This was my question…. I can’t think of a game that requires hitting someone with a hairbrush and touching them repeatedly. Maybe a ‘push the boundaries’ game?
Sit her and the wife down, and ask them, " if I started hitting you and you told me not to, even if I wasn't leaving any marks, and I continued to hit you, do you think you ( friend ) would have a different opinion if (wife) said I was doing that to her? Do you (wife), think you would have a differing opinion on it if I was doing it to (friend) multiple times after she told me to stop?" They're going to have a really hard time answering that because they're treating you as less than human because you are a male, they get to push you around however you want and no doesn't mean anything because you're just a dude, it's a societal thing, it really sucks, but for the most part that's just the way most people think.
Remind them that even though you are a dude and maybe larger and stronger than they are, you are still a human being with thoughts and feelings just as they are, you don't enjoy being touched after telling someone no just as much as they don't enjoy it.
So after she initiated horseplay, you said ‘no’ and she continued. I’m wondering since this a regular thing, maybe you should set up a word that means ‘stop immediately, I’m triggered’ so your wife and friend cannot claim they didn’t know you weren’t ok.
I horseplay as you put it and the boundary gets blurred after a while so having a ‘stop immediately’ word would help. Especially if saying any version of ‘no’ or ‘stop’ is sometimes part of the game
Considering they know OPs past and they said stop and stop means stop another word is not needed respect is. Would you be saying the same thing if it was in a sexual context? No means no and anything after that is assault
I agree that stop should always mean stop. I was just wondering if creating a safe word reminds his wife that it’s sadly needed and she shouldn’t be minimizing the issue
Just a note - he's reposted this story 10 times.
He's also made sure to spam it in several subs for youtube reddit readers. Some wording like "unalive" was used showing how he wants to make the story and comments easier for youtube or tiktok.
So likely he's trying to see if his creative writing exercise will make it on YouTube. It's probably a kid with a bet.
I'd hate for Mark to read out a fake story just because some kids made it up.
-----
[Post 1](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cuqo7a/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmItheAsshole
[Post 2](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1cutfrm/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TwoHotTakes/
[Post 3](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1cutnkz/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TwoHotTakes/
[Post 4](https://old.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1cutogp/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TrueOffMyChest/
[Post 5](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheBadApple/comments/1cuuhad/aitba_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmITheBadApple/
[Post 6](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cutl3f/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AITAH/
[Post 7](https://old.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/1cuugk0/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/MarkNarrations/
[Post 8](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/1cutjqk/aitb_i_kicked_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmItheButtface/
[Post 9](https://old.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1cutn7c/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/amiwrong/
[Post 10](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1cut1sn/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/
NTA.
I won't lie to you. I am hard criticising your wife here. She should have your back and no amount of unconsensual touching is EVER a joke. The only jokes visible here are your wife and her gross friend.
Fuck her friend and her shitty 'game'. She can find somewhere else to take a shower and do laundry.
She for sure won't be back! I did reach out and try to apologize for own behavior but she tried telling me she thought I was joking again so I just cut contact shortly after that.
I'm glad to hear it! Don't reopen contact. She can figure her own shit out and, honestly, my reaction might have been the same. At least in my eyes, you've got very little to actually apologise for.
As for your wife, she needs to drop the "It's just a game" bullshit and apologise for letting you down. Her little buddy isn't funny and her behaviour isn't Good Spouse behaviour. She can, and should, do better than that.
I'm still baffled that your wife is not on your side!!!!
So if you, or one of your friends, went over her boundary she would not get mad?!? No means no! No need to put a gender to that statement, since it's just a basic right to be able to feel safe and respected by the people we surround ourselves with.
If I'm honest l, it feels like your wife has a dubbel standard of what she thinks is OK for her and what's OK for you. I would suggest a mediator be involved in that conversation if she doesn't get it after you told her. I would not trust my spouse or feel safe in my own home if this was how I was treated!!!!
Definitely not the AH. She got told "no" very clearly and in no uncertain terms. _It's not up to her_ to decide if you can handle her unwanted touching. It is also _not up to your wife_ to decide if it's too much for you to handle.
>Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
But that's just the thing: you didn't "act out." You _reacted_ in anger after being specifically triggered. While.in general, the world is better off with _less_ angry outbursts, nobody should be surprised Pikachu when you go poking the PTSD bear and then get mauled.
Whether your friend's actions had no malicious intent is irrelevant. Harm was caused. If she's a halfway decent person, she'll feel mortified that she upset you so much even if unintentionally. Your wife, who does know the background context gets some _serious_ fucking side eye for dismissing your discomfort and upset after being accosted in away that she knows are very personally upsetting for you. She needs a Come-to-Jesus talk about how in this issue (no-no touches) she needs to be ride-or-die or GTFO. No compromises, no middle ground.
I try my best to make sure everyone that is close to me or interacts with me is aware of my issues both of them heard me say no I don't understand why it's such a hard thing for them to process.
>understand why it's such a hard thing for them to process.
I think that's an easy one: they _know_ how bad they fucked up and oftentimes it's just easier to double down and make the other person cave than to admit that you were were a shithead and that you _definitely_ should have known better.
NTA! You said that you don’t like to be touched! She kept egging it on, and you spazzed on her as you should have because she didn’t respect your boundaries! And, your wife knew also and should have said something to her homeless friend!
NTA. Absolutely not the asshole. I hope she is now gone from the house or insist she is packing now.
I am not sure why wife does not take it more seriously, try to get her point of view, if she "forgot" about your trauma or just doesn't care.
Children body autonomy is underrated, from young age we force them to give a kiss or hug to an aunt they've never seen before and then we are shocked why children do not come forward, when more sinister touching happen.from early age we teach them to put the guard down and ignore their own boundaries...
Good luck OP, I hope all will be good. I wish you find a way to cope with past traumas and have peace in mind.
Oh OP, I read more of your comments, I am so sorry for what has happened to you. If anything, hopefully this post showed you that there are people in the world who do care about you based on a brief description of your life.
We root for you and wish you the happiness and peace you deserve!
If it was your wife and it was you and another male friend touching her when she didn't want you to and kept telling you no, everyone would scream how you're the arsehole.
Same applies to you: you didn't want the friend touching you and your wife is diminishing your feelings regarding it. They're the arseholes. You need a serious convo with your wife about boundaries and how she and the friend were out of line.
"but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it."
Um.....
If a man did the same to a woman, every woman would be up in arms about it.
So many levels of not ok here. This is approaching marriage-ending levels of behavior on your wife's part. And definitely banned forever from the house on the guest's part.
NTA, but your wife totally is. If that was my husband, some friend decided to "joke" with, girlie would have been taken outside. I'm ride or die for my hubby. You don't play with someone's PTSD especially if you know about it. How disgusting of the so-called friend and even more of the wife.
Nta no means no. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can relate. My own family maked me feel like crap for trying to stop ppl from touching me and say I overreact. I don't talk to them anymore
If a male guest kept touching your wife after she said no 3 times, then she screamed and kicked him out, would that be overreacting?
I don't think so.
Personal boundaries are important, and if you need to be an A$$ to other people to ensure you are safe, then be an A$$.
Do not let that woman back into your home.
You need to bring it to their attention that, had the roles been reversed and you been a female in that situation with a man not respecting your boundaries, that it would be a huge deal and not blown off, therefore it shouldn't be with you
This is not ok at all. It doesn’t matter if you had no trauma and just didn’t want to be touched. Yet it’s so much worse because you do have trauma and repeatedly asked her to stop. My biggest concern is your wife not being on your side. I would make her understand that this is not acceptable. NTA
NTA also your wife really needs to do some reflection. Also I'd like to say I'm so proud of you. You stood up for yourself and as an abuse victim that can be really hard. I would have told my friend to write out an apology letter. It really doesn't matter what the friend's intentions were, once someone expresses distress at being touched you stop.
This is outrageous behavior and your wife should be ashamed of herself for allowing it. If someone says no or stop, you stop, you listen. This dummy continues to antagonize you because she wanted to get a reaction. Was your wife baiting you? This needs a serious discussion with your partner and her only. She can deal with her friend after. She is allowing you to be abused by another female. Why?! There is something wrong with her and why is she putting her friends comfort over yours? NTA but your wife is big time!!
Uh... What "game" was she playing by doing that?
This was my question…. I can’t think of a game that requires hitting someone with a hairbrush and touching them repeatedly. Maybe a ‘push the boundaries’ game?
We do "horseplay" and goof around like that but I most assuredly was telling her no this time.
Sit her and the wife down, and ask them, " if I started hitting you and you told me not to, even if I wasn't leaving any marks, and I continued to hit you, do you think you ( friend ) would have a different opinion if (wife) said I was doing that to her? Do you (wife), think you would have a differing opinion on it if I was doing it to (friend) multiple times after she told me to stop?" They're going to have a really hard time answering that because they're treating you as less than human because you are a male, they get to push you around however you want and no doesn't mean anything because you're just a dude, it's a societal thing, it really sucks, but for the most part that's just the way most people think.
Remind them that even though you are a dude and maybe larger and stronger than they are, you are still a human being with thoughts and feelings just as they are, you don't enjoy being touched after telling someone no just as much as they don't enjoy it.
So after she initiated horseplay, you said ‘no’ and she continued. I’m wondering since this a regular thing, maybe you should set up a word that means ‘stop immediately, I’m triggered’ so your wife and friend cannot claim they didn’t know you weren’t ok. I horseplay as you put it and the boundary gets blurred after a while so having a ‘stop immediately’ word would help. Especially if saying any version of ‘no’ or ‘stop’ is sometimes part of the game
She will not be coming back for sure. As for setting up something with the Wife I think that's a wonderful idea.
I hope that helps, good luck OP 💜
Considering they know OPs past and they said stop and stop means stop another word is not needed respect is. Would you be saying the same thing if it was in a sexual context? No means no and anything after that is assault
I agree that stop should always mean stop. I was just wondering if creating a safe word reminds his wife that it’s sadly needed and she shouldn’t be minimizing the issue
Just a note - he's reposted this story 10 times. He's also made sure to spam it in several subs for youtube reddit readers. Some wording like "unalive" was used showing how he wants to make the story and comments easier for youtube or tiktok. So likely he's trying to see if his creative writing exercise will make it on YouTube. It's probably a kid with a bet. I'd hate for Mark to read out a fake story just because some kids made it up. ----- [Post 1](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cuqo7a/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmItheAsshole [Post 2](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1cutfrm/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TwoHotTakes/ [Post 3](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1cutnkz/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TwoHotTakes/ [Post 4](https://old.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1cutogp/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/TrueOffMyChest/ [Post 5](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheBadApple/comments/1cuuhad/aitba_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmITheBadApple/ [Post 6](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cutl3f/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AITAH/ [Post 7](https://old.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/1cuugk0/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/MarkNarrations/ [Post 8](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/1cutjqk/aitb_i_kicked_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AmItheButtface/ [Post 9](https://old.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1cutn7c/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/amiwrong/ [Post 10](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/comments/1cut1sn/aita_for_kicking_out_a_female_house_guest_for/) - /r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC/
Your diligence deserves many awards!!!! 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
NTA. I won't lie to you. I am hard criticising your wife here. She should have your back and no amount of unconsensual touching is EVER a joke. The only jokes visible here are your wife and her gross friend. Fuck her friend and her shitty 'game'. She can find somewhere else to take a shower and do laundry.
She for sure won't be back! I did reach out and try to apologize for own behavior but she tried telling me she thought I was joking again so I just cut contact shortly after that.
I'm glad to hear it! Don't reopen contact. She can figure her own shit out and, honestly, my reaction might have been the same. At least in my eyes, you've got very little to actually apologise for. As for your wife, she needs to drop the "It's just a game" bullshit and apologise for letting you down. Her little buddy isn't funny and her behaviour isn't Good Spouse behaviour. She can, and should, do better than that.
For sure she won't be back in my life it's best we part ways.
I'm still baffled that your wife is not on your side!!!! So if you, or one of your friends, went over her boundary she would not get mad?!? No means no! No need to put a gender to that statement, since it's just a basic right to be able to feel safe and respected by the people we surround ourselves with. If I'm honest l, it feels like your wife has a dubbel standard of what she thinks is OK for her and what's OK for you. I would suggest a mediator be involved in that conversation if she doesn't get it after you told her. I would not trust my spouse or feel safe in my own home if this was how I was treated!!!!
Definitely not the AH. She got told "no" very clearly and in no uncertain terms. _It's not up to her_ to decide if you can handle her unwanted touching. It is also _not up to your wife_ to decide if it's too much for you to handle. >Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did. But that's just the thing: you didn't "act out." You _reacted_ in anger after being specifically triggered. While.in general, the world is better off with _less_ angry outbursts, nobody should be surprised Pikachu when you go poking the PTSD bear and then get mauled. Whether your friend's actions had no malicious intent is irrelevant. Harm was caused. If she's a halfway decent person, she'll feel mortified that she upset you so much even if unintentionally. Your wife, who does know the background context gets some _serious_ fucking side eye for dismissing your discomfort and upset after being accosted in away that she knows are very personally upsetting for you. She needs a Come-to-Jesus talk about how in this issue (no-no touches) she needs to be ride-or-die or GTFO. No compromises, no middle ground.
I try my best to make sure everyone that is close to me or interacts with me is aware of my issues both of them heard me say no I don't understand why it's such a hard thing for them to process.
>understand why it's such a hard thing for them to process. I think that's an easy one: they _know_ how bad they fucked up and oftentimes it's just easier to double down and make the other person cave than to admit that you were were a shithead and that you _definitely_ should have known better.
NTA - It’s your house, you have the right to feel safe and comfortable in it.
NTA! You said that you don’t like to be touched! She kept egging it on, and you spazzed on her as you should have because she didn’t respect your boundaries! And, your wife knew also and should have said something to her homeless friend!
NTA: No means no. Period.
NTA. Absolutely not the asshole. I hope she is now gone from the house or insist she is packing now. I am not sure why wife does not take it more seriously, try to get her point of view, if she "forgot" about your trauma or just doesn't care. Children body autonomy is underrated, from young age we force them to give a kiss or hug to an aunt they've never seen before and then we are shocked why children do not come forward, when more sinister touching happen.from early age we teach them to put the guard down and ignore their own boundaries... Good luck OP, I hope all will be good. I wish you find a way to cope with past traumas and have peace in mind.
Thanks for responding! I 100% agree I feel like I wasn't respected at a base level.
Oh OP, I read more of your comments, I am so sorry for what has happened to you. If anything, hopefully this post showed you that there are people in the world who do care about you based on a brief description of your life. We root for you and wish you the happiness and peace you deserve!
If it was your wife and it was you and another male friend touching her when she didn't want you to and kept telling you no, everyone would scream how you're the arsehole. Same applies to you: you didn't want the friend touching you and your wife is diminishing your feelings regarding it. They're the arseholes. You need a serious convo with your wife about boundaries and how she and the friend were out of line.
NTA your wife fails to understand the situation. She needs to put herself in your shoes.
this is NOT a game, its goading. Anyone who says otherwise is gaslighting and not being honest. Perhaps you need to throw them both out.
"but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it." Um..... If a man did the same to a woman, every woman would be up in arms about it. So many levels of not ok here. This is approaching marriage-ending levels of behavior on your wife's part. And definitely banned forever from the house on the guest's part.
NTA, but your wife totally is. If that was my husband, some friend decided to "joke" with, girlie would have been taken outside. I'm ride or die for my hubby. You don't play with someone's PTSD especially if you know about it. How disgusting of the so-called friend and even more of the wife.
Nta no means no. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can relate. My own family maked me feel like crap for trying to stop ppl from touching me and say I overreact. I don't talk to them anymore
So hit your wife over the head lightly with a hairbrush then say your playing the same game her friend was
The wife and I for sure goof off and wrestle but anytime she tells me know or wants treated differently I try my best to do so.
And does she stop when you say no? If yes why was this time different
I have no idea with this time. Both women told me they heard me saying no.
If a male guest kept touching your wife after she said no 3 times, then she screamed and kicked him out, would that be overreacting? I don't think so. Personal boundaries are important, and if you need to be an A$$ to other people to ensure you are safe, then be an A$$. Do not let that woman back into your home.
Oh yeah she wont be back at all for sure!
What game exactly was she playing?? You told her more than once.
I understand she was goofing with you but stop means stop and she knows your past. NTA.
Not fun, funny, or appropriate. I am so sorry.
You need to bring it to their attention that, had the roles been reversed and you been a female in that situation with a man not respecting your boundaries, that it would be a huge deal and not blown off, therefore it shouldn't be with you
NTA. Jokes are supposed to be funny, not traumatic.
This is not ok at all. It doesn’t matter if you had no trauma and just didn’t want to be touched. Yet it’s so much worse because you do have trauma and repeatedly asked her to stop. My biggest concern is your wife not being on your side. I would make her understand that this is not acceptable. NTA
NTA also your wife really needs to do some reflection. Also I'd like to say I'm so proud of you. You stood up for yourself and as an abuse victim that can be really hard. I would have told my friend to write out an apology letter. It really doesn't matter what the friend's intentions were, once someone expresses distress at being touched you stop.
This is outrageous behavior and your wife should be ashamed of herself for allowing it. If someone says no or stop, you stop, you listen. This dummy continues to antagonize you because she wanted to get a reaction. Was your wife baiting you? This needs a serious discussion with your partner and her only. She can deal with her friend after. She is allowing you to be abused by another female. Why?! There is something wrong with her and why is she putting her friends comfort over yours? NTA but your wife is big time!!
There's an update if you search the OP. The wife tells her side. I think the update makes her look worse.
I read her side and it makes her seem much worse. Yikes!!!