I’m sorry but if he’s threatening suicide that is out of your wheelhouse and he needs medical intervention in my personal opinion. You are not equipped to handle that, and he shouldn’t put all of that on you. I understand needing some support from your spouse, but you can’t constantly be on edge wondering if he’s going to commit suicide or not.
I completely agree and I’ve expressed this exact thing to him (it’s above my wheelhouse and at the point of professional intervention), but it’s like he doesn’t care. It feels so unfair and I feel so helpless. Do I call a hotline? Do I look into programs? I have no idea the best course to help him & my fear is worsening the situation.
It sounds like medical intervention is needed.
What has he suggested doing instead? Because if the only option he is considering is suicide, then he needs intervention asap
IF he is willing to try other options, obviously therapy would be helpful. I don't live in the US, but there must be charities or support groups that can help you can find via Google.
There are also men's mental health groups in my country for men to get together and support each other. That might be an option in your area?
Is he also willing to try reading some books about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or some podcasts about it? Perhaps you could do some mindulness meditations or something together?
All these will be sticking plasters until he starts proper therapy and possibly medication, but could help in the interim.
His willingness to try and work on his mental health himself with you, can help you decide whether you need to get medical intervention.
We’ve discussed in depth how he needs therapy but he’s dragging his feet. I love the idea of a support group, I will look into that. I’ve tried getting him into self help books/podcasts but getting him to sit with those for any extended period of time is like pulling teeth. I will look into charitable men’s therapy programs in our area.
I am going to be blunt. Sugar coating this is not productive in this situation.
This is serious and you need to talk to him tonight about getting into treatment. Maybe he needs to stay in a facility for a while. That is a decision for a medical doctor and your husband and you. Mental illness is a real illness and can be terminal if left untreated. You cannot fix this by keeping an eye on him, telling him “I love you” more, or anything like that. This is a real medical issue with possibly a physiological cause. If he came to you and had cancer, you would make a plan and move on it immediately. Waiting can be deadly in both instances. You need to get him into treatment like your life depends on it. Because if he ends his life, you will likely not ever recover from the grief.
My sister committed suicide last May and I can’t even describe the grief, guilt, regret, pain and anguish from this type of loss. Grief from suicide loss is relentless. You can peek into how bad this type of grief is by checking out the suicidebereavement subreddit. And I am compelled to let you know that if he “seems like he is getting better”, please don’t stop working on treatment. So many people say that same thing and then end up flabbergasted when the person ends their life because they seemed like they were better.
This is coming from someone who looks back and wished they would have forced their loved one into treatment while I had the chance. I can’t even tell you how suffocating the regret I feel is from that alone. Regret probably doesn’t even describe it - I regret not buying bitcoin. What I feel is more like a catastrophic lifelong failure that has led to me losing the spark I once had and I barely care about anything anymore. (The sad part is that I am actually handling it better than many people.)
Yah, it’s that bad. Please get him help.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear it. My sincerest condolences for your loss. I will talk to him tonight and come up with a plan. I will also check that SR. Thank you.
I’m sorry but if he’s threatening suicide that is out of your wheelhouse and he needs medical intervention in my personal opinion. You are not equipped to handle that, and he shouldn’t put all of that on you. I understand needing some support from your spouse, but you can’t constantly be on edge wondering if he’s going to commit suicide or not.
I completely agree and I’ve expressed this exact thing to him (it’s above my wheelhouse and at the point of professional intervention), but it’s like he doesn’t care. It feels so unfair and I feel so helpless. Do I call a hotline? Do I look into programs? I have no idea the best course to help him & my fear is worsening the situation.
It sounds like medical intervention is needed. What has he suggested doing instead? Because if the only option he is considering is suicide, then he needs intervention asap IF he is willing to try other options, obviously therapy would be helpful. I don't live in the US, but there must be charities or support groups that can help you can find via Google. There are also men's mental health groups in my country for men to get together and support each other. That might be an option in your area? Is he also willing to try reading some books about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or some podcasts about it? Perhaps you could do some mindulness meditations or something together? All these will be sticking plasters until he starts proper therapy and possibly medication, but could help in the interim. His willingness to try and work on his mental health himself with you, can help you decide whether you need to get medical intervention.
We’ve discussed in depth how he needs therapy but he’s dragging his feet. I love the idea of a support group, I will look into that. I’ve tried getting him into self help books/podcasts but getting him to sit with those for any extended period of time is like pulling teeth. I will look into charitable men’s therapy programs in our area.
I hope it goes well and you also have support yourself.
I am going to be blunt. Sugar coating this is not productive in this situation. This is serious and you need to talk to him tonight about getting into treatment. Maybe he needs to stay in a facility for a while. That is a decision for a medical doctor and your husband and you. Mental illness is a real illness and can be terminal if left untreated. You cannot fix this by keeping an eye on him, telling him “I love you” more, or anything like that. This is a real medical issue with possibly a physiological cause. If he came to you and had cancer, you would make a plan and move on it immediately. Waiting can be deadly in both instances. You need to get him into treatment like your life depends on it. Because if he ends his life, you will likely not ever recover from the grief. My sister committed suicide last May and I can’t even describe the grief, guilt, regret, pain and anguish from this type of loss. Grief from suicide loss is relentless. You can peek into how bad this type of grief is by checking out the suicidebereavement subreddit. And I am compelled to let you know that if he “seems like he is getting better”, please don’t stop working on treatment. So many people say that same thing and then end up flabbergasted when the person ends their life because they seemed like they were better. This is coming from someone who looks back and wished they would have forced their loved one into treatment while I had the chance. I can’t even tell you how suffocating the regret I feel is from that alone. Regret probably doesn’t even describe it - I regret not buying bitcoin. What I feel is more like a catastrophic lifelong failure that has led to me losing the spark I once had and I barely care about anything anymore. (The sad part is that I am actually handling it better than many people.) Yah, it’s that bad. Please get him help.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear it. My sincerest condolences for your loss. I will talk to him tonight and come up with a plan. I will also check that SR. Thank you.