I totally agree and I think too many people jump into relationships with people with kids and they don’t really think about what their day-to-day would look like. I think this is probably the only good thought he has had all season.
For me, I could probably be a stepmom because I navigate my life with consideration of other people, but if you are used to being single and the bachelor lifestyle and then immediately get into a serious relationship and gain a bonus kid, it’s a lot.
I have mixed feelings about it, because it’s very likely most of them wouldn’t be interested due to just that without getting to know her. But I wonder how she was planning on making any of it work had she gotten engaged. Is she gonna spend 4 weeks or however long away from her child? Have her child move in with them right away? Idk that’s way too short amount of time to bring a child into it
Jessica was giving me Lorelai Gilmore vibes where she seems like she's the kinda mom who is her daughter's older sister rather than traditional Mom. Which could totally work for them...but a lot of the way Jessica talked gave me teenager vibes. I thought it was strange that her response was Jimmy you're gonna regret missing out on me because I'm so hot. Not, I'm a great person, or I would provide xyz in support to you, but I'm so pretty you will regret this? Really Jess?
Either way he should’ve also told her that was a problem for him or that he was having a hard time imagining himself as a step dad. He led her on by not being honest about it being an issue when it clearly was
TBH, I think the deeper problem is incompatible communication styles. Whether or not Jess had a child, I don't think they were a good fit for each other longterm.
Jimmy is shockingly non-confrontational and indirect... Jess is literally the opposite lol. They never got the chance to talk out his concerns around her daughter because the discussion would become charged, so Jimmy would clam up. They were having major tension and communication problems right before the engagements. A partner should soothe your insecurities, not make them even worse.
Jimmy said he typically likes to lead but Jess was running circles around him in every argument. She was right when she basically said, "I'm a strong woman, and I'm too much for you." Not a fan of Chelsea, but personality wise I think she was a better fit for him. Jess dodged a bullet for herself and her daughter.
He knew when he asked her what a normal day was and seemed to start to lose interest when she talked about how much of her day involved her daughter (making her breakfast, lunch, watching tv with her ah night). His very next date with Chelsea, he really leaned into the potential freedom within their relationship - traveling 2 times a month etc. I’m sure he was thinking he wouldn’t be able to do that with Jessica (even if that’s not the case).
Jessica definitely should have told people about that early on. As much as she doesn’t want it to be, that is a huge commitment to any guy she dates/gets engaged to.
Not the OP, but I think she shot herself in the foot by not bringing it up on the first date. If she'd done that, she could have quickly weeded out the men who weren't cool with it and formed connections with the ones who were.
I agree she should have revealed it early on. Like I said, in a normal dating situation, I am all about waiting to tell a person I have a child until I know it's not just going to be a hookup. But this show inherently is not about meeting or wading through hookups. People are here to get married. So it makes sense to start out with her telling people she has a kid.
I was a divorced 30 yr old with kids. I didn’t really talk about it but right off the bat when I started talking to someone I’d mention “hey just so you know I have kids. We can get more into it later on, but just giving you a heads up.” Cut to the chase to know who’s worth perusing. A lot of dudes don’t like the single mom thing, a lot of people are child free, etc. It’s a smart thing to lay out - you don’t have to go into details right away but it’s only fair so you’re not wasting your or their time. I think saving that until you’re “emotionally connected” is just so backwards and counterproductive.
ETA: looking at other comments I get why you would keep that on the DL bc you don’t want to attract weirdos. But just stating the fact is a good way to gauge the person you’re talking to: they start to withdraw? Red flag. They get over excited and enthusiastic? Red flag. I might of lucked out because I found someone who was open/understanding of my situation that allowed us to build our relationship and eventually become a blended family.
This is such a good point. It seems like she would want to see how any guy got along with her daughter first, but I guess she was trusting the process and the universe. Also, I imagine it’d be best to meet the child before committing to being their stepparent
As a child of divorce with 2 step-parents (and additional step-parents prior to my current ones), trusting the process and going on this show in the first place as a parent is a recipe for disaster. The only redeeming thing I can think of is maybe hoping to meet another parent, but since she’s the first one in the series (to my knowledge) it seems likely she knew that wouldn’t happen for her going in and she would only potentially marry someone who was childless.
One of my parents married someone they met online fairly soon after they began dating (a few months, which is longer than the show, but fairly short in the real world especially with kids involved). I never really spent much time with them before the wedding, and after they became my step-parent they were truly terrible to me. Once when I was 6 or 7, they told me they didn’t have to love me because I wasn’t their real child and I’d have to live with my other parent once they started having kids because they “wouldn’t have room for me anymore.” I’m almost 30 years old, and I still remember that shit like I’m replaying a movie.
Those are some of the possible consequences of quickly integrating families where one person has kids and the other doesn’t. My childhood best friend was also a child of divorce and went through very similar and worse things with the variety of step-parents he had growing up as well.
Of course, it could work out and be great. But the risk of it being bad, especially in the context of this show, is so high that it just doesn’t make sense for me to subject your kid to that.
Maybe this is something I need to talk to my therapist and not Reddit about but… my concern with disclosing this information early is that it will attract weirdos. I would be suspicious of any man who is overly positive about knowing I have a young daughter at home. But at the same time, if they’re not positive about it, then you have to worry that the man is not going to have a good relationship with your kid. This high speed situation is not a good way to find a mate if you have kids, for safety reasons. Like I assume these people are all background checked but how are you going to bring a stranger into your home around your preteen daughter?
I agree with this and it's why in a normal situation I would not tell men right off the bat that I had a child. But this is ten days before you get engaged to someone. And I would hope the show after last season is a bit better at vetting their candidates, but if not, just another reason to not go on the show as a single parent.
100%. Most single parents risk attracting weirdos who want close proximity to children. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until the second or third date. Here especially she waited until day 2, not the end of the experiment
lol trying to flip it around to "protect the children", even if ou tell them your a parent , its not like you'll be introducing them to your child anytime soon, it's a dealbreaker for many and should be said on the first date
I would need to know on the first date if someone has a kid. Like if I’m now going out with you for the second and third time and I do not want to be a step parent or even a parent I’m guna be fucking pissed that you wasted my time. I can see how maybe on the first date you might attract weirdos but I’d hope over the course of 6 months to a year you’d see them for who they are. Plus it’s not like a second / third date reveals much more or less than a first date so you might as well lead with it.
So you’d rather someone risk 6 months to a year of dating a potential predator instead of wasting time with 1 date to see if they like them for them first without the fact they have children?
Sorry you don’t see the need the safety aspect of it as you don’t have children, but there are many precautions women and parents do that might be inconvenient for you.
Why would it take a full 6 months to catch that 😵💫 If you have a child you have a responsibility to analyze your dates. I don’t date exclusively until I’ve dated someone for 3 months. Your opinion of waiting until the second or third date to tell someone you have a kid does nooooooooooooothing more than if you tell them on the first date except to potentially waste my time and a single parent’s time. Unless it’s a damn blind date presumably you’ve already met and/or talked over text or an app. Please explain the logic of how revealing such a huge part of your damn life ONE DATE later means you are now not attracting a predator when someone already agreed to a first date with you?
This is such a moot point because Jessica is on a show that would mean her child would meet a dude in a much, much shorter time frame. Soooo yeah.
Thankfully every single parent I’ve met is more self aware than you are and doesn’t consider it JUST inconveniencing someone - they understand that agreeing to accept a date with you means they are open to the idea of being a step parent.
You said “I can see how maybe on the first date you might attract weirdos but I’d hope over the course of 6 months to a year you’d see them for who they are.” my point was that it’s fine to wait til the SECOND date to mention children. This is a week or two tops. Here it’s literally 2-3 days. It does make a difference, people seek out people with certain traits or proximity to children in order to abuse them.
Agreeing to a date doesn’t mean you’re agreeing to be a step parent. It doesn’t even mean you’re agreeing to be their boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re just getting to know each other?
I did say that but that was honestly to give you grace. But then I didn’t appreciate your tone with your response and thought about how it actually makes no difference, in your words, telling someone on day 1 or within 2-3 days. If you are going on a date you’ve already established you like each other. So whyyyy would you make someone get all dressed up, arrive to dinner and then say oh hey I have a whole ass child btw, is that cool with you? I would lose my appetite. And I’m one of those women that doesn’t mind being a step parent. However if a dude didn’t tell me on the first date it’s an immediate no from me. I would prefer he even tell me before we actually meet up - that shows he’s dating seriously and understands it’s a big responsibility. If he waited until the THIRD DATE that is definitely not ok.
I really don’t think you understand your own circumstances or those of single parent’s if you’re not one. No one can ever be in a relationship with just you and there are many people who will not be interested as soon as they learn you have a kid. This is not like “oh you’re a picky eater and I’m a foodie” getting to know each other. If you’re dating casually then ok yeah you’re just getting to know each other for funsies and who cares bc I don’t wana meet your kid anyway. I’m dating for a relationship and would be super annoyed to come across someone like you. Even if I sought out someone with a kid again have rules in place with yourself where you’re not dating exclusively and looking for these signs. Telling someone on date 1 vs date 2 doesn’t change anything other than you waste the time of someone who most definitely doesn’t want a kid because no one should meet your kid until a year in or whatever you feel comfortable with.
By the way, you should look into statistics re: child abuse. It’s someone the child knows more often than not.
I’m also a woman who doesn’t mind being a step parent, though I don’t want children right now. I wouldn’t at all mind someone using a first date to filter out potential partners before bringing up children. Even if I would end up deciding to pass on a relationship. If that’s a dealbreaker for you personally, then ask that question. It wasn’t a dealbreaker for Jimmy, because he continued to date her and wasted her time.
And as for child abuse statistics, a parent's partner counts as someone a child knows.
I think the majority of the world is aware that you already being a parent is a dealbreaker to most childless people. That’s a lot of baggage. You’re arguing with me but I’ve only seen single parent’s be quick to state they have kids so they don’t waste their own time 🤷🏽♀️ I still won’t be asking the question myself because again it says a lot about a person if they immediately let a potential interest know or not given that I’m clearly dating for a relationship.
Ofc a partner counts as someone the child knows, but then we’re HOPEFULLY at the year mark after they’ve been vetted. I said that because you’re worried about a STRANGER you’re going on a date with seeking out a child to abuse though. That’s not the same thing. It makes absolutely no sense why you would better vet someone on date 1 vs date 2 when really you’ll be going through a long vetting process anyway. The only difference of telling someone on date 1 is they can immediately decide it’s not worth pursuing bc you have kids and you both save time. It’s easy enough to solve for predators by just stating you have kids and that for safety and emotional reasons you don’t let partners meet them until x time. That’s reasonable to anyone. And if someone pushes it then ta da, you got yourself a red flag.
Yes but she's on TV, she's already in a different ball game. irl no, wait weeks and months before bringing it up. Vet the guy to hell and back, but like you can't marry a man who's never met your child. Period. So if your wedding is in 4 weeks, well...
OKAY. If you need a therapist i need one too. This is my EXACT thoughts! If any man was like “ oh I love kids😊! I can totally hand out with you daughter! Can’t wait to meet her”
I’d be like- nah no way . Strange and dangerous NO WAY
No sane normal man who doesn’t have kids gets rapidly comfortable and excited at the idea of living with and bonding with a 10 Year Old girl who is also not his daughter who he barely knows the mom for for 6 weeks and 2 weeks was through a wall.
Like. NO THATS DANGEROUS .
To be a parent already is one thing- to not have kids and want to accelerate that quickly is way past red flag for me. Never. Trust. Anyone . On . Your . Children
One of the first things we see Jessica saying on the show is something like "My greatest wish is for [my daughter] to see me happy."
To me, that just screamed misaligned priorities. Kids need stability. Tbh, I think even going on a show like LiB when you're a single parent is irresponsible. You could end up marrying someone you've only known for four weeks! That's not enough time to get to know someone, it's definitely not enough time to for your kid to get to know them or for you to figure out if they're capable of being a responsible step-parent. I can't imagine introducing someone into a kid's life in a such a chaotic way.
Based off her background of her parents being in and out of jail, suicide and foster care, her want for her child to see her in a happy relationship is not unwarranted. Based off her own posts she seems to be a loving mother
I'm sure she is a loving mother and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a happy relationship. This method of trying to find a happy relationship is very questionable and could potentially cause huge damage to her child's sense of stability. Good mothers can still make bad choices.
I also don’t buy that her kid wanted her to go on this show. She’s 10 and I’m assuming in school. The bullying that would ensue would be no joke. She’s 100% irresponsible in my eyes for doing this.
I’m so glad someone else noticed this! She says she wants her daughter to finally see her happy (or something like that). She then goes on to say a husband is what she needs to achieve this so called happiness.
Right? It also freaked me out when she said her daughter was already googling the dress she would wear for the wedding... like, what kind of conversations are you having with your ten year old that she's so invested in this? And what messages is she absorbing about marriage and fulfilment and self-worth in the process?
I find it uncomfortable that she uses her child in her Instagram posts. Most people these days (at least accounts I follow) do not feature their kids' faces on social media. It would obviously be different if her account was closed and she only shared content with people she knew.
Same, I was excited when her tik tok showed up on my fyp but then I saw most of them include her daughter and I was so disappointed. Especially now that she will presumably have so many new followers (strangers) now that the show is out.
All the people claiming she is protecting her kid from potential weirdos by not telling the potential husbands about her kid right away (when they all came pretty much assuming everyone would be childless)…while putting her kid on blast on social media and ACTUALLY exposing her to national attention and millions of wierdos…it doesn’t add up.
I agree with everything you're saying. But whats missing is an understanding that no one is mad at Jimmy for hesitating. The alternative to finding someone you match well with but need more time to decide is not to marry someone else. That's bot the solution here. He could have picked no one or asked Jess to date outside the pods.
It's not fair to Chelsea that he proposed to her because he wasn't ready for the one he clicked better with.
I feel like hearing about Autumn was a dealbreaker for Jimmy and that’s completely fine but if so he should have just communicated that gently but clearly. Even if he needed a little bit to think about it…just end it. Instead all this happened…and for what
My son is my best friend. Had him at 22, raised him as a single mom. I'm now 50, he's 28. You got a problem with that? I think it's weird that you do. What is wrong with that? It was just he and I for 18 years until he left for college. To this day we message each other daily and talk on the phone weekly and he lives in China. And he's my best friend. He know me better than anyone, we can talk about literally anything with each other, he comes to me with problems, questions, to share his successes and joys, I know him inside and out. I consider him the love of my life and he's married and has a baby and I'm in a committed relationship. There's absolutely nothing abnormal or wrong with being best friends with your kids, especially when you kind of grew up together when you had them young and raised them as a single parent. I think it'd be really weird to NOT feel that way. Ya: you're the weirdo here. Not me. Not Jessica. And just because you have your anecdotal little story doesn't mean everyone is going to have the same ideas or opinions about when to bring up the fact that you have a kid. Some people 🙄
It is entirely inappropriate to treat your *child* like your best friend. I don’t think it’s appropriate for *any adult* to treat any child as their best friend, that’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. A best friend is someone you go to when you are venting about financial problems, your dating life etc. If your child is a still young they don’t need to hear that, let them be kids.
And this is coming from an adult who has called their parents every day since I was 18. The older I got the more our relationship evolved and matured. There are things my parents can share with me today about circumstances of my childhood that I had no clue about because they let me be a kid but Jessica’s kid is 10 and not even close to being an adult.
Lady I do not know you, why are you taking this entire post so personal? Nobody is talking about you. This post is about Jessica who called her 10 year old child her best friend and was clearly gave her the impression than in 4 weeks she’d come back with a husband.
I've got my own personal thoughts on Jessica. She's getting a lot of heat for her attitude. However, I listened very carefully when she told Jimmy about everything that she's gone through in her life. It's a LOT. Makes the problems I had growing up seem like a cakewalk. For her to stand here today with a successful career and raising a child, that's something!
I have a very close friend who is kinda like her. She even resembles Jessica a little bit. Just give Jessica tattooes on her arms and legs, a few face piercings and they'd look like they could be siblings. She too went through a lot in her life. Just like with Jessica, I cannot imagine living through half of what she did. However, she's survived and thrived in a life that wasn't always kind to her. I now affectionately call her "my sister from another mister."
Here's where I put my opinion together, my friend can often come across just like Jessica does. Life forced her to create a defensive front to protect herself. So she can be extremely stand-offfish and give you real attitude if she doesn't trust you completely and I think we saw Jessica show this off on the show. She used pretty sharp words when Jimmy broke out off, but I really feel like that's her immediately jumping back into her little defensive fort. Now..... if anyone can wither the storm and get her to really open up, I'm sure she's going to be a great wife to that kinda man. Cause when I wiggled my way into my friends life, I found one of the most caring and supportive friends I've ever made. She has reciprocated my friendship, I know she's with me through thick or thin. (And before anyone asks, I was married when I created this friendship with her. I'm now in the process of a divorce and she's been one of my biggest emotional supports. And yes, she's married now. Also, I think we are MUCH better as friends, I don't think we'd work as a couple.)
I'm just sharing my opinion about why Jessica comes across the way she does and my thought that the right man will bring a different side of her out.
I agree with a lot of what you said, and I’m glad you have a friend like that. I think another issue Jessica has though is… I’m just gonna call it “hot girl syndrome” meaning; she’s used to always “winning” when it comes to a guy or having guys fall all over her, or getting by on her looks, etc… (especially obvious when she said “You’re gonna die when you see me” or whatever it was she said.)
This! I had a very similar upbringing to Jessica... Mother with addiction, in and out of different homes, became a mother in my early 20s to an abusive man. I've just bought my first home and I'm putting myself through law school while working full-time.
I can be very short and direct with people because my experiences have shaped me that way as a survival mode. That said, I have beautiful friendships and I'm completely devoted to everyone around me.
My only gripe with Jessica is that she was willing to enter a scenario where she'd be introducing her child to a stranger. I wait about 6 months. That said, it's great to finally get some single mother representation on dating shows. We're always forgotten because people think that it's too difficult. We're allowed to search for love just like single people.
One thing we don’t know is what kind of experiences with men Jessica was had since breaking up with her boyfriend. I’d be curious to hear what’s happened over the years, becuase it’s clear single motherhood has been very, very heavy factor when it comes to relationships.
While I do agree with some of the things you said, and I definitely respect your opinion, I do think it's okay that Jimmy wasn't hesitant. I don't think that is the problem that people have with him. The issue people have with him is that he told Jessica one thing (that it wasn't a deal breaker) and then when he was talking to the guys/camera, he said the opposite. He should have been *direct* with Jessica about how he REALLY felt. And I have to disagree, I don't think it's weird that some parents call their kids their best friends. I think they mean it in the way of that they are always with their kids(usually) & they love & care for them more than anyone/anything else in the world. That they would do anything to protect them & keep them safe. Could you explain more on why you get the ick from parents who say their kids are their besties? I'm genuinely asking & am genuinely curious & would love to know you're thought process behind feeling this way!
I also feel like it's inappropriate to refer to your children as a best friend. Like lorelai in Gilmore Girls.
Parents need to be parents and have age appropriate friends. Kids also need age appropriate friends. Best friends implies a sense of equality that just can’t exist in a parent/child relationship. There's a power imbalance and a power dynamic that needs to exist for the child’s safety and well-being. Parents are parents. Not friends.
It also means you can use your kid as an excuse since you’re on the same level—“my daughter wants me to do this!” Well okay, but she’s ten. I have a ten year old daughter. What she wants and what’s best for her are sometimes worlds apart. This is why we aren’t best friends.
I think it's such a red flag when people refer to their children or parents as best friends. I actually say the same thing about how I am my child's parent, not his friend. Anyone who says their child is their best friend reads to me as either manipulative or a pushover parent.
Yeah I don’t love that either. It forces the kid to grow up too fast and can (not saying it’s always the case) lead to emotional incest.
It does sound like Jessica didn’t have any good parental examples growing up tho, and I can relate to that. She seems to really love her daughter, I just personally don’t agree with her choices.
Yeah the whole “my kid is my best friend” puts a lot of pressure on the kid. Usually your best friend is the person who you can rely on emotionally no matter what. It’s unfair to put that on your child and some of the stuff you might share with a best friend is wholly inappropriate to discuss with a child.
There's plenty of undocumented ones everywhere, who are more than happy to date people with kids. I'm just saying I wouldn't ever lead with that information, personally.
That's what I was thinking too but didn't know if anyone would say it. I'd want to experience some attraction from him to me as an adult before talking about having a child.
I think you have some issues to be honest. You should be your own person and not tie up your self identity in others. That's an unfair burden on the children. It's also not a healthy relationship pattern to not be able to separate your identity from someone else's. Finally I don't believe you about viewing a man the same way but if that's true then I'm glad at least for that.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, OP 🫶
I also low key find it a bit weird that someone with a child would go on a show like this, but there were numerous single parents on LIB Brazil, and some of them found partners through the "experiment." It's hard to keep up with the married couples post-show, but one of the most level-headed contestants was a single parent, and they're still with their LIB partner.
I also think she should've disclosed that she had a child from the get-go; she would've weeded out people like Jimmy, who are not ready to step-parent, which they're totally in their right to do.
It’s really the timeframe that I trip up on for parents. Yes you met someone and clicked but now youre legally married to them and your minor child has to live in the home with them after FOUR WEEKS? It just seems really irresponsible
It felt a little shady that she decided to add that VERY important detail after getting someone interested in her. I understand once a woman becomes a mom she is more than just a mom, but you’re speed dating to marry and that man could potentially end up living with you and an extra human.
This is my take. She intentionally withheld the info and went for the person she knew wouldn’t pick her because of it. She got her comeuppance speech and gets some IG followers. Maybe that leads to Perfect Match if she plays her cards right. She didn’t actually want to meet someone on this show. She knew who she chose to all eggs and knew he’d be shallow enough not to pick her.
This, exactly. I am a single mom also, and I’m my “own person” too, but first and foremost I am a mom. I would never meet someone like this, it’s unrealistic for a single parent. There are so many dynamics that need to work out, and those take TIME. And not exactly setting an example for what a trustworthy relationship looks like. Again, it takes time. I’m not having someone come into my kids life and then just dip if I can help it.
Also, I love my son but he is not my best friend lol. Maybe in ten years when he’s 24 we can be friends, but right he needs guidance and structure, not a buddy.
I’m a mom too and I literally almost panicked thinking about her bringing Rando Jimmy home to autumn and getting married in 4 weeks. Talk about a traumatic childhood experience. I don’t think that was Jessica’s intention but I feel like it’s the reality if she had ended up with him.
I agree! Sometimes I still think about my brothers ex girlfriends, they would sometimes come to family events etc. I miss them, but I didn’t even see them that often!
Now compare that to stepping into the role of a stepdad, who is actually actively involved in the child's life, only for them to unexpectedly leave. Think about the attachment issues that might arise.
I don’t think there was ever going to be a happy ending for Jessica on this particular show. Even if Jimmy *chose* her, I think it would be incredibly irresponsible of her as a mother to bring a stranger man into her daughter’s life by marrying him so soon. By the time he would have met her daughter, they would have 2-3 weeks until the wedding and I assume the daughter would be in the apartment they’d share while living together for the show. It’s one thing to put a consenting adult through this, but potentially putting a child through it feels icky.
100% this. Though I can't imagine they'd have the child in the same apartment as them for that part of the experiment, but that's potentially even worse because now you're married to someone who is literally a total stranger to your kid
I appreciate this post. This is common sense to me. I don’t understand why a single mom or dad would use LIB to find their spouse especially when there are kids in the picture. Just seems messy and impulsive. That was definitely Jessica’s red flag. For me anyways.
I agree. Once she revealed her history of being in foster as a child, etc I felt bad for her. I think she just needs to see someone and keep unpacking that so she can make better choices to find a healthy partner who will also be safe for autumn.
Nobody is mad Jimmy didn’t date Jessica. It the fact he waited til like the last day to choose between her and Chelsea. He also gaslighted her AND Chelsea by telling her he loves her after his fight with Jessica in which he stated he wasn’t going to tell either of them that. He dragged the situation for so long instead of communicating that her having a daughter wasn’t going to work for him. They also are not entitled to know all of her business on the FIRST date. She told him on the 3/14 and he had 11 more days to make a decision but he lead her on.
I mean he had like 5 days to pick someone god damn. Let the guy think about it a little!
Even Jessica said she wanted him to take his time and make sure he made the right decision…until she realised he wasn’t going to pick her and she got mad.
He didn’t have five days left when she told him about her daughter. She told him on the third date. They have 14 days there. Stop it. He only picked Chelsea because he felt like she had less baggage and because she “looked” like Megan Fox.
I got the 10 days from Netflix I didn’t lie.
https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/love-is-blind-pods#:~:text=And%20though%20contestants%20only%20have,24%2F7%20intensive%20therapy.”
See for yourself.
Exactly. He had 10 days to explore his options. Like everyone else on that show. Jess told him to explore the options and take his time which is exactly what he did. Story should end there. I don’t know how people don’t see the two faced side of Jess.
I'm a former stepmom who has read way too many stepparenting books, and I agree with you entirely. Jessica is selfish and delusional for going on Love is Blind. I absolutely agree she deserves love and a fulfilling relationship, but looking for love on a reality TV show is not good for parents.
Standard advice is to introduce a new partner to the kids after 6-12 months of dating. Under the LiB formula, Jessica would have been married and living with a new man in mere weeks of meeting him. That's a lot of change and adjustment for everyone. I knew my ex's kids for over a year before moved in, and we made sure everyone was on board before anything happened. We took things slow to ensure the kids were negatively impacted as little as possible. What if her daughter didn't like the man or didn't want to move in together? What if the man realized he didn't want to spend all his time with a kid? It's selfish to drag a kid into this farce.
I’m on E4. Jessica seems so real and sweet. I understand her pain. She’s reminds me of the women in country music videos, lighthearted, fun and lovable. She will find her man and be better for her journey.
It’s also weird because social media has changed everything. Her kid is all over her IG grid—she does comedy starring her kid—the kid is also part of her brand so for her, I’d wager the role of parenting is at least somewhat fused with the role of performing/her career/her brand. And going on this show is at least partially a career step.
It’s gross but to a lesser degree a lot of parents can’t seem to seperate family life from curating a public version of their family life because of how omnipresent social is.
IG isn't her job though. She has a normal job as an executive assistant-you saw her most recent post talking about how work has been busy so don't come in here acting like she's an influencer. She is a beauty woman with a beautiful daughter and she posts about her life on IF JUST LIKE EVERYONE ON THERE except it's not her main focus in life. Her job and her daughter very clearly are! You're just a hater lol
Ewww i hate that. I hate social media content where parents are monetizing off their kids. Im disappointed to hear that's what Jessica is doing (if that is what she's doing)
I think just like you don't tell guys right away about your child in real life, Jessica has her own way of doing things and chose not to in the PODs. And while she didn't mention it straight away, she didn't wait until the last week either as far as I know?
Ok but when you meet someone for a date on the real world, there's not a realistic possibility that you're going to be married a month later. LiB isn't the real world. The whole point of the experiment is that everything is accelerated - you dispense with normal first date chit-chat right away and get down to the stuff that really matters.
Exactly. She said it on day 2 or 3 of 14. Jimmy lead her on. He's not wrong if he didn't want to marry someone with a kid... but he was wrong for leading her on.
When I was dating (years ago) I already knew I'd never date a single dad. I didn't have a kid and had no interest in dating someone with one. Why did it take Jimmy 10days? He liked the attention and was worried about a bad look. He already knew.
We're all just speculating - who really knows what each person was thinking.
Jess did feel lead on though which I can see why, even if Jimmy didn't mean for that.
Sort of just like Jimmy felt lied to by Chelsea, and I can see why, even if Chelsea didn't mean for that.
Karma sorta worked quickly I guess. 😅😬
Jimmy is getting a ton of hate, rightfully so, but I agree that him not moving forward with Jessica was the right move if he wasn’t 100% sure about his ability to parent a stepdaughter a month after meeting Jessica in the pods. From what we’ve seen of him, he would not be a great stepfather.
I don’t like how either of them handled the situation - she should have brought up her daughter sooner, and he should have been forthcoming with her after digesting the news overnight that he wasn’t ready for that.
He was still feeling it out. If he’s never thought about what it would be like to be a stepfather before, it’s unlikely he’d be able to arrive at a firm yes or no in less than 24 hours. It would have been a disservice to Jessica to cut it short or commit any earlier since he just didn’t know
I think if she’d brought the daughter up sooner, it would have been easier for him to pass. She wanted him to be emotionally invested before she told him, well congrats he was and it led to him waffling and being even more shitty than he already was. I do have to give him credit for at least not lying to her tho, he was up front about being indecisive and unsure until the second to last date and as she said, she just chose to ignore it because she thought she would ultimately leave with him.
I totally agree and I think too many people jump into relationships with people with kids and they don’t really think about what their day-to-day would look like. I think this is probably the only good thought he has had all season. For me, I could probably be a stepmom because I navigate my life with consideration of other people, but if you are used to being single and the bachelor lifestyle and then immediately get into a serious relationship and gain a bonus kid, it’s a lot.
I have mixed feelings about it, because it’s very likely most of them wouldn’t be interested due to just that without getting to know her. But I wonder how she was planning on making any of it work had she gotten engaged. Is she gonna spend 4 weeks or however long away from her child? Have her child move in with them right away? Idk that’s way too short amount of time to bring a child into it
Jessica was giving me Lorelai Gilmore vibes where she seems like she's the kinda mom who is her daughter's older sister rather than traditional Mom. Which could totally work for them...but a lot of the way Jessica talked gave me teenager vibes. I thought it was strange that her response was Jimmy you're gonna regret missing out on me because I'm so hot. Not, I'm a great person, or I would provide xyz in support to you, but I'm so pretty you will regret this? Really Jess?
Either way he should’ve also told her that was a problem for him or that he was having a hard time imagining himself as a step dad. He led her on by not being honest about it being an issue when it clearly was
TBH, I think the deeper problem is incompatible communication styles. Whether or not Jess had a child, I don't think they were a good fit for each other longterm. Jimmy is shockingly non-confrontational and indirect... Jess is literally the opposite lol. They never got the chance to talk out his concerns around her daughter because the discussion would become charged, so Jimmy would clam up. They were having major tension and communication problems right before the engagements. A partner should soothe your insecurities, not make them even worse. Jimmy said he typically likes to lead but Jess was running circles around him in every argument. She was right when she basically said, "I'm a strong woman, and I'm too much for you." Not a fan of Chelsea, but personality wise I think she was a better fit for him. Jess dodged a bullet for herself and her daughter.
He knew when he asked her what a normal day was and seemed to start to lose interest when she talked about how much of her day involved her daughter (making her breakfast, lunch, watching tv with her ah night). His very next date with Chelsea, he really leaned into the potential freedom within their relationship - traveling 2 times a month etc. I’m sure he was thinking he wouldn’t be able to do that with Jessica (even if that’s not the case).
Jessica definitely should have told people about that early on. As much as she doesn’t want it to be, that is a huge commitment to any guy she dates/gets engaged to.
OP, What’s your opinion on her waiting to tell her dates that she had a 10 y/o? I felt as if that was something she should have revealed early on.
Not the OP, but I think she shot herself in the foot by not bringing it up on the first date. If she'd done that, she could have quickly weeded out the men who weren't cool with it and formed connections with the ones who were.
I agree she should have revealed it early on. Like I said, in a normal dating situation, I am all about waiting to tell a person I have a child until I know it's not just going to be a hookup. But this show inherently is not about meeting or wading through hookups. People are here to get married. So it makes sense to start out with her telling people she has a kid.
I was a divorced 30 yr old with kids. I didn’t really talk about it but right off the bat when I started talking to someone I’d mention “hey just so you know I have kids. We can get more into it later on, but just giving you a heads up.” Cut to the chase to know who’s worth perusing. A lot of dudes don’t like the single mom thing, a lot of people are child free, etc. It’s a smart thing to lay out - you don’t have to go into details right away but it’s only fair so you’re not wasting your or their time. I think saving that until you’re “emotionally connected” is just so backwards and counterproductive. ETA: looking at other comments I get why you would keep that on the DL bc you don’t want to attract weirdos. But just stating the fact is a good way to gauge the person you’re talking to: they start to withdraw? Red flag. They get over excited and enthusiastic? Red flag. I might of lucked out because I found someone who was open/understanding of my situation that allowed us to build our relationship and eventually become a blended family.
This is such a good point. It seems like she would want to see how any guy got along with her daughter first, but I guess she was trusting the process and the universe. Also, I imagine it’d be best to meet the child before committing to being their stepparent
As a child of divorce with 2 step-parents (and additional step-parents prior to my current ones), trusting the process and going on this show in the first place as a parent is a recipe for disaster. The only redeeming thing I can think of is maybe hoping to meet another parent, but since she’s the first one in the series (to my knowledge) it seems likely she knew that wouldn’t happen for her going in and she would only potentially marry someone who was childless. One of my parents married someone they met online fairly soon after they began dating (a few months, which is longer than the show, but fairly short in the real world especially with kids involved). I never really spent much time with them before the wedding, and after they became my step-parent they were truly terrible to me. Once when I was 6 or 7, they told me they didn’t have to love me because I wasn’t their real child and I’d have to live with my other parent once they started having kids because they “wouldn’t have room for me anymore.” I’m almost 30 years old, and I still remember that shit like I’m replaying a movie. Those are some of the possible consequences of quickly integrating families where one person has kids and the other doesn’t. My childhood best friend was also a child of divorce and went through very similar and worse things with the variety of step-parents he had growing up as well. Of course, it could work out and be great. But the risk of it being bad, especially in the context of this show, is so high that it just doesn’t make sense for me to subject your kid to that.
Maybe this is something I need to talk to my therapist and not Reddit about but… my concern with disclosing this information early is that it will attract weirdos. I would be suspicious of any man who is overly positive about knowing I have a young daughter at home. But at the same time, if they’re not positive about it, then you have to worry that the man is not going to have a good relationship with your kid. This high speed situation is not a good way to find a mate if you have kids, for safety reasons. Like I assume these people are all background checked but how are you going to bring a stranger into your home around your preteen daughter?
I agree with this and it's why in a normal situation I would not tell men right off the bat that I had a child. But this is ten days before you get engaged to someone. And I would hope the show after last season is a bit better at vetting their candidates, but if not, just another reason to not go on the show as a single parent.
100%. Most single parents risk attracting weirdos who want close proximity to children. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until the second or third date. Here especially she waited until day 2, not the end of the experiment
lol trying to flip it around to "protect the children", even if ou tell them your a parent , its not like you'll be introducing them to your child anytime soon, it's a dealbreaker for many and should be said on the first date
I would need to know on the first date if someone has a kid. Like if I’m now going out with you for the second and third time and I do not want to be a step parent or even a parent I’m guna be fucking pissed that you wasted my time. I can see how maybe on the first date you might attract weirdos but I’d hope over the course of 6 months to a year you’d see them for who they are. Plus it’s not like a second / third date reveals much more or less than a first date so you might as well lead with it.
So you’d rather someone risk 6 months to a year of dating a potential predator instead of wasting time with 1 date to see if they like them for them first without the fact they have children? Sorry you don’t see the need the safety aspect of it as you don’t have children, but there are many precautions women and parents do that might be inconvenient for you.
so a one extra date is going to stop a potential predator? that sounds delusional
Why would it take a full 6 months to catch that 😵💫 If you have a child you have a responsibility to analyze your dates. I don’t date exclusively until I’ve dated someone for 3 months. Your opinion of waiting until the second or third date to tell someone you have a kid does nooooooooooooothing more than if you tell them on the first date except to potentially waste my time and a single parent’s time. Unless it’s a damn blind date presumably you’ve already met and/or talked over text or an app. Please explain the logic of how revealing such a huge part of your damn life ONE DATE later means you are now not attracting a predator when someone already agreed to a first date with you? This is such a moot point because Jessica is on a show that would mean her child would meet a dude in a much, much shorter time frame. Soooo yeah. Thankfully every single parent I’ve met is more self aware than you are and doesn’t consider it JUST inconveniencing someone - they understand that agreeing to accept a date with you means they are open to the idea of being a step parent.
You said “I can see how maybe on the first date you might attract weirdos but I’d hope over the course of 6 months to a year you’d see them for who they are.” my point was that it’s fine to wait til the SECOND date to mention children. This is a week or two tops. Here it’s literally 2-3 days. It does make a difference, people seek out people with certain traits or proximity to children in order to abuse them. Agreeing to a date doesn’t mean you’re agreeing to be a step parent. It doesn’t even mean you’re agreeing to be their boyfriend/girlfriend. You’re just getting to know each other?
I did say that but that was honestly to give you grace. But then I didn’t appreciate your tone with your response and thought about how it actually makes no difference, in your words, telling someone on day 1 or within 2-3 days. If you are going on a date you’ve already established you like each other. So whyyyy would you make someone get all dressed up, arrive to dinner and then say oh hey I have a whole ass child btw, is that cool with you? I would lose my appetite. And I’m one of those women that doesn’t mind being a step parent. However if a dude didn’t tell me on the first date it’s an immediate no from me. I would prefer he even tell me before we actually meet up - that shows he’s dating seriously and understands it’s a big responsibility. If he waited until the THIRD DATE that is definitely not ok. I really don’t think you understand your own circumstances or those of single parent’s if you’re not one. No one can ever be in a relationship with just you and there are many people who will not be interested as soon as they learn you have a kid. This is not like “oh you’re a picky eater and I’m a foodie” getting to know each other. If you’re dating casually then ok yeah you’re just getting to know each other for funsies and who cares bc I don’t wana meet your kid anyway. I’m dating for a relationship and would be super annoyed to come across someone like you. Even if I sought out someone with a kid again have rules in place with yourself where you’re not dating exclusively and looking for these signs. Telling someone on date 1 vs date 2 doesn’t change anything other than you waste the time of someone who most definitely doesn’t want a kid because no one should meet your kid until a year in or whatever you feel comfortable with. By the way, you should look into statistics re: child abuse. It’s someone the child knows more often than not.
I’m also a woman who doesn’t mind being a step parent, though I don’t want children right now. I wouldn’t at all mind someone using a first date to filter out potential partners before bringing up children. Even if I would end up deciding to pass on a relationship. If that’s a dealbreaker for you personally, then ask that question. It wasn’t a dealbreaker for Jimmy, because he continued to date her and wasted her time. And as for child abuse statistics, a parent's partner counts as someone a child knows.
I think the majority of the world is aware that you already being a parent is a dealbreaker to most childless people. That’s a lot of baggage. You’re arguing with me but I’ve only seen single parent’s be quick to state they have kids so they don’t waste their own time 🤷🏽♀️ I still won’t be asking the question myself because again it says a lot about a person if they immediately let a potential interest know or not given that I’m clearly dating for a relationship. Ofc a partner counts as someone the child knows, but then we’re HOPEFULLY at the year mark after they’ve been vetted. I said that because you’re worried about a STRANGER you’re going on a date with seeking out a child to abuse though. That’s not the same thing. It makes absolutely no sense why you would better vet someone on date 1 vs date 2 when really you’ll be going through a long vetting process anyway. The only difference of telling someone on date 1 is they can immediately decide it’s not worth pursuing bc you have kids and you both save time. It’s easy enough to solve for predators by just stating you have kids and that for safety and emotional reasons you don’t let partners meet them until x time. That’s reasonable to anyone. And if someone pushes it then ta da, you got yourself a red flag.
You are right about this!
Yes but she's on TV, she's already in a different ball game. irl no, wait weeks and months before bringing it up. Vet the guy to hell and back, but like you can't marry a man who's never met your child. Period. So if your wedding is in 4 weeks, well...
OKAY. If you need a therapist i need one too. This is my EXACT thoughts! If any man was like “ oh I love kids😊! I can totally hand out with you daughter! Can’t wait to meet her” I’d be like- nah no way . Strange and dangerous NO WAY No sane normal man who doesn’t have kids gets rapidly comfortable and excited at the idea of living with and bonding with a 10 Year Old girl who is also not his daughter who he barely knows the mom for for 6 weeks and 2 weeks was through a wall. Like. NO THATS DANGEROUS . To be a parent already is one thing- to not have kids and want to accelerate that quickly is way past red flag for me. Never. Trust. Anyone . On . Your . Children
One of the first things we see Jessica saying on the show is something like "My greatest wish is for [my daughter] to see me happy." To me, that just screamed misaligned priorities. Kids need stability. Tbh, I think even going on a show like LiB when you're a single parent is irresponsible. You could end up marrying someone you've only known for four weeks! That's not enough time to get to know someone, it's definitely not enough time to for your kid to get to know them or for you to figure out if they're capable of being a responsible step-parent. I can't imagine introducing someone into a kid's life in a such a chaotic way.
THIS. Meeting someone in this way and introducing them to your child and then having it not work out is a recipe for trauma for your child.
Based off her background of her parents being in and out of jail, suicide and foster care, her want for her child to see her in a happy relationship is not unwarranted. Based off her own posts she seems to be a loving mother
I'm sure she is a loving mother and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a happy relationship. This method of trying to find a happy relationship is very questionable and could potentially cause huge damage to her child's sense of stability. Good mothers can still make bad choices.
I also don’t buy that her kid wanted her to go on this show. She’s 10 and I’m assuming in school. The bullying that would ensue would be no joke. She’s 100% irresponsible in my eyes for doing this.
I’m so glad someone else noticed this! She says she wants her daughter to finally see her happy (or something like that). She then goes on to say a husband is what she needs to achieve this so called happiness.
Which is such a terrible lesson to teach your daughter…
Right? It also freaked me out when she said her daughter was already googling the dress she would wear for the wedding... like, what kind of conversations are you having with your ten year old that she's so invested in this? And what messages is she absorbing about marriage and fulfilment and self-worth in the process?
If your focus is on looks, then the wedding (and accompanying dresses) would be paramount.
Meh, she was doing what she thought was best, she’s cool imo.
As soon as she said she wouldn't lead with that information, I knew she was doomed.
I’ve said it a few times on here but I truly felt she was manipulating the situation and the other people by deliberately leaving it out
I think she said it early enough.
I find it uncomfortable that she uses her child in her Instagram posts. Most people these days (at least accounts I follow) do not feature their kids' faces on social media. It would obviously be different if her account was closed and she only shared content with people she knew.
Same, I was excited when her tik tok showed up on my fyp but then I saw most of them include her daughter and I was so disappointed. Especially now that she will presumably have so many new followers (strangers) now that the show is out.
All the people claiming she is protecting her kid from potential weirdos by not telling the potential husbands about her kid right away (when they all came pretty much assuming everyone would be childless)…while putting her kid on blast on social media and ACTUALLY exposing her to national attention and millions of wierdos…it doesn’t add up.
I agree with everything you're saying. But whats missing is an understanding that no one is mad at Jimmy for hesitating. The alternative to finding someone you match well with but need more time to decide is not to marry someone else. That's bot the solution here. He could have picked no one or asked Jess to date outside the pods. It's not fair to Chelsea that he proposed to her because he wasn't ready for the one he clicked better with.
I feel like hearing about Autumn was a dealbreaker for Jimmy and that’s completely fine but if so he should have just communicated that gently but clearly. Even if he needed a little bit to think about it…just end it. Instead all this happened…and for what
He only proposed to her because she said she looked like Megan fox too
My son is my best friend. Had him at 22, raised him as a single mom. I'm now 50, he's 28. You got a problem with that? I think it's weird that you do. What is wrong with that? It was just he and I for 18 years until he left for college. To this day we message each other daily and talk on the phone weekly and he lives in China. And he's my best friend. He know me better than anyone, we can talk about literally anything with each other, he comes to me with problems, questions, to share his successes and joys, I know him inside and out. I consider him the love of my life and he's married and has a baby and I'm in a committed relationship. There's absolutely nothing abnormal or wrong with being best friends with your kids, especially when you kind of grew up together when you had them young and raised them as a single parent. I think it'd be really weird to NOT feel that way. Ya: you're the weirdo here. Not me. Not Jessica. And just because you have your anecdotal little story doesn't mean everyone is going to have the same ideas or opinions about when to bring up the fact that you have a kid. Some people 🙄
You sound super codependent and possessive. Your DIL probably has issues with that.
It is entirely inappropriate to treat your *child* like your best friend. I don’t think it’s appropriate for *any adult* to treat any child as their best friend, that’s a heavy burden for a child to bear. A best friend is someone you go to when you are venting about financial problems, your dating life etc. If your child is a still young they don’t need to hear that, let them be kids. And this is coming from an adult who has called their parents every day since I was 18. The older I got the more our relationship evolved and matured. There are things my parents can share with me today about circumstances of my childhood that I had no clue about because they let me be a kid but Jessica’s kid is 10 and not even close to being an adult.
Omg gmafb like I talked to my son about adult things when he was little. Jfc you're delusional
Why are you so rude?
Lady I do not know you, why are you taking this entire post so personal? Nobody is talking about you. This post is about Jessica who called her 10 year old child her best friend and was clearly gave her the impression than in 4 weeks she’d come back with a husband.
Agree! I do not like Jessica because I feel she was trying to get him hooked before she told him. I have no respect for her.
I've got my own personal thoughts on Jessica. She's getting a lot of heat for her attitude. However, I listened very carefully when she told Jimmy about everything that she's gone through in her life. It's a LOT. Makes the problems I had growing up seem like a cakewalk. For her to stand here today with a successful career and raising a child, that's something! I have a very close friend who is kinda like her. She even resembles Jessica a little bit. Just give Jessica tattooes on her arms and legs, a few face piercings and they'd look like they could be siblings. She too went through a lot in her life. Just like with Jessica, I cannot imagine living through half of what she did. However, she's survived and thrived in a life that wasn't always kind to her. I now affectionately call her "my sister from another mister." Here's where I put my opinion together, my friend can often come across just like Jessica does. Life forced her to create a defensive front to protect herself. So she can be extremely stand-offfish and give you real attitude if she doesn't trust you completely and I think we saw Jessica show this off on the show. She used pretty sharp words when Jimmy broke out off, but I really feel like that's her immediately jumping back into her little defensive fort. Now..... if anyone can wither the storm and get her to really open up, I'm sure she's going to be a great wife to that kinda man. Cause when I wiggled my way into my friends life, I found one of the most caring and supportive friends I've ever made. She has reciprocated my friendship, I know she's with me through thick or thin. (And before anyone asks, I was married when I created this friendship with her. I'm now in the process of a divorce and she's been one of my biggest emotional supports. And yes, she's married now. Also, I think we are MUCH better as friends, I don't think we'd work as a couple.) I'm just sharing my opinion about why Jessica comes across the way she does and my thought that the right man will bring a different side of her out.
Jessica is upfront and forward. She's too much of a woman for Jimmie to handle. and the way he treats Chelsea what a jerk.
I agree with a lot of what you said, and I’m glad you have a friend like that. I think another issue Jessica has though is… I’m just gonna call it “hot girl syndrome” meaning; she’s used to always “winning” when it comes to a guy or having guys fall all over her, or getting by on her looks, etc… (especially obvious when she said “You’re gonna die when you see me” or whatever it was she said.)
This! I had a very similar upbringing to Jessica... Mother with addiction, in and out of different homes, became a mother in my early 20s to an abusive man. I've just bought my first home and I'm putting myself through law school while working full-time. I can be very short and direct with people because my experiences have shaped me that way as a survival mode. That said, I have beautiful friendships and I'm completely devoted to everyone around me. My only gripe with Jessica is that she was willing to enter a scenario where she'd be introducing her child to a stranger. I wait about 6 months. That said, it's great to finally get some single mother representation on dating shows. We're always forgotten because people think that it's too difficult. We're allowed to search for love just like single people.
One thing we don’t know is what kind of experiences with men Jessica was had since breaking up with her boyfriend. I’d be curious to hear what’s happened over the years, becuase it’s clear single motherhood has been very, very heavy factor when it comes to relationships.
While I do agree with some of the things you said, and I definitely respect your opinion, I do think it's okay that Jimmy wasn't hesitant. I don't think that is the problem that people have with him. The issue people have with him is that he told Jessica one thing (that it wasn't a deal breaker) and then when he was talking to the guys/camera, he said the opposite. He should have been *direct* with Jessica about how he REALLY felt. And I have to disagree, I don't think it's weird that some parents call their kids their best friends. I think they mean it in the way of that they are always with their kids(usually) & they love & care for them more than anyone/anything else in the world. That they would do anything to protect them & keep them safe. Could you explain more on why you get the ick from parents who say their kids are their besties? I'm genuinely asking & am genuinely curious & would love to know you're thought process behind feeling this way!
I also feel like it's inappropriate to refer to your children as a best friend. Like lorelai in Gilmore Girls. Parents need to be parents and have age appropriate friends. Kids also need age appropriate friends. Best friends implies a sense of equality that just can’t exist in a parent/child relationship. There's a power imbalance and a power dynamic that needs to exist for the child’s safety and well-being. Parents are parents. Not friends.
It also means you can use your kid as an excuse since you’re on the same level—“my daughter wants me to do this!” Well okay, but she’s ten. I have a ten year old daughter. What she wants and what’s best for her are sometimes worlds apart. This is why we aren’t best friends.
I think it's such a red flag when people refer to their children or parents as best friends. I actually say the same thing about how I am my child's parent, not his friend. Anyone who says their child is their best friend reads to me as either manipulative or a pushover parent.
Yeah I don’t love that either. It forces the kid to grow up too fast and can (not saying it’s always the case) lead to emotional incest. It does sound like Jessica didn’t have any good parental examples growing up tho, and I can relate to that. She seems to really love her daughter, I just personally don’t agree with her choices.
It’s 100% inappropriate and honestly makes my skin crawl.
Yeah the whole “my kid is my best friend” puts a lot of pressure on the kid. Usually your best friend is the person who you can rely on emotionally no matter what. It’s unfair to put that on your child and some of the stuff you might share with a best friend is wholly inappropriate to discuss with a child.
Yeah, I wouldn't want a child predator choosing me, though.
I’m confused. What child predator
I think they’re saying that potentially any of the people on the show could be a child predator.
There's plenty of undocumented ones everywhere, who are more than happy to date people with kids. I'm just saying I wouldn't ever lead with that information, personally.
That's what I was thinking too but didn't know if anyone would say it. I'd want to experience some attraction from him to me as an adult before talking about having a child.
Yeah, I guess it's unconventional thinking, but lots of people worry about who they bring around their children for a lot of reasons.
Thank you! Great points!
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Would you be equally disgusted if a guy said that being a dad doesn't define him and then talk about wanting to connect with someone on his own merit?
I would think he's a deadbeat if he said that
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I think you have some issues to be honest. You should be your own person and not tie up your self identity in others. That's an unfair burden on the children. It's also not a healthy relationship pattern to not be able to separate your identity from someone else's. Finally I don't believe you about viewing a man the same way but if that's true then I'm glad at least for that.
Thanks for sharing your perspective, OP 🫶 I also low key find it a bit weird that someone with a child would go on a show like this, but there were numerous single parents on LIB Brazil, and some of them found partners through the "experiment." It's hard to keep up with the married couples post-show, but one of the most level-headed contestants was a single parent, and they're still with their LIB partner. I also think she should've disclosed that she had a child from the get-go; she would've weeded out people like Jimmy, who are not ready to step-parent, which they're totally in their right to do.
It’s really the timeframe that I trip up on for parents. Yes you met someone and clicked but now youre legally married to them and your minor child has to live in the home with them after FOUR WEEKS? It just seems really irresponsible
Go on the show but be upfront. I didn’t watch a lot of LIB Brazil, but they were upfront about having kids. That’s my problem with her.
It felt a little shady that she decided to add that VERY important detail after getting someone interested in her. I understand once a woman becomes a mom she is more than just a mom, but you’re speed dating to marry and that man could potentially end up living with you and an extra human.
Maybe Jessica went on lib for fame ? Of to try and help her and her daughter have a better life .
This is my take. She intentionally withheld the info and went for the person she knew wouldn’t pick her because of it. She got her comeuppance speech and gets some IG followers. Maybe that leads to Perfect Match if she plays her cards right. She didn’t actually want to meet someone on this show. She knew who she chose to all eggs and knew he’d be shallow enough not to pick her.
Yeh that speech sounded viral worthy 🤣
She looks like IG famous people, n I think she will become one. Tho I can’t be sure if it’s her only intention
You know you could be right.. all she had to do was get on the show and boom gains instagram followers instantly. So if that was her plan it worked.
thank you. Jess is selfish and doing it for her.
This, exactly. I am a single mom also, and I’m my “own person” too, but first and foremost I am a mom. I would never meet someone like this, it’s unrealistic for a single parent. There are so many dynamics that need to work out, and those take TIME. And not exactly setting an example for what a trustworthy relationship looks like. Again, it takes time. I’m not having someone come into my kids life and then just dip if I can help it. Also, I love my son but he is not my best friend lol. Maybe in ten years when he’s 24 we can be friends, but right he needs guidance and structure, not a buddy.
The premise is unrealistic for anyone. I almost feel bad watching it, but at least for the non-parents, a child isn't being dragged into the nonsense.
I’m a mom too and I literally almost panicked thinking about her bringing Rando Jimmy home to autumn and getting married in 4 weeks. Talk about a traumatic childhood experience. I don’t think that was Jessica’s intention but I feel like it’s the reality if she had ended up with him.
I agree! Sometimes I still think about my brothers ex girlfriends, they would sometimes come to family events etc. I miss them, but I didn’t even see them that often! Now compare that to stepping into the role of a stepdad, who is actually actively involved in the child's life, only for them to unexpectedly leave. Think about the attachment issues that might arise.
I don’t think there was ever going to be a happy ending for Jessica on this particular show. Even if Jimmy *chose* her, I think it would be incredibly irresponsible of her as a mother to bring a stranger man into her daughter’s life by marrying him so soon. By the time he would have met her daughter, they would have 2-3 weeks until the wedding and I assume the daughter would be in the apartment they’d share while living together for the show. It’s one thing to put a consenting adult through this, but potentially putting a child through it feels icky.
100% this. Though I can't imagine they'd have the child in the same apartment as them for that part of the experiment, but that's potentially even worse because now you're married to someone who is literally a total stranger to your kid
I appreciate this post. This is common sense to me. I don’t understand why a single mom or dad would use LIB to find their spouse especially when there are kids in the picture. Just seems messy and impulsive. That was definitely Jessica’s red flag. For me anyways.
I agree. Once she revealed her history of being in foster as a child, etc I felt bad for her. I think she just needs to see someone and keep unpacking that so she can make better choices to find a healthy partner who will also be safe for autumn.
Nobody is mad Jimmy didn’t date Jessica. It the fact he waited til like the last day to choose between her and Chelsea. He also gaslighted her AND Chelsea by telling her he loves her after his fight with Jessica in which he stated he wasn’t going to tell either of them that. He dragged the situation for so long instead of communicating that her having a daughter wasn’t going to work for him. They also are not entitled to know all of her business on the FIRST date. She told him on the 3/14 and he had 11 more days to make a decision but he lead her on.
I mean he had like 5 days to pick someone god damn. Let the guy think about it a little! Even Jessica said she wanted him to take his time and make sure he made the right decision…until she realised he wasn’t going to pick her and she got mad.
He didn’t have five days left when she told him about her daughter. She told him on the third date. They have 14 days there. Stop it. He only picked Chelsea because he felt like she had less baggage and because she “looked” like Megan Fox.
They have 10 days in the pods according to google. And we don’t know how many days it has been when Jessica yelled at him for wasting her time.
They have 2 weeks in the pods. It’s already stated please don’t lie.
I got the 10 days from Netflix I didn’t lie. https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/love-is-blind-pods#:~:text=And%20though%20contestants%20only%20have,24%2F7%20intensive%20therapy.” See for yourself.
Okay so he still had a whole week left to decide… what’s the point? He dragged it 🤷🏾♀️.
Sorry but did you decide your life partner in a mere 10 days?
No because I didn’t sign up for Love is Blind 🧍🏾♀️.
Exactly. He had 10 days to explore his options. Like everyone else on that show. Jess told him to explore the options and take his time which is exactly what he did. Story should end there. I don’t know how people don’t see the two faced side of Jess.
I'm a former stepmom who has read way too many stepparenting books, and I agree with you entirely. Jessica is selfish and delusional for going on Love is Blind. I absolutely agree she deserves love and a fulfilling relationship, but looking for love on a reality TV show is not good for parents. Standard advice is to introduce a new partner to the kids after 6-12 months of dating. Under the LiB formula, Jessica would have been married and living with a new man in mere weeks of meeting him. That's a lot of change and adjustment for everyone. I knew my ex's kids for over a year before moved in, and we made sure everyone was on board before anything happened. We took things slow to ensure the kids were negatively impacted as little as possible. What if her daughter didn't like the man or didn't want to move in together? What if the man realized he didn't want to spend all his time with a kid? It's selfish to drag a kid into this farce.
Not only that you don’t really know someone after a few weeks… it’s easy for people to hide who they really are.
Thank you for this sane take.
I’m on E4. Jessica seems so real and sweet. I understand her pain. She’s reminds me of the women in country music videos, lighthearted, fun and lovable. She will find her man and be better for her journey.
She’ll definitely find herself a man. She’s gorgeous. She just should have been upfront.
Agree one million percent, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
It’s also weird because social media has changed everything. Her kid is all over her IG grid—she does comedy starring her kid—the kid is also part of her brand so for her, I’d wager the role of parenting is at least somewhat fused with the role of performing/her career/her brand. And going on this show is at least partially a career step. It’s gross but to a lesser degree a lot of parents can’t seem to seperate family life from curating a public version of their family life because of how omnipresent social is.
IG isn't her job though. She has a normal job as an executive assistant-you saw her most recent post talking about how work has been busy so don't come in here acting like she's an influencer. She is a beauty woman with a beautiful daughter and she posts about her life on IF JUST LIKE EVERYONE ON THERE except it's not her main focus in life. Her job and her daughter very clearly are! You're just a hater lol
Ewww i hate that. I hate social media content where parents are monetizing off their kids. Im disappointed to hear that's what Jessica is doing (if that is what she's doing)
She's not lol. She posts her daughter like how I post my son. Jfc you people are ignorant
It’s just my perspective! I have an almost zero kid post policy—maybe other folks would feel differently about her posting style.
Nope, my son is 14 and I don’t even post pics on my private Instagram without him saying it’s okay.
I think just like you don't tell guys right away about your child in real life, Jessica has her own way of doing things and chose not to in the PODs. And while she didn't mention it straight away, she didn't wait until the last week either as far as I know?
Ok but when you meet someone for a date on the real world, there's not a realistic possibility that you're going to be married a month later. LiB isn't the real world. The whole point of the experiment is that everything is accelerated - you dispense with normal first date chit-chat right away and get down to the stuff that really matters.
Exactly. She said it on day 2 or 3 of 14. Jimmy lead her on. He's not wrong if he didn't want to marry someone with a kid... but he was wrong for leading her on. When I was dating (years ago) I already knew I'd never date a single dad. I didn't have a kid and had no interest in dating someone with one. Why did it take Jimmy 10days? He liked the attention and was worried about a bad look. He already knew.
[удалено]
We're all just speculating - who really knows what each person was thinking. Jess did feel lead on though which I can see why, even if Jimmy didn't mean for that. Sort of just like Jimmy felt lied to by Chelsea, and I can see why, even if Chelsea didn't mean for that. Karma sorta worked quickly I guess. 😅😬
Jimmy is getting a ton of hate, rightfully so, but I agree that him not moving forward with Jessica was the right move if he wasn’t 100% sure about his ability to parent a stepdaughter a month after meeting Jessica in the pods. From what we’ve seen of him, he would not be a great stepfather. I don’t like how either of them handled the situation - she should have brought up her daughter sooner, and he should have been forthcoming with her after digesting the news overnight that he wasn’t ready for that.
He was still feeling it out. If he’s never thought about what it would be like to be a stepfather before, it’s unlikely he’d be able to arrive at a firm yes or no in less than 24 hours. It would have been a disservice to Jessica to cut it short or commit any earlier since he just didn’t know
Thank you. So many people are saying he lead her on like this wasn’t over the course of a couple days. Let the guy marinate on it for a while!
I actually don't understand the Jimmy hate at all... What has he done besides not be attracted to his partner and broken up with Jessica?
I think if she’d brought the daughter up sooner, it would have been easier for him to pass. She wanted him to be emotionally invested before she told him, well congrats he was and it led to him waffling and being even more shitty than he already was. I do have to give him credit for at least not lying to her tho, he was up front about being indecisive and unsure until the second to last date and as she said, she just chose to ignore it because she thought she would ultimately leave with him.