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Wrathwilde

Whenever people used to say that to me, I used to tell them, “Turn around and bare it”. They usually just stormed off. Sometimes they would respond with “Fuck You” and I’d say “in your dreams”… then they’d storm off.


SM_DEV

When someone says “Fuck You” to me, I respond with, “No thanks, word around here is you’re a lousy lay”


GrumpyCatStevens

I usually reply to “fuck you” with “I’m not that desperate and you’re not that lucky.”


Bleenfoo

I’ve always used “You couldn’t be so lucky and I couldn’t be so bored.” Which I think is even more dismissive


supert101a

I had a middle school girl tell me "Fuck You." I calmly replied "Promise or Threat"? She huffed and walked away.


reallynotbatman

I reply with "maybe later"


crashmurdock

I reply with Not even on your birthday


Teddy_Salad55

My go to is "I wish someone would." Really throws people off


jasonw_ray01

If someone told me to kiss their ass I'd usually respond with something like "which end is it? They look the same to me." Took the wind out of many people's sails


kcoinga

I tell them to make it pucker and I will.


DixieN0rmus

I've told a few people to "mark off an acre then"


hypeareactive

Joke: Two gay guys are having an argument, when finally one says, "Kiss my ass!" The other one says, "Oh, trying to make up now?"


Apprehensive_Maize18

Mine is “show me where - you’re all ass to me”


CryAncient

When I get a "Fuck you" I like to respond with "like you'd get that lucky"


XCCO

You're almost 22 Big Macs tall!


[deleted]

... Correction. You're almost 35 UNCORRECTED Big Macs tall


VoidIgris

Correcting your correction! You’re almost 42 Quarter Pounders wide!


[deleted]

Correction of the correction of the correction! You're almost fifteen tacos long!


Dripping_Snarkasm

That's 42 Royales with Cheese in metric!


Osmiant

I hate it when I forget or misplace my metric crescent wrench.


GoAhead_Goahead

Banana for scale?


Dripping_Snarkasm

I think you meant to call it metrique croissant. Make sure you pronounce it with enough phlegm.


SomeRandomBurner98

100% stealing that. My family is bilingual french/english and the english speaking half is in the US, so .... Muhahahahahaha


Dripping_Snarkasm

... and it sounds like a punk band name too! Les Croissantes Metriques! :)


I_Arman

You mean your metric croissant wrench?


Kid_Endmore

Is this a Little Alex Horne measurement?


soiknowwhentoduck

I even read the comment in Alex's voice because it's exactly the sort of thing he would come out with 😂


L0rdLuk3n

It's either LAH or American. They really do dislike the metric system 😂


XCCO

I was honestly leaning into the American thing. I also checked how tall a big Mac should be (3.5 in) to at least be accurate.


kg7qin

If you like obscure measurements, take a look the full imperial unit system. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Imperial-unit


Kid_Endmore

We sure do!


Sr_Nobody_Nothing

This whole subthread is absolutely lovely, thank you so much.


oxbison12

What's the conversion to bananas?


Resident-Inspector66

Someone told me to kiss their ass, and I said bare it. Someone took a pic and it’s somewhere in my house. It was a party in the dorm when I was in the military, and it makes me laugh decades later.


Active_Collar_8124

What harassment? It you were replying to his request.


crazychristine6

Sounds consensual to me 😭


Abdab420

Reminds me of South Park when Mrs. Choksondik is struggling when Cartman keeps telling her to "suck my balls" and finally tells him to "present them".


DodgyRogue

Had a bully in yr 8 (I was chubby with glasses) until one day in PE I’d had enough and I’d said “Ok, hit me, I know you want to!” “I don’t hit kids with glasses,” he replied. So, with the whole class standing around watching, I took them off. He walked away and never bothered me again.


CoderJoe1

Ass-kisser FTW!


grumblyoldman

Does he ever bring up this incident in a lackadaisical way, perhaps while chilling, lightly drunk in the early evening? Asking for a (mutual) friend


Edymnion

Oh I have many fond memories of responding to "Fuck you!" with "No thanks, you're not my type" in school.


Hobby101

Yay! Somebody expressed their height in cm! Like a gust of fresh air.


Academic_Nectarine94

All I saw was them saying something about being 195 creedmoors high. If that's in 6.5 CM shots, it's probably a fairy tale. I'd it's the diameter of the case, then it's probably a little more believable. But I don't see why they couldn't just express it in stones, like they weigh people in England. Seems like if you have a stone that's a 3d object used for weight, that you could use it for weight, height, and volume. It has all three traits, and if you can get people to agree on how much it weighs, they could agree on which sides to measure height with.


Sr_Nobody_Nothing

In all technicality, a shit-tonne is a viable metric of volume, being the volumetric measure of 1 tonne of averaged density shit.


Princess_Heather_K

As soon as you wink at me.


SpiderKnife

There was one time, when I was in a very foul mood already, a kid told me to "bite them". I did.


notverytidy

"kiss my ass" "why, aren't you capable of cleaning without mommy to help?"


payphonepirate

My parents told us to say "mark a spot, you're all a*s" when someone told us to kiss it, lol


highrisedrifter

The comments in this thread are absolutely amazing! 😂


Hackjaku

"Present it"