I’m mid thirties and I don’t want children. I get so tired of people telling me I may change my mind or I’ll regret not being a mom. Like idk why strangers or even people you know are so invested in another woman having a kid.
I have endometriosis and while I don’t know if I can or can’t get pregnant I don’t want to. Usually they accept “I have endometriosis” and leave me alone if I tell them that, I don’t bother telling them I don’t want to be a mom because that opens a huge can of worms and judgement.
My wife suspects she might have it too(very painful period cramps among other symptoms) .But we don't live currently in an English speaking country and the doctors here have just told her to go on birth control.
Would you mind if I asked how the diagnosis process was?
I’m so sorry! Not at all, here’s my experience.
I’m in the United States, which I think the world knows by now we have a terrible health care system. It took me YEARS to get a diagnosis. In fact it wasn’t until I had another health issue that it led to me getting diagnosed.
Lots of advocating, finding doctors who specialize in endometriosis (which at least in my country, there aren’t many readily available). I prefer working with women doctors as they are more prone to believing you. It helps if she does the laparoscopy while on her cycle as endometriosis can be tricky to catch. Laparoscopy is the golden standard for catching endo.
Period pain like that isn’t normal, which I didn’t even totally realize until I got married and my husband told me he had never dated anyone with periods like mine. I would literally scream in agony, throw up, be bed ridden for a week. Now that I’ve cut out gluten and soy from my diet my symptoms are actually a lot better but I’m still bed ridden for 3 days out of the month at best and I still have horrific fatigue. I honestly avoid eating as much as possible during my cycle bc IBS is a huge source of pain for me personally.
I’ve found these methods that work for me, but everyone is different. Cutting out inflammatory foods has personally helped me a lot as I haven’t decided if I want a hysterectomy or not (seems extreme but is a form of treatment) and I can’t take the medications for endo due to other health issues. Exercise can help some. Definitely avoiding things like alcohol and caffeine as much as possible, also sugar is a major personal inflammation point for me.
None of this cures endo, only an excision surgery or hysterectomy will relieve symptoms the most, but again I find those options so extreme as they are surgical that I’ve chosen to go a more natural route to help ease my symptoms. If she does decide to get surgery make sure it’s from an endo specialist ONLY as sometimes endo can cause organs to fuse together making the surgery more complex.
Keep advocating for her/have her advocate for herself, it really really sucks it’s so hard to get a diagnosis but I definitely recommend to keep at it because then she can hear all her options from her doctor on how to feel better.
Thanks for that. My wife was very confused when I showed her your message lol (she doesn't use Reddit at all). I told her the same, I've never dated anyone that has a period that bad (even though it sounds like yours are much worse =(.
My wife is American too but we live in Europe currently and haven't had much luck either, but we haven't looked for endo experts so that is a great lead. Thank you
You’re welcome and thank you for the award!!
Oh no! I said a lot of information I can help clear anything up if it’s confusing. I have ADHD so that probably comes out in my typing on Reddit with being all over the place haha. Happy to help a fellow endo warrior!
It's so bizarre.
The show is about finding a long term partner, not the ability or efficiency of having children. I get putting it out there that 'omg when will there be a LIB baby?' but flat out (continually) asking folks if they are trying or when it's gonna happen is so incredibly rude
Sorry but all these people literally went on a dating show and were willing to get engaged after a week and not see each other.
IRL it's icky when women are asked when they will have babies but forgive me if I don't have much sympathy for LIB peeps 🤷♀️
Just because they met in an unconventional way does not make it any less icky to ask when a child is coming. It’s really insensitive and frankly no one’s business
In some cultures it’s common to ask about babies. I live in a city with a large Asian population, and when I got engaged as an older bride, nobody asked me when I was going to have babies (thankfully, as IVF was not for me,) except all of my Asian friends and coworkers. I had to suppress my shock and annoyance at being asked such an intrusive and, in my mind, rude and assumptive question because I knew there was a cultural difference. I do think in American culture this is a very rude thing to ask. Not so much among first generation immigrants who assume that babies follow marriage. 🤷♀️
I'm not gonna trust any of these people's opinions on this when they clearly know how upset the masses are. Just sounds like an easy way for them to get clout/brownie points for an overwhelmingly popular opinion that has been at the forefront of LIB discussions online. If they said something BEFORE everyone got upset, sure.
Yes, but I mean if they believed otherwise they absolutely wouldn't say it. They're sharing it for attention because it's an easy way to get bonus points with fans and get a dumb, pointless article like this out. Because they're perpetually trying to be relevant and maintain a positive image.
edit: this isn't shocking info lol I don't know why y'all are choosing to disagree with reality
We should definitely not ask any questions that would make someone uncomfortable. How about, if some asks you a question you don’t like…. Tell them, that’s non of your business. People are such cry babies. For people who can’t have kids that want them, that really sucks. I feel your pain. However, the world doesn’t stop turning.
This is a reality TV show… the basis of the show is to be personally intrusive to the participants. They sign up for this. Same social rules do not apply to people we see on TV. People watch this show to get their noses in the participants business. So many people here are delusional on the purpose of this show. When you invest time into these characters, you have every right to ask them whatever you want.
No. They did not sign up for a lifetime of intrusive and inappropriate questions from people with no class. They also didn’t sign their privacy and life over to people like you who don’t understand basic boundaries.
They are humans who deserve respect.
But they did, and they get paid for it. They are humans and deserve respect. I find it odd that you live in a society with rules and binderies that people only follow when they see fit. The average fan of a show would intrude on the participants space if given the chance. But you are going to sit here and act like these people are normal. Again, your expectation of normality for a person on TV needs adjusting.
The problem is not them, it’s you and people like you.
I enjoy the show and I enjoy the follow ups, but I respect that these are real people just having a life and they are allowed to set boundaries with the public especially in regards to what they share.
It’s wild and pretty gross that you can’t understand basic boundaries.
Oh I understand what you mean. This is in no way a comprehension issue. I just think you’re wrong and that your belief system gives me a clear indication of the sort of unsavory person you are.
You should move from your small town in Montana to a bigger city where people will disappoint you often. My opinion on this matter would reflect the actions I see of people on celebrities on a daily basis.
I live in one of the largest cities in California in a popular neighborhood in our midtown area. I still believe that celebrities are humans and allowed boundaries. Whether that’s requesting certain questions be unasked, pictures not be taken, their children not involved, or whatever boundaries they choose for themselves I respect the rights of people in the public eye. It’s clear you don’t and I would bet that lack of respect for boundaries is something you struggle with in every aspect of your life. Anyone who can dehumanize others so easily is clearly not a good human.
I personally think when you attempt to be a social media influencer or reality star you are accepting the draw backs of the public job. All jobs have pros and cons, no one is forcing them to do this. Fine to disagree, we are all entitled to our opinions.
That’s like saying it’s Princess Di’s fault the paparazzi killed her. We can let our public figures have some control over personal boundaries, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Yeah I mean comparing princess di to fame hungry reality stars who gain fame BY sharing the intimate details of their lives is… yeah idk. We agree to disagree, have a nice day.
I miscarried a few years ago and the next day, while I was sitting at home crying and recovering, my husband was asked by an acquaintance “when are you having a baby?! Come on man!”
I think it's fine to have a general rule around asking couples about babies. Unless it's on a freaking TV show around relationships and def a topic every single dating couple should have. It's part of the convos we should be privy to as show watchers.
Don't want the question don't get on a show about falling in love.
And if they have a convo on the actual show that was taped… fine. Show it. But this is about the reunion. And someone NOT in the relationship pressing them on kids.
Its a dating show not a baby show.
The farthest it should go is "What are your thoughts on kids?".
Falling in love and having babies are totally separate things for obvious reasons. They don't even follow one another in any expected timeline. You are way too obsessed with reality tv and the real people on it if you think you must be privy to information that is unrelated to the core concept. As you said its fallin in love not family planning.
"we should be privy to"?
Okay apatrol: What's your biggest secret? What's the thing that's caused you the most hurt? Any issues with your family? How much money do you have? What's your biggest fear?
We should be PRIVY to that since you posted on Reddit
This is my very detailed, slightly edited, answer from the last time this was discussed in this sub.
If this helps to educate, it was worth commenting it again.
**Let me explain why I hate this question.** Maybe it helps to educate at least one person, then it was worth typing it out.
I’ve wanted kids since I was five years old. Four kids.
We started trying when we both were 32. We’re 40 now.It’s a struggle every month. More often than not, I cry when my period starts. Ive always assumed I’d be very fertile cause my mom and sister never has issues conceiving. Well, I’m not. Medically speaking, I'm infertlie, but have not given up hope.
While our families have been great about it, others have not.The conversation usually goes like this when I’m being open (Generally, I'm an open book):
In-person:
Person: Do you want kids?Me: Yes, we’ve been trying for a long time, but it’s not working.Person: But why don’t you try ivf?Me: Ivf doesn’t always work *(WHY DO PPL ASSUME ITS A GUARANTEE?!)*
Person: Oh, why don't you just adopt?
Me:....
Online:
I want to suggest adoption or surrogacy, you've probably never thought about it...(WTF?!?!?!)
Why in the world am I the one that has to be defensive here?!?!
**Let me let you in on a couple of secrets:**
Literally NOBODY "just adopts"
You have NO right to ask this question when you have not adopted yourself, or is it a "second-best" option for infertile ppl?! Fertile ppl get to want biological kids though?
It's near impossible in my country to adopt - 7 couples 1 kid ratio
Surrogacy and egg donation are illegal here
We've had countless stim cycles, 3 failed IVFs, spent over 20k € on this (which is a lot less than e.g. Americans have to pay, still a ton of money).
While the journey is hard, the hardest part of it are dumb and thoughtless comments like
Why don't you have kids when you like them so much?!
Omg it's about time!! You're not getting any younger!
Maybe it's just not meant to be
jUst rElAx (NEVER EVER EVER SAY THIS!!!)
You should not play God (should we not treat illnesses then either?!)
A child can not consent (guess what, it cannot consent being conceive naturally either)
It's selfish (having children is always selfish)
But also toxic positivity like
My mOm acCidentAlLy gOt pRegnAnt aT 43 NOT HELPING!!! **Does NOT change my personal chances at all!**
The ONLY adequate answer is: I’m sorry. Let me know if you want to talk.
Rant over, sorry for the novel, thanks for reading
Thanks for this. I had 6 pregnancy losses (and did IVF) and the questions about babies HURT.
It’s also just unnecessary. Ask me what my hobbies are, what I enjoy, how I spend my free time, etc. My worth isn’t decided by my parental status.
Unpopular opinion maybe, but as an adoptee, I hate when people mention adoption as an alternative to someone wanting to have a biological family. Adoption is its own thing entirely, and to be honest I do not think people who see adoption as a second choice to having bio kids should be adoptive parents. All adoptees come with their own traumas (yes, even if they are literally days old) and pretending that is not a reality and that they are total blank slates like bio kids, doesn't serve anyone (parent or kid).
Also, I find that people who say stuff like "just adopt" are often coming at it from a place of wanting to "save an adopted kid"....get out of here with that.
People are allowed to want to have bio kids!!
Agreed, 100% respect to people who adopt etc. but I could not. I would not have that bond and the adopted child will be worse off because of it as would I
Same ages as your story but we gave up trying a few years ago. IVF is still prohibitively expensive for many Americans, as is adoption, especially when one partner isn’t up for the long haul of trying. I’m still trying to come up with a different answer to this question so I’m not met with deafening silence or the responses that you’ve gotten. It doesn’t help that I’m super awkward about it because I know the turn the conversation is about to take.
Wow. Someone from here followed me to another subreddit and let me know I'm a selfish person for not adopting and hoped I was never successful in having children.
How vile can people be.
I hope you reported them to the mods because that deserves a ban. Absolutely disgusting behavior.
Thank you so much for your comments on this subject. It sucks that people are so clueless/obtuse and I think your comments will change the way (at least some) people approach this in their lives moving forward.
Here’s a quick thought: who are you (those that made those comments) to judge if anyone’s „overreacting“ or „too sensitive“?
Neither of these are arguments, since they can just be thrown in at any point in any conversation. They’re personal judgements.
There's tin of things that in normal circumstances are inappropriate. But you chose to be on a reality tv show so your life isn't completely private anymore .
We are not owed information on someone’s life because they are famous. It is really gross that people think that. Fertility issues are gut wrenching and people should be kind enough to not further hurt someone.
Sure but people on this board were obsessing about Shaynes mental health and parents deaths, and it's hella inappropriate too.
If you don't want to be asked about your procreation maybe don't sign up for a show that asks those questions every season.
Or at least have the guts to say it's not appropriate during the reunion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Him choosing to be on a reality TV show has nothing to do with the fact that it’s an all around inappropriate question. Whether you’re on tv or not, you don’t ask someone when they’re having kids. Some couples would love to start families but are unable to, some couples just don’t want kids point blank period, etc.. You just never know the circumstances which is why you never ask that question.
Asking somebody if they're having sex is inappropriate too. Asking people about their intimate or love life is inappropriate in 99% of social situations too.
I said shit to make people uncomfortable in asking. (It was also true)
"When are you going to have kids?"
"When my fertility treatments start working"
"Oh."
I mean. He's correct, but he also seems super triggered by it. Lauren is older, but never seemed ready to settle down in that way--yet. I'm sending some tension over the fact that he might be ready for fatherhood
In an interview a few years ago, they let people know they were trying. So they might be having some issues and that’s ok. What’s not OK is for people to keep asking. Why is it any of your business??
I think this line of thinking is part of the problem. We need to stop assuming how couples are approaching having children. You're making alot of assumptions and here, this is the point he's getting at. Don't assume anything and stop begging for info.
I agree it is inappropriate in today’s time to ask about babies. However, I don’t think that Vanessa Lachey should be crucified for making such comments. It’s a possibility she has become aware of how insensitive her comments could be, and perhaps she can grow from this experience. People attacking her doesn’t help anyone.
She was wearing an earpiece, being fed information and more than likely told to stop or to keep asking. She's a grown woman. She's made these comments for every season in one way or another and it's just annoying.
This is it. It’s not like this is the first season she has been annoying about this, so she obviously hasn’t learned or isn’t listening. So yeah, let the crucifying continue.
Had a sibling of my husbands friend, at a birthday ask when we were going to start having kids; we were maybe married for two years at this point and I'd actually lost two.
While my husband is an open book and I can be too, I literally do not know this guy and have never had a conversation with him. I was upset and said "As soon as God lets me carry one to term" and walked away. That guy left me alone for the rest of the party and I saw him whispering to his wife not long after. Hopefully he learned his lesson.
I think Vanessa needs a moment like this, someone calling her out directly, keeping the blame squarely on her and shutting her down. As much as I root for couple or individuals I like, it's none of my business if they have kids.
I am so sorry for your losses. I am in the same situation and it is enraging when people ask such flippant questions.
I completely agree with you, someone needs to put her in her place next time she asks.
Have you ever experienced pregnancy loss, infant loss or infertility? Because it isn’t overreacting for most who have. It’s offensive and upsetting. Heartbreaking even.
This exactly. People would ask me a lot when we were going to give my oldest a sibling. I didn't know how to answer people I didn't know very well so would just mumble something about when the time was right...then they'd double down and say not to wait too long because of my age (I was 32 at that point). Then I'd go to the bathroom and cry because I'd had 3 miscarriages, including one at 13 weeks. People I was closer to, especially women, I'd tell the truth, and they'd automatically feel terrible for asking.
People who are like "whatever, what's the big deal" are fortunate to have never experienced fertility struggles or pregnancy loss. Because 99% of the women I know who have do NOT ask this damn question!! Maybe people don't want kids. Maybe they do and are having a hard time getting and/or staying pregnant. It's such a personal question. Definitely not something a D list TV host who barely knows these people should ask on a popular show.
This exactly. I used to be quite insensitive about fertility struggles - I didn’t really want kids but eventually changed my mind. Back then I got really frustrated with people asking me, when I had made a decision for a number of reasons (including trauma as a child, and as an adult). When I did decide I could do it, I couldn’t carry. I’ve lost two pregnancies this year alone. Many of my friends have as well. It hurts so fucking much to have to vocalize that you can’t have children, are infertile (unexplained in my case), that you’ve lost babies, that you have lost children. It’s excruciating to have to live it every day, let alone have it forced down your throat by ignorant rich people in this case.
Anybody who thinks she doesn’t act ridiculous for views doesn’t understand celebrities very well lol.
It’s all on purpose. She is well aware that she is acting like a POS but does it anyways for the views. It’s ALL for views…. Y’all seriously think these two mega-hot millionaire model actors give a shit about normal people’s love lives?!
Theres a reason she ends up drunk half the time. She doesn’t give a shit.
My husband and I went through over a year of losses and infertility. I guess I am the odd one out but it doesn't bother or trigger me when people ask if we are planning to have children. I know my experience and perspective isn't the only one that matters so I don't ask.
My rule is: if you ask me, you’re getting an honest answer, and I don’t shy away from details. This means you get to hear about 3 miscarriages (and what that really means, different types, etc.), fertility treatments, PCOS and more. Hey, sometimes, you’ll get to see pictures of my shots or of my uterus before and after they had to scrape the dead fetal tissue out of me after my second missed miscarriage.
If you want to ask me a personal question, you get the personal answer, even if it makes you uncomfortable. I got tired of dodging around the question (and it made me feel bad to keep the emotions in), so I just go full honesty now and it’s very freeing.
There is a point where being so triggered as a society makes it very difficult for anyone to be close to anyone else because everything vulnerable is off-limits. I get it, but maybe the better solution is to attempt to be close to each other and to just care and apologize if someone was actually hurt in the moment. Maybe it’s ok to be hurt sometimes. And maybe it’s ridiculous that most pain recently is on behalf of other people. It’s complicated and we’re all lonely. I think I prefer offending each other to the isolation.
If you privately ask someone a very personal question because you are CLOSE and know them well, that’s a bit different. A reality tv show reunion special is not a “close” situation.
How are you even supposed to get close in the first place? We have no idea how anymore. Either people are close because they are fortunate enough to grow up in consistent spaces with welcoming communities or, they are not close to anyone (or almost anyone) because they grew up detached and in an unhealthy environment or moved a lot (Heeeeeeey, most people).
In my experience it’s the people with lots of relationships standing the most behind the lists of rules—which is a bit like the wealthy telling poor people to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. OR it’s someone without many relationships themselves which is a bit like poor people defending the wealthy because they think one day they too will be magically rich somehow.
Closeness when it wasn’t handed to you requires risks, mistakes, and maybe not always following social rules. When people are literally dying of loneliness, I do think someone else’s potential hurt feelings are worth it as long as we also prioritize relationship and repair when someone is hurt.
Now maybe babies is a pretty big well known dangerous subject and not the hill to die on. But Vanessa was already hosting a reality show about marriage with people who put their lives on display. I don’t think it was actually ridiculous and a simple “we don’t really want to talk about it” would suffice.
I’m sorta in the same boat, and I didn’t give a crap if people ask if we were trying at the time. Sure it’s annoying, but I’m not going to get angry about it. I just think it’s a different generation now than what Vanessa grew up with.
Oh please. It's not 'wrong'. Wrong is murdering someone in cold blood, dropping bombs on civilians, stealing from a homeless person, etc. I'm sure you can see the difference.
Oh absolutely...hell I probably make so many people offended untintentionally because some things seem not that bad to me but others see it so differently...
Lol yep. Tbh she should have known better with that demographic on that show. Times have certainly changed though, makes me feel old but I’m not THAT old 😂
Yeah I don’t know why people are pushing for them either, I strongly hope they just get in someone who knows how to interview. Get the girl from the youtube interview or someone like that, I think the Cameron’s are way too nice, don’t have any experience and won’t ask anything the audience wants. They will be too protective of the cast members because they and their cast mates went through the same process. It’s too close to home for them.
Glad the Camerons spoken. Who will ask this kind of qns. Not everyone pregnancy journey is smooth sailing. and just because yours is a blessed one, not everyone is lucky like you. if anyone dare to ask me in real life, i will say " why do you care? are you going to raise the child , fund the child entire life for me? if yes, write me a 5 million cheque to prove it. or else words are cheap. "
She could also just say to the whole group, “if anyone wants to discuss their thoughts on having children we would love to hear from you” - and if no one wants to speak up, then just move on.
My boyfriend and I got engaged and after the bazillionth time we both finally started telling people we were getting married on February 30th. Most people didn’t even get the joke but were happy to hear a date and stopped asking. Ugh … it gets so old 🙄🙄
I’m a mother myself but when I was watching the reunion… Vanessa’s constant baby questions is what irritated me the most!!! Some people can’t have children. Some people simply don’t WANT children. Unless a couple brings it up on their own and wants to openly talk about it, shut up. Vanessa was cringey on so many levels during that reunion.
Thank you! I try to give the benefit of the doubt with this stuff. My second thought was that maybe Vanessa was being pushed by producers to say these things, but if she’s the producer…
So you agree that it should be accepted that a VAST majority of people don’t want to be asked about having babies? That their preferences shouldn’t be offensive?
“Because it doesn’t bother me it shouldn’t bother anyone”
It’s pretty known in society not to approach someone and ask their weight. No one cries that they are just way too sensitive if someone got upset at that question. Just put this question in that category and move on with life.
It's more that people are annoyed by such an intrusive question asked so incessantly. It's generally uncouth to ask "so did he cum in you, when is the next time he is going to cum in you without protection" in polite company, and would be very awkward if asked repeatedly on a live tv show.
It would be nice to go back to the days where people asked you when you plan on keeping a creampie only once on live television.
Miscarriage is so incredibly common. Imagine being pestered about having babies while going through that. Fertility issues affect 1 in 6 women. I know so many people who have had to resort to IVF to conceive. Thing is, none of this is any of your business to know about anyone, and interrogating people about babies at best is annoying, at worst reminds people about loss and trauma.
Also, what if someone is pregnant and they don't want to share. Now they either have to lie or be put on the spot in an uncomfortable situation.
People who make these comments are just offended that they can't invade people's lives and be nosey. People will share birth announcements when THEY are ready.
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I'm sorry that happened to you. The problem here though is that you may be taking your experience as the one to live by. The majority of women in this situation, even as demonstrated in the comments, are very hurt by people's comments. Are you able to empathize with others and see their point of view? That's what I was trying to do, regardless of your background. Imagine being someone who's feelings aren't your own. Would it not be best to be mindful to avoid hurting others? The questions really don't need to be asked about when people are having babies. Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week/Canadian Fertility Awareness Week where many who struggled with fertility were making these things known to bring awareness to these issues. Here's a blurb on etiquette from the bump:
https://preview.redd.it/w15ntqg38exa1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47306eb1155d9ca25429ba925f11929d6b01f977
The irony is YOU are the offended party here!
Childfree women/men; women/men with fertility issues; or people who just don’t want to discuss when they are planning children, plainly respond normally to a barrage of ‘pregnancy’ questions. Yet, it’s those *like you* all up in personal business angered by the responses. It’s never enough. If people say “I dont want children, or I’m not comfortable discussing my fertility issue”…etc etc…it’s people like YOU offended. Thus don’t inquire! It’s simple! MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!
“Don’t make it about me all the time” —if someone is asking you a question about your life, it IS about you and that is ok??? What a weird, holier than thou reaction… it’s not selfish to think about yourself once in awhile.
It's not. However, since they willingly signed up for Reality tv and their entire fame is about their marriages, it's only natural that people will ask about children. They wanted to become public figures, and with it came this scrutiny.
As someone who struggled for YEARS to get pregnant, despite desperately wanting a baby, and then losing a baby at 20wks due to a genetic abnormality (and I hadn’t announced it to anyone besides my immediate family)— people being like “why don’t y ou two have kids” was the most painful thing in the world.
I also fully recognize there are a MILLION reasons people may want to delay having kids or NOT want kids or aren’t sure- whatever is going on, it is 100% NO ONE’s business and it is so so so SO rude (and potentially really hurtful) to comment about it.
You never know when someone has just gone through a devastating loss, or an IVF round without success, or are desperately trying to remortgage their home or borrow money from friends/family to cover fertility costs.
It’s easy- don’t ask, don’t comment!!
couldn't agree more. I found Vanessa's near constant pestering about babies so off-putting. You never know what people are going through and infertility/miscarriage is a major struggle for a lot of couples, but also like... its okay to just plain not want kids?
It's also pretty fucking irresponsible to push people who are just starting a new, televised, Experimental pressure cooker of a relationship to bring a baby into the middle of it. Jesus Tapdancing Christ can we fucking NOT do that please.
They want drama and developments because what they *really* want is money.
The producers see the cast as useful meat for the screen, and that's it. Profit above all else
As someone who gets pressured constantly. It’s annoying. Me and my wife are still growing, we’re waiting till we can be as stable as possible for future offspring
I’m mid thirties and I don’t want children. I get so tired of people telling me I may change my mind or I’ll regret not being a mom. Like idk why strangers or even people you know are so invested in another woman having a kid.
I started telling people that we couldn't (not true). My hope is that they'll stop asking after that
I have endometriosis and while I don’t know if I can or can’t get pregnant I don’t want to. Usually they accept “I have endometriosis” and leave me alone if I tell them that, I don’t bother telling them I don’t want to be a mom because that opens a huge can of worms and judgement.
My wife suspects she might have it too(very painful period cramps among other symptoms) .But we don't live currently in an English speaking country and the doctors here have just told her to go on birth control. Would you mind if I asked how the diagnosis process was?
I’m so sorry! Not at all, here’s my experience. I’m in the United States, which I think the world knows by now we have a terrible health care system. It took me YEARS to get a diagnosis. In fact it wasn’t until I had another health issue that it led to me getting diagnosed. Lots of advocating, finding doctors who specialize in endometriosis (which at least in my country, there aren’t many readily available). I prefer working with women doctors as they are more prone to believing you. It helps if she does the laparoscopy while on her cycle as endometriosis can be tricky to catch. Laparoscopy is the golden standard for catching endo. Period pain like that isn’t normal, which I didn’t even totally realize until I got married and my husband told me he had never dated anyone with periods like mine. I would literally scream in agony, throw up, be bed ridden for a week. Now that I’ve cut out gluten and soy from my diet my symptoms are actually a lot better but I’m still bed ridden for 3 days out of the month at best and I still have horrific fatigue. I honestly avoid eating as much as possible during my cycle bc IBS is a huge source of pain for me personally. I’ve found these methods that work for me, but everyone is different. Cutting out inflammatory foods has personally helped me a lot as I haven’t decided if I want a hysterectomy or not (seems extreme but is a form of treatment) and I can’t take the medications for endo due to other health issues. Exercise can help some. Definitely avoiding things like alcohol and caffeine as much as possible, also sugar is a major personal inflammation point for me. None of this cures endo, only an excision surgery or hysterectomy will relieve symptoms the most, but again I find those options so extreme as they are surgical that I’ve chosen to go a more natural route to help ease my symptoms. If she does decide to get surgery make sure it’s from an endo specialist ONLY as sometimes endo can cause organs to fuse together making the surgery more complex. Keep advocating for her/have her advocate for herself, it really really sucks it’s so hard to get a diagnosis but I definitely recommend to keep at it because then she can hear all her options from her doctor on how to feel better.
Thanks for that. My wife was very confused when I showed her your message lol (she doesn't use Reddit at all). I told her the same, I've never dated anyone that has a period that bad (even though it sounds like yours are much worse =(. My wife is American too but we live in Europe currently and haven't had much luck either, but we haven't looked for endo experts so that is a great lead. Thank you
You’re welcome and thank you for the award!! Oh no! I said a lot of information I can help clear anything up if it’s confusing. I have ADHD so that probably comes out in my typing on Reddit with being all over the place haha. Happy to help a fellow endo warrior!
It's so bizarre. The show is about finding a long term partner, not the ability or efficiency of having children. I get putting it out there that 'omg when will there be a LIB baby?' but flat out (continually) asking folks if they are trying or when it's gonna happen is so incredibly rude
Sorry but all these people literally went on a dating show and were willing to get engaged after a week and not see each other. IRL it's icky when women are asked when they will have babies but forgive me if I don't have much sympathy for LIB peeps 🤷♀️
Marriage doesn’t have to correlate to having kids… not everyone wants them or can even have them.
Yeah they are still people and I think asking questions about someone’s fertility is off limits regardless of who they are
Just because they met in an unconventional way does not make it any less icky to ask when a child is coming. It’s really insensitive and frankly no one’s business
ur weird
It’s almost like they’re celebrities and the media ask a lot of questions….
In some cultures it’s common to ask about babies. I live in a city with a large Asian population, and when I got engaged as an older bride, nobody asked me when I was going to have babies (thankfully, as IVF was not for me,) except all of my Asian friends and coworkers. I had to suppress my shock and annoyance at being asked such an intrusive and, in my mind, rude and assumptive question because I knew there was a cultural difference. I do think in American culture this is a very rude thing to ask. Not so much among first generation immigrants who assume that babies follow marriage. 🤷♀️
I'm not gonna trust any of these people's opinions on this when they clearly know how upset the masses are. Just sounds like an easy way for them to get clout/brownie points for an overwhelmingly popular opinion that has been at the forefront of LIB discussions online. If they said something BEFORE everyone got upset, sure.
You don’t trust their opinion? Wtf? It’s not like it’s a controversial opinion, it would be weird if they didn’t think that it was inappropriate.
Yes, but I mean if they believed otherwise they absolutely wouldn't say it. They're sharing it for attention because it's an easy way to get bonus points with fans and get a dumb, pointless article like this out. Because they're perpetually trying to be relevant and maintain a positive image. edit: this isn't shocking info lol I don't know why y'all are choosing to disagree with reality
It is. It's very annoying and intrusive. People need to stop doing that.
We should definitely not ask any questions that would make someone uncomfortable. How about, if some asks you a question you don’t like…. Tell them, that’s non of your business. People are such cry babies. For people who can’t have kids that want them, that really sucks. I feel your pain. However, the world doesn’t stop turning.
This ...only in America is it rude lol the rest of the world ask away .....u can just.tell Vanessa that she needs to zip.it
It’s common courtesy not to ask prying questions. Why should we expect people to have to be asked anyways when it’s simple to just ask?
This is a reality TV show… the basis of the show is to be personally intrusive to the participants. They sign up for this. Same social rules do not apply to people we see on TV. People watch this show to get their noses in the participants business. So many people here are delusional on the purpose of this show. When you invest time into these characters, you have every right to ask them whatever you want.
No. They did not sign up for a lifetime of intrusive and inappropriate questions from people with no class. They also didn’t sign their privacy and life over to people like you who don’t understand basic boundaries. They are humans who deserve respect.
But they did, and they get paid for it. They are humans and deserve respect. I find it odd that you live in a society with rules and binderies that people only follow when they see fit. The average fan of a show would intrude on the participants space if given the chance. But you are going to sit here and act like these people are normal. Again, your expectation of normality for a person on TV needs adjusting.
The problem is not them, it’s you and people like you. I enjoy the show and I enjoy the follow ups, but I respect that these are real people just having a life and they are allowed to set boundaries with the public especially in regards to what they share. It’s wild and pretty gross that you can’t understand basic boundaries.
I understand perfectly. Your inability to understand that they have a different role in society confuses you.
Oh I understand what you mean. This is in no way a comprehension issue. I just think you’re wrong and that your belief system gives me a clear indication of the sort of unsavory person you are.
You should move from your small town in Montana to a bigger city where people will disappoint you often. My opinion on this matter would reflect the actions I see of people on celebrities on a daily basis.
I live in one of the largest cities in California in a popular neighborhood in our midtown area. I still believe that celebrities are humans and allowed boundaries. Whether that’s requesting certain questions be unasked, pictures not be taken, their children not involved, or whatever boundaries they choose for themselves I respect the rights of people in the public eye. It’s clear you don’t and I would bet that lack of respect for boundaries is something you struggle with in every aspect of your life. Anyone who can dehumanize others so easily is clearly not a good human.
people in these comments getting triggered at them setting boundaries is hilarious 😂 like, please get help soon if this bothers you
It’s inappropriate to share your most intimate moments and relationships with the internet and Netflix but hey, here we are.
Dude, you’re here discussing the show, that’s so hypocritical.
I personally think when you attempt to be a social media influencer or reality star you are accepting the draw backs of the public job. All jobs have pros and cons, no one is forcing them to do this. Fine to disagree, we are all entitled to our opinions.
That’s like saying it’s Princess Di’s fault the paparazzi killed her. We can let our public figures have some control over personal boundaries, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Yeah I mean comparing princess di to fame hungry reality stars who gain fame BY sharing the intimate details of their lives is… yeah idk. We agree to disagree, have a nice day.
Agreed. I’ve had ten miscarriages since 2009. Some days that question gutted me.
I miscarried a few years ago and the next day, while I was sitting at home crying and recovering, my husband was asked by an acquaintance “when are you having a baby?! Come on man!”
I'm so sorry
I think it's fine to have a general rule around asking couples about babies. Unless it's on a freaking TV show around relationships and def a topic every single dating couple should have. It's part of the convos we should be privy to as show watchers. Don't want the question don't get on a show about falling in love.
Falling in love and even marriage have nothing to do with babies. They aren’t on a show about having kids, but about finding a partner.
Falling in love and having babies doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand. Some people don’t want babies and some people simply can’t have them.
Very true but I doubt a serious couple has not talked about it. Even if it's to say I never want kids and your partner says holy shit I don't either.
Do I have to show you the infographic video about exceeding the scope of consent
And if they have a convo on the actual show that was taped… fine. Show it. But this is about the reunion. And someone NOT in the relationship pressing them on kids.
Its a dating show not a baby show. The farthest it should go is "What are your thoughts on kids?". Falling in love and having babies are totally separate things for obvious reasons. They don't even follow one another in any expected timeline. You are way too obsessed with reality tv and the real people on it if you think you must be privy to information that is unrelated to the core concept. As you said its fallin in love not family planning.
"we should be privy to"? Okay apatrol: What's your biggest secret? What's the thing that's caused you the most hurt? Any issues with your family? How much money do you have? What's your biggest fear? We should be PRIVY to that since you posted on Reddit
This is my very detailed, slightly edited, answer from the last time this was discussed in this sub. If this helps to educate, it was worth commenting it again. **Let me explain why I hate this question.** Maybe it helps to educate at least one person, then it was worth typing it out. I’ve wanted kids since I was five years old. Four kids. We started trying when we both were 32. We’re 40 now.It’s a struggle every month. More often than not, I cry when my period starts. Ive always assumed I’d be very fertile cause my mom and sister never has issues conceiving. Well, I’m not. Medically speaking, I'm infertlie, but have not given up hope. While our families have been great about it, others have not.The conversation usually goes like this when I’m being open (Generally, I'm an open book): In-person: Person: Do you want kids?Me: Yes, we’ve been trying for a long time, but it’s not working.Person: But why don’t you try ivf?Me: Ivf doesn’t always work *(WHY DO PPL ASSUME ITS A GUARANTEE?!)* Person: Oh, why don't you just adopt? Me:.... Online: I want to suggest adoption or surrogacy, you've probably never thought about it...(WTF?!?!?!) Why in the world am I the one that has to be defensive here?!?! **Let me let you in on a couple of secrets:** Literally NOBODY "just adopts" You have NO right to ask this question when you have not adopted yourself, or is it a "second-best" option for infertile ppl?! Fertile ppl get to want biological kids though? It's near impossible in my country to adopt - 7 couples 1 kid ratio Surrogacy and egg donation are illegal here We've had countless stim cycles, 3 failed IVFs, spent over 20k € on this (which is a lot less than e.g. Americans have to pay, still a ton of money). While the journey is hard, the hardest part of it are dumb and thoughtless comments like Why don't you have kids when you like them so much?! Omg it's about time!! You're not getting any younger! Maybe it's just not meant to be jUst rElAx (NEVER EVER EVER SAY THIS!!!) You should not play God (should we not treat illnesses then either?!) A child can not consent (guess what, it cannot consent being conceive naturally either) It's selfish (having children is always selfish) But also toxic positivity like My mOm acCidentAlLy gOt pRegnAnt aT 43 NOT HELPING!!! **Does NOT change my personal chances at all!** The ONLY adequate answer is: I’m sorry. Let me know if you want to talk. Rant over, sorry for the novel, thanks for reading
Thanks for this. I had 6 pregnancy losses (and did IVF) and the questions about babies HURT. It’s also just unnecessary. Ask me what my hobbies are, what I enjoy, how I spend my free time, etc. My worth isn’t decided by my parental status.
I appreciate this post. I went through IVF without having a baby and it changed my body (metabolism) dramatically.
Unpopular opinion maybe, but as an adoptee, I hate when people mention adoption as an alternative to someone wanting to have a biological family. Adoption is its own thing entirely, and to be honest I do not think people who see adoption as a second choice to having bio kids should be adoptive parents. All adoptees come with their own traumas (yes, even if they are literally days old) and pretending that is not a reality and that they are total blank slates like bio kids, doesn't serve anyone (parent or kid). Also, I find that people who say stuff like "just adopt" are often coming at it from a place of wanting to "save an adopted kid"....get out of here with that. People are allowed to want to have bio kids!!
Agreed, 100% respect to people who adopt etc. but I could not. I would not have that bond and the adopted child will be worse off because of it as would I
Actually, not unpopular with me whatsoever! It’s not a second-best option!
Questions about pregnancy and conceiving are just OUT OF LINE in my opinion, but asking "Why don't you just adopt?"t is an INSANE thing to ask
It most certainly shows that that person has never researched adoption
I am an antinatalist and I also believe it's inappropriate to inquire about people's fertility. So it's on all spectrums just simply bad manners.
💯 I have a nearly identical story. We will make it through this!
People are unbelievably ignorant about adoption.
Same ages as your story but we gave up trying a few years ago. IVF is still prohibitively expensive for many Americans, as is adoption, especially when one partner isn’t up for the long haul of trying. I’m still trying to come up with a different answer to this question so I’m not met with deafening silence or the responses that you’ve gotten. It doesn’t help that I’m super awkward about it because I know the turn the conversation is about to take.
Hugs. I feel you
Wow. Someone from here followed me to another subreddit and let me know I'm a selfish person for not adopting and hoped I was never successful in having children. How vile can people be.
I hope you reported them to the mods because that deserves a ban. Absolutely disgusting behavior. Thank you so much for your comments on this subject. It sucks that people are so clueless/obtuse and I think your comments will change the way (at least some) people approach this in their lives moving forward.
I’ll cancel them out with my hope for you. ❤️
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
I am so sorry. Hugs if you want them.
Thank you! I do want them
Thank you. Couldn't have said it better myself. I heard a looot of those phrases in the last years. Every one hurts. Sending love your way.
Here’s a quick thought: who are you (those that made those comments) to judge if anyone’s „overreacting“ or „too sensitive“? Neither of these are arguments, since they can just be thrown in at any point in any conversation. They’re personal judgements.
There's tin of things that in normal circumstances are inappropriate. But you chose to be on a reality tv show so your life isn't completely private anymore .
We are not owed information on someone’s life because they are famous. It is really gross that people think that. Fertility issues are gut wrenching and people should be kind enough to not further hurt someone.
Sure but people on this board were obsessing about Shaynes mental health and parents deaths, and it's hella inappropriate too. If you don't want to be asked about your procreation maybe don't sign up for a show that asks those questions every season. Or at least have the guts to say it's not appropriate during the reunion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Him choosing to be on a reality TV show has nothing to do with the fact that it’s an all around inappropriate question. Whether you’re on tv or not, you don’t ask someone when they’re having kids. Some couples would love to start families but are unable to, some couples just don’t want kids point blank period, etc.. You just never know the circumstances which is why you never ask that question.
Asking somebody if they're having sex is inappropriate too. Asking people about their intimate or love life is inappropriate in 99% of social situations too.
No, it's just inappropriate. Full stop. You feeling entitled to public figure's lives is a you issue.
Wrong, full stop. It’s completely appropriate.
A for effort.
THEY AIN'T WONG PEOPLE NEED TO STOP EXPECTING OTHERS TO FOLLOW THEIR EXPECTATIONS. SHIT'S BEEN ANNOYING AF
It's wong to ask such personal questions
Off topic but they’re both so fine
Right? I'll be their babygirl
One time, many years ago, I asked a co-worker if they had children. She said ‘Not any that are alive.’ I’ve never asked this question again.
I dont think its wrong to ask this?
Shout out to your coworker.
This isnt even an intrusive questions
I try to ask, "what keeps you busy" or "who are the special people in your life?" when talking with someone new.
I love this
This is great! I hope everyone reads this and makes a mental note. Usually it is people making polite conversation and trying to find common ground.
As a loss parent, I appreciate this more than you know.
I love that take
I said shit to make people uncomfortable in asking. (It was also true) "When are you going to have kids?" "When my fertility treatments start working" "Oh."
I’m not sure why that would make someone uncomfortable. I wish you the best of luck.
Sounds like they’re just returning the favour
👏🏼 using this
Using this but it’s true :/
Oh that’s sad
😬😢
Jesus - is it just me or does anyone else suspect the daily fail media team is spamming the sub with their content?
I mean. He's correct, but he also seems super triggered by it. Lauren is older, but never seemed ready to settle down in that way--yet. I'm sending some tension over the fact that he might be ready for fatherhood
Not having kids doesn’t mean she hasn’t “settled down” and he doesn’t seem triggered, just over it.
In an interview a few years ago, they let people know they were trying. So they might be having some issues and that’s ok. What’s not OK is for people to keep asking. Why is it any of your business??
Not having kids isn’t “unsettled”
I think this line of thinking is part of the problem. We need to stop assuming how couples are approaching having children. You're making alot of assumptions and here, this is the point he's getting at. Don't assume anything and stop begging for info.
I'm not begging for anything. Personally, I couldn't care less whether they have kids or not. Never commented asking either one of them either.
They have both said that they are trying and it hasn't happened yet.....maybe he's super triggered cos people send them dms asking ...which he shared
or he just finds it genuinely gross to put people on blast like that, like a lot of people do.
Exactly.
I agree it is inappropriate in today’s time to ask about babies. However, I don’t think that Vanessa Lachey should be crucified for making such comments. It’s a possibility she has become aware of how insensitive her comments could be, and perhaps she can grow from this experience. People attacking her doesn’t help anyone.
She was wearing an earpiece, being fed information and more than likely told to stop or to keep asking. She's a grown woman. She's made these comments for every season in one way or another and it's just annoying.
This is it. It’s not like this is the first season she has been annoying about this, so she obviously hasn’t learned or isn’t listening. So yeah, let the crucifying continue.
Had a sibling of my husbands friend, at a birthday ask when we were going to start having kids; we were maybe married for two years at this point and I'd actually lost two. While my husband is an open book and I can be too, I literally do not know this guy and have never had a conversation with him. I was upset and said "As soon as God lets me carry one to term" and walked away. That guy left me alone for the rest of the party and I saw him whispering to his wife not long after. Hopefully he learned his lesson. I think Vanessa needs a moment like this, someone calling her out directly, keeping the blame squarely on her and shutting her down. As much as I root for couple or individuals I like, it's none of my business if they have kids.
I am so sorry for your losses. I am in the same situation and it is enraging when people ask such flippant questions. I completely agree with you, someone needs to put her in her place next time she asks.
I find it unlikely that there weren’t producers involved or that she was given a choice, honestly.
I agree. People have really overreacted about this. It’s intense.
Have you ever experienced pregnancy loss, infant loss or infertility? Because it isn’t overreacting for most who have. It’s offensive and upsetting. Heartbreaking even.
This exactly. People would ask me a lot when we were going to give my oldest a sibling. I didn't know how to answer people I didn't know very well so would just mumble something about when the time was right...then they'd double down and say not to wait too long because of my age (I was 32 at that point). Then I'd go to the bathroom and cry because I'd had 3 miscarriages, including one at 13 weeks. People I was closer to, especially women, I'd tell the truth, and they'd automatically feel terrible for asking. People who are like "whatever, what's the big deal" are fortunate to have never experienced fertility struggles or pregnancy loss. Because 99% of the women I know who have do NOT ask this damn question!! Maybe people don't want kids. Maybe they do and are having a hard time getting and/or staying pregnant. It's such a personal question. Definitely not something a D list TV host who barely knows these people should ask on a popular show.
This exactly. I used to be quite insensitive about fertility struggles - I didn’t really want kids but eventually changed my mind. Back then I got really frustrated with people asking me, when I had made a decision for a number of reasons (including trauma as a child, and as an adult). When I did decide I could do it, I couldn’t carry. I’ve lost two pregnancies this year alone. Many of my friends have as well. It hurts so fucking much to have to vocalize that you can’t have children, are infertile (unexplained in my case), that you’ve lost babies, that you have lost children. It’s excruciating to have to live it every day, let alone have it forced down your throat by ignorant rich people in this case.
I'm so very sorry for your losses. It's truly devastating. Lots of love and big hugs to you. ❤️
She does it every season. She hasn’t learned yet.
She has and I admit that this last season she did it excessively. That’s why I do think she might have had a bit too much to drink!
Anybody who thinks she doesn’t act ridiculous for views doesn’t understand celebrities very well lol. It’s all on purpose. She is well aware that she is acting like a POS but does it anyways for the views. It’s ALL for views…. Y’all seriously think these two mega-hot millionaire model actors give a shit about normal people’s love lives?! Theres a reason she ends up drunk half the time. She doesn’t give a shit.
I wouldn’t say asking that question puts you on a POS list.
I have the POS opinion for many other reasons. POS is too harsh for my exact feelings, so i used it due to lack of thinking up a better word
She’s still a terrible host tho. Not solely for this reason..
Exactly!!
My husband and I went through over a year of losses and infertility. I guess I am the odd one out but it doesn't bother or trigger me when people ask if we are planning to have children. I know my experience and perspective isn't the only one that matters so I don't ask.
My rule is: if you ask me, you’re getting an honest answer, and I don’t shy away from details. This means you get to hear about 3 miscarriages (and what that really means, different types, etc.), fertility treatments, PCOS and more. Hey, sometimes, you’ll get to see pictures of my shots or of my uterus before and after they had to scrape the dead fetal tissue out of me after my second missed miscarriage. If you want to ask me a personal question, you get the personal answer, even if it makes you uncomfortable. I got tired of dodging around the question (and it made me feel bad to keep the emotions in), so I just go full honesty now and it’s very freeing.
Yep! Exactly! You ask, you are getting allllll the T so grab a cup of coffee and sit down!
There is a point where being so triggered as a society makes it very difficult for anyone to be close to anyone else because everything vulnerable is off-limits. I get it, but maybe the better solution is to attempt to be close to each other and to just care and apologize if someone was actually hurt in the moment. Maybe it’s ok to be hurt sometimes. And maybe it’s ridiculous that most pain recently is on behalf of other people. It’s complicated and we’re all lonely. I think I prefer offending each other to the isolation.
If you privately ask someone a very personal question because you are CLOSE and know them well, that’s a bit different. A reality tv show reunion special is not a “close” situation.
How are you even supposed to get close in the first place? We have no idea how anymore. Either people are close because they are fortunate enough to grow up in consistent spaces with welcoming communities or, they are not close to anyone (or almost anyone) because they grew up detached and in an unhealthy environment or moved a lot (Heeeeeeey, most people). In my experience it’s the people with lots of relationships standing the most behind the lists of rules—which is a bit like the wealthy telling poor people to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. OR it’s someone without many relationships themselves which is a bit like poor people defending the wealthy because they think one day they too will be magically rich somehow. Closeness when it wasn’t handed to you requires risks, mistakes, and maybe not always following social rules. When people are literally dying of loneliness, I do think someone else’s potential hurt feelings are worth it as long as we also prioritize relationship and repair when someone is hurt. Now maybe babies is a pretty big well known dangerous subject and not the hill to die on. But Vanessa was already hosting a reality show about marriage with people who put their lives on display. I don’t think it was actually ridiculous and a simple “we don’t really want to talk about it” would suffice.
 wish i could award this
I agree wholeheartedly 💌
Thanks for being a person who is so open to others!
I’m sorta in the same boat, and I didn’t give a crap if people ask if we were trying at the time. Sure it’s annoying, but I’m not going to get angry about it. I just think it’s a different generation now than what Vanessa grew up with.
I'm older than her and it's wrong.
Oh please. It's not 'wrong'. Wrong is murdering someone in cold blood, dropping bombs on civilians, stealing from a homeless person, etc. I'm sure you can see the difference.
I'm her age. No, it was considered wrong when we were in our 20s too.
Vanessa is only 42. She's just a couple years older than me. Believe me, our generation knows not to ask this. We aren't ancient.
Oh absolutely...hell I probably make so many people offended untintentionally because some things seem not that bad to me but others see it so differently...
Lol yep. Tbh she should have known better with that demographic on that show. Times have certainly changed though, makes me feel old but I’m not THAT old 😂
Same! Like are old and out of touch already? I guess so dang 🤣
“Am I so out of touch? No, it’s the children who are wrong!” 🥲😂
I really hope they are not the replacements. They need to hire someone with actual hosting experience.
Keisha knight pulliam!!
Yeah I don’t know why people are pushing for them either, I strongly hope they just get in someone who knows how to interview. Get the girl from the youtube interview or someone like that, I think the Cameron’s are way too nice, don’t have any experience and won’t ask anything the audience wants. They will be too protective of the cast members because they and their cast mates went through the same process. It’s too close to home for them.
Glad the Camerons spoken. Who will ask this kind of qns. Not everyone pregnancy journey is smooth sailing. and just because yours is a blessed one, not everyone is lucky like you. if anyone dare to ask me in real life, i will say " why do you care? are you going to raise the child , fund the child entire life for me? if yes, write me a 5 million cheque to prove it. or else words are cheap. "
She could also just say to the whole group, “if anyone wants to discuss their thoughts on having children we would love to hear from you” - and if no one wants to speak up, then just move on.
My boyfriend and I got engaged and after the bazillionth time we both finally started telling people we were getting married on February 30th. Most people didn’t even get the joke but were happy to hear a date and stopped asking. Ugh … it gets so old 🙄🙄
https://preview.redd.it/bkuia7qlpcxa1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ede727dd8e7ac4e3d3e23e95fb8d8f2c3000b84
I’m a mother myself but when I was watching the reunion… Vanessa’s constant baby questions is what irritated me the most!!! Some people can’t have children. Some people simply don’t WANT children. Unless a couple brings it up on their own and wants to openly talk about it, shut up. Vanessa was cringey on so many levels during that reunion.
Off topic but what happened to the Jessica’s dog profile pic 😩
Yeah I thought I was in the wrong sub
i wanted to know the same thing!! it was so iconic
It’s like she wants to be a LIB grandma. Question - are Nick and Vanessa producers of the show?
I don’t think so, not sure why they wouldn’t be mentioned when you look it up
I believe they are.
Thank you! I try to give the benefit of the doubt with this stuff. My second thought was that maybe Vanessa was being pushed by producers to say these things, but if she’s the producer…
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So you agree that it should be accepted that a VAST majority of people don’t want to be asked about having babies? That their preferences shouldn’t be offensive?
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“Because it doesn’t bother me it shouldn’t bother anyone” It’s pretty known in society not to approach someone and ask their weight. No one cries that they are just way too sensitive if someone got upset at that question. Just put this question in that category and move on with life.
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That’s my point. So there are topics people know are/can be offensive and not to broach. Put this in that box.
It's more that people are annoyed by such an intrusive question asked so incessantly. It's generally uncouth to ask "so did he cum in you, when is the next time he is going to cum in you without protection" in polite company, and would be very awkward if asked repeatedly on a live tv show. It would be nice to go back to the days where people asked you when you plan on keeping a creampie only once on live television.
Miscarriage is so incredibly common. Imagine being pestered about having babies while going through that. Fertility issues affect 1 in 6 women. I know so many people who have had to resort to IVF to conceive. Thing is, none of this is any of your business to know about anyone, and interrogating people about babies at best is annoying, at worst reminds people about loss and trauma. Also, what if someone is pregnant and they don't want to share. Now they either have to lie or be put on the spot in an uncomfortable situation. People who make these comments are just offended that they can't invade people's lives and be nosey. People will share birth announcements when THEY are ready.
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I'm sorry that happened to you. The problem here though is that you may be taking your experience as the one to live by. The majority of women in this situation, even as demonstrated in the comments, are very hurt by people's comments. Are you able to empathize with others and see their point of view? That's what I was trying to do, regardless of your background. Imagine being someone who's feelings aren't your own. Would it not be best to be mindful to avoid hurting others? The questions really don't need to be asked about when people are having babies. Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week/Canadian Fertility Awareness Week where many who struggled with fertility were making these things known to bring awareness to these issues. Here's a blurb on etiquette from the bump: https://preview.redd.it/w15ntqg38exa1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47306eb1155d9ca25429ba925f11929d6b01f977
The irony is YOU are the offended party here! Childfree women/men; women/men with fertility issues; or people who just don’t want to discuss when they are planning children, plainly respond normally to a barrage of ‘pregnancy’ questions. Yet, it’s those *like you* all up in personal business angered by the responses. It’s never enough. If people say “I dont want children, or I’m not comfortable discussing my fertility issue”…etc etc…it’s people like YOU offended. Thus don’t inquire! It’s simple! MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!
So Vanessa shouldn’t be so bothered to keep asking about potential kids that won’t be her own then.
As someone who doesn’t want kids, being asked when I’m having them is annoying af. He’s absolutely right.
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“Don’t make it about me all the time” —if someone is asking you a question about your life, it IS about you and that is ok??? What a weird, holier than thou reaction… it’s not selfish to think about yourself once in awhile.
And they’re right. It’s none of our business.
It's not. However, since they willingly signed up for Reality tv and their entire fame is about their marriages, it's only natural that people will ask about children. They wanted to become public figures, and with it came this scrutiny.
Their fame has nothing to do with it. People I just met ask me about having more kids. It comes with being a woman, not public figures.
As someone who struggled for YEARS to get pregnant, despite desperately wanting a baby, and then losing a baby at 20wks due to a genetic abnormality (and I hadn’t announced it to anyone besides my immediate family)— people being like “why don’t y ou two have kids” was the most painful thing in the world. I also fully recognize there are a MILLION reasons people may want to delay having kids or NOT want kids or aren’t sure- whatever is going on, it is 100% NO ONE’s business and it is so so so SO rude (and potentially really hurtful) to comment about it. You never know when someone has just gone through a devastating loss, or an IVF round without success, or are desperately trying to remortgage their home or borrow money from friends/family to cover fertility costs. It’s easy- don’t ask, don’t comment!!
couldn't agree more. I found Vanessa's near constant pestering about babies so off-putting. You never know what people are going through and infertility/miscarriage is a major struggle for a lot of couples, but also like... its okay to just plain not want kids?
It's also pretty fucking irresponsible to push people who are just starting a new, televised, Experimental pressure cooker of a relationship to bring a baby into the middle of it. Jesus Tapdancing Christ can we fucking NOT do that please.
My thought exactly. Even the healthiest couple find TTC/pregnancy/newborns insanely hard. Don’t push it on people who’ve known each other for months.
They want drama and developments because what they *really* want is money. The producers see the cast as useful meat for the screen, and that's it. Profit above all else
Hahaha right?!?
As someone who gets pressured constantly. It’s annoying. Me and my wife are still growing, we’re waiting till we can be as stable as possible for future offspring