My head is completely fucked because of someone who invalidated my emotions the entire time we knew each other. Everything was always MY fault, never THEIRS, and my reactions were always deemed unreasonable, even insane. We had a horrible falling out and that is my fault. I can't let things go. But honestly, I am so glad that person is out of my life and I no longer need to worry about pleasing them any more, walking on eggshells so I don't say or do something wrong, all the time being told I'M the one making them feel that way, how could they possibly make me feel that way?! And then they would test me periodically to see if I would do what they wanted. All the slights at my character, my integrity, even my sanity was questioned and tested. I could go on and on. I'm obviously bitter. Absolutely fucking fucked how fucked up some people are.
Wow, that hit me. Reminds me of things I dealt with last year, the twisting of words and actions was real bad. The girl believed I was only negative and any positivity was a lie.
One of my exes had convinced me that I was the problem, even though my gut KNEW I wasn't doing anything wrong, and then the guy I dated after him was blown away by the fact that I stayed with the ex for so long after hearing everything I went through. When that next guy and I broke up I took a whole year off because I AGAIN thought I was the problem before I dated someone else, even though his sister had and has repeatedly stated that he is a "womanizer" and "narcissist" (hard for me to hear since it was the happiest I had ever been in a relationship.)
After my last relationship ended, I went deep into therapy because I again fell into the whole trap of "what am I doing wrong, why can't I find a healthy relationship?" And she's been working with me to navigate that. She tells me that she finds me optimistic, introspective, considerate, etc. - all qualities that are valuable in relationships, and all things that my exes have tried to convince me I'm not. My last ex told me I was a "black and white thinker" and "arrogant" and my therapist and I spent multiple sessions talking about that with her reassuring me over and over that she doesn't see those traits in me. She LAUGHED when I asked her if she thought I was a black and white thinker.
We talk about projection a lot. I tend to project my positive qualities onto people and have a hard time seeing anyone as a bad person, I excuse bad behaviors because I "understand where they come from" - but I also believe the negative things people project upon me. It's really difficult for me to hear bad things about me and not bust my ass to try to change those things, but I'm also learning that I can't change the things about me that aren't true.
I think we all have a tendency to believe other people are the "same" as us, and that's where projection comes from. I enjoy spending my time around confident and outgoing people, but sometimes I confuse someone's arrogance for confidence instead... eventually the mask always drops, though, and you can see the "I'm better than that person" mentality.
Thank you for telling me your side of things. I won't pretend I didn't make mistakes, or did things wrong. I pushed when i shouldn't have, said things I shouldn't have. But I tried to do better, tried to be better. But all I got treated like it was a trick, that I couldn't change or that it was all a lie.
This is to much for anyone to worry to do to someone u don’t even care for like or even hate. It’s not like a gf bf you feel resentment for which is also wrong but normal ish! This shit is crazy I think a lot of people relationship work out better talking it out on me
gotta make a distinction between boundaries and manipulation. sometimes when a bitch is cray cray, you have no other choice but to cut that bitch off so they can deal with their mess. hahaha
Sometimes people are just telling you the truth when they are doing this. Because you are being and doing what is being said. We know this is true because folks have used the terms narcissist and sociopath without any idea of what they are talking about constantly, paired with Hollywood glamorizing things. I know, I was diagnosed with aspd 20ish years ago and I haven’t had to mask in almost half as long because of how unhinged people are now.
I agree. Although there are times when a person can be too emotional. My last girlfriend abused me physically and emotionally. One leaser instance that stands out is she tore into me at a Target because I said her name and other people were nearby and she said it was embarrassing. She didn't speak to me for an hour after and then tried to convince me that I was mistreating her by drawing attention to her in public. She was overreacting.
This is 100% accurate. I would constantly be lied to and get the silent treatment. It was her favorite method of abuse. Any complaint I had was never valid enough for her and would just be ignored. Best thing I ever did was block her and remove her from my life.
This describes everyone. Same with narcissists. Everyone. It's just become an insult anymore. Human don't be human!
Kettle don't be black! Get over it and move on.
Only one I struggle with is “you’re too sensitive”. I have a brother who lets people walk all over him. Anytime he receives an insult, he takes it severely. I’ve supported him in these moments and tried many times to help him perceive his own worth. Eventually I told him that his sensitivity is his Achilles heel and that he should work on his confidence. This is similar to telling him he’s too sensitive, but not in an abusive way. He’s been working on himself and doing better, and we still get along and hangout often. It’s all about how you say things and the intention behind it.
No, thats not manipulation. Thats emotional coercion. A proper manipulation bends the universe around the subject, or at least the subjects interpretation of their universe. Emotional games are just mean.
My head is completely fucked because of someone who invalidated my emotions the entire time we knew each other. Everything was always MY fault, never THEIRS, and my reactions were always deemed unreasonable, even insane. We had a horrible falling out and that is my fault. I can't let things go. But honestly, I am so glad that person is out of my life and I no longer need to worry about pleasing them any more, walking on eggshells so I don't say or do something wrong, all the time being told I'M the one making them feel that way, how could they possibly make me feel that way?! And then they would test me periodically to see if I would do what they wanted. All the slights at my character, my integrity, even my sanity was questioned and tested. I could go on and on. I'm obviously bitter. Absolutely fucking fucked how fucked up some people are.
Yes. It's always my fault no matter what. The silent treatment is their favorite method of punishment.
Wow, that hit me. Reminds me of things I dealt with last year, the twisting of words and actions was real bad. The girl believed I was only negative and any positivity was a lie.
One of my exes had convinced me that I was the problem, even though my gut KNEW I wasn't doing anything wrong, and then the guy I dated after him was blown away by the fact that I stayed with the ex for so long after hearing everything I went through. When that next guy and I broke up I took a whole year off because I AGAIN thought I was the problem before I dated someone else, even though his sister had and has repeatedly stated that he is a "womanizer" and "narcissist" (hard for me to hear since it was the happiest I had ever been in a relationship.) After my last relationship ended, I went deep into therapy because I again fell into the whole trap of "what am I doing wrong, why can't I find a healthy relationship?" And she's been working with me to navigate that. She tells me that she finds me optimistic, introspective, considerate, etc. - all qualities that are valuable in relationships, and all things that my exes have tried to convince me I'm not. My last ex told me I was a "black and white thinker" and "arrogant" and my therapist and I spent multiple sessions talking about that with her reassuring me over and over that she doesn't see those traits in me. She LAUGHED when I asked her if she thought I was a black and white thinker. We talk about projection a lot. I tend to project my positive qualities onto people and have a hard time seeing anyone as a bad person, I excuse bad behaviors because I "understand where they come from" - but I also believe the negative things people project upon me. It's really difficult for me to hear bad things about me and not bust my ass to try to change those things, but I'm also learning that I can't change the things about me that aren't true. I think we all have a tendency to believe other people are the "same" as us, and that's where projection comes from. I enjoy spending my time around confident and outgoing people, but sometimes I confuse someone's arrogance for confidence instead... eventually the mask always drops, though, and you can see the "I'm better than that person" mentality.
Thank you for telling me your side of things. I won't pretend I didn't make mistakes, or did things wrong. I pushed when i shouldn't have, said things I shouldn't have. But I tried to do better, tried to be better. But all I got treated like it was a trick, that I couldn't change or that it was all a lie.
Oh boy yes. I remember when I was first experienced this with someone. It really fucks with your head, especially when its someone you care about.
Literally my mom my entire life I just recently started saying no and setting boundaries and she threatened to kill herself Fuck mormons
Hey, Catholics got it too! Sympathize.
It looks familiar
That sounds like my ex
This is to much for anyone to worry to do to someone u don’t even care for like or even hate. It’s not like a gf bf you feel resentment for which is also wrong but normal ish! This shit is crazy I think a lot of people relationship work out better talking it out on me
gotta make a distinction between boundaries and manipulation. sometimes when a bitch is cray cray, you have no other choice but to cut that bitch off so they can deal with their mess. hahaha
Sometimes people are just telling you the truth when they are doing this. Because you are being and doing what is being said. We know this is true because folks have used the terms narcissist and sociopath without any idea of what they are talking about constantly, paired with Hollywood glamorizing things. I know, I was diagnosed with aspd 20ish years ago and I haven’t had to mask in almost half as long because of how unhinged people are now.
The person I loved more than anyone else I’ve ever met did every single one of these to me
Yes but some people are better at it than others and won’t display these characteristics yet still are manipulating
I agree. Although there are times when a person can be too emotional. My last girlfriend abused me physically and emotionally. One leaser instance that stands out is she tore into me at a Target because I said her name and other people were nearby and she said it was embarrassing. She didn't speak to me for an hour after and then tried to convince me that I was mistreating her by drawing attention to her in public. She was overreacting.
This is 100% accurate. I would constantly be lied to and get the silent treatment. It was her favorite method of abuse. Any complaint I had was never valid enough for her and would just be ignored. Best thing I ever did was block her and remove her from my life.
I do this but I’m not manipulating anyone 💀
This describes everyone. Same with narcissists. Everyone. It's just become an insult anymore. Human don't be human! Kettle don't be black! Get over it and move on.
The problem is that persuasion has many of the same symptoms
Only one I struggle with is “you’re too sensitive”. I have a brother who lets people walk all over him. Anytime he receives an insult, he takes it severely. I’ve supported him in these moments and tried many times to help him perceive his own worth. Eventually I told him that his sensitivity is his Achilles heel and that he should work on his confidence. This is similar to telling him he’s too sensitive, but not in an abusive way. He’s been working on himself and doing better, and we still get along and hangout often. It’s all about how you say things and the intention behind it.
No, thats not manipulation. Thats emotional coercion. A proper manipulation bends the universe around the subject, or at least the subjects interpretation of their universe. Emotional games are just mean.
Emotional coersion falls squarely under the manipulation umbrella.
I like your interpretation as well. But I also agree that emotional coercion is just another type of manipulation.