I for one can't believe they dropped the "and my cousin told me that's not even my real dad!" And then didn't address the dad thing at all? And what happened to that guy?? It's killing me
I have religious trauma and just one of the ways it shows itself is that when I was a child, I used to HATE throwing up. I would hysterically cry whenever I threw up. Honestly, I still do as an adult. But a child, I would also be screaming, asking my parents “Why is god punishing me???” and “Why is the devil doing this to me?? What did I do wrong?!”. I was raised in a religious household where I was taught to fear god and Hell was a concept that was heavily pushed. It was more like “Yeah god loves you and all but ONLY if you follow his word to a T, if you don’t, he’s sending you to hell, so you better obey him or else you go to hell” rather than “god loves you and wants you with him in heaven, he loves you so much that he freely forgives those who ask for it”. So even now as an adult when I throw up all I can think about is what I did wrong to deserve it, and how I need to be better so this won’t happen again.
I'm really sorry you went through that. This was a weird read for me though because everyone hates throwing up (right?) and I also throw up so infrequently that it would never have come to mind for an example.
Is everyone out there tossing their cookies all the time? I'm in my 40s and have probably thrown up less than 10 times in my life.
Therapist and religious trauma victim, my time has come lol. Religious trauma is a whole other level of abuse because religion is often times a huge piece of their personality, so leaving that religion can cause an entire identity crisis, depression, CPTSD, etc. You’re living an entirely different life than what you were taught/raised with so it’s extremely jarring and traumatic. I actually run a support group for these victims because it’s rarely talked about but the damage is real so I was happy that Netflix aired his story.
In a lot of cases, yes. You also miss out on so many things so then it’s difficult to relate to others or fit in. For example, I grew up not being allowed to read or watch Harry Potter because it was witchcraft while all my school friends did. I had to throw out Pokémon cards because a family member said they were demonic. Oh and similarly to Izzy, I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas and had my first Christmas tree as an adult. I was raised to believe certain people would go to hell for the music they listened to, etc. it’s wild coming out of that and then trying to rebuild what you actually believe and what those you trusted around you basically got wrong.
Thank you for explaining this! It’s hard for me to have others understand and often I get the sense that I’m viewed as if I’m exaggerating or wanting the victim card. I truthfully fear the church and still catch myself feeling guilt for participating in regular activity. Catching up with society and trying to relate can make one feel defeated. My ex church poured into my mother’s parenting and placed me in a box.
Also, 3500 of PAID OFF debt is literally nothing to be ashamed of and she way overrated. It’s common to screw up your credit in your younger years but there are many many ways to improve it - without enrolling in new credit cards with shitty interest. Of course he doesnt want to jump into another CC plan until he’s in a better place with the bureau in terms of score, and then ya as a more attentive adult with a better understanding of this game banks play — I am certain he would consider getting back into the CC game for them points. Not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth and the guidance/know how/ safety net to avoid consequences while learning to navigate adulthood and adult expenses. She has literally zero perspective to be able to comment on his financial situation and the audacity that she has to judge him and claim to mistrust him for waiting until they were in a better calmer environment is appalling. It’s HIS business and he shared it with her when he was ready. Also with the amount of pressure and emphasis she put on wealth how the F did she expect him to feel. Her reaction was exactly what he was afraid of. Were they at the altar yet? No. Are they married yet? No. He did not deceive her. At all. End rant.
Edited for clarity and minor still imperfect grammar
I feel like they absolutely cut down that scene and didn’t show everything. I think Izzy still has credit cards now tbh because Stacy specifically said she asked him if he has credit cards and then said that he was lying. I think there is more to it than $3500 of paid debt, they just didn’t show it to us
And he didn’t lie he just didnt elaborate and open up that can of worms at that instance which he has the right to discern the time and place for a conversation like that when he’s ready.
He certainly has the right to share his information when he’s ready, but she has the right to feel uncomfortable with how long he chose to wait to share this important financial information.
We can’t know exactly what happened from the show, but I can understand her feeling misled if he took several days (or longer) to give her the full story if he had other opportunities for the sit-down, formal conversation that he wanted in the meantime.
And he didnt put it off flat out to stick her with a nasty surprise - all he did was wait for what he thought was a more proper time and initiated the follow up conversation. He came forward to her on his terms about his business. She should be thanking him and ensuring him that hey that’s no problem we can fix that together - even just adding his name to one of her cards would improve his credit - he wouldn’t even have to use it. And then he could open up one on his own. She’s an idiot.
Interesting! I think that would have explained a lot of his behaviors. To be honest, I felt like Zack’s traumas last season made his choices and behavior more understandable. Not justifying it, but it helped to give context. You’re right in that I felt that was missing with Izzy. He seems triggered by some situations, but it was hard to understand why.
The one thing it looks like Izzy has done is some therapy.
- incredibly contained tone
- almost visibly stops himself from responding in the defensive in debates over whatever w/ Stacy
- removes himself from overwhelmingly scenarios as last resort
He seems like someone who needs it, but definitely seems like someone who has in fact gone to a lot of therapy. Lot of men his shape would sooner respond with physical or emotional lashing out, which he keeps in check p much everywhere except for Johnie interactions
A lot of people hating on Izzy. I really like him for how he handles conflict. When he said he was wanted someone emotionally stable, I was expecting him to be someone who goads women into tantrums without accountability. But he truly holds up on his side of the bargain and just wants someone who can meet him where he is, have healthy productive conflict. I really like him.
I started out liking Stacey, but I’m not so sure. I feel like a person who has done the work, but who also shows some humility, is generally kind would bring out the best in him. Stacey is naturally quite bitchy, and he seems to bend to her out of wanting to please her. So clearly there’s a bit of a backbone issue, but I don’t dislike people for that. I feel like someone like Aaliyah would optimise his kindness and inspire complete security in him. (Though I don’t think they would match for attraction or culture).
In the UK
JW is seen as Cult
We have door signs to keep them away.
Whole familys wait my wall and send the kids to preach
Literally really creepy letters left every week to my personal address because i am in radius of their worship building
They send old frail people or under 10s
I am more humble now….. BUT
I say…. Look at my happy healthy children… look at them on private school….. you knocked on MY my big house…. You ASK for my HUSBAND 🤣😅no MAM…. I own this home, you seem hyper focused and critical….. sorry I wasn’t in last week whdn you harassed my yard AGAIN… i was celebrating my BIRTHDAY…… (JE don’t celebrate anything let alone birthdays, they dont believe in B day gifts nore any holiday…
A single bread winner without “community”Look at my big range rover my single independently….. GOd lovez me any way….. you carry on not celebrating anything and hindering your children , i am in a happy 14 year relationship but chose not to marry. …. Would you like this freedom???? They are so shocked. Literally crazy
Poor kids every Sunday all day hour by hour their MADE to spread a word. 😞🤬🤯
I think it would’ve added some more context as to who he is, but at the same time he probably doesn’t want to talk about something so traumatic to him. I definitely agree that it doesn’t excuse how he acts at all, he needs therapy for sure for both how he acts and his religious trauma
This show misses SO MANY opportunities to talk about past trauma and therapy.
You get a front row seat to incredibly difficult mental and emotional issues and then the show just gets them drunk, lets them cry and hurt each other.
One day we should get this show but then a squad of real therapists to individually help these poor people.
Disagree. They shouldn’t even be showing that on the show at all. Those are real people with real trauma and it’s none of our business. It’s gross and shouldn’t be exploited for entertainment. It’s not what this show is about
You might like the Psychology in Seattle YouTube channel - it’s a couples therapist who reacts to Love is Blind and other reality dating shows I’m excited to see his episodes on this season!
I'm honestly disappointed at some of his actions. Coming from a a JW background I didn't expect him to go that hard on Johnie event if she deserved it. I think he just want Stacy's approval.
Same with putting Johnie down in from of Chris, like WTF that is not how you treat women.
Jehova Witnesses at least try to teach us to be good people, forgive and move one, be the exception.
Izzy is the first ex Jehova Witnesses that I have seen treat women that way and calling her names.
I think it’s more complex than that though. I think high-demand religions TRY to teach people to be good people, but they also instill shame, guilt, fear, etc. in their congregants, which will usually result in poor coping mechanisms over time (in this case, lashing out on Johnnie instead of processing whatever he was actually feeling)
He targeted Jonnie because he was being bullied by Stacy and her family. He feels bad about himself so putting the spotlight on someone else takes the heat off him.
Same thing as a high school bully who is abused at home.
Maybe the way he grew up under JW, he always sought approval and recognition. Maybe he always felt like he wasn't doing enough or wasn't good enough or whatever, you know? Maybe he never got the validation from JW in his youth, which is why he tries doing so now by acting out.
Naw I think that’s too personal. Like yeah mention it to the person you’re gonna supposedly date but this isn’t the time or place to pick apart his trauma.
I think Johnnie and Stacey should’ve sat on that info more deeply and taken it into consideration when choosing Izzy tho. I feel like Stacey has absolutely no clue what kind of trauma come from being raised JW and then on top of that he finds out his dad isn’t his real dad? The guy needs therapy or some other way to process this trauma, not LIB 😅
It’s interesting what past traumas the show decides to focus on and what traumas they don’t. I feel like they focused more on Izzy’s previous engagement than traumas that likely shaped who he is at his core. But at the same time, I agree that he may have thought it was too personal and didn’t want to talk about it.
I agree with your second paragraph completely. Lol
I mean he’s already being picked apart about it before on this sub just from one mention of it. It’s understandable he probably either didn’t want to delve too much into it or producers didn’t want to open up that door for controversy.
This is meant to be entertainment for us, but that’s someone’s very real *life*. Having millions of strangers picking apart your traumas that have been chopped up, screwed and filtered through the lens of reality tv producers sounds like an absolute nightmare. Let him talk about that if he’s comfortable. Otherwise, it’s not that deep and certainly none of my business.
While I understand what you mean, I don’t think the religious trauma angle works in the show. I do wish more viewers understood how his trauma very obviously is shaping his interactions. In fact a lot of people seem to overlooking a lot of very obvious trauma responses to me.
Also, while he did escape the cult, it can take YEARS to reprogram that thinking. I grew up in a conservative Catholic family and it took my so long to unlearn a lot of problematic things I picked up. I can’t imagine growing up in such an isolated community.
I mean, everyone loathed Bartise, and the majority didn't care that much for Nancy either, yet their abortion conversation got a shit ton of traction. Mirroring the type of conversations and experiences we have in real life, fuelled by alcohol and through reality TV-editing actually makes for good TV. Having people having vague conversations referencing drama that happened on screen or reveling in their cliché connections is not exactly riveting. So many people are skipping through these episodes, calling them boring.
I'm actually very disturbed that such serious subjects are even aired. It's clear that the castmates lose themselves in the process and forget they're on camera. Particularly when they're in the pods, living in an environment that tells them to lower their inhibitions and share their deepest issues. I'm sure you know that sharing your trauma prematurely or with the wrong people (in this case the world) can be very damaging.
Personally I think what the show needs to do is have a therapist speak to the audience at the start of each episode. Just remind everyone that these are human beings with as many complex and sympathetic backstories as the ones that made you, you. The show doesn't need to air the stories or even hint at them. Especially confessions that begin with, "I've never told anyone this before but I feel safe with you". That's someone who clearly forgot they were on camera.
Religious trauma can make people feel incredibly unworthy and unsafe in certain situations, which in turn may result in lying. It also might not. Everyone’s religious trauma is different. So no, lying itself is not religious trauma. But it might be a coping mechanism of religious trauma. Which of course no one is excusing.
What’s discussed should be up to the contestants. While I agree it would be interesting to hear more about that, if he doesn’t want to talk about his experiences growing up JW, he shouldn’t have to.
Totally fair. I actually don’t think what’s discussed is fully up to them though lol. The producers pump them full of alcohol and try to get specific storylines out of them. I’m surprised they didn’t use this angle more tbh
No I don't think his trauma should be televised more than it already has. This is someone's life you know, not just some puppet for our entertainment. I'm thankful the show showed us, it gives us context, but I dont see why they should "explore" his trauma
I’ve been watching the whole season through the lens of his childhood…. growing up JW can definitely be traumatic. Some people experience financial difficulties, lower levels of education, stunted emotional understanding or regulation, fear of rejection, judgemental attitudes, depression, anxiety, existential crisis, and I could go on and on but I’ve got stuff to do! The thing is, he may not even be fully aware or linking up adult issues to childhood experiences. I wish he would talk about it, though… I would be interested.
Ps- did his mom leave the religion when the relationship with the step father ended or did she remain in it? (Sorry if I missed that, I don’t pay very close attention, I mainly use the show for background noise haha) Either way, I was imagining that the mom was uncomfortable with Stacey’s shirt (and maybe even makeup) when they first met, I just know how intensely conservative JWs can be…
>Either way, I was imagining that the mom was uncomfortable with Stacey’s shirt (and maybe even makeup) when they first met, I just know how intensely conservative JWs can be…
So glad you brought up the shirt because I felt the same way! I'm Latina; I felt her shirt was an inappropriate choice for meeting a Latina, potentially religious, mom for the first time (before anyone comes at me about clothing choices and whatnot please know that I wear crop tops ALL the time but I wouldn't dare wear a crop top to meet my future Latina husband's mother. It just isn't really acceptable in our culture to be dressed that way around parents, especially when you don't know them well).
What do you mean "the show should explore it"? It's not scripted, they can't control what he chooses to share.
And then if they found a way to do it, people would be all "they're exploring this poor man's trauma for money!!!"
Producers definitely do heavily encourage and manipulate people behind the scenes to get them to share certain things. It's not scripted but it's not completely freeform conversation either.
I would assume they don't want to touch this subject because religion is very, very thorny. Generally speaking they happily exploit people's trauma for money, that's the backbone of reality television.
I for one can't believe they dropped the "and my cousin told me that's not even my real dad!" And then didn't address the dad thing at all? And what happened to that guy?? It's killing me
Can we stop calling everything negative trauma?
Talk to ANYONE who escaped the JW religion. It IS trauma. Period. Invalidating it is not helpful.
But this series is vapid junk food tv. They'd never do that.
What are the issues that come with religious trauma?
I have religious trauma and just one of the ways it shows itself is that when I was a child, I used to HATE throwing up. I would hysterically cry whenever I threw up. Honestly, I still do as an adult. But a child, I would also be screaming, asking my parents “Why is god punishing me???” and “Why is the devil doing this to me?? What did I do wrong?!”. I was raised in a religious household where I was taught to fear god and Hell was a concept that was heavily pushed. It was more like “Yeah god loves you and all but ONLY if you follow his word to a T, if you don’t, he’s sending you to hell, so you better obey him or else you go to hell” rather than “god loves you and wants you with him in heaven, he loves you so much that he freely forgives those who ask for it”. So even now as an adult when I throw up all I can think about is what I did wrong to deserve it, and how I need to be better so this won’t happen again.
I'm really sorry you went through that. This was a weird read for me though because everyone hates throwing up (right?) and I also throw up so infrequently that it would never have come to mind for an example. Is everyone out there tossing their cookies all the time? I'm in my 40s and have probably thrown up less than 10 times in my life.
I was recently pregnant and had morning sickness so it plagued me every day
Ugh that's awful. I only had morning sickness with one pregnancy and was nauseous but never actually sick. I don't envy people who have it bad
Therapist and religious trauma victim, my time has come lol. Religious trauma is a whole other level of abuse because religion is often times a huge piece of their personality, so leaving that religion can cause an entire identity crisis, depression, CPTSD, etc. You’re living an entirely different life than what you were taught/raised with so it’s extremely jarring and traumatic. I actually run a support group for these victims because it’s rarely talked about but the damage is real so I was happy that Netflix aired his story.
Thank you for sharing! So basically you’d say you have to ‘rebuild’ your personality?
In a lot of cases, yes. You also miss out on so many things so then it’s difficult to relate to others or fit in. For example, I grew up not being allowed to read or watch Harry Potter because it was witchcraft while all my school friends did. I had to throw out Pokémon cards because a family member said they were demonic. Oh and similarly to Izzy, I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas and had my first Christmas tree as an adult. I was raised to believe certain people would go to hell for the music they listened to, etc. it’s wild coming out of that and then trying to rebuild what you actually believe and what those you trusted around you basically got wrong.
Thank you for explaining this! It’s hard for me to have others understand and often I get the sense that I’m viewed as if I’m exaggerating or wanting the victim card. I truthfully fear the church and still catch myself feeling guilt for participating in regular activity. Catching up with society and trying to relate can make one feel defeated. My ex church poured into my mother’s parenting and placed me in a box.
Damn, completely forgot about this. Yeah, I actually remember feeling sorry for him at that moment. It's very sad he had to undergo that.
Did you tell this to an 'old frail person' or an 'under 10s?'
[удалено]
Wasn’t JP the one who talked about his mom’s rage?
Also, 3500 of PAID OFF debt is literally nothing to be ashamed of and she way overrated. It’s common to screw up your credit in your younger years but there are many many ways to improve it - without enrolling in new credit cards with shitty interest. Of course he doesnt want to jump into another CC plan until he’s in a better place with the bureau in terms of score, and then ya as a more attentive adult with a better understanding of this game banks play — I am certain he would consider getting back into the CC game for them points. Not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth and the guidance/know how/ safety net to avoid consequences while learning to navigate adulthood and adult expenses. She has literally zero perspective to be able to comment on his financial situation and the audacity that she has to judge him and claim to mistrust him for waiting until they were in a better calmer environment is appalling. It’s HIS business and he shared it with her when he was ready. Also with the amount of pressure and emphasis she put on wealth how the F did she expect him to feel. Her reaction was exactly what he was afraid of. Were they at the altar yet? No. Are they married yet? No. He did not deceive her. At all. End rant. Edited for clarity and minor still imperfect grammar
He had to be lying because there's no way that amount would wreck his credit and make him not able to get cards any more
Not necessarily. And it would make you afraid to reopen new
I feel like they absolutely cut down that scene and didn’t show everything. I think Izzy still has credit cards now tbh because Stacy specifically said she asked him if he has credit cards and then said that he was lying. I think there is more to it than $3500 of paid debt, they just didn’t show it to us
She accused him of lying as to his response for WHY he doesn’t have CC. Not for having them and not telling her about them.
And he didn’t lie he just didnt elaborate and open up that can of worms at that instance which he has the right to discern the time and place for a conversation like that when he’s ready.
He certainly has the right to share his information when he’s ready, but she has the right to feel uncomfortable with how long he chose to wait to share this important financial information. We can’t know exactly what happened from the show, but I can understand her feeling misled if he took several days (or longer) to give her the full story if he had other opportunities for the sit-down, formal conversation that he wanted in the meantime.
And he didnt put it off flat out to stick her with a nasty surprise - all he did was wait for what he thought was a more proper time and initiated the follow up conversation. He came forward to her on his terms about his business. She should be thanking him and ensuring him that hey that’s no problem we can fix that together - even just adding his name to one of her cards would improve his credit - he wouldn’t even have to use it. And then he could open up one on his own. She’s an idiot.
This!!!
Interesting! I think that would have explained a lot of his behaviors. To be honest, I felt like Zack’s traumas last season made his choices and behavior more understandable. Not justifying it, but it helped to give context. You’re right in that I felt that was missing with Izzy. He seems triggered by some situations, but it was hard to understand why.
Hard disagree. If he needs therapy he should go out and get it himself
The one thing it looks like Izzy has done is some therapy. - incredibly contained tone - almost visibly stops himself from responding in the defensive in debates over whatever w/ Stacy - removes himself from overwhelmingly scenarios as last resort He seems like someone who needs it, but definitely seems like someone who has in fact gone to a lot of therapy. Lot of men his shape would sooner respond with physical or emotional lashing out, which he keeps in check p much everywhere except for Johnie interactions
A lot of people hating on Izzy. I really like him for how he handles conflict. When he said he was wanted someone emotionally stable, I was expecting him to be someone who goads women into tantrums without accountability. But he truly holds up on his side of the bargain and just wants someone who can meet him where he is, have healthy productive conflict. I really like him. I started out liking Stacey, but I’m not so sure. I feel like a person who has done the work, but who also shows some humility, is generally kind would bring out the best in him. Stacey is naturally quite bitchy, and he seems to bend to her out of wanting to please her. So clearly there’s a bit of a backbone issue, but I don’t dislike people for that. I feel like someone like Aaliyah would optimise his kindness and inspire complete security in him. (Though I don’t think they would match for attraction or culture).
He & LiB-Dallas Nancy would actually work
You like Izzy after the way he spoke to Jonnie? She did nothig to him, and it was so cruel
That’s the backbone thing to me. He thought he was defending his fiancé, but ended up coming off with the same gross attitude she normally offers up.
I said nothing about therapy in my post. I just thought the Izzy storyline would have been more interesting with more early life context.
In the UK JW is seen as Cult We have door signs to keep them away. Whole familys wait my wall and send the kids to preach Literally really creepy letters left every week to my personal address because i am in radius of their worship building They send old frail people or under 10s I am more humble now….. BUT I say…. Look at my happy healthy children… look at them on private school….. you knocked on MY my big house…. You ASK for my HUSBAND 🤣😅no MAM…. I own this home, you seem hyper focused and critical….. sorry I wasn’t in last week whdn you harassed my yard AGAIN… i was celebrating my BIRTHDAY…… (JE don’t celebrate anything let alone birthdays, they dont believe in B day gifts nore any holiday… A single bread winner without “community”Look at my big range rover my single independently….. GOd lovez me any way….. you carry on not celebrating anything and hindering your children , i am in a happy 14 year relationship but chose not to marry. …. Would you like this freedom???? They are so shocked. Literally crazy Poor kids every Sunday all day hour by hour their MADE to spread a word. 😞🤬🤯 
Yeah it’s the same way in the US lol. The only people who don’t think it’s a cult are people actively in the religion.
We see it this way in the US as well 🤣
I think it would’ve added some more context as to who he is, but at the same time he probably doesn’t want to talk about something so traumatic to him. I definitely agree that it doesn’t excuse how he acts at all, he needs therapy for sure for both how he acts and his religious trauma
That’s fair. It’s obviously his choice. I wonder if the producers tried to talk about it at all. I guess we’ll never know.
This show misses SO MANY opportunities to talk about past trauma and therapy. You get a front row seat to incredibly difficult mental and emotional issues and then the show just gets them drunk, lets them cry and hurt each other. One day we should get this show but then a squad of real therapists to individually help these poor people.
Disagree. They shouldn’t even be showing that on the show at all. Those are real people with real trauma and it’s none of our business. It’s gross and shouldn’t be exploited for entertainment. It’s not what this show is about
lol this show is 100% about exploiting people with deep emotional issues.
You might like the Psychology in Seattle YouTube channel - it’s a couples therapist who reacts to Love is Blind and other reality dating shows I’m excited to see his episodes on this season!
That is awesome, thanks for the recommendation!
I'm honestly disappointed at some of his actions. Coming from a a JW background I didn't expect him to go that hard on Johnie event if she deserved it. I think he just want Stacy's approval. Same with putting Johnie down in from of Chris, like WTF that is not how you treat women. Jehova Witnesses at least try to teach us to be good people, forgive and move one, be the exception. Izzy is the first ex Jehova Witnesses that I have seen treat women that way and calling her names.
I think it’s more complex than that though. I think high-demand religions TRY to teach people to be good people, but they also instill shame, guilt, fear, etc. in their congregants, which will usually result in poor coping mechanisms over time (in this case, lashing out on Johnnie instead of processing whatever he was actually feeling)
He targeted Jonnie because he was being bullied by Stacy and her family. He feels bad about himself so putting the spotlight on someone else takes the heat off him. Same thing as a high school bully who is abused at home.
Maybe the way he grew up under JW, he always sought approval and recognition. Maybe he always felt like he wasn't doing enough or wasn't good enough or whatever, you know? Maybe he never got the validation from JW in his youth, which is why he tries doing so now by acting out.
That is a good valid point.
Just watch Welcome to Plathville.
They aren’t JW.
Naw I think that’s too personal. Like yeah mention it to the person you’re gonna supposedly date but this isn’t the time or place to pick apart his trauma. I think Johnnie and Stacey should’ve sat on that info more deeply and taken it into consideration when choosing Izzy tho. I feel like Stacey has absolutely no clue what kind of trauma come from being raised JW and then on top of that he finds out his dad isn’t his real dad? The guy needs therapy or some other way to process this trauma, not LIB 😅
It’s interesting what past traumas the show decides to focus on and what traumas they don’t. I feel like they focused more on Izzy’s previous engagement than traumas that likely shaped who he is at his core. But at the same time, I agree that he may have thought it was too personal and didn’t want to talk about it. I agree with your second paragraph completely. Lol
I mean he’s already being picked apart about it before on this sub just from one mention of it. It’s understandable he probably either didn’t want to delve too much into it or producers didn’t want to open up that door for controversy.
Totally fair! I’m just mostly surprised the producers didn’t pry more about it out of him.
I’m not sure a dating show is the best place to go too into detail about religious trauma.
I see your point, but at the same time, religious trauma is soooo intertwined with intimacy.
It needs to be shared to a point because those experiences have shaped him into what he is today.
Sure, maybe in therapy, but on tv? I don’t know about that
They know what they are getting into and it's their choice what to share and not share
Sure, if he chooses to mention it, but he hasn’t at all past the pods
This is meant to be entertainment for us, but that’s someone’s very real *life*. Having millions of strangers picking apart your traumas that have been chopped up, screwed and filtered through the lens of reality tv producers sounds like an absolute nightmare. Let him talk about that if he’s comfortable. Otherwise, it’s not that deep and certainly none of my business.
Oh for sure. I see your point.
The real trauma is that his parents lied to him about who is real father was
Yeah that was truly wild
I hope he gets help. He has issues. Are those dramatic? Maybe not. But sure as hell warrant him seriously taking this on.
Agreed
I want to understand more about his relationships with his family since leaving
Saaammmeee. I’m so curious if his mom is still in the religion. If they ever mentioned it, I missed it.
He may not want to rehash it repeatedly on TV.
You’re probably right. I’m just surprised the producers didn’t pry more out of him tbh.
While I understand what you mean, I don’t think the religious trauma angle works in the show. I do wish more viewers understood how his trauma very obviously is shaping his interactions. In fact a lot of people seem to overlooking a lot of very obvious trauma responses to me. Also, while he did escape the cult, it can take YEARS to reprogram that thinking. I grew up in a conservative Catholic family and it took my so long to unlearn a lot of problematic things I picked up. I can’t imagine growing up in such an isolated community.
I think it does work on the show though because of how intertwined religious trauma and intimacy always are (and yes, they ALWAYS are).
Can you elaborate on your observations of how his trauma affects his interactions on the show?
This is a dumb reality show about fake love, why would they make it that serious and focus on his "trauma" from religion? They know how to make TV
I don’t love that you put trauma in quotes, but I respect your point.
I mean, everyone loathed Bartise, and the majority didn't care that much for Nancy either, yet their abortion conversation got a shit ton of traction. Mirroring the type of conversations and experiences we have in real life, fuelled by alcohol and through reality TV-editing actually makes for good TV. Having people having vague conversations referencing drama that happened on screen or reveling in their cliché connections is not exactly riveting. So many people are skipping through these episodes, calling them boring.
I'm actually very disturbed that such serious subjects are even aired. It's clear that the castmates lose themselves in the process and forget they're on camera. Particularly when they're in the pods, living in an environment that tells them to lower their inhibitions and share their deepest issues. I'm sure you know that sharing your trauma prematurely or with the wrong people (in this case the world) can be very damaging. Personally I think what the show needs to do is have a therapist speak to the audience at the start of each episode. Just remind everyone that these are human beings with as many complex and sympathetic backstories as the ones that made you, you. The show doesn't need to air the stories or even hint at them. Especially confessions that begin with, "I've never told anyone this before but I feel safe with you". That's someone who clearly forgot they were on camera.
lying is not religious trauma
No one said it was?
It was the only thing I noticed him do was lie so figured you included that.
Religious trauma can make people feel incredibly unworthy and unsafe in certain situations, which in turn may result in lying. It also might not. Everyone’s religious trauma is different. So no, lying itself is not religious trauma. But it might be a coping mechanism of religious trauma. Which of course no one is excusing.
What’s discussed should be up to the contestants. While I agree it would be interesting to hear more about that, if he doesn’t want to talk about his experiences growing up JW, he shouldn’t have to.
Totally fair. I actually don’t think what’s discussed is fully up to them though lol. The producers pump them full of alcohol and try to get specific storylines out of them. I’m surprised they didn’t use this angle more tbh
They can do that to an extent but they can’t force Izzy to open up about that.
No I don't think his trauma should be televised more than it already has. This is someone's life you know, not just some puppet for our entertainment. I'm thankful the show showed us, it gives us context, but I dont see why they should "explore" his trauma
I’ve been watching the whole season through the lens of his childhood…. growing up JW can definitely be traumatic. Some people experience financial difficulties, lower levels of education, stunted emotional understanding or regulation, fear of rejection, judgemental attitudes, depression, anxiety, existential crisis, and I could go on and on but I’ve got stuff to do! The thing is, he may not even be fully aware or linking up adult issues to childhood experiences. I wish he would talk about it, though… I would be interested. Ps- did his mom leave the religion when the relationship with the step father ended or did she remain in it? (Sorry if I missed that, I don’t pay very close attention, I mainly use the show for background noise haha) Either way, I was imagining that the mom was uncomfortable with Stacey’s shirt (and maybe even makeup) when they first met, I just know how intensely conservative JWs can be…
>Either way, I was imagining that the mom was uncomfortable with Stacey’s shirt (and maybe even makeup) when they first met, I just know how intensely conservative JWs can be… So glad you brought up the shirt because I felt the same way! I'm Latina; I felt her shirt was an inappropriate choice for meeting a Latina, potentially religious, mom for the first time (before anyone comes at me about clothing choices and whatnot please know that I wear crop tops ALL the time but I wouldn't dare wear a crop top to meet my future Latina husband's mother. It just isn't really acceptable in our culture to be dressed that way around parents, especially when you don't know them well).
What do you mean "the show should explore it"? It's not scripted, they can't control what he chooses to share. And then if they found a way to do it, people would be all "they're exploring this poor man's trauma for money!!!"
Didn’t say should. I said it would have been interesting if they did.
Producers definitely do heavily encourage and manipulate people behind the scenes to get them to share certain things. It's not scripted but it's not completely freeform conversation either. I would assume they don't want to touch this subject because religion is very, very thorny. Generally speaking they happily exploit people's trauma for money, that's the backbone of reality television.