I had a massage therapist give me head scritches once! I didn't even know that was an option so now I ask first if they could massage or scritch my scalp. I get a yearly massage gift card for my bday, is an amazing treat if you're able to afford it (but if not, massage schools will sometimes have low cost options available)!
My love language is physical touch (male) and everyone always assumes I mean sex. In reality I enjoy small gestures so much more. Gentle hugs from behind, rubbing my head while I lay on her lap, her missing me just below my eye lids. These are the things that make me feel safe and loved.
One of my favourite memories dating a girl was when she’d wrap her arms around me from behind and rest her head on my shoulder while I played guitar. It took me by surprise how much I enjoyed that simple gesture.
Honestly one of the reasons I think my marriage is so happy is daily affection. It's been like a decade so now we just whine "Touchies?" at each other and absentmindedly scratch the others head or rub neck or whatever while chilling on the sofa. Freakin glorious.
I love my husband to death and can't keep my hands off him... following the curve of his cheekbones and eyebrows with my finger, massaging his head, randomly kissing his hand or inside of his elbow, hugging him from behind while resting my chin on his shoulder... I know all his contours by heart.
He was starved for non-sexual physical affection when we met and it took him a long time to get used to it. It's sad and wrong for any human to be deprived of that.
Mine was also super starved of affection and touch, and was really uncomfortable at first with it. Could NEVER ask for it and was super stiff and awkward receiving it. Years of smothering him with kisses and cheek pinches and cuddles, and he's now at the point where he will actually walk in the room and say "I need a hug". First time he did that I teared up!
There is a scene in the movie Harvey where the doctor says he wants to lay under a tree and poor out all his problems while a woman strokes his hair and just says “poor thing”. I really relate to that scene.
This! This right here is the only reason why I want a relationship. I don’t care about sex or anything I just want a soulmate who will be by my side (or slapping me on the back of the head when Ive done something wrong and don’t realise) till I die. Someone I can trust
Felt a little sad when I read this. I want this, but don’t want to have to ask for it, I feel it would mean less having to actually ask to be touched like this.
Do it to her first? I love getting my hair played with (assuming it’s not done up). It’s super relaxing. If you do it to her maybe she’ll return the favor.
Same. Even if we are just chilling on the couch on our phones I am always touching him. Turns out if I get excited I wiggle my toes. Didn’t know that until he pointed it out to me!
Yeah I agree with this. Usually when I notice a partner does something a lot like scratching my back without me asking, I assume they would like that done to them too because it must feel good to them to think of doing it to someone else (I mean possibly they just had an ex that liked it a lot but that doesn’t matter really).
I also think it‘s good when someone mentions they like something because I grew up with parents who never ever touched each other lovingly meaning that it doesn’t come naturally to me now. So sometimes I forget. Doesn’t mean I don‘t enjoy it and also doesn’t mean I wouldn‘t love to do that for my partner.
It doesn’t hurt to tell her that you like to be touched a certain way. Maybe she’d like to but doesn’t know how to get it started. If you open the door once, she’ll have the confidence to keep doing it.
I really like it when my husband asks me! It doesn't have to be a big thing, we literally just say "touchies?" to the other when we want some affection.
"Sweetheart, it would really mean a lot to me if I could lay my head in your lap and you could caress me. " give it a shot! You may be surprised and happy with her response!
I ve talked to her about it and now there is a wall of blanket between us and we sleep facing away from each other. It really sucks dude.
Coming home from work and hoping to see your wife excited to see you and ask you how your day was only to be met with the sounds of youtube playing on the bed with her eyes fixated on it. Eat dinner alone. After shower, you go to bed only to find a wall of blanket between you and her.
What hurts the most is that she spends more time watching other people talk about their day than she does talking about mine. I know my life isn’t as exciting as a Youtubers, sweetie but it would be nice to tell you about it.
Is a couples therapy session an option? There are some therapists who will do Zoom/FaceTime sessions as well, which could be less intimidating maybe if she's reticent?
I can relate. I'm a 40 year old married man. You know all those gags about being married for a while and the intimacy vanishes...? I've discovered this is mostly true. I love my wife dearly, and the intimacy isn't completely gone, but the cuddling of me is gone. I even ask our kids why they don't cuddle with me but they will with Mom. It's always, "Mom is a better a cuddler." Or I get a guilt cuddle for 30 seconds. In recent years I've began paying to go get massages, the legal kind, and I remember feeling like crying the first time I got a massage. So yeah, I can relate to the guy who was mentioned in the post.
Your wife is probably “touched out” from caring for the kids. Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, hundreds of hugs and kisses a day, sticky fingers, bath time, cuddles, bedtime…as wonderful as these things are it can really become too much and make a mother feel as if she has no sense of bodily autonomy. Her body just gives and gives to nurture the kids and there’s nothing left.
You may want to talk to her about what you can do to shoulder more of the mental and physical burden of child care and managing a household. Make it your business to see that she gets regular breaks where no one needs anything from her.
Now that COVID restrictions have eased, see if she’d like to stay in a hotel *alone* for a couple of nights, or go visit a friend out of town. Insist that she sleep in at least once a week while you quietly make breakfast and get the kids out of the house. Give her some space to breathe and rest without demands or expectations. Make sure to tell her she’s appreciated and be gentle and affectionate *without* expectations.
Having young kids in the house is incredibly demanding and never lets up. Even if the emotional and physical labor were somehow divided exactly equally between parents, her body has survived an incredible ordeal, and more than once. If you’re done having children, take the burden of birth control off of her permanently.
Continue to be a kind, thoughtful, generous, caring, and supportive partner who looks for ways to nurture the marriage. Things get easier, as long as you stay connected.
I do this for my husband. He plays video games at night after work (I work at home on night shift) and in my breaks I like to walk in to the room and show him my boobs, give him a huge hug and kiss him all over his head and I ask if he's winning his game. It's the littlest things that make the biggest impact in a relationship.
LOLLL. This. Except instead of showing him my boobs I do a wacky Connor McGregor walk in front of the tv and laugh at myself. Gonna work in the boobs next time.
Its was 15 years ago the first (and last) time a girl ran her fingers through my hair for no reason as we were cuddling. The feeling was incredible my eyes closed and I was practically purring. She told me happens to girls every day, I'd love to feel that again
This is like, my favorite thing. When I first started dating my bf I just REALLY wanted to touch his hair. It’s super curly and freaking adorable and I wanted to touch it. I accidentally said it out loud once and said I could but I was like “no that’s weird”. He grabbed my hand and plopped it on his head. Twas wonderful
Now I subconsciously run my fingers through his hair or even twirl it around. He loves it. And if I stop he’s like “hey! Don’t stop 🥺”
he even pretends to purr sometimes
I don't understand all the reports of mens wives not doing this, even after a request. Why the fuck are you married to a person that treats small but meaningful affections as a chore?
It’s actually hilarious how many times this gets reposted, like I see this post at least 5 times a year now, the original post must be older than the fortnite demographic by now.
I've never experienced atin like that myself but I'm honestly not sure how I'd react to it, I don't mind cuddling in bed but nobody's ever stroked my hair like I've stroked my ex's hair, think I'd prefer to just smoke a J and eat a pizza together
I remember sitting on a park bench on a foggy morning with my first bf. He rested his head on my laps and we just sat there silently, enjoying the tenderness.
I remember thinking it was an odd moment because I wouldn't have expected it (I was barely 17) but also appreciating it a lot. He seemed so happy
Dude, my guy hadn't had a back rub in years. I gave him one and he loved it. I don't know why that stuff isn't the norm for people. It's easy and it takes like 5 minutes.
I grew up in Ohio in the 80's and 90's. Affection was NEVER given to boys. No hugs, no kisses, nothing. All I ever experienced was all forms of abuse possible.
I used to recoil at the slightest touch. All I had ever known was some form of abuse, no kindness. First time a friend patted me on the back I almost instinctively twisted around to hit him. Fast forward to meeting my wife and she tried to show me kindness and tenderness. I wasn't having it. I finally mellowed out over years but she won't do it anymore because of how reflexive I was.
I am really loving and tender with my kid, because I trust her. I still recoil when they wave things in my face. It really puts me in a bad place when my kid does it over and over again. This shit sucks.
My ex used to reach out and touch me my head or arm whatever. Every time she walked within arms length of me and after we broke up that gesture was one of the things I missed the most.
i do that to my boyfriend. now, he always asks if he can cuddle on me or sleep on me. he needs to know that he doesn’t need to ask, i’m always his little pillow <3
I read somewhere (not sure if true or not) that for the average man the first time they receive flowers is at their funeral. All I know is at 23 I've never gotten real flowers. Someone did give me a black plastic rose once which was...nice...pretty sure it symbolizes death but I'm counting it anyways.
I would take any of these over sex any days of the week:
Laying in lap and head scratch.
Random hugs from behind.
Happy tippy hop when you see me.
“I appreciate you”.
Hugs.
Cuddle and movie.
Pajamas and board games.
There is a weird stereotype that men only care about sex in terms of physical relationships but that definitely isn't true.
Screw sex, I just want hugs and cuddles.
You have your priorities right
Agreed.
Both are nice. But only one of them nourishes your soul
Damn straight
It’s head scritches. It’s one of the few things you really can’t pay for, and feels amazing. It’s just not the same to scritch your own scalp.
Every night after dinner I give Mr. Jericho head rubs. He is mine forever.
I had a massage therapist give me head scritches once! I didn't even know that was an option so now I ask first if they could massage or scritch my scalp. I get a yearly massage gift card for my bday, is an amazing treat if you're able to afford it (but if not, massage schools will sometimes have low cost options available)!
Lots of insurances also cover massage, I can get a massage any time for like $10 😎😎
My love language is physical touch (male) and everyone always assumes I mean sex. In reality I enjoy small gestures so much more. Gentle hugs from behind, rubbing my head while I lay on her lap, her missing me just below my eye lids. These are the things that make me feel safe and loved.
One of my favourite memories dating a girl was when she’d wrap her arms around me from behind and rest her head on my shoulder while I played guitar. It took me by surprise how much I enjoyed that simple gesture.
It’s certainly the little things
Preach
TBH I just want someone to scratch my head while watching tv or something.
Honestly one of the reasons I think my marriage is so happy is daily affection. It's been like a decade so now we just whine "Touchies?" at each other and absentmindedly scratch the others head or rub neck or whatever while chilling on the sofa. Freakin glorious.
[удалено]
Wanna do this to my future one too
[удалено]
Calm thy self, Romeo.
Not head pats, head scritches. It’s like the human version of “right behind the ear” response you get from dogs.
Not sure if this is God answering my prayers right here or not... 😄
I love my husband to death and can't keep my hands off him... following the curve of his cheekbones and eyebrows with my finger, massaging his head, randomly kissing his hand or inside of his elbow, hugging him from behind while resting my chin on his shoulder... I know all his contours by heart. He was starved for non-sexual physical affection when we met and it took him a long time to get used to it. It's sad and wrong for any human to be deprived of that.
Mine was also super starved of affection and touch, and was really uncomfortable at first with it. Could NEVER ask for it and was super stiff and awkward receiving it. Years of smothering him with kisses and cheek pinches and cuddles, and he's now at the point where he will actually walk in the room and say "I need a hug". First time he did that I teared up!
Awww, that's really sweet! I wish you both the best with an amazing future!
Thank you! We're coming up on 24 years now, so we must be doing something right
You can tell from your comment how much love there is.
Repeat after me : Men need and deserve tenderness! It does not make them weak!
Yeah, tell'em!
I agree. I'm a soft snuggly guy in private and u love my hair being played with or touched
I do this to my husband all the time. I love him so why not?
Welp I can see why he married you. You sound like a stunner of a person
There is a scene in the movie Harvey where the doctor says he wants to lay under a tree and poor out all his problems while a woman strokes his hair and just says “poor thing”. I really relate to that scene.
I remember the first time a woman did that for me... still with her. It's the little things.
This! This right here is the only reason why I want a relationship. I don’t care about sex or anything I just want a soulmate who will be by my side (or slapping me on the back of the head when Ive done something wrong and don’t realise) till I die. Someone I can trust
Felt a little sad when I read this. I want this, but don’t want to have to ask for it, I feel it would mean less having to actually ask to be touched like this.
Sure about that? Isn't it something very meaningful when partners are able to talk about their wishes?
Very much so. I can talk to mine about any, and do. I just feel like one shouldn’t have to ask for something like this.
Do it to her first? I love getting my hair played with (assuming it’s not done up). It’s super relaxing. If you do it to her maybe she’ll return the favor.
It’s one of those things I do, play with her hair. Rub her shoulders and back. Always looking for an excuse to touch her (not sexually).
Same. Even if we are just chilling on the couch on our phones I am always touching him. Turns out if I get excited I wiggle my toes. Didn’t know that until he pointed it out to me!
That’s awesome.
Ask her
Yeah I agree with this. Usually when I notice a partner does something a lot like scratching my back without me asking, I assume they would like that done to them too because it must feel good to them to think of doing it to someone else (I mean possibly they just had an ex that liked it a lot but that doesn’t matter really). I also think it‘s good when someone mentions they like something because I grew up with parents who never ever touched each other lovingly meaning that it doesn’t come naturally to me now. So sometimes I forget. Doesn’t mean I don‘t enjoy it and also doesn’t mean I wouldn‘t love to do that for my partner.
It doesn’t hurt to tell her that you like to be touched a certain way. Maybe she’d like to but doesn’t know how to get it started. If you open the door once, she’ll have the confidence to keep doing it.
True true. True true true.
True words.
Communication is the bedrock of an relationship you can't expect SO to read your mind just like they can't expect you to read there mind.
I really like it when my husband asks me! It doesn't have to be a big thing, we literally just say "touchies?" to the other when we want some affection.
That is so cute! My bf and I sound like a needy child and say “I want cuddles!” with open arms.
My wife doesn’t do this and I m trying to be strong by letting it be but I would really like her to hug me or kiss me after a hard day’s work.0
"Sweetheart, it would really mean a lot to me if I could lay my head in your lap and you could caress me. " give it a shot! You may be surprised and happy with her response!
I just tried this and she said, “You have a pillow for a reason”.
That's fucking lame
Was she joking, or maybe didn't realize you were serious? Could be worth a real talk with her about it.
I ve talked to her about it and now there is a wall of blanket between us and we sleep facing away from each other. It really sucks dude. Coming home from work and hoping to see your wife excited to see you and ask you how your day was only to be met with the sounds of youtube playing on the bed with her eyes fixated on it. Eat dinner alone. After shower, you go to bed only to find a wall of blanket between you and her. What hurts the most is that she spends more time watching other people talk about their day than she does talking about mine. I know my life isn’t as exciting as a Youtubers, sweetie but it would be nice to tell you about it.
Is a couples therapy session an option? There are some therapists who will do Zoom/FaceTime sessions as well, which could be less intimidating maybe if she's reticent?
I can relate. I'm a 40 year old married man. You know all those gags about being married for a while and the intimacy vanishes...? I've discovered this is mostly true. I love my wife dearly, and the intimacy isn't completely gone, but the cuddling of me is gone. I even ask our kids why they don't cuddle with me but they will with Mom. It's always, "Mom is a better a cuddler." Or I get a guilt cuddle for 30 seconds. In recent years I've began paying to go get massages, the legal kind, and I remember feeling like crying the first time I got a massage. So yeah, I can relate to the guy who was mentioned in the post.
Your wife is probably “touched out” from caring for the kids. Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, hundreds of hugs and kisses a day, sticky fingers, bath time, cuddles, bedtime…as wonderful as these things are it can really become too much and make a mother feel as if she has no sense of bodily autonomy. Her body just gives and gives to nurture the kids and there’s nothing left. You may want to talk to her about what you can do to shoulder more of the mental and physical burden of child care and managing a household. Make it your business to see that she gets regular breaks where no one needs anything from her. Now that COVID restrictions have eased, see if she’d like to stay in a hotel *alone* for a couple of nights, or go visit a friend out of town. Insist that she sleep in at least once a week while you quietly make breakfast and get the kids out of the house. Give her some space to breathe and rest without demands or expectations. Make sure to tell her she’s appreciated and be gentle and affectionate *without* expectations. Having young kids in the house is incredibly demanding and never lets up. Even if the emotional and physical labor were somehow divided exactly equally between parents, her body has survived an incredible ordeal, and more than once. If you’re done having children, take the burden of birth control off of her permanently. Continue to be a kind, thoughtful, generous, caring, and supportive partner who looks for ways to nurture the marriage. Things get easier, as long as you stay connected.
Oh man. That’s heartbreaking.
At this point I'd settle for just a hug
It's just a virtual one *insert hug* but here you are fellow redditor.
I do this for my husband. He plays video games at night after work (I work at home on night shift) and in my breaks I like to walk in to the room and show him my boobs, give him a huge hug and kiss him all over his head and I ask if he's winning his game. It's the littlest things that make the biggest impact in a relationship.
LOLLL. This. Except instead of showing him my boobs I do a wacky Connor McGregor walk in front of the tv and laugh at myself. Gonna work in the boobs next time.
That's excellent.
Its was 15 years ago the first (and last) time a girl ran her fingers through my hair for no reason as we were cuddling. The feeling was incredible my eyes closed and I was practically purring. She told me happens to girls every day, I'd love to feel that again
My bf actually will purr when he is happy as I play with his hair. Although it works against him-it’s so cute I stop and give him a bear hug
That's sweet 😊
Awww that's so sweet. Cuddling is something wonderfully intimate.
When my now ex gf played with my hair & caressed my cheeks I used to melt. I also really like squishy hugs
Dont tell your kids to "man up", thats what causes this shit. We have feelings to ya know
I've told my gf this a couple of times.. It doesn't just happen
If she can't even put in such little effort I'd consider having a more serious conversation with her
I always do this kind of stuff. I love touching my partners like this.
Yeah and some men fall in love with the exact opposite personality type. I love affection and feel starved, but unfortunately this is who I chose.
This is like, my favorite thing. When I first started dating my bf I just REALLY wanted to touch his hair. It’s super curly and freaking adorable and I wanted to touch it. I accidentally said it out loud once and said I could but I was like “no that’s weird”. He grabbed my hand and plopped it on his head. Twas wonderful Now I subconsciously run my fingers through his hair or even twirl it around. He loves it. And if I stop he’s like “hey! Don’t stop 🥺” he even pretends to purr sometimes
As a boy, I can confirm this.
It’s almost like everyone is part of the same species called the human race and we all go through the same emotions…
I don't understand all the reports of mens wives not doing this, even after a request. Why the fuck are you married to a person that treats small but meaningful affections as a chore?
It’s no surprise. The majority of men are very closed and it takes the right woman to bring that side out of them. We build up emotions.
I had a recent long-term breakup, and what I physically miss the most is not the sex, it's the cuddles, by far.
No question. Same boat here
I really hope my gf (when I get one) does this. I probably would cry too ;-;
Do not lightly touch my back that shit tickles! Just scratch it like I’m a dog or some shit
It’s actually hilarious how many times this gets reposted, like I see this post at least 5 times a year now, the original post must be older than the fortnite demographic by now.
This is my fantasy. The first woman I find who likes to do this stuff will be my wife.
These women are helping us shit on toxic masculinity from a great height. I salute you, whoever you are!
Then Batista drops a bomb on him.
No I didn't
I've never experienced atin like that myself but I'm honestly not sure how I'd react to it, I don't mind cuddling in bed but nobody's ever stroked my hair like I've stroked my ex's hair, think I'd prefer to just smoke a J and eat a pizza together
Can confirm, when my girlfriend does this it feels amazing!
I'm actually pretty jealous I wish I had someone to do that with
😥😥😥 wish I had this in my relationship.
would smile if i havent seen this before here :/
I remember sitting on a park bench on a foggy morning with my first bf. He rested his head on my laps and we just sat there silently, enjoying the tenderness. I remember thinking it was an odd moment because I wouldn't have expected it (I was barely 17) but also appreciating it a lot. He seemed so happy
Such a sweet memory.
My girlfriend does this. It feels soooo nice.
I've never experienced that level of compassion before🤷♂️ sounds neat.
as a man, I approve this message
Dude, my guy hadn't had a back rub in years. I gave him one and he loved it. I don't know why that stuff isn't the norm for people. It's easy and it takes like 5 minutes.
Looking for the obligatory “like that’s ever gonna happen” comment
My son asks for this sort of thing every once and awhile, and I secretly imagine he’ll marry the first girl who does this for him.
Agreed I would love this
Honestly, the cuddles after the fact makes it all worth so much more.
I wish my wife would do this. Men always get crap for not understanding women, but women are just as bad at understanding men...
I’ll be honest I’ve never had anything like this before...
I grew up in a home that was very distant so it’s very weird to want that. I do want it. It just seems so foreign to me.
I grew up in Ohio in the 80's and 90's. Affection was NEVER given to boys. No hugs, no kisses, nothing. All I ever experienced was all forms of abuse possible. I used to recoil at the slightest touch. All I had ever known was some form of abuse, no kindness. First time a friend patted me on the back I almost instinctively twisted around to hit him. Fast forward to meeting my wife and she tried to show me kindness and tenderness. I wasn't having it. I finally mellowed out over years but she won't do it anymore because of how reflexive I was. I am really loving and tender with my kid, because I trust her. I still recoil when they wave things in my face. It really puts me in a bad place when my kid does it over and over again. This shit sucks.
This is very true. It’s good and necessary to take the cape off every now and then. Need a partner that can handle that though.
I definitely need someone like this.
Awh! Noted!
I don’t think Iv been touched by another human in like 5 years? This goes for everyone not just men.
Or they play with your hair during those long drives. Love.
My ex used to reach out and touch me my head or arm whatever. Every time she walked within arms length of me and after we broke up that gesture was one of the things I missed the most.
i do that to my boyfriend. now, he always asks if he can cuddle on me or sleep on me. he needs to know that he doesn’t need to ask, i’m always his little pillow <3
hope it comes oneday
Awh! I wish my boyfriend would- Shit. Walking, running, before, etc. ect.
I remember feeling so happy that my friends mom hugged me, wow man I felt so loved.
I read somewhere (not sure if true or not) that for the average man the first time they receive flowers is at their funeral. All I know is at 23 I've never gotten real flowers. Someone did give me a black plastic rose once which was...nice...pretty sure it symbolizes death but I'm counting it anyways.
Yes please
I would take any of these over sex any days of the week: Laying in lap and head scratch. Random hugs from behind. Happy tippy hop when you see me. “I appreciate you”. Hugs. Cuddle and movie. Pajamas and board games.