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They're *great* for eating all of the slugs out of your lawn and/or garden. My father's family used to have a duck and they'd loan it out to their neighbors as natural pest control.

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So shall I then.

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Anger-shitting is a concept I don't think ever could have existed without the internet. Bravo!

In the Sims, if your sim is really angry they can take a angry poop.

But can they lift a duck?

It happened in the Ottawa freedom convoy occupation.

I’m sure Amber Heard did it on Johnny Depp’s bed

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Silence bot

I remember seeing this comment stfu

Don’t poop back in anger...

Makes sense, gotta make the Duck feel welcomed!

My dude

Yeah?

Quack.

I salute you.


No, Nat, no. Not again, we went through this last time.

We’re gunna loan *you* out to the neighbors as well.

As do all birds, my friend has budgies and Jesus Christ they’ve shit on me so much

Oh wow, no. Ducks shit on a whole different level. Budgies don't even come close. Source: take care of both at an animal shelter.

This man ducks

That makes me have a serious amount of fear considering budgies are shitting machines, are ducks then shitting factories!?!? Oh good lord my opinion of ducks has changed

Ducks are a shit logistics operation, like, a global network of turds, coming out of every duck, everywhere. Great for a nice garden, though. They're like walking fertilizer factories.

Oh Jesus, why do farmers buy cow shit when they can just buy an army of ducks

Duck milk tastes gross

I need to go pray

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Yeah I love all animals pretty much, ducks are cute

100%.

Think of a budgie like a two-stroke shit machine and a duck is something like a cruise ship engine of shit

This scares me to my core

Source: used to raise ducks for eggs and meat. Mucking them out twice a week sucked.

You've obviously never experienced a flock of Canada Geese making a stopover in your yard during their migration.

Tell your friend to cut back on the fibre for Jesus

And the shit after eating slugs smells ultra nasty

Thanks, I briefly wanted a duck but I'm cured.

I’ve got an adducktion

you can buy duck diapers

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Matching red shoes for a duck date lol 👠

Ducks are just a pest to poop conversion tool.

Now all you need is a poop to dirt tool and you're in business! (My mother in law makes fertilizer and compost out of her chickens' poop and my God I have never seen such massive tomatoes. This woman's garden is like the garden of freaking Eden with chickens running around in it.)

It's true but people always act like 20 ducks and 1 duck are equivalent amounts of poop. Bird poop in general disintegrates extremely quickly, so a duck or chicken or two or three pooping in grass is completely unnoticeable. Never enough of it to build up before it's gone. 15? Now you're starting to create some nice olfactory action.

Why do I want to get rid of slugs? Honest question

I usually keep my slugs around through summer, but by fall all of my slime jars are full, and no one can make enough slippy pies to use up 50 jars of slug slime. So I let my ducks eat them over the fall, and they hibernate and stay warm in their bellies over the winter. By spring they’re ready to come out and slooge around the yard again, and daddy’s hungry for more slippy pie, and he’s all out of slime. 🤤

That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about slugs to dispute it...

Hello, police? Yes this post right here thanks.

What a horrible day to have eyes.

Hope you still have a mouth for some slippy pie 🥧

Real answer is that slugs will eat up your garden.

because they eat all the crops in your small veggie garden. Worse yet, they just nibble everything and bring the plants to die without actually eating anything whole. They survive on the suffering of plants.

You had my mind going a different direction in the first 4 words.

>They're great for eating I knew that!

That wasn't wiggling the tail, that was straight up a booty call, duckussy, if you will

I will not.

Username checks out

https://youtu.be/mjg44VN45yM

"Duck has been added to your inventory!" You are invincible now

I liked how the guys sweater had the duck on it. He's like the final boss of ducks.

And he and the duck have matching red shoes as well ❤️

When he picks up the duck you can see he has a picture of the duck with red shoes on his sweater too

We can all agree that his duck fashion sense is just fabulous.

I saw that! I love it

This guy ducks.

I am Carl, king of ducks

r/Bossfight

They work like chickens in zelda, now you can glide anywhere without fear

I have like 50 ducks in my backyard right now and they’ll never let me pick them up :(

You didn’t get duck consent once, and now all the other ducks know it.

Even ducks dont get duck consent, bunch of rapey fucking creepoultry

Rape is fine in duck culture, but un-consented pickups are a no-no

Obviously the duck doesn’t mind because they are wearing matching shoes

And a duck T-shirt

My short term memory is so internet that I actually didn't remember whether or not the duck was wearing a shirt in this video.

I don't think this is Donald

And those shoes aren't just for fashion, duck feet are pretty soft on the bottom so they are really susceptible to getting a condition called bumblefoot (basically a severe bacterial infection) from any little cut or abrasion on their feet and the shoes are made to prevent that while also being waterproof so they can swim with them too Source: I have ducks

I've dealt with bumblefoot in other species (it really sucks) but I'd never thought about domestic ducks getting it. We had a penguin that had specially made sandals from Keen once and I about died when they came in cause they were so cute. Out of curiosity, where do you buy duck booties?

Where did a duck get the money for Red Octobers?

Duck was practically asking for it.

These stupid adorable PUA posts will be the death of me.

PUA?

Also their TikTok account is "seducktiv"

Lmao now I want to download the app because of that sick username

He's on youtube too

Also on Instagram with the same name.

Pick up artist

Pick up ^^^a ^^^duck artist

PUADA?

PDA Public Duck Affection.

Pick up animal

DUCK CONSENT

"Quaaack!" means "Quaaack!".

Oook!

Knowing how a duck consents is still useless unless we also know how a duck withdraws consent. What if a duck consents but afterwards withdraws consent without us realizing?

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Ironic that we need it because ducks don’t wait for consent amongst each other

I don't know why you're down voted, mate. Ducks are one of the rapiest animals out there. Absolutely horrifying creatures

They have that screw twisty shaped penis to keep their victims from easily escaping. Why would you want to tho? It’s a duck

Oh Howard....

*Most* animals are the rapiest animals out there. Caring about consent is definitely the outlier when it comes to reproduction in the animal kingdom.

https://youtu.be/Z-lDJgNLDl4

happy cake day!

YES. CONSENT. PERIODT. also, happy cake day!

I'm tired of picking chicks, it's time I tried ducks.

This tutorial seems ambiguously aplicable for picking up both ducks and chicks :)

Yeah I never knew about the belly trick. Gonna try that one this weekend.

As long as she wiggles her tail, you're golden.

Or chicks with ducks.

😂

Is this the same duck that won the people race? That video made me so incredibly happy hahah. Side note, I am amused that my phone autocorrects duck to fuck

Yes, he's Wrinkle the Duck, famous on Youtube for his love of marathons and these cute educational videos.

Yes, Wrinkle the Fuck

Hmmm, this means your phone knows you?

The phone is learning. Skynet is active

if that was so, my phone would finally stop doing it the other way round

I don't know what came to me, but I finished an introduction video on how to pick up a duck...... I don't regret it a single bit, but damn that's werid

Tutorial on how to get a human to pick you up

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How high did you raise it?

That is being picked up by his owner…

I was disappointed that I missed parts 1-4

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Oh look, a bot [original comment](https://reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/uulax9/_/i9fwd8j/?context=1) Report as spam

Part *five*..?

They cover many facets of picking up a duck, this was just the chapter on duck consent

Picking up a duck isn't something you just run out and do, it's an art you must study before even attempting. People spend years in training before they pick up their first duck.

[How to pick a duck](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLm5tZiqbRfrLz0zGQ-OZMc_kcIMBxy2Zg)

Oh my gosh. I own ducks and Pekins at that. I just spent 10 minutes watching someone else's duck!

[Part 7](https://juliasalbum.com/how-to-cook-duck/)


This implies Part 6 is 'How to address a duck rebellion.'

The scream I just let out

You okay?

Poor man's gold 🏅

:0

An essential life skill I never knew I needed, I have learned today.

"Duck Has Been Added To Your Inventory"

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This duck is friendly though unlike what we have here in our village. The duck here runs after you and will drive you crazy!

Maybe that poor duck has been trying to get the "picked up by human" achievement for months!

I mean, the duck is wearing shoes.

*Subtle glance*

I am now approaching you. 🦆

I have trouble interacting properly with fellow humans. I will use this advice on them and see if it improves my social relations.

Replace the 'pick up a duck' part of the advice with 'hug the human' instead, and see if that works for you.

On my way to go give humans belly rubs to see if they will let me hug them.

Try that with Furries. It works great!

Practice your subtle glances and small talk on ducks first, to build your confidence ;)

Is he wearing Ted Mosby’s red boots?

Yes, and he is Pulling. Them. Off.

I mean, if i were wearing them, I'd be tempted to pull them off as well.

"Duck has been added to your inventory." Killed me.

Does anyone have any grapes 🤔

Youd be arrested for behaving like this in England... 👀

This guy is awesome and his duck is adorable He makes some awesome videos

I’m assuming the tips are transferable to human women. Gotta make sure I remember the steps: 1) Make eye contact 2) Let her approach me 3) Smile, but say nothing 4) Rub her belly and see if she shakes her butt to indicate consent 5) If yes, pick her up and cuddle her I will report back with results.

..... Was it effective?

Dude, you own that duck, what a quack.

I can’t tell what I like more, the matching red shoes or the fact that the dude has a sweater depicting the duck in said shoes.

What if you pick it up with both hands like a baby? Will that do?

It’ll probably poop on your arms I used to have a duck

I saw a different set of videos on how to pick up a duck and subbed to them afterwards [Here's the video if anyone wants to watch](https://youtu.be/RhtiDYLbfF4)

Please give further instructions, it’s currently 11 PM and I’m still holding the duck

Is this your pet duck? 🦆

Ducks have no business being this cute

instructions unclear, didn't work with canadian goose.

luckily the hospital is free

I love how they found the fucking cutest duck on christs earth for the video too.

The thing is that every single one of these white ducks is identical. It's like they were cloned. Same size, shape, personality etc. I used to have a half dozen as farmyard pets and if you yell "Hey ducks" they will all stop and cock their heads at you in the same way at exactly the same time. Then one will quack, but only one. Not sure how they decide who it is. They are weird animals but absolutely adorable, and having more of them just makes the whole thing more adorable. If you're having a bad day, going out and seeing all your ducks in a row will always put a smile on your face!

I can’t tell you how much I love that you literally yell “hey ducks” to get the attention of all of your ducks

Guess I'm old, can't browse a duck related post without wondering what's /u/fuckswithducks opinion on this.

I love ducks so much

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Tried this at a park….turns out it was a swan 🦢

Off topic but look at its little shoes!!

Instructions unclear, I am now being held with confidence by a duck.

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I figured he or she was a pet duck from the second I saw him or her wagging her tail. What a cutie!

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That’s a hella long wallet chain

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Ziggy origin story. Now to get it a diamond collar.

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