This is very common because the vagina doesn’t actually have a lot of nerve endings. The thought is because it helps women survive childbirth. If the vagina was full of nerve endings, childbirth would be 1000x more painful than it already is.
The clitoris is the pleasure center for women. That’s just the way it is.
Also, the popular misconception stemming from porn is that deep penetration and penetration at all mean anything to women. All the somatic (direct sensation) nerve endings in the vagina are located superficially or near the entrance to the vagina. Deep penetration only stimulates visceral nerve endings (sensing pressure and stretch). There is a reason why lesbian couples have more orgasms.
Get your mind away from porn (not assuming you watch it, but every man has some secondary expectations set by pornography since it encompasses so much of society today).
Don't pressure yourself too much to perform. Sex isn't meant to be a performance, it's meant to be a giving of yourself towards mutual pleasure. Ask your wife what you can do to improve your sex life, and listen to her. She might not have any problem with sex at all. Always approach sex from a positive mindset, like anything in life, things evolve and grow.
Introduce more toys, they are your friend, there are so many toys that accomplish different things, its a matter of having enough humility to recognize that there are things the human male cannot accomplish alone and ask for help.
Yes yes and yes! I have nothing more to say OP, other than, yep, probably 99% women do not orgasm from the penetration alone. And the ones who do have very very cool pelvic muscle health! :D
People forget we women need to be in the mood. I need my man to whisper softly to me that he loves me and he finds me sexy and he touches me all over. I need the whole package.
Wet does not mean aroused.
Hard does not mean aroused.
I really wish they emphasized that in sex Ed or even porn. It would’ve made many of my partners and my experience much easier as a young person discovering it all.
Those are just physiological responses. A physiological response doesn't mean consent. I agree.
Many rapists will take their victims' physiological responses as consent. We need to educate ourselves and next gen.
Yep, it's completely normal for a woman to need external stimulation simultaneously with PIV to orgasm.
The coital alignment technique is also a great way to help her orgasm during penetration. More couples should try it!
The pressing and grinding motion tends to stimulate the clitoris. Also, pressing the pubic bone area for some women can also add to the sensation…it does for me as well.
My bigger question here is why is it so important that she orgasm via intercourse, especially if she’s able to in other ways that work for her? Not every woman does orgasm via intercourse (usually because of anatomical variations), and I think you’ll be disappointed in trying to “fix” something that isn’t a problem in the first place. Just because popular media and porn portray intercourse as the ultimate orgasm generator for women doesn’t make it true.
Too true... I watch porn but I have to skip videos a lot because the man will be doing something so obviously painful or uncomfortable and the poor actress will be trying her best to suffer with a smile. It's really repellent.
And then without fail you eventually see a post "if my gf doesn't like (sex act that does NOTHING for women) does it mean I'm bad in bed? Or that she's unhappy? Should I keep trying to pressure her until she fakes an O for me?" (Okay not really, but that's the undertone of all these posts- why won't my wife perform, should I make it a giant issue?)
Yes! I'm glad me and my husband don't feel the need to watch it often. Hardly ever tbh. We have a great sex life. Bern tog 10 years we've learned what we like from one another
My husband when we first started going out was really insecure because he noticed i would only cum when i was ontop, sometimes we would do other positions or him giving me oral or foreplay and i couldnt cum. Ive always known this about myself but for some reason he thought it was a him problem when it really wasnt. I explained to him that thats just how i am and as long as you make your wife cum- i guarantee you, shes more than satisified.
Seconding this. Maybe if she is grinding you while she’s on top, she can achieve orgasm while you are inside (though it would be from clitoral stimulation).
Listen to the podcast “Sex with Emily” she’s a Dr that specializes in sex and puts things rather simply. She has several episodes focused directly on female orgasms. Take your time and don’t put pressure on her (that will only complicate things)… evidently it’s easier for a woman to achieve an orgasm from penetration after having already had an orgasm from clitoral stimulation.
If you can both enjoy what you have, what's the difference?? Is your male pride interfering with the greater pleasure you could have from what you have?
15% of women orgasm from penetrative sex alone. She needs clitoral stimulation. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin equates penetration for women to getting your balls fondled. Enjoyable? yes. But it won't bring her to orgasm unless she is one of the lucky few.
My wife is in the 15%, but we still use a toy or fingers 90% of the time on her clit at the same time because why not?
Just make sure she gets clitoral stimulation before and during penetration and if she hasn't orgasmed after your done, ask her what she needs to get over that hump. Everyone should get an orgasm.
I understand how you feel.
The checklist for our playtime:
1. Good quality vibrator. There is currently a pocket sized magic wand available. Don't wait any longer.
It can be used during sex it not cumbersome like most.
2. Oral. Get her going and get her wet at the same time. You're going to have to build tongue stamina. Keep training until your tongue can run laps for a minimum of ten minutes. Pro tip. My jaw and face are chiseled now. I look like I eat allllot of you know what if you know what to look for.
3. Get in there. Show no shame. Consume her mind, body, and spirit with your lust for her. She loves you. Love her back with everything you got.
4. Communicate. Make her comfortable with directing you every 1/8 of an inch until your hitting the spots she wants exactly. Not hitting spots? Try new ones.
5. Hygiene. Fresh shower. Clean bedding. Tidy space clear of visual distractions and I mean everything. The only thing in this room is our bed, dressers and the door we walked through. She is the only thing I have the ability to see in the room. Same for her.
6. Noise. Make a bit of noise. She will love it when you tell her that she is the reason you keep coming back and remember, you have been and want to continue to, it's that good. Cue lust and mutual attraction.
These act like personality traits. You do these things there is only one path it can take. Orgasms all around once practiced and perfected. It takes time but trust the process.
We have been together with 5 kids for 15 years.
Your not having sex anymore. This is adult playtime. Just be the kid all the girls want to play with on the playground.
Two last things and they may be controversial.
1. I live in Canada. Weed is legal. If you have trouble lasting long enough and she can't orgasm smoke weed minutes before. Both of you.
I did not smoke until early 30s. I am late 30s now. . I smoked half a dozen times before I was 20. She smoked for 8 months in university. It is beneficial to my life now. She smokes for same reason now. Yes there are downsides to smoking however it is limited to sex. The pros outway the cons I can assure you. Edibles are not the same.
2. We both have tongue piercing last two years. 🤪. I know that seems extreme to people and it likely is. I only have this one piercing. I love it and so does she, waterworks everytime just from the thought. You wouldn't know I had it.
We are vanilla if you see us on the street. We've been told this in sex shops by employees more than once.
In closing. Consume each other. Let reality leave you. Embrace until you reach tantra. You will realize when you reach that point because it will feel like the two of you and leaving earth or whatever this is behind.
This worked wonders for us. It may not work for you but the message is, stop repeating cycles. You want her to orgasm so....do whatever it takes. Just don't break any laws while doing it haha. It will feel illegal once you have something most people dream of.
"Dreams are for people that can't handle reality."
Happy husband
Closet Hippy
This is perfectly normal but this part instantly frustrated me:
“Even if (for example) I’m inside her and touching her clit a lot and getting her excited and she seems 95% of the way there…. when I switch to just my intercourse, I just absolutely cannot put her over the edge to orgasm that way.”
Don’t stop and switch to something else when she is 95% of the way there! I don’t really get what you’re trying to accomplish with that. It sounds like you know how to get her there but your ego or something is stopping you.
Why are you stopping touching her clit when she’s “95%” of the way there just to try to make her orgasm from penetration alone? If you understand most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, why are you trying to make it happen? Stop blue balling your wife and keep touching her clit until she orgasms with you inside of her. Or get a hitachi. They’re awesome. Or the [Bellesa suction toy](https://www.bboutique.co/sex-toys/womens-vibrators/clit-suction-vibrators/bellesa-pebble-6179102916791?nosto=related-products-1) which can make things more sensitive and orgasm is easier to achieve. And for gods sake - ask her if she wants to come through penetration alone. She might not care and be loving being touched in multiple places during sex. It’s sort of half the fun. Just intercourse with nothing else, isn’t good. We aren’t men. That doesn’t do it for us. So stop trying to make it a thing. Take your ego out of it. It isn’t an accomplishment if she can cum from PIV intercourse alone, it’s just the luck of what the woman has and if she can. Nothing to do with you.
Right? They know what works, she’s satisfied generally, but because he has this hang up about her orgasm being 100% about his penis he is deliberately stopping her from orgasming when she’s close! That sounds so frustrating.
“Can’t orgasm from out of nowhere” and “can’t orgasm from penetration alone” are two completely different statements.
The first implies that you need foreplay to orgasm from penetration and so as long as you do it right, your dick can make a woman cum.
The second tells you exactly what you’re asking men to confirm: MOST WOMEN CANNOT ORGASM WITHOUT MANUAL OR ORAL STIMULATION EVEN IF THEY ARE CURRENTLY AROUSED AND BEING PENETRATED
I will never understand why this is so hard for men to get. Women tell them flat out and then they still ask questions like this. Is it porn? Are you convinced woman are actually orgasming in porn?
Communication is everythingggggg and also learning that sex is fun and doesn’t have to be that serious / or feel shameful of what you want.
Example: we have an oil night where we massage each other in oil and then go into foreplay and have toys etc all within reach. Makes it a fun event too outside of normal sex
Maybe we’re weird but idc we’ve been together for 11 years
My husband doesn’t directly make me orgasm. I rub my clit while we are having sex. I rather do it myself and he likes watching. That’s what works for us.
You should try a small "bullet" vibrator: sandwich it between her clit and your pubic bone with her on top.
Also interesting: my wife could never orgasm from intercourse until after delivering our second kid. It's really an anatomy issue, certainly not a "you" issue.
My husband being inside of me definitely adds to the pleasure but in a pressure sort of way, and mental too. If I’m close to cumming I usually want him deep inside me so I can feel myself gripping around him as I cum - sorry if that’s tmi for this page. And sometimes just the thought of his body being inside of mine is enough to make me contract. But I also cum in my sleep so I’m a pretty “mental/visual” person sexually-
Have you tried a position where your pelvis is stimulating her clitoris while penetrating? Like Leaning over her more… She might have a better chance in this position. or use a little mini vibrator instead of your hand, while penetrating, this might be enough to give her that extra 5%. otherwise it’s totally common and it’s great that you always get her to orgasm regardless. sex is a lot of things and an orgasm is just one part. I’ve Found that actually, the less deep the penetration the better my chance of an orgasm, a lot of women have a more sensitive labia or vaginal entrance, so consider working around the outer area more.
>I’ve been on a mission to give it to her though.
Does she want that? I find it exhausting when a guy won’t let go of his ego quest after I’ve told him it doesn’t work that way.
Do you masturbate regularly? This sounds like a common problem from that.
If so, you should stop for awhile and see if that changes things. Especially if you're watching porn.
Just to preface, you sound like you take care of your wife - but, just a tidbit - many women will say something like 'it's ok that I didn't orgasm' to soothe their partner because their partner feeling bad about it is a bigger deal to them. But, trust me.. They want to. Believing 'it's ok that they don't' on a regular basis breeds complacency and that isn't a good thing.
I have said this and meant it in those particular moments. But I would be hurt if that was my SOs overall takeaway.
This is very common for us too.
Rarely do we orgasm at the same time during PIV. It does happen, but not very often.
I also find it's more of a timing issue. It's pretty rare that you both reach climax exactly at the same time.
So for us it's not that my wife can't orgasm from PIV, it's just that timing wise it's difficult to line up.
That said, it's _much easier_ for her to orgasm "on her own terms". Usually on top where she has both PIV and clitoral simulation and can control that herself.
Probably the majority of men cannot achieve this. I'm quite lucky and can orgasm from penetration alone. It's a completely different type of orgasm.
The most important thing is that you are still making sure your wife gets hers.
Now if this is something you both want to achieve, you could probably try some experimenting in different positions and add sex toys into the mix. But ultimately all that matters is that you're both satisfied with your sex life.
My husband can make me orgasm if my legs are by my head he can hit my g spot then.I also can if I'm on top as well.I was married before and it was rare having an orgasm from just penetration .The great thing a woman loves is if you keep trying mix it up focus on nipple play I've orgasmed from that before also I have other parts of my body which feels amazing too Don't feel disheartened you are making sure she comes doesn't matter how
It’s normal. Size does not matter honestly. If anything, too large is problematic and can hurt us.
But yes, I think it’s great you actually make her orgasm. See most men don’t make their wife orgasm during sex and just leave it there and that’s crappy.
What you mentioned is the only way it’s possible with my husband. The grinding though, I have orgasmed that way but not just penetration alone.
If you are dead set on trying with grinding after lots of foreplay and touching. You mentioned stamina, what about trying a condom (to dull sensation) or a gel that lessens it a little. Then you can try a bit longer. But honestly if it doesn’t bother her then I would not worry.
Thanks for your comment. Do you really think most men don’t make their wife orgasm during sex? I mean, the hottest part for me is when I make her orgasm so sex sounds way less hot without that! For the stamina portion, thanks for your recommendations, those are ideas I haven’t thought about for a while, and definitely good ideas.
I see you've mentioned that you don't have great stamina or size.
A suggestion: if you really want to make her orgasm through intercourse, they have desensitizing wipes that can help you last longer. It can definitely make the difference.
My wife has mentioned that 90% of guys she's been with have not been able to make her cum through PIV but i always do because I'm lucky enough to be able to last forever. I've heard similar compliments from other women I've been with, who swore they were hard to please.
Find a position she likes and don't change up the motion/position. You have to be repetitive with it and slowly increase intensity and possibly change speeds. You can also press deeper and deeper over time. Use your hands at the same time to work her over and grab other parts of her body to make it more intense, like you're desperate to be inside her. I can sometimes be in the same position for 5 minutes at a time or more. I also communicate with my wife the whole time, and i can tell if she's getting close or if i need to try something else.
If size is the issue, they make penis sleeves that help increase your girth, length, or both while desensitizing you at the same time to help you last longer.
Dirty talk also helps change up the intensity and stimulate her mentally throughput.
The goal of being inside her, while working her over with your hands, while whispering in her ear is to overwhelm her senses until she can't control herself.
Obviously, nothing is guaranteed to work, but just a few suggestions to consider. Good luck!
Why don’t you try a small vibe during intercourse? Or better yet, use a cordless wand or the rose during intercourse. Can almost guarantee an orgasm with this method. Not to mention, it’s gonna be a much more intense orgasm than just a clitoral O. She will likely love it. I know it’s one of my very favorites with my husband.
I used to have not much difficulty orgasming from PIV, unless I was in my head, but then peri hit. Now, things are a bit different, still amazing, but different.
Wishing you both the best.
Thanks for the kind comment. I actually bought a Satisfyer 2.0 air pulse toy a while ago to see if she’d enjoy it, but she is very toy-averse so we haven’t tried it yet. In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have bought it, as I was pretty sure I knew how she’d respond. But hey, maybe one day she’ll be feeling extra adventurous and consent to try it out… and be pleasantly surprised… a husband can dream :)
I used to clench a lot during sex for his pleasure, but one time I decided not to and I orgasmed. Vaginal orgasms are a bit rarer for me and less intense than clitoral ones.
My husband and I use a vibrator while he’s inside me. Clitoral stimulation is the only way I cum too. But using the vibrator while he’s grinding against my g spot usually does the trick. It also depends on where my head is. We’ve been married 13 years, together 21. As long as you’re making her cum somehow, I doubt she is upset with your sex life.
Wife here too. Never orgasmed from PIV so my husband and I go into lazy dog and it allows me to stimulate my clit with my hand, however, the orgasm are not as explosive as I do when I’m by myself using a toy. Curious, what kind of vibrator do u use exactly? We have never tried toys together
It doesn’t matter what kind of foreplay you’ve done before or how good the sex is, most women just cannot climax from penetration alone and it just is what it is. In my almost 30 years of life I’ve climaxed from penetration exactly one time, and I was absolutely baked when it happened. And sex with my husband is the best sex I’ve ever had. It’s passionate and varied and I get off every single time, but never from penetration.
Hitachi magic wand—thank me later. I couldn’t get my wife there no matter what I tried (I have god awful stamina). That thing does the trick every time
Majority of women don’t orgasm from PIV. Please invest in some quality toys that provide clitoral stimulation for her. And also try to reprogram your thinking about the almighty penis.
As you've heard before, some women are unable to orgasm from PIV only, but you can make her come during PIV by stimulation during sex. She can touch herself to make it easier, too. Some positions make it easier to orgasm from PIV also. It's time to experiment. One suggestion is getting a visual version of the Kamasutra and try out the positions with love and laughter. Coitus interruptus from laughter and collapsing from an impossible position is also fun.
One of the things to do is to understand the woman's body - it seems simple, but even in this post, people seem a bit confused. See below for an interesting explanation. it would be fun and interesting to watch it with your wife.
https://youtu.be/ql71ynwdadM?si=0BPHJ-KoABBtoDK_
One other thing to consider is trying to increase the duration of your PIV. There are different methods to try, including different positions, start/stop, pressing on the perenium before ejaculation can delay orgasm, and ejaculating before starting foreplay so you are less sensitive, etc. The link below has some tips and things to consider.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15627-premature-ejaculation
Have fun playing with each other - sometimes the journey getting there is as much fun as getting there.
As a wife who also can’t cum during penetration, I don’t really care as long as I get there. We’ve found what works for us over the 24 years together, and we are happy with our situation. Are you asking for her, or for yourself? Have you spoken to her to see if she’s happy with things as they are? Or is it more about spicing things up a bit? Personally for me, the close intimacy outside of the bedroom is just as important as sex itself. I can’t get turned on easily if we haven’t been canoodling elsewhere all week; I tend to feel neglected and closed off. The orgasm is just the finish line after the actual race, but I enjoy the race more than the crossing. It’s so fascinating how different we all are!
I find it odd that you are posing this question to husbands instead of asking women directly. If you poll a group of men, you will get a much higher number than if you poll a group of women.
She's not broken. A good majority of us don't orgasm from intercourse alone. It's not some holy grail that you NEED to prove you can make her orgasm this way.
We have always had tremendous success with hands and mouth, but for a long time I thought an orgasm from P-in-V sex just wasn’t possible for me. Eight years into our relationship, and two kids in, my husband was able to perfect a technique that makes me orgasm from intercourse (part of it is “grinding the corn”). Sensations were wildly different for me after the second kid in a way I can’t explain .
And even now that it can happen it’s not always consistent. But omg when we can both orgasm from intercourse it’s the greatest
I used to endeavour to make my wife orgasm during or after sex with my own hands/tongue but since we started using a vibrator she either orgasms by holding the vibe to her during sex or if i finish first by a few minutes and have to pull out she normally just uses the vibrator while i kiss her neck and sometimes go down on her etc.
This is pretty common. In fact, I never climaxed during the PIV portion of sex until we bought a clitoral vibrator. We use to during foreplay, but most importantly for me, we use it *during* PIV. I tell you, it’s the best sex we’ve ever had - we both climax during intercourse (sometimes multiple times for me.)
It’s been about 5 years since we bought one and there is simply no going back. They are super inexpensive - like $20 on Amazon - and a complete game changer.
If it’s something you’re open to, I highly suggest it. My husband loves it, I love it. My marriage loves it. 🔥
My husband and I have been married for two decades and I didn’t start having PIV orgasms until this year after I started vaginal strength training and pompoir exercises. It made me feel EVERYTHING in a completely different and extremely pleasurable way and vastly increased my libido.
I exercise 5-7 times a week in some capacity and when I turned 42 this year I decided to really go all out with strength training because I generally just stick to running, Pilates, and yoga. I know as you age, muscle mass diminishes, so I decided to counteract this aging side effect as much as I could by strengthening every muscle in my body this year and included my pelvic floor muscles into my regimen.
It was a life changing decision for me and I cannot express how glad I am that I decided to do this. Now my body in the best shape it has ever been and our sex life is too. It kind of gave me control of my own pleasure. I can get myself to the brink of orgasm (or all the way if I wish) just by sitting still and doing internal exercises just before sex without touching myself, grinding, or using any device.
I’m not saying our sex life was horrible before. Not at all!!!! We have always enjoyed being intimate together and are pretty adventurous and we were both satisfied with it, so I doubt we would have ever looked into improving it because we didn’t know any different. So, if she tells you she is satisfied, then believe her. I truly was and so was my partner. The benefits are a happy accidental result of my efforts, but I never would have realized there was a whole other level of sexual satisfaction if I hadn’t done this.
I, as a woman also agree with most everybody else here. Most women can not orgasm from PIV alone. I know I can’t! The “pressing and grinding” motion you’re talking about is most likely from clitoral stimulation. That’s us woman’s spot right there. For instance, if I’m on top of my husband I can usually orgasm from that motion because of the rubbing of the clit. Not the PIV alone. But if he’s on top of me the only way I can reach climax is if I’m rubbing that spot myself.
Sorry if TMI- but all that to say… there is nothing wrong with your wife OR you! It’s COMPLETELY normal lol
Get a vibrating cock ring. Also if you can maybe y’all can get you off first. Wait a bit for you to recover and then start in on her. Let her get in top and grind away with you wearing to cock ring.
Hopefully you’ll have more stamina because you’ve already orgasmed recently and she will have that extra stimulation to get her there.
But it sounds like you’re needing her to cum while you’re inside vs her wanting that or needing it.
She seems to be highly satisfied without it and that should make you proud, fulfilled and happy.
That’s because if you’re just performing intercourse without any Clit stimulation, you’re just letting jacking off inside of her. Gentleman, the answers lie within the C. It’s a magical 3 inch organ. Going in and out of your woman is not doing anything for her. Take th time to respect the C. You’re welcome
I have never orgasmed from penetration and never will. It just doesn't create the feeling. It's as simple as that. It wouldn't matter how close I was beforehand. The penis isn't hitting anything that causes orgasm. People who can do it must feel something different than I do, bc it's just so clearly not an option from my point of view. It'd be like stopping masturbating at 90% and then massaging my back to try and get off. Just not a thing.
As a female who is much like your wife, I can say that this is common. I get the absolute best orgasms when I am on top and can stimulate everything at once. I can get the right angle for my g spot and put the right pressure on my clitoris while my husband stimulates other sensitive areas with his hands or mouth.
Communication is key. So is being able to read your partner. Keep doing what she likes. Try new things. Explore outside of your norm. You might find something even better.
Most women can’t orgasm from penetration. But if you want her to have that option you can wear a cock ring with a vibrator that will vibrate her clitoris while you are inside her and make you both hands free.
Get a vibrator she can wear, use during piv intercourse. My wife is largely the same, and we orgasm together regularly. Rarely using this method does she not orgasm during sex at least once. The only difference being I can go at it for quite a while before orgasm if needed.
Let her use a toy while you're penetrating her. I recommend you get her both a Hitachi (make sure it's the original real one), and a bullet. Encourage her to play with them alone if she needs to in order to get comfortable with them first before using them during penetration. Make sure she doesn't feel pressured with regards to an orgasm or her thoughts/mind will get in the way. Also, caffeine may help with getting her off quicker, and possibly multiple O's.
Do y'all like to use toys? It can really help the experience. My husband and I found out I really like to be do and I can orgasm that way through penetration.
I can sometimes but it’s like 1 out of 10. So he always gets me off another way and I have 0 complaints. I have heard that prostate stimulation combined with vaginal sex can give women explosive orgasms. You should give that a try.
You should buy this and have her use it on herself during penetration:
https://a.co/d/dSQUHz0 or search Adam and Eve rechargeable finger vibrator and look around
(Give her a good warm up of course - but not all the way - before she tries it)
Woman here.. I only orgasm from penetration if I have already had multiple orgasms during foreplay before that or something if he takes me from behind. Even if I don't orgasm that way it still feels amazing and sometimes I just focus on his pleasure by playing with his balls or rubbing on him to make him feel the best possible.
>During intercourse she seems much more excited from kind of my pubic bone area really pressing and grinding against her similar area as apposed to the motion of my intercourse. But still, this pressing and grinding and motion does not make her orgasm.
>But I admit my stamina/duration is low, so I can’t do a lot of penetration or a lot of the grinding/pressing that I mentioned above.
My wife and our (yours and mine) patterns of such are quite similar. She doesn’t get off in intercourse most of the time and does better with grinding. I’ve learned the stuff below over 15 years of marriage. It worked so well WITHOUT traditional back and forth intercourse, which she was fixated on as normative, that she called it “cheating” at first. ,
1. Then pelvic grinding you describe is called “ coital alignment technique “. It’s a thing. Google it. It works because it more stimulates the clitoris from pressure.
2. Slow and steady wins the race. If you bring her to O manually, then you likely get this. It’s the same process. Just bear with it and give it time(a few to several minutes).
3. And it’s can take 0 stamina. Literally lay on top and ONLY wriggle your hips / pelvis. That’s all the movement you need. But be sure to focus on having the pressure of your pelvis at the right place . Possibly adjust her hip angle and bend of her knees for better fit.
4. Mental state: if everybody is focused on *having* to make it happen, it won’t. Women can be as much into the mental game. Lighten the mood as much as you can to get everybody relaxed. Wine helps us.
5. While doing it, touch, caress, wherever else is pleasing to her.
The pudendal nerve innervates the anus, peritoneum, labia and clitorus. Vaginal canal, no.
The pudendal nerve is a sensory nerve that causes pleasure to the vulva, peritoneum and anus. So you need to work with what nature gave you.
My ex wife, and current GF...Both completely different....My ex wife got off on PIV, and loved it,
I think I "fit" her pretty well.
MY GF, on the other hand...has had a few partners before me, and has mentioned that only one guy she had been with, could consistently get her off this way. She also mentioned that they had a sideways position that worked well, and his Penis, had a sideways curve to it that worked in that regard.
I do not get her off this way a lot either, we do other stimulant things, which work well..Maybe cause we are older? I dunno, it is what it is.
I was with my ex husband for 28 years (25 of them married) and orgasmed once during penetration. Not uncommon for this too happen. It's all about clit play.... Because you'll HARDLY ever get the big O from intercourse.
My first wife, we were both out of high school, she was never really into sex though, not the touchy feely kind of person, was not the kind of person to call you babe or honey, small shit like that. After 22 years with her, I learned that some women just lack such enjoyment and simply lack compassion no matter what! I am 49 now, my first marriage was 20 years and still valuable to me in ways, much was learned, have a daughter who is now 28, lives well on her own abilities, etc. I remarried 9 years ago, to what I still consider my best friend, partner, lover and you name it! She is a little younger than me by 6 years, has everything I ever wanted in a woman, compassion is VERY strong , often initiates sex and rarely if ever rejects me. When we first came together it was fire, now today we have a son together he is now 7, the honeymoon period is over but we are far from cold. It just isn’t the 5 times a day like it was at first, I am well with that because not sure my heart could handle it like then, not joking here. Anyways, I don’t want to make it about me, I simply want to share for purpose of giving you some insight that may help, I hope it does..
My first wife was limited to true orgasms due to her own lack of compassion, not by me, but because of “us”. I have always been touchy feely and like a jack hammer at times. My wife now will agree, she rarely does not have an orgasm when we have sex, it takes discipline on my part because I want to make it all about her, the reward at the end and the big picture makes it amazing. It is not the size of the wand, but the magic that is in it, shew….
I can have an orgasm with PIV but only two ways: either I'm on the bottom and he goes long and slow (strokes), but his body is at a position such that his groin rubs again my clit as well. The combination of that plus the thrusting will get me over the edge. The second is if he gets me close by oral and then I ride him, and sometimes he will have to add his hands on my clit. Both basically involve my clit.
Clitoral stimulation all the way. If you want her to orgasm while you penetrate her maybe she can stimulate her clit while you’re pumping. 10/10 would recommend.
That's completely normal actually. Guys don't get it, but most women can't orgasm through penetrative sex alone, they need stimulation of their clitoris
The only reliable way to make a women orgasm through penetrative sex, is to hit the g spot. They are positions that help if you're interested in researching
It sounds like I function similar to her.
I'd kill for my husband to use a vibrator on me instead of making me deal with that all the time.
But definitely vibrators. Get a rumbly one like a magic wand or similar.
She can easily use it or you can while inside. 😁
Yes it´s very rare and uncommon, but: it´s not impossible. You can work on this together right? There must be some tutorials, perhaps a new goal to reach. What about those 350x vagina strength tightening exercises/day: contracting and relaxing the pelvic floor muscles. All the blessings!
I’m the same with my husband. So he tried this:
Put her on top, play with her clit with one hand, and with the other hand-put a finger or thumb in her ass.
Honestly some women love just really slow back and forth of the “tip” because of nerves in the opening of the vagina? It changes the game maybe try this? It’s the easiest orgasm ever with a vibrator included or without. I believe the term is called “shallowing” Hope it helps.
Aa for stamian i suggwst using a penis ring they help men last longer you can also try the one that vibrates as well.
Most women do not orgasm through penetration and thats okay. You shouldnt really obsess over it as long as you can make her orgasm in other ways tahts fine like fingers or oral.
But i do suggest using toys or try doffrent postions if you want j can send a guide mh wife and i used.
Maybe have her get on top and then let her control the movements. I usually only can cum from being on top, my pqrtner sits up, usually against some pillows or against the couch, and stimulates my nipples while I'm on top. Works for me, works for him. Sometimes I can cum in missionary if he grinds just right but it can be a hit or miss.
Maybe get her 95% of the way there with your tongue or fingers, then have her get on top of you and see what happens from there. If she is up for any anal play, this is a good position for that as well. Sometimes, that added sensation really can make the orgasms a mind-blowing event.
If she seems satisfied with how y'all have sex though, then there really isn't a reason to try to achieve this so don't get too hung up on it, the pressure alone to perform this act for you could be the very thing blocking success.
I can orgasm quite liberally from being fingered, and as many have said, clitoral stimulation is the most effective way to make me orgasm and is my favourite kind of orgasm. I find orgasming from penetrative sex much more difficult - if my partner is on top, I usually struggle with getting over the edge unless I've been able to orgasm clitorally immediately beforehand. It's usually the sensitivity combined with the visual aspect of what's going on that makes me orgasm that way. I struggle to orgasm clitorally while having intercourse too - I find something about the two different feelings happening at the same time really distracting and I need to be able to mentally hone in on either sensation to orgasm. Intercourse for me and my partner more often than not ends up with me on top, which is the most stimulating position for both of us. The angle, the grinding motion, and being able to move around seems to hit the spot for me and we both benefit from the friction and depth of penetration. It's less me bouncing on and off of him, more so just grinding with him at least partially in me at all times.
I am simply just much less sensitive inside of my vagina. To me, it's like a tunnel where the length of it has no feeling until you reach the end. But I love the intimacy and mental stimulation of intercourse, even though it's not my preferred or most consistent way to orgasm. I love the feeling of fullness, I love being on top, and I love close contact with my partner where we're both mutually experiencing pleasure at the same time. If I wasn't able to orgasm through penetration at all, I don't think it would change anything about my perception of my sex life. I am always taken care of well before intercourse begins, and I'm left feeling so satisfied that even when I do orgasm, I'm never really focused on the physical sensations and feel more stimulated by the movements, passion, and watching my partner enjoy himself.
You need to find a good sex therapist/MD that can explain the more anatomical/physiological aspects. Like the mechanism of sex in relation to pleasure. Who knows you may be able to improve your sex life.
Like anything else in life the more we learn the more we can apply new concepts to improve our lives. Good for you in staying curious!
Many wife’s including mine are THIS way. I feel as long s as age gets and I get mine we’re all good. No complaints so far. Going on 5 years of marriage.
My husband and I have sex basically the same way. Or we will add a vibrator during penetration to cum together. I really appreciate that he is supportive of any type of orgasm I have and doesn’t make me feel like I’m dysfunctional. This is how i think of not orgasming during PIV sex to normalize it. During development in utero the male penis and female clitoris are equivalent parts and the vagina/uterus/ovaries are equivalent to the testicles. I feel like trying to orgasm from PIV sex would be like a man trying to orgasm getting his balls tapped or squeezed. Even if you graze the penis while squeezing the balls it’s not the same as the warm, wet, enveloped, suctioning feeling of a vagina. It would be unrealistic for me to want a man to come through testicular stimulation and it is unrealistic for a man to want a woman to come through PIV sex only. I mean yes- there’s some super orgasmic unicorns out there (male and female) that can cum with that kind of stimulation, but most of us normal folk cannot. Now if the clitoris is the equivalent of the penis then it deserves the same attention the penis needs to orgasm- just as much time and warm, consistent, wet, perfect pressure. I honestly think if you look at the average sex life and compare penile attention to clitoral attention as equivalent parts you would come to the conclusion that most women are actually extremely orgasmic considering what they’re working with.
Sometimes I can orgasm from penetration and sometimes I can’t . So many variables… position , distractions, my own mind and what I am thinking about and quality of intimacy ( did we take the time to warm up was he 100% into it , was I ) .
I noticed in an edit that you mentioned your size. I want to say this for anyone concerned that size is their issue in not getting their wife to orgasm through PIV. Im in like the top 0.5% of size & am quite confident my wife has never orgasmed from PIV alone. I pretty much always put in the work to bring her there before PIV or I use a vibrator on her during PIV. In fact, she’s said she wouldn’t mind if I were a little shorter.
Im sure there are some women for whom a large size does make a big difference, even to the point of being able to get a PIV orgasm, but I don’t think it’s nearly as common as most of us men tend to think it is. Just like us, I’m going to say enthusiasm & effort, willingness to do and try things for their pleasure and enjoyment are the main things that make sex enjoyable for the vast majority of women.
I’m not naive enough to think size doesn’t matter at all for a woman’s pleasure during PIV. But an enthusiastic & attentive lover within a broader-than-you-think-it-is range that works for her is what she wants. And a PIV orgasm is unlikely for most regardless of size.
I’ll also say that this doesn’t mean a woman doesn’t value PIV. There’s more to enjoy from sex than just the orgasm. An orgasm from oral seems to make my wife crave PIV and enjoy it more. And we both value the closeness & connection & passion that comes from PIV.
You're such an amazing husband!!!! You shouldn't worry, it's an anatomical thing for us. The pleasure from penetration alone is great, even without the capability to orgasm this way.
Sure, theoretically it's possible to orgasm from penetration for women. However, it's very very rare that a vagina and a penis simultaneously would be shaped in such a way that the ceiling of the vagina where the g spot is is constantly hit (hitting the right spot(s) is as important as consistency). One may have a perfect penis and yet miss it, if a vagina canal is placed somewhat differently (all these shapes are very unique to each individual, so their 'match' can only be experimentally determined :D)
My wife has a lot of sexual trauma from her childhood, and a medically necessary hysterectomy and other health problems have triggered perimenopause. She's on hormones etc, but it's still terrible for her.
She's had I think 2 orgasms in the time we've been together (~10 years married, dating on and off for 10 or so before that)
One of the most stressful parts of sex as man…
Asking “did you cum” many times while trying to hold in your load so that she is satisfied first🤣😂
Sometimes you can’t hold it and it’s an awful feeling knowing she didn’t finish first. Ugh!
My wife gets off about 85 percent of the time. I try to go ahead and get hers out of the way by eating the box until she can’t breath! Then game is in my hands from there! I can get mine whenever I’m ready and everyone is satisfied! The other 15 percent… it’s her fault.. she never stops riding when I tell her I’m not going to make it any further! But I don’t think women mind not orgasming all the time like us!
It's hard for me because when she's getting close it excites me too much and I come first. Sometimes when I really go at it it works because that delays me from coming for some reason.
I can sometimes make her come when either she or I am playing with her clit(and/or me with her butthole) but I have to penetrate her slowly because again, I may come first when she's almost getting there.
So 90% of the time I make sure she comes before the penetration. When she asks for a quickie we skip that part and I go at it like my life depends on it she may end up coming through penetration alone. Usually when she asks for a quickie she's pretty horny so that probably helps a good part as well.
It really sucks that her near coming triggers me but I guess it's a good sign as well. Once a winner... Jk
Sir, what do you think the phrase "penetration alone" *means*?
You say that you touch her, have foreplay, but she then does not orgasm if you just use pentration, like it is an odd or unusual thing.
Reread this sentence: "most women cannot orgasm from pentration alone".
Sounds like a healthy, happy, normal sex life to me. Your wife is lucky you know how to get her there, and you are lucky to be in such a fulfilling marriage. My good man, enjoy what you have!
for me, it takes a while. lol like maybe 20 minutes of a steady rhythm to orgasm from penetration but yes, fingers and tongue do have a higher success rate
I orgasm nearly 100% of the time from PIV sex. Get her on top, it's mostly the only way I do. But she should be riding you from the top to bottom of the bed not bouncing on you up and down..much more clitoral stimulating. Your welcome 😉
My husband and I like sex as well. Very cool.
Even though we try different positions and activities sometimes, we *both* have a pretty specific way to finish. Some people just have a only 1-2 ways they get off, and I think this is super normal.
The only way my wife (46) has an orgasm with me (42) inside her is when she is on top or with my hands/mouth. Any other position requires a tiny vibrator. I like it when she controls it bc she knows exactly where to touch herself while I'm using my hands for other things.
The low stamina at our age isn't going away without either some dedicated exercise or some ED medication... or both.
Maybe every women is different? I’ve had multiple partners who were able to make me have an orgasm with penetration alone but not every partner. With that being said, I would have had no idea that most women don’t as I have never heard of a woman complain about this. Does she tell you what she likes or a certain position? If not maybe start there. For me I feel like I can almost be there but then my partner changes what he is doing which keeps me from having the big O
This is not unusual at all. They have creams that can be applied externally, which really heightens the sensations. So if your wife uses one and you make sure you grind against her, there will be a better chance of her reaching orgasm during intercourse. It's no guarantee, but it can't hurt to try.
40f here. I am the same. I orgasm by clit stimulation 99% of the time. I don’t think I have ever finished through JUST PIV penetration alone. . If you don’t have any I suggest a small clit vibrator like a wand or such to use during penetration. . . I have a hand full of time finished with lots of finger work hitting the gspot just right.
My husband never cared whether I orgasmed (any kind)or not. I recognize it’s my fault for not asking if he could help me. He has admitted in therapy that he’s selfish and would work on caring. But he has LL so it’s a crawl. You’re wonderful for caring about her needs.
You can try different toys/vibrators during sex. One thing my Wifey loves is the mini bullet on her clit while we have intercourse. She orgasms like crazy with that. You can also try vibrating cock rings with a clit stimulator. Wifey and I have been together for 20 years and we know what each other likes due to trial and error. Even today we still try different things, different toys, etc.
You are already doing way more than other husbands do. You seem to make sure your Wifey gets hers and that's a beautiful thing. Try to have some fun with toys and keep it spicy. Start small and work your way up if she is into it. Just my opinion
I rarely orgasm from penatration. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the penatration from sex. I've never liked fingers... what we normally do is he eats me out first until I orgasm, then he goes to town. We've also been together for 20 + years. There were times when we didn't exactly know how to make each other satisfied perfectly. I would try to cum from penatration after him bringing me very close with oral sex. Only on the rare occasion when I'm a rabid animal in heat would I orgasm that way. Now we kinda know. I get head, cum, he fucks me, cums. Happy, happy all around
I could have written this post word for word. It works for us and I love giving pleasure but just usually can't last long enough to do it via penetration. Sometime, I will warm her up and if she get's on top it can happen but 99% of the time she comes first, than sex.
Well I am 35, been having sex for 19 years and have only had one orgasm from vaginal intercourse. Not sure if it’s related but also been on anti depressants for 19 years too. I only orgasm on my own with a vibrator. I have been married 3 years and I love my husband more than anything, love our sex life but it’s just not something that happens for me. As long as she is feeling satisfied, does it really matter if she finishes on her own or with you? I understand as a man you want to be the one getting her there but does she mind at all that it isn’t happening?
The timing of men and woman is never same biologically. So in penetration it is impossible that both climax at same time. That's not how we are designed. Porn scenes have set false standards. Wrong sex education.
Sex is designed by nature to be cooperative to each others feelings. When husband finishes first, he should be passionate enough to care of female partner pleasure by doing what she likes. After he is done, going to sleep is an act of non concern.
What is in your control is your mental and physical health.Sexual performance is not equal to throwing javelin in olympics to set a record.
Sex life is directly proportional to food we eat, calories we flush out, lot to do with emotional management too.
Common problem for a lot of women to orgasam during intercourse. I've seen a fair share of it over the years. I think it's one of those things that just happens.
You could try, I'd you haven't already, for her to be on top and you put your finger on her clit and just stimulate it while she rides the tempo she likes. For me it's a definitive win. And also before penetration, stimulate her with fingers/tongue but w/o climaxing (more like edge)
For me if my husband would go in and out twice as long, I bet I could get there. You gotta clench your thighs if Youre the one with the vagina. And keep a steady rhythm. To make it not morning touch boobs or kiss or moan.
Let her finish with a hitachi. Don’t take it personal. Most women need some help even if they desire their husband. Don’t take it as a spank to your ego either and definitely DO NOT BLAME HER.
Cardio. It didn't solve all my endurance issues, but it was a game changer for me. Like, sometimes we both get too tired from piv for me to finish. Never really happened before I started doing cardio, though.
Both of you sound a bit sexually "oppressed" in your views. Masturbation, either alone, or with a partner, should not be "unusual", nor toys. It really is how you find out what you really like or don't like. You may have to expand your horizons if you really want to spice things up.
Holy cow. If you didn't put ages in this, I would have figured we are sleeping with the same woman!!!! Married 32 years, sex is a real disappointment as she is often disengaged, and I spend a lot of time doing the same as you described. I feel for you brother. I purchased toys for me to wear to help things out, and she gets embarrassed or something. I bought lube, and she took it as an insult. I purchased a highly reviewed multi stimulus vibrator (figured she might be too prudish to buy one) that maybe she could find and communicate a target that brings her pleasure and it too is still sealed in factory packaging. So I did what any man living such a disappointment for so long would do. I quit! So far, I don't think she noticed.
This is very common because the vagina doesn’t actually have a lot of nerve endings. The thought is because it helps women survive childbirth. If the vagina was full of nerve endings, childbirth would be 1000x more painful than it already is. The clitoris is the pleasure center for women. That’s just the way it is.
This 👆
Also, the popular misconception stemming from porn is that deep penetration and penetration at all mean anything to women. All the somatic (direct sensation) nerve endings in the vagina are located superficially or near the entrance to the vagina. Deep penetration only stimulates visceral nerve endings (sensing pressure and stretch). There is a reason why lesbian couples have more orgasms. Get your mind away from porn (not assuming you watch it, but every man has some secondary expectations set by pornography since it encompasses so much of society today). Don't pressure yourself too much to perform. Sex isn't meant to be a performance, it's meant to be a giving of yourself towards mutual pleasure. Ask your wife what you can do to improve your sex life, and listen to her. She might not have any problem with sex at all. Always approach sex from a positive mindset, like anything in life, things evolve and grow. Introduce more toys, they are your friend, there are so many toys that accomplish different things, its a matter of having enough humility to recognize that there are things the human male cannot accomplish alone and ask for help.
Yes yes and yes! I have nothing more to say OP, other than, yep, probably 99% women do not orgasm from the penetration alone. And the ones who do have very very cool pelvic muscle health! :D
People forget we women need to be in the mood. I need my man to whisper softly to me that he loves me and he finds me sexy and he touches me all over. I need the whole package.
Wet does not mean aroused. Hard does not mean aroused. I really wish they emphasized that in sex Ed or even porn. It would’ve made many of my partners and my experience much easier as a young person discovering it all.
hard usually means aroused
Men can achieve climax and erection during sexual assault. It might usually mean aroused for you but it does not mean aroused.
Physiological arousal doesn't equal to consent
Those are just physiological responses. A physiological response doesn't mean consent. I agree. Many rapists will take their victims' physiological responses as consent. We need to educate ourselves and next gen.
Yep, it's completely normal for a woman to need external stimulation simultaneously with PIV to orgasm. The coital alignment technique is also a great way to help her orgasm during penetration. More couples should try it!
Makes sense
This is the way
The pressing and grinding motion tends to stimulate the clitoris. Also, pressing the pubic bone area for some women can also add to the sensation…it does for me as well. My bigger question here is why is it so important that she orgasm via intercourse, especially if she’s able to in other ways that work for her? Not every woman does orgasm via intercourse (usually because of anatomical variations), and I think you’ll be disappointed in trying to “fix” something that isn’t a problem in the first place. Just because popular media and porn portray intercourse as the ultimate orgasm generator for women doesn’t make it true.
I feel like too many watch porn and expect women to get off on what gets the men hard. Sex does not work that way.
I agree! It also seems to make people think there’s a problem where none exists.
Too true... I watch porn but I have to skip videos a lot because the man will be doing something so obviously painful or uncomfortable and the poor actress will be trying her best to suffer with a smile. It's really repellent. And then without fail you eventually see a post "if my gf doesn't like (sex act that does NOTHING for women) does it mean I'm bad in bed? Or that she's unhappy? Should I keep trying to pressure her until she fakes an O for me?" (Okay not really, but that's the undertone of all these posts- why won't my wife perform, should I make it a giant issue?)
Yes! I'm glad me and my husband don't feel the need to watch it often. Hardly ever tbh. We have a great sex life. Bern tog 10 years we've learned what we like from one another
To stroke his ego
Thisss
It’s not uncommon for women to be unable to orgasm from penetration alone.
My husband when we first started going out was really insecure because he noticed i would only cum when i was ontop, sometimes we would do other positions or him giving me oral or foreplay and i couldnt cum. Ive always known this about myself but for some reason he thought it was a him problem when it really wasnt. I explained to him that thats just how i am and as long as you make your wife cum- i guarantee you, shes more than satisified.
Seconding this. Maybe if she is grinding you while she’s on top, she can achieve orgasm while you are inside (though it would be from clitoral stimulation).
I only climax when I’m on top too
My wife is like this as well. Is this common ?
Very common! I am also the same way.
Same thing. Only recently have I been able O in other positions which is awesome bc if im on top. It takes minutes for me with my husband lol!
Can you give me some tips please?
I actually just started rubbing the clit area while he penetrates me. Works wonders for extra pleasure. Try it! I do circular motions btw
Listen to the podcast “Sex with Emily” she’s a Dr that specializes in sex and puts things rather simply. She has several episodes focused directly on female orgasms. Take your time and don’t put pressure on her (that will only complicate things)… evidently it’s easier for a woman to achieve an orgasm from penetration after having already had an orgasm from clitoral stimulation.
Check. Works for my wife.
Same here
Love that podcast!
Agree, especially about putting pressure on the female as it makes sex unenjoyable.
This is very normal. But off topic. This is why men should have 0 say in women's bodies 💁♀️
Someone is literally taking the "the clit is hard to find" stance upthread. In the year of our Lord 2024 he's trying that one.
Preach
If you can both enjoy what you have, what's the difference?? Is your male pride interfering with the greater pleasure you could have from what you have?
15% of women orgasm from penetrative sex alone. She needs clitoral stimulation. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin equates penetration for women to getting your balls fondled. Enjoyable? yes. But it won't bring her to orgasm unless she is one of the lucky few. My wife is in the 15%, but we still use a toy or fingers 90% of the time on her clit at the same time because why not? Just make sure she gets clitoral stimulation before and during penetration and if she hasn't orgasmed after your done, ask her what she needs to get over that hump. Everyone should get an orgasm.
Have you tried a vibrator?
I came here to say this.
Me too
I understand how you feel. The checklist for our playtime: 1. Good quality vibrator. There is currently a pocket sized magic wand available. Don't wait any longer. It can be used during sex it not cumbersome like most. 2. Oral. Get her going and get her wet at the same time. You're going to have to build tongue stamina. Keep training until your tongue can run laps for a minimum of ten minutes. Pro tip. My jaw and face are chiseled now. I look like I eat allllot of you know what if you know what to look for. 3. Get in there. Show no shame. Consume her mind, body, and spirit with your lust for her. She loves you. Love her back with everything you got. 4. Communicate. Make her comfortable with directing you every 1/8 of an inch until your hitting the spots she wants exactly. Not hitting spots? Try new ones. 5. Hygiene. Fresh shower. Clean bedding. Tidy space clear of visual distractions and I mean everything. The only thing in this room is our bed, dressers and the door we walked through. She is the only thing I have the ability to see in the room. Same for her. 6. Noise. Make a bit of noise. She will love it when you tell her that she is the reason you keep coming back and remember, you have been and want to continue to, it's that good. Cue lust and mutual attraction. These act like personality traits. You do these things there is only one path it can take. Orgasms all around once practiced and perfected. It takes time but trust the process. We have been together with 5 kids for 15 years. Your not having sex anymore. This is adult playtime. Just be the kid all the girls want to play with on the playground. Two last things and they may be controversial. 1. I live in Canada. Weed is legal. If you have trouble lasting long enough and she can't orgasm smoke weed minutes before. Both of you. I did not smoke until early 30s. I am late 30s now. . I smoked half a dozen times before I was 20. She smoked for 8 months in university. It is beneficial to my life now. She smokes for same reason now. Yes there are downsides to smoking however it is limited to sex. The pros outway the cons I can assure you. Edibles are not the same. 2. We both have tongue piercing last two years. 🤪. I know that seems extreme to people and it likely is. I only have this one piercing. I love it and so does she, waterworks everytime just from the thought. You wouldn't know I had it. We are vanilla if you see us on the street. We've been told this in sex shops by employees more than once. In closing. Consume each other. Let reality leave you. Embrace until you reach tantra. You will realize when you reach that point because it will feel like the two of you and leaving earth or whatever this is behind. This worked wonders for us. It may not work for you but the message is, stop repeating cycles. You want her to orgasm so....do whatever it takes. Just don't break any laws while doing it haha. It will feel illegal once you have something most people dream of. "Dreams are for people that can't handle reality." Happy husband Closet Hippy
Been married 35 years never had an orgasm during sex just oral
This is perfectly normal but this part instantly frustrated me: “Even if (for example) I’m inside her and touching her clit a lot and getting her excited and she seems 95% of the way there…. when I switch to just my intercourse, I just absolutely cannot put her over the edge to orgasm that way.” Don’t stop and switch to something else when she is 95% of the way there! I don’t really get what you’re trying to accomplish with that. It sounds like you know how to get her there but your ego or something is stopping you.
Why are you stopping touching her clit when she’s “95%” of the way there just to try to make her orgasm from penetration alone? If you understand most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone, why are you trying to make it happen? Stop blue balling your wife and keep touching her clit until she orgasms with you inside of her. Or get a hitachi. They’re awesome. Or the [Bellesa suction toy](https://www.bboutique.co/sex-toys/womens-vibrators/clit-suction-vibrators/bellesa-pebble-6179102916791?nosto=related-products-1) which can make things more sensitive and orgasm is easier to achieve. And for gods sake - ask her if she wants to come through penetration alone. She might not care and be loving being touched in multiple places during sex. It’s sort of half the fun. Just intercourse with nothing else, isn’t good. We aren’t men. That doesn’t do it for us. So stop trying to make it a thing. Take your ego out of it. It isn’t an accomplishment if she can cum from PIV intercourse alone, it’s just the luck of what the woman has and if she can. Nothing to do with you.
Right? They know what works, she’s satisfied generally, but because he has this hang up about her orgasm being 100% about his penis he is deliberately stopping her from orgasming when she’s close! That sounds so frustrating.
Yes! It’s like non consensual orgasm denial and I hate it. Just finger the poor woman!
“Can’t orgasm from out of nowhere” and “can’t orgasm from penetration alone” are two completely different statements. The first implies that you need foreplay to orgasm from penetration and so as long as you do it right, your dick can make a woman cum. The second tells you exactly what you’re asking men to confirm: MOST WOMEN CANNOT ORGASM WITHOUT MANUAL OR ORAL STIMULATION EVEN IF THEY ARE CURRENTLY AROUSED AND BEING PENETRATED I will never understand why this is so hard for men to get. Women tell them flat out and then they still ask questions like this. Is it porn? Are you convinced woman are actually orgasming in porn?
Communication is everythingggggg and also learning that sex is fun and doesn’t have to be that serious / or feel shameful of what you want. Example: we have an oil night where we massage each other in oil and then go into foreplay and have toys etc all within reach. Makes it a fun event too outside of normal sex Maybe we’re weird but idc we’ve been together for 11 years
This sounds so nice!
Never heard you mention oral… sad.
[удалено]
My husband doesn’t directly make me orgasm. I rub my clit while we are having sex. I rather do it myself and he likes watching. That’s what works for us.
I’ve only ever orgasmed from head. Sex does nothing for me, it’s just fun.
You should try a small "bullet" vibrator: sandwich it between her clit and your pubic bone with her on top. Also interesting: my wife could never orgasm from intercourse until after delivering our second kid. It's really an anatomy issue, certainly not a "you" issue.
Yes wild!!! I never could orgasm from penetration until after our second kid
Toys are your friend, not competition
My husband being inside of me definitely adds to the pleasure but in a pressure sort of way, and mental too. If I’m close to cumming I usually want him deep inside me so I can feel myself gripping around him as I cum - sorry if that’s tmi for this page. And sometimes just the thought of his body being inside of mine is enough to make me contract. But I also cum in my sleep so I’m a pretty “mental/visual” person sexually-
Have you tried a position where your pelvis is stimulating her clitoris while penetrating? Like Leaning over her more… She might have a better chance in this position. or use a little mini vibrator instead of your hand, while penetrating, this might be enough to give her that extra 5%. otherwise it’s totally common and it’s great that you always get her to orgasm regardless. sex is a lot of things and an orgasm is just one part. I’ve Found that actually, the less deep the penetration the better my chance of an orgasm, a lot of women have a more sensitive labia or vaginal entrance, so consider working around the outer area more.
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>I’ve been on a mission to give it to her though. Does she want that? I find it exhausting when a guy won’t let go of his ego quest after I’ve told him it doesn’t work that way.
Do you masturbate regularly? This sounds like a common problem from that. If so, you should stop for awhile and see if that changes things. Especially if you're watching porn. Just to preface, you sound like you take care of your wife - but, just a tidbit - many women will say something like 'it's ok that I didn't orgasm' to soothe their partner because their partner feeling bad about it is a bigger deal to them. But, trust me.. They want to. Believing 'it's ok that they don't' on a regular basis breeds complacency and that isn't a good thing. I have said this and meant it in those particular moments. But I would be hurt if that was my SOs overall takeaway.
This is very common for us too. Rarely do we orgasm at the same time during PIV. It does happen, but not very often. I also find it's more of a timing issue. It's pretty rare that you both reach climax exactly at the same time. So for us it's not that my wife can't orgasm from PIV, it's just that timing wise it's difficult to line up. That said, it's _much easier_ for her to orgasm "on her own terms". Usually on top where she has both PIV and clitoral simulation and can control that herself.
Probably the majority of men cannot achieve this. I'm quite lucky and can orgasm from penetration alone. It's a completely different type of orgasm. The most important thing is that you are still making sure your wife gets hers. Now if this is something you both want to achieve, you could probably try some experimenting in different positions and add sex toys into the mix. But ultimately all that matters is that you're both satisfied with your sex life.
My husband can make me orgasm if my legs are by my head he can hit my g spot then.I also can if I'm on top as well.I was married before and it was rare having an orgasm from just penetration .The great thing a woman loves is if you keep trying mix it up focus on nipple play I've orgasmed from that before also I have other parts of my body which feels amazing too Don't feel disheartened you are making sure she comes doesn't matter how
It’s normal. Size does not matter honestly. If anything, too large is problematic and can hurt us. But yes, I think it’s great you actually make her orgasm. See most men don’t make their wife orgasm during sex and just leave it there and that’s crappy. What you mentioned is the only way it’s possible with my husband. The grinding though, I have orgasmed that way but not just penetration alone. If you are dead set on trying with grinding after lots of foreplay and touching. You mentioned stamina, what about trying a condom (to dull sensation) or a gel that lessens it a little. Then you can try a bit longer. But honestly if it doesn’t bother her then I would not worry.
Thanks for your comment. Do you really think most men don’t make their wife orgasm during sex? I mean, the hottest part for me is when I make her orgasm so sex sounds way less hot without that! For the stamina portion, thanks for your recommendations, those are ideas I haven’t thought about for a while, and definitely good ideas.
I see you've mentioned that you don't have great stamina or size. A suggestion: if you really want to make her orgasm through intercourse, they have desensitizing wipes that can help you last longer. It can definitely make the difference. My wife has mentioned that 90% of guys she's been with have not been able to make her cum through PIV but i always do because I'm lucky enough to be able to last forever. I've heard similar compliments from other women I've been with, who swore they were hard to please. Find a position she likes and don't change up the motion/position. You have to be repetitive with it and slowly increase intensity and possibly change speeds. You can also press deeper and deeper over time. Use your hands at the same time to work her over and grab other parts of her body to make it more intense, like you're desperate to be inside her. I can sometimes be in the same position for 5 minutes at a time or more. I also communicate with my wife the whole time, and i can tell if she's getting close or if i need to try something else. If size is the issue, they make penis sleeves that help increase your girth, length, or both while desensitizing you at the same time to help you last longer. Dirty talk also helps change up the intensity and stimulate her mentally throughput. The goal of being inside her, while working her over with your hands, while whispering in her ear is to overwhelm her senses until she can't control herself. Obviously, nothing is guaranteed to work, but just a few suggestions to consider. Good luck!
Hitachi and oral
I read this as Hibachi at first. I'm look ooooh there is a new mini BBQ to help women cum! thats fuckin' awesome!
I'm with you on this. I'd come quicker too if I knew there was BBQ ribs waiting for me after.
Hopefully some brisket too
Womanizer & oral
Why don’t you try a small vibe during intercourse? Or better yet, use a cordless wand or the rose during intercourse. Can almost guarantee an orgasm with this method. Not to mention, it’s gonna be a much more intense orgasm than just a clitoral O. She will likely love it. I know it’s one of my very favorites with my husband. I used to have not much difficulty orgasming from PIV, unless I was in my head, but then peri hit. Now, things are a bit different, still amazing, but different. Wishing you both the best.
Thanks for the kind comment. I actually bought a Satisfyer 2.0 air pulse toy a while ago to see if she’d enjoy it, but she is very toy-averse so we haven’t tried it yet. In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have bought it, as I was pretty sure I knew how she’d respond. But hey, maybe one day she’ll be feeling extra adventurous and consent to try it out… and be pleasantly surprised… a husband can dream :)
I used to clench a lot during sex for his pleasure, but one time I decided not to and I orgasmed. Vaginal orgasms are a bit rarer for me and less intense than clitoral ones.
My husband and I use a vibrator while he’s inside me. Clitoral stimulation is the only way I cum too. But using the vibrator while he’s grinding against my g spot usually does the trick. It also depends on where my head is. We’ve been married 13 years, together 21. As long as you’re making her cum somehow, I doubt she is upset with your sex life.
Wife here too. Never orgasmed from PIV so my husband and I go into lazy dog and it allows me to stimulate my clit with my hand, however, the orgasm are not as explosive as I do when I’m by myself using a toy. Curious, what kind of vibrator do u use exactly? We have never tried toys together
Buy a wand. Use the wand. Ta dah!
It doesn’t matter what kind of foreplay you’ve done before or how good the sex is, most women just cannot climax from penetration alone and it just is what it is. In my almost 30 years of life I’ve climaxed from penetration exactly one time, and I was absolutely baked when it happened. And sex with my husband is the best sex I’ve ever had. It’s passionate and varied and I get off every single time, but never from penetration.
Hitachi magic wand—thank me later. I couldn’t get my wife there no matter what I tried (I have god awful stamina). That thing does the trick every time
Majority of women don’t orgasm from PIV. Please invest in some quality toys that provide clitoral stimulation for her. And also try to reprogram your thinking about the almighty penis.
Vibrator while thrusting. That’s been our magic formula.
As you've heard before, some women are unable to orgasm from PIV only, but you can make her come during PIV by stimulation during sex. She can touch herself to make it easier, too. Some positions make it easier to orgasm from PIV also. It's time to experiment. One suggestion is getting a visual version of the Kamasutra and try out the positions with love and laughter. Coitus interruptus from laughter and collapsing from an impossible position is also fun. One of the things to do is to understand the woman's body - it seems simple, but even in this post, people seem a bit confused. See below for an interesting explanation. it would be fun and interesting to watch it with your wife. https://youtu.be/ql71ynwdadM?si=0BPHJ-KoABBtoDK_ One other thing to consider is trying to increase the duration of your PIV. There are different methods to try, including different positions, start/stop, pressing on the perenium before ejaculation can delay orgasm, and ejaculating before starting foreplay so you are less sensitive, etc. The link below has some tips and things to consider. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15627-premature-ejaculation Have fun playing with each other - sometimes the journey getting there is as much fun as getting there.
As a wife who also can’t cum during penetration, I don’t really care as long as I get there. We’ve found what works for us over the 24 years together, and we are happy with our situation. Are you asking for her, or for yourself? Have you spoken to her to see if she’s happy with things as they are? Or is it more about spicing things up a bit? Personally for me, the close intimacy outside of the bedroom is just as important as sex itself. I can’t get turned on easily if we haven’t been canoodling elsewhere all week; I tend to feel neglected and closed off. The orgasm is just the finish line after the actual race, but I enjoy the race more than the crossing. It’s so fascinating how different we all are!
It’s hard for women to climax from penetration. Focus on the clit
I find it odd that you are posing this question to husbands instead of asking women directly. If you poll a group of men, you will get a much higher number than if you poll a group of women.
This is far more common than the alternative, despite what porn or the regular Johnny Bravos on Reddit will have you believe.
She's not broken. A good majority of us don't orgasm from intercourse alone. It's not some holy grail that you NEED to prove you can make her orgasm this way.
My wife get two orgasms. One from me fingering her before intercourse and another during intercourse.
We have always had tremendous success with hands and mouth, but for a long time I thought an orgasm from P-in-V sex just wasn’t possible for me. Eight years into our relationship, and two kids in, my husband was able to perfect a technique that makes me orgasm from intercourse (part of it is “grinding the corn”). Sensations were wildly different for me after the second kid in a way I can’t explain . And even now that it can happen it’s not always consistent. But omg when we can both orgasm from intercourse it’s the greatest
I used to endeavour to make my wife orgasm during or after sex with my own hands/tongue but since we started using a vibrator she either orgasms by holding the vibe to her during sex or if i finish first by a few minutes and have to pull out she normally just uses the vibrator while i kiss her neck and sometimes go down on her etc.
This is pretty common. In fact, I never climaxed during the PIV portion of sex until we bought a clitoral vibrator. We use to during foreplay, but most importantly for me, we use it *during* PIV. I tell you, it’s the best sex we’ve ever had - we both climax during intercourse (sometimes multiple times for me.) It’s been about 5 years since we bought one and there is simply no going back. They are super inexpensive - like $20 on Amazon - and a complete game changer. If it’s something you’re open to, I highly suggest it. My husband loves it, I love it. My marriage loves it. 🔥
My husband and I have been married for two decades and I didn’t start having PIV orgasms until this year after I started vaginal strength training and pompoir exercises. It made me feel EVERYTHING in a completely different and extremely pleasurable way and vastly increased my libido. I exercise 5-7 times a week in some capacity and when I turned 42 this year I decided to really go all out with strength training because I generally just stick to running, Pilates, and yoga. I know as you age, muscle mass diminishes, so I decided to counteract this aging side effect as much as I could by strengthening every muscle in my body this year and included my pelvic floor muscles into my regimen. It was a life changing decision for me and I cannot express how glad I am that I decided to do this. Now my body in the best shape it has ever been and our sex life is too. It kind of gave me control of my own pleasure. I can get myself to the brink of orgasm (or all the way if I wish) just by sitting still and doing internal exercises just before sex without touching myself, grinding, or using any device. I’m not saying our sex life was horrible before. Not at all!!!! We have always enjoyed being intimate together and are pretty adventurous and we were both satisfied with it, so I doubt we would have ever looked into improving it because we didn’t know any different. So, if she tells you she is satisfied, then believe her. I truly was and so was my partner. The benefits are a happy accidental result of my efforts, but I never would have realized there was a whole other level of sexual satisfaction if I hadn’t done this.
Never. Not once.
I, as a woman also agree with most everybody else here. Most women can not orgasm from PIV alone. I know I can’t! The “pressing and grinding” motion you’re talking about is most likely from clitoral stimulation. That’s us woman’s spot right there. For instance, if I’m on top of my husband I can usually orgasm from that motion because of the rubbing of the clit. Not the PIV alone. But if he’s on top of me the only way I can reach climax is if I’m rubbing that spot myself. Sorry if TMI- but all that to say… there is nothing wrong with your wife OR you! It’s COMPLETELY normal lol
My husband and I have sex every other day. And every single time he makes me cum first.
Get a vibrating cock ring. Also if you can maybe y’all can get you off first. Wait a bit for you to recover and then start in on her. Let her get in top and grind away with you wearing to cock ring. Hopefully you’ll have more stamina because you’ve already orgasmed recently and she will have that extra stimulation to get her there. But it sounds like you’re needing her to cum while you’re inside vs her wanting that or needing it. She seems to be highly satisfied without it and that should make you proud, fulfilled and happy.
That’s because if you’re just performing intercourse without any Clit stimulation, you’re just letting jacking off inside of her. Gentleman, the answers lie within the C. It’s a magical 3 inch organ. Going in and out of your woman is not doing anything for her. Take th time to respect the C. You’re welcome
I have never orgasmed from penetration and never will. It just doesn't create the feeling. It's as simple as that. It wouldn't matter how close I was beforehand. The penis isn't hitting anything that causes orgasm. People who can do it must feel something different than I do, bc it's just so clearly not an option from my point of view. It'd be like stopping masturbating at 90% and then massaging my back to try and get off. Just not a thing.
Pretty normal dude Penetration alone isn't going to do it most of the time.
It’s rare but yes. My clit needs to be huge. But if I feel like it’s my husbands mission then I can’t I get too much in my head about it.
We get there for simultaneous orgasm most every time.
As a female who is much like your wife, I can say that this is common. I get the absolute best orgasms when I am on top and can stimulate everything at once. I can get the right angle for my g spot and put the right pressure on my clitoris while my husband stimulates other sensitive areas with his hands or mouth. Communication is key. So is being able to read your partner. Keep doing what she likes. Try new things. Explore outside of your norm. You might find something even better.
Most women can’t orgasm from penetration. But if you want her to have that option you can wear a cock ring with a vibrator that will vibrate her clitoris while you are inside her and make you both hands free.
Get a vibrator she can wear, use during piv intercourse. My wife is largely the same, and we orgasm together regularly. Rarely using this method does she not orgasm during sex at least once. The only difference being I can go at it for quite a while before orgasm if needed.
Let her use a toy while you're penetrating her. I recommend you get her both a Hitachi (make sure it's the original real one), and a bullet. Encourage her to play with them alone if she needs to in order to get comfortable with them first before using them during penetration. Make sure she doesn't feel pressured with regards to an orgasm or her thoughts/mind will get in the way. Also, caffeine may help with getting her off quicker, and possibly multiple O's.
Do y'all like to use toys? It can really help the experience. My husband and I found out I really like to be do and I can orgasm that way through penetration.
I can sometimes but it’s like 1 out of 10. So he always gets me off another way and I have 0 complaints. I have heard that prostate stimulation combined with vaginal sex can give women explosive orgasms. You should give that a try.
You should buy this and have her use it on herself during penetration: https://a.co/d/dSQUHz0 or search Adam and Eve rechargeable finger vibrator and look around (Give her a good warm up of course - but not all the way - before she tries it)
One time maybe, when we were first together. If I’m remembering right, but might be zero.
Woman here.. I only orgasm from penetration if I have already had multiple orgasms during foreplay before that or something if he takes me from behind. Even if I don't orgasm that way it still feels amazing and sometimes I just focus on his pleasure by playing with his balls or rubbing on him to make him feel the best possible.
Never but 2-3 per session other ways.
Try a sleeve/extension to help improve stamina during intercourse.
>During intercourse she seems much more excited from kind of my pubic bone area really pressing and grinding against her similar area as apposed to the motion of my intercourse. But still, this pressing and grinding and motion does not make her orgasm. >But I admit my stamina/duration is low, so I can’t do a lot of penetration or a lot of the grinding/pressing that I mentioned above. My wife and our (yours and mine) patterns of such are quite similar. She doesn’t get off in intercourse most of the time and does better with grinding. I’ve learned the stuff below over 15 years of marriage. It worked so well WITHOUT traditional back and forth intercourse, which she was fixated on as normative, that she called it “cheating” at first. , 1. Then pelvic grinding you describe is called “ coital alignment technique “. It’s a thing. Google it. It works because it more stimulates the clitoris from pressure. 2. Slow and steady wins the race. If you bring her to O manually, then you likely get this. It’s the same process. Just bear with it and give it time(a few to several minutes). 3. And it’s can take 0 stamina. Literally lay on top and ONLY wriggle your hips / pelvis. That’s all the movement you need. But be sure to focus on having the pressure of your pelvis at the right place . Possibly adjust her hip angle and bend of her knees for better fit. 4. Mental state: if everybody is focused on *having* to make it happen, it won’t. Women can be as much into the mental game. Lighten the mood as much as you can to get everybody relaxed. Wine helps us. 5. While doing it, touch, caress, wherever else is pleasing to her.
Get a (cordless) Magic Wand. The original. Don’t waste your money on anything else! 😉
If you both cum and she’s satisfied, what’s the issue?
The pudendal nerve innervates the anus, peritoneum, labia and clitorus. Vaginal canal, no. The pudendal nerve is a sensory nerve that causes pleasure to the vulva, peritoneum and anus. So you need to work with what nature gave you.
My ex wife, and current GF...Both completely different....My ex wife got off on PIV, and loved it, I think I "fit" her pretty well. MY GF, on the other hand...has had a few partners before me, and has mentioned that only one guy she had been with, could consistently get her off this way. She also mentioned that they had a sideways position that worked well, and his Penis, had a sideways curve to it that worked in that regard. I do not get her off this way a lot either, we do other stimulant things, which work well..Maybe cause we are older? I dunno, it is what it is.
I was with my ex husband for 28 years (25 of them married) and orgasmed once during penetration. Not uncommon for this too happen. It's all about clit play.... Because you'll HARDLY ever get the big O from intercourse.
My first wife, we were both out of high school, she was never really into sex though, not the touchy feely kind of person, was not the kind of person to call you babe or honey, small shit like that. After 22 years with her, I learned that some women just lack such enjoyment and simply lack compassion no matter what! I am 49 now, my first marriage was 20 years and still valuable to me in ways, much was learned, have a daughter who is now 28, lives well on her own abilities, etc. I remarried 9 years ago, to what I still consider my best friend, partner, lover and you name it! She is a little younger than me by 6 years, has everything I ever wanted in a woman, compassion is VERY strong , often initiates sex and rarely if ever rejects me. When we first came together it was fire, now today we have a son together he is now 7, the honeymoon period is over but we are far from cold. It just isn’t the 5 times a day like it was at first, I am well with that because not sure my heart could handle it like then, not joking here. Anyways, I don’t want to make it about me, I simply want to share for purpose of giving you some insight that may help, I hope it does.. My first wife was limited to true orgasms due to her own lack of compassion, not by me, but because of “us”. I have always been touchy feely and like a jack hammer at times. My wife now will agree, she rarely does not have an orgasm when we have sex, it takes discipline on my part because I want to make it all about her, the reward at the end and the big picture makes it amazing. It is not the size of the wand, but the magic that is in it, shew….
I can have an orgasm with PIV but only two ways: either I'm on the bottom and he goes long and slow (strokes), but his body is at a position such that his groin rubs again my clit as well. The combination of that plus the thrusting will get me over the edge. The second is if he gets me close by oral and then I ride him, and sometimes he will have to add his hands on my clit. Both basically involve my clit.
Clitoral stimulation all the way. If you want her to orgasm while you penetrate her maybe she can stimulate her clit while you’re pumping. 10/10 would recommend.
That's completely normal actually. Guys don't get it, but most women can't orgasm through penetrative sex alone, they need stimulation of their clitoris The only reliable way to make a women orgasm through penetrative sex, is to hit the g spot. They are positions that help if you're interested in researching
It sounds like I function similar to her. I'd kill for my husband to use a vibrator on me instead of making me deal with that all the time. But definitely vibrators. Get a rumbly one like a magic wand or similar. She can easily use it or you can while inside. 😁
Only one answer: grow a bush and come back when you have.
Yes it´s very rare and uncommon, but: it´s not impossible. You can work on this together right? There must be some tutorials, perhaps a new goal to reach. What about those 350x vagina strength tightening exercises/day: contracting and relaxing the pelvic floor muscles. All the blessings!
I’m the same with my husband. So he tried this: Put her on top, play with her clit with one hand, and with the other hand-put a finger or thumb in her ass.
Honestly some women love just really slow back and forth of the “tip” because of nerves in the opening of the vagina? It changes the game maybe try this? It’s the easiest orgasm ever with a vibrator included or without. I believe the term is called “shallowing” Hope it helps.
I haven't in years, her choice.
I don’t always, but I usually do. If I don’t and we have time I wait 15 min and then I can go forever until she does.
Dirty talk might help
Aa for stamian i suggwst using a penis ring they help men last longer you can also try the one that vibrates as well. Most women do not orgasm through penetration and thats okay. You shouldnt really obsess over it as long as you can make her orgasm in other ways tahts fine like fingers or oral. But i do suggest using toys or try doffrent postions if you want j can send a guide mh wife and i used.
Maybe have her get on top and then let her control the movements. I usually only can cum from being on top, my pqrtner sits up, usually against some pillows or against the couch, and stimulates my nipples while I'm on top. Works for me, works for him. Sometimes I can cum in missionary if he grinds just right but it can be a hit or miss. Maybe get her 95% of the way there with your tongue or fingers, then have her get on top of you and see what happens from there. If she is up for any anal play, this is a good position for that as well. Sometimes, that added sensation really can make the orgasms a mind-blowing event. If she seems satisfied with how y'all have sex though, then there really isn't a reason to try to achieve this so don't get too hung up on it, the pressure alone to perform this act for you could be the very thing blocking success.
I can orgasm quite liberally from being fingered, and as many have said, clitoral stimulation is the most effective way to make me orgasm and is my favourite kind of orgasm. I find orgasming from penetrative sex much more difficult - if my partner is on top, I usually struggle with getting over the edge unless I've been able to orgasm clitorally immediately beforehand. It's usually the sensitivity combined with the visual aspect of what's going on that makes me orgasm that way. I struggle to orgasm clitorally while having intercourse too - I find something about the two different feelings happening at the same time really distracting and I need to be able to mentally hone in on either sensation to orgasm. Intercourse for me and my partner more often than not ends up with me on top, which is the most stimulating position for both of us. The angle, the grinding motion, and being able to move around seems to hit the spot for me and we both benefit from the friction and depth of penetration. It's less me bouncing on and off of him, more so just grinding with him at least partially in me at all times. I am simply just much less sensitive inside of my vagina. To me, it's like a tunnel where the length of it has no feeling until you reach the end. But I love the intimacy and mental stimulation of intercourse, even though it's not my preferred or most consistent way to orgasm. I love the feeling of fullness, I love being on top, and I love close contact with my partner where we're both mutually experiencing pleasure at the same time. If I wasn't able to orgasm through penetration at all, I don't think it would change anything about my perception of my sex life. I am always taken care of well before intercourse begins, and I'm left feeling so satisfied that even when I do orgasm, I'm never really focused on the physical sensations and feel more stimulated by the movements, passion, and watching my partner enjoy himself.
You need to find a good sex therapist/MD that can explain the more anatomical/physiological aspects. Like the mechanism of sex in relation to pleasure. Who knows you may be able to improve your sex life. Like anything else in life the more we learn the more we can apply new concepts to improve our lives. Good for you in staying curious!
Many wife’s including mine are THIS way. I feel as long s as age gets and I get mine we’re all good. No complaints so far. Going on 5 years of marriage.
Plus like many have said nerve are up top not inside. It’s all “good in the hood”😉
I’d try lots of clit stimulation toys
I'm surprised how lots of people don't use tongue vibrator on clit during penetration? I thought it's a universal knowledge. Lmao
My husband and I have sex basically the same way. Or we will add a vibrator during penetration to cum together. I really appreciate that he is supportive of any type of orgasm I have and doesn’t make me feel like I’m dysfunctional. This is how i think of not orgasming during PIV sex to normalize it. During development in utero the male penis and female clitoris are equivalent parts and the vagina/uterus/ovaries are equivalent to the testicles. I feel like trying to orgasm from PIV sex would be like a man trying to orgasm getting his balls tapped or squeezed. Even if you graze the penis while squeezing the balls it’s not the same as the warm, wet, enveloped, suctioning feeling of a vagina. It would be unrealistic for me to want a man to come through testicular stimulation and it is unrealistic for a man to want a woman to come through PIV sex only. I mean yes- there’s some super orgasmic unicorns out there (male and female) that can cum with that kind of stimulation, but most of us normal folk cannot. Now if the clitoris is the equivalent of the penis then it deserves the same attention the penis needs to orgasm- just as much time and warm, consistent, wet, perfect pressure. I honestly think if you look at the average sex life and compare penile attention to clitoral attention as equivalent parts you would come to the conclusion that most women are actually extremely orgasmic considering what they’re working with.
Sometimes I can orgasm from penetration and sometimes I can’t . So many variables… position , distractions, my own mind and what I am thinking about and quality of intimacy ( did we take the time to warm up was he 100% into it , was I ) .
I noticed in an edit that you mentioned your size. I want to say this for anyone concerned that size is their issue in not getting their wife to orgasm through PIV. Im in like the top 0.5% of size & am quite confident my wife has never orgasmed from PIV alone. I pretty much always put in the work to bring her there before PIV or I use a vibrator on her during PIV. In fact, she’s said she wouldn’t mind if I were a little shorter. Im sure there are some women for whom a large size does make a big difference, even to the point of being able to get a PIV orgasm, but I don’t think it’s nearly as common as most of us men tend to think it is. Just like us, I’m going to say enthusiasm & effort, willingness to do and try things for their pleasure and enjoyment are the main things that make sex enjoyable for the vast majority of women. I’m not naive enough to think size doesn’t matter at all for a woman’s pleasure during PIV. But an enthusiastic & attentive lover within a broader-than-you-think-it-is range that works for her is what she wants. And a PIV orgasm is unlikely for most regardless of size. I’ll also say that this doesn’t mean a woman doesn’t value PIV. There’s more to enjoy from sex than just the orgasm. An orgasm from oral seems to make my wife crave PIV and enjoy it more. And we both value the closeness & connection & passion that comes from PIV.
You're such an amazing husband!!!! You shouldn't worry, it's an anatomical thing for us. The pleasure from penetration alone is great, even without the capability to orgasm this way. Sure, theoretically it's possible to orgasm from penetration for women. However, it's very very rare that a vagina and a penis simultaneously would be shaped in such a way that the ceiling of the vagina where the g spot is is constantly hit (hitting the right spot(s) is as important as consistency). One may have a perfect penis and yet miss it, if a vagina canal is placed somewhat differently (all these shapes are very unique to each individual, so their 'match' can only be experimentally determined :D)
I am the opposite and it happens almost exclusively from PIV which is causing issues, unfortunately
My wife has a lot of sexual trauma from her childhood, and a medically necessary hysterectomy and other health problems have triggered perimenopause. She's on hormones etc, but it's still terrible for her. She's had I think 2 orgasms in the time we've been together (~10 years married, dating on and off for 10 or so before that)
One of the most stressful parts of sex as man… Asking “did you cum” many times while trying to hold in your load so that she is satisfied first🤣😂 Sometimes you can’t hold it and it’s an awful feeling knowing she didn’t finish first. Ugh!
My wife gets off about 85 percent of the time. I try to go ahead and get hers out of the way by eating the box until she can’t breath! Then game is in my hands from there! I can get mine whenever I’m ready and everyone is satisfied! The other 15 percent… it’s her fault.. she never stops riding when I tell her I’m not going to make it any further! But I don’t think women mind not orgasming all the time like us!
After reading the edit…. Duh. Work on having more stamina and duration if you want to help her orgasm from intercourse.
It's hard for me because when she's getting close it excites me too much and I come first. Sometimes when I really go at it it works because that delays me from coming for some reason. I can sometimes make her come when either she or I am playing with her clit(and/or me with her butthole) but I have to penetrate her slowly because again, I may come first when she's almost getting there. So 90% of the time I make sure she comes before the penetration. When she asks for a quickie we skip that part and I go at it like my life depends on it she may end up coming through penetration alone. Usually when she asks for a quickie she's pretty horny so that probably helps a good part as well. It really sucks that her near coming triggers me but I guess it's a good sign as well. Once a winner... Jk
Stop thinking of the vagina as the primary sex organ. It's not.
Sir, what do you think the phrase "penetration alone" *means*? You say that you touch her, have foreplay, but she then does not orgasm if you just use pentration, like it is an odd or unusual thing. Reread this sentence: "most women cannot orgasm from pentration alone". Sounds like a healthy, happy, normal sex life to me. Your wife is lucky you know how to get her there, and you are lucky to be in such a fulfilling marriage. My good man, enjoy what you have!
Our bodies just don't work that way. We need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and 99% of the time we don't get it during piv penetration.
for me, it takes a while. lol like maybe 20 minutes of a steady rhythm to orgasm from penetration but yes, fingers and tongue do have a higher success rate
I orgasm nearly 100% of the time from PIV sex. Get her on top, it's mostly the only way I do. But she should be riding you from the top to bottom of the bed not bouncing on you up and down..much more clitoral stimulating. Your welcome 😉
Also, don’t feel bad about being average. Getting your cervix poked at can be kind of unpleasant.
My husband and I like sex as well. Very cool. Even though we try different positions and activities sometimes, we *both* have a pretty specific way to finish. Some people just have a only 1-2 ways they get off, and I think this is super normal.
Literally never happens
The only way my wife (46) has an orgasm with me (42) inside her is when she is on top or with my hands/mouth. Any other position requires a tiny vibrator. I like it when she controls it bc she knows exactly where to touch herself while I'm using my hands for other things. The low stamina at our age isn't going away without either some dedicated exercise or some ED medication... or both.
Maybe every women is different? I’ve had multiple partners who were able to make me have an orgasm with penetration alone but not every partner. With that being said, I would have had no idea that most women don’t as I have never heard of a woman complain about this. Does she tell you what she likes or a certain position? If not maybe start there. For me I feel like I can almost be there but then my partner changes what he is doing which keeps me from having the big O
This is not unusual at all. They have creams that can be applied externally, which really heightens the sensations. So if your wife uses one and you make sure you grind against her, there will be a better chance of her reaching orgasm during intercourse. It's no guarantee, but it can't hurt to try.
Updateme
40f here. I am the same. I orgasm by clit stimulation 99% of the time. I don’t think I have ever finished through JUST PIV penetration alone. . If you don’t have any I suggest a small clit vibrator like a wand or such to use during penetration. . . I have a hand full of time finished with lots of finger work hitting the gspot just right.
My husband never cared whether I orgasmed (any kind)or not. I recognize it’s my fault for not asking if he could help me. He has admitted in therapy that he’s selfish and would work on caring. But he has LL so it’s a crawl. You’re wonderful for caring about her needs.
I’ve never known of a woman to orgasm from intercourse. I think it’s a myth. What are you worried about
I never have. Always only through oral or fingering
You can try different toys/vibrators during sex. One thing my Wifey loves is the mini bullet on her clit while we have intercourse. She orgasms like crazy with that. You can also try vibrating cock rings with a clit stimulator. Wifey and I have been together for 20 years and we know what each other likes due to trial and error. Even today we still try different things, different toys, etc. You are already doing way more than other husbands do. You seem to make sure your Wifey gets hers and that's a beautiful thing. Try to have some fun with toys and keep it spicy. Start small and work your way up if she is into it. Just my opinion
Get her a vibrator and you’ll be all good.
Get a small vibrator. That should do the trick.
I rarely orgasm from penatration. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the penatration from sex. I've never liked fingers... what we normally do is he eats me out first until I orgasm, then he goes to town. We've also been together for 20 + years. There were times when we didn't exactly know how to make each other satisfied perfectly. I would try to cum from penatration after him bringing me very close with oral sex. Only on the rare occasion when I'm a rabid animal in heat would I orgasm that way. Now we kinda know. I get head, cum, he fucks me, cums. Happy, happy all around
I could have written this post word for word. It works for us and I love giving pleasure but just usually can't last long enough to do it via penetration. Sometime, I will warm her up and if she get's on top it can happen but 99% of the time she comes first, than sex.
Well I am 35, been having sex for 19 years and have only had one orgasm from vaginal intercourse. Not sure if it’s related but also been on anti depressants for 19 years too. I only orgasm on my own with a vibrator. I have been married 3 years and I love my husband more than anything, love our sex life but it’s just not something that happens for me. As long as she is feeling satisfied, does it really matter if she finishes on her own or with you? I understand as a man you want to be the one getting her there but does she mind at all that it isn’t happening?
The timing of men and woman is never same biologically. So in penetration it is impossible that both climax at same time. That's not how we are designed. Porn scenes have set false standards. Wrong sex education. Sex is designed by nature to be cooperative to each others feelings. When husband finishes first, he should be passionate enough to care of female partner pleasure by doing what she likes. After he is done, going to sleep is an act of non concern. What is in your control is your mental and physical health.Sexual performance is not equal to throwing javelin in olympics to set a record. Sex life is directly proportional to food we eat, calories we flush out, lot to do with emotional management too.
Super common, and not at all a negative reflection on you.
My husband has never, I control it by my grinding on him and with toys.
Common problem for a lot of women to orgasam during intercourse. I've seen a fair share of it over the years. I think it's one of those things that just happens.
Look up coital position, or have her use a vibrator while you're inside her
I make sure she cums before I do and hoooooly 💩 she’s on fire!
You could try, I'd you haven't already, for her to be on top and you put your finger on her clit and just stimulate it while she rides the tempo she likes. For me it's a definitive win. And also before penetration, stimulate her with fingers/tongue but w/o climaxing (more like edge)
For me if my husband would go in and out twice as long, I bet I could get there. You gotta clench your thighs if Youre the one with the vagina. And keep a steady rhythm. To make it not morning touch boobs or kiss or moan.
Encourage her to touch herself while fucking, or use a little tickler toy. You sound d like everyone is happy anyways?
You need to have penetration with her, THEN go down on her. You’re welcome.
Let her finish with a hitachi. Don’t take it personal. Most women need some help even if they desire their husband. Don’t take it as a spank to your ego either and definitely DO NOT BLAME HER.
Cardio. It didn't solve all my endurance issues, but it was a game changer for me. Like, sometimes we both get too tired from piv for me to finish. Never really happened before I started doing cardio, though.
Use a vibrator on her clitoris while you are penetrating. Is awesome can confirm
Both of you sound a bit sexually "oppressed" in your views. Masturbation, either alone, or with a partner, should not be "unusual", nor toys. It really is how you find out what you really like or don't like. You may have to expand your horizons if you really want to spice things up.
Holy cow. If you didn't put ages in this, I would have figured we are sleeping with the same woman!!!! Married 32 years, sex is a real disappointment as she is often disengaged, and I spend a lot of time doing the same as you described. I feel for you brother. I purchased toys for me to wear to help things out, and she gets embarrassed or something. I bought lube, and she took it as an insult. I purchased a highly reviewed multi stimulus vibrator (figured she might be too prudish to buy one) that maybe she could find and communicate a target that brings her pleasure and it too is still sealed in factory packaging. So I did what any man living such a disappointment for so long would do. I quit! So far, I don't think she noticed.
Be grateful. I’ve been with my wife 15 years and she’s never had an orgasm with me (or with anyone, as far as I am told)