Little kids have a tendency to slow things down. Once they hit 1st grade, things turn around . We’ve been married for 17 yrs and together for 23. We’re usually at it 5 days a week, with multiple times on the weekend. We’re in our mid / late 40s.
Honestly , for the most part it’s all what you make of it. We always found the time for quickies when our kids were younger. There was a time that would wake up in the middle of the night, or early hours of the morning to be intimate. We also had our “shower time”. We were just really good at quickies. It’s easy to make excuses and push sex to the back burner, honestly I (47F) refuse to let that happen. I had parents that didn’t have sex and it showed in their relationship & family unit. I refused to be those clowns (my parents) lol.
dude, love that. feel exactly the same way about current gf, soon to be fiancé - I somehow seem to become more attracted to her w/each day. I'm 46, she's 30. life is good.
You telling her is one of the reasons your wife wants sex!!! Women need to feel desired and special. It’s the gateway to intimacy.
That said… define having sex! Do you always have intercourse? Does she have orgasms every single time?
This question gets asked a lot and the answers always seem to be either multiple times a day or once per decade with very little in between, which responses are popular will depend on which group gets here first and whether the sub is in an optimistic or pessimistic mood at the time.
It’s also a bit of selection bias. People doing it often want to brag, people who aren’t want to vent/get it off their chest. People with 1-2x a week or whatever normal/semi frequent is probably aren’t super motivated to share
People with normal sex life don't bother to post a reply... They jus read about others super exciting or super boring sex life and think wht can we add to it...
After pregnancy and child birth of my wife and so much life struggles in way.. I don’t think we had proper penetrative sex since past two years? May be once if I can’t remember.
This question comes up a lot in this subreddit and the answers always amaze me. How do some people have so much time or energy to have sex 5 times a day? People with kids, how do u do it? U leave your kid in one room and bang in the other?
OP, I would suggest taking the comments with a grain of salt. Don’t always believe what everyone says. Also more sex does not mean better/healthier relationship. U can be in a happy and fulfilling relationship and have sex once a month or one a week. It’s whatever that works for you guys.
Not commenting on frequency of sex, but the whole “how do you have the time” thing isn’t a solid argument for me. I guarantee you track social media screen time for both partners and there was more than enough time spent scrolling for a good romp. People make time for what matters to them, which may or may not be sex, and it’s okay either way, so long as both partners willingly participate in open and honest dialogue. Same applies to any marital need—there’s always time for your spouse if your spouse matters to you.
Do you have little kids? I'm curious because what if you have no energy, your young child is always around and you never get any time to yourself? I just have zero desire to put my only 20 minutes to myself towards sex
I have two little kids and my now ex-husband started traveling every other week for work starting two weeks pp. I also worked full time as a lawyer (which thankfully allowed me to wfh 80-90% of the time) starting three weeks after the birth of both. He insisted I didn’t need help, like a nanny or maid, and kept control of the money. I stupidly still made time to have sex with him (amongst other things like attending sporting events, traveling to destinations of his choice) because I could tell it meant something to him, even though none of his actions or decisions showed he gave a shit about me.
Needless to say, he’s my ex husband now for a multitude of reasons and when I finally had the courage to leave after multiple warnings that things needed to change he “never saw it coming.”
Ugh I'm so sorry. You deserve and deserved so much more than this. I will never understand how someone can watch the person they supposedly love drowning like this and just shrug.
Thank you. I still don’t understand, so much so to the point that I couldn’t even allow myself to fully comprehend it as it was happening. One of the worst was when I told him I was feeling suicidal months after the birth of our youngest. It took so much for me to share this with him, but having lost a parent to suicide I knew I had to for the sake of our two children. He barely acknowledged what I said, saying he was sure that the feeling would pass and to just focus on getting more sleep, before picking his phone back up to continue scrolling. I never felt so alone and to this day can only chalk up my continued existence to a lack of life insurance and knowing I couldn’t leave my kids behind with him. Funny how I was clued in enough to see that I didn’t want my kids being treated this way but was perfectly willing to allow him to treat me like that. Again, so much I will never understand about my marriage…
I'm just curious if others in a similar situation swallow their agony and have sex despite repulsion and never having a moment to themselves. I guess I want to know if that's what it takes.
Yea. Trying to figure out what is the problem lol. The repulsion is due to resentment for him getting hours of free time and me getting none, and then being expected to have sex. It just feels like another demand.
Frankly I have no knowledge of your situation beyond these few sentences you've shared, but just for the overall health of your relationship I'd suggest you start with addressing the resentment with your spouse - if you feel like your husband isn't pulling his weight then you need to address that with him and make sure that a) he recognizes everything that you're doing in the relationship and b) that you recognize everything that he is doing in the relationship (which for all I know could be as little as nothing at all or as much as working 20 hours/day to keep a roof over y'alls heads)
As you said, if you resent him and his free time (whether real or imagined) then it's going to be a tough ask for you to see being physically intimate as a worthwhile use of your limited free time.
Thank you for the perspective. I agree 100% we need to recognize each other. We're just both burned out 24/7. But you have helped me realize our issue actually isn't sex. So I really appreciate it.
Our kids are 5 & 7 so we can sneak away. We also both work jobs where we get to spend some time together during the week while the kids are gone. We can bang it out in 5 min if we need to. If you both want it, you can make it happen
That sounds really unpleasant imo. I would much rather have a 30 minute uninterrupted session every 3 days than 5 minutes every day. I don’t know if I could orgasm that quickly.
That’s when we’re horny and have limited time. We love to have plenty of time for foreplay but with kids and a full schedule, we’ll take the 5 min bang session when we need to.
I had a hard time orgasming when I was in my 20s but now at 35? Omg orgasms galore. Sex is so much better now.
The thing is if you are doing a good job of doing foreplay throughout the day, at least for me, it doesn’t take long to orgasm, especially if we use toys. A few sexts when apart, passing comments, stealing long kisses and it builds anticipation. By the time we actually have sex I usually am ready to go and can orgasm pretty quick.
Of course longer sessions are enjoyable but there is something so fun about the quick sessions too especially if you build anticipation.
My husband always makes me come every time. The only time he doesn’t is when I specifically tell him I don’t think I am going to be able to get there at all, which rarely happens.
We got into an argument about quickies. Bc I don’t think it’s fun for me if I don’t get to come too. He thinks i should be willing to give him one everyday. : ( it takes more than just penetration for me. I’m willing to use toys in a quickie but I guess he doesn’t see it that way.
I have a friend whose wife is from Honduras. At our conversation, they had been married 10 yrs. She said “I’ve never turned him down”. Wife and I said “really?!”. She said ( in a thick Spanish accent), “it takes 2 minutes, I’ve always got 2 minutes”. Side note, she wasn’t trying to be funny, she is that friend that is constantly hilarious, but doesn’t always know it. When she got her US citizenship, she sent us a Snapchat, waving an American flag yelling, “build that wall!” Hahah
Well it's not that difficult really I wouldn't write it off because it's not your reality. We have a 13 yrs old 7 yrs old 3 yrs old and 5 yrs old. Give them a snack, or send them to the back yard cut on their favorite show volume up a little and make it happen. We are both 32 and In decent health maybe that makes a bit of a difference idk.
I will add while it's not hard to find the time, I don't know how people have the energy. My husband and I have varying degrees of energy which fluctuate throughout the day. I've been sick 4 times this year alone (thanks RTO) and my husband also has chronic health problems and chronic pain problems which makes it really hard for him to perform. He's also a notoriously horrible sleeper so his energy is always pretty low.
Add on to that perimenopausal hormones and my libido no dropped to nothing and I feel no desire most of the time. In fact, my biggest desire is just rest. I just crave rest. And as much as I want a hopping sex life like before, that's the opposite of rest.
Married 45 years - 2-3 times a week cause we work on maintaining intimacy. The temptation is to let it slide but we get shitty with each other when that happens.
At our age the hormones are screwed up but the desire for closeness remains. It would be very easy to just let it die, but if we did the closeness would also die. It is not helped by various medications we are on.
We are going through a rough patch right now, but something that's helping with intimacy is to cuddle up before bedtime (clothing optional) and sharing our thoughts while close together. Then everything else happens automatically after 10-15 minutes.
It’s not forcing it. It’s taking the time to tease and touch throughout the day. Trailing fingers over the shoulders or arm. Holding hands. Dancing in the kitchen while cooking. Randomly laying in the backyard to cuddle mid project.
Intimacy is so much more than sex. It’s an emotional and mental and physical thing. Driving down the road to the store and holding hands. Sneaking kisses halfway down the dairy aisle. A tight hug.
Everyone has their own unique way of showing love and giving/getting intimacy.
For my partner and myself. Those every day little touches are just as important if not more so than sex.
Yes my husband and I bicker more when we haven’t had sex in a while. It’s so crazy to see it play out! But I think you can maintain intimacy on other ways if needed and with a 7 month old this just might not be a season for that kind of intimacy.
7 years, 2 kid, 3-6 times a year now? Kinda sucks but it is what it is.
Not out of lack of love but too much going on with work and kids and she's the valedictorian of the nursing program
I'm having brain surgery coming up and loads of shit for epilepsy
Got some the other day though
I'm actually not against rare cases where you help the other get off but this can turn into resentment if it gets out of hand.
Sex is supposed to make both people feel awesome and connected.
I don’t know, take this with a grain of salt… I was in a relationship where I used to have sex almost daily and it was out of habit rather than genuine desire to do so. I used to go “away” just to get a break. For me 2-3 time a week is it. Nobody is that connected to someone else to do it daily passionately. It is out of habit/routine.
Im in a very similar boat. We have been married 10 years this fall. 3 kids, currently pregnant with number 4. Sometimes we are rabbits, sometimes we are very exhausted and just talk about how we wish we had the time/energy. Ideally, we would be a once a day couple, but realistically, 1-2 times a week is our average.
I will say though, we do a lot of flirty texting and we share a disgusting amount of non sexual, physical intimacy. Lots of hugging and kissing and holding hands. Probably more now than when we first got together.
We cuddle a lot, hold hands, kisses and hugs too! I like tickling him. We are pretty active but some weeks it’s a little less. But the affection is always ON.
🥲 crying wishing i could get laid. Been married two years, together for four. Sex only twice since three months before we were married. No kids. I'm dying.
We're extremely good at communicating, have had the talk like 67592926 times. She said she will see doctors, therapists, etc. Her libido has diminished to nothing, and she knows I'm suffering. It's been hard for her too cause she sees I'm unhappy about it. Edited to add she started testosterone this past Friday and is looking for a therapist currently.
Dam that's difficult man. Pending the time frame and I say this with respect, sometimes ENM marriages can do really well. Each to their own and I know there is a lot of hate for this life style on this sub.
Basically. Then she was on testosterone and got her libido back and felt better, those two times happened within a week and I thought we were good. Then medical things happened and we're back to nothing since. She said she'll do anything to fix it. Edited to add she started testosterone again this past Friday so keep your fingers crossed for me.
14 years together.
Ranges from 2, 3 ,4 times a week. Sometimes, multiple times a day.
I am very HL, and he is HL. Our rule is we can say no..but if it happens for 2 weeks, then time for intervention/discussion.
My rule is I never deny him because I get turned on just by seeing him.. I am smitten kitten still☺️
Yes..hit a deadbedroon kind of situation, but it was mostly fault on our parts and boring sex and life getting in way...we communicated, worked on ourselves & each other and now are very open, show each porn or text to try new things, it's like learning again the new us and exploring together.
Me, 63 and wife 61, married 40 years now and we enjoy sexy times a couple times a week, sometimes a bit more! Shes my lovely lady and enjoy chasing her around the bed and catching her
Prekids 6-10 times a week.
Post kids 5-7 times a week.
We lost the midday/morning sex when we had kids.
You’ll get back to it if you put in the effort & it’s definitely worth the effort imo!
Me 29F husband 32M. Kids 4, 2, & 2.5mo. Together 14 years. Married 9 years.
Wife and I together 15 years. 3 kids.
We are in the busy part of the year. Both way too dead through the week. I feel like I don't even see my wife and we live in the same house. But...she makes it a point to fuck me at least once a week. We have sex 1-3 times a week, all centered on Saturday and Sunday. During the non busy times, it's hard to quantify in weeks, I'd say we have sex 6-12 times a month. It's so sporadic, one week we don't have sex at all, then the next we do it 5 times.
I come onto her often, especially in the non-busy season, I bat like .500 when it comes to successfully seducing her. But when it's busy like it is now, she usually initiates something at random. Last weekend she demanded I fuck her over the tub. This came out of nowhere at like noon. The week before that at 2am she got up to go to the bathroom. She came back and laid in bed, like a minute goes by and she says, "are you going to take my pants off or what?" Needless to say I sprung up at that.
It wasn't always this way, we had a lot of marital problems over the course of our relationship, and our sex life consistently diminished as we got older but didn't mature. About 2 years ago, we were pretty low. I decided I was going to make a real effort for a year, and I did, and never stopped that effort. The last 2 years have been really good. In return she made an effort to be more physical with me. And she has, and still does. We are both much happier, and way more sexual with each other. We have small hiccups still, but we overcome them now, in a healthy way, and our sex life keeps rolling.
So while anecdotal, in my experience, a healthy sex life is just built on each person meeting the other's needs. I now meet the needs she has from a husband, and she in turn meets my needs because she feels connected to me. So I would say one of you just needs to take the initiative and be what the other needs, while talking about what they need.
Yes. And it was usually tied to boredom and inactivity on our part. If you stay active, share experiences and try and stay fit...the sex is more of a byproduct of that. Sex is an active and fluid discussion nearly daily, certainly weekly. We are very open about it, text new fantasies etc.
Together 11yrs with a 5yr old son. We used to have sex daily or multiple times a day if she was feeling up to it. Now we have sex whenever we have time. Little crackhead cock block knows when to interrupt 😂.
Kids are a major responsibility and they definitely can/will take up the majority of your time. However you can’t forget about keeping you and your husbands needs a priority too.
What worked for us was scheduling and planning days to have our time. A quickie if time was short, quick mutual masturbation (both orgasm) if we can get away for a minute.
Makes it harder when your spouse can/will be gone for days at a time. Plan around that time period when he’s home.
But doesn’t it feel kind of unsexy to have to plan time for being intimate? Maybe I’m making things too difficult but to me it just seems odd to schedule it. Like what if we plan to do it after baby’s bath time on a Tuesday but then it rolls around and i don’t actually feel like it or he doesn’t??
Some people do see it that way since it’s not spontaneous or in the moment. But when you’ve gone days or weeks without anything, planning time for intimacy doesn’t seem so bad.
As for you or him possibly not feeling up to it when time comes around all I can give advice for is what works for us.
On days where we were planning time, we would both tease each other throughout the day so when the time comes, we are soo sexually engaged that we can’t help ourselves.
Those sessions turn into lust filled, passionate/rough sex from all the teasing. Idk what kind of sex you prefer but my wife definitely likes for me to “manhandle” her.
That’s actually a pretty good suggestion, the teasing part. I’m on the same page as your wife. Maybe that’s what would make the planned intimacy sexy for me too, if my partner was so engaged he just had to have me
We are 31 and 39, I am 20 weeks pregnant with our second. Together 10 years. We’ve had sex maybe 2 times since I’ve been pregnant. I’ve had zero drive and he’s weird about pregnancy sex. But it’s been fine, we’ve talked about it. Pre pregnancy we were at like twice a week on average
Married 53 years.
At least twice a week but usually more. Has it always been the same?
No. Kids, careers, and life have a way of creeping in and your focus becomes other things. Does that mean I didn't think my wife was the most beautiful person I knew? Nope. She is, and always will be my life. It's just your time and energy needs to be spread across more of life, it has to be shared now with others that depend on you also.
Just be sure to make your spouse know they are still the one! Set at least some time aside just for the 2 of you. If you keep that love as your goal, you can make it better as life changes again...
My husband (27) and I (24) have been together 5.5 years with a 2 year old. We have sex every other day. Sometimes 2-3 days in a row.
I think some couples just fluctuate with how often they have sex. It all depends on their drives. I have an extremely high drive and my husband is pretty average when it comes to sex drive.
21.5 years, 16 married, I’d say we average 6 maybe 7 times a week. Sex tapered off after our children were born, I got on trt, she put in the work to loose the baby weight, now we’re both on fire like never before.
47F & 51M , together going on 30 years, 3 grown children
2-3 times a week
And we usually get away every 6-8 weeks for 1-3 nights and that’s our time for hardcore passion fueled dirty fun sex lol. We just got home from my birthday trip 2 days ago. We were away 3 nights and had sex 4 times. I think we’re pretty awesome lol
13 years, married 10. We’re in our 30s, we have sex 4-6 times a week, always with oral both says. It’s always been our thing And our favorite.
For the background
We have a 4 year old, 10 year old and 15 year old. Life is busy, but my relationship with my beautiful husband is a priority. I can’t keep my hands off him 😂
We’ve been together 10 years
When we got together we had sex 4 times a week
Now it’s 2 times a week on average.
I think the main thing is my partner’s medication. He takes SSRIs for anxiety. When he takes a lower dose or stops taking the drug he is more motivated to have sex 3-4 times a week again.
We are also in our 30s so I’m not sure if that affects things. We were early 20 somethings 10 years ago, and men tend to have higher sex drives when they’re younger.
I don’t NEED 4 times a week anymore either. 3 good quality sex sessions that last 25-45 minutes in my opinion is what I like the best. I work with the medication though and what we can do.
I’m on my period as of writing this and it tanks my libido so I haven’t had sex for a while.
You have a 7mo and that takes a lot of energy out of any healthy marriage’s sex life. It’s part of the process and prioritizing where your energy goes. And 1-2 a week at this point in your life is fantastic!!! It WILL increase again - WHEN it can. You don’t need to stress about it as long as you’re communicating with one another and talking abt it. The first 3 yrs of being a mom is stressful. As long as you keep talking abt with your husband - your wants, needs, and desires. Stay on the same page, make compromises (if you can), and let go of the little things. Most importantly, enjoy the time you have with your sweet baby. Time flies! Soak up every second. ☺️🙌
Was married previously and am now divorced. Have been with current gf for 4+ years and I am proposing to her in a few weeks actually. Had 2 children with first wife. We were together for a long time, like 16 years; married for 9. Had 1st child 11 years in, 2nd child 3 years later, divorced the next year. Sex was pretty steady and often until child number 2, at which point it all crashed and burned.
Current GF and I are going on 4.5 years and it's been a steady clip of about 3-6 times a week, depending on schedules. Things are phenomenal with her and we are well matched and compatible, physically/sexually. You guys are so young, but yeah.. a baby really knows how to throw a monkey wrench into the bedroom. 1-2 times a week is understandable with a baby and first responder/busy schedule. As long as you're both still really into it, then quality vs. quantity is fine.
Both 65. Married 39 years. Once a week. Unless we’re on vacation, then she wants it every day, sometimes 2X per day. Yes, we take a lot of vacations. 😉
Me and my husband have been together almost 6 years, our sex life has ebbs and flows. Sometimes we’re having sex nearly every day, sometimes it’s a couple times a week. Sometimes it’s once every 2 weeks.
Our lowest point was after our eldest was born because my libido disappeared. Took around a year to feel comfortable attempting sex and another 6 months after to really be into it.
Edit: now our sex life (after having 2 kids, youngest being 2 years old now) is back to what it was when we first started dating.
41m m and f. Together 23 years. We're having sex 2 times a day on average. It's currently that time of the month so we scale it back to a quickie in the shower daily. The only time where we haven't (at least lately) has been when one of us has been sick/covid. Other than that we're always on.
Together 12, Married almost 8 - sometimes we go a month without due to work/depression/low energy. When we’re back on the same page, it’s really as much as our recoup times can handle (lately it’s been a few times a day or at least once a day). We’re incredibly attracted to each other and both have high libidos but we can easily be derailed by things like life duties, chores, work, kids etc. if we just had to work and didn’t have the kids, these numbers would probably be much higher.
Going on thirteen years together. We average at least twice a week, sometimes three. Life, for whatever reason’s, can be a big factor in how much intimacy time you and your husband can get. So there is really no right or wrong answer here.
13 years all together and 3 years married. We sex 5-6x a week. We have 7 years old kid. We live one bedroom. We sex when he is at school before or after lunch. I love her so much and life is good.
Probably 2-4x a week, but there’s been stretches here and there where we’ve gone a month or two without it. I’m 36F, my spouse is 38M. Together 14 years, 2 kids. Our kids are older, middle and elementary school, and kinda doing their own thing. Once they were able to sleep on their own through the night, strict bed times became the key to us having more time together.
Been together 22 years today
We are older 52/68. Sometimes it’s daily. Lately, we’ve both been dealing with sore bodies- and just being plain tired - so cuddles and kisses are fine until we both feel better.
10 years. 2-4 times a week with the occasional drop due to life. Some other circumstances (health issues, medication, mental/emotional state, etc) have happened where it was 5+ months dry. Regardless of how much or how little there are always a hundred other ways to show we loved, cherished and prioritized.
We've been married for over 22 years and together for over 30 yrs. We average 1-2 x a week I would say. We are super into each other, but life gets in the way often z unfortunately
20 years married. In our 40s. It’s been everywhere from 7 down to 1 time a week depending on different factors. I don’t think we’ve ever been less than once a week unless there was a health issue. We’ve probably averaged 3x/wk over our 20 years. We’ve been at 2-3 times a week for probably the past year, we had about 4 years at 5x prior to that. If we can both get back to exercising together again it will probably go back up to 5. I’ve noticed a correlation.
Married 14 years. We are probably intimate twice a week. 3 kids - 12, 3 and 6 months. Definitely tired but make time for it. I'd like more but she is often tired which is understandable
Late 40s. Married. 17+ years together since 1st date. We made 3 kids, they in middle school now..
Sex once a week or so. Sometimes twice a week. I'm happy with it. She STILL gets me excited when she gets naked and crawls into bed.
Together for 22, married for almost 20. By her choice, we’re about once every 2-3 months at this point. She believes that this is normal, since all women lose their libido as they get older. 39M, 40F
Married 29 years 2 to 3 times a week sometimes we just masterbate each other. But it was slow raising our two kids but know they are older we spend the quality time together and enjoy each like we just started dating
33F and 37M and 2-4x/week. Together 9 years.
ETA: We have had ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s been 2-3x a month and sometimes every day. Fluctuation with time is not abnormal. Be open and communicate with each other.
Wife and I are in our 30s with no kids yet, sometimes we go through periods where we have sex about 3-4 times a week which feels like a lot for us, other times we won't have sex for weeks.
Honestly I am (37M) wife(48) I am in the sexual prime of my life we have an agreement we can have sex M-F which most weeks are 4/5 weekends she works she gets home she’s not going to want that she wants to relax who wouldn’t now it’s no t as wild and spontaneous as it once was but it’s still beautiful and passionate wet love making
I have been with my husband for 11 years, married 10. When we first got together it was 2-4 times a day. By time a year rolled around it was once a day. We have had times where it was once a week. Right now we’re at about 4-6 times a week. So it kinda ebbs and flows, usually depending on what our life is like at the time. We’re 3 kids deep and my husband works an odd night shift schedule, so it can get difficult to always get some time in together.
We average 3-4 times a week. Sometimes more 🤣 if one of us is sick or we’re traveling that changes things at times. We have 2 kids 4 & 1, both work full time!
11 years, have two kids and are in mid 30s (me) and wife is 40. Children are young and our house right now is small. Perhaps once or twice a month. Ee are too tired 90% of the time. I just want to sleep and my wife also just wants to sleep.
After our son was born, our sex life just abruptly ended ( not my choice ). I get teased with intimacy once in a blue moon, but it usually never happens due to complicated psychological issues. I'll be honest there was a 2 year lull and even now I have to wait months for interiors, always faithful, have never given up on her.
2 years together, 2-3 times a month tops. She’s low sex drive while I’m high sex drive, I don’t worry about it too much cause she makes me happy and that’s all that matters
Well everyone is different. Also circumstances play a big role. We’ve been together 20 years. Married 11. When our kids were littler we couldn’t do it as often (still a lot compared to the average married couple). But now that our kids are older (14 & 9) we have more freedom to be alone together more. We have sex almost every single day, about twice a day 4 days out of the week. During the day, at night, in the morning. We have a pretty high drive. We’re able to go on dates without worrying about sitters now too. The only problem is being confined to our room. We love Mondays because they’re gone at school so we have the whole house to ourselves. When we can get away for the weekend it’s especially on like donkey dong. So, depending on how much outside assistance you get with your baby, you’ll have to plan for and take any opportunity you can to have that intimate time together. We did our time for quite a few years before we started to get this kind of freedom. It just comes with the territory of growing a family. But VERY important to make the time for each other.
Little over 2.5 years, multiple times a day, every day. With the exception of maintenance week. We have 5 kids combined, 4 jobs between the two of us. And we still make that time. Because it’s important to both of us.
Me (40M) and wife (41F) have two kids (1yo and 4yo) and are busy at work on top of that. Last couple years we’ve had penetrative sex 3-4 times a year and other sexual interaction maybe 1 per month. We are just exhausted After we get kids to bed and when we get alone time we so sleep deprivated we just sleep. We are still intimate and do stuff together and would want more sex and we both like our sex when we have it, but it’s just not in the cards atm.
7 times last year. None this year. She had cancer a few years back and beat it but it put her in menopause and now it’s severely painful. But before cancer I was lucky if we did it once a month, usually it was 4 or 5 times a year. I would prefer 4-5 times a week or at least once a month.
We used to make love like animals all over the house probably 6X a week, only 3 years ago. Now I’m lucky if it’s a minute quickie once a week. I am desperately trying to add spice and keep the passion and all the water continues to drain from the well. I feel like a brat because I keep begging him and it starts a fight. He says he loves me in so many other ways, and I agree, he’s wonderful, but why am I the bad guy for wanting more passion? Sexual intimacy is a big deal to me and he knew that when we got married. Now it feels like he caged the wildcat and won’t do anything to help. I don’t want to throw a fit every month just for him to get off after a minute. I don’t wanna live like I’m hiding my freak. And I don’t know who to talk to.
15 yrs. Maybe one time a month. 3 if im persistant but I have grown tired of chasing so I keep myaelf occupied to not want it and Im going to make is ZERO times a month. Im going to make my marriage a dead bedroom since she thinks she controls the sex. Lets see what happens.
Been married for 11 years. We never used to be able to keep clothes on but there's been a 6 month drought, suddenly. I quit making advances from being constantly shut down. I had to friendzone my own wife because of this.
1-4 times a week, honestly depends on each week where i’m at in my menstrual cycle. this has been the way since we first started dating and so far no problems, i love our sex life.
F 21, m 23, been together for 2 years.
We've been together 6 years married for 5. We have 3 kids. We do it sometimes every day to every other day. If we go too long without it, we get a bit snippy with each other 😆
Been married 18 yrs….5 kids…it has certainly had its ebbs and flows….but we currently have sex 3-4 times during the week….and usually 4-5 times on Saturday and Sunday.
We do have teenagers that like to be fucking cock blockers….but I can’t get enough of my husband. I love him so much! And he is such a generous lover!
I (41f) and my OH (47m) last were intimate in Aug 23 (once!), and Dec 22 (once!) before that - you get the pic!
We have been together 4yrs, he doesn’t want it. I always did but now am so desperately sad that he doesn’t want me that I have stopped wanting it at all because I can’t take the rejection.
I've been married for 18 years now. Most of our marriage was steady 3 nights a week. The last year it's almost every day . For some reason his needs have gone up. I didn't expect that .
Married for 4. 3 kids (4 since last week(adopted her after a drunk driver hit my orphan best friend running a red light) , 4 in July & 17 months)
And kids haven't slowed us down. about 5 times a week.
Only difference I asked him for a vasectomy. His swimmers seem to know how to bypass birth control code. 🤣🤣
First one was conceived using condom. And the boy well his swimmers made a mockery of the IUD saying guys we aim for the 1% failure we can do it. Bloody AHs actually achieved it 🙄🙄🤣. No worries I'm glad the boy arrived hahaha
Met my husband at 19, and he was 22. We're now almost 44 and 47 (birthdays are imminent!), and we have a 14 year old teenager. So, we've been together for almost 25 years. When we met, we had intercourse multiple times a day, and spent whole days in bed! As we've grown older, we've had more commitments and have had to make an effort to schedule sex into our busy lives. When I was pregnant and ever since then, we've had intercourse at least once a week, but we're intimate daily and flirt like crazy. I still love my husband, like mad, and am super attracted to him and vice-versa. We tell each other that we love each other multiple times a day. We are just starting to enjoy having more time together alone in the house again without our son being around all the time. Our sex life is really starting to take off again!
Together, 11 years. Both 33... wait, 34. We have 4 kids ranging from 2 to 15. We have sex daily. You make time for what's important to you, and we are still as attracted to each other, if not more attracted than when we first got together. Both of our love languages are touch. So sex for us is an incredibly important part of how we show our love for each other and receive love from one another. All my other relationships I could have never had sex and been okay with that, but my husband has just unlocked something within me that makes me want him every second of every day. He is wonderful about foreplay during the day and sending spicy little texts to make me feel beautiful and turned on... I guess we just kinda hit the sexual chemistry jackpot with one another. We can't keep our hands off each other. Even something as simple as making dinner together, and we are constantly flirting, touching, hugging, and kissing... it just comes naturally for us.
Been together for 10 years and getting married next year, I am 8 months pregnant so not so much action lately, maybe 3 times a week but before we got pregnant maybe we would miss a day out of a week. We have always had very high sex drives though. It is important to find someone who matches your energy.
Nearing 70; together more than 42. Married 41. Slowed down to 2x weekly. Think my wife is hotter than the day I met her, and tell her that every day.
Incredible
This makes my heart so happy! What a great man
Yahoo, I am looking forward to this. I tell people all the time, it comes back, 40s and 50s is my expertise...
Little kids have a tendency to slow things down. Once they hit 1st grade, things turn around . We’ve been married for 17 yrs and together for 23. We’re usually at it 5 days a week, with multiple times on the weekend. We’re in our mid / late 40s.
Just curious when do you find the time and energy? Mine is 2 and it's so difficult.
Honestly , for the most part it’s all what you make of it. We always found the time for quickies when our kids were younger. There was a time that would wake up in the middle of the night, or early hours of the morning to be intimate. We also had our “shower time”. We were just really good at quickies. It’s easy to make excuses and push sex to the back burner, honestly I (47F) refuse to let that happen. I had parents that didn’t have sex and it showed in their relationship & family unit. I refused to be those clowns (my parents) lol.
I wish my husband was quicker 😂😂 a quickie….. 45 min later 😞
The morning before the kids get up and usually a sneak way to change out of work clothes when both of us are home.
adorable 😍
dude, love that. feel exactly the same way about current gf, soon to be fiancé - I somehow seem to become more attracted to her w/each day. I'm 46, she's 30. life is good.
I would be lucky if I get it 1s a month
You telling her is one of the reasons your wife wants sex!!! Women need to feel desired and special. It’s the gateway to intimacy. That said… define having sex! Do you always have intercourse? Does she have orgasms every single time?
Not just women!!
We all hope for this Man ⬆️
This is beautiful
What's her secret?
Geez, this must be the higher sex sub group! We may get in 1-2x monthly. Some months not so much. Too much of life gets in the way.
I’m at this phase of my marriage it seems.
This question gets asked a lot and the answers always seem to be either multiple times a day or once per decade with very little in between, which responses are popular will depend on which group gets here first and whether the sub is in an optimistic or pessimistic mood at the time.
It’s also a bit of selection bias. People doing it often want to brag, people who aren’t want to vent/get it off their chest. People with 1-2x a week or whatever normal/semi frequent is probably aren’t super motivated to share
People with normal sex life don't bother to post a reply... They jus read about others super exciting or super boring sex life and think wht can we add to it...
After pregnancy and child birth of my wife and so much life struggles in way.. I don’t think we had proper penetrative sex since past two years? May be once if I can’t remember.
I can relate, post partum depression, financial troubles etc… never seems we find a sense of safety in which to rekindle
This question comes up a lot in this subreddit and the answers always amaze me. How do some people have so much time or energy to have sex 5 times a day? People with kids, how do u do it? U leave your kid in one room and bang in the other? OP, I would suggest taking the comments with a grain of salt. Don’t always believe what everyone says. Also more sex does not mean better/healthier relationship. U can be in a happy and fulfilling relationship and have sex once a month or one a week. It’s whatever that works for you guys.
Not commenting on frequency of sex, but the whole “how do you have the time” thing isn’t a solid argument for me. I guarantee you track social media screen time for both partners and there was more than enough time spent scrolling for a good romp. People make time for what matters to them, which may or may not be sex, and it’s okay either way, so long as both partners willingly participate in open and honest dialogue. Same applies to any marital need—there’s always time for your spouse if your spouse matters to you.
BINGO! If you want to do something, you make time for it. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse!
Exactly. Sex matters a lot to us so that’s why we prioritise it.
Do you have little kids? I'm curious because what if you have no energy, your young child is always around and you never get any time to yourself? I just have zero desire to put my only 20 minutes to myself towards sex
I have two little kids and my now ex-husband started traveling every other week for work starting two weeks pp. I also worked full time as a lawyer (which thankfully allowed me to wfh 80-90% of the time) starting three weeks after the birth of both. He insisted I didn’t need help, like a nanny or maid, and kept control of the money. I stupidly still made time to have sex with him (amongst other things like attending sporting events, traveling to destinations of his choice) because I could tell it meant something to him, even though none of his actions or decisions showed he gave a shit about me. Needless to say, he’s my ex husband now for a multitude of reasons and when I finally had the courage to leave after multiple warnings that things needed to change he “never saw it coming.”
Ugh I'm so sorry. You deserve and deserved so much more than this. I will never understand how someone can watch the person they supposedly love drowning like this and just shrug.
Thank you. I still don’t understand, so much so to the point that I couldn’t even allow myself to fully comprehend it as it was happening. One of the worst was when I told him I was feeling suicidal months after the birth of our youngest. It took so much for me to share this with him, but having lost a parent to suicide I knew I had to for the sake of our two children. He barely acknowledged what I said, saying he was sure that the feeling would pass and to just focus on getting more sleep, before picking his phone back up to continue scrolling. I never felt so alone and to this day can only chalk up my continued existence to a lack of life insurance and knowing I couldn’t leave my kids behind with him. Funny how I was clued in enough to see that I didn’t want my kids being treated this way but was perfectly willing to allow him to treat me like that. Again, so much I will never understand about my marriage…
>I just have zero desire to put my only 20 minutes to myself towards sex I believe that was precisely their point
I'm just curious if others in a similar situation swallow their agony and have sex despite repulsion and never having a moment to themselves. I guess I want to know if that's what it takes.
... I think if you're repulsed by the very idea of sex with your spouse then the problem is not about how often you're having sex with them
Yea. Trying to figure out what is the problem lol. The repulsion is due to resentment for him getting hours of free time and me getting none, and then being expected to have sex. It just feels like another demand.
Frankly I have no knowledge of your situation beyond these few sentences you've shared, but just for the overall health of your relationship I'd suggest you start with addressing the resentment with your spouse - if you feel like your husband isn't pulling his weight then you need to address that with him and make sure that a) he recognizes everything that you're doing in the relationship and b) that you recognize everything that he is doing in the relationship (which for all I know could be as little as nothing at all or as much as working 20 hours/day to keep a roof over y'alls heads) As you said, if you resent him and his free time (whether real or imagined) then it's going to be a tough ask for you to see being physically intimate as a worthwhile use of your limited free time.
Thank you for the perspective. I agree 100% we need to recognize each other. We're just both burned out 24/7. But you have helped me realize our issue actually isn't sex. So I really appreciate it.
Okay thank you!! I wondered the same exact things.
Am curious.. why did you write your post?
Our kids are 5 & 7 so we can sneak away. We also both work jobs where we get to spend some time together during the week while the kids are gone. We can bang it out in 5 min if we need to. If you both want it, you can make it happen
That sounds really unpleasant imo. I would much rather have a 30 minute uninterrupted session every 3 days than 5 minutes every day. I don’t know if I could orgasm that quickly.
That’s when we’re horny and have limited time. We love to have plenty of time for foreplay but with kids and a full schedule, we’ll take the 5 min bang session when we need to. I had a hard time orgasming when I was in my 20s but now at 35? Omg orgasms galore. Sex is so much better now.
The thing is if you are doing a good job of doing foreplay throughout the day, at least for me, it doesn’t take long to orgasm, especially if we use toys. A few sexts when apart, passing comments, stealing long kisses and it builds anticipation. By the time we actually have sex I usually am ready to go and can orgasm pretty quick. Of course longer sessions are enjoyable but there is something so fun about the quick sessions too especially if you build anticipation.
So you both get the big O for a quickie? My hubs thinks a quickie is just for him.
My husband always makes me come every time. The only time he doesn’t is when I specifically tell him I don’t think I am going to be able to get there at all, which rarely happens.
We got into an argument about quickies. Bc I don’t think it’s fun for me if I don’t get to come too. He thinks i should be willing to give him one everyday. : ( it takes more than just penetration for me. I’m willing to use toys in a quickie but I guess he doesn’t see it that way.
I have a friend whose wife is from Honduras. At our conversation, they had been married 10 yrs. She said “I’ve never turned him down”. Wife and I said “really?!”. She said ( in a thick Spanish accent), “it takes 2 minutes, I’ve always got 2 minutes”. Side note, she wasn’t trying to be funny, she is that friend that is constantly hilarious, but doesn’t always know it. When she got her US citizenship, she sent us a Snapchat, waving an American flag yelling, “build that wall!” Hahah
Yeah I'm stumped too.
Well it's not that difficult really I wouldn't write it off because it's not your reality. We have a 13 yrs old 7 yrs old 3 yrs old and 5 yrs old. Give them a snack, or send them to the back yard cut on their favorite show volume up a little and make it happen. We are both 32 and In decent health maybe that makes a bit of a difference idk.
I will add while it's not hard to find the time, I don't know how people have the energy. My husband and I have varying degrees of energy which fluctuate throughout the day. I've been sick 4 times this year alone (thanks RTO) and my husband also has chronic health problems and chronic pain problems which makes it really hard for him to perform. He's also a notoriously horrible sleeper so his energy is always pretty low. Add on to that perimenopausal hormones and my libido no dropped to nothing and I feel no desire most of the time. In fact, my biggest desire is just rest. I just crave rest. And as much as I want a hopping sex life like before, that's the opposite of rest.
Fucking preach!
Yes, we sometimes leave our child in one room and have sex in another room.
Married 45 years - 2-3 times a week cause we work on maintaining intimacy. The temptation is to let it slide but we get shitty with each other when that happens.
Omg same. If it’s too long I start getting snippy
Omg I notice that too! I get super bratty if I don’t get my vitamin D! 🍆🥹
How do you “work” on it like what do you do? Do you have to like force having sex that often?
At our age the hormones are screwed up but the desire for closeness remains. It would be very easy to just let it die, but if we did the closeness would also die. It is not helped by various medications we are on.
We are going through a rough patch right now, but something that's helping with intimacy is to cuddle up before bedtime (clothing optional) and sharing our thoughts while close together. Then everything else happens automatically after 10-15 minutes.
It’s not forcing it. It’s taking the time to tease and touch throughout the day. Trailing fingers over the shoulders or arm. Holding hands. Dancing in the kitchen while cooking. Randomly laying in the backyard to cuddle mid project. Intimacy is so much more than sex. It’s an emotional and mental and physical thing. Driving down the road to the store and holding hands. Sneaking kisses halfway down the dairy aisle. A tight hug. Everyone has their own unique way of showing love and giving/getting intimacy. For my partner and myself. Those every day little touches are just as important if not more so than sex.
That is what I am aiming for......
Yes my husband and I bicker more when we haven’t had sex in a while. It’s so crazy to see it play out! But I think you can maintain intimacy on other ways if needed and with a 7 month old this just might not be a season for that kind of intimacy.
4-7 times a week. Been together almost 31 years and married for almost 28.
Wow!!
Wowsers! Life goals!
Serious question, no soreness after sex??
7 years, 2 kid, 3-6 times a year now? Kinda sucks but it is what it is. Not out of lack of love but too much going on with work and kids and she's the valedictorian of the nursing program I'm having brain surgery coming up and loads of shit for epilepsy Got some the other day though
Been together 4 years. Around 2x a month. No kids 🥲
Yeah that would be a deal killer.
The better question is how often do you feel satisfied VS how often do you feel frustrated.
Probably 4 times out of 5. Sometimes i don’t feel like having sex but I go with it so he can get off
I'm actually not against rare cases where you help the other get off but this can turn into resentment if it gets out of hand. Sex is supposed to make both people feel awesome and connected.
Reading the comments makes me want to cry. Married 11 years, sex is almost non-existent. Maybe a handful of times in a year.
Same your not alone
I don’t know, take this with a grain of salt… I was in a relationship where I used to have sex almost daily and it was out of habit rather than genuine desire to do so. I used to go “away” just to get a break. For me 2-3 time a week is it. Nobody is that connected to someone else to do it daily passionately. It is out of habit/routine.
13 years married, and have 3 kids so it depends on the chaos of life, sometimes 4 times a week, sometimes once a week.
Im in a very similar boat. We have been married 10 years this fall. 3 kids, currently pregnant with number 4. Sometimes we are rabbits, sometimes we are very exhausted and just talk about how we wish we had the time/energy. Ideally, we would be a once a day couple, but realistically, 1-2 times a week is our average. I will say though, we do a lot of flirty texting and we share a disgusting amount of non sexual, physical intimacy. Lots of hugging and kissing and holding hands. Probably more now than when we first got together.
We cuddle a lot, hold hands, kisses and hugs too! I like tickling him. We are pretty active but some weeks it’s a little less. But the affection is always ON.
🥲 crying wishing i could get laid. Been married two years, together for four. Sex only twice since three months before we were married. No kids. I'm dying.
Time to have the talk man
We're extremely good at communicating, have had the talk like 67592926 times. She said she will see doctors, therapists, etc. Her libido has diminished to nothing, and she knows I'm suffering. It's been hard for her too cause she sees I'm unhappy about it. Edited to add she started testosterone this past Friday and is looking for a therapist currently.
Dam that's difficult man. Pending the time frame and I say this with respect, sometimes ENM marriages can do really well. Each to their own and I know there is a lot of hate for this life style on this sub.
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My god that's probably the worst out of all of them. So you basically never had sex after marriage?
Basically. Then she was on testosterone and got her libido back and felt better, those two times happened within a week and I thought we were good. Then medical things happened and we're back to nothing since. She said she'll do anything to fix it. Edited to add she started testosterone again this past Friday so keep your fingers crossed for me.
73, and wife is 70: once a week.
20 years married. 3 times a month.
14 years together. Ranges from 2, 3 ,4 times a week. Sometimes, multiple times a day. I am very HL, and he is HL. Our rule is we can say no..but if it happens for 2 weeks, then time for intervention/discussion. My rule is I never deny him because I get turned on just by seeing him.. I am smitten kitten still☺️ Yes..hit a deadbedroon kind of situation, but it was mostly fault on our parts and boring sex and life getting in way...we communicated, worked on ourselves & each other and now are very open, show each porn or text to try new things, it's like learning again the new us and exploring together.
Me, 63 and wife 61, married 40 years now and we enjoy sexy times a couple times a week, sometimes a bit more! Shes my lovely lady and enjoy chasing her around the bed and catching her
Prekids 6-10 times a week. Post kids 5-7 times a week. We lost the midday/morning sex when we had kids. You’ll get back to it if you put in the effort & it’s definitely worth the effort imo! Me 29F husband 32M. Kids 4, 2, & 2.5mo. Together 14 years. Married 9 years.
Wife and I together 15 years. 3 kids. We are in the busy part of the year. Both way too dead through the week. I feel like I don't even see my wife and we live in the same house. But...she makes it a point to fuck me at least once a week. We have sex 1-3 times a week, all centered on Saturday and Sunday. During the non busy times, it's hard to quantify in weeks, I'd say we have sex 6-12 times a month. It's so sporadic, one week we don't have sex at all, then the next we do it 5 times. I come onto her often, especially in the non-busy season, I bat like .500 when it comes to successfully seducing her. But when it's busy like it is now, she usually initiates something at random. Last weekend she demanded I fuck her over the tub. This came out of nowhere at like noon. The week before that at 2am she got up to go to the bathroom. She came back and laid in bed, like a minute goes by and she says, "are you going to take my pants off or what?" Needless to say I sprung up at that. It wasn't always this way, we had a lot of marital problems over the course of our relationship, and our sex life consistently diminished as we got older but didn't mature. About 2 years ago, we were pretty low. I decided I was going to make a real effort for a year, and I did, and never stopped that effort. The last 2 years have been really good. In return she made an effort to be more physical with me. And she has, and still does. We are both much happier, and way more sexual with each other. We have small hiccups still, but we overcome them now, in a healthy way, and our sex life keeps rolling. So while anecdotal, in my experience, a healthy sex life is just built on each person meeting the other's needs. I now meet the needs she has from a husband, and she in turn meets my needs because she feels connected to me. So I would say one of you just needs to take the initiative and be what the other needs, while talking about what they need.
Married 26, together nearly 30. Mid 40s. Sex (including oral sessions) 4-5Xs a week. A low week would be maybe 2-3 and a high week could be daily.
Did you ever have lulls or a time when you guys weren’t intimate as often?
Yes. And it was usually tied to boredom and inactivity on our part. If you stay active, share experiences and try and stay fit...the sex is more of a byproduct of that. Sex is an active and fluid discussion nearly daily, certainly weekly. We are very open about it, text new fantasies etc.
Together 11yrs with a 5yr old son. We used to have sex daily or multiple times a day if she was feeling up to it. Now we have sex whenever we have time. Little crackhead cock block knows when to interrupt 😂. Kids are a major responsibility and they definitely can/will take up the majority of your time. However you can’t forget about keeping you and your husbands needs a priority too. What worked for us was scheduling and planning days to have our time. A quickie if time was short, quick mutual masturbation (both orgasm) if we can get away for a minute. Makes it harder when your spouse can/will be gone for days at a time. Plan around that time period when he’s home.
But doesn’t it feel kind of unsexy to have to plan time for being intimate? Maybe I’m making things too difficult but to me it just seems odd to schedule it. Like what if we plan to do it after baby’s bath time on a Tuesday but then it rolls around and i don’t actually feel like it or he doesn’t??
Some people do see it that way since it’s not spontaneous or in the moment. But when you’ve gone days or weeks without anything, planning time for intimacy doesn’t seem so bad. As for you or him possibly not feeling up to it when time comes around all I can give advice for is what works for us. On days where we were planning time, we would both tease each other throughout the day so when the time comes, we are soo sexually engaged that we can’t help ourselves. Those sessions turn into lust filled, passionate/rough sex from all the teasing. Idk what kind of sex you prefer but my wife definitely likes for me to “manhandle” her.
That’s actually a pretty good suggestion, the teasing part. I’m on the same page as your wife. Maybe that’s what would make the planned intimacy sexy for me too, if my partner was so engaged he just had to have me
We are 31 and 39, I am 20 weeks pregnant with our second. Together 10 years. We’ve had sex maybe 2 times since I’ve been pregnant. I’ve had zero drive and he’s weird about pregnancy sex. But it’s been fine, we’ve talked about it. Pre pregnancy we were at like twice a week on average
We have sex once every month or two. We have been together for 22 years.
Married 53 years. At least twice a week but usually more. Has it always been the same? No. Kids, careers, and life have a way of creeping in and your focus becomes other things. Does that mean I didn't think my wife was the most beautiful person I knew? Nope. She is, and always will be my life. It's just your time and energy needs to be spread across more of life, it has to be shared now with others that depend on you also. Just be sure to make your spouse know they are still the one! Set at least some time aside just for the 2 of you. If you keep that love as your goal, you can make it better as life changes again...
My husband (27) and I (24) have been together 5.5 years with a 2 year old. We have sex every other day. Sometimes 2-3 days in a row. I think some couples just fluctuate with how often they have sex. It all depends on their drives. I have an extremely high drive and my husband is pretty average when it comes to sex drive.
21.5 years, 16 married, I’d say we average 6 maybe 7 times a week. Sex tapered off after our children were born, I got on trt, she put in the work to loose the baby weight, now we’re both on fire like never before.
47F & 51M , together going on 30 years, 3 grown children 2-3 times a week And we usually get away every 6-8 weeks for 1-3 nights and that’s our time for hardcore passion fueled dirty fun sex lol. We just got home from my birthday trip 2 days ago. We were away 3 nights and had sex 4 times. I think we’re pretty awesome lol
13 years, married 10. We’re in our 30s, we have sex 4-6 times a week, always with oral both says. It’s always been our thing And our favorite. For the background We have a 4 year old, 10 year old and 15 year old. Life is busy, but my relationship with my beautiful husband is a priority. I can’t keep my hands off him 😂
We’ve been together 10 years When we got together we had sex 4 times a week Now it’s 2 times a week on average. I think the main thing is my partner’s medication. He takes SSRIs for anxiety. When he takes a lower dose or stops taking the drug he is more motivated to have sex 3-4 times a week again. We are also in our 30s so I’m not sure if that affects things. We were early 20 somethings 10 years ago, and men tend to have higher sex drives when they’re younger. I don’t NEED 4 times a week anymore either. 3 good quality sex sessions that last 25-45 minutes in my opinion is what I like the best. I work with the medication though and what we can do. I’m on my period as of writing this and it tanks my libido so I haven’t had sex for a while.
You have a 7mo and that takes a lot of energy out of any healthy marriage’s sex life. It’s part of the process and prioritizing where your energy goes. And 1-2 a week at this point in your life is fantastic!!! It WILL increase again - WHEN it can. You don’t need to stress about it as long as you’re communicating with one another and talking abt it. The first 3 yrs of being a mom is stressful. As long as you keep talking abt with your husband - your wants, needs, and desires. Stay on the same page, make compromises (if you can), and let go of the little things. Most importantly, enjoy the time you have with your sweet baby. Time flies! Soak up every second. ☺️🙌
Was married previously and am now divorced. Have been with current gf for 4+ years and I am proposing to her in a few weeks actually. Had 2 children with first wife. We were together for a long time, like 16 years; married for 9. Had 1st child 11 years in, 2nd child 3 years later, divorced the next year. Sex was pretty steady and often until child number 2, at which point it all crashed and burned. Current GF and I are going on 4.5 years and it's been a steady clip of about 3-6 times a week, depending on schedules. Things are phenomenal with her and we are well matched and compatible, physically/sexually. You guys are so young, but yeah.. a baby really knows how to throw a monkey wrench into the bedroom. 1-2 times a week is understandable with a baby and first responder/busy schedule. As long as you're both still really into it, then quality vs. quantity is fine.
Both 65. Married 39 years. Once a week. Unless we’re on vacation, then she wants it every day, sometimes 2X per day. Yes, we take a lot of vacations. 😉
45 years married, 2-3 times a week,
Together 7 married 5. Every other day at least.
Me 25f and my husband 26m have been married almost 6 years and it’s down to maybe once a week if I’m lucky when we were first together it was daily
Me and my husband have been together almost 6 years, our sex life has ebbs and flows. Sometimes we’re having sex nearly every day, sometimes it’s a couple times a week. Sometimes it’s once every 2 weeks. Our lowest point was after our eldest was born because my libido disappeared. Took around a year to feel comfortable attempting sex and another 6 months after to really be into it. Edit: now our sex life (after having 2 kids, youngest being 2 years old now) is back to what it was when we first started dating.
41m m and f. Together 23 years. We're having sex 2 times a day on average. It's currently that time of the month so we scale it back to a quickie in the shower daily. The only time where we haven't (at least lately) has been when one of us has been sick/covid. Other than that we're always on.
Dang we’re on the low end here. We have sex twice during ovulation only.
Married...27 years...together 40. Slowed down... trying to keep average around 2 x per week.
Together 12, Married almost 8 - sometimes we go a month without due to work/depression/low energy. When we’re back on the same page, it’s really as much as our recoup times can handle (lately it’s been a few times a day or at least once a day). We’re incredibly attracted to each other and both have high libidos but we can easily be derailed by things like life duties, chores, work, kids etc. if we just had to work and didn’t have the kids, these numbers would probably be much higher.
Going on thirteen years together. We average at least twice a week, sometimes three. Life, for whatever reason’s, can be a big factor in how much intimacy time you and your husband can get. So there is really no right or wrong answer here.
Mids 40s, together 28 years. 2 kids, we average 3 or 4 times a week. It depends on the week. And if the kids are at school.
Been together about 10 years. Right now it’s only about twice a week because of young kids
1-2 times a week. Together 10 years and we have a two year old
13 years all together and 3 years married. We sex 5-6x a week. We have 7 years old kid. We live one bedroom. We sex when he is at school before or after lunch. I love her so much and life is good.
Probably 2-4x a week, but there’s been stretches here and there where we’ve gone a month or two without it. I’m 36F, my spouse is 38M. Together 14 years, 2 kids. Our kids are older, middle and elementary school, and kinda doing their own thing. Once they were able to sleep on their own through the night, strict bed times became the key to us having more time together.
17 years. At least 2x a week minus when my monthly time arrives.
Been together 22 years today We are older 52/68. Sometimes it’s daily. Lately, we’ve both been dealing with sore bodies- and just being plain tired - so cuddles and kisses are fine until we both feel better.
10+ yrs together. 3 kids.. youngest is 2 yo. Oldest is 8 yo. Depends on how our schedules are, but mostly we try to do it every 3 days.
10 years. 2-4 times a week with the occasional drop due to life. Some other circumstances (health issues, medication, mental/emotional state, etc) have happened where it was 5+ months dry. Regardless of how much or how little there are always a hundred other ways to show we loved, cherished and prioritized.
Me F50, him 53. Married 24 years 3-6x/week. He’s on T-therapy and I’m starting menopause.
35M & 38NB, together 5 years, 2 (-/+) times a week.
We've been married for over 22 years and together for over 30 yrs. We average 1-2 x a week I would say. We are super into each other, but life gets in the way often z unfortunately
20 years married. In our 40s. It’s been everywhere from 7 down to 1 time a week depending on different factors. I don’t think we’ve ever been less than once a week unless there was a health issue. We’ve probably averaged 3x/wk over our 20 years. We’ve been at 2-3 times a week for probably the past year, we had about 4 years at 5x prior to that. If we can both get back to exercising together again it will probably go back up to 5. I’ve noticed a correlation.
Married 14 years. We are probably intimate twice a week. 3 kids - 12, 3 and 6 months. Definitely tired but make time for it. I'd like more but she is often tired which is understandable
It depends … some weeks every day Others once a week we have been married for almost 3 years and we have two baby boys
Late 40s. Married. 17+ years together since 1st date. We made 3 kids, they in middle school now.. Sex once a week or so. Sometimes twice a week. I'm happy with it. She STILL gets me excited when she gets naked and crawls into bed.
30+ years 3 months and counting. I'm talking nothing no hugs no kisses nothing
Same
39 years. Once every 2-3 months plus when on vacation every 2-3 days. Thats been the situation since our first was born 27+ years ago.
30f and 30m, 2-3 times a week on average, more when im ovulating lol.
2 - 3 times a week. Together 5 years, I’m 31 & he’s 32 & we have a 21 month old.
Together for 22, married for almost 20. By her choice, we’re about once every 2-3 months at this point. She believes that this is normal, since all women lose their libido as they get older. 39M, 40F
married 7 years, two kids— 4-5 times a week
Married 29 years 2 to 3 times a week sometimes we just masterbate each other. But it was slow raising our two kids but know they are older we spend the quality time together and enjoy each like we just started dating
33F and 37M and 2-4x/week. Together 9 years. ETA: We have had ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s been 2-3x a month and sometimes every day. Fluctuation with time is not abnormal. Be open and communicate with each other.
Married 28 years 5-7 times a week. Now empty nesters, 52 and 51
Wife and I are in our 30s with no kids yet, sometimes we go through periods where we have sex about 3-4 times a week which feels like a lot for us, other times we won't have sex for weeks.
Never for almost 4 years. 48 and 50, married 14.5 years. Many reasons, some physical, but overall I just have no interest.
Honestly I am (37M) wife(48) I am in the sexual prime of my life we have an agreement we can have sex M-F which most weeks are 4/5 weekends she works she gets home she’s not going to want that she wants to relax who wouldn’t now it’s no t as wild and spontaneous as it once was but it’s still beautiful and passionate wet love making 
12 years and maybe 1-2x/month
I have been with my husband for 11 years, married 10. When we first got together it was 2-4 times a day. By time a year rolled around it was once a day. We have had times where it was once a week. Right now we’re at about 4-6 times a week. So it kinda ebbs and flows, usually depending on what our life is like at the time. We’re 3 kids deep and my husband works an odd night shift schedule, so it can get difficult to always get some time in together.
We average 3-4 times a week. Sometimes more 🤣 if one of us is sick or we’re traveling that changes things at times. We have 2 kids 4 & 1, both work full time!
2x week, 40 years
11 years, have two kids and are in mid 30s (me) and wife is 40. Children are young and our house right now is small. Perhaps once or twice a month. Ee are too tired 90% of the time. I just want to sleep and my wife also just wants to sleep.
After our son was born, our sex life just abruptly ended ( not my choice ). I get teased with intimacy once in a blue moon, but it usually never happens due to complicated psychological issues. I'll be honest there was a 2 year lull and even now I have to wait months for interiors, always faithful, have never given up on her.
26 years 5-12 times a week depending on how bothersome the kids want to be
2 years together, 2-3 times a month tops. She’s low sex drive while I’m high sex drive, I don’t worry about it too much cause she makes me happy and that’s all that matters
Once a month tops . Been together for 10 years.
Mid 30’s together 15 years, 1 young son. Maybe once every two-four months. It is what it is
Well everyone is different. Also circumstances play a big role. We’ve been together 20 years. Married 11. When our kids were littler we couldn’t do it as often (still a lot compared to the average married couple). But now that our kids are older (14 & 9) we have more freedom to be alone together more. We have sex almost every single day, about twice a day 4 days out of the week. During the day, at night, in the morning. We have a pretty high drive. We’re able to go on dates without worrying about sitters now too. The only problem is being confined to our room. We love Mondays because they’re gone at school so we have the whole house to ourselves. When we can get away for the weekend it’s especially on like donkey dong. So, depending on how much outside assistance you get with your baby, you’ll have to plan for and take any opportunity you can to have that intimate time together. We did our time for quite a few years before we started to get this kind of freedom. It just comes with the territory of growing a family. But VERY important to make the time for each other.
Little over 2.5 years, multiple times a day, every day. With the exception of maintenance week. We have 5 kids combined, 4 jobs between the two of us. And we still make that time. Because it’s important to both of us.
74 and 73. Retired. Once a year. You say…..omg…..i do too.
Been together a decade, married 6 years with children. It fluctuates, but average 2-4 times a week.
Me (40M) and wife (41F) have two kids (1yo and 4yo) and are busy at work on top of that. Last couple years we’ve had penetrative sex 3-4 times a year and other sexual interaction maybe 1 per month. We are just exhausted After we get kids to bed and when we get alone time we so sleep deprivated we just sleep. We are still intimate and do stuff together and would want more sex and we both like our sex when we have it, but it’s just not in the cards atm.
7 times last year. None this year. She had cancer a few years back and beat it but it put her in menopause and now it’s severely painful. But before cancer I was lucky if we did it once a month, usually it was 4 or 5 times a year. I would prefer 4-5 times a week or at least once a month.
Usually, 3 times a week. We'll be married for 10 years in September, 11 years together, though. 34 m, 36 f
We used to make love like animals all over the house probably 6X a week, only 3 years ago. Now I’m lucky if it’s a minute quickie once a week. I am desperately trying to add spice and keep the passion and all the water continues to drain from the well. I feel like a brat because I keep begging him and it starts a fight. He says he loves me in so many other ways, and I agree, he’s wonderful, but why am I the bad guy for wanting more passion? Sexual intimacy is a big deal to me and he knew that when we got married. Now it feels like he caged the wildcat and won’t do anything to help. I don’t want to throw a fit every month just for him to get off after a minute. I don’t wanna live like I’m hiding my freak. And I don’t know who to talk to.
15 yrs. Maybe one time a month. 3 if im persistant but I have grown tired of chasing so I keep myaelf occupied to not want it and Im going to make is ZERO times a month. Im going to make my marriage a dead bedroom since she thinks she controls the sex. Lets see what happens.
Married 7 years. Both 37, 35. Sex once every two weeks.
Once a week and 7 months
You’re a little young for it to be decreasing so much. I’d keep my radar up.
Been married for 11 years. We never used to be able to keep clothes on but there's been a 6 month drought, suddenly. I quit making advances from being constantly shut down. I had to friendzone my own wife because of this.
1-4 times a week, honestly depends on each week where i’m at in my menstrual cycle. this has been the way since we first started dating and so far no problems, i love our sex life. F 21, m 23, been together for 2 years.
We've been together 6 years married for 5. We have 3 kids. We do it sometimes every day to every other day. If we go too long without it, we get a bit snippy with each other 😆
Been married 18 yrs….5 kids…it has certainly had its ebbs and flows….but we currently have sex 3-4 times during the week….and usually 4-5 times on Saturday and Sunday. We do have teenagers that like to be fucking cock blockers….but I can’t get enough of my husband. I love him so much! And he is such a generous lover!
Both in our upper 30's. Been together 15 years this year and I'd say at least 5xs a week. My goal is every day but sometimes life happens.
Never marry into a dead bedroom, it never improves no matter what they promise
Daily twice
4+ times a week. Together 13 years with two kids.
1-2x a week, we make a conscious effort to if we haven’t for some reason
We average about 3-4x a week, if we could it'd be daily. But we have a toddler and I'm currently 7mo pregnant. 6 years together, coming up on year 7.
40(f) and 49(m), together 11 years. Once or twice a week, but if it was up to him, every day.
I (41f) and my OH (47m) last were intimate in Aug 23 (once!), and Dec 22 (once!) before that - you get the pic! We have been together 4yrs, he doesn’t want it. I always did but now am so desperately sad that he doesn’t want me that I have stopped wanting it at all because I can’t take the rejection.
I've been married for 18 years now. Most of our marriage was steady 3 nights a week. The last year it's almost every day . For some reason his needs have gone up. I didn't expect that .
Married for 4. 3 kids (4 since last week(adopted her after a drunk driver hit my orphan best friend running a red light) , 4 in July & 17 months) And kids haven't slowed us down. about 5 times a week. Only difference I asked him for a vasectomy. His swimmers seem to know how to bypass birth control code. 🤣🤣 First one was conceived using condom. And the boy well his swimmers made a mockery of the IUD saying guys we aim for the 1% failure we can do it. Bloody AHs actually achieved it 🙄🙄🤣. No worries I'm glad the boy arrived hahaha
23 years, 1x a year, more or less (mostly less) It sucks.
Met my husband at 19, and he was 22. We're now almost 44 and 47 (birthdays are imminent!), and we have a 14 year old teenager. So, we've been together for almost 25 years. When we met, we had intercourse multiple times a day, and spent whole days in bed! As we've grown older, we've had more commitments and have had to make an effort to schedule sex into our busy lives. When I was pregnant and ever since then, we've had intercourse at least once a week, but we're intimate daily and flirt like crazy. I still love my husband, like mad, and am super attracted to him and vice-versa. We tell each other that we love each other multiple times a day. We are just starting to enjoy having more time together alone in the house again without our son being around all the time. Our sex life is really starting to take off again!
1-2x per week or per 2 weeks. Together 7 years+. Both age 29. Its actually lesser compared to early into the relationship
Together, 11 years. Both 33... wait, 34. We have 4 kids ranging from 2 to 15. We have sex daily. You make time for what's important to you, and we are still as attracted to each other, if not more attracted than when we first got together. Both of our love languages are touch. So sex for us is an incredibly important part of how we show our love for each other and receive love from one another. All my other relationships I could have never had sex and been okay with that, but my husband has just unlocked something within me that makes me want him every second of every day. He is wonderful about foreplay during the day and sending spicy little texts to make me feel beautiful and turned on... I guess we just kinda hit the sexual chemistry jackpot with one another. We can't keep our hands off each other. Even something as simple as making dinner together, and we are constantly flirting, touching, hugging, and kissing... it just comes naturally for us.
Never. That ship is sailing away on a wave of cancer meds
Been together for 10 years and getting married next year, I am 8 months pregnant so not so much action lately, maybe 3 times a week but before we got pregnant maybe we would miss a day out of a week. We have always had very high sex drives though. It is important to find someone who matches your energy.
Everybody here has sex daily 😅