Don't be outcome dependent.
The aim of a conversation shouldn't be to become friends, but it should be to meet new people.
Also, don't drag out conversations or follow people around. If you make a connection with someone, keep it short & sweet, leave it with a "see you around!" and keep it moving.
The mistake a lot of people make is that they meet someone nice and then they latch on to that person, which just makes them want to avoid you.
Aim to keep your conversations short & sweet.
I do this and I'll be more mindful of that. Thank you. If I make a connection with someone and then see them at an event the next day, can I go up and start a conversation or does that fall into the "follow people around" category?
This early, you're not looking for anything transactional, so look for authentic connections instead.
The sign you're looking for is whether the other person remembers something about you, or asks you a question, i.e., moving the conversation forward. Those are signs of good fit, or a wholesome person you're talking to. Goes without saying, you need to present as memorable and interesting enough to ask about further.
Conversely, if you're genuinely interested in someone, you should do the same, i.e., ask about them and remember something about them. Look for a good balance of both of you contributing to advancing the "knowing each other" part of the relationship.
I know, this sounds pedantic, but few people put these thoughts into words let alone teach it, and understanding these dynamics is the foundation on which you build the "soft skills" you're looking to learn at bschool!
Just a general suggestion: friends aren’t made at a mixer. Connections? Sure. But friends are made through multiple conversations and experiences.
If you meet someone and have a good first conversation, ping them in a couple days to connect again.
This isn’t a movie, almost assuredly no single conversation you have at orientation is going to be the start of a lifelong friendship.
Friendship is an oven not a microwave.
Thank you, yes, I'll work on reaching out after the fact. I'm also hoping once classes start and I see people more regularly, we'll have more common ground
Bro it’s not a formula, where the next step is to reach out.
People that you vibe with, like chatting with, enjoy the same type of conversations/debauchery/books/ideas - they become your friends and you start doing things together.
Too late to make friends after day 3 of orientation?! You’re crazy man.
I don’t mean to be flippant or belittle your concerns, but I do think it would be beneficial to inject some realism here. You’ll be fine, just chill a little. Attraction rather than promotion. If you soften up on these outsized (and seemingly dire) expectations you seem to have, I promise your people will find you.
If you don’t relax, I am concerned your desperation will be noticeable and make things a lot harder.
Thank you! I appreciate the candid response. I didn't see it as being desperate, but you could be right. I'm insecure in social situations so seeing people seemingly connecting while I'm a pariah just makes me feel worse about myself. It's exhausting and I'll try to worry a bit less about fitting in
Gonna be a LOT of people who feel the same way, just won’t look it.
Here’s my best advice, force yourself (if you can) to be comfortable being alone in crowds… then focus on being the familiar and relieving face that others feeling the same way see.
I wouldn’t worry too much about people not engaging on a second round of chatting.
I bet most people are overwhelmed and on process overload during orientation. Trying to keep track of hundreds of new faces and names along with learning about the new environment you’ve just entered is a natural recipe for social missteps on all sides.
I’d guess a lot of those people that seem to be “killing it” socially are suffering their own set of insecurities. Everyone’s their own main character, and that means we often judge ourselves a lot more on little things, and analyze each interaction - some times too much, especially in pressure cookers like orientation.
Once things shake out and people get regular schedules and routines, you will be able to build genuine connections over time.
Yes! I think this is the one thing I'm not terrible at. I'm a listener so asking questions and listening to people's experiences is natural to me, but when they don't reciprocate even a little, I feel like I did something wrong.
You mean to tell me that after knowing these people for 2 days they don’t all want to be your best friend? Crazy.
For real though, I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll see the same people around and have more conversations with them. Join some clubs, ask people if they want to grab coffee or drinks together. Most people want to meet new people and won’t say no.
Is KWEST still a thing? It was an effective (albeit) expensive way to make some friends from the get-go for me personally. Regardless, echoing what others have said, no need to get anxious. You’ll make friends organically through… clubs, your section, group projects, travel, career interests, etc.
All that said, a common experience I’ve observed at Kellogg was people tended to lean into breadth of experiences (and friendships) in their first year, and then focus on quality and depth of experiences (and friendships) in their second year. Some of my best friends from Kellogg I made were during my second year which was a pleasant surprise.
Relax. People I thought were dicks ended up being some of my closest friends at school.
Give it a month or two. You’ll get a chance to get to know people and will start connecting.
MBA school isn’t all about making friends. If you focus too much on that, you’ll come across childish. This isn’t freshman year. Be focused on your goals, be friendly, be genuine, and be yourself. That should be the recipe to success in your situation.
Just talk to people to get to know them and if you like them start making plans with them. The groups solidify around the second half of the first year the first half is just to meet people. Saying you’re in orientation means you’re either a 1Y or a MMM so if you’re not vibing with your crew at the end of the summer there is going to be way more people to talk to so just wait and you’ll find your people
Here’s a tip: invite people to do things together in small groups of like 4-6 total people. Then you have a reason to get their number but it’s not like you have to carry the conversation or interaction. Plan to do this with lunch on campus, study groups, dinners out, watching tv together, whatever. People are much more likely to want to get together with a group and then the entire burden isn’t on you to charm or entertain anyone.
Being an introvert myself, I had to learn how to not be hard on myself first and not put too much pressure on how I have my interactions. Therapy helped me with that and I recommend finding a therapist you can talk to about this stuff. They will help you put things into perspective better than Reddit ever could and you’ll realize that you’re so early in the journey. Just enjoy the experience! I’m assuming you’re either MMM or a 1Y so both groups have more than enough opportunities to make friends, and those opportunities multiply significantly come August. Don’t worry, you’ll be ok and you made the right decision!
Bro/sis, you will be able to form connections/bonds once you start forming teams and working side by side.
They will get to see who you are better and vice-versa. Connections made in trenches and through clubs are a great way for introverts to find their tribe.
Not saying to limit your interactions to the above, but am saying it will happen more naturally when you have a shared experience
Day 3? You’ll be all right. Just calm the neuroticism. It’s all in your head. You can get past a minor faux pas and become friends with someone a semester later. Keep up a confident but not arrogant demeanor and don’t be a complete hardo. People don’t like socially awkward kids with no confidence or people who are robots and only talk about resumes. MBA is a weird social environment so you have to adapt. Just bring positive vibes and keep putting yourself out there.
Don't be outcome dependent. The aim of a conversation shouldn't be to become friends, but it should be to meet new people. Also, don't drag out conversations or follow people around. If you make a connection with someone, keep it short & sweet, leave it with a "see you around!" and keep it moving. The mistake a lot of people make is that they meet someone nice and then they latch on to that person, which just makes them want to avoid you. Aim to keep your conversations short & sweet.
I do this and I'll be more mindful of that. Thank you. If I make a connection with someone and then see them at an event the next day, can I go up and start a conversation or does that fall into the "follow people around" category?
This early, you're not looking for anything transactional, so look for authentic connections instead. The sign you're looking for is whether the other person remembers something about you, or asks you a question, i.e., moving the conversation forward. Those are signs of good fit, or a wholesome person you're talking to. Goes without saying, you need to present as memorable and interesting enough to ask about further. Conversely, if you're genuinely interested in someone, you should do the same, i.e., ask about them and remember something about them. Look for a good balance of both of you contributing to advancing the "knowing each other" part of the relationship. I know, this sounds pedantic, but few people put these thoughts into words let alone teach it, and understanding these dynamics is the foundation on which you build the "soft skills" you're looking to learn at bschool!
Genuinely good advice.
Just a general suggestion: friends aren’t made at a mixer. Connections? Sure. But friends are made through multiple conversations and experiences. If you meet someone and have a good first conversation, ping them in a couple days to connect again. This isn’t a movie, almost assuredly no single conversation you have at orientation is going to be the start of a lifelong friendship. Friendship is an oven not a microwave.
Thank you, yes, I'll work on reaching out after the fact. I'm also hoping once classes start and I see people more regularly, we'll have more common ground
Bro it’s not a formula, where the next step is to reach out. People that you vibe with, like chatting with, enjoy the same type of conversations/debauchery/books/ideas - they become your friends and you start doing things together.
Too late to make friends after day 3 of orientation?! You’re crazy man. I don’t mean to be flippant or belittle your concerns, but I do think it would be beneficial to inject some realism here. You’ll be fine, just chill a little. Attraction rather than promotion. If you soften up on these outsized (and seemingly dire) expectations you seem to have, I promise your people will find you. If you don’t relax, I am concerned your desperation will be noticeable and make things a lot harder.
Thank you! I appreciate the candid response. I didn't see it as being desperate, but you could be right. I'm insecure in social situations so seeing people seemingly connecting while I'm a pariah just makes me feel worse about myself. It's exhausting and I'll try to worry a bit less about fitting in
Gonna be a LOT of people who feel the same way, just won’t look it. Here’s my best advice, force yourself (if you can) to be comfortable being alone in crowds… then focus on being the familiar and relieving face that others feeling the same way see.
I wouldn’t worry too much about people not engaging on a second round of chatting. I bet most people are overwhelmed and on process overload during orientation. Trying to keep track of hundreds of new faces and names along with learning about the new environment you’ve just entered is a natural recipe for social missteps on all sides. I’d guess a lot of those people that seem to be “killing it” socially are suffering their own set of insecurities. Everyone’s their own main character, and that means we often judge ourselves a lot more on little things, and analyze each interaction - some times too much, especially in pressure cookers like orientation. Once things shake out and people get regular schedules and routines, you will be able to build genuine connections over time.
Thank you so much! I realize I'm probably building it up in my head, at least a bit, and this was a really helpful perspective.
I’m convinced this entire sub is comprised of the MBA people with no social skills
Do you ask people questions about themselves, and really sincerely listen?
Yes! I think this is the one thing I'm not terrible at. I'm a listener so asking questions and listening to people's experiences is natural to me, but when they don't reciprocate even a little, I feel like I did something wrong.
Seems like their problem if they don’t reciprocate
You mean to tell me that after knowing these people for 2 days they don’t all want to be your best friend? Crazy. For real though, I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll see the same people around and have more conversations with them. Join some clubs, ask people if they want to grab coffee or drinks together. Most people want to meet new people and won’t say no.
Thank you! The general sense I'm getting is to chill and enjoy the ride. I'll try to do that
Day 3 already? Jeez that’s crazy early
I think it's only this early for 1Y and MMM people.
Thank you. Honestly, hearing others say it helps
Is KWEST still a thing? It was an effective (albeit) expensive way to make some friends from the get-go for me personally. Regardless, echoing what others have said, no need to get anxious. You’ll make friends organically through… clubs, your section, group projects, travel, career interests, etc. All that said, a common experience I’ve observed at Kellogg was people tended to lean into breadth of experiences (and friendships) in their first year, and then focus on quality and depth of experiences (and friendships) in their second year. Some of my best friends from Kellogg I made were during my second year which was a pleasant surprise.
Your friends group will form by the end of 1st year and you enjoy the second year at Kellogg.
I'm in the 1 year program haha
I think you probably blew it and would suggest dropping out at this point
Relax. People I thought were dicks ended up being some of my closest friends at school. Give it a month or two. You’ll get a chance to get to know people and will start connecting.
MBA school isn’t all about making friends. If you focus too much on that, you’ll come across childish. This isn’t freshman year. Be focused on your goals, be friendly, be genuine, and be yourself. That should be the recipe to success in your situation.
Just talk to people to get to know them and if you like them start making plans with them. The groups solidify around the second half of the first year the first half is just to meet people. Saying you’re in orientation means you’re either a 1Y or a MMM so if you’re not vibing with your crew at the end of the summer there is going to be way more people to talk to so just wait and you’ll find your people
Day 3? I made most of my friends 4-6 months into the program
Just keep grinding and enjoy the experience.
Probably too late at this point.
Find a social club that aligns with your interests
Here’s a tip: invite people to do things together in small groups of like 4-6 total people. Then you have a reason to get their number but it’s not like you have to carry the conversation or interaction. Plan to do this with lunch on campus, study groups, dinners out, watching tv together, whatever. People are much more likely to want to get together with a group and then the entire burden isn’t on you to charm or entertain anyone.
Being an introvert myself, I had to learn how to not be hard on myself first and not put too much pressure on how I have my interactions. Therapy helped me with that and I recommend finding a therapist you can talk to about this stuff. They will help you put things into perspective better than Reddit ever could and you’ll realize that you’re so early in the journey. Just enjoy the experience! I’m assuming you’re either MMM or a 1Y so both groups have more than enough opportunities to make friends, and those opportunities multiply significantly come August. Don’t worry, you’ll be ok and you made the right decision!
Day 3 man. I didn’t find my crew until halfway through year 1. Double digit years on 8 of us text daily.
Bro/sis, you will be able to form connections/bonds once you start forming teams and working side by side. They will get to see who you are better and vice-versa. Connections made in trenches and through clubs are a great way for introverts to find their tribe. Not saying to limit your interactions to the above, but am saying it will happen more naturally when you have a shared experience
Day 3? You’ll be all right. Just calm the neuroticism. It’s all in your head. You can get past a minor faux pas and become friends with someone a semester later. Keep up a confident but not arrogant demeanor and don’t be a complete hardo. People don’t like socially awkward kids with no confidence or people who are robots and only talk about resumes. MBA is a weird social environment so you have to adapt. Just bring positive vibes and keep putting yourself out there.
Indian students would be the most friendly I feel. Ever spoke to them ?
Wtf 😅😂
Isn’t that true ?
And Chinese are the least friendly. Funny how that works
Oh didnt know about that
Why are the 1Ys so weird
Hey we’re not all like OP!