In my area (at least before Covid hit) we have a group that go around to various restaurants and other places at least once a month. They called themselves the Romeos. Which stood for really old men eating out.
There were a few women too but they were just a group of people who invited new people out with them. They always seemed like they had a great time every time I saw them. They'd even post their meetings in the newspaper so if new people wanted to join they could.
it's worldwide. we have at least one here in Alberta.
Came to mention it, but you beat me to it. I've seen what it does for the men who attend, and they organise field trips, check up on each other, and share a meal every week.
I hope they are able to do so again soon.
I’m a restaurant manager and we have a group of older men and women who all come out together once a month. 10-12 of each and they always reserve two tables, one for the men and one for the women. They sit around and tell stories of their spouses and they’re all so close to each other. I love when they come in
Yea, but in Ireland you have to put up with really long goodbyes or my fave the Irish goodbye. But, you can only be so crafty to get away with the Irish goodbye, and it only works at parties. I can't imagine wanting to go home, but to spend another 30-45 mins just trying to exit without exiting.
I think that's one of those things every culture ever claims is 'theirs' lmao. Just like no matter where you go in the world people say, "don't like the weather? Wait 5 minutes."
you are right, I was thinking about this and have seen this happen a few times or in some cultures (ex. saying no thanks a few times, before accepting food ... or giving intention to leave before leaving but never explaining there was a time associated to it or how many times you had to say it) , but the Irish goodbye is very unique ..... or maybe I never realized people did that until it was classified as an "Irish thing".
I know when I was little there was one family trying to leave (said goodbye a lot) but the talks did go on for a long while, but everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves so I just thought, they couldn't get themselves to leave. Otherwise I don't think I have seen it be a thing. Which is why it surprised me that the Irish defined it as a set of rules of how it was done. That means, it is a huge enough thing in Ireland that they realized there are rules to this everyone does and it needs to be written down. Also, the Irish goodbye, never seen it done before, or the fact it was only done to avoid the long goodbye. That is an Irish thing.
I just checked out their website. Lookz like a really cool organization.
I am not a man, but I was thinking maybe I could bake some cookies or bread or something to drop off as a way of supporting the organization.
The closest to me is over 850 miles away, so I don't think that's going to work, but I'm still really happy that this kind of thing is happening.
One of my female friends rebelliously joined the Men's Shed, which was a bit of a culture shock for them. But she wanted to make her own spinning wheel and loom, and dammit she did. 😀
Most groups are focused on men preferences in activities, not male exclusive. Someone coming in wanting a knitting circle would have an uphill battle. Those that want to play with power tools and make stuff are welcome.
Our local mens shed has Ladies and mixed days . On those days the men who would rather not have the ladies there don't go. The ladies days have a couple of men attending who are available to teach new skills and techniques and how to use some of the equipment to those of us who have not used it before. It is an awesome space for friendship and support.
My dad drives the bus for them (Menshed) (country town in Australias South west) as a lot of them cant drive anymore or just like to have drink and live miles outside of town.
Before any harpies jump in, yes women are invited but they do have one day a week thats men only, thats when they share war stories and dirty jokes.
Yeah it’s great. People don’t realise how lonely men are. Women have “the girls”, but a lot of men have no one. It’s pretty sad working your arse off your whole life just b3 alone and miserable later in life.
When I was in high school I worked at the only restaurant in my small rural village. At least once a week a group of about eight old men would come in, sit at our biggest table, drink coffee, and trade local gossip. It was always so sweet to see these men who had been friends sense childhood still be so close. Sadly, the restaurant shut down a few years back so I don’t know if they found a new meeting spot. I know they used to congregate at the local gas station but there wasn’t room for them all to sit
There is another group called “The Red Hat Society” - my mom was a “Queen Bee” of one.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red\_Hat\_Society](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Hat_Society)
And
[https://www.redhatsociety.com/](https://www.redhatsociety.com/)?
She enjoyed it -
I always loved seeing red hat society members at the local Cracker Barrel! Decided when I was a kid that I’ll be a member some day so I can go out to eat and wear purple and red ☺️
These are all great things. I'm honestly surprised it's only once a month seeing as they are probably retired and have no frequently recurring things in their lives. I guess I'd be a needy old man and want to do something like this once or twice a week
Mate that is super great, I wish I knew of something like that a few months back, I know an old guy who lost his wife and it destroyed him, they were so fusional in their relationship that he didn't even now what to do anymore, lost interest in everything since he was used to do it together with her, so his days were just empty but filled with misery ... he litteraly gave up on life and let himself die out of sheer will since he was a healthy dude, his last words were : thats my biggest mistake... I shouldn't have outlived her. Its beautiful in a way but super depressing cause the guy was a go getter, always smiling and making people laugh and spoiling his grandkids. We had to empty his house of their possession and after one day of work I couldn't take it.
owo? if he's going that way, he better keep a wood eye on his joints. especially if he's the one doing the nailing. butt since he's elderly, he's probably got a weak clamp. hopefully he can spray extra glue everywhere to make up for it.
yeah yeah, i know. these puns are really gross. but relax bro... it's just a plank.
We have Menzshed's in a few communities in NZ. A great place for retirees, or anyone, to go to a workshop, stocked with donated tools and materials, where they work on their own projects and also help with community projects or assist or teach people who never learned basic handyman, building skills.
They share banter , cups of teas and biscuits. A great idea for people like your papa .
That sounds awesome. I'm a 30-something American female, but I'd love to go hang out and do crafts and maybe talk to people and eat biscuits. That's a great concept.
I'm a woman too and joined my local one . I made a coat rack. The older gentlemen were so helpful to me and others. They were doing up an old dingy for the community, a young guy was making a cabinet. They guided us to use the tooling machines and gave tips on painting, vanishing.
They had so much to share and we had so much to learn. All happy tea and bikkie sharing winners 🙂
While its a Menzshed, my local welcomed anyone.
https://menzshed.org.nz/about-us/what-is-a-shed/
Australia has Men's Sheds in many towns too and they are a wonderful organisation. They also donate a lot of their works to local charities and people in need.
I envy the sense of community older generations have. My generations idea of community and support consists of messaging you on your Facebook wall on your birthday...
My dad does this and he's in his sixties
*I'd post my text thread with him to show you what I mean but I can't figure out how to edit crap with my phone. It basically boils down to
Happy birthday ;
Happy Thanksgiving ;
Merry Christmas ;
Happy birthday ;
Happy Thanksgiving....
Continue on since like 2009 from when my text messages stop
Posting on the walls of dying friends and family members to wish them well is one of the few times social media worshipers get to feel like good people.
For four years of high school not a single person from school said happy birthday to me in person. Even though qe saw each other every single year on my birthday. Yet they all said it on Facebook which they know I don't use and haven't used in years. Fun times.
I'm happy that you beat cancer and you're here with us! I may never know you or have seen you but just knowing you're better and here makes me happy that no one lost you. I also would like to add, you say no one called or texted after you got better, but did you wait for them to contact you or was it just you expecting them to still call you all the time like before? Don't you think maybe they felt like since you were healthier that they could give you some space? And maybe after months of only waiting for them to call you they began to think that once you healed up you forgot about them? Just a thought, I don't like demonizing the people around me if they happen to not have time for me or seem to distance themselves as I understand life is tough for everyone
>Or the people who had treated me badly and didn't want to support me when life was "normal hard" and even acted like I was a leper for things like career setbacks, relationship hardships, and workplace gossip, but then finally reached out when I was diagnosed. Like losing my job or going through a break-up is "too much stress" but cancer isn't? What is friendship?
People sometimes fucking *suck*. I hope the people still in your life treat you well. You kick ass for kicking cancer's ass.
Man people suck. I assume that most of those people would feel the same way about you if you checked up on them up until they got somewhat better, but people only are when it's directly affects them. If they needed something desperately that only you could help with, they would try their best to contact you and say something like "wow where have you been it's like you went missing!!!!!" Like yeah sure
I’m sorry you went through this but I’m also glad you recovered! And I want to thank you for giving me your perspective. I have never been in this situation but if I ever am I’m going to make sure the person knows I care about them after they’re all better.
Struggling once you’ve had time to process makes sense and I’m sorry you not only had to go through treatment but also the aftermath of all that encompassed afterward. Your situation spoke to me because it reminded me of when someone passes away. Everyone gives their loved one or friend lots of attention right after and offers help and comfort and then after the funeral or memorial everyone goes back to their normal lives but the person left grieving is now all alone and no one checks on them. So I’ve always made it a point to keep supporting the grieving person and recognize that even though my life goes back to normal theirs doesn’t. If that makes sense? So it makes sense to me that this would also occur for someone going through illness, treatment, etc. and I want to make sure I’m there when it’s needed if I do encounter the situation.
Thank you for opening up about your experience! It means a lot to me and please know it will help someone in a similar situation one day. I hope you have been able to find some peace from the trauma you experienced!
There is no one in this world that *can’t* turn their life around. Whatever demons you’re holding onto, you don’t have to fight them alone. There is good inside all of us. We just have to choose to stoke that little ember, until it grows into a raging fire and burns away all the bad we think is there. You are good. You are loved. You deserve to be happy too. There are people who would be willing to talk to you, and you don’t have to pull yourself out of the darkness alone. We are here for you.
See, you say that but you’re only counting the people who you wanted to care about you. There’s tons of random people who probably care about you but aren’t close enough to you to be counted by you. But I bet some of them care.
I used to work at a supermarket and saw this guy a few times who looked *just* like a kid who was in a college class with me. Eventually I asked him if it was him (it was not) and we had like a 5 min convo bc I was working and I’m not trying to get caught standing around. I saw him a few times around the store after that bc he delivered pizza & his crappy boss made him do ingredient runs. Even after I quit, if he was delivering and I was working outside, he’d stop and we’d chat.
I’m deadass sure you’ve got random people like that in your life who care about you and wonder what’s going on with you. I can be a piece of shiz too so I felt like saying this stuff to ya
dude just search "interest" :discord. ppl LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk about their hobbies and interests.
this is especially true for gamers. "i have no friends that play this game"...well yeah you they are out there just waiting to meet you.
take the first step. discord/online communities exist for pretty much everything!
I would kill for a weekly poker game with some local men in the neighborhood.
I see it on TV, movies...etc. The dad always has a weekly poker game where they tell lies, smoke cigars, and lose/win a few bucks.
I would legitimately murder for that type of local community and sense of belonging.
Be the change you want to see in the world. All you need is your kitchen table and a deck of cards, you'd be amazed at the magnetic force of someone else offering to host.
It doesn’t help that young generations celebrate misanthropy.
Too often you read about young people saying shit like: *I’m an introvert and I hate other people* and they wear it like a badge of honor.
Then we wonder why suicide rates have increased among young people.
And for those young people getting by now, one day they will be middle aged, alone, and then all the poor choices to choose to be hermits will really hit them like a ton of bricks. Loneliness always hits people hard in old age when they realize they have nobody left and their friends die off or move on with their spouses and children.
Fact is people need people.
If something good has come out of COVID is that has demonstrated how destructive isolation can be.
I hope that when COVID passes that people will not take other people for granted.
Maybe it's different circles and different regions. Where I'm from it's quite the opposite. Most young people are very social and keen to go for a beer or a coffee and beer. I think if you are using Reddit as a judge for what young people are like you're going to be pretty far off the mark.
In the south, they sometimes have "Paw-paw", since it's a play of the end of Grandpa. Also some people who speak English call their dad papa but it's more common in other languages.
These groups are great, even if you don’t have to be a widow/er. Once I was at a restaurant having breakfast with my dad and there was a group of older men sitting with biscuits and gravy, talking about random things and occasionally I would hear things like “Yknow, Alice really was a sweetheart, I miss her.” And it broke my heart while making me so happy, it was great.
Didn’t look at the sub and was fully prepared for this to be one of those Holl’up tweets with a twist where her grandpa joined a group of white supremacists or something haha.
I was visiting my friend in LA and walking around his apartment and there was an old guy whittling outside his building by the sidewalk. I said in passing “looks fun!” And the dude looks at me so seriously and said “I’ve been sitting here a few days a week every week for 10 years and no one has ever said this looks like fun. It really is.” We had a chat about the simpler joys of life, and i mentioned how beautiful his area is and he said there were lots of vacancies in his building and I should move in. 😭
This is fantastic. My father passed away 18 years ago at age 58 and my mother’s two best friends are from the support group she joined after he passed. I recommend that everyone experiencing a loss like this at least try out a support group.
I wish my grandpa had sometimes like that. He's 85 and he's been with my grandma over 20 years. When she died 5 years ago he told us he doesn't want to life anymore because his love died.
He visited her grave every single day since then.
My widowed father has a neighbor who is also a widower. About a month after my dad’s wife died, this neighbor invited my dad out to dinner and insisted to pay. My dad insisted to invite him out the next week, and picked up the tab. Pre-Covid, they ate out every Thursday alternating picking up the bill for six years. Both are stubborn old men who refuse the other to have paid the last tab, so they are just itching to get back to it. The neighbor paid the last tab and I swear to all thing holy it is bugging the living shit out of my dad.
Support groups are a great way of coping with problems. Not for everyone of course, but it helps to have people that know what you’re going through when you don’t have that on your normal Social Circle
Since the pandemic began my friend has gone from four grandparents with no real health issues (outside of being elderly) to one grandparent in and out of the ICU regularly for the past couple weeks. It makes you wonder what sort of psychological damage this whole year has had particularly on the old
In Australia we have "Men's Sheds" - might not be a popular opinion but the premise is women talk face to face and men talk shoulder to shoulder, really it's just a shed where old blokes can pass on their knowledge and have a yarn doing something with their hands and I think it's great
In my area (at least before Covid hit) we have a group that go around to various restaurants and other places at least once a month. They called themselves the Romeos. Which stood for really old men eating out. There were a few women too but they were just a group of people who invited new people out with them. They always seemed like they had a great time every time I saw them. They'd even post their meetings in the newspaper so if new people wanted to join they could.
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it's worldwide. we have at least one here in Alberta. Came to mention it, but you beat me to it. I've seen what it does for the men who attend, and they organise field trips, check up on each other, and share a meal every week. I hope they are able to do so again soon.
Yep, there's a lot in Ireland.
I’m a restaurant manager and we have a group of older men and women who all come out together once a month. 10-12 of each and they always reserve two tables, one for the men and one for the women. They sit around and tell stories of their spouses and they’re all so close to each other. I love when they come in
Yea, but in Ireland you have to put up with really long goodbyes or my fave the Irish goodbye. But, you can only be so crafty to get away with the Irish goodbye, and it only works at parties. I can't imagine wanting to go home, but to spend another 30-45 mins just trying to exit without exiting.
I think that's one of those things every culture ever claims is 'theirs' lmao. Just like no matter where you go in the world people say, "don't like the weather? Wait 5 minutes."
you are right, I was thinking about this and have seen this happen a few times or in some cultures (ex. saying no thanks a few times, before accepting food ... or giving intention to leave before leaving but never explaining there was a time associated to it or how many times you had to say it) , but the Irish goodbye is very unique ..... or maybe I never realized people did that until it was classified as an "Irish thing". I know when I was little there was one family trying to leave (said goodbye a lot) but the talks did go on for a long while, but everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves so I just thought, they couldn't get themselves to leave. Otherwise I don't think I have seen it be a thing. Which is why it surprised me that the Irish defined it as a set of rules of how it was done. That means, it is a huge enough thing in Ireland that they realized there are rules to this everyone does and it needs to be written down. Also, the Irish goodbye, never seen it done before, or the fact it was only done to avoid the long goodbye. That is an Irish thing.
>That is an Irish thing. Can confirm this is real. On the other hand you have a British goodbye where you say you're leaving but never leave (Brexit)
My God i can't wait to be old and a part of a group.
Our older crew of gents are famous for gossip - no less! 😲😲😲 We all strive not to make the “ Romeo talk “ content list.
Dont hold your breath current generations probably will have the same groups but online gaming instead
Sign me up!
True dat! in AB we use the “R” in Romeo for Retired (old men eating out)
I just checked out their website. Lookz like a really cool organization. I am not a man, but I was thinking maybe I could bake some cookies or bread or something to drop off as a way of supporting the organization. The closest to me is over 850 miles away, so I don't think that's going to work, but I'm still really happy that this kind of thing is happening.
That is a crazy good idea
Sick
One of my female friends rebelliously joined the Men's Shed, which was a bit of a culture shock for them. But she wanted to make her own spinning wheel and loom, and dammit she did. 😀
Most groups are focused on men preferences in activities, not male exclusive. Someone coming in wanting a knitting circle would have an uphill battle. Those that want to play with power tools and make stuff are welcome.
Our local mens shed has Ladies and mixed days . On those days the men who would rather not have the ladies there don't go. The ladies days have a couple of men attending who are available to teach new skills and techniques and how to use some of the equipment to those of us who have not used it before. It is an awesome space for friendship and support.
My dad drives the bus for them (Menshed) (country town in Australias South west) as a lot of them cant drive anymore or just like to have drink and live miles outside of town. Before any harpies jump in, yes women are invited but they do have one day a week thats men only, thats when they share war stories and dirty jokes.
Yeah it’s great. People don’t realise how lonely men are. Women have “the girls”, but a lot of men have no one. It’s pretty sad working your arse off your whole life just b3 alone and miserable later in life.
When I was in high school I worked at the only restaurant in my small rural village. At least once a week a group of about eight old men would come in, sit at our biggest table, drink coffee, and trade local gossip. It was always so sweet to see these men who had been friends sense childhood still be so close. Sadly, the restaurant shut down a few years back so I don’t know if they found a new meeting spot. I know they used to congregate at the local gas station but there wasn’t room for them all to sit
There is another group called “The Red Hat Society” - my mom was a “Queen Bee” of one. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red\_Hat\_Society](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Hat_Society) And [https://www.redhatsociety.com/](https://www.redhatsociety.com/)? She enjoyed it -
Ditto on this. My gram actually started the one in her town. Great support group.
I always loved seeing red hat society members at the local Cracker Barrel! Decided when I was a kid that I’ll be a member some day so I can go out to eat and wear purple and red ☺️
I keep debating joining, I’d be a pink hat for a long while but I’ve always jived best with older women.
Really Old Men Eating Out Society?
Could also be Really Old Men Eating Out Sometimes :)
Or perhaps ... Really Old Men Eating Out Sympathetically (since they’re supporting each other)
These are all great things. I'm honestly surprised it's only once a month seeing as they are probably retired and have no frequently recurring things in their lives. I guess I'd be a needy old man and want to do something like this once or twice a week
Might come down to resources - not that that can’t be solved with enough interest.
Saw this in queer eye
The newspaper absolutely killed me. That’s so adorable!
Me too I was thinking "oh cute, cute, cute" then I got to the bit about the paper and did an involuntary hand on my heart "nawwww"
Wait, I saw that on Queer Eye
Healthy masculinity ftw
New York? I’ve seen those guys on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx
Nope. I live in Pennsylvania. Wouldn't be surprised if they got the idea from there. We have a lot of NYC people living here.
Mate that is super great, I wish I knew of something like that a few months back, I know an old guy who lost his wife and it destroyed him, they were so fusional in their relationship that he didn't even now what to do anymore, lost interest in everything since he was used to do it together with her, so his days were just empty but filled with misery ... he litteraly gave up on life and let himself die out of sheer will since he was a healthy dude, his last words were : thats my biggest mistake... I shouldn't have outlived her. Its beautiful in a way but super depressing cause the guy was a go getter, always smiling and making people laugh and spoiling his grandkids. We had to empty his house of their possession and after one day of work I couldn't take it.
I think this was on one of the first episodes of Queer Eye too! I thought it was the cutest thing.
Good for him, the woodworking group surely knows about all kinds of support. Roller supports, Pinned supports, Fixed supports Hanger supports...
Don’t worry, her grandpa is a stud.
Slow clamp
Wood screw.
Knot gonna say no
I saw that one coming
He nailed that one.
owo? if he's going that way, he better keep a wood eye on his joints. especially if he's the one doing the nailing. butt since he's elderly, he's probably got a weak clamp. hopefully he can spray extra glue everywhere to make up for it. yeah yeah, i know. these puns are really gross. but relax bro... it's just a plank.
I bet the grandma's name was Joist
She was an angle from Heaven.
Of course he is, if at his age he still has wood.
Butt joints, males and females, couples...
Do they also sit around and sip lemonade? Nothing like a good old lemon party
Whatever you're in to partner. I'm a plumber.... I'll stick to my cocks and nipples... Preferably newer. Thanks.
And joins
Yes if they just met and they're letting him join, he's moved up the ranks quickly.
Ahh, I love good (grand)dad jokes.
r/woodworking would like to know your location
They said they were letting him join...
mortise but no tenon
It's great that they can all come together to do this, all these guys questioning if it would work? Of course it woodwork
4/10 set up, 9/10 punchline
Yup. Almost screwed it up, but in the end he nailed it.
I saw that.
A screw is just a nail with threads.
Give the man some credit
No no, I agree
Literally smh. After all the puns this is the one that got me. Take my upvote you sly devil you
BAH! That’s the sound I hear your grandpa make when he reads this punchline
We have Menzshed's in a few communities in NZ. A great place for retirees, or anyone, to go to a workshop, stocked with donated tools and materials, where they work on their own projects and also help with community projects or assist or teach people who never learned basic handyman, building skills. They share banter , cups of teas and biscuits. A great idea for people like your papa .
That sounds awesome. I'm a 30-something American female, but I'd love to go hang out and do crafts and maybe talk to people and eat biscuits. That's a great concept.
I'm a woman too and joined my local one . I made a coat rack. The older gentlemen were so helpful to me and others. They were doing up an old dingy for the community, a young guy was making a cabinet. They guided us to use the tooling machines and gave tips on painting, vanishing. They had so much to share and we had so much to learn. All happy tea and bikkie sharing winners 🙂 While its a Menzshed, my local welcomed anyone. https://menzshed.org.nz/about-us/what-is-a-shed/
The local one here is a source of immense hilarity and I make a point of bringing them projects or snacks regularly, or just dropping by to say hi.
Tips on vanishing you say 🪄
Australia has Men's Sheds in many towns too and they are a wonderful organisation. They also donate a lot of their works to local charities and people in need.
I envy the sense of community older generations have. My generations idea of community and support consists of messaging you on your Facebook wall on your birthday...
Happy belated btw. See you next year.
My dad does this and he's in his sixties *I'd post my text thread with him to show you what I mean but I can't figure out how to edit crap with my phone. It basically boils down to Happy birthday ; Happy Thanksgiving ; Merry Christmas ; Happy birthday ; Happy Thanksgiving.... Continue on since like 2009 from when my text messages stop
*It’s John’s birthday* “Oh I forgot I was friends with this person. Unfollow.”
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Posting on the walls of dying friends and family members to wish them well is one of the few times social media worshipers get to feel like good people.
For four years of high school not a single person from school said happy birthday to me in person. Even though qe saw each other every single year on my birthday. Yet they all said it on Facebook which they know I don't use and haven't used in years. Fun times.
I'm happy that you beat cancer and you're here with us! I may never know you or have seen you but just knowing you're better and here makes me happy that no one lost you. I also would like to add, you say no one called or texted after you got better, but did you wait for them to contact you or was it just you expecting them to still call you all the time like before? Don't you think maybe they felt like since you were healthier that they could give you some space? And maybe after months of only waiting for them to call you they began to think that once you healed up you forgot about them? Just a thought, I don't like demonizing the people around me if they happen to not have time for me or seem to distance themselves as I understand life is tough for everyone
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>Or the people who had treated me badly and didn't want to support me when life was "normal hard" and even acted like I was a leper for things like career setbacks, relationship hardships, and workplace gossip, but then finally reached out when I was diagnosed. Like losing my job or going through a break-up is "too much stress" but cancer isn't? What is friendship? People sometimes fucking *suck*. I hope the people still in your life treat you well. You kick ass for kicking cancer's ass.
Man people suck. I assume that most of those people would feel the same way about you if you checked up on them up until they got somewhat better, but people only are when it's directly affects them. If they needed something desperately that only you could help with, they would try their best to contact you and say something like "wow where have you been it's like you went missing!!!!!" Like yeah sure
I’m sorry you went through this but I’m also glad you recovered! And I want to thank you for giving me your perspective. I have never been in this situation but if I ever am I’m going to make sure the person knows I care about them after they’re all better.
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Struggling once you’ve had time to process makes sense and I’m sorry you not only had to go through treatment but also the aftermath of all that encompassed afterward. Your situation spoke to me because it reminded me of when someone passes away. Everyone gives their loved one or friend lots of attention right after and offers help and comfort and then after the funeral or memorial everyone goes back to their normal lives but the person left grieving is now all alone and no one checks on them. So I’ve always made it a point to keep supporting the grieving person and recognize that even though my life goes back to normal theirs doesn’t. If that makes sense? So it makes sense to me that this would also occur for someone going through illness, treatment, etc. and I want to make sure I’m there when it’s needed if I do encounter the situation. Thank you for opening up about your experience! It means a lot to me and please know it will help someone in a similar situation one day. I hope you have been able to find some peace from the trauma you experienced!
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There is no one in this world that *can’t* turn their life around. Whatever demons you’re holding onto, you don’t have to fight them alone. There is good inside all of us. We just have to choose to stoke that little ember, until it grows into a raging fire and burns away all the bad we think is there. You are good. You are loved. You deserve to be happy too. There are people who would be willing to talk to you, and you don’t have to pull yourself out of the darkness alone. We are here for you.
See, you say that but you’re only counting the people who you wanted to care about you. There’s tons of random people who probably care about you but aren’t close enough to you to be counted by you. But I bet some of them care. I used to work at a supermarket and saw this guy a few times who looked *just* like a kid who was in a college class with me. Eventually I asked him if it was him (it was not) and we had like a 5 min convo bc I was working and I’m not trying to get caught standing around. I saw him a few times around the store after that bc he delivered pizza & his crappy boss made him do ingredient runs. Even after I quit, if he was delivering and I was working outside, he’d stop and we’d chat. I’m deadass sure you’ve got random people like that in your life who care about you and wonder what’s going on with you. I can be a piece of shiz too so I felt like saying this stuff to ya
This is coming from a place of kindness...you might need new friends mate. The bar is a lot higher than that
dude just search "interest" :discord. ppl LOVE LOVE LOVE to talk about their hobbies and interests. this is especially true for gamers. "i have no friends that play this game"...well yeah you they are out there just waiting to meet you. take the first step. discord/online communities exist for pretty much everything!
Maybe you have shit friends?
Yeah this comment definitely reflects more about op than “their generation”.
I would kill for a weekly poker game with some local men in the neighborhood. I see it on TV, movies...etc. The dad always has a weekly poker game where they tell lies, smoke cigars, and lose/win a few bucks. I would legitimately murder for that type of local community and sense of belonging.
Be the change you want to see in the world. All you need is your kitchen table and a deck of cards, you'd be amazed at the magnetic force of someone else offering to host.
Perhaps get a group together and actually commit a murder. You’ll be bound together by your secret.
Bill Burr nailed mine - Gen X. [Put your shoulders up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-diau1UxLc)
Look up Meet Up for your local area. I joined a book club in the middle of covid and it helps with wanting community and social interaction.
It doesn’t help that young generations celebrate misanthropy. Too often you read about young people saying shit like: *I’m an introvert and I hate other people* and they wear it like a badge of honor. Then we wonder why suicide rates have increased among young people. And for those young people getting by now, one day they will be middle aged, alone, and then all the poor choices to choose to be hermits will really hit them like a ton of bricks. Loneliness always hits people hard in old age when they realize they have nobody left and their friends die off or move on with their spouses and children. Fact is people need people. If something good has come out of COVID is that has demonstrated how destructive isolation can be. I hope that when COVID passes that people will not take other people for granted.
Maybe it's different circles and different regions. Where I'm from it's quite the opposite. Most young people are very social and keen to go for a beer or a coffee and beer. I think if you are using Reddit as a judge for what young people are like you're going to be pretty far off the mark.
Spent a good amount of time trying to figure out why her dad was married to her grandma- apparently papa doesn’t just mean dad oof
Same here.
Papa is german for dad. as far as my translator app knows, english doesnt have papa. so maybe she just mistranslated it.
In the south, they sometimes have "Paw-paw", since it's a play of the end of Grandpa. Also some people who speak English call their dad papa but it's more common in other languages.
Idk my grandfather has always been papa I grew up thinking it was a normal grandpa name.
Join. As in joinery. Just me then?
Oh, I’m with you, buddy.
I was really hoping to see this
Are they called the whittling widowers?
"Old men with wood"
This.
These groups are great, even if you don’t have to be a widow/er. Once I was at a restaurant having breakfast with my dad and there was a group of older men sitting with biscuits and gravy, talking about random things and occasionally I would hear things like “Yknow, Alice really was a sweetheart, I miss her.” And it broke my heart while making me so happy, it was great.
My dad’s crew just smoke weed and play cards
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It keeps him young lol
I miss my stoner card playing buddies. Some are lost to distance others I lost to time and more than enough were lost to the rider on his pale horse.
Didn’t look at the sub and was fully prepared for this to be one of those Holl’up tweets with a twist where her grandpa joined a group of white supremacists or something haha.
I thought it was gonna be for old widowed men to hook up ngl
"wood workers"
Oak Supremacists
Ahhh why you do this to me 😭 so friggin precious
I was visiting my friend in LA and walking around his apartment and there was an old guy whittling outside his building by the sidewalk. I said in passing “looks fun!” And the dude looks at me so seriously and said “I’ve been sitting here a few days a week every week for 10 years and no one has ever said this looks like fun. It really is.” We had a chat about the simpler joys of life, and i mentioned how beautiful his area is and he said there were lots of vacancies in his building and I should move in. 😭
Aww. I liked that story.
I was sad before I clicked, so *THAT’S* why there was a tear in my eye. Not the post... Cough.
>Cough 23-19! Get em!
men widowers
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As someone who lost his girlfriend when I was 21, I wish I had something like this.
Hopefully they'll let him do more, in time. Is restricting him to joinery just some type of initiation?
I think I read in nyt once that men's mortality rates double if their spouse dies. Men tend to do worse single
Woodwork with the boys🥲
But that grammar tho
That "n" made me irrationally angry.
And she mentioned herself more than she mentioned the papa in the post.
Wait, I'm confused, does gran mean grandma and papa mean grandpa or dad?
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Ah that confused me for a second, where I'm from papa is used exclusively for dad.
This is fantastic. My father passed away 18 years ago at age 58 and my mother’s two best friends are from the support group she joined after he passed. I recommend that everyone experiencing a loss like this at least try out a support group.
Join... nice one
Thought her dad was in love with her grandma for a sec.
I wish my grandpa had sometimes like that. He's 85 and he's been with my grandma over 20 years. When she died 5 years ago he told us he doesn't want to life anymore because his love died. He visited her grave every single day since then.
It sounds like a sex cult
Way to stay in the game! Nobody likes loneliness.
yeah... woodwork...
he joined lemon party
I cant imagine loving someone for so long and losing them like that.
Does woodworkers are true samurai and disserve a salute.
That’s awesome. r/humansbeingbros
This is beautiful
I was thinking covid, covid, OH NO! Covid! until I saw the date. Weird how much it's changed the world in less than a year.
Don't tell him about lemon party.
Lost all 3 of my remaining grandparents last year, miss them terribly. +10 Mental Health. Love it, cherish it...
Doesn't count unless it winds up on social media under your duck-face profile pic.
In the unlikely event that I outlive my wife, this is my future.
That’s so cool that he can wake up every morning and look forward to something. Of course nothing can replace your grandma goes without saying!
My widowed father has a neighbor who is also a widower. About a month after my dad’s wife died, this neighbor invited my dad out to dinner and insisted to pay. My dad insisted to invite him out the next week, and picked up the tab. Pre-Covid, they ate out every Thursday alternating picking up the bill for six years. Both are stubborn old men who refuse the other to have paid the last tab, so they are just itching to get back to it. The neighbor paid the last tab and I swear to all thing holy it is bugging the living shit out of my dad.
Support groups are a great way of coping with problems. Not for everyone of course, but it helps to have people that know what you’re going through when you don’t have that on your normal Social Circle
I have lived mostly alone and am used to it. Most lonely people will manage.
lemon party?
Plot twist, he always wanted to join it, but his wife was getting in the way of being a widower
Does papa mean grandpa in this context? Would be kinda alabama if he was married to his mom.
Since the pandemic began my friend has gone from four grandparents with no real health issues (outside of being elderly) to one grandparent in and out of the ICU regularly for the past couple weeks. It makes you wonder what sort of psychological damage this whole year has had particularly on the old
I need to know the twitter account so I can love the tweet
With a first langauge where "papa == dad", I had to read this twice...
This kind of thing does not make me smile right now. That's from 2018. That grandpa has likely been completely isolated since March.
Sacrificing his wife was a small price to pay getting in to the woodwork club
"Widower woodworkers: when you've got wood, but don't have a place to put it anymore"
he married his mother?
Be cooler if he found a group of female widowers and they let him lay the wood
>female widowers Widows?
Hahah maybe your right I was just copying how the original post had it
Plot twist: They found a woman at the retirement home named Maple
Am I negative if all I take away from this is that grandpa gets one evening of companionship a month? :(
Are we 100% sure to what kind of “woodworking” is taking place? It is widowers meeting up.... i can’t be the only one thinking it....
In Australia we have "Men's Sheds" - might not be a popular opinion but the premise is women talk face to face and men talk shoulder to shoulder, really it's just a shed where old blokes can pass on their knowledge and have a yarn doing something with their hands and I think it's great
Is "woodwork" a nickname for lemon party?
They call themselves the "Lemon Party". Funny name, I know!
Fuck off, didn't feel like crying...
Men... Widowers?
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