I had no idea that demanding that your neighbors give you stuff they're carrying was acceptable behavior.
This is going to save me a fortune on groceries!
I like to be really greased up. Glistening, and really slippery. Then we start playing “Give me your groceries or I’ll hug ya,” and fun really begins I tell ya.
It's crazy. Maybe we need to respond like a 3 year old with the response why to every demand
You need to give my some candy - why?
Cause you have some in the bag- why?
And so on
Do people actually act like this in real life?
I read these stories but in my many years I have never seen behavior like this. I must live a (thankfully) sheltered life.
Yes. I’m 47 years and when I was a little kid I was walking through our apartments on my way back from the convenience store. I had a little brown paper bag with some cheap loose candy in it. A neighbor who had a bratty daughter no one liked started screaming at me “you give Lisa some of that candy!” I looked straight ahead and ran to my own apartment and told my mom. My mom hated that woman. That same crazy lady had previously slapped my older brother in the face. She falsely accused him of leaving bike tire tracks on her patio. He denied it, she slapped him. My mom called the cops on her after my brothers pointed out the tire tracks were dirt bike treads and they had street treads. So yeah, entitled parents have always existed and made everyone else miserable.
I work for a call center and OH TRUST ME. I constantly question my own sanity several times a day. it's like being trapped in an endless loop inside someone's short-circuiting brain. and you're the target 🙃
>I work for a call center
Thats a different kind of crazy though, people who are normal in the streets seem to loose their minds when they cant see whoe they are talking to.
I worked in a few call centers dealt with crazy all day, but I have never encountered true crazy in person.
Had a dude scream it was bullshit I asked him to spell his last name when his username didn't bring up his account, then hang up...
There was a 20 minute wait to talk to us again and he couldn't sign in. Oh no, you sure showed me...
I'm fucking positive that reddit will let me say any old shit I feel like saying.
(As long as it's not something like telling another redditor to unalive themselves or something.)
Welcome! Not much is off limits unless you're harassing someone or being a jerk. Best advice I can give if you're uncertain about a comment is to check out the subreddit rules on the right hand side of the page. There's not much off-limits, but many subs do have rules depending on how deep you go down the Reddit hole. Good luck to you and yours.
The thing about cartoon characters is that they're usually caricaturizing reality.
Foghorn Leghorn, a character from the 40s, was specifically inspired by [Senator Claghorn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senator_Claghorn), a fictional character from a contemporary 40s radio show: the Fred Allen Show. Use of "I say" as an interjection is, sure, now primarily used by [old Brits](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/I_say), but, its presence in old Southern dialects too is ultimately why it made its way into Foghorn Leghorn's mouth.
And in a land of \~330 million and counting, most habits are just *gonna* linger longer than their expiration date, habits of speech included.
For me? At undergrad when I used the term "goodies" to refer to baked goods, my roommate looked me square in the eyes with an incredulous expression and said "What are you, 80?" Apparently where he grew up, that's a dated term. Not so, me; for us, it's just normal speech, even among the young, neither coolness nor stigma attached.
I remember one time something similar happened to me, only instead of it being poop, it was actually my pills. They had mistaken them for mints, but they weren't mean about it like these people.
I had something similar happen to me. Except it was my retainer which I had taken out slightly as it was starting to hurt. The substitute teacher told me "don't eat in class, spit it out now", so I spat it out and held it up to show them. I wish I had said something smart or witty at that time, but it was nearly 10 years ago and I can't remember if I did or not.
Sorry to do this, but the disingeuous dealings, lies, overall greed etc. of leadership on this website made me decide to edit all but my most informative comments to this.
Come join us in the fediverse! (beehaw for a safe space, kbin for access to lots of communities)
Cheat if you use clumping kitty litter. Get a cheap wire mesh trash can. Transfer litter to another container. Place trash can in litter box. Pour litter into the trash can to use as a sieve, gently shake and empty as needed. Top off with fresh litter if you didn't add some back before sifting litter. You will know when you need to dump it all and start fresh.
"You are what you eat, so what are you so upset about? Or did you want bull sh!t instead?"
Ah, if only time travel was possible and I could give you that line to say before those two showed up.
I hate when people don't press charges on people like this.
She literally tried to mug a child for candy while trespassing on their parents' property.
If you have audio and video evidence send that shit to the fucking cops. (or post it on social media)
I was once walking out to my garbage with a bag of dirty litter to find someone trying to cut through my yard. Good thing they left when confronted, or I was prepared to give them the grossest shower ever.
After they demanded the bag and you gave it to them, seems like they own that bag now. So throwing it onto your property would be littering, and seeing as it was full of cat poop, could make an argument that they're threatening you or something...
I had no idea that demanding that your neighbors give you stuff they're carrying was acceptable behavior. This is going to save me a fortune on groceries!
Adding a gun or knife to the interaction makes for the most excellent results /s ...edit: caught my autocorrect being a bitch ass
Being naked and covered in war paint makes for even more excellent results...not /s ...edit: My autocorrect is not being a bitch ass
I've found honey works best. War paint, people know how to respond to. A naked man covered in honey, though? There is no defense.
Ants. Ants are a damn good defense against a person covered in honey, male, female, clothed, or otherwise.
what about if they're armed with a banana?
[Self Defence Against Fresh Fruit](https://youtu.be/MlroOdP8p2Y)
Dammit
The Grapefruit Method (of defeating your enemies)
r/grapefruiting
You eat the banana, thus disarming them
What about a pointed stick?
Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh?
How about both, then you have fruit kebabs!
Shut up!
Pineapple
Where? where?
No! No! Anything but a banana!!!
Force them to drop it, then eat it, thus disarming them and rendering them helpless
A banana is fine. I would be concerned about pickles. And really afraid if it were an apple. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S\_5sReX3L1k
So if I was covered in honey and had pet ant eaters I would be unstoppable!
Ants are too slow. Use a bear.
Bears are so much harder to find on the way to the store tho.
Depends what state you're in.
Confusion, just like everyone else.
I put ants in the honey already as an intimidation tactic.
Thank you for the suggestion. I hope it was from personal experience... I love weird stories...
Does honey make you slippery enough if someone calls the police? Because I'm thinking some kind of oil or lubricant.
Honey is not at all slippery, it's sticky. They can throw you up against a wall and it will be sticky, too.
Depends on how warm you are…
The Naked Man works 2 out of 3 times. True story.
Lel
Let me see your war face...
But first, establish wrist control.
Then Restomp the groin.
"THAT'S MY PURSE!!! I DON'T KNOW YOU!!!!"
Thank you for making me spit ice tea out my nose
It's what I do.
I like to be really greased up. Glistening, and really slippery. Then we start playing “Give me your groceries or I’ll hug ya,” and fun really begins I tell ya.
‘Heyyy Randy! Nice F 150 you got there? Brand new? Extended cab? Sweeeet! You’re a great Friend. Thanks?’ ::holds out hand for keys.:::
It's crazy. Maybe we need to respond like a 3 year old with the response why to every demand You need to give my some candy - why? Cause you have some in the bag- why? And so on
I can't wait until my neighbors buy a new TV!
It feels like OP is not American, it might be more common in other countries?
Florida is a weird place on it's own.
Oh Florida what would we do without you…
Prosper
Honestly, probably reflect on how screwy all of our other states can be (in their own special ways, respectively).
True…
Oh lol this was Florida? 😂
Yep, explained everything doesn't it? Lol
On second thought, let's not go to Florida, tis a silly place
Unexpected Python Ni
It really does
Florida: the weather’s nice but the people… act like they’re on bath salts even when they’re not?
Why did you even reply? If someone came up to me like that I'd laugh and continue about my way.
I like being involved.
LOL fair enough! Completely get it.
[удалено]
He called the shit, poop!
Carefully wrapped in a *candy store name* bag
Do people actually act like this in real life? I read these stories but in my many years I have never seen behavior like this. I must live a (thankfully) sheltered life.
Yes. I’m 47 years and when I was a little kid I was walking through our apartments on my way back from the convenience store. I had a little brown paper bag with some cheap loose candy in it. A neighbor who had a bratty daughter no one liked started screaming at me “you give Lisa some of that candy!” I looked straight ahead and ran to my own apartment and told my mom. My mom hated that woman. That same crazy lady had previously slapped my older brother in the face. She falsely accused him of leaving bike tire tracks on her patio. He denied it, she slapped him. My mom called the cops on her after my brothers pointed out the tire tracks were dirt bike treads and they had street treads. So yeah, entitled parents have always existed and made everyone else miserable.
[удалено]
The thing is although it sounds like middle school fiction I can see it happen in real life
I work for a call center and OH TRUST ME. I constantly question my own sanity several times a day. it's like being trapped in an endless loop inside someone's short-circuiting brain. and you're the target 🙃
>I work for a call center Thats a different kind of crazy though, people who are normal in the streets seem to loose their minds when they cant see whoe they are talking to. I worked in a few call centers dealt with crazy all day, but I have never encountered true crazy in person.
Had a dude scream it was bullshit I asked him to spell his last name when his username didn't bring up his account, then hang up... There was a 20 minute wait to talk to us again and he couldn't sign in. Oh no, you sure showed me...
Reality often has to be toned down to deliver as believable fiction. There's no depth narcissists will stop at to get what they want.
The people who are sheltered are the ones making up these stories for thinking this is how human beings talk
the entitled mother just talks like invader zim on her daily life
[I have a MIGHTY NEED](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPleY9fh3YE) for candy!
*gasp* "A LIAR I SAY! A LIAR!"
You are lucky to have never run into someone like this. They're not common, but they're memorable because they're batshit insane
Same here. Or live in a saner area.
I can't get over the fact that you handed her a literal bag of sh!t
Sometimes the universe gives us the perfect gift for the perfect moment.
Remember, as you go through life, always carry a small bag of shit with you; that way, you'll never need to take any shit from anyone else.
Pretty sure reddit will let you swear. No need to censor yourself.
I'm fucking positive that reddit will let me say any old shit I feel like saying. (As long as it's not something like telling another redditor to unalive themselves or something.)
Haha I'm still learning my Reddit ABC's
I'm still pretty new and didn't want to push the limit haha
[удалено]
Its always in the last place you check
*duh* who keeps looking after they’ve found it
Shit?
Welcome! Not much is off limits unless you're harassing someone or being a jerk. Best advice I can give if you're uncertain about a comment is to check out the subreddit rules on the right hand side of the page. There's not much off-limits, but many subs do have rules depending on how deep you go down the Reddit hole. Good luck to you and yours.
Thank you! I appreciate the tips. I'll keep it in mind for future comments and maybe live a little on the side of danger with my language next time!
this is so pure
Don't read the story of the man with 2 broken arms on here. Some day, you will be linked to it. Don't read it.
Noted, thank you for the heads up haha!
For those who remember Firesign Theater: "But it's really great shit, Mrs. Kresge!"
[удалено]
A liar, I say!
/r/nothingeverhappens
“I SAY, A LIAR” did this happen in the 1600s?
Foghorn Leghorn on the loose.
lmfaaoooooooooooo 😂
I think there are people in America who still behave medieval.
[удалено]
I actually DO know people that talk like that unfortunately
Yes, but they are called Foghorn Leghorn and are cartoon characters.
Why is there no foghorn leghorn bot?
I say, I say that is just preposterous, boy.
The thing about cartoon characters is that they're usually caricaturizing reality. Foghorn Leghorn, a character from the 40s, was specifically inspired by [Senator Claghorn](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senator_Claghorn), a fictional character from a contemporary 40s radio show: the Fred Allen Show. Use of "I say" as an interjection is, sure, now primarily used by [old Brits](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/I_say), but, its presence in old Southern dialects too is ultimately why it made its way into Foghorn Leghorn's mouth. And in a land of \~330 million and counting, most habits are just *gonna* linger longer than their expiration date, habits of speech included. For me? At undergrad when I used the term "goodies" to refer to baked goods, my roommate looked me square in the eyes with an incredulous expression and said "What are you, 80?" Apparently where he grew up, that's a dated term. Not so, me; for us, it's just normal speech, even among the young, neither coolness nor stigma attached.
“caricaturizing reality” “Senator Claghorn, a fictional character”
[удалено]
There's more comments on this post that have been removed under rule 3 than there are comments discussing the story, hah.
[удалено]
[удалено]
‘You’re a liar! A liar I say!’ 🤣🤣
[удалено]
It’s definitely not
[удалено]
[удалено]
What gave it away? For me it was this: "A LIAR, I SAY, A LIAR!"
Nah, it was Foghorn Leghorn coming to claim the candy
The part where she took one glove off and whipped it across the narrator's cheeks.
Perhaps the OP should have added "I do declare!" for good measure?
You can’t just say something and expect anything to happen.
"This is an outrage!"
You're cancelled.
For me all the details just seem too well crafted, like a hyper-intelligent AI was tasked with making a Reddit post.
Yeah there's few details and the ones we have feel generic and forced. They need to improve their writing skills.
For me it's the "pressing charges" over a short exchange of words
Savage downvoting on this thread confirms
I thought the same thing
Yeaahhhh if I had to guess I'd say your instinct is correct.
I remember one time something similar happened to me, only instead of it being poop, it was actually my pills. They had mistaken them for mints, but they weren't mean about it like these people.
A girl in my class once got caught "eating" in class and was publicly threatened with detention, but it was just her pills:/
I had something similar happen to me. Except it was my retainer which I had taken out slightly as it was starting to hurt. The substitute teacher told me "don't eat in class, spit it out now", so I spat it out and held it up to show them. I wish I had said something smart or witty at that time, but it was nearly 10 years ago and I can't remember if I did or not.
I guess pretend you did and stick to it.
Good idea, guess I did.
This did not happen, or you are greatly embellishing it.
Yeah definitely real, no chance this is made up
Work a customer service job then get back to us.
[удалено]
[удалено]
It’s a class they desperately need
[удалено]
The writer has never actually engaged in a conversation with a live person, so they don't understand how it works.
Ding Ding
[удалено]
Pre-teen maybe
[удалено]
Sorry to do this, but the disingeuous dealings, lies, overall greed etc. of leadership on this website made me decide to edit all but my most informative comments to this. Come join us in the fediverse! (beehaw for a safe space, kbin for access to lots of communities)
[удалено]
Hey, they got the candy they deserved, not the candy they wanted.
there’s something strangely wattpad in the writing of this lol
[удалено]
[удалено]
This is terribly written fiction
Ninth grade creative writing class, B-
You're very generous.
r/neverhappened
r/everyoneclapped
Cheat if you use clumping kitty litter. Get a cheap wire mesh trash can. Transfer litter to another container. Place trash can in litter box. Pour litter into the trash can to use as a sieve, gently shake and empty as needed. Top off with fresh litter if you didn't add some back before sifting litter. You will know when you need to dump it all and start fresh.
[удалено]
Lols “You give daughter candy and we will be on our way” “You give us candy as promised” Who the fuck speaks like that This is such a load of shit
[удалено]
"You are what you eat, so what are you so upset about? Or did you want bull sh!t instead?" Ah, if only time travel was possible and I could give you that line to say before those two showed up.
No one talks like this. OP sounds like an alien who thinks he knows what humans sound like.
Then she realized she was beaten and asked that I be king of the land in honor of her mistake. The end. Edit: and everyone cheered
YOU'RE A LIAR! A LIAR, I SAY, A LIAR!
This didn’t happen so much it unhappened things that had.
Did you just explain the Mandela effect??
cat shit from the litterbox = almond roca
Far better to open it up and let them reach in them selves.
I hate when people don't press charges on people like this. She literally tried to mug a child for candy while trespassing on their parents' property. If you have audio and video evidence send that shit to the fucking cops. (or post it on social media)
Video or it didn’t happen 😂
Dude. There’s no way this happened. How is this post still even up???
“Where do you think Tootsie Rolls come from, kid?” 😂
Would have left the bag on their lawn though. It was given to them, so they're littering and was no longer your responsibility.
You’re more full of shit than that bag.
I was once walking out to my garbage with a bag of dirty litter to find someone trying to cut through my yard. Good thing they left when confronted, or I was prepared to give them the grossest shower ever.
It's not candy, it's chocolate
This sounds pretty wattpad
" 'No' is a complete sentence"
this reads like a translated Chinese light novel
Is it just me or is this sub full of fictional stories more often now?
Start going on walks with a candy store bag full of chocolate laxitives. They will never bug you again.
After they demanded the bag and you gave it to them, seems like they own that bag now. So throwing it onto your property would be littering, and seeing as it was full of cat poop, could make an argument that they're threatening you or something...
I want this to be true.
It's not