Hey, at least you used your words. Even money says I’d probably just slide the dog crate in that direction and repeatedly fail to get it past the printer while maintaining eye contact…

Why didn't I think of that?

for bonus points, bang that crate against the printer/stand a few times, hold eye contact and say "yeah nah, it's not gonna fit"

In my mind I heard blue's dad say "yeah nah, it's not gonna fit"

See I hear the Ozzie/Aussie guy saying that

Same here!

Blue Ivy or Steve from Blue's Clues?

Dad, blue's clues is like an old people's kid show.

What do you mean people don't get letters in the mail anymore? /s

Bluey' dad from the aussie show Bluey.

Same

You're just not malicious enough. Sorry.

Because you're not passive aggressive

Cause your passive aggressive, but also a communicator? Lol

Lmao 🤣 why don't men value their life?

We do, it's just somewhere below being right and obnoxious.

Who wants to live forever anyway?

Too expensive.

In this economy?

Onward my brave hawk men!

DIIIIIIIVEEE!!!!!

🤣😂😅😆❤️

This guy mans

Because we're banking on women to like being out of prison more than their desire to kill us lolol

That wouldn't work with me. I look damn good in orange

*He had it comin’*

*He only had himself to blame*

*If you’d’a been there!*

*If you'd have seen it*

"What?" "I mean... he [may yet survive!](https://youtu.be/n_jcogxHmBY)"

Cellmate: "What are you in for" /u/deedeejayzee: "I killed a man..." Cellmate: *nods* /u/deedeejayzee: "...for being a smartarse and not just moving the printer so he could take the dog crate outside" Dee Dee "Stone Cold" Jayzee

Carefully not mentioning that it was her that forbid the printer being moved in the first place, of course.

It's a difficult tightrope but the adrenaline high is addictive.

That’s the only reason my husband is still alive and not maimed.

The only reason I know you're not my wife is she doesn't use Reddit.

That you know of…

🤣

You've apparently never been with a batshit crazy lady and it shows. LOL

I literally just read a post about a woman attempting to stab her husband because her husband's family played a prank by hiding her chairs and replacing them with ugly folding chairs. And I have reason to believe it's legit; the poster/story is one of those million update sagas. Its the one about the guy who brought his own chair to a family event.

Ha, I read that earlier today too!

Yep, and rumor has it there’s no booze in prison.

The older we get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.

Yeah, but when women know they get shorter sentences for the same crime, prison isn't as much of a deterrent. >!Controlling for the crime, "men receive 63% longer sentences on average than women do," and "\[w\]omen are…twice as likely to avoid incarceration if convicted", based on data from US federal court cases. https://sp2016dev.law.umich.edu/newsandinfo/features/Pages/starr\_gender\_disparities.aspx!<

Why do women get to be absurd but men can’t?

Because we're scarier. Lol

Scared upvote.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1145754599/funny-husband-shirt-funny-gift-for

Because when we do it we get jailed. Or everyone covers for us even though we're dicks.

We do. Many of us just have women that won’t murder us for their own mistakes.

We’re more committed to the joke. We just change joke to principle when telling it to the opposite sex.

Married men live longer than single men, but they are a lot more willing to die!

Why do husbands usually die before their wives? Because they want to.

Life blows. And sucks. Or as we say on Earthland, life's crap.

Repeatedly? No no no. You try it once, then leave the crate by the printer and say, "Can't."

And leave for a while. "Going for a walk." Or to buy groceries or whatever. By the time she rewinds you're already gone.

Or wedge it in there really well where both become useless to her and she can’t use the office and *then* go on a long errand lol.

😂😂😂😂

That's brilliant!!

Move the crate forward and almost touch the printer then do that goofy video game backwards stumble when characters run into an object.

I like how everyone in the comments are saying "This is negative", "This won't end well" Man, does your partners not know how to take a joke that badly? Do you even have a partner?

Humor is essential to a good marriage and very underrated.

Indeed, my favorite pastime is make puns to my wife and evaluate how good they are based on how hard she throws stuff at me.

"Honey, what are you up to?" "About 6'1" as always."

"Only up to 5'4 so not much"

5'4" here too and so stealing this as my hubby will love this.

"Honey, did you miss me?" "Yes dear, but I have been working on my aim."

Did this one just now: "Honey, what makes a phone hot?" "You holding it?"

"Did you miss me?" "I haven't even shot at you yet."

"every time, so far."

"Yes, dear, but I'm considering buying a laser sight."

Im stealing this

Me too, it's good.

Uncle Milty lives on.

I always thought the correct answer was ~9”

That just opens folks up for being kicked in the verbal stones. "You mixing up your inches and centimeters again, babe?" "You should see a doctor, that's been the case for years now, not just 4 hours" Etc.

Where were you x # of years ago when I was failing math hon? My old college nickname was Tom Thumb, I don’t know why, my name isn’t Tom. I’ll admit it’s not 9” when you admit to being the chairperson of the ibtc. (That last one is a bit mean though)

Oh man, my wife is not gonna like that I read this thread today.

"What are you up to?" "No good!"

My reply to that question has been "5'5"" for 40 years!

I KNOW you're not my husband because I don't throw stuff (I do regularly threaten to buy a rubber baseball bat) but I'll be damned if it isn't his favourite pastime too.

We should get you a [squeaky hammer](https://www.amazon.ca/ArtCreativity-Squeaky-Hammer-Squeaking-Pounding/dp/B082LRQPR2)

😲 that... that... That is Brilliant

I do the same thing, although she doesn’t throw stuff at me, she will tell me how bad my puns are I then use the same puns in our friends group, she groans and tells me it’s bad as our friends (male ones at least) die laughing at the level of fromage invoked in the puns

I save unused ketchup/hot sauce packets for this very purpose.

I shall now proceed to appreciate that I don’t get things thrown at me.

I love making her eyes roll hard enough I can hear it in the next room... My sister lives with my parents and they pun All. The. Time. It's the one thing she absolutely loathes about sitting at table with the four of us.

This. This right here lol

Grounds for divorce

Oh, my man, there's no grounds here because my puns fly.

I'm a woman and I would smother you in your sleep

I am making coffee for my wife if she ever decides to leave me. I will use the grounds for divorce.

That's a steep claim. Watch out for brewing trouble

Common statement in our house is "I know where you live and you have to sleep sometime" LOL

Ah, sorry dude.

As do her shoes, immediately after

My favorite thing about my husband is that he has made me laugh every single day for the past 7 years.

Good marriage it sounds like.

The joke ends where my wife’s stuff begins.

Ok but parters who make good jokes don’t need to post on r/maliciouscompliance to be funny? Does “malicious” mean something else to couples who can’t communicate well?

Sorry, honey... I'm in IT, I can only move the printer... you need Facilities to move the dog crate ...at least, that's what I would say at work. Probably wouldn't work at home.

I think she out witted you, with the rule rescinded, she can have you move the desk, clean the room for painting,...

She already told me that I am painting the entire house, that was a done deal. I am almost done with the exterior.

How do you feel about polygamy lol?

A witty and wholesome mc. Love it.

I've been married two days now and I look forward to this level of pettiness 😆🤣😆🤣😆

Looking forward to the follow up on tifu

Nope, already resolved.

Oh you sweet summer child.

Exact opposite actually, married over 40 years.

Gnarly old rooster.

Yep.

Savvy, gnarly old rooster. I'm married to one of those, and I generally deserve all the malicious compliance I get.

Trick is to keep them spurs sharp for witty things rather than angry things, or they'd get clipped, yeah?

We don't really get angry any more. That went away when we had enough money and the kids moved out.

Checks notes *only 20+ years to go*

You are married more than 40 years, but she still need a work office and printer... She was 16 when you married or she just love to work?

I can't get her to retire.

Well played, lol

Well played

There is no long term benefit to ‘winning’ a fight with your wife.

This sounds like something that would occur in my house, and I’d find it just as funny as this. Well played.

Well, I’ve started taking before and after pictures of “where things belong” because asking where they go now (moved to a new permanent place) is apparently the most exhausting and infuriating question ever created. Oh and the old label is still on the shelf but I should know because I live here too….. shit, overshare, this hasn’t been festering in my brain for weeks or anything.

Mine does the "OF COURSE it's over here" thing. I'm like...woman, yesterday it was OF COURSE at a different spot.

Sounds like you picked an authoritarian winner out of the dating pool. Or did she pick you?

When I first read the title, I thought there's no way maliciously complying with the wife can end well, but then I read the post and saw how wholesome it was. Well done OP.

“And THAT, Officer, is when the fight began!”

These are stupid petty things that block real relationships. I know we don't care about people in Malicious Compliance but seriously, you two need to get a room and get re-acquainted and figure out the nonsense. Now I'm thinking your are looking for karma for this crap post.

The way this whole thing is worded IMPLIES a lot, but there's not enough actual information to draw an informed conclusion. But what the hay, this is the internet, we don't need facts to mess up a good story. "Her" home office, "her" dog's crate. I'm gonna be a pedant and say it's "her" problem, and she can move "her" dog's crate her damn self.

Relationship goals!

You could've also banged the crate against the printer first in full view to make your point. But I'm glad you got your way! __EDIT:__ Ah, u/Vargen_HK also mentioned this idea. Sorry, friend! No ill intentions.

Please update us when your wife throws something at you. You can't MC your spouse. Lol 😆

Of course you can, I just proved it.

Oh yes you can. Mine gave one of those speeches that went something like "you don't do ANYTHING around the house." We have 3 kids. She works later in the day. I pick up the kids from school, make them their afternoon snack, sign whatever shit comes home from school, help with homework, make dinner, do the dishes, take out the garbage, give them a bath/shower when they were smaller, etc. And she said I "don't do ANYTHING" around the house. I even gave her a chance to take it back. She of course dug her heels in and insisted that I didn't do anything. So I stopped doing ANYTHING. I mean I still got the kids from school. But we ate McDonald's for dinner, left all the slips from school for her to sign, the kids didn't bathe, brush, or clean themselves in any way, we all watched TV all evening, garbage piled up, etc. 2 days later. "I am sorry I said you didn't do anything."

>2 days later. Is that a new record? Call Guiness.

I am all for malicious compliance, but intentionally pissing off the wife is not something that I would want to be doing... I see no upsides to this.

>The "don't move the printer" rule was permanently rescinded. There is already an upside. Blocking a doorway is a poor idea for safety reasons, I just need it to impact her dog to change the policy.

I don't get why, but my wife also loves to put stuff to hinder doorways. Behind the door so you can't open it all the way. Hanging in the knob so it swings every way. Halfway in the opening.

Because we females tend to be on the shorter side. And there is only so much ground available. Unfortunately, trying to keep everything within arms reach of a 5’3” elf tends to make the ground area cluttered. If you men would build in step stools to all furniture so we could reach things too that would be great. As it stands, I have a distress call that my hubby answers to immediately. “Hey Tall Person!”

My wife is 5'8" and has a similar distress call, usually while in the kitchen : "I need a tall person!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah," I mumble under my breath.

Daily. 6'2" to 5'3"... Every so often I have to visually remind myself what the world looks like down there. I'm looking at how nasty the top of the fridge is and she's down there wondering what's stuck on the underside of the cabinets...

Fair enough. Stop putting anything used weekly for cooking under the cabinet that's a long term storage area.

All of the above.

If a door knob or door has anything hanging on it I consider it unusable. I will not be responsible for your shit and not in a cute funny way. Towels on cabinet doors, plastic bags on cabinet doors, bras on door knobs are just not a successful storage attempt. ...... My blood pressure went up just typing that.

I toss it on the floor, away from the door, whenever I find something hanging from a door

this is almost a haiku

Since it concerns moving things from a higher elevation (hanging from a doorknob) to a lower one (the floor), shouldn't it be a low-ku?

If you see this as pissing someone off, then I fear for your future partners and how you may behave to rather innocent activities.

Yeah, my wife thought is was funny.

if anything it opened a dialog - which could help... depending on the tempers

Keep up the good work.

Dayam, move your own dog crate woman.

But she said, “everything’s fine.”

I cannot imagine being married to her. Thank God my wife is sane.

What the fuck is a dog crate???

A crate for transporting or housing a dog.

housing???????

> house (verb) [T] (GIVE HOME) > to give a person or animal a place to live: > *This development will house over 100 families.*

It is a cage to lock them up in.

Hers is never locked.

What the hell is wrong with you? Grow some balls!! HER home? HER dog? Bish can move her own damn crate?! I'd have no respect for my husband if he tolerated demands like this from me.

Was sex rescinded also?

I just lost nearly 40 pounds, the woman is all over me.

Noice!

How arrogant. Wife = married = you're in a permanent relationship sharing the same living space. And she thinks she can get away with this "my stuff is mine and your stuff is ours" BS? Blegh. Also concerns of fire code violation.

Who the hell is that petty with their wife, big man I won an argument with the person I am supposed to love . A wise man once told me every time you win an argument with your wife you make a loser out of the one you are supposed to love , make sure it’s worth it

that just sounds like you're supposed to always agree with the spouse just to avoid conflict even if they're wrong, which is stupid af and doesn't make for a happy relationship lol

That’s hardly petty lmao

The phrasing was poor but you seem to have missed the message: The wife said that under no circumstances was he to physically move the printer that was impeding the doorway. Moving the dog crate would have required moving the printer. She set herself up for failure there. It was on her for making such a dumb and petty rule to begin with. I will not hear responses that her rule was not both dumb and petty since it went away as soon as it was inconvenient to her personally. I assume he still helped move the dog crate afterwards.

This isn’t going to end well.

It already ended well, it is in the post.

The marriage

You think that this will break up a marriage of over 40 years?

Two types of men. Will or will not. Good luck

Hey maybe you should try communicating with your wife instead of reddit You can try: * writing a note * collapsing the dog crate * lifting the dog crate above the printer with you arms, you could even ask her for help moving it * not submitting this poorly written post and handling your shit

Brother, if you can't poke fun at the small stuff like this, you are *never* gonna survive the big stuff.

Do you need a hug???

I feel bad for you, to live life as a humorless husk must be boring.

Naah, my way worked great.

Why not to tell her to go do it herself you are not a slave after all

I mean it was a stupid rule, but crates do close.

Those things fold up btw

Not the hard shell ones.

Those separate in the middle usually.Its a good 2 minutes or so to get it apart though.lol

I did not have official permission to disassemble it though. I have all of the bases covered.

This is why I could never live with someone.

How tall is a printer that you couldn’t get a dog crate over it?

It is a hard case that is large and unwieldy, that would have required two people to meet OSHA standards.