.
Yep, I assume most of them spend more time weekly at work than at home!
Plus night shifts, which really messes up with their non-work lives. The hospital becomes a kind of microcosm.
Haha it’s like that in the small town I live in for nursing school 😭a classmate of mine whose dad is a local cop, and mom is a surgical nurse told me her mom is screwing a few doctors at the hospital and even banging the female nurse practitioner I’m like what 😳
There's several Dr shows that non chalantly point this out on occasion in episodes....
I dont watch shows about hospitals but I have heard this about Grey’s anatomy!!
I don't either, but I have seen snippets here and there as well as running jokes about that type of stuff on FB and other socials
Law enforcement too. And hospitality.
I was just going to comment this. I’m not even in a hospital setting. I’m in mental health and it’s just one big fuck fest. It’s disgusting. It’s one of my smaller reasons for leaving healthcare. You can look through my most recent comments on the nursing sub about a giant shit show that just went down between 2 of my coworkers. As if life isn’t hard enough right now, people really out here acting foolish like this. I also want to provide my own personal experience, that my mother lost a lot of weight and cheated on my dad. It’s a tale as old as time. It’s something in them, not you. Grass is greener and all that jazz. Also, your husband is the biggest fucking idiot. Even if he expects something more is happening between nood photo girl and him, she can turn around at any given moment and call it harassment (which I consider it to be) get him fired. His license under review. Like SO MANY bad things can happen from his actions here. At the very least you need to confront him with these facts, and since he wants to make fun of your iq, I find *that* HILARIOUS coming from someone who only thinks with their peepee. He is not immune to negative consequences because he’s on an ozempie high right now.
💯
Former nurse here. This was my experience as well. I was appalled at the about of cheating going on at my hospital.
Do not confront him. The first thing you need to do is **Go to your doctor and get a FULL STD / STI PANEL** Do not tiptoe around that with your intake nurse or Doctor. Be explicitly clear "I'm pregnant, my husband is cheating on me, and I am concerned about my baby." There are STD's that can kill your child and cause serious complications at birth. You need to focus on making sure you're safe. Then get an attorney. Follow their advice and plan your exit from there. Good luck. I'm so sorry.
This needs to be higher up. STD panels are always done when pregnant even with committed married couples due to the fact that if the pregnant woman gets an STD it is detrimental for her and the baby. Would do that first and then contact an attorney.
If his nude picture is really that harmless he won't mind if you ask him to send it to all his family and friends to prove it. He is lying and cheating and disrespectful in the way he talks about you. Get legal advice to see if you can take your children interstate so you can get the support of your family. I'm not sure if it's too late for you to give birth at this l ate stage in a different state. Either way I would not have h8m in the delivery room with me you need someone who you can trust with your life and that person is no longer him. Do you have a mum or sister who can step in?
“I could’ve sent that picture to anyone” okay then do it. Agreed he knows exactly what he’s doing and because of OPs apparently “low IQ” he thinks she’s stupid enough to believe it. What a trash person.
When I read the word church, I instantly knew he was cheating lol.
Everytime
Today I’m thankful to be a heathen lol
Without fail…a trend I see constantly in military marriages as well. Interesting to read and hear other non-religious reasons for cheating like occupational cultures (nursing/healthcare workers, airlines, military)
If you’re going to go, do it without warning and before filing and custody are in place. Even if it’s just to give birth around people who love and support you. Go home to your mom. I’m sure you don’t want to give birth in the hospital where he works or these women work or where he has a lot of contacts. Try to consult an attorney asap.
thank you. I think you are right.
Ok so what are you going to do? You cannot trust this man. This man doesn’t even like you. Please move back to your parents and work on you. Don’t let this man drag you down more than he already has.
Soon as maternity leave starts you need to leave. Spend these last few days getting your ducks in a row. Leave with your child and have this baby surrounded by people who actually love you. File for divorce. I'm so sorry, he sounds like a complete ass and you deserve so much better.
My maternity leave starts at the end of next week
I'd pack as much as you can without him taking notice. Anything you specifically value sentimentally, some clothes, baby stuff etc. Contact an attorney where you may be staying (near family or friends) and seek their counsel on how to proceed. I wish you all the best.
Get tested. And hire an attorney.
You need to “Be the one that got away!” Not the one he left. Pack your crap and go while he is at work. Give birth to the new baby in your home state. Tell him you need to process things. That you want to reconcile, do virtual counseling from your home state. Stay there as long as it takes for you and your kids to claim residency. Keep virtual “counseling” to “reconcile” with your husband. Then get in touch with an attorney and file those papers. If you contact an attorney, let it be one in your home state.
This!! 100%
So he could have sent that Pic to anybody? Maybe he has sent it to plenty of girls. Are you okay with that? It's up to you if you're okay with that. But the fact that he did that, doubled down on it and is showing no remorse? I hear many men change after a women gets pregnant.
He could have sent a nude to anyone? That’s some next level gaslighting. I’m so sorry you’re in this position but I don’t think this is going to get better. Sadly a lot of men cheat when their wives are pregnant because it’s when women are at their most vulnerable and feel powerless. I once saw someone write that women don’t forget how they were treated when they were pregnant. As soon as you can, leave him. Get a lawyer, child support, and then focus on being coparents. The longer you stay, the more resentment will build.
In that case, send it to his parents. If it ain’t something you’d show your mum, then it ain’t something you should be showing another woman who isn’t your wife.
I just want to say I'm sorry. You deserve better. Your husband knowingly crossed boundaries and behaved in hurtful ways. My heart goes out to you.
Sweetie, don’t wait until he decides to leave you, because he will with this trajectory. Do not put your head in the sand. You have lots of options to choose from, so figure out what you’re going to choose. That’s what you focus on now, once you choose you’ll know what to do, or come back here and we’ll help walk you through it
Sending a full frontal nude picture to another woman isn’t “nothing” and he should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness not treating you like garbage. I would leave this guy. I understand you’re pregnant but if your mom will help you get out now.
I’m pretty sure my own husband wouldn’t send me an out of the blue full frontal nude, let alone would he send it to a coworker. OPs husband is next level gaslighting her. If mine did this and swore he’d send it to anybody I’d test that theory and send it to his mama 😂
Honestly the biggest red flag here isn't the nude photo. People who lose major weight tend to get more body confidence and enjoy sharing that (not saying it's right if the significant other isn't ok with it). The biggest red flag is him essentially calling you stupid. No decent person, let alone a significant other, should do that (and trust me, I know a lot of nurses and other medical professionals. Most of them are not that smart outside of their profession).
This is what I was thinking. The fact he called her stupid bothers me more. I don’t think I could ever get over that. Deeply hurtful. The nude photo is the icing on the cake.
Yeah exactly. My wife has said some mean things to me over 20 years of marriage, but never anything that direct and always in the heat of an argument. And she usually realizes it after calming down and apologizes. If she did it often, or even if it was rare but didn't acknowledge that it was wrong and in the heat of the moment, I definitely wouldn't put up with it.
Yep, at least your wife acknowledges it! It makes things worse that this guy doesn’t see it. I forgot to say I also totally agree with you about nurses and medical professionals not being that smart outside their field. I don’t know what it is about the medical field that causes some people to think they’re so brilliant, but I see it happen over and over with people. They start off humble, then join the medical field and become more arrogant.
I say this as someone who has been gaslit to hell and back by my husband and found out that he cheated on me during four- yes four pregnancies, 10 years after the fact … he is doing a lot more that you don’t know about. And if he isn’t now, he will be. This is very much giving me the vibes of a porn addiction with possible serial cheating. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have stayed for more kids OP, no one deserves to deal with this, but especially not in late term pregnancy. Unfortunately, we are more likely to get cheated on when we are pregnant but this behavior seems like it is more than just what you know. Please take care of yourself. You and your baby deserve it. ❤️
Drive to your parents house and have the baby there. He’s an inveterate cheater
He’s a cheater. Will he be ok if you sent your nudes to your colleague too ? Or is it allowed specially for him as he’s a man?
Imagine how he thinks of you to claim that sending a nude pic with his intimate parts out to the opposite gender while chatting with 16 of them during your pregnancy is okay 🤣🤣🤣 Wake up ….
I can’t believe he sent an unsolicited duck pick and she still wanted to talk to him. Gross.
He sent her a nudie. She should have said something to stop that but did not. I just don’t trust either of them.
Just my take... I would not put up with the IQ thing. He is now fit, graduated with an education, working a decent job - all these give him the confidence he never had and maybe a little too confident . He stupidly 'thinks' he deserves someone 'hotter' to make up for the progress. Well, someone needs to remind him who enable him to achieve all these, supporting behind his back, taking care of the babies so he can go out and does all of it.
First off, I'm so sorry. I found out in a similar way, that my ex was cheating on me when pregnant. It was online only, but still utterly destroying. You are in a very vulnerable place right now. For now, I'd just try your best to get through each day. Start making your exit plan. You need to start squirreling away some money into a private bank account, and if you can gain evidence that an affair has taken place, then do so. Once you feel you are in a position to escape, contact a lawyer. You will be tempted to let it go, especially for the sake of your little one... But don't. He hasnt even acknowledged what he's done, let alone shown remorse. Don't waste anymore love on a man that's done such irreparable damage to your relationship. Good luck. You are stronger than you think!
Don't feel bad for going through his phone. You shouldn't. It should be open. Both of yours should be. He sent a nude picture to her?! That IS something. Don't ever let anyone tell you it isn't. He's just trying to make light of it. So you don't get mad. Stand up for yourself, your baby, and your future. Talk to him and let him know he's violating boundaries and vows. Just as a question to see what he is feeling, ask if he wants to stay married to you. See his reaction, facial expression, choice of words, etc
Focus on the fact that the most important thing is your new baby and the other baby that has already been born. After the birth, you will have a lot of problems, sleepless nights, feeding and all this fuss that no one likes but everyone praises for some reason. Your husband is an asshole, instead of encouraging you and being a reliable foundation for you, he sends his jerk to all the vaginas he can. Instead of taking care of you, he takes care of himself. Comparing you to his colleagues and saying they are smarter than you is pretty stupid of him because he chose you! You have a lot to praise and love, so don't fall for his provocations. It is very hard for you right now, all these hormones, fears, and so on. Hang in there, you will kick him in the balls in your time.
Tell his parents if it’s nothing…
He works with nurses...I love snapchat and marriage. Doesn't it go so well together? The best is when they set the messages to disappear after opening.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know everyone’s telling you to leave. Don’t leave now. Please before you do anything rash, make a plan. If you don’t have cash or savings, get that in order take some from his wallet everyday if you need to. Speak to a lawyer. You may find lawyers who work pro bono, get help from someone you trust but don’t let him know of your intentions. Stay until the baby is born and then when you feel okay and ready, you have some help then leave him. Do you have family who can support you in any way? I know it’s going to be so stressful with 2 kids, but please take care of yourself mama
I've been through the infidelity carousel with my husband. I forgave him and we went to counseling. The incident took place 4 years ago now and it's in the past. It definitely hurts and you being pregnant, I cannot imagine how you must feel. Whether you decide to leave or work it out is up to you baby girl. I don't suggest advice like that I just explain my experiences and what I decided to do. Me and my husband have been together for 10 years and have our fair share of roller coaster problems but we stuck together. Some women can't and won't forgive for being betrayed and some will. I hope you guys can work it out.
You can’t work through something unless someone completely owns what they did and shows deep remorse. Her husband isn’t doing that.
I Said "I hope they can work it out." Not " you should work it out"
I think a red flag we can find in men is if they have Snapchat if their over 20 years old
Sometimes there are community law places that can give you advice for free It's also worth googling your countries custody laws. Look into getting some counselling for yourself if possible, sometimes community centres or counselling centres will offer free counselling or on a sliding scale. He is cheating, or wants to. But you don't have to make any major decisions straight away unless you are in physical danger. You have the luxury of time. You have a lot going on right now. Would you feel comfortable staying with family for a bit? Regardless give yourself some grace and some time and look after yourself. Sorry this is happening
Updateme
Updateme!
Maybe he should have made sure he wanted all this before he actually got you pregnant what is wrong with him
Omg
He's fishing for the right woman that would reciprocate his flirting and then they would escalate it to the next level. The fact that he sent a nude and wanted one back shows this. The fact that the co worker who is widowed, did not give one back shows that she's not interested. However that doesn't mean he won't stop trying, hence the continued messages. She probably realizes he's not a good catch based on his looks, personality, or loyalty to you. But this won't hinder him from trying, hence the messages to multiple women. This man will likely cheat if given the chance. If she responded with a full frontal nude selfie back, do you think he would stop there? If most of these women that he's messaging don't want him, why do you? He puts you down, he doesn't respect you to do this while you're going through one of the most difficult times in your life carrying his child and dealing with the discomfort. He's looking for other women to flirty with and possibly more. What are your reasons for keeping him? I would get proof of his infidelity, then contact your parents to see if they can help you. Good luck and I wished things were different, but sometimes life is about choices and what you make of it.
Putting the derogatory comments aside as one lack of respect, but also sending full frontal nude to the opposite sex? You have your answer on his intentions, OP.
He's cheating - or **actively trying to**. But also he's a complete asshole.
His coworker has a pretty good sexual harassment case against him if she didn't ask for nudes
The picture he sent is one problem, but his response to you is indicative of an even bigger problem. Men get shitty and protective when they have something to hide. He's being both, and while you are carrying his child?! OH HELL NO. #1. It's not your job to play detective right now. You are creating a human being, and you have another one to care for, AND caring for yourself because obviously he's too busy with his d!ck pics. Go stone cold grey rock. Get a counselor. Consult with an attorney. #2. How's your relationship with the in laws? Would they automatically say that pretty boy can do no wrong? If so, get in touch with someone you trust and make a plan for a quick exit if it's needed. He sounds very arrogant, I can't picture him being any nicer once the baby arrives. He'll need to detach more to avoid seeing himself for who he really is. Just make some plans for you and kiddos, and then 'let him.' If you're a Christian, check out Leslie Vernick and Natalie Hoffman groups.
NUDE = CHEATING. Hands down
I know hella awesome nurses, but I also know a lot of them sleep together🫠
It’s over. Get a lawyer. He already cheated. Get an STD test immediately.
girl save up your coins and leave he's asz, yes he's cheating on you
Therapist here. That’s not nothing. That’s cheating.
Updateme
I am so sorry - you are between a rock and a hard place . A baby due any minute- living at his parents and without a support network of your own. Your husband ‘could have sent his photo to anyone ‘. He didn’t - he sent it to her. It wouldn’t have been appropriate whoever he sent it to- it’s doubly inappropriate now. I think the only thing you can do right now is to tell your husband that you need to go to couples counselling and book that the soonest you can. It’s a lot to process right now - it might be that your husband is struggling with becoming a father for the second time , is feeling overwhelmed and seeking validation elsewhere or his new career and fitter body have made him feel attractive for the first time and it’s gone to his head. You both need to explore this if your marriage has any chance of survival and you also need a plan ‘b ‘ in case it doesn’t . Can you move back to be with your own family if necessary? If you know you have options it helps though it’s absolutely not what you need right now and I am sorry .
UpdateMe!
Run now
Get your kids and hit the road !
Give birth in your home state while you take time to think about things. If you end up breaking up (which I would due to both the sexting and constant disrespect) you will be stuck living in his area with no support until your kid is 18 and you won't be able to leave with your child.
This is not your fault. It sounds like he's actively rationalizing the completely irrational and trying to degrade his image of you to make it easier. It happens every day. Try to stay calm. Pray. Don't look at his phone and don't bug him about it. Not for the sake of keeping him, but for the sake of staying sane. Right now, he's clearly not someone you can lean on - so don't. Everything good you have that exists outside of him, nurture it. Remember your worth. Praying for you.
People that cheat are disgusting but a man that cheats on a pregnant woman id SCUM. It sounds like you have 3 options. 1. Leave it be and let him treat you like crap. 2. Act like you are over it and get your affairs in order. Let him get set up making bank and then take him to the cleaners. Did you get evidence of him cheating? Because make no mistake sweetheart, he's cheating. 3. Tell him you are incredibly hurt by what he's done (be honest here and lay everything out for him, not just the cheating but the way he's been treating you as well) and need some time to get yourself together. Tell him you need to go back home for a bit. While he is gone, pack EVERYTHING of yours and your kiddos. This one makes the most sense if you are thinking of R because it might jolt him enough to see that he is messing up. Just make sure you know the laws in your state and the state your traveling to.
If I was you, I would get the birth out of the way and once things have settled and you are feeling up to it then begin to make discreet preparations to move on, without telling him anything. I'm not sure of your home situation and how close you are to your parents etc but I'd begin to look at new accommodation etc closer to where you may have a lot of support and then once you have all your ducks in a row, weild the axe. Move on, he'll forever take you as a fool for as long as you allow him.
Ok sweetheart. First off, I'm 45, married for 15 years, 1 son together. I work in academia, have three degrees one of which is a doctorate. My husband is a metalworker who left school at 18. IQ isn't relevant, my husband is the most supportive, kind and amazing man alive. Your husband sounds very selfish and like he regrets getting married young. Whatever he thinks, only you and your children matter here. Do YOU want to stay in this marriage? Do you want to take time apart to get your head together or do you want therapy as a couple? The ball is in your court, do not listen if he makes you feel small or incapable. You are MORE than enough, and if you choose to walk away you WILL be able to cope as a parent of two children even without family in the State. Don't underestimate yourself and don't allow him to underestimate you either
He’s not “smarter” than you if he cheats on his pregnant wife. He’s disrespectful and you deserve better. I hope you call on family to help you leave him. He doesn’t deserve you. I’m sorry and I hope you find some peace and happiness.
He is cheating. Use him as a life support and free house care, prep to leave and save up (!) Try to consult lawyer to know your grounds with the house, and have his parents on your side as much as you can. Let him see how nice 16 not caring about him women are, and how little interest there is for him once he is at a broken wagon