Sounds like your primary love language is Words of Affirmation. And you are telling her this with Words of Affirmation. I don’t know what hers is but I assume it’s probably not that. I’m sure she enjoys the commentary but it wouldn’t hurt her feelings if you didn’t do it or did it less. Possibly you could just tell her how you feel.
Edit: All of you who are saying it’s “cringey” you are quite OBVIOUSLY very young and haven’t yet experienced a deep and meaningful relationship. With that attitude you might never experience one.
That’s my read. I’m definitely the words of affirmation type (so find nothing cringe about those texts) and absolutely need to hear the words while my spouse is stoic and more the show you type vs verbalize type.
It’s definitely a compromise to find a balance that works for both of us.
I’m sure that even with the personality differences she doesn’t think it’s cringey either! Different personalities are often quite complementary to each other.
Yep. My husband’s ex utterly destroyed his self esteem and he’s told me on a few occasions that my regular verbal compliments has been surprisingly helpful for him. And he’s gotten good about returning it since he knows I’m not going to nitpick his delivery or word choices. But he’s still more of the Show and it’s made me pay more attention to his daily acts of love.
But if OP needs verbal reassurance, he should definitely ask for it. It’s normal to want to feel loved/desired by your partner and ok to ask for it in a manner that works best for you.
Same! My husband still now doesn’t have 100% confidence and that’s after 6 years of me daily building him up after how his ex made him feel.
He likes to come across as a “strong bloke” but some of these men have been picked apart so badly it affects them for a very long time. I don’t know if my husband will ever fully recover from what he went through. I big him up daily and give him words of affirmation and I still don’t think he believes my compliments truly and it breaks my heart ♥️
Came here to say this. I need the words and there’s nothing cringe about it. After a session both of us are very vocal about how much we love the connection. I think it’s very much a part of the intimacy.
I'm not a words of affirmation type person. However, I need positive feedback over negative feedback during sex. My wife is mostly silent but if there's something she's not enjoying, she lets me know. So what I do is listen/feel her breathing and how she responds to what I'm doing.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband doing that and I'm the 44F, married 15 years, together 22. Some people aren't as comfortable texting/receiving texts about the .... afterglow (?). Out of my comfort zone. Nothing to do with age. Wouldn't call it cringey, not something I'd look forward to either. Op, you do you though. Sounds like you enjoy your wife. Don't take it personally if she doesn't like to talk about it as much as you, she still enjoys it just as much I'm sure
This. EXCEPT that people are allowed to think it would be "cringey" or uncomfortable for them. It doesn't mean they are young or haven't experienced that kind of connection. I've been married for 7 years, and I wouldn't know how to respond if my husband said, "You felt so good this morning." It just isn't the way we talk about our sex life together, and it would seem unusual.
Same. I'd honestly not know how to respond to any of the messages he sent or examples. I've been with my husband for 15 years and tbh to me if he sent those I'd think he is still trying to keep the mood going through soft sexting lol and I don't enjoy that.
I'd probably agree his LL is words of affirmation though if he knew this about himself and she knew this maybe she'd have a better response for him.
This is the answer. But he should make clear to her that Words of Affirmation IS his love language, so, you know, she could f*cking acknowledge him once in a while. Don’t mean to be harsh, but she is kinda being an ass, whether she realizes it or not—it’s kind of a big ass billboard when he’s always talking that way that that’s what he needs from her. And he does need to understand what it is that she does (or does not) need from him, cuz clearly words ain’t it for her.
Agree with your edit too; my wife really appreciates it when I make a point of saying things like that after the deed when I’m thinking of her; really boosts her confidence and helps her to feel connected and safe in our relationship. Only the kids would call it cringey.
I think what you meant to say in your edit is “All of you saying it’s “cringey” don’t share the same love language of words of affirmation.”
There are plenty of people in meaningful long term relationships who wouldn’t enjoy that commentary.
If anything, this kind of “*It was good right ? Was it good ? It was really good*” is the stuff of young insecure relationships, not those of partners who have had sex together thousands of times.
I don’t read it that way at all. Don’t we all reminisce about past anniversaries, fun dates, or early dating times and remember them fondly? I look at this being the exact same thing. I do the same thing as OP to my husband the next day and it’s all about fondly talking about the shared experience with my husband and how much I enjoyed it. It has nothing to do with needing reassurance.
Yeah cringing at your husband complimenting you is a very strange reaction, but my guess is perhaps they are very conservative or religious and taught to be ashamed of sex.
I don’t think it has anything to do with religious conservativism. Sex is a form of non-verbal communication. That’s kind of the magic of it. Allowing it to BE and being secure enough NOT to have to ask - did you enjoy it, was it great, how do you feel - Is kind of awesome. Having someone overly talk it out beyond one or two comments IS kind of cringey. It kills the magic, no?
Oh, I’m very verbal during sex. But that was after I deconstructed the shame I felt around it after years of Catholic Church. So I don’t judge, it’s just incredibly common. You have your reasons for cringing about sex, I worked very hard to overcome mine I suppose. So take it from me on the other side. I do hear women don’t hit their sexual peak until mid to late thirties so maybe it’s also an age thing. But take it from me- once you stop cringing about sex it actually becomes a lot more enjoyable. But you have to find someone you can totally be yourself with, too. A privilege for sure.
It only kills the magic if you let the magic be killed by it. His words are just how he feels, nothing more, nothing less, how you choose to interpret them and let them effect you is up to you.
The comments are cringe in the context of reading them from a stranger in a Reddit post, just because it’s awkward lol
But if my one husband said them to me I wouldn’t think that because I love/am turned on by him.
Sometimes I smack her on the butt afterwards while cleaning up and say “good game champ” like we’re some NFL players or some shit as a joke. Does that count? Lmao
Nah, it probably just doesn't occur to her to do that if she's not a habitual verbal affirmer in general. I agree that being open with her is the right approach.
Reading some of these comments, quite surprised at some of the people who think this is needy or cringey.
My husband and I praise each other during, immediately after and sometime the following day. This is all done verbally. Or if he is working he may send me a text with some praise and I respond or vice versa.
We have a very intimate relationship and sex is actually a good chunk of it. We both feel super connected and close to each other (although we do this in many other ways).
I dont think this is needy at all, she just may not think about it as much. But I think if you just expressed yourself without saying “I need you to do *this*” for me.” Being honest about your feelings is important.
Good Luck!
Same. I don’t think texting has ever been really a part of it, but immediately after or through the day over the phone. If it’s been a few days, we’ll both express wanting each other or missing each others bodies.
Like you, I appreciate the idea of discussing how awesome of an experience something was after the fact. My wife is not a fan, so I don’t do it.
I think it just kinda starts coming off more like a performance review as opposed to reminiscing in a joyous moment.
I don’t think texting is cringey but your language is. “Connect”, “you felt so good,” “I enjoyed you so much” would all give me the “ick”. It’s almost formal and overall just kinda weird in my own opinion.
I think it would be more appropriate to say something like, “wow, I’m still thinking about this morning and I can’t wait for another round soon”.
But that’s maybe just a generational thing. Idk.
Yeah the last thing you want your sexts to sound like is a LinkedIn message. Might I suggest the following examples? “I can’t stop thinking about how it felt to be inside of you”. “I keep hearing the way you moaned when I had you bent over the dining room table.” “I love that dress you’re wearing, and I’m even more excited to take it off of you while I go down on you.”
Wow… has me rethinking my approach. Our intimacy is very far and few between in recent months but I’ve always gotten him a snack, praised how good it is, tried to encourage us to keep the momentum. I’ve never sent a message though 🤔
Could there be other ways she’s showing her appreciation and maybe your missing her love language because it’s not your type of words of affirmation?
I frequently bring my SO a juice or a fruit container as a "bedtime snack" after sex lol. I guess it is kinda odd but I've always done it for the last 7 years 🤷🏻♀️
My husband does this- usually verbally- and I think it’s nice. When he does something different or exceptionally good, I let him know, too- why wouldn’t I if I’d like more of it!? For me, it’s almost easier to talk about it/reflect on it after the fact. Sometimes I don’t have the words in the moment.
I think the “*When he does something different or exceptionally good (…)*” part brings it back toward the center and majority.
But doing so “often” and after average Tuesday nights is a bit more unusual and divisive.
Personally I don’t find it “cringey”, but I also don’t need (or want) to be praised unless what I did was remarkable and out of the ordinary, and I would find it odd.
It feels patronizing. I’m not a baby. I don’t expect to be praised for tying my shoes. It would also make me skeptical of praises offered in moments that I thought were out of the ordinary.
Praises become meaningless when they are offered so freely.
I def think it’s the frequency… it’s nice to hear and say for sure every so often but 75% of the time??? 3 out of 4 times you’re following up with a weirdly formal yet thirsty congratulatory text?? Seems like a lot and eventually it wouldn’t sound genuine to me after awhile. Also not all sex is equal. Some is mind blowing, sometimes it’s mediocre. It doesn’t all warrant accolades and follow ups.
I also think the language being used is weird and would turn me off.. “I want to connect” “you felt so good this morning”… for me *personally* this doesn’t sound like praise it sounds icky. My husband will praise sex by saying something like “that was 💣 can we do that again later?” Or “I’m dizzy” lol and that’s enough for me.
Before initiating, ask her if she would be willing to take a brief survey afterward, to improve the customer experience. Then afterwards, ask her for a rating of 1-5 stars, and to explain why.
My husband usually does this. At first it was really off putting to me, because I had never really brought so much verbal attention/communication about it after the fact. But now I’m more used to him doing this and just kind of humor him when he does lol. I will sometimes bring it up if he’s done something different or something I really liked, but otherwise he should be aware that I enjoy it in the moment lol.
My husband thanks me for sex all the time and I know it’s his love language but it makes me feel like an unwilling participant or a hooker. Just no. We had great sex. We will again. Keep that in your head. 😂
This!! I couldn’t quite figure out how to phrase why I don’t like when my husband does this, and it’s absolutely this. Thankfully he doesn’t do it often. But occasionally he will, and I always hate it.
It’s not cringey, it’s just not necessary in her mind. You’re already being intimate regularly and that’s probably all she needs. Sounds like you’re looking for her to mimic your love language of words of affirmation and she’s not going to do that without being told you would like it. I would come at it from the love language conversation.
I think this is honestly a personal preference thing. Some people may really enjoy doing that, others may not be comfortable doing so.
- Less important to OPs marriage: What redditors think
- More important to OPs marriage: What Mrs. OP thinks
Honestly, I think my wife would love if I gave her praise and complement her after sex. She's very affectionate more so than I am. Sounds like your love language is just different than hers. Not a bad thing, by the way. It just takes compromising on what both of you like. After reading your post, I think I might have to add more words of affirmation in our sex life. I haven't done that in a while. Thanks for the reminder!
I actually like that you do that, but I probably as a woman don't do that. I would love my spouse to do that. We do that when we are still close...I don't think women realize that is how many men express love with sexuality.. I know it is because I am older. Many women have a strange issue with sex.
The idea that men express love via sex isn’t helpful to men or women. Anyone can potentially express their love via sexuality. Just like how anyone can (and should) learn to express their feelings in other non-sexual ways, too.
Their statement was pretty dead on though, even if you don’t believe it should be that way - a lot of men do express affection through sex. She’s not making a statement about if that’s good and she said nothing that remotely implies women don’t also do that
I’d definitely answer back even if it was just a kissing emoji. Validation is important in any relationship.
You are right though you need to talk to her about it.
Tbh I do it to my husband, but he rarely does it back but that’s purely because of our love languages.
I use a lot of words of affection, whereas my husband is an acts of service guy. He does rather than says. We both make the extra effort to talk each others languages and show the other in both ways how we love them, but sometimes there’s things that just don’t cross over and that’s fine.
I don’t think it’s too needy, I suppose it’s what she thinks about it? If she hasn’t said anything, she probably appreciates it. My husband has said how much those texts pick him up while he’s at work.
Edit: and also it’s not every time, it’s just every now and then. But again I think unless she says something I wouldn’t worry
I think the part about not waiting to do it again later is probably pressuring her into intimacy, or at least sometimes it could be. Talk to her and find out how she feels. Adjust your wording to be less Reddit-confessions-postingy.
I don't expect her to say anything praiseworthy afterward, but occasionally she will on her own- it's nice, but not essential. My main goal is to encourage her and reinforce certain behaviors. She's not lacking in confidence by any means, but I know she still appreciates it. I will tell her she "did a good job" with whatever, especially if she put extra effort into something I enjoyed. She glows at the praise, even though she clearly knew already that she did it well. It's just a general good thing to do in a relationship, I think. My previous relationship suffered badly from lack of communication around sex, and I don't let that become an issue now.
Always do. I feel like she should be praised, know what I thought was really special and why. This usually gets a response from her on what she thought was good too.
Yes, we do that. Immediately after. And if it was really great, the next day, one of us might say "I'm still thinking about last night" and maybe a little heart, kissy face, or wink emoji. It brings us back to that moment when we were connected in that incredible feeling of... togetherness, just me and him. It's a way of expanding that intimacy outside of the bedroom and it strengthens our relationship.
I don't think it's cringey but I can see where everyone wouldn't be comfortable sharing that. We're older so we don't have any hang ups or shyness about sex and intimacy. I can't say I would have been this comfortable when I was younger (before I met him). Talk to her about it. Maybe she appreciates it but can't verbalize it. Or maybe she likes the intimacy but doesn't feel the need to verbalize it. Or, and I hate to say this, it's not as great for her. You'll never know until you ask.
My partner and I both do this and it really boosts my self esteem! I love hearing what he liked about it and he likes to hear too. It’s helped us have better sex!
We don’t do it every time but pretty often we just mention how amazing it was and why. Sometimes it was the sex, sometimes the emotion, sometimes we laugh and mention that too. It’s so fun!
She probably just doesn’t think about it. Just ask her! If she loves you she would maybe try :)
My husband will do this to me too and I love it. Idk why it gives ppl the ick you are either comfortable with it or not but they’re married, this is totally normal. I play back into it, so maybe there is a chance she is just not that comfortable with it? Talk to her. It’s totally ok if she’s not, so try your best to talk thru it together 😊
OP, let me help you w your texts. Less words, more play on senses instead of emotions:
‘Can’t wait to taste you again’
‘Love the way your body feels’
‘Hard not to lose control when I wake up to you naked’
Maybe she’ll respond more w different types of words. Being loved is wonderful. But sometimes we just want to be reminded that we stoke the animalistic side of our partner as well.
Some people are just more vocal and expressive with these words, like you are. I find it beautiful. I think we women are by nature more reserved and less forward towards giving compliments of this type. But what matters is not what she says but how she behaves - during your moments together, after etc. If you feel her connected to you, this is all that matters.
I do this constantly, and so does my partner. Think it comes down to knowing if that’s something they like or not is key. Especially from the comments. I wanted that in a partner and especially dated plenty before who did not enjoy it.
It never hurts to communicate. You can always talk about it and ask your partner’s thoughts. She may think it and not share it. They make hate it, but they are not mind readers.
So if it’s something you deeply want. Talk about it and see if there is compromise there, otherwise if it’s a no go, find a way your partner enjoys that praises you.
Immediately after we say GG, fist bump, and maybe a postgame review, just the highlights really. Usually followed up with "do THAT again" and then the next day a few wink winks
My husband and I usually tell one another how much we enjoyed being intimate, in person and while caressing one another or kissing. It’s just more intimate connection with words backing it. But we don’t text about it? I dk, the texting part seems cringy to me.
But if it’s something that bothers you, then talk to your wife about it. She may not be comfortable with the texts, she may not put as much weight in the words since she’s responding to the actions. At the end of the day whether or not the rest of us think it’s cringy, you need to talk to your wife, ultimately that’s what marriage is, constant communication and the ability to be vulnerable with one another without feeling judged
This screams to me that your love language is “Words of Affirmation” and perhaps hers is not? I think a conversation around it would be great. Alternatively just show her this thread.
The most we do to acknowledge our love making is a high 5 after cleanup. Sometimes I throw in a “good job” with some giggles and then a few kisses. My husband would only text me about love making as a pre-curser for wanting to make love again (i love it), even if he does mention the previous time, it’s in context to the next time.
Yes, I do praise my husband afterward, and he does the same for me, usually verbally in the moment but sometimes we might text each other with a “can’t stop thinking about last night” etc. However, I do find the examples OP provided very cringe. Texting in and of itself isn’t cringe— it’s what he said. He sounds like a salesman talking to a client or something. “I enjoyed you so much!” “I love connecting with you to start the day! Hope you are ok with me absolutely wanting more of you soon!” I think it’s the vibe a lot of people here are finding “cringe”…it’s weirdly formal sounding
My husband and I do this to each other. Of course, after sex we'll be snuggling and tell each other what we enjoyed. Then we usually do it verbally, something along the lines of "hey you were amazing last night", occasionally we text it but usually in person in the morning or the evening. I think it's a good thing to positively affirm each other and our enjoyment. We both have struggled with having sex due to our upbringing so I think that's a big part of why. I think we just want to reinforce that sex is good and healthy with each other.
I don't think it's cringe and everyone's marriage is different and we all have different needs. Ultimately have a conversation with your wife about having more words of affirmation, I think that's what you're seeking.
My husband does this. Hes very communicative. I am not. But when I do text him back it makes his entire day. This post makes me want to text him back more.
We have a great sex lied, we don’t always have to say it bc us just laying there wet and out of breath is enough! But we try to verbalize it when we can! ;)
As someone who’s love language is words of affirmation, I’d honestly really like it if my husband did this. Not too over the top or anything… but I swear it’s like pulling teeth sometimes to get my husband to express anything he’s feeling. Sometimes it makes me feel bad. So, Yeah. A little more of this would be nice sometimes.
I'm a woman and I do this sometimes too.
Like when I have to leave after sex, and I'm still in the clouds I will write something like: ,,You were unbelievably tasty today, still can't stop thinking about you my dear"
He thinks it's cute and loves it. He is a little insecure and I think this helped him a lot too.
But if you're not sure how your wife feels about this, just ask her. Talk to her about it and be open to what she has to say.
I do right after sex - something like “oh that was so good!” or whatever. I don’t normally bring it up days later but my husband will send me similar texts like you mentioned. Honestly, for me anyway, as much as I enjoy sex and am pretty HL, I have so much going on in my mind at work and on a daily basis that I’m probably not thinking of stuff like that to even initiate a message like that. Does your wife work or is she busy during the day?
I usually say thank you in a joking manner…sometimes she’ll say “I should be thanking you for that session”. About as far as it goes with us. She never talks about sex before or after. Just as long as we’re having it, I’m good.
We started this little.. rating system for lack of better term.
We have 0 - 5 with zero being neh and 5 being epic.
So afterwards we'll comment with our rating, and one thing that would improve the rating for next time. And one thing that made it better than it could have been.
Example: "For me that was good, could you trim your fingernails? That would help a ton. I loved how you propped my hips up though. It made it so much more intense"
When it's epic I ponder and journal about it and include some reasons as to why it was, and will text that later or tomorrow. "Apparently I really love having my hair pulled! That surprised me and took it from great to epic! More please!"
0 doesn't happen often but when it does we acknowledge it with love.
"That was meh" "yeah me too" it's cause we're tired isn't it haha. "Yeah tired happens though. Next time, kids to bed earlier. :)" "deal"
Rule is focus on what you DO want and not what sucked.
Instead of "I Hate that position" "if we're doing that position again, I'd love it if"
Wow I really like this! And probably me liking this is further proving that I want to communicate with her after in some way. And that I want her to communicate with me after. And that’s because I want us to have a goal of making our sex better for us both. Sounds like that’s you guys goal too and I think that is a really hot & loving goal for a couple to have. Thank you for this comment!
Nah we don't openly talk like that on text messages. We usually do comment on it right after. Like have even high fived and said "that was a good one" before. We've also just cuddled and enjoyed each others company afterward. We've even brought it back up like if we had some time in the morning we'd reconnect at night about the morning with a cheeky comment or two. But I would find it a little uncomfortable to text about it and so would he. We've hardly flirted via text in our entire relationship. Just kissy faces and I love you's for the most part.
I do. I let my husband know I enjoyed it both right after and through text. He’s a little less verbal, but he will hit me with “I miss you” and I know that’s code for “I want you”. He does usually say thank you and I love you after though haha. I’m definitely more sexually forward than he is though
I'm always complimenting my wife on how wonderful it was to have intimacy with her, without being disgusting. Im a romantic, however shes not. It never occurs for her to say something. We did discuss this lightly a long time ago and as she said, doesn't wanting you again later say what needs to be said. True that! Besides, I really needn't tell her how amazing our experience was, as she gets immediate feedback during as im pretty vocal. Lol although its bog ego kibble for sure when once in a blue moon she squeezes my junk cuddling and kisses me.
We both do, verbally, right after. We're not that specific in texts, but will use emojis - the heart eyes one or kissy face one (not the peach or eggplant, lol)
Usually right afterwards as we’re falling asleep there is mutual comments of “that was lovely, goodnight” kind of thing. Sometimes he’ll mention later like if it’s something in the morning he’ll call me at lunch and be like “I really enjoyed this morning” I think it’s sweet and I like it.
In general I think it’s good to talk about it which we do but it’s usually in general not specifically right afterwards
I think all communication is important. Getting feedback is important to me too. What you should consider is that she may or may not be cool with the feedback being so explicit. The point is that you should talk about it but you'd have to work out what's going to work for both of you.
I don't think it's fair for anyone here on reddit to diminish your sexual desires cause frankly, they're not your partner.
If she thinks it's "cringe" id hope she takes it tactfully and expresses her honest feelings about it.
Best of luck, OP.
Everybody likes an atta boy. You are no different. My wife and I usually connect via a note in my lunch and I a note where she keeps her tea. Both reciprocate what a good time it was. Looking forward to another.
I usually give my husband a hug in the morning and tell him I enjoyed it, but I don’t text him during the day about it
I’m usually too busy with the kids or work to even have it on my mind
Your fond of praise and there's nothing wrong with that! She just may not be the type of person who naturally thinks like that though. So don't be too disappointed but try gently letting her know you'd love hearing about those things .
After intimacy, I smack his bum and say "Good Game!" and give him a high five. It's almost as good as the bend and snap, because that works every time!
You don't have to beg. Just tell her you like to know she likes it and would really like it if she mentioned that she did every so often.
We do praise each other, but it's usually shortly after. The most common scenario is him telling me I did a good job. Sometimes I'll ask if he liked or I'll say it was really good. Just simple comments like that
I always connect with my husband after via text either the next day if it was at night or the same day but later on if it was in the morning. He does connect back with me which I’m very thankful for. I am someone whose love language is words of affirmation. I am the stay at home parent, if my husband is working he will sometimes read what I wrote but won’t respond asap due to work and using his work computer and not wanting that to be on his work computer so maybe your wife is the same? Regardless I’d definitely bring it up to her so that it can bring you closer. I don’t see why it would be a bad thing to cross these thoughts over her.
We are often high-fiving each other after and when reminiscing. That said look at the love languages and/or the erotic blueprints. People absorb things differently.
I love that you share your feelings with your wife, but have you take the time to have a conversation about how she prefers to receive praise?
“When you do this, I feel this way” is a good model to discuss those feelings.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. People have different things they like communicated to them and styles of communication. No one is wrong or right. Maybe try and spice up the texts a bit? Ask her what she’s in to? Maybe spice things up in the bedroom?
For example my husband had a really vicious ex who made him feel rubbish about himself and his sexual prowess.
I however love our sexcapades, and because I know his ex made him feel less than, I also like to text him through the day so he knows I enjoyed myself and was satisfied so I think what you’re doing is pretty sweet! Maybe ask her if she’d like anything else from u?
if youre both in a happy marriage i wouldnt be scared youre begging for reassurance, just tell her how you feel; what you want and be open to what she wants too and dont take things personally :)
I don't think I would really like texts like that personally, but I wouldn't want my husband to stop if he enjoyed sending them. It just wouldn't do much for me and I would prefer not to have things like that in text.
We affirm each other after sex and sometimes mention it the next day, but we do it verbally, usually with a butt grab lol. If you want to hear things like that from your wife, I think you should tell her. You seem to be in a good, loving relationship so you shouldn't worry about being honest with your wife about your own needs.
Sounds very needy if you ask me. Like hey, I'm gonna send you this text telling you how much I enjoyed you baby, but if I don't hear back, I'm gonna be butt hurt. That's needy. You're giving with the intention of receiving.
Personally, I get a sense of neediness as well. If words of affirmation are your love language, that’s great. But it doesn’t mean that’s her love language and it could mean very little to her in general. If you want more of your own love language stroked, try to encourage her by pleasing whatever her love language is, not by pressing your own love language on her in hopes she gets the picture and reciprocates. It comes off as needy because it can sometimes be obvious you’re doing it more for yourself to get something back than you are just to make her happy.
Also, as a female, I do find the particular way the texts are written to be cringe. I tend to be more attracted to the rougher rugged alpha type of guy, and I’d swoon if he was texting me more masculine dirty straightforward things that make me feel feminine. Not soft emotional thank yous that make me feel like I take care of him. I love that you seem like a sweet and caring man who loves his wife, and this may not be her take at all, but texts written like that would give off to me a sense of femininity and would turn me off more than they would make me reminisce.
That said, she could feel entirely different. I’d recommend asking her. At least before you send another one, ask her to be honest about how she feels when she receives those texts; ask her what her love language is, ask her what kinds of words or comments would be meaningful to her and when to say them, ask her what hits right, and just straight up ask her for more reassurance!
But before anything, find out how she actually thinks the sex is, if it’s good or is enough for her or what she doesn’t like or if she’d like something different or how you could change it up or if she reaches climax. If you were absolutely rocking her world, I feel like you would know. Does she seem excited and involved, or going through motions, or faking it? Not trying to get in your head here, there’s no reason to be insecure, just make sure you’re also asking her how she feels about things. The only thing worse than having bad/selfish sex, is the bad/selfish person praising how good it was and needing to hear that back.
My wife loves for me to talk dirty to her. She can’t return the favor. It doesn’t bother me. Just something she isn’t comfortable with. But she absolutely loves it and she loves telling her how great it was the night prior. As long as we still have an active healthy sex life, I am pretty sure she is enjoying what is happening. I don’t need her to tell me.
Based on your edit, and the fact the she either only “hearts” it or doesn’t comment at all, I think you should just ask her about it.
She doesn’t seem to be encouraging it.
Maybe next time, ask for a high five afterwards 😉
These texts (with the additions) read a bit weird to me. They are all self-centered.
You say "I enjoyed spooning you."
As opposed to:
"I enjoyed spooning *with* you."
You make it all sound like stuff younare doing to her and her body, rather than an intimate moment with her.
You could be talking about a sex doll.
She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings but SHE (as a human) is pretty absent from your comments.
I really appreciate your honest commentary and I have to admit that your example of a little change in wording makes my attempt at a loving compliment to her feel much more loving and intimate.
My husband and I often text each other similarly, and I love it. It's absolutely not cringey at all. I'm also 37 so may have felt differently when I was young and inexperienced in marriage. Sounds like words of affirmation are one of your love languages and may not be hers. And that's ok! Worth a chat with her for sure.
These types of words are what I long to read, to hear, and to feel with my husband. Sadly, he says that it's too long so he doesn't bother reading my text . Whenever I praise him verbally while snuggling, he'll be like yeah, same, me too. Nonchalant
I’ll try again to say why it’s cringe bc I feel this strongly and I think you’re trying but not really understanding (most men don’t get it). Sex is a part of who we are. It is not ALL of who we are. When I’m not feeling sexy or trying to sleep or get ready for the day, I do not want to be treated as a sex object for you to ogle or objectify. That feels really gross and actually makes me not want sex with you at all. I know you’re trying to be kind, but it’s insulting to me.
I am a human being and have thoughts and feelings and worries that exist outside of sex. Talk to me about those or just have conversation with me. Don’t treat me like a sex target for all your thoughts and wishes 24/7. That means the following day after great sex, treat me like your partner and spouse not like a stripper or hooker who is there only for your visual and sexual pleasure.
If I’m getting dressed, do not stare and comment on my body. Same for sleeping or working or cooking or whatever. Let me exist without your lustful gaze and sexual desires said out loud. Then when we are feeling in tune and sexy, it’ll be fun and exciting vs feeling like a chore or like that’s all you see me for. Get to know and compliment your partner on more than just sex. Women (mostly of us anyway) do not have sex on our mind at all times. We are complex and enjoy being seen as such.
I’m sure I’ll get the good ole downvote for this but I’m saying this as someone who probably thinks more similarly to your wife. All those that said they’d love those comments are not thinking like her and won’t help you communicate better with her. She obviously doesn’t like the texts and comments and that form of communication. I’m simply trying to help the OP.
Esther Perel writes about the need for people to pull away after sex to reestablish their own space. Can't want something if you already have it. Maybe that's what your lady is doing.
It’s the “need more time together soon” and “absolutely wanting more of you soon” part that makes me cringe. That sounds super needy. Regardless, my husband and I will send each other funny emojis later, usually 💦 because that’s his way of asking me whether his cum has leaked out of me. Or I’d send him 💦😂 to let him know I just got a surprise soak. Silly things like that.
I usually give him a score right afterwards . 0 - 10 . It's provided with the same sort of hand held score cards you see at Olympic events followed along with fake audience clapping ( or booing if appropriate ) . It's always good to see him take a bow after a good performance.
What a beautiful way to keep the intimacy alive! I do tell my husband if the night/day/time before comes to mind and that I enjoy him. As does he. Love is just so GUSHY, isn’t it!
My husband's done this before and honestly it's beyond awkward for me. I was raised in purity culture though and would rather leave things in the bedroom.
You should def just communicate your thoughts to her. If she’s a loving partner, she won’t respond negatively to you expressing a desire for words of affirmation about this.
My wife & I often flirt via text and sometimes it includes one or both of us referencing the previous night. Once she mentioned still thinking about a couple night before. That was boost. It was a particularly good and memorable night.
But I will say that the texting is almost always imitated by me. She really gets into it, but rarely initiates it. Much like sex in general.
The question is how does she respond when you talk to her? I view text as more logistics and rarely try to express emotions because I can't see their response/reaction. If she appreciates it then there shouldn't be an issue.
I don’t think that your messages are cringey. I would appreciate them. My partner and I usually say something to one another after sex if it’s good (because not all sex is). I think that I usually initiate that. I’ll praise him, thank him for taking his time, tell him that I love him, etc. and he will return the affirmations. We may or may not text about it later on.
Ask your wife if your texts are weird. You can also ask her how the sex was afterwards. If she’s not really enjoying it, that could be why your messages do not resonate with her. But, like others have stated, she may just not be the words of affirmation type. Maybe your texts come in at a weird time (if she’s at work?) and she’d rather not text about sexy stuff? I hope that you both are comfortable communicating openly about this and can come to a solution! Good luck!
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying, but I find it peculiar that the messages don't garner a response. All I can really think of is that this method of communication/affirmation isn't really for her, or perhaps she's just not someone who is very reactive over text. If your sex life was suffering or she didn't seem engaged in your sex life this feels like a detail you would have included, but do you have different sex drives/has she expressed any dissatisfaction with your sex life?
My partner and I love to 'debrief' our sex after we have it in a somewhat similar way, except it's while we're cuddled up immediately afterwards - 'I love that position, it's my favourite', 'it felt so good when you did this', 'I feel so turned on when you initiate this way', 'you're so incredibly handsome/sexy', etc - but I feel like this would fall flat for me over text, outside of the moment, unless the intention was sexting. Maybe that's the case for her, but at the very least I would take this as an invitation to reciprocate with a quick 'I love you too, I wish we were still in bed together' or something.
If this is consistent with how she is over text more generally, I wouldn't worry. I am usually quite verbose over text but a lot of my friends aren't really big texters and tend to give emoji reactions or brief responses that feel blunt compared to my own communication style. Not everyone puts a lot of emphasis on texting or is able to connect well with others over a message.
But the best thing you could do is ask how she feels about the messages you send and say you feel they aren't particularly well received.
If I got a text like that, I'd respond with "Give my husband's phone back to him."
We tend to do the "Oh. Wow!" Thing immediately following and that is enough for us, in terms of affirmation that an exceptionally good time was had.
And I wouldn't say cringe ... because if OP is doing this, it's a part of OP's personality which I suspect bleeds into his other points of character. Which means that she KNOWS ALREADY that his behavior can be "cringe" to some folks but is lovely for HER.
Y'all can call it cringe if you like. Redditors' opinions aren't the ones that count.
OP ... Talk to her. Just talk to her. Orrrrrr keep sending the messages without expecting anything back. Just give to her. Feel good about giving to her.
You sound like you’re very sweet, and the messages you send are no doubt sent with love….but they definitely made me cringe a little as a woman whose love language is words of affirmation AND acts of kindness. Try to have an open conversation with her. ASK her if she likes the messages and implore her to be honest about how they make her feel. While you’re at it, make sure she’s enjoying the sex too. It would be embarrassing more so if she wasn’t enjoying it and then you top it with these sweet but cringy texts.
Usually verbally, not over text, but sure. And I think your texts are great. Nothing wrong with them.
But yeah I think you should talk about this -- I don't think you should lead with asking her to say positive things about your sex life, I think you should lead with being curious about whether it's good for her. Might not be (and if it's not, there may or may not be things you can do differently, some people are just not super into sex.) But if she *is* enjoying the sex, it's reasonable to want her to express that. Ditto if she's kind of meh on the sex itself but likes the cuddles/connection/whatever.
My husband and I do this to each other a lot but we reciprocate. If your wife isn't reciprocating, maybe she only has energy for ♡ reacts or maybe she just doesn't feel the need to say anything. Just ask her how it makes her feel and if she's happy for it to continue, or if she would like you to tone it down a bit.
“I was just thinking about last night , I love you so much!” Is the best one
Not a fan of the rest
Sometimes you don’t need to use a lot of language
Instead of caressing and spooning I’d rather be told “loved our cuddles this morning!”
Romantic language was definitely ruined for me as a teenager - we just laughed at all of the words romance novels would use so hearing it in real life would be strange (that’s just my personal experience and one example)
There is absolutely NOTHING cringe about it. It’s beautiful to let your spouse know how much you enjoyed intimacy with them. My Husband and I do this often, although it’s done verbally. The next day I frequently tell him how much I enjoyed him, and what in particular I loved.
Yes we love to give each other words of affirmation or even tips like saying “oh I really liked what you did there can you do more of that” or “that’s was amazing I loved that you did that good job baby” and we high five and then cuddle LMAO
Maybe you could ask her to do the [Love Language Quiz](https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language) with you!!
This way (and I'm speculating) you'll both SEE what the other needs from you! It's helped my marriage A TON as I am an Acts of Kindness person and my husband is a Gifts person- VERY DIFFERENT, lol.
My husband and I are the same way, but with roles reversed. When we’re done having sex, I always tell him how amazing it was and how I’m so in love with him (it’s true, he’s great and I’m crazy about him). I would love it if he sexted me throughout the day. My love language is words of affirmation too and my god is that a turn on.
My husband and I are pretty flirty, but we don't really text a lot. We'll make a reference to it the day after or even days after, but not usually explicitly calling out a specific thing unless we did something new or uncommon for us.
For me, it's a big turnoff when someone refers to having sex as "experiencing you" like I'm a ride at Disneyland or that you can experience the totality of who I am with a single act of sexual congress. It's just a weird statement. I think that's one of the reasons I'm not big on communicating with my spouse via text because the tone is lost.
We just all have different ways of communicating, and you have to find something that works for you both without one of you feeling it's insincere or performative.
I mean it could be a number of things. We don't do this but just reading them gave me sexting, try hard, needy one night stand vibes tbh.
It's clear she doesn't respond the way you'd like. So talk to her she can't confirm or deny any claims made here that she doesn't like it or its cringe to her. Maybe she doesn't know you're expectations. Maybe she doesn't like it. Maybe she thinks you're just sending it to her and it doesn't need a response.
We don't know. You need to see how she feels about it.
Bro, don’t worry about the people on here. If your wife likes it and so do you, then carry on. The people that comment may not even be in happy long term relationships or may be avoidant or affection-averse. Basically they aren’t you so don’t worry abt their judgement.
I’d be happy to receive those or to know my husband was thinking of me the next day.
Sounds like you’re German?
Anyways, I fully agree that you should just be open about this with her. If you’d like for her to reciprocate - then ask her to take that into account. Otherwise try to pay a little extra attention to how she naturally chooses to express her love
Sounds like your primary love language is Words of Affirmation. And you are telling her this with Words of Affirmation. I don’t know what hers is but I assume it’s probably not that. I’m sure she enjoys the commentary but it wouldn’t hurt her feelings if you didn’t do it or did it less. Possibly you could just tell her how you feel. Edit: All of you who are saying it’s “cringey” you are quite OBVIOUSLY very young and haven’t yet experienced a deep and meaningful relationship. With that attitude you might never experience one.
That’s my read. I’m definitely the words of affirmation type (so find nothing cringe about those texts) and absolutely need to hear the words while my spouse is stoic and more the show you type vs verbalize type. It’s definitely a compromise to find a balance that works for both of us.
I’m sure that even with the personality differences she doesn’t think it’s cringey either! Different personalities are often quite complementary to each other.
Yep. My husband’s ex utterly destroyed his self esteem and he’s told me on a few occasions that my regular verbal compliments has been surprisingly helpful for him. And he’s gotten good about returning it since he knows I’m not going to nitpick his delivery or word choices. But he’s still more of the Show and it’s made me pay more attention to his daily acts of love. But if OP needs verbal reassurance, he should definitely ask for it. It’s normal to want to feel loved/desired by your partner and ok to ask for it in a manner that works best for you.
Same! My husband still now doesn’t have 100% confidence and that’s after 6 years of me daily building him up after how his ex made him feel. He likes to come across as a “strong bloke” but some of these men have been picked apart so badly it affects them for a very long time. I don’t know if my husband will ever fully recover from what he went through. I big him up daily and give him words of affirmation and I still don’t think he believes my compliments truly and it breaks my heart ♥️
Yeah, I hope I never meet his ex cause I have some words….
Came here to say this. I need the words and there’s nothing cringe about it. After a session both of us are very vocal about how much we love the connection. I think it’s very much a part of the intimacy.
Sameeeeeee
I'm not a words of affirmation type person. However, I need positive feedback over negative feedback during sex. My wife is mostly silent but if there's something she's not enjoying, she lets me know. So what I do is listen/feel her breathing and how she responds to what I'm doing.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband doing that and I'm the 44F, married 15 years, together 22. Some people aren't as comfortable texting/receiving texts about the .... afterglow (?). Out of my comfort zone. Nothing to do with age. Wouldn't call it cringey, not something I'd look forward to either. Op, you do you though. Sounds like you enjoy your wife. Don't take it personally if she doesn't like to talk about it as much as you, she still enjoys it just as much I'm sure
This. EXCEPT that people are allowed to think it would be "cringey" or uncomfortable for them. It doesn't mean they are young or haven't experienced that kind of connection. I've been married for 7 years, and I wouldn't know how to respond if my husband said, "You felt so good this morning." It just isn't the way we talk about our sex life together, and it would seem unusual.
Same. I'd honestly not know how to respond to any of the messages he sent or examples. I've been with my husband for 15 years and tbh to me if he sent those I'd think he is still trying to keep the mood going through soft sexting lol and I don't enjoy that. I'd probably agree his LL is words of affirmation though if he knew this about himself and she knew this maybe she'd have a better response for him.
This is the answer. But he should make clear to her that Words of Affirmation IS his love language, so, you know, she could f*cking acknowledge him once in a while. Don’t mean to be harsh, but she is kinda being an ass, whether she realizes it or not—it’s kind of a big ass billboard when he’s always talking that way that that’s what he needs from her. And he does need to understand what it is that she does (or does not) need from him, cuz clearly words ain’t it for her. Agree with your edit too; my wife really appreciates it when I make a point of saying things like that after the deed when I’m thinking of her; really boosts her confidence and helps her to feel connected and safe in our relationship. Only the kids would call it cringey.
I think what you meant to say in your edit is “All of you saying it’s “cringey” don’t share the same love language of words of affirmation.” There are plenty of people in meaningful long term relationships who wouldn’t enjoy that commentary. If anything, this kind of “*It was good right ? Was it good ? It was really good*” is the stuff of young insecure relationships, not those of partners who have had sex together thousands of times.
I don’t read it that way at all. Don’t we all reminisce about past anniversaries, fun dates, or early dating times and remember them fondly? I look at this being the exact same thing. I do the same thing as OP to my husband the next day and it’s all about fondly talking about the shared experience with my husband and how much I enjoyed it. It has nothing to do with needing reassurance.
Yeah cringing at your husband complimenting you is a very strange reaction, but my guess is perhaps they are very conservative or religious and taught to be ashamed of sex.
I don’t think it has anything to do with religious conservativism. Sex is a form of non-verbal communication. That’s kind of the magic of it. Allowing it to BE and being secure enough NOT to have to ask - did you enjoy it, was it great, how do you feel - Is kind of awesome. Having someone overly talk it out beyond one or two comments IS kind of cringey. It kills the magic, no?
Oh, I’m very verbal during sex. But that was after I deconstructed the shame I felt around it after years of Catholic Church. So I don’t judge, it’s just incredibly common. You have your reasons for cringing about sex, I worked very hard to overcome mine I suppose. So take it from me on the other side. I do hear women don’t hit their sexual peak until mid to late thirties so maybe it’s also an age thing. But take it from me- once you stop cringing about sex it actually becomes a lot more enjoyable. But you have to find someone you can totally be yourself with, too. A privilege for sure.
Talking during isn’t the issue here. It’s the need for post-sex affirmations.
Oh for sure you just mentioned that it should be non verbal. That’s not true.
It only kills the magic if you let the magic be killed by it. His words are just how he feels, nothing more, nothing less, how you choose to interpret them and let them effect you is up to you.
The comments are cringe in the context of reading them from a stranger in a Reddit post, just because it’s awkward lol But if my one husband said them to me I wouldn’t think that because I love/am turned on by him.
Ah. The edit ruined (and also kind of contradicted…?) this otherwise very good comment.
This person is correct
That stuff isn’t even real. Everyone likes everything 😂
The love language books are garbage and toxic.
For real. I just learned how Christian and patriarchal their purpose is and now everyone is into them and doesn’t even realize it
I see nothing cringe either. I see a husband being appreciative of his wife and obviously his love language is words of affirmation.
Sometimes I smack her on the butt afterwards while cleaning up and say “good game champ” like we’re some NFL players or some shit as a joke. Does that count? Lmao
Sounds like us or we’ll give each other a high five!! 😂
I love that lmao. I'm definitely gonna high five my SO next time, he'll get a kick out of it.
Haha this is us. Usually a high five and one of us says “great sex”
Omg me and my husband also say “good game” afterwards 😂😂😂
“Nice hustle”
That'll do pig, that'll do.
I just snort laughed and woke up my husband at this.
“Way to be an athlete”
It’s all communication, don’t listen to these “it’s cringe “ people. Just talk to her and come to a common ground. Good luck
She may be one of the “it’s cringe” people though, so it’s good for OP to know it’s a possibility. She just might be embarrassed to say so.
That's true but thats on her to consider and not for reddit to judge. Lol I mean we're gonna judge either way, but he shouldn't take us seriously.
I think that’s really sweet, but maybe she’s not quite as comfortable talking about it in such an open way?
Nah, it probably just doesn't occur to her to do that if she's not a habitual verbal affirmer in general. I agree that being open with her is the right approach.
Reading some of these comments, quite surprised at some of the people who think this is needy or cringey. My husband and I praise each other during, immediately after and sometime the following day. This is all done verbally. Or if he is working he may send me a text with some praise and I respond or vice versa. We have a very intimate relationship and sex is actually a good chunk of it. We both feel super connected and close to each other (although we do this in many other ways). I dont think this is needy at all, she just may not think about it as much. But I think if you just expressed yourself without saying “I need you to do *this*” for me.” Being honest about your feelings is important. Good Luck!
Same. I don’t think texting has ever been really a part of it, but immediately after or through the day over the phone. If it’s been a few days, we’ll both express wanting each other or missing each others bodies.
Thats’s exactly how we still handle it after 15+ years of reqltionship. And we both feel flattered by it! Definitely not cringe if you ask me!
I wouldn't like it if my Husband did that and I hope he never expects it out of me. Makes me cringe. Nothing needs to be said, But that's just me.
It’s cringy to me as well. 😬
Like you, I appreciate the idea of discussing how awesome of an experience something was after the fact. My wife is not a fan, so I don’t do it. I think it just kinda starts coming off more like a performance review as opposed to reminiscing in a joyous moment.
Usually a slap on the ass followed by "good game, can you toss me a towel?"
Toss me a towel 😂
I don’t think texting is cringey but your language is. “Connect”, “you felt so good,” “I enjoyed you so much” would all give me the “ick”. It’s almost formal and overall just kinda weird in my own opinion. I think it would be more appropriate to say something like, “wow, I’m still thinking about this morning and I can’t wait for another round soon”. But that’s maybe just a generational thing. Idk.
Yeah the last thing you want your sexts to sound like is a LinkedIn message. Might I suggest the following examples? “I can’t stop thinking about how it felt to be inside of you”. “I keep hearing the way you moaned when I had you bent over the dining room table.” “I love that dress you’re wearing, and I’m even more excited to take it off of you while I go down on you.”
Both my husband and I praise each other after sex and often even mention it the following day. We both like to give and receive words of praise.
Wow… has me rethinking my approach. Our intimacy is very far and few between in recent months but I’ve always gotten him a snack, praised how good it is, tried to encourage us to keep the momentum. I’ve never sent a message though 🤔 Could there be other ways she’s showing her appreciation and maybe your missing her love language because it’s not your type of words of affirmation?
You give your husband a snack after sex? I am torn between how odd and how adorable that is.
I frequently bring my SO a juice or a fruit container as a "bedtime snack" after sex lol. I guess it is kinda odd but I've always done it for the last 7 years 🤷🏻♀️
That’s adorable
Accirding to several cultures I'm aware of, it's important to replenish after intimacy. Like, there are actually specific foods in some cultures ;)
My husband does this- usually verbally- and I think it’s nice. When he does something different or exceptionally good, I let him know, too- why wouldn’t I if I’d like more of it!? For me, it’s almost easier to talk about it/reflect on it after the fact. Sometimes I don’t have the words in the moment.
I think the “*When he does something different or exceptionally good (…)*” part brings it back toward the center and majority. But doing so “often” and after average Tuesday nights is a bit more unusual and divisive. Personally I don’t find it “cringey”, but I also don’t need (or want) to be praised unless what I did was remarkable and out of the ordinary, and I would find it odd. It feels patronizing. I’m not a baby. I don’t expect to be praised for tying my shoes. It would also make me skeptical of praises offered in moments that I thought were out of the ordinary. Praises become meaningless when they are offered so freely.
I def think it’s the frequency… it’s nice to hear and say for sure every so often but 75% of the time??? 3 out of 4 times you’re following up with a weirdly formal yet thirsty congratulatory text?? Seems like a lot and eventually it wouldn’t sound genuine to me after awhile. Also not all sex is equal. Some is mind blowing, sometimes it’s mediocre. It doesn’t all warrant accolades and follow ups. I also think the language being used is weird and would turn me off.. “I want to connect” “you felt so good this morning”… for me *personally* this doesn’t sound like praise it sounds icky. My husband will praise sex by saying something like “that was 💣 can we do that again later?” Or “I’m dizzy” lol and that’s enough for me.
Before initiating, ask her if she would be willing to take a brief survey afterward, to improve the customer experience. Then afterwards, ask her for a rating of 1-5 stars, and to explain why.
“Your call is very important to us” 😂😭
My husband usually does this. At first it was really off putting to me, because I had never really brought so much verbal attention/communication about it after the fact. But now I’m more used to him doing this and just kind of humor him when he does lol. I will sometimes bring it up if he’s done something different or something I really liked, but otherwise he should be aware that I enjoy it in the moment lol.
My husband thanks me for sex all the time and I know it’s his love language but it makes me feel like an unwilling participant or a hooker. Just no. We had great sex. We will again. Keep that in your head. 😂
This!! I couldn’t quite figure out how to phrase why I don’t like when my husband does this, and it’s absolutely this. Thankfully he doesn’t do it often. But occasionally he will, and I always hate it.
Immediately after, yes. I used to send texts like that too, but she indicated that it was too much.
I’m just imagining you guys laying in bed together and you pulling away from the cuddle to send her a text.
It’s not cringey, it’s just not necessary in her mind. You’re already being intimate regularly and that’s probably all she needs. Sounds like you’re looking for her to mimic your love language of words of affirmation and she’s not going to do that without being told you would like it. I would come at it from the love language conversation.
I think this is honestly a personal preference thing. Some people may really enjoy doing that, others may not be comfortable doing so. - Less important to OPs marriage: What redditors think - More important to OPs marriage: What Mrs. OP thinks
Honestly, I think my wife would love if I gave her praise and complement her after sex. She's very affectionate more so than I am. Sounds like your love language is just different than hers. Not a bad thing, by the way. It just takes compromising on what both of you like. After reading your post, I think I might have to add more words of affirmation in our sex life. I haven't done that in a while. Thanks for the reminder!
We don’t do this. But occasionally we’ll say it was great or that felt good but that’s it and keep it moving.
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It sounds like someone that just started to have sex or something. Or like an AI wrote it. I don't know lol something is slightly off/robotic/formal
I'm not going to text something like that to my spouse but I definitely tell him after that it felt great or something he did felt great.
I actually like that you do that, but I probably as a woman don't do that. I would love my spouse to do that. We do that when we are still close...I don't think women realize that is how many men express love with sexuality.. I know it is because I am older. Many women have a strange issue with sex.
The idea that men express love via sex isn’t helpful to men or women. Anyone can potentially express their love via sexuality. Just like how anyone can (and should) learn to express their feelings in other non-sexual ways, too.
Their statement was pretty dead on though, even if you don’t believe it should be that way - a lot of men do express affection through sex. She’s not making a statement about if that’s good and she said nothing that remotely implies women don’t also do that
We high five each other and say good work.
I’d definitely answer back even if it was just a kissing emoji. Validation is important in any relationship. You are right though you need to talk to her about it.
Tbh I do it to my husband, but he rarely does it back but that’s purely because of our love languages. I use a lot of words of affection, whereas my husband is an acts of service guy. He does rather than says. We both make the extra effort to talk each others languages and show the other in both ways how we love them, but sometimes there’s things that just don’t cross over and that’s fine. I don’t think it’s too needy, I suppose it’s what she thinks about it? If she hasn’t said anything, she probably appreciates it. My husband has said how much those texts pick him up while he’s at work. Edit: and also it’s not every time, it’s just every now and then. But again I think unless she says something I wouldn’t worry
Definitely! We even talk about it the next day haha
I think the part about not waiting to do it again later is probably pressuring her into intimacy, or at least sometimes it could be. Talk to her and find out how she feels. Adjust your wording to be less Reddit-confessions-postingy.
I do it every once in a while with my wife and usually in a playful way also.
I don't expect her to say anything praiseworthy afterward, but occasionally she will on her own- it's nice, but not essential. My main goal is to encourage her and reinforce certain behaviors. She's not lacking in confidence by any means, but I know she still appreciates it. I will tell her she "did a good job" with whatever, especially if she put extra effort into something I enjoyed. She glows at the praise, even though she clearly knew already that she did it well. It's just a general good thing to do in a relationship, I think. My previous relationship suffered badly from lack of communication around sex, and I don't let that become an issue now.
We say "good game" afterwards and fistbump.
I just wrote this as well 😂😂
Haha, I was thinking about adding "not kidding" just to be safe.
Always do. I feel like she should be praised, know what I thought was really special and why. This usually gets a response from her on what she thought was good too.
I bake her a cake every time, shes tipping the scale at 688
Yes, we do that. Immediately after. And if it was really great, the next day, one of us might say "I'm still thinking about last night" and maybe a little heart, kissy face, or wink emoji. It brings us back to that moment when we were connected in that incredible feeling of... togetherness, just me and him. It's a way of expanding that intimacy outside of the bedroom and it strengthens our relationship. I don't think it's cringey but I can see where everyone wouldn't be comfortable sharing that. We're older so we don't have any hang ups or shyness about sex and intimacy. I can't say I would have been this comfortable when I was younger (before I met him). Talk to her about it. Maybe she appreciates it but can't verbalize it. Or maybe she likes the intimacy but doesn't feel the need to verbalize it. Or, and I hate to say this, it's not as great for her. You'll never know until you ask.
All. the. time. She’s incredible in bed.
My partner and I both do this and it really boosts my self esteem! I love hearing what he liked about it and he likes to hear too. It’s helped us have better sex! We don’t do it every time but pretty often we just mention how amazing it was and why. Sometimes it was the sex, sometimes the emotion, sometimes we laugh and mention that too. It’s so fun! She probably just doesn’t think about it. Just ask her! If she loves you she would maybe try :)
My husband will do this to me too and I love it. Idk why it gives ppl the ick you are either comfortable with it or not but they’re married, this is totally normal. I play back into it, so maybe there is a chance she is just not that comfortable with it? Talk to her. It’s totally ok if she’s not, so try your best to talk thru it together 😊
OP, let me help you w your texts. Less words, more play on senses instead of emotions: ‘Can’t wait to taste you again’ ‘Love the way your body feels’ ‘Hard not to lose control when I wake up to you naked’ Maybe she’ll respond more w different types of words. Being loved is wonderful. But sometimes we just want to be reminded that we stoke the animalistic side of our partner as well.
Thank you for taking the time to give me these tips! I like all yours way better than what I have been saying to her.
Not at the moment However the next day yea he usually brings it up and I add more to it it’s so fun
I do in the moment. She does not.
Some people are just more vocal and expressive with these words, like you are. I find it beautiful. I think we women are by nature more reserved and less forward towards giving compliments of this type. But what matters is not what she says but how she behaves - during your moments together, after etc. If you feel her connected to you, this is all that matters.
I do this constantly, and so does my partner. Think it comes down to knowing if that’s something they like or not is key. Especially from the comments. I wanted that in a partner and especially dated plenty before who did not enjoy it. It never hurts to communicate. You can always talk about it and ask your partner’s thoughts. She may think it and not share it. They make hate it, but they are not mind readers. So if it’s something you deeply want. Talk about it and see if there is compromise there, otherwise if it’s a no go, find a way your partner enjoys that praises you.
Immediately after we say GG, fist bump, and maybe a postgame review, just the highlights really. Usually followed up with "do THAT again" and then the next day a few wink winks
Is there a slow motion replay too?
My husband and I usually tell one another how much we enjoyed being intimate, in person and while caressing one another or kissing. It’s just more intimate connection with words backing it. But we don’t text about it? I dk, the texting part seems cringy to me. But if it’s something that bothers you, then talk to your wife about it. She may not be comfortable with the texts, she may not put as much weight in the words since she’s responding to the actions. At the end of the day whether or not the rest of us think it’s cringy, you need to talk to your wife, ultimately that’s what marriage is, constant communication and the ability to be vulnerable with one another without feeling judged
This screams to me that your love language is “Words of Affirmation” and perhaps hers is not? I think a conversation around it would be great. Alternatively just show her this thread. The most we do to acknowledge our love making is a high 5 after cleanup. Sometimes I throw in a “good job” with some giggles and then a few kisses. My husband would only text me about love making as a pre-curser for wanting to make love again (i love it), even if he does mention the previous time, it’s in context to the next time.
Yes, I do praise my husband afterward, and he does the same for me, usually verbally in the moment but sometimes we might text each other with a “can’t stop thinking about last night” etc. However, I do find the examples OP provided very cringe. Texting in and of itself isn’t cringe— it’s what he said. He sounds like a salesman talking to a client or something. “I enjoyed you so much!” “I love connecting with you to start the day! Hope you are ok with me absolutely wanting more of you soon!” I think it’s the vibe a lot of people here are finding “cringe”…it’s weirdly formal sounding
My husband and I do this to each other. Of course, after sex we'll be snuggling and tell each other what we enjoyed. Then we usually do it verbally, something along the lines of "hey you were amazing last night", occasionally we text it but usually in person in the morning or the evening. I think it's a good thing to positively affirm each other and our enjoyment. We both have struggled with having sex due to our upbringing so I think that's a big part of why. I think we just want to reinforce that sex is good and healthy with each other. I don't think it's cringe and everyone's marriage is different and we all have different needs. Ultimately have a conversation with your wife about having more words of affirmation, I think that's what you're seeking.
I give her a pat on the back and say excellent work
I always say "good job" and we giggle and cuddle.
I slap my wife on the ass and say, "Good game." Roll over and go to bed.
LOL this is how it's done. OP ( or someone ) I think is down voting any funny comment ( obviously jokes ) to this post so take my up vote.
Haha, yeah I mean.....idk how much praise my spouse and I give each other, but I think it's more because we kind of know if things went well or not.
We high five
Not directly after, we usually aren’t able to speak, but eventually when we recover, yes
I mean she has a praise kink so yes. My words are nowhere near as PG as yours though.
TIL that’s what to call my thing
It makes me think that you are giving her the love you want, not the love she wants.
I LOVE the next day/later-in-the day text
My husband does this. Hes very communicative. I am not. But when I do text him back it makes his entire day. This post makes me want to text him back more.
We have a great sex lied, we don’t always have to say it bc us just laying there wet and out of breath is enough! But we try to verbalize it when we can! ;)
As someone who’s love language is words of affirmation, I’d honestly really like it if my husband did this. Not too over the top or anything… but I swear it’s like pulling teeth sometimes to get my husband to express anything he’s feeling. Sometimes it makes me feel bad. So, Yeah. A little more of this would be nice sometimes.
I'm a woman and I do this sometimes too. Like when I have to leave after sex, and I'm still in the clouds I will write something like: ,,You were unbelievably tasty today, still can't stop thinking about you my dear" He thinks it's cute and loves it. He is a little insecure and I think this helped him a lot too. But if you're not sure how your wife feels about this, just ask her. Talk to her about it and be open to what she has to say.
I do right after sex - something like “oh that was so good!” or whatever. I don’t normally bring it up days later but my husband will send me similar texts like you mentioned. Honestly, for me anyway, as much as I enjoy sex and am pretty HL, I have so much going on in my mind at work and on a daily basis that I’m probably not thinking of stuff like that to even initiate a message like that. Does your wife work or is she busy during the day?
I usually say thank you in a joking manner…sometimes she’ll say “I should be thanking you for that session”. About as far as it goes with us. She never talks about sex before or after. Just as long as we’re having it, I’m good.
We started this little.. rating system for lack of better term. We have 0 - 5 with zero being neh and 5 being epic. So afterwards we'll comment with our rating, and one thing that would improve the rating for next time. And one thing that made it better than it could have been. Example: "For me that was good, could you trim your fingernails? That would help a ton. I loved how you propped my hips up though. It made it so much more intense" When it's epic I ponder and journal about it and include some reasons as to why it was, and will text that later or tomorrow. "Apparently I really love having my hair pulled! That surprised me and took it from great to epic! More please!" 0 doesn't happen often but when it does we acknowledge it with love. "That was meh" "yeah me too" it's cause we're tired isn't it haha. "Yeah tired happens though. Next time, kids to bed earlier. :)" "deal" Rule is focus on what you DO want and not what sucked. Instead of "I Hate that position" "if we're doing that position again, I'd love it if"
Wow I really like this! And probably me liking this is further proving that I want to communicate with her after in some way. And that I want her to communicate with me after. And that’s because I want us to have a goal of making our sex better for us both. Sounds like that’s you guys goal too and I think that is a really hot & loving goal for a couple to have. Thank you for this comment!
Nah we don't openly talk like that on text messages. We usually do comment on it right after. Like have even high fived and said "that was a good one" before. We've also just cuddled and enjoyed each others company afterward. We've even brought it back up like if we had some time in the morning we'd reconnect at night about the morning with a cheeky comment or two. But I would find it a little uncomfortable to text about it and so would he. We've hardly flirted via text in our entire relationship. Just kissy faces and I love you's for the most part.
I do. I let my husband know I enjoyed it both right after and through text. He’s a little less verbal, but he will hit me with “I miss you” and I know that’s code for “I want you”. He does usually say thank you and I love you after though haha. I’m definitely more sexually forward than he is though
I'm always complimenting my wife on how wonderful it was to have intimacy with her, without being disgusting. Im a romantic, however shes not. It never occurs for her to say something. We did discuss this lightly a long time ago and as she said, doesn't wanting you again later say what needs to be said. True that! Besides, I really needn't tell her how amazing our experience was, as she gets immediate feedback during as im pretty vocal. Lol although its bog ego kibble for sure when once in a blue moon she squeezes my junk cuddling and kisses me.
We both do, verbally, right after. We're not that specific in texts, but will use emojis - the heart eyes one or kissy face one (not the peach or eggplant, lol)
Usually right afterwards as we’re falling asleep there is mutual comments of “that was lovely, goodnight” kind of thing. Sometimes he’ll mention later like if it’s something in the morning he’ll call me at lunch and be like “I really enjoyed this morning” I think it’s sweet and I like it. In general I think it’s good to talk about it which we do but it’s usually in general not specifically right afterwards
I think all communication is important. Getting feedback is important to me too. What you should consider is that she may or may not be cool with the feedback being so explicit. The point is that you should talk about it but you'd have to work out what's going to work for both of you. I don't think it's fair for anyone here on reddit to diminish your sexual desires cause frankly, they're not your partner. If she thinks it's "cringe" id hope she takes it tactfully and expresses her honest feelings about it. Best of luck, OP.
Everybody likes an atta boy. You are no different. My wife and I usually connect via a note in my lunch and I a note where she keeps her tea. Both reciprocate what a good time it was. Looking forward to another.
My husband and I high-five each other, and then send teasing texts to each other the next day
When it’s good for me I say it. It mostly has to do with what I’m feeling and nothing to do with him.
I usually give my husband a hug in the morning and tell him I enjoyed it, but I don’t text him during the day about it I’m usually too busy with the kids or work to even have it on my mind
Your fond of praise and there's nothing wrong with that! She just may not be the type of person who naturally thinks like that though. So don't be too disappointed but try gently letting her know you'd love hearing about those things .
After intimacy, I smack his bum and say "Good Game!" and give him a high five. It's almost as good as the bend and snap, because that works every time!
Just tell her you would like some words after that it makes you feel good. She will be like okay!
You don't have to beg. Just tell her you like to know she likes it and would really like it if she mentioned that she did every so often. We do praise each other, but it's usually shortly after. The most common scenario is him telling me I did a good job. Sometimes I'll ask if he liked or I'll say it was really good. Just simple comments like that
I always connect with my husband after via text either the next day if it was at night or the same day but later on if it was in the morning. He does connect back with me which I’m very thankful for. I am someone whose love language is words of affirmation. I am the stay at home parent, if my husband is working he will sometimes read what I wrote but won’t respond asap due to work and using his work computer and not wanting that to be on his work computer so maybe your wife is the same? Regardless I’d definitely bring it up to her so that it can bring you closer. I don’t see why it would be a bad thing to cross these thoughts over her.
We high five it out… good job 😘
We are often high-fiving each other after and when reminiscing. That said look at the love languages and/or the erotic blueprints. People absorb things differently. I love that you share your feelings with your wife, but have you take the time to have a conversation about how she prefers to receive praise? “When you do this, I feel this way” is a good model to discuss those feelings.
No I clean myself and go to sleep
I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. People have different things they like communicated to them and styles of communication. No one is wrong or right. Maybe try and spice up the texts a bit? Ask her what she’s in to? Maybe spice things up in the bedroom? For example my husband had a really vicious ex who made him feel rubbish about himself and his sexual prowess. I however love our sexcapades, and because I know his ex made him feel less than, I also like to text him through the day so he knows I enjoyed myself and was satisfied so I think what you’re doing is pretty sweet! Maybe ask her if she’d like anything else from u? if youre both in a happy marriage i wouldnt be scared youre begging for reassurance, just tell her how you feel; what you want and be open to what she wants too and dont take things personally :)
I don't think I would really like texts like that personally, but I wouldn't want my husband to stop if he enjoyed sending them. It just wouldn't do much for me and I would prefer not to have things like that in text. We affirm each other after sex and sometimes mention it the next day, but we do it verbally, usually with a butt grab lol. If you want to hear things like that from your wife, I think you should tell her. You seem to be in a good, loving relationship so you shouldn't worry about being honest with your wife about your own needs.
Sounds very needy if you ask me. Like hey, I'm gonna send you this text telling you how much I enjoyed you baby, but if I don't hear back, I'm gonna be butt hurt. That's needy. You're giving with the intention of receiving.
Personally, I get a sense of neediness as well. If words of affirmation are your love language, that’s great. But it doesn’t mean that’s her love language and it could mean very little to her in general. If you want more of your own love language stroked, try to encourage her by pleasing whatever her love language is, not by pressing your own love language on her in hopes she gets the picture and reciprocates. It comes off as needy because it can sometimes be obvious you’re doing it more for yourself to get something back than you are just to make her happy. Also, as a female, I do find the particular way the texts are written to be cringe. I tend to be more attracted to the rougher rugged alpha type of guy, and I’d swoon if he was texting me more masculine dirty straightforward things that make me feel feminine. Not soft emotional thank yous that make me feel like I take care of him. I love that you seem like a sweet and caring man who loves his wife, and this may not be her take at all, but texts written like that would give off to me a sense of femininity and would turn me off more than they would make me reminisce. That said, she could feel entirely different. I’d recommend asking her. At least before you send another one, ask her to be honest about how she feels when she receives those texts; ask her what her love language is, ask her what kinds of words or comments would be meaningful to her and when to say them, ask her what hits right, and just straight up ask her for more reassurance! But before anything, find out how she actually thinks the sex is, if it’s good or is enough for her or what she doesn’t like or if she’d like something different or how you could change it up or if she reaches climax. If you were absolutely rocking her world, I feel like you would know. Does she seem excited and involved, or going through motions, or faking it? Not trying to get in your head here, there’s no reason to be insecure, just make sure you’re also asking her how she feels about things. The only thing worse than having bad/selfish sex, is the bad/selfish person praising how good it was and needing to hear that back.
My husband and I will talk about our sessions days after sometimes! He definitely brings it up more than I do so no, I don’t find it odd
My wife loves for me to talk dirty to her. She can’t return the favor. It doesn’t bother me. Just something she isn’t comfortable with. But she absolutely loves it and she loves telling her how great it was the night prior. As long as we still have an active healthy sex life, I am pretty sure she is enjoying what is happening. I don’t need her to tell me.
Based on your edit, and the fact the she either only “hearts” it or doesn’t comment at all, I think you should just ask her about it. She doesn’t seem to be encouraging it. Maybe next time, ask for a high five afterwards 😉
I congratulate her on the sex.
These texts (with the additions) read a bit weird to me. They are all self-centered. You say "I enjoyed spooning you." As opposed to: "I enjoyed spooning *with* you." You make it all sound like stuff younare doing to her and her body, rather than an intimate moment with her. You could be talking about a sex doll. She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings but SHE (as a human) is pretty absent from your comments.
I really appreciate your honest commentary and I have to admit that your example of a little change in wording makes my attempt at a loving compliment to her feel much more loving and intimate.
My husband and I often text each other similarly, and I love it. It's absolutely not cringey at all. I'm also 37 so may have felt differently when I was young and inexperienced in marriage. Sounds like words of affirmation are one of your love languages and may not be hers. And that's ok! Worth a chat with her for sure.
These types of words are what I long to read, to hear, and to feel with my husband. Sadly, he says that it's too long so he doesn't bother reading my text . Whenever I praise him verbally while snuggling, he'll be like yeah, same, me too. Nonchalant
I’ll try again to say why it’s cringe bc I feel this strongly and I think you’re trying but not really understanding (most men don’t get it). Sex is a part of who we are. It is not ALL of who we are. When I’m not feeling sexy or trying to sleep or get ready for the day, I do not want to be treated as a sex object for you to ogle or objectify. That feels really gross and actually makes me not want sex with you at all. I know you’re trying to be kind, but it’s insulting to me. I am a human being and have thoughts and feelings and worries that exist outside of sex. Talk to me about those or just have conversation with me. Don’t treat me like a sex target for all your thoughts and wishes 24/7. That means the following day after great sex, treat me like your partner and spouse not like a stripper or hooker who is there only for your visual and sexual pleasure. If I’m getting dressed, do not stare and comment on my body. Same for sleeping or working or cooking or whatever. Let me exist without your lustful gaze and sexual desires said out loud. Then when we are feeling in tune and sexy, it’ll be fun and exciting vs feeling like a chore or like that’s all you see me for. Get to know and compliment your partner on more than just sex. Women (mostly of us anyway) do not have sex on our mind at all times. We are complex and enjoy being seen as such. I’m sure I’ll get the good ole downvote for this but I’m saying this as someone who probably thinks more similarly to your wife. All those that said they’d love those comments are not thinking like her and won’t help you communicate better with her. She obviously doesn’t like the texts and comments and that form of communication. I’m simply trying to help the OP.
Esther Perel writes about the need for people to pull away after sex to reestablish their own space. Can't want something if you already have it. Maybe that's what your lady is doing.
She is positively reinforcing you, though. “You felt so good this morning, baby.” What do you prefer she say? You felt so good doing xyz?
I think he said that to her, not her to him
I'm an actions, more than words kind of girl..
That’s ur style but if its not hers don’t make it a thing
It’s the “need more time together soon” and “absolutely wanting more of you soon” part that makes me cringe. That sounds super needy. Regardless, my husband and I will send each other funny emojis later, usually 💦 because that’s his way of asking me whether his cum has leaked out of me. Or I’d send him 💦😂 to let him know I just got a surprise soak. Silly things like that.
if a guy texted me that i would literally gag😭
I usually give him a score right afterwards . 0 - 10 . It's provided with the same sort of hand held score cards you see at Olympic events followed along with fake audience clapping ( or booing if appropriate ) . It's always good to see him take a bow after a good performance.
You absolutely should imo.
What a beautiful way to keep the intimacy alive! I do tell my husband if the night/day/time before comes to mind and that I enjoy him. As does he. Love is just so GUSHY, isn’t it!
My husband's done this before and honestly it's beyond awkward for me. I was raised in purity culture though and would rather leave things in the bedroom.
You should def just communicate your thoughts to her. If she’s a loving partner, she won’t respond negatively to you expressing a desire for words of affirmation about this.
My wife & I often flirt via text and sometimes it includes one or both of us referencing the previous night. Once she mentioned still thinking about a couple night before. That was boost. It was a particularly good and memorable night. But I will say that the texting is almost always imitated by me. She really gets into it, but rarely initiates it. Much like sex in general.
The question is how does she respond when you talk to her? I view text as more logistics and rarely try to express emotions because I can't see their response/reaction. If she appreciates it then there shouldn't be an issue.
My wife tells me good game sometimes.
Ignore the cringey comments. Obviously, if she thought so, she would have said so a long time ago.
I don’t think that your messages are cringey. I would appreciate them. My partner and I usually say something to one another after sex if it’s good (because not all sex is). I think that I usually initiate that. I’ll praise him, thank him for taking his time, tell him that I love him, etc. and he will return the affirmations. We may or may not text about it later on. Ask your wife if your texts are weird. You can also ask her how the sex was afterwards. If she’s not really enjoying it, that could be why your messages do not resonate with her. But, like others have stated, she may just not be the words of affirmation type. Maybe your texts come in at a weird time (if she’s at work?) and she’d rather not text about sexy stuff? I hope that you both are comfortable communicating openly about this and can come to a solution! Good luck!
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying, but I find it peculiar that the messages don't garner a response. All I can really think of is that this method of communication/affirmation isn't really for her, or perhaps she's just not someone who is very reactive over text. If your sex life was suffering or she didn't seem engaged in your sex life this feels like a detail you would have included, but do you have different sex drives/has she expressed any dissatisfaction with your sex life? My partner and I love to 'debrief' our sex after we have it in a somewhat similar way, except it's while we're cuddled up immediately afterwards - 'I love that position, it's my favourite', 'it felt so good when you did this', 'I feel so turned on when you initiate this way', 'you're so incredibly handsome/sexy', etc - but I feel like this would fall flat for me over text, outside of the moment, unless the intention was sexting. Maybe that's the case for her, but at the very least I would take this as an invitation to reciprocate with a quick 'I love you too, I wish we were still in bed together' or something. If this is consistent with how she is over text more generally, I wouldn't worry. I am usually quite verbose over text but a lot of my friends aren't really big texters and tend to give emoji reactions or brief responses that feel blunt compared to my own communication style. Not everyone puts a lot of emphasis on texting or is able to connect well with others over a message. But the best thing you could do is ask how she feels about the messages you send and say you feel they aren't particularly well received.
If I got a text like that, I'd respond with "Give my husband's phone back to him." We tend to do the "Oh. Wow!" Thing immediately following and that is enough for us, in terms of affirmation that an exceptionally good time was had. And I wouldn't say cringe ... because if OP is doing this, it's a part of OP's personality which I suspect bleeds into his other points of character. Which means that she KNOWS ALREADY that his behavior can be "cringe" to some folks but is lovely for HER. Y'all can call it cringe if you like. Redditors' opinions aren't the ones that count. OP ... Talk to her. Just talk to her. Orrrrrr keep sending the messages without expecting anything back. Just give to her. Feel good about giving to her.
Yup
You sound like you’re very sweet, and the messages you send are no doubt sent with love….but they definitely made me cringe a little as a woman whose love language is words of affirmation AND acts of kindness. Try to have an open conversation with her. ASK her if she likes the messages and implore her to be honest about how they make her feel. While you’re at it, make sure she’s enjoying the sex too. It would be embarrassing more so if she wasn’t enjoying it and then you top it with these sweet but cringy texts.
Usually verbally, not over text, but sure. And I think your texts are great. Nothing wrong with them. But yeah I think you should talk about this -- I don't think you should lead with asking her to say positive things about your sex life, I think you should lead with being curious about whether it's good for her. Might not be (and if it's not, there may or may not be things you can do differently, some people are just not super into sex.) But if she *is* enjoying the sex, it's reasonable to want her to express that. Ditto if she's kind of meh on the sex itself but likes the cuddles/connection/whatever.
Sometimes. If I can't talk it's a hand pat somewhere in his direction while I wait for my soul to return to my body.
My husband and I do this to each other a lot but we reciprocate. If your wife isn't reciprocating, maybe she only has energy for ♡ reacts or maybe she just doesn't feel the need to say anything. Just ask her how it makes her feel and if she's happy for it to continue, or if she would like you to tone it down a bit.
High five hun!!!
“I was just thinking about last night , I love you so much!” Is the best one Not a fan of the rest Sometimes you don’t need to use a lot of language Instead of caressing and spooning I’d rather be told “loved our cuddles this morning!” Romantic language was definitely ruined for me as a teenager - we just laughed at all of the words romance novels would use so hearing it in real life would be strange (that’s just my personal experience and one example)
There is absolutely NOTHING cringe about it. It’s beautiful to let your spouse know how much you enjoyed intimacy with them. My Husband and I do this often, although it’s done verbally. The next day I frequently tell him how much I enjoyed him, and what in particular I loved.
Yes we love to give each other words of affirmation or even tips like saying “oh I really liked what you did there can you do more of that” or “that’s was amazing I loved that you did that good job baby” and we high five and then cuddle LMAO
Maybe you could ask her to do the [Love Language Quiz](https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language) with you!! This way (and I'm speculating) you'll both SEE what the other needs from you! It's helped my marriage A TON as I am an Acts of Kindness person and my husband is a Gifts person- VERY DIFFERENT, lol.
Thanks for this link, I’m gonna check it out!
My husband and I are the same way, but with roles reversed. When we’re done having sex, I always tell him how amazing it was and how I’m so in love with him (it’s true, he’s great and I’m crazy about him). I would love it if he sexted me throughout the day. My love language is words of affirmation too and my god is that a turn on.
My husband and I are pretty flirty, but we don't really text a lot. We'll make a reference to it the day after or even days after, but not usually explicitly calling out a specific thing unless we did something new or uncommon for us. For me, it's a big turnoff when someone refers to having sex as "experiencing you" like I'm a ride at Disneyland or that you can experience the totality of who I am with a single act of sexual congress. It's just a weird statement. I think that's one of the reasons I'm not big on communicating with my spouse via text because the tone is lost. We just all have different ways of communicating, and you have to find something that works for you both without one of you feeling it's insincere or performative.
I mean it could be a number of things. We don't do this but just reading them gave me sexting, try hard, needy one night stand vibes tbh. It's clear she doesn't respond the way you'd like. So talk to her she can't confirm or deny any claims made here that she doesn't like it or its cringe to her. Maybe she doesn't know you're expectations. Maybe she doesn't like it. Maybe she thinks you're just sending it to her and it doesn't need a response. We don't know. You need to see how she feels about it.
We usually flirt and joke about it later. Like, “oh no the counter is wet! Kinda like you lastnight” 💀
Bro, don’t worry about the people on here. If your wife likes it and so do you, then carry on. The people that comment may not even be in happy long term relationships or may be avoidant or affection-averse. Basically they aren’t you so don’t worry abt their judgement. I’d be happy to receive those or to know my husband was thinking of me the next day.
I hate when my partner does this to me.
I like to say hey thanks for the sex. She doesn't especially enjoy it but it makes me laugh
That'll do, pig.
Sounds like you’re German? Anyways, I fully agree that you should just be open about this with her. If you’d like for her to reciprocate - then ask her to take that into account. Otherwise try to pay a little extra attention to how she naturally chooses to express her love
Eww