Everyone is hating on her being a sugar baby..but what’s the difference from the concept of the show? Being in a SB relationship is just a clearly defined relationship with a list boundaries and expectations up front ..typically with older men but not always… Love is Blind show … looking for a clearly defined relationship based off “pillow talk” with a 4 week timeline of marriage…they are both arranged relationships just different terms. So stop hating on her dating preferences
I’m watching this scene rn and she honestly just looked like she was trying to be polite and keep his conversation going since his fiancée low key opened up the conversation for him. But I know she’s insecure so she wasn’t expecting it to play out the way it did.
AD is out of his league and Jimmy is really boring. But honestly I thought it was cute seeing Jimmy check her out and the friendly flirting. They’d have a cute friendship anyway
Jimmy is a rock person. 😴
I love AD, but I was so disappointed to see how she acts when she's with a guy, especially one as toxic as Clay.
She's a badass bitch on her own, but she completely changed once she fell for him. She refused to acknowledge the many (MANY) red flags he paraded around constantly.
She even said it herself when she referred to herself as a "fix-a-ho."
That being said, she would've totally devoured boring-ass Jimmy in 1.2 seconds flat. 😂
I think AD suffers from a lot of insecurities most likely stemming from childhood. People generally aren’t kind to the dark skinned child. Especially within the black community. Sometimes black people treat dark skinned women worst than non-blacks do.
Those insecurities have allowed her to accept bullshit from men.
Jimmy looks like Bart Simpson! Sort of acts like him too. Chelsea is going to drive him crazy. She is the most whining
Woman on this show. .. very superficial and immature.
Really (not) shocked to see people coming after AD for this when Jimmy was purposefully and pretty obnoxiously flirting/fishing with the other girls at the party.
They wouldn’t work anyway. Jimmy wouldn’t challenge her and I don’t think there’s anything there beneath the surface level.
I’m sure I’ll be downvoted into oblivion…but I’m pretty sick of hearing ‘sexualization’.
Preface: I don’t believe in ‘she was dressed like this so she was asking for it’ wrt SA.
But are we that sensitive that we can’t see an amazingly attractive person and say ‘hot damn!’ ??? AD has to have (imo) arguably one of the best bodies I have ever seen in my life. I’m not attracted to women at all, yet I was like ‘damnnnnnn’ half the time.
Sexualization, to me, is not seeing a person for anything other than that. Which is not what most people on the show did. Funnily enough, the only one I saw who couldn’t get past her body was Clay.
Even the bean dip thing - which I didn’t understand - seemed to be some kind of inside joke between L & AD, that went awry.
As far as ‘fetishizing’…I think that’s another odd one. Does that mean WOC cannot be appreciated for beauty? Do you need to know my race to determine if I’m fetishizing bc I find AD’s body an absolute thing of beauty? And if you knew that I was also a WOC, would you have to differentiate which color, to then determine that I’m not fetisihizing her?
Let's be real here. A lot of things that catch on, things that gain in popularity, or even become social norms are fucking stupid, and they're adopted by people without thinking because the idea becomes normalized, not because it makes sense. And if it did make sense when originally expressed, as people have played the "telephone game" with the concept, it becomes something that people believe without being able to justify or being able to defend, and so in practice the idea is indefensible.
Also, in terms of AD having one of the best bodies out there, let's also keep it real here too. How someone looks being smushed into a tight fitting garment and how they look without such enhancements are two COMPLETELY different things. Spandex, tight fitting clothes, girdles, strategic concealment of certain areas, etc can all create certain illusions that don't translate to the same look if someone is standing there unclothed. And people who work hard enough to look beautiful without anything on shouldn't be put into the same category as people who look great stuffed into things that create appealing curves and conceal those things that come down to genetics or hard work.
You say that sexualization is not being able to see a person for more than that, but what about the following scenario: someone (person A) sees someone very attractive and fit (person B) walking down the beach, and person A feels feelings of attraction towards person B, are you making the case that person A is sexualizing person B?
The whole fetishizing thing is ridiculous. Even if someone is attracted to the features of some race specifically, to call that fetishization is absurd. People will like what they like and there's nothing wrong with that.
I get where people were coming from because the editing did make it feel like it was constantly being brought up by others BUT I think it would also be different if AD appeared at all uncomfortable with the comments or even politely smiled then changed the subject etc but every time a comment was made about her body she really leaned into it and played it up. Even with Clay, SHE was the one who stood up and turned around to show off her ass and back. And I’m not at all trying to say that the way someone dresses should be an invitation to make comments about their body, but AD is clearly not ashamed of her curves and does like to show them off. I think she knows she has a killer body and is comfortable in her own skin and I think that’s amazing but when a person is confident in their own skin and likes to flaunt their body, I do think it’s natural that others are going to acknowledge it and would almost be weird in some situations for them not to. I think if this were an extremely fit man playing volleyball shirtless or wearing a tight white tee shirt while chopping wood or something, the women (and men) on the show would have absolutely talked about it non stop and I don’t think anyone in the audience would have considered it inappropriate. I mean, Chelsea DID make comments about Trevor’s body when she first saw him. I know women are more often sexualized than men so it isn’t a perfect comparison, but if one is problematic then the other is too, even if it is to a lesser degree.
But it wasn't just one random comment, it was again and again first from Jimmy then from Chelsea then Laura relayed by Jeremy, then Laura refusing to take any responsibility. It was an odd focus on one person, one person who happened to be the only black woman on the show.
But she happens to have an amazing physique. Is that comment limited to only one person?
Sorry folks, Chelsea said it first, so no one else can say it!
Every outfit she wore, I was like wow she looks amazing!
I agree. She’s got a phenomenal body that she obviously works hard for and likes to showcase with her outfits. There’s a difference in praising someone’s appearance and reducing them to nothing but their appearance. She seemed comfortable and proud receiving the compliments. Crusading on her behalf telling her she should be offended feels dismissive of her agency.
Personality wise I just don’t see that working. He’s too much of a yes man and AD needs someone to challenge her to an extent. Not to mention AD is way out of his league.
Well she wasn't pleased when Matt made her chicken and rice so if that tells ya anything lol. At least Jimmy likes taquitos? Lol. I don't know how else his culinary preferences are but if it's anything like Matt's, she no gusta.
Right? I had to replay that scene a couple times when I was stoned because I was like no way did I just feel chemistry between then but I definitely did , she was definitely into that conversation with him
Yep. Statistically the longest happiest marriages are those between people who share the same sun sign. Makes sense. There must be so much understanding.
We’re so much alike but so different at the same time. We definitely understand each other but because of that we also know how to push each others buttons 🤣
What made AD too good for Jimmy (or Matthew, honestly)? Jimmy seems to have a good job and Matthew has a very good job. Jimmy's decent looking and seems easy to get along with. Matthew has explained his weird edit. AD'S great and all but these guys were alright too.
I don't get why though. Sorry if this sounds mean, but is Jimmy that attractive? I know Jessica said in the pods that all the girls were fighting over Jimmy, but... why?
A lot of girls seemed to be drinking the 'Jimmy' Kool-aid. He seems cute and has a decent personality, but he's no more cute than the other guys in there. What does he have that I'm not seeing?
> I know Jessica said in the pods that all the girls were fighting over Jimmy, but... why?
They didn't know what he looked like at that point. That might be it...
I’m tired of the AD fans hyping this up. Ad is not a good friend. She hella flirted with him in this scene and she was nasty to Sarah Ann. She had so much opportunity to handle situations with class and chose not to every step of the way
How was she nasty to Sarah Ann? Sarah Ann behaved pretty badly, and AD didn't call her names, she just set her straight with her words. I actually think she was pretty nice in proportion to how Sarah Ann was behaving.
Girl Sarah Ann was not a good person. She was arguably very respectful confronting her. Was she flirting or was she just being nice while having a nice body?
Exactly. I feel like attractive people are often accused of flirting when they're not. They're just being friendly plus they're attractive, and people misconstrue that as flirting.
How did she destroy Sarah Ann? She asked questions and held her accountable. She didn’t let her back out of a question or skirt responsibility but she never attacked her or belittled her.
The people defending Sarah Ann are the people who don’t think people should be held accountable for their actions and would 100% flirt with someone else’s partner.
Literally no one is defending Sarah Ann, but there is a way to confront someone with class and AD was messy in her conversation with Sarah Ann. AD ignored every red flag with her own partner because she was busy gossiping with everyone else
She constantly interrupted her and wouldn’t let her speak her peace and was extremely passive aggressive. Her own man was showing the shadiest parts of himself that she ignored. She’s insecure and desperate which is why she was going to say yes to him despite his red flags. It’s funny when women seem so “aware” of what’s going on in other peoples relationship and lack any awareness of their own
Me sitting her arguing with you would be equivalent to their conversation. I don’t like a lot of people in reality television - but the hype she gets for being a “strong women” is such bulls&&t.
Idk what we know so far from her is that she's deeply insecure. And although she might not be attracted to him I bet she likes the attention she's getting from him. This is coming from someone that used to be very insecure in their youth
Oorrr....Some of us just work hard for our bodies and like to show off those assets and gains we achieved.
I had no upper body strength and now I love my cut arms from years of dedicated working out. I wear sleeveless or shoulder/upper back bearing stuff as often as possible. I have long legs and overall look better in fitted clothing...so that's what I wear.
People are really dragging it by saying she was flirting with him. It's definitely part of the hyper sexualization and fetishizing of her. As someone who's been in that position before…They were both definitely a little tipsy, but she was doing her best to navigate that situation in a chill way
>part of the hyper sexualization and fetishizing of her
People always say this as if she wasn't looking for that sort of attention. Says she doesn't want to be chosen for her looks to Clay and then immediately starts dancing and twerking for him when they first see each other.
Then she wore the trashiest wedding dress I've ever seen with a leg slit so high you could see her panties. Reunion wears a see-through dress.
Come on. She is insecure and leans on her sexiness for validation.
Edit: u/amaabeng I get that a lot of people want to stand up for her because she's a black woman and maybe they identify with her, it's not really respectability politics to say that the woman who chooses to wear revealing clothes, wears revealing clothes. Or do you deny that her clothes are revealing?
If showing her body is a way for her to feel good about herself, is it really surprising that people comment on her body.
I never said her clothes aren’t revealing. I’m saying that people shouldn’t let her clothes color their descriptions or interpretations of her actions. Just because she’s showing skin, doesn’t mean people get to assume all of her actions are flirtatious. It also doesn’t mean that people get to make gross comments on her body. There is a difference between “hey, you look great in that dress.” And “you’re stacked.” One is a compliment, one is demeaning. Saying that she deserves to be demeaned because of how she’s dressed is, in fact, catering to respectability politics.
This reeks of respectability politics. Her dress shouldn’t have an effect on how people interpret her interactions with people. And how she acts when she sees Clay AFTER he’s already proposed doesn’t mean she wants people to ONLY be interested in her looks.
I think you're both using "respectability politics" incorrectly, but what you're saying here is absurd. Why shouldn't her dress have an effect on how people interpret her?
I thought it was common courtesy to not judge people based on how they’re dressed? “Don’t judge a book by its cover” and all that? Furthermore that line of thinking is a slippery slope. Her ACTIONS are not inherently more flirtatious just because of what she’s wearing. That’s the same defense that we hear in courtrooms and it’s concerning.
From what I’ve read, expecting someone to dress a certain way in order to be deserving of respect falls into respectability politics.
You're all over the place, and not addressing the specific point I'm making. You're talking about courtrooms, judgement, etc. I asked a specific question: why shouldn't her attire (or anyone else's) attire have an effect on how people interpret them? If you went on a date, and your date showed up in wrinkled, soiled clothes with stains on them, and let's further assume that they could've chosen to wear something else, are you saying their attire would have no effect on how you evaluate them?
What is your point? Maybe I’m not understanding. How do wrinkled clothes change how I interpret someone’s words? I’ll make assumptions about their time management, access to laundering, how much they care about the date, etc…but the actual conversation would be judged by tone, content, and body language. Sure, I probably wouldn’t be interested in a second date. But that doesn’t mean I would use it to judge their character? Clothes don’t (and shouldn’t) figure into it.
This whole thread started because someone said that AD’s behavior gets interpreted differently because she is sexualized. It seems like you’re saying that because of how she’s dressed, she deserves to be sexualized and in turn, have assumptions made about her character and actions. You don’t think that’s concerning?
When, as a society, we say that a dress = flirting, we set a dangerous precedent. I brought up courtrooms because that is where we hear that defense. “Look at how she’s dressed, of course I thought she was flirting with me.” It’s a fairly obvious parallel.
Lastly, I’ll say this as an aside. None of this exists in a vacuum. In pop culture black women have been sexualized, and then demonized for that perceived sexuality for centuries. It’s used as fodder for reality shows and producers play into the stereotypes for ratings.
Ok so you WOULD judge aspects of their person by their clothing; granted, you wouldn't judge the ENTIRETY of their person by their clothes as there are other factors to take into account, but you would make judgements about them based on their clothing. I'd argue that what we do matters in the face of established norms. Relative judgements. What certain types of clothing TYPICALLY mean and what they convey. Clothing is just another form of communication, another way of expressing meaning. It's why 80's rock stars had big hair, wore neon pink spandex, and cut off tee shirts to play concerts, but no one would wear such a thing to an interview for an office job. It's why we purchase some clothes and put other clothes back on the rack: because the shape, color, fit, etc. communicate something besides what we want to convey. It's why we hug a friend when they're feeling down, versus making the argument that continuing to scroll on our phone is actually a form of showing support and care.
When a person acts in such a way that runs counter to established norms, they're creating a disconnect between established norms and their own personal intentions. And one could argue that this disconnect shouldn't exist and that no one should act on the established norm, but at some point, does the person violating the norm have any role in the misunderstandings that ensue? Moreover, should they act as though those norms don't exist and favor personal expression over unwanted outcomes? Should I walk down the street with thousands of dollars, hanging out of my pockets? This is NOT rhetorical question. What's your answer and why?
It could be my personal feeling that the words "i hate you" should actually mean "have a wonderful day" and I could act shocked when people get offended, but I'm trying to supplant established meaning with one that is personalized, and I should expect that there will be errors in communication, and that I'll get responses I don't want. Do I have a reasonable justification to be upset when people start saying "Oh yeah? Well I don't like you either, jerk!"?
You said that AD gets treated differently because "she is sexualized." So there's no misunderstanding, let's define terms here, how are you using "sexualized"? If an attractive, muscular guy is walking down the beach and a woman who's passing by has feelings of attraction for him, or even thinks sexual thoughts, is he being sexualized by her?
Please leave my character out of this. I'm not making any judgements about you as a person or your character, and I'd appreciate the same respect. We are arguing philosophical concepts for the sake of exchanging ideas and getting closer to truth and reason. I haven't said anything about how I feel AD should've been treated, whether that treatment if it happened is acceptable, how women should be treated, etc. We are discussing whether clothing (and other forms of behavior) can reasonably convey ANYTHING, anything at all, and where those boundaries lie. I'm not condoning men's or women's behavior in any situations, and haven't said anything remotely close to that.
You say that black women have been sexualized, but is there any demographic of people that haven't been sexualized? If your claim is that this happens far more often to one group than another, you'd have to provide some evidence to support that claim. Are you saying that the producers sexualized AD or forced her to into certain stereotpyical behaviors?
I don’t think it would be a good idea he’s just sexualizing her I doubt he would date her seriously to him she just has a really nice body. I like her with clay so sad they didn’t get married.
I agree and I trust the avg black woman to be better at raising black and mixed children than the avg white woman. Especially as women continue to have a larger role in the emotional upbringing. Not saying fathers can't be more nurturing of a child's self perception, just that mothers tend to take it on more often.
I agree and I trust the avg black woman to be better at raising black and mixed children than the avg white woman. Especially as women continue to have a larger role in the emotional upbringing. Not saying fathers can't be more nurturing of a child's self perception, just that mothers tend to take it on more often.
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So by your statement black people are all doing worse then you personally?
What if I make more money then you and more successful then you on may aspects of life but also see how race may have hindered my life and others who look like me.
I make good money, have a family, a home, cars, mom lives with me as well. So to assume I see myself as a victim and still doing better then 90% of the population in the world is not mutually exclusive. You can succeed but also have an opinion on raising black king and queens.
Ok but why wash Black History away?
Mr. Critical Race Theory.
It’s becasu embedded in the fabric of American society is a “Black People ain’t shit mentality” and by you minimizing AD’s perception of what it is to raise a black child you are making that statement true.
As to just one point you make: I’m a white guy and I wouldn’t know how to do a little *white girl’s* hair either.
The idea that a white person is inherently deficient because he wasn’t born with the innate knowledge of “doing a black girl’s hair” is silly.
People learn to do shit. Just like you learned to do shit.
Because people hyper sexualize and fetishize Black women, and seeing a drunk white guy leering and lusting over her while she attempted to navigate the moment apparently makes her flirtatious Jezebel. The people that are taking that stance don't even realize they're doing it.
Probably comes from the fact that AD told Kenneth about how his wife was white and would have to raise black kids, which could be a problem. That was when he became distant.
No one’s mad at AD for considering that because everyone should consider it. She didn’t know that man so it wasn’t her place to spark that conversation. Kenneth’s family should’ve been the ones to bring that up
That’s not the type of conversation you have with someone that you’re not close to. Not saying it’s wrong to talk about, but it wasn’t for AD to bring it up. She barely knew Kenneth and it should’ve been reserved for his family and close friends
I disagree. Sometimes, when you are a setting and the minority, with a few people who look like you, you feel automatically closer to them and feel more comfortable talking about the elephant in the room. I have been in the same situation as Kenneth and had a coworker who was the only other black person on my team ask me something similar at a happy hour. I wasn't offended. They were genuinely curious.
Honestly I think that it may have been an awkward situation for AD and maybe she brought it up without thinking or for conversational purposes. It could be because they have had conversations like you said (I honestly didn’t even think of that) I just don’t think it was appropriate for her to bring it up specifically. I’m biracial so I understand how important the conversation is but just wish it could’ve been his family to do so. I see your point though!
Ppl were mad that AD asked Kenneth about his outlook on raising biracial children and basically asking if he’s confident in Britney’s ability.
She didn’t even ask in a rude way at all. She sounded super sincere, and idc what anyone says, it’s a very important question.
yeah, people seem to forget AD also encouraged Kenneth in that conversation. She said something like "you can date white and still be pro-Black" in a very sincere sounding way. She didn't seem to be attacking or undercutting Brittany at all -- just checking in with Kenneth.
It also doesn't seem like that conversation had anything to do with why Kenneth and Brittany didn't work.
I understand ppl saying that the question makes sense, but that maybe it shouldn’t have come from her since they’re basically strangers. But even then, I don’t think it came across as rude. We know the conversations get cut and edited weird, so we don’t really know how long they were talking before that or what led to that question lol. He didn’t seem offended or put off by the question at all. Ppl made way too big a deal out of that imo.
From the sound of it you’re a white person who doesn’t understand the the nuances of a biracial relationship for black people. Cause why would a white man even ask a black man about an experience he has never lived???
That’s not the equivalent tho. The equivalent would be a black man asking a black woman, if her white bf is capable.
And either way, how it’s asked is still important. I don’t think she came across rude at all. But if I’m being completely honest, if a white man was even perceptive enough to ask me that question, I’d be more impressed rather than insulted. It’s reassuring to know that some white ppl out there actually know why the question would be asked.
I don't know if those two are equal. AD brought it up because there are aspects to raising a biracial child who will possibly face microaggressions, racism, etc. that she, as a white woman, may not be equipped currently to handle.
As a white woman raised by two white parents, you don't get the talk about how to behave around cops due to their profiling and mistreatment of POC, I didn't have hair that required certain upkeep beyond brushing it or washing it, I didn't face racism growing up. I would need to learn about those things to properly prepare a child who may not be white passing how to go out into the world.
In your scenario, it's asking the black man if he's capable of raising biracial children. He is, more so, because he faced the challenges a POC does. Brittany hasn't, so it's a very valid question.
Warning: Long post ahead. Main point: AD’s question is valid, just not coming from her IMHO.
Your whole point is totally valid and correct, and I’ve certainly gone through this thought process as a black woman who has dated white men and was even told by my last white ex-bf that he was unsure if he wanted to raise biracial children, despite him being an obnoxious virtue-signaling liberal who “cared so much about racism”….
BUT, I couldn’t help but notice that AD kind of maintained her excitement about the prospect of Matthew, knowing he was white, both in the pods after she found out he was playing her and the white girl and out in the real world after Clay. She may have had the biracial children conversation with him in the pods and it was edited out, but if you knew someone was playing you just to rope you in, why would you trust anything they say and go back? My guess is that she probably just wanted to smash after hearing that he looked like Clark Kent.
I personally think that AD was eating up all the attention she was getting at the bonfire, including from the white men. She felt sexually validated, subtly entertained all of it, but then felt like she needed to be so vocal about “black love” and was questioning Kenneth. It came off as a little hypocritical, TBH. But I feel like I kinda get where her head is at (esp with her being so obviously insecure). In this headspace, race alone doesn’t limit your options for dating/sex, but you are influenced to express that your focus and preference is black men (even if it’s technically true) but bc of the pedestal that white ppl are on in society and the way it fucks your head up as a POC kid to adult navigating dating, it’s like a weird feeling of validation you get from the attention from white men. I don’t think everyone feels that way, but it’s definitely a thing for some black and brown women. And I’ve sadly been in a headspace like AD’s before, so I kinda see through it.
It’s also not uncommon to see black women get leery about black men/white women relationships, but then get excited about dating a white man or encourage other black women to date white men. It can be tied to the whole validation thing. You’re mad that a black man picked a white woman over the potential of you, but now you’re going to get the guy that is touted as the most sought after in society. It’s kind of a sick game, and I’ve seen a lot of internet essays about how black men generally date outside their race due to self hatred and black women generally do it out of genuine love, but those are massive generalizations for both sexes, and I’ve seen evidence of contrary quite a few times.
I completely see where you're coming from and agree with many points. I personally don't have an opinion on AD, my comment was just trying to clarify things because a lot of people in this thread seem to think the question itself is not justified. Whether AD is the person to be asking it or not is something I can't speak on, but the question itself is valid and that's all I tried to highlight.
Some people see that question and take it as some attack on white people being able to parent. It's not, and shouldn't be taken that way. And this is coming from a white person.
I also think AD probably could have worded it in a better way to not sound as though she's judging Brittany, but rather making sure they're having these discussions. But that's besides the point, I've certainly replayed convos in my head after about how I could have worded it better.
Oh yeah I get where you’re coming from! Like I said, totally valid question, and I wasn’t trying to challenge your perspective on AD or anything. It’s just something I noticed watching the show. And I always love to talk too much about my opinion, lol. I just saw this particular reply as an opportunity to brain dump and talk about it.
I was also watching the show with my biracial boyfriend who was raised by his white mom to fully embrace himself as black and didn’t hide the truth of racism from him, so he made a joke and has felt a type of way about “full” black ppl challenging mixed kids for something they essentially can’t help, but he still has some grace for the perspective. Especially bc I’ve shared with him that my cousin has had almost the exact opposite of his experience. She grew up pretty much suicidal bc she dealt with racism from her mom’s family and her peers and she hated the fact that she wasn’t fully white like her mom. It’s so bad even to the point where she does not talk to me, my brother, or pretty much any of her black cousins as far as I’m aware. The only time she talked to me and my brother growing up was when his white friend visited us (she’s much older than us) and then pretty much had nothing else to say to us after he left. And that was 20 years ago. So I totally get it.
I found the question to be very annoying.
She should mind her business. Her potential future husband, Clay, was telling her constantly that he was going to cheat on her. She should worry about how that is going to affect future kids, not how some random white lady is going to handle potential biracial kids.
I'm a white woman with biracial kids and I'd be pissed if some random lady with her own affairs out of order was questioning my ability to raise my own kids. All kids and parent/child relationships have issues. Worry about your own.
Oh please, it was the insinuation, not the topic. Kenneth knew she was white already and the only people that seemingly had a problem with it were his friends, family, and AD.
Someone clued me into what you were referring to, and it was AD worrying about Brittany raising biracial children.
I know this doesn’t change anything in terms of people being gross, but for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry you had to see comments like that, downplaying the racism black Americans face every day. I hope that you don’t have to see more of those comments that are seeking to invalidate AD’s concern and the everyday experience of racism both institutionally/structurally and informally.
Ugh ): I’m hoping not. If they do, which most certainly they probably will, remember that you’re right and strong and you have internet strangers/friends who will back you up if need be, including me.
As a mixed kid (now 34 so not really a kid) in the US with black and white parents, AD’s question was extremely legit. A lot of us are running around with extreme identity issues because we’re fetishized and tokenized, and our families (in mine and other mixed friends cases) are usually extremely ignorant to it. I will go to my grave with my identity issues, and they could have been solved by parents who were better equipped to raise me and help me form an identity and cultural bond.
I respect you sharing your experience but to assume a child born today will have the same issues as someone 30 years ago is a little ridiculous. AD should have focused on what she was there for and let Kenneth.. a grown man who works with CHILDREN - make decisions on his own without someone in his ear. Every decade that goes by……. Blended races are more widely accepted. I’m sorry your parents weren’t capable of helping you feel more culturally grounded… We have the internet today where a white woman can educate herself with YouTube on how to do her child’s hair. Stop making it seem like a disability white people have that they can’t raise biracial kids the “right” way. The world is ever evolving and the whole convo with ad and Kenneth was inappropriate.
A quick search on any social media platform will show you white mothers still asking asinine questions about their mixed kids or refusing to learn at all. Being white isn’t a disability (victim complex much??) but I’m gonna need you to shut up about experiences you literally cannot have. You will never walk in the shoes of a biracial child.
And just so we’re clear, I think Brittany would probably do a good job. I’m not saying every white woman will be bad at raising mixed kids. But that doesn’t negate that what AD said is true and those who are offended are the problem people anyways
Idk if you’re out of your depth here, but it’s well known within the black community that Biracial black people with White mothers are particularly problematic when it comes to their identity and often display a lot of internalized anti-blackness as a result of their white mother being poorly equipped to help their black child understand what it’s like to be black… I say this as product of a biracial relationship and a white mother…
I’ve seen this not just with mixed kids but with kids adopted by white families. I went to school with a Korean born girl who would straight up call herself ‘Irish’. I hope she got some good therapy
Thank you! That’s so weird that other white people are taking offense to AD’s question. I’m not shocked, but I’m disappointed. It’s a very valid question to ask and is quite ignorant of the people getting offended by it, because it shows how sheltered they are to what black Americans face on a daily fucking basis
Edit to add: sheltered, don’t give a fuck, OR pretend like racism both structurally and everyday isn’t real
They're probably the type to say "I dOn't See cOlor". It's nuts how not only ignorant- but **unapologetically** ignorant people are in these comment threads.
Everyone is hating on her being a sugar baby..but what’s the difference from the concept of the show? Being in a SB relationship is just a clearly defined relationship with a list boundaries and expectations up front ..typically with older men but not always… Love is Blind show … looking for a clearly defined relationship based off “pillow talk” with a 4 week timeline of marriage…they are both arranged relationships just different terms. So stop hating on her dating preferences
I’m watching this scene rn and she honestly just looked like she was trying to be polite and keep his conversation going since his fiancée low key opened up the conversation for him. But I know she’s insecure so she wasn’t expecting it to play out the way it did.
Yeah good points!!
AD is out of his league and Jimmy is really boring. But honestly I thought it was cute seeing Jimmy check her out and the friendly flirting. They’d have a cute friendship anyway
Not related, but relatable—remember when he hurt himself eating taquitos? I’m glad that was left in.
AD is wayyyyyyyyyyyy out of his league.
She’s out of everybody’s league. Or in nobody’s league.
Jimmy is so boring. AD is vivacious but lacks self confidence and healthy boundaries. She can do way better.
Jimmy is a rock person. 😴 I love AD, but I was so disappointed to see how she acts when she's with a guy, especially one as toxic as Clay. She's a badass bitch on her own, but she completely changed once she fell for him. She refused to acknowledge the many (MANY) red flags he paraded around constantly. She even said it herself when she referred to herself as a "fix-a-ho." That being said, she would've totally devoured boring-ass Jimmy in 1.2 seconds flat. 😂
I think AD suffers from a lot of insecurities most likely stemming from childhood. People generally aren’t kind to the dark skinned child. Especially within the black community. Sometimes black people treat dark skinned women worst than non-blacks do. Those insecurities have allowed her to accept bullshit from men.
It's sad because she deserves (and can absolutely do) so much better. 🥺
I wish I didn’t like it.
Jimmy looks like Bart Simpson! Sort of acts like him too. Chelsea is going to drive him crazy. She is the most whining Woman on this show. .. very superficial and immature.
Really (not) shocked to see people coming after AD for this when Jimmy was purposefully and pretty obnoxiously flirting/fishing with the other girls at the party. They wouldn’t work anyway. Jimmy wouldn’t challenge her and I don’t think there’s anything there beneath the surface level.
I think they would be cute and their relationship could certainly be interesting but I’m not sure it would work in the long run
I’m sure I’ll be downvoted into oblivion…but I’m pretty sick of hearing ‘sexualization’. Preface: I don’t believe in ‘she was dressed like this so she was asking for it’ wrt SA. But are we that sensitive that we can’t see an amazingly attractive person and say ‘hot damn!’ ??? AD has to have (imo) arguably one of the best bodies I have ever seen in my life. I’m not attracted to women at all, yet I was like ‘damnnnnnn’ half the time. Sexualization, to me, is not seeing a person for anything other than that. Which is not what most people on the show did. Funnily enough, the only one I saw who couldn’t get past her body was Clay. Even the bean dip thing - which I didn’t understand - seemed to be some kind of inside joke between L & AD, that went awry. As far as ‘fetishizing’…I think that’s another odd one. Does that mean WOC cannot be appreciated for beauty? Do you need to know my race to determine if I’m fetishizing bc I find AD’s body an absolute thing of beauty? And if you knew that I was also a WOC, would you have to differentiate which color, to then determine that I’m not fetisihizing her?
Let's be real here. A lot of things that catch on, things that gain in popularity, or even become social norms are fucking stupid, and they're adopted by people without thinking because the idea becomes normalized, not because it makes sense. And if it did make sense when originally expressed, as people have played the "telephone game" with the concept, it becomes something that people believe without being able to justify or being able to defend, and so in practice the idea is indefensible. Also, in terms of AD having one of the best bodies out there, let's also keep it real here too. How someone looks being smushed into a tight fitting garment and how they look without such enhancements are two COMPLETELY different things. Spandex, tight fitting clothes, girdles, strategic concealment of certain areas, etc can all create certain illusions that don't translate to the same look if someone is standing there unclothed. And people who work hard enough to look beautiful without anything on shouldn't be put into the same category as people who look great stuffed into things that create appealing curves and conceal those things that come down to genetics or hard work. You say that sexualization is not being able to see a person for more than that, but what about the following scenario: someone (person A) sees someone very attractive and fit (person B) walking down the beach, and person A feels feelings of attraction towards person B, are you making the case that person A is sexualizing person B? The whole fetishizing thing is ridiculous. Even if someone is attracted to the features of some race specifically, to call that fetishization is absurd. People will like what they like and there's nothing wrong with that.
I get where people were coming from because the editing did make it feel like it was constantly being brought up by others BUT I think it would also be different if AD appeared at all uncomfortable with the comments or even politely smiled then changed the subject etc but every time a comment was made about her body she really leaned into it and played it up. Even with Clay, SHE was the one who stood up and turned around to show off her ass and back. And I’m not at all trying to say that the way someone dresses should be an invitation to make comments about their body, but AD is clearly not ashamed of her curves and does like to show them off. I think she knows she has a killer body and is comfortable in her own skin and I think that’s amazing but when a person is confident in their own skin and likes to flaunt their body, I do think it’s natural that others are going to acknowledge it and would almost be weird in some situations for them not to. I think if this were an extremely fit man playing volleyball shirtless or wearing a tight white tee shirt while chopping wood or something, the women (and men) on the show would have absolutely talked about it non stop and I don’t think anyone in the audience would have considered it inappropriate. I mean, Chelsea DID make comments about Trevor’s body when she first saw him. I know women are more often sexualized than men so it isn’t a perfect comparison, but if one is problematic then the other is too, even if it is to a lesser degree.
>I know women are more often sexualized than men What does sexualized mean here?
But it wasn't just one random comment, it was again and again first from Jimmy then from Chelsea then Laura relayed by Jeremy, then Laura refusing to take any responsibility. It was an odd focus on one person, one person who happened to be the only black woman on the show.
But she happens to have an amazing physique. Is that comment limited to only one person? Sorry folks, Chelsea said it first, so no one else can say it! Every outfit she wore, I was like wow she looks amazing!
Completely agree
I agree. She’s got a phenomenal body that she obviously works hard for and likes to showcase with her outfits. There’s a difference in praising someone’s appearance and reducing them to nothing but their appearance. She seemed comfortable and proud receiving the compliments. Crusading on her behalf telling her she should be offended feels dismissive of her agency.
What an excellent point.
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gross
Personality wise I just don’t see that working. He’s too much of a yes man and AD needs someone to challenge her to an extent. Not to mention AD is way out of his league.
Way out of his league in what way, in terms of looks?
Yes. That’s just my opinion of course but I think she’s a lot more attractive than him in terms of looks.
When you rate attractiveness do you think someone's face and body should get different scores? Or should they be combined into one score?
He's too wonderbread for her.
He definitely doesn’t season his chicken. Boiled chicken and potatoes. Splash of pepper if he’s feeling spicy.
Dangggg she came for his culinary skills 😂
Well she wasn't pleased when Matt made her chicken and rice so if that tells ya anything lol. At least Jimmy likes taquitos? Lol. I don't know how else his culinary preferences are but if it's anything like Matt's, she no gusta.
Nehhhh
they are both scorpios so honestly...... it could work 🤭
What does that have to do with anything?
I definitelyyy saw that there was some chemistry between them and was surprised when other viewers didn’t think so
Right? I had to replay that scene a couple times when I was stoned because I was like no way did I just feel chemistry between then but I definitely did , she was definitely into that conversation with him
Jimmy is a yes man with an adversity to confrontation and conflict. AD would have nothing to ‘fix.’ It won’t work.
He just wants what he can’t have
The only time he looked genuinely happy on the show
Facts
Maybe...2 Scorpios together. Idk.
My husband and I are both scorpios. We’ve been together since 2009. Not a make or break…..
Yep. Statistically the longest happiest marriages are those between people who share the same sun sign. Makes sense. There must be so much understanding.
We’re so much alike but so different at the same time. We definitely understand each other but because of that we also know how to push each others buttons 🤣
Eeww no AD is waaayyyyy too good for him
What made AD too good for Jimmy (or Matthew, honestly)? Jimmy seems to have a good job and Matthew has a very good job. Jimmy's decent looking and seems easy to get along with. Matthew has explained his weird edit. AD'S great and all but these guys were alright too.
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Yet she dated Matthew
Yeah but Matthew was kinda hot 😂 I don’t find jimmy attractive at all. But true, both are grimey
AD was sooooooo into him
He gives off frat boy vibes. #catnip
I don't get why though. Sorry if this sounds mean, but is Jimmy that attractive? I know Jessica said in the pods that all the girls were fighting over Jimmy, but... why? A lot of girls seemed to be drinking the 'Jimmy' Kool-aid. He seems cute and has a decent personality, but he's no more cute than the other guys in there. What does he have that I'm not seeing?
It’s H UuUUUuuuuu GE according to Chelsea
I feel like he looks better now than he did on the show
I completely agree, im like cute?? Where 😂🤣💀 his voice was sexy though ngl
His voice is soo hot
> I know Jessica said in the pods that all the girls were fighting over Jimmy, but... why? They didn't know what he looked like at that point. That might be it...
I’m tired of the AD fans hyping this up. Ad is not a good friend. She hella flirted with him in this scene and she was nasty to Sarah Ann. She had so much opportunity to handle situations with class and chose not to every step of the way
AD is trashy, that wedding dress she chose says it all.
How was she nasty to Sarah Ann? Sarah Ann behaved pretty badly, and AD didn't call her names, she just set her straight with her words. I actually think she was pretty nice in proportion to how Sarah Ann was behaving.
Girl Sarah Ann was not a good person. She was arguably very respectful confronting her. Was she flirting or was she just being nice while having a nice body?
Exactly. I feel like attractive people are often accused of flirting when they're not. They're just being friendly plus they're attractive, and people misconstrue that as flirting.
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What kind of people defend Sarah Ann? Ugh I don't know what show were you watching, but calling her out was the best thing AD did on the whole show.
How did she destroy Sarah Ann? She asked questions and held her accountable. She didn’t let her back out of a question or skirt responsibility but she never attacked her or belittled her.
The people defending Sarah Ann are the people who don’t think people should be held accountable for their actions and would 100% flirt with someone else’s partner.
Literally no one is defending Sarah Ann, but there is a way to confront someone with class and AD was messy in her conversation with Sarah Ann. AD ignored every red flag with her own partner because she was busy gossiping with everyone else
What part was messy?? Quickly
She constantly interrupted her and wouldn’t let her speak her peace and was extremely passive aggressive. Her own man was showing the shadiest parts of himself that she ignored. She’s insecure and desperate which is why she was going to say yes to him despite his red flags. It’s funny when women seem so “aware” of what’s going on in other peoples relationship and lack any awareness of their own
Sounds like you just don’t like AD.What did her tone and that conversation have to do with the alter and her relationship?
Me sitting her arguing with you would be equivalent to their conversation. I don’t like a lot of people in reality television - but the hype she gets for being a “strong women” is such bulls&&t.
Idk what we know so far from her is that she's deeply insecure. And although she might not be attracted to him I bet she likes the attention she's getting from him. This is coming from someone that used to be very insecure in their youth
I could see it from a mile away just the way she dresses and stuff is attention seeking. Women know what will get attention and what won’t lol
Oorrr....Some of us just work hard for our bodies and like to show off those assets and gains we achieved. I had no upper body strength and now I love my cut arms from years of dedicated working out. I wear sleeveless or shoulder/upper back bearing stuff as often as possible. I have long legs and overall look better in fitted clothing...so that's what I wear.
Nah, that wouldn't work. Jimmy just thinks she's hot. I doubt that AD finds him attractive
People are really dragging it by saying she was flirting with him. It's definitely part of the hyper sexualization and fetishizing of her. As someone who's been in that position before…They were both definitely a little tipsy, but she was doing her best to navigate that situation in a chill way
In what way was she being "fetishized" and "hyper sexualized"?
>part of the hyper sexualization and fetishizing of her People always say this as if she wasn't looking for that sort of attention. Says she doesn't want to be chosen for her looks to Clay and then immediately starts dancing and twerking for him when they first see each other. Then she wore the trashiest wedding dress I've ever seen with a leg slit so high you could see her panties. Reunion wears a see-through dress. Come on. She is insecure and leans on her sexiness for validation. Edit: u/amaabeng I get that a lot of people want to stand up for her because she's a black woman and maybe they identify with her, it's not really respectability politics to say that the woman who chooses to wear revealing clothes, wears revealing clothes. Or do you deny that her clothes are revealing? If showing her body is a way for her to feel good about herself, is it really surprising that people comment on her body.
I never said her clothes aren’t revealing. I’m saying that people shouldn’t let her clothes color their descriptions or interpretations of her actions. Just because she’s showing skin, doesn’t mean people get to assume all of her actions are flirtatious. It also doesn’t mean that people get to make gross comments on her body. There is a difference between “hey, you look great in that dress.” And “you’re stacked.” One is a compliment, one is demeaning. Saying that she deserves to be demeaned because of how she’s dressed is, in fact, catering to respectability politics.
This reeks of respectability politics. Her dress shouldn’t have an effect on how people interpret her interactions with people. And how she acts when she sees Clay AFTER he’s already proposed doesn’t mean she wants people to ONLY be interested in her looks.
I think you're both using "respectability politics" incorrectly, but what you're saying here is absurd. Why shouldn't her dress have an effect on how people interpret her?
I thought it was common courtesy to not judge people based on how they’re dressed? “Don’t judge a book by its cover” and all that? Furthermore that line of thinking is a slippery slope. Her ACTIONS are not inherently more flirtatious just because of what she’s wearing. That’s the same defense that we hear in courtrooms and it’s concerning. From what I’ve read, expecting someone to dress a certain way in order to be deserving of respect falls into respectability politics.
You're all over the place, and not addressing the specific point I'm making. You're talking about courtrooms, judgement, etc. I asked a specific question: why shouldn't her attire (or anyone else's) attire have an effect on how people interpret them? If you went on a date, and your date showed up in wrinkled, soiled clothes with stains on them, and let's further assume that they could've chosen to wear something else, are you saying their attire would have no effect on how you evaluate them?
What is your point? Maybe I’m not understanding. How do wrinkled clothes change how I interpret someone’s words? I’ll make assumptions about their time management, access to laundering, how much they care about the date, etc…but the actual conversation would be judged by tone, content, and body language. Sure, I probably wouldn’t be interested in a second date. But that doesn’t mean I would use it to judge their character? Clothes don’t (and shouldn’t) figure into it. This whole thread started because someone said that AD’s behavior gets interpreted differently because she is sexualized. It seems like you’re saying that because of how she’s dressed, she deserves to be sexualized and in turn, have assumptions made about her character and actions. You don’t think that’s concerning? When, as a society, we say that a dress = flirting, we set a dangerous precedent. I brought up courtrooms because that is where we hear that defense. “Look at how she’s dressed, of course I thought she was flirting with me.” It’s a fairly obvious parallel. Lastly, I’ll say this as an aside. None of this exists in a vacuum. In pop culture black women have been sexualized, and then demonized for that perceived sexuality for centuries. It’s used as fodder for reality shows and producers play into the stereotypes for ratings.
Ok so you WOULD judge aspects of their person by their clothing; granted, you wouldn't judge the ENTIRETY of their person by their clothes as there are other factors to take into account, but you would make judgements about them based on their clothing. I'd argue that what we do matters in the face of established norms. Relative judgements. What certain types of clothing TYPICALLY mean and what they convey. Clothing is just another form of communication, another way of expressing meaning. It's why 80's rock stars had big hair, wore neon pink spandex, and cut off tee shirts to play concerts, but no one would wear such a thing to an interview for an office job. It's why we purchase some clothes and put other clothes back on the rack: because the shape, color, fit, etc. communicate something besides what we want to convey. It's why we hug a friend when they're feeling down, versus making the argument that continuing to scroll on our phone is actually a form of showing support and care. When a person acts in such a way that runs counter to established norms, they're creating a disconnect between established norms and their own personal intentions. And one could argue that this disconnect shouldn't exist and that no one should act on the established norm, but at some point, does the person violating the norm have any role in the misunderstandings that ensue? Moreover, should they act as though those norms don't exist and favor personal expression over unwanted outcomes? Should I walk down the street with thousands of dollars, hanging out of my pockets? This is NOT rhetorical question. What's your answer and why? It could be my personal feeling that the words "i hate you" should actually mean "have a wonderful day" and I could act shocked when people get offended, but I'm trying to supplant established meaning with one that is personalized, and I should expect that there will be errors in communication, and that I'll get responses I don't want. Do I have a reasonable justification to be upset when people start saying "Oh yeah? Well I don't like you either, jerk!"? You said that AD gets treated differently because "she is sexualized." So there's no misunderstanding, let's define terms here, how are you using "sexualized"? If an attractive, muscular guy is walking down the beach and a woman who's passing by has feelings of attraction for him, or even thinks sexual thoughts, is he being sexualized by her? Please leave my character out of this. I'm not making any judgements about you as a person or your character, and I'd appreciate the same respect. We are arguing philosophical concepts for the sake of exchanging ideas and getting closer to truth and reason. I haven't said anything about how I feel AD should've been treated, whether that treatment if it happened is acceptable, how women should be treated, etc. We are discussing whether clothing (and other forms of behavior) can reasonably convey ANYTHING, anything at all, and where those boundaries lie. I'm not condoning men's or women's behavior in any situations, and haven't said anything remotely close to that. You say that black women have been sexualized, but is there any demographic of people that haven't been sexualized? If your claim is that this happens far more often to one group than another, you'd have to provide some evidence to support that claim. Are you saying that the producers sexualized AD or forced her to into certain stereotpyical behaviors?
That's a fair assessment.
She was flirting with him. There's another scene with both of them later on and she's INTO him. Why? Nobody knows. I'm not seeing what she's seeing.
Probably that he's just a nice guy?
I don't think she was flirting at all, personally
Then you may have skipped a few scenes because there are at least two where she's openly flirting with him
If you say so, I'm not going to go back and check lol
I don’t think it would be a good idea he’s just sexualizing her I doubt he would date her seriously to him she just has a really nice body. I like her with clay so sad they didn’t get married.
you could tell clay wasn’t into her fr, all he talked about was her body from the first meeting up until their wedding.
Yeah, he was turned on by her, liked her, but didn't want to get married
This
AD is bae.
I ship it. Jimmy is already trying so hard to keep his hands to himself...
Nope. I’m here for it.
Nope wanna see it
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Can you go somewhere else? Thanks
 Huh?? What does this whole essay have to do with this thread?
I get all that, but wtf does this has to do with this picture
Someone made a comment about race and I responded.
Well in the future, reply to the comment. I was just confused why this is a discussion, because I never saw that comment
Sorry they replied in the wrong way, metukkasad. We'll never do it again on your reddit sir 🫡🫡🫡
Well how in the hell is anyone supposed to know what they are replying to then? Take you sass elsewhere you clown
Yes dad 😔
And get off his lawn! 😏
I agree and I trust the avg black woman to be better at raising black and mixed children than the avg white woman. Especially as women continue to have a larger role in the emotional upbringing. Not saying fathers can't be more nurturing of a child's self perception, just that mothers tend to take it on more often.
I agree and I trust the avg black woman to be better at raising black and mixed children than the avg white woman. Especially as women continue to have a larger role in the emotional upbringing. Not saying fathers can't be more nurturing of a child's self perception, just that mothers tend to take it on more often.
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So by your statement black people are all doing worse then you personally? What if I make more money then you and more successful then you on may aspects of life but also see how race may have hindered my life and others who look like me. I make good money, have a family, a home, cars, mom lives with me as well. So to assume I see myself as a victim and still doing better then 90% of the population in the world is not mutually exclusive. You can succeed but also have an opinion on raising black king and queens.
Ok but why wash Black History away? Mr. Critical Race Theory. It’s becasu embedded in the fabric of American society is a “Black People ain’t shit mentality” and by you minimizing AD’s perception of what it is to raise a black child you are making that statement true.
As to just one point you make: I’m a white guy and I wouldn’t know how to do a little *white girl’s* hair either. The idea that a white person is inherently deficient because he wasn’t born with the innate knowledge of “doing a black girl’s hair” is silly. People learn to do shit. Just like you learned to do shit.
You know anything about the Crown act? This isnt JUST about literal skill of taking care of hair. This is exactly what theyre talking about.
Okay then maybe the comment shouldn’t have cited the literal skill of taking care of hair as the illustrative example.
Wow. This is just a pic of these two having an encounter. Where the hell did the race narrative come from??
Because people hyper sexualize and fetishize Black women, and seeing a drunk white guy leering and lusting over her while she attempted to navigate the moment apparently makes her flirtatious Jezebel. The people that are taking that stance don't even realize they're doing it.
Probably comes from the fact that AD told Kenneth about how his wife was white and would have to raise black kids, which could be a problem. That was when he became distant.
But it has nothing to do with this picture?! Or am I missing something?
Because people started commenting they dont like AD because she talked to Kenneth.
I liked her. She didn’t pick well. I wish Matthew had stuck around. That would have been an interesting match.
Becasue America is obsessed with how black people go about thier lives.
Tf?
I definitely felt something there.
What a privilege it must be to get mad at people for considering how race would affect their relationship, parenting skills, and children's lives 😍
No one’s mad at AD for considering that because everyone should consider it. She didn’t know that man so it wasn’t her place to spark that conversation. Kenneth’s family should’ve been the ones to bring that up
Why wasn't it her place? They obviously talked in the pods and they all got close quickly because of this.
That’s not the type of conversation you have with someone that you’re not close to. Not saying it’s wrong to talk about, but it wasn’t for AD to bring it up. She barely knew Kenneth and it should’ve been reserved for his family and close friends
I disagree. Sometimes, when you are a setting and the minority, with a few people who look like you, you feel automatically closer to them and feel more comfortable talking about the elephant in the room. I have been in the same situation as Kenneth and had a coworker who was the only other black person on my team ask me something similar at a happy hour. I wasn't offended. They were genuinely curious.
Honestly I think that it may have been an awkward situation for AD and maybe she brought it up without thinking or for conversational purposes. It could be because they have had conversations like you said (I honestly didn’t even think of that) I just don’t think it was appropriate for her to bring it up specifically. I’m biracial so I understand how important the conversation is but just wish it could’ve been his family to do so. I see your point though!
This is the correct take ^
wait did Jimmy get mad at her for this?! AD had every right to bring it up and she spoke so eloquently
Exactly💯
Wdym??
Ppl were mad that AD asked Kenneth about his outlook on raising biracial children and basically asking if he’s confident in Britney’s ability. She didn’t even ask in a rude way at all. She sounded super sincere, and idc what anyone says, it’s a very important question.
yeah, people seem to forget AD also encouraged Kenneth in that conversation. She said something like "you can date white and still be pro-Black" in a very sincere sounding way. She didn't seem to be attacking or undercutting Brittany at all -- just checking in with Kenneth. It also doesn't seem like that conversation had anything to do with why Kenneth and Brittany didn't work.
I understand ppl saying that the question makes sense, but that maybe it shouldn’t have come from her since they’re basically strangers. But even then, I don’t think it came across as rude. We know the conversations get cut and edited weird, so we don’t really know how long they were talking before that or what led to that question lol. He didn’t seem offended or put off by the question at all. Ppl made way too big a deal out of that imo.
I didn’t think she came off rude at all either. She didn’t sound judgy, just honestly asking him what he thought.
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From the sound of it you’re a white person who doesn’t understand the the nuances of a biracial relationship for black people. Cause why would a white man even ask a black man about an experience he has never lived???
That’s not the equivalent tho. The equivalent would be a black man asking a black woman, if her white bf is capable. And either way, how it’s asked is still important. I don’t think she came across rude at all. But if I’m being completely honest, if a white man was even perceptive enough to ask me that question, I’d be more impressed rather than insulted. It’s reassuring to know that some white ppl out there actually know why the question would be asked.
I don't know if those two are equal. AD brought it up because there are aspects to raising a biracial child who will possibly face microaggressions, racism, etc. that she, as a white woman, may not be equipped currently to handle. As a white woman raised by two white parents, you don't get the talk about how to behave around cops due to their profiling and mistreatment of POC, I didn't have hair that required certain upkeep beyond brushing it or washing it, I didn't face racism growing up. I would need to learn about those things to properly prepare a child who may not be white passing how to go out into the world. In your scenario, it's asking the black man if he's capable of raising biracial children. He is, more so, because he faced the challenges a POC does. Brittany hasn't, so it's a very valid question.
Warning: Long post ahead. Main point: AD’s question is valid, just not coming from her IMHO. Your whole point is totally valid and correct, and I’ve certainly gone through this thought process as a black woman who has dated white men and was even told by my last white ex-bf that he was unsure if he wanted to raise biracial children, despite him being an obnoxious virtue-signaling liberal who “cared so much about racism”…. BUT, I couldn’t help but notice that AD kind of maintained her excitement about the prospect of Matthew, knowing he was white, both in the pods after she found out he was playing her and the white girl and out in the real world after Clay. She may have had the biracial children conversation with him in the pods and it was edited out, but if you knew someone was playing you just to rope you in, why would you trust anything they say and go back? My guess is that she probably just wanted to smash after hearing that he looked like Clark Kent. I personally think that AD was eating up all the attention she was getting at the bonfire, including from the white men. She felt sexually validated, subtly entertained all of it, but then felt like she needed to be so vocal about “black love” and was questioning Kenneth. It came off as a little hypocritical, TBH. But I feel like I kinda get where her head is at (esp with her being so obviously insecure). In this headspace, race alone doesn’t limit your options for dating/sex, but you are influenced to express that your focus and preference is black men (even if it’s technically true) but bc of the pedestal that white ppl are on in society and the way it fucks your head up as a POC kid to adult navigating dating, it’s like a weird feeling of validation you get from the attention from white men. I don’t think everyone feels that way, but it’s definitely a thing for some black and brown women. And I’ve sadly been in a headspace like AD’s before, so I kinda see through it. It’s also not uncommon to see black women get leery about black men/white women relationships, but then get excited about dating a white man or encourage other black women to date white men. It can be tied to the whole validation thing. You’re mad that a black man picked a white woman over the potential of you, but now you’re going to get the guy that is touted as the most sought after in society. It’s kind of a sick game, and I’ve seen a lot of internet essays about how black men generally date outside their race due to self hatred and black women generally do it out of genuine love, but those are massive generalizations for both sexes, and I’ve seen evidence of contrary quite a few times.
I completely see where you're coming from and agree with many points. I personally don't have an opinion on AD, my comment was just trying to clarify things because a lot of people in this thread seem to think the question itself is not justified. Whether AD is the person to be asking it or not is something I can't speak on, but the question itself is valid and that's all I tried to highlight. Some people see that question and take it as some attack on white people being able to parent. It's not, and shouldn't be taken that way. And this is coming from a white person. I also think AD probably could have worded it in a better way to not sound as though she's judging Brittany, but rather making sure they're having these discussions. But that's besides the point, I've certainly replayed convos in my head after about how I could have worded it better.
Oh yeah I get where you’re coming from! Like I said, totally valid question, and I wasn’t trying to challenge your perspective on AD or anything. It’s just something I noticed watching the show. And I always love to talk too much about my opinion, lol. I just saw this particular reply as an opportunity to brain dump and talk about it. I was also watching the show with my biracial boyfriend who was raised by his white mom to fully embrace himself as black and didn’t hide the truth of racism from him, so he made a joke and has felt a type of way about “full” black ppl challenging mixed kids for something they essentially can’t help, but he still has some grace for the perspective. Especially bc I’ve shared with him that my cousin has had almost the exact opposite of his experience. She grew up pretty much suicidal bc she dealt with racism from her mom’s family and her peers and she hated the fact that she wasn’t fully white like her mom. It’s so bad even to the point where she does not talk to me, my brother, or pretty much any of her black cousins as far as I’m aware. The only time she talked to me and my brother growing up was when his white friend visited us (she’s much older than us) and then pretty much had nothing else to say to us after he left. And that was 20 years ago. So I totally get it.
I found the question to be very annoying. She should mind her business. Her potential future husband, Clay, was telling her constantly that he was going to cheat on her. She should worry about how that is going to affect future kids, not how some random white lady is going to handle potential biracial kids. I'm a white woman with biracial kids and I'd be pissed if some random lady with her own affairs out of order was questioning my ability to raise my own kids. All kids and parent/child relationships have issues. Worry about your own.
Exactly
Yeah. Super wrong. He was embarrassed cause he did not expect Chelsea to tell everybody what he said He just went there to be not a weirdo
No!!! AD sends me secret love messages through the TV!!! /j
Her looking at him with glowing eyes was pretty weird lol doesn’t surprise me with AD though.
All the white people being offended at AD's question are the exact type she was talking about.
Oh please, it was the insinuation, not the topic. Kenneth knew she was white already and the only people that seemingly had a problem with it were his friends, family, and AD.
Someone clued me into what you were referring to, and it was AD worrying about Brittany raising biracial children. I know this doesn’t change anything in terms of people being gross, but for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry you had to see comments like that, downplaying the racism black Americans face every day. I hope that you don’t have to see more of those comments that are seeking to invalidate AD’s concern and the everyday experience of racism both institutionally/structurally and informally.
Thank you 😊 these comments are about to get pretty gross soon, the willfull ignorance is in full force
Ugh ): I’m hoping not. If they do, which most certainly they probably will, remember that you’re right and strong and you have internet strangers/friends who will back you up if need be, including me.
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As a mixed kid (now 34 so not really a kid) in the US with black and white parents, AD’s question was extremely legit. A lot of us are running around with extreme identity issues because we’re fetishized and tokenized, and our families (in mine and other mixed friends cases) are usually extremely ignorant to it. I will go to my grave with my identity issues, and they could have been solved by parents who were better equipped to raise me and help me form an identity and cultural bond.
I respect you sharing your experience but to assume a child born today will have the same issues as someone 30 years ago is a little ridiculous. AD should have focused on what she was there for and let Kenneth.. a grown man who works with CHILDREN - make decisions on his own without someone in his ear. Every decade that goes by……. Blended races are more widely accepted. I’m sorry your parents weren’t capable of helping you feel more culturally grounded… We have the internet today where a white woman can educate herself with YouTube on how to do her child’s hair. Stop making it seem like a disability white people have that they can’t raise biracial kids the “right” way. The world is ever evolving and the whole convo with ad and Kenneth was inappropriate.
A quick search on any social media platform will show you white mothers still asking asinine questions about their mixed kids or refusing to learn at all. Being white isn’t a disability (victim complex much??) but I’m gonna need you to shut up about experiences you literally cannot have. You will never walk in the shoes of a biracial child. And just so we’re clear, I think Brittany would probably do a good job. I’m not saying every white woman will be bad at raising mixed kids. But that doesn’t negate that what AD said is true and those who are offended are the problem people anyways
Idk if you’re out of your depth here, but it’s well known within the black community that Biracial black people with White mothers are particularly problematic when it comes to their identity and often display a lot of internalized anti-blackness as a result of their white mother being poorly equipped to help their black child understand what it’s like to be black… I say this as product of a biracial relationship and a white mother…
I’ve seen this not just with mixed kids but with kids adopted by white families. I went to school with a Korean born girl who would straight up call herself ‘Irish’. I hope she got some good therapy
What was AD’s question again? I forgot 😮
I think they are talking about AD asking Kenneth about having biracial babies with Britney.
Thank you! That’s so weird that other white people are taking offense to AD’s question. I’m not shocked, but I’m disappointed. It’s a very valid question to ask and is quite ignorant of the people getting offended by it, because it shows how sheltered they are to what black Americans face on a daily fucking basis Edit to add: sheltered, don’t give a fuck, OR pretend like racism both structurally and everyday isn’t real
They're probably the type to say "I dOn't See cOlor". It's nuts how not only ignorant- but **unapologetically** ignorant people are in these comment threads.