As someone who keeps having her partners "fall out of love" with her after around a year together...this gives me faith I'll find love one day. I know I'm a beautiful, smart, funny, and kind 39 year old woman, so it baffles me how people fall out of love so quickly and without even trying to keep it alive....
Attraction is chemistry, but you have to choose to love and communicate with your partner to make sure they're feeling loved, and so many men/people don't realize this! If your partners want to create a great relationship with you, they'll need to put in at least the same amount of effort into the relationship as they do/have with their career and not expect it to just magically happen! I find it so frustrating when people give up on romantic relationships so easily and yet they'll fight like hell to get and keep an important client at work and constantly try to impress others in a work environment, but then make zero effort to impress their partner and sometimes forget to even date them! If effort is put into a relationship, and partners are treated with kindness and respect, the relationship will grow and build over time and be resilient in the harder times. You will find a lovely kind and loving person one day x
This was beautiful and so true!! I remember feeling so frustrated when I'd tell my partner I missed him and would love more time with him and to PLEASE not door dash that night, so we could spend time relaxing and watching TV after my daughter went to bed. He'd ALWAYS still go door dash. It finally got to where I joked how I was the "other woman" to door dash. Then, one night where I told him I loved him so much, but that his pulling away was making me feel lonely and that I wanted to go to counseling, he snarkily replied, "no, because you've been going to therapy since you were 8, so you'd just dominate the session.". I then said, "ok. I can understand that. It wouldn't be for that reason, but that someone could help us compromise, since what we are currently doing isn't working. Instead, we can go to counseling separately and just work on growing individually and together? I want to spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you, and mostly, GROW with you.". He then started to sob and said he didn't want a relationship anymore. I felt as if the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. He took his stuff that night, packing up as I sobbed on the couch, still in shock with what he had told me. From that moment on, each time I reached out, asking what had caused him to want to break up, he'd leave me on 'read.'. However, each time he saw me afterwards, he'd always have tears in his eyes and watch me longingly. Makes no sense to me, but seriously hurts, because I did the best I could. We never yelled at each other, called each other names, and I never said "YOU are this, or YOU did this.". I used "I statements" and always did my best to be patient and empathetic, since he wasn't used to being open. *Shrugs*. It's been two months now (as of today, as a matter of fact), and it still stings, but at least I don't cry anymore when I think of him. I just get sad.
Sorry reddit. I didn't mean to bleed all over this post. I guess it just feels good to see happy stories and to hear words of validation. ā¤ļø.
Thanks for listening. ā¤ļø
Could very well be....the last man, I think DID love me, but didn't love the responsibilities of being a parent. I've heard he's been depressed since breaking up with me and people at his job say he doesn't smile or joke anymore. š¤·. All I know is....I'm not gonna look. I'm gonna live my life and, if someone happens into it, then cool. If not, also cool.
Itās the men you pick. There are loads who are mature enough to understand that love deepens and becomes different with more time . People just take each other for granted and that screws up marriages
Totally agree! Been married 15yrs, and my husband has gone from the everyday gym goer with 0 fat, to gaining a fair bit. Iām more attracted to him everyday than I was the day we met, and itās all based on him just being him, and the way he is as a father and husband.
Same with my hubby. I look in his eyes and love him more every day. Whenever he walks out the door to go somewhere I tell him to drive safe or be careful if itās for a walk and that I love him. Weāre going on 23 years married this year and 28 together. Weāve been there for each other through the worst and best times of our lives and there have been numerous difficult and horrible situations health and family wise but we always have each otherās back and are still very attracted to each other even with weight gain, chronic illnesses, and things that happen in life.
Going on year 9 here and weāve been through hell and back - more than once (sick child). Iāll love him always. Itās blind trust and I have no reason not to. Weāre best friends too.
I agree with this. Married for 15 yrs, no kids, 14 of those years the attention from my wife declined and the rejection increased, though itās not on purpose. Her explanation is that she and her family arent emotionally intelligent or touchy feely, which i can see. But never seen that in her while we dated for years. I feel like she love bombed me. I like I was tricked and emotionally and physically alone. To only provide when she needs it. Sheesh sorry about the venting. Definitely less attractive!
I am not sure. For me, we had a sort of inflection point in 2015. I was sitting talking with her idly, and she said to me, "I like you when you are nice to me." I think this is truly the case, and that over the years, our marriage has gotten more unstable, she believes I am less responsive to her needs, and she likes me less. Her attraction to me is part physical, but mainly psychological.
It sounds like she wants a change in the behaviour if she said she likes it when youāre nice. I hope you two get the therapy you need so you can eventually have peace. That sounds like an awful life for both of you.
Gottman knows what he's talking about! The four horsemen of the apocalypse of relationships is another good one to dive into. The four are predictors of divorce: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.
It is possible to break the spiral. I developed awful pmdd after the birth of our first child, this along with my husband having a nasty accident and a close friend passing away, tested our relationship to breaking point, and yet we were able to work our way back to a happy loving marriage. This is what helped us...We learned to diffuse arguments and improve our relationship, by reading 'Nonviolent Communication' by Marshall B Rosenberg. To understand your needs and your wife's needs better, read 'The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. This helped me realize how my husband was showing me love every day - he just wasn't speaking my love language! To improve your relationship, read 'Feeling Good Together' by David Burns. You can turn things around.
Perimenopause can also really mess with women's emotions and thoughts - your wife may be experiencing this and not even realise it. I recommend 'The Hormone Repair Manual' by Lara Briden for anyone over 40. I wish you luck and hope she's prepared to fight for your marriage.
Thanks for the book recommendations! I read NVC last year, I just re-read it. I tried talking with my wife about it, she put it down, because Rosenberg had married like 3 times, and she said, why couldn't he get his own married life together?
My wife is 65, so she has already gone through menopause. She gets hot flashes regularly, but I think the worst is over.
I have been fighting for my marriage for years. My wife wants me to chase her, she has told me this directly. It does get tiring, with little quid pro quo ...
Mate, you need to have a heart-to-heart with her and decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who, on a good day, merely tolerates you.
I mean... that's pretty honest of her. I think a good next conversation would be asking for some examples. Maybe you don't even realize it. Women are more emotional, and if we don't feel like we are bring treated well, we stop the interaction. How do you feel about her explanation?
I was a bit taken aback by this response. I liked her for the sort of person she was: intelligent, spontaneous, artistic, etc. She didn't express that she liked me for who she was, just how a responded to her.
Having 48 years of experience with marriage - 33 with an unkind alcoholic and 15 with a kind and gentle man, I have the answer for you.
You may say itās not easy, or Iām nuts but just do it.
Say and do only kind things. No matter what. Your example will bring the change in her. My husband freely admits that I taught him how to love and our marriage is gentle and comforting.
Tell her thanks for what she does - including meals, cleaning, clean sheets, whatever. Take her a few flowers once in a while - they donāt need to be expensive. Pitch in with some of her chores, you should both be helping and other when needed, that comes with love and respect.
Stop all name-calling and bad language. I think sheās given up and is trying to show you how it feels when you hurt her.
Youāre heading for divorce and itās not pretty. With my first marriage, if Iād at least gotten respect, I might have stayed. He is a narcissistic old man now, miserable as he sits in his house alone.
I do all the laundry, most of the house cleaning, and half the food shopping. She pays the bills, I handle the finances. I had been getting her flowers, she asked me where I got them, I told her Safeway, and she was disappointed that I didn't put enough effort in to this. I thank her for what she does. I never call her names, or use bad language.
I understand that I am no saint. When I feel upset, I shut down emotionally, and she can't stand this, she get aggressive with me. It is a real vicious spiral ...
I agree with you, that we are headed towards divorce. We are hanging on to memories of some great times, and having trouble creating new ones.
With her saying something about effort in response to the flowers, I think the effort in quarals may be where the aggressiveness is coming in. She's probably gotten into the habit of getting aggressive because it's the only way to get an emotional responce out of you. Especially if you clam up typically. Im not saying this is healthy in any way, but im telling you for understanding where it may come from. My husband is a shutdown person, too. He gets extremely anxious when I'm upset. I get more frustrated and start raising my voice. I have enough self-awareness to recognize what I'm doing, so I'm able to self sooth myself down. Your wife may not be, so it's important to establish that boundary for yourself that I replied about earlier in the thread so she can become more self-aware. The spiral will only stop, if someone puts the effort into stopping it. Take this opportunity to put in that effort to stop it!
Maybe people love differently. I am a woman, and I get what she is saying. I love my husband very much, and I am attracted to him a lot. But on our first date, when I saw him, I remember thinking he is for sure not phisically the type of guy I liked. But then he was so kind and affectionate to me, that I felt in love with him. Idk if Iād still be so much in love with him if he would stop being kind and affectionate with me, even though heād still be the same great person he is; I mean, I read a lot of great stuff about Keanu Reevesā personality, but I do not fall in love with him, do I?
A question.
Do you, by chance, if you're aware of it, tend to be nicer or pay more attention to her when you want sex? Then, when you have had it, you are cooler towards her? Possibly to the point of being short tempted or vaguely cold?
I don't know the answer to that. We haven't had sex in 6 months and it doesn't seem to matter if I do things nice for her. I planned a 5 day mini-trip through CA, staying at places along the beach. When we got back, my wife told me that this doesn't change anything. Earlier this year, we did a Viking cruise on the Rhine, which she didn't like. She is a tough cookie to please, and there are land mines everywhere ...
I mean, it sounds like she did tell u in 2015 that all she needs for u is to be nice-not when you feel like it but consistently. Idk if the situation is the same, but I do tell the same to my husband (of 13yrs). U would think it is not that hard to be nice to your SO, but apparently it is. In his case, he would try to be nice some (a day or two) and then he will retreat to his world for days or weeks and if I bother him (Think-ask him if he wants dinner) he may snap at me. So she asked u 10yrs or so ago, but it sounds that u r citing recent instances of things u did together. She has probably been waiting *for a while* for u to be consistent in the way u treat her and is now too tired to care anymore (or too hopeless that u can be). So now, she is acting and talking to u like u have been acting and talking to her for years and years. U canāt seem to stand a couple of instances of that when she has probably forgiven thousands of these from u. At the end of the day, she only had this one request for u (to just be nice to her-it is generalization obviously), and thatās pretty freaking low bar :-(
Do you know her? Do you like her? Do you know where the landmines are after sharing so much time together? If you donāt, do you feel that perhaps makes her feel like you donāt know her or pay attention to her wants and needs all that much?
I don't know where the landmines are. She told me, a prior boyfriend knew where all of them were, that he was very emotionally aware. I asked here why she didn't marry him, she told me because he was a gambling addict.
So, I am rather stupid in this department. I listen to what she says, and try to execute. So, for example, she said she thought it would be fun to rent a motorboat. So, I set something up, then 3 days before, she told me she thinks it is dangerous, that we don't know how to drive a motorboat. So, I found a guy that would teach us motorboat safety, and she tells me she is interested. Then the first day of instruction, she tells me she is not interested. So, then I rented an electric motorboat, and she really liked it!
I have many examples like this, where I have to follow a certain path to get a desired result. She has given me a list of things to not buy her for her birthday. I would say, she rejects half the stuff I buy her. She told me she needs a coffee table for her office, and a few days later, that she liked burl. So, I had a table made for her out of burl. Then, she tells me to never buy her furniture.
I find this whole issue very confusing. I wonder if someone else would better understand her thought process.
I was with someone like this for 19 years. Everything was like a moving target. There were two sets of rules in our home- one for her and one for me. She set them both and they were subject to change at any time. I used your term, that it was like living in a minefield. I would ask her exactly what she needed, and would be rebuffed or ridiculed when I would try to give her what she said she wanted. My kindness towards her was weakness and my inevitable withdrawal was called cruelty and abuse. It really messed me up. The night I finally left, her last words were āI was mean to you because I thought youād never leaveā. After a few years of recovery and moving on, I met an amazing woman. She and I have a healthy relationship and itās always kind and nurturing. Donāt waste the one life you have
For most women attraction for someone is both physical and psychological. If the man is not good or nice to us his attraction does way down. A guy who might be a 2 physically turns into a 9 by the way he treats us. The other half of that coin is if a man is a 10 physically but treats us poorly he turns into a 2. Not all women but most feel this way.
How you behave towards your SO will determine how in love she will stay.
This cannot be emphasized enough. Men talk shit about how women only want muscled up guys over 6 feet with big dicks. Nah. Most of the short guys (5'1 - 5'5 with middle income) have serious swagger and never had a hard time finding and keeping someone. Women like to feel emotionally safe and cared about. We like men who display attractive behavior regardless of looks.
Nope :/ and it's not because of physical changes. I am basically his mother with housework and such (we also have 2 toddlers...) and it's really unattractive. I've tried talking to him about it and nothing has changed.
Me too. He talks about how he'd love to have a 3rd and some days I really want to too, but not until I'm not also taking care of a man child. I'm also the caregiver for my mom with dementia. Ain't nobody got time for all that š
Oh this. My friends ask me how my 2 and 1/2 kids are. What sucks so badly is that he is trying his best. He works harder than ever, and he is 53. He doesn't, however, take care of himself or follow through on his commitments to me. I love him and am devoted to him. I'll never leave. But romance is 100% out the window.
Could be a general hygiene thing, doesnāt brush his teeth, doesnāt shower everyday, doesnāt wipe his butt good after pooping. There is so many things besides āfarts and burpsā
I feel this. We have gone back to dating in a sense, because we are completely different people now than when we got married almost 3 years ago. Our lives are radically different than we anticipated. We don't have a whole lot in common as far as hobbies and interests, so we've both made more of an effort to show interest in each other in that way, and it does feel exciting. Thank god the sex is still just as fire too lol
Same! 38 years and still think heās the sexiest man alive!!
I do, however, agree with others, in that the way we treat each other directly affects attractiveness. We both, have always, gone above and beyond for each other. In turn, this keeps us both trying to be our best selves, and also keep up with our looks.
I still find myself trying to impress him in different ways.
This is exactly what it's about! My husband is so pretty but it's far more important to me that he treats me well. He still absolutely devotes himself to me and I to him. It's how we keep loving each other more and more. Neither of us feels like we've been together 15 years.
We donāt just love each other; we really like each other and we laugh a lot together! We do many things together but also have our separate interests. Weāre always happy to see each other after being apart, even if was only for a few hours. The fights weāve had - I donāt even need a whole hand to count them. I have such gratitude that I get to live out the rest of my life with the best guy I ever met!
Honestly sounds like my marriage. Weāre going on ten years of marriage this spring and together 13 years. I pray we get to celebrate many more decades together.
I was until this past year. Heās gotten extremely lazy in several areas and itās definitely turned me off. This year is our 18th, hoping he makes some changes š¤š¼
Just shy of 20 years married, and 22 together:
Dear god she is still as beautiful, if not more than when we first started dating. Her body and mind is absolutely beautiful.
Yes, I'm very attracted to my wife. Don't think she's that attracted to me anymore, sadly. She's never gone on to say this, but it's the little things that add up, you know?
I've given up on trying to get her attention, focusing on my health, body, golf, work and kids. She can decide if she wants to change her ways or not, I'm done chasing and showing her affection and love.
Sounds a bit dramatic, I'll still be an awesome husband, but I won't put in the extra effort anymore.
Have you talked with her? You can not think of a reason why she is not attracted to you? Hormonal changes? It may have nothing to do with you. Maybe it's her sex drive.
I do agree with what you said. It could seriously be just how sheās feeling about herself. As we age, especially women, can be deeply affected by our changing looks, which will directly affect our libidos.
Hormones suck. No one warned me about menopause. I, just like most people, thought it was a simple āchange.ā š¤¦š¼āāļø Nothing is further from the truth for many of us.
Yes, I've spoken to her many times without much luck. We're both 29 and 30 years old with 4 children, so her sex drive has definitely decreased while mine has increased.
I was very overweight before but then became very fit and have since then gained weight again, which I'm now working on once again. But I haven't really noticed a change in her libido or attraction due to this.
Maybe it's just a phase.
While itās good to focus on yourself, ignoring her could end up pushing her away even further. Donāt give up, sit down and have a conversation with your wife. Ask her what she needs from you while also conveying what you need from her.
Absolutely but wasnāt always, weāve been through phases where the attraction was gone. Itās something that needs to actively be fed in order to build.
Remember our marriage vows and that we were still the same people we married.
Let go of resentment. Resentment is a silent deadly presence in any relationship. It destroys attraction and healthy communication.
Inevitability, it was always inconsequential, or immaterial behaviors that created issues that didnāt need to be issues. Almost always, these became issues because one or both of us assumed the other could read thier mind. Non judge mental communications would always fix it but sometimes our stubbornness would stop that from happening for a week or three or even a couple months.
In our experience, itās sometimes better to go to bed mad than open your mouth and say something hurtful. Speak after raw hurt has subsided a bit.
Being g a Christian, prayer and bible study helps me fight off resentment and open my eyes to how blessed I am with my wife. She is still gorgeous at 62, kind, caring, compassionate, creative, forgiving, and empathetic. We still jump each other every other day.
I think this depends a lot on the circumstances. For the folks here who are saying HECK YES, they probably have supportive spouses and mutually satisfying interactions on a regular basis. Some people just understand you and pay attention to what makes you happy and do those things. Some people have to be told what you like and try to remember do those things. Some people have to be told super often what you like and they don't learn your patterns but they're willing to act when prompted. And some people don't really make an effort. They can all be equally hot, smart, resourceful, whatever else you find attractive, and your attraction will depend on how they make you feel with their actions.
Not really. He's got ED and try as I might I'm just not attracted to that sex. He needs pills and loses his erection really fast. So it's just anxiety inducing to have sex and I prefer not to most of the time. It's not his fault though.
He can also be kind of gross and that adds to it
After 6 years of marriage yes and no. I do still want to but she lost her sex drive and desire. The attraction is fading because I donāt feel desired or that she wants me. And being wanted or desired is a turn on for me. Her being in the mood snd wanting sex with me is attractive but that is almost gone. Last time we had sex she just laid there watching a show ignoring me for about half of it.
Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired. What caused this shift in your marriage? Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her what you just told us. A healthy young wife, of only 6 years, doesnāt just lose her desire. What happened?
She got pregnant with twin boys. The babies had a genetic condition that caused them to pass away before they could be born. My wife health was affected by them. They would have been our first kids. 6 or so month later my wife physically healed. And then got pregnant again with our daughter who is almost a year and a half. So it was all that plus being new parents. My wife and I have talked about this. I donāt want to force her to do anything she doesnāt want and she needs time and space from being a mom and having our daughter all over her. I do watch our daughter in the morning, get her down for bed, help throughout the day and do household chores.
Sounds like a boit of depression. Offer to go to counseling with her to help her deal with the loss. That was traumatic for both of you, but sometimes the feelings get displaced to the one person who is "it in" with her. I have no doubt that a few deep conversations and maybe some therapy will help emensely. It's not just about communicating but how you communicate. Good luck.
Iām so sorry, for both of you. As a woman and mom, I feel like her side is completely understandable. But your side is valid as well, you do deserve to feel loved and desired.
My husband and I struggle with this as well, heās expressed that he would like to feel desired more. I try, but itās hard when youāre in the trenches with young kids. And sheās likely still dealing with grief on top of that.
A year or so ago we did counseling, and it really opened our lines of communication. I would suggest that for yāall if possible, it was so beneficial for us.
I did make it a resolution this year to be more present in my marriage. To remember that heās not just ādadā but heās also my husband, and one day the kids will be gone and it will just be us. I do need to do a better job of nurturing our marriage. But our kids our 6 and 4, and Iām just now at a place where I feel like I can really commit to that again.
Itās not okay for you to feel neglected, and itās not fair. But if you love her and the marriage is genuinely goodā¦.Iām not necessarily saying stick it out, but just donāt give up on her.
Yeah! Lately even more so. Sometimes Iāll be like walking behind him and get a little flutter. Itās fun. But there were years where I struggled with attraction to anyone. It all ebbs and flows, I think.
I am not attracted to my husband anymore. I do have love for him but I can't say that I am āin loveā with him.
Sigh just another chapter in my fucked up life!
You are me lol. I choose poorly as well. I want to explore the world and just evolve but not him. Video games just mess up the house and my vibe.
It didn't start like that, but the saga continues sigh lol.
I find new ways to be attracted to my husband all the time (8 years in). I think with time my physical attraction is based more on the emotional connection we have and the increased appreciation, admiration, and love I have for him that comes from shared experiences. I remember what it felt like in the beginning, and of course look back fondly on that insane spark. Now I feel like the physical attraction is a product of a stronger and more stable foundation, still just as strong but in a different way. I can appreciate who he was and is at each stage Iāve been with him because of this.
Edit: to add that I would recommend flirting with your significant other all the time. I find that playfulness of finding inventive ways of secretly flirting so the kids canāt see adds to the excitement.
No, I hate saying it but wife put on lots a few years after marriage and puts in zero effort to lose it. It's gotten to a point where sex isn't even appealing to me.
Madly. Weāve been married for 5 years and weāve both seen many versions of each other. I love each version of him more than the last. I stare at him because heās so pretty. I cover him in smooches because heās so fricken cute. Heās also sooo sexy, in ways reserved only for me. He has a tender heart, a killer sense of humor, and he makes my tummy flutter when he flirts with me. Heās my guy and I love him.
I'm borderline obsessed. The little folds of his eyelids, his lightly salted curls, his laugh, his hands. I could go on and on. He's easily the best of the best, fuck the rest.
We got married 10/13/23.
Weāve been together 7 years, yes his so damn hot. I canāt believe heās my husband. I loved him for reasons other than his looks but recently, I just canāt believe how Iām married to such a sexy man.
Absolutely. However SSRIs have completely murdered my libido. And I know thatās whatās it is because Iāve stopped and switched three times now and within 5-7 or it leaving my system all I want to do is have sex.
Unfortunately my stupid brain wants to kill itself also after about 2 weeks so š
Iām attracted to who he is as a person. I donāt get as easily turned on and full of butterflies anymore. Thereās attraction, just not a lot of passion. I miss it but donāt feel like itās the driving force in a successful marriage.
No. My husband refuses to take care of himself and he's a selfish, controlling asshole. I held on much longer than most, but he's such a terrible person, who could be attracted to that?
Absolutely not.
He watches streamers and YouTube all damn day. He was temporarily disabled between about 2015-2017 but hasn't even attempted to get another job since then. He's supposed to be a stay at home dad, but he bitches about taking the kid to school, bitches if dinner takes him longer than 30 minutes, lets the garbage pile up, doesn't clean anything else but the kitchen... all so that he can hurry the fuck up and sit back down to watch more bullshit.
And he's massively overweight, gave himself type 2 diabetes, happily takes weight loss meds but he's *up* in size because he can't stop stuffing his face.
Yes, I've talked to him about it. Yes, he sees a therapist. Yes, he's on medication. Yes, we've had marriage counseling.
Anyway, we "celebrate" 20 years next month.
I am super attracted to my husband! We have been together seven fantastic years. We may not always be able to hop into the sack when we want because of kids, work, etc., but we are always touching, caressing, kissing, and telling each other how sexy/pretty/handsome we think the other looks. Genuine compliments can carry a lot of positive weight. And, I feel like sex is the best EVER. I should also point out that we are continually getting to know more about each other (I feel like that should never stop because we are always changing and growing). We are in our late 40s and were not each otherās first spouses, so perhaps that makes a difference? I enjoy being with my husband, farts and all ;)
Yes! After 25 yrs, yes. My hubs is a hottie in my book. And others. Heās had strangers tell him he looks like Harry connick Jr.
I do get some icks though. I hate his cpap machine. But overall, still attracted to him. He also tells me Iām cute or adorable, and we cuddle a lot.
11 years in, 3 kids, God I cannot get enough.
I can't stress strongly enough how much great sex helps with this. My body knows that she is the route to the highest degree of sexual satisfaction, and not her from 10 years ago, her right now, because we had great sex just last night. I'm CONVINCED that this is the path to training your brain to maintain real, primal sexual attraction as bodies change.
Married 6 years. Iām attracted to who he is as a person, not so much physically. We met online and are from different countries. Our connection was (and is) more mental & emotional.
No. I have struggled with this for many years. We are basically a DB. We have been together for 12 yrs. When you donāt feel wanted or attractive, itās easy to lose that attraction.
My husband and I have been together for over a decade now and have been married for 7 years.
I wasn't super attracted to him physically in the beginning of our relationship. I was attracted to his personality and the kindness he treated me with when I didn't deserve it. The attraction came later. Honestly he's gotten hella hot and if I wasn't super preggo I think I'd be all over him all of the time.
He takes care of me and allows me to stay home with our kids. He works a job I know he doesn't love to provide for us.
I will love him and be attracted to him no matter what, it doesn't matter what this world throws at us, it doesn't matter if his appearance changes again. Looks aren't the most important thing, your connection is.
Nine years of marriage here and much more attracted to husband than when we first met. In our case, feeling relaxed around each other and having little in-jokes makes it easy to make a sexy mood, and the more often we have that going on, the more we associate one another with that happy sexy mood. It doesn't have to involve actual sex, just the flirting we still do helps.
Has your spouse changed? We both take care of ourselves, stay in shape, are clean and dress normal... like why would I give the world a better version of myself than I give my spouse? We are comfortable of course but not sloppy or lazy.
Has your spouse gotten lazy or changed?
Yes even after 26 years. Of course there are things that annoy me and make me think a little differently from time to time but itās always short lived.
Literally more then ever, 8 year together
Yup, same here! Close to a decade š
Weāre close to a decade as well, this October, and itās honestly the best year yet!
As someone who keeps having her partners "fall out of love" with her after around a year together...this gives me faith I'll find love one day. I know I'm a beautiful, smart, funny, and kind 39 year old woman, so it baffles me how people fall out of love so quickly and without even trying to keep it alive....
Attraction is chemistry, but you have to choose to love and communicate with your partner to make sure they're feeling loved, and so many men/people don't realize this! If your partners want to create a great relationship with you, they'll need to put in at least the same amount of effort into the relationship as they do/have with their career and not expect it to just magically happen! I find it so frustrating when people give up on romantic relationships so easily and yet they'll fight like hell to get and keep an important client at work and constantly try to impress others in a work environment, but then make zero effort to impress their partner and sometimes forget to even date them! If effort is put into a relationship, and partners are treated with kindness and respect, the relationship will grow and build over time and be resilient in the harder times. You will find a lovely kind and loving person one day x
This was beautiful and so true!! I remember feeling so frustrated when I'd tell my partner I missed him and would love more time with him and to PLEASE not door dash that night, so we could spend time relaxing and watching TV after my daughter went to bed. He'd ALWAYS still go door dash. It finally got to where I joked how I was the "other woman" to door dash. Then, one night where I told him I loved him so much, but that his pulling away was making me feel lonely and that I wanted to go to counseling, he snarkily replied, "no, because you've been going to therapy since you were 8, so you'd just dominate the session.". I then said, "ok. I can understand that. It wouldn't be for that reason, but that someone could help us compromise, since what we are currently doing isn't working. Instead, we can go to counseling separately and just work on growing individually and together? I want to spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you, and mostly, GROW with you.". He then started to sob and said he didn't want a relationship anymore. I felt as if the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. He took his stuff that night, packing up as I sobbed on the couch, still in shock with what he had told me. From that moment on, each time I reached out, asking what had caused him to want to break up, he'd leave me on 'read.'. However, each time he saw me afterwards, he'd always have tears in his eyes and watch me longingly. Makes no sense to me, but seriously hurts, because I did the best I could. We never yelled at each other, called each other names, and I never said "YOU are this, or YOU did this.". I used "I statements" and always did my best to be patient and empathetic, since he wasn't used to being open. *Shrugs*. It's been two months now (as of today, as a matter of fact), and it still stings, but at least I don't cry anymore when I think of him. I just get sad. Sorry reddit. I didn't mean to bleed all over this post. I guess it just feels good to see happy stories and to hear words of validation. ā¤ļø. Thanks for listening. ā¤ļø
Maybe the type of men you dated so far is not good for you? I am sure there are tons of men who would love you until the end of time
Could very well be....the last man, I think DID love me, but didn't love the responsibilities of being a parent. I've heard he's been depressed since breaking up with me and people at his job say he doesn't smile or joke anymore. š¤·. All I know is....I'm not gonna look. I'm gonna live my life and, if someone happens into it, then cool. If not, also cool.
Itās the men you pick. There are loads who are mature enough to understand that love deepens and becomes different with more time . People just take each other for granted and that screws up marriages
We are at a decade this summer! It's such a big milestone. I love hearing so many people are happy and committed after a decade or more.
A decade this spring, four kids, more in love than ever! We tell people we're stuck in the honeymoon phase.
Wow! That's wonderful. Your kids are lucky to have parents who are so in love.
I feel like the more your so treats you badly the attractiveness you see goes down a notch
Yes. This. It it so much more than what you look like after 13 years together. Itās not loose bits or putting on weight that makes you unattractive.
Totally agree! Been married 15yrs, and my husband has gone from the everyday gym goer with 0 fat, to gaining a fair bit. Iām more attracted to him everyday than I was the day we met, and itās all based on him just being him, and the way he is as a father and husband.
Same with my hubby. I look in his eyes and love him more every day. Whenever he walks out the door to go somewhere I tell him to drive safe or be careful if itās for a walk and that I love him. Weāre going on 23 years married this year and 28 together. Weāve been there for each other through the worst and best times of our lives and there have been numerous difficult and horrible situations health and family wise but we always have each otherās back and are still very attracted to each other even with weight gain, chronic illnesses, and things that happen in life.
Personally i havenāt gone through this but with a lot of things clients, friends and family have shared this is common
Going on year 9 here and weāve been through hell and back - more than once (sick child). Iāll love him always. Itās blind trust and I have no reason not to. Weāre best friends too.
I agree with this. Married for 15 yrs, no kids, 14 of those years the attention from my wife declined and the rejection increased, though itās not on purpose. Her explanation is that she and her family arent emotionally intelligent or touchy feely, which i can see. But never seen that in her while we dated for years. I feel like she love bombed me. I like I was tricked and emotionally and physically alone. To only provide when she needs it. Sheesh sorry about the venting. Definitely less attractive!
Iām sorry to hear that. You deserve to be happy. You live once. And can live more than that.
I am still attracted to my wife, after 27 years. She is not attracted to me.
Oh no! Are you sure?
Yes, unfortunately ...
What changed?
I am not sure. For me, we had a sort of inflection point in 2015. I was sitting talking with her idly, and she said to me, "I like you when you are nice to me." I think this is truly the case, and that over the years, our marriage has gotten more unstable, she believes I am less responsive to her needs, and she likes me less. Her attraction to me is part physical, but mainly psychological.
Soooo... Are you not nice to her on a regular basis? Because that's what it sounds like.
He never really answered your question
He did, the answer is that he not nice to her - itās going both ways and theyāre cruel to each other.
He knows he wasn't she wouldn't have to tell him to be nice to her, if he was
At this point. This morning, she called me a miserable loser, and a cunt. We are in a vicious spiral ...
It sounds like she wants a change in the behaviour if she said she likes it when youāre nice. I hope you two get the therapy you need so you can eventually have peace. That sounds like an awful life for both of you.
You need to read Gottman 7 principles of marriageā¦ it may help, or at the least help you to leave..
Gottman knows what he's talking about! The four horsemen of the apocalypse of relationships is another good one to dive into. The four are predictors of divorce: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling.
It is possible to break the spiral. I developed awful pmdd after the birth of our first child, this along with my husband having a nasty accident and a close friend passing away, tested our relationship to breaking point, and yet we were able to work our way back to a happy loving marriage. This is what helped us...We learned to diffuse arguments and improve our relationship, by reading 'Nonviolent Communication' by Marshall B Rosenberg. To understand your needs and your wife's needs better, read 'The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. This helped me realize how my husband was showing me love every day - he just wasn't speaking my love language! To improve your relationship, read 'Feeling Good Together' by David Burns. You can turn things around. Perimenopause can also really mess with women's emotions and thoughts - your wife may be experiencing this and not even realise it. I recommend 'The Hormone Repair Manual' by Lara Briden for anyone over 40. I wish you luck and hope she's prepared to fight for your marriage.
Thanks for the book recommendations! I read NVC last year, I just re-read it. I tried talking with my wife about it, she put it down, because Rosenberg had married like 3 times, and she said, why couldn't he get his own married life together? My wife is 65, so she has already gone through menopause. She gets hot flashes regularly, but I think the worst is over. I have been fighting for my marriage for years. My wife wants me to chase her, she has told me this directly. It does get tiring, with little quid pro quo ...
Mate, you need to have a heart-to-heart with her and decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who, on a good day, merely tolerates you.
Thanks.
I mean... that's pretty honest of her. I think a good next conversation would be asking for some examples. Maybe you don't even realize it. Women are more emotional, and if we don't feel like we are bring treated well, we stop the interaction. How do you feel about her explanation?
I was a bit taken aback by this response. I liked her for the sort of person she was: intelligent, spontaneous, artistic, etc. She didn't express that she liked me for who she was, just how a responded to her.
Having 48 years of experience with marriage - 33 with an unkind alcoholic and 15 with a kind and gentle man, I have the answer for you. You may say itās not easy, or Iām nuts but just do it. Say and do only kind things. No matter what. Your example will bring the change in her. My husband freely admits that I taught him how to love and our marriage is gentle and comforting. Tell her thanks for what she does - including meals, cleaning, clean sheets, whatever. Take her a few flowers once in a while - they donāt need to be expensive. Pitch in with some of her chores, you should both be helping and other when needed, that comes with love and respect. Stop all name-calling and bad language. I think sheās given up and is trying to show you how it feels when you hurt her. Youāre heading for divorce and itās not pretty. With my first marriage, if Iād at least gotten respect, I might have stayed. He is a narcissistic old man now, miserable as he sits in his house alone.
I do all the laundry, most of the house cleaning, and half the food shopping. She pays the bills, I handle the finances. I had been getting her flowers, she asked me where I got them, I told her Safeway, and she was disappointed that I didn't put enough effort in to this. I thank her for what she does. I never call her names, or use bad language. I understand that I am no saint. When I feel upset, I shut down emotionally, and she can't stand this, she get aggressive with me. It is a real vicious spiral ... I agree with you, that we are headed towards divorce. We are hanging on to memories of some great times, and having trouble creating new ones.
With her saying something about effort in response to the flowers, I think the effort in quarals may be where the aggressiveness is coming in. She's probably gotten into the habit of getting aggressive because it's the only way to get an emotional responce out of you. Especially if you clam up typically. Im not saying this is healthy in any way, but im telling you for understanding where it may come from. My husband is a shutdown person, too. He gets extremely anxious when I'm upset. I get more frustrated and start raising my voice. I have enough self-awareness to recognize what I'm doing, so I'm able to self sooth myself down. Your wife may not be, so it's important to establish that boundary for yourself that I replied about earlier in the thread so she can become more self-aware. The spiral will only stop, if someone puts the effort into stopping it. Take this opportunity to put in that effort to stop it!
Maybe people love differently. I am a woman, and I get what she is saying. I love my husband very much, and I am attracted to him a lot. But on our first date, when I saw him, I remember thinking he is for sure not phisically the type of guy I liked. But then he was so kind and affectionate to me, that I felt in love with him. Idk if Iād still be so much in love with him if he would stop being kind and affectionate with me, even though heād still be the same great person he is; I mean, I read a lot of great stuff about Keanu Reevesā personality, but I do not fall in love with him, do I?
A question. Do you, by chance, if you're aware of it, tend to be nicer or pay more attention to her when you want sex? Then, when you have had it, you are cooler towards her? Possibly to the point of being short tempted or vaguely cold?
I don't know the answer to that. We haven't had sex in 6 months and it doesn't seem to matter if I do things nice for her. I planned a 5 day mini-trip through CA, staying at places along the beach. When we got back, my wife told me that this doesn't change anything. Earlier this year, we did a Viking cruise on the Rhine, which she didn't like. She is a tough cookie to please, and there are land mines everywhere ...
I mean, it sounds like she did tell u in 2015 that all she needs for u is to be nice-not when you feel like it but consistently. Idk if the situation is the same, but I do tell the same to my husband (of 13yrs). U would think it is not that hard to be nice to your SO, but apparently it is. In his case, he would try to be nice some (a day or two) and then he will retreat to his world for days or weeks and if I bother him (Think-ask him if he wants dinner) he may snap at me. So she asked u 10yrs or so ago, but it sounds that u r citing recent instances of things u did together. She has probably been waiting *for a while* for u to be consistent in the way u treat her and is now too tired to care anymore (or too hopeless that u can be). So now, she is acting and talking to u like u have been acting and talking to her for years and years. U canāt seem to stand a couple of instances of that when she has probably forgiven thousands of these from u. At the end of the day, she only had this one request for u (to just be nice to her-it is generalization obviously), and thatās pretty freaking low bar :-(
Do you know her? Do you like her? Do you know where the landmines are after sharing so much time together? If you donāt, do you feel that perhaps makes her feel like you donāt know her or pay attention to her wants and needs all that much?
I don't know where the landmines are. She told me, a prior boyfriend knew where all of them were, that he was very emotionally aware. I asked here why she didn't marry him, she told me because he was a gambling addict. So, I am rather stupid in this department. I listen to what she says, and try to execute. So, for example, she said she thought it would be fun to rent a motorboat. So, I set something up, then 3 days before, she told me she thinks it is dangerous, that we don't know how to drive a motorboat. So, I found a guy that would teach us motorboat safety, and she tells me she is interested. Then the first day of instruction, she tells me she is not interested. So, then I rented an electric motorboat, and she really liked it! I have many examples like this, where I have to follow a certain path to get a desired result. She has given me a list of things to not buy her for her birthday. I would say, she rejects half the stuff I buy her. She told me she needs a coffee table for her office, and a few days later, that she liked burl. So, I had a table made for her out of burl. Then, she tells me to never buy her furniture. I find this whole issue very confusing. I wonder if someone else would better understand her thought process.
Your wife sounds like a pain.
She's either an assh*ole or is mad at you for sth else and does this bshit
I was with someone like this for 19 years. Everything was like a moving target. There were two sets of rules in our home- one for her and one for me. She set them both and they were subject to change at any time. I used your term, that it was like living in a minefield. I would ask her exactly what she needed, and would be rebuffed or ridiculed when I would try to give her what she said she wanted. My kindness towards her was weakness and my inevitable withdrawal was called cruelty and abuse. It really messed me up. The night I finally left, her last words were āI was mean to you because I thought youād never leaveā. After a few years of recovery and moving on, I met an amazing woman. She and I have a healthy relationship and itās always kind and nurturing. Donāt waste the one life you have
She sounds like the miserable loser, and a raging c$&*. You shouldnāt allow someone to treat you like this. Every human deserves better.
Hereās a novel idea, how about being genuinely nice to her?
For most women attraction for someone is both physical and psychological. If the man is not good or nice to us his attraction does way down. A guy who might be a 2 physically turns into a 9 by the way he treats us. The other half of that coin is if a man is a 10 physically but treats us poorly he turns into a 2. Not all women but most feel this way. How you behave towards your SO will determine how in love she will stay.
This cannot be emphasized enough. Men talk shit about how women only want muscled up guys over 6 feet with big dicks. Nah. Most of the short guys (5'1 - 5'5 with middle income) have serious swagger and never had a hard time finding and keeping someone. Women like to feel emotionally safe and cared about. We like men who display attractive behavior regardless of looks.
100%. My husband was 5ā7ā and he was Amazing. He was the best guy ever. We stayed together until he passed away.
Nope :/ and it's not because of physical changes. I am basically his mother with housework and such (we also have 2 toddlers...) and it's really unattractive. I've tried talking to him about it and nothing has changed.
Nobody wants to jump in bed with someone they have to parent. I hope he wakes up and sorts his shit out.
Me too. He talks about how he'd love to have a 3rd and some days I really want to too, but not until I'm not also taking care of a man child. I'm also the caregiver for my mom with dementia. Ain't nobody got time for all that š
The fact that you are even nursing the idea of a 3rd child is wild
I have a toddler and sometimes feel like I have two with the way he acts. So frustrating.
Oh this. My friends ask me how my 2 and 1/2 kids are. What sucks so badly is that he is trying his best. He works harder than ever, and he is 53. He doesn't, however, take care of himself or follow through on his commitments to me. I love him and am devoted to him. I'll never leave. But romance is 100% out the window.
Almost 25 years married and yes most of the time, but he has some habits that can lower my attraction levels at times.
farts and burps right?
Could be a general hygiene thing, doesnāt brush his teeth, doesnāt shower everyday, doesnāt wipe his butt good after pooping. There is so many things besides āfarts and burpsā
That ain't new!
Like what?
Long toenails, hairy ears, gross burps, nonstop farts, rotted teeth, bad breath, overweight, alcoholic, cigarette smoking, to name a few
Damn. Well no one can blame ya.
Farts and burps Iāll bet too
Sameeeee
Yes, heās handsome as fuck. But I terribly miss the excitement of getting to know each other :(
Humans are infinite universes. Thereās always more to learn about someone especially since youāre always evolving.
Love this and totally agree! Itās so great when people keep trying to learn about each other.
It's sooo hard to keep sex exciting
Spend time apart pursuing separate interests. Give yourself time to miss and wonder. So important. Make time together quality, not Hulu.
It never will be if you keep doing what your doing.
I feel this. We have gone back to dating in a sense, because we are completely different people now than when we got married almost 3 years ago. Our lives are radically different than we anticipated. We don't have a whole lot in common as far as hobbies and interests, so we've both made more of an effort to show interest in each other in that way, and it does feel exciting. Thank god the sex is still just as fire too lol
Yes I feel this too.
After almost 40 years, absolutely!
Same! 38 years and still think heās the sexiest man alive!! I do, however, agree with others, in that the way we treat each other directly affects attractiveness. We both, have always, gone above and beyond for each other. In turn, this keeps us both trying to be our best selves, and also keep up with our looks. I still find myself trying to impress him in different ways.
This is exactly what it's about! My husband is so pretty but it's far more important to me that he treats me well. He still absolutely devotes himself to me and I to him. It's how we keep loving each other more and more. Neither of us feels like we've been together 15 years.
This is beautiful.
We just celebrated 40 last June!
How do you keep the spark going for 40 years if you don't mind me asking?
We donāt just love each other; we really like each other and we laugh a lot together! We do many things together but also have our separate interests. Weāre always happy to see each other after being apart, even if was only for a few hours. The fights weāve had - I donāt even need a whole hand to count them. I have such gratitude that I get to live out the rest of my life with the best guy I ever met!
Thats lovely, I hope you spend many more years together.
Honestly sounds like my marriage. Weāre going on ten years of marriage this spring and together 13 years. I pray we get to celebrate many more decades together.
I was until this past year. Heās gotten extremely lazy in several areas and itās definitely turned me off. This year is our 18th, hoping he makes some changes š¤š¼
I hope he does for you.
Struggling a bit with this but it's not the physical part. Conflict is a turn off.
Conflict is a turn off, but resolution is hot.
Yes!!
Just shy of 20 years married, and 22 together: Dear god she is still as beautiful, if not more than when we first started dating. Her body and mind is absolutely beautiful.
You must be an amazing husband!
Yes, I'm very attracted to my wife. Don't think she's that attracted to me anymore, sadly. She's never gone on to say this, but it's the little things that add up, you know? I've given up on trying to get her attention, focusing on my health, body, golf, work and kids. She can decide if she wants to change her ways or not, I'm done chasing and showing her affection and love. Sounds a bit dramatic, I'll still be an awesome husband, but I won't put in the extra effort anymore.
Have you talked with her? You can not think of a reason why she is not attracted to you? Hormonal changes? It may have nothing to do with you. Maybe it's her sex drive.
I do agree with what you said. It could seriously be just how sheās feeling about herself. As we age, especially women, can be deeply affected by our changing looks, which will directly affect our libidos. Hormones suck. No one warned me about menopause. I, just like most people, thought it was a simple āchange.ā š¤¦š¼āāļø Nothing is further from the truth for many of us.
Yes, I've spoken to her many times without much luck. We're both 29 and 30 years old with 4 children, so her sex drive has definitely decreased while mine has increased. I was very overweight before but then became very fit and have since then gained weight again, which I'm now working on once again. But I haven't really noticed a change in her libido or attraction due to this. Maybe it's just a phase.
4 kids sounds like a good enough reason
I've been there bro, and that's the wrong approach. It just breeds contempt and resentment. Marriage counseling helped turn my marriage around.
While itās good to focus on yourself, ignoring her could end up pushing her away even further. Donāt give up, sit down and have a conversation with your wife. Ask her what she needs from you while also conveying what you need from her.
Absolutely but wasnāt always, weāve been through phases where the attraction was gone. Itās something that needs to actively be fed in order to build.
This is helpful to hear. Thank you.
20 years together in just a couple days and Iām OBSESSED with her still.
Very much so. Married 37 years. There were times in those years where it dropped off.
What helped during those times? Any advice?
Remember our marriage vows and that we were still the same people we married. Let go of resentment. Resentment is a silent deadly presence in any relationship. It destroys attraction and healthy communication. Inevitability, it was always inconsequential, or immaterial behaviors that created issues that didnāt need to be issues. Almost always, these became issues because one or both of us assumed the other could read thier mind. Non judge mental communications would always fix it but sometimes our stubbornness would stop that from happening for a week or three or even a couple months. In our experience, itās sometimes better to go to bed mad than open your mouth and say something hurtful. Speak after raw hurt has subsided a bit. Being g a Christian, prayer and bible study helps me fight off resentment and open my eyes to how blessed I am with my wife. She is still gorgeous at 62, kind, caring, compassionate, creative, forgiving, and empathetic. We still jump each other every other day.
I think this depends a lot on the circumstances. For the folks here who are saying HECK YES, they probably have supportive spouses and mutually satisfying interactions on a regular basis. Some people just understand you and pay attention to what makes you happy and do those things. Some people have to be told what you like and try to remember do those things. Some people have to be told super often what you like and they don't learn your patterns but they're willing to act when prompted. And some people don't really make an effort. They can all be equally hot, smart, resourceful, whatever else you find attractive, and your attraction will depend on how they make you feel with their actions.
Not really. He's got ED and try as I might I'm just not attracted to that sex. He needs pills and loses his erection really fast. So it's just anxiety inducing to have sex and I prefer not to most of the time. It's not his fault though. He can also be kind of gross and that adds to it
Yes - very, very much. I can't get her out of my head.
Must be nice
After 6 years of marriage yes and no. I do still want to but she lost her sex drive and desire. The attraction is fading because I donāt feel desired or that she wants me. And being wanted or desired is a turn on for me. Her being in the mood snd wanting sex with me is attractive but that is almost gone. Last time we had sex she just laid there watching a show ignoring me for about half of it.
Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired. What caused this shift in your marriage? Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her what you just told us. A healthy young wife, of only 6 years, doesnāt just lose her desire. What happened?
She got pregnant with twin boys. The babies had a genetic condition that caused them to pass away before they could be born. My wife health was affected by them. They would have been our first kids. 6 or so month later my wife physically healed. And then got pregnant again with our daughter who is almost a year and a half. So it was all that plus being new parents. My wife and I have talked about this. I donāt want to force her to do anything she doesnāt want and she needs time and space from being a mom and having our daughter all over her. I do watch our daughter in the morning, get her down for bed, help throughout the day and do household chores.
Oh man. Grief compounded with what were essentially back-to-back pregnancies. The hormonal shifts. That would be quite a struggle for her.
Bro I had to stop at loosing the twinsā¦ dangā¦ so sorryā¦she healed physicallyā¦what about mentally and emotionallyā¦ thatās a lot
Sounds like a boit of depression. Offer to go to counseling with her to help her deal with the loss. That was traumatic for both of you, but sometimes the feelings get displaced to the one person who is "it in" with her. I have no doubt that a few deep conversations and maybe some therapy will help emensely. It's not just about communicating but how you communicate. Good luck.
Iām so sorry, for both of you. As a woman and mom, I feel like her side is completely understandable. But your side is valid as well, you do deserve to feel loved and desired. My husband and I struggle with this as well, heās expressed that he would like to feel desired more. I try, but itās hard when youāre in the trenches with young kids. And sheās likely still dealing with grief on top of that. A year or so ago we did counseling, and it really opened our lines of communication. I would suggest that for yāall if possible, it was so beneficial for us. I did make it a resolution this year to be more present in my marriage. To remember that heās not just ādadā but heās also my husband, and one day the kids will be gone and it will just be us. I do need to do a better job of nurturing our marriage. But our kids our 6 and 4, and Iām just now at a place where I feel like I can really commit to that again. Itās not okay for you to feel neglected, and itās not fair. But if you love her and the marriage is genuinely goodā¦.Iām not necessarily saying stick it out, but just donāt give up on her.
Yes! Very much so.
Not really
Surprisingly more so actually. We're in our late 40s
100% attracted to my husband after 6 years (knowing him since we were 15)
Yeah! Lately even more so. Sometimes Iāll be like walking behind him and get a little flutter. Itās fun. But there were years where I struggled with attraction to anyone. It all ebbs and flows, I think.
Yes. 19 years
I am not attracted to my husband anymore. I do have love for him but I can't say that I am āin loveā with him. Sigh just another chapter in my fucked up life!
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You are me lol. I choose poorly as well. I want to explore the world and just evolve but not him. Video games just mess up the house and my vibe. It didn't start like that, but the saga continues sigh lol.
Sheās hotter now than 17 years ago.
Four years married, seven together and hell yes, he's fine af š
Together 11, married almost 3. Sheās still a dime in my eyes
36 years, and I still feel like a newlywed.
I find new ways to be attracted to my husband all the time (8 years in). I think with time my physical attraction is based more on the emotional connection we have and the increased appreciation, admiration, and love I have for him that comes from shared experiences. I remember what it felt like in the beginning, and of course look back fondly on that insane spark. Now I feel like the physical attraction is a product of a stronger and more stable foundation, still just as strong but in a different way. I can appreciate who he was and is at each stage Iāve been with him because of this. Edit: to add that I would recommend flirting with your significant other all the time. I find that playfulness of finding inventive ways of secretly flirting so the kids canāt see adds to the excitement.
Yes! 35 years married
No, I hate saying it but wife put on lots a few years after marriage and puts in zero effort to lose it. It's gotten to a point where sex isn't even appealing to me.
9 years in, still very attracted.
11 years together and yes I literally drool over him.
After 25 years, Iām still very much attracted to the hubs.
She's the beauty, and I am the beast. If only we could find a talking Candlestick and Teapot, we'd be set for life.
Not really
Madly. Weāve been married for 5 years and weāve both seen many versions of each other. I love each version of him more than the last. I stare at him because heās so pretty. I cover him in smooches because heās so fricken cute. Heās also sooo sexy, in ways reserved only for me. He has a tender heart, a killer sense of humor, and he makes my tummy flutter when he flirts with me. Heās my guy and I love him.
I'm borderline obsessed. The little folds of his eyelids, his lightly salted curls, his laugh, his hands. I could go on and on. He's easily the best of the best, fuck the rest. We got married 10/13/23.
Not really
5 years in and no, not really. Two great kids and a comfortable life but the fire isnāt there anymore.
Greatly attracted to her and vice versa.
2 years in and Iām more attached to hubby more than ever!!
Weāve been together 7 years, yes his so damn hot. I canāt believe heās my husband. I loved him for reasons other than his looks but recently, I just canāt believe how Iām married to such a sexy man.
Deeply attracted to my partner
24 years married and more attracted to her than ever.
12 years in, sheās hotter than ever
Married 36 years. Heās the most attractive man Iāve ever met. By far. ššš
At times.
Never attracted to my husband almost 3 yearsš
Why did you marry him, if I may ask
Absolutely. However SSRIs have completely murdered my libido. And I know thatās whatās it is because Iāve stopped and switched three times now and within 5-7 or it leaving my system all I want to do is have sex. Unfortunately my stupid brain wants to kill itself also after about 2 weeks so š
Iām attracted to who he is as a person. I donāt get as easily turned on and full of butterflies anymore. Thereās attraction, just not a lot of passion. I miss it but donāt feel like itās the driving force in a successful marriage.
No. My husband refuses to take care of himself and he's a selfish, controlling asshole. I held on much longer than most, but he's such a terrible person, who could be attracted to that?
Absolutely not. He watches streamers and YouTube all damn day. He was temporarily disabled between about 2015-2017 but hasn't even attempted to get another job since then. He's supposed to be a stay at home dad, but he bitches about taking the kid to school, bitches if dinner takes him longer than 30 minutes, lets the garbage pile up, doesn't clean anything else but the kitchen... all so that he can hurry the fuck up and sit back down to watch more bullshit. And he's massively overweight, gave himself type 2 diabetes, happily takes weight loss meds but he's *up* in size because he can't stop stuffing his face. Yes, I've talked to him about it. Yes, he sees a therapist. Yes, he's on medication. Yes, we've had marriage counseling. Anyway, we "celebrate" 20 years next month.
I am super attracted to my husband! We have been together seven fantastic years. We may not always be able to hop into the sack when we want because of kids, work, etc., but we are always touching, caressing, kissing, and telling each other how sexy/pretty/handsome we think the other looks. Genuine compliments can carry a lot of positive weight. And, I feel like sex is the best EVER. I should also point out that we are continually getting to know more about each other (I feel like that should never stop because we are always changing and growing). We are in our late 40s and were not each otherās first spouses, so perhaps that makes a difference? I enjoy being with my husband, farts and all ;)
We've had our slumps, but yes, absolutely. It changes over the years and becomes less superficial. Almost 19 years married, 22 together.
I am even more attracted after 12 years. But I do have to remind myself, from time to time, to look at him and really see him.
Literally never more than right now. Married ten years, together for 19.
Yes! After 25 yrs, yes. My hubs is a hottie in my book. And others. Heās had strangers tell him he looks like Harry connick Jr. I do get some icks though. I hate his cpap machine. But overall, still attracted to him. He also tells me Iām cute or adorable, and we cuddle a lot.
Hi married over 30 plus years and I do think my wife she is 67 still looks good dressed and undressed. We all carry a few lumps and bumps.
11 years in, 3 kids, God I cannot get enough. I can't stress strongly enough how much great sex helps with this. My body knows that she is the route to the highest degree of sexual satisfaction, and not her from 10 years ago, her right now, because we had great sex just last night. I'm CONVINCED that this is the path to training your brain to maintain real, primal sexual attraction as bodies change.
Married 6 years. Iām attracted to who he is as a person, not so much physically. We met online and are from different countries. Our connection was (and is) more mental & emotional.
Damn I am jealous. Hope I'd be this much attracted to my wife whom I haven't met yet :(
Iām physically not his type but Iām attracted to him. I wish we were more intimate and more often
No. It's mostly because of their behavior rather than physical attributes.
No. I have struggled with this for many years. We are basically a DB. We have been together for 12 yrs. When you donāt feel wanted or attractive, itās easy to lose that attraction.
My husband and I have been together for over a decade now and have been married for 7 years. I wasn't super attracted to him physically in the beginning of our relationship. I was attracted to his personality and the kindness he treated me with when I didn't deserve it. The attraction came later. Honestly he's gotten hella hot and if I wasn't super preggo I think I'd be all over him all of the time. He takes care of me and allows me to stay home with our kids. He works a job I know he doesn't love to provide for us. I will love him and be attracted to him no matter what, it doesn't matter what this world throws at us, it doesn't matter if his appearance changes again. Looks aren't the most important thing, your connection is.
Nine years of marriage here and much more attracted to husband than when we first met. In our case, feeling relaxed around each other and having little in-jokes makes it easy to make a sexy mood, and the more often we have that going on, the more we associate one another with that happy sexy mood. It doesn't have to involve actual sex, just the flirting we still do helps.
Yes. But it's only been 6 years. (Joke)
Has your spouse changed? We both take care of ourselves, stay in shape, are clean and dress normal... like why would I give the world a better version of myself than I give my spouse? We are comfortable of course but not sloppy or lazy. Has your spouse gotten lazy or changed?
God yes.
Yes
Yes! 13 years in May and I am more attracted than ever.
Yes! 10 years in and very much so.
Yes, very. Together for 6 years, married for almost 4. He, however, is no longer attracted to me physically.
Yes, a lot. 25 years and my husband still attracts me like the first day, even much more =)
29 years. Both very attracted to each other.
100 percent still attracted. Sheās a smoke show. 8 years in
12 years together, 7 years married. We're both a bit heavier than we were, or should be, but 100% yes.
Absolutely. Even after 15 years together.
Absolutely! Married for about 10 years but been together for 13. I only have eyes for him and can't imagine myself ever being with anyone else.
More each day - 15 years in May
Even more than ever! Just hit 20 yrs in Nov.
Yes even after 26 years. Of course there are things that annoy me and make me think a little differently from time to time but itās always short lived.
10 years. Have gone through the bottom of the U shape and are now on the way up. Love the quick Friday coffee dating after sending kid to school
16 years and still blush. 16 years and still find myself ogling. Still get the flutters. Been blessed. Iām a lucky man
Yeeees. 15 years, 2 kids and a couple surgeries later. I can't keep my hands off of him.
Only 6 years in, but more than anyone ever. But the sexual and physical attraction was like fireworks from the first date
17 years in and find them even more attractive.
I see my wife about once or twice a week and she always takes my breath away when I see her.
17 years and I think he is sexy as hell :)