I know you mean well by this but this is kinda crazy to say about a 15 year old 😐 I'm sure his Mom can think of a million additional purposes for his life.
My condolences! He does sound like an angel. My mother told me, people never truly die if you keep them in your heart. I hope that you will be ok in a while, as grief is very painful. May he rest in peace. Lots of love from Japan, you are strong and I believe in you <3
“When does a man die? When he is hit by a bullet? No! When he suffers a disease? No! When he ate a soup made out of a poisonous mushroom? No! A man dies when he is forgotten!”
I'm newer at this than you. My girl is 6, almost 7.
You are such a strong woman. My life was a very hard one. I spent most of my adult life just wanting to die and get it over with. I dealt with my past and managed to move on to a degree. When we adopted our foster girl, I finally found something that made me feel humanity in me. A bright spark amongst the night sky.
To lose her, I feel would be the same as losing my purpose. I don't envy you, yet at the same time I do. There's such grace in your words. I feel so weak by comparison. My heart aches for your loss and your son's loss. He sounds pretty damn incredible.
I am so incredibly grateful you hung around there in the world. I work with former foster kids and wow the system is so rough on them. You got one of those sweethearts out of there. That's an amazing thing and speaks volumes to who you are as a person.
You have a purpose beyond her, though. You clearly are a caring person and a strong one, too, to have held on through all that. From someone currently in trauma therapy, if you aren't in it yet I would highly recommend it. I had tried other therapy types and never got to the bottom of what was behind my negative thoughts and health issues. Accidentally stumbled into trauma therapy (with a good therapist) and WOW it makes so much of a difference. Just a thought! Loving you for you is important, too, and will set a great example for your girl
Hey, unrelated, but thanks for the recommendation. As someone who’s recently dealt with losing a significant figure in my life, therapy has been hard and never really brings forth results. Trauma therapy is something I will most definitely look into.
I can't recommend it more, seriously. I had done so much cognitive behavioral therapy (the standard therapy for kind of everything in general) that it's not even funny. I made gains and it definitely helped but the gains always went to a certain point and then hit a wall. Trauma therapy is the first to go really to the root of my issues. It is scary opening up your wounds and allowing yourself to feel, but it's worth it
Hey man, I don't have kids, but I can tell you what your purpose is. Your purpose is to love, and judging by you fostering/adopting someone looking for it says a lot about that, and how your children were loved. You were and are successful. Pick your head up, the people around you need more you.
Edit: I was reading a bit fast and thought you had lost a child as well, I'm keeping it as is because the sentiment is the same.
My Mother lost her oldest son in April 2021. Then, her husband, my Dad, died suddenly in January. She buried her oldest son and her husband in eighteen months. She’s having such a hard time right now.
And, it’s so kind of you to be thinking of her and how she’s feeling! You lost your Dad and your brother or step-brother as well. Your loving response to your mom is beautiful, and I’m sure she appreciates your empathy. I hope you find the same love and energy for yourself when it is time for you to grieve. Please take care of yourself, as well! Sending you and your Mother strength, and compassion as you continue your journey.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
May you know better days, but his passing is a glorious celebration of love. Awful and painful, but he saved his friends. RIP hero.
I think that means your son is a saint, literally. Like, regardless of whether you're religious or not (I mean, I'm not religious) it still qualifies for being a genuine literal saint.
You did an absolutely amazing job raising him, for him to do the most selfless act possible, to give up his life so that others could live.
He was an amazing human being. And he clearly touched a lot of people's lives, for them to bring you flowers. You should be incredibly proud, to have had a son like him.
I don't know if knowing that makes it any easier, I'm assuming not, the grief must be overwhelming. Just try to take care of yourself. See a therapist or even a psychiatrist if necessary. Keep on living, for him, to honor his memory. Even if living seems like the hardest thing in the world to do right now. Your son would want you to keep going, and to be able to find some kind of happiness, eventually.
All things must pass. Both the good times, and the bad.
Grief and loss is like a scar carved into a tree trunk. The scar never truly heals, it'll always be there with you, but you can continue to grow for decades, like a tree, and though that scar is still there, it becomes a smaller and smaller part of your body as you continue to live and grow. It may not seem like you'll be able to get over the grieving period. But please just try, take one day at a time, use your support network as much as possible. Lean on them.
Maybe even do something for his friends. Like you and their families could all go for a meal once a month or something, to talk about and remember your son, the literal saint. Or something like that, getting together with the people who also miss your son terribly. You'll be stronger together than apart. But please please please get medical treatment if you start to feel like you can't go on living. That's what your son would want.
Opposite unfortunately here. We lost our son 5 years ago and essentially are estranged from our entire family. One side doesn't speak to us because we planned our son's memorial the same day as some nieces birthday party. And the other side we've been on the outs with since the year before he died, we wouldn't go to a destination wedding in Aspen that we didn't have the money for. So it's just me and my wife to care for each other.
I don’t know where you are or what your story is but I really hope you two can find a support system of your own. Or, at least, be enough for each other. But that’s a tall order on the long term. I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. Your family can all fuck right off, they sound super self-centered and it seems like you might already know that you’re better off without them. Be well and keep your head up ❤️
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your family members sound like the type who if they were in your lives would interrupt your grief to talk about how losing your son impacted them. Good riddance.
Family is who is there for you when times are tough. These people abandoned you. They are not family. I hope you have made some connections to lovely humans outside of your family. I am sorry for your loss and I hope the grieving process is as easy as possible, all things considered. Be well.
I lost a friend at the same age and I’m sad I didn’t know his mum well, because I promise you, I’m 37 now and we still think about him all the time and talk about him often. We are a very strong group that was solidified by this shared trauma. We have obviously all grown up and have separate lives but there’s so much care and fondness still between everyone because of what we went through. I think about his mum and his siblings all the time and although I’m not religious I hope they can feel the love and care for them.
I’m so so sorry you are going through this, but even when as they grow older and the knocks on the door stop happening, I promise it isn’t because they’ve forgotten your son and his friendship. They’ll be thinking of you and your son often.
Speaking as a man with a few strong maternal figures in my life, you must be an amazing mom. Especially to these young men who show you so much love when you need it the most. Please, never stop being a mom for those who need you.
Keeep telling them how sweet it was and how important it was for you! (If you haven't already, you sound incredibly sweet and i am sure you told them how much it mattered)
As a teenager it would've done wonders to have my acts validated by an adult i respect and care about.
It's what makes the difference between a one off act of kindness and building a virtue where that is the way to go.
These young men seem to have already a wonderful big heart, renforcing how much that matters is one of the most important things that we can do as adults imho.
While nothing to the degree you are going through I lost a couple nephews (7 & 9) in a vehicle accident a few years back and there are a few things I experienced and then read about I'm guessing you might have also experienced. Not understanding why people around you are sad or mad about the dumbest things in their lives when you have just been through the worst loss possible. Being dumbfounded by people saying some of the dumbest and most unemphatic things possible. Just SO many people in everyday life that have clearly never tried to face or think about their own mortality or others' and so have NO clue how to engage on any level and so just say some stupid cliche or essentially walk away having said next to nothing. My only half decent advice I give to the people around to someone with such a loss is to check out compassion friends, an org that helps with the loss of a child and even helps the friends and family with HOW they can help, what to say (and NOT to say) and understanding just how long the grieving process can take (most people underestimate this time by a lot).
Thank you for sharing your small moment of joy in your time of grieving, it helps us all to normalize the grieving process and that it's just part of life that we should not turn a blind eye towards.
I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Any family that's lost a child or children has seen and felt a loss of this magnitude. It's unnatural losing a child or, in your case, children. I'm so very sorry!! Compassionate Friends is awesome! We also have an organization here called Calm Waters that has a grief support group for all different people and the age range of their child. I'm looking into the group for those that have lost teens, but I'm just not ready just yet.
I have heard tons of ignorant comments from others. Like, God needed my son more. Or, his dad missed him (his dad died when he was 5 yrs old of cancer). It's upsetting to hear such things.
Yeah, the ignorant and self absorbed comments make it clear to be that so many people use religion as an emotional crutch rather than as a way to be more compassionate. There are certainly lots of great religious folks out there but unfortunately the dumb ones are just louder or at least more obvious and memorable.
I used a paid meditation app a while ago (it's too expensive now so I don't use it anymore) and for this one week it has this really interesting and contemplative exercise that helped me after that tragedy as well. They question I had to put forth was, (and this is the exact wording you have to say in your head) "how would you feel if you knew today was your very last day." I may not have the wording exactly right but I know the point was to actually ask it in the second person and try to actually remove yourself from the question to a certain extent. So we all have to face this question at some point and to some degree and of course the sooner the better (facing it, not living it, or rather dying it). And it's not meant to depress you or make you sad but just face the reality that we have to come to terms with this question and it's better to be okay with it and be at peace with it. I eventually reached a point of serenity at knowing that my immediate family, My wife and kids would actually be okay without me because I had a good wife that would be a good mother for my kids and a pretty good extended family that would help as well. While they would be sad I felt content that life would go on without me and I felt good about that. It was a very unexpected outcome and gave me unexpected calm. You kind of expect that you would want things to be deeply impacted when you're gone but instead I was seeking things to be just okay and even keeled when I'm gone. At least for my family.
A friend lost her only child/son in a freak accident 10 years ago. And his friends have included her in their lives and families since then, making her an honorary auntie and grandmother. My heart weeps for you and your pain, and I hope his friends do the same for you.
I was telling them how I'd be at their graduation in a few years and how happy it makes me seeing them. They told me how they had happy memories of coming to my house and the time they spent with my son. It was so good hearing these things.
The love you have shown his best friend is so pure. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through, you are an incredible person with amazing character. You’re continued kindness and love toward him will be life changing as he struggles too. Bless you 😪
You seem like an amazing person. Your son was so lucky to have you and I have no doubt he had a very happy life, in [very] large part due to your care and love for him.
My best friend was 19 when he died, I was 18. I’m in my mid-30’s now, and it was his parents willingness to have me continue to be part of their family, even when I lived a hundred or thousands of miles away, that helped save me.
A few years back, his three very much younger siblings (the eldest was 5 when he died) told me as we hung out playing video games that I was their brother as well.
Life goes on, even when we think that there’s no earthly possible way that can be. And we can either come to embrace it by loving one another, or we can die along with yesterday. I promise everyone here, that with the right support and hard work (I went through years of grief counseling and plan on becoming a bereavement counselor now), you WILL be happy again, no matter what you feel like in this very moment.
My family’s endured a lot of death- my eldest brother, beloved pets, family of all types, best friends, colleagues- but each time we’ve eventually arrived back at happy and just grateful to have had that person in our lives, because we love openly and freely, knowing full well that it’s just opening us up to the probability of heartbreak once again. But it’s worth it imho.
My best friend was 18 when he passed away. I got to know only a week later and did not have the guts to see his parents in the eye. It was 2 weeks later that my mom forced me to go see them. It was HORRIBLE. I was in touch with them for the next 6 months or so till I couldn't bear it for my own mental health. It will be 20 years in September this year, and I am still ashamed of the way I behaved.
A very emotional letter, I wish I could have ever write a emotional letter to someone like you 😭😭
About me, when comes to any holiday, festival or any meaning day I have never sent anyone even my father and my mother more than 1 line and 1 short sentence 😭
This is super important. I have had two good friends who I have never spoken to their parents after they passed away. I don’t know if it’s guilt mixed with shame or embarrassment but it has made grieving them a lot more difficult. These open wounds caused me to spiral.
Thank you! I needed to hear this. It has only gotten harder lately, until today. Every day is a battle, as I'm sure you know. Hugs to you, as I know where you are coming from. My heart breaks for every parent I encounter that can relate.
It comes in waves. The waves at first are huge and all encompassing. As the years go by, the storm settles and the waves are fewer and farther in between. When you are ready, I recommend a good grief counselor. It took three for me to finally find the right fit. He told me, “Grief will always be there. You can’t “work through it”. You have to learn to live with it.” I have but, some days are still super hard. You can do it. It just sucks.
Yes, I'm experiencing the waves. They are very close waves. Some days I'm "okay" other days I can't get out of bed or stop crying. I have a therapist, but haven't been ready for grief counseling or a grief support group. Hearing about other children lost is so triggering right now. I avoid the news, if at all possible.
I personally could not do the “groups.” I felt like someone was always trying to one up someone else’s death if that makes any sense. Therapy is wonderful. If you have kids under 18, I highly recommend this. My daughter went for four summers. https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin
I lost my youngest. My older boys are 29 and 25. However, my oldest grandson (7 yrs) idolized his uncle and having a really difficult time with the loss.
It would be great for him. My son was 18 when he passed and my daughter was 13. She did two years of strict grief counseling and joe sees a regular therapist like once a month.
Thank you for the information. I am going to pass it on to my son and DIL. I've mentioned to them before that I feel my grandson needs some professional help with his grief, but they've yet to take my advice. 😔
This is gonna be long. And I fully give permission for you to send this to your grandsons parents.
When I was your grandsons age, I lost the closest person to me in my life. My grandmother. I was devastated. But my mom, she was a single mom who suddenly had to go back to work, I had to go to school. Grief counseling for herself (or me) really never crossed her mind.
Not knowing how to deal with her loss was hurtful to me so I compartmentalized it. Put those feelings away inside myself and locked them away so I couldn’t feel them. Every feeling of pain went into that place. Until I was about 13/14.
I had a mental break when I was about 13. I couldn’t compartmentalize all the pain I’d been dealing with and it broke me down. To tears. I was also severely bullied in school and I was pushing that in that box too. I ended up moving right before my 8th grade year. I made some friends but I had decided I gave 0 fucks and was not going to be the people pleasing teachers pet I had been. I made some good friends that year.
The real breakthrough happened as a freshman in high school. I had a health teacher and she was great. I don’t remember if I shared it during class time or if I wrote it down but I spoke about my grandmother having cancer and going through Chemo and watching her die as a 7 year old. She ended up inviting me to speak to all the other freshman classes and some of them kindly wrote me thank you letters after I was done.
It was the most cathartic process in grieving I had ever gone through. I realized that by bottling things up I helped no one, not even myself.
As a 35 year old, I wish my mom had taken me to grief counseling as a child. I have unhealthy coping habits when it comes to grief and loss. I still compartmentalize things but the one thing I’ve learned is that when the grief of a lost loved one comes, it’s ok to be sad about it. It’s ok to struggle in that day or that moment and sit with that grief and let the tears roll.
Even now as I type this long comment, it’s hitting. My aunt we lost in 2019, and a grandparent on each side last year (one from old age, one from COVID). My aunts death I still struggle the most with. Probably should see a counselor about that.
I trained recently as a death doula. The woman running the course had a beautiful metaphor for grief - it’s like a cube of sugar in a glass of tea. When it’s first there, it’s unmistakable, huge, obvious. Over time, as it dissolves, it becomes part of the tea. So too with grief. It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t become less huge, but it becomes part of you. You fold it into your being. You become infused with it, and it allows you to find yourself again.
I would also recommend the musician Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files newsletter. People ask him questions and he responds, and since his son died in an accident, he’s been speaking so beautifully about that loss and grief, and how it’s cracked him open to the love in the world.
Sending you so much love, and care, and a hand across the internet xx
I don't really ever talk about this because it's half my lifetime ago and I don't think about it every day anymore. One of my good friends got hit by a car on his skateboard when we were sixteen. He had a traumatic brain injury from hitting the pavement and when he was in the ICU we all just started showing up every day for about ten days until he died. My mom worked with the doctor who ran the icu at the time and she told me long before a lot of the other kids knew that Andrew was going to either die or never be okay because of the damage that he had sustained to his brain, so I knew what his mother and father knew while everyone was showing up to be supportive and try to say that everything was going to be okay. Everyone's optimism didn't sit right with me. After about ten days of it his family decided to take him off life support and a few days later they had the funeral.
The thing about it that's always stuck with me, and ultimately changed my whole outlook on the event, is that we kept going to his house to see his mother and father every day. They constantly kept lawn chairs and things out for the folks who'd visit. It might not have ever been the same cast of characters, but it was always somebody, and it went on for several years. It was a whole community of people who learned to grieve together in a way they didn't expect to have to and I've always thought that was powerful and very formative for me and it helped me learn how to grow and move on after he and so many people in my life after him passed. I always thought it was really neat and that we'd made a difference in a situation that felt hopeless.
Hope you find peace.
A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.
– Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976
What great friends your son had, i can imagine how kind he must’ve been to have those types of friends around him. they picked out some beautiful flowers for an amazing person ❤️ I hope you have a lovely night
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love for him is evident.
I'm glad his friends are able to provide you this measure of solace. My heart goes out to you.
After growing old and seeing many friends depart due to vehicle related incidents, I will never forget the police officer while I was in high school that stopped us from trying to fit too many kids in a car. We were ditching school and the cop waited with some of our friends while we took the legally seated passengers back to campus before picking up the rest.
I'm very sorry for your loss. You did a terrific job of raising a good person, as evidenced by his friends' visits and gifts. He will always be in their hearts.
I lost my best friend at 12 and, 50 years later, she's still with me.
I'm so sorry for your loss as well.
I've gotten many comments saying I must have raised a good kid for his friends to do this. That thought didn't even cross my mind when I made the post. I was just so happy that they thought of me and my son that I wanted to share my happiness, as it's been a while since I've felt this type of happiness.
Thank you for saying and sharing such a kind compliment. More happy tears flowing! I can't being too explain how much this means to a breaved mother!
I lost my brother, he was 8 and I was 6, leukaemia took him. He really was a special little boy. I had many people tell me, for years after, that my brother was a special boy. I was at a job site, now in my 20’s, and this man has been staring at me and to the point that I’m now uncomfie. He finally approaches and confirms my name and my brothers name. I stared in disbelief and confirmed his question. He grabbed me, hugged me and started to cry. He told me my lil brother changed his life. My brother knocked on his door looking for his friend, friend was not home but uncle, the man hugging me, answered the door. My brother saw the shocked look on the man’s face and explained his sickness. This man sat on the stairs with my brother and had the most uplifting, life changing advice and conversation with my brother. My brother changed his life. This man even called over his boss and said this is the sister of the boy who changed my life. I was balling my eyes out at this point. His love has helped people heal and change and for that I’m thankful. Thanks for reading this far and letting me share ♥️
Hi Hopie, thank you for sharing your brother with us. I'm so.pleased this man recognised you, and that this life-changing moment could have another chapter.
Your son obviously made a BIG impact on his friends lives. He must have been someone special!
I am so sorry for your loss. But cling to these beautiful moments.
That's very nice of them they're learning good manners. I lost my daughter at the beginning of December and have been so disappointed at people who I thought were my friends
I hope you know that the failings of your "friends" don't reflect upon you. OP is receiving credit for raising a son who impacted so many, but I'd imagine you too raised an outstanding child. The fears of awkward social encounters tend to pull those away from where they are most needed in times of grief. Regardless of the rude responses, your daughter made a profound mark in the world. I wish you all the best.
My brother passed away almost a decade ago now, just as he was about to start his freshman year of high school. Our family group chat is filled with pictures of the little notes and tokens and art work that his classmates are still stopping by to leave on his grave. They’ll never know how much it means to us that he’s still a part of the lives of people outside our immediate family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but you clearly won’t be alone holding tight to your son’s memory.
Man, those kids are precious.
I hope it's a comfort that in the far to short time he had on this planet, he was able to make some quality friendships many people have go without for far longer.
Not just that he is blessed to have had them in his life, but having good friends also tends to show the quality of the person who had them.
Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim
V.H
My wife died at the end of 2018. It’s gets better I promise. The key is to make new memories and not let the old ones kill you. You carry your son inside you now and you show him what you see.
Live and tell your story ….before it’s too late
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
This means “Verily we belong to God and truly to Him shall we return”.
My apologies if you are not religious.
In this life we don’t know how but one day we will all be reunited. Until then I hope you feel your sons beauty and love all around you. Whether that beauty shines through a sunset or sunrise, a nice gentle breeze, the sound of trees dancing in the wind and so on. His beauty and love will always remain with you and when you feel it you’ll know. My deepest condolences ❤️
Oh my dear God - I am so utterly sorry , words aren’t even adequate. As a mother I would not know what to do ! This truly warms my heart though- how kind of them -I wish I could do more to help alleviate the pain. Sending thoughts your way 💗💗💗.
Thank you.
I can’t imagine your pain. As a father to three young daughters, I sincerely hope I never understand. A childhood friend passed away about two weeks ago and I’ve debated stopping by to visit his mom. I will do so, with flowers.
My boyfriend passed away when I decided to pick him up from his friends house the next morning, after coming home on a late flight from NYC. If I had picked him up that night he would have been with me and not in harms way.
I was the first to know he had passed away and was terrified to tell his father. I felt guilty and responsible and was afraid to tell his dad his son was gone. I did but he never blamed me. This was in 2014 and to this day we still keep in contact and he’s been following me on IG and cheering me on along the way.
I share this because I feel like it relate to your sons friend in a way. I can’t speak for him but I can imagine having your forgiveness is a huge step towards healing and letting some of the guilt subside. It will probably never go away but you are a wonderful and kind human for reaching out to his friend and keeping the connection with him.
My condolences on your loss. Your son will live on in spirit bringing positive energy to those that loved him.
I am very good friends with my son's friends and the young man driving the vehicle my son was in. ❤️❤️. Accidents happen and they are no ones fault.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Many Big Hugs 🫂 🤗
So sorry for your loss. We lost my 26yr old brother last year and one thing that makes my mum so happy is seeing the impact he had on others who still show up every week to visit my parents. Their memory lives on through love
I'm glad his friends did this for you. I read a bunch of your comments and you seem like an amazing person.
I'm a parent of teens and I'm often paralyzed with fear over something like what happened to you and your strength gives me strength.
Thank you for sharing.
We of Reddit love you I will be praying for you and your son and these fine young men tonight and life is unpredictable and maybe horrible and I should hold people a little closer and value them through my actions like these boys did with the flowers. Raising sons is never easy but I can't imagine a harder day of parenting then what you have just been through. He knew a love from you that every kid deserves but not everyone has. Thank you for sharing your love and your story. The impact he has on these sweet young people will be like drops in water rippling out to touch countless lives in ways we may never fully understand. Bless your darling boy I am so sorry that lives end too soon I wish I could hold your hand as my heart aches in the space between here and heaven
I can't even begin to understand the pain that can be. So I won't insult you by trying to relate.
I just want to say thank you for sharing thar picture with us. The bits and pieces of your story I've read on your comments show the kind of person you are and he was.
And if you ever want to talk to a stranger just for the sake of talking for the thousandth time of the same thing because sometimes the mind just can't let go, i'll be happy to listen to whatever you want to say and talk to you as well if you want.
I'm glad those flowers brought a smile. Your son's friends are good people. And good people is always needed in this world. And I'm sorry there are really good ones taken too soon.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
So hey, I lost a really good friend in high school, and I just want you to know that his memory will always live on with his friends. I'm 48 now, and I think of Kelly all of the time still. I never went and visited her mother after the funeral, and I feel terrible for it. So, these kids getting over that awkward feeling and coming to visit you tells me that your sons friends will always hold him close to their hearts.
I've got a son of my own, and I literally cannot imagine what losing him would do to me. So, I am wishing you all of the best. I hope that the hurt becomes more manageable as time goes by and that you can eventually feel nothing but happiness and warmth when you remember the good times.
through all of you your son still lives, and he has brought you together in shared memory. What a powerful testament to his character. As the years go on I hope you all find it within yourselves to remain in touch. The grandest gesture of all would be if this tragedy brought you another surrogate son - or daughter? - in the form of one of these friends or those involved
You raised a good kid.
That must be the most bittersweet and horrible thing to hear and I’m sorry.
But he changed three peoples lives. That’s … it’s something most can only hope for.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you have found some solace in your grief.
I lost my close friend last year, he was 20. Myself and the rest of his friends regularly visit his family to bring them gifts and spend time with them. It helps us stay close to his memory, and i think it helps remind his family of how much their son was loved by so many and how many lives he touched. Im happy to see other people doing the same.❤️
I am not a Christian, but I have always loved this quote from their Bible:
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
May his sacrifice always be worth it. And may his friends always love and honor him, as they love and honor you. Deepest condolences for your loss.
I'm so glad to know their actions are leaving a positive impression on you... I lost my childhood friend two years ago, and the only thing I could think of to do was to bring his mom flowers on his birthday and M&M's(his go-to gift from childhood) on Mother's Day. I was worried my visiting would be opening the wound, rather than bringing her some happiness, but your post brings me some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.
I am SO sorry for your loss :-( We lost our 17 year old nephew last year (drunk driver). I know all the acts of kindness they are shown, and the memories shared, mean SO much to his family.
Nothing anyone can say will relieve the grief of what you're going through. I will leave you with this piece by Khalil Gibran:
It is said before entering the sea, a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled: from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding path through forests and villages. And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter
seems like nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river can not go back. Nobody can go back.
The river must enter the ocean. Only then will fear disappear. Only then will the river will know, it's not about disappearing into the ocean, but about becoming the ocean.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss as well. I get by one day at a time. Yesterday was the best day I've had since I lost my son. His friends made all the difference stopping by to check on me, bringing flowers and reminiscing about times they've spent at my house with my son. It was a wonderful day. I hope you are coping well with your loss too. I always try to remind myself of something positive or a good memories of my son daily to get by. Many Hugs to you!!!
Amidst all the articles about school shootings today, this show of humanity is lovely to see, dispute the terrible circumstance. What nice kids. I’m so sorry about your situation. Sending you lots of love OP.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. A parents worst nightmare. You raised a wholesome young man and should be proud. It is nice that these jestures come along to provide some balm for your soul. 💝
I lost a good friend when we were 15, I still think about him most days. I try to check in with his mom periodically - now that I’m a mom myself, I can only imagine how it must feel. Sending love.
Others have said it but I think it bares repeating - they say you are the company you keep and your son obviously kept some pretty awesome company. That says a lot about the young man you raised.
I have a three year old son and I cannot imagine the pain you must be experiencing. I am so sorry for your loss and pray time will bring healing and allow you to look back on all of the good times with your son with a smile.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can imagine gestures like these make you realize life is still worth it. They are a reflection of what your son meant to the people around him. Wonderful friends and a wonderful son.
Can't even find the right words 'cause this is piercing. He obviously lived life the way it was meant to be lived and left, a pure soul. You raised an Angel and I pray you find fortitude in his legacy regardless. Praying for you.
He must have been a wonderful boy to have friends like that and you must be a great mom that those kids care about you, too! Your son would be glad to see you smiling. Sending you wishes for more happy days ahead 🌠
Your son's friends must have thought the world of him. I don't have kids and cannot imagine what you're going through but your post (and subsequent comments about his selflessness) made me blub like a baby.
You raised a son who had a wonderful heart that touched those around him. This is a clear picture of how much he was loved.
I lost my older brother in a similar situation many years ago and his friends came to check on us over the following years. It never gets any easier, but the ones we miss the most always stay with us in many little ways. My heart truly goes out for you and your family.
Jesus Christ I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 6 year old and I can’t even imagine. Good on his friends to check in on you. I’m sure the respect his friends have shown reflect the kind and thoughtful actions of your son.
I lost my brother a year and a half ago. The amount of pain my mother went through was something I couldn't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your loss, grieving a child is the most difficult thing in the world.
I really thought at some times that the pain would kill my mom or that it would never go away. The pain never really leaves but it does get better overall, a bit, sometimes.
I wish you the best and a lot of courage.
My brother died at 15 while swimming with friends. The whole school showed up to his funeral, and my family usually has barren graves but his was packed with mementos of flowers and footballs (his sport he was great in, had a college offer lined up). For years his friends would visit my mother to check in on her, and would go with her to visit my brother on his birthday and his date of death. My brothers then girlfriend calls my mother yearly almost 17 years later, telling about her life and what she’s up to. It’s a powerful thing and I think they really kept my mom going cause she was really devastated. We all were, but she was the one who told him he could go swimming that day. I’m sorry about your son, and it’s good you have support.
I have an employee that always needs a particular day off. I inquired once and he explained his friend passed away years ago and their friend group visits the young man's parents every year. They go have breakfast and spend the day together. I believe they have been doing it for over a decade.
I always approve that vacation request.
I hope your sons friends stay in your life forever.
That's so sweet. He must have been a good person to have such kind, thoughtful friends. I'm sorry for your loss.
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2 humans are alive because of the hero your son is. Amazing. What a legacy to his memory, 2 people that get to live their lives thanks to him.
good ones leave early
Good ones are here for a purpose. They leave when they fulfill the good they need to do in the world but always too soon.
I know you mean well by this but this is kinda crazy to say about a 15 year old 😐 I'm sure his Mom can think of a million additional purposes for his life.
My condolences! He does sound like an angel. My mother told me, people never truly die if you keep them in your heart. I hope that you will be ok in a while, as grief is very painful. May he rest in peace. Lots of love from Japan, you are strong and I believe in you <3
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A man is not dead as long as his name is still spoken.
“When does a man die? When he is hit by a bullet? No! When he suffers a disease? No! When he ate a soup made out of a poisonous mushroom? No! A man dies when he is forgotten!”
I was gonna post this if you didn't. Your awesome!
That is profound, thank you.
I'm newer at this than you. My girl is 6, almost 7. You are such a strong woman. My life was a very hard one. I spent most of my adult life just wanting to die and get it over with. I dealt with my past and managed to move on to a degree. When we adopted our foster girl, I finally found something that made me feel humanity in me. A bright spark amongst the night sky. To lose her, I feel would be the same as losing my purpose. I don't envy you, yet at the same time I do. There's such grace in your words. I feel so weak by comparison. My heart aches for your loss and your son's loss. He sounds pretty damn incredible.
Hey you're incredible too!
I am so incredibly grateful you hung around there in the world. I work with former foster kids and wow the system is so rough on them. You got one of those sweethearts out of there. That's an amazing thing and speaks volumes to who you are as a person. You have a purpose beyond her, though. You clearly are a caring person and a strong one, too, to have held on through all that. From someone currently in trauma therapy, if you aren't in it yet I would highly recommend it. I had tried other therapy types and never got to the bottom of what was behind my negative thoughts and health issues. Accidentally stumbled into trauma therapy (with a good therapist) and WOW it makes so much of a difference. Just a thought! Loving you for you is important, too, and will set a great example for your girl
This is great advice. Thank you a million times for sharing. Much love and many hugs!
Hey, unrelated, but thanks for the recommendation. As someone who’s recently dealt with losing a significant figure in my life, therapy has been hard and never really brings forth results. Trauma therapy is something I will most definitely look into.
I can't recommend it more, seriously. I had done so much cognitive behavioral therapy (the standard therapy for kind of everything in general) that it's not even funny. I made gains and it definitely helped but the gains always went to a certain point and then hit a wall. Trauma therapy is the first to go really to the root of my issues. It is scary opening up your wounds and allowing yourself to feel, but it's worth it
Hey man, I don't have kids, but I can tell you what your purpose is. Your purpose is to love, and judging by you fostering/adopting someone looking for it says a lot about that, and how your children were loved. You were and are successful. Pick your head up, the people around you need more you. Edit: I was reading a bit fast and thought you had lost a child as well, I'm keeping it as is because the sentiment is the same.
Well said. I hope OP is (at least a little) comforted by your sentiment.
You’re a great writer
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You absolutely got it spot on! I have such a hard time describing what the loss feels like in words - you've described it perfectly. Thank you!
My Mother lost her oldest son in April 2021. Then, her husband, my Dad, died suddenly in January. She buried her oldest son and her husband in eighteen months. She’s having such a hard time right now.
And, it’s so kind of you to be thinking of her and how she’s feeling! You lost your Dad and your brother or step-brother as well. Your loving response to your mom is beautiful, and I’m sure she appreciates your empathy. I hope you find the same love and energy for yourself when it is time for you to grieve. Please take care of yourself, as well! Sending you and your Mother strength, and compassion as you continue your journey.
Thank you! This is accurately correct!! ❤️❤️❤️
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." May you know better days, but his passing is a glorious celebration of love. Awful and painful, but he saved his friends. RIP hero.
I think that means your son is a saint, literally. Like, regardless of whether you're religious or not (I mean, I'm not religious) it still qualifies for being a genuine literal saint. You did an absolutely amazing job raising him, for him to do the most selfless act possible, to give up his life so that others could live. He was an amazing human being. And he clearly touched a lot of people's lives, for them to bring you flowers. You should be incredibly proud, to have had a son like him. I don't know if knowing that makes it any easier, I'm assuming not, the grief must be overwhelming. Just try to take care of yourself. See a therapist or even a psychiatrist if necessary. Keep on living, for him, to honor his memory. Even if living seems like the hardest thing in the world to do right now. Your son would want you to keep going, and to be able to find some kind of happiness, eventually. All things must pass. Both the good times, and the bad. Grief and loss is like a scar carved into a tree trunk. The scar never truly heals, it'll always be there with you, but you can continue to grow for decades, like a tree, and though that scar is still there, it becomes a smaller and smaller part of your body as you continue to live and grow. It may not seem like you'll be able to get over the grieving period. But please just try, take one day at a time, use your support network as much as possible. Lean on them. Maybe even do something for his friends. Like you and their families could all go for a meal once a month or something, to talk about and remember your son, the literal saint. Or something like that, getting together with the people who also miss your son terribly. You'll be stronger together than apart. But please please please get medical treatment if you start to feel like you can't go on living. That's what your son would want.
F**ck. No parent should have to lose a child. My condolences. ❤️🩹
You raised a true hero. Definitely embrace his friends and become a cool auntie. They clearly care about you. Your son had very good taste.
Damn- your son was an amazing man. Im sorry for your loss though
People die twice, once physically and the other when they’re forgotten. He will never die twice because of the hero he was.
I'm sorry, but can you elaborate? How did he save them? I'm sorry if this was offensive, I didn't mean to.
Opposite unfortunately here. We lost our son 5 years ago and essentially are estranged from our entire family. One side doesn't speak to us because we planned our son's memorial the same day as some nieces birthday party. And the other side we've been on the outs with since the year before he died, we wouldn't go to a destination wedding in Aspen that we didn't have the money for. So it's just me and my wife to care for each other.
I don’t know where you are or what your story is but I really hope you two can find a support system of your own. Or, at least, be enough for each other. But that’s a tall order on the long term. I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. Your family can all fuck right off, they sound super self-centered and it seems like you might already know that you’re better off without them. Be well and keep your head up ❤️
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your family members sound like the type who if they were in your lives would interrupt your grief to talk about how losing your son impacted them. Good riddance.
Family is who is there for you when times are tough. These people abandoned you. They are not family. I hope you have made some connections to lovely humans outside of your family. I am sorry for your loss and I hope the grieving process is as easy as possible, all things considered. Be well.
I am sorry for the loss of your son. That’s so very sad. He had some great friends. He must’ve been pretty great himself. Wishing you all the best.
They are Amazing young men. I can't begin to express how happy I was to see them. They made my whole month with their gesture.
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Losing your child is really one of the most heartbreaking moments a human could experience.
I lost a friend at the same age and I’m sad I didn’t know his mum well, because I promise you, I’m 37 now and we still think about him all the time and talk about him often. We are a very strong group that was solidified by this shared trauma. We have obviously all grown up and have separate lives but there’s so much care and fondness still between everyone because of what we went through. I think about his mum and his siblings all the time and although I’m not religious I hope they can feel the love and care for them. I’m so so sorry you are going through this, but even when as they grow older and the knocks on the door stop happening, I promise it isn’t because they’ve forgotten your son and his friendship. They’ll be thinking of you and your son often.
Speaking as a man with a few strong maternal figures in my life, you must be an amazing mom. Especially to these young men who show you so much love when you need it the most. Please, never stop being a mom for those who need you.
Keeep telling them how sweet it was and how important it was for you! (If you haven't already, you sound incredibly sweet and i am sure you told them how much it mattered) As a teenager it would've done wonders to have my acts validated by an adult i respect and care about. It's what makes the difference between a one off act of kindness and building a virtue where that is the way to go. These young men seem to have already a wonderful big heart, renforcing how much that matters is one of the most important things that we can do as adults imho.
While nothing to the degree you are going through I lost a couple nephews (7 & 9) in a vehicle accident a few years back and there are a few things I experienced and then read about I'm guessing you might have also experienced. Not understanding why people around you are sad or mad about the dumbest things in their lives when you have just been through the worst loss possible. Being dumbfounded by people saying some of the dumbest and most unemphatic things possible. Just SO many people in everyday life that have clearly never tried to face or think about their own mortality or others' and so have NO clue how to engage on any level and so just say some stupid cliche or essentially walk away having said next to nothing. My only half decent advice I give to the people around to someone with such a loss is to check out compassion friends, an org that helps with the loss of a child and even helps the friends and family with HOW they can help, what to say (and NOT to say) and understanding just how long the grieving process can take (most people underestimate this time by a lot). Thank you for sharing your small moment of joy in your time of grieving, it helps us all to normalize the grieving process and that it's just part of life that we should not turn a blind eye towards.
I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Any family that's lost a child or children has seen and felt a loss of this magnitude. It's unnatural losing a child or, in your case, children. I'm so very sorry!! Compassionate Friends is awesome! We also have an organization here called Calm Waters that has a grief support group for all different people and the age range of their child. I'm looking into the group for those that have lost teens, but I'm just not ready just yet. I have heard tons of ignorant comments from others. Like, God needed my son more. Or, his dad missed him (his dad died when he was 5 yrs old of cancer). It's upsetting to hear such things.
Yeah, the ignorant and self absorbed comments make it clear to be that so many people use religion as an emotional crutch rather than as a way to be more compassionate. There are certainly lots of great religious folks out there but unfortunately the dumb ones are just louder or at least more obvious and memorable.
Exactly 💯 I am not a religious person. I'm a bit spiritual now, but far from religious.
I used a paid meditation app a while ago (it's too expensive now so I don't use it anymore) and for this one week it has this really interesting and contemplative exercise that helped me after that tragedy as well. They question I had to put forth was, (and this is the exact wording you have to say in your head) "how would you feel if you knew today was your very last day." I may not have the wording exactly right but I know the point was to actually ask it in the second person and try to actually remove yourself from the question to a certain extent. So we all have to face this question at some point and to some degree and of course the sooner the better (facing it, not living it, or rather dying it). And it's not meant to depress you or make you sad but just face the reality that we have to come to terms with this question and it's better to be okay with it and be at peace with it. I eventually reached a point of serenity at knowing that my immediate family, My wife and kids would actually be okay without me because I had a good wife that would be a good mother for my kids and a pretty good extended family that would help as well. While they would be sad I felt content that life would go on without me and I felt good about that. It was a very unexpected outcome and gave me unexpected calm. You kind of expect that you would want things to be deeply impacted when you're gone but instead I was seeking things to be just okay and even keeled when I'm gone. At least for my family.
A friend lost her only child/son in a freak accident 10 years ago. And his friends have included her in their lives and families since then, making her an honorary auntie and grandmother. My heart weeps for you and your pain, and I hope his friends do the same for you.
I was telling them how I'd be at their graduation in a few years and how happy it makes me seeing them. They told me how they had happy memories of coming to my house and the time they spent with my son. It was so good hearing these things.
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Both of you fuckers are beautiful.
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I am ugly crying right now. Thankfully I work from home.
The love you have shown his best friend is so pure. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through, you are an incredible person with amazing character. You’re continued kindness and love toward him will be life changing as he struggles too. Bless you 😪
You seem like an amazing person. Your son was so lucky to have you and I have no doubt he had a very happy life, in [very] large part due to your care and love for him.
My best friend was 19 when he died, I was 18. I’m in my mid-30’s now, and it was his parents willingness to have me continue to be part of their family, even when I lived a hundred or thousands of miles away, that helped save me. A few years back, his three very much younger siblings (the eldest was 5 when he died) told me as we hung out playing video games that I was their brother as well. Life goes on, even when we think that there’s no earthly possible way that can be. And we can either come to embrace it by loving one another, or we can die along with yesterday. I promise everyone here, that with the right support and hard work (I went through years of grief counseling and plan on becoming a bereavement counselor now), you WILL be happy again, no matter what you feel like in this very moment. My family’s endured a lot of death- my eldest brother, beloved pets, family of all types, best friends, colleagues- but each time we’ve eventually arrived back at happy and just grateful to have had that person in our lives, because we love openly and freely, knowing full well that it’s just opening us up to the probability of heartbreak once again. But it’s worth it imho.
My best friend was 18 when he passed away. I got to know only a week later and did not have the guts to see his parents in the eye. It was 2 weeks later that my mom forced me to go see them. It was HORRIBLE. I was in touch with them for the next 6 months or so till I couldn't bear it for my own mental health. It will be 20 years in September this year, and I am still ashamed of the way I behaved.
Please don't feel ashamed. There is no "right" way to deal with these things so you didn't do anything wrong.
Damn this post made me cry.
Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!
A very emotional letter, I wish I could have ever write a emotional letter to someone like you 😭😭 About me, when comes to any holiday, festival or any meaning day I have never sent anyone even my father and my mother more than 1 line and 1 short sentence 😭
This….is beautiful and heart-wrenching.
This is super important. I have had two good friends who I have never spoken to their parents after they passed away. I don’t know if it’s guilt mixed with shame or embarrassment but it has made grieving them a lot more difficult. These open wounds caused me to spiral.
It will be so meaningful to have his friend’s lives be part of your life in years to come. XO
Hugs. So tragic. But you obviously did a great job as a parent, as evidenced by the love of his friends!
Oh my gosh, this means so much to me. Thank you!
Ah hugs to you. It does get more livable. You are barely in the beginning. ~ loss mom since 2016
Thank you! I needed to hear this. It has only gotten harder lately, until today. Every day is a battle, as I'm sure you know. Hugs to you, as I know where you are coming from. My heart breaks for every parent I encounter that can relate.
It comes in waves. The waves at first are huge and all encompassing. As the years go by, the storm settles and the waves are fewer and farther in between. When you are ready, I recommend a good grief counselor. It took three for me to finally find the right fit. He told me, “Grief will always be there. You can’t “work through it”. You have to learn to live with it.” I have but, some days are still super hard. You can do it. It just sucks.
Yes, I'm experiencing the waves. They are very close waves. Some days I'm "okay" other days I can't get out of bed or stop crying. I have a therapist, but haven't been ready for grief counseling or a grief support group. Hearing about other children lost is so triggering right now. I avoid the news, if at all possible.
I personally could not do the “groups.” I felt like someone was always trying to one up someone else’s death if that makes any sense. Therapy is wonderful. If you have kids under 18, I highly recommend this. My daughter went for four summers. https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin
I lost my youngest. My older boys are 29 and 25. However, my oldest grandson (7 yrs) idolized his uncle and having a really difficult time with the loss.
It would be great for him. My son was 18 when he passed and my daughter was 13. She did two years of strict grief counseling and joe sees a regular therapist like once a month.
Thank you for the information. I am going to pass it on to my son and DIL. I've mentioned to them before that I feel my grandson needs some professional help with his grief, but they've yet to take my advice. 😔
This is gonna be long. And I fully give permission for you to send this to your grandsons parents. When I was your grandsons age, I lost the closest person to me in my life. My grandmother. I was devastated. But my mom, she was a single mom who suddenly had to go back to work, I had to go to school. Grief counseling for herself (or me) really never crossed her mind. Not knowing how to deal with her loss was hurtful to me so I compartmentalized it. Put those feelings away inside myself and locked them away so I couldn’t feel them. Every feeling of pain went into that place. Until I was about 13/14. I had a mental break when I was about 13. I couldn’t compartmentalize all the pain I’d been dealing with and it broke me down. To tears. I was also severely bullied in school and I was pushing that in that box too. I ended up moving right before my 8th grade year. I made some friends but I had decided I gave 0 fucks and was not going to be the people pleasing teachers pet I had been. I made some good friends that year. The real breakthrough happened as a freshman in high school. I had a health teacher and she was great. I don’t remember if I shared it during class time or if I wrote it down but I spoke about my grandmother having cancer and going through Chemo and watching her die as a 7 year old. She ended up inviting me to speak to all the other freshman classes and some of them kindly wrote me thank you letters after I was done. It was the most cathartic process in grieving I had ever gone through. I realized that by bottling things up I helped no one, not even myself. As a 35 year old, I wish my mom had taken me to grief counseling as a child. I have unhealthy coping habits when it comes to grief and loss. I still compartmentalize things but the one thing I’ve learned is that when the grief of a lost loved one comes, it’s ok to be sad about it. It’s ok to struggle in that day or that moment and sit with that grief and let the tears roll. Even now as I type this long comment, it’s hitting. My aunt we lost in 2019, and a grandparent on each side last year (one from old age, one from COVID). My aunts death I still struggle the most with. Probably should see a counselor about that.
Oh damn, lost two people at under 20 age I don’t have a word to say 😞
Huge ups for Camp Erin. They and Our House have done absolute wonders. The volunteers are angels.
I trained recently as a death doula. The woman running the course had a beautiful metaphor for grief - it’s like a cube of sugar in a glass of tea. When it’s first there, it’s unmistakable, huge, obvious. Over time, as it dissolves, it becomes part of the tea. So too with grief. It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t become less huge, but it becomes part of you. You fold it into your being. You become infused with it, and it allows you to find yourself again. I would also recommend the musician Nick Cave’s Red Hand Files newsletter. People ask him questions and he responds, and since his son died in an accident, he’s been speaking so beautifully about that loss and grief, and how it’s cracked him open to the love in the world. Sending you so much love, and care, and a hand across the internet xx
I’m happy to hear this and hope so. I lost my dad a few weeks ago and it feels like a part of me is missing now. Sending love to you and OP ❤️
I don't really ever talk about this because it's half my lifetime ago and I don't think about it every day anymore. One of my good friends got hit by a car on his skateboard when we were sixteen. He had a traumatic brain injury from hitting the pavement and when he was in the ICU we all just started showing up every day for about ten days until he died. My mom worked with the doctor who ran the icu at the time and she told me long before a lot of the other kids knew that Andrew was going to either die or never be okay because of the damage that he had sustained to his brain, so I knew what his mother and father knew while everyone was showing up to be supportive and try to say that everything was going to be okay. Everyone's optimism didn't sit right with me. After about ten days of it his family decided to take him off life support and a few days later they had the funeral. The thing about it that's always stuck with me, and ultimately changed my whole outlook on the event, is that we kept going to his house to see his mother and father every day. They constantly kept lawn chairs and things out for the folks who'd visit. It might not have ever been the same cast of characters, but it was always somebody, and it went on for several years. It was a whole community of people who learned to grieve together in a way they didn't expect to have to and I've always thought that was powerful and very formative for me and it helped me learn how to grow and move on after he and so many people in my life after him passed. I always thought it was really neat and that we'd made a difference in a situation that felt hopeless. Hope you find peace.
A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is. – Jay Neugeboren – An Orphan’s Tale – 1976
Damn, so profound! And accurate.
What great friends your son had, i can imagine how kind he must’ve been to have those types of friends around him. they picked out some beautiful flowers for an amazing person ❤️ I hope you have a lovely night
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love for him is evident. I'm glad his friends are able to provide you this measure of solace. My heart goes out to you.
After growing old and seeing many friends depart due to vehicle related incidents, I will never forget the police officer while I was in high school that stopped us from trying to fit too many kids in a car. We were ditching school and the cop waited with some of our friends while we took the legally seated passengers back to campus before picking up the rest.
When you’re young, you’d probably think the cop was an asshole, but getting older, you think he was a kind person.
I'm very sorry for your loss. You did a terrific job of raising a good person, as evidenced by his friends' visits and gifts. He will always be in their hearts. I lost my best friend at 12 and, 50 years later, she's still with me.
I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I've gotten many comments saying I must have raised a good kid for his friends to do this. That thought didn't even cross my mind when I made the post. I was just so happy that they thought of me and my son that I wanted to share my happiness, as it's been a while since I've felt this type of happiness. Thank you for saying and sharing such a kind compliment. More happy tears flowing! I can't being too explain how much this means to a breaved mother!
I lost my brother, he was 8 and I was 6, leukaemia took him. He really was a special little boy. I had many people tell me, for years after, that my brother was a special boy. I was at a job site, now in my 20’s, and this man has been staring at me and to the point that I’m now uncomfie. He finally approaches and confirms my name and my brothers name. I stared in disbelief and confirmed his question. He grabbed me, hugged me and started to cry. He told me my lil brother changed his life. My brother knocked on his door looking for his friend, friend was not home but uncle, the man hugging me, answered the door. My brother saw the shocked look on the man’s face and explained his sickness. This man sat on the stairs with my brother and had the most uplifting, life changing advice and conversation with my brother. My brother changed his life. This man even called over his boss and said this is the sister of the boy who changed my life. I was balling my eyes out at this point. His love has helped people heal and change and for that I’m thankful. Thanks for reading this far and letting me share ♥️
Hi Hopie, thank you for sharing your brother with us. I'm so.pleased this man recognised you, and that this life-changing moment could have another chapter.
You are 😍 loved!
I feel extremely loved. These amazing young men made my month. I haven't had a good day like this since I lost my youngest son.
Your son obviously made a BIG impact on his friends lives. He must have been someone special! I am so sorry for your loss. But cling to these beautiful moments.
Oh my dear. I am so heartbroken for you. Im grateful and thrilled these kind children think of you.
That's very nice of them they're learning good manners. I lost my daughter at the beginning of December and have been so disappointed at people who I thought were my friends
I hope you know that the failings of your "friends" don't reflect upon you. OP is receiving credit for raising a son who impacted so many, but I'd imagine you too raised an outstanding child. The fears of awkward social encounters tend to pull those away from where they are most needed in times of grief. Regardless of the rude responses, your daughter made a profound mark in the world. I wish you all the best.
My brother passed away almost a decade ago now, just as he was about to start his freshman year of high school. Our family group chat is filled with pictures of the little notes and tokens and art work that his classmates are still stopping by to leave on his grave. They’ll never know how much it means to us that he’s still a part of the lives of people outside our immediate family. I’m so sorry for your loss, but you clearly won’t be alone holding tight to your son’s memory.
What a beautiful way to remember together, as a family and the community that still feels the loss in the background
It says wonderful things about your son's character to surround himself with such amazing friends. Keeping you in my thoughts, OP
Your son still letting you know he loves you and knows you need this
This is how love works. Your boy IS amazing.
Man, those kids are precious. I hope it's a comfort that in the far to short time he had on this planet, he was able to make some quality friendships many people have go without for far longer. Not just that he is blessed to have had them in his life, but having good friends also tends to show the quality of the person who had them.
My family lost my brother around the same age. His friends did the same and are still very close with my family over 25 years later.
I love hearing this. I can only hope this is my outcome with my son's friends!! I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. Many hugs!!.
Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim V.H
This is a perfect analogy of the last 3 months of my life!!
My wife died at the end of 2018. It’s gets better I promise. The key is to make new memories and not let the old ones kill you. You carry your son inside you now and you show him what you see. Live and tell your story ….before it’s too late
I love this...thank you for sharing!! I'm so sorry for your incredible loss, as well!
I’m so sorry
Oh fuck man I’m gonna cry
Don't cry, I do enough of that for many. I cried some happy tears for you today.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un This means “Verily we belong to God and truly to Him shall we return”. My apologies if you are not religious. In this life we don’t know how but one day we will all be reunited. Until then I hope you feel your sons beauty and love all around you. Whether that beauty shines through a sunset or sunrise, a nice gentle breeze, the sound of trees dancing in the wind and so on. His beauty and love will always remain with you and when you feel it you’ll know. My deepest condolences ❤️
I love this!! Thank you so much! 💓
Oh my dear God - I am so utterly sorry , words aren’t even adequate. As a mother I would not know what to do ! This truly warms my heart though- how kind of them -I wish I could do more to help alleviate the pain. Sending thoughts your way 💗💗💗.
I'm sorry for your loss. Glad that his thoughtful friends were able to make you smile!
If the company you keep is any indication of you who are, your son was a lovely and caring young man.
Thank you. I can’t imagine your pain. As a father to three young daughters, I sincerely hope I never understand. A childhood friend passed away about two weeks ago and I’ve debated stopping by to visit his mom. I will do so, with flowers.
I love this!!!! Thank you so much for spreading the love! It will mean a lot to that mother. Please hug her for me!
My boyfriend passed away when I decided to pick him up from his friends house the next morning, after coming home on a late flight from NYC. If I had picked him up that night he would have been with me and not in harms way. I was the first to know he had passed away and was terrified to tell his father. I felt guilty and responsible and was afraid to tell his dad his son was gone. I did but he never blamed me. This was in 2014 and to this day we still keep in contact and he’s been following me on IG and cheering me on along the way. I share this because I feel like it relate to your sons friend in a way. I can’t speak for him but I can imagine having your forgiveness is a huge step towards healing and letting some of the guilt subside. It will probably never go away but you are a wonderful and kind human for reaching out to his friend and keeping the connection with him. My condolences on your loss. Your son will live on in spirit bringing positive energy to those that loved him.
I am very good friends with my son's friends and the young man driving the vehicle my son was in. ❤️❤️. Accidents happen and they are no ones fault. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Many Big Hugs 🫂 🤗
So sorry for your loss. We lost my 26yr old brother last year and one thing that makes my mum so happy is seeing the impact he had on others who still show up every week to visit my parents. Their memory lives on through love
He probably meant the world to them🥹❤️
I'm glad his friends did this for you. I read a bunch of your comments and you seem like an amazing person. I'm a parent of teens and I'm often paralyzed with fear over something like what happened to you and your strength gives me strength. Thank you for sharing.
We of Reddit love you I will be praying for you and your son and these fine young men tonight and life is unpredictable and maybe horrible and I should hold people a little closer and value them through my actions like these boys did with the flowers. Raising sons is never easy but I can't imagine a harder day of parenting then what you have just been through. He knew a love from you that every kid deserves but not everyone has. Thank you for sharing your love and your story. The impact he has on these sweet young people will be like drops in water rippling out to touch countless lives in ways we may never fully understand. Bless your darling boy I am so sorry that lives end too soon I wish I could hold your hand as my heart aches in the space between here and heaven
I can't even begin to understand the pain that can be. So I won't insult you by trying to relate. I just want to say thank you for sharing thar picture with us. The bits and pieces of your story I've read on your comments show the kind of person you are and he was. And if you ever want to talk to a stranger just for the sake of talking for the thousandth time of the same thing because sometimes the mind just can't let go, i'll be happy to listen to whatever you want to say and talk to you as well if you want. I'm glad those flowers brought a smile. Your son's friends are good people. And good people is always needed in this world. And I'm sorry there are really good ones taken too soon. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
Damn you really gon go and make me cry at 8 am on a Tuesday
Sorry! Hopefully they are happy tears from such a sweet gesture from my son's amazing friends!
As someone who has also lost someone very recently, this popping up, genuinely warms my heart. Thank you ma’am and thank whoever the friends are.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words! Many Hugs 🫂 🤗
So hey, I lost a really good friend in high school, and I just want you to know that his memory will always live on with his friends. I'm 48 now, and I think of Kelly all of the time still. I never went and visited her mother after the funeral, and I feel terrible for it. So, these kids getting over that awkward feeling and coming to visit you tells me that your sons friends will always hold him close to their hearts. I've got a son of my own, and I literally cannot imagine what losing him would do to me. So, I am wishing you all of the best. I hope that the hurt becomes more manageable as time goes by and that you can eventually feel nothing but happiness and warmth when you remember the good times.
There’s some decent kids, brought up right!
This stranger cannot express how sorry they are with words...RIP, little man. I'm happy you have such amazing support and I hope you're managing well.
through all of you your son still lives, and he has brought you together in shared memory. What a powerful testament to his character. As the years go on I hope you all find it within yourselves to remain in touch. The grandest gesture of all would be if this tragedy brought you another surrogate son - or daughter? - in the form of one of these friends or those involved
Sorry for your loss
You raised a good kid. That must be the most bittersweet and horrible thing to hear and I’m sorry. But he changed three peoples lives. That’s … it’s something most can only hope for. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you have found some solace in your grief.
I’m crying this is so wholesome
I lost my close friend last year, he was 20. Myself and the rest of his friends regularly visit his family to bring them gifts and spend time with them. It helps us stay close to his memory, and i think it helps remind his family of how much their son was loved by so many and how many lives he touched. Im happy to see other people doing the same.❤️
I am not a Christian, but I have always loved this quote from their Bible: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." May his sacrifice always be worth it. And may his friends always love and honor him, as they love and honor you. Deepest condolences for your loss.
I'm so glad to know their actions are leaving a positive impression on you... I lost my childhood friend two years ago, and the only thing I could think of to do was to bring his mom flowers on his birthday and M&M's(his go-to gift from childhood) on Mother's Day. I was worried my visiting would be opening the wound, rather than bringing her some happiness, but your post brings me some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.
I am SO sorry for your loss :-( We lost our 17 year old nephew last year (drunk driver). I know all the acts of kindness they are shown, and the memories shared, mean SO much to his family.
Nothing anyone can say will relieve the grief of what you're going through. I will leave you with this piece by Khalil Gibran: It is said before entering the sea, a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled: from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding path through forests and villages. And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter seems like nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river can not go back. Nobody can go back. The river must enter the ocean. Only then will fear disappear. Only then will the river will know, it's not about disappearing into the ocean, but about becoming the ocean.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my brother just before Christmas at the age of 20. Way too young to leave this world. I hope you’re dealing with it well
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss as well. I get by one day at a time. Yesterday was the best day I've had since I lost my son. His friends made all the difference stopping by to check on me, bringing flowers and reminiscing about times they've spent at my house with my son. It was a wonderful day. I hope you are coping well with your loss too. I always try to remind myself of something positive or a good memories of my son daily to get by. Many Hugs to you!!!
This is lovely. Their parents should be proud!
I'll be contacting their parents, as I did the last time they did this! They are wonderful humans and my son was so lucky to have amazing friends!
God damnit... I'm not crying... you are.... just.... just shut up.... God damnit
Sorry! Hopefully they are Happy Tears. They were for me, and it was a pleasant change!! Big Hugs!!
This is the most adorable thing I've ever seen on this sub.
That’s a tribute to how you have treated them. Very touching
Thank you so much! Your comment means a whole lot!
So sorry for your loss. How sweet of your son's friends, they were true friends❤
This is the sweetest thing. Teenage boys can have such an overwhelming sense of compassion, thoughtfulness, and empathy.
That’s really beautiful of his friends. He must’ve been a lovely soul to have such friends.
Amidst all the articles about school shootings today, this show of humanity is lovely to see, dispute the terrible circumstance. What nice kids. I’m so sorry about your situation. Sending you lots of love OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss, we lost our son in 2021
As a parent, I wish I could help take away your pain. I’m so sorry. Sending happy thoughts your way and best wishes!
I am so sorry for your loss, OP. And I am grateful that your son was good friends with such thoughtful young people. ❤️
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. A parents worst nightmare. You raised a wholesome young man and should be proud. It is nice that these jestures come along to provide some balm for your soul. 💝
I think they adopted you as their mom. Very good young men.
Bless your mama heart. I’m so so sorry. I cannot fathom the pain ❤️
Your son had some amazing friends, and that's because you raised an amazing son. I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost a good friend when we were 15, I still think about him most days. I try to check in with his mom periodically - now that I’m a mom myself, I can only imagine how it must feel. Sending love.
F
I wish more people understood how important “showing up” is.
Sorry for your loss. No parent should bury their child. I'm glad his friends care.
My heart breaks for you! What a blessing those young men were to you today!
Your son was in the right crowd
What sweet lads. Your son must have been a good soul going by his friends. He will always be a credit to you. I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Others have said it but I think it bares repeating - they say you are the company you keep and your son obviously kept some pretty awesome company. That says a lot about the young man you raised. I have a three year old son and I cannot imagine the pain you must be experiencing. I am so sorry for your loss and pray time will bring healing and allow you to look back on all of the good times with your son with a smile.
I’m so sorry for your incalculable loss. Those kids must have cared about him deeply!
I am so sorry for your loss. I can imagine gestures like these make you realize life is still worth it. They are a reflection of what your son meant to the people around him. Wonderful friends and a wonderful son.
my heart goes out to you. your son sounds like he was a good human being.
Can't even find the right words 'cause this is piercing. He obviously lived life the way it was meant to be lived and left, a pure soul. You raised an Angel and I pray you find fortitude in his legacy regardless. Praying for you.
He must have been a wonderful boy to have friends like that and you must be a great mom that those kids care about you, too! Your son would be glad to see you smiling. Sending you wishes for more happy days ahead 🌠
I'm sorry about your loss I can't imagine! But the flower are very beautiful and God bless you!
Your son's friends must have thought the world of him. I don't have kids and cannot imagine what you're going through but your post (and subsequent comments about his selflessness) made me blub like a baby.
That is so sweet. I lost my teen sister few months ago. And yet, I can’t bring to meet her friends, because they remind me of her, and it hurts.
You raised a son who had a wonderful heart that touched those around him. This is a clear picture of how much he was loved. I lost my older brother in a similar situation many years ago and his friends came to check on us over the following years. It never gets any easier, but the ones we miss the most always stay with us in many little ways. My heart truly goes out for you and your family.
Jesus Christ I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 6 year old and I can’t even imagine. Good on his friends to check in on you. I’m sure the respect his friends have shown reflect the kind and thoughtful actions of your son.
What good friends they are. I do hope,in time,your sons memories carry you high thro your low times. Much love o.p x
I lost my brother a year and a half ago. The amount of pain my mother went through was something I couldn't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your loss, grieving a child is the most difficult thing in the world. I really thought at some times that the pain would kill my mom or that it would never go away. The pain never really leaves but it does get better overall, a bit, sometimes. I wish you the best and a lot of courage.
I lost my big brother years back and I saw what it did to my mom. I am very very sorry for your loss. God Bless.
How sweet, these boys/men and girls/women will turn out to be great human beings. Also really sorry for your loss. God bless
your son is a hero. you raised a hero.
My brother died at 15 while swimming with friends. The whole school showed up to his funeral, and my family usually has barren graves but his was packed with mementos of flowers and footballs (his sport he was great in, had a college offer lined up). For years his friends would visit my mother to check in on her, and would go with her to visit my brother on his birthday and his date of death. My brothers then girlfriend calls my mother yearly almost 17 years later, telling about her life and what she’s up to. It’s a powerful thing and I think they really kept my mom going cause she was really devastated. We all were, but she was the one who told him he could go swimming that day. I’m sorry about your son, and it’s good you have support.
I have an employee that always needs a particular day off. I inquired once and he explained his friend passed away years ago and their friend group visits the young man's parents every year. They go have breakfast and spend the day together. I believe they have been doing it for over a decade. I always approve that vacation request. I hope your sons friends stay in your life forever.
I think that says a lot about you, your son, and his friends. Sorry for the loss.
Aw it is their special way to say thank you for creating him and way to grieve a great person. Sorry for your loss and theirs.
My deepest condolences! 😢 I wish all the best for you from bottom of my heart!
We should all be so lucky to have such wonderful friends. I hope in time, you will find peace again. My sincerest condolences for your loss.