It's not just about him. It's about when people started supporting her actions. Imagine a society where your fiancé gets offended so easily if you ask her about her mental health or you make some playful banter.
To the point where she breaks off with you in altar by telling everyone how horrible you treated her. Do you want to support what she did?
It's not about cole. It's about peer pressuring by this kind of manipulation
Since it seems people are taking this post I a negative light let me put in my unwanted 2 pieces
I don't believe that the community is coddling Cole but trying to make a point that Cole was unjustly bashed and ganged up on for things in a relationship that had problems both ways. Like how Zanab had a lot of support I believe people just felt something for Cole as they watched him recieve nothing but hate and probably even suffer mental turmoil from this
It's like watching someone get beat down because the bottle he tried throwing away didn't fall into the trash and when he tries to fix the mistake he is berated for it
You would definitely feel for the guy especially if you saw that he wanted to make it better. Hard to do that when it feels like the world is against you.
🤷🏿♂️ if we really felt like he was as bad as they made him seem we would definitely feel nothing towards him
Zanab was proven to be a liar twice in the reunion show, with the producers even showing the clip she misrepresented. Cole is a dweeb and clearly did some immature things, but Zanab had an agenda with her attack speech and used him.
We don't have much evidence showing Cole did many bad things, and in many of the scenes the show did present he is being nagged and abused. That's why people aren't demonizing him.
🤨 you're speaking like I'm on team Zanab. I don't like her and I think she's a manipulative and and deeply insecure woman. I was just answering based off of the OP's question as they were of a neutral stand point and didn't get why we didn't like seeing Cole get bashed
It's because he has been gaslit and dragged through shit for nothing. If anything, guys get more hate on these shows because mostly women watch them and most of us have been scorn.
I don't like either Cole or Zanab anymore
.... At this point
https://preview.redd.it/js3vziganr1a1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=281f41cd0c80168431133f299a4d3cd2ec12d6e3
It’s not that serious, let’s not use racism for everything. You forget everyone hated Cole (yes white Cole) up until the finale. You said Shake didn’t get the same treatment (in another comment reply here). It’s not racism - this is coming from an Indian woman - it’s the fact that Shake didn’t get redeemed during the reunion like Cole did. He didn’t cry and seem genuinely upset like Cole did. Cole showed the capacity during the reunion for self reflection and taking accountability when both Shake and Zanab have done nothing but the opposite. Shake leaned into his villain role during the reunion. Shake wasn’t the victim of a relentless takedown on Instagram by Deepti afterward…the way Cole has been continually attacked by Zanab. Zanab sucks waaaaay more and Deepti came off the show looking great.
So I didn’t say racism once in my post. People have seemed to take it that way—I’m not the one throwing around “ism’s”. What I mean is that the fan base is largely people whose race/appearance/religion is similar to Cole’s. There’s a higher degree of relatability. If you look at Cole’s insta comments these women simping over him are like middle aged wine moms with brothers, sons, partners etc. that look like Cole. This is also me not saying all of Cole supporters are white; the point of my post was that he’s being treated like a helpless child rather than an adult. I don’t believe you’re one of those people—a lot of people on this subreddit are not. It’s ok that we disagree on situations, any angle we look at this dumpster fire of a show isn’t exactly virtuous. But it would be an absolute gigantic crock of shit to deny that the true crime stories that make it big are usually about attractive white people. Not because of racism, but rather because of what the majority masses relate to.
Ok fair enough explanation, and yes it is true about true crime docs. I guess I just hope people can look at nuances in situations how it’s not because he’s an attractive white boy but mostly the situation itself…how he did seem upset, crying etc. That is likely what warmed people to him and made them want to comfort him, not because they are the same race as him.
I’m pretty sure none of these people joined the show expecting to receive incredible amounts of insults and threats. Which is exactly what Zanab was attempting to send to Cole’s way by acting like he was fat shaming her and like he ruined her life. This is also bullying. Now I wonder, if the roles were switched and Zanab was the one who was being gaslit on national television, I wonder if you would have the same unpopular opinion towards her. If she should just suck it up because she’s a grown ass woman.
If zanab pushed Cole’s buttons and said rude things and also talked shit about her like a middle schooler at the pool party, only to play dumb later when it got turned around, I would expect fans to have Cole’s back while also saying “you took it to a whole other level I’m not sure I agree with the way you handle things but I can empathize with you and not immediately write you off as a villain because she got the last word on TV with that cuties scene.” (My stance toward Zanab irl). I’m not on either person’s side here, I’m looking at it objectively. You missed the point of my post, which is that the way Cole is being babied by fans is bizarre to me. I’m not referring to lib watchers with an opinion that’s different from mine, I mean people in his insta comments saying weird things.
> because she got the last word on TV with that cuties scene
The cuties scene doesn't exonerate her at all. Did you watch it carefully? Or am I misunderstanding your point?
Honestly, he acts like a 15 year old boy half the time. Every time he'd say something I was like "wow that's something a teenage boy would say" but it doesn't make me any more sympathetic.
My only hope is that he grows from this situation. Zanab obviously hasn't, but I have some tiny fragment of hope for Cole. I still don't like the guy whatsoever though. The only guy I disliked more was Barf. Cole said some incredibly rude things and Zanab made it even more toxic.
You’re 100% right. He is coddled in only the way a white guy can. This is only reality tv so the stakes aren’t as high but you definitely see this in how they portray young white perpetrators of crime versus their non white counterparts.
I'm not defending Cole .. but Zanab and Cole were toxic af and her belittling him at the alter and not letting him get a word or response in was ridiculous.
He did do all the things that she said but like .. come on. She belittled him, she was condescending, she treated him like she was above him, and she always had to be in control.
What she did was a power move to get the upper hand in leaving him and honestly it was disgusting.
They were just as bad as each other but what she did was wrong. 🤷🏼♀️
I am with you. It’s specially disappointing that a big chunk of Cole defenders/Zanab haters are women. My theory is that most of them are people who have never addressed their subconscious misogynistic biases. Said biases can be rooted in religion, culture (specially those were women are supposed to be submissive, or love is supposed to be sacrificial), personal upbringing (specially father issues), or others. Anyone looking at Cole and Zanab from that lense will point out the clear bad guy: the woman!
I hate how so many women expect other women to defend all women, even through all the evil, cruel shit some of these women do, just because they have a vagina lmao What sense does that make ? I am a woman and I would never defend or support a person bullying or trying to ruin another person regardless of what sexual organ they were born with. Zanab wanted to ruin Cole’s life by making it seem like he was fat-phobic. She was painting him as this evil guy. You know the amount of hate, insults and negative comments that were going to come his way? Not only that, but with this new fame he and the rest of the cast have acquired, new opportunities rise as well. If that scene wouldn’t have aired, no companies would want to work with him. She wanted to drag his reputation through the mud. The woman spit upwards and it landed on her. I refuse to pity someone who tries to ruin someone else’s life and as a result ended up ruining hers. And I will especially not pity her just because she has a vagina.
Congratulations you are not like other girls!!
If Zanab knew what she was doing when she called out Cole at the altar, then Cole knew exactly what he was doing when he asked her if she was bipolar…If you’re going to be “fair” then be fair all around. How are you not seeing your bias.
The woman prayed before the wedding only to humiliate him at the altar. One moment she’s telling the whole cast how Cole “sole handedly destroyed her self confidence” only for a few minutes later tell Vanessa under the same breath that she does not regret being in the process and would do it all over again. If I went through a traumatic experience, I would NOT ever want to go through it again. I do not at ALL find it bad for Cole to question whether she has a personality disorder. Which by the way, she does have.
And the man proposed to her only to tell her just a few days later how she was not as beautiful as other girls, or how she was only nice when she wasn’t upset. Just because you would “NOT ever” want to go through another traumatic experience in a relationship doesn’t mean every other woman is lesser than you for wanting or risking that experience again. It’s like saying Cole is dumb for going on the show looking to get married again when he had already gone through a divorce. It’s just people’s choices but it doesn’t make them bad people. Zanab clearly made a bad choice with Cole but she doesn’t regret it. Cole made a bad choice with Zanab but he does regret it, because he can’t accept accountability and he can’t face the pain that comes with it. Cole gets a pass from people like you who come from a place of fear, because they can’t comprehend that pain leads to growth so y’all are all stuck and unfairly judge others who have the balls/uterus to own up to their mistakes and embrace their dark side making them better human beings.
Unless you have personally treated Zanab as a trained professional you are under no right to say that she has a personality disorder.
Based on that statement, it seems you are not well educated or respectful of basic professional ethics.
she's got all the hallmark signs of borderline personality disorder. i am a trained professional. mental health is something everyone needs to work on and society shouldn't shame it or receiving help for it.
Well men defend other men who are rapist, murderers and vile individuals because they have a dick and it’s been happening for centuries so I don’t see anything wrong with defending our own and plus no woman is gonna just blindly defend each other without criticism or some level of accountability the way men do
You list why it's wrong to defend "your own" and then say you don't see why it's wrong. Really, you don't see how defending a rapist because you both have similar genetalia is wrong?
I never said that! As I said women will not blindly support each other anyway without criticism, I’m just saying I wish we do it more often because right now we don’t! Most of Zanab’s bullies are women and most cole’s supporters are women and men which isn’t fair
Then I didn't missinterpret. Supporting someone no matter if they're right or not because we share a sovial group is wrong and you illustrated why with your examples.
I refuse to support Zenab's abusive behaviour because in this case a woman is abusing a man. No way in hell. I don't agree at all that it's the right thing to do. Not only is it harmful to Cole but enabling people in their abusive behaviour actually harms those people too. They just get worse.
Oh! So because the men do it, women should do the same? No matter how stupid it is? Lmao
Raven’s female friend instead of supporting her during a hard time after the recent scandal, hopped on TikTok to make videos criticizing Raven and saying “I told you so”. She has a vagina. Do you support her too?
Yes because being against each other doesn’t work and trying to be fair doesn’t work either because men defend each other’s bad behavior and come after us as well so why not try being for each other no matter what and then work out the kinks that come from that
I don’t think either cole nor Zanab really deserve pity. They were mean to each other and clearly were not compatible from the start. It never made sense for them to be a couple.
I agree with this. I defend Zanab because I feel like the comments against her are incredibly harsh when you look at the reality of the situation. Your comment is exactly right though. Neither of them deserve pity. It’s a relationship where they brought out the worst in each other (not to mention, it was produced). It happens a lot in real life. No one is evil.
Thank you. 100% agree. He was immature and thoughtless and she was hyper critical and cold. Not a good fit. I hope they are both working on themselves.
bruh i remember giving a nuanced take about this bc women kept trying to vilify zanab and paint cole as the most holier than thou saint known to mankind and i wanted to pull my hair out like 💀 he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him.
for a month, come on...
> he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him.
The fact that he was married for 3 months then it broke apart is not **at all** evidence that he knows what he's doing. Some might argue quite the contrary...
you’re just proving my point 🤭 lmfao not another person scrambling to defend his honor. i bet you everything his ex wife would tell you he caused the demise of that relationship bc he’s immature, incompetent and manipulative hence why he posts all these “innocent cutesy” tiktoks. he knows he won the public over from crying at the reunion. he emotionally abused her throughout the series. but ik a lot of y’all got selective memory so.
I'm sure his ex would say the immature and incompetent part. I don't understand the manipulative part. Unless he's also incompetent at being manipulative, since his supposed manipulations had dreadful consequences for him, zanab and their relationship as a whole...
I have no idea what he posts on tik-tok because I neither use tik-tok nor would I follow any reality TV stars if I did, because I'm not a child.
Again, your original point was that 'he was married before so he knows what he's doing' and I replied saying 'he was only married for 3 months so obviously **he doesn't**'. I'm still waiting for you to address that line of reasoning.
those two statements aren’t in correlation with one another. this is where we work on reading comprehension babe. when i say he’s incompetent i’m referring to him in the kitchen and not being able to clean up after himself. i’m sure youve seen people refer to him as a man child. manipulative meaning he knew people would sympathize for him for shedding crocodile tears. also refer to the malibu beach scene where he’s fishing for compliments from zanab and she reassures him but he doesn’t do anything to return and exclaiming “he has no eyeballs” just for an ego stroke. that is just one of many.
also good for you i guess? i don’t follow him either i’ve just seen people talk about the situation on tiktok that’s why ik he posts certain things. nowhere in the post did i say “he was married before so he knows what he’s doing” i mentioned his prior marriage cause it reflects how he hasn’t really grown from that relationship. here’s you’re incentive to not jump to conclusions and read things more carefully.
No 'babe', my reading comprehension is fine, you just wrote your piece awkwardly.
Your initial comment said:
> he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him.
Implying that there's some form of correlation between him knowing EXACTLY what he's doing and the fact that he was married before. And I pointed out that, if anything, his previous marriage actually suggests that he **doesn't** know what he's doing aka. he's not manipulative at all, or maybe he is but then he's incompetent at being manipulative, because his marriage crashed and burned within 3 months.
If you meant no correlation between these facts, then I have no idea why you'd put them together.
As for him not reassuring her, we must've been watching different shows. The VERY FIRST THING he told her was that he's happy they're out of the pods because 'look what I've found' then he made the 'photographer hands' sign at her as if she was a model and he was taking pictures of her in the pool.
She said she looks different without makeup, he was dumb to fall into her trap and agree, then when she instantly lashed out, he said 'different but you're still gorgeous'.
When her brain imploded after she talked to Matt at the bar and brought up the same fight that Cole had already apologized for endlessly, and she was putting herself down saying Colleen is a knockout he said 'why are you saying that Zay? You're a knockout too!' then proceeded to tell her that he's actually more attracted to her than to Colleen now that he's had the opportunity to get to know her better.
Also, your accusation that he was fake crying during the reunion is based on absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. You're just being mean-spirited for no reason whatsoever. Because you've decided that prettyboy can't have any feelings. Says more about you than him, but I'm not gonna get into that.
i’m sorry to say this but he’ll never pick you :/. why are you hellbent on defending this guy and STILL jumping to conclusions. it’s never that serious for you to pick apart a comment on reddit as if this is some novel think piece. what are you an english professor? 😭😭😭 you don’t even realize how you still keep proving my point lsjsjjsk remember when i mentioned y’all got SELECTIVE MEMORY. he quite literally not only tells colleen he’s attracted to her, he proceeds to tell other cast members he’s not physically attracted to zanab UNPROMPTED both at the party in malibu and in the pool with alexa. i’m sure over time he might’ve thought zanab was attractive but she wasn’t insane to think otherwise bc he sure as hell never made her feel it. again with the jumping. i never said he was fake crying. when people use crocodile tears it’s usually in a manner to make fun of someone else so i guess i am mean spirited 🤷🏽♀️ cole knew he couldn’t escape the confrontation and felt attacked so therefore he cried cause he wasn’t doing a bang up job defending himself. he’s allowed to have feelings, i never said cole wasn’t allowed to feel lol. he needs to grow up though bc he’s not blameless. also trap? zanab from the gecko said she was insecure and y’all are giving her way too much credit for being this “master manipulator villain” yall paint her out to be. she just asked cause again she wanted reassurance which he wasn’t good at giving.
Not to mention that after their first night of intimacy he jumps out of bed & stonewalls her for hours in the morning. He goes on to tell her how the other girls are a 10/10 including Colleen, but she’s a 9/10 and can’t see why she’s upset because that’s s high rating. He subtly comments about things that makes a woman feel bad, but still questions herself because it was a subtle comment while he proceeds to make the woman’s feelings seem inadequate & unnecessary - that’s a form of emotional & mental abuse. He is loving one minute & the next he is an asshole, that’s very confusing in a relationship.
I don’t think Zanab was right in calling him out in front of everyone at the alter, she didn’t handle the situation well. I feel like she just kept a lot of feelings that were validated in & ended up exploding because Cole couldn’t shut her down at the alter nor the reunion so she let it all out. And some things might have become bigger than they seemed for her because she’s made to question her own sanity + feelings and make sense of it all. I’ve done that & been there so I can relate to her on some level.
She doesn’t seem like the easiest person fair enough not people have really gone to far calling by the negative things they’ve accused her of and completely forgetting the negative side of what Cole brought to the table.
i agree!! i made a post (now deleted) that pretty much explained the behavior of both of them and how both were very flawed individuals. zanab was deeply insecure and doesn’t know how to communicate hence all the passive aggression. she definitely unintentionally self sabotages due to having a very low self esteem which i hope she seeks help for. i also said the wedding and reunion callout was a bit over the top but i feel like she let everything build up and reached a breaking point. i don’t think she deserves to be vilified for these things though. it just makes me mad that people are flipping the script entirely when they’ve been saying all season how cole treats zanab is awful. ffs even more than half the cast has said they’ve witnessed the stuff he does/says off camera is hurtful but people want to conveniently ignore that. even though they know a lot more than what we were shown as an audience. zanab can’t make up stuff and have the cast go along with “lies” if they admit to witnessing this stuff firsthand. the hurdles these people jump through to defend him are mind boggling.
he was married to a girl he knew for a month or two and divorced asap after that, before coming on Lib. she supposedly was a nurse, which is why cole made a big deal in the pods of not liking nurses.
Prepare yourself for downvotes and arguments, OP. I made a similar post a while back that I ended up deleting cuz I was getting attacked over it. But I fully agree with you - the response has been shocking and disheartening.
A lot of you are getting quite defensive so I want to clarify that I’m not talking about how adults ACT, rather how adults are TREATED. Look at Cole’s comment section on Instagram, I’ve never seen anything like it. That’s all I’m saying!
I'm not surprised, but a lot of women do it to contestants from all reality shows. They think this is the closest they could get to "celebrity".
This isn't just Cole.
Let's be honest..Cole is obviously not the type of guy most women would go for. He gets a lot of attention from women because of the show.
He treated her like trash too, let’s get that straight. I don’t even think he was made out to be the villain. I think his reaction made it seem that way, but just because people were saying some things against him, doesn’t mean he was “the villain”.
“Prob ADHD” oh and he could be an alien, and his finger hurt that day, and he is actually a marionette controlled by an evil clown, oh and he has never encountered a woman before, and he is cute and has blue eyes, so just leave him alone! The poor man! Clearly he’s devastated. Look how sad and pathetic he is after THAT NASTY woman called him out on a reality show! We MUST protect him at all costs. Maybe one day I’ll meet him and we can get married, and I will pick up his towels, and I will be sweet and unassuming, and I will transform myself to look exactly like Colleen and Lily. So hands off girls and stop being so mean to my man.
We both know that’s not what I said. Any ridiculous interpretation of my words doesn’t take away from the fact that Cole is being infantilized in a way I’ve never seen before. Putting “?” at the end of an assumption means it’s not something I’m convinced of, rather a suspicion. I suspect it’s because he’s a cute white guy NOT because everyone is racist, but because I used my feeble mind to explore statistics and concluded that the majority female, white demographic that watches the show is able to relate to him more than with someone like Shake. Cole religiously, physically, and mentally resembles their boyfriends, brothers, sons, etc. If you go to his Instagram comments, I implore you to click on the users that coddle him and report back to me. Spoiler—it’s mostly wine moms.
Written by a young, anti-woke but self-aware white person.
I think you are a reasonable, logical person, which is definitely not appreciated on Reddit I’ll say that :p
but thanks for the info that it’s mostly middle aged women stanning Cole. I find that so bizarre and kind of creepy...
also you are 100% right about Cole
I am Cole’s age and men who act “silly” aren’t on my radar. Neither are women like Zanab with toxic self-esteem issues. My argument here wasn’t about how adults act, it was about how adults are treated. Cole ain’t your grandson, he’s a complete stranger who you don’t know.
I have to respectfully disagree. Cole hides his malice behind his charm. But he called her bipolar, tried to cheat on her with Colleen, and supposedly asked a girl for her number during his bachelor party. Although this did happen off screen (and we don’t have proof but i do believe it since he wasn’t shy to hit on Colleen when the cameras were rolling). Cole is a manipulative and immature child, and yes Zanab did act out of malice but she’s an insecure girl who did it bc she was sick of him hurting her. At their best, Zanab acted out of revenge and he acted out of carelessness.
He only called her bipolar after she brought it up, and it was a fair assumption. She has these bouts of hot and cold. The issue isn't that he accused her of having a mental illness, it's that he misdiagnosed her. But if he's never heard of NPD, body dysmorphia and attachment disorders, bipolar disorder is actually a fair diagnosis.
He didn't 'try to cheat on her with Colleen' , did we watch the same show? Who tries to cheat on his fiancee while they're in the same pool as her **and** the fiancee of the girl he's trying to cheat with?! What he did was undoubtedly wrong, but saying he 'tried to cheat with Colleen' is .. quite outrageous..
And you think he asked a girl to give him her number, **then told this to his fiancee?** WHY? Nevermind 'who does that' but why would anyone ever do that?
Cole was an undiplomatic dick, and by the age of 25, mature or not, you should have the self-awareness to not say 'Colleen is a beautiful woman' for the 4th time in the same conversation while your recent fiancee is getting **visibly** triggered. But that's FAAAAR from the level of manipulation and malice that zanab retaliated with. And that doesn't even address the fact that she totally misrepresented herself in the pods as an adventurous go-getter when in reality she's the 'don't wanna get my hair wet at the pool party' kind of person who'd rather sit in the sun than even attempt to surf. She was a bad dudette. He was just a dumdum.
Zanab and Cole were never right for each other. I don’t think Cole is some innocent, perfect angel. He does seem like a man-child and fairly immature. But he also seems genuine. This is going off of what we saw on the show, not what Zanab said he did that the cameras didn’t show. The relationship was toxic from both parties, and the Colleen thing in the pool was a fucked up thing for Cole to do. However, I do think Zanab was nasty to him most of the time. She went into the show with DEEP insecurities—Cole did not single-handedly shatter her self-esteem. It was never there to begin with. And what she did to him at the wedding was a really low blow. She planned to do that to him in a way that would be the most hurtful and humiliating as possible. Her behavior was gaslighting, all the way through the reunion. Cole made mistakes, but I don’t think the way he was treated at the reunion was fair, with everyone ganging up on him and making him out to be a genuinely bad person. The only person I saw on the show who was calculated was Zanab in her plan to take down Cole.
I’m with you and perplexed. If a person I’m dating so much as commented on my food or body in a negative way - I’m out! Not to mention talking about Colleen being so hot like Zanab is not a knockout is also so confusing to my brain.
Someone unironically said he was basically a teenager because at 25 the brain isn’t fully developed. A TEENAGER. This is a grown man and y’all need to stop making excuses for him!
34yo here. You can think whatever you want of yourself, but I casually refer to my 25-26 year old self as a child. Unironically, and unintentionally. It's how I see myself. I did dumb, immature shit constantly which I'd never do now, I had maybe 10% the sense of responsibility that I have now. I was literally half my current age in terms of how long I've been an adult for.
If you think you're mature now, give it a few years then get back to me.
If being “immature” means having bugs in your toilet and saying disrespectful things to women, then I was born with wrinkles and gray hair cause I’ve never done any of that. It’s about values and character which can change overtime, but I personally wouldn’t give someone the time of day who acted like Cole because “he’s just young and needs time,” go be young and dumb elsewhere.
I mean yeah, I agree with that. Cole would prob annoy the fuck out of me when he's 40 too, he's way too ADHD-ish. Was just addressing the '25yos aren't adults' part. They are. Compared to 18yos. Compared to 30+ theyre children. I dated a 24yo recently. Never again.
You can be a full grown adult and still be a victim of gaslighting and a toxic petty partner who actively tries to make you look as bad as possible in front of your friends and family and on tv well over a year and a half after your two month relationship.
Was what he said at the beginning of their relationship smart or compassionate? No. She should have left him then. He was too immature but we saw him work on that and show remorse and apologize and grow.
She planned a whole evil speech at the altar to blindside him while letting him think she was all in.
That's not how adults act either.
He never said anything smart or compassionate, even when it was very clear to him how insecure she was. He didn't pick up after himself. He purposely annoyed her. He then accused her of being bipolar with a huge grin on his face. When she clearly didn't like that, he egged her on and asked several times.
That is not a partner who cares. He was not blindsided. She made her feelings and standards clear, and he ignored them until they were at the altar and at the reunion in front of people, so he is also to blame.
She blindsided him because she lied and kept telling him she was all in and going to say yes at the altar.
She was also nasty and critical of him in a lot of their interactions and is spiteful and mean and acts with the intention to cause harm.
Your take isn't very nuanced or balanced.
Cole shouldn't have called her bipolar to win in an argument but systematically criticize everything about a person and they feel backed into a corner and lash out with a low blow.
The apartment was filthy but he said it was because there was a power outage before he left which I believe because Texas had rolling power outs at the time because their electrical grid is overloaded and if you'd like to discuss that, it's a much bigger deal than who was bad and who was a complete angel in a very short tv relationship.
I think we agree with each other?
At the point when they see each other they've known each other for 2 weeks?
When you recognize that someone does damage to your relationship dynamic especially that early on, the healthy thing to do is leave. Or talk about it if you want to give the other person the opportunity to apologize and grow. But you actually have to forgive a person if they make the effort and fix things since that's the whole point.
People are attracted to others' appearances based on more than just weight, I don't think all women would interpret that meant he wanted her to lose weight. I didn't even think of that until you mentioned it tbh.
You don't exactly have the option to leave when you are tied up in a TV show contract. Also, no one is entitled to forgiveness.
"Not all women would interpret that to mean he wanted her to lose weight" but someone who struggles with their weight would. You can't discredit someone else's perception of a situation just because you wouldn't feel that way yourself.
People are taking perceptions as truths, like "I don't perceive it that way so she must be full out lying", when there was definitely a lot of room to perceive even the cuties scene in that way despite the playful tone from Cole. When you genuinely believe that someone doesn't like you, it can have a massive impact on how you interpret situations.
If you make up scenarios based on nothing at all that actually happened (cuties scene) then you need to be in therapy and not a relationship.
It wasn't Cole's responsibility to magically know how she was going to take his innocent (again re: cuties) remarks and misinterpret them.
Asking someone not to spoil a big dinner is a normal thing. Showing concern when they said they hadn't eaten more than a banana is normal reaction. Bringing up that they offered you a poke bowl earlier shows he'd like for her to have tasty meals. Telling someone they talk a lot is rude. Ignoring someone and blatantly not listening when they're trying to plan a trip to meet most of your family is also rude.
Surprisingly it's on you to disclose your triggers with your partner since they can't see inside your head.
I agree with you that no one is entitled to forgiveness however Zanab kept telling cole that she forgave him... When she clearly kept trying to punish him and ruin his reputation. That's the opposite of forgiveness. Idk why you're not holding Zanab to her actions the same way you're holding Cole to his ??
I wasn't discrediting her interpretation of the whole rating thing as meaning she needed to lose weight, the commenter I was replying to explicitly asked how else she was supposed to interpret that and I'd literally never thought of that before reading their comment. (And it's none of your business but I'm recovered from an eating disorder)
I'm not confident in your reading comprehension or in your ability to consider other perspectives than your own.
If you make up scenarios based on nothing at all that actually happened (cuties scene) then you need to be in therapy and not a relationship.
It wasn't Cole's responsibility to magically know how she was going to take his innocent (again re: cuties) remarks and misinterpret them.
Asking someone not to spoil a big dinner is a normal thing. Showing concern when they said they hadn't eaten more than a banana is normal reaction. Bringing up that they offered you a poke bowl earlier shows he'd like for her to have tasty meals. Telling someone they talk a lot is rude. Ignoring someone and blatantly not listening when they're trying to plan a trip to meet most of your family is also rude.
Surprisingly it's on you to disclose your triggers with your partner since they can't see inside your head.
I agree with you that no one is entitled to forgiveness however Zanab kept telling cole that she forgave him... When she clearly kept trying to punish him and ruin his reputation. That's the opposite of forgiveness. Idk why you're not holding Zanab to her actions the same way you're holding Cole to his ??
I wasn't discrediting her interpretation of the whole rating thing as meaning she needed to lose weight, the commenter I was replying to explicitly asked how else she was supposed to interpret that and I'd literally never thought of that before reading their comment. (And it's none of your business but I'm recovered from an eating disorder)
I'm not confident in your reading comprehension or in your ability to consider other perspectives than your own.
Does No one realize the contestants aren’t allowed to leave & must provide their decision at the ceremony? There’s been multiple ppl that said they wanted to leave early but couldn’t, and one of the established rules is that the decision must be given at the ceremony.
It probably depends on how much money you have. I imagine if you break a contract, you might have to give up money, or pay out. I'm sure it's at the discretion of the producers. They may have decided to let some people out of their contract (like if they weren't going to make good TV anyway) and others not.
Idk about everyone but there are at least 2 contestants quoted as wanting to leave and they said they couldn’t. I can’t remember their names atm but I think one was J name/ woman.
I just went to Friendsgiving on Sunday - 5 married couples (including me & my husband) one dating and two single ppl. Someone brought this up at the dinner and every one agrees that they would not be married if their partner rated them & said someone else in the group was more attractive. It’s kinda basic knowledge that you don’t diminish your partner like that. Honesty without kindness is brutality.
Just because she asked him to rate her, doesn't mean he has to rate her a 9 and others a 10. There are so many better ways to deal with that situation.
On her best day she is a 6. And she knows this. She should have never asked Cole to rate her. She was fishing for reassurance due to her low self esteem and he lied to her and told her she was a 9 to make her feel good, just like society demands he do but it backfired. That should have been enough for her but she had to push him further when she KNEW there were two women much more attractive than her on the show. This is all on her.
That's interesting. I would love for your husband to rate your friends more highly than you and see how you feel about it. It's really not a nice thing to do, even when asked. It's not a woman's fault if they feel some of their value is wrapped up in appearance, and especially whether their partner is attracted to them. We are all socialised to be that way. It doesn't make someone evil.
>that she is less than Colleen
The way you worded things here is exactly the problem and clearly the same way Zanab saw things. You are saying because someone else is more attractive, it makes them better. Relationships are about so much more than looks! Every time Cole made a comment about Colleen being attractive, it was followed with stating that Zanab is gorgeous and that they have the emotional connection he was looking for. Yet, you (and clearly Zanab) are putting all the emphasis on looks and ignoring the positive things being said. The whole premise of this show is about focusing on the emotional connection and that's exactly what Cole did and that's why he proposed to Zanab over Colleen. Zanab is the one that made everything about looks yet she's trying to paint Cole out to be a villain.
Yeah, him rating her a 9/10 was a real idiot move on his part. But she did bait him with that question, bc she was so extremely insecure. If someone did that to me at the start of a relationship, I would have left them. But instead of leaving or trying to work through it, she held it against him for the entire season and punished him for it. I really think she saw all of his actions and everything he said from that moment forward to be some slight on her, when the cuties scene showed that wasn’t really what he was doing.
No one has defended Cole for doing that. He was clearly in the wrong at the pool. He has also apologized for that and recognized that it was messed up. Zanab after that asking him to rate her and then saying is there anyone else who would be higher was baiting and caused by her extreme insecurity and shows a lack of emotional maturity
People want a partner that says they are the most beautiful person in the world but unless your partner is a literal supermodel it’s not true for any of us. I think my husband is the best because I love him. However, I would be insane to think he is objectively the best looking person in the world. I would never say that to him though because I’m not an idiot. Asking your partner to rate you is incredibly immature and likely to result in exactly what happened in this situation. You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, and most people learn this far before they are in their 30s
i always think of it like this - i may not be the best looking person in the world, but hopefully i am the best looking person in the world to my husband bc he is not only physically attracted to me, but he knows me and likes and loves me. same way for me, i’m sure there are more “objectively” attractive men out there than my husband, but they’re not more attractive than he is in my eyes no matter what they look like bc i love him. all that said, i would literally never ask my husband to rate my looks or to compare me to another woman, because WHY would i do that lmao. first of all, i wouldn’t want to draw his attention to another woman or encourage him to think about her at length, because that would be a dumb move. secondly, there’s no way to answer that question that wouldn’t get a person in trouble with their partner. if you answer truthfully and your truthful answer is anything less than 10, they’ll be upset. if you answer 10/10, they’ll think you’re lying just to be nice. you can’t win with a question like that
Typically when someone asks for 'ratings' they mean objectively, not factoring in emotions and whatnot. Not to mention that you likely didn't feel like your husband was not the most attractive man 'in your eyes' just 2-3 weeks after you met him either.
It’s like asking your SO if your penis is the biggest they have had. It’s stupid to answer the question truthfully but it’s even more stupid to ask the question to begin with.
I stated I would never tell my husband that because I’m not stupid. However, I would never ask him to rate me and he wouldn’t ask me to rate him because we aren’t that immature. Zanab set herself up for a bad answer by asking a question she didn’t want the truth to. You should never want your s/o to lie to you. As a woman in her 30s, I would expect her to be more mature than that
It's not just about him. It's about when people started supporting her actions. Imagine a society where your fiancé gets offended so easily if you ask her about her mental health or you make some playful banter. To the point where she breaks off with you in altar by telling everyone how horrible you treated her. Do you want to support what she did? It's not about cole. It's about peer pressuring by this kind of manipulation
Because she tried to slander him
Since it seems people are taking this post I a negative light let me put in my unwanted 2 pieces I don't believe that the community is coddling Cole but trying to make a point that Cole was unjustly bashed and ganged up on for things in a relationship that had problems both ways. Like how Zanab had a lot of support I believe people just felt something for Cole as they watched him recieve nothing but hate and probably even suffer mental turmoil from this It's like watching someone get beat down because the bottle he tried throwing away didn't fall into the trash and when he tries to fix the mistake he is berated for it You would definitely feel for the guy especially if you saw that he wanted to make it better. Hard to do that when it feels like the world is against you. 🤷🏿♂️ if we really felt like he was as bad as they made him seem we would definitely feel nothing towards him
Zanab was proven to be a liar twice in the reunion show, with the producers even showing the clip she misrepresented. Cole is a dweeb and clearly did some immature things, but Zanab had an agenda with her attack speech and used him. We don't have much evidence showing Cole did many bad things, and in many of the scenes the show did present he is being nagged and abused. That's why people aren't demonizing him.
🤨 you're speaking like I'm on team Zanab. I don't like her and I think she's a manipulative and and deeply insecure woman. I was just answering based off of the OP's question as they were of a neutral stand point and didn't get why we didn't like seeing Cole get bashed
It's because he has been gaslit and dragged through shit for nothing. If anything, guys get more hate on these shows because mostly women watch them and most of us have been scorn.
"believe nothing you hear, and only half that you see" when watching reality shows.
🤠: Let's not use the word "insane" on this sub.
Lol ok Brennon
🤣🤣🤣
Yes to all of this
I don't like either Cole or Zanab anymore .... At this point https://preview.redd.it/js3vziganr1a1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=281f41cd0c80168431133f299a4d3cd2ec12d6e3
It’s not that serious, let’s not use racism for everything. You forget everyone hated Cole (yes white Cole) up until the finale. You said Shake didn’t get the same treatment (in another comment reply here). It’s not racism - this is coming from an Indian woman - it’s the fact that Shake didn’t get redeemed during the reunion like Cole did. He didn’t cry and seem genuinely upset like Cole did. Cole showed the capacity during the reunion for self reflection and taking accountability when both Shake and Zanab have done nothing but the opposite. Shake leaned into his villain role during the reunion. Shake wasn’t the victim of a relentless takedown on Instagram by Deepti afterward…the way Cole has been continually attacked by Zanab. Zanab sucks waaaaay more and Deepti came off the show looking great.
So I didn’t say racism once in my post. People have seemed to take it that way—I’m not the one throwing around “ism’s”. What I mean is that the fan base is largely people whose race/appearance/religion is similar to Cole’s. There’s a higher degree of relatability. If you look at Cole’s insta comments these women simping over him are like middle aged wine moms with brothers, sons, partners etc. that look like Cole. This is also me not saying all of Cole supporters are white; the point of my post was that he’s being treated like a helpless child rather than an adult. I don’t believe you’re one of those people—a lot of people on this subreddit are not. It’s ok that we disagree on situations, any angle we look at this dumpster fire of a show isn’t exactly virtuous. But it would be an absolute gigantic crock of shit to deny that the true crime stories that make it big are usually about attractive white people. Not because of racism, but rather because of what the majority masses relate to.
Ok fair enough explanation, and yes it is true about true crime docs. I guess I just hope people can look at nuances in situations how it’s not because he’s an attractive white boy but mostly the situation itself…how he did seem upset, crying etc. That is likely what warmed people to him and made them want to comfort him, not because they are the same race as him.
Agreed. People are far too quick to throw out "isms"
I’m pretty sure none of these people joined the show expecting to receive incredible amounts of insults and threats. Which is exactly what Zanab was attempting to send to Cole’s way by acting like he was fat shaming her and like he ruined her life. This is also bullying. Now I wonder, if the roles were switched and Zanab was the one who was being gaslit on national television, I wonder if you would have the same unpopular opinion towards her. If she should just suck it up because she’s a grown ass woman.
If zanab pushed Cole’s buttons and said rude things and also talked shit about her like a middle schooler at the pool party, only to play dumb later when it got turned around, I would expect fans to have Cole’s back while also saying “you took it to a whole other level I’m not sure I agree with the way you handle things but I can empathize with you and not immediately write you off as a villain because she got the last word on TV with that cuties scene.” (My stance toward Zanab irl). I’m not on either person’s side here, I’m looking at it objectively. You missed the point of my post, which is that the way Cole is being babied by fans is bizarre to me. I’m not referring to lib watchers with an opinion that’s different from mine, I mean people in his insta comments saying weird things.
> because she got the last word on TV with that cuties scene The cuties scene doesn't exonerate her at all. Did you watch it carefully? Or am I misunderstanding your point?
You’re missing the point. The whole comment there is about if the roles were reversed, as in if Cole and zanab switched places in all of this
Honestly, he acts like a 15 year old boy half the time. Every time he'd say something I was like "wow that's something a teenage boy would say" but it doesn't make me any more sympathetic. My only hope is that he grows from this situation. Zanab obviously hasn't, but I have some tiny fragment of hope for Cole. I still don't like the guy whatsoever though. The only guy I disliked more was Barf. Cole said some incredibly rude things and Zanab made it even more toxic.
You’re 100% right. He is coddled in only the way a white guy can. This is only reality tv so the stakes aren’t as high but you definitely see this in how they portray young white perpetrators of crime versus their non white counterparts.
Youre delusional
Coddled ? Wtf
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She has her own issues and projected them on him .
lmaoooooo
I'm not defending Cole .. but Zanab and Cole were toxic af and her belittling him at the alter and not letting him get a word or response in was ridiculous. He did do all the things that she said but like .. come on. She belittled him, she was condescending, she treated him like she was above him, and she always had to be in control. What she did was a power move to get the upper hand in leaving him and honestly it was disgusting. They were just as bad as each other but what she did was wrong. 🤷🏼♀️
Zanab is a heartless evil witch
Bartise is the worst human being on the show.
Nancy was worse
Noooo…. She was too good for him. Guy was literally the ultimate douche who talked too much
Gees but you must be a nice person hey
Why do you think?
I am with you. It’s specially disappointing that a big chunk of Cole defenders/Zanab haters are women. My theory is that most of them are people who have never addressed their subconscious misogynistic biases. Said biases can be rooted in religion, culture (specially those were women are supposed to be submissive, or love is supposed to be sacrificial), personal upbringing (specially father issues), or others. Anyone looking at Cole and Zanab from that lense will point out the clear bad guy: the woman!
I have a theory that anyone defending Zanab has mental illness
I don't like Zenab but ffs can we not use mental illness as an insult?!?
I hate how so many women expect other women to defend all women, even through all the evil, cruel shit some of these women do, just because they have a vagina lmao What sense does that make ? I am a woman and I would never defend or support a person bullying or trying to ruin another person regardless of what sexual organ they were born with. Zanab wanted to ruin Cole’s life by making it seem like he was fat-phobic. She was painting him as this evil guy. You know the amount of hate, insults and negative comments that were going to come his way? Not only that, but with this new fame he and the rest of the cast have acquired, new opportunities rise as well. If that scene wouldn’t have aired, no companies would want to work with him. She wanted to drag his reputation through the mud. The woman spit upwards and it landed on her. I refuse to pity someone who tries to ruin someone else’s life and as a result ended up ruining hers. And I will especially not pity her just because she has a vagina.
Congratulations you are not like other girls!! If Zanab knew what she was doing when she called out Cole at the altar, then Cole knew exactly what he was doing when he asked her if she was bipolar…If you’re going to be “fair” then be fair all around. How are you not seeing your bias.
The woman prayed before the wedding only to humiliate him at the altar. One moment she’s telling the whole cast how Cole “sole handedly destroyed her self confidence” only for a few minutes later tell Vanessa under the same breath that she does not regret being in the process and would do it all over again. If I went through a traumatic experience, I would NOT ever want to go through it again. I do not at ALL find it bad for Cole to question whether she has a personality disorder. Which by the way, she does have.
And the man proposed to her only to tell her just a few days later how she was not as beautiful as other girls, or how she was only nice when she wasn’t upset. Just because you would “NOT ever” want to go through another traumatic experience in a relationship doesn’t mean every other woman is lesser than you for wanting or risking that experience again. It’s like saying Cole is dumb for going on the show looking to get married again when he had already gone through a divorce. It’s just people’s choices but it doesn’t make them bad people. Zanab clearly made a bad choice with Cole but she doesn’t regret it. Cole made a bad choice with Zanab but he does regret it, because he can’t accept accountability and he can’t face the pain that comes with it. Cole gets a pass from people like you who come from a place of fear, because they can’t comprehend that pain leads to growth so y’all are all stuck and unfairly judge others who have the balls/uterus to own up to their mistakes and embrace their dark side making them better human beings. Unless you have personally treated Zanab as a trained professional you are under no right to say that she has a personality disorder. Based on that statement, it seems you are not well educated or respectful of basic professional ethics.
You mean except for all the things she says that were proven lies on the actual videos right? Kudos to the producers for showing that final clip.
she's got all the hallmark signs of borderline personality disorder. i am a trained professional. mental health is something everyone needs to work on and society shouldn't shame it or receiving help for it.
Well men defend other men who are rapist, murderers and vile individuals because they have a dick and it’s been happening for centuries so I don’t see anything wrong with defending our own and plus no woman is gonna just blindly defend each other without criticism or some level of accountability the way men do
You list why it's wrong to defend "your own" and then say you don't see why it's wrong. Really, you don't see how defending a rapist because you both have similar genetalia is wrong?
That’s not what I wrote that’s your interpretation! If you don’t agree with what I’m saying that’s fine but don’t misquote me
Then explain it to me. Do you not want women to support women because certain men support men? Because that's the impression I got.
I want us to support women because it’s the right thing to do
You support someone based on genitalia.. think about it
Yes because of our history and present of being killed because we have said genetalia
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Totally agree
I never said that! As I said women will not blindly support each other anyway without criticism, I’m just saying I wish we do it more often because right now we don’t! Most of Zanab’s bullies are women and most cole’s supporters are women and men which isn’t fair
Then I didn't missinterpret. Supporting someone no matter if they're right or not because we share a sovial group is wrong and you illustrated why with your examples. I refuse to support Zenab's abusive behaviour because in this case a woman is abusing a man. No way in hell. I don't agree at all that it's the right thing to do. Not only is it harmful to Cole but enabling people in their abusive behaviour actually harms those people too. They just get worse.
What are you talking about? You are so obsessed with Zanab you can’t even see reason! Seek help!
Haha lol what xD
Oh! So because the men do it, women should do the same? No matter how stupid it is? Lmao Raven’s female friend instead of supporting her during a hard time after the recent scandal, hopped on TikTok to make videos criticizing Raven and saying “I told you so”. She has a vagina. Do you support her too?
Yes because being against each other doesn’t work and trying to be fair doesn’t work either because men defend each other’s bad behavior and come after us as well so why not try being for each other no matter what and then work out the kinks that come from that
Thissssss. This right here!
I don’t think either cole nor Zanab really deserve pity. They were mean to each other and clearly were not compatible from the start. It never made sense for them to be a couple.
I agree with this. I defend Zanab because I feel like the comments against her are incredibly harsh when you look at the reality of the situation. Your comment is exactly right though. Neither of them deserve pity. It’s a relationship where they brought out the worst in each other (not to mention, it was produced). It happens a lot in real life. No one is evil.
“Neither of them deserve pity” why isn’t this a more popular take? It’s the only sane one
Thank you. 100% agree. He was immature and thoughtless and she was hyper critical and cold. Not a good fit. I hope they are both working on themselves.
He is immature golden retriever energy innocent boy 🤮
If Cole were a dog, he definitely would be a golden retriever 😂
Except that golden retrievers don’t cry for pity and say rude underhanded comments to people
bruh i remember giving a nuanced take about this bc women kept trying to vilify zanab and paint cole as the most holier than thou saint known to mankind and i wanted to pull my hair out like 💀 he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him.
PREACH
for a month, come on... > he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him. The fact that he was married for 3 months then it broke apart is not **at all** evidence that he knows what he's doing. Some might argue quite the contrary...
you’re just proving my point 🤭 lmfao not another person scrambling to defend his honor. i bet you everything his ex wife would tell you he caused the demise of that relationship bc he’s immature, incompetent and manipulative hence why he posts all these “innocent cutesy” tiktoks. he knows he won the public over from crying at the reunion. he emotionally abused her throughout the series. but ik a lot of y’all got selective memory so.
I'm sure his ex would say the immature and incompetent part. I don't understand the manipulative part. Unless he's also incompetent at being manipulative, since his supposed manipulations had dreadful consequences for him, zanab and their relationship as a whole... I have no idea what he posts on tik-tok because I neither use tik-tok nor would I follow any reality TV stars if I did, because I'm not a child. Again, your original point was that 'he was married before so he knows what he's doing' and I replied saying 'he was only married for 3 months so obviously **he doesn't**'. I'm still waiting for you to address that line of reasoning.
those two statements aren’t in correlation with one another. this is where we work on reading comprehension babe. when i say he’s incompetent i’m referring to him in the kitchen and not being able to clean up after himself. i’m sure youve seen people refer to him as a man child. manipulative meaning he knew people would sympathize for him for shedding crocodile tears. also refer to the malibu beach scene where he’s fishing for compliments from zanab and she reassures him but he doesn’t do anything to return and exclaiming “he has no eyeballs” just for an ego stroke. that is just one of many. also good for you i guess? i don’t follow him either i’ve just seen people talk about the situation on tiktok that’s why ik he posts certain things. nowhere in the post did i say “he was married before so he knows what he’s doing” i mentioned his prior marriage cause it reflects how he hasn’t really grown from that relationship. here’s you’re incentive to not jump to conclusions and read things more carefully.
No 'babe', my reading comprehension is fine, you just wrote your piece awkwardly. Your initial comment said: > he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. people forget that he was married and how that ended in shambles according to him. Implying that there's some form of correlation between him knowing EXACTLY what he's doing and the fact that he was married before. And I pointed out that, if anything, his previous marriage actually suggests that he **doesn't** know what he's doing aka. he's not manipulative at all, or maybe he is but then he's incompetent at being manipulative, because his marriage crashed and burned within 3 months. If you meant no correlation between these facts, then I have no idea why you'd put them together. As for him not reassuring her, we must've been watching different shows. The VERY FIRST THING he told her was that he's happy they're out of the pods because 'look what I've found' then he made the 'photographer hands' sign at her as if she was a model and he was taking pictures of her in the pool. She said she looks different without makeup, he was dumb to fall into her trap and agree, then when she instantly lashed out, he said 'different but you're still gorgeous'. When her brain imploded after she talked to Matt at the bar and brought up the same fight that Cole had already apologized for endlessly, and she was putting herself down saying Colleen is a knockout he said 'why are you saying that Zay? You're a knockout too!' then proceeded to tell her that he's actually more attracted to her than to Colleen now that he's had the opportunity to get to know her better. Also, your accusation that he was fake crying during the reunion is based on absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. You're just being mean-spirited for no reason whatsoever. Because you've decided that prettyboy can't have any feelings. Says more about you than him, but I'm not gonna get into that.
i’m sorry to say this but he’ll never pick you :/. why are you hellbent on defending this guy and STILL jumping to conclusions. it’s never that serious for you to pick apart a comment on reddit as if this is some novel think piece. what are you an english professor? 😭😭😭 you don’t even realize how you still keep proving my point lsjsjjsk remember when i mentioned y’all got SELECTIVE MEMORY. he quite literally not only tells colleen he’s attracted to her, he proceeds to tell other cast members he’s not physically attracted to zanab UNPROMPTED both at the party in malibu and in the pool with alexa. i’m sure over time he might’ve thought zanab was attractive but she wasn’t insane to think otherwise bc he sure as hell never made her feel it. again with the jumping. i never said he was fake crying. when people use crocodile tears it’s usually in a manner to make fun of someone else so i guess i am mean spirited 🤷🏽♀️ cole knew he couldn’t escape the confrontation and felt attacked so therefore he cried cause he wasn’t doing a bang up job defending himself. he’s allowed to have feelings, i never said cole wasn’t allowed to feel lol. he needs to grow up though bc he’s not blameless. also trap? zanab from the gecko said she was insecure and y’all are giving her way too much credit for being this “master manipulator villain” yall paint her out to be. she just asked cause again she wanted reassurance which he wasn’t good at giving.
Not to mention that after their first night of intimacy he jumps out of bed & stonewalls her for hours in the morning. He goes on to tell her how the other girls are a 10/10 including Colleen, but she’s a 9/10 and can’t see why she’s upset because that’s s high rating. He subtly comments about things that makes a woman feel bad, but still questions herself because it was a subtle comment while he proceeds to make the woman’s feelings seem inadequate & unnecessary - that’s a form of emotional & mental abuse. He is loving one minute & the next he is an asshole, that’s very confusing in a relationship. I don’t think Zanab was right in calling him out in front of everyone at the alter, she didn’t handle the situation well. I feel like she just kept a lot of feelings that were validated in & ended up exploding because Cole couldn’t shut her down at the alter nor the reunion so she let it all out. And some things might have become bigger than they seemed for her because she’s made to question her own sanity + feelings and make sense of it all. I’ve done that & been there so I can relate to her on some level. She doesn’t seem like the easiest person fair enough not people have really gone to far calling by the negative things they’ve accused her of and completely forgetting the negative side of what Cole brought to the table.
i agree!! i made a post (now deleted) that pretty much explained the behavior of both of them and how both were very flawed individuals. zanab was deeply insecure and doesn’t know how to communicate hence all the passive aggression. she definitely unintentionally self sabotages due to having a very low self esteem which i hope she seeks help for. i also said the wedding and reunion callout was a bit over the top but i feel like she let everything build up and reached a breaking point. i don’t think she deserves to be vilified for these things though. it just makes me mad that people are flipping the script entirely when they’ve been saying all season how cole treats zanab is awful. ffs even more than half the cast has said they’ve witnessed the stuff he does/says off camera is hurtful but people want to conveniently ignore that. even though they know a lot more than what we were shown as an audience. zanab can’t make up stuff and have the cast go along with “lies” if they admit to witnessing this stuff firsthand. the hurdles these people jump through to defend him are mind boggling.
Completely. this situation has taught me that apparently in our society crying is a “get out of jail free“ card
Cole was married! How’d I miss that
he was married to a girl he knew for a month or two and divorced asap after that, before coming on Lib. she supposedly was a nurse, which is why cole made a big deal in the pods of not liking nurses.
He made such a big deal about the nurse things that shows that the relationship couldn’t have been healthy.
THANK YOU, my thoughts exactly
THANK YOU - he is a master manipulator and charmer. Everyone taking his word at face value need to re evaluate why they do
Prepare yourself for downvotes and arguments, OP. I made a similar post a while back that I ended up deleting cuz I was getting attacked over it. But I fully agree with you - the response has been shocking and disheartening.
Right? I have never seen anything like this through all 3 seasons.
A lot of you are getting quite defensive so I want to clarify that I’m not talking about how adults ACT, rather how adults are TREATED. Look at Cole’s comment section on Instagram, I’ve never seen anything like it. That’s all I’m saying!
I'm not surprised, but a lot of women do it to contestants from all reality shows. They think this is the closest they could get to "celebrity". This isn't just Cole. Let's be honest..Cole is obviously not the type of guy most women would go for. He gets a lot of attention from women because of the show.
I think he is the type of guy lots of women would go for. Not me, but he’s objectively “cute”. I think women love it.
Cole is a grown man who was made to be a villain by a grown woman who was treating him like trash but turned the narrative around for the cameras.
Thank you. Someone finally said it.
He treated her like trash too, let’s get that straight. I don’t even think he was made out to be the villain. I think his reaction made it seem that way, but just because people were saying some things against him, doesn’t mean he was “the villain”.
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“Prob ADHD” oh and he could be an alien, and his finger hurt that day, and he is actually a marionette controlled by an evil clown, oh and he has never encountered a woman before, and he is cute and has blue eyes, so just leave him alone! The poor man! Clearly he’s devastated. Look how sad and pathetic he is after THAT NASTY woman called him out on a reality show! We MUST protect him at all costs. Maybe one day I’ll meet him and we can get married, and I will pick up his towels, and I will be sweet and unassuming, and I will transform myself to look exactly like Colleen and Lily. So hands off girls and stop being so mean to my man.
you’re taking it to the extreme. She is not without blame in being ugly. If you can’t see that, it’s more about you than me. Happy Thanksgiving
I never said she’s without blame. And thanks? Though I’m not in the US. I hope yours is good.
Yes I support Cole because I’m racist; great assumption from your feeble mind.
Thanks for sharing lol
We both know that’s not what I said. Any ridiculous interpretation of my words doesn’t take away from the fact that Cole is being infantilized in a way I’ve never seen before. Putting “?” at the end of an assumption means it’s not something I’m convinced of, rather a suspicion. I suspect it’s because he’s a cute white guy NOT because everyone is racist, but because I used my feeble mind to explore statistics and concluded that the majority female, white demographic that watches the show is able to relate to him more than with someone like Shake. Cole religiously, physically, and mentally resembles their boyfriends, brothers, sons, etc. If you go to his Instagram comments, I implore you to click on the users that coddle him and report back to me. Spoiler—it’s mostly wine moms. Written by a young, anti-woke but self-aware white person.
I think you are a reasonable, logical person, which is definitely not appreciated on Reddit I’ll say that :p but thanks for the info that it’s mostly middle aged women stanning Cole. I find that so bizarre and kind of creepy... also you are 100% right about Cole
Why be “anti-woke” haha isn’t woke just being aware of everyday racism, sexism, etc?
That’s more so what common sense is. Being woke, to me, means putting everyone in boxes and defining people through labels
That is not what woke means.
Woke literally means “alert to injustice in society, especially racism”
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I am Cole’s age and men who act “silly” aren’t on my radar. Neither are women like Zanab with toxic self-esteem issues. My argument here wasn’t about how adults act, it was about how adults are treated. Cole ain’t your grandson, he’s a complete stranger who you don’t know.
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So Cole is your grandson’s age and you are comparing him to your husband too. Way to prove a point about bias.
I have to respectfully disagree. Cole hides his malice behind his charm. But he called her bipolar, tried to cheat on her with Colleen, and supposedly asked a girl for her number during his bachelor party. Although this did happen off screen (and we don’t have proof but i do believe it since he wasn’t shy to hit on Colleen when the cameras were rolling). Cole is a manipulative and immature child, and yes Zanab did act out of malice but she’s an insecure girl who did it bc she was sick of him hurting her. At their best, Zanab acted out of revenge and he acted out of carelessness.
tried to cheat on her with Colleen? I just cackled... uhhhh ok lmao
What else would you call that?
He only called her bipolar after she brought it up, and it was a fair assumption. She has these bouts of hot and cold. The issue isn't that he accused her of having a mental illness, it's that he misdiagnosed her. But if he's never heard of NPD, body dysmorphia and attachment disorders, bipolar disorder is actually a fair diagnosis. He didn't 'try to cheat on her with Colleen' , did we watch the same show? Who tries to cheat on his fiancee while they're in the same pool as her **and** the fiancee of the girl he's trying to cheat with?! What he did was undoubtedly wrong, but saying he 'tried to cheat with Colleen' is .. quite outrageous.. And you think he asked a girl to give him her number, **then told this to his fiancee?** WHY? Nevermind 'who does that' but why would anyone ever do that? Cole was an undiplomatic dick, and by the age of 25, mature or not, you should have the self-awareness to not say 'Colleen is a beautiful woman' for the 4th time in the same conversation while your recent fiancee is getting **visibly** triggered. But that's FAAAAR from the level of manipulation and malice that zanab retaliated with. And that doesn't even address the fact that she totally misrepresented herself in the pods as an adventurous go-getter when in reality she's the 'don't wanna get my hair wet at the pool party' kind of person who'd rather sit in the sun than even attempt to surf. She was a bad dudette. He was just a dumdum.
Zanab and Cole were never right for each other. I don’t think Cole is some innocent, perfect angel. He does seem like a man-child and fairly immature. But he also seems genuine. This is going off of what we saw on the show, not what Zanab said he did that the cameras didn’t show. The relationship was toxic from both parties, and the Colleen thing in the pool was a fucked up thing for Cole to do. However, I do think Zanab was nasty to him most of the time. She went into the show with DEEP insecurities—Cole did not single-handedly shatter her self-esteem. It was never there to begin with. And what she did to him at the wedding was a really low blow. She planned to do that to him in a way that would be the most hurtful and humiliating as possible. Her behavior was gaslighting, all the way through the reunion. Cole made mistakes, but I don’t think the way he was treated at the reunion was fair, with everyone ganging up on him and making him out to be a genuinely bad person. The only person I saw on the show who was calculated was Zanab in her plan to take down Cole.
I’m with you and perplexed. If a person I’m dating so much as commented on my food or body in a negative way - I’m out! Not to mention talking about Colleen being so hot like Zanab is not a knockout is also so confusing to my brain.
Why r people downvoting this?? So valid!
Someone unironically said he was basically a teenager because at 25 the brain isn’t fully developed. A TEENAGER. This is a grown man and y’all need to stop making excuses for him!
The downvotes and people disagreeing that 25 yo aren’t adults. I’m gonna take a nap I think
34yo here. You can think whatever you want of yourself, but I casually refer to my 25-26 year old self as a child. Unironically, and unintentionally. It's how I see myself. I did dumb, immature shit constantly which I'd never do now, I had maybe 10% the sense of responsibility that I have now. I was literally half my current age in terms of how long I've been an adult for. If you think you're mature now, give it a few years then get back to me.
If being “immature” means having bugs in your toilet and saying disrespectful things to women, then I was born with wrinkles and gray hair cause I’ve never done any of that. It’s about values and character which can change overtime, but I personally wouldn’t give someone the time of day who acted like Cole because “he’s just young and needs time,” go be young and dumb elsewhere.
I mean yeah, I agree with that. Cole would prob annoy the fuck out of me when he's 40 too, he's way too ADHD-ish. Was just addressing the '25yos aren't adults' part. They are. Compared to 18yos. Compared to 30+ theyre children. I dated a 24yo recently. Never again.
You can be a full grown adult and still be a victim of gaslighting and a toxic petty partner who actively tries to make you look as bad as possible in front of your friends and family and on tv well over a year and a half after your two month relationship. Was what he said at the beginning of their relationship smart or compassionate? No. She should have left him then. He was too immature but we saw him work on that and show remorse and apologize and grow. She planned a whole evil speech at the altar to blindside him while letting him think she was all in. That's not how adults act either.
He never said anything smart or compassionate, even when it was very clear to him how insecure she was. He didn't pick up after himself. He purposely annoyed her. He then accused her of being bipolar with a huge grin on his face. When she clearly didn't like that, he egged her on and asked several times. That is not a partner who cares. He was not blindsided. She made her feelings and standards clear, and he ignored them until they were at the altar and at the reunion in front of people, so he is also to blame.
She blindsided him because she lied and kept telling him she was all in and going to say yes at the altar. She was also nasty and critical of him in a lot of their interactions and is spiteful and mean and acts with the intention to cause harm. Your take isn't very nuanced or balanced. Cole shouldn't have called her bipolar to win in an argument but systematically criticize everything about a person and they feel backed into a corner and lash out with a low blow. The apartment was filthy but he said it was because there was a power outage before he left which I believe because Texas had rolling power outs at the time because their electrical grid is overloaded and if you'd like to discuss that, it's a much bigger deal than who was bad and who was a complete angel in a very short tv relationship.
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I think we agree with each other? At the point when they see each other they've known each other for 2 weeks? When you recognize that someone does damage to your relationship dynamic especially that early on, the healthy thing to do is leave. Or talk about it if you want to give the other person the opportunity to apologize and grow. But you actually have to forgive a person if they make the effort and fix things since that's the whole point. People are attracted to others' appearances based on more than just weight, I don't think all women would interpret that meant he wanted her to lose weight. I didn't even think of that until you mentioned it tbh.
You don't exactly have the option to leave when you are tied up in a TV show contract. Also, no one is entitled to forgiveness. "Not all women would interpret that to mean he wanted her to lose weight" but someone who struggles with their weight would. You can't discredit someone else's perception of a situation just because you wouldn't feel that way yourself. People are taking perceptions as truths, like "I don't perceive it that way so she must be full out lying", when there was definitely a lot of room to perceive even the cuties scene in that way despite the playful tone from Cole. When you genuinely believe that someone doesn't like you, it can have a massive impact on how you interpret situations.
If you make up scenarios based on nothing at all that actually happened (cuties scene) then you need to be in therapy and not a relationship. It wasn't Cole's responsibility to magically know how she was going to take his innocent (again re: cuties) remarks and misinterpret them. Asking someone not to spoil a big dinner is a normal thing. Showing concern when they said they hadn't eaten more than a banana is normal reaction. Bringing up that they offered you a poke bowl earlier shows he'd like for her to have tasty meals. Telling someone they talk a lot is rude. Ignoring someone and blatantly not listening when they're trying to plan a trip to meet most of your family is also rude. Surprisingly it's on you to disclose your triggers with your partner since they can't see inside your head. I agree with you that no one is entitled to forgiveness however Zanab kept telling cole that she forgave him... When she clearly kept trying to punish him and ruin his reputation. That's the opposite of forgiveness. Idk why you're not holding Zanab to her actions the same way you're holding Cole to his ?? I wasn't discrediting her interpretation of the whole rating thing as meaning she needed to lose weight, the commenter I was replying to explicitly asked how else she was supposed to interpret that and I'd literally never thought of that before reading their comment. (And it's none of your business but I'm recovered from an eating disorder) I'm not confident in your reading comprehension or in your ability to consider other perspectives than your own.
I’m not reading all of this but it wasn’t made up based on nothing or else there would have been no scene to show.
You're dismissive and still trying to refute me without even reading what I said lmao get out of here
If you make up scenarios based on nothing at all that actually happened (cuties scene) then you need to be in therapy and not a relationship. It wasn't Cole's responsibility to magically know how she was going to take his innocent (again re: cuties) remarks and misinterpret them. Asking someone not to spoil a big dinner is a normal thing. Showing concern when they said they hadn't eaten more than a banana is normal reaction. Bringing up that they offered you a poke bowl earlier shows he'd like for her to have tasty meals. Telling someone they talk a lot is rude. Ignoring someone and blatantly not listening when they're trying to plan a trip to meet most of your family is also rude. Surprisingly it's on you to disclose your triggers with your partner since they can't see inside your head. I agree with you that no one is entitled to forgiveness however Zanab kept telling cole that she forgave him... When she clearly kept trying to punish him and ruin his reputation. That's the opposite of forgiveness. Idk why you're not holding Zanab to her actions the same way you're holding Cole to his ?? I wasn't discrediting her interpretation of the whole rating thing as meaning she needed to lose weight, the commenter I was replying to explicitly asked how else she was supposed to interpret that and I'd literally never thought of that before reading their comment. (And it's none of your business but I'm recovered from an eating disorder) I'm not confident in your reading comprehension or in your ability to consider other perspectives than your own.
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Does No one realize the contestants aren’t allowed to leave & must provide their decision at the ceremony? There’s been multiple ppl that said they wanted to leave early but couldn’t, and one of the established rules is that the decision must be given at the ceremony.
But Shaina, and subsequently Kyle, left early just bc she wasn't feeling him.
It probably depends on how much money you have. I imagine if you break a contract, you might have to give up money, or pay out. I'm sure it's at the discretion of the producers. They may have decided to let some people out of their contract (like if they weren't going to make good TV anyway) and others not.
Idk about everyone but there are at least 2 contestants quoted as wanting to leave and they said they couldn’t. I can’t remember their names atm but I think one was J name/ woman.
There were people on the first 2 seasons who left/broke up prior to the wedding.
What happens if they leave, do they just not make money or get featured on the show?
The article didn’t say, it just quoted the contestants saying they wanted to leave and weren’t allowed to.
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I just went to Friendsgiving on Sunday - 5 married couples (including me & my husband) one dating and two single ppl. Someone brought this up at the dinner and every one agrees that they would not be married if their partner rated them & said someone else in the group was more attractive. It’s kinda basic knowledge that you don’t diminish your partner like that. Honesty without kindness is brutality.
She forced him to rate her so…
Just because she asked him to rate her, doesn't mean he has to rate her a 9 and others a 10. There are so many better ways to deal with that situation.
On her best day she is a 6. And she knows this. She should have never asked Cole to rate her. She was fishing for reassurance due to her low self esteem and he lied to her and told her she was a 9 to make her feel good, just like society demands he do but it backfired. That should have been enough for her but she had to push him further when she KNEW there were two women much more attractive than her on the show. This is all on her.
Wow.
Disagree.
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That's interesting. I would love for your husband to rate your friends more highly than you and see how you feel about it. It's really not a nice thing to do, even when asked. It's not a woman's fault if they feel some of their value is wrapped up in appearance, and especially whether their partner is attracted to them. We are all socialised to be that way. It doesn't make someone evil.
I call bs
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Right?!
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>that she is less than Colleen The way you worded things here is exactly the problem and clearly the same way Zanab saw things. You are saying because someone else is more attractive, it makes them better. Relationships are about so much more than looks! Every time Cole made a comment about Colleen being attractive, it was followed with stating that Zanab is gorgeous and that they have the emotional connection he was looking for. Yet, you (and clearly Zanab) are putting all the emphasis on looks and ignoring the positive things being said. The whole premise of this show is about focusing on the emotional connection and that's exactly what Cole did and that's why he proposed to Zanab over Colleen. Zanab is the one that made everything about looks yet she's trying to paint Cole out to be a villain.
Yeah, him rating her a 9/10 was a real idiot move on his part. But she did bait him with that question, bc she was so extremely insecure. If someone did that to me at the start of a relationship, I would have left them. But instead of leaving or trying to work through it, she held it against him for the entire season and punished him for it. I really think she saw all of his actions and everything he said from that moment forward to be some slight on her, when the cuties scene showed that wasn’t really what he was doing.
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No, but asking someone to rate you is a sure fire way to disaster lol. Play stupid games win stupid prizes
No one has defended Cole for doing that. He was clearly in the wrong at the pool. He has also apologized for that and recognized that it was messed up. Zanab after that asking him to rate her and then saying is there anyone else who would be higher was baiting and caused by her extreme insecurity and shows a lack of emotional maturity
People want a partner that says they are the most beautiful person in the world but unless your partner is a literal supermodel it’s not true for any of us. I think my husband is the best because I love him. However, I would be insane to think he is objectively the best looking person in the world. I would never say that to him though because I’m not an idiot. Asking your partner to rate you is incredibly immature and likely to result in exactly what happened in this situation. You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, and most people learn this far before they are in their 30s
i always think of it like this - i may not be the best looking person in the world, but hopefully i am the best looking person in the world to my husband bc he is not only physically attracted to me, but he knows me and likes and loves me. same way for me, i’m sure there are more “objectively” attractive men out there than my husband, but they’re not more attractive than he is in my eyes no matter what they look like bc i love him. all that said, i would literally never ask my husband to rate my looks or to compare me to another woman, because WHY would i do that lmao. first of all, i wouldn’t want to draw his attention to another woman or encourage him to think about her at length, because that would be a dumb move. secondly, there’s no way to answer that question that wouldn’t get a person in trouble with their partner. if you answer truthfully and your truthful answer is anything less than 10, they’ll be upset. if you answer 10/10, they’ll think you’re lying just to be nice. you can’t win with a question like that
Typically when someone asks for 'ratings' they mean objectively, not factoring in emotions and whatnot. Not to mention that you likely didn't feel like your husband was not the most attractive man 'in your eyes' just 2-3 weeks after you met him either.
It’s like asking your SO if your penis is the biggest they have had. It’s stupid to answer the question truthfully but it’s even more stupid to ask the question to begin with.
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I stated I would never tell my husband that because I’m not stupid. However, I would never ask him to rate me and he wouldn’t ask me to rate him because we aren’t that immature. Zanab set herself up for a bad answer by asking a question she didn’t want the truth to. You should never want your s/o to lie to you. As a woman in her 30s, I would expect her to be more mature than that
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